Title: Mandatory Diamonds

Author: Danielle

E-mail: PrincessCashew@hotmail.com

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Up to Once More with Feeling

Summary: Child protective services looks down on single caregiver so Buffy has to find a "pretend husband". Xander and Anya are honeymooning; Giles is in England, so Spike is her only hope. Fic Challenge from Pamela J. Anderson off of the BuffyspikeDiaries Mailing List.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and whoever has rights to these people in court. Do not sue me, I'm poor anyway. The fic idea isn't mine either, it belongs to Pamela, and as of now, there are two other people working on this same challenge.

Feedback: I would love it so much if you sent me some! Just pass it on to PrincessCashew@hotmail.com

Distribution: Whoever wants it can have it, just e-mail me first so I can come and visit. It will be posted at my site at http://www.geocities.com/princesscashew/Take_It_All_Away.html

Fic Requirements + She falls for him after he becomes the prefect spouse + He acts romantic to Buffy and gets her to love him + Rated R or even Hint Hint NC-17

~ Part 1 ~

"I know Ms. Summers, that you want to keep your sister living with you, and I understand your particular circumstances with your father being in Europe without any contact possible and your mother deceased, but it is very uncommon that custody is granted to a single care-giver. Especially someone as young as you are without a complete education or a job. I think it's very important that we do what is best for Dawn, don't you?"

"Well of course I do, I'm her sister, and I love her. Which is exactly why I don't understand what this meeting is about Mrs. Gont. You would rather move Dawn out of our house and put her somewhere with complete strangers because they happen to have some gold bands on their fingers?"

"That's not what I'm suggesting at all Ms. Summers. The matter of income becomes important as well. You at the moment have no source of it. It's a concern to me that when the little bit of your mother's savings that you have left runs out, you will have no way of supporting either Dawn or yourself."

"I can get a job, I've been looking for one, going to interviews. There is a job available, through one of my friends, and even though I would rather not mix my personal life with my career, I can be working tomorrow morning at 8 o'clock. I assure you that I will do whatever I can to give Dawn a proper home. Just give me a chance."

"Even with a job Ms. Summers, Social Services policy still favors a two parent household to a single one." She reached into a desk drawer and removed a Polaroid of a young couple with a dog. "There is a family in the area, Dawn would still be able to go to the same school, and I'm sure that a visiting arrangement could be worked out at a later date."

Buffy interrupted the woman, her voice shaking a little as she spoke. "Thank you very much Mrs. Gont, but I would like a little time to think this over. Can we meet again, a week from now? I need to talk to Dawn and try to see if there's something I can work out."

"Don't put this off for too long Ms. Summers. We need to get Dawn's placement confirmed. The state would like this process to go as quickly as possible, for what is best for her."

"I'm aware. Thank you very much for your time."

"My secretary will make you an appointment on the way out." Buffy weakly shook hands with the social worker, and then straightened out her burgundy jacket. She was in trouble, and she knew it.

She got up to leave, and turned around when she reached the glass door. "If I was married, would Dawn's placement be as large of an issue?"

"There's still the matter of income."

"If I was married, and my husband or I held jobs, would Dawn's placement be as difficult for me to obtain?"

"If those were the situations Ms. Summers, I would see no reason why the State would object. But they're not at this time."

"Well, thank you again. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. I will be in touch." She closed the door behind her. She had seven days to change her life.

~ Part 2 ~

"We got a postcard from Las Vegas today, looks as though the wedding went well. They're on their way to the Grand Canyon." Dawn sat at the kitchen table, fingering through the mail. "Oh, and Giles called while you were out. He said that he'll call back later once he gets out of the airport in London."

"So he made it there ok?"

"I'm guessing. He swears he's going to come back to visit soon, but he doesn't know when that can be."

"I know, doesn't want me to be too dependent on him."

"Buffy, come on. You know that's not really fair."

"I know Dawnie. I know. It's just been a really long day, and I kind of need Giles to be dependent on right now."

"Things didn't go that great with the social worker did they? I 'm sorry Buffy about the grades and getting to school late. I'm going to try harder."

