Somebody
by
Carianne:lostangel52577@yahoo.com
Flashbacks are in italics.
PART ONE
Spike stood outside of the restaurant staring into the window. He raised his cigarette to his lips, and took a long drag.
What Spike saw inside the restaurant hurt, but he couldn't pull his eyes away from her smiling face. When she laughed, Spike could almost hear it. When her hand brushed over his, Spike could almost feel it on his own hand. A few times, Spike noticed a far away look in her eyes. He smiled to himself knowing she was thinking of him, and he could almost feel them connect because he was thinking of her. When he saw them stand up to leave, Spike tossed his cigarette aside, and strolled off.
Buffy and Riley left the restaurant, and walked back to Buffy's dorm room. The conversation was light just like it had been all night. Buffy hated to admit it, but it was almost boring. They reached Buffy room, and stood awkwardly outside.
Finally, Riley said, "I had a nice time tonight Buffy."
"Me too."
An awkward silence followed until Riley said, "So I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow."
Silence descended on them again, and Buffy glanced at the door wanting to escape the awkward moment.
"Well, goodnight," Riley mumbles.
"Bye Riley."
Riley turned to leave, but turned back around, and kissed Buffy gently on the lips. Buffy responded, and Riley placed his hand on her cheek as he deepened the kissed. After a moment, Riley pulled away, and sighed.
"What's wrong?" Buffy asked with concern, and fear crossing over her face.
"Nothing," Riley answered.
"Oh," Buffy mumbled.
"I mean I felt nothing. Buffy I like you, and at one time, I was in love with you, but you've changed, and I'm not blaming you for that, but you have. You're not the same girl anymore, and I'm not the guy for you."
"Riley," Buffy started.
"No it's okay," Riley insisted.
"Riley, I don't want to hurt you."
"Just tell me honestly, did you feel anything when I kissed you?"
"No," Buffy whispered lowering her head.
"Neither did I. I think we should just be friends."
Buffy laughed lightly. "I'd like that." She pauses before adding, "I am sorry Riley."
Riley leaned over, and kissed her cheek. "Don't be."
Riley looked at her one last time, sadness washing over him, before walking away.
"Riley," Buffy called out.
Riley stopped, and turned to look at her.
"Thank you."
Riley smiled. "You're welcome."
Buffy watched Riley disappear around the corner. When he was out of sight, Buffy opened her door, and walked into her room. She tossed her purse onto her desk, and kicked off her shoes. She walked over to the stereo, and pushed play. Buffy laid on her bed thinking about what just happened as the opening strains of Somebody filled the room.
I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who'll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return she'll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She'll hear me out
And won't easily be converted
To my of thinking
In fact she'll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
I want somebody who cares for me passionately
With every thought
And with every breath
Someone who will help me see things in a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don't want to be tied
To anyone's strings
I'm carefully trying to steer clear of those things
But when I'm asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this make me sick
In a case like this
I'll get away with it
PART TWO
Buffy rifled through Spike's glove compartment searching for a tape to listen to.
"Where are we going again?" Buffy asked as she tried to read Spike's illegible labeling.
"It's a surprise," Spike answered.
"How long till we get there?" Buffy asked pulling out a tape labeled "Somebody"
"Not long, so quit whining."
"I'm not whining," Buffy protested. "What's on this tape?"
Buffy held up the tape.
"Somebody," Spike answered giving Buffy a look.
Buffy glared at him. "Funny. What's Somebody?"
"A song," Spike answered.
"No kidding. I couldn't figure that out. Who's it by?"
"Depeche Mode. Put it in."
"Depeche Mode?" Buffy asked skeptically.
Spike reached over, and grabbed the tape from her. He shoved it into the tape player. The sound of a heartbeat filled the car, and Buffy leaned back to listen.
The words filled Buffy's head, and she was almost moved to tears. When the song ended, Buffy looked at Spike.
"It was beautiful," Buffy murmured.
"Yeah, I don't know why I listen to it."
"Cause as evil as you like to think you are, underneath it all you're just a sappy romantic," Buffy teased.
"Sod off," Spike growled.
Spike swung the car sharply to the left, and then sent the car to a screeching halt.
"We're here," Spike declared jumping out of the car.
Buffy got out of the car as well, and looked around. Her breath caught in her throat as she realized they were on top of a cliff overlooking the ocean. She could hear the waves crashing against the rocks below.
Buffy walked towards the edge of the cliff where Spike was already standing. She grabbed his hand, and followed his gaze down into the blackness below them.
"It's beautiful," Buffy breathed.
"That it is, luv."
