The Circle of Slayers Series 23/35 Incomplete
Chapter 23: Insanity
By Denna at dennaseer@hotmail.com
Rated PG-13 for violence
Keywords: Buffy and Spike…what else could there be?
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon. Yadda
yadda yadda.
Summary for Chapter 23: The price has been paid, but was the sword worth it?


Chapter 23: Insanity

“Shades of grey, wherever I go,
The more I find out the less that I know,
Ain’t no rainbows shining on me,
Shades of grey are the colors I see.”
-Shades of Grey – Billy Joel

Sunday, December 23rd, 2001, 6:25 AM

    The blonde vampire leaned forward and impassively stared at the sword in
his hands.

    There was a hand on his shoulder and he looked up. “We knew you could do
it,” Willow said softly, “You look like hell…I mean, in a handsome way…”

    Spike only managed to acknowledge her with a nod. Cor, he was tired. The
muscles in his arms protested as he moved them.

    “Spike!” He looked to see Dawn kneeling beside him, “You’re hurt!” She was
staring at the rapidly darkening bloodstains on his pants.

    He shook his head. “It’s not mine-“ He stopped as he realized whose blood
it was. It was Buffy’s and he had shed it. With sickening realization, he
knew that he had enjoyed it. Some part of him had always wanted to hurt her.
To kill her. The demon inside he thought he had under control. He swallowed
back the bile in his throat. His mouth twisted and he harshly shrugged her
hand off of him. “Get off me, you little brat, I didn’t risk my life so I
could get smothered to death by you.” He didn’t see the confusion and hurt
in her eyes when he got up and turned away.

    Willow did see it, however, and stared at the vampire in shock. Even when
Dawn was at her most annoying, Spike never treated her with anything less
than a brotherly love. Never anything like this. As Willow shared glances
with Tara, she knew that her lover had seen it too. Dawn numbly stood up and
stared after her friend. Tara reached out, took her hand, and pulled her
close.

    “What happened up there?” Willow asked the vampire.

    Spike was staring at the sword in his hands. Gripping the hilt, he drew it,
this time letting it slide all the way out of its scabbard. Without looking
at the others, he grated out, “I don’t want to talk about it.” He stared at
the blade, holding it up and turning it this way and that and watching the
light dance off its edge.

    “What do you mean?” Tara asked, concern for him in her voice. Spike’s
impassiveness was starting to frighten her. What had he gone through up
there? “You were up there the whole night. I know it was probably pretty
scary up there-“

    She was interrupted as Spike snapped the sword loudly back into its
scabbard. He turned to Tara and looked her straight in the eye. “There are
some things no one should have to do. I just did one of them and I bloody
well don’t want to talk about it. Now or ever. Don’t ask me again, witch.”
His eyes and voice were as cold and sharp as steel. He locked eyes with
Willow for a few seconds after he dismissed Tara’s nervous gaze. He broke
stares with her as he turned to Jar’vees at his side. “I need blood.”
Without waiting for a response, he left them standing there and descended
the stairs out of the Temple.

    They were too stunned to say anything. They stared after their friend for a
few seconds. It was only have Jar’vees moved his staff, setting the rings
hooked through the crescent to ringing, that they found themselves able to
move.

    “That’s not Spike,” Dawn said firmly, her eyes wide and wet, “I don’t know
what’s going on, but that is #not# Spike! It’s someone else!”

    “No,” Jar’vees said quietly. Dawn and the witches turned to face him. He
was still staring at the stairs where the vampire had disappeared.

    “It can’t be! Spike isn’t like that! He would never say…he wouldn’t treat
me like that! Maybe before! But not now!” Dawn insisted.

    Jar’vees shook his head. “No, it’s Spike, all right. Trust me.”

    “And what reason do we have to trust you?” Willow asked in a low voice.

    “I know that I haven’t given you a lot so far, but it would do you well to
remember that I #am# the Temple Priest here! If someone should know anything
about this, it’s gonna be me!” His green eyes fixed on Willow’s steadily.

    “But how do you know?” Tara asked him.

    “This isn’t the first time someone’s claimed Sahalia, you know,” Jar’vees
said with mild annoyance.

    Tara drew back. “What? Then why is it still here?”

