Xander debated about whether to stop by the Magic Box after work, or just go directly to the Bronze. He knew he'd end up at the bar at some point anyway, but being rejected by Anya once again was kind of a self-imposed penance, and he figured he wasn't absolved just yet. And of course, there was that smidgen of hope in the back of his mind that said maybe, this time, things would be different. It coexisted next to that other niggling thought that he refused to acknowledge.

When he arrived at the store, he saw Clem leaning against the counter, talking to Spike and gesturing animatedly. Xander had to smile. He actually liked Clem. He'd never met a sweeter person, or demon, in his life. And it never failed to amuse him how the citizens of Sunnydale ignored his "skin condition." A young mother with a baby in a sling smiled at Clem as she set down some candles on the counter and fished through her purse for a few bills,, which she handed to Spike.

"Hey Clem," he said, clapping the demon on the back. "How's kittens?"

"Xander! Good to see you!" he smiled.

"Spike," Xander greeted him neutrally. "Is Anya around?"

Spike gave the young woman her bag, her change, and a smile guaranteed to make her a repeat customer. "No, she's out of town, mate." *Not that she'd have anything to do with you anyway*

"Out of town? Where out of town?"

"Well," Spike looked at the clock, "she's probably somewhere over the Atlantic about now. She and Giles went to London. Giles had to present my analysis to the council for Buffy. And Anya wanted to go relic hunting." *and watcher shagging*

"But, why didn't she just teleport?"

*Because she and Giles wanted to snog all the way to London in first class, you stupid git* "Uh, I think they had, you know, business stuff to go over. That kind of thing."

"Uh huh."

The shop was pretty much empty now. Xander set down on the edge of the research table. "I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

Spike and Clem looked at each other. "Do you really want me to answer that, Harris?" Clem hit Spike in the shoulder and his skin flaps swung back and forth, hitting Spike a few more times. "Hey, watch it, mate."

"Sorry." Clem grinned sheepishly.

Spike walked over and sat next to Xander on the table.

"She's not going to take me back, is she?"

Spike sighed. "Doesn't look like it."

"She's seeing Giles, isn't she?" That niggling thought had now taken up residence in the front of his mind.

"Figured it out, didja?"

"I'm not completely clueless, tales of naked exercising be damned. I mean, would she actually pay for an airline ticket for any other reason? Please!"

He got up and began to trudge toward the door. Clem gestured to Spike, mouthing, 'do something!' and pointing toward Xander. Spike sighed, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest.

"Harris, where do you think you're going?"

"To the Bronze, to get rip roaringly drunk." He didn't miss a step.

"Hold on." Xander turned around. "Look Harris, in my experience, too much liquor in your state of mind can only lead to bad, bad things."

"Oh, yeah? Well, what do you care, anyway?"

"Haven't a clue. Maybe it's because we happen to love the same group of women, who for some unknown reason give a damn about what happens to you. And I'm not going to stand by and let you screw up if I can help it."

Xander tried to get angry. He really did. But he was too tired and depressed to work up much of a mad. His shoulders slumped in defeat. "So, what am I gonna do then? You got any better ideas?"

"Yeah, matter of fact, I do. I'm closin' early tonight. DO NOT tell Anya. Clem and I got a poker game, and we need another player. We're playin' for cash, not kittens, no worries." Xander looked uncertain. "Come on, it'll be fun. You'll be the only human there. You can feel all warm blooded and superior."

Xander shrugged. "O.K."

As they walked down the street towards Spike's car, Clem put a fleshy arm around the man on either side of him. "Here we are, the three musketeers!" he said happily. Spike and Xander both groaned. Actually, though, they weren't that miserable.

**************************

"Rupert?"

"Yes, Anyanka."

She smiled adoringly at him. "Why do you always call me that?"

Giles put aside his paperwork and looked over the top of his glasses at her. "Because it's a lovely name, darling. Unusual and exotic. Like you."

She sighed happily and he kissed her hand.

"What were you going to ask me, dearest?"

"Oh, well, I was going to inquire as to whether you were aware that Buffy is in love with Spike."

"Ah, well, I did surmise that, yes."

She leaned in conspiratorially. "I guessed wrong intentionally in our who's your crush on game so as to allow her to maintain her illusion of secrecy. I mean, really, she would never go for the Krushnil demon."

"Obviously." He smiled at her. "It was very kind of you to do that."

"It was kind, wasn't it? You know, I just wish people had better timing. Why can't anyone love someone at the same time that the one they love loves them?" She paused thoughtfully. "Am I being too circuitous?"

"Not at all dear, I understand you perfectly. And I do hope that Spike and Buffy can come to some mutually satisfying...er...resolution of their situation. There is one flaw in your analysis regarding bad timing, though."

"Really, what's that?"

"That would be us, Anyanka." He cupped her cheek in his hand and kissed her deeply.

"Oh, Rupie..."

**************************

Willow rolled over and looked at the clock when the phone rang. It was 6:18 a.m. she had the ringer on low and the phone on the far side of her bed, away from her roommate, who was a sound sleeper anyway. She picked it up quickly. "Hi sweetie."

"Hi Red. Sorry to wake you. Again." She could tell by his voice it was a bad one.

"Would you stop with the sorries? You should know you don't have to say that by now. Besides, I've got an early class, and I owe you a few wake ups, don't I?"

"Yeah, I s'pose," he sighed.

"Want to tell me about it?"

"It was about Buffy."

"Oh. That one again?"

"No, not that. It was...somethin' else. A new one." Willow could almost hear him running his hand through his hair. "Bugger. Remember I told you what she said to me in that alley, when she thought she killed the girl?"

"Oh, yeah."

"It was that. I just kept hearing it over and over again. 'There's nothing good in you. There's nothing clean in you. I could never be your girl.'"

"Spike," she said softly, "you know she doesn't think that way anymore. She told you that, right?"

"Yeah."

"And, I'm not trying to make excuses for her, but I don't think she even meant it at the time. She was just...messed up."

"Maybe."

"She loves you."

"She never said that."

"But I think she does. She took a big chance in coming to you the other day. She was terrified you would reject her."

"And of course, I did. God."

"She decided you were worth the risk. Maybe it's time for you to think about taking a risk, too."

"I...I'll think about it."

"Good. Now you go back to sleep. Good night, William."

Spike hung up the phone and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't going to get anymore sleep today.

Buffy stared unbelievingly at the horror before her. Then Dawn and Willow entered the kitchen and gasped. "Buffy! My God! What have you done?"

"I've slain them all," she admitted, waving her hand over the carnage.

"Buffy! You ate all my Haagen Dazs!"

"Actually, one was Ben and Jerry's." Three empty ice cream containers sat on the kitchen table. "And they weren't all full! Well, one wasn't. But hey, let me just change the subject. Looks like you guys are up for a fun movie night. And as luck would have it, the DMP had a flood - nasty bathroom incident, resulting in a night off for me. So, what are we watching?" she asked, grabbing for the Blockbuster bag.

Willow and Dawn exchanged a look. "Buffy, we're going to Spike's place to watch movies," said Dawn gently.

"Oh."

"And you're coming with us," decided Willow.

"No. No, I am not. I will stay here and have lots of fun with myself. And that came out way dirtier than it sounded in my head."

