Severed Ties

She stared at the woman next to her, the curtain of red hiding her elfish features; the small, pointy nose, thin pouty lips; and the alabaster skin that was dotted with the tiniest freckles. Even with that, the most powerful of Willow Rosenberg's features--those wide, bright green eyes--were hidden from view behind coltish eyelashes.

"You're so beautiful," Tara whispered and kissed the crown of her lover's head. Those same eyelashes trembled before they fluttered open.

"Hey, sweetie," she said and rubbed the back of her hand across her eyes.

"I'm sorry," Tara said. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I didn’t mean to wake you."

Willow shrugged. "It's okay. Not like I was yet into that third level of REM sleep. I was on like two and a half. Mr. Sandman was throwing his little sprinklies at me? Do I have any sprinkly dust in my eyes, cause, well, that's not too sexy."

"Wills," Tara said and his her smile behind a kiss on Willow's lips. "You're babbling."

"I tend to do that, you know…"

"I know…"

"When I'm excited or scared or frustrated…or, or mad…or…"

"Tired?"

Willow smiled and scooted closer towards her lover. "That too." Tara's arm pulled Willow firmly against her chest and she twirled the short strands of red hair between nimble fingers.

"Tara?" Willow murmured and Tara knew that she was close to sleep again.

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"Do you think Buffy's gonna be okay?"

The urge to blurt out a positive affirmation died before she could formulate the words. What Buffy and Spike were going through was something that all couples faced--that first horrible, dirty fight. Spike and Buffy had fought during the majority of their tumultuous relationship--either with words or fists, often both--but to fight when both parties had mutually admitted their love for the other was very different. And when one party was primarily to blame, or so it seemed, well, that just made things even worse.

"I wish I knew, honey," she whispered and nuzzled her face into Willow's hair. "They just need to talk."

"She really loves him."

"Yeah, I know."

"More than Riley," Willow said and yawned, "even more than Angel."

"Yeah," Tara agreed, "I know."

"And, and they just found each other; they can't be over."

Tara smoothed the back of Willow's hair down. "I know, baby, but whatever we feel, it's up to them to make it work."

"Like us?" Tara felt Willow's arm tighten around her waist. She smiled at her lover's embrace and returned the hug.

"Yeah, like us."

"I love you, Tara. You're so strong, like an Amazon."

The blonde Wicca smiled and kissed Willow on the top of her head. "I love you, too, baby," she said but the even breathing that brushed across the top of her chest told Tara that Willow was already asleep.

Tara lay there, stroking Willow's hair, and thought about Buffy and Spike. They had been through so much, most of which Tara hadn't been around for but she had seen the attraction between the slayer and vampire from the start. The others didn’t and the two aforementioned parties sure as heck weren't privy to their own emotions; they hid behind sharp words and fists but there were times--like the entire Glory episode--where they were just Spike and Buffy, not slayer and vampire. Those little moments she saw had tamed the surprise when Buffy confessed her affair with Spike. Even as tears coursed down the slayer's face, Tara knew that Buffy loved him. The problem was that she hated herself too much to see the goodness in Spike and both had spiraled into that melancholic abyss. Jay's arrival had broken both bottled blondes from their moods and Tara could not help but think that the young woman had prevented something bad from happening between the two that would become her parents.

Deciding that her thoughts would only intensify as the night wore on, Tara cleared her mind and allowed sleep to claim her but before she dropped off into the comfortable peace, a piercing wail sliced through the tranquility of the room and Tara's heart stopped for a single second.

"What was that?" Willow shouted, and jumped up from the bed. The redhead slipped into a pair of shoes and opened the door.

"I…I don’t know," Tara said and followed her girlfriend out into the hallway. She saw Buffy dart in front of them and down the stairs. Tara mentally recited an incantation and had the words ready to spill from her lips should the need arise. But when she reached the first floor and peered over Willow's shoulders, she lost all focus.