    “Because no one can #own# the White Sword. Somehow, it always finds its way
back here, like those dogs from Homeward Bound. It never stays with one
person for very long. That is part of Sahalia’s price.” The priest turned
and walked to the head of the stairs. “I only hope that finding the Slayer
is worth it to him,” he said cryptically as he disappeared down the stairs
before the three could say anything.

    “What was that all about?” Tara asked. Spike’s abrupt change in behavior
had left her feeling nervous and even a bit frightened, like someone
standing too close to the edge of a cliff.

    Dawn shook her head, wiping away her tears with a hand, and looked at the
others mournfully. “I hope we’ve done the right thing…” she whispered.

    None of the witches could find an answer to that. They descended the stairs
after the Priest and their friend.

~

    The meal they shared was a silent, uncomfortable affair. Spike drank down
his blood like he had been starved for days, not looking up once to
acknowledge the others. As soon as the mug was empty, he stood and left the
room without so much as a word. He gripped his new sword tightly in his hand
and disappeared into the little room where he had slept the previous two
nights and slammed the door. His other companions stared down at their food
with little appetite. ‘Had winning Sahalia been worth this?’ they wondered
to themselves. After a few minutes, Jar’vees excused himself and followed
after Spike.

    In his room, Spike dropped onto the pallet and let slip the tight control
he had kept inside. He huddled against the wall in the dark, knees drawn up
with arms folded across them and his head resting against his forearms. He
couldn’t get the image of Buffy’s dying eyes out of his mind. It was like
the night they had defeated Glory, and she had stared up at the rapidly
lightening sky with empty blankness. She had been suddenly hollow and
lifeless, like a discarded rag doll. It had been so quick, that had what
shocked him. How easy she had just…died. Empty in a second. Every time he
had to tell himself it wasn’t her, but it was too hard. Because he knew one
day that #would# be her. Cor…he missed Buffy so much it hurt. He didn’t care
anymore. He didn’t care about Dawn or Willow or Tara. He just didn’t care.
He shook his head and shivered. He couldn’t do this. He was just a vampire.
A cold, dead vampire.

    “I just want Buffy back…” he whispered into the shadows of his room.

    A sudden sound made him look up. The door opened and a candle flame pushed
back the curtain of darkness. Spike quickly wiped his face as he sat up
straight. He picked up Sahalia and laid it on his lap.

    “What do you want?” he asked coldly.

    The Priest moved into his room and set his candle on the table. Pulling the
only chair in the room around, he sat down by the table and laid his arms on
it. He was dressed in normal clothes and there was nothing about his
appearance that said holy man.

    “I thought you might want to talk.” Jar’vees answered humbly.

    For some reason, that put Spike on the defensive. He shifted and picked up
his old sword. “Yeah, well unless you haven’t a sudden attack of the
blatantly obvious, you would know I don’t want to talk,” he said flatly as
he carefully untied the maroon scarf from around the hilt of his sword.
Laying the sword aside, he quickly and deftly tied the scarf around
Sahalia’s hilt just above the pommel so that it moved among the white
ribbons that already adorned the hilt.

    “Well, you certainly look like you need it. I might be able to help.”

    Spike shook his head. “I don’t need your help.”

    “God, you are the most stubborn person I have ever met. I keep offering to
help and you keep on refusing it! Like it or not, you #do# need my help.
Only I can instruct you in Sahalia’s properties.” Jar’vees watched the other
man play with the deep red scarf, running his fingers through it over and
over until the priest thought he would scream. “Look, I know what happened
up there was hard-“

    “Don’t give me that soddin’ crap,” the blonde vampire interrupted, “How
could you know? Have you ever been up in that hell? Had to go through what I
did?”

    “No, I haven’t. But I’ve seen others who have. My duties here require me to
know the lore-“

    “Lore?” Spike growled, “Well, does your lore say anything about having to
kill yourself?”

    Jar’vees paled and his eyes went wide with shock. “Yourself?” he managed to
get out.

