Chapter 21

“Spike? What are you still doing here?” She had come in late after a night with Faith and Anya. They’d gone club hopping and she’d come along for the ride. She hadn’t been comfortable with the attention her friends gathered from the male populace, so she’d hung back, which caused her to curse Spike. Hadn’t she been the one to pretty much tell him she wanted to do her own thing, including dating other people? But no, all she’d done is feel guilty about it.

She came home to find the very vampire she was feeling guilty about sleeping on Giles’s couch. She stood there, watching him for a while, touched that he stayed. Then angry because he’d stayed. If she could make sense of her conflicting emotions, it would make her life a whole lot easier.

“What time is it?” He asked groggily.

“Two.”

“What time did you get in?”

She rolled her eyes, “well dad, I got in about a half hour ago.”

“Where were you?”

“Out.”

He sat up and studied her. She stared at him, not moving.

“Did you have fun?” ‘Not really. I thought about you the whole time.’

“Yes. Again, why are you still here? You do have a home.” ‘I’m glad you’re here though. I don’t know what’s going on with me; please help me. Forgive me.’

He smiled fondly at her, “you’re my home, remember?”

She shook her head. “Knock it off, Spike.” She grabbed his arm and pulled at him. “Come on. Go home.” ‘Why am I lying to him?’

“Knew you couldn’t keep your hands off me,” he teased.

She shook her head, “you’re a pig, Spike.”

“Oink, oink.”

When he refused to budge she gave up. “Fine, do what you want.” She started for her bedroom.

“I love you,” Spike called after her. She didn’t respond. Shutting her door, she leaned against it and sank to the floor. She hoped he didn’t hear her crying.

A few days later Buffy sat in the kitchen reading a magazine and sipping her coffee when the front door burst open and in came a smoking Spike. She jumped up, startled. She came running into the living room to see if he was all right.

“Are you on fire?” She asked, concerned. She circled him, checking to see if he was ok.

“I’m all right, pet.”

She then glared at him and punched his arm.

“Ow!” He yelped and glared at her.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing going out during the day? Are you insane?” She yelled at him.

“Have been for quite some time now, luv,” he quipped. He rubbed his arm. “Sorry I taught you that right hook.”

She couldn’t help but smile at that. “Serves you right.” She strolled into the kitchen to grab her coffee.

Encouraged, Spike followed her. “What are you up to sweetness?”

“Drinking coffee. Now I’m going to get dressed.”

“Need help?” He smirked. She made to punch him again and he ducked out of her range.

“Are you here to do some more research with Giles?”

Spike nodded. His research with Giles consisted of finding out what big evil was headed for the area. Giles was also teaching Spike some of the fundamentals of magick. Spike figured it wouldn’t hurt to learn some things to better in tune himself with Buffy. When that was done, he hung around for the sheer fact that he wanted to be there with her in any capacity she would let him. Which, wasn’t all that much. She often retreated to her room or went out for long periods of time. This had been the most they’d talked in three days.

“Great. Well, have fun.” She started for her bedroom.

“Where are you going today?”

“Not sure.” It was like pulling teeth.

“Who are you going out with?”

“Believe it or not, I do have friends outside of you and Giles. I’m going out with Anya and Faith.”

Spike was concerned. Hanging out with those two usually meant guys were involved in some way.

Play it cool, he told himself. “So, you don’t know what you’re doing huh?”

“Nope. That’s part of the plan. Not to have a plan. Just do whatever strikes our fancy.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“It will be, I’m sure. Giles went to run a few errands so he should be coming back soon.”

“I miss you,” he told her quietly.

That startled her for some reason. “You’ve seen me every day,” she finally said.

“This is the most you’ve spoken to me in three days.”

She looked down and Spike noticed guilt pass across her features.

“I have to get ready,” she mumbled and walked out of the kitchen.

“I deserve to know why you’re angry with me.”

She stopped, her back to him. “I’m—I’m not angry with you.”

“Then why won’t you talk to me? Why won’t you let me touch you? Why won’t you spend time with me?” He hated how desperate he sounded but he couldn’t stop himself. He was literally aching to hold her in his arms, to feel her aliveness, to bask in her laughter, to listen to her melodious voice talk to him. He missed her desperately and was nearing the point of being beyond caring how pathetic he sounded.

She turned and faced him; eyes welled up with tears. She wouldn’t look at him. “I’m not…anything, Spike.” She sighed. “I can’t explain it, it’s hard.”

“Try. Please.”

She brushed furiously at her tears that were starting to spill. He wanted to go to her and started to move toward her and she held up her hand.

“Please, don’t.”
“I want to help, Buffy.”

“You can’t, okay? No one can. You want to know how I feel? I don’t feel anything, that’s what I feel. Numb.”

“It’s normal to feel that way after what happened.”

“I don’t want to talk about what happened!”

He moved closer to her, “you can’t keep it bottled inside. It’ll drive you mad.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” She shook her head and then looked up at him. “How did you kill the Slayers?”

He was taken back by that, and he took a step back as if she had hit him. “What?”

“How did you kill them? Did you do what Drusilla did to me?”

“Oh God, no—“ He choked. “You’re ashamed of me.”

“I just need to know how you did it. Did she help you?” Her tears were freely falling now, but her voice was emotionless.

“No, I did it on my own. I—I didn’t do what she did. It was pure fighting.”

“How did it feel?”

His own eyes welled up, “don’t ask me that. I don’t like to remember that. How can you ask me that?”

“Can you really fault me for wanting to know? I mean you spent a century with her. You killed two Slayers. She tried to kill me. You had to know that question was coming. The only thing keeping you from killing me, is your soul.”

“Even if I didn’t have my soul, I wouldn’t kill you. I love you.”

“But you’d go back to killing other innocent humans. Maybe bag yourself another Slayer.”

“No,” he shook his head, “no, I wouldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t need a soul to not kill. You’re my soul.”

She was thrown by that answer and some tears fell. “I need to go,” she whispered.

He watched her walk away from him and tears of his own fell.

“She never asked you about them before?” Giles asked later on as they looked through some books.

“She did, but it just threw me off guard. Today when she asked, she was curious but disgusted—with me—as well.” Spike ran a hand through his hair, “she’s angry with me for what I did.”

“Do you blame her?”

“No, how can I? When I think about what I did—the soul burns me when I remember my victims. I just never thought she’d be the one to remind me of how much it kills.”

“She’s hurting, so her defense is to make you hurt too. She wants you to feel her pain.”

“I do feel it. In my blood. Her pain is my pain. All I want to do is make it go away.”

“I know,” Giles said sympathetically.

“Has she spoken to you about anything at all?”

Giles shook his head, “not much. I ask her every day if she wants to talk about it, but she refuses. I just don’t want her to think I don’t care or plan to pretend it didn’t happen. She is craving empathy, not sympathy.”

Spike leaned back on the couch and glanced at the clock. “She’s been gone for a while—“

The door flung open and Buffy breezed inside. “Just gonna change and I’m out again!” She called as she ran to her bedroom.

“She’s been doing that a lot lately. Staying out almost all day and all night.” Giles commented.

“I know. Part of the plan to avoid, I wager.”

“It concerns me however when it comes to slaying. She might rather exhaust herself.”

“Hey Gi—oh, Spike, you’re still here?”

Spike stood and faced her. His jaw dropped. “You’re not bloody well going out dressed like a trollop!” He shouted at her.

She raised her eyebrows. “You’re dating yourself. ‘Trollop’ went out with the…20’s.” She turned to Giles. “I’ll be home late, don’t wait up.”

“Stop.” Spike commanded using his control as her mate. She stopped, turned and glared at him.

“Spike,” Giles said warningly. “Don’t force her.”

“Are you both ganging up on me now?”

“No one is ganging up on you, Buffy.” Giles reassured her.

She shook her head, “I’m so gone now,” and she flew out of the house quicker than Spike could catch her. The squeeling of tires were the only thing left of her. Spike rushed to grab his jacket and he bolted for the door, muttering under his breath.

“What are you going to do? You do anything rash and she’ll never forgive you for it.”

Spike stopped at the door and glared at Giles. “I’m through playing her game. I’m through letting her walk all over me and treat me like I don’t exist!” He slammed the door and followed her scent. That skirt was mini enough to be nonexistent and that halter top showed off more than if she wore a damn bikini! Every pimply faced sodding git within a mile of her would be sniffing around her. And why would she wear something like that out—without him—if she wasn’t planning on having those exact results? He growled. He was going to track her down and take her home.

