The Circle of Slayers Series 31/35 Incomplete
Chapter 31: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
By Denna at dennaseer@hotmail.com
Rated NC-17
Keywords: Buffy and Spike…what else could there be?
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon.
Jar’vees belongs to me. I love feedback, by the way.
Summary for Chapter 31: Spike and Buffy catch up…ahem…
Chapter 31: Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder
Sunday, December 30th, 2001, 11:35 PM
“Does she always eat like this?” Jar’vees asked, rubbing his head in
amazement.
“To her credit, no,” Tara said, leaning back and sipping her coffee.
Opposite them, Buffy was in the process of cleaning out Jar’vees’ larder.
Spike was hungrily finishing off some blood and quickly went on to take some
food as well. Jar’vees just stared in numb amazement. Who knew that someone
that tiny could eat that much? “She’s not quite so bad today.”
“The Slayer and that big black hole of vampire are eating everything I
have!” he said mournfully as they started fighting over a pot of stew that
Dawn had set on the table between them. Buffy grabbed the handle while Spike
used his fork to jab her hand and make her let go.
“Give it to me, Spike!” she screeched, “You had the last tuna sandwich!”
“And I shared it with you, pet, so half of this is respectfully mine.”
“Is not!”
“Is too!”
Willow watched them with a faint smile on her lips. She was so happy Buffy
was back and that it was finally over. But…something was wrong. Yes, Spike
seemed infinitely happy, but the only time he actually looked like he was
feeling something was when he was with Buffy. He had scarcely smiled at her
or Dawn after the ordeal and had been cold to everyone else but her. Willow
decided to shrug it off. Spike was finally getting the love of his life
back. It was natural he would spend all his attention on her.
Jar’vees was still staring at them. “I was hoping Spike could tell me more
about Sahalia’s true nature. All he’s said to me about it was that I was
wrong. How am I supposed to interpret that? I was wrong about what?”
“You won’t get anything else out of him until he’s stuffed himself,
probably slept-“ Spike glanced at Tara and caught her eye a moment before
going back to beating Buffy off his share of stew. “and…never mind…I think
you better go get more food, Jar’vees, or you’re liable to have a riot on
your hands,” the Wicca added.
“It’s 11:30!” Jar’vees exclaimed, rounding on Tara. “I’m going to have to
go all the way to Twin Mountain! Shouldn’t we wait until tomorrow, so we can
get some rest?”
“Oh, I can’t sleep now!” Dawn said, as she sat down next to Tara, “Not
after everything. I’m so pumped up! I can’t just stand around! I’ll help
with the groceries!”
“Thanks, Princess. Well…there is a 24-hour grocery store. And I guess I
won’t be able to sleep for a while either. Fine, I guess we could go.”
They sat in silence and watched the two eat. “I think we should go now
before these two turn to cannibalism to sate their appetites. They’re going
to be hungry again in a couple of hours and if we don’t have anything to
feed them, we could be in some serious trouble.”
“Real funny, Tara,” Dawn exclaimed. “Like they would ever-“ She looked at
their two friends nervously. Buffy was ripping the meat from her chicken
wings ferociously. “I think…”
“Uh…I don’t think I want to test that little theory of yours, Princess,”
Jar’vees said. “If you three will help, we can go get some groceries in Twin
Mountain and be back in a couple hours.”
Willow fixed Jar’vees’ eyes with a suspicious glare. “I thought it took
four hours to get from here to the town.”
“Well…heh…that’s if you go #over# the mountain…” Jar’vees rubbed the back
of his neck uncomfortably.
“You mean there’s another way?” Dawn demanded. Jar’vees nodded.
“We should have expected that,” Willow said, putting her coffee mug down
and pushing herself away from the table. “Just let me get out of this silly
ceremonial dress and I’ll be ready to go. Buffy, Spike!”
Spike and Buffy froze in the middle of a duel for the last chicken wing.
“What?” they asked in unison.
“We’re going into town for groceries. Try not to kill each other until we
get back, all right?”