"Willow's right, Buffy. How is anything going to happen with you two if you keep avoiding each other?"

"But, he didn't invite me," she pouted.

"He didn't invite us either, Buff, we invited ourselves. Come on, you guys are supposed to be friends." Willow did the little air quotes with her fingers. "Friends hang out and watch movies. No biggie. You're coming with us, and that's final."

"No, no, not the resolve face! Anything but that!" Buffy cried, but to no avail.

**************************

Spike flung open the door. "How are my two favorite girls?" Dawn and Willow entered, each pecking him on the cheek.

"That's women to you!" said Dawn.

"So sorry for being non-PC."

"And then came Buffy." She stood in the doorway uncertainly.

"Slayer." A slow smile spread across his face. "Make that, three favorite." She blushed, and scooted through the doorway. He shook his head as he shut the door. "Too damn cute."

Spike walked into the living room. "So, what are we watching?" Dawn handed him the bag, and he took out two DVD's. "Oh, no. Slayer!"

She held up her hands. "I didn't have anything to do with it. They'd already rented them before I became involved. And I share your pain."

"Serendipity? Isn't that an ice cream shop or something?"

Willow shrugged. "I like Kate Beckinsdale. She's hot."

"John Cusack, also with the hotness," commented Dawn.

"The Royal Tenenbaums? What the bloody hell is this?"

"It's quirky," smiled Willow.

"Don't bother to argue, I can tell you, it's hopeless. Where's the popcorn?" asked Buffy. Spike pointed her towards the kitchen, where he found her on her tip toes, trying to reach the top shelf a few moments later.

"Why do you have it up so high?"

"Here, shorty. Let me help you." He came up behind her and reached over her head to grab the box, his chest brushing against her back. When she turned around he was still standing close to her. He handed her the popcorn.

She arched an eyebrow at him. "Shorty?"

"I guess I shouldn't comment. I'm not exactly in danger of being recruited by the NBA, now, am I?"

She regarded him for a moment. "That's good, because if you were, you'd be way too tall for me." He watched her every move as she threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave, punched the button, and sauntered out of the room. It was only then that he noticed Dawn standing in the doorway. She came in and grabbed several sodas out of the fridge.

"You do realize," she said coolly, "that you are so, so doomed." She flounced out with the certainty that only comes with being almost 16 years old.

"Yeah," he said to the closed door. "But, what a way to go."

**************************

The four of them sat on the sofa, Buffy and Spike on either end, Willow and Dawn sandwiched between them. By the time the second movie was halfway finished, the pair in the middle had fallen asleep, their heads resting together against the back of the sofa.

"Oh, thank God. Now we can put something decent on," said Buffy.

"My thoughts exactly." Spike got up and rifled through his small movie collection. "How about this one?" He tossed her the DVD case.

"Ooh, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I've always wanted to see this." She tossed it back to him and he put it in the machine.

"I'm surprised you never did," he said, adjusting the volume with the remote control.

"Well, I guess I was dating Riley at the time it came out. I think the subtitles scared him off."

Spike smirked at her. "Did you just say something vaguely negative about Captain Cardboard?"

"You mean that giant boy scout I used to date?" He laughed. "Riley is a nice guy, Spike. But he's not the one for me." Spike swallowed hard and fiddled with the remote again.

As they watched the film, Buffy kept stealing glances at Spike sprawled on the other end of the sofa, his arm draped over the back. He sprawls like no one else, she thought with a smile. A particularly spectacular move in the film caught her eye.

"Hey Spike, maybe I should try that one, what do you think? Hmm? Spike?" She looked over to find him staring off into space. She placed her hand on his. "Hey, you."

He slowly turned his head to look at her, and smiled. "Hey. Sorry."

"Where'd you go?"

"You don't want to know." He was smiling, but his eyes held so much pain, and somehow that made them even more beautiful to her.

"Try me."

He shook his head. "Can't."

Her hand was still on his, and she squeezed it. "I'm worried about you. I wish you would let me help you."

He lifted his hand and laced their fingers together, gazing at her down the length of the sofa. "You are."

**************************

The next day, Buffy picked Dawn up after school, and they headed to the Magic Box, so Buffy could 'gawk at Spike,' as Dawn put it. Buffy didn't bother to protest. "He's very gawkable," was her reply.

For Spike's part, he couldn't quite keep a big grin off his face when he saw them come in. He was busy with a customer, though, so Buffy sat down at the table with Dawn while she started in on her home work. Buffy's cell phone rang. Spike walked over after she was done with her call.

"That was Giles," she said.

"Any news?" asked Spike.

"Well, yes," Buffy answered without enthusiasm.

"The presentation didn't go well?" he asked, with a pained expression.

"Well," she said, "let's put it this way. Giles said I can burn my cow hat."

Spike and Dawn looked at each other. "Really?" squealed Dawn.

"Really," smiled Buffy. She looked at Spike. "You did it."

He looked amazed. "I did?"

She stood up. "You did."

"They actually went for it. I can't believe it."

"Yup," she said, walking towards him. "You did it. You incredible, smart, beautiful man." She grabbed his face in her hands. "You are my hero." And she kissed him, full on the mouth.

The Magic Box patrons erupted in applause, although they had no idea what they were clapping about. Meanwhile, Dawn jumped up and down screaming "No more Doublemeat Medleys!" Spike looked stunned, pleased, and embarrassed all at the same time.

**************************

To celebrate, Spike took them out to dinner at a restaurant of their choice, anywhere that did not serve burgers. After he drove them home, Dawn gave him a big hug and then sprinted into the house. Spike walked Buffy up to the front door. He took her hand, and kissed it, looking up into her eyes.

"Wow," was all she could manage.

"Victorian manners. Can't seem to shake 'em."

"Not a problem," she smiled.

He hopped down the steps to the walk.

"Hey, Spike? I'm sorry I kissed you like that, in front of everybody."

He smiled at her and bit his bottom lip thoughtfully. "S'okay, slayer. Buffy kisses..." He put a hand over his heart. "...among the seven wonders of my world."

She opened her mouth in surprise. "Is that so? What are the other six?"

He laughed and began to walk backwards down the walk. "Oh, you consistently hold the top five spots, luv." He opened his car door, still facing her.

"And what are the other two, then?"

"Hmm, let's see." He folded himself into the car. "A pint of AB-, quite rare, and," he slammed the door, "oh! That bloomin' onion thing they got at the Bronze. Bloody brilliant, that."

"I'm on the same list as food?!" He grinned at her and started the car. As it rumbled to life she laughed and yelled, "you are still evil!" He blew her a kiss, and drove away.
 

Anya smiled brightly when she heard the bell over the door ring. She looked up to greet her potential customer, but her smile faded slightly when she saw who it was.

"Hello, Xander."

Xander stopped mid-stride. "Anya! I didn't know you were back."

"Yes, I thought I'd better not take advantage of Spike any longer. Although he's done a superb job. He does have a life, after all, or an unlife, rather." He looked much better than the last time she'd seen him. His hair was neatly trimmed, the circles beneath his eyes were less noticeable, and that bloated look had left his face. "You look good," she said. "But please don't misconstrue that as interest on my part of a romantic or sexual nature. Because it's not."

In spite of himself, Xander had to smile. "I won't," he said.