Chapter 22

Buffy was hesitant at first, but when she thought back to how suffocated she felt with Giles and Spike constantly around, she was more than happy to do it. A little vacation was just what she needed. Anya and Faith were beyond thrilled. Who could blame them? It wasn’t often she agreed to their little rendezvous. It was so sudden—which is often how it happened with the two girls. First they were driving to the club and then all at once Anya got it in her head on how fun it would be to go Salem and spend the night club hopping, get a hotel room and make a weekend of it. She had no clothes, but of course Anya did in her trunk. Anya was all about spur of the moment. This wasn’t the first time whimsy had taken over her. Suddenly, Buffy felt free as they sped down the highway. Weights lifted and a sense of peace washed over her. This was just what she needed. A break. Fun. Isn’t Spike fun? A voice asked inside her head. She frowned. She didn’t want to think of the tiny tinge of guilt his name produced. Yes, of course he’s fun, she told the voice. I just want to forget for a little while longer who I am, what I do. I want to forget that I almost died. I want to block out the thoughts that I want it all to end. And not in a pleasant way. The voice reminded her she couldn’t run forever, and especially not from Spike. She felt a twinge of guilt as she recalled the look on his face when she told him she wanted him to go, when she told him she’d already left him, when she’d asked him how it felt to kill those two Slayers. She shook her head, trying to clear her mind. She was just so angry at everything. She was angry at her mother for giving birth to a girl with extraordinary powers, angry at Giles for being the only one she could share magick with, angry at Spike for being the only one she could share everything with.

She was terrified for what happened to her. Terrified it would happen again. She shuddered. She hadn’t told anyone, but she remembered what happened to her days after she arrived home. She remembered holding the knife in her own hand and being powerless to stop herself from cutting. The blood, the fear. She never wanted that back again. Then the disturbing thought had passed through her mind that at least that way, if she were killed, she would be free of it. Then she thought about her mother, Giles and mostly Spike. How could she leave any of them, but mostly Spike? She felt as if she were cracking up for thinking it, and almost wishing it.

Being attacked the way she had by Dru, she felt mentally raped. She was so tired of people dictating to her what she was, what she was supposed to do, what her job was. She completely sympathized with the plight of the Slayer and superhero’s—however fictional.

She knew she was being irrationally mean to Giles and Spike. It hurt her to do it, but sickly enough, that was part of the reason why she did it. She hadn’t been lying to Spike when she told him she felt numb. The only time she felt anything was when she was being angry. Staring at the cold, black sky, she wondered when she was ever going to stop.

It was late by the time they found a hotel to crash in. Buffy knew she had to call Giles and let him know where she was. If she didn’t turn up tonight, he’d worry. She wasn’t like a normal adult where she didn’t have to report to anyone. If she didn’t report to them, they’d think she was offed by a demon.

She waited until Anya and Faith had left the room before calling Giles.

“Giles, it’s me.”

“Buffy? Where are you?”
“I’m in Salem. I’m staying overnight. Maybe two nights.”

“What? You’re in Salem!?”
“Yes, Giles, relax. I’m fine, everything’s fine. It was a spur of the moment thing. I’ll call you tomorrow and check in—“
“Call tonight. I won’t be able to sleep if you don’t. What hotel?”

“Salem Inn. Room 208.”

“I’m worried about you,” Giles said on a sigh.

“Don’t be. I’m fine. This is a good thing. Just…don’t tell Spike.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Fine, then just try not to for as long as possible.”

“Do you remember what happened the last time you took off and kept something from him?”

She flinched. “Bye Giles.” She hung up. She would be a lot happier if Spike didn’t know.

But Spike did know. Giles had to keep him from flying off the handle as he spoke to her. He’d gone mad searching for her. He’d been desperate when he came back to Giles and just as if she knew, she called the second he entered the door.

“I’m going after her.”

“Spike—“
“Don’t tell me not to do it, Rupert. She takes off like that and doesn’t tell anyone until she’s there?”
“She’s an adult.”
“She’s not bloody well acting like one! She’s acting like she has a bloody death wish! I’m going after her and I’ll drag her by her hair back home if I have to.” With that Spike slammed the door for the second time that night and went in search of his car.

It was nearing Halloween in Salem and therefore extremely busy. Salem was, of course, the Halloween capital of the world. People were already wearing masks, tourists lined the streets and Buffy felt panic set in. Vampires. They would be out and about. Demons, too. She had a couple small stakes in her purse, but images of Drusilla popping in her mind caused her fear to bubble up. Oh god, what if another one used thrall? How could she defend herself? The chances could be slim—Drusilla was the only one to have ever used it on her, and she’d met many vampires over the past eight years.

“Are you all right? You look a little pale,” Anya observed as they waited to get into a club.

She smiled widely, fakely. “Yep. Just want to get my groove thing on.”

Faith and Anya laughed and the three were soon ushered in. The club was huge. There was a bar in the back, two floors and fluorescent lights blazed everywhere. Bodies gyrated, music blared and people laughed. Taking Anya up on the offer of a drink, Buffy chugged down a beer. It would relax her and yet not make her drunk. She didn’t want to lose all logic. If she had to protect herself or her friends, she didn’t want to get hurt by being drunk in the process. She’d never hear the end of it from Spike or Giles. Definitely Spike though. Guilt washed over her again as her bite mark flared and she ignored it for the thousandth time that night. Instead, she joined the dance floor and let the music dictate her thoughts for the next half hour.

The boys were hovering around the three girls and it made Buffy a tad uncomfortable. She blamed Spike for it. She felt a nagging guilt. She almost felt as if she were betraying him, but all she was doing was dancing. And besides, didn’t she owe it to herself to find out what other men liked? How other men responded to her? She’d dated sporadically, but nothing ever serious. She’d never been able to relax enough to truly enjoy herself. She always ran to Spike afterwards, desperate to be around a male she could actually be herself around. Now, here she was, surrounded by men who wanted her attention and she felt like a goddess.

“I need a drink, I’ll be right back,” Anya told her and sashayed off. Faith and Buffy looked at each other, shrugged and continued to dance. She danced, laughed and flirted some more. It was some time before she realized that Anya was taking a long time coming back.

“Faith, have you seen Anya?”

“Nope!” She giggled at the boy in front of her.

Buffy stopped. Signals were going off in her body. The same kind that had gone off before Drusilla came.

“Are you all right?” The boy in front of her asked her.

She looked at him blankly. “Yeah, I’m fine. I need to find my friend.”

“She left a few minutes ago. She went outside with some guy.”

“What?!” Buffy grabbed Faith. “We have to find Anya. She left with some guy.”
“Good for her!” Faith giggled.

“Listen to me! It’s not safe. It’s dangerous. She could be hurt! He could be a vam—a rapist!”

“She probably just went outside to have a butt.”

Buffy threw up her hands in exasperation.

“I’ll go with you,” the boy in front of her said.

Buffy eyed him warily. “I don’t even know your name.”
“Xander. I’m Xander. I go to Salem State.” He stuck out his hand.

She took it, “Buffy.”

He smiled, “nice name.”

“Thanks, listen, my friend here—“

“She can stay here with my buddies.”

“Did you know the guy my other friend left with by any chance?”

“No ma’am. Never seen him.”

“You don’t have to come with.”

“It’s not safe for you to be out there alone either.”

Buffy smiled. There was chivalry in the world.

“Thanks. I think you should know that if you try anything though, I’ll kick your ass. I have a black belt.” The last part was a lie, but she couldn’t exactly tell him of her super powers.

He held up a hand in surrender. “Got it. No harm, no foul. Just want to help.”
“Thanks. Let’s go.”

Xander told his friends where he was going and to make sure Faith didn’t take off and the two left. Buffy was annoyed with her ‘friends’. How rude could they be? How stupid? Didn’t they know that there were vampires roaming around—no, duh, of course not! Buffy sighed.

Spike hated bloody Salem right at this instant. It was crowded and busy with tourists, college and high school students. Some were dressed up in costumes already, everyone was frolicking and it made getting through the crowd difficult. He growled deep in his throat.

The whole ride here he had been seething with anger, hurt and jealousy. She was acting like a child, she was being irresponsible and reckless. She was battering his heart into a thousand pieces and he wasn’t going to take it any longer. Oh he knew he’d never leave her, but he was putting his foot down, he was going to be strong gain a backbone. No more shutting him out, no more using him as a punching bag. He was tired of her loving him for a short time and then going back to treating him like crap.

He froze. She was in danger. She was frightened and her adrenaline was rushing. He could feel it in his blood. That’s when he saw her, running down the street at full force with someone following her, calling to her to wait.

He shouted to her and started after her. He ran, pushing people out of the way. She was in trouble, that was all he could see. She disappeared out of sight and Spike inhaled the air for her scent. He spun in a circle and picked up her scent to the left. He ran down a dark alley and took a right. That’s when he saw her, pushing a man off her friend. The man rose and Spike knew he was a vampire. He called to her and ran over as fast as his feet would carry him.