“You’re going to get more food?” Buffy asked anxiously.
Willow rolled her eyes. “Why #else# would be going in this weather.” She
pointed to the storm that raged across the sky outside.
“Great! Because I haven’t eaten nearly enough to feel better!” she said,
stabbing Spike’s hand with her knife and stealing the last chicken wing.
“Be careful, luv!” the vampire shouted.
Willow shook her head. “Yeah, yeah…” She waved at them absently. “Come on,
you guys. The sooner we leave, the sooner we get back.” The three of them
turned to leave for their rooms.
After changing and grabbing their coats, they had scarcely made it to the
corridor down which Jar’vees led them before they heard a crash and a
startled, “Spike!” from Buffy. Jar’vees winced and Tara took Dawn’s arm and
steered her ahead of him to keep her from looking back to investigate.
“Looks like you better add some dinnerware to that list of groceries we owe
you.” Willow said with a broad, cryptic grin.
~
Spike watched the others leave impassively, waiting until they were gone
from sight. He turned his blue eyes sideways to stare at Buffy. All the food
was gone and she was leaning back in her chair, patting her stomach.
“Ah…” she crooned, “Now for a nice hot soak, wash my hair-“
She was interrupted as the vampire sitting next to her suddenly stretched
out his arm with lightening speed and in one quick, decisive motion cleared
the table of its burden. Plates, cutlery and the remains of their meal went
crashing to the floor.
“Spike!” Buffy shouted, rounding on her lover angrily. Her reprimand died
on her lips as she saw and felt the burn of his eyes staring greedily upon
her. A shadow fell across his face and she shivered involuntarily. A stab of
fear twisted her heart as she sensed a glimmer of darkness that she hadn’t
seen in him for a long while. What had he done to himself?
Her questions were cut short as his hands reached out and grabbed her by
the neckline of her shirt. With an effortless twist, he ripped off her shirt
and just as quickly tore off her bra to lay her bare before him.
“No-!” she gasped as she tried to cover herself with her arms, pushing off
his hands, but his determination and desire was too strong. He lifted her
into his arms and forced her backwards onto the table. Leaning menacingly
over her, he unzipped her jeans and slid them off, taking her underwear with
them.
“Dawn…Willow…they’ll see!” she whispered, even though her growing desire
was the foremost thing she worried about.
“Let them,” he said, his voice dark as he lowered his head to plant a kiss
on her stomach. “They know already.” He worked his way upwards towards her
neck while reaching downwards to yank at the zipper on his pants. As his
mouth found hers, her pulled her legs apart and moved between them. “I need
you, Slayer,” he whispered against her lips.
“I need you too,” she whispered back. The fear and dismay melted away in
the heat her lover invoked inside her. His kisses demanded repayment in
kind. As he took her, atop the ruins of the dinner table, she stopped
thinking all together.
~
Later in Spike’s room, slipping on a large charcoal T-shirt’s of his, Buffy
knelt on the floor beside the vampire. They’d finally made it to the bath
and had helped each other washed in between bouts of lovemaking. She lost
count of how many times they’d made love. She had felt a frenzied and primal
passion she had never encountered before and it thrilled her to the core.
There were sides to the vampire she had never experienced and she was dying
to discover more of his secrets. But now he was sitting at the table,
buttoning up his black shirt, and patiently letting her trim off the
scorched and blackened ends of his newly washed hair.
As the last burnt strand fell to the floor, she remembered what Spike had
said to the others right after rescuing her.
“Spike?”
“Hmmm?” he asked, twisting around to face her. “Finished?”
“Yeah…Spike, earlier you were talking about a…Soulbond and my hair helping
Willow find me. What were you talking about?”
She heard him take a deep breath. He turned and took her hand to pull her
up to sit on the chair next to him. Reaching downwards, he picked up his
discarded pants and pulled something out of the pocket. Her eyes went round
as she saw the bit of blonde hair tied up with a length of black ribbon.
“Is that my hair?” she demanded.
“I…uh…” Spike cleared his throat nervously. He wouldn’t look at her.
“Remember…last year when I stole bits and pieces from your house. Pictures,
knick knacks, sweaters…”
“Yes.”
“Well, one night. I…snuck into your room and the scissors were just lying
there-“
“And you cut off my hair? You mean to tell me you’ve kept a lock of my hair
all this time?”
“It…was a comfort. A creepy comfort but one all the same. When…you were
gone…sometimes looking at it, stroking it…. made me forget for a while…”
“Spike,” she said, “Look at me.”
He looked at her, staring deep into her eyes.
She smiled and took his hand. “What am I going to do with you?” she asked,
shaking her head.
“Kiss me?” he answered, grasping her hand and leaning forward to her lips.
Buffy leaned out of the way playfully before he could get there, winked and
pinched the end of his nose. “Don’t try and distract me! What about this
Soulbond stuff?”
Suddenly nervous again, he cleared his throat and played with the lock of
hair in his hands. He didn’t answer for a moment.
“I didn’t mean you couldn’t talk, Spike. Talk to me.”
“Buffy, have you ever felt we had some kind of…connection? Like we
understand each other’s feelings?”
“Sure, why not? I mean we’ve known each other now for a pretty long time-“
“No,” he interrupted her. “More than that. Like how every time I left
Sunnydale I always found myself coming back. And how I’m always around when
you’re miserable. How I know, in a way, what you’re feeling, what you’re
thinking. And all the other times we’ve fought together?”
“Yeah? But what does that have to do with a Soulbond? What is a Soulbond?”
“A Soulbond…is just what is says, pet. A bonding of souls, so to speak.
We’re connected, you and I, and we have been for quite a while now.”
“But how? Shouldn’t there be some kind of ritual or something? We’ve never
done anything like that.”
“I thought so, too, but Jariath said that a true Bond doesn’t need any
rituals. Plus these bits here helped.” He reached down and took her left
wrist and touch the silver band there. “I didn’t know it when he gave them
to me, but they’re Soulbonding bands. If it hadn’t been for them and
Jariath, we never would have found you.” He let his hand move to cup her
cheek.
She reached up and covered his hand that lay on her cheek. “I want to meet
this friend of yours and thank him.”
Spike nodded. “As soon as we get back to Sunnyhell, I’ll take him to meet
you.” Suddenly, he lowered his eyes and dropped his hand from her cheek,
taking her delicate hands in his strong ones. “Buffy…” his voice was soft
and shaky as his brows creased at some painful thought.
The Slayer tilted her head to the side and looked at him carefully. “Yes,
Spike?”
His lips drew together in a straight line a moment before he spoke. “Buffy,
while Riley and I were fighting, he…said some things…” His voice trailed off
uncertainly. He seemed to be struggling with something that was weighing
heavily on his mind. Finally, he swallowed, and looked up into her eyes.
“Did he touch you?”
Buffy’s hazel eyes went wide and she felt a flash of anger at him. “Spike!
How could you think I would-“
The blonde vampire shook his head. “No, pet, that’s not what I meant. I
know you would never have let him, even if he did screw up your brain a
bit.” Buffy’s anger turned to guilt as she remembered the desire she’d felt
for Riley at the first.
“Then what do you mean?”
He closed his eyes and sighed. “Did he try to force himself on you?” Spike
opened his brilliant eyes, eyes still shadowed by his ordeals, looked into
hers and gently touched her cheek. “Because if he did, I’d have to get Red
to do that resurrection spell of hers.”
“W-what? Why?”
“So I could kill him all over again.” The pure hatred in his voice
frightened her. This was not like Spike…maybe before, but not now…
“Don’t talk like that, Spike,” she said as she leaned forward and rested
her head against his chest. He put his arms around her protectively. “He
tried, but I wouldn’t let him. But it’s all over now. You don’t have to
worry anymore.”