"Well, good. And as long as you're here, there's something I have to tell you." She folded her hands together nervously.

"Is it about you and Giles?" he asked.

"Why yes," she said, surprised. Her eyes narrowed. "Wait a minute. You don't have some secret camera in here again, do you?" Her eyes darted around the shop.

"For Pete's sake, Anya, no! Although, one wonders why you'd be worried, but please DO NOT tell me." He ran a hand over his face. "No, An, I just figured it out, o.k.?"

"Oh, o.k. Look, I don't want to hurt you. I really don't. And Giles doesn't want to hurt you either. You're like a... well, not a son, exactly, more like a nephew or distant cousin...."

He smiled again. "An, I get it. I blew it. You've moved on. It hurts, it really does. But I'm going to try not to be an ass about it."

Hurt and regret touched her eyes, just for a moment. "Thank you, Xander," she said softly.

"Just tell me one thing," he said.

"Yes?"

"Are you happy?"

She smiled, a completely sincere and joy-filled smile. "Yes, Xander, I am."

**************************

"Spike, you are the suckiest sparring partner I have ever had."

"Of course I'm the suckiest," he teased, waggling his eyebrows at her.

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Come on, do I have to get puffy Xander in here? He's more of a challenge than you. You. Have. To. Hit. Me."

"I am."

"You are not. You're just blocking me. Come on, you, you big poofter!"

Spike's mouth dropped open in incredulity. "What did you just call me, slayer?" he asked, stalking cat-like towards her.

She smiled devilishly. Now she had him. "Poofter. Wanker. Tosser. Nancy boy!" She raised her fists defensively, and he attacked.

"Arghhhh!" Spike grabbed his head and dropped to the floor in pain. One right cross in her general direction was all it took.

"Oh, God. Spike?" She fell to her knees beside him, touching his shoulder gingerly. "Baby, does it hurt?"

"Of course it hurts, and did you just call me baby?" The pain forgotten, he raised his head and looked into her eyes.

She leaned forward, her hands resting on his shoulder. "Can I kiss it better?" she asked softly. Her lips brushed against his temple, and he closed his eyes. She moved softly down to his cheek, his jaw, the corner of his mouth. He could feel her warm, sweet breath against his skin. Then her lips were on his and her velvet tongue was tangling with his own, and he thought that he would endure any pain just to be kissed like this again. Her eyes. He had to see her eyes. He put his hands on her face, his thumbs caressing her cheeks, and pulled her away from him gently.

"Buffy..." Her name was like a prayer on his lips. He needed her so much. She could save him. If he saw what he needed to in her eyes, she could save him. And there it was, the love, the acceptance he had waited so long for. "Buffy, I love you so much."

"Spike, I ..." The door banged open.

"Hey guys, is Dawn in here?" Xander practically shouted.

Buffy leapt to her feet. "Xander! Uh, no! She's, she left."

"Oh. O.K. I was supposed to take her for a driving lesson. Everything all right in here?" He looked at Buffy in confusion. She was acting weirder than usual.

"Yes! I mean, Spike, his chip went off. We were sparring and his chip went off. And I was just making sure he was o.k."

"And?"

"And what?!"

"Annnd... what's the verdict? Spike, you o.k., man?"

Spike looked up at him from the floor. "Just bloody great." He started to stand up and Buffy extended a hand to him. He ignored it.

"Ohhhkey, dokey then. Well, since Dawn is obviously elsewhere, I will be leaving now, to, uh, look elsewhere."

As the door banged shut, Buffy turned to look at Spike, and for the first time since that night in her bathroom, she was afraid of him. A mask of fury covered up the hurt and betrayal that she would otherwise have seen there.

"I'm sorry."

He just stood there, arms at his sides, fists clenching and unclenching.

"Spike, I just panicked for a minute. I said, I'm sorry." She took a step towards him.

"Don't."

"Look, it's just, it's just Xander, o.k.? You know how he is. But, I'll tell him. I'll go out there right now and tell him."

"Tell him what, slayer? Nothin' to tell."

"Don't say that," she whispered. He began to walk towards the door. "Spike, please! Me doing that, it's just, it's just a bad habit!" she said to his retreating back.

He stopped, and for a moment she had hope that she had gotten through to him. "A bad habit, slayer?" he tossed back over his shoulder. "Makes one wonder what other bad habits the two of us might still have." She began to go after him again, but as he walked past the vaulting horse, he shoved it behind him and it came hurtling towards her. She had to jump out of the way so it wouldn't hit her. That was when she started to cry.

Spike strode through the Magic Box, looking at nothing and no one until he got to Anya behind the counter. "Need the night off, luv."

"No problem." She observed him warily, but said nothing else. He opened the door to the basement and thundered down the steps. She and Xander exchanged a look, then both of their heads jerked towards the training room door as they heard the crashing and banging sounds coming from inside. Anya shook her head resignedly and went back to her books. "Bad timing."

**************************

Spike had made it to the sewer tunnels by the time Xander found him. He never would have caught up to Spike, let alone chosen the right one, but the vampire had paused to kick the hell out of the defenseless tunnel, and the noise coupled with the dust from disintegrating brick and mortar alerted Xander to Spike's location.

"I think you won this round."

Spike laughed maniacally and kicked the tunnel in rhythm with his words. "I. Never. Win."

"She loves you, man."

Spike stopped kicking, the fight suddenly gone out of him. "How come everyone but her tells me that, huh?"

"I've seen the way she looks at you when you're not watching. Kinda the way Anya looks at Giles. Look, not that I'm thrilled about it, but as vampire boyfriends go, she could, and has, done worse."

"Why are you doin' this?"

"Doing what?"

"This," Spike said, his hand moving between the two of them, "bein' decent to me."

"Because, one, I owe you. For the other night. And two, I figure this is kind of my fault. If I hadn't been such an asshole about you and her the last time...."

Spike shook his head. "She cares more about what people think than she does about me. She's still ashamed of me." He began to walk further down into the tunnels.

"Where are you going?"

"My turn to get soused, mate."

"I don't think so. Remember what you told me? Bad, bad things? Can't let you do that, pal."

Spike sighed heavily. "Alright. Then it's your turn to come up with somethin' better to do."

Xander thought for a moment. "Sun's almost down. Want to go kill something?"

Spike clapped him on the back. "Now, you're talkin'!"

"I think I screwed it up for good." Buffy picked up the phone and dialed his number again. No answer. "Should I leave another desperate message?" she asked, her hand over the mouthpiece.

A collective "NO!" was heard from her ladies in waiting. She gently replaced the phone in its cradle, and then her shoulders began to shake.

"Buffy, please don't cry," said Dawn, putting her arm around her sister. She walked her over to the sofa and sat her down.

"Yeah, Buff. You know what a temper he has. That hasn't changed. He just needs some time to calm down. Then you'll be able to talk to him, explain how you feel. You'll be all with the smoochies in no time!"

Buffy shook her head and rubbed her arms to warm them. "I have a really bad feeling about this. You didn't see him. He was so angry. And, there's something else going on. The chip, it went off. When we were sparring."

Willow looked at Buffy in confusion. "The chip works on you again?"

She nodded. "Something's not right. I can feel it. What if something happens to him? What if I never get the chance to say I'm sorry, to tell him how I feel?"