They stood in silence for a long time just enjoying the night.
Finally Buffy broke the silence. "Do you hear that?"
"What?" Spike asked looking around worried they weren't alone.
"The waves? Do you hear how they crash against the rocks in a steady rhythm, like a heartbeat? It's comforting."
Buffy turned her head slightly to look at Spike in the darkness. His eyes were focused down on the crashing water below. When he didn't move to speak, Buffy continued. "You know what I liked best about that song. Through the whole thing, there was the steady rhythm of a heartbeat. Like two people being so in tuned to one another, their heart's beat at the same time."
"And you called me the sappy romantic?" Spike joked turning his head to look at her.
Buffy looked up into his eyes, and said, "Okay you found me out, but it would be nice to have someone whose heart beat with yours."
Spike flinched, and turned his head back towards the water below. "I wouldn't know. Mine doesn't beat, remember?"
Buffy looked away, and frowned. "I was speaking metaphorically."
They feel into silence, as both their minds raced. It was the forbidden topic. The topic they danced around, but that consumed their own thoughts constantly. What exactly did they mean to each other?
Spike knew he loved her. It wasn't even a question anymore, but what did that mean in the big picture? He'd never known anyone like Buffy. She was so strong, and independent, and yet still vulnerable. It wasn't like with Drusilla. It wasn't an obsession. He didn't need to take care of her. He didn't need to protect her, and that was why he loved her. She chose to be with him, not out of need, but out of want, and Spike wanted her. It was impossible, and for the first time in his unlife Spike regretted what he was, because what he was made it impossible. She was the somebody that he loved with ever breath he couldn't breathe.
Buffy glanced at Spike, and he appeared to be in deep thought. She wondered if he was thinking of what she was. That he was the somebody who understood her, and supported her. Buffy knew without a doubt that she loved him. It was wrong, and impossible, but she loved him. He challenged her in ways she never knew were possible, and he accepted her for everything she was. It wasn't like with Angel were it felt so wrong, but she knew it was right. With Spike it just felt so right, but she knew it was wrong.
Finally Spike broke the silence. "Are you ready?"
Buffy looked up at him with confusion etched on her face. "Ready for what?"
"As lovely as it is, we didn't come here for the view."
"What did we come here for?" Buffy asked nervously.
"You said you were tired of feeling trapped, and you wanted to be free."
"Yeah."
"Well here's your chance."
Buffy didn't quite get what Spike was talking about, and she looked at him silently questioning his meaning. Spike just grinned, and looked down over the cliff to the water below. The realization of what Spike was implying hit Buffy, and she backed away from the edge of the cliff shaking her head no.
Spike reached out and gently grabbed her arm.
"I'm not doing it, Spike," Buffy protested.
"Why not?"
"I'll kill myself."
"I won't let anything happen to you. Don't you trust me?"
Buffy looked up into Spike's eyes. Even in the darkness, she could see the piercing blue, and at that moment she knew without a doubt that she could trust him. She placed her hand in his, and Spike grinned.
He kicked off his shoes, and Buffy followed suit. He let go of her hand, and shrugged off his duster before taking her hand again. Buffy glanced down over the edge of the cliff, and fear flashed across her face. Spike took her face in his hands, and kissed her gently on the lips.
"Don't think. Just do it."
Spike reached down, and entwined his fingers tightly through hers. "And don't let go of my hand," he ordered.
Buffy nodded, and looked up into his eyes. Without saying a word, communicating solely through their eyes, Spike, and Buffy took a few running steps before leaping off the cliff.
Buffy fell through the sky, and the sensation made her feel like she was flying. Spike never let go of her hand as they fell through the darkness, and finally, they crashed into the water.
Buffy felt the water engulf her. She felt the cold stinging of the water on every inch of her body, and she held onto Spike's hand for dear life as she sank further, and further into the black water. Spike kicked his legs furiously towards the surface knowing she would need to breath soon.
As they broke the surface, Buffy gasped for air. Spike held her tightly keeping them both above the water as she filled her lungs with the cold night air.
"Are you okay?" Spike finally asked.
Buffy nodded as she tried to even out her breathing.
"You sure?" Spike asked growing concerned.
"Yeah," Buffy breathed.
"How do you feel?" Spike asked.
"Free," Buffy answered before wrapping her legs around Spike, and pulling him into a kiss.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy sat up when she heard a knock on her door. She walked slowly to the door wondering who it could be at this hour. She threw open the door, and gasped.
"Spike?"
"Hello luv, can I come in?"
Buffy numbly nodded before inviting him in vocally. "Come in."
Spike walked past Buffy, and into her room. He looked around, and smiled when he heard the soft sounds coming from her stereo.
"Depeche Mode huh?"
Buffy somewhat over the shock of seeing him replied, "Yeah. You were right. They're pretty cool."
There was a brief pause before Spike blurted out, "I just wanted to tell you I was leaving."
Buffy physically reeled at his words hit her like a blow to her chest.
"You're leaving?" Buffy gasped.
Spike looked away from her. He couldn't look at her, and still say what he needed to say.
"Yeah, I mean there's nothing for me here, and your life is going good, so I just thought it was time for me to move on."
Buffy clutched onto the edge of her dresser. It was the only thing holding her up. "I don't know what to say."
"I know. I just think it's best. You don't need me lurking around when things with soldier boy are going so good."
"Riley? You're leaving because of Riley?" Buffy whispered.
Spike stared at the wall not wanting to look at Buffy. "I saw you at dinner, and I wanted to stick around to make sure you were okay, and you are, so I can go, and live my life."
What Spike was saying finally sunk in, and Buffy became enraged. "You've been following me?" she shouted angrily.
Spike's head snapped to look at her when he heard the change in her voice. "I wanted to make sure you were okay," he tried to explain.
"Okay? Do I look okay to you? You can't just waltz into my life, change everything, leave me, and then come here and say you want me to be okay," Buffy yelled.
"Buffy, what do you want from me?" Spike shouted in frustration.
Buffy's anger dissipated instantly. "Somebody. I want somebody who cares for me passionately with every thought, and with every breath," Buffy desperately cried.
"I don't even breath, slayer."
Buffy's anger returned in full force. "I hate you, and your self righteous attitude. You think you know what's best for me? You think you know what I want? Well you obviously don't, and what gives you the right to even presume to know," Buffy yelled as tears streamed uncontrollably down her face.
Spike instantly softened as he saw her tears. "Buffy," Spike started softly.
He moved towards her slowly, but Buffy lunged at him, and began hitting him with her fists. He accepted her blows as they rained down on his chest, stomach, and face.
"Just get out, leave, you fucking bastard!" she screamed.
She began sobbing harder, and her fists started to land on his chest weakly. Spike grasped her wrists, and pulled her to him in a hug. He held her tightly as she sobbed, and tried to wrench herself free of his grasp, but Spike wouldn't let her go.
When she finally stopped struggling, Spike began to stroke her hair as she cried. She wrapped her arms around him, and grasped his shoulders as she let out all her frustration, anger, and love.
When her sobs turned into sniffles, Spike let her go, and stepped away form her.
"I'm sorry for everything," Spike apologized.
He turned away from her, and walked towards the door. Buffy stood there, rooted to the floor, unable to move, or to speak. She tried to open her mouth, and call out to him, but the words refused to form. She stood paralyzed as she watched Spike walk out the door.
As soon as she heard the door click shut, she cried out, "Wait." But Spike was already gone.
Buffy dashed to the door, and threw it open.
Her mouth dropped open when she saw Spike leaning against the wall outside her door smoking a cigarette.
"There's no smoking in here," Buffy informed him with an uneasy smile.
"And I thought you hated me?" Spike replied with a grin.
A real smile broke onto Buffy's face, and she replied, "I thought you were leaving."
"I thought you were with Riley?"
Buffy's smile fell, and she whispered, "I thought you loved me?"
Spike's smile disappeared as well, and he turned to Buffy. "Why'd you think that?" Buffy's heart stopped at his words, and she felt her world crumbling around her.
All the hope that had flooded her body just seconds before quickly evaporated. Spike grabbed her chin in his hand, and forced her to look at him. "You should know that."
Buffy's heart swelled, and her smile returned. Spike slowly leaned into her, and their lips met hesitantly at first. Buffy felt the heat rush through her body as his mouth gently caressed hers. She pushed her body against his, and Spike dropped his hands to hold her around the waist as the kiss intensified. Buffy's hands found there way up to his face, and she held his face in her hands as they continued to kiss.
Finally pulling away from each other, Buffy hesitantly asked, "What about the plan?"
She looked up into his eyes as uncertainty flooded her body once more. She was met with a devilish twinkle in his blue eyes.
"Bullocks the plan. My plans never work anyway. You're always there to muck 'em up."
Buffy laughed for real for the first time since their last night together.
"I've never made your life easy have I?"
"No you haven't. I should hate you with a passion for that, but I think loving you is even worse revenge," Spike replied with a raise of his eyebrow.
"You're too cruel," Buffy joked.
Spike's answer was to kiss her again, and he had no intention of ever letting her go again.
The End