"It's not your fault Dawn, whatever happens I want you to know that. I'm going to do everything that I can so that nothing happens, but if it does you can't think you did anything wrong. It'll be me who did something wrong."

"What do we have to do, so that nothing happens?"

"I'm going to work something out. Why don't you go do some homework, I have to make some phone calls."

Dawn got up from her chair, grabbing her knapsack off of the floor. "Got the message, going upstairs." She turned when she reached the entryway. "Is Spike coming over tonight while you go patrol?"

At the mention of Spike, Buffy froze. That kiss they had shared was still on her mind, in fact it hardly ever left. She kept telling herself that it was Sweet's spell, and that she just needed to feel something after all these months instead of empty, but all of those reasons didn't take away that it happened. "I don't know. We'll have to see."

"I haven't seen him since a few nights ago, when we were all singing. What happened after you both left?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. And maybe Spike'll show up tonight, but for right now, the phone calls."

"Going. Going." She left the room.

Buffy went to pick up the receiver when she heard the back door close behind her. Turning, she saw him. "Speak of the devil." She muttered under her breath.

"Aw luv, I might be the Big Bad but I'm not the devil. Got to have a lot more evil under my belt to get that title."

"What are you doing here Spike?"

"It's Friday Slayer. Figured keep up the ritual, crappy teen video and about six poker games with the Bit before you make your way back from patrol. Unless you have something else in mind." He winked at her, the scarred eyebrow sinking slowly.

"About that."

"What luv? Want another go?"

"Not at all Spike. It wasn't real and I don't want you getting all hung up on it, but it looks like you already have. You can stay for Dawn, but don't think you're staying for me." She shuffled papers around in a drawer looking for her address book.

His smirk faded and his lucid blue eyes clouded over. "Then I'll stay. Go back to whatever you were doing." He followed the same path that Dawn had, duster flapping against denimed calves.

She didn't want to act like this, but she couldn't let him get to her. It was too bad that he always did.

~ Part 3 ~

Buffy tapped her ballpoint on the yellow pad, occasionally tucking the pen cap between her teeth. "Think dammit, think. Seven days. Ok, gotta find a husband." She looked down at her list. "Giles, in England someplace. Xander, having sex in a motel for his honeymoon. Maybe if I could find Jonathon. Oh my God what am I even thinking." She threw the paper across the room where it made a hollow thump against the wall.

"Whatcha doing luv?"

"Working, which last time I checked, didn't involve you."

"Harsh tonight aren't we? What's got your knickers all twisted anyway?" He moved closer towards the thing she had so violently tossed away.

"Oh, don't even think about touching that."

"What's a matter Buffy? Writing torrid sex novels about us?" She groaned as he scooped up the tablet. "Or maybe multiple people?" He wagged his eyebrow suggestively. "Who would have guessed your mind worked like that."

"Spike, it's not that at all. You really are disgusting."

"So what is it? Cause if you don't tell I'm just going to keep on guessing. Future conquests maybe? Guys you want to tape your blooming porno career? Or participate in it perhaps? Like the idea of the last one I think."

"Just shut up already! You make me so pissed! It's a list of guys I could marry, all right? And before you even start, and I swear I'll stake you if you do, it's for Dawn. I need to find a husband so they won't take Dawn away. So if you'd leave me be so I can do this, I'd really appreciate it."

"I'm sorry luv. I didn't know." He bent down and it looked like he was placing the papers back onto the wood floor, but instead he rotated his back to face her. "Let me help." He took one of her hands into his own. "I know you'll never ask me for it, and I know you probably don't want it, but I want to give it."

She tried to pull away, but he only tightened his grip. Lowering himself onto one knee, he looked up at her on the sofa. "Spike, don't do this."

"Look, I know this means shit to you, but I love you. I do. And I love your sister and I'm not going to see her taken away when I can do something about it. Maybe you want nothing to do with me, but she does, and I'll do anything for her. You know that. Now, I don't have a ring or a little speech planned out, but let me help Buffy. Let me be your husband."