    “Myself. Well, part of me…” Spike slowed down and his eyes stared into the
wall. Jar’vees knew suddenly that he wasn’t in the room anymore; he was back
in the Temple of Light. “She is part of me. Buffy. She’s my Light. She’s my
sun, my breath, my heart. She’s what keeps me from killing. She makes me
feel…everything. Pain, anger, passion, love…she inspires it in me. She made
me #who# I am, not what I am. To claim Sahalia, you must fight your Light.
You have to kill it.” He broke off and looked Jar’vees straight in the eye.
“I killed her. My Light. I drank her blood…and I enjoyed it. She died at my
feet. #I# died at my feet.” His voice sounded strained and cracked, and his
eyes were filled with a terrible, wild light. “You don’t know one bloody
thing about what I did.”

    Horrified, Jar’vees shook his head. “No, I don’t know.” He looked into
those cold, sapphire eyes and found he couldn’t face him, not like this. He
dropped his eyes to his hands and noticed they were tightly clenched into
fists. Blinking hard, he opened his palms and laid them on the table in
front of him. “Look, Spi-William, I won’t even pretend that I know what it’s
like, except that it was hard and it will be harder still for you. But
that’s why I’m here. To help you. I can help you master the sword’s magic.
If you don’t control it, Sahalia will control you.”

    “What the hell are you on about?”

    “Sahalia isn’t just an enchanted sword. It has a soul, a will of its own so
to speak. I said that few ever managed to win Sahalia and that’s true.
What’s also true is that out of those few, the number of men who have been
able to master the sword and its abilities can be counted on the fingers of
one hand. Its power will destroy you if you don’t let me guide you.” He
paused and stared down at his hands on the table.

    Spike put the sword down and ran his fingers through his hair, grimacing in
confusion. “Cor, do you ever make any bloody sense? I’m a vampire, not a
damn wizard! I know blood, death and cutting blokes’ heads off, but I don’t
a soddin’ thing about magic!”

    “It has nothing to do with magic or being a wizard, and everything to do
with yourself.” Jar’vees sighed. “You’re strong, Spike. You’ve come this
far. Don’t let your fear defeat you now. Right now, the first step is to get
some sleep. You’ll be no good to anyone if you’re too exhausted to fight.”
He took a canister out of his pocket and grabbed a mug, pouring the golden
liquid into it. “And nothing is better for rest than a stiff drink of
scotch.” Handing it to Spike, he said, “Drink this and you’ll feel as warm
as you were in your mama’s womb.”

    The vampire stared at the mug for a moment, not even registering its
appearance. Just as Jar’vees was about to move forward to press it into his
hands, Spike took the cup in a shaking hand, raised it to his lips and
drained it in one long gulp. He held it out for Jar’vees to refill, then did
the same with the second dose. “Thanks, mate,” he muttered, wiping his mouth
with the back on one hand as he handed the mug back to Jar’vees.

    The priest nodded and set it back on the table. “Get some sleep, tough guy.
We’ll talk once you’re rested.” He waited for an acknowledgement from the
vampire, and then quickly left the room, leaving the candle behind.

    Still distraught from shock and confusion, Spike remained sitting where he
was for a few minutes. When his eyelids began to almost forcibly droop, he
shook himself and stripped off his clothes and boots. That done, he crawled
under the blanket on the pallet and pulled it close around him. His eyes
fell on Sahalia lying beside him. He reached out and touched the maroon
scarf, remembering the hair like sunlight it had once bound. Spike took a
deep breath, feeling it go through his useless lungs, and closed his eyes,
fingers curled tenderly around the scarf as he crossed the border into
sleep.

~

    The small company looked up as Jar’vees rejoined them at the table. His
face was bleak and tired. As she watched the Priest, Tara thought the man
looked years older than he had only three nights ago.

    “Spike?” Dawn asked.

    “Sleeping. I put some drugs in his drink, so he’ll be knocked out for a
while.”

    Unable to hold back her curiosity, Tara asked, “Did he tell you what
happened inside the Temple?”

    Jar’vees nodded, his graying hair gleaming in the candlelight.
“He…apparently Sahalia’s guardian is manifestation of the person who comes
to claim it. They show themselves as a…symbol, somewhat, of their Light.
They must defeat and kill the Light in order to get Sahalia. Spike faced his
Light…but the Guardian showed itself as…Buffy. He had to face her and kill
part of himself.” His voice had begun to shake.

