16:
“Come on in, pet,” Spike said, standing aside from the door to let Buffy into his new digs. He’d finally gotten himself a place to hang his hat. A penthouse loft right on Newbury Street. Buffy had whistled when he told her where he was living. Apparently, it was a ritzy place to live, and a popular area to shop at too.

“Very nice, William. Very blank, white walls you’ve got going
on here,” she teased him as she stepped into the foyer that
led to the living room with a huge window that took up one
wall.

“I’m thinking of hiring a decorator, what do you think?”

She shook her head, “No, why waste your money when you
have me?”

He studied her curiously. “Do I have you Buffy?”

She looked down. “You have me,” she told him softly. She
looked up, meeting his eyes. “I can’t give you much right now
William. I can give you my friendship with the promise of
something more one day, but I kind of want to get my uh, sea
legs again. If that makes any sense?”

Crossing the distance between them, he cupped the side of
her face and gazed at her reverently. “Does that mean I can
kiss you?”

She looked up at him, slightly dazed. She smiled. “I think that’d
be okay. More than okay in fact.”

“Won’t confuse you more?”

She shook her head, “No. The things I’m confused about . . .
they’re getting clearer and somehow the way I feel about you
has always been clear.”

“You don’t know what that means to me, pet,” he whispered
and ghosted his lips across hers. He pulled back to gauge
her reaction.

“You call that a kiss?” and she grabbed his shirt in her tiny
fists and pulled him to her, crashing her mouth against his.
Lips glided, tongues probed and tasted, heat crackled and
Buffy felt as if she were on fire. Her skin tingled and she
knew with clarity that there was no way she’d ever felt that
way with Lindsey. Buffy wrapped her arms around him,
riffling her fingers through the curls at the nape of his neck
and pressing her body against his. She could feel his arousal
at her stomach and she felt moisture rush between her legs
at the knowledge he wanted her as much as she wanted
him.


He broke the kiss, breathless. “Pet, we need to stop before
we do something to muck it all up.”

She smirked, “Aren’t I the one that’s supposed
to stop?”

He grinned sheepishly. “See how much I love you? I’m willing
to wait until I’m sure you’re ready.”

“I wish I knew . . . “ she trailed off and broke free from his
embrace, heading towards the window.

“Wish you knew what?” he asked, following her.

“What I was thinking before when I slept with you in Rhode
Island.”

“What do you mean?” he sounded slightly hurt.

“I mean,” she started, placing a hand on his chest, wanting to
be touching at least some part of him. “I wonder if I was
scared or at the end of my rope. I wonder if I was done with
Lindsey then as I am now. I wonder if he’d frightened me so
much then—“

“He did frighten you today. I saw it in your face
and the way you jumped away from me. It wasn’t the jump
that indicated guilt, it was the jump that indicated fear.” He
placed his hand over hers, grasping it gently.

“I’m ending it tonight. Had a nice long chat with
Angel about it all and he ‘made’ me call him and set up the time
and place. Angel’s going to be there.”

“I want to be there too.”

“Spike, no,” she shook her head. “I don’t want to
risk putting you in danger.”

“Buffy, did he threaten you?”

“No, but my instinct was to protect you.”

“Not sure how I feel about that,” Spike told her
honestly.

“I think it’s very telling in both how I feel about
you and what must have happened with him before.”

“You still don’t remember?”

“No. But I have a pretty good idea. Someone told
me to listen to my gut once. I think I took their advice and it
worked.”

Spike smiled wearily. “I’d do anything to keep
you safe.”

“Ditto for you. Which is why I think it best that
you don’t show up tonight. Although,” she took a deep
breath, “I did tell him you were gay so –“

Spike dropped his hand from hers and his eyes
widened. “What?!”

She giggled, she couldn’t help it, the outrage and
disbelief on his face was priceless. “So maybe he’ll think you
and Angel are together—“ In the next instant she found
herself in the arms of a determined man.

“I’ll show you gay,” he growled playfully and
plundered her lips with his. Pulling her with him, they toppled
onto his couch, Spike on top. He kissed her passionately,
thoroughly, possessively, but she didn’t mind in the least. His
body felt so good against hers, she didn’t want to stop. She
just wanted to feel all of him. He started to pull back and she
gripped him, bringing him back.

“Don’t stop,” she begged him.

“Buffy,” he groaned and kissed her again. “I
don’t want to stop. I want you so much baby. Wanted you for
forever it seems, but I want to do this right this time. I want to
do this when there’s nothing between us and right now
Lindsey is between us still and while you’re still unsure about
everything—“

“I know,” she cut him off, a tad too abruptly than
she intended. She pushed at him.

“No, baby, listen to me. Look at me Buffy.”

She looked up at him. “I keep making the same
mistakes, huh?”

He shook his head and leaned in, kissing her
softly. “No baby. You haven’t done anything wrong. You’re
doing everything right by ending things with him. Whatever
happened before with him . . . it probably wasn’t healthy and
now you see it.”

“I think I was trying to protect you then too. I
think that’s why I took off,” she told him, trembling.

“I won’t let him hurt you again, Buffy. I promise.”

This time when she pushed at him, he sat back
and pulled her with him, settling her on his lap.

“And I won’t let him hurt you. I mean it Spike. I
don’t know what he’ll do, I don’t even remember what he’s

done. All I know is what I feel and what I feel is not safe
when it comes to him knowing about you,” she told him
determinedly.

“And that’s how I feel about you and him,” he
told her firmly. “I want to be there. I’ll even pretend to be
Angel’s lover if that’ll help.”

“I don’t want him to know that Angel is even
there.”

“Should we go for disguises?” he grinned.

She giggled. “That actually could be fun. But
just . . . just stay far enough away okay?”

He nodded and kissed her sweetly,
languorously. “We better go and do something before I
ravage you and throw all my wisdom completely out the
door,” he whispered against her lips.

“You’re absolutely right. Let’s uh, go
somewhere. To Revere or Lynn. Away from here for a
while.”

He quirked an eyebrow. “Buffy? Trying to
protect me still?”

“Just go with it for now, please?”

He nodded. “For now.”
 

17:
They Say Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Despite the fact that her head was held high and she looked like she had all the confidence in the world, Buffy was trembling. When she'd called Lindsey and told her what their plans were going to be, he'd seemed surprised at first, followed by amused and then put off. It was eerie. He definitely did not sound like a man that was used to being told what to do.

Angel had promised he'd be there keeping an eye on things, but out of the
way so that Lindsey didn't suspect anything, and of course, there was
Spike. It wasn't just that Buffy was concerned for Spike, but she was
concerned for Angel as well. She was just MORE afraid for Spike. It was difficult. All she knew was that she felt the instinct to protect and protect she would.

