~~~~~~~~~~~~

They reached the place in no time, although it to all of them felt like forever. The place was an old house, which had seen better days. Back then, it had been white; now it was gray from dirt and flaked off color. The windows were all covered, and the whole place had a scary feeling to it. It was the perfect hide out.

"Okay," Spike said. "You go two and two. Red and Tara, Xander and Anya. Remember, the most important thing is to get the Slayer out safely. Everyone's got weapons?"

They all nodded. "Then let's go and kick some sodden demon ass."

The gang crept slowly in the door. It creaked as they opened, and once they were inside, they split up like Spike had said.

Willow and Tara took to the left, through a room that looked like it might have been the living room earlier on. Through slits in the windows a dim light shone in, making the room look spooky. Everything was deadly quiet.

Xander and Anya sneaked up the stairs to the right. They too creaked as they went, and the two were scared that they might attract the attention of whatever creatures inhabited the house. On the second floor, a vampire came at them, but it was quickly discarded as Xander drove a stake through its heart.

Spike had walked straight into the house. When that floor didn't give him anything, he found another set of stairs, which he went up. On the second floor, he found Xander and Anya again, and they decided, all three, to go up to the third floor.

"This is really spooky," Anya complained. "I don't want to be here."

"You don't have a choice, An," Xander responded, quietly, as Spike gestured to them to be quiet.

On the third floor they discovered the first sign of life in the house. Thousands of flickering lights were set out on the floor, in every room they passed. Suddenly, they were attacked. Five vampires jumped at them, game faces on. Spike kicked the first one to the floor, then right handed the second one over to Xander, who drove the stake through the vampire's heart. Anya kicked the third one with the heel of her shoe, grounding it to the floor, before staking it. Spike staked the first one, then took care of the other two in a matter of seconds, with help from Anya and Xander.

"C'mon, we're getting closer to something," Spike muttered to the two, and they made their way up the stairs where the candles continued. They did no longer care to be quiet; they knew the inhabitants knew they were there.

But nothing could have prepared them for the fourth floor.

Vampires everywhere, bowing on their knees, all facing the middle. There, on a podium, stood a demoness with long black hair and a black dress, holding a knife with both hands, swinging it back and forth while chanting in some language they Spike, Xander and Anya did not know. Next to the demoness though, was the thing that made their hearts stop.

Buffy sat there, staring out over the vampires with an empty look. She was dressed in a long black dress. Her face was beaten, bruised and she didn't seem to know what she was doing.

"Where are the Wiccas?" Spike asked, quietly. They were sitting hid behind a big wooden balk.

"Right here," Willow panted. "Oh my gosh."

"Red, do you know what the bloody hell that bitch is doing?" Spike asked Willow and pointed at the demoness in the middle.

"She's chanting, in ... ancient Latin, I think," Willow answered. "The vampires are under her control, in some kind of trance, I believe."

"W-we need to get going," Tara mumbled, "The spell is a-almost finished."

Spike nodded. "Can you do a spell to help us with the vampires or something?"

"We can do a slowing spell, s-so they won't be able to move so fast," Willow offered.

"Do whatever. I'm going; we need the bloody Slayer out of here."

With that, he, with Xander in tow, leaped out among the vampires. Willow and Tara began chanting, and Anya looked after her boyfriend for a second, before deciding to join him.

Stakes were put through the one un-beating heart after the other, but the amount of vampires in the room was enormous. The three Scoobies were slowly making their way through the crowd, but not without getting hurt. Vampires hit them, kicked them, and turned the stakes so they penetrated the human flesh instead.

"- Slow evil creatures down!" Spike heard the Wiccas finish the spell, and suddenly, the room seemed to stop dead. The staking went faster, because the vampires could hardly defend themselves.

"Red! Get that bitch to stop chanting!" Spike screamed to Willow and she nodded. With her hand in Tara's, the two started fighting their way to the middle of the room.

Spike fought furiously and got there first. He grabbed hold of the demoness' black dress, getting her unbalanced. She stopped chanting for a second, but then she kicked Spike in the face, and continued. Spike crawled up on the podium and stood between the demoness and Buffy. She was beautiful but Spike had learned to not go by looks.

"Go away, you silly man," the demoness breathed.

"I'm not going to let you hurt her, bitch," Spike said, anger glowing in his eyes.

"Then I'll just kill you," she said, and with one slash of the knife, she had sliced his chest up. Spike screamed in pain, but instead of falling to the floor, he grabbed hold of the demoness, and turned the knife she was holding towards her. He was holding the blade, and it was cutting into his hand making it bleed. But he didn't care. He pressed on, and with one last push, he shoved it through her hand. She screamed, then exploded in a heap of red dust, and together with her all the vampires around her dusted to, as if it was suddenly raining stakes.

Spike stood panting, still holding the knife. Then he turned around to Buffy, who still sat and stared out, her eyes showing nothing.

"B-Buffy?" he asked.

He untied her quickly and picked her up in his arms. They got down from the podium and he walked over to the Scoobies.

"Should we take her to the hospital, you think, Red?" he asked Willow.