    The others drew back in horror. “B-Buffy? How…how is that even possible?”
Willow demanded, “Why didn’t you tell him?”

    Jar’vees shook his head desperately. “I didn’t #know#! I knew that he would
make a sacrifice, but I…had no idea it would mean he would have to…If I did
know, don’t you think I would have at least told him!”

    “But you’re the Priest here. Why didn’t you know these things?” Tara asked.

    “You have to understand, in all the years I have been here, of all the men
and women that have gone up to claim the sword, only six have returned with
it. Of those, one was mortally wounded and did not live long after he came
back. Two just left saying they wanted nothing to do with Sahalia and one
took the sword with him. The sword was gone for only a year before it
returned to the Temple of Light. But none of them told me what happened!”

    “But how did you know Sahalia returned?” Willow asked.

    “The Temple doesn’t appear unless Sahalia is inside. Each night of the full
moon, it is my job to witness the appearance of the Temple and record it.”

    “But how does the sword get there if no one takes it back?” Tara asked.

    “It’s just part of the White Sword’s magic, I guess,” Jar’vees replied.
“When it’s new owner dies, it returns to the Temple. Or someone can just
place it inside the moon stone inside the Temple of Light and Shadow.”

    “What about the other two?” Dawn asked quietly when he had finished
speaking, “You said there were six who got the sword. That was only four.”

    Jar’vees looked at her. “”One…returned from the Temple on the brink of
madness when he returned.” He closed his eyes and looked away. “A few days
later, I found him dead. He killed himself with the very sword he had come
to claim.”

    “And the sixth?” Willow asked.

    “He’s sleeping in that room over there.”

    A terrible silence descended on the room. “Why didn’t you tell us?” Tara
demanded quietly.

    “I couldn’t,” Jar’vees said miserably, “It’s wrong for the Temple Priest to
be involved with the decision. I am only a guide, nothing more.” He put his
head in his hands, as if shamed. “I had no idea it would turn out like
this…”

    The young brunette shut her large hazel eyes and clasped her hands together
in front of her face as tears leaked out from beneath her eyelashes. Tara
put her hand on her arm as she whispered, “First Buffy is gone and now Spike
is…” She shook her head and her face hardened in stony anger. “Damn Riley!
That stupid, selfish bastard…”

    Willow fixed Jar’vees with cold eyes. “Well, since you’re chock full of
great suggestions, what do we do now?”

    “Spike needs to learn to master the sword. That’s where I can help him, if
he’ll listen that is. The others came alone and none stayed to learn. Maybe
you can help him control Sahalia. The only thing that’s keeping him from
going into the deep end is finding the Slayer. But you don’t know how close
he is. He’s walking on a thread. One false step and he’s gone.”

    “We’ll help him,” Tara answered, “But we will have to use the spell to find
Buffy at the same time.”

    “Spell?” Jar’vees looked at them curiously. “Don’t you already know where
she is?”

    “In a sense,” Willow told him, “She’s being held in a dimensional pocket by
Riley. We’ve been able to find her, but now we have to break through to
actually get to her.”

    “Riley. This is the Ausi who captured the Slayer?”

    They nodded. “Riley, formerly known as Joe-Hey-I’m-A-Nice-Guy.”

    “It doesn’t matter who Riley was before.” Jar’vees told them. “The Ausi
does not care, only that it can quench its thirst. The Ausi feeds on souls,
first on their humanity and to the point where they just don’t feel anymore.
Then they just spit them out as empty vegetables. The Ausi is powerful. More
powerful that you’ll ever realize. No wonder Spike was so driven to take
Sahalia.” He shook his head. “Spike said he wounded him. Is that true?”

    Dawn nodded. “The night he took Buffy away, Spike fought Riley and managed
to get him pretty good. But that only made him angry…Spike almost died.”

    “We’ve got our work cut out for us, then.” He pushed his chair back from
the table and stood. “We should get some sleep too. It’s been a long night
for all us, we’re all exhausted and the ride’s not even halfway over. If
you’d like anything before you go, I don’t mind. Make yourself at home. I at
least owe you that much.” He nodded to them and walked off to his sleeping
quarters.

    The room was quiet for several minutes, no one moving from their seats. The
things Jar’vees had revealed to them were just too much to take in. Then,
quietly, Dawn said, “I wonder what Buffy’s doing.”