She was vaguely aware of Buffy holding a bleeding Jay in her arms but her attention was on the young man splayed out on the porch. His eyes were glazed over and blood covered his lips. Tara paid that no attention because her gaze was fixed on the stake that protruded from his chest.

~~~

"How are you feeling, Pumpkin?" Hank Summers asked and Buffy sighed into the phone.

"Okay, I guess. The last few weeks have been…"

"Stressing, I know. Just like I know that I'm a big part of that stress you're feeling."

Buffy opened her mouth to protest but he was right. She'd had enough to deal with before dear old dad had swept in, ready to carry Dawn off. His arrival had sparked the discord between her and Spike that had erupted into something much more than a disagreement.

I do not want to think about that, she thought and focused her attention back to her father. Although she had been depressed with Spike's unfaithfulness, when her father had rescinded his demand of taking Dawn away, she had been floored. Still, this had been the first time they were able to talk about anything.

"But not anymore," he said. "From now on, I'm gonna do my best for my two girls." He was obviously expecting her to say something but Buffy refused to allow the hope of reconciling with her father to gain too much ground. After all, how many promises had he made and broken without a second thought or a first phone call?

Hank sighed on the other end and said, "I know you have no reason to believe me, Buffy, but I promise you that I will try to make everything up to you and Dawnie as best I can."

"I want to believe you," she admitted, "but how can I ignore your other broken promises?"

"You can't sweetheart. And I can't ask you to do that, either. All I can do is hope that you give me a chance and I will try my best not to disappointment. I owe you and Dawnie so much…"

Their conversation continued for the better part of an hour. Buffy told him about her friends, about Spike and her father had listened. Not only that, but he had showed interest, offering advice when she was stuck with something. By the time they were winding down, Buffy had a smile on her face for the first time in what felt like weeks.

After hanging up at Dad's insistence on her getting some rest, Buffy lay in bed with Mr. Gordo tucked underneath her arm. She stared at the ceiling, her mind dancing around the dominant topic of non-conversation between her and the gang. It had been--what, four days? --since she'd seen him and her body ached from his absence. No, it wasn't just being away from him that hurt but the circumstances around their separation. And the longer it was the more she missed him and the more she missed him, well, the more she thought herself a butt-head.

But what did she have to feel bad about? He was the one rubbing tongue with some uber whore in the middle of the Bronze. He should've come crawling back to her, damn it, not playing the poor little Spike with his hurt feelings. No-sirree-bob.

You ran after Riley, a traitorous voice whispered and Buffy tried to bat it away. It dodged her unwavering desire to silence it and crept into her ear. And getting sucked by some vamps--on multiple occasions, no less--and you still galloped after that helicopter as if the devil was behind you.

"Shut up," she spat and threw her face into the pillow, screaming her frustration. Everything was getting to her now. They still hadn't run into the three demons from last week and Xander's familiarity with the Frost guy was moot since his pie hole was clammed up more than he'd been at her birthday parties when he could barely breathe past the cake stuffed down his throat. She hadn't seen much of him this past week, either and when he was around, he and Faith was pretty much joined at the lips, hips, wrists and another other body part that ended in an 's' and probably some parts that weren't.

"Okay, Buffy, so did not need to go there." She was happy for the two of them (a tingle of delight shimmied up her spine at the developing friendship between her and Faith) but Xander's lack of cooperation in certain things truly irked the blonde slayer. Not only that but he was distant when anyone asked him about his newfound powers. And then there was his relationship with Jay. Of course, with her disappearing acts lately, Buffy didn’t really have to worry about the eggshell syndrome between one Mr. Harris and her daughter but to know it was there still…

Buffy sighed and uncovered her face. She fought past the lump in her throat and bit her lip to stave off the tears. She just didn’t know what to do with Jay, and while everyone else was also at a loss, she was the mother. But my daughter's older than me; why would she listen to someone who's pretty much her little sister? The 'sister' lament was an excuse and Buffy knew it. After Jay had gotten over the mucho disdain with her, she'd looked at Buffy just like the Summers' girls' had looked to Joyce--with respect and a tinge of awe that could never be explained with words. But now, when Jay even bothered to look at her, Buffy was struck with the feeling that Jay blamed her for Spike's infidelity.

Over exaggerate much? Yeah, Spike may have groped and tongue fuc…screwed the biatch, but it wasn't as if she'd caught them going at it like naughty bunnies on a desk or, worse, in his bed.

She ignored the déjà vu that accompanied that thought and put her mind to the problems (plural) that were weaving and tearing their way through her world.

"At least me and Dad are getting somewhere." That was the only thing that was going right. Hank Summers, in the span of about forty-eight hours, had become a new man. She had a feeling that a certain friend of hers whose name began with an 'A' and ended with an 'ngel' had something to do with it but she wouldn’t complain, at least for now. Angel may have intimidated him but dear old Dad's sincerity rang true enough for her. She wouldn’t expect too much but she couldn’t just lose hope because if she did, what would be the use of being here?

"I won't give up, baby," she said and her mind pictured the cerulean eyes and chiseled jaw of the vampire that possessed her heart. She had a right to be pissed at Spike; but exiling him like this? "God, I'm an idiot," Buffy murmured and tossed the covers aside. She had to see him. They needed to talk and since she'd pushed him away when he had come clean, it was up to her to break the ice this time.

She'd just finished slipping on her tennis shoes when the scream pierced the air. Her hand instinctively pulled the dagger from under her pillow and Buffy was down the steps before she could register the voice. She flung open the door and hesitated when she saw Jay hovering over…was that CJ?

"Oh my god," she whispered and when she saw the glint of steel in Jay's hand, Buffy tackled her daughter from behind.

"It'shimit'shimit'shim!" Jay shouted, her eyes wide with terror. Buffy held the struggling woman and after a brief resistance, Jay dissolved into a fit of tears. Buffy didn’t care that her daughter's fingernails were digging into her flesh or drawing blood. And she didn’t pay attention to the body in front of her or Tara and Willow's arrival on the scene.

All she could think about was the frightened little girl in her arms, crying 'MummyMummyMummy'. Any questions regarding her competence as a mother faded and Buffy allowed her instincts to take over.

When she whispered her love for the young woman in her arms and was answered by Jay squeezing her tighter, Buffy knew that everything between them was going to be okay.

Buffy just hoped everyone else would be as lucky as she felt.