"I-I don't know. I think we should take her home, her-her Slaying powers usually do the rest."

So they did. Slowly, they descended the stairs, which were now all dark since the lights had gone out when the demoness had exploded. When they got outside, they all breathed a sigh of relief. They all felt the same thing; If they were never to enter that house again, it would be too soon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike put Buffy down on her bed, with everyone watching. She had her eyes closed now and seemed to be unconscious. She hadn't moved or said anything since they first saw her at the house, and that scared them all. She wasn't usually this way. Normally, she would be up, fighting new demons by now.

"I'm guessing they drugged her pretty bad or something," Willow said to Joyce, who was sitting on the bed, holding her eldest daughter's hand.

"Are you sure we shouldn't take her to the hospital?" Anya asked, but no one answered.

Spike, who'd left the room, came back with a first aid kit in his hands. Slowly and carefully, he began cleaning the cuts and bruises on the Slayer's face.

"Well," Xander said, "Since there's not much more we can do, maybe we should go."

"Yeah, we should," Willow said. "Good bye, Joyce, bye, Spike."

They all said good bye to each other, and after Joyce had thanked them all for bringing her daughter home, they left. Joyce left the room to see them out and to go talk to Dawn of what had happened, which left Spike alone with Buffy. He tended the wounds on her forehead, then took her jacket off, revealing even more cuts.

"Buffy, you need to wake up," he mumbled and stroke some hair out of her face. "You can't just lay there, your friends need you, you know. And your family. Especially Dawn, I think, because she's really upset about your parents' divorce." He looked at her apologetically. "Sorry, I shouldn't talk about that I guess. I know you were really upset about it, pet. But don't worry, it will be okay." He paused, and kissed her forehead gently. "I need you too, you know. For some bloody reason, I've come to like you, you know."

Suddenly, Buffy moved, and she opened her eyes.

"Why hello Slayer," Spike said with a grin.

"S-Spike? Where am I?" she asked very quietly, and looked around with fear in her eyes. "Where is she?"

"Don't worry, love, she's gone," Spike said softly and stroke gently over her bruised forehead.

"You-you saved me?" she asked, staring at him.

"Yes, me and the other Scoobies. Now, you need to relax. Although you might want to get out of those clothes, pet. Not very comfy to sleep in, I imagine."

Buffy continued to stare at him as if she still wasn't sure it was really him, or that she was home, safe. The drugs or whatever magic that bitch had used on her still had its hold on her, Spike thought grimly.

He helped her sit up and she took of her shirt, revealing her bra. He looked away, feeling his own arousal as he saw her like that, but intent on not using her when she was in this state. It wouldn't be fair to her. Instead, he handed her her nightgown, which she put on. Then she took of her pants, and he helped her in bed, thinking that maybe he should get Joyce instead.

But Buffy's words stopped him.

"Stay with me," she asked.

"Okay, pet," he said and sat down on the side of her bed, holding her right hand as she fell back asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy woke in the morning feeling much better than the night before. The room was light; it was nice to see the sun again. She noticed that someone was still holding her hand.

Spike.

He was sitting by her, asleep him too. It was an odd feeling to have him hold her like that, but she found that - to her own surprise - she liked it.

She nudged his arm to wake him. He stirred and opened his eyes.

"Hey," she said softly.

He looks cute, she thought. Hey, was the next thought, that's not what you're supposed to think of him!

"Hey. Feeling better now?" he asked her.

"Yeah. Although, you'll have to fill me in on what happened, 'cause I don't remember it all."

"Sure, pet."

He seemed to realize that he was still holding her hand, and he quickly let go. He stood up, and suddenly Buffy could see the angry red gash he had over his chest.

"Spike, you're hurt!" she exclaimed, sitting up.

"It's nothing, pet."

"Come here, let me see," she said, ignoring him.

Reluctantly, he sat down next to her. Gently, she ran her fingers over it. "It won't need stitches, I think," she said, "But we need to put something on it so it doesn't get infected."

"What love, you worried about me?"

"Yeah, just like you were for me, Spike. My memory might have been clouded, but not that bad."

"Oh bloody hell, don't tell me you heard what I said," he groaned. "I was delirious, or something."

"Spike, it was sweet."

"I didn't mean... Huh? What did you say?" He stopped dead in his denial.

"It was sweet. I liked it."

"Oh."

An awkward silence fell. Neither knew what to say. Finally, Buffy looked around and saw the first aid kit. She grabbed it and began working on Spike's chest. He winced in pain as she put disinfecting alcohol on a piece of fabric and taped it there with hospital tape. She had also noticed his bloody hand, and she took a look at it. There were three long cuts reaching from one side of his palm to the other. She disinfected that too, and then wrapped his hand up.

"That's better," she said and smiled a little. "We should go downstairs."

"Um... Yeah, sure, pet."

"Just let me get dressed."

He nodded and left the room. She remembered how he'd helped her that night before, and she could still feel his warm hand holding hers. It had been nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her father moved out of the house that following week. One day when Buffy got home from school, all his clothes were gone, and she found her little sister crying in the kitchen.

"Dawn? Dawnie? What is it?"

"He's gone," the younger girl sobbed and looked up at her sister. Buffy sat down beside her on the couch and hugged Dawn, who clung to her.

"I know, Dawn," she whispered. "I know it's hard, sweetie."

"He's not coming back," Dawn said, still letting her being hold by Buffy. "He took all his stuff, and he told me to take care of me. He left - He left like he was some friend who was leaving after a visit."

"Shh," Buffy whispered. "It's okay... You'll see him again, don't worry. Everything will be all right."

"But I don't want him to go! I want it to be like it was before, Buffy," she sobbed. "I hate him like this; I don't want him to be with someone else than mom!"

Buffy just sat there, whispering soothing words to her little sister, while not really knowing what to say, because she felt the same way. Finally, Dawn told her that she was going to her room, and Buffy nodded. Dawn left. Just seconds later, Buffy heard someone enter the house.

"How are you, Nibblet?" she heard Spike ask her sister.

"I'm okay, Spike," was the response. Creaks from the wooden stairs told her her sister had left.

Spike came into the living room, backpack on his back and a jacket on.

"Hello, pet," he said to Buffy.

"Hi Spike," Buffy responded in a tone that implied, I'm not in the mood for a fight.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked and sat down where Dawn had just been sitting.

"Nothing," Buffy mumbled, but when she noticed Spike's gaze, she added, "It's dad. My parents' divorce. It upsets Dawn and it upsets me."

"Well of course it does, pet. Why wouldn't it? My parents split up when I was six years old, so it was a while ago, but I still remember the pain. It hurts like hell, and it feels like it's your fault. Right?"

Buffy closed her eyes and nodded.

"Listen to me, Buffy," Spike said and held a finger under her jaw. "It is not your fault. It wouldn't have mattered if you would have been home more, skipped some slaying, or helped more. It would still have happened. No one is to blame but your dad and his decisions, okay?"

She was quiet. Finally she nodded, and said with tears in her eyes, "How come you know me so well?"

"I pay attention, pet. Just promise me that you won't blame yourself, all right?"

Buffy nodded. "I'm gonna try."

"Good girl." He put a hand on her shoulder and she surprised herself by leaning on him.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?" He looked puzzled.

"For everything. For saving me that first time, for helping me with the math, for being nice - at times at least," she smiled, "for rescuing me last week, and for just being you, always."

"That's a lot of thank yous, pet," he smiled.

"I know. And you deserve every one of them." She smiled back at him and snuggled closer to him. It felt so nice to be the one being held for once.

"Well, you're welcome, love." He decided to be brave, and planted a kiss on her forehead. She tensed for a second, then relaxed back in his arms. It felt so good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas was getting closer. Outside, it was very cold, so people kept inside. The stores were Christmas decorating, with green, red and silvery colors, Christmas trees, little Santa Clauses and various other items, all making it look like Yuletide.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Willow asked Buffy on December eighteenth, just days before Santa would come. Of course, neither Buffy nor Willow believed in him anymore, but it was interesting to think, 'what if'.

At the moment, the two girls were sitting at a café, both drinking hot chocolates.

"I dunno," Buffy shrugged.

"Oh come on, Buffy, there must be something..." Willow whined, taking a zip of her drink.

I want my dad back, Buffy thought sadly. He had been gone for almost two months, and he hadn't as much as called. Buffy figured he was happy to be out. But even so, it made her sad to think that this Christmas, not all the family was going to be there. She had never had a family member missing at Christmas, never.

"Will, I don't want anything. I would like to just forget Christmas, not have it happen at all."

"You miss your dad, don't you," Willow said softly.

Buffy was quiet for a second before answering, "Yeah, I do. Oh Will, I don't know how I'm gonna get through Christmas. It's gonna be so horrible."

Willow reached out to Buffy and hugged her friend. "Don't worry," she said, "It will be okay."

"Everyone keeps telling me that, but I just can't see that it will. It just hurts, all of it, and it feels like it is going to hurt forever."

"Well, I don't know what to say," Willow said, "Because I have never been through it. But you know that I'll be here for whatever you need, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do."

"So, what do you say we go out and do some serious Christmas shopping. I still have to get stuff for Xander and Giles; who do you have left?"

"Everyone. I haven't bought anything for anyone."

"Buffy! It's like a week till Christmas - don't you think you should get started?"

"Sure," Buffy said, but she didn't feel very enthusiastic.

"Well then, let's go," Willow said. They finished their cups of chocolate and left the café.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

All in all, they ended up having a good time, Buffy had to admit. It was quite a lot of fun, and Buffy managed to get presents for everyone. She felt proud of herself about that for some reason. She was glad that Willow had made her go out with her.

There was a knock on her door. Hastily, Buffy put the unwrapped presents underneath her bed and finished wrapping Dawn's, which was the one she'd been working on for the last few minutes.

"Come in," she said, and the door opened. "Hi Spike."

"Hello," he said. "What are you doing with all that bloody wrapping stuff?"

"Guess twice."

"Hey, no need to get bitchy, pet," he exclaimed, looking offended.