    Startled out of her deep thoughts, Tara sat up straight and looked at her.
She took a deep breath and moved her hands from the girl’s arms to her
shoulders. “Buffy’s probably giving Riley what for, if I know her right.”

    Dawn answered. “But if she is, why hasn’t she come back on her own?” She
drew in close to Tara. “What did Riley do to her so that she couldn’t find
her way back? I’m so scared, you guys, it’s been such a long time.”

    Willow sighed shakily as she realized Dawn was right. “She’ll be okay,
Dawnie.” God, she felt so helpless, watching her friends disappear and
disintegrate all around her. “You’ll see. We always win in the end,
remember? We’re the good guys.”

    Dawn didn’t reply. She simply stared into the fire without seeing it,
wondering if that was true or not. And how they were going to live with
themselves if they were wrong.

 

The Circle of Slayers Series 24/35 Incomplete
Chapter 24: And Miles To Go Before I Sleep
By Denna at dennaseer@hotmail.com
Rated PG
Keywords: Buffy and Spike…what else could there be?
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters. They belong to Joss Whedon.
Jar’vees belongs to me. Lyrics belong to their respective owners.
Summary for Chapter 24: As the witches get closer to getting Buffy back,
Spike deals with the repercussions of yesterday and Buffy must deal with
Riley.


Chapter 24: And Miles To Go Before I Sleep

“Well, I don’t know what I do because I do as I know,
I gotta show for what I’ve got or I cannot find home,
(Ya gotta) Deal with it, deal with it,
(Ya) Deal with it, deal with it,
(Ya) Deal with it, deal with it,
(Ya) Deal with it, deeeaaallll!”
-1 Man Riot – Deal With It


    Buffy stared into the darkness, her hazel eyes dull and unfocused. She
absently played with the fabric of her peach top with her fingers. She had
started playing with it after she had stopped sobbing from Riley’s attack.

    She shook her head. That attack had been so vicious and primal. It had
seemed to her that he had been holding back and she had even started to
believe that deep down the man didn’t want to hurt her. But something was
desperately wrong and it had left her deeply shaken. She also suspected that
something was going wrong with Riley’s plans, but she couldn’t quite bring
herself to rejoice. The loss of her armband had shaken her more than she
wanted to admit.

    “It’s just a stupid trinket, Buffy,” she muttered to herself under her
breath, “What’s so damn special about it?”

    The answer came out of her mind as soon as the question ended. “Because
Spike gave it to me…” she said softly. And it wasn’t just that. The band had
had power and she knew that it was their only connection. And it was the
only link to him or her past that she had.

    But this only made her more angry and frustrated. “Well, who the hell is
this Spike guy anyway? And what kind of name is Spike? If he’s so special to
me, than why isn’t #he# here instead of-“ She cut herself off as she
remembered what Riley had shown her of her friends being slaughtered by the
trolls.

    Furiously, she shook her head, sending her wavy hair to swinging. “No! It’s
not true! They’re not dead! Spike’s not dead!”

    “You sound very unconvinced of that,” said the all too familiar smooth
voice behind her.

    Buffy whirled around to find Riley floating in the air, one leg hooked over
the over and his fingers laced over his knee. His staff was resting across
his lap as he gently bobbed up and down. There was something about that
staff that frightened Buffy, like it was more like a guard dog instead of a
magical stick. Like it could #watch# her. “How do you know he’s not dead?
Don’t you believe your own eyes?”

    “I told you before,” she shouted at him, swallowing the sudden fear she
felt in his presence. She remembered the primal viciousness that he had
attacked her with and was sure that he was capable of doing it again. “I
just know! Do you really think I would believe the things you show me? Do
you take me as stupid or something?”

    “Than why isn’t he here? Rescuing his lady love?” Riley’s voice dripped
with sarcasm. His eyes were deep slits and Buffy could see the glint of them
in the shadows. That unnerved her even more. “Tell me that, Buffy.”

    Desperately trying to keep herself from shaking, Buffy faced him squarely.
She let her face go cold and tried to banish her fear. “No. Why don’t you
tell me? You seem to have all the answers. Enlighten me, because I am
getting sick of playing your twisted little games.”