“Don’t touch her! Don’t mess with her you crazy vampire!” She was screaming at the vampire.

Spike got ready to stake.

She began fighting the vampire as Spike approached. He called to her, but she didn’t even recognize that he was there. He looked to see the boy and Anya standing there with their mouths open, frozen in shock. He tried to call to Buffy again, but she continued on. The vampire was weakening. He was starting to lose his energy as Buffy pummeled him. Spike saw a resemblance to when she invoked Kali, except he knew she hadn’t invoked the Goddess.

“You’re nothing! You’re a fucking vampire without a soul! You’re evil and disgusting! You won’t control me. You won’t hurt me anymore Drusilla!” She ranted at the vampire at the top of her lungs.

Spike’s eyes widened. Oh God. His dead heart swelled and broke. She wasn’t fighting the vampire before her. She was fighting Drusilla. She was lost in her rage and her fear. She remembered, that’s the only thing he could think of. She remembered what happened to her and it was messing with her mind. Watching her now, Spike knew there was no way out of the hell in her mind unless he stopped her. She was in such a blind rage that she couldn’t think or see beyond what happened to her. If he didn’t stop her now, she’d be lost to him forever.

****

Buffy’s world was a blur. All she knew was her friend was in danger of the same fate as she had been. The long flowing dark tresses of Drusilla blew in the wind and her vampiric face snarled at her. It told her that this time, she was going to kill her just as she intended and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it.

Something snapped inside of Buffy though. Something unleashed within her and rage like had never felt before raged within her. She didn’t hear the cries of her friends yelling for her, never even noticed when Spike had arrived. All she knew was she had to attack, and this time, kill. She lunged at the vampire and attacked with vigor. She sent a kick to her stomach and she landed on the ground with a thud. Then Buffy went in for the kill. She kept hitting and hitting, briefly wondering if it were possible to kill her with punches alone. She was going to at least try.

***

“Forgive me, my love,” he said under his breath and lunged forward. Using all his strength, he charged to her and flung her off the vampire she now straddled and pummeled. She went back a good five feet and Spike used the opportunity to stake the beaten vampire. Dust flew and he walked to where she lay, now propped up on her elbows. Her eyes were wide with fear, sorrow and disbelief. He knelt down in front of her and held out his hand.

“Spike?” She asked in a small, trembling voice.

“It’s me, Buffy. Come back to me.”

She lunged herself at him and he caught her in his arms, holding her tight against him. He stroked her hair tenderly, whispered soothing words of comfort as she sobbed in his arms. Whatever dam she had built inside her had finally burst. She was shaking and although he knew it was not because of the cold, he found a way to shrug off his duster without breaking contact from her. He wrapped the duster around her and cradled her close.

“I remember what happened. I remember holding the knife in my hand and being powerless to stop myself. I was screaming inside to stop, I was in so much pain, but I couldn’t stop it,” she broke out through sobs.

Spike wanted nothing more than to be able to stake Drusilla again and again to make her pay for what she did to Buffy.

“I didn’t know what to do to make it stop and I couldn’t get to you. I thought I was strong enough to do it on my own and I wasn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to take care of one single vampire.”

“No, Buffy, no! She played with your mind. She controlled you. You’re strong. You’re stronger than any bloody Slayer I’ve ever known. So brave, my girl is so brave and strong. I should have been there and I wasn’t. God forgive me for not being there to protect you.”

She looked at him, her tears streaming down her face. Her sobs ceased, but she cried inside, sobs still making her body shake. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I made you stake her.”

His eyes widened. “Oh God, do you actually think--?” He crushed her against him. “I don’t feel sorry that I did it. I told you if she ever hurt you, I’d do it. You mean more to me than she ever did. You are my life. I would stake her a thousand times over if it meant I’d keep you safe, if it meant I’d get to love you.”

“I’m sorry I pushed you and Giles away. I’m sorry I was so hurtful. I couldn’t stop myself. I –I think I almost wanted to die.”

The thought horrified him. She had had a death wish.

“I know,” he whispered and his own tears began to fall.

Her eyes widened. “You know?”

“Most Slayers at one time or another have them. I was hoping you’d never get one, but I know…I know. You want the pain, the fighting, the fear all to stop. The only way is to die. But, Buffy, that’s not the answer—“

“I know. I don’t really want to. I just…it passed through my mind and I thought I was cracking up.”

He shook his head and smiled tenderly at her as he wiped stray tears from her cheeks. “Not cracking up. That’s why I wanted to take you away. Get you away from all of it so that the day did not come when you did want to die.”

“But I can’t! I can’t just leave. I can’t let innocent people die because I’m not a Slayer and I have the option. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“I know that too. That’s what makes you the bravest and strongest woman I know. It’s part of what makes me love you so much. That heart of yours is so big—you have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known in my entire existence. You have more bloody soul, spirit and heart than even any Slayer I’ve come across. And you feel the burden of it all.” He looked at her imploringly, “let me take some of that weight for you. Give it to me. Let me fight with you and for you.”

Her eyes seeped tears, but she was no longer sobbing. “How can you do that?”

“What?”

“Love me. I’m so awful to you.”

“There’s been times when you haven’t been your best to me, I admit. But, you take care of me as much as I take care of you. You gave me a life I didn’t know I was missing. You brought me laughter, love and a reason to get out of bed every—night.”

She chuckled through her tears.

“I’m so tired, Spike,” she admitted. She wiped her tears on his shirt and rested against him.

“I know, pet. I know you are.”

“And I’m scared.”

“I am too. I’m scared for you. I’m scared you’ll wake up one day and want to die so much you’ll let it happen. I’m scared when you hide inside yourself and I can’t reach you. I’m scared that one day I won’t be able to find you.”

“I can’t die. I have a family, friends…and I can’t leave you Spike. I love you and it scares me to think about the day when I do die. I know it sounds silly, but I’m scared to be without you when I die.”

He froze. He pushed her back a bit and held onto her shoulders. She looked at him questioningly.

“Did you just tell me you loved me?”

She nodded. “I should have told you a long time ago, but I was too stupid to figure it out. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

His eyes welled up; he couldn’t help it. She finally said it. He had to be flying now.

“Spike?” She asked, concerned.

“Say it again.”

“I love you.”

He pressed his lips against hers, claiming her, branding her and she responded in

kind.

He broke apart and looked at her still-dazed face. “Listen to me, when you leave this world…when you leave, I go with you.”

Her eyes widened and she shook her head adamantly. She pushed away from him and stood up. “No, you can’t do that! Why would you—how can you do that?”
“There’s nothing else for me this world if you’re not in it. I’m old, Buffy. I’m old and I’ve seen the world a thousand times over. This here, this with you is the only thing that’s ever fulfilled me. If I go on without you…I wouldn’t be living. I would be existing. If the Gods are kind, they’ll place me with you. In Heaven. Where you go, I go.”

She was crying again. “But I don’t want you to feel that way. I want you to be happy and continue on. Fighting the good fight. Isn’t that what you always told me to do?”

“I have and I will. I just can’t do it without you.” He tossed her a small smile. “Guess you can’t die on me then.”

“If I don’t die by a vampire or demon, I’m going to grow old one day and die.”

He nodded. “I know.”

“You’re not going to want to be with me when I’m old and gray.”

He smiled, “oh yes I will.”

She furiously wiped some tears away. “I’m so tired,” she whined.

He stood and wrapped her in his arms. “What do you want to do now, pet?”

“I want to…I want to get a room and not go home yet. Can we do that Spike? Can we just rest?”

He nodded and kissed the top of her forehead.

“Where did Anya and Xander go?”

Spike narrowed his eyes, “who is this Xander character?”

“Be nice. He helped me find Anya.”

“Did you—do anything with him?”

She detangled herself from him and smiled. “Yes, we had hot monkey sex right on the dance—“

She was cut off by Spike grabbing her and kissing her hard. She giggled and he softened the kiss.

“Let’s get a room,” he told her gently and wrapped an arm about her shoulders.

“I need clothes.”

“Don’t even get me started on that outfit!” He admonished her.

Chapter 23

Spike smiled as he heard her splashing in the tub. Then groaned with the images it gave him. “You okay in there, pet?” He stood at the door.

“Yep.”

“Water’s got to be cold by now isn’t it?”

“That’s the thing about faucets and hot water. You can turn it on when you need more.”

“No need to get snarky!” He could hear her laughing to herself. He smiled. “I got some food as requested.”

“I’m coming!” And he heard the water unplug. He grinned and set out the food as he waited for her.