She felt a small tingle run up and down her back as she looked at his hopeful face. "I'll let you do it. For Dawn."

"If that's what you'll give me, I'm more than happy to oblige."

"I actually still have the skull ring up in my jewelry box, if you want me to get it."

"Kept it as a keepsake pet?"

"Don't really know. Just have it." His smirk showed that he knew. She couldn't get rid of it; even back then he'd still had a little power over her.

"Well go fetch it and tell Niblet to come down here to hear the news. And we have a wedding to plan. Still want "Wind Beneath My Wings" cause I might actually give into that this time." She walked away as he continued to speak in the other room. What had she gotten herself into?

~ Part 4 ~

"So you're really going to do it? Get married! You and Spike together! I couldn't have picked someone better if I tried! Oooh, do I get to wear a pretty dress? Can it be green? Please please please pick green bridesmaids dresses."

"No bridesmaids Dawn. We're getting married at the courthouse by a judge. We're going to sign the papers, and it'll be done."

"What do you mean it'll be done? No dinner after, or bouquet tossing, or cake cutting? It's bad enough that Anya and Xander got all crazy and decided to just get married already without anyone there."

"I'd love to have everyone be here, Giles and Xander and Anya, and to have a big wedding with a party and a gorgeous white dress, but it's not what can be right now."

"You're not going to have a dress?" Dawn looked even more crestfallen if that was possible. "But you even have that whole notebook of clippings Buffy."

"Just because I have some pictures cut out of magazines in a drawer doesn't mean anything."

"Some? There must be like over a hundred. You've had them for as long as I can remember. You even made Mom subscribe to Modern Bride Magazine for three years."

"Another time I'll get to wear a dress. Just not this one."

"Where's Spike going to sleep?"

"What do you mean where's he going to sleep? In his crypt, where he's always slept."

"I just figured that he'd be here all the time after this."

"Figured wrong. He has his life, we have ours. This is just a paper deal. Why don't we go downstairs? He's probably still in the living room talking to himself."



Buffy had gone into the kitchen and was trying to encourage Willow and Tara to let her work at the Magic Box, even if it was only until she found another job, as well as passing along that they'd be needed as witnesses as soon as Buffy and Spike had made appointments with the right people.

"You're really going to marry her?"

"Sure Lil' Bit. It's what needs to be done. And it'll be horrible having to live with the two women I love more than anything."

"Buffy doesn't seem to think you're going to be living here."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean she said you'd still be in the crypt and that it was only a deal on paper."

"Did she really? Isn't that interesting." He was fuming, eyes flickering slightly gold instead of blue.

Buffy sauntered into the room, a big smile on her face. "It's a done deal. We have two witnesses, an appointment for seven Tuesday night, and I have a job. That Mrs. Gont woman is going to have nothing left to say."

"She might not, but I do."

"I think I'm going to go do some more homework." Dawn quickly picked herself up and headed past her sister.

"What's your problem now Spike?"

"Not letting me even live in the house? What am I, a disobedient dog?"

"Phrase it however you like but I don't need the undead staying in my house."

"How are we supposed to look like a married couple then? You start to think about that Buff? I'm pretty sure they follow these custody cases as closely as they follow green card attempts."

"What are you talking about?"

"What did you think was going to happen, you'd show them the license and they'd go along their merry way never to be heard from again?" He looked at her. "You did think that didn't you. God you can be such a bint sometimes."

"That's not what I thought at all. I just thought that, umm, I'd cleverly explain your absence."

"Right Slayer. But I really have a feeling that they're just going to be dropping by, checking up on things just like they've been doing. Conducting interviews, making sure that this is not exactly what you want it to be, a deal on paper. What would the point be of them wanting to put Dawn into a home with two parents if one of them is nonexistent?"

"I'm sorry, is that what you want me to say?"

"Say whatever you want now luv, but just a little while ago you said you'd let me help her, so I'm going to be here as much as I can. Maybe you don't want to think of me as your husband, I bloody well doubt you'd want to, but I'm going to think of myself as her guardian."

"Fine. If that's what you want to do."