~~~

"Are you insane?" Frost growled and flung the succubus against the wall. Her head smacked against the brick but Morrigann only smiled, the blood from the mortal still coating her lips.

"Whatever do you mean, Frost?" she asked, her features innocent yet her eyes held a hunger that frightened the warrior. He took a step back and his hand found the hilt of his sword. Morrigann glanced down at the weapon and grinned, her incisors jutting past her supple bottom lip. "I don’t know why you're grandstanding, oh White Warrior you, you ain't gonna use it. You know better."

Frost swallowed a curse and forced himself to relax. Oh, he very well knew that were any harm to come to the succubus slut that Gabriel would have his insides splayed for all to see--he'd told Frost that much before their departure. Still, Gabriel had also made it clear that, although Morrigann was to be taken care of, she was not to step over the boundaries Gabriel had set.

Taking a bite out of the reincarnated body of Seth definitely fell into that category.

"You were not to harm him," Frost said, his voice dropping down to its natural calm.

"Was I the one that snapped his arm over my knee?" She was touching him now; her sex grating against his upper thigh and Frost stifled a moan just as his erection made itself known. Without taking her gaze from his crystalline eyes, Morrigann's hands kneaded the bulge in his pants. "Was I the one that threw him into that tree? Shattered a few ribs with a kick?" Her tongue flicked out and caressed the shell of his right ear. When she spoke again, her heated breath--a copper scent of blood and something desirous that Frost couldn’t name--slithered across the exposed flesh of his neck. "No, Frosty, that was you."

It took all his considerable willpower to push her away and stalk to the other side of the room. He'd once prided himself on resisting the succubus's ardor; something that not even Gabriel had been able to do. Of course he'd never taken his chances in being near her. A warrior of his caliber shunned all things that were potential interference in his quest to become the greatest of his kind. Physical pleasures not associated with combat were included in that. And though his strength of mind was great, he knew of no one that could ignore the call of the succubus when she wanted them. Two weeks living under the same roof with one had shown him that. The things she'd made the two brothers do to the humans they'd captured were unseemly. Torture and rape were two acts he had no tolerance for but had to accept that his three associates were more than partial to such atrocities.

"You remember what our Master said. Except for the vampire, we were not to sample them in any way save for non lethal combat."

Morrigann shrugged and started pulling off her clothes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever. Not like he's gonna punish me." She turned golden eyes towards him and for a brief moment, Frost could think of nothing more than throwing her to the floor and slamming his engorged cock into her until she screamed for mercy. Thankfully she turned from him and he righted himself again. "Of course," she said--now she was completely naked--and laid on the bed, "if he does punish me, I'm sure I'll enjoy it…after awhile."

Frost turned his eyes from her self-stimulation and the moans that accompanied it. He left the room and his mind scrambled for something to concentrate on, anything besides the painful ache that resounded in his belly.

I need to find a worthy opponent, he thought and snatched his white cloak from its position on the mantle. He remembered sensing a horde of Fyarls on the further reaches of town a few days ago; they would suffice.

He strode through the mansion, ignoring the twins that alternated between torturing some helpless mortal and laughing at some inane show in television. As he made his way through the night, all was forgotten save for two things: the anticipatory bloodlust that accompanied him, ready for the fight…and the sweet scent of Morrigann's arousal.

The former would be sated by night's end and he vowed that the latter would be banished from his mind at the onset of bloodshed.