She came out smiling, padding in on bare feet as mist from the bath seemed to follow her. The scent of raspberries trailed with her. After securing a room just outside Salem, they went in search of any place that could be possibly be open so she could get clothes. They found a Wal-Mart. He was dragged in, much to his chagrin. Thankfully, she was quick about it. He made her keep his duster on, not wanting the whole world to see his girls very exposed body. She rolled her eyes at him, but agreed. She had scolded him when they hit the panties section and she had found him fingering some of the lace. She had also turned bright red to the roots of her hair. He had grinned suggestively and stuck his tongue against his front teeth. She walked away from him, shaking her head and muttering something about ‘leering boyfriends’.

It all changed when they hit the clothes section of course. He chose a sweat suit.

“Am I running tomorrow?”

He looked sternly at her, “you’re not wearing anything close to what you’re wearing now.”

She shook her head at him again and proceeded to choose bootleg jeans and a green v-necked sweater.

He looked at the ground. “That works.”

“That’s what I thought.” And then she chose her night wear for the night. Pajama bottoms and a tank. Then, of course, she had to get the necessary toiletries. Spike had a running commentary going on some of the lotions, ointments and medications he found.

She had laughed at him and then took his hand, dragging him to the register. She had announced her need for a hot bath and the fact that she was starving once they returned to their hotel. Spike glared at her for not telling him sooner and she eased his glare by giving him a sweet kiss. He was putty in her hands after that. He went out, searching the town for what was open. He had settled on an Italian restaurant. He had gotten her favorite pasta dish—baked ziti. Then, a couple cokes.

She eyed the food happily. “You the best.”

He laughed and sat down with her to eat a dish of his own.

“I called Giles while I was out,” he told her.

“Is he freaking out?”

“He’s worried about you, but not freaking out. Now that he knows you’re safe, he feels better.”

She nodded, took a bite and then looked at him thoughtfully. “I came to a realization tonight.”

“What’s that luv?”

“That I’m so much better off knowing about vampires and demons. I was so annoyed when Anya took off without telling me where she was going. Even more annoyed when Faith acted as if it were no big deal. I mean for one thing, she has no business leaving a club with a strange man that she just freaking met and for another how could she have known he wasn’t a vampire? She couldn’t have. I was…happy in the fact that I knew better. Even happier that I have the strength to fight them.”

“Do you want to call your mates and find out if they’re okay?”

“I should,” she sighed. “Guess there’s no hiding what I am now to them anymore is there?”

“Or you could just tell her she was too drunk to know what was going on. Play it by ear.”
“I like your logic.”

“Because it so closely resembles yours,” he grinned.

“Well, yeah.” She stood up and stretched, yawning. Spike watched her and thought how very much like a cat she was. The tank lifted showing off her perfect, tight abs and he admired the muscular tone to her body. She was perfect. All female and yet strong. He grabbed her and sank her down on his lap as she let out a little yelp. He nuzzled her neck and buried his face in her hair.

“You’re so bloody beautiful.”

She rubbed her cheek against his head and planted a kiss on the top of his curls. “You’re so bloody gorgeous,” she told him.

He chuckled into her neck, causing her to shiver as his breath tickled her.

“Spike, I’m sorry. Again.”

He looked up at her, “already forgiven.”

She smiled, “yeah, I know, but I’m still sorry. I’ve been so awful to you.”

“Not all the time.”

“Promise you won’t ever give up on me? No matter how awful I am.”

He shook his head and tucked some stray hair behind her ears gently. He looked up at her with so much love in his eyes, she almost had to look away. She forced herself not to, this was her Spike. The love of her life. She wasn’t going to hide from him any longer. He never hid from her.

“Sweetheart, I would never—I could never give up on you. I love you. Always have and always will. You are my mate and my life. I will spend the rest of our lives worshipping and loving you.”

She nodded, words failing her and she kissed him. She stopped too soon for his liking and she looked at him in merriment. “I bought you something!”

He furrowed his brow and held her tighter when she tried to move off him. “Can I just hold you for a while longer?” He asked her.

She nodded. “I love you, Spike.”

He smiled. “Could you say it again?”

“You’ll get tired of hearing it.”

“Never.”

“I love you, Spike.”

“Again.”

She laughed. “I love you.”

“Spike,” he prompted.

“Spike. William. I love you, William.”

He moaned at her words and smothered her in a kiss that left her breathless.

She bought him silk black pajama bottoms while he wasn’t looking. He lay in bed, propped up against the headboard flicking through the TV. She came out from the bathroom and he tried to calm his nerves. What would she do? Sleep in the same bed with him, or take the other bed? He wasn’t planning on sex with her tonight. She needed rest and to put her head together. Sex was an act that would just add to the confusing emotions swirling inside her.

“This Letterman bloke is kind of funny.”

She nodded in agreement and without looking at him, she crawled in next to him and lay her head on his chest. He smiled contentedly to himself and wrapped his arm around her, kissing the top of her head.

“Do you mind if I sleep here with you?” She asked quietly a bit of trepidation in her voice.

“Do you even have to ask such a silly question?”

She giggled, and kissed his chest. “I guess not.” She cuddled up closer and yawned.

“Do you want me to shut the TV off?”

“No, you don’t have to.”

He flicked it off and burrowed under the covers, dragging her with him.

“Spike, you could have—“

He shushed her by kissing her gently. “You need to rest.”

She yawned. “I know.”

“Would you like me to read to you?”

“What are you going to read? The bible?”

“I happen to know a lot of Byron poems by memory,” he said in mock indignance.

She grinned and snuggled next to him, draping an arm across him and resting her head back on his chest. “Read to me.”

He began to recite the poems he memorized by her favorite author. By the second poem, she was fast asleep. He followed her into slumber shortly thereafter.

He awoke to find her watching him with a smile on her face. He smiled back sleepily. “What are you doing?”
“Watching you wake up.”

“What time is it?”

“Noon.”

He shot up in bed, “Noon? What time did you get up?”

“Two hours ago. Slept like a rock.”

“You mean, I actually slept longer than you?”

She nodded. “I called Anya and Faith. They’re okay. We’re going to have a long talk when we’re home again. Xander was there with them. Weird huh? In some weird way, I played matchmaker. Then I used your car and got some breakfast. I was dying for a French Vanilla Dunkin’ Donuts coffee with extra cream and two sweet n’ lows. And a bacon, egg and cheese on a plain bagel. Then I went grocery shopping so that I wouldn’t have to leave you again today. Oh wait. I do have an appointment later on for a hair thing. That won’t be for long though. Oh, and I did manage to swing by a butcher and got you some blood. It’s in the fridge. There should be enough for a few meals. I didn’t know how hungry you’d be. The guy just asked me point blank if it was for a vampire. I didn’t answer him, but he told me a whole long story about how he used to be in some kind of vampire mafia thing. He kept them supplied and they kept him in good business. Then the leader got dusted by the Slayer and they all left town for greener pastures. Funny huh? I can’t even imagine an Italian vampire. I mean, Italians are all about eating. Must have had a few bodies lying around for guests and made them eat no matter if they were full already. This was a whole long thought process as I tickled your feet until you woke up. I tried not to laugh when you moved them away from me—why are you laughing?”

“Have you taken one breath since you started talking?” Spike burst out through fits of laughter.

She giggled. “I had a lot to say.”

“No shit!”

She laughed, “that’s what happens when I’m left alone for too long. My thoughts go nuts.”

He pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her, nuzzling her neck.

“I’m sorry I slept so long,” he murmured huskily.

She shivered a bit as he spoke against her neck. “It’s okay. I’m perfectly

capable of amusing myself without getting into trouble.”

He grinned against her neck and kissed it gently. She moved so that she was straddling him and she wrapped her arms around him. He looked up at her, hungry for a real kiss and pulled her down to kiss him. She moaned against him and slid down his lap a bit. She froze and pulled away, staring at him.

“What is it luv?” He asked, leaning in for a kiss that she deftly maneuvered away from. He groaned. “Want a kiss.”

“You’re hard,” she blurted out.

He knew he was hard. It was just something he’d come to expect in the morning. Especially when she shared his bed. Or, just about anytime she was near him. He nodded slowly, unable to guage her feeling about it. He knew she’d felt it before. She’d always dutifully ignored it, not bringing any attention to it and what it meant. Now however, now he could see a flicker of something in her eyes.

Her cheeks flamed red in a second and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. She looked up at him through her lashes. “Can I touch it?”

His eyes widened and immediately grew harder at her words and the images it provoked. “Are you—do you—are you sure?”

She nodded. “I’ve never really…seen one up close. And I mean, if it’s going to be in me one day then I want to learn about it first.”

Her words made him shudder and he brought her against his chest and smothered her in a deep kiss. She pulled back breathlessly.

“Was that a yes?”

He nodded, unable to form words. She slid down and moved over his straining erection. She straddled knees and looked up at him. He stared at her hotly, waiting to see what she would do next. He didn’t have to wait long. In an instant she yanked the sheet down and took the pajama bottoms with it. His erection bounced free and she gasped. He watched as she shyly averted her eyes at first and then slowly looked back at it. She cocked her head to one side and stared at it as if she were conducting a science experiment. He was aching for her to touch him, her gaze had him highly aroused and he didn’t want to ejaculate just by her staring at it.

Tentatively, she reached out and touched the head. He jerked and shuddered. She looked up at him and pulled her hand away. “Did I hurt you?”

He shook his head, “no, god no. It felt good, so good,” he told her hoarsely. “Please don’t stop.”

“Just don’t…don’t cum on me okay?”

He nodded and closed his eyes briefly.

She reached out and touched the head again. “Tell me what to do.”

“Stroke it. Stroke it up and down.”

She nodded and wrapped her hand around it. A pearl of precum oozed from the head and she put her thumb on it and swirled it around the head. Spike groaned at her ministrations and bucked his hips. He could smell her arousal, even if she wasn’t aware of it, and he wanted to sink himself into her. He couldn’t though and it was taking all his restraint. Gently she stroked down and then up, watching the veins and the tender flesh ripple. He groaned and his head rolled back against the headboard with a thud. He jerked back to watching her as she yanked it twice, more rough than before.

“Did I hurt you?” She asked softly.

He shook his head.
“Can’t hear you,” she told him.

“N—n—no. Just like that, perfect.” He found speech difficult.

Biting her bottom lip and looking up at him with hooded eyes, she leaned down and flicked her tongue against the head, causing more precum to ooze out.

“Oh, Christ Buffy.” He ground out hoarsely.

She used the pre cum to lubricate him and began to wank him quicker. Then she’d stop and go slow, all the while watching his reaction. He was going crazy. He wanted her to continue and he wanted her to stop. He wanted to cum and he wanted to prolong the pleasure. He wanted to take her and he didn’t want to frighten her. She was in charge this time. It turned him on even more. When she flicked her tongue against him once more, he knew he was at the end.

“I’m gonna cum, baby,” he warned her and quick as a cat she grabbed tissues off the nightstand and watched in fascination as he came into them, globs of cold cum in the tissues.

“I did that?” She asked him in wonder.

Quickly he discarded the tissues, grabbed her by the arms and hauled her up against him. He kissed her deeply, passionately, carnally. Their tongues dueled and she moaned. He buried his hands in her hair and kissed her as if the world were coming to an end. He couldn’t get enough of her, didn’t want to ever get enough of her, wanted her all the time. The need to breathe caused her to break apart from him. Her eyes were dark with lust and he knew his eyes had to match hers. She was breathing heavy and she fell against his chest. He was still naked and becoming aroused yet again, but she didn’t seem to mind.

“Was that a yes?” She asked.

“A thousand times yes, bloody hell yes!” He exclaimed enthusiastically. She giggled against him and the sound and feel went directly to his hardening loins.

“How is it possible that you’re getting hard again?” She asked him, looking up at him.

He smiled and cupped her face in his hands, giving her a sweet lingering kiss. “That’s easy pet. I love you and I want you. I get hard just thinking about you. And, there is something to be said about vampire stamina.”

“Y-you do?”

“Don’t you know yet how much I love you? How bloody gorgeous you are to me? All you have to do is smile at me, whisper to me, just enter a room and I want you.”

“I-I want you too, Spike.”

“I know you do sweetheart. I can smell it, I can see it in your eyes.”

She gulped and kissed him deeply this time. She was pressing against his erection with her jeans and the friction was driving him mad. He flipped her over in one swift movement and hovered above her. Her bee stung lips, her eyes dark with desire, her blond hair splayed across the pillow, her chest heaving…it was a heady mix meant to drive him insane with wanting her.

“I want to taste you,” he whispered.

“Taste me?”

He gently cupped her jean-covered sex in the palm of his hand and she bucked her hips. Understanding registered.

“No one has ever done that before,” she told him, half ashamed and half in fear.

“Look at me, Buffy.”

She met his intent gaze.

“I’m glad no one has. Means I’m first. And last. Means you’re mine, pet.”

She nodded, biting her lip.

He kissed her sweetly, “just relax pet. No worries.”

Since he didn’t figure she’d feel completely at ease being totally naked in front of him just yet, he left her shirt on as he trailed kisses down her body. He cupped her breasts in his hands and sucked them through her shirt. She arched up into him and her nipples hardened instantly. He left open mouth kisses on her taut belly and quickly undid her jeans as he did. He slowly slid down her jeans and discarded them. He watched her as he worked. She bit her lip and watched intently. When he reached for her panties she started to cross her legs. He stopped her by gently smoothing his hands down her soft skin. God, was there any part of her that wasn’t perfect?

“Don’t ever feel ashamed of your body, pet. You’re a work of art, so bloody perfect. Your body is an altar, my altar, and I want to worship you.” He began to drop kisses on her legs until she relaxed and then he reached for her panties. Slowly he slid them down and inhaled her heady scent.

“Oh baby, you’re driving me insane with wanting you,” he murmured reverently as he nibbled on her belly.

He parted her silky legs and slid a finger along her slit. She gasped and bucked her hips. He looked up at her and found her gazing at him with dazed eyes. He grinned and immediately latched on with his mouth.

He heard her head hit the pillow with a slight thud and let out a noise that was part moan and part gasp.

He smiled against her sex and lapped around her walls. She hissed and looked down at him again. This time, he made his tongue straight and hit her clit directly with the tip.

“Spike,” she gasped and her head rolled back again. He went for it then. He flicked her clit with his tongue and she began to writhe on the bed with breathy gasps and calls of his name. He took a finger and slowly entered her with it. Her hips bucked and she moaned. He flicked his tongue against her and began a rhythm with his tongue and finger. When she began to clench around his finger, he pulled out and only used his tongue to lap at her.

“Oh my God, Spike!” She screamed softly, her hips undulating, her chest rising, her eyes rolling in the back of her head. She came inside his mouth and it was the most delicious sight he had ever seen and the most pleasurable taste in his mouth. He lapped at her juices and she shuddered again, orgasming once more. He pulled away, knowing how sensitive she must feel by then.

She looked at him and held up her arm in invitation. He rushed up her body, resting next to her and wrapped her in his arms, kissing her hungrily.

“I love you so much,” he whispered as he nibbled on her lips.

“Mmm…I love you too.” She murmured. Then what she did next, surprised him. She grasped his straining erection in her hand and began to wank him off once again.

“God,” he rasped. She gave him a smoldering sexy look, holding him steady with her eyes. He couldn’t tear his gaze away as she wanked him. He couldn’t stop himself from using his finger to find her sensitive spot once again. He pinched the bundle of nerves gently and she gasped as her head fell on his shoulder. He fingered her slowly, building up the pressure and then he almost lost it when he felt her teeth graze his neck.

“Do it,” he said roughly, “do it.”

She found she couldn’t stop herself. She felt she not only wanted to mark him, but taste him and have him a part of her as well. She needed it, plain and simple. She bit down and was surprised to find her incisors elongate and pierce his skin. His coppery blood spilt on her tongue and she felt a starburst of color explode behind her closed eyes. Along with that was a burst of exquisite energy that she felt was uniquely Spike. She felt him, all of him. His love for her, his soul, his worry, his power, his energy coursing through her. It was all part of her now.

“Mine,” she growled as she retracted her sudden fangs. “You’re mine.” She felt him cum on her fingers and her bite was aching to the point of hurt. “Do it, Spike. Bite me.” She begged.

He bit down and she came instantly. She heard him growl his claim on her and then tended to her by laving the mark with his tongue. He was closing the wound. Something he hadn’t the chance to do before. She could feel the wound close and felt it hum pleasurably under his ministrations.

She felt her own essence combine with his and surge through her. She felt him in her, over her, all around her and she wasn’t in pain. It was exactly how he and Giles said it would be. Erotic, perfect and sweet. She felt their love combine and settle inside her. It was the most peaceful and overwhelming thing she’d ever felt.

She was breathing heavy, trying to reign herself in. He was panting even though he had no need for air. He looked at her with so much love and tenderness in his eyes she almost cried.

“Are you all right?”

She nodded. “More than all right. Perfect. Spike, that was—I didn’t know. Is that what you felt when you claimed me?”

He nodded.

“I can see why you didn’t want to let me go,” she murmured in wonder.

“No, pet. It’s not that I didn’t want to, I can’t.”

She nodded. “I know. I—I felt it too. I felt it all. All that was you inside me.”

“And all that is you is inside me. In my blood, in my heart.”

She nodded, still processing and feeling the after affects of their claims. She just needed to hold onto him and ground herself, however, the cum on her fingers signaled her attention. She moved away from him and he looked at her in a mixture of shock and hurt.

“I need to wash my hands,” she told him. “They’re kind of, um, sticky.”
He nodded and let her go.

“Pet? What’s this about a hair appointment?”

“I made an appointment while I was out,” she told him over the running water.

“What are you going to do?”

She came out of the bathroom, pajama bottoms now on. Spike lay there under the covers in all his naked glory. She felt a blush creep into her cheeks despite all they had just done.

She smiled mischievously. “Not sure yet.”

“You know I love how you are already, right?”

She rolled her eyes, “yeah, I know. I just want to do it. You know, a change. Kind of mark the moment.”

He grinned, “which would that be?”

“Dirty boy. The moment where I stopped being so depressed and angry at the world. The moment where I was honest with you, finally.”

“I’ll stand behind that.”

“And you know my motto: When the going gets tough, the tough color their hair.”

He laughed and reached for her.

“Oh no, forget it. I climb back in there with you and I’ll never leave.”

He pouted and she couldn’t help but melt at that. But, she did not cave. “Stop pouting.”

He tried, but he just pouted some more. When he saw that she was not going to give in, he rolled out of bed and grinned when she averted her eyes and a blush crept to her cheeks. He kissed her forehead. “I’m going to shower. Will you be here when I get out?”

She looked at the clock, “no, but I’ll be back later.” She went and grabbed her jeans, then as he was going in the bathroom she stopped him by giving him a kiss. “Love you.”

He smiled, “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say that.”

She smiled back. “It’s rather easy to say.”

“Told you it would be. Love you too.”

She smacked his bottom, “go shower.”

“Frisky little girl are you?”

She waggled her eyebrows, “guess we’ll find out won’t we?”

He groaned and smothered her in a passionate kiss, the desire for her growing again. She could feel it against her leg. Gently she pushed at him. “You shower. Me, hair.”

He moaned in protest, but listened. When the door closed behind him, she let out a sigh of contentment and desire. If she hurried out, she could hurry back. Pulling on her jeans, running a brush quickly through her hair and grabbing her purse, she practically ran to the hair dressers.

Chapter 24

She wanted a different look and a different look she got. Her long hair was cut to just her shoulders with face framing layers and auburn highlights were added to her strawberry blond hair. It created a funkier Buffy It brightened her whole face. She felt like she had a whole new head. She loved it, she hoped Spike did too, but didn’t really care if he did. She liked it and that was all that mattered. Right? Goddess, she hoped so. Deciding then and there that she wanted Spike to take her out, she got her make up done. Nothing drastic, but just enough to bring out her eyes.

“You going someplace special tonight, honey?” The hair dresser asked.

“I want to, but my boyfriend doesn’t know that yet.”

The woman smiled. “Get yourself a nice dress and live it up. He’ll be putty in your hands.”

Buffy smiled, “that’s the plan.”

So, she took the woman’s advice. She went shopping. She found an absolutely beautiful dress. In pink of all things. It was an empire cut dress, accentuating her bosom and yet at the same time not being slutty. It was a classic look. It was pale pink with darker pink roses embroidered all over it. As soon as Buffy saw it, she fell in love with it. A pair of shoes, and an underwear set later, she was all set. As time went by, she felt the need to be with him increase. Her neck was going crazy. And him, she could feel him inside her, wanting her, calling to her. She was going to have to chat with him about that. Was it a time thing? Was it something they could control? Or was it something that would just be? She didn’t feel he was in danger, she just felt that he wanted her with him. Badly. She thought of driving him nuts a little longer, but his blood in her wouldn’t let her. She was practically running to get back to the hotel. She had barely walked through the door when Spike assaulted her. He grabbed her in his arms and kissed her hungrily. Her bags went to the floor, forgotten.

“Spike,” she gasped as he trailed kisses down her throat.

“I missed you,” he murmured.

“Were you—did you use the claim?”

He looked up at her, meeting her eyes. He looked guilty. “A little bit, yeah.”

Her eyes widened. “That was a little bit?”

He grinned, “felt it, did you?”

“Like a mac truck!”

He kissed her swollen lips, drawing out her tongue. “Just can’t get enough of my girl,” he muttered.

She pushed at him and he looked startled and hurt.

“Spike, you didn’t even check out my hair! And I bought a dress so that we could go out tonight. And, makeup, I had that done too. Don’t smudge it.” She pointed at him accusingly.

He stopped, and took her in. She waited patiently for him to say something, anything. His eyes sort of glazed over and he walked closer to her, slowly, and reverently swept his hand through her hair. He smiled as he fingered it gently and then he met her eyes with his own.

“I’ve always loved your eyes, pet,” he told her. “Your hair is like sunshine. Which makes sense because you’re my sunshine.”

She smiled at him, but couldn’t resist. “Your only sunshine? Do I make you happy when skies are gray?”

He shook his head at her antics and then kissed her. “Yes, always.”

“I bought a dress. We’re going out.” She informed him as she picked up her dress from the floor and hung it in the closet.

“So I heard. Does this mean I have to get something to wear?”

She slapped her hand over her forehead. “Crap! I forgot that part!”

Spike chuckled, “’s ok luv. I’ll go out and get something.” He peered out the window. “Dark enough now.”

“I’m sorry, Spike.”

“Don’t be. Nothing to be sorry for. You go get ready. I’ll come back ready okay?”

She nodded, a big smile on her face.

“Kiss?”

She pretended to think about it and then lunged at him, dotting his face with kisses.

“Have I told you lately how much I love you?” He murmured.

“You can tell me again, I don’t mind.”

He gave her a lopsided grin. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She smiled back and shooed him to the door. “Go. I need to get ready. Oh, I need to call and make reservations. I saw the place I want to go to while I was out.”

“Ok, luv. I’ll be back soon.”

He knew she finally came to terms with his love and devotion to her, but he wondered if she really knew the depth of it. How she saved him, how she weaved herself inside him and took up residence. How he lived for her, or rather unlived for her. He wondered if she knew she had ruined him for anyone else, ever. He didn’t think she quite understood how her smile could make the once “Big Bad” weak in the knees, how many times just the sound of her voice, especially after a long hiatus from her, could drive him to distraction. Everything she did drove him to distraction. She was his drug, his blood, and he couldn’t ever bear to be apart from her. The idea terrified him.

Now, as she stood before him in her new dress, he felt he could almost weep with the beauty she possessed but did not realize. To say she was perfect was not a strong enough word. She was the One. The only. Forever. If he was possessive or jealous it was only because he knew that he wasn’t the only one to see her for who she was. He was so afraid of her leaving him that it sometimes truly did choke him. She was the only thing in his life he’d never been able to do without. The thought terrified him and calmed him at the same time.

It amazed him how she looked at him with such love, desire and happiness. How her eyes lit up when he was near, how she smiled more and how she told him without reservation how she loved him. This gorgeous, beautiful soul loved him. It was intoxicating. It made him want to be better at everything so he could feel one iota worth of her love.

She stood on tiptoes and kissed his slightly hanging open mouth and giggled. The sound was like a chorus of angels. “Spike, you’re so handsome. If any girl ever touches you, I’ll slay them.”

He shook his head, feeling like she had just blessed him. “No one ever will, baby. Just you.”

“Let’s go. I’m hungry.” She tugged on his hand and he followed. He always followed wherever she led, didn’t he?

“So, where are we going, pet?” He asked as she led him through the tangled streets of Marblehead.

“We are going to this restaurant that I discovered today. It looked very interesting. Very…Victorian and quaint and the food sounds out of this world.”

“I’m guessing there are no buffalo wings?”

She shook her head and giggled. “Sorry, honey.”

He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and stopped suddenly. She looked at him, questioningly. Silently he held out his arm and she beamed at him and took it, slinging her arm through it as he escorted her through the streets. She steered him down one street and pointed at the place. Walking in, it was quaint and homey. It wasn’t a large place with everything matching, but rather small and interesting. The tables varied in size and decoration. The seats were like armchairs found in a living room—comfortable. A fireplace was going against one wall which just added to the comforting atmosphere. Soft jazz music played in the background which Spike knew she loved. Fresh flowers bursted out of large vases and the room had an airy, floral smell to it that wasn’t overdone. It was just right. They were escorted to a corner table, perfect for the two of them. He noticed her pleasure with the place because she could not stop looking around. She was positively glowing as she took it all in. He smiled fondly at her.

“I love it here,” she told him softly.

He smiled, “then we’ll come here more often.”

She nodded and then picked up the menu. “Oh, wow. Prices are a bit high. That’s okay. I got it—“

“I’m paying for my girl,” he cut her off.

“Spike, this is the twenty-first century. I invited you out—“

“Buffy, I want to. Please let me pay. I want to.”

“Half?”

“No.”

“Spike—“

“Don’t argue with me, Buffy. I want my girl to enjoy herself.”
“And I will.” He opened his mouth and she cut him off. “Okay. You can pay.” She smiled mischievously. “I’ll make it up to you later.” And she hid behind her menu. The image of what she could do to make it up to him made Spike groan.

“Vixen,” he told her on a whisper. He could hear her melodic laugh behind the menu and he smiled.

After the dinner plates had been cleared and dessert had been selected, Buffy moved her chair closer to Spike. He grinned and immediately reached for her hand. He kissed the back of her hand, grazing her knuckles. “Having fun, sweetheart?”

She nodded emphatically and swept a hand gently down the side of his face. She looked at him with absolute love in her eyes and Spike felt as if he were floating. “I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” he whispered back. “I really want to kiss you.”

She grinned and blushed slightly. “Later,” she promised. Dessert was placed before them and he reached for a fork. She swatted his hand away and furrowed his brow. She picked a fork up and cut into the chocolate confection. Raising a forkful, she raised it to his mouth. He waggled his eyebrows and opened his mouth, devouring the treat. He watched her mouth part slightly and her pink tongue darted out to lick her lips in anticipation. He groaned at the sight and when she moved the fork away, he snatched it from her and cut a piece for her. He raised the fork to her lips and she cocked an eyebrow, giving him a seductive look. He felt his pants tighten immediately. Focusing on the fork in front of her, her tongue now darted out to lick the syrup dripping from it. Spike could only watch riveted. She swirled her tongue around the fork before enveloping it in her mouth. She closed her eyes and moaned with pleasure a faint smile playing on her lips. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning forward and pressing his lips against hers. She let out a silent yelp and his tongue engaged with hers, tasting the dessert inside her mouth. She pulled back covering her mouth with her hand as she swallowed and he could see the red in her cheeks. He swallowed what he had in his mouth and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

“I want to take you right here on this table. I want to spread your delectable body out and drip this chocolate syrup on your heated body and then lick it off you before I make love to you all night long.” He flicked her ear with his tongue and found her chest heaving. A familiar, enticing scent filled his nostrils and he became harder. “I think we should get this to go, pet. What do you think?”

She nodded, gulping.

He moved away from her ear and signaled to the waiter across the room. “Check, please.”

Spike had to restrain himself from attacking her in the restaurant and he found that she was as aroused as he was. Yet, nervous. When they finally reached outside, he took her by the hand and maneuvered them through the crowd and into a dark alley.

“Spike?” She started.

He broke her off by pushing her against the wall and devouring her mouth with his, all the while grinding himself against her. She moaned and her hands went to the nape of his neck where her fingers caused shivers up and down his spine. She pressed herself closer against him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I want to make love to you pet. Do you want to?”

She nodded.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to rush you—“ he was broken off by her kiss.

He could have taken her right then and there, but he didn’t want her first time to be in an alley. She whimpered slightly when he pushed away and took her hand. “Hotel. Now.” She nodded her assent and they practically ran to the hotel.

Once inside the room, she started to worry her bottom lip with her tongue.

“What’s wrong pet?” He asked, coming up to her and lightly putting his hands on her small waist.

“I’m suddenly nervous.”

“Do you want to wait?”

She shook her head vehemently. “No, I want to make love with you Spike. I just don’t want to disappoint you. I might not be good.”

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her full on the mouth. He put his forehead against hers when he broke apart and stared into her eyes. “ “Impossible. You’ll be perfect. Remember this morning?”

She blushed and nodded.

“You turned me on more than anyone, ever. You always have. Don’t be nervous. Trust me.”

“I do trust you. With my life.”

He squashed his lips against hers and started to walk her towards the bed. When her knees hit the side, she stopped and pushed at him a bit. He stopped and looked at her in question. She bit her bottom lip and reached behind her to undo her zipper. He caught on and stopped her. Wrapping his arms around her, he reached behind and unzipped her dress, letting it slip from her shoulders. He stepped back as it fell to the floor and he gasped at her beauty. She wore red and pink panties and bra with a pink garter belt and sheer nylons. His lust was going through the roof. He put his hands on her waist and pulled her closer, kissing her with all the lust he felt. She responded in kind and pushed off his suit jacket. She started to paw at his tie and he helped her discard it. She pulled away and stared at him as she undid the buttons to his shirt. He had no need to breathe, but did anyway, and now he was just about panting with his need for her. When his shirt was discarded he pressed her against him, needing to feel her flesh against his.

“God baby, you drive me crazy,” he murmured as he trailed kisses along her jawline to her ear and back to her mouth.

“Tell me what to do,” she whispered.

“You’re doing it” he responded hungrily and pushed her gently on the bed. She kicked off her shoes and lay her head on the pillows. Her hair was like a halo around her and all he stopped and stared at her, spread out before him. She was a vision. She was a Goddess. And he told her so. She looked away from his reverant gaze.

“Look at me, pet,” he said, his voice hoarse with lust. She looked up at him and watched as he climbed up the bed to her, a panther crawl. Her eyes were lidded with desire as she watched him move, the muscles rippling in his arms and back. When he was close enough she wrapped her arms around his neck and hungrily brought him to her lips. He laid on her and she did not seem to mind one bit. His hands reached around her back and unsnapped her bra in one fluid motion. Her breasts free, he cupped them gently in his hands and she arched up to his touch, breaking the kiss.

He watched her with unbridled lust. “Don’t ever feel that you’re not worthy of my love, of my desire. You are a Goddess and I want to worship you.”

She looked up at him. “If I’m your Goddess then you are my God, Spike.”

He groaned and kissed her, making a path to her throat. He licked at his mark and she moaned pleasurably. He trailed further down and when he came to her breasts he stared at them in awe. Perfection. He took one in his mouth and laved the nipple with his tongue, tasting, probing. She curled her fingers in his hair and whispered his name. He brought his attention to the other and marveled at how responsive she was to his touch. He moved lower and licked her belly button. She bucked against him and when he reached the place he sought, he pulled her panties down slowly. He stared at her body before him and a thousand sonnets and love poems came to mind.

“God, you are so beautiful,” he murmured and sank his mouth down on her center. He teased her and she bucked at him, sending the message of what she wanted. He grinned and paid attention to the nub she demanded he pay attention to. She was already wet and the scent was heady, sending his erection even harder which he didn’t think was possible.

“Spike!” She called his name on a gasp as she came and he laved at her juices, enjoying the sweetness of her taste.

He stood up then and she looked up at him, panting. “Spike,” she said on a gasp. She raised her arms to him. He quickly undid his pants and kicked them away, taking off his shoes and his socks. She eyed him, her eyes dark with desire and passion. She looked up in his eyes. “My Adonis.”

He grinned and crawled up to her again, kissing his way up her body. When he reached her lips, she kissed him hungrily. She reached between their bodies and grasped gently onto his manhood. He grunted and thrust his hips closer. She rubbed it up and down as she kissed him.

“I’m going to enter you,” he told her finally. His body was demanding completion and the only way it would receive that would be by being inside her. He needed to be inside her, needed to feel her surrounding him. She nodded and held onto his biceps. He positioned himself at her opening and slowly thrust himself inside. He stopped when just the head was inside and watched her face.

“Tell me when it hurts, luv.”

She nodded and he pushed further. He could feel the barrier and knew the only way to do it was quickly to spare the pain. He thrust deeper and gasped with how tight and hot she was. God, fit him like a glove. He closed his eyes for a brief moment, not wanting to cum just yet. He also needed to give her time to adjust to him. He looked down at her and found tears in her eyes. She was looking at him as if he were evil.

“Baby, are you all right?” He asked breathlessly.

She shook her head. “I didn’t know it was supposed to hurt like this!”

“I’m sorry baby. I’m sorry.” He smothered her in a kiss and began to dot her face with kisses. She started to relax a bit and he started to slowly move inside her. She gasped as he withdrew a little then thrust back in. It felt as if she were swallowing him.

“It’ll get better, baby, I promise.”

She nodded and bit her lip. He started a steady, slow thrusting and she sighed softly, closing her eyes.

He stopped. “Does it still hurt?”
She shook her head, “no, please, don’t stop.” It would probably kill him if he had to stop. He felt as if he were touching heaven, sliding into warm cream. Their bodies were meant for each other just as their souls were.

He kept his thrusting slow and steady until she wrapped her legs around him and started to move with him. She opened her eyes and met his.

“Spike…” she panted.

“Tell me.”

“I…oh god.”