Buffy didn't look up; she continued working on the bow on Dawn's present. When she was done, she wrote a little card saying, 'to Dawn from Buffy - Merry Christmas, little sis', then put it on her bed among the other finished presents.

"Cute," Spike said, looking at the card.

"Hey, you're not supposed to read! Not before Christmas, at least."

"How else am I supposed to know if it's for me, pet?" he asked, looking innocent.

God, he's so cute when he does that, Buffy thought.

"You're not!" Buffy bellowed and snatched the presents away from him. It didn't matter that his present wasn't among the lot in her arms - it was under her bed with the other gifts she hadn't wrapped it yet - it was just the principle that he shouldn't see any of the presents before Christmas Day.

"Not sodden fair," Spike whined, although a smile played in the corners of his mouth.

"Life isn't fair, bleach boy," Buffy teased.

"Ooh, Slayer getting on her high horses again," Spike smiled and moved closer to her.

"I am not. And by the way, if you get one step closer, I am going to hit you," she warned. She knew he'd do it.

"Oh really?" Spike mocked, and took another step.

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Buffy whispered as she pushed him back on the bed.

He landed with a thump.

"Ouch, what was that good for?" he asked her, rubbing the back of his head.

She came walking over to the bed. He looked so innocent and suddenly, an urge of needing to kiss him hit her. She bent down and planted a kiss on his mouth. He seemed surprised at first, but it didn't take him long to realize what they were doing, and he kissed her back.

His lips are so soft and warm, she thought and pressed her tongue into his mouth. It felt so good, and she didn't understand why she hadn't done it before. Why had she hated him? She couldn't remember.

She rolled off him, panting. It was all going a little too fast. She just lay in his arms, and it felt good. It felt safe, away from the chaos going on in her life.

"Can I stay here tonight?" he asked her.

"Sure," she answered quietly, already half asleep.

She snuggled up closer to him. It didn't take long for her to fall asleep.

Beside her, with his arm still around her, Spike lay, just looking at her. Damn she's beautiful, he thought. That kiss they had shared... It had been nothing short of amazing. Her lips, so warm and sweet, better than anyone he had ever kissed before. Maybe it was the fact that he had been waiting for that kiss for so long that made it so great, but he knew it wasn't only that. He was in love with her. Now, that was the easy part. Getting her to fall in love would be a little harder, he thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Buffy awoke slowly. She was only half-aware that someone had an arm around her, and when she turned around and saw that it belonged to Spike, she quickly pushed it away.

Oh god, she thought, what have I done. She remembered their kiss, how good it had felt, but... It wasn't right. She wasn't in love with him. And now she had led him on, giving him false hope. He was a good - great - friend, nothing else.

She touched his arm to wake him.

"Spike," she muttered to the sleeping figure, "Spike, you need to get up."

"Huh? Pet? What... Oh yeah," he mumbled, realization of where he was and why coming over his face. "Good morning, pet."

"Spike, you need to get out of here."

"What? Why?"

She didn't answer him, just pulled him off her bed.

"Hey, Buffy, wait a second," he exclaimed. "You're not saying that - that what happened last night was a mistake, are you?"

She looked up at his startled statement. "Spike," she began, "I am not in love you. What happened with you yesterday - It-it wasn't supposed to happen."

"So it was all a sodden mistake for you?" Hurt was beginning to take over his face.

"You know it wasn't supposed to be..." She trailed off, reading on his face that he didn't see it as a mistake, and he thought it was supposed to be.

"Well, Slayer," he said, his voice suddenly hard. "I hope you had fun, because it is not going to happen again." With those words, he left, slamming the door so the walls shook as he walked out of her room. She sunk down on her bed, her head in her hands. What had she done?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later that day, at one, a sad Buffy made her way into the Magic Box. All the Scoobies, all smiling and wishing her an early Merry Christmas met her there.

"We thought you would never show up," Anya said with only a hint of annoyance in her voice. "Now can we open presents?"

"Buffy, where is Spike?" Willow asked coming over and hugging her friend. "I thought you said he was going to come too."

"He - He had made other plans," Buffy lied quietly, knowing that Spike was sitting at home, in his room with a closed door.

"Oh. Well, that's too bad," Willow responded. "I got him a present."

She walked back over to Tara and sat down.

The reason they were having the gift exchange so early this year was because both Tara and Xander were going away with their parents over Christmas, so the gang had decided to have the present opening early. So now, they all sat down around the table, and each had a bag full of wrapped presents in it.

"Who wants to start then?" Xander asked.

"Let's take one present at the time," Willow said. "One gives one present, then the next one gives one present, you know."

The gang agreed, and soon they were all deeply involved in giving out gift and guessing what they contained. Packages were shaken, cards read, but nothing was opened. As their bags emptied out, the heaps in front of them increased in size. Even Giles seemed to be having a good time.

"Okay, I think that's all," Willow said, nodding at all the bags which were now lying empty on the floor.

"Yeah, let's start opening some of these goodies," Xander smiled, his eyes twinkling like a child's.

Suddenly, the room was filled with the sound of paper being ripped. Buffy started with a present from Willow. It contained a blue top that Buffy had been looking at for a while.