He lowered his head to rest his cheek on her still damp hair and tightened
his arms around her as he picked her up, carried her to the cot and sat
down. “No worries, pet,” he said. Lying back, he held her close.
She sighed and snuggled close to him, savoring his closeness. So much that
she started to doze off. Then a sudden noise from the corridor outside
Spike’s room made her look up. The vampire wasn’t asleep as she’d thought,
but was staring blankly into the darkness.
The sound came again, and this time it could be clearly identified as the
sound of footsteps and voices. They were coming from the main living area.
Buffy looked up at Spike. “They’re back.”
Spike nodded.
“Which means-“ She dragged herself out of his arms, jumped off the cot and
yanked the door open before he could answer.
“More food!”
The Circle of Slayers Series 32/35 Incomplete
Chapter 32: Know Thyself
By Denna at dennaseer@hotmail.com
Rated PG-13
Keywords: Buffy and Spike…what else could there be?
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon.
Jar’vees belongs to me. I love feedback, by the way.
Summary for Chapter 32: Spike discovers that his nightmare isn’t nearly over
yet.
Chapter 32: Know Thyself
Monday, December 31rst, 2001, 8:14 PM
“This is absolutely…I don’t know what to say. How did you figure all this
out? And by yourself?” Jar’vees asked Spike. The two of them were standing
in the Temple of Light and Shadow and Spike had just demonstrated to
Jar’vees his control over Sahalia. Dawn, Willow, Tara and Buffy sat nearby,
all of them in awe over the display they had just witnessed.
For some reason, Jar’vees’ words struck a wrong chord with him. “I’m not as
daft as people think me out to be, you know,” he said in a hard voice.
“Spike, I didn’t mean it that way. You know I like you, even though you can
be a bit…scary sometimes. I meant that you have just done something that no
one has done before, what no one even suspected Sahalia was even capable of,
and you did it while fighting the Ausi, destroying it to top it off. How did
you do it?”
The vampire shrugged, a little embarrassed by both his situation and his
outburst. “I just…” He thought about what had happened. “When Cardboard hit
me on the head, the sword talked to me.”
“It-it spoke to you?”
Spike went over to the wall and sat down next to Buffy. Laying the white
sword across his knees he nodded. “Yeah. Buf-Sahalia told me it was me and I
was it.”
“How?” asked Jar’vees, thoroughly confused.
The blonde closed his eyes and tried to remember. “Sh-It said I was the
Sword and the Man. That is the true nature of Sahalia. Man and Sword are
one. Sahalia doesn’t have a soul of its own that wants to take over whoever
claims it, like the Ausi. The part of me that I killed in the Temple of
Light – that part of my soul – became part of Sahalia. It’s an extension of
myself; an extra arm or something.” Spike’s voice had taken on an unfamiliar
edge, as if he were reciting something someone else had taught him to say.
“Wait a minute,” Buffy said, sitting forward and looking at Spike. “You
killed what in this Temple of Light?”
Choosing his words carefully, Spike said, “I had to kill the Guardian of
the Sword. The Guardian was part of me, a part of everything that’s good
inside of me.”
Her eyes were horrified. “How could you do that, Spike? How could you put
yourself in danger like that?”
“I had to,” he answered, taking her hand in his. “To get you back.”
She shook her head angrily. “You should have found another way.” She
rounded on Dawn, Tara, and Willow. “Did you let him do this? Did any of you
try and stop him?”
Before she could say anything she would regret, Spike pulled her down and
around. “They couldn’t have stopped me if they tried, luv. We’d already
spent a month trying to get here. We – I thought we didn’t have much a
choice.”
She was not going to be appeased that easily. “So instead, you sacrificed
part of yourself that makes you who you are?”
“We should be able to change that,” Jar’vees said. He pointed to the
moonstone that floated above the moon symbol on the floor. The thin crescent
of light that showed on the symbol was only about a week from the new moon.