He slipped a hand down to her clit and flicked it. Her eyes widened and then she arched against him and moaned. He continued his ministrations and started thrusting faster. He captured her lips and kissed her deeply as he moved.

“God, Spike, I’m gonna…”

“Yes, tell me.”

“Bite me, Spike. Bite me now.”

He didn’t have to be told twice. He bent his head and bit her neck. To his surprise and great delight she bit him at the same time and they exploded together, shouting each other’s name.

Sated and spent, he collapsed to the side of her, taking her with him and laving his mark with her tongue as she did the same. He wasn’t ready to unsheath himself from her warmth. She was breathy heavy against him and a light sheen of sweat covered her body. She glowed and he couldn’t stop himself from running his hands over her smooth skin.

“I love you so much,” he said hoarsely.

“I love you too,” she murmured and buried her face in the crook of his neck.

“Buffy, look at me.”

She looked up at him, her eyes glazed over, her cheeks flushed and hair wild.

“Bloody gorgeous is what you are.”

“Aside from the initial pain, if I had known it would be like that, I would have done it a long time ago.”

He chuckled and kissed her. “With me I hope.”

“Of course,” she kissed him.

“You’re so bloody perfect. Could stay inside you forever.”

“Mmmm, that sounds nice.”

He hardened instantly. She looked up at him in surprise.

“Vampire stamina, luv,” he grinned as he reminded her. “And, you moaned so sexily.”
“Mmmmm….mmmmm…mmmmm.”

“Temptress, my temptress.” He rolled them so she was on top and he guided her movements. She gasped as she felt him moving inside her and moved so that she straddled him, legs on each side of his hips. He gazed up at her as he moved his hands freely over her stomach, thighs and breasts. “Always loved you. Always will…you’re mine. My girl. My Buffy. Love you forever, I will. Can’t bear to be without you. Oh yeah baby…god you feel so good. Stay inside you forever. . . we were made for each other, yeah? Yes, made…god, I love you.”

“Spike,” she moaned and leaned down to kiss him. He flipped her over and thrusted harder into her. He reached down and played with her clit and when her walls started to clench him and she started to come, he joined her in a howl. They rolled over together in a tangle of arms and legs, wrapped around each other unwilling to let the other go.

They made love twice more. As she fell asleep, wrapped in his arms, Spike watched her. He memorized the shape of her eyes, the length of her eyelashes, the roundness of her cheeks, the shape of her nose. He didn’t need to breathe, but he could. He matched his to hers and soon he was sleeping with her.

Epilogue

Everything was perfect. As perfect as it could be anyway. She was still Buffy and he was still Spike and they could still argue like there was no tomorrow. The best part now however was, they could make up like there was no tomorrow too. They lived together now, Buffy having moved in shortly after their stay in Salem. Spike had asked her immediately, his reasoning—and it made sense—was that they had spent so much time apart and had been in love the whole time (even if someone didn’t want admit it), it was just a natural step. Buffy happily agreed, not wanting another moment apart from her mate.

Giles and Joyce were beyond thrilled at their relationship—Joyce having always known that it would happen, always having WISHED that it would. She claimed her daughter was thick, something that Spike readily agreed to. Giles was thrilled that his witch now had found peace within herself and that Spike, who loved her for eternity it seemed, was by her side. Neither of them dwelled on the fact that Buffy would never have a ‘normal’ life with a ‘normal’ husband and children. What was normal anyway? And being that normal wasn’t part of her vocabulary anymore, Buffy found herself a tad shocked and at a loss for words when she stared at the stick in front of her as she sat on the toilet seat.

She was pregnant. According to that stick in her hand, she was with child. How in the hell could that possibly be? Her mind was racing, she was glad, so very glad on the one hand. On the other hand, she was frightened. What if something happened to her? What if she were in a fight and something happened to the baby? She clutched at her stomach, fearful. She’d have to stop slaying for a while. Or forever. She couldn’t leave the child to be hurt; she couldn’t leave it motherless. And how would Spike react? Would he be accepting of this? He had lived for so long thinking he could never have children and Buffy didn’t even know if he WANTED them.

“Buffy?” She heard him call. He was home now, having gone out to get something for them for dinner. She gulped. It was now or never. Not like she could keep something like this from him. Better to face it head on without any secrets. If she learned anything from that strained time with Spike it was that.

“Luv? I’ve got buffalo wings.”

She stood on shaky legs and placed the stick on the counter. Splashing cold water on her face and taking a deep breath, she came out of the bathroom and entered the kitchen. She watched him put plates out and cups. Who would have thought Spike would own plates and cups? She smiled, since she moved in, that’s when.

He turned to see her standing there, hands behind her back. “Hey luv. You all right? You look a little pale.”

She nodded. “I love you.”

His gaze softened completely as it did everytime she told him she loved him. “I love you too, pet.”

“Spike?”

“Yeah?” He asked as he took the food out of the bags and started serving it on the plates.

“Do you remember when we went to the movies and I read your palm?”

He stopped and grinned, “yep. It was our first official date.”

“Yeah, remember um, what I read on your palm?”

“You said that I was going to have a long life,” he chuckled.

“Do you remember anything else?”

“Marriage.” He stopped. “Do you want to get married Buffy?”

She felt defensive now for some reason, “do YOU want to get married?”

“We already are—“

“In vampire traditions, but not by human traditions.”

“Do you want to get married by human traditions?”

“Well, only if you want to.”

Spike shook his head and sat down. “Buffy,” he sounded exasperated. “After all we’ve been through, you still have to ask if I want to marry you? I just never thought about it. You and I are bound in ways that a typical marriage couldn’t even come close to touching. I also know though that marriage in that sense is important to you, being a human and having grown up with that ingrained in you, I can understand that. You don’t need to ask me if I want to, if you want to, then I want to.”

“Then why did you seem scared about it when you asked if that’s what I wanted?”

He looked at her sheepishly, “because I thought you were mad at me for not asking sooner.”

She giggled, “we’re a pair aren’t we?”

“We are,” he chuckled. “Is that what you were asking, kitten?”

“Actually no, but I think it’s a good idea. Especially now. . .”

“Why especially now?”

“I think you better sit.”

“I am sitting.”

“Oh, right.” She let out a short laugh. “Okay. Here goes. When I read your palm there was some question as to whether or not that palm was for the demon or William.”

“Okay,” he said slowly.

“And remember how mine said I was supposed to have three kids? And yours said the same thing?”

“Yeah,” he said slowly again.

“Well, we don’t have three. Yet. But it looks like we’ll be having one for now.”

He stared at her for a long time. He was in shock. Buffy took it upon herself to go into the bathroom, grab the stick and the box. She shoved the stick at him. “See? According to the box, a blue plus sign means you’re expecting. And, on the stick. . . .” she pointed to it, ‘blue plus sign.”

His jaw dropped. “How--? When did--? How did--?”
“All very good questions. How, well, you know how. When? Not sure, but I’m sure a very nice doctor will be able to tell us that. How did it happen considering you’re a vampire? I’m sure Giles will have a field day figuring that one out. Can you say something? Like, full sentences and preferably with emotion?”

“I just never thought I could have children. I never thought,” his eyes welled with tears and automatically Buffy’s did too. She could feel his awe and his wonder. “I wanted to, for you. I wanted to because I knew you did.”

“And you? Do you want to? Do you want to be a Dad? Because you kind of have no choice. Well, you do have a choice. You could decide you don’t want to be a Dad and I’d have no choice but to leave you if that was in fact your choice—“

Spike jumped up and smothered her in a kiss. “I want the baby, of COURSE I want the baby,” he told her passionately.

She rested her head against his chest, “thank god. I was scared to tell you.”

“Why would that scare you?” He asked, cupping her face in his hands and looking at her imploringly with tears in his eyes.

“Because you’re a vampire. Not exactly supposed to have kids.”

“So that means I wouldn’t want them just because I’m not supposed to have them?”

“Well, no. But maybe you accepted that fact and just resigned yourself to it. Or, maybe you never wanted them in the first place.”

“I did want children. Yours. I just never thought I could.”
She smiled, a watery smile. “So you’re happy then?”

“I’m so happy I don’t think anything could knock me down.”

“Don’t say that. That’ll just jinx us.”

“Right.”

“Can we just eat and you can take me to bed?”

Grinning, Spike swept her up in his arms and moved to the table, sitting her down on his lap. “I’m going to feed you. Pretty soon, you’ll be feeding our baby. Now, I’m going to feed MY baby.”

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, “I knew you would be the one. I so wanted you to be.”

Spike held her tightly, “you, my life, this baby. . . you mean the world to me.”

“You ARE the world,” Buffy murmured against him. Then her head popped up. “What do you think of Dawn for a name?”

The End