"It is. Oh, and by the way pet, I think Social Services expects us to share a bed."

"That's a topic for a whole other time. I really don't have the patience for it right now Spike."

"I have time Slayer, why don't you enlighten me about some other things. Let me get to know you like any other fiancée knows their future mate. When during the month do you bleed?"

"Ew, God that's disgusting."

"Hey, for Dawn."

"Right, right for Dawn." She sat down across from him on the sofa. It was going to be a long night.

~ Part 5 ~

"Doorbell! Buffy can you get that? I'm trying to curl my hair."

"My wedding day and I'm getting the door. Better be a gigantic gift from you." It surprised Buffy that she was actually in a good mood about tonight, but she was. Talking to Spike hadn't been that bad, he really did always seem to get where she was coming from. She'd made a few sales while she'd been working and Willow said she was doing a great job. So all in all, a positive couple of days.

"You're right about the gift." Spike was standing on the other side of the doorframe, a large white box in his hands.

"What's this?"

"Some things I thought we needed for today." He placed it into her hands while she fingered the gold bow wrapped around the edges. "Come on, open it already."

She sat down on the living room floor, gently untying the ribbon. Spike's Doc Martens tapped nervously on the floor as she slowly went about the process. "Someone's antsy. You getting cold feet?"

"Not at all pet. Just want to see your face when you get to the contents is all."

"It's not a blender is it?"

"Slayer!"

"I'm going." She pulled off the fabric and with her nails, ripped the tape from the sides of the box. The lid fell open, and she gasped. "Oh Spike!"

"You like it?"

"Like it? This is just like one that I have a picture of. How did you?" Her fingers touched the smooth satin, lingering for more time over the tiny beads adorning the dress. "I can't take this, God, it must have cost a fortune."

"Doesn't matter, I want you to have it. You're not done yet either, there's some other stuff in there." She removed the strapless gown, gently laying it besides her. Underneath she found a navy garter, a veil, a pearl necklace and a pair of gold earrings. "Something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. The earrings are your sister's and I have explicit orders to get them back. The dress and veil are new. The garter, as you can see, is blue. And the necklace was my mother's, so I think that counts as old enough."

She had started to cry, looking at all her special wedding day supplies. "I wish my mother could be here."

"Oh luv, I know." It had hit a nerve inside of him, her mention of Joyce. Really wasn't fair that she had to miss out on so much.

"She always said she'd do my hair when I got married, make bunches of little ringlets all over my head." She began to laugh a little. "I wanted to wear her dress for my wedding, but one day Dawn accidentally cut it up to make clothes for her dollies. Probably for the best. The high necked all covered in lace look isn't my thing." She wiped at her face "Thank you Spike, for all this."

"Figured I'd try to make this day as special as I could."

"You're doing a pretty good job."

"I'm glad you like it all pet, but don't you have some prepping to do? Want my bride to look her very best."

"Well then, you'd better be on your way, I'm not even supposed to be seeing you before the ceremony."

"Ah yes, the whole tradition thing. What's a matter Buffy, afraid that this marriage is going to wind up being a sham?"

His words actually hurt a little. But he was right; this was just a sham. This was all for Dawn. Not that it really mattered anyway; she so wasn't interested in Spike. That kiss was just a one-time thing. And these tingly feelings she'd been getting were just anger or frustration. "So funny. But really get out of here. Bad enough I'm going to be living with you for God knows how long."

"I'll see myself out." He headed back towards the door, boots clumping on the wooden floor.

"Thank you." She said again.

"You've already stated that luv. I know."

"Not just the gifts. For doing this. For putting up with me and helping me to clean up messes that you had no part of. You're a good man."

He smiled, a big grin that she could never really remember seeing before. "A man Buffy?"

"Yes, a man." She gave him a little peck on the cheek. "I'll see you later. And you better look smashing." Heading up the stairs, she left the dumbstruck vampire in her wake.

"Knew the dress was a good idea."

~ Part 6 ~

Willow wiped stray tears from her cheeks. "I can't believe you're getting married."