“Put Sahalia in the groove of the white half of the stone, and it will
return to the Temple of Light. That should release your soul from the
sword-“
“How can you be sure?” Buffy demanded, jumping to her feet and facing down
Jar’vees. She’d had enough of this Priest’s double-talk and hedging. She
kept advancing on him until he was backed up against the wall. “Just a few
minutes ago you didn’t even know the truth about this damned sword!” She
pointed angrily at the sword lying sheathed across Spike’s knees. “Now
you’re saying you know something about it? This is Spike you’re playing
with!” She grabbed the front of his robes and pulled him up, looking as if
she were going to stake him right there and then, human or not. “Look what
you’ve already done to him!”
Willow scrambled to her feet. She took Buffy’s shoulders and pulled her
away, forcing her to let go of Jar’vees. Turning her around, she said,
“Buffy, don’t. He didn’t do anything!”
“He did, too! He – he – “ How could she explain to her friend that this man
had put the dark shadows in her lover’s eyes and now he had to pay? She
looked from Spike to Jar’vees, who had sidled away and was looking at the
toes of his boots. She glared at him, and then he looked up to meet her eyes
briefly before he had to look away again.
“No, Slayer.” Spike’s voice was hard as granite as he stood up. She glared
at him angrily before spinning away from him.
“Fine. Listen to him. Destroy yourself. See if I care!” Her voice was a
little too strident to have any meaning.
Sighing, Spike put a hand on her shoulder. She jerked away from him and
went to stand off a ways from all of them. He let his hand fall to his side.
“Go ahead, mate,” he said with a touch of mourning to his voice. His eyes
seemed shadowed as he looked from Buffy’s taut back to Jar’vees’ green eyes.
“I’m sorry, Spike, Buffy-“ Jar’vees began. Buffy growled at the mention of
her name and he stopped and turned around sadly. Dawn and Tara stood nearby,
Willow joining them. It was obvious Dawn wanted to go to Buffy and comfort
her and just as obviously knowing it would do no good. Willow, too, looked
pained and helpless.
Sighing, Jar’vees started again. “I wish I knew more, that I could tell you
for sure that it would work, but I can’t. So many things I thought I knew
about the sword aren’t true. I don’t know what’s right and wrong anymore.”
He looked at Spike, drawing himself up and planting his staff on the floor
decisively. “All I can tell you is what I do know. The Sword is sent back to
the Temple when you place it in the moonstone. I’ve seen it happen. Whether
or not it will release your soul, though…”
“Do I have a choice?” Spike asked, not expecting an answer. Jar’vees shook
his head, his silver-streaked black hair shining in the moonlight.
“You could keep the sword-“
“No way. You can forget about that right now, Spike,” Buffy said as she
whirled around and stepped forward. “You’re not keeping that thing. It
reminds me too much of Riley’s staff.”
“It’s not really a choice anyway,” Jar’vees said, shying away from her. “No
one has kept the sword longer than a year.” He paused and rubbed his chin in
thought. “Although, with Spike’s mastery of the sword, maybe…”
Spike shook his head. “This Sword doesn’t belong to anyone, mate. It’s too
bloody powerful. And I don’t want it, anyway.” He turned and walked over to
where the sword lay on the floor. Holding it firmly, he crossed the room to
the moon symbol and stood in front of its white face. The others formed a
half circle around to watch.
He looked at the sword and took a deep, unnecessary breath. Quickly, he
untied the maroon scarf from around the hilt and shoved it into his pocket
before Buffy could say anything. Then, stretching upwards, he placed the
sword into the cross-shaped groove.
It jumped out of his hand and leapt into the stone. The stone flared,
causing him to wince against the glare. Several gasps behind him made him
turn and stare at the apparition that appeared behind him. It was the same
phantom from the Temple of Light. His soul as Sahalia.
“I am Sahalia,” she said. “What do you wish of me?”
Dumbfounded, Spike stared at Buffy’s doppelganger for a moment. He never
seemed to get used to that. When he found his voice again, he said, “I want
my soul back. I want to be myself again.”
Sahalia inclined her head. “It is within your rights to request that, but I
cannot accomplish it alone. I am but part of the Balance. To restore the
Balance within yourself, you must balance the Stone.” She gestured towards
the moon symbol.
“What do you mean? How do I ‘balance the stone’?” Spike asked, although he
feared he already knew the answer.
“You have conquered the Light. Now you must conquer the Shadow. Bring the
Black Blade here and place it opposite the White Blade and the Balance will
be restored.” The figure bowed her head and faded away. The glow in the
stone faded and he barely had enough time to turn and catch the sword as it
came loose from the stone.
“Bloody hell,” he murmered, gripping the scabbard until his knuckles turned
white.
Buffy rushed forward. “What was that?” she stammered, “W-was that me?” She
looked from Spike to Dawn, Willow, Tara and finally Jar’vees. Dawn and the
witches wore shocked expressions but Jar’vees remained sorrowful.
“I’m sorry,” he said, looking at Spike. “I didn’t know-“
“You say that a lot,” the vampire spat. Buffy took a step back at the venom
in his voice. Without looking up, he continued, “For being the boss around
here, you sure don’t know a lot.” He brushed past Buffy and the others,
storming down the stairs and out of sight.
Startled by his sudden mood swing, Buffy glanced at the others. “What just
happened here?” she demanded furiously.
“Buffy,” Dawn said quietly as she stepped forward, cutting off Jar’vees’
reply. She met his eyes and gave him a shake of her head as if to say she
would take care of this. It was obvious that Buffy had had a little too much
of his explanations. He shut his eyes and nodded, stepping back. “Spike won
Sahalia by fighting and killing its Guardian,” she explained patiently.
“Yeah, I know that. He said it was part of him-“ Buffy huffed patiently,
turning her back on them to stare at the staircase Spike had disappeared
into.
The teenager grabbed Buffy’s arm and pulled her around, forcing the other
girl to look at her. “That’s not all. The Guardian looked like you.”
“What are you talking about?” Buffy shouted, “I don’t understand! Why did
he have to go and do something so stupid?”
“Buffy!” Dawn snapped, her voice and eyes hard. “That’s in the past. You
can’t change it now. Think about what I said for a second, Buffy. Spike had
to kill you! Not just a shapeless part of himself, but a being that
represented everything good inside him. And that was you. He had to kill
you!” Buffy’s eyes went wide as her sister’s words started to sink in. Dawn
nodded and continued. “He nearly went crazy after that. We thought we might
actually lose him. After all that he’d been through, everything he survived
to get here and find a way to get you back, doing this…he could have lost
his mind.” She took a deep breath and glanced quickly at Jar’vees then back.
“And if I understand just what happened, he’s going to have to go through
that all over again. This time for the other sword. Another sword, another
Guardian.”
“Oh God…Spike…” Buffy said softly. With one last appreciative smile to her
sister, she pulled away from her and flew down the stairs and into Jar’vees’
home. She found Spike in the room they shared, sitting on the cot with his
back against the wall and staring into space. Sahalia was lying askew on the
sheets.
“Spike?” she whispered as she crawled onto the pallet next to him.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” he said in a strained voice. “Once I
got you back, everything was supposed to be all right again.” He shook his
head, his blue eyes still staring. “I can’t do that again, Buffy. I can’t…”
Buffy’s heart twisted in pain. She’d never seen Spike like this. With her
foot, Buffy pushed the sword off the cot and sat down next to him, placing
herself across his lap and into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his
chest, she laid her head against him. “You can do it, Spike. You can do
anything. And you know why?”
“Why?” he asked, voice still frayed and hoarse.
“Because I believe in you.” She lifted her head up and looked at him.
Putting her small hand on her face, she forced him to turn his head and look
at her.
His blue eyes, shadowed with pain and doubt, looked into her hazel ones.
The shadows faded a bit and a smile played across his lips. Tightening his
arms around her, her laid his cheek against her head and sighed, but didn’t
say anything.
They sat that way for a long while.