As soon as she stepped inside the dark restaurant with the bar in the back, Lindsey popped out of the shadows. Buffy let out an unladylike shriek and reared back.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," he said apologetically.

"Yeah, right," she muttered.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing, uh, let's get a table."

"Sure thing," he reached out, placing a hand on the small of her back and
ushering her forward to the hostess.

"Table for two please," Lindsey said kindly.

Buffy's eyes darted around the room, looking for Angel and Spike. They'd
apparently done a good job at hiding themselves, because she didn't see
them anywhere. Nearly tripping over Lindsey as she followed him to the
table, he frowned at her.

"What's gotten in to you?" he asked as they sat.

"What do you mean?"

"You're . . . tense and twitchy. And what was with making me cancel my
plans tonight?"

"You just cut right to the chase don't you?"

He shrugged, "is there any reason not to? I'm a lawyer, it's what I do. Get
to the bottom of things."

She studied him, a million thoughts running rampant in her mind. She
decided to nail down one. The one that wanted to ask him questions about
their relationship. If he could ask questions and be direct, well then so could
she.

"What was I like before?"

He gave her a funny look. "What?"

"What was I like before? Am I the same or am I different?"

"Different."

She rolled her eyes. "Did you want to elaborate on that?"

"What's the point? You don't remember and it only upsets you."

"Because I'm asking now and I want to know," she said with some
authority.

He quirked an eyebrow at her, "I don't know that I like being ‘ordered'."

"Well, that makes two of us. I didn't like being ordered to have dinner at
your house after my first day at work, and I didn't like being ordered to
come out with you tonight."

Lindsey smiled the kind of smile an adult gives a child when humoring
them. "So that's what this," he gestured about the room, "Is all about."

"What do you mean?"

"Planning our night out."

"Did you often make the plans for us?"

He looked down at his menu. "Never really thought about it I guess," he
mumbled.

"There really isn't anything to think about. You either did or didn't."

His head snapped up and Buffy held her breath, fear coiling in her stomach.
‘That's not something you do. No backtalk!' the voice inside her head
screamed. Where was this sudden boldness coming from? And the anger
she was feeling as she asked and he dodged. When he asked though, it was
supposed to be all laid bare for him. Perhaps knowing they were in a
crowded restaurant and she would definitely not be going anywhere with
him had something to do with her boldness.

He set her with a penetrating gaze. "We made plans together."

Yeah right, she thought.

"Am I different?" she asked again.

"Yes," he answered through gritted teeth. "You're petulant." Then his gaze
softened and he shook his head. He took a deep breath and reached across
the table, taking her hands in his. "Buffy, let's not argue. Why don't we go
somewhere else hmm?"

"But I'm NOT arguing Lindsey. I'm asking questions and you're getting
upset with me for asking them," she took her hands back and placed them
at her sides.

He looked away, and she could see his jaw clenching. He turned back. "Let's
go somewhere else, okay?"

She shook her head. "No, I don't want to."

"Buffy, listen to reason. It's crowded and busy and . . . dark. Let's go
someplace nice and elegant—"

"I don't want to. I like that its busy and crowded and dark."

"Why?" he asked incredulously.

"It kind of makes breaking up with you easier."

Silence fell between them. Lindsey stared at her so hard and for so long
without moving, Buffy would have thought he'd have stopped breathing.
She also realized that she was gripping her seat tightly. She forced herself
to relax but to no avail. Her hands were starting to ache from how tightly
she held onto that chair.

"You're upset with me, but you don't mean that," he finally said.
She blinked. "What? I do mean it. I said it and I mean it."

"Stop being silly Buffy."

"Stop treating me like a child!" she exclaimed loudly enough to stop the
chatter for a minute around them.

Blushing she lowered her head.

"That was very much like a child wasn't it?" he stated.

She looked up at him, her eyes meeting his. "It's over."

He shook his head. "No, you're not thinking clearly," and he lifted his menu.


"Ok fine then. Let's play your game Lindsey. Let's say I am being a silly,
petulant child. Wouldn't you rather be free to find someone that wasn't?"

He met her eyes again, "I only want you Buffy."

"You don't have me Lindsey. You can't have me any longer."

"Why are you doing this?" he asked quietly, a slight whine to his voice.

She took a deep breath. "Because I don't love you."

His eyes narrowed, "Is there someone else?"

The cold menace in his eyes made her shiver. "No," she lied with
conviction.

Silence again. Eerie silence.

"You're right," he said easily, coldly, "I don't want a silly petulant
child." "Then you accept it."

"Yes and I think you should leave."

Her eyes bugged, "What?"

"I'm going to stay and have my dinner. I think you should leave."

"Are you being serious right now?" she asked in disbelief.

"Very."

"You don't like it here!" she exclaimed again.

"I choose to stay anyway now that I'm here. If you're so anxious to be rid
of me, then you should be happy. You're free. Now you can find someone
else to handle your temper tantrums and your inability to commit."

"You are unbelievable," she said in disbelief.

"Good bye Buffy."

"You arrogant prick."

"Tsk, tsk. Such language. Remember yourself Buffy."

She stood on shaky legs. "You are worthless slime, you know that?"

He shrugged, "Good bye Buffy."

Not even able to comprehend exactly what was happening, Buffy walked in
a daze to the door, hoping Spike and Angel weren't found out when they
exited. She stood outside, staring across the street at nothing in particular,
trying to understand what had just happened. HE was supposed to leave
not her! That was supposed to have been quick and easy not . . . with HER
leaving and being made to feel as if she were an inch tall by doing so.
Something told her that wasn't the first time something like that had
happened. She peered into the window and found the waitress patting his
back with a sympathetic look on her face. It was all a ploy to make her look
like the bad guy. He got the sympathy and she looked like the bitch. He'd
humiliated her. Shaking, Buffy strode over to the bench on the sidewalk to
wait for Spike and Angel to appear.

She didn't have to wait long for a second later they came rushing out. She
stood and waved them over. Spike, in front, reached her first and
enveloped her in a hug.

"What happened? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. Felt like an idiot being made to leave, but fine," she huffed as she
released him.

"He made you leave?" Angel asked, his brow crinkling in confusion.

"Yes. I figured it out though. He wanted me to look like the asshole."

"Well, you did just break up with him. In most circles, that does make you
the asshole," Angel pointed out.

"No, not the way that just played out. It was a head game. He wanted me
to feel humiliated."

"Because you humiliated him," Spike stated.

"Yeah, except I get the feeling that kind of ‘game' was used before." She
shivered. "Can we just go now please? I want away from here and away
from him."