"Thanks, Will, I love it!" she exclaimed to her friend.

"You're welcome. Thanks to you too, by the way. These earrings are just beautiful," she smiled.

Buffy continued on her heap, after each present she thanked the giver. She got a cute but revealing dress from Anya, a CD from Giles - "They guy in the shop said it was what you youngsters listen to now," he had explained, blushing -, the first Harry Potter book from Tara, which she was a little surprised at.

"Well, I-I love those books, so I thought you might want to-to read them," she explained.

"I'm sure I will enjoy them," Buffy said honestly, "As long as I have time to read them." Tara had smiled at her at this comment.

A pang hit her when Buffy had opened all her gifts that she hadn't given all of hers away. Of course, the ones for her family were still in her closet waiting for Christmas Day. But one, one of those presents, the one for Spike, she had intended to give away today.

Oh well, she thought, pushing the bad feeling away. I'll give it to him on Christmas morning instead.

They all sat and talked for the rest of the night. At one thirty in the morning, though, a tired Scooby Gang decided to call it a night. With another set of 'Merry Christmases', they broke up and each left for home. Xander and Tara, Buffy wouldn't see again until school started, but the others were staying and they promised they'd meet up for other things than slaying during the break. Giles said that he'd be coming by her house on Christmas Day. Buffy knew that that was just as much to see her mother, as it was to see her. She smiled at the thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christmas came and passed much more peacefully than Buffy had expected it to. Even doing it all without her father around went all right; Dawn too was in a good mood. The only cloud in the sky at the moment was that she and Spike were not even talking to each other, which bugged her, because he'd used to help her a lot, with all different things. But it wasn't just that she missed his help; she missed talking to him and teasing him. She didn't like having him turn around every time he saw her and leave the room every time she entered. She missed her friend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

School started again and once again, Buffy was juggling school with Slayer duties. Slaying seemed to take up more and more time; the Hellmouth seemed to be quite active at the moment, which tired the Slayer out enormously. She could be up until two and tree in the morning, just slaying ugly vampires, who decided that the Slayer wasn't such a big threat after all. Buffy couldn't remember when she had last gotten a whole, full eight hours worth of sleep. Not even on the weekends could she relax, since she was getting behind in her schoolwork and was getting behind, and with Giles' training, her weekends were booked. Classes, she had decided, was the only time she had to sleep.

"Buffy, wake up!" Willow pushed her friend in the side and Buffy awoke.

"Huh? Oh, sorry," she smiled sheepishly.

"You really should listen a-a little to the class," Willow said.

"Well, I'm trying, but I'm just tired, you know."

"I know what we'll do," Willow said happily.

"You're not going to patrol tonight!"

"Will... I have to," Buffy said tiredly.

"No you don't. We'll do it for you. And you stay home and sleep, for once."

"You sure?" Buffy asked, surprised.

"Yeah, I am. I don't think the other ones will object either. You need to rest, even Giles has said so."

This was true; Buffy's Watcher had indeed told her during their last practice that she wasn't concentrated and that she needed get better rest.

"Fine," Buffy said. "I'll go home and sleep. If the others agree," she added.

They walked by a couple of seniors in the hallway, who were working on putting up posters.

"Oh that's right," Willow said, pointing at the poster. "The Winter Formal dance is coming up. Are you gonna go?"

"No," Buffy answered. "If someone asks me I guess I'll do it, but otherwise no. I'm not really in the mood to get all dressed up like a stupid Barbie doll."

"Buffy, is something wrong?" Willow asked.

"Nah, not really. Nothing other than the usual." She had told Willow weeks earlier that she and Spike were fighting, and although Willow felt bad for Spike, she was on Buffy's side; if she didn't want to be romantically involved with Spike, she shouldn't be.

"So, are you gonna go?" Buffy asked, referring to the dance.

"Who knows, Tara and I might actually do it. I'll just have to see how much it costs; I'm not too high on money at the moment."

Buffy smiled at the comment, recognizing her own situation. She didn't have that much money either.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sleeping had never felt so good before, Buffy thought the next day as she awoke for the first time in weeks, completely rested.

Suddenly, Buffy's door opened.

"Buffy?" It was Spike. "Buffy, are you awake?"

"Yeah, I am," Buffy said sitting up in her bed, surprised that Spike was actually talking to it. "What is it?"

"Willow's in the hospital," Spike said uneasily, looking away from her.

"What?!" Buffy jumped off her bed. "She'll be okay, though, right?"

"They - they don't know," Spike mumbled.

"Oh my gosh, this is all my fault," Buffy whispered. "I should have gone patrolling with you yesterday..."

"Calm down, Slayer," Spike said, his words soft but his voice as cold as ice. Just like it had been every time he had had to address her the last few weeks, Buffy thought sadly, then returning her thoughts to Willow.

"It wasn't a demon, it was a car accident. You couldn't have done anything about it. We were walking home when this bloody car came out of nowhere and hit her."

"I need to go there," Buffy said, putting on her clothes. It was a school day, but she didn't care. She needed to see her friend. Oh god, Willow...