"Buffy, come on. Spike is so whipped on you, I bet he'll be coming in the door any minute," Dawn kidded her.

As if on cue, the front door was thrown open and Xander stumbled in, an unconscious Spike thrown over his shoulder.

"Xander! What did you do to him?"

"Well," said Xander breathlessly, "What I did to him, is carry his literally dead weight all the way from the cemetery. You're welcome." He placed Spike rather carefully on the sofa, and as the girls fluttered around Spike, Xander rolled his shoulders, placing his hand on his lower back. "He's a lot heavier than he looks."

"Xander!" yelled the slayer, the key, and the witch on hiatus.

"O.K., O.K., give me a minute." He ran both his hands through his hair, and for the first time they noticed that he was not just exhausted from hauling Spike several blocks, but he was quite shaken up as well. Not to mention, bleeding. From the neck.

"Xander," said Buffy, standing and touching his neck gently, "you've been bitten." She turned to Dawn. "Get some antiseptic and some bandages." Dawn hurried toward the bathroom.

Xander gently removed Buffy's hand from his neck. "Buffy, I'm fine, she barely got her fangs in me. And I'm sorry." He glanced at Spike. "I think this is sorta my fault."

Once Xander had sat down and allowed Dawn to play nurse, he turned his attention to Buffy and Willow, who were sitting near Spike on the sofa. "Buffy, the chip's gone wonky."

"I knew it. What happened?"

"He was pretty upset, after he left the Magic Box. I ran into him, and we decided to patrol. We came upon this group of vamps, 5 or 6 of them, I guess. Spike staked the first one, and he was all 'arghh' with the chip. As soon as the rest of them saw he was hurt, they went for me." He touched his neck gingerly, and winced. "One of them held me while the girl vamp sunk her teeth into me. They got my weapons, of course. Then the others went for Spike. He got up, and started dusting them left and right. The chip, Buffy, it was going off the whole time." Xander shook his head. "I finally got the last one, the girl, off of me, and dusted her. Spike was unconscious by that time."

Buffy stared at Spike, lying prone on the sofa. Even unconscious, his brow was creased in pain. She swiped tears from her eyes with the back of her hand as Spike began to stir. He opened his eyes to find three pairs staring down into his.

"Am I dead?" he asked. Buffy fought the urge to hit him.

"I'm afraid so," smiled Willow. He sat up slowly, swinging his legs around to the floor, and groaned. Willow sat beside him, with Dawn on the floor, while Buffy moved to the coffee table in front of him.

He leaned against Willow. She put her arms around him and petted his head.

"It'll be o.k., Will," she whispered. Buffy watched this display with a considerable amount of envy.

Suddenly, Spike's head shot up. "Harris?" he said with alarm.

"Right here, pal," Xander said with a wave, leaning around Buffy, who was blocking Spike's view.

"You saved his life," said Buffy, "and then he brought you back here."

Spike stared at Buffy for a moment. Then he shifted his gaze to Xander. "I guess we're square then?"

"Hardly," Xander replied. The two men shared a smile. Buffy stood up and stalked into the kitchen.

Dawn followed. "What is your problem?"

"I find out that those two are buddies, now? After I worried about how Xander would react to me and Spike, I find out they're hanging out?" She whispered furiously.

"O.K.," said Dawn, crossing her arms in front of her, "let me get this straight. You're mad because Xander and Spike are finally getting along, because it gives you no excuse for acting like a jerk?"

Buffy retreated a step. "Dawn! How can you talk to me like that?"

"Look, all I know is, the guy you claim to love is in the living room in serious trouble, and you're in the kitchen sulking like a spoiled brat. A subject I should know a lot about, or so I've been told." She turned on her heel and walked out.

Buffy leaned against the counter, trying to compose herself. There wasn't much time for that, what with the screams of "Bloody Hell!" and all. She ran back into the living room to find Spike clutching his head again, Willow trying to comfort him.

"What happened?" Buffy looked from Willow to Dawn to Xander.

"Nothing," said Willow. Her eyes met Buffy's, and she saw something very much like dread in them. "He was just sitting here, and it went off."

**************************

If there was one thing Buffy Summers was good at, it was managing a crisis. She felt in control, in her element. She had Xander call Anya and explain the situation; Anya would then teleport over to Giles and see if he had any ideas. Willow got on her trusty laptop to see if there were any sort of cosmic disturbances in the area that might be interfering with the operation of the chip. Dawn was given the task of keeping everyone fed and watered. Once everyone had their assignments, Buffy stood in the middle of the room, at loose ends. If she only had something to slay. Her eyes were drawn to Spike, who was leaning back against the sofa with his eyes closed. She could tell he was awake, though; every muscle in body was tensed, anticipating the next wave of pain.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked. She sat down as gently as she could, trying not to disturb him.

"Don't think I'm up to that, pet." He didn't move, or open his eyes.

"I just want to help you," she said, "please let me." Her voice broke on the last word, and he opened his eyes. "I'm so sorry," she said, "about everything."

He managed a small smile. "I know."

"I'm afraid this is happening because I kicked you so hard that night."

"No, slayer," he sighed, "the damn thing had been bothering me before that. Since shortly after I came back to Sunnyhell, matter of fact. Nothing like this, though." He groaned and closed his eyes again. "Pain doesn't go away."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Don't know," he admitted. "Maybe I thought if I ignored it, it would go away. Everything else seemed to be goin' so well, considerin'. Should've known better. I don't have that kinda luck. Of course, then there's that other thing."

"What's that."

"There's not a bloody thing can be done about it."

A chill went through her. She put her hand on his forehead, and brushed the hair back from his head. "We're going to fix this," she whispered. The lines on his forehead began to smooth out, and she thought he was going to drift off. Then, he was clutching his head in pain again.

"Willow!" she called. Willow was already on her way into the room. Once again, Spike turned to her instead of Buffy. Stung, Buffy stood up and began pacing the room. "Willow, I need you to do something for me. For Spike."

"Anything. What is it?"

"I need you to find Riley."
 

Willow sent an urgent e-mail to Sam Finn. Buffy had instructed her not to mention Spike. She was just to say that Buffy needed to talk to Riley, and it was an emergency. Within thirty minutes, the phone rang, and Buffy answered it before the first ring had ended. It was Riley, calling from somewhere 'north of Beijing.' Whatever.

"Riley! Thank you for getting back to me so soon. No, it's not me. It's, well, it's Spike." She looked over at him and gave him a little smile. Then, a look of mild annoyance appeared on her face.

"No, nothing like that. The chip is malfunctioning."

She paused again. Now she looked really annoyed. "No, he's not biting people! Would you shut up and listen!" All the eyes in the room widened in surprise, especially Spike's.

Buffy took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, o.k.? Just listen for a minute. The chip is going crazy. It's going off for no reason. We need to find someone that knows about how the chip works."

They all continued staring at her as a look of barely suppressed fury clouded her face. "That. Is. Not. An. Option."

"Soldier boy wants to put me out of my misery, I expect," Spike said. Willow, seated next to him, put her hand on his arm, and Xander looked at the floor. Only Dawn looked shocked.

