Imitor Vita Pro Amor 4

Dawn walked briskly, trying to remember that Spike had said if she needed him, he'd be there. It sort of gave her comfort, even though she knew he wasn't here, right now. But the mantra gave her enough confidence to continue her solitary walk down the street, backpack bouncing noisily behind her as she did. She pictured anything out there that would even dare touch her being ripped apart by her guardian vampire, then spit upon and made fun of as it died a horrible, pain filled death. The thought of him tearing into anything and anyone that wanted to hurt her eased her internal worry. She strode with a little more confidence after a while, as she neared the Magic Shop. She was soooooo going to kill Buffy for this once she got there. That's what she told herself, anyway. She knew her sister was preoccupied with Spike and Riley issues, but still, Dawn figured this little situation was good enough to get her some "get out of jail free" cards when it came to Buffy. If she played her cards right, anyway. She smirked a smirk reminiscent of Spike's at the thought.

"Hey Dawn!!! Dawn Summers!!! Hellooo!!"

"I don't wanna be strung along like a lapdog, Buffy. It may work with Spike, but it doesn't work with me," Riley shook his head. "I don't think you'll ever decide if we just keep putting the issues on the back burner."

"I don't string along anyone, Riley," Buffy snapped back, lips pressing into a thoughtful frown. Did she? She bit her lip, unsure of herself. Why did he have to tear all her resolve apart?! "If you can't give it time Riley, than just go on and walk out of my life again. Except, this time, don't come back!"

"You know that's not what I want, Buffy. I don't know if that's what you want, but all I'm saying is, how much longer can you keep putting it off?"

I try, I really do. But it never seems enough. If you need more than I'll try to give you more. If you want a little bad boy in your man... I...I... could try..."

Buffy shivered in his embrace. She turned her eyes. "Riley, you can't change who you are to make me happy. Just like I can't change who I am to please anyone, I've tried. I'm the slayer, and no one seems to get that. They're never satisfied. They want more Buffy, or more of the slayer. When will anyone be satisfied with just me?!" She pulled away, uncomfortable in his embrace. "I don't want a bad boy Riley, or a good boy or whatever it is you've gotten into your head. How can you possibly know what I need, if I don't?!"

"Buffy, I'm a human being. I can do all the things you need and want. To walk in the sunlight, to get a job, take care of you, give you a family..." Riley pleaded, trying to dig his way out of the hole she buried him in.

"Spike can't do that. He can't give you children; he can't walk in the sunlight. He's a killer! A soulless demon! He's an evil monster, who's nothing but a killer!"

"He's not a killer!" Buffy defended. "Not anymore!"

"All because of some extra hardware in his brain!" Riley tried to rationalize. "Can't you see he's a killer? He's soulless."

Buffy glared. "I know plenty of killers with souls!" She couldn't believe the lengths she was going to defend Spike.

"What if he turns on you??! What if you wake up one day and he kills you, or your friends?! Or Dawn?! How can you risk that? Look what happened with Angel! And he had a soul!" Riley argued. "There's no remorse in Spike. No love. Just evil."

"Stop it!" Buffy wanted to pull her hair out in frustration. "Spike wouldn't hurt Dawn!! I know it! In my gut! In my heart! In my head! It's all bubbling around inside! Can't you see it?! Spike's changed!"

"Changed for how long? I'm the closest you get to perfect, Buffy. I love you so much. Can't YOU see that?" Riley was losing badly.

She stared at him like he was made of glass. Her jaw dropped.

"What? What did I say?" he asked.

"Oh God... Dawn...." Buffy mumbled. She broke her transfixed gaze. "I forgot Dawn! I forgot!" her eyes welled up with guilty tears and she ran from the room.

"Buffy!! Wait!!!" Riley called.

"I can't! Dawn's all alone!" She burst into the other room.

"What's wrong?" Giles asked.

"Dawnie... we need to find her..." Buffy rushed out the store, not bothering to explain anymore than that. She ran towards the school first, and if she wasn't still there she'd check the dentist.

Riley looked at the stunned group. "I'll go check home and the cemetery," he stated, a bit meekly. Tara and Willow offered to check their place and school.

Part XV: Protector

"I'm using the phone, you'll just have to wait your turn," Dawn pulled the phone

back towards her and started dialing again., sparing an annoyed look at Frat boy.

The older, bigger boy ripped the phone from her hands. "Screw you, little girl. I'll use the damn phone whenever the hell I want to." He picked up the receiver.

Dawn growled angrily and glared at him. "Yeah, piss off," she muttered, unconsciously uttering one of Spike's favorite phrases.

The college boy stopped dialing and turned his head to her. "What did you say to me!?"

"Wow, Frat boys really are dumber than your average dumb person..." Dawn snorted.

"I said… piss off!" She grabbed the receiver away from him.

His friends laughed at him. "You gonna let a high school brat overpower you, Terry?"

"Easy now..." the bartender warned. One of his friends laughed drunkenly and socked the guy right in the face, knocking him out. Dawn swallowed hard, her heart pounding in fear as she regarded the expressions of her oppressors. She'd gone too far. She just couldn't stand bullies, never had been able to stomach them. So as her principles dictated, she stood toe-to-toe bravely with the taller, muscular, football type guy. She stared hard, hoping her fear wasn't showing in her eyes.

"You're a dead little bitch..." the one called Terry grabbed Dawn's arm forcefully.

"Ow!" she grunted. "Lemme go, you jerk!!!" She squirmed, and smacked at the offensive appendage holding her in his grip, but it was too tight. She was going to pass out soon, from fear. Oh God... what had she gotten herself into?!

Dawn had always thought a vampire, or demon, or something dark and ugly living inside of Sunnydale would eventually kill her. She, for the most part, had forgotten that there were human monsters out there as well. And sometimes, they were far worse than any demon she could ever have met. Dawn tried to get the bully to leave her alone, but he just laughed and shoved her into a group of his friends on the far side of the bar, near the wall at the back of the club. She could smell the alcohol on their breath as she stumbled into two of them, and she scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Leave me alone!" she protested, when one of them smacked her rump and grinned. "Don't touch me!"

Spike stuck to the shadows, noticing Dawn had made her way off the dance floor. He took the long way around the club to keep from being seen, following the familiar smell and feel of her. He didn't want to alert her to his presence, just yet. Technically, he was supposed to be gone. Slinking around towards the bar, his brow furrowed when he didn't see her right away. He had been sure this was where she was headed…

"Ow! Stop it!!!"

The sound of her voice caught his attention, and he immediately stood straight up, hearing the distress and the pain there. He growled low in his throat, and had to hold him self back physically for a moment so he wouldn't vamp out right then and there. Forgetting his carefully laid plans, he charged forward, shoving his way through a necking couple and a group of kids smoking and laughing by the stairs. And when he came into full view of the bar, the tenuous hold he had on his calm severed completely. Three lugs in UC Sunnydale sweaters were laughing and grabbing at his Platelet like stray dogs nipping over a king's meal. He could see their slightly dilated pupils and smell the beer on them from a mile away. The vampire frowned. This just wouldn't do, now would it? There were certain things in his life that he would not watch, would not allow. One of them was daytime talk shows. Another of them was seeing Dawn that bloody terrified. So terrified that she was shaking, that her voice floundered and she looked absolutely hopeless. He had seen her wear that expression only once before, back at the tower with Doc, and by the life and un-life of him, he bloody well refused to stand by and see it again. Fail her again. This time, this time, he could handle it. He strode forward purposefully and shoved the one kid with his back to him out of the way, intercepting Dawn as she was shoved in his direction and pulling her behind him.

"Spike!!!" Dawn exclaimed in surprise, relief flooding her immediately, though he noted her voice still shook slightly. "What are you…"

"I told you I'd be here if you ever needed me, didn't I, Nibblet?" he asked, letting go of some of his anger to look at her reassuringly. His eyes were so much softer when he looked at her. Her and Buffy.

Dawn took in the warmth of his fondness in his expression and relaxed a little, though she was still terrified. "You always have been," she stated quietly.

He smiled at the irony of the statement, recalling the tower again briefly, before dropping it for another brood time, another brood place. He turned back to the three college blokes, who looked quite indignant, now that their fun had been stopped. "Hey, who the hell do you think you are, you 80's punk reject?" a blonde one asked, crooked nose turned up at the smaller, more wiry Spike. The vampire growled.

"I think, I'm the one that's going to take the lady home. And I think, I'm the one that's going to make you apologize to her. What do you think, if you do at all?" Spike asked conversationally. But Dawn could hear his fury bubbling just below the surface.

Whenever he got like that his voice was flat and cold. It meant he was pissed. It meant that he needed a decent spot of violence, and that if anyone touched her again and scared her like that, he would rip them apart, human or not. He had always been like that for her. She realized it was because they needed each other. They had needed each other to convince the other that Buffy's death hadn't been either of their faults. And over the months, they had clung to that need rather than separate when Buffy had returned. He was her best friend.

Every time she had been remotely hurt, Spike had been there for her. Whether it had been something as terrifying as reliving nightmares of Buffy's death at night or something as trivial as scraping her knee. He protected her. Not just because he had promised to, but also because he loved her.

"I think you're stupid, cuz there's three of us and one of you," one of the jocks responded, a decidedly stereotypical sneer in his voice. "That's what I think."

