"A Lighter Shade of Darkness"

By Cindell T. (cindellt@yahoo.com)

Chapter 3

Spoilers: Takes place after "The Gift"

Rated: PG-13

Note: Words in Italics are thoughts

Standard Disclaimer: The characters in this story do not belong to me, they belong to the Buffy The Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon. I am only using them for my story, and no copyright infringement is intended. Please don't sue, I have no money. No, really.

Acknowledgements: As always, my thanks and admiration to Tracy and Abby. It's hard to find the words to express how much they have helped me, and how much I owe them. They're not just my beta's any more, I consider them friends.

Synopsis: Sequel to Dreams Come True </goth/cindell/c/dct.html>. Buffy and Spike's relationship is progressing nicely untill it's threatened by the actions of the Watcher's Council. Spike is left to turn to outside help to get his new...or rather, return to his old...problem under control. Meanwhile, the dark spirit hiding in Willow finally makes it's move, attempting to completely control her... and her power.

**********

Buffy slammed open the door to Spike's crypt and cringed at the hollow sound it made. The noise echoed though the empty chamber, and realization hit Buffy for the millionth time that night, that he was really gone. Tears threatened to fill her eyes, but she fought them back, as she had every other time that night. She reminded herself he was not gone, but running scared, frightened that his demon cravings would get out of control. He had done the only thing he could think of to protect her, leave. He was wrong to do so, and when she finally caught up to him, she would be sure to make that very clear.

She stepped around the chamber, looking for any personal item they could use in the location spell Willow would perform. Spike didn't have many possessions to begin with, and he had done a good job clearing out what little he did have. She was about to head down to the underground level, when she glanced at the TV, and noticed something small and silver resting on top of it. She walked over, and as she neared it she began to frown. The last thing she expected to see was sitting there with no note, yet speaking volumes to her.

She picked up the silver skull ring and turned it over as memories came flooding back. Ages ago, it seemed, Willow had cast a spell that had backfired in so many ways. One of which made Buffy and Spike get engaged. The funny thing was that it had done more than that. It had opened up a floodgate of emotion in both the Slayer and the vampire, and they had fallen head over heels in love as well. Spike had given this ring to her as an engagement ring. When the spell had been broken, their hate for each other returned and she had thrown the ring at him in anger, never imagining that he would keep it.

Buffy had made everyone promise never to talk about the forced engagement, and for the most part no one had. When Spike and Buffy had first started getting together for real, they had joked about it a couple of times. It seemed so long ago that they had wanted each other dead. That had changed slowly over time as Spike had changed.

Spike had never mentioned the ring, so Buffy figured it had gotten lost. Now she realized he had been holding on to it. She knew he would never expect her to wear it again, but leaving it like this was his way of telling her it wasn't over. No matter how strange things got, or hopeless they seemed, Spike truly loved her. His love was real. No spell had created it and leaving her would not break it.

She grabbed the ring tightly and ran to Willow's. They needed to get the spell done so she could be on her way to finding him. She didn't want to waste another minute.

*********************

Spike barely got the car into the warehouse, as the first rays of dawn hit the valley. He quickly closed the huge rusty doors and turned to view his surroundings. The place was obviously deserted, but for how long was hard to tell. Spike hoped it would stay that way at least until nightfall.

He walked back to his car and fished out his spare pack of cigarettes from the bag in the back seat. Lighting one, he took a long drag and looked around, muttering to himself, "This is gonna be one bloody long day." Shaking his head he went off to find somewhere he could be hidden from view, yet still keep an eye on his ride.

As he sat with his back to the wall, hidden between stacks of boxes and an old band saw, he thought about the gift he had left Buffy. He figured she'd found it by now and hoped she'd understand the importance of it. He loved her, more than anything. Their spell-induced engagement may have been torture to her at the time, but he had savored every minute of it, though he would never tell anyone that. In the dark times that followed, when he realized his feelings for her, and it seemed they would never be returned, he had clung to the memory of her arms around him, her eyes looking into his with love instead of hatred. Those precious memories were what had given him hope that someday… someday maybe, she would be his.

He had kept the ring safely hidden, even though he knew she would probably never wear it again. In fact he wasn't exactly sure why he kept it, the words `sentimental value' never crossed his mind. He told himself he just liked the ring. It was after all a skull, a symbol of death, fitting for a Big Bad Vampire like he claimed to be.

As he had been about to walk out his crypt door, he had stopped, realizing that he couldn't leave her with nothing. That's what the others had done, those men in her life who had thought so little of her as to leave. He growled in anger at the thought of anyone hurting Buffy. He was different than them, and he would spend the rest of his un-life proving it to her if need be. So he had left the ring, along with a silent prayer that she would understand its meaning; He loved her and would return someday.

Spike put his cigarette out on the cement floor, then leaned his head back against the wall and drifted off into a semi-sleep state, visions of his beloved dancing through his mind.

**********************

When Buffy arrived at Willow's, she quickly handed over the ring. Willow frowned at it then at Buffy. "Is this…"

"The ring Spike gave me when you did that spell that made us get engaged? Yea." Buffy sat down on one side of the couch. The coffee table was laid out with a map of the U.S., a candle at each edge of the map, designating the four compass directions, and a small dish in the center.

"I can't believe he kept it this whole time. Where did you find it?" Willow sat next to her and placed the ring in the center of the dish.

"On top of the TV. He left it as a message to me. He didn't want to leave, Will. I know it. He just felt he had to. And now I have to find him, and help him."

"Are you sure Buffy? I mean, if he feels he's that much of a danger…maybe he's right. Maybe he should be alone." Willow hated to upset her friend but the thought of Spike un-chipped sent shivers down her spine. She remembered clearly when he had been inches from biting her. The only thing that had stopped him was the chip.

"Willow, I know Spike. Number one, he would never hurt me. And B., if he's having that much trouble controlling himself, the last thing he needs is to be alone. I have to find him and I have to help him, I won't let him do this alone." Buffy gave Willow her best resolve face and hoped it would be enough to end the debate and start the spell.

It was. Willow sighed and turned to the table in front of her. She closed her eyes and muttered something in Latin. Buffy watched as the ring began to wobble in the dish. Willow frowned with her eyes still closed, and spoke the Latin phrase louder. The ring wobbled a moment more, then slid to the South Side of the dish. Willow opened her eyes and smiled. "He went South." She paused and frowned at Buffy. "What's South?"

"I don't know. Not much really except… oh God… L.A. He went to L.A." She jumped up and began pacing. "He couldn't have. That would be… just… so stupid! He couldn't… there's no way. He couldn't have."

"Couldn't have what?" Willow asked sheepishly. She felt something was building in Buffy and would be exploding anytime now.

"Why would he do something like that? That is the last person he should be talking to… probably won't get much of a chance to talk, actually. Probably kill him before he knows what hit him. Stupid, stupid!"

Willow was at a loss. Usually able to pick up on Buffy's train of thought, for some reason this time she was on a completely different track. "I don't get it. Why would he go see Drusilla? She'll only make his cravings worse won't she?"

"Drusilla? Wha… no, Willow… Angel. He went to see Angel." She started laughing at her friend's mistake until a thought occurred to her. "Oh, no. I hadn't even thought of that. What if Dru finds out he's in town? I'm not sure he can resist her, not in the state he's in now." She grabbed the ring off the dish and headed for the door, in full Slayer mode. "If she touches one hair on his head, I'll stake her before she can blink." And with that she was gone.

Willow stared after the door for several seconds, complete shock registering on her face. "Angel. Wow. That should be interesting."

"What should be interesting?" A sleepy voice queried from the doorway. Willow turned to see Tara standing there in her pajamas.

Willow smiled. "Nothing honey. It's still early, why don't you go back to sleep and I'll wake you when your breakfast in bed is ready. I'll tell you all about it then."

Tara smiled and turned, heading back to bed with a mumbled "ok.".

Willow began gathering up the items on the coffee table to put them away. She tip toed into the bedroom and placed the small dish back on the dresser. As she glanced in the mirror she thought she saw something strange in her eyes. She leaned in closer but everything looked normal. "Weird. I really need more sleep."

She went to the bathroom for a drink of water. As she was about to pick up the glass on the sink counter, she paused, then picked up the gold amulet still lying there. She looked in the mirror and was shocked to find black void eyes staring back at her. Before she could react, the world went dark and her head drooped.

After a moment it lifted again, a new light in her eyes and a sinister smile on her face. "It is time." She turned to the mirror and spoke to her reflection, as she put the golden pendant around her neck. "Finally, the time has come to claim our prize. Tell them to call the Tallinach now. We will begin today."

"Now?" Willow's reflection sounded unsure and a little frightened. "But, the Slayer has not left town yet. Shouldn't we wait until we are sure she is gone? What if she finds out?"

Willow's face glared at her reflection. "You worry too much… and are starting to annoy me." The threat in her voice was clear. "Do not forget your place." When the reflection bowed its head she continued. "The Slayer is out of the picture, for now. She has gone to find the vampire. But they won't be gone forever. We need to move now or risk everything."

She turned a powerful stare on her reflection. "Go, have them call the Tallinach. I will give it its instructions when it arrives… and then…" She placed a hand to the pendant hanging from her throat. "The possession of Willow… and her power… will truly begin." She began laughing as the reflection faded from the mirror, now showing the tub and wall behind Willow.

**

Minutes later Willow was standing in the living room, the golden pendant still around her neck and giving off a faint glow. She turned as a dark shadow stretched out from the counter's edge and formed a humanoid shape next to her. "Tallinach. You were once part of a powerful group… feared in the human world, respected in the demon world… until the Slayer and her friends defeated you, nearly killing you all. Forcing you to flee for your life… reducing you to lurking in shadows… afraid… alone.

The shadow lowered it's head for an instant, then straightened and leaned toward Willow, anger evident in it's voice. "I know this. What I do not know, is why you have brought me here."

Willow smiled a pitying smile. "You wish to return to your former glory, regain those counterparts you have lost? I can do that for you. I have within my grasp a power which will make anything possible. All you need to do is put that girl," she pointed to the closed bedroom door, "in a dream of torture… until I tell you to stop." She smiled at the black figure.

"Done" The darkness moved to the door and silently melted into and through it. After a few moments of waiting, Willow saw it return. "The witch is mine. What now?"

Willow smiled. "Now, the fun begins." She went to a cabinet in the living room and began rummaging through the shelves, looking for something. "You must stay here and keep her from being disturbed. I don't know how long I will be gone for, but she must not be woken during that time."

"You … don't want me to kill her?" The Tallinach's head tilted in puzzlement.

"No!" She turned, pointing a finger at the dark form. "She must remain as she is, alive, until I get back." She turned back to her search. "Her friends may come looking for her if I'm gone too long. Make sure you send them away and do not alert them to your presence. Ahh! There you are." She reached to the very back of the bottom shelf and pulled out a stone tablet with a woman's face carved on one side.

She stood and turned toward the Tallinach, the tablet tucked safely under one arm. "Remember my instructions. Keep the witch alive and in the dream until I return. Then, when my power is secure, I will give you your dream… to be the powerful Tallinach once again, restored, complete." She turned and headed quickly out the door.

The Tallinach nodded its head in thought, then turned back to the bedroom.

**

Just as the sun kissed the horizon, Willow arrived at the ritual grounds. A nearly perfect circular clearing in the middle of the woods, with a waist high stone table on the side opposite the setting sun. She ran across the small clearing and up to the table, then placed the tablet face up on it. She stood facing away from the sun with her arms out to each side, palms up, and began chanting in a low voice.

As the minutes ticked by and the sun set behind the hills, the light dimmed and changed the feel of the place from a sunny day picnic, to a shadow filled nightmare. Willow's chanting grew slowly louder and her amulet began to glow once more. As the top arc of the sun disappeared beyond the hills, her eyes flew open and her chanting stopped.

In a dark voice she intoned, "Powers of the underworld, of demons and death. I come before you as I promised, the witch's power within my reach. I beseech you, grant me my own form and will, that I may confront the witch, and take her power to use as you command." She bowed her head, raising her arms higher. "I await you."