"Riley. This is what I need. I need the name of a doctor, a scientist, someone from the Initiative who knows about the chip and can take it out. Yes, I said take it out. What do you mean? Well, there has to be someone!" She sat down on the arm of the chair. "What about, records, blueprints, plans, an instruction manual? Something?" As she listened to him talk, her chin started to tremble. "Riley?" she said, "please tell me you're not lying to me. If I ever meant anything to you, anything at all..." Buffy closed her eyes. "I know. You're positive? O.K. Alright. Bye." She pushed the off button on the phone, and sat staring at it for a moment.

"Everything's gone," she finally said. "Everything and everyone. The doctors involved with the project are either dead or have mysteriously disappeared. Any paperwork, computer files, any documentation there was, also destroyed. Riley said that the chip was a prototype. Like any computer chip, they knew it could malfunction or deteriorate. They never had any method in place for repairing or removing it if that happened, anyway." Her words hung in the air as everyone took in her meaning. Dawn began to sniffle.

"What about a doctor?" asked Xander.

"I just said, all the Initiative doctors are gone."

"No, like a regular brain surgeon or something," he shrugged and looked at Willow.

"Yes, a neurosurgeon," Willow nodded. "Don't know how we'd explain the lack of pulse, though." She smiled sadly and ran her hand through Spike's hair.

Buffy grabbed her address book from beneath the phone, opened it to the first page, and punched in a number.

"Who are you calling?" asked Xander.

"Angel. He has a lot of connections. Maybe he knows one of these brain doctory guys for vampires in L.A."

Spike nudged Willow. "Captain Cardboard wanted to stake me," he said, just loud enough for her to hear. "Wonder what ol' Angelus will want to do with me?"

"She needs to do this," Willow whispered in his ear.

God, he hated this. Sitting around like an invalid while Buffy called her idiot exes for help. He wanted to stand up and tell her to put down the bloody phone, he'd rather cut his head off than accept help from the likes of them. Except, he didn't want to be dusty. Or brain dead. Bugger. And, Willow was right. Buffy needed to do it. She needed to feel like she was doing something. His fierce little slayer. The way she was turning over every rock she could find, trying to help him. Made his heart ache. Maybe she really did love him.

"Hello? This is Buffy Summers. I need to speak to Angel. Uh huh. Listen, Fred, was it? I don't think you understand. This is an emergency." She put her hand on her hip. "Do you know who I am? Oh. Well how long has it been since you've seen him? Wow, that long." Buffy didn't have time to worry about anyone else right now, and pushed Angel thoughts aside. "Put Wesley on the phone then. You're kidding. Do you know where *anyone* is?" Her voice began to rise. "What about Cordelia? Who the hell is Charles? Fred, thank you so much. You've been absolutely no help at all, and as for helping the helpless, you SUCK AT IT!"

Xander stood up. "Buffy..."

"GOD DAMMIT!" she screamed. She threw the phone against the wall and it shattered into a hundred pieces, taking some of the plaster with it. The room went deathly quiet, except for the sound of Buffy's breathing as she willed herself not to burst into hysterical crying.

"Not my game, mind you, but I'd wager the Dodgers would be interested in that fastball you've got there, slayer."

She groaned and rolled her eyes at him, then sat down on the coffee table, head in her hands. "Angel, Wesley, and Cordelia are all MIA. Angel Investigations now appears to consist of two people named 'Fred' and 'Charles.' And I have no more ex-boyfriends to call."

**************************

Anya materialized in the living room.

She greeted them all cheerfully, then pulled Buffy aside. "Rupert is very worried," she said. "How is he?" She nodded toward Spike, who was indulging Dawn by drinking a mug of blood while she hovered nearby.

"Not so good," Buffy said, "just look at him." Anya nodded. She knew that vampires had a high pain threshold, and Anya had never seen Spike so pale and drawn, not even when Buffy died.

"He doesn't look well," said Anya, "and neither do you."

"I'm fine."

"Well, if you call all jumpy and stressed out and on the verge of a breakdown fine....And your hair could use some work."

Buffy ran her hands absently over her hair. "I'm just so frustrated. There's nothing I can do. I'm the slayer, and I can't do a thing to help him."

"Perhaps he doesn't need the slayer right now, Buffy. Perhaps he just needs... Buffy."

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat. "Thank you, Anya," she said, giving her a gentle hug. "O.K. Back to business. Does Giles have any information?" Buffy asked.

"I'm afraid not. I mean, he doesn't know any more about the chip than the rest of us do, and neither does the Watcher's Council. The only thing Giles could think of was to remove it. As for how, if you can't do it physically, you might be able to do it magically. He's already got the coven looking into it."

Buffy's eyes lit up. "Anya, get on that. Tell Giles we need the magic dechipping as soon as possible. We've got no other choice at this point. Maybe the coven can come up with something. Hurry."

"Alright. I'll be in touch as soon as possible."

"Thank..." Buffy began, but Anya had already dematerialized.

Buffy turned around and was startled to find Spike standing behind her. "I need to talk to you alone," he said.

"Let's go upstairs. You should lie down anyway." She led him by the hand up the stairs to her bedroom and closed the door. He sat wearily on the bed, and she sat down next to him. "Giles has got the coven working on a spell to remove the chip."

"So I heard." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Vampire hearing, luv. Not a big magic fan, but I wouldn't turn a good spell down about now."

"So you heard our whole conversation?" she asked.

Her hands sat primly on her knees, and he covered one of them with his own. "That Anya is a wise one, more than she lets on." Buffy stared down at their hands. "May come a time I do need the slayer, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Did Finn tell you to just dust me and be done with it?"

"It doesn't matter what he said."

Spike curled a finger under her chin and tipped her face up so he could look into her eyes. "Slayer, you know, it might come to that."

"No!" She pulled her face away from him. "Stop saying things like that. It's time for you to get with the horizontal." She busied herself with removing the shams and decorative pillows from the bed and turning down the covers.

"Buffy."

"I refuse to discuss this. La, la, la, la, la" she sang, her hands over her ears.

Spike gave up with a tired smile and bent down to remove his boots. After getting one off he faltered, and put his hand to his head.

"Again?"

"Not yet. It's coming." She pushed him gently back on the bed, removed his other boot, and then lay down next to him, cradling his head in her arms.

"This is not how I pictured our first time in my bed," she said.

He tightened his arms around her waist. "Me neither." His voice was muffled against her neck. "You told him you wanted to take it out. Not fix it."

"I think it's beyond the fixing at this point. Besides, you don't need it."

"What if I did need it? What if I didn't have a soul?" His head was still buried in her neck, and she pulled back a little so she could see him.

"I know I put you through a lot of pain," she said, tracing the planes of his face with her fingers, "but I could never have stood by and just watched you suffer like this. I hope you believe that." He kissed her then, desperately, hungrily, like it might be their last. And she was so afraid it would be.

He pressed his forehead against hers. "I know William the Bloody should never admit something like this to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I gotta say," he laughed shakily, "I'm a smidge terrified."

She took his face in her hands, gathering what little strength she had left, and tried to give it to him. "I'm here, Spike," she whispered, "I'm here."
 

Buffy padded down the stairs in bare feet, lifting her damp hair off her neck and tying it back in a ponytail. It was all she could do to tear herself away from him, but she knew he wouldn't be sleeping long, and time was precious. The attacks, episodes, whatever you wanted to call them, were growing more frequent, and he was growing weaker with each one. She had to talk to Giles. They needed to do something, and soon.

As Buffy reached the landing, she saw Willow at the dining room table, biting her nails and clicking her mouse furiously. Xander and Dawn were playing video games. When they heard her coming, they looked up guiltily.

"I know I should be doing something more constructive," Xander apologized, "but, observe the wonder that is me, without a clue."

Buffy smiled and took his hand, pulling him toward the staircase. "You're keeping Dawn occupied, and that's of the good. Frankly, none of us has a clue." She lay her head on his chest and he wrapped her arms around her. "Thank you," she said.

"For what? Not being an asshole for once?"

Buffy smiled and looked up at him. "Well, there's that. And for helping him." She pulled out of his arms. "Can you go up and just sit in my room with Spike? I didn't want to leave him alone, but I have to talk to Giles and find out what's the what. Spike is getting worse, and we need to do something like yesterday."

"Sure, Buff." He loped up the stairs.

Buffy walked over to Willow, who was concentrating so hard that she didn't notice Buffy until she touched her on the shoulder. "Whatcha doin'?" Buffy sat down at the table and rested her head on her folded arms.

"I'm trying to see if I can find anything on the Initiative, something Riley maybe didn't know about, or, you know..."

"Didn't tell us about? He swore to me he was telling me everything, but it's worth looking."

"It's a long shot, but I thought maybe a former someone who has some information? I'm looking into quasi-government and medical research websites, message boards, newsgroups, seeing if there's any gossip floating around, maybe. I don't know." Her voice wavered with uncertainty, and when Buffy raised her head she saw that Willow's eyes were filled with tears. "What's going to happen to him?" she asked. "What if we can't fix it?"

Buffy sat up straight and took Willow's hands in both her own. "We're going to fix it. We have to."

Buffy left Willow to her surfing and curled up in the chair by the phone. She dialed Giles's number, and he picked up right away.

"Giles, tell me you have good news."

"Well, yes, they're working on it."

"We don't have much time." The coven had only been working on the spell for a short time, but minutes seemed like hours to her now.

"I'll send Anyanka back with the spell as soon as it's available, within the hour, I've been assured. But there's another problem."

"I don't need any more problems." She massaged her temples and tried to remain calm.

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's just, the performance of the spell. It requires a witch of considerable power."

Buffy had been so excited about the prospect of a spell that she hadn't thought about who would actually *do* the spell. "Can't one of the coven just pop over here?"

"No, it's much too far. They don't teleport as Anyanka does; it's much more complicated. When they teleported me, it took a great deal out of them, and took a long time to recover. They really can't afford to do that again so soon. I could put someone on a plane, but..."

"No, that'll take too long. What about Anya? She can do magic."

"Unfortunately, she doesn't have the skill level required for this particular spell. Buffy, I've done some checking, and there isn't a witch within 300 miles of you who can do this kind of magic. Except for Willow."

"You're sure."

"I'm afraid so."

Buffy looked over at her friend, peering into the computer screen, trying desperately to find an answer for the man they both loved.

"Then, it'll have to be Willow."

**************************

Buffy pulled Willow out on the back porch, away from Dawn, and explained what Giles had said about the spell. Willow hugged herself nervously.

"Are you sure you want me to do this? After...you know."

Buffy met Willow's gaze. "No, to be honest with you, I'm worried," Buffy said softly. "I know you're afraid to do magic again, and I hate to ask you to do this. But I'm desperate. I don't know what else to do," she admitted. "Will you do the spell?"

"That's a no brainer, Buffy. If this is the only way, then I'll do it. I love him too." Willow gave Buffy her brave smile, squeezed her hands and got up to walk back into the house. Buffy hoped she wasn't making a big mistake. But it was a risk she was willing to take.

A crash sounded from inside the house. Buffy looked up to where the sound was coming from, which seemed to be her bedroom. The first crash was followed quickly by two more, along with the sound of Xander yelling her name. She raced with slayer speed into the house, past Dawn and Willow and up the stairs, telling them to stay put as she passed. She paused momentarily outside the door of her room and opened it carefully.

Spike stood in the middle of the room in full game face, fighting stance, chest heaving. Her bed had been tossed aside and now sat at a strange angle up against the wall. Her nightstand had been thrown to the opposite side of the room, and now lay against the other wall. Next to Xander.

"You o.k.?," she asked him, never taking her eyes from Spike.

"I think so. I was the first thing he threw. Good thing he was just warming up." Xander struggled to his feet and rubbed his shoulder. "It's the chip. It's on overload - constant firing, I think."

"Oh, God. Xander, go get the..."

"...tranquilizer gun? I'm way ahead of you." Xander moved cautiously toward the door. "Uh, maybe you should come with me. He's, like, in full demon mode now, Buff."

"I know, it's probably the only part of him that can deal with this. But I'm not leaving him alone. It's o.k., he won't hurt me. Go on." Xander reluctantly left, closing the door behind him. Buffy took a step toward Spike. "Spike?"

"Stay away. You're right, I don't *want* to hurt you," he said through clenched teeth.

"You won't," she said, taking another step toward him, "I trust you."

He turned around and pounded the nearest wall, roaring in agony and rage, his fist going through the plaster. He leaned his forehead against the wall. "Your soul boy has gone underground slayer."

"I can see that," she said, her voice as calm as she could make it. She was right next to him now, and put her hand on his back. He whirled around and grabbed her by the upper arms, pulling her hard against him. "Then you should know you can't trust me, because I *have* hurt you. I'm just a monster, remember?"

She looked into his eyes, golden eyes full of pain and fury. "But you're my monster," she whispered. His gaze faltered, confusion clouding his face. "You won't hurt me," she continued, "because you're the one that loves me." His grip on her loosened, and she reached one hand up to touch his face. " And, despite everything, I love you, too." She held his gaze as his eyes searched hers, seeking out the truth.

He seemed to find what he was looking for, and his hands released her arms and clutched her around the waist, pulling her into a tight embrace. "Make it stop," he whispered into her hair. "Please make it stop."

"I will, I promise I will," she said, stroking his hair. Xander entered the room, holding up the gun. "Xander's going to use the tranquilizer gun on you now. Are you ready?"

He nodded. The first shot hit him in the back, and he barely registered it. They waited a few moments and it seemed to have no effect. "Again," Buffy said, her arms still around Spike. Xander hit him with another dart, and then she felt his knees start to buckle. She helped him to the bed, which Xander righted, and he lay down with his head in her lap.

Buffy covered Spike's ears with her hands and looked skyward. "Anyanka!" she shouted.

Anya appeared almost instantaneously, a scroll in her hands. She held it up triumphantly. "Got it!"
 

"How's my Will?" Spike tried to open his eyes, finally realizing that they were open already. He blinked sluggishly a few times, and Willow's face slowly came into focus. He knew he was in Buffy's bed, and Willow was kneeling on the floor next to him.

"Hey, Will," he said groggily.

"Shhh, you don't have to talk. I just wanted to let you know that we're going to do the spell, just as soon as Anya gets back with the supplies.

"Wha? Buffy?" He tried to look around for her.