Dawn stepped back a bit from Spike, knowing he'd need room to maneuver. He wouldn't be able to hit the humans without setting his chip off, but she knew he'd do it anyway. He was just that way.

"I'm impressed. You counted past one," Spike responded. Hearing Dawn step back, he turned slightly to look at her out of the corner of his eye. "Bit, get ready, we're leaving."

"Yeah, in a body bag," the college boy with the surfer accent scoffed. The one next to him, the brunette with the spiked hair, grinned and nodded like an idiot.

"Both of them," he agreed.

Spike was incensed. He would let them threaten him because he was an equal match for them, whether they knew it or not. But threatening to kill Dawn just made him see red all around. He wanted to snap their necks between his hands, or drain them dry and laugh as the life faded out of them slowly and painfully. He wanted to kill them for even thinking that he'd let them hurt his Nibblet. But a voice in the back of his head told him that doing that WOULD lose for him, one of the most precious things in his life right now. Killing them would estrange him from Dawn. She would fear him, would loathe him. Be disgusted and call him murderer. He didn't think he could take that, not from her.

Hearing one of the jocks sneaking up on him, Spike made a decision, right then and there. He worked around his fury. So instead of spinning around like he had wanted to so he would end up behind his attacker to be in a good position to rip the kid's jugular out, the vamp he simply ducked the punch from the side easily, having heard the clumsy git move to draw his arm back in preparation for an attack. Spike hated sucker punchers. The jock, completely off balance from missing Spike, lurched forward, and the vampire caught his extended arm, pushing it downward and breaking it across his knee. The sound of shattering bone was pleasant, a sensation he had sort of missed since the insertion of the chip. The boy cried out in horror, seeing the jagged end of bone extending through the meat of his arm. Spike brought up his elbow and clocked his opponent in the face, knocking him backwards into the bar hard and rendering him unconscious. He knew Dawn wouldn't have liked to see the bone breaking, but Spike REALLY hated sucker punchers.

The other two jocks, still standing stock still from utter surprise, looked at each other, the heap on the floor that was their friend, then back at Spike. They charged forward at the same time, intent on driving the bleached blond man in the black duster back into the edge of the bar and winding him. The vampire leapt over them in a graceful arc, executing a perfect flip over them at the last second. Imagine their surprise when he clanked their heads together harshly from behind and shoved them into the bar, to land other friend, who was already unconscious and twitching on the floor. Both of them slid bonelessly to the ground, completely blacked out. They would probably be like that for a long while.

Taking a moment to admire his handiwork, Spike smirked at the three unconscious lugs, who all reminded him in one way or another, of Captain Cardboard. Then, he remembered that this little altercation hadn't been a simple bar brawl to satiate a little bit of blood lust. Dawn was still here. Spike stiffened and turned around slowly, so he could look at her. The girl stood behind him with her mouth open slightly, eyes big and bewildered. She stared at the pile of College boys for a minute, as if coming to terms, and then forced her gaze back to William. Her brow furrowed, and she moistened her lips, speaking slowly to keep her voice from shaking. "What…what kind of demons were they?" she asked softly, though she already knew the answer.

"You and I both know you know the answer to that one, pet," Spike responded gently. He almost expected her to draw back in fear, try to hide away from him, now that he could hurt humans. He waited for a reaction, braced himself for it by closing his eyes. He could see her reaction in his mind's eye. She was recoiled in absolute horror in his mental image, and putting a stool between herself and him as if it would afford a meek means of protection from the bloodthirsty monster. Her lips would be trembling slightly and her eyes would be huge and liquid. He heard the mental image of his girl whimper a quiet, `don't hurt me, please' in that shaky way her voice got when she was scared. He saw her eyes well up with tears, saw her look at him a moment before turning around and running as fast as she could, in the opposite direction. He was used to that sort of thing now he supposed, or he should be, anyway. The people he loved running from him because he wasn't what they wanted him to be. He expected it.

What she did next surprised no one more than him. Maybe it surprised her a little too. He suddenly found himself arm deep in Platelet, her hands wrapped tightly around his neck as she sobbed against him. "They were horrible, Spike… I was scared…I didn't think…" she trailed off, crying softly. "They were monsters."

Spike tightened his arms around her protectively, cooing words of reassurance in her ears, though he knew that she knew what those boys would have taken from her if they'd been given the chance. "It's all right Bit, I've got you." He squeezed her for emphasis. "I've got you."

She nodded against him and tried to stop crying, though he could still feel her body give the occasional shudder of disgust. "Thank you, for protecting me," she said quietly, drawing the back of her hand across her eyes to dislodge the tears there.

"Until the end of the world," he muttered back, petting her hair gently.

"Spike?"

Her voice was small. "Yes, pet?"

"You're more human than any of them. People like that." She wanted him to know that. He needed to believe it.

"I'm a vampire, luv."

"I know," she responded, hugging him tighter. And she accepted him. It made his throat catch slightly. Chipless, and violent, and undead, she accepted him. He was reminded yet again, why he loved this girl.

"Let's get you home, Bit. Big Sis will worry," he murmured, pulling back slightly and looking at her still tear stained face. He pulled the cuff of his duster over his hand and wiped the liquid away from her cheeks gently.

She nodded. "Let's go home."

Riley searched the house on Revello Drive from top to bottom, but no Dawn. He sighed, wondering if checking the cemetery was worth it, or if he should look in the parks. Where would a fifteen-year-old girl want to go in the middle of the night anyway? When he had been that age he'd been home at 6 every night, doing his homework or playing football with his brothers. Times sure had changed.

He considered the night he'd found Spike in Buffy's room, and how protective of Spike, Dawn had been. He wondered if she'd gone to his crypt. Or… what if Spike had come back and kidnapped Dawn?! Riley left the house and ran down the block at a dead run. If he managed to save Dawn, maybe Buffy would realize what a beast Spike really was.

Minutes after Riley had left the Summer's house, Spike escorted Dawn through the front door and deposited her unto the threshold rather gallantly. He had been a Victorian gentleman, after all. Dawn smiled up at him. "I'm glad you were there tonight, Spike."

"Where's big sis?" Spike asked, scared brow knitting. "She shouldn't have left you all alone at the Bronze."

Dawn sighed. "I dunno... she was supposed to pick me up from school and take me to the dentist. She never showed, so I went by myself, and was on my way home, when I realized I forgot all about my big test tomorrow."

"Buffy didn't help you?" Spike sighed.

"No...she...uh..." Dawn paused. "Well, she's been kinda..."

"With Cap'n Cardboard, eh?" Spike asked, trying to sound confident about saying that. It didn't quite play out.

"No, no not at all." Dawn shook her head. "Spike…she's just been…well, kinda lost since you left."

Spike's eyes widened and if his heart still beat, he was sure it would've stopped from the absolute shock of his Bit's statement. "What?"

Dawn tried to suppress a small smile. "We were both pretty distraught..." She pouted, suddenly looking up at him those huge, luminous eyes. "How could you leave us?" Dawn asked, smacking him in the chest furiously.

Spike frowned sadly, wanting to stake himself for the hurt in Dawn's eyes but caught her hand with his own instead, and held it. "I'm sorry, Little Bit... I thought it was for the best..." Spike sighed, squeezing her hand gently. "Your sis... and I...she needed me to leave..."

"No Spike... she didn't! Don't you see, that's all the men in her life do… leave..." Dawn explained; her voice filled with sadness. She didn't want to betray her sister. She'd leave it up to her to explain the state she was in after he left.

"I'm sorry, Nibblet. I'm here now, an' I promise you 'll never leave you again." Spike pulled her too him and hugged her gently. "Until Buffy finds out 'm chipless and runs a clothespin through me anyway...."

Dawn gasped and pulled back from his familiar embrace. She couldn't believe she'd almost forgotten that! "How, how did you get the chip out? Is that where you went, Spike?"

He shook his head. "Nah. Was on my way to LA, when this thing was attacking someone in the graveyard..." Spike started, awkward to admit what a sodding hero he was turning out to be. "Some type of electrical demon..." He paused. "It shocked me, an' when I woke...presto, no chip buzzing around in my head."

"H..how...did you know?" Dawn was almost afraid to ask.

"I didn't kill anyone..." Spike said defensively, disappointment in his eyes. She thought he'd gone back to being a killer.

"I know!" Dawn wanted to wash the look in his eyes away. "I know you'd never hurt someone unless they were bad... I thought you know, maybe you'd punched someone or something. Not killed anyone!"

"How can you be sure, Nibblet?" Spike found her blind faith in him surreal.

"Because you love us too much. Love controls every little thing we do in this world, Spike. Love is stronger than anything, and you're no monster." Dawn explained.

"I wish I could believe you," Spike leaned against the doorframe.

"You can. You've risked so much for us. You woulda died for us. The night Buffy died is when I realized how strong love could be. She'd die for me, as you would...for me...or for her..." Dawn stared at him, daring him to contradict her.

"Right then," he stumbled nervously. "So after I woke, the girl I tried to..." he couldn't say it. "She came back and I well... I was a bit disoriented `n whatnot, sorta knocked her down. Funny thing was, it didn't hurt. My instinct told me to keep on with the plan and leave SunnyD. I went to LA... killed a few demons...punched a guy harassing his woman and that's when I knew for sure the soddin' chip had been short-circuited..."

"Well, I guess that's a good thing for you, right? No more neutered vampire..." Dawn smiled.

"How is it, you trust me so, Nibblet?" Spike asked, even uncertain of himself.

"Cuz I love you..." Dawn shrugged. It was that easy, as far as she was concerned.

Spike groaned to mask his intense pleasure at her comment. "I've turned into a soddin' poof I `ave..."

"You have not!" Dawn shook her head. "You're still all bad... look at the hair… well not that you can… But you got the leather, and the hair and the attitude...the accent... and the nail polish. Well, not so much the nail polish. But you're bad… you're one big bad ass!"

Spike raised his scarred brow. "Easy there on the language." He stopped when he realized what he'd said and groaned internally. "See!" He rested his head on the doorframe. "I'm a bleeding Nancy boy..."

"You are not! You kicked major...butt... tonight!" Dawn chose her words carefully this time, though her eyes gleamed playfully at her protector.

He grinned in response, despite himself. "I did, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did!" Dawn giggled. "So… why did you come back?"

"Someone told me I was needed here..." Spike was honest. He'd leave out the karaoke bit; she'd never stop rubbing it in his face if he told her. " Plus…well...I couldn't stay away any longer. Bloody missed you two, pet. So, I'm risking my undead life in hopes of helping big sis, and her not staking me."

"I won't tell her!" Dawn promised. "I swear, Spike."

"Thanks, Bit... but if I don't, she'll never trust me again, if she ever did find out," Spike sighed. "She may just stake me...I don't know... but I gotta tell `er."

"Well… maybe if you tell her, and be honest, she'll believe nothing's changed," Dawn offered. "I know you're not gonna turn all bad..."

"I wish I did," he mumbled under his breath.

"Spike... You'd never hurt us. That chip didn't make you who you are. It may have guided you, but you decided who you are. A wonderful man I trust and love." Dawn smiled reassuringly.

"Who just happens to be a vampire," Spike added.

She shrugged. "Who happens to be a vampire."

"Will you be all right?" Spike asked, changing the subject.

"I'm fine. Going to look for Buffy?" she asked.

"Yup, if I come back fitting in a lil urn, don't let her flush me down the toilet eh, Bite Size?" he reached up and rubbed her face with the back of his palm gently.

She giggled. "No problem." she leaned up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Be careful. Don't get staked."

He grumbled about mushy stuff and rubbed his cheek where she'd come in contact with him, turning to leave. After a minute, he looked back. "If she comes back here, don't tell her `bout the chip, kay, Platelet? I want her to hear it from me..."

"Promise," Dawn flashed what she hoped was a passable imitation of the girl scout's honor sign as she watched him jog down the steps and down the block.

She shut the door, and for the first time in days, she smiled.

Buffy's heart sank when she reached the dentist's office and the lights were off and the door locked. She wasn't at school, she'd called all of her sister's friends from a nearby pay phone and she wasn't there... and she wasn't at the dentist. Fear racked her entire body. "Dawnie...where are you?!"

"I don't know where she is, but I know where you'll be soon..." a deep voice hissed from behind.

Buffy whipped around facing a vampire. She groaned. "I soooo don't have time to play with you."

He chuckled, and sidled up to her. "It'll only take a minute, promise." He bared his fangs, expecting her to scream and try to run.

She sighed dramatically. "You're right." She brought her knee up and hit

his groin. He groaned, tumbling to the floor.

She took out a stake and rammed it into him.

He cried, and then exploded into a pile of ash. "Actually, more like seconds..." she mumbled, standing up and dusting herself off before continuing her search. She thundered down the street and checked every shadow, every whisper... It'd be best to follow this route home, because if Dawn did go to the dentist, and went home after... She wondered if she'd go to the Bronze. But home was closer, so she'd check there first.

Part XVI: Showdown

Spike wandered the graveyard near his crypt, listening for Buffy, but knowing she probably wasn't here. Why would she be? She was probably worried to death about Platelet. He wondered if he should check the Magic Box. She and the Scoobs might have been putting in a late night study and they'd lost track of time. He remembered falling asleep during a research session after Buffy had died… he'd woken up with screaming with his hair on fire at sunrise because the blinds weren't drawn all the way. He'd woken everyone up and Red and Tara had tried to put him out, while Xander just laughed. It had sort of been a bonding moment, he supposed. He hadn't made a snarky comment at Xander for laughing, and the whelp had actually asked him if he was okay afterwards. It was funny how grief had sort of pulled them all together.

Realizing he was just wandering aimlessly with his thoughts, he stopped. Buffy wasn't here. He knew it, could sense it. It was something he'd always been able to do, when it came to her. Sighing, he spun around and decided to try his luck at the shop after all. He pulled out his cigarettes and lit one, figuring he could have himself a smoke before getting there. Giles had disallowed smoking in the shop after Spike had inadvertently gotten close to flammable magic powders and turned everyone's skin green for a couple of days. It hadn't been pretty. He smiled a little to himself, remembering the whelp's utter indignance at being called "Lizard boy."

"What're you smiling to yourself about, Spike?"

The vampire looked up sharply at the sound of that familiar, holier-than-thou voice, and sighed. "What do you want, Cardboard?"

Riley growled. He was tired of being called various degrees of Captain something or other. "What've you done with Dawn?" Riley questioned, stepping up to face the impotent vampire.

"What have I done with Dawn? What the bloody hell are you talking about, White Bread?" the vampire tossed his half used cigarette to the floor and squashed it with the tip of his boot.

"She went missing. I'm looking for her."

"Playin' GI Joe heroes again, are we, Cap'n?"

"Shut the hell up Spike, and answer my question, or I'll…"

"You'll what?"

"I'll kill you."

"You get to try," Spike replied, a smirk on his face. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to visit the Magic Shop." The vampire made to move around the hulking soldier.

Riley put out a hand to stop him, glaring down at the vampire. "You're not going anywhere near them. Where's Dawn?"

"What makes you so sure I have her, Sherlock?" Spike drawled, getting restless. Bloody stupid commando boy. "Used your psychic powers? Caught wind of her scent? Oh that's right… you're regular Joe. No super powers. I suppose you just felt like picking on someone you don't think can fight back, then, is that it?"

Riley growled. "I don't have time for your games. I know you took Dawn because I went to the Bronze. They said a girl matching Dawn's description left with an older guy with bleached hair."

"And because there are no other freshmen brunettes and no other boys who bleach their hair in the whole wide bloody world, you miraculously came to this stunning conclusion?" Spike was getting bored, and the farm boy was getting more and more annoying. He grinned internally. It was good to not have to worry about a whelp like this killing him anymore.

"Don't try me Spike, I'm short on patience tonight. Where is she?"

"Safe'n warm at home and studying for her Great Expectations test in the morning, you great big ninny."

"I don't believe you."

"Then what the hell was the point in asking me in the first place?" Spike shot back. "Now move out of the way, I have places to be, people to see, that aren't you." The vampire shoved Finn out of the way and kept walking. He was through.

Riley looked after the vampire incredulously, realizing that it had hurt when Spike had pushed him. But it obviously didn't have an effect on the undead one. "You killed her!!!" Riley yelled at Spike. "I knew it! The chip isn't working anymore, is it? And now you're going to go after them all."

Spike cursed himself, forgetting that any pain caused to a human was supposed to activate his chip. He'd shown his cards before they were ready. He came face to face with Riley, the muscle bound idiot glaring triumphantly at the vampire. "The chip is gone, isn't it? You're going to kill them all."

Spike refused to be judged by the likes of this replacement Angel. "Kill them? Not so much. I like them. I might just kill you, though."

"You get to try," Riley responded.

"Very original, I'm impressed, Milkman. But do you really want to have a go at this?" Spike held out his arms, as if presenting himself.

"If it means I get to kill you, then you're on," Riley responded, raising his fists and dropping into a crouch.

Spike made no move to do anything. He stood, smirking at the commando, reading the boy's face, his stance, his eyes. He had more than a hundred years practice in first fights, and there was nothing he liked more than a good brawl. Well, maybe a good brawl with the Slayer ranked higher. The boy, the boy here could have been a fighter all his life, for all Spike cared, he still didn't nearly have enough experience. Didn't have the grace and the intuition. The fighter's instinct.

Riley growled, hating that cocky look on Spike's face, like the vampire knew something he didn't. He feigned an attack with his right and when Spike retaliated he turned sharply on his heel and used his other hand. But he didn't feel anything solid under his fist where it should have been. Spike had seen the change of stance halfway through its execution and had pushed his upper body backwards, out of Riley's reach, before getting under the exposed arm and punching the solider twice hard in the ribs. Riley grunted in pain, but managed to whip around with his right arm, catching Spike a superficial blow to the side of the head. It caused Spike to vamp out, but he simply shook it off and grinned. "Scared yet, boy?" he asked, circling a winded Riley like he was stalking injured prey.

Riley took a deep breath to gather himself from the blows to his ribs and stood up again, rotating his shoulder slightly to ease the tension. "Not yet."

"You will be," the vampire promised. Suddenly Spike darted in, and when Riley tried to counter, he spun to the right of the hulking commando and dropped low, sweeping Finn's feet out from under him. The soldier landed with a thud and a grunt on the hard packed earth of the cemetery. Spike looked down at the mortal boy, grinning. "I could kill you right now, you know."

Riley rolled away and stood up, dropping back into a more defensive stance. "Why didn't you?" he asked, after getting to a safe distance to regroup.

"Too easy so far," the vampire responded simply. "This is going to last, Cardboard. Believe me." He cracked his knuckles for emphasis. Riley felt the first twinge of fear of the evening, deep inside of his stomach, as he looked into Spike's sparkling, feral eyes.

"Dawn?!" Buffy called out, reaching her house.

"Hey," Dawn called from the kitchen, where she was fixing herself a study snack before getting started on Great Expectations.

"Oh God, Dawn…where have you been?!" Buffy exclaimed, relief washing over her at the site of her sister warm and cozy in the kitchen.

"Well, I had to walk to the dentist after school… and they were behind schedule so I had to wait until like, six before they fit me in, and by the time I got done it was dark…"

"And you walked home boy yourself?!" Buffy yelped, disbelieving. "Dawnie you know better than that!"

Dawn shrugged. "I didn't think it would be a long walk," she responded. "And I figured since you'd forgotten about me completely that something had come up."

Buffy felt the guilt wash over her in waves. "God, I'm so sorry Dawn. We were researching this demon thing, and we heard news about Spike, and I just got completely off track…"

Dawn paused. "You heard news about Spike? Like, what?"

"We overheard some of the customers talking about how he saved a girl from a demon…"

Dawn smiled to herself. She'd known he was a hero all along. "So, did you see him?" she asked, nonchalantly.

Buffy looked back at her sister abruptly. "What do you mean?"

The younger girl frowned. That means Spike hadn't found her yet tonight. Oops. "Um, nothing."

"That wasn't a nothing!" Buffy responded, putting her hand on her sister's arm. "Are you saying he's back?"

Dawn sighed dramatically. She'd promised not to tell about the chip after all, she supposed, not if he was back in town or not. "Actually…"

Buffy's eyes got rounder, larger. "He is? You saw him tonight?"

Dawn giggled and nodded. "At the Bronze."

"You were at the BRONZE?"

Yelping, the youngest Summers girl realized her slip. "Well…when I was walking home, I saw Lisa and some of the others, and they were going to go study for the test there, and maybe catch some of the live band," she babbled. She realized she couldn't tell Buffy about him saving her from the College boys, and stopped before she revealed too much. "And I saw him, and he walked me home."

"Oh." Buffy smiled. "That's okay then."

"He went to look for you," Dawn added, hastily. "He needed to talk to you."

"He did?"

Dawn nodded. "That's why I thought you'd already seen him."

"Oh. I guess I should go…"

"Yes, you should. Go now."

Buffy eyed her sister. "You're anxious to have him back."

"What, aren't you?"

Buffy didn't answer, but got up. "I'm off then. Study."

"I will."

"Good. I'll be back soon. Oh… and call Giles at the shop, will you? Let them know that you're home? We were all worried sick."

"Kay."

Dawn smiled as she watched Buffy unconsciously fix her hair using her reflection in the microwave, and straighten her clothes. She was obviously in a much better mood than she had been earlier. Then, the slayer was out the back door, closing it softly behind her, smiling a bit. Dawn was so happy that Spike was back!!!

Riley grunted in pain as his nose broke under the pressure of Spike's attack, and cried out as a booted foot kicked his calf in hard, causing the muscle to cramp. He fell to one knee with a startled yelp of pain. The commando pulled up and managed to block the next kick with his meaty forearms, deflecting what could have been a devastating blow to his collarbone. Struggling back to his feet, Finn ducked a right hook, only to have his chin snapped back with a smart uppercut. Retaliating blindly he lashed out and spun into a powerful kick, but Spike dodged in time to have most of the force miss him. The kick landed to the side of the shoulder, only causing the vampire to step back a little.

Finn wiped blood from a gash in his temple from his eye and flung it aside, glaring at Spike before reaching into his boot and pulling out an army knife. He spun it in his hand and turned so the blade angled towards the vamp.

Spike smiled. Now things were getting interesting. He dodged a double X motion from Riley's knife and pulled his stomach back by hopping on his tip toes and shooting backwards a step to avoid being gutted with a midsection slice. This reminded him of a street brawl on the London docks back in 1897. His mind wandered, and the sharp bite of the knife slashing across his shoulder to the base of his neck brought him back to the present. He growled ducked under the next swipe, butting Riley in the stomach with his head and bowling the commando over. Grunting, Finn took another swipe at Spike from the ground, only to have the knife kicked rather painfully from his hand, sending it flying to lay blade down in the dirt, quivering.

Buffy strolled through Spike's cemetery slowly, trying to piece out exactly why she was going to see him in the middle of the night, for no apparent reason. She held back the urge to rush over there like her body wanted to, and instead, paced herself to a slow walk to give her time to think. She tried to tell herself she just wanted go see him to welcome him back, and thank him for walking Dawn home tonight. But she was still excited, somehow. He was back! He'd come back, after only a few days. This was a new sensation all together, for her, anyway. She smiled at the thought.

She realized she might want to take this time to tell him how much she valued his friendship… tell him to never leave again, because it have devastated Dawn. And in a small way, she allowed herself to think; it had thrown her a bit off balance. She accepted him as a trusted ally and friend in her life now, and without him, it was as if she had lost an integral part of the Scoobies, like Willow or Xander. He was an important part of it all, now. Maybe she should…

She stopped mid-thought, hearing fighting in the cemetery… the sound of punches and kicks, both landing and missing… and then… a grunt that could only be defined as Spike's. Was he already getting himself into trouble? She broke off at a jog towards the noise and hefted her stake, coming out from behind a group of trees along the walk. When she rounded the bend, she gasped and froze, not believing what she saw.

She ducked behind some trees and bushes. Peering through the leaves she saw Spike and Riley fighting. Fighting! Spike was fighting! A human! Riley! She groaned.

Okay Bufftser, so got the point across already. She just couldn't believe her eyes at the sight that unfolded itself to her in the dark shadow of the gravestones. Perhaps it was the shock of it all that leant to her choice of hiding here instead of stopping them, before one of them were hurt or killed. She stood, frozen in place as they brawled savagely on the field.

"How'd you do it, Spike?" Riley said in between gasps of air. "How'd you get the chip out?"

Spike just grinned. "Guess I was just having a real good day..." He blocked a tired, lazily thrown punch from Riley, and jumped back, energy coursing through him in wave upon wave of supernatural stamina.

"I told Buffy you would kill her. I knew you would go after Dawn!" Riley swung another fist, only to have it blocked with two hands, and pushed roughly backwards. He grunted and felt his arm sprain, but thankfully, not break.

"I did nothing of the sort you rotten wanker. I'd never hurt her, or Buffy or the Scoobies... You… you're another story. I could kill you for ever hurting her," Spike glared hard with his menacing yellow eyes.

"So this is some type of justice thing?" Riley laughed. "You're the monster without a soul." He managed to duck a spin kick and he using the last of his strength, knocked Spike down with a kick to his leg. He stood over the fallen vampire. "You know she'll never love you. She might think she could, but all she'll ever feel for you is disgust and remorse. She may act as a friend to you, but only because she'd kindhearted enough to give everyone a chance... she'll never love you Spike. She only pities you." He chuckled, bitterly, eyes slightly crazy as he wiped the blood from his lip. "You remind her too much of Angel. You'll always be a monster Spike. Well, you'll be dust in a minute or so."

Spike's undead heart cracked at his words. Part of him knew it was true, while the part of him that had always been ambitious wanted to believe it wasn't. He growled painfully, a strained cry of pain and anger that was louder than any physical wound Riley could ever inflict. Furious, he lunged forward quickly, as if powered by some supernatural spring, and tackled Riley to the ground. They rolled in the grass for seconds and Spike landed in a heap, close to where Buffy was.

She gasped, her heart breaking. Her brain racked just how Spike was fighting. How did the chip stop working? Then she remembered back to the fight he left and the story she heard today about him rescuing someone from an electric type demon. The girl said she thought he'd been injured... dear God... he must've been electrocuted. The chip must've been disabled... She wanted to stop the fight, but deep inside, she knew they needed to do this. This would be the only way anything was decided. So she stepped back a little and watch the war rage on.

Spike got up first and growled, fiercely growl. A monster's growl. He picked Riley up by his shirt. "I may be the slayer's lap dog, but at least she can confide and trust in me. At least she knows 'll always be there for her. I won't go running the other way when I make a mistake. Like you, boy. Why don't you stick to what you're good for, `n run to get off from some two bit vamp whore?" He pushed the man across the grass. Glaring fiercely.

Riley glared with back, with the devil in his eyes.

"Ah... looks like 'm not the only one with a monster inside," Spike swiped his blood from his wound on his shoulder, bringing it to his lips. He tasted his blood. "Am I Cap'n...?" he snarled. "No matter what you are, human, demon...if there's evil in your heart, you're evil. I don't have to kill anymore, I don't want to, because I chose not to." he chuckled. "Although, you're making that a tough decision for me, mate..."

Riley had such seething abhorrence and disgust in his eyes as he struggled to his feet. "I hate you, Spike."

"Feeling's mutual, Synthetic Man..." He crossed his arms in front of him and regarded the human intently. "Trust me."

"You left her too, you know. She hates you for it too..." Riley goaded.

"You see... I never really left her. I was always with her. Always will be. She's in my gut, in my chest and my head. She's all around me..." Spike sniffed and he swore he smell her perfume as he said this.

Riley stood ramrod straight, hearing almost the same words from him as Buffy before. He really had been beat. He stood, snarling at the vampire. "I'm going to kill you, Spike. I'm going to kill you and she'll never know you even came back. Once she sees that you left her too… she'll get over whatever it is she thinks she feels for you... and she'll be with me..." Riley swore, almost maniacal in his vehemence.

Buffy's eyes misted up, not believing the hate-laced words that came from Riley. He... he was the monster. His love for her had driven him over the edge. She frowned, watching on. Her gut told her something was about to happen.

"And you say I'm evil," Spike chuckled.

"You're filth, Spike... you're not worthy of someone like Buffy." Riley laughed. "You're beneath her..."

Spike stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at Riley with trepidation. He put a hand to his cold heart and closed his eyes. His words making that night and her voice echoing in the alley.

"It would never be you Spike.... You're beneath me..."

Damn! Buffy cursed, hearing the familiar words being tossed out again like poisonous darts. Spike wasn't moving, and she knew they had hurt him fiercely. And when he snapped out of it, the vampire would probably snap Riley's neck. She watched him, facing in her direction. His eyes were shut tight and he was still, gathering himself. She knew she should stop this. Yet, she was rooted to her spot.

Spike opened his pain filled eyes.

"Hit a nerve did I?" Riley smiled with satisfaction.

Spike smiled brightly. "I'll live..." he paused, his fangs bared. "But you won't." He was on him in a second. He gripped Riley's neck tightly, forcing him to bare his neck for Spike. He hissed and growled with anticipation.

Buffy's heart broke and she stepped out of the bushes, her stake raised, however reluctantly. She had to stop Spike!

Part XVII: Trust

Spike dove down towards Riley's neck and placed his teeth at the thin layer of skin above the jugular. Every fiber of his demon being begged him to do it, to just rip in and drink well, the blood of the man he had hated and envied for so long. The temptation was burning him up inside. Yet a face flashed before his eyes and he suddenly pulled back with a grunt of disgust, taking small solace from his inability to kill by the look of fear in Captain Breadbasket's eyes. He took a moment to calm himself and shook off his game face, throwing down the boy disdainfully. "You're not worth it, Finn. You just aren't bloody well worth it. I kill you now, and you'll be right. I'd have been nothin' but a beast with a muzzle on. And whatever it is I have with Buffy means more to me than killing you..." Spike stood tall over the fallen soldier. "I won't do it." Spike shook his head, turning his back to the commando, dismissing him. "Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind and I rip your throat out and dance in your blood."

Riley watched in shock. He started back peddling on hands and feet until he felt the distinct crunch of a branch underfoot. Looking down, he picked up the thick wood and clutched it in hi bruised, bloody hand. "You won't do it, fine." He got up slowly and started walking with purpose towards Spike's unprotected back. "I will..."

"NO! Put it down now, Riley!" Buffy's voice rang out, disrupting the tense silence that had fallen on the battleground.

Riley stopped and turned, surprised at her presence. "Buffy!" He paused, and looked at Spike, who had stopped walking the moment he'd heard Buffy's voice. "Buffy, he tried to kill me..."

"And he didn't." Buffy walked towards them purposefully, placing herself in between Spike and her ex. She thanked God the vampire had once again, gone against the tide of his nature and chose the higher road. Because if he hadn't, she would have had to kill him. And that might just as well destroyed her.

She stalked up to Riley, who still held his makeshift stake, ready to plunge. Shaking, anxious to plunge "I think its time you left, Riley."

The boy looked incredulous for a moment, as if he had been the victim to some malicious wrong. Seeing the intent in his old love's eyes, his surprise melted and indignance flared. "Fine..." Riley spat, wiping some blood from his broken nose with the sleeve of his shirt. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"I mean it's time you leave Sunnydale," Buffy restated as she glared hard at him.

"So that's it, then? You choose him?" Riley's eyes widened in horror and disgust.

"I didn't choose anyone, Riley. You eliminated yourself." Buffy stuck her chin up. "Go now. Please." Her eyes welled up, because in spite of what she'd seen tonight, there had still been the memory of him just 10 months prior.

Riley tossed the branch he held at her feet. "Fine. You two deserve each other. Goodbye, Buffy." Riley stared at her one last time, then stalked into the night. She watched him leave, for what she hoped was the last time.

After he'd disappeared, Buffy turned tearful eyes to Spike. She watched him, expressionless.

He stood before her, letting her examine him like he was in a line up. Uncomfortable, he finally forced himself to toss her a short smile. "Hey, Buffy..."

Her insides tingled at his voice, the familiarity that was to be had there. She watched him carefully. He stood before her, his eyes shining and cerulean in the moonlight, the paleness of his skin and hair contrasting sharply against them. "You came back..." she stated, still somewhat in disbelief.

He almost couldn't believe that was the first thing she had to say to him. He'd expected a, "how" or a, "why didn't you kill him," but never that. He cleared his throat, wiping away his initial response of, "it just happened."

"I couldn't leave you or Dawn, pet..." he said after a while, taking a cautious step toward her and gauging her reaction. She didn't falter as he drew closer, and it served to embolden him slightly. "I just thought it was what you wanted."

"I never want you to go, Spike," she tried to keep her composure. "Dawn needs you too much... and I think, I think I need you too..." she revealed.

His eyebrows shot up, and he had to fight the hardest battle of his un-life to hold back the smile that threatened to break his composure. There would be time to smile later. But for the record, Spike could've died right then and there and been happy.

"You…need...me?" he asked, pausing in between each word to make sure he was hearing and saying this correctly.

"You're a Scooby now Spike, I need all my friends." She tried to clear up what she was saying. The question of whether Spike was something more than just a friend had yet to be answered, but it could be put off for now. "I'm sorry I made you feel you had to leave."

Spike gave her an almost shy half smile and continued to close the distance between them. If friendship was the small part of her she'd allow him to have, then he'd take it. For now. He didn't even deserve that much from her, in his mind, when he speculated about it. "It's all right, luv..." He stopped his advance on her, when he was almost toe-to-toe with her. "I'd do anything for you, Buffy. You know that."

"I know," she replied simply.

"About General GI… er…Riley..." he started, his eyes darting away nervously.

"It's okay, I heard everything..." Buffy stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He shuddered involuntarily at the feel of it.

"But, Buffy..." he started. "About the chip..."

She turned his chin so his eyes were locked with her gaze, attempting to convey with her eyes the most trust and confidence that she could. "Tell me..."

"I want to tell you, Buffy..." Spike whispered. "It scares me."

"Why?" She frowned slightly.

"I don't want you to feel like you've got to kill me, luv. I still want to be good... I didn't hurt Dawn. I swear. I'd protect you both with my life, chip or no chip." Spike grabbed her tiny, warm hands, almost desperate that she believe him.

Her body tingled from his coolness, but it wasn't like the uncomfortable feeling she got when she sensed an enemy. Rather, it was a reassuring feeling.

"This sodding chip in my head… Slayer... it may have started everything out, like you said. Like I was a serial killer in prison. But luv... I chose to be good, to try and help you, not because the chip wanted me to. The brain hardware doesn't make me love you, my gut does, my heart does, my soulless body does. I know you don't love me Buffy. I can't expect you too, but please believe I'm not a murderer anymore." Spike proclaimed, nearly on his knees, begging. "The wiring doesn't make me who I am. I do and you do, and Dawn does. Please believe me." He stopped suddenly realizing what a git he must have seemed to be, but not caring so long as she believed him. Because if she didn't, he'd be destroyed long before she reduced him to ashes.

She stared at him hard, searching his eyes. They weren't soulful and sad at all, like Angel's, but she saw love in them, she saw faith in them, and she saw no evil.

"After I found out about the bleeding chip, I ran to LA. I tried to deny at first, thought it was a bloody fluke or something. And I didn't want you to ever find out, I couldn't bare the thought of seeing the look of disgust in your eyes when you looked at me again. I could hear you in me head, saying, `there he is, William the bleeding Bloody killer. Back again.' I was afraid you put the trust you have in me, all on this chip..."

"Then why did you come back if you thought I'd stake you?" Buffy's heart was breaking for this vampire...this man...

"I was told you were in danger..." Spike cupped her cheek. "I couldn't stand the thought of you...of...losing you again. I'd rather die protecting you and Nibblet."

Buffy almost laughed. Not a, `ha-ha you stupid fool' laugh, but a giddy, `I can't believe it' laugh. "William the Bloody... Spike...you...put me before yourself?" she turned into his caress. "Again."

"Buffy... I lov..."

"No Spike, please don't." She turned away; still not ready to face the depth of his feelings for her. What she had initially thought a shallow pond had grown into a raging, bottomless sea of emotion. "I know you do." She sighed, brushing back her hair. "I believe you, I do." She turned back. "But I don't feel the same..." Do I?

He swallowed his disappointment. "I know."

She smiled at him shortly. "Thank you, Spike."

"For what, pet?" he cocked his head to the side.

"For understanding me. For accepting me as I am. For not asking for more of the slayer or more of Buffy." She smiled. "For just being my friend and accepting that for what it is. For coming back home." She gave him a hug. "Where you belong."

Spike felt on fire for a moment. Her warmth made his body feel like it could burst with actual life from her touch alone. "I'll take you whatever way I can have you, luv." He held her close for a moment and breathed in her scent, resting his cheek on her hair. If only she could accept him for who he was as well, inside and out. He frowned, feeling a familiar sort of melancholy at his thoughts. Friend he would be, then. *Even if it hurts like hell*, he thought. And God, did it ever.

This felt right. Buffy relaxed for the first time in a long time. Things were back; they were normal, like they were supposed to be. She sighed as the tension left her body and she rested her head on Spike's shoulder. She'd missed him. The thought of telling him flashed across her mind, but she stopped it. He must have known. She pulled back slowly after a second, looking up into his eyes. They seemed tired. Maybe a little sad. As they came in contact with her own and the two held gazes, they turned darker; they churned like oceans. He had one of the most expressive faces Buffy had ever seen. One just had to grow accustomed to the little things that made it that way, first. His brow creased slightly and his eyes turned downwards at the ends. His mouth twitched once in a while, but for the most part, stayed in a little line. He looked like he had missed her terribly as well.

She made a mental note to talk to him about what had happened while he was gone, before pulling out of his arms completely. "We should go," she said, quietly.

He nodded and let his arms rest against his duster slowly, as if reluctantly letting go of the feeling itself, even though she was already gone from them. "Yeah. Well… you know where to find me if you need me, luv." He turned to head back towards his crypt.

"Spike?"

He turned slightly, eyebrow arched in question. "Yes, Buffy?"

She smiled. "Dawn really needs help with Great Expectations. I don't even remember reading it.'

His eyes suddenly became a lot less sad, and a genuine smile irked at his face. He was really quite handsome when he let himself smile like that. "Bit needs my help, then?" he asked in a teasing tone.

She snorted. "Don't flatter yourself." Then she smiled at the familiarity of their teasing. It was what made them the way they were, a strong contributing factor to the bond they had formed. Here, tonight, it let them know that in spite of the chip, of Riley, of Spike's leaving, things were back the way they were supposed to be.

"What would you and Bit do without me, cutie?" he asked, turning around, that cocky swagger back in his step. She thought about the question seriously, even if it had been asked as a joke. What would they do without him? She didn't really know.

Spike put on his best, `everything is normal in good old Sunnyhell' expression as he and Buffy walked back to her house. He was thrilled that she'd even let him within a fifty-mile radius of Dawn without the safety net his chip provided. Hell, he had half expected her to shove wood into his heart and smile while she waved `bye-bye, William.' Hell, if he'd told the Scoobies first they would have killed him right off and Buffy would never have… He stopped. Scoobies. Oh God.

Buffy turned around when the sound of Spike's footprints beside her stopped, and she looked at him. "What is it?"

"The gang. I've got to tell them. `Bout the chip."

She frowned. "Right now?"

He nodded. "The sooner the better, luv, you know that."

"Yeah, I guess so. Let's go then, they're were supposed to meet back at the shop after the whole hunt for Dawn thing… they're probably still there researching and…"

"No luv, you go'n be with Bit, she's been alone long enough. I'll go'n tell them myself."

Was he suicidal? She gaped. "Spike you know that if I'm not there, they'll…"

"No, we don't know, luv." He put his arms out to stop her tirade before it could start. "This is something I want to do by myself, Buffy."

"What? Why?" They would kill him. Or try, anyway, now that he could fight back, she supposed.

Spike sighed and ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the best way to answer her. The way that wouldn't make him come across as the world's biggest wet puppy. "I…well…" He sat down on the curb, facing the other side of the street. "How do I say this?" the vampire chuckled nervously and reached into his pocket, absently searching for a cigarette. Then he realized what he was doing and stopped mid pat, looking first at Buffy, then to his hand. He brought it down and let it rest on the cement, fingers drumming a bit. "What to say, what to say…" he muttered to himself.

Buffy smiled a bit at his antics to quell smoking around her. He was considerate too, who knew? She sat down next to him, close, but not touching. "Just tell me the truth, Spike."

"Was afraid you'd say that." He fidgeted uncomfortably where he sat on the sidewalk. He supposed starting from the beginning was always best, and took a deep breath, more to prepare himself than for actual need of oxygen.

"Luv, after you'd…gone…" She waited patiently while he gathered himself. "I was going to take a noonday stroll. Was going to go `n meet Mister Sunshine for the last time, cuz it hurt so bloody damn much. It hurt to just be there, to be standing there alive, but all alone. I felt like someone had taken my insides'n crushed `em against the heel of their boot'n spit on `em before settin' fire to `em. It was bloody awful. It was almost sunrise after the whole Glory business had finished and we'd seen you… lyin'… there, on that pile and… I broke inside. Shattered like a like I was made out of glass, `stead of vampire. Was going to just stay out'n incinerate myself because I thought it might make the hurt leave me the hell alone. But Nibblet wouldn't have any of it. Girl reminds me a lot of her big sis, you know. She was bleedin' and scared, and she'd just seen you jump off a buildin' to save her life. She wouldn't let me do it, wouldn't see me kill myself. She told me that she needed me, the Nip, and that we needed to live by your words'n stay together and live." He took an unneeded breath and eyed Buffy, just to make sure she wasn't holding back a trail of laughter at what a wanker the former master vamp had become.

But she didn't say anything. In fact, she put his hand on his forearm, gently. He recognized it as a gesture of comfort, and wondered what… oh bloody hell. It was because he was crying again. He hadn't even noticed. He held back the urge to laugh at what he'd become. He was crying, in front of Buffy. Like a right poofter. Swiping ineffectually at the tears running down his face, Spike blinked and looked skyward, calming himself down. "Well… those were a long five months luv, without you here runnin' everything the way you do. Red took over as leader, I suppose, knew she always had it in her. And I, I took care of Dawn. Like I promised I would. And to this day, `ve only broken it once, you know."

Before she could comment, he urged ahead with his sob story. "Anyway, like I said, they were a hard three months. It was torture everyday just knowing we had to go to bed every night, only to wake up to a world that didn't have you in it anymore. I remember just wanting the rest of the world to stop, to not move anymore and recognize what had happened to you. But it kept going, and we had to, too. But bloody hell, how it hurt. Everyone was hurting so much that if you reached out in front of `em…" he articulated the point by pushing his hand out and wiggling his fingers a bit in front of him. "…you could feel their pain, wigglin' about around `em like a wall, keepin' `em off from really joining the rest of the world. Red said we should take up the patrols again, after you'd been gone about a week. Said that there was still a world out there that needed saving, and that she wouldn't let all your hard work'n sacrifice be for nothin' cuz your mates were too miserable to get off their arses and try'n preserve the work you did all your life. So I said I'd do it by myself, that they wouldn't have to worry about it. I told `em I'd patrol every night, then look in on Dawn, then go back to the crypt. I said it wouldn't be a bother, and that that way no one would have to worry about gettin' themselves killed doing a job they weren't cut out for. But she'd have none of it, that Wicca. Said it was somethin' we had to do together. So we did. We trained hard, and we fought, stopped an apocalypse, killed a nest of vamps in the nieghborin' town even." He chuckled to himself a bit at the memory.

"Those were bondin' times for me'n the rest of the gang, you know?" he asked, finally getting to his point. "We had to rely on each other, to live, like you said. Always knew you were a smart chippy. Anyway, we watched each other's backs cuz there was no one else there to do it for us, and we did good at it. Though it wadn't the same without you, because it hurt every time we dusted a vamp and we realized you weren't there in the middle of it all, fightin' your fight, we did it. Cuz there was no one else to. We saved each other more times those few months than I can count. We got to be…friends. I think." Spike shook his head. "What `m sayin' is, this isn't just through you anymore, luv. Though you're an important part and everythin', and we're ecstatic your back…" he added hastily. "It's just…"

"You want this to be about your friendship with the gang, not something they allow just because of me," she finished, understanding. "You want this to just be about you and them. To see if those months mean the same to them as they did to you, even though I'm back."

He looked nervous, afraid he had hurt her feelings or something. "Yeah, luv. Something like that. Is that… is that all right?"

She smiled, a little in surprise. Everyday, she saw him grow more. Saw a little more of that humanity that had always set him apart from the rest of his breed surface, and a little more of the demon in him recede.

He took her silence at his question as a no, and instantly moved to apologize for being a terrible person, but stopped when he looked into her eyes. "Buffy?"

She blinked back tears, feeling like a sap. "I'm so proud of you."

He stared back in confusion. She was…did she say… was she really? His eyes lit up. She was. And those weren't tears of hatred, or loathing. She was proud of him. His heart soared. He realized one of the tears had escaped her façade, and he reached for it gently, catching it on the side of his index finger. "Hey now, no tears huh? We still haven't seen if they'll stake me or not," he joked quietly.

"They won't, Spike."

"We'll see."

Dawn jumped from her deep concentration of Great Expectations when she heard the door close behind her. She whirled around, seeing Buffy. "Oh. Hey."

"Hey, Dawn." Buffy smiled and sat down next to her sister on the couch. "How's it going?"

"Slowly. Did you know that Dickens got paid by the word, so he made his sentences as long as possible?" Dawn rolled her eyes and set the book down on the coffee table. Then she paused, noticing the remnants of tear tracks on her sister's face. "What happened? You and Spike didn't fight, did you? And you didn't…" she trailed off, too horrified to say what she thought. Had her sister killed him? Had she not given Spike a chance to talk?

"No! No… God no, I didn't kill him."

The younger girl relaxed. "God, heart attack much? What's with the waterworks then?"

Buffy shook he her head. "It's nothing. Spike was being sweet."