"Wil, please. It's Spike. Remember Spike. The guy who's tried to kill us and end the world on multiple occasions."

"But he's changed Buffy, you know that he has. He took care of Dawn. And he bought the dress. Anyway, it's your wedding day. No bad thoughts allowed."

"Well if the happy ones are running your mascara I don't know what the bad ones will make you do." Buffy laughed as Willow ran for the mirror, checking her face for the undesired black streaks. "Kidding. Just kidding."

"Not funny."

"The look on your face was." Buffy picked up a brush and began pulling it through her hair. "I know I said I didn't want to use titles, like bride and groom, cause ew, but I want you to know that you're my maid of honor Willow. You've been my best friend and there's no one else that I'd rather have stand beside me at my wedding."

"Aw Buffy." The tears began to drip from her eyelashes again. "I just wish everyone could be here. You know? Giles and Xander and Anya."

"Well you and Tara are going to be there, and Dawn. So it'll be my little family instead of the big one. There's going to be another time that all of you can be there and Giles can give me away and I'll have a caterer and we can pick out floral patterns and all that stuff."

"You keep saying that Buffy," Willow took the brush from Buffy's hands and began untangling some knots at the back. "Why?"

She sighed a little, and turned to face her friend. "Because I can't think that this is it, that this will be my future." She paused, trying to control the little quiver her voice had acquired. "Spike's little wife who got married to him in the same place criminals are sentenced. Who didn't decide to tie the knot because she was in love, or because she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man, or even because he'd accidentally knocked her up which still might be a better reason than this one. I am marrying Spike because the State said I had no choice. So I'm going along with it. And the only thing keeping me sane is the fact that maybe someday, I'll be able to walk down the aisle to a man that I can see myself building a life with. So that's why Wil. Because I can't see this as my life."

"But he loves you Buffy. And he loves Dawn too. He could give you a nice life, if you let him. He's only trying to make the best of this whole thing."

"Oh, right. Because I know how much he hates this idea. This is actually probably one of his twisted fantasies that he lulls himself to sleep with. Just because I kissed him."

"You kissed him?!"

"Only twice."

"Twice?!"

"Well, the first time was under Sweet's spell and the second wasn't on the lips or anything. It was like a relative kiss. And that was only to thank him for the dress. And you've seen the dress. It's a relative kiss worthy article of clothing."

"That last part might be true, but Sweet's spell had no effect on people's actions Buffy, it only made people share their secrets."

"It must have done something, because I never would have kissed him like that. The kiss, well the kiss was just. It was wow. But again, the spell. I'm sure the swell of music and all that must have made it seem better than it was the more I think about it."

"So you've thought about it? After it happened I mean."

"Somewhat."

"I think you mean everyday, about sixty times a day."

"No, of course not." She had started to blush, her cheeks and chest radiating a slight pink hue.

"Of course not." Willow reached around and continued to brush Buffy's long hair. She hadn't gone to get it dyed since she came back, and the darker shade seemed to suit her. "I think deep down you care about him."

"How can you say that?"

"I didn't, your skin did." Buffy blushed again. "Denial is such a pretty shade on you."

"I've told you I don't love him."

"Not yet you don't. But there's still tomorrow, and the next day. You might surprise yourself."

"Have you been talking to him? Is he the one putting these ideas in your head?"

"No, these are all my thoughts. Thoughts of Willow. Hear me out ok? Love is like a car accident."

"That's beautiful Willow, you should really put that in a greeting card." She got up from her chair. "Have you seen my veil anywhere?"

"Stop avoiding the subject and let me finish. It's like a car accident because it will happen just when you stop paying attention. It'll come up and smash into you and there will be nothing you can do but let it happen. It may kill you, or you may just get up and walk away untouched. Or maybe it'll leave you a little shaken, and it will take you some time before you'll shift the gears back into drive, but you'll do it. And every time it happens, it's going to be different, but it's going to be when you least expect it."

"Than I guess I'll just have to keep paying attention."

"This is going to sound horrible, but I hope you fall asleep at the wheel."