"Yes, angel, we can go," Spike stated and wrapped an arm around her,
pulling her close and kissing her forehead. "Why don't we go someplace and
have dinner? All of us."

Angel nodded. "That's fine, but do you think you could refrain from making
out with my sister?"

 

18:
Loving You


"Buffy, I'm a big boy. You don't need to protect me like this!" Spike exclaimed as he stood in the middle of his living room facing the woman he loved beyond reason and currently frustrated with.

Buffy stared at him, shocked by his outburst. She took a deep breath and
swallowed. She opened her mouth to speak and Spike cut her off.

"Don't say it. Don't say that you still don't trust everything will be all
right."

Now she was frustrated. He could see it in the way that she scrunched up
her face and furrowed her brow.

"Well I don't!" she cried indignantly.

Raking a hand through his disheveled locks, Spike shook his head and took
a deep breath. A lot of that had been happening lately. He went along with
it at first, feeling honored and touched that Buffy felt the need to protect
him. His girl cared for him and it meant more to him than she knew. But it
was wearing thin when she wouldn't hold his hand in public, or didn't ever
want to go anywhere ‘just in case' they ran into Lindsey. He wanted to be
able to be with her, wanted the world to know that she was his girl and he
was her man, but she was wary still. She was afraid of what Lindsey would
do to him if he found out. Not that Spike didn't have his own reservations
about the man, but he didn't believe in living their life in fear. He was more
concerned for Buffy, not himself. If Lindsey found out about them, he'd
more likely do something to her, not to him. Which was why he and Angel
had taken special precautions to make sure Buffy was safe. When she left
work, one of them was there to get her, and in the morning, Angel had
taken to giving her rides in. It'd only been a week, and Spike was sure that
Buffy hadn't noticed.

"And don't think I don't know that you and Angel are up to something with
ALWAYS being there lately!" she exclaimed.

Until now of course.

"So you want to protect me, but I can't protect you? Does it go against
your manliness or something?" she challenged, tapping her foot and placing
her hands on her hips.

He couldn't help the grin that was tugging at the corners of his mouth. How
could he not find her absolutely adorable?

She pointed at him, "Don't you dare start smiling William Knightly."

He chuckled; he couldn't help it, and started reaching for her. She backed
off and he stopped. Okay fine. She needed to have this out first.

"Buffy, it doesn't go against my . . . ‘manliness'. It goes against my wanting
to have a normal life with you and not live in fear of what could or could not
happen concerning Lindsey."

"It's only been a week."

"Buffy, please kitten, try to understand. Remember I told you before that
I want to be with you and I don't want Lindsey to come between us. You're
making him come between us still even though you've broken up with him,"
Spike explained calmly.

She threw up her hands, "Excuse me for loving you and not wanting
anything to happen to you!"

"Buffy, I understand that you—" he stopped abruptly. He stared at her, his
heart beating rapidly in his chest. "What did you just say?"

She swallowed again, her chest heaving. "I said I loved you and I didn't
want anything to happen to you."

"I got the last part. Can you just say the first part by itself?"

"You're changing the subject."

"I think I have rights to in this case. You're telling me for the first time
that you love me. I want to hear it from those lovely lips. Just those three
words with nothing else before, after or between them," he told her smiling.

She smiled back, "I love you, William."

"Again," he ordered, grinning.

"No."

"Please?"

"I love you William."

He was grinning like an idiot and he didn't much care. He also didn't care if
they finished arguing about Lindsey just then. He just wanted her in his
arms. He made it to her in three long strides and swept her up in his arms,
smothering her in a kiss.

"Buffy, I've loved you since I met you. You're the best thing that ever
happened to me. You changed my life in so many ways and—"

She placed a finger over his mouth, halting his speech. He gazed at her half
curious, half in awe of her declaration.

"You don't have to make any big speeches, William. Though they are nice
to hear and I'll probably ask for one later, but now I just want you to kiss
me. I suppose I can forget about Lindsey for ri—"

Not being able to wait any longer, Spike kissed her again. He wanted to
learn every inch of her mouth and he was going to start his study right
then. When her tongue came out to greet his, his hands dived in her hair
and he brought her even closer to his body, slightly bending her back.


The need for oxygen was the only thing that made them part and it was
just a fraction of a move at that.

He watched her lustfully as she played with the top button of his shirt and
bit her bottom lip, looking up at him. "Will you make love to me now
William?"

"Oh God yes," he breathed and swept her up in his arms. She let out a little
‘eep!" at the sensation of being lifted and he set off to the bedroom. She
managed to slip the button out of his hole and was working her way down
diligently, making sure to kiss every expanse of skin that she uncovered.
Her kisses on his body were going to engulf him in flames, he was sure of it.

Nearly tossing her on the bed, he delighted in the giggle that escaped her
lips as she shimmied up the bed and wrapped her fingers around the
bedposts. Kicking off her shoes and toeing off her socks, Spike followed her
lead and unzipped his jeans, just leaving the flaps open, his cock still hidden.


He grinned at her when she licked her lips as her eyes focused on his
undone jeans. Then she looked up at him with a look that could melt butter.


"When did you become such vixen?" he asked breathlessly as he shed his
shirt and started crawling to her, a cat on the prowl.

Leaning forward she grabbed his face and kissed him hard, nibbling on his
bottom lip. Her hand eased inside his undone jeans and found his cock that
was dying for her touch. He broke the kiss, watching her face as she drew
his cock out of his jeans, pushing them down his hips for easier access. This
woman loved him, and he loved her with everything he had. He'd gone from
loving her to hating her, to hunting for her and then finding her and finding
out she'd lost her memory of him. She'd taken him on a roller coaster ride
all right. And he never wanted to get off the ride.

He grabbed her wrist before his control snapped completely and he came
in her hands. He wanted to be inside her, feeling her walls clamp around
him and welcome him home in their depths. There he planned to stay
forever.

She looked at him in question.

"I want to cum inside you luv. Not on you."

She smiled slowly and nodded.


"When," he asked, leaning in and sucking on the pulse point at her neck
and reveling in her moan and her hot little hands stroking the skin of his
arms and back. "Did you become such a vixen?" he asked again and pulled
back just a smidge.

She smiled mischievously at him. "Everyone's got a wild side . . . Spike."

He smirked, that lusty, sexy smirk that he knew drove her wild and kissed
her passionately.


Breaking the kiss, he kneeled before her, regarding her. He wanted to
touch so many things, wanted to remap her entire body with his hands and
his mouth. She was becoming impatient, that much he could tell. She
whipped off her shirt, and undid her bra and all he could do was stare at her
mesmerized. He'd fantasized their reunion so many times and now that he
had her here, he was so amazed and spellbound; he didn't know how to
begin. It was starting to become embarrassing. Especially when she took
his hand and placed it on her supple milky white breast.