"Spike is always…wait… did you say sweet? You admitted that he's sweet?!" Dawn giggled. "Finally."

"What?" Buffy asked, wondering what her sister was laughing about now.

"I've known it forever and you've known him two years longer than I have. You think it's the blondeness?"

Buffy frowned but her eyes sparkled. "Yeah, well, get back to studying, freshman. Spike will be back in a while to help you."

"Good!" Dawn exclaimed, relieved. "I'm sick of trying to analyze this myself. At least he knows what he's talking about when we go over these stupid books," the brunette lamented, over dramatically as she glared at the worn paperback copy that lay on the table in front of her. She frowned. "Where is he now, anyway?"

"Impatient much?" Buffy shook her head. Then she stopped, realizing that her sister expected an honest answer. How would Dawn react when she told her that she'd let her protector go into uncharted territory without any backup? "He um, he wanted to go and tell the guys about the chip thing."

Dawn balked instantly, like Buffy knew she would. "He WHAT?"

"He wanted…"

"No, I heard you. But I mean, WHY? They'll kill him! Or…they'll try to… and he'll have to fight back so they don't, and then that'll just seal it and… why aren't you with him?"

"He wanted to do it himself."

"WHY?"

"Because…" Buffy paused. "It was noble. He was being noble."

Perplexed, the younger girl sat down. "Are you drunk? I thought you'd die before you admitted he was noble."

"No! No… I'm not drunk. And he wanted to do it alone. Because…" Buffy searched her mind for an appropriate answer, something Dawn would understand. "Oh, never mind."

"Because he wanted to test how strong a friendship they all had?"

"Okay, I guess you do understand." Buffy paused. "You don't REALLY think that they'll kill him, do you?"

Dawn looked thoughtful for a second, and then leaned back into the couch, unsuccessful. "Um… I don't really know."

Buffy sighed and mirrored her sibling's position on the couch. "Me neither. But he wanted to do it without me, and I said I'd let him."

"If this kills him, you know that he'll never try to be noble again."

"I know."

XVIII: Friendship

Spike walked into the magic shop, quietly, closing the door behind him. His mind was muddled with tens of thousands of different ways to explain his situation to the girls and guys of the Scoobies, and he had yet to decide on one. He'd hoped the walk to the store from near Buffy's would have taken a bit longer so he could decide, but it had gone by far too quickly. He hadn't been this nervous around humans since he had been alive. It was disquieting, and he wondered if the stake in his pocket was a good idea. The gang looked up from their books at the rustling noise he made when he walked, all expecting to see Buffy with a very chastened Dawn in tow. They were surprised to see the vampire. Not surprised in the abhorrent sense, Spike noticed. They actually smiled at him, seeing him back in Sunnydale. The whole thing made for weird feelings in the pit of his stomach. He thought it might be fondness, but the concept was almost so foreign to him that it was implausible.

"Spike! I thought Buffy said you'd high-tailed it!" Xander greeted, glad for a respite from the constant research.

"Um, yeah. For a bit. But I got bored," Spike shrugged.

"So, where'd you go?" Willow asked cheerfully, in a much better mood after Dawn had called to tell them she was safe at home.

"LA," the vampire responded. "Wasn't any fun. Guess we all know why Angel moved there."

Xander snorted. "Hear, hear!" He loved Angel dissing of any type, after all. "Welcome back, man. I thought I'd have to have my weekly pool game from Dawn from here on out."

"Did you see Angel?" Giles asked conversationally, though he had turned back to his book.

"No, wasn't in the mood to see the Poof himself. Um, but, I got a bit of news…"

"We know already," Anya interrupted, pretending to research, though she really had a bridal magazine hidden in the depths of her volume. "We're very happy."

Spike staggered backwards. "You do? You are?"

"Yes, we heard about it yesterday. From a customer. Congratulations."

"A customer?" Spike repeated, waiting for a stake to come from anywhere. "How the hell did a customer know?"

"They said they met someone who knew the girl that you saved…or something like that," Xander waved. "Now you going to sit down with us or what, Spike-o?"

Spike growled internally. That girl he'd saved had chattered that he could hurt people again? How did she even know? He was confused now. "So… you're all okay, with this?"

"Why wouldn't we be?" Willow responded. "I mean, it's not like you did anything bad."

"How the hell did you know that? You haven't been poking in my mind again have you, Red?"

She looked up. "No, why?"

He sighed. "I think I should be relieved. But I'm not. You're all treating this like a very small thing. I don't happen to think it's a small thing at all."

"What do you want, a congratulatory celebration? Or perhaps a pastry?" Anya asked, slightly annoyed that he was cutting into her reading time now.

"That's cookie, Ahn. But I agree. We're all very proud of you, Spike. Look, I give you a pat on the back." Xander made a patting motion with his hand. "Now pretend that the air under my hand was your back."

"Are you all very stoned?" Spike questioned. "Do ANY of you realize what this means?"

"Yes, we do realize what it means, Spike. Good job and everything. It shows that you're really on our side. What more do you want?" Giles asked, also growing slightly vexed. "And since you're here, why don't you help with some research?"

"Can't," Spike responded, still slightly disbelieving. Did they really think he was such a ponce that he couldn't hurt them? Even if it WAS true, it sort of hurt his big bad pride that they hadn't even seemed slightly shocked at his predicament. He reminded himself that he should be happy.

"Why not?" Tara asked softly. She motioned to the chair beside her, incase he did want to join.

"Got to help Dawn with Great Expectations," he muttered.

"I never liked that book," Giles admitted, absently.

"This is bloody ridiculous," Spike reiterated. "I can't believe that after the big revelation you're all talking like I'd just figured out how to open a can of soup with my fangs."

"Can you really do that?" Xander asked, finally showing some great interest in the vampire.

Spike rolled his eyes. "You're a bloody weird lot, has anyone ever told you that?"

"On a regular basis," Willow beamed. "Anyway, tell Dawn to have fun with Dickens. I loved that book."

"You would," Spike responded automatically. Well, he supposed, it was good that things hadn't really changed. "Um…so…I'm going now. Not to kill anything, mind you. Just to go help with…English homework."

"Yes. Very well then." Giles smiled. "Oh, and good work, once again Spike, for saving that girl in the cemetery."

"Yeah, well…" Spike trailed off. "Wait a minute. Don't you mean, `good work on not killing anyone'?"

"Well, we realized that you might not have been able to kill the demon on your own, but we're glad you saved the girl, in any case."

"The demon? Saved the girl? Has anyone ever told you people that your priorities are very screwed up?"

"Well, we've saved the world even when Passions was on, Chip." Xander drawled, watching Spike head slowly back up the stairs. "Where else would you like our priorities to be?"

The vamp stopped half step and nearly tumbled from loss of balance. "Chip?"

"It's a new nickname I came up with for you. I figure since you call me Whelp and Boy all the time, I could think of something better than Evil Dead Junior. So I decided to use our favorite government toy. What do you think?"

Spike shook his head. "I think… what we have here, is a failure to communicate."

"What do you mean?"

"I fought an electricity demon," Spike replied. He took the stake out from his duster pocket and tossed it to Willow, who `eeped' and caught it, looking rather perplexed.

"Um…thanks?" she asked, studying the stake to see if it was special or something.

"It electrocuted me," Spike continued, slowly. He didn't want to confuse the lot again, after all. Stepping back down to the main floor of the store, in front of Willow.

She looked back up at him, nonplussed. "Well, you look all healed."

"Yes, vampire healing power. Yippee. Still missing Spike's point," Xander added to Willow's unimpressed response.

Spike sighed and took Willow's hand, standing her up in front of him. He led her hand so that the tip of the steak he had tossed her was at his heart, directly.

"Um, and it made you suicidal?" Tara asked, worriedly.

"That's not a mystical property I've ever associated with an electricity demon," Giles murmured, adjusting his glasses.

Spike groaned. "The chip doesn't work anymore, people. The electricity short-circuited the bloody wiring. I could kill you all right now."

The vampire thought he heard several jaws hit the floor, and he closed his eyes, waiting for sweet oblivion. He'd promised himself he'd give them all the option to kill him if they were that afraid of him that they felt it needed to be done. "Is this a very bad joke?" Anya asked, finally closing her bloody wedding magazine.

So much for drama. Spike opened his eyes then stepped away from the stake and shoved Willow, who fell back into her chair with a thunk. "Ouch."

"Does it look like a joke?"

Everyone who wasn't standing already, with the exception of Willow, stood up. Spike smirked and sighed simultaneously inside. This was more like it. He picked up the stake Willow had dropped and tossed it to Xander. "What do you think, then, mate?"

Xander stared wide-eyed at the peroxide blonde as he unconsciously caught the

proffered weapon. The grip on his stake was loose and his hand shook slightly. Dear God... "Um, well, I guess, Chip won't work for a name anymore..."

Spike shook his head with a smile. "No, I guess not."

"So..." Willow finally stood. "Are...are..."

"Spike isn't here to kill us are you, Spike?" Tara crossed her arms with a smile. She might have be one of the newest Scoobies but then, so was Spike. She took the time to study the vamp and she was pretty sure he wasn't here looking to kill, but looking for approval. Spike was silent, wanting to hear what his friends had to say. He stared

at Harris. His hand was shaking, his grip loose on the stake. He wondered

what was going through the kid's mind.

"Let me get this straight..." Xander lagged behind.