A sudden wind picked up, swirling the leaves around her. Slowly, the tablet on the table rose, and moved back from Willow. It hovered, with the carved face directly opposite her. The rectangular shaped stone began to elongate, it's lower edge stretching downward, a full body being carved in it's wake. Moments later, a complete person of stone stood on the other side of the table from Willow.

Willow raised her head and dark mist flowed from her eyes into the eyes of the stone woman. When the transfer was complete the stone softened and became flesh, flowing robes of black and gold, and her shoulder length wavy hair stirred by the dissipating breeze. Soon all was still once more.

Willow… the real Willow, body and soul… blinked several times and looked around her fearfully. "Where am I? What… what's happening?"

"Calm yourself child." The woman spoke soothingly. "I brought you here. You are safe now, no harm can come to you in this sacred place." She smiled tenderly and noticed Willow relax just a touch.

"Where is this place? And who are you? And… and what do you mean safe `now'?" Willow looked at the woman.

"My, but you are full of questions, aren't you my dear? For now you must trust me that this is a place of safety, hidden from the eyes of the evil ones, sacred to those of your kind."

"My kind?" Willows senses were tingling. She could feel the power around her. "You mean witches?"

"Yes. But not just witches. There are many who study the magic arts. Some… like you… are very powerful, yet lack the proper guidance. When that causes danger… as unguided power always will eventually… I am sent to bring them here, for council and help in righting their wrong."

"So you're like what… a guardian angel for witches?"

The woman laughed, a gentle tinkling sound that made Willow smile despite her fear. "Oh my dear child. You do have much to learn. A witch's guardian angel is little more than an overgrown cherub with a few parlor tricks up their sleeve. Goodness no dear, I'm far more advanced than that. I'm only called in the most dire of circumstances… such as what you now find yourself in." She stepped to the side of the table and raised one arm, gesturing to the empty space in front of Willow. A large mirror faded into view above the table, framed in a black and gold cloth, matching the robes the woman wore.

It took Willow a moment to realize that, though the trees behind her were clearly visible in the mirror… she was not. The woman appeared at her side and gently placed a hand on her invisible shoulder. "Do not be frightened child. Your absent reflection will return once we have solved your problem. It is a necessary side affect of the amulet you wear."

Willow looked down, noticing the gold pendant for the first time since waking in this strange place. She placed her hands over it. "The amulet makes me invisible? Why?"

The woman's brief frown went unnoticed. She forced a smile and replied, "Time is short my dear. We must focus on the problem at hand… Tara."

At the sound of her love's name, Willow's head snapped up with a fierce look of determination on her face. "What's wrong with Tara?"

The woman's face became serious as well. "See for yourself, my dear." She turned her head and waved her arm toward the mirror.

The surface image distorted and dissolved into a black void of swirling gray mist. Willow squinted at it, trying to find some familiar form in the darkness. Slowly her eyes opened wide and began filling with tears as an image presented itself. It was Tara, but not like she'd ever seen her, not even when Glory had taken her mind and left her a lost shell of the girl she once was.

Her face was contorted in the most horrible mask of fear and terror. Tears streamed freely down her face, and though no sound could be heard, she was obviously screaming. She was reaching desperately for something unseen with one hand outstretched, fingers stretching to their limit. The other hand was clutched to her chest. It was deformed into a hideous claw of bony white fingers, the tips bloodied and raw.

After a moment Tara stopped screaming and her outstretched hand slowly dropped. A look of complete hopelessness and despair overcame her expression. She visibly withdrew into herself, her knees pulled up to her chest, face buried behind them, arms circling her shaking legs. She turned over and lay in the fetal position, unmoving except for the occasional tremor.

Willow stared unbelievingly at the horrible image before her, her mind trying to figure out what had happened. It was impossible to think of anything that could have done this to her.

She felt a breakdown coming on. Her mind was screaming to copy her lover's position, curled up, hiding from the reality of what she was being shown. In the instant she thought that, another part of her took charge. Power coursed through her body and mind, and she turned to the woman who obviously was her only key to helping Tara.

When the woman saw the look on Willow's face, she felt a momentary panic. Black eyes stared right into her. The air crackled with electricity around them, She could feel it, the raw power this young witch contained was pushing to be let out. She had no idea of her full potential. But when she spoke, it was obvious she was fully aware that her power was great. Her voice low with anger, she spoke in a slow even manner, leaving no room for argument. "Tell me where she is."

The woman smiled sympathetically at her. "You can not go where she is, my dear. But I can help you get her out of there."

**********************

The day Spike spent in the warehouse had been thankfully uneventful. He had even managed to catch a couple hours sleep here and there, but each time he dreamt of Buffy. She was there in his arms, and he was promising he would never leave her again. Each time she would look up at him so trustingly, and each time would end with his fangs buried in her neck. That's when he would jerk awake and vow not to fall asleep again.

By the time night fell he was haggard and miserable, unsure if his plan to ask Angel for help was really such a good idea. But it was the only idea he had. And so he gathered himself up, opened the warehouse's door and peeled out into the night.

Spike thought about the events of the last couple days. From the moment he knew his chip was out, he had felt it. Tickling the back of his mind, itching at the edge of his consciousness. The craving. The instinct that told him to go out and hunt. It had, in fact, always been there, but while he had the chip he had been able to dismiss it. Like the ring you always wear, eventually you hardly feel it. But now it was tightening, becoming more and more uncomfortable as time went by. Soon, he knew, he wouldn't be able to ignore it. It would consume him; it was after all, his nature.

Spike had thought he could handle it on his own. He thought he loved Buffy so much, of course he'd never do anything that she would disapprove of. What he didn't count on was how strong his demon was, and how the craving for human blood had been controlled, but was by no means tamed. Buffy had been right; Spike was like a serial killer in prison, and now that the chip was gone, now that the killer had been granted parole, he was struggling desperately to keep it together for her.

So he drove the busy streets of Los Angeles, looking for the one person who could help him. The one vampire who could understand the pain of going against your very nature to do what you know to be the right thing: Angel. Spike knew he was risking all his parts coming to see him. The last time they met had been… well, not friendly. But Spike was counting on Angel's white-hat sense of duty. Because when it came right down to it, Angel would always do the right thing. Spike just had to convince him that was what he wanted to do as well. Spike hoped Angel wouldn't stake him before he got a chance to plead his case.

There was one more problem; had Angel finally moved on, or was he still not really over Buffy? If he wasn't, Spike knew he had no chance. All the reasons in the world would not convince him Spike was right for her, he would, in fact, probably stake him for even suggesting such a thing. Spike frowned and hit the gas. He just wanted to find him and get it over with.

Spike stopped at a bar he had used for info the last time he was in town, and they directed him to the Hyperion Hotel, Angel's new residence. Spike parked at the curb directly across the street and looked up at the huge building. "Well what do you know? Looks like Peaches is moving up in the world." He frowned at the familiar nickname. He realized he was going to have to play nice if he was going to get any help. Problem was, it was just too easy to slip into the old ways…too easy, and too fun. He sighed and reached for his cigarettes, not sure if he should just go in and see if Angel was there, or wait to see if he showed up. He didn't have to wait long though, moments later Angel, and a shorter man carrying a large battle ax, walked around the corner and into the building. Spike lit his cigarette, got out of the car, and as he crossed the street swore an oath to Buffy to try his best. "For you, luv. Always for you."

***************

Angel and Wesley entered the hotel's door with smiles on their faces. Cordeila looked up from the phone book in front of her. "That was quick."

"Yes, it was, wasn't it?" Wesley was positively gleeful as he placed the battleaxe on the counter. "Well, I suppose that's what happens when your visions provide the right details."

"Yea, he was right where you said he would be. How did you do that?" Angel somehow managed to continue smiling as he looked at Cordeila in confusion.

"I didn't do anything. It felt like a regular vision." She shrugged then smiled her friends. "Just happened to get lucky, I guess."

"Well, let's just hope our luck holds up for the rest of the night. I could use an easy one after the past week." Wesley said as he moved to pick the battleaxe up again to put it away.

"I'd say that's pretty much out of the question." Angel stated in a somber voice, looking over Wesley's shoulder.

Wesley turned to follow his and Cordeila's gaze toward the front door. There stood Spike, bag in one had, lit cigarette in the other. They watched in disbelief as he raised the cigarette to his mouth and took a deep drag. As he blew out the smoke he smiled at them. "Hey gang. Did you miss me?"

"Spike." Angel stated in a threatening tone.

Wesley raised the ax slightly, holding it at battle ready in both hands, as he took a step toward the door. "So… you're the infamous William the Bloody?" He frowned and looked him up and down. Hateful sarcasm in every word as he quipped, "Funny… I thought you'd be taller." He paused. "What are you doing here?"

Cordeila tossed Angel a stake, as he stepped up next to Wesley. "That doesn't really mater Wesley, he's not staying if he wants to live another five seconds."

Cordeila came up beside Angel and looked at the small bottle of holy water in her hands. "You know, I was kind of saving this for a special occasion." She looked at Spike matter-of-factly. "I guess this counts."

Spike looked around and saw hatred, anger, and a lust for revenge. He quickly decided that joking around was not the way to go. Spike dropped his bag and raised both hands in surrender. "Look, I know it's a bit of a shock, me showin' up like this," he looked for a place to put out his cigarette and decided on the soul of his shoe. "and with the differences we've had in the past you may not want to listen to a word I have to say, but just... hear me out."

The growl in Angel's voice was familiar to Spike. The same deadly sound had come from Angelus countless times... just before he killed. "You've got sixty seconds before I rip out your heart."

Spike knew he meant it. He tossed the crushed cigarette into a nearby waste bin and began his attempt to save his own un-life. "I was once the biggest bad-ass vampire around. Angelus and I had some bloody good times together." He smiled briefly, fondly remembering some of them. "But things change. Angelus got a soul and became Angel, a ponc... a peaceful do gooder who regretted his past deeds. And I got a chip. A nasty little chip that while great at keepin' me from causin' any harm did nothin' to cure my bloodlust. Which, by the way, is completely unfair if you ask me. I mean couldn't they have…"

"Thirty seconds." Angel warned him.

"Right." Spike got back to business. Looking Angel straight in the eyes he spoke with all the sincerity he could muster. "Things have changed again. I don't want to kill anymore. Terrorizin' and torturin' innocent people is no longer on my list of fun pastimes. I'm a white hat now… well, gray hat… protectin' the innocent, destroyin' the bad guys. In effect I've become… well, I hate to say it but… a much more handsome version of you I suppose. `Cept without all the broodin' and `oh my poor soul'."

"Time's up." Angel sprang forward, his stake aimed squarely for Spike's chest. Spike kicked the stake out of his hands and it went sailing across the room. After trading several punches Angel grabbed Spike and shoved him toward Wesley.

Spike managed to grab the ax Wesley was holding and spun him around. Wesley lost his grip on the ax, sending him flying into Cordeila who dropped the holy water, which smashed as it hit the floor. Angel came up behind Spike and reached around both sides, grabbing the ax and holding it up under Spike's chin. "After what you did to me, what makes you think I would let you walk out of here in one piece?" He shoved Spike onto the coffee table, which broke under his weight.

Spike looked up to see Angel advancing on him with yellow vampire eyes and a fanged smile. He managed to roll out of the way just as Angel swung the ax down and right into the tile floor, where it stuck. As Angel struggled to remove the ax, Spike scrambled to his feet. "You're the only one who can understand what I'm goin' through. You're the only one who knows what it's like to be driven by a hunger that you can't control… no matter how much you want to."

Angel gave up on the ax and advanced on Spike, intent on dusting him with his bare hands. "The chip in your head is all the control you need." He sounded frighteningly like Angelus at that point, and Spike had to suppress a shiver of excitement. "And yet… it doesn't seem to be enough to control your death wish, does it? What a shame.' He lunged at Spike.