~~~~~~~~~~~~

They reached the hospital in less time than they thought possible. Spike walked ahead of her up the stairs to where the other Scoobies and Willow's mother were sitting. Xander holding Anya's hand, Giles pacing back and forth, and Tara sitting staring out with an empty look, tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. Buffy sat down by her and hugged her. Tara didn't say anything; she just leaned on Buffy and shook with tears.

They sat there for hours, waiting for news. The Scoobies had already been there for several hours before she came, Buffy realized. They had decided to let her sleep, since that was what Willow had wanted the day before.

Her last wish, Buffy thought sadly, before pushing the thought away. She's not gone yet, and she's not going to go anywhere - be positive!

A while later, a doctor came to them, a faint smile on his face. He talked to Willow's parents for a while, and then he left. It relieved Buffy to see that they weren't crying when they turned around. She took this as a good sign.

"Well, how is she?" Xander asked worriedly.

"The doctor said she'd broken both her legs, one arm and punctured one lung, and she has a concussion. But the doctor says she's going to make it."

This made the whole Scooby Gang cheer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

None but her parents were allowed in until later that day. Giles decided that the best thing to do would be for them all to go to school, so that they would have something to do. If anything changed at the hospital, he'd call them. So, reluctantly, Buffy, Spike, Xander and Anya went to school. Tara stayed.

"I-I am not moving, until I have s-seen her" she said, and both Giles and everyone else knew it wouldn't do any good to try and convince the Wicca to change her mind.

Buffy tried hard to concentrate on her classes, but her mind kept drifting off to the hospital. It was her fault, all her fault. If she had gone patrolling the day before, Willow wouldn't have, then Willow wouldn't have been hurt. If she hadn't been complaining that she was tired, Willow wouldn't have offered to go instead of her, and she wouldn't have been hurt. If Buffy had concentrated a little harder on all her duties and been more like a Slayer, she wouldn't have been tired, Willow wouldn't have offered, and she wouldn't have gotten hurt. If, if, if. Every thought that passed her mind ended with, It's my fault.

By the time the last bell rang to let them out of school, Buffy had worked up herself both a headache and slight hysteria, and she was almost in tears at the thought of Willow.

"Buff," Xander tried to comfort her in the car on the way back to the hospital, "She'll be okay."

"But it's my fault," Buffy whispered. "If I would have gone instead of you yesterday -"

Xander broke her off, saying, "You couldn't have known. Willow knows as well as I do that you would never do anything to hurt us. It is not your fault," he said again, shooting a look at Spike, who sat next to him in the driver's seat, and who had snorted at Xander's comment that she would never hurt any of them.

"She really doesn't need to hear that now," he muttered to Spike.

"Oh sod off mate," Spike responded, never taking his eyes off the road.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow's parents had left for work after seeing that their daughter was all right, so only Tara and Giles met them at the hospital. Tara looked a lot better now than she had when Buffy had left, with a slight smile instead of tears on her face. The Scoobies were let into Willow's room one at the time. She was awake, though not talking much because she was drugged against the pain. Xander went first; he stayed there for quite a while, talking to her. He was doing most of the talk, of course. Anya went next; she only talked to Willow shortly. When she returned out and walked over to Xander, Spike, who stood next to Buffy, asked, "You want to go?"