    Riley stared at her in curious amusement, then smiled. “Okay, if that’s the
way you want to play. No, your persistent boytoy is still alive. He’s even
on his way to find you, I think.”

    “You think? You mean you don’t know?”

    “Well, I haven’t exactly been able to find him.” He rubbed his chin. “That
should disturb me…but it doesn’t. He’s probably off with your little Brat
Pack trying to find a magical spell or sword or something to smite me down
with.” He dropped silently through the air to land on his feet. “Won’t make
a difference in the end, though. He couldn’t defeat me with it anyway
because I’m sorta invincible. And the last time he tried…well, why don’t I
show you?”

    Buffy wasn’t given the chance to respond before he gestured with his staff
and created another of his windows. Inside the hazy border, Buffy saw
herself, Spike and she recognized the other three from the last time. Now
there was a couple more. A dark-haired young man, a small blonde woman and
an older man with wire framed glasses. She saw herself dressed in the same
black dress she had awoken in.

    As she watched the scene play out before her, she stoically stood her
ground despite the horror she felt when Riley trapped her inside the black
globe. Her heart leapt for joy when she saw Spike grab up the billiard stick
and attack Riley. Fascinated, she watched the two of them duel and smiled
when the blonde man wounded Riley.

    “I wouldn’t start celebrating too soon,” Riley whispered into her ear.
Disgusted, she wanted to back off, but she stood her ground. “Keep
watching.”

    Even though wounded, Riley managed to use his staff to bring Spike to his
knees. She saw the others using spells but their efforts did no good. She
saw Spike force himself up and charge at Riley. The black ruby at the end of
Riley’s staff flashed again and the man dropped and was still.

    The image winked out. Buffy remained silent, staring at the place where it
had been. So this is how this hell had begun. She felt sick to her stomach
and kept her eyes firmly away from Riley.

    “He’s still alive,” she said.

    “Oh yeah, of course,” Riley answered. “But he won’t be for long.” He came
up in front of her and slowly started stroking her cheek. Disgusted, she
felt like punching him in the face. She stopped herself though. Riley knew
what was happening to Spike. She didn’t flinch and instead locked her gaze
with his.

    “My, what a hateful stare,” he commented lightly.

    “Why did you bring me here?” she demanded.

    “I really hate repeating myself, Buffy. I’ve already told you. I want your
power. I want your beauty and devotion. I want you.”

    “You’ll never have me,” she said flatly.

    “Who’s going to stop me?”

    “Spike will.”

    He laughed. “I doubt I have anything to worry about from him. Even if he
finds you – which I doubt – the idiot is a pile of dust the moment he
challenges me.”

    “Do that and I’ll kill you.”

    “Will you now? And just how do you propose to do that?”

    “You said you wanted my power. There must be something about me that me
worthy of such desire,” she answered with a smirk.

    Riley’s hand froze in the act of stroking her cheek. Only for a moment,
however, then he resumed his gentle petting. “Smart girl.” He sensually drew
his fingertips down her throat.

    She pushed his hand away, her smirk gone now. “Give me back my band.”

    “Band? What band?”

    “The wristband I was wearing. I want it back. I know you took it from me.”

    He chuckled and shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re
talking about.”

    “Fine. I’ll take it from you myself after I kill you.” Her voice was cold
and hard.

    “You do that,” he said casually, taking a step backwards and fading away.
“Won’t get you out of here, though,” his voice said from the darkness.

    Buffy clenched her fists, threw back her head, and let loose a scream –
long, angry and frustrated. It lasted several seconds, and the echoes
reverberated back and forth for several more.

    “There,” she said afterwards, “I feel much better.” She took a deep breath
and stroked her bare wrist. “No, I don’t. Damn you, Spike! Where #are# you?”

    Without the band she couldn’t speak with him, hear him or feel him. She
felt so lost…so desperate. Without wondering why, she closed her eyes and
banished all thoughts except him. She left herself drift away as she tried
to find him…it was worth a shot.

Monday, December 24th, 2001, 2:39 PM

    “I think the spell could be strengthened if reworded the spell this way,
Willow.” Tara said, making a note on a sheet of paper Willow was reading
over.