His cock hardened more and he snapped into action, lurching forward to
tease one nipple as he suckled and teased her other breast. Her fingers
entwined themselves in her hair and she moaned. The salt of her skin was
delicious as her breast melted in his mouth. Her body was so responsive to
him; he took joy in the way her nipples hardened instantly at his touch.
When he looked up at her, he found her eyes closed and head thrown back
in rapture.

He licked his way up the valley between her breasts and then peppered
kisses to her mouth. He stared at her intensely, forcing her to see the
intensity in his eyes and the promise of his love and devotion.

"I. Love. You." He told her huskily.

"I love you too," she whispered and brought him closer to her, kissing him
soundly.

Placing his hands on the waistband of her jeans, he caressed the skin there.
Dipping his finger in he found her thong and played with the straps of it.
She bucked her hips at him, urging him on. Grinning, he sat back on his
haunches and went to work on her jeans. Undoing the button and unzipping
them slowly, he watched as the slowness drove her mad. He could see the
hot flush on her skin and was pleased to find she was just as affected as he.
Placing his hands on either side of her hips, he grasped the waistband and
yanked, sliding them down her legs, making sure to kiss each and every
part of skin he uncovered except for the one area she was desperate for
him to touch. Her eyes glazed over as she watched him and her legs
trembled with each caress of his hand and kiss of his lips.

"So beautiful Buffy. So soft and warm . . . " he murmured reverently.

Then, he grasped the side of her thong and tore it from her. She gasped at
the action and he was pleased to find her eyes darken even more with lust.
Spreading her slender legs, he swiped his finger down her slit, feeling the
moisture there. She was wet and ready for him.

"Better hold back on to that headboard baby," he told her. "Gonna make
you feel so good . . . "

He planned to set up camp between her legs for some time. He wanted to
taste her cum, wanted to drink her, drown in her. He remembered from

their night together that she tasted like honey. Settling himself in, he licked
her up and then down. She moaned and bit her lip, twining her fingers
around the headboard.

Spreading her lips, he flicked his tongue inside, groaning at the heavenly
taste.

"God Buffy. You taste so good . . . could eat you for hours, for days, for an
eternity." Diving his tongue in her hole, he flicked her clit with his finger
and then alternated with flicking her clit with his tongue and sticking his
finger in her hole, bringing her to the brink each time before he'd switch
again.

Taking mercy on her thrashing and pleading moans and the way her
knuckles were turning white from gripping the headboard, he sucked her
clit into his mouth hard and she came with a scream, screaming his name.

He drank deep and she came again. Moving off the bed, he nearly ripped
his jeans off and crawled back up to her.

"Want a taste?" he purred and she grabbed him, slamming her lips against
his in a bruising force. He took that as a yes.

Her hand slithered between them and she stroked him, starting to make
the descent with her lips down his chest. He knew the path, and he did
want her luscious mouth wrapped around his cock, but he was so hard and so ready to combust, one flick of her tongue and he'd explode. He wanted inside her, even if he did embarrass himself. He wanted to feel her wrapped around him again so bad, wanted to feel connected to her.

Pushing her hand away gently, he looked at her. "I want inside you,"
rasped.

She nodded vigorously and wrapped her arms around his neck as she bent
her legs and spread her legs wider. He found her opening with ease and slid
in an inch at a time. He grit his teeth at the sensation and tried to work out
long division problems to avoid cumming so soon. She broke down all his
resolve. Her body pulled him, telling him this was where he belonged,
telling him he was made to fit her body. He watched the pleasure play
across her face as he slid in and he couldn't help but feel in complete awe.
She loved him. After all they'd been through, after feeling as if he'd lost her
forever, there she was, taking him inside her, loving him, letting him love
her.

"God, I love you so much," he said hoarsely as he bottomed out inside her.

"I love you too," she breathed and rotated her hips.

He closed his eyes from the pleasure and torture. When he was sure he
was under control he pulled back just enough and then thrust back in,
grinding his pelvis against hers. They started a rhythm together and were
soon moving together in sync. He tangled his hands in her hair and kissed
her deeply as they moved. Moving her knees up closer to her chest allowed
for deeper penetration and he started to thrust harder, feeling himself
starting to lose what shred of control he'd been clinging to. He wanted to
come and yet feared it. He just wanted to be a part of her forever.

"Spike," she gasped. "I'm going to –" her hands started for the headboard.

"No. Wrap your arms around me," he ordered. He thrust faster and
harder.

"Spike," she whimpered.

"Cum for me Buffy. Cum all over me. Please," he begged. To help her, he
reached between them and flicked his finger across her clit while angling his
hips just right—

"William!" she cried out, throwing her head back.

She coated his cock with her juices and he came instantly, coating her
insides.

"Buffy!" he roared and pumped a few more times before collapsing against
her.

She ran her hands down his sweat sheaned back, murmuring to him. He
popped his head up.

"Am I crushing you?" he asked.

She shook her head and brought him back down, wrapping her limbs
around him.

"Don't leave me," she whispered.

"Never," he promised and nuzzled her color bone.

He smiled at her cat like yawn and rolled them to their sides. He wrapped
himself around her and kissed her. "Sleep kitten. You're going to need your
rest because I am far from done with you for tonight."

She smiled sleepily and snuggled up to him. He watched her as she slept,
stroking her hair and occasionally kissing her forehead until he gave into his
bodys demand to follow her into slumber.


 

19:

Bliss

Spike awoke with a start and immediately reached for Buffy. His heart thudded in his chest when he found the space next to his bed empty. ‘Not again', was the only thought running through his head as he scrambled out of bed.

"Buffy?" he called out, listening closing as she padded down the hall.

"Kitchen William!" her voice called back and Spike nearly wept with relief.
She was here. She hadn't left. Hadn't been snatched away from him again
and it had not been a dream.

His mouth curved into a smile when he found her with the fridge door
open, one leg bent slightly with her foot resting on the other and her head
cocked to the side as she contemplated the fridge. The best part was the
fact that she was wearing his t shirt. He wondered if he could convince her
to wear his t shirts all the time. Then she could give them back unwashed
and he'd be surrounded by her constantly.

Unable to resist the allure, he stalked up to her and grabbed her about
waist, hauling her against his front.

"Hungry, pet?" he growled playfully and nipped at her ear.

She shivered, "Yes," she whispered.

"Me too," he agreed and nuzzled her neck lovingly. He ground his erection
into her backside and she spun in his arms, planting a full kiss on his mouth.