She looked up at him, looking slightly lost since she'd been far away in her thoughts. "What? Uh no, you go. I'll do it last."

He shrugged and walked into the room.

"Hey Red," he said and sat down in a chair next to her.

"Hi," she answered in a small voice.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, although he knew was a dumb question.

"Okay..." Willow mumbled.

"Well, you know," he said, and continued with a twinkle in his eyes, "You need to get well again. Can't have you lying here being bloody lazy all day long, now can we?"

Willow gave him a slight smile.

"That's my girl," Spike said, "That's the Wicca I know."

He bent down and kissed her on her forehead. He didn't know why; he didn't know her all that well. But what he knew of her, he liked, and he regarded her as a friend.

"Buffy's coming in next, so don't fall asleep," Spike warned as he saw her yawn. "She's kinda upset, so you might need to calm her down."

He turned to leave, but Willow's quiet voice stopped him.

"Be friends with her again," she said quietly. "She wants that."

Spike stood staring at the redhead in the hospital bed for a second. Then he turned around and left the room without another word or showed emotion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy came home late that night. Giles drove her home from the hospital as Spike had already left by the time she was done talking to Willow. The time in Willow's room had been spent talking, as there wasn't much else they could do. Willow had assured Buffy more than once that it wasn't her fault that the car had hit her. It was the driver's fault and no one else's. Possibly her own, because she hadn't looked carefully enough, but Willow didn't say that, as it would probably, somehow, make Buffy think it was her fault anyway. It was hard enough as it was.

"But if I hadn't been so tired," Buffy had began again, tears falling down her cheeks.

"Buffy, you might be the Slayer but you're still human," Willow had answered her softly. "It is not your fault."

Finally, Buffy had believed it. More or less, at least. She still felt guilty, but not as much as before. And that night, Buffy still dreamed of Willow in front of a big black car, hitting her, throwing her to the ground. Buffy herself was in the dream set in chains, having to watch it over and over again. She woke up again and again, sweaty and screaming.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a week before the doctors agreed to let Willow out of the hospital. Her broken legs were both in casts, as was her arm, and she was sitting in a wheel chair. Her face and different body parts were still covered with band-aids, but she was out of the hospital, at least.

"Let's hope nothing bad that requires a great lot of magic shows up now," Xander said, as they all were gathered in the Magic Box. Buffy and Giles were taking a break in her training, Anya was behind the counter, Tara was helping her girlfriend with anything and everything, and Xander was sitting at the table making comments about everyone at the same time as he was attempting his homework.

"Hey," Willow said, "You still have one fine witch" - she pointed at Tara - "and I'm not totally out of it. I can still - still do - uh - stuff."

"We're just glad you're out," Buffy said, smiling, thinking that maybe her nightmares would go away now. She had had them all week, and she wasn't getting any good sleep because of them.

"Yeah, we know you're not all out of it," Xander smiled. "Just teasing, you know."

"So, who's coming with me patrolling tonight?" Buffy asked, changing the subject. "I mean not that you have to," she added quickly.

"Sure we do," Xander said, "There are way too many bad demons out there for only the Slayer to take on. She'll need her friends."

Still, she ended up going alone. Xander's father had called and said he had to come home and actually do his homework, threatening that he otherwise he'd be grounded for two whole weeks. At this, Xander had packed up fairly quickly, and said good bye to them all, including and annoyed Anya, who didn't want Xander to leave.

When Buffy was about to leave, Willow had exclaimed, "But now you're going alone anyway."

"It's okay, Will, really," she'd answered. "And anyway, who'd go with me?"

She knew Tara wouldn't want to leave Willow's side, and besides, Tara wasn't a very good fighter. She was more of a thinker. Anya wasn't very good in battles either, so Buffy didn't mind not having her as company. That Giles would come with her patrolling was a joke, she though, imagining the older English gentleman staking vampires at twelve at night.

Yet, when she made her way over the cemetery, she felt oddly alone. She had done it billions of times before, why she all of a sudden didn't like it, she didn't know.

A vamp was coming her way, and it didn't take the bored Slayer long before she was surrounded by dust. Then came two more, and staking them didn't even make Buffy sweat. Finally, when everything seemed quiet, she decided to call it a night and made her way home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

February was speeding past them as all the members - except Giles of course - busied themselves with loads of schoolwork. All their teachers seemed to have gotten the same thought during the winter break: "Let's give the students all the homework and tests we can possibly come up with." Even Spike, who Buffy rarely saw do any homework, was working long hours in his room.

And he doesn't even have to care about his grades, Buffy thought with a sting of jealousy. No, in England they didn't count his year here, so he might just as well get 'F's in everything; his 'real' school wouldn't care.

Dawn was the only one in the Summers' household who wasn't busy. Instead, she sat giggling on the phone with her girlfriends till Buffy or Joyce screamed at her to hang up because they needed to call someone.

The phone rang and Buffy answered it. "Buffy Summers speaking," she said tiredly. She expected it to be one of Dawn's little friends again.

"Hi, sweetie, it's me," she heard her mother say. "Would you mind making dinner today, honey? I won't be home until later, so if you could see to it that Dawn gets something to eat too? Please?"

"Sure mom," Buffy answered her mother's plea. It wasn't the first time Joyce had worked over. Since their father had left, she had been working long and late hours at the gallery to get the money to last.

"Maybe you could have Spike help you," her mother added.

Was her mother blind or what? Buffy asked herself. Here she was; she hadn't talked to Spike - at least not in civil tone and at least not with him wanting to do it - for more than two months, and she suggested that he could help her make dinner. Jeez.

"Yeah, maybe," she said to her mom, not wanting to get into the subject of Spike over the phone.

"Then I'll see you later. I've got to run now; they're waiting for me. Bye, sweetie, I love you."

"I love you too, mom," Buffy said and put the phone down.

Now she had to add personal chef to the ever-growing list of things she had to do too? Of course, it had already been added to her list for quite some time. She had done dinners for Dawn, her and Spike at least ten or fifteen times already.

Sighing, she turned on the stove, wondering what she should come up with to eat tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I love that dress," Buffy commented, "It's the best one so far."

Willow turned around in the deep reddish brown dress, which fit snuggly to her body.

"Yeah, I think I should take it. It's only thirty bucks too."

"I definitely think you should take it."

The two girls were out trying on dresses for the Winter Formal dance. Willow was still not out of her casts, but she was on crutches at the moment, and by the time the dance took place on February twentieth, she would be walking on her own. Tara and her had decided to celebrate that Willow would be well again by going to the dance.

"Why can't you go too?" Willow whined. She had taken off the dress and put it on the counter to pay for it.

"Because I have no one to go with," Buffy answered.

"Then go with Spike," Willow said and picked up the bag that contained her dress. They started walking out of the store. "He's nice, and it is really about time you two stop fighting. You're not gonna have him at your place forever you know. He's going home in like four and a half month!" Her voice softened. "I know it seems like forever, but look how fast you've wasted these two months on fighting."

"If we're gonna be friends, he's going to have to take the first step," Buffy said firmly. "He was the one who got all upset when I said that kissing him was a mistake, not me."

Willow looked at her. "If you were in love with a person, don't you think you'd be upset if that person said that you were just a mistake too?"

Buffy's head shot up. "He's not in love with me," she said.

"Oh yeah? Then why does he give you all these looks when you don't see, why does he talk about you when you are not around, and why did he ask me to calm you down at the hospital?" She continued without waiting for an answer. "Because he cares about you. I admit, I don't know if he loves you yet, but he's definitely on the way there."

Buffy was silent; she didn't know how to respond.

"What - What does he say about me?" she asked finally.

Willow shrugged. "He asks how you are. You know, just a question here and a question there, just so it doesn't seem like he really cares. But I know he does, I can see it in his eyes."

Buffy looked at her friend. "But what am I supposed to do?" she asked. "He doesn't speak to me unless he has to; he even avoids being in the same room. How am I supposed to have conversation with him?"

"I don't know Buffy, you're going to have to figure that one out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

She really did try to get in the same room and talk to him after the conversation with Willow. But after failing once, her hopes went down, as he didn't want to listen to her.

"I don't have time for this; I've gotta go, Slayer," he had said and slipped out the front door.

She hated when he called her 'Slayer'. 'Pet' hadn't been that much better, but when he had called her that, there had been affection in the nickname. When he called her 'Slayer', it sounded cold and impersonal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

So the Winter Formal dance came and went. Xander and Anya ended up joining Willow and Tara, while Buffy settled for a night home with her mother and little sister and a movie, before going out to patrol.

Spike had gone; a pretty, tall blonde had met up with him at the house. Buffy wondered why he hadn't gone to pick her up. Maybe he wanted to show her that he could get some popular little lady to go with him if he wasn't good enough for her.

"Why are you mad, Buff?" Dawn asked her as they sat down to watch 'the 6th sense'. Buffy, who'd already seen the movie four times, sighed and said, "Nothing, Dawnie, nothing."

"I know what it is," Dawn exclaimed triumphantly. "You're jealous of that girl that Spike went with, 'cause you wanted to go with him."

Buffy didn't respond; she didn't feel like trying to explain to Dawn that her theory was wrong, as Dawn wouldn't stop believing in it even if Buffy said differently. Dawn herself had gotten over her crush on Spike by now, which Buffy was glad for, since she then didn't have to see Dawn become all moony-eyed over the bleach-blonde Englishman.

Their mother came in with popcorn and sodas for the two and it was time to pay attention to the movie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~