"Remember, Buffy holds no license. Buffy can't drive. No fender benders for Buffy."

"Spike could run you over in the DeSoto."

"Please, don't give me things to look forward to."

"I give you a year."

"For Spike to run me over? I'm not that bad of a person."

"Not that. Your next crash. And if I'm right, we may be looking at a pileup."

~ Part 7 ~

"Stand still. I can't get this on straight if you keep wiggling."

"I'm a grown man, I can tie my own tie. I've known how to do it for over a hundred years."

"That may be true, but your fingers don't seem to agree."

Spike glanced down at his hands, where the digits were fluttering ever so slightly. He sighed loudly. "Fine Tara, you can tie the bleeding tie."

"Thank you." She swiftly wrapped the fabric around itself until it made a nice little knot at the top.

"You're pretty good at this."

"I did the debate team in high school."

"Huh?"

"'Pretty Woman' joke. Calm down a little."

"I am calm."

"Your aura is all jumpy, you're not calm."

"I'm sorry luv. Just never been a groom before."

"Well me neither, but I don't think that you have anything to worry about. Don't think that Buffy's going to be disappointed with the honeymoon, or wake up tomorrow regretting the whole thing."

"She already does."

"You don't know that."

"She wants nothing to do with me. She never has wanted anything to do with me."

"Things can change. You've changed, from what I've heard anyway."

"I have pet, but she's stubborn. Even if it happened, and she stopped regretting it, she'd never let on. She can be such a headstrong bitch sometimes."

"But you love her don't you?"

"Course I love her. She's my existence."

"Love can break the strongest peoples' wills Spike. Give her time."

"What choice do I have? I'd give her anything. Why do you think I let her treat me like she does? I don't enjoy it. In fact, it's torture, but if it helps her to feel better, I'll be the first person telling her to do it more often. I let her get away with hurting me, because in some ways it's better than her doing nothing to me."

"I und und undererstand." Tara stuttered as she turned away, pausing as she realized that there was no reason and quickly reaching for the boutainere as if she had planned to all the time.

"What's wrong?"

"It's nothing really. Just Will Willow and me. She did a spell and erased my memory so we wo would stop fighting. But I'm staying with her, be be because I can't let myself think she'll do it again."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too. I just hope it might be better this time."

"It will be." The two stood in an awkward silence, neither very sure of what they were supposed to say. "Why don't you head on home, I can finish up the prep work. I'll meet all of you guys over at the courthouse."

"Alright Spike." She gathered up the things she had come with. "And by the way, congratulations."

He smiled at her. "Don't congratulate me, I haven't done anything yet."

"But you will Spike, trust me you will."

~ Part 8 ~

"You're a big boy Spike. All you gotta do is stand up there, place the ring on her finger, a little peck on the lips and it's all over." He was speaking to the empty air as he laced up his shoes, no boots today, trying to eliminate the uneasiness that was hanging about. He knew what it was there for. "Well, that's what she's expecting anyway. This whole thing to end today and mean nothing."

He tugged a little harder on the laces, beginning to hear the start of threads shredding. Loosening his grip on the strings, they fell limply to the concrete floor. "Always left being someone's nothing aren't you?"



Her hair upswept and the pearls delicately resting on her collarbones she'd found herself growing misty as she saw her reflection in the mirror. This was her wedding, and it really had stopped mattering that it was Spike. Because she was happy, genuinely, for the first time in much too long. Because he had made her this way and she knew that something different had been inside her heart for awhile now.

While she was standing alone here, she could admit to herself that she felt like she'd been rescued by her knight in shinning armor and had the gown to prove it. The princess in the fairytale who escaped from the dank tower into the waiting arms of her prince and would get to live the rest of her life in a castle happily ever after when the stallion had carried them both away towards the horizon.

But the second anyone else joined her, the picture would change and she'd tell herself that she saw that the shield and chest piece were rusted and covered in clumps of mud and grass. That the prince was actually a sad substitution riding on a tired donkey and that the sordid tower had simply led her into an even darker tunnel. Her dress would get torn and covered in blood and soot and moisture and there would be no castles or rides into the sunset or joy when it all finally ended.