"Right here," she said. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed next to him, wearing sweat pants and a tank top, her hair falling out of a rubber band. She looked exhausted and, to him, never more beautiful.

"I'm going to do the spell, and Anya will help me," Willow explained.

"Wait..." he struggled to sit up, and Buffy put her hand behind his head.

"Take it easy," she said softly. "Here, let me help." She put another pillow behind him. He took her hand and held it while he turned his attention to Willow.

"Red," he said, with a little more authority, "magic? You can't..."

She sat down beside him and took his other hand in both of hers. "I've been afraid to do magic. But I'm much more afraid of losing you." She put her face close to his. "Don't worry about me. I'm doing this for the right reasons." She kissed him on the cheek.

He was too drugged up to tell her how he felt, and as he drifted off again, he hoped that he'd have the opportunity to thank her when this was all over. Given the fact that he currently could not put a complete sentence together, he wasn't so sure he would.

Anya materialized then, amidst her usual swirl of mystical energy. "I think I've got everything," she said.

"O.K., read it off to me," said Willow, referring to the scroll that the coven had sent her.

Anya began holding up small bags of herbs and reading off their names. "Angelica, Burdock, Galangal, Horehound, Elder, Lavender, Lemon Balm, Mandrake Root, Rose, Rue, Sassafras, and Yellowdock," she answered.

"Check. What about the candles? And the other items?"

"White for truth, red for strength, light blue for health. The other things are in this bag." She handed the shopping bag to Willow.

Willow peeked into the bag and nodded with satisfaction. She had all she needed. While she was nervous about doing magic again, more than that, she was excited. This was a chance for her to show her worth, to prove that she could do it without going all DarkWillow, and most of all, to help her friend. For the first time in a long time, she felt like Willow again.

"Buffy? It's time for you to leave now. Buffy?" Buffy still sat on the bed, where she'd been since they'd drugged Spike. She held one of his hands in her lap, her other hand lay on his chest. Willow walked over to the bed and touched her lightly on the shoulder. "Buffy?" She looked up. "Time for you to leave."

"No, I'm staying."

"Uh, you can't. Not unless you're involved in the spell."

"Then color me involved."

"Buffy..."

"I have my own resolve face, you know." She smiled at Willow, but her eyes were determined.

"O.K., but you have to promise to do only as I tell you, no matter what happens. We risk ruining the spell otherwise."

"I can do that," she murmured, her eyes drifting back to Spike.

"Buff," Willow hesitated. "You realize that with the spell, there aren't any guarantees..." she trailed off.

Buffy just nodded. "Let me know when you need me," she said.

Willow walked over to Anya, who was laying out the supplies she had gathered from the Magic Shop. "We're going to need another robe."

**************************

Willow, Anya, and Buffy stood in a triangular formation around Spike, who sat in the middle of the circle of herbs that Willow had made. The tranquilizer was beginning to wear off, and while that at least made it easier for him to remain upright, the pain was now intense, a constant throbbing in his head. The fact that his demon was threatening to take over again didn't help any. And while it would be a lot easier to observe the whole thing from the cheap seats, he refused to do that. He felt enough like a wanker as it was.

All three women wore white robes tied with light blue cords. Anya and Buffy held lighted candles, and a third stood on the floor in front of Willow. Willow first prepared an altar of the four elements: earth (a crystal), air (incense), fire (a candle) and water. Then she charged and consecrated her athame, which was a double edged dagger carved with supernatural symbols. She touched her athame to each element as she chanted:

"I call earth to bind my spell Air to speed its travel well Bright as fire shall it glow Deep as tide of water flow Count the elements four fold, And in the fifth the spell shall hold."

She then took her dagger, her athame, and walked around them , drawing a circle. A brilliant white light poured from the end of the dagger and encircled them. As she walked she said, "great guardian spirits of wisdom witness these rites and guard this circle."

They remained surrounded by the circle of dazzling white light. Willow raised her hands to the sky. "Hygeia, goddess of health, Asclepius, god of healing, Athena, goddess of science, I evoke and conjure thee." A warm wind began to swirl around them. "In peace I welcome you in the name of the Most High, and I command you, remove this unnatural element from our friend, which causes him so much pain. Eximo, eximo, EXIMO!" Willow pointed her dagger at Spike, and a stream of white light struck and then enveloped him, swirling around his body like a cyclone and then centering on his head. Anya and Buffy watched, amazed, as a tiny computer chip soon danced in front of him, visible only because is sparked and glowed, then exploded in a shimmering shower of silvery dust.

"Great guardian spirits, I hail and thank you. Go in peace, and return to your sphere of origin. The rite has ended."

The white light around them disappeared and the wind receded. Buffy looked to Willow, who nodded her permission to approach Spike. Buffy didn't know what she had expected his reaction to be, perhaps something more dramatic, but when she got to him she found him slumped over, unconscious. She pulled him into her arms, his head against her chest.

"The chip, Buffy," Anya began.

"I know," she said, her voice quiet. "It did a lot of damage. But he'll be alright. With the vampire healing and all. He's so strong. He'll be fine." She began to stroke his hair. "He'll be just fine."

Willow and Anya exchanged a look, and then quietly let themselves out of the room.
 

She wished she had just said it. It wasn't like she hadn't said it before. Except, had he really heard it, did he really know? He had to know. And she didn't want to make it one of those big, dramatic scenes, declaring her undying love to him, because then it would seem like she was afraid the spell would go badly. Which, of course, is exactly what she was afraid of. Plus, he wasn't exactly in the best shape to hear it. But now he had lain motionless in her bed for two hours, and she wished she'd just said it. Damn.

Buffy had just gotten Spike into some more comfortable clothing when a soft knock came at the door. She had pulled off his jeans and put a pair of Xander's old jogging pants on him. Xander had brought a few things over that no longer fit him, at her request since no one had a key to Spike's apartment. Spike would hate the fact that she was dressing him, but she wanted him to be comfortable, and those heavy jeans wouldn't do. He would also hate the fact that he was wearing Xander's clothes, and she had to smile a little at that. At least they were just a nice, conservative navy blue. He should be o.k. with that.

She called for whoever was knocking to come in, and Dawn slowly opened the door. "Is it alright? If I come in?"

"Sure honey, it's o.k." Buffy answered.

Dawn walked tentatively toward the bed. "They wouldn't let me see him before," she said, "before the spell, I mean."

"I know. He was in pretty bad shape."

Dawn stopped a few feet from the bed. "Is he going to be alright?"

"Yes," Buffy said firmly, "he is. You can come over here, if you want."

She came a few steps closer. "Is he sleeping?" she asked.

"It's a little more than that."

"When is he going to wake up?"

"I don't know," Buffy answered. Dawn looked at her with big, saucer eyes.

"Can I, can I touch him?" she asked.

"Sure."

Dawn sat down on the edge of the bed and took his hand. She rubbed it between both of hers for a moment. He was so cold. Then she leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I love you, Spike," she whispered. Buffy reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

After Dawn left, Willow was the next to enter, plying Buffy with food and encouraging her to get some rest. It was getting late, and everyone was going to bed. Xander went home, and Anya popped back to Giles's. Willow decided to stay over, and took some blankets and pillows down to the sofa. The house grew very quiet.

Buffy took a bite of the sandwich Willow had left, and then pushed it aside. She was too tired to eat, so she drew back the covers and climbed in next to Spike. She covered him with her body like a blanket, draped over him protectively, but it was really more for her comfort than for his.

This was something she'd never allowed when they were lovers, except by accident. Or when she just couldn't resist, and pretended it was an accident. She loved to watch him sleep. Long, dark lashes against pale skin, full lips slightly parted, arms and leg entwined with hers. The way his skin grew warm wherever she touched him, and remained cool where she didn't, as if she held some magical power over him, that she could give her warmth to him and make him come alive. And of course she could. He'd told her that. So many things to make up for. So much time wasted.

"Come back to me," she whispered.

He didn't respond.

Exhausted, she fell asleep and began to dream. She dreamed of the day she was invisible. They had had so much fun that day. She had been playful and silly, girlfriendy even, all because he couldn't see her, and so it wasn't real. She had pulled away from him on the upper level of his crypt and shot down the ladder to his bed chamber. "Tag, you're it!" she'd laughed. "Bet you can't find me!" Then she'd silently moved to a far corner of the room, and waited. The look on his face had been priceless. Boyishly amused, and it gave her a thrill. She wanted to give up the game then, and run to him, but she held back. He'd stood in the middle of the room, head cocked to one side, in that way he had, and closed his eyes. Then he walked right up to her, and stood not inches away.

"Come on, give me a hint slayer. Am I hot or cold?" She'd stifled a giggle then, because he was so, so both, and in more ways than one. He'd looked around like he had no idea where she was, and then without warning, she was in his arms. "Hot?" he asked, his voice low and predatory. "Or cold?"

"Oh, I'd go with hot." She breathed. "Very, very, hot."

Later they lay in his bed, his palm stroking up and down one arm. "So what gave me away?" she asked. "Heart beat? Vampire sense of smell? What?"

He leaned in and placed a soft kiss onto lips he couldn't see. "I'll always find you, luv, always."

He kept stroking her arm with the palm of his hand, and she thought she would climb out of her skin. How could he do that? It was just his hand on her arm. And it was driving her crazy in such an incredibly wonderful way. She drifted up into wakefulness and was slightly annoyed. She didn't want that dream to end. And then she realized that the sensation had not ended at all. Just his hand on her arm...

Her head shot up. "Spike?

"Mmm, Buffy skin. Another one of those seven wonders I was tellin' you about."

She half laughed and half cried as she pulled herself up his body to look down into his face. "Oh, God. Are you o.k.?"

"Seem to be. Though tell me this, pet. Is my hair on fire? 'Cause otherwise, I've got a hell of a hangover."

"You're still in pain?"

"No worries. Nothin' compared to the chip. And it's gotten better since I woke up, even."

"How long have you been awake?"

He turned his head to look at the clock, and winced slightly. "Close to an hour."

"And you didn't wake me?" She fought the urge to slap him.

"Oh, couldn't do that. Seemed like you were havin' such a nice dream. All snuggly and pretty sighs and 'Mmm Spikes'..."

She couldn't even get mad at him for teasing her. "It was a *very* nice dream," she said softly, rubbing her nose against his. He swallowed, hard.

"That so?" he managed.

"Mmm hmm." She ran her hands down his arms. "You sure everything is in good working order?"

"I can wiggle all my fingers and all my toes."

She smiled slyly. "Can you wiggle anything else?"

"Ooh, naughty Buffy," he grinned. His hands went to her jersey clad bottom and pulled her tighter against him. "You tell me."

"unh," was all she got out before her lips were on his. It had been so long since they'd kissed, really kissed, besides the other day in the training room, right before everything went to hell. Longing, fear, need all converged at this one point in time, and nothing and no one else existed. His hand traveled up under her shirt to the small of her back, pressing her against him. His other hand was in her hair, pushing it back off her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb. She traced his lips with her tongue, and he moaned into her mouth.

"Wait," she said pulling back slightly. Immediately he took his hands off her.

"I stopped!" he said. All his muscles went rigid and he held his hands up as if in surrender.

"No, no," she said softly, taking his hand, "I didn't mean it like that." She leaned down and kissed him again, and she felt him begin to relax beneath her. "I'm sorry," she said, "I totally ruined the moment. I just meant, everyone else is really worried about you, too. We should tell them you're o.k., maybe."

Now he just looked embarrassed, but his hands fell back to her waist. "Middle of the night, pet. Everyone's sleeping." He stopped and listened for a moment, hearing the distant sound of metal clinking against ceramic, and the tapping of a keyboard. Then he smiled. "Except one."

They crept down the stairs hand in hand. Buffy had the oddest feeling, like it was Christmas morning and she was about to give Willow the pony she'd always wanted. She giggled. Better not share that imagery with Spike. The downstairs was dark, lit only by Willow's laptop and the glow from the kitchen light which seeped through the doorway. She sat there surfing, sipping on a mug of cocoa. She didn't see them till they were almost to the dining room entrance.

"Surprise," said Buffy. Willow didn't say a word. She just stared at him for a moment, then pushed her chair back and walked directly into his arms. They held each other tightly, not speaking, and Buffy went and sat on the arm of the living room chair, not wanting to intrude.

Spike took his hands from around her waist and put them on either side of her face, tipping it up to look at him. "Thank you," he said.

She smiled widely. "You're welcome."

It wasn't long before Willow hustled them upstairs, 'to commence with the smoochies' she'd whispered in Buffy's ear. Following him into the room, Buffy closed the door quietly and locked it. Spike sat down on Buffy's bed and leaned up against the headboard. "C'mere," he said, patting the space next to him. "Somethin' I want to say to you," Instead of sitting next to him, she climbed into his lap and snuggled into his chest. He laughed softly. "Comfy, kitten?"

"Mmm hmm," she murmured.

"I just wanted to say, sorry for goin' all two faces of Spike on you there before."

She raised her head, meeting his eyes. "You don't have to apologize."

"I was...out of control. But you were amazing," he whispered, tracing her cheek with his finger. "I mean, I know you said you wanted to redecorate, but I don't think this is what you had in mind." He surveyed her room, which was a bit worse for wear.

She giggled. "At least you didn't use a grenade." She shook her head. Bad memories. She didn't want them, but there they were. She rested her forehead against his chest. "Is this stuff always going to be between us?" she asked him.

"Between us?" he said, making slow circles on her back with his hand, "I guess the trick is to put it behind us."

She hugged him tightly. "Do you remember everything that happened the last couple of days?" she asked.

"I think so. I remember you." He took her face in his hands. "I remember you always bein' there, never leavin'."

She buried her face in his chest, her tears wetting the fabric of his shirt. "I was so scared that I would lose you, and I would never even get to tell you," she raised her head, "I love you, you know. I love every part of you."

"And every part of me loves you." He kissed her again, slow and deep, and she felt like she was melting into his body. Then he broke the kiss gently, wrapping his arms around her and resting his chin on top of her head.

He looked down. "Who's pants might I be wearin', pet?" Spike asked, suddenly realizing he was not in his own jeans.

"Those might be Xander's," she replied.

She could hear the faint disgust along with a hint of amusement in his voice. "Now my humiliation is complete."

"Well," she said, "we could just take them off..."

He tipped her chin up and kissed her again. "Sounds like a plan."