    She looked over it and mused for a moment. “I guess so, hon, but how does
it effect…” She trailed off as she heard someone come up behind them. The
three companions looked up to see a very tired, haunted looking Spike. “Hey
Spike,” Willow said, forcing a cheerful tone into her voice.

    “Merry Christmas Eve, Spike!” Dawn said, “Oh, here!” She got up and heated
up some of the blood that Jar’vees had left for him in the morning. She
returned with the cup and led him over to a chair at the table. “You look
like you could use some breakfast.”

    Numbly, he took the mug and sat down, looking as if he was lost. “…Thanks,
Bit…” He rested the glass in his hands but made no move to start drinking.
Absently running his fingers along the cup’s rim, he said, “Uh…about last
night…”

    “It’s okay,” Dawn answered quickly, “We understand.”

    Spike shook his head, setting the cup on the table. Dawn noticed his eyes
were heavily shadowed and dull. He seemed to have aged so much the past
month. “No, it’s not…It wasn’t…” he trailed off.

    “Spike,” Willow said, her quiet voice commanding more attention than
someone’s scream. Spike looked up and into her eyes. “Jar’vees told us what
happened.” Spike shut his eyes and looked away. “I still can’t quite get
over it. It must have been horrible. It’s no wonder you acted the way you
did. We do understand, really.”

    The vampire swallowed. “But…something is wrong. Something is happening to
me. I can’t…I don’t know…some part of me is…gone. I can feel it, like this
huge, gaping hole in me. I’m changing…I’m paying the price and…I don’t know
how much of it’s going to take from me…”

    Dawn couldn’t think of anything to say, his words had chilled her to the
bone. Paying the price? She embraced the vampire instead of thinking about
it. “Come on, Spike. Eat. Please?”

    Tara turned back to her books. “Yes, eat. We can ask Jar’vees more
about…the price…But you’ll need your strength first. Jar’vees says that as
soon as he returns, you’ll begin training with Sahalia.”

    “Where did he go?” Spike asked as he sipped at the blood sparingly.

    “He said he needed to get some supplies from Twin Mountain.” Willow said as
she flipped through her notes.

    “He’s getting us a Christmas tree!” Dawn squealed. “One of those cheap,
artificial ones, but we’re going to have a Christmas!”

    Willow smiled and continued. “He said you should try a few practice
exercises with Sahalia before he gets back. But I think we should try the
summoning spell before you start any of that.”

    Spike nodded and finished his blood. Dawn noticed that he had lost weight
over the last few weeks; she didn’t even know if vampires could lose weight,
but he looked more gaunt than lean. His blue eyes seemed more sunken into
his face and his cheekbones seemed even more prominent on his thin face.

    “That’s just fine, Red. Believe me, I’m not in any hurry to start with that
sword.” He hurriedly sipped the last remnants of his drink and set it on the
table. “When do we get started?”

    Willow raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, there’s no time like this present,
is there?” It was good to see the vampire enthusiastic about things again,
though she knew that whatever was eating away at him was only taking a
break. She had a feeling that there was much more to come. Shoving those
morbid thoughts aside, she got up, rummaged around in her red tote bag
amidst piles of notes and books. She finally found what she was looking for:
a piece of chalk. “Let’s move the table.”

    The vampire nodded and picked up his side. Together they moved it closer to
the wall to clear a space on the floor. Dawn moved the chairs as Willow
carefully paced off an area and chalked a circle with a six-pointed star
inside it. Tara grabbed a cushion from a nearby chair    and put it in the
center of the hexagram. She gestured for Spike to step into the circle.

    “Just like the other times, Spike. Just relax, think of Buffy and try to
connect with her. Try to keep it open for as long as possible.”

    “What’s with the chalk gibberish?” Spike asked. “You didn’t do that the
other times before.”

    “The circle is to amplify the power we’ll be channeling through the spell
to open the dimensions. Don’t worry, there’s no danger.”

    “All right, then.” Spike nodded and stepped over the chalked lines, sitting
on the cushion in the center. The circle made him nervous, like most things
about magic, but he knew that he could trust the witches. The three of them
might not be the best of pals, but they knew their stuff. Folding his legs
in front of him, he laid Sahalia across his lap. He placed his hands on the
sword and closed his eyes.