Wesley and Cordiela watched, fascinated by the sight of two vampires at war. As many times as they'd seen Angel fight, they'd never witnessed the raw fury he was unleashing on Spike. It was as if Angel was lost, so caught up in his anger and lust for revenge that he had given his demon free reign. At first there was nothing but fists and fangs, and the glory of two immortals locked in a fight to the death. Spike managed to get the upper hand and threw Angel into the weapons display case, shattering the glass doors.

Angel was momentarily stunned and Spike took the opportunity to try again. "You're right and your not mate. The chip has been all I've needed… until now." He paused, unsure if this was the right time to spring the news on them. As Angel stood and grabbed a very big, very deadly sword out of the cabinet, Spike decided there never would be a `right' time. "I don't have the chip anymore." He blurted out.

Stunned silence filled the room. Angel paused with the sword raised over his head. "What?"

"It was removed without my knowin'. I've been capable of killin' for months now." Spike rushed to explain. "But I haven't. Even without the chip holdin' me back, my cravings were under control… my control. But they're back now. Back with a bloody vengeance and I need your help."

"Help?" Angel scoffed at the word. "Why would I wanna do that… when killing you would be so much fun." He sprang into motion once again, charging Spike and slashing the air with the long sword.

As Spike dodged the blind attack each swing missed by mere inches. But Angel was fighting blind and Spike used that sloppy style to stay out of his reach while he talked. "Because it's what you do Angel, you help people."

"You're not people." Angel swung again.

"No. I'm a vampire. Just… like… you."

"You're nothing like me." The emotional furry behind Angel's swing was not lost on Spike. He ducked quickly then came back up, grabbing Angel's arm and forcing it down into Spike's knee, causing him to drop the sword. He then twisted Angel's arm behind him and shoved him hard into the counter top, holding him face down on it.

Spike leaned close to his ear and growled in frustration at him. "Listen here you poncy bugger. I'm tryin' to tell you I've changed. I'm one of the bloody Scoobies now. I fight side by side with them everynight. And not `cause of some chip and not `cause they pay me. I do it `cause I bloody want to, but without the chip, these cravings are gettin' out of my control." The frustrated anger in Spike's voice subsided and helpless confusion took its place. "I need you to help me. Please Angel. I can't do it without you." Angel's vampire features melted away and the familiar human brood took its place. Spike let go and took a step back.

Angel was clearly not pleased with the situation as he turned to face him, but it seemed he was at least ready to listen. Spike continued, "I thought it would be so easy. When I found out… I thought, `Alright. No problem. Big tough vampire that I am? I can handle a little bit of bloodlust. After all, that's what the blood bank's for, right? Just have to be real careful not to run out of the bags.' But noooo… All it took was one tasty girl, bleedin', cryin', all warm and frightened like… and bam! Here comes the hunger. I wanted her so bad I didn't think I could resist, but I did. Handed her over to Giles like a good little hero should."

Angel laughed bitterly at this. "You're no hero Spike. Beating up a few demons now and then because it fits into some twisted scheme you have does not make you a hero. A hero is…" He paused, struggling to find the right words. To his amazement Spike found them first.

"A hero's someone who faces their fears, puts their own needs aside and struggles against their very nature to do what's right, to save others no matter what the personal cost. I know what a hero is, Angel. I work beside one every bloody day… and I'm lookin' at one right now. I know I'll never be a hero. Don't really want to be. But I don't want to be what I was either. I'm tryin' to find the middle ground here. To find a place where I don't have to be a ruthless killer or a defanged kitten unable to even protect itself. But I can't do it alone. Without your help... I'll fail miserably."

Angel gave a weary sigh. He was tired of fighting and hating Spike. Maybe he had changed, maybe he hadn't. It didn't matter anymore. Either way, Angel just wanted to be rid of him. "So what do you want from me?"

Cordiela stepped between them and faced Angel. "Wait just a minute. You're gonna help him? Need I remind you he tried to torture you… to death."

"I know." Angel said calmly. He looked at Spike with pain in his eyes. "I remember very clearly." He looked back to Cordiela. "But he's right, I help people."

They looked in each others eyes for a moment as silent understanding passed between them. "I can't change your mind can I?" It wasn't really a question. Cordiela knew him well enough to know that when he made up his mind about something there was no going back. She sighed and walked around to the other side of the counter. "Wait until Buffy finds out about this. She's gonna flip."

"Um… She already knows." Spike cringed inwardly. He knew that finding out about him and Buffy would be the real kicker.

"What do you mean?" Angel had a bad feeling that the other shoe was about to drop, and he wasn't gonna like it any more than the first one.

"Well, you see… Buffy and I…uh… we're… Bloody hell, there's no easy way to say this. Buffy and I are a couple now. We love each other." For the second time shocked silence filled the room. "She's the real reason I've changed. The only reason in fact that I'd even consider not giving in to my hunger. She knows the chip is gone and still she wants to be with me. But if I ever lose control… it would be over. She knows it, and I know it. So I left without tellin' her where I was headed. Smart little chippy that she is though, I'm figurin' she's sussed out where I'm at by now and is probably on her way."

Angel sighed. He wasn't really as surprised as he should have been. He was in love with Buffy once and understood very well why Spike would fall for her as well. As for Buffy loving Spike… well, he wasn't too sure he believed that one. He decided to hold off judgement on that until and unless he saw proof. In the meantime he just wanted Spike out of his sight. "So. Let's just get this over with. I don't understand how you expect me to help you with your cravings."

Spike smiled slightly. The fact that Angel chose to ignore his declaration of love for Buffy gave him hope that he would get out of this visit in one piece. "That's easy mate. Just explain your trick."

"Trick?" Angel looked perplexed. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talkin' `bout how you deal with it. How you keep from givin' in to the call of warm blood coursin' through a live body. When the heart beat pounds in your head… and all you can smell is their fear… how do you stop yourself from doin' the one thing you're meant to do? How do you spare them? What's your trick?"

Spike paused, watching Angel hopefully. The seconds ticked by and soon Spike began to frown. Angel was simply staring back at him as if trying to remember who he was. Spike began to lose his patience and was about to speak again when Angel walked past him, headed for the door. "Come with me." He stated dryly.

Spike turned his head and looked at Cordeila standing behind the bar.

"You wanted help." She raised her hands in surrender. "So go already. Let him help."

Spike sighed and followed Angel out.

******************

Buffy had wasted too much time already. After leaving Willow's she had gone straight home to let Dawn know she'd be out of town for a couple days. But Dawn wasn't home and that had sent Buffy off on a frantic search of the city once again. She ended up at The Magic Box where Giles reminded her that Dawn was on a field trip with her class. Buffy had completely forgotten and thanked Giles for taking care of her.

He tried to press her about where she was going, but so much time had already gone by that Buffy simply stated she'd be back when she could and headed out the door. Thankful once again she had finally learned to drive her mom's SUV, she went home, packed everything she thought she'd need, and headed out at full speed.

That "full speed" had slowed to a "sudden crawl" as she neared the first L.A. exit. By the time she made it to Angel's, it was after dark. She burst in the door, stake in hand, ready to break up a vampire fight with some serious threatening. The place was deserted. "Hello?" She called. "Where're all the vampires?"

Cordeila came out from the office. "Buffy? Oh my God. You're…here." She stood looking stunned at her friend.

"Hi. Yea, I'm here but Spike's not. I… I thought he was coming here… but apparently I was way off." She walked to the counter and smiled. What a relief that was. At least she wouldn't have to break up a to-the-death fight between her former lover and current one. That could have gotten ugly.

"Oh, he was here, he's just not now." Cordeila said matter-of-factly.

Buffy went into shock. "No… he's not…"

"Dusted? No. Well, I don't think so. Angel and Spike left just a couple minutes ago… is it really true that you love him? Spike I mean."

"Yea, I really do." Buffy looked sideways at Cordeila waiting for the insults to start.

"Oh my God. That's just… well…it's so… strange." She frowned at the counter for a moment before starting up again. "I mean, I can kind of see why physically…he does have that hot, tight, bod thing going for him… and I love what he's done with his hair, all messy like that…" She smiled dreamily, remembering the way he'd looked standing in the doorway. She noticed Buffy raising her eyebrows at her, and immediately got back to business. "But Spike? He's just so… not Angel. He's really not your type."

Count on Cordeila to point out the obvious, Buffy thought. "But I think that's exactly why I love him. He's not like any type at all. Every time I think I have him figured out he goes and does something to surprise me."

"Like asking your former boyfriend for help controlling his bloodlust, so he can be with you?" Wesley stepped out from the office, and up to the counter.

"Wow. He really told you guys everything?" It couldn't have been easy not only telling Angel, but Wesley and Cordeila too.

"Yes, everything." Wesley looked at her concerned for a moment. "I have to ask you something, but I will only ask once." He paused and took her hand. "Do you really love him?"

"Yes," she said seriously, looking straight into his eyes. She saw his honest concern and he saw her steadfast conviction. In that moment they reached their understanding. Whether he liked it or not he would accept their relationship, no more questions asked.

"In that case, I think you should wait here."

"No. I have to find him, Angel…"

"…will do his best to help him. If you try to interfere you will only make things worse. They will both return here, and when they do, then you can be with him." Wesley knew there was truly nothing he could do to keep her here if she really wanted to go. He could only hope she would see the wisdom in leaving the two vampires in her life to sort things out on their own.

After thinking a few minutes, Buffy finally conceded. "Fine. I'll wait. But if either of them end up dusty because I wasn't there…" she looked pointedly at Wesley, "…you're in big trouble."

He smiled a nervous grin and stated with more conviction than he felt, "They'll both be fine. Probably laughing over old times even as we speak."

*********************

"No! No, I can't!" Spike was sure he was screaming, but his voice sounded far away. Angel rammed him up against the brick wall near the window.

"Are you sure? No one will know. Just one. Can't you smell them… their blood?" Angel was talking low in Spike's ear, taunting him, trying to bring out the bloodlust he was doing such a good job suppressing. And Angel was impressed. They were in the alley outside one of the busiest nightclubs in town. Even Angel could feel the call of the hunt.

Spike pushed back from the wall hard, knocking Angel back several feet. He glared at his supposed savior, wondering why he was tempting him instead of helping him. He had told Angel how long it had been since he'd eaten. He shouldn't have brought him here where he could sense so many warm bodies so near by. He turned and looked at the back door to the club, his demon beginning to take over once again.

He stood still as stone, listening to the sounds of music and laughter coming from inside. Slowly, other sounds came clear to his vampire ears- heartbeats, blood pumping through veins. He turned away quickly, gripping the sides of his head. "No." A ragged whisper escaped him. The demon was winning and he knew it. All that time being denied, it was surfacing, angry, vengeful, and… "Hungry." Spike turned back toward the door. He took a deep breath in through his nose and smiled. Blood. Human blood; pumping away, hot and fast.

He lowered his chin and grinned evilly at the door. As he took a step an image of Buffy appeared before him, as if she really stood there. She smiled up at him in that trusting, loving way she had. He blinked once then twice. He straightened up and murmured to the vision, "Always for you, luv." She disappeared and Spike turned to face Angel as his human face regained control. "Not gonna work, mate. You can't just trick me into it."

Angel frowned at him. "Then you don't really need my help do you?"

"Yes, I do. Look… I can resist most times, like now, when there's an easy way out. It's when I'm holdin' her…" he paused to gage Angel's reaction. This wasn't going to be easy for him to hear, but it was necessary. "when she's so close to me that there's nothin' else… no other sound but her heartbeat… no other smell but her skin…It's when she's most vulnerable to me that the craving becomes… uncontrollable. Twice I've felt it with her and twice I've resisted. But I can't resist forever. I feel my demon gettin' stronger all the time. I'm afraid the next time she's near me…" he looked deep in Angel's eyes, hoping to convey his sincerity. "I won't betray her like that. You have to help me."

Angel looked at Spike and for the first time saw a real man. Gone was the monster who had reveled in destruction and mayhem, gone was the vampire whose greatest pleasure was found in the moment he drank the last life from a person. For the first time Angel saw a man in love, willing to risk everything, honest in his intent.

Angel wasn't ready to give up just yet though. Admitting Spike was worthy of Buffy, even without a soul, held far too many implications for him to accept. "Well that was a lovely little speech. But to convince me you're gonna have to do better than that."

"Name it." Spike was through wasting time. He was beginning to miss Buffy terribly, and if Angel was starting to admit he'd give him a chance, he was more than ready to do whatever it took.

"Well, there is one thing you can do that will convince me your intentions are honorable, but you may not like it." Angel smiled at the humiliation he was about to expose Spike to.

"I told you… anything." Spike lifted his chin, prepared for anything.

*************************

Spike had not been prepared for this. Luckily shyness was not one of his vices and he took to the stage like a fish to water. The crowd loved him. He belted out the Billy Idol tune like it was written for him, his voice surprisingly strong and on-key the whole time.

At a nearby table, Angel sat with his head buried under his hands. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Angel had meant to embarrass Spike, not give him the time of his life. But there he was, rocking out like a pro, smiling from ear to ear. And worse yet, the Host was smiling too. Angel sighed, realizing too late that this was Spike he was dealing with, being the center of attention was what he lived for. "Should have known." He mumbled to himself.

Angel lifted his head again to take in the green-faced demon. "Do you have to do that?"

"Do what?" He replied never looking away from the stage.

"Smile… like he's good or something."

"Are your ears on straight, my friend? He is good." He listened for a few lines more then looked over at a tortured Angel. Sighing, he reluctantly turned away from the show and turned his focus to Angel. "Ok. I get it. Time for business. Spike is on the path he needs to be, there's just one little road block in his way, one that better get out of his way fast if he knows what's good for him." Off Angel's confused look the Host replied, "That road block is you, pal."

"Me? I'm the roadblock?" Angel tried to take it in but it wouldn't compute. He was the one to clear the road, not muddle it up. And since when was a Spike path a good path anyway?

The Host continued as Spike was wrapping up the song. "There's some major conflict going on inside that boy… and I'm not just talking about a vampire's love for a Slayer." At Angel's downhearted look he continued "Oh yea. Hate to break your heart babe, but the vampire's love is very real.

Angel looked up at Spike. Now done with the song, he was standing with his arms up triumphant, loving the applause and cheering. "Yea! All right!"

He turned back to the Host "So you're saying I have to stand back and let him have her?"

"Let him? You don't have a choice in that, bub. You're not involved in her path anymore. You have a more important role to play now."

Spike joined them at the table, and at the Host's serious expression, sat down and frowned. The Host turned to Spike. "There's a battle coming. Big one. Huge. Buffy is going to need you, Spike. She can't face what's to come alone, and Angel can't be there for her, not anymore."

"So what is to come? Another apocalypse?" Spike leaned forward in anticipation. The fact that he'd said Buffy needed him, not Angel, was pushed to the back of his mind. Buffy was his first priority and if something was threatening her… again… he wanted to know everything he could ASAP.

"Not exactly. Look, you'll figure it out when the time is right. For now you need to concentrate on the issue at hand." He looked pointedly at Angel. "You have to help Spike. Prepare him for what's to come. If he tries to help Buffy in the state of confusion he's in now… it's all over for her. You have to help him find his balance. There's good and evil in everyone, Angel; you should know that by now. Help him find the balance." He stood up to go.

"Wait. That's it? `Find the balance'? What the bloody hell kind of advice is that?" Spike stood up threateningly. Angel stood up as well and put a hand on Spike to hold him back.

The Host looked at Spike with pity. "I'm sorry, I can't say anymore. Trust Angel, let him guide you." He turned and walked away.

Angel tried to guide Spike to the door. "Let him go. You won't get anymore out of him."

"Is he always that bloody cryptic?" Angel nodded at him.

"Let's go." Angel would help Spike get his demon under control, find his damn balance, then he would send him back to Sunnydale and be done with him. Angel had been through something similar with Faith. She had reached a crisis of sorts and desperately needed help getting back on the right path. Difference with her was she would listen. When Angel told her there was no easy way, that each day was a struggle she was going to have to fight on her own, she understood. She believed him and took the message to heart, beginning with turning herself in to the police.

With Spike, Angel knew it wouldn't be that easy. If he told Spike there was no trick, that being good was a struggle everyone faced everyday, Spike would assume he was trying to get out of helping him and would go off looking for someone else to give him the magic pill. Someone who would probably use him and dump him, and that wouldn't do anyone any good.

Angel knew with Spike he had to be sneaky, he had to make the lesson creep up on him and smack him upside the head when he least expected it. He had to prove to Spike that he was right. And so he took Spike on the wild goose chase of his life.

***

First stop was a particularly mean vampire nest Angel had heard about last night. He walked Spike up to the entrance of the sewer. From inside they could hear several vampires laughing and roaring, obviously having a party of some kind. Angel stopped and pointed into the darkness of the cave-like tunnel. "Take them out."

"What?" Spike looked at him like he was crazy. "What do you mean `take them out'? How many of what are we talking about here?"

"Does it really matter? You want to control your demon… so… kill them." Angel folded his arms across his chest and looked at Spike calmly.

"And exactly how will killing a bunch of unknown baddies help me control my demon?" Spike tilted his head and raised one eyebrow at him.

"Look, you want me to help you, this will help you. Don't question me, just do it." Angel looked completely serious and calm, like a karate master teaching a thick-headed student.

Spike sighed and put his game face on. Turning toward the dark entrance, he smiled as he realized he could really let go with no worries about hurting the wrong guy. As he disappeared into the dark, Angel smiled ever so slightly. Step one; wear him out.

Various growls, howls, and roars were heard as well as several things breaking. After several minutes, out staggered a worn but relatively unhurt, blonde vampire. "That…I could have used a hand you know. They nearly got me… several times."

Angel looked him over and turned to leave. "But they didn't. Let's go."

The rest of the night didn't go much easier for Spike. Several nests later, Angel turned up the stakes with a trip to a night club. Spike easily picked out three demons in the crowd and followed them out back, where they were just about to have a snack of two young girls. He scared the girls off with a flash of vampire features, then ripped the spine out of two of the demons and decapitated the third.

All the while, Angel looked on from the sidelines. Spike stalked up to him, anger etched in his human features. "What's this all about then? I'm not joinin' the bloody army. What's all this supposed to prove?"

Angel studied his face calmly, then decided he was ready for a change of pace. He led Spike to the top of a tall office building downtown. Angel instructed him in several meditative poses and made him recite the alphabet backwards. Spike was seriously considering punching Angel out and leaving when he was told to get up on the narrow wall circling the roof of the building.

Frowning, Spike did as he was told. "What now? Leap to my death?" Spike hoped Angel didn't fancy the idea enough to actually push him.

"Face outward, raise your arms straight out to each side and wait." Angel stood still while Spike considered the directive a moment, then, after rolling his eyes, followed his instructions. Without making a sound, Angel disappeared back down the stairs that led to the roof and waited at the top landing.

He leaned against the wall, wondering how long it would be before Spike realized he was gone and came back down fuming. He waited… and he waited. He was beginning to worry maybe he had jumped after all, when a surprisingly calm Spike sauntered down the stairs.

"Angel? Fancy seein' you here. You wouldn't want to explain that little game we just played, would you?"

Angel turned and began to walk down the hall. "Didn't think so." He heard Spike mumble behind him. Suddenly Angel found himself up against the wall, one hand pinning him at his throat, the other held a stake over his heart.

"Well, look at this, mate. Seems the tables have finally turned. And it only took what? Two hundred years and 10 hours of my jumpin' through soddin' hoops to do it. Now, are you gonna tell me this bloody secret of yours… or should I just put you out of my misery?" Angel gargled something Spike couldn't understand. "What?" Spike grinned evilly and tightened his grip.

He remembered clearly the time their positions had been reversed and it was Angel with the upper hand, pinning Spike to a beam. Their rivalry stretched back over a century, an Alpha Male kind of battle. Only one of them could be the leader, and it had always been Angel. But now Spike was in control… Angel was at his mercy and… Bugger, Spike thought, I need him to help me, not be bloody pissed at me.

He let go of Angel's neck and stepped back, putting the stake back in his jacket pocket. "Sorry, mate. But I think after what you've put me though tonight… well… no hard feelings, right?" Spike tried to grin sincerely.

Angel glared back as he rubbed his neck. He looked like he was about to say something but stopped himself. He remembered what the Host had told him. There was something big going on, and he wasn't involved. He was just supposed to help Spike, then walk away.

He grinned back at Spike, "Sure. No hard feelings." His smile grew wider as he realized he had one more twist to throw at him. One that may very well push Spike over the edge. "What I said…when you were choking me…was… there is no secret."

Spike froze. "Say that again."

"There is no secret. No easy way out, no quick fix, no potion, no spell… no little pill." Angel could see the rage building in Spike again. He hated being tricked; he liked to be the one doing the tricking. Angel had taken him this route to show him that the time for tricks was over… that and to have a little fun with him.

Spike glared at him. "Then what the bleedin' hell was the point of the song and dance you just put me through?" Spike was at the end of his rope, and it showed as his demon features surfaced while he spoke.

"I had to make sure you were ready to listen." Angel looked calmly at him.

"Make sure… ready…." Spike stuttered. "Of course I'm ready to listen! I've been ready since the instant I walked in your bloody door!"

"No, Spike. I know you. Just telling you there was no easy way wouldn't have worked. I had to show you. Actions speak louder than words… mate." They stared at each other for a moment, calm resignation on Angel's face, shocked fury on Spike's.

Spike suddenly let out a roar and stormed part way down the hall. "Aaaaaarrrrrrrggg!" He turned, in full on vampire face, and flew back stopping mere inches from Angel. "Couldn't be easy, could it? Couldn't just be `here you go Spike, go lock yourself in a room full of crosses for an hour or so, swim a bloody lake of holy water, and take a stake in the gut… then you'll be cured.'"

Angel blinked at the similarity to a trial he'd had to run once to save Darla's life. "Isn't she worth it? Worth all that and more?"

Spike froze and his demon face melted away. Spike's very human blue eyes looked back at Angel, and sincerely he said, "That she is, Angel. She most definitely is worth it."

Spike turned and took a couple steps, thinking of his love and how doomed they really were. "So. I take it what you're tryin' to tell me is that every time I'm with her will be the same. Every time I'm gonna to feel that hunger, and every time I'll be a second away from doin' what my nature calls out for me to do." He looked back at Angel with sorrow filled eyes. "I can't do that. I can't risk her life like that. Without a guarantee… I just can't." He looked down at his hands, sorrow filling his heart.

"Well, I suppose that's one way to look at it, and that's one choice to make, but it's not your choice alone." Angel sighed as Spike looked up at him. This was hard, so much harder than he thought it would be. When Angel had left Buffy, he did so against her wishes, he gave her no choice. Now Spike was making the same mistake with her. Angel laughed inwardly at the similarities between them. He sobered when he realized he still loved Buffy, but had finally let go.

"Buffy deserves the right to decide, too. You need to talk to her, tell her everything you're feeling, let her decide if it's worth the risk. After all, it is her life. Shouldn't she have some say in how it's lived?" Angel waited while the question went round Spike's brain.

After a moment Spike looked at him again. "You're right. Don't know why I didn't see it before." He frowned at his own blindness. "That's not like me."

Angel put his arm around Spike's shoulder and guided him down the hall. "Yea, well, love will do that to you." They walked out of the building with a new bond. They had both done a lot of growing up lately, each surviving their own personal trials. Though they'd never consider themselves best buds, they had reached an understanding.

They headed back to the hotel as new friends. Angel knew Spike was nearly starving by now and told him he could help himself to his freshly stocked fridge when they got back. As they walked in the door Spike was literally licking his lips in anticipation. The moment he saw Buffy he froze. His demon was near the surface in anticipation of feeding, and there she was.

She didn't give him time to contemplate the possible consequences though, as she stalked up to him, pointing a stake at him. "You," she said sternly, "are in a huge world of trouble."

End ch 3

*******************