Somehow he knew that vow would not be met.

~~~

Pain radiated through his body and though it had not yet approached the purple beast's touch a few weeks before, he knew that he was in more trouble tonight.

He drug himself through the streets, his mind focused on the young woman that never left his thoughts since they had met. He stumbled several times and bit back a cry each time his arm brushed against a fence or the concrete. There was no doubt that it was broken, and in several places, but it wouldn’t stop him from reaching her.

Her.

His mind focused on her; the sigh that escaped those puckered lips when he touched her in a certain way, the wide-eyed expression whenever he walked towards her. She trembled when he reached for her and whimpered when his fingertips trailed down her back, when he teased the flesh just above her waistline with deft precision. If he could only reach her, he would be whole.

When he reached his destination, a wane smile tinted his haggard face and he stumbled up to the door. He used the threshold to prop himself up and it took all his strength to raise a hand towards the doorbell. It was not necessary.

The door was thrown open and he looked up anxiously. Even before his eyes took in her familiar form, the fragrance of her--the power, the femininity, the stolen innocence--it was a fruit for his senses. But the overwhelming scent of her fear when their eyes locked nearly crippled him and in that moment his appetite for her was so vociferous that nine years could not satiate his need.

He licked his lips and it was then that she screamed. The distraction was enough for his light to shine through and he whispered to her…

"Jay…" As the name spilled from his lips she was on him. Her fists struck face and chest and ribs, damaging him even further. He used his good arm to deflect most of the blows aimed at his face but she pounded his body with a brutal intensity until his arm fell to the ground. When their eyes met, she hesitated and the darker part of him, the part that remembered the taste of her blood struck.

With a strength he could not have possessed, he sat up, grasping her around the waist. Before she could fight, he sank his teeth into the exposed flesh of her neck. The world fell away then, the exotic flavor of her blood arresting any other conceivable stimulation. His hand trailed down the expanse of her back and for one moment, she too, succumbed to the building desire. That moment was broken almost immediately and his mouth opened in a wordless scream when the stake penetrated his chest. His head cracked against the pavement and even as darkness began to overtake him and he saw the glint of metal in her hand, the sight of those wild cerulean green orbs terrified him. Not because he saw the dagger ready to slit his throat, but because he knew with an unquestioning certainty that, this time, she would fight back…

~~~

The fear choked her and she couldn’t have told anyone how she breathed much less screamed. All she knew was that when his tongue darted out and those eyes widened with desire something in her rebelled. Without a thought, Jay pounced and her fists rained down upon his stunned form. She didn’t care what he looked like now, all she needed to see were those eyes; those eyes that had raked across her naked flesh, had smiled at her when she begged him to stop. She ignored the tenderness she remembered when he thought she had passed out and her own perverted need for him to touch her, to talk to her. She focused on the pain and humiliation and when her mind replayed that first time, when he had plowed through her innocence, she screamed. It was not from fear but from a deeply rooted rage that could only be quenched by his death. Still, when his hand fell away from his face and she looked into the eyes, something was different. It was him, but it wasn't. It was as if…

Her hesitation cost her. Before she knew what was happening, his arm wrapped around her waist and he pulled her to his chest. Her face crumpled into a wordless scream when his teeth broke through her flesh. There were no sharp fangs to ease the infiltration but her blood flowed just the same. Splinters from where she gripped the stake dug into her palm but the pain was secondary to the unwanted need that pulsed through her veins. Her head bobbed to the rhythm of his sucking and Jay's lower body began to rock with his swallows. His fingers played a familiar tune along the jut of her spine and for a brief moment Jay allowed the contentment to wash over her. But when she remembered the atrocities he delivered against her, the spell was broken and she drove the stake into his chest.

When he didn’t dust, she glanced down and saw that she had missed the heart. Pulling the dagger from its sheathe attached to her belt, she resolved to cut the bastard's head off. She ignored the thought that something was different about him and readied her task but when she raised the dagger into the air, something slammed into her from behind, propelling the air from her lungs. Strong arms twisted their way around her and she fought; nothing could stop her from finishing this. He was responsible for her scars, emotional and physical and he had to…"It'shim!" she shouted, trying to twist away. "It's him!It's him!It's him!"

When Jay heard the voice of her mother and her arms around Jay, everything fell away. She glanced over at the body with the stake protruding from its chest and recognized CJ's still form. Her mind replayed the images of what she had done, splicing together scenes of her torture at the hands of Seth. When the face of Spike, her Daddy, interspersed with the other pictures, her strength trickled from her body.

"Oh god, what did I do? What did I do?" She couldn’t control the shivers that wracked her petite frame and she could only guess that her Mum's strength prevented her from flying apart, shattering and dissolving into an unrecognizable mist of tortured emotions.

"It's okay, sweetie," her mother cooed in her ear, "Mommy's here, Mommy's here. I'm not gonna leave you, baby, I'm gonna be right here for you, luv."

The sound of her father's endearment tore the final strand of her nerves from their moorings and Jay's mind was lost in cacophonous pleas for her mother.

TBC in….Stitches in Time

Severed Ties

The darkness, