The Circle of Slayers Series 17/35 Incomplete
Chapter 17: Flashback
By Denna at dennaseer@hotmail.com
Rated PG
Keywords: Buffy and Spike…what else could there be?
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon. Yadda
yadda yadda.
Summary for Chapter 17: Buffy begins to remember…

“However far away,
I will always love you,
However long I stay,
I will always love you,
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you,
I will always love you.”
Lovesong – The Cure

Chapter 17: Flashback

    Buffy wandered through the featureless corridors of the world she had come
to hate. The twisted hallways had returned shortly after Riley had
disappeared. She didn’t really care why they had come back or where she was
going, but it was less disconcerting that the featureless plain before. So
she trudged along, a candle she had taken from the room in her hand,
throwing bright actinic shadows along the walls around her. But no matter
where she turned, how far she walked, she always ended outside the same
room. The one with the long black table, the scarlet bathtub and the balcony
outside the glass doors. She felt like she had been wandering for hours,
perhaps even a whole day.

    She sighed as she opened a door to find herself back at the same room she
always did find. ‘This would be so much simpler if I was fighting a vampire
or something…’ Drawing up abruptly at the thought, she stared into the
darkness. “Where did that come from?” she wondered aloud. Vampires…vampires
aren’t real. Her mind had just pieced it together like something casually
real, like McDonalds or the car wash.

    “Ow,” she whined, “My head hurts.” She sighed and turned her attention to
the doors on her left. Glaring at them, she deliberately turned her back on
them and kept walking. Straight, no turns. She counted to herself as she
walked.

    “Four hundred ninety-seven, four hundred ninety-eight, four hundred-“ She
stopped and looked at the doors one pace to her left. The same doors. Yet
she had taken no turns.

    “All right,” she muttered, “This is past irritating.” She stalked up to the
doors and threw them open. The room looked the same as she’d left it.
Candles burning on the table, long blood-red runner down the middle, door to
the left open to the room with the settee. The glass doors were even still
open to the reveal the balcony beyond.

    Turning, Buffy exited the room, letting the doors shut behind her. She
turned to her left again, the way she’d been headed before the detour into
the room. She ran to the corridor as she began to count to five hundred. She
was reaching the end when…

    “This can’t be right,” she said as she opened the doors again. It looked
like the same room, but what if it was actually a different room? Were there
just many, many rooms are furnished the exact same way stretched out all
along this hallway? Rushing forward, she grabbed another candelbra off the
table and set it on the floor. She left the room and this time turned to her
right.

    Another five hundred paces and the doors appeared again. Flinging them open
she burst into the room and stared at the candelbra sitting on the floor.
Still unconvinced, she yanked the runner off the table, and dumped it on the
floor. Then in a fit of anger, she ran toward the glass doors that led to
the balcony and pulled down the thick red drapes. She dragged them over and
dumped them over the back of the chair nearest the doors leading to the
corridor. Taking a moment to memorize the position of everything in the
room, she exited and turned to the right.

    Five hundred paces. The doors to the wall on her right. She grasped her
hands around the handles though they seemed to open of their own accord. The
room revealed the candelbra on the ground, the runner dumped next to it and
the yards and yards of red fabric hanging carelessly over the back of a
chair.

    She was literally going around and around in circles. Going nowhere, in
other words. What #was# this place?

    Buffy felt like kicking something as her frustration and dread grew and so
punted the runner across the room where it skidded over the slick marble
floor and landed in a heap against the far wall. Feeling not in the least
better, she wrapped her arms around herself, but couldn’t block out the
chill that gripped her. Taking up the drapes that she pulled down from the
balcony doors, she ripped a lengthy part from it with her new found
strength. She brought the ripped curtains around her, letting the rest drag
along the ground like a shroud.

    Physically and emotionally worn out, she wandered into the side room and
sank into the settee. Right now, she didn’t really care if Riley came or
not, she was too exhausted. Pulling the red cloth closer around her, she lay
down after setting the dimming candle on the ground beside the bed. The
flickering candlelight spread dark shadows around the room. One in
particular looked like a huge monster with a large head, full of long sharp
teeth, and a long thick neck.

    Repressing her shivers, she yawned. How long had it been since she slept
last? She could never tell time in this eternal darkness. There was no
sunrise or sunset here. Her body was bone-weary and demanded rest. She
nestled down into the confines of soft, scarlet velvet and leaned her head
back and stared at the darting shadow. It rose and fell out of the darkness
like a ship against fog. It wasn’t long before sleep overtook her…

~

    She found herself in a fog much like the ship she had imagined as she fell
into the arms of sleep. Every once in a while the fog would lift and she
could see things. Images, sounds, sights and smells…

    She heard the sound of a motor of a moving van park into a quaint garage
adjoining a beautiful two-story house. Helping move boxes with a blonde
woman, kissing her on the cheek, calling her Mom.

    A large library filled with the smells of dust and age, the sound of pages
constantly being turned. A middle-aged man in a tweed suit, cleaning his
thin wire-frame glasses.

    Sharing a social textbook with a pretty brunette with an annoying Valley
Girl accent. Dropping her books and being helped by a goofy, adorable guy
who fumbled over his words. A shy, stuttering redhead nervously playing with
her hair on a bench.

    A dark vampire. A night of passion. Wanting to die. A thousand flashes of
distant images and monsters formed before her eyes. A thousand adventures
and lessons learned. They passed so quickly that she could not remember any.

    She saw herself jumping off a pier into a sea of light. She saw herself
being ripped apart from the inside. She saw her death. And her afterlife.
Waking up in a coffin. A low gentle voice dashing away the pain.

    “We are one, forever in heart, body, mind and soul.” The man in the trench
coat told her as he slipped the golden band around her wrist.

    “We are one, forever in heart, body, mind and soul.” Buffy answered,
clasping an identical band on his forearm.

    “I love you, Buffy.”

    “I love you, Spike.”

~

    The dream faded away abruptly as Buffy’s eyes came open. She furrowed her
brows as she concentrated on those fading images, they were important she
knew that much. But like all dreams, they quickly escaped from her grasp and
she whimpered in sudden frustration. She was so close. Only the last
thoughts of her dream remained in her mind.

    “I love you, Spike.”

    She bolted straight upwards. She remembered his name! Spike! Yes! He heart
leapt into her throat as she repeated his name over and over in her mind.
Spike…

    “Spike,” she said, trying it aloud. Only…she could not remember anything
else from her dream. They were there, all right, just beyond reach, but for
the life of her she couldn’t remember.

    “Spike,” she said again. It sounded to her like the name of some lead
singer in a punk band. A sudden image popped into her head with her playing
the triangle and Spike bashing a guitar on the ground as he sang. Well,
screamed really. She started to laugh, and she couldn’t stop.

    After a couple minutes the soft laughter turned into muffled sobs and she
laid back into the enveloping folds of velvet. ‘Where is he?’ she thought to
herself. ‘When is he going to find me?’

    “Spike…”


 

The Circle of Slayers Series 18/35 Incomplete
Chapter 18: Every Exit Is An Entrance
By Denna at dennaseer@hotmail.com
Rated PG
Keywords: Buffy and Spike…what else could there be?
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon. Yadda
yadda yadda.
Summary for Chapter 17: Spike, Willow, Tara and Dawn start on their way to
the Temple…with Jar’vees.


Chapter 18: Every Exit is an Entrance

Wednesday, December 19th, 2001, 11:24 PM

    “Do you trust him?” Tara asked as she shut the door behind her.

    The redhead took off her shoes and slung them into the shoe rack. “Right
now it’s not a matter of trust,” she said. “We don’t have much of a choice.
According to Jar’vees, we could search for weeks and never find the Temple.
But the full moon is the day after tomorrow. She took her jacket and hung it
on a hook on the wall. She looked over at Spike, who was mechanically doing
the same thing on the other side of the room. The vampire had not spoken
since his attack on Jar’vees earlier. He had taken off his duster and was
now sitting on the other bed pulling at his boots to get them off. When they
were off, he put his head in his hands and leaned his elbows on his knees.

    Willow looked down and met Dawn’s eyes. She nodded and moved forward just
as she did. Each of them took one of Spike’s arms and pulled him up off the
bed.

    He started and looked up at them, from Dawn to Willow and back. “What? What
the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?”

    “We’re going to cheer you up,” Dawn said as they led him over to the
fireplace. Tara began to start the fire and they sat Spike down on the
blankets that covered the floor in front of the hearth. Willow sat down
close to the hearth and leaned against the stone. She was glad for the
warmth as Tara scooted next to her. Dawn pulled Spike’s arm around her and
leaned against him, hugging him like a small girl embraces her older
brother. Speechless, Spike couldn’t think of anything else to do except
return the hug fondly.

    “Thanks, Bit, but I don’t think-“

    “Dawnie’s right,” Willow said, placing her elbows on the hearth and leaning
back with her legs outstretched in front of her. The heat of the fire felt
wonderful on her back. “You need to stop moping and get your act together.”

    The vampire bristled and glared at her, “Look, Red-“

    The Wicca leaned forward and fixed him with an intense stare. “No, there is
no ‘look, Red.’ You’re not doing yourself or Buffy any good like this. You
need to be at your best when we get to the Temple tomorrow.”

    “Yeah,” Spike looked at his hands, resting lightly on his crossed ankles,
“About that. I was thinking that it would be for the best that you try to
get the sword.”

    Everyone stared at him in shock. “Why?” Willow asked.

    “It’s just…it’s a magic sword, right? Magic isn’t my bag, and you’re the
mighty Good Witch of the Hellmouth…”

    “Don’t be stupid. I can’t even fight with a sword. Just magic isn’t going
to get his job done, Spike.” Willow leaned back and stared angrily at her
feet. “To beat Riley, we’re going to need the best warrior around – and
that’s you. Besides, you’re the closest one to Buffy right now.”

    “But-“ Spike started to protest.

    “Omigod!” Willow snapped angrily, “You’re acting less like yourself every
day. What, you don’t think you can handle it? Well, guess what, Spike?
Tough! You don’t want to save Buffy, go ahead. But don’t even think for a
second that I will let you mess this up for me or for anyone else. I won’t
let anyone ever hurt her again.”

    Suddenly angry, the vampire stood up. Dawn pulled away from him, frightened
by the intense rage that radiated off him. “Don’t say that!” Spike yelled,
“Of course, I want Buffy back. You think I don’t? But I can’t save her. I
never could! I never could save her when it counted!” The others looked back
as her continued to pour out his rage, tears coming down his face. They saw
him relive Riley’s attack…and Glory’s. “You don’t think that maybe if I had
fought harder that I could have gotten Dawn away from Doc? Or could have
caught Buffy when she fell? And you know what, I probably could have gotten
her away from Riley too. But I didn’t. I just stood there while it happened.
And you, Red,” he said accusingly at her, “You don’t want anyone to hurt
her? Well, I wasn’t the one that brought her back in that freakin’ coffin!”

    He stopped suddenly and wiped his face angrily. He looked from face to
face, each one in utter pain and confusion. He paused when he saw Willow’s,
her eyes brimming with tears and her lips trembling.

    “I-God, I’m sorry,” Spike said, surprised that he felt bad, “I didn’t mean
it-“

    The Wicca turned her hurt eyes up at him and shook her head. “Spike, in any
other situation, I probably would have just ripped your neck off with a
flick of my wrist. But for some odd reason, I’ve come to like you in the
past few weeks. You’re upset, we all were. It was only a matter of time
before one of us exploded. But, Spike, you have the opportunity to save her
now. But if you think you’re going to fail her, you will, all over again.
You want her back? You’re going to have to believe that you can do it. With
every ounce of your being.”

    The vampire sighed and his shoulders slumped. “I just can’t take-“

    “Don’t be selfish, Spike.” Willow replied dangerously.

    “Willow! Please!” Tara protested.

    “No, Tara. Spike has to face the facts.” To Spike, she said, “Do you want
to hold Buffy again?” Without waiting for an answer, she continued right
over Spike’s stammering. “Then stop thinking of yourself, and focus on her.
You are so bent on how many times #you# let her down, that you’re forgetting
#her#. None of us can afford you screwing up over things that you can and
never will be able to change.” Willow’s gaze was as sharp as shattered glass
as she pinned Spike with it.

    “You’ve spent so much time thinking about your failings, that you don’t
even realize that she needs you. Stop being selfish and save her! You have
loved her for so long and when she finally begins to love you back, she is
taken from you! You did everything for her. You were tortured for her, you
lied for her, you nearly died for her. Sure, you didn’t save her life. None
of us did. And you don’t know how many times I thought that I could have
changed it. How #I# could have saved the day or got there and saved Dawn.
But I didn’t and I’m over it. Now when we finally get her back, some crazy
ex-boyfriend comes and takes her away from us! And we don’t even know what
he’s doing to her!” Tara paled and Dawn had already started to silently cry,
but Willow ploughed on mercilessly, her voice low, intense and filled with
anger. “We don’t know what Riley has become and we don’t know what he is
going to do to her. Or what he already could have done. He could have
tortured her, beaten her…he might have raped her…I have no idea what Riley
has become since he got that staff. And I know that she’s not in heaven. She
is with him, Spike. And you remember the things he said to her and they way
he looked at her. I can’t let him do those things to her…” she trailed off,
wiping away angry tears.

    Willow was too far gone now to even pause to see the look of horror on
Spike’s face. The vampire had to hear this and he would hear it if she had
to ram it down his throat. “Tara, Dawn and I can’t help you when we get to
the Temple. You have to be the one. If you back out now, not only will Buffy
be wherever she is, going through whatever is being done to her forever, but
I will personally make sure that you beg for death. Don’t think that I am
kidding for one moment, Spike.” She heard Dawn gasp in shock; she held up a
hand to silence her as her eyes remained fixed on Spike’s.

    As she stared at him, Spike’s face underwent a series of changes. Shock,
anger, guilt…and finally determination. “You’re right,” he said in a hard
voice.

    “Of course I am. Buffy is my best friend. And plus, I am not going to be
the only one wearing Anya’s gross bridesmaid dress alone.” She smiled to
take the harshness out of her words.

    Spike stared at her for a moment and smiled. He realized that he had come
to admire and even like Willow over the last few weeks. This one had balls
all right. She knew how to take care of herself. He looked down at Dawn’s
tear stained face and squeezed her shoulder in comfort.

    “Whoa, that was…intense.” Tara said.

    “Yeah, well, are we good? Is everybody cool? All right then, let’s get to
work.” Willow sat forward and crossed her legs.

    “Work?” Dawn asked dejectedly.

    The redhead nodded. “I want to try the summoning spell again. Do you think
you can try and contact Buffy this time, Spike?”

    The vampire nodded. He sat down, took a deep breath and thought about the
girl who was everything he had longed to be. The woman with hair like
sunlight and a soul that burned through him like fire. He brought up his
most treasured moments of her, taking them out like the picture he kept in
his pack and savored each one. He cleared his mind and thought only of her-

    And instead got a strange mixture of memories long buried. He saw Buffy’s
memories pass so quickly that he couldn’t grasp onto them. He could hear
soft laughter that trailed off to heart-wrenching sobs. A longing for him
that broke his heart.

    His eyes snapped open and he gasped loudly as the connection was severed.
He realized that he was breathing heavily. Someone was calling his name. For
a moment, he thought it was Buffy, but when it was repeated, he saw that it
was Dawn.

    “Spike!” she said again, her voice anxious. He looked at her, crouched down
in front of him and clutching his hands tightly.

    “Huh?” he asked. He looked from Dawn to Tara to Willow. Everyone was
surrounding him and looking worried.

    “You’re all right!” Dawn threw herself into his arms and hugged him. He
stared down at the little brunette and hugged her back. It felt good to be
embraced; he had long forgotten what it felt like.

    “What happened?” the vampire asked, confused.

    “You tell us,” Willow answered.

    “I-I-Bloody hell, I don’t know. I thought there was something, but then
there were all these memories flooding into my brain.” He looked confused
and put a hand to his head. “Give me a sec and I’ll try it again.”

    “Spike,” Willow said, “The spell’s done. You’ve been sitting here for like
half an hour. We were starting to freak out. You’re looking a little ooky.
Are you okay?”

    “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” Tara added.

    The vampire looked at them in confusion. “But…I just started! It didn’t
work!”

    “Something worked,” Willow replied, leaning back, “I was able to get a fix
on her location. Next time, I think I’ll be able to break through.” She
smiled brightly at him, her eyes shining with new found hope.

    “It worked?” Spike said as it registered in his brain, “You found out where
she is?”

    The witch nodded. “It’s only a matter of time before she’s back with us,
encountering new misadventures and wacky hijinks.” She grinned at her new
friend as that sank in. Spike’s face, which had been grim and lost for the
last two weeks, was now filled with joy.

    “We’re getting close?” Dawn asked.

    “Yeah, Dawn,” Tara smiled at the young girl. “Riley had better be ready
when we come for Buffy, because he’ll be in for a little surprise.”

    “Yeah,” Willow said, smiling also. The smiles were infectious and soon
everyone was grinning from ear to ear. Everyone was grateful for Spike’s
sudden new determination and hope. The vampire looked ready to take on
anything. That was the Spike they used to know. It was a far cry from the
dejected, mournful, lost man he had become as the journey had progressed.
They had rented only one room firstly because they were running out of money
fast and second because they felt they couldn’t trust Spike to think clearly
and not do something stupid, especially after the encounter with Jar’vees.

    Tara stood up and headed for the bed. “Right now, we better get some sleep.
It’s late and we have a long day tomorrow.”

    The other three nodded their agreement, got up off the floor and began to
get ready for bed. All of them went to sleep that night with hearts just a
little lighter at the prospect of getting Buffy back. Even Spike slept well
that night, though he tried to ignore how hollow he felt when he saw Willow
and Tara huddle together intimately for warmth in their bed. He fell asleep
to dreams of Buffy and his past, a kaleidoscope of what had been.

~

Thursday, December 20th, 2001, 10:42 AM

    “So, are we already to go?” Jar’vees clapped his hands together and rubbed
them briskly. He walked up to the little group that was sitting at one of
the tables in the dining room of the motel waiting for him. They’d just
finished breakfast, and were nursing their coffee more for warmth that for
the energy boost.

    “Are you absolutely sure that there is going to be no sun today?” Spike
asked, a bit nervous about the thought of going outside during the day.

    “Look outside, Cujo, what do you think?” Jar’vees replied, pointing to the
window. Spike followed his hand and stared out the window, forcing to bite
back a groan. During the night another foot of snow had fallen over the
three feet of snow already there from yesterday. He was beginning to
understand Willow’s aversion of the stuff; of course the temperature didn’t
really affect him in any harmful way. But he could feel the cold biting at
him even from inside and cringed at the thought of going out into the
freezing temperature. He was also quite mad that he had to keep his duster
inside his pack and forced to wear this poofy fur lined jacket. This was the
first significant amount of snow he had seen since Paris with Dru. The girl
tended to map out their travels away from places that were really cold. And
he didn’t look forward to trudging through the forest for hours and never
knowing when the sun would peek through the clouds. And with this insolent
Nancy-Boy as a guide… Spike checked the sky one more time, but the dark grey
clouds covered the expanse of the horizon, it would be hours until there
would be a break.

    “You never did name your price for guiding us,” Willow said flatly.

    Jar’vees pulled out a chair and sat down. “I said we’d discuss that after
we get to the Temple. See, sometimes it’s a harder path and sometimes it’s
easier. Depending on how much risk I take as a guide will determine what you
have to pay. That’s fair, isn’t it? I take you to the Temple and then we’ll
negotiate a fair and decent price.”

    “I don’t like it,” Tara said, “What if we don’t have enough money? How do
we even know you’re worth paying?”

    “Then you don’t have to go, do you?” Jar’vees reached for an empty coffee
mug, but Spike put his large hand over it before he could get at it.

    Willow sighed. “We don’t have much of a choice. Right now, we don’t have
the time to argue. We will negotiate something fair for your troubles,
Jar’vees.”

    After a moment, everyone nodded their agreement. “All right,” Willow said,
getting up. Spike settled the sword at his hip as Jar’vees warned them of
forest creatures. He held his hand our for Dawn and she took it, smiling
brightly. “Are you ready?” Willow asked the guide.

    Jar’vees stared at them, looking a little surprised. However, it didn’t
last long. Smirking, he stood up and faced the four of them. “Don’t waste
any time, do you?” he asked, “I like that.” He turned and led them out of
the motel and into the snow-covered road outside.

    Outside, he brought his hood up, covering his graying hair. Spike noticed
that his hair looked more silver than gray, the remaining dark strands now
deeply contrasted his hair in the indirect light. Spike squinted, even
though the sun was hidden behind the clouds, his eyes were still sensitive
from staying in the dark for so long.

    The guide looked up at the sky and shook his head. “Looks like we’ll get
some more snow. Are you sure you want to go today? It’s not going to be
easy.”

    “That’s not your problem,” Spike said with accustomed steel in his tone,
“We’ve been through worse.” He glanced at the other three. The two witches
nodded and Dawn flashed him a quick, confident grin.

    Jar’vees shrugged and turned back to face them. “I was only thinking of the
little girl. Perhaps the kid should stay behind if you’re that anxious to
reach the Temple. She’ll only slow us down.”

    Dawn bristled and stepped up to him. “Look, Short Stop! I’ve had enough of
you, k? Now I think it’s pretty obvious that you don’t like us. Well, I
don’t like you either. And I have been nice and quiet and polite but I am
not gonna take any crap from you! Don’t worry about me, buddy, I’ve been
through a hell of a lot worse.” She gave him one last glare and stalked off
down the road.

    Jar’vees stared as she left, dumbfounded, and then looked back at the
others. “Is she always like this?”

    “Actually no. You just piss her off.” Spike was trying hard not to smile.
She definitely had her sister’s fire.

    “Amazing. I don’t know how you stand her.”

    Spike’s smile disappeared and he turned his stony glare back at the man.
“What’s your blood type?”

    “Why do #you# want to know?”

    “I want to know which spices will go well when I cook you alive.”

    “All right, all right. No need to get all huffy is there?” Jar’vees held up
his hands in defense and backed away. “But you better go get before she gets
to far.”

    “And why is that?” Willow asked.

    “Because,” the man answered, “She’s going the wrong way. The Temple is
#this# way.” He pointed in the direction opposite of which the brunette had
gone.

    Willow sighed and closed her eyes. “Great…Dawn!” she shouted as she ran
after her, Tara trailing behind.

    Jar’vees and Spike watched them go. Dawn had already disappeared around the
corner. Turning to the taller man, Jar’vees eyed him curiously. “So tell me,
what exactly do you hope to find in this Temple?”

    Spike’s hand tightened on the hilt of his sword and he stared down at it.
Buffy’s maroon scarf that he had tied around the hilt fluttered in the cold
breeze. He fingered the fabric gently.

    “Revenge.”