"Are you all that daft?" Spike sighed. "I'm chip-less. I can kill, I can kill you all."

"But...you…won't...right?" Willow giggled nervously, with a smile.

"What do you think, Red?" Spike raised his brows.

"I think you're testing us," Giles spoke up. "Very clever."

The stake hit the floor with an echoing clack, like a pencil hitting the floor. Xander sunk in his chair. "This is why we don't be friendly with vampires. They're all nice and then WHAM! Demon's ready to kill. We didn't learn the first time?! Here was Angel all good and nice, Buffy boinks him and then the bad, bad EVIL vampire. Then he's good again... Well, that's not a good example cuz you were bad than you were good..." Xander rambled on trying to rationalize.

"Xander! Shut up!" Anya groaned. "You're giving me a headache," she sighed. "Spike, you can't kill us." She paused. "Well, you can, but you can't, cuz then Buffy will be mad."

"If he didn't already kill Buffy," Xander thumped his head on the desk.

"I'm not making nice with anymore males. Males, vampires...bad... Riley bad...Angel, bad...Spike, bad..."

Spike was quite disappointed. "Are you implying I'm going to kill you, Harris?"

Xander groaned, lifting his head from the desk. "Aren't you?"

"Spike's our friend!!" Willow pouted at Xander. "Shame on you..."

"Yes...shame on you," Anya agreed, wanting to just go back to her magazine.

"If he was evil would he be going to help Dawn with a book?! C'mon..."

Spike watched the Scoobies babble on and argue. He laughed. He laughed hard.

"Alright will someone give me a light of the stuff you're all on, cuz this is better than TV."

"Wait a minute, Blondie!!!" Xander pointed a finger at Spike, silencing him. He eyed the scoobs. "Ok...Spike's a friend now, yes? He coulda came in here and killed us all already, no? And he hasn't? Plus, he still seems the same to me..." he studied the vamp's whimsical expression. "Has it occurred to any of you al…" Xander shouted, pausing. "…that he may be here looking for our approval?!!?!! Shame on you all for not trusting in him!! He's not Angel!!" He looked back at the Scoobies with indignation. He picked up his stake and darted over to Spike.

The Scoobies rolled their eyes at the man. He sure was quite slow and inarticulate sometimes. But they'd let him take the credit. In the end, they all knew Spike would know they all believed in him. Spike however, eyed the glorified brick-layer with care.

"The only wood 'll be wielding around you Spike, is my pool stick when you beat me shamelessly at the Bronze tomorrow night," Xander lifted Spike's cool hand and placed the stake in his palm. "Welcome home."

Spike raised his scarred brow. "Good show, mate." He smiled brightly at Xander's humor. The boy sure was slower than the rest of them, but he was a good person. Spike groaned. He was turning into such a Poofter. A bloody Nancy boy... Lord help him... "Right then..."

Willow clapped happily like a little child getting a pony ride. "Oh goody!! This means

we don't have to stake you!"

"And we don't have to die, and I can finish my reading..." Anya grinned.

"Since when was research so interesting to you, Anya?" Giles stared at her with a suspicious expression.

"Uh..." she slipped the bridal magazine from the big magick book. "Well, electric

demons are quite interesting you know..." she babbled lamely, knowing she was caught, but putting up a fight of it anyway.

"Well, love to help and all gang, but I have two very lovely ladies waiting for good 'ol Spike. Catch you all tomorrow. Har..." Spike turned to Xander and actually smiled. "Xander... catch you at the Bronze."

Xander nearly fell into his chair. "Later Blondie..." he grinned, unable to be as serious as the vampire.

A few short hours later, and with a proficient amount of Buffy's urging, Dawn was off to bed around nearly midnight. She felt she still wasn't ready for the test, but it was way past her bedtime now and she needed her sleep as much as Spike's tutorials.

"You'll do fine, Nibblet. An' big sis is right, you need your sleep," Spike patted her shoulder affectionately.

Dawn tried to hide a yawn, but couldn't, groaning stubbornly. "Fine, fine. Goodnight again, you two. Don't kill each other, please..." she shuffled up the stairs wearily.

"See you in the mornin'," Buffy called. She then turned to Spike, and suddenly she didn't know what to say. She laughed inside. That had to be a first.

"Well..." Spike gave a half smile, not knowing what to say either. "Guess its been one helluva night..."

"Yeah," Buffy nodded, feeling at peace even after all that happened tonight. "So are you sure the gang took your chiplessness okay?"

"I'm not a pile of dust, am I?" Spike chuckled.

She smiled. "No, thankfully...you're not."

"Why Slayer...are you going soft on me?" Spike teased.

"Never, William..." She grinned playfully.

Spike chuckled darkly, and cocked his head.

Buffy nearly fainted in the knees. She found it so attractive when he cocked his

head to the side. It was so cute. CUTE!!!?!! Argh!!!

Spike watched some reactions cross her face. "All right, luv?"

"Peachy," she nodded. "Something about midnight I guess," she covered lamely.

"Tis the witching hour," Spike agreed. "Perhaps that's why you're grateful 'm not a big pile of dust?" he raised his brows.

She slapped his arm lightly. "Stop. I thought we kinda covered this..." she reminded him, before looking away, feeling suddenly fidgety.

"Oh, we did? I musta been bloody sleeping!" Spike snorted.

She glared. Why did he always have to push her to edge, and then right over? Didn't he know when enough was enough?! "I'll tell you what you are, Spike. You're a pain in my ass." She started for the door.

"Well then!" he started, his accent thick. "You're the sunshine in my life pet. Literally, you burn me all over, inside and out." he gripped her arm, after she swung open the front door. He leaned in close to her and could feel the heat of her body, and her breath on his face. "You make me warm, luv. You make me so warm, I kin almost feel the blood flowing in my veins again, feel my cold heart pumping back to life, so warm I might burst from the heat of your flames. You make me feel alive Summers..." he trailed off, seeing she could hear no more.

What was supposed to be a sneer turned into an endearment. In Spike's sick, demented sorta way, of course. Buffy's tawny eyes gazed at his face, trying to be angry that she couldn't think of a come back. She was getting soft. Plus, what he had said had thrown her back. She started to close the front door.

"I'll be off then, luv. It has been a long night. I bet we both could use a decent catnap. An' we've got research tomorrow. Never killed an electric demon before..." he headed for the door. "Dunno whether I should thank him first though..." he turned his deep ocean blue eyes to her. They sparkled like the ocean in the moonlight.

"I always skipped out on physics, or shop… or, well, whatever class they were teaching electric stuff in. Maybe Xander will know how to dismantle it..." Buffy's heartbeat was accelerating rapidly, getting lured in by his eyes. She took a deep breath trying to calm her heart down.

Spike could hear her heart jumping in her chest. He grinned, pleased with himself.

She was almost enthralled, staring into his eyes. In turn, he almost, just almost felt shy under her gaze, but it felt too damn good for her to be watching him so attentively. "Or Red…" he whispered.

"Yeah..." She needed to go now. She was starting to lose control of her breathing.

"Well, goodnight, Spike. I guess you'll be going now..." She nearly shoved him into the night.

Spike cocked his head slightly, his tongue darting across his lower lip playfully.

"Unless you want me to tuck you in, Slayer..." he leaned in again, a purr escaping his throat before he could hold it back.

Seeing his eyes up close, she could see her reflection clearly. The swirls of blue in his eyes were much like him, a mix of good and evil, light and dark. There was a tinge of gold flecks to the blue. It was as if the vampire in him demanded attention by standing out amongst the humanity of those supposedly soulless eyes.

Buffy had been staring into those very eyes for so long, she almost swore there WAS a soul in there, somewhere. Not like Angel's, but a soul held under cover of darkness, longing for the light to free it. But, the gold flecks amidst the blue background held it firmly in place. She was suddenly reminded of this book she was forced to read in school, but winded up renting the movie for instead, The Outsiders. And something about 'staying gold'??? That settled it, school made no sense, and if Dawn could get outta it, she'd let her. Of course, school was probably easier to understand if you weren't a Slayer. Maybe it was just Spike driving her insane, to think such odd thoughts. It was completely ludicrous. Suddenly, she came back to reality and she realized she hadn't

answered Spike's absurd offer. How did she answer him? Oh God...she couldn't think of a come back at all...

He cursed his insides for letting out that blasted purring noise again. He sounded like a swaggering kitten. Spike watched a mix of emotions cross her face, but most prominently were her eyes, just looking straight into his. It felt as if she was searching for something deep within him. It unsettled him, though not in a bad way. Bloody hell! That was it; she was driving him to lunacy. He wanted to just grab her in his arms and kiss her breath away. He took an unneeded breath to control himself. "Well then ducks, 'm off. I'll see you tomorrow night at the Scooby meetin'," he stepped backwards onto the porch and winked at her. "Goodnight, luv..."

"Goodnight, Spike..." she said softly. "Be careful." she whispered to him.

"For you..." He ran his finger across her cheek before he could stop himself, a gesture of the lowly reaching towards heaven. "…always…" He backed away, down the stairs, before disappearing like the shadow he was, into the night. Buffy closed the front door and leaned her back against it, groaning. Why did he have to have such beautiful eyes?! They had such a powerful affect on her; she almost felt hypnotized. It was so powerful, and so frustrating all at once. She took a moment to gather her breath, before heading up the stairs to her bedroom, knowing she was to dream about those eyes all night.