    As he reached out the link, he half-expected the same cruel cut off he had
had with her before. He even expected her not to be there, the remembrance
of the slaughter in the Temple of Light still firmly set in his mind. But
she came almost immediately, as if she were already searching for him. He
smiled as he felt her warm presence and familiar scent filled his senses.
She was still there. This was the real Buffy. He felt all his sorrow and
grief melt away when he felt her there. There was no terror this time, but
anger, confusion, frustration – and loneliness. His heart went out to her as
he desperately ached to take her in his arms and hold her.

    #Buffy, luv, I’m here#

    #Spike! Thank God! Where are you? Why aren’t you here?#

    #We’re trying to find you, pet. And a way to fight Riley. We’re almost
there, Buffy. I’ll be there soon, I promise. Soon#

    #Hurry, Spike. I hate it here. It’s cold and I’m hungry. And I’m
scared…just be careful, Spike. Please, be careful#

    Then she was gone. As quickly as she had come she was gone again and Spike
was filled with overwhelming desire to feel her again.

    “Spike.”

    He opened his eyes and blinked several times. “Did it work?” he asked Tara
when he recognized the Wicca standing in front of him outside the chalked
hexagram.

    Nodding, Tara’s eyes sparkled and she looked eagerly excited, a strange
look for the shy witch. “We’re really close to finding a way to break
through to the other side. All we need is something to strengthen the link
between you. Something seems to be missing...”

    Willow had sat down in a chair near the table and was flipping through a
book there.

    “Like what?” Spike asked, still feeling a bit disoriented.

    “Something of Buffy’s,” Tara said. She went to stand behind Willow, reading
over her shoulder.

    “Like this?” Spike untied the maroon scarf that adorned the hilt of Sahalia
and held it out.

    Tara looked over and her eyes lit up. She came to the edge of the circle,
and careful not to smudge the lines, leaned over and took the scarf. After
concentrating for a moment, she shook her head and gave it back. “It’s too
new. Buffy didn’t have it long enough for it to pick up on her astral
signature.”

    “Oh,” the vampire said, deftly tying it back onto the sword’s hilt. Then,
an idea dawned upon him. “What about some of her hair?”

    Dawn, Tara and Willow turned to stare at him in shock. “You have some of
her hair?” Willow asked.

    Spike nodded and stood up. “Uh…I’ll go get it then.” He stepped over the
lines and disappeared into his room. He returned a few minutes later with
the lock of hair he kept hidden in the journal in his pack. “Here.”

    Dawn took it gently and grinned broadly at him. “Does Buffy know you have
this?”

    He shook his head. “No…I didn’t want to get staked.” He grinned a little
self consciously.

    The teenager nodded. “How long have you had this?” She couldn’t resist
asking.

    “Uh…none of your business…” Spike replied, a bit embarrassed while he
nervously stared at a spot on the wall.

    Tara shook her head. “Amazing. This will really help.” She took the lock of
hair from Dawn and nodded. “Yes, this will #definitely# help. We’ll try
again later, okay? We’ll need to make some modifications for the spell.” She
carefully laid the lock of hair inside the book she had been reading and
closed it. “I’ll take good care of it, Spike.”

    Nodding, Spike smiled slightly at the young woman. “Thanks, luv. It means a
lot to me.” He dropped his hand to the hilt of his sword and sighed. “I
guess I better go practice, then. Is the sun gonna be in my way?”

    “No,” Dawn answered, “Nice and cloudy.”

    “I’ll be up in the Temple, then. Tell me when Jar’vees gets back.” With
that, he turned and left the room.

    “Should I go with him?” Dawn asked.

    Tara shook her head. “I don’t think so, hon. He seems pretty okay right
now.”

    “Still…I mean, how long is it going to last? He said something was
happening to him…”

    Nodding, Willow took her hand. “We can’t do everything for him, Dawnie.
He’s got to learn to deal with this. We’ll be there to help him, but I think
this is just him, you know? Right now, he doesn’t know anything about the
‘price’. We’ll get through this. We’re so close.”

    “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Dawn squeezed her hand. “Soon everything will
be back to normal.”

    “Yeah…” Willow forced a smile, though inside her heart was breaking.

    Would things ever be back to normal again?