"Mmmm….you taste so good Buffy," he murmured.

"William, you're naked!" she exclaimed, just realizing it now as her hands
drifted down the sides of his body.

He leered at her, "Yeah? Problem?"

"I suddenly feel overdressed," she shot back and then immediately
blushed.

He groaned at the image of her beautiful body dancing in his mind and
smothered her in a kiss. Lifting her, he hoisted her up on the counter and
wrapped her legs around his waist. He grinned as he lifted and tossed his t
shirt off her. He took in the sight of her body and felt an all over itch begin
to spread through him. So this is what it felt like to feel as if you'd go
absolutely insane if you weren't touching the one you love. He cupped her
breasts in his hands, teased them, suckled on them and watched her
expression as he did so. She watched him back hotly.

"William. . . Spike . . . " she murmured, running her fingers through his
curls. "Please come inside me now."

"Not going to come just yet pet," he teased. "Want to make it good for us."

She let out a blissful sigh and moan as his finger tested her readiness and
teased her.

"So wet for me already, kitten? Were you having naughty thoughts out
here?"

"Have naughty thoughts of you all the time," she told him and then gasped
when he flicked her clit.

"Were you thinking about this? About me taking you on the kitchen
counter?"

She smiled saucily at him. "I was thinking of the kitchen table actually.
With me, bent over as you took me from—" she never got to finish because
Spike thrust himself home, heated by her words. Buffy wrapped her arms
about his neck and ground herself against him best she could.

He started a slow, agonizing pace that had Buffy squirming for more. He
teased her, bringing her close and then stopping. She clawed and hissed at
him for more, and he was tempted to pound into her with the intensity he
felt, but he wanted her to feel as insane with want as he was.

She surprised him in the next instant, by forcefully pushing him away and
dislodging him from her.

"Pet?" he asked almost fearfully as she hopped down on wobbly legs. His
hard on was rock hard pointing straight at her, desperate to be inside her
again.

She locked her eyes on his and grasped his cock in her hand as she led him
by his cock to the table. There she hunched over it and wiggled her ass at
him. "Please?"

That was all the impetus he needed. He slammed himself inside her hard
and then paused, afraid he'd hurt her.

"Just like that William," she begged. "Please."

Grabbing her hips, he pulled almost all the way out and then slammed
back in.

"Yes!" she cried and he repeated the motion watching in fascination as her
ass rippled when he slammed back in.

The tension started to build and he felt his orgasm creeping up on him. He
leaned over her, cupping her breasts in his hands and biting down on her
neck lightly with his blunt teeth.

"Buffy," he gasped. "I love you . . . My girl right? You're my girl. Please say
you're mine."

"Yours," she panted and thrust back at him.

"Say you love me."

"I love you."

He lost it and pounded into her. "Come for me Buffy!" he demanded and
she did. All over him. She cried out his name as he pumped his seed inside
her, roaring his release. He collapsed against her, trying to catch his breath
and then, not wanting to crush her, he pulled out of her with a sense of loss,
and spun her around. His legs felt a little wobbly and he held onto her to
right himself. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him close,
letting out a sigh. "I love you Spike."

"I love you too Buffy."

"Feed me now?"

He chuckled against her, "Yes, Miss Bossy. I'll feed you now."

She leaned back and beamed up at him. "You'll be well rewarded for it."

He gazed at her solemnly. "Marry me."

She froze. "What?"

"Marry me. Please."

"William, we just—"

"We didn't just. Buffy," he sighed, "Yes, we have been separated for some
time and yes, you don't remember me, but we've always been lovers Buffy.
I've felt it since the day I found you again in that little convenience store
and you let me in. Your heart and your soul remembered me. I know it. I
don't ever want to lose you again. I need you with me always. Please, say
you'll marry me and be with me forever."

Her eyes welled up in tears. "Oh William. I do love you, but. . . I'm not
ready for that yet. I just ended things—"

Spike held her tighter. "Don't say his name," he demanded tensely. Then,
he released her and walked away, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry," he began. "It's early yet, I know. Too soon. I'm pushing. It's
something I need to work on. You see I've always been the type that saw
something I wanted and went after it. You're so deep in me, I can't let you
go and I get ahead of myself and –"

She stopped him by placing a finger over his mouth. "Ssshhh. It's okay
William. I'm not saying I'll never, I'm saying it's too soon right now. I know
you're the only one I ever want William. I just want it to be us, like this, for
some time. Do you understand?"

He nodded vigorously, bringing her body back into his arms. "I do," he
breathed into her hair. "Just promise me you'll never leave me."

"Never," she promised.



"William, only you wouldn't have a phone in your room," Buffy teased as
she made her way to his study. She had to call Angel and tell him that she
wasn't going to be home that night and hoped he didn't ask too many
questions. After dinner, Spike had decided it'd be fun to have her for
dessert and it'd been some time since they'd thought about the world
outside his home. She knew Angel would worry and she'd left her phone in
the living room and the study was so much closer.

"Hurry up, kitten. I'm not done with you yet!" Spike called out to her.

She giggled and finally found the phone on top of his desk. She reached for
the handle when something caught her eye. A file with her name and
Lindsey's name on it. She grabbed it and opened it. Inside was a picture of
her and her address. Then, the business card of a P. I. A sheet of paper was
stuck to it that said "Information requested on Lindsey McDonald, October
2005". More papers revealed a copy of some transcripts and his law
degree. Nothing incriminating, but Buffy felt anger start the slow burn
inside her. Taking the file, she stomped into the bedroom, faltering when
she saw Spike sitting up grinning at her invitingly and smoking a cigarette,
the sheet around his waist.

When his eyes fell on the file in her hand, his smile dropped. "Buffy, I can
explain," he started.

"You better be able to William!"

He shot out of bed and started for her. She held up her hand, halting him.
"Don't," she ordered. "Talk. Now."


 

20:

Demanding Answers

"You lied to me," she told him. "You said you found me on your own, but you didn't. I ASKED you if you hired a detective and you said no. Why couldn't you have just told me the truth?"

Spike tugged on his jeans. "I didn't want to scare you away by telling you
I'd come across the country to find you."

"Spike, in case you hadn't been able to tell, I'd already been freaked out
about the fact that I had an affair with you and didn't remember. I'm
thinking telling me that you'd hired a private detective wouldn't have
mattered all that much in the grand scheme of things," she said dryly.

He raised his eyebrows. "Really?"

She rolled her eyes up and to the side. "Okay, maybe a little then."

He started to reach for her again and sighed heavily when she stepped
away.

"However, it doesn't explain why you're investigating Lindsey!" she
exclaimed. "Are you nuts? Do you know what he'd do to you if he found
out?"