Because the moment someone else was there, she'd have to view it all that way. Because she couldn't let them know that she had been lying all along. She wasn't sure she was ready to stop yet, but maybe he would help her with that.

She smiled to herself as she turned once more in front of the reflective glass.

Dawn came and took her sister's arm in her own. "This is really stupid, but I want to give you away. I know you wanted Giles or Mom," her voice caught slightly and she took a deep breath while she wiped at her nose with the back of her hand "but you're doing all this for me because I'm family so I want to do this for you. So please, if you don't mind."

Buffy felt the tears pricking at her eyes again, knew her nose probably looked as pink as Dawn's. "I'd love to have you escort me." Her voice was thick and she felt a single bead of moisture slip down the curve of her nose. She didn't move to brush it away. Instead, she pulled the front of her veil over her face.

"Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be." With that, the two girls began to walk in unison. One still young with so much life yet to be seen, heading towards the experiences that would shape her as a woman later on. The other not so much older in years, but aged none the less by her longer past, taking more steps towards her adulthood. The same stride, each as eager or perhaps reluctant to reach the destination. The bond of blood connected them, and when one of the hands began to shake, the other knew just the right pressure to apply.

They reached the end of the walkway, the light click of heels still echoing quietly in the mostly empty courtroom. Dawn kissed her sister's cheek. "Thank you." She whispered, before taking her seat next to Tara.

Buffy turned to face Spike, and he lifted the veil that was shielding her. She took him in, in his tuxedo with polished shoes and a black tie. She'd never seen him like this before, and yet it wasn't surprising or odd to her at all. They fit, like this, all dressed up with great places to go. Bride and Groom. Husband and Wife.

His thumb slowly brushed over the lone tear and he smiled at her, but with depressed blue eyes. She took his hand in hers and smiled back, hoping the merriment was visible in her whole face, but it couldn't have been, as he broke her gaze and instead turned towards the judge. She felt the burning build as her eyelids furiously blinked.

"We're gathered here today." She couldn't hear his voice anymore. She watched Spike the whole time, wanting to split open when she saw him struggle to control his voice and his emotions. There was no one else in the room but him and her, and it seemed as though he wasn't interested.

Obediently she offered her hand to take her ring and placed his on his finger when she was instructed to. She repeated the parts she was supposed to repeat. She said she'd love, honor and cherish and knew that before a few days ago these would have been lies, but they weren't to her anymore. She knew he thought they were.

"You may now kiss the bride." She waited, hoping for him to just melt into her, pushing her backwards so her spine arched over his arms. For him to unleash his passion for her, tongue probing between her lips so that she could show him that there was love when she kissed him back. When he tasted it on her mouth. When he'd pull away at last so she could breathe and it would be evident all over her face. But he only leaned in and brushed his cool lips against her own.

This was her fault, and she knew it. All of those hateful words to his face and behind his back had finally had a consequence that she bothered to take notice of. She couldn't stop it anymore, and the rain trickled down her cheeks. Willow came and hugged her and Tara and Dawn, but Spike only stood there, and watched. He pulled a pack of Marlboros from his jacket pocket and motioned for the door.

Watching him walking away she knew for the first time what it felt like to be him, the one always being left behind. But she couldn't let him know or her friends or her family. She was the Slayer, she was strong and this was her burden to bear. What was one more on the heap?

The sobs continued, and she was cooed over and rubbed on the back like an unquiet baby, but it didn't help. She only wanted his arms, and he would never bring them now and there was no way she could ask for them. So she sniffled into the wrinkled tissue Dawn had handed her and hiccuped as she tried to catch her breath.

~~

Outside, he dragged slowly on a cigarette, wiping knuckles across his dampened face. "Knew this was all for nothing. She's never going to care about me and I've ruined her life. Nice way to treat the woman I love." He flicked the butt into the gutter and stood there alone, bleached hair almost luminescent in the streetlight. If she could have seen him now, she would have told him he was shining. Her armor in the night.

Part 12: