Spike raised his hand to get the bartenders attention, catching his eye, he signed for another round. The bartender eyed the blonde sitting at the bar, wondering where he was putting all the liquor he had consuming over the last few hours. It didn’t seem to faze him as much as it should have. He just sat on the barstool, drinking, smoking and staring into space. He even ignored the red head that had tried to get his attention earlier in the evening. When he didn’t even look her way after she asked him for a light, she took the hint and moved on.



Setting the whiskey in front of him, the bartender leaned on his forearms and asked, “What’s your deal buddy? You sit all night, drinking and as far as I can tell, you aren’t even drunk.”



Spike pursed his lips in a smirk, raised his sharp blue eyes and answered in a slow accented voice, “Years of practice mate, years of practice.” He picked up the fresh glass of whiskey and downed half in one gulp.



The bartender started to ask another question especially about the cuts and bruises on his face but a flicker of something in the blondes’ eyes changed his mind. He gave a nervous laugh and moved down the bar, returning to wiping the bar glasses with a cloth while keeping an eye on his curious customer.



Spike was content sitting by himself, drinking and thinking about how his life had changed in the last few years…since Sunnydale and…her.



At one time he was considered one of the ‘baddest’ of the bad-ass vampires. His reputation among the demon and vampire world was legendary. Something about killing two slayers, a feat no one had ever done before, made people take you seriously. That was until the blasted chip the initiative implanted in his brain made it impossible to hunt and kill and do what it was a vampire was meant to do. “F..king Assholes!” he mumbled under his breath. They were the cause of all his troubles. If it wasn’t for them and the sodding chip, he wouldn’t have had to turn to Buffy and her stupid friends. That’s where his life took a turn, when he started to depend on the slayer and grow to...love her.



“Bloody Hell!” he sneered as he downed the rest of his drink. He could still see her, eyes full of tears. Tears for him as he willingly gave his life to save the world. The words she had spoken were burned into his mind….’I Love You’.



He blinked several times to clear the moisture forming in his eyes, unwilling to accept the emotions that assaulted him every time he thought of Buffy and what they had.



He started to signal for another round until something made him stop. He had that all too familiar tingling down his spine when another vampire was near. Alert now, his outwardly appearance didn’t change as he sat on the stool, idly taking a drag on his cigarette looking bored, while he used his senses to search out the cause. Years of experience allowed him to know and prepare for danger without even turning around.



A look of disgust crossed his face as he recognized the source. Without turning around he said, “Hello, Peaches.”



“Why am I not surprised to find you here?” Angel said as he walked over and sat beside him on the empty stool.



Spike took a deep draw on his cigarette and slowly blew the smoke in the air, taking his time before answering. Without looking at Angel, he crushed the remainder of the cigarette in the overflowing tray in front of him. “Why ‘are’ you here? Haven’t you had enough for one night?” he sneered.



Angel signaled for a drink before answering, “Look Spike, a lot of things was said tonight. Some things that were better left unsaid and some that probably needed to be said a long time ago.” Spike cut his eyes at Angel without saying a word, looking at him for the first time. “And some things that still need to be said.”



“Is that ‘right? Said what I had on my mind. Got nothin’ more to add,” Spike sneered as he turned back to the drink the bartender had set in front of him.



Angel waited until the bartender had walked back to the other end of the bar then tried again to talk to the stubborn vampire. “Spike. I know we have a history here and I accept blame for my part in what ever happened…”



Spike interrupted. “That’s awfully big of you,” sarcasm dripping from each syllable.



Frustrated, Angel tried again. “You never make things easy, do you?” Spike didn’t answer this time. He just sat there, drinking his whiskey and keeping his thoughts to himself. “Spike, we need to talk.”



“I really don’t. ‘Said enough and now al’ I want to do is get piss-ass drunk and celebrate my…being al’ solid again…. Alone!”



“We don’t always get what we want. We both know that.”



Spike tried to ignore him, hoping he would go away and leave him alone. No such luck.



Angel tried another tactic, one that was sure to get a response from the vampire he had known for over a hundred years. “I talked to Buffy tonight.” He could feel Spike stiffen at the mention of the slayer’s name but he still didn’t respond. “She called after you left. She said Willow and the coven in England sensed the disturbance here in L.A.” Angel paused, giving Spike a chance to comment. When he just sat there smoking another cigarette, Angel continued, “I didn’t tell her about you…being back.”



At this Spike turned his head and frowned, “Why not?” He wasn’t sure how he felt about letting Buffy know he was back from the dead or rather undead. On the one hand all he wanted to do was run to her and hold her, tell her how much he loved her, but on the other hand…. What if she didn’t really care? Couldn’t care. After all he was still a vampire even with the soul and the title of champion on his resume. What if the closeness they had and the words spoken the last few days before the apocalypse didn’t mean to her what it had meant to him? He wasn’t sure he could go back to loving her without it being returned.



His mind flicked back to the last minutes in the cave, as it did a hundred times a day. He told her he didn’t believe her, because if he did he couldn’t have done what he had to do….leave her to sacrifice himself to save to world.



His thoughts were interrupted as Angel answered his question. “It wasn’t my place to tell her.”



A spark of anger flared in Spike. “Not your place? Or was it that you’re a‘fraid she would come for me….to be with me and not you!”



“Look Spike, I can’t tell Buffy what to do or who to do it with. Never could. But if it’s you she wants, and heaven knows why she would,” he added with sarcasm, “then I won’t get in the way.”



Spike studied him for a moment, trying to figure out if Angel meant what he said. “So… it’s okay with you if Buffy chooses me?”



Angel shook his head, “No! It’s not alright! I just don’t think I have any say in the matter. Buffy’s a big girl and if she wants to throw her life away then I can’t stop her. I did what I could so she would have a chance at a normal life….because I was thinking of her and what was best for her.”



“Did you now?” Spike asked as he arched an eyebrow at Angel. “Left her high and dry as I saw it. Left her in al’ kind of pain and loneliness. It took her a long while to get over you….but she did…with ‘me’!”



Angel knew he had to make Spike understand so he would make the right decision for Buffy’s sake. “Spike, I didn’t want to hurt Buffy. I loved her. But, I knew that if I stayed I would only hurt her more. I wasn’t what she needed.” He wanted to add, ‘and neither are you’, but he didn’t want to start another fight. He just wanted him to realize the truth…that she didn’t need a vampire in her life.



“Uhmmp!” Spike snorted. He turned around and sipped his drink. Neither man spoke for a while, each lost in their own thoughts of Buffy. “I could make her happy you know. There’s no pesky curse on me. I wasn’t the one that pissed off that gypsy! “



“It’s not all about the curse, you nimrod.” Why did everybody think he left because they couldn’t have sex? Angel ran his hand through his hair with frustration, making the ends stand up more than usual. “What kind of life could I…we…give her? No sunny walks on the beach. No children. And worst of all, how could I watch her age as I stayed the same? It just wasn’t fair for me to stay.” Angel gulped his drink down, as old feelings of anger and lost chances filled him.”



Spike studied his grandsire. He could tell it hurt Angel to tell him how he felt and why he had left Buffy. “You’re an idiot!”



Angel snapped his eyes at him, “What?”



“I said you’re an idiot. You gave it a’ll away…a chance to be with her…to love her, a’ll because of ‘what if’s’. Hell! With the life we lead, she could die and we could be dusted any minute, and you threw it away. Well, I’m not that stupid. I’m going to take my chance when I can.” He waited a minute for Angel to answer and when he didn’t he continued, “She told me she loved me, you know. Said what we had meant something to her.” He hung his head and softly said, “Meant everything to me.” He raised his head again and turned to Angel, “That’s why I need to go to her.”



“Why haven’t you?”



Spike pursed his lips and lit another cigarette. “I plan to. Just thought I would suss out this prophecy thing first.”



“Could it be that you know what I said was true? That if Buffy’s to have any chance at a normal life, especially now that she isn’t the only slayer….now that she can do what she wants, that the last thing she needs in her life is an undead boyfriend.”



Spike sat and sipped his drink without answering Angel. A part of him knew Angel was right. When they were together last year he tried to bring her down to his level because he knew he could never rise to hers. Since he got his soul, he had been willing to stay out of her life romantically because he didn’t want to hurt her. He had been willing to stay with her and fight. Anything to be near her. And in the end, she had told him that she loved him. But was he what she needed? A cold dead vampire with years of pain and redemption to make up for.



Angel watched the play of emotions on Spike’s face. He had known him for over a hundred years and never in all that time had he seen that look of pain and confusion on his face, even when he had taken Drucilla right in front of him. “Look, Spike. If you aren’t in a big hurry, why don’t you stick around and help us figure out the prophesy.” Spikes turned and looked at Angel as he listened to what he had to say. “And if it turns out that you’re the one the prophesy talks about then you can go to Buffy as a man…and not a vampire.”



Spike frowned at Angel, “And if this prophesies is about you?”



“Then you bow out and I go to her.”



“That’s ‘ssuming the prophesy is real.”



Angel shrugged, “Who knows. Either way, right now she doesn’t know you’re back and that gives us some time.”



Spike considered what Angel had said. He wanted to go to her but he knew in his heart that he wasn’t good enough for her as he was, but if the prophesy was right and he was the chosen one, then he could go to her as a man. He could give her the life she deserved.



“A’right! I’ll wait. Give this prophesy bit a’go. But the minute I become human, I go to her…no questions. Right?”



Angel nodded in agreement and said, “Let’s get out of here.” Angel stood to leave when Spike replied, “And I want an office, with a desk. One as big as yours.” Angel raised his eyebrows in question. “If I’m staying ‘ere, I might as well help out and such. I need an office for that.”



Angel started to walk off with Spike following, “Okay, you get an office. I think I can find you a small one.”



“It’ll be a big one you selfish git….And I want the viper!”



“You’ve got to be kidding! No way are you getting my viper.”



They continued to argue as they left the bar, not exactly friends but not enemies either. The fight earlier had cleared up some old issues that they were both willing to put aside so they could work together and find a way to fulfill the prophesy…so that one of them could be human and be what she needed.




The End