He studied her. "So that's the part you're mad about?"

"No, I'm just beginning. I'm beyond pissed that not only are you doing this
but you didn't have the decency to tell me!"

"I had to know what was going on! Angel and I—"

"Whoa! Back that bus up. ANGEL? As in my BROTHER Angel is in on this
too?"

He looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Then, seeming to give up, he
nodded and reached for his smokes on the dresser. If Buffy wasn't going to
let him touch her, then he needed a smoke to calm him rattling nerves.

"The both of you are unbelievable," she muttered. "Don't tell Buffy. Don't
tell poor Buffy with the no memories. She might not be able to handle it.
The stress could cause her memories to never return. Like they ever will
anyway."

Spike sat on the bed and watched her silently as she paced around the
room talking to herself. He figured if he just let her vent and he didn't
interject, the more chance he'd have of her listening to him.

She stopped abruptly. "Was it the ‘competition?"

He stared at her. "Do you mean—Do you think I was trying to get dirt on
him because he was my competition?"

"Yeah, were you trying to ‘eliminate' him?"

"Buffy, is Lindsey were a good guy and I thought you were completely
happy with him and I had no chance, then no, I would not hire a P.I. to
‘eliminate' him."

Her eyes narrowed. "But you didn't know what kind of guy Lindsey was."

"I knew what you told me, and what you told me didn't hit at something
great."

"So you decided to take it upon yourself and hire a P. I. to find out what
kind of guy he was. So you could what? Make the decision for me?"

"I didn't trust him—I still don't—"

"Hold the phone!"

"What?"

"You don't trust him and that's why you hired a P.I."

"Right."

She threw up her hands. "So, it's okay for you to go behind my back and
hire a P.I. because you don't trust him and want to ultimately protect me,
but when I try to do it, OUT IN THE OPEN, you get upset with me!"

He took pause. "Okay. I can see your point."

"You're unbelievable William. And so is my darling brother. Do you think
that I'm that inept that I can't make any decision on my own?"

Spike jumped up, "No Buffy, but you weren't exactly kicking him to the
curb! Who knows what kind of crap he could have pulled. We were trying to
keep you safe."

"Yeah, and lets say that Lindsey is the control freak I think he is. You're no
better by doing what you did. It was my decision to make SPIKE, not yours
and not Angel's."

"You don't remember anything to make the decision. You don't know what
he did! He could have been the one—" he broke off, frustrated.

"You and Angel think he had something to do with my accident."

"Yes," Spike replied tersely.

"When were you planning on enlightening me on this?"

"I hadn't thought that far ahead," he said admittedly.

"Apparently," she started to gather her things.


Spike was on her in two strides and grabbed her hands. "Don't leave."

"I think I should William."

"No, please, let's work this out. Buffy, we only had your best intentions at
heart. We didn't want anything to happen to you."

"William, I told you a while ago that losing my memory felt like everyone
knew where the cards were and I didn't. You told me that I had to find out
for myself by asking questions and investigating the answers. And I did.
And I made the decisions I needed to make. I took control of the life I didn't
feel I had any control over due to my lack of memories. Do you have any
idea what it feels like to find out that you felt you had to go behind my back
and take control of my life for me?"

"If I had told you what I wanted to do?"

"At least you would have given me the option, given ME control

over what I wanted to find out in MY life with Lindsey. But you didn't. You
made the decision for me. It's like all that talk about telling me to trust my
gut was just to appease me. I feel like all that work I did do to find out
about Lindsey was for nothing. Why let me figure stuff out on my own,
when you can just figure it out for me."

"Buffy, no, it's very different."

"How?"

"Because sometimes you need cold hard facts to incriminate someone.
Buffy, I am going with MY instincts on this. Your accident, Angel not
trusting him, Lindsey's controlling ways—it all sounds fishy to me. My gut
tells me that he's a crooked lawyer and complete asshole. I needed to find
out to keep you safe. What if the next time you didn't just end up with
amnesia? I couldn't let that happen Buffy. I had to keep you safe. I realize I
should have told you and I apologize for that. I don't think all the work you
did was for nothing. Your instincts confirmed even more for me what I was
already guessing."

"You should have told me," she said quietly.

"I know."

"I'm not a child William. I'm not going to fall to pieces that easily. If I was
going to, I already would have."

"I know."

"Do you? Does Angel? Cause I don't feel like you do know that."

"It was a bad decision. One we should have told you about, but we just
weren't thinking."

"Obviously."

"Buffy, please, forgive me. Don't leave me. Just let me hold you."

"I think I want to be alone for a while, William."

"Then I'll sleep on the sofa. Just don't leave."

"William, you're making this very difficult."

"Good. I want to make it difficult for you to ever think about leaving me."

She met his eyes and stood tall. "And you need to learn that just because
I'm upset with you, and just because I walk out the door, does not mean I
don't love you and does not equal me leaving you. Right now, I feel the need
to assert some of my independence which is why I am leaving right now. I need
to clear my head and I need to be by myself for right now."

Stopping himself from pleading his case more and convincing her to stay,
Spike nodded slowly and stood aside. She thanked him with her eyes and
gathered her things, dressing quickly. He followed her to the door and after
grabbing her purse, she kissed him softly and said a whispered ‘good night'.

"I love you," he whispered as she stepped out of his door.

She looked back at him. "I love you too," and she was off.

Spike stared at the hallway she'd vacated for a long time and tried to
reassure himself that she did love him and she was not leaving him. She
was coming back.
 

21:

Buffy wasn’t necessarily fuming as she made her way home from Spike’s. More like thoughtful with a slight fume. Fuming thoughtfully, yes, that’s what she was doing she decided. She hoped William truly understood why she felt the way she did. She’d gone on and on about how out of control she felt with her life and she felt as if he’d just robbed her of getting that control back. It made her feel weak, like the proverbial damsel in distress who needed the big strong man to lean on
and define her.

It was frustrating.

She didn’t have a clue as to the person Angel had hinted at
her having become After Lindsey –as she was starting to
call it—but she knew who she was Before Lindsey.
Courageous, determined, stubborn and vivacious. The world
had been her oyster. The person she was now was a far
cry from her and she missed her old self desperately. William
had been the driving force in pushing her to find herself again
and she felt she had been on the right track. William and
Angel made her feel as if her best just wasn’t good enough.

It was discouraging.

The other part of her, the part that was skittish
about Lindsey and his intentions, understood why they did it.
They felt the need to protect her and find out the cold hard
facts that she could not provide them. It sat in her gut like lead
that Lindsey could be responsible for her accident. A million
questions she wanted answers to whirled through her mind,
but one stood out prominent above all the rest: Why?

“Buffy!” she jumped a near mile to the sound of a voice
beckoning her.

Angel. Of course. Why WOULDN’T he be there? Especially
since she just left William’s. She stared at him in disbelief as
he slowly trailed her with his car.

“Look, if you don’t want to get in, that’s fine, but I’d like to
follow you and make sure you make it home if that’s all right
with you.”

Buffy shook her head and stalked to the car. He slammed on
the brake and it bounced to a halt. She nearly ripped the car
door open. “That would just be stupid, now wouldn’t it?” she
muttered. She slid into the seat and slammed the door shut.

Angel jumped at the force behind the slamming of the door
and sat back regarding her with a frown. “Was that really
necessary?”

She gave him an icy look and he held up his
hands in surrender and sped off.

Halfway home, he started to speak.

“Don’t,” she halted him. “I don’t want to hear it.
You can just call William and share notes on why I’m pissed.
More so now because I obviously can’t handle a simple walk
home.

“Buffy, there are a lot of psychos out there.
Lindsey just happens to be one of them,” Angel informed her
on a defeated sigh.

“I was fine walking home before this whole
mess.”

“Buffy, I’m not going to apologize for wanting to
keep you safe, but I will apologize for going behind your back
to do it.”

Buffy said nothing as a silent acceptance of his
apology. Though she was still thoughtfully fuming.


**************************************************************************


“You want to what?” Fred asked, her eyebrows rising. She
was looking at Buffy in disbelief.

“I want to take a self – defense class and I
want you to take it with me,” Buffy told her definitively. It was
Monday morning and after having spent Sunday not talking to
either Angel or William, Buffy had decided it was time for
action, time to take things in her own hands and prove to
them and to herself that she could take care of herself. And
them, if need be.

“Why?” Fred asked, slowly.

Buffy refrained from rolling her eyes. “Well, we
do live in the city Fred and it couldn’t help to have some skills
to protect us on those nights we’re coming home late from
here or a party.”

“I drive,” Fred pointed out.

Now Buffy rolled her eyes. “So? What happens
if something happens to your car and you have to walk?”

“Cell phone?”

“Your battery ran out.”

“Payphone?”

“And some dude tries to dry hump you while
you’re making the call.”

Fred’s eyes widened. “I’ll take it. I’m afraid I’m
just not very...athletic.”

Buffy shrugged. “Neither am I, but we’ll learn.”

“Why the sudden interest in self-defense? The
Y has offered it before and you were never interested.”

“I have my reasons,” Buffy said softly and left it
at that.

***********************************************************************

“Knock, knock.”

Buffy looked up from her desk later that day to see William
standing uncertainly in the doorway with a bouquet of
flowers.

“Come in William,” she told him, smiling gently.

He walked in, his swagger not what it once was. He was
nervous, which she found hard to believe considering he
was a cutthroat lawyer. It settled in her mind that she was
the cause of his nervousness. She wasn’t sure how she felt
about that. He stood before her, just in front of her desk,
gazing down at her. So close, yet so far away.

“I gave you space yesterday. I didn’t call at all . . I thought it
was what you would want me to do,” he explained quietly.

“And what did you want to do?” she asked, setting her pen
down.

He met her eyes. “I wanted to call you every five bloody
minutes. Then I wanted to knock the bloody door down and
make you talk to me.”

“Thank you for not doing that.”

“Bloody whipped is what I am,” he muttered. “Love’s bitch
you’ve made me Buffy. Do anything for you I would. If I
thought you leavin’ me after our night together in Rhode Island
was hell, its nothing compared to having you tell me you love
me and then you leavin’.”

“I told you I loved you. I was upset but it didn’t
alter my feelings for you, William.”

He hung his head, “I know. I’m just a poncey,
stupid git. I go up against sharks in courtrooms, I AM a
shark—a bloody pit bull!—and look at me. You alone can bring
me to my knees Buffy. How’s it feel?”



“Like we’re even.”

“Are we?” he asked hopefully.

“Yes,” she nodded.

“I bring you to your knees?”

She smirked teasingly at him and he grinned. “You wanna
show me?” he prompted.

She burst out laughing and shook her head, standing up and
making her way around the desk. She took the flowers from
his hand and placed it on the desk after taking a quick whiff
of them. Wrapping her arms around him, she held him tightly
and nuzzled his neck. He let out a small whimper as he held
on to her tightly.

“I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything or anyone in
my life, Buffy. You’re it for me. You’re the bloody world.”

She smiled against him, “I love you too William.”

“We good then?”

“Yes. Just please don’t keep things from me like
that. Have a little faith in me. I’m not a porcelain doll, William. I
won’t break that easy.”

“You won’t break at all,” he whispered
hoarsely, burying his face in her neck. “Not my girl. Made of
tough stuff, she is.”

“Thank you. I plan on putting that theory to the
test too.”

He leaned back a bit to study her face. “Oh?”

She smiled brightly. “Self-defense at the Y. For
women only.”



“I took kickboxing in LA.”

“Why does that not surprise me?” she said
wryly.

He grinned. “Maybe we could spar with each
other.”

She smiled broadly. “Maybe I could kick your
ass.”

His eyes darkened. “Is it wrong that talking
about kicking my ass turns me on?”

She laughed, “Maybe, but it’s okay.”

“When does this class start?”

“Tonight. Fred is coming with me.”

He bit his lip. “Can I pick you up and take you
out?”

“Spike, I’ll be all sweaty and gross.”

“Okay, is it wrong that you being all sweaty
turns me on?”

“Is there anything that DOESN’T turn you on?”
she asked incredulously.

“When it comes to you? No. Everything turns me
on.”

She smiled. “I do love you.”

“I’ll never get tired of hearing that,” he said,
smiling broadly.

“Greedy.”

“Definitely. I want everything Buffy. All you
have to give me, I want it. I need it.”

Holding him tightly, Buffy let that knowledge
sweep over her, leaving her overwhelmed, but at peace at
the same time. “Oh William, the things you do to me.”


 

22:

Interesting Twist


Spike was under Buffy, flat on his back on his penthouse floor. She was hot, sweaty and panting. Her limbs ached and her hair was damp, tendrils sticking to her neck and one to her face.

Never had she been so horny in all her life.

She'd decided to take Spike up on his offer of sparring once she'd had a few classes under her belt. She found that it helped quite a bit to perfect her technique and Spike taught her more with each session. She hadn't realized how learning self-defense and getting lesson in kickboxing from Spike could make her feel so empowered. So in control

So lusty.

And, true to his word, them sparring, her sweating, turned him on a great deal. To prove that, she now straddled his lap, his erection pressing against her ass. She grinned at him devilishly. He watched her intently, his eyes dark with passion. She shimmied down him, keeping her eyes on his, and being careful of his swollen member. When she reached his feet, she yanked his sweat pants down.
His cock sprang free, dripping precum and begging for her attention. Spike groaned and Buffy licked her lips.

Discarding her tank, she flung it away and crawled up him, giving him a perfect view of her breasts as they swung with her movements. His eyes followed their movements and she could tell he was trying hard not to move and let her do what she will.

It was a lesson for her to see the power she held.

In one fell swoop, she sucked him down to the root. His hips bucked up and he moaned. Slowly, she eased up swirled her tongue around the head. She placed her hand at the base and squeezed, jerking her hand on him as she pondered her next step. In a flash it came to her. Sucking him down again, she made sure he was good and wet with her saliva, and, before he could utter a groan of pleasure, she wrapped her breasts around his cock.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head. "God, Buffy . . . " he breathed.

She smirked, "Fuck my tits Spike. Do it."

Growling, he started to thrust his member with its angry red head between her plump globes. The pleasure, the aching intensity was written all over his face.

"Stop," she ordered. He stopped mid thrust, his head just poking out from between her breasts. Lowering her head, she engulfed him in her mouth and let her breasts free. In an instant, she swallowed him down, relaxing her throat muscles and swallowing around him.

"God . . . Buffy, Buffy, Buffy. . . Feels so good. . . so hot. . . Buffy. . . Buffy. . . " he babbled on a whimper as she worked him.

She went back the head and sucked hard as she watched his face contort and his eyes cross. Just when she was sure he was going to come, she let him pop free. His eyes widened.

"Please, Buffy. . . please. . . more. . . " he begged, panting.

Taking pity on him she took him back in her mouth and sucked hard as she cupped his balls. His hips jerked, sending him further down her throat and he roared "BUFFY!!" as he came, stretching out the syllables in her name. His jizz hit the back of her throat in spurts and she swallowed it all, taking pleasure in watching his. When she was sure he was done coming, she licked him clean, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and jumped to her feet. Spike lay there, staring up at her dazed. She might have thought he looked funny laying there with only a tank on, but knowing that she was responsible for the glassy look in his eyes, that eradicated his ensemble.

"Buffy," he panted.

"Now that I've had an appetizer, I want dinner," she told him and ran to his bedroom, knowing it wouldn't be long before he chased her and he got his appetizer too.

**********************************************************************
After a few ravishings and a shower, Buffy finally got her wish for dinner. She'd promised not to let her fear of what Lindsey could do cloud their relationship and let Spike take her out. As a sign of true growth, she even let him hold her hand and show random displays of affection.

She'd come to find that Spike was quite fond of spoiling her. He loved to take her out –and very many times in—and wine and dine her. Not that she complained. There were only so many times she could have Mac & Cheese with Angel.

"So pet, how are those moving coming?" he asked as they settled into their seats and sipped their wine. He waggled his eyebrows causing her to giggle and nearly choke at his double entendre.

"Oh, they seem to be ‘coming' just fine," she teased back.

He reached across the table and grabbed her hand in his. "I love you. Have I told you that today?"

She smiled, "I think you did before, during and after. . . You never shut up," she grinned, so he knew she was only kidding.

He chuckled, "I'm a talker, what can I say?"

"Not enough, apparently," she laughed.

"Brat."

"All part of my charm. Hey, honey—"

"Love it when you call me pet names."

"Well, you have an arsenal of them, I need to catch up."

He smiled, "I'm sure you will."

"So, buttercup—"

"Can I veto that one right now?"

"Yeah, I don't like it either now that I've said it out loud. Anyway, have you heard from your P.I. lately?"

Spike frowned, "Buffy, I don't want to talk about that now."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not conducive to romance."

"Well, you don't want to talk about it at home—"

"You call my place home?" he asked, his eyes taking on a tenderness that used to frighten her and now made her a puddle of mush.

She blushed, "Well, yeah."

"I want you to consider it home, because one day it will be," he said definitively.

"However, until then, I want you to tell me what you've found out."

He sighed, "All right. I know better than to try and deter you."

"Damn straight."

"Basically, your ex knows how to clean up. Sort of. There are possible leads to blackmail, embezzling and your basic cheating the system to get ahead. Could even be a con artist past to get law school funded."

"Really?" Buffy's jaw dropped. "Anything concrete as of yet?"

"Not yet. Like I said, he knows how to clean up. The thought of you with him . . . " Spike trailed off and squeezed her hand.

Buffy shuddered, "What the hell was I thinking?"

"You may not have known all of it, luv. He could have kept quite a bit from you."

"Why do I doubt that?"

Spike furrowed his brow, "You do?"

"We've established that there was something off about him, that he was probably controlling in some manner right? Why else would I have stayed with him for so long if he didn't have ways of keeping me tied to him and reasons for doing it?"

"It could have been his need to just control you Buffy."

"Its possible, but . . . I just have a funny feeling about it."

"Can we not talk about this anymore?" Spike asked and brought her hand to his lips, brushing a kiss against it.

She smiled, "That sounds –"

"Hi Buffy."

Buffy froze and looked up to find Lindsey at their table, staring at her and Spike's entwined hands. Feeling panic and fear bubble up inside her, Buffy pulled her hand back.

"H—hi Lindsey," she managed to squeek out, her heart pounding in her chest.

He eyed them indifferently and that in itself was enough to send Buffy cowering. Lindsey turned to Spike. "And you are?"

"William," Spike replied and stood, regarding Lindsey with his jaw firmly set and his eyes like steel.

Lindsey nodded, still expressionless and turned back to Buffy. "Glad to see you're well. Have a nice dinner." And with that he walked away.

Spike frowned, watching him go. "Not exactly the reception I expected."

"I think I want to go home Will. Can we go now?"

Spike finally turned his attention to Buffy who had paled so much, she was almost as white as the table cloth. "Buffy, baby, it's all right. He's gone." He knelt by her side, taking her trembling hands in his.

"I knew it was a possibility he'd see us and I let you take me out. . . I didn't think I would feel that afraid."

"He can't do anything to you Buffy. Not anymore."

Her bottom lip trembled. "I wish I could remember. I wish I . . . knew. If I knew maybe I wouldn't feel so powerless."

"You know enough in your gut Buffy."

"Do you think he'll leave us be Spike? He just left without a scene, do you think he'll just go?"

"I want to say yes, Buffy—"

"But you don't want to lie."

Spike sighed resignedly, "Right. I don't want to lie and say that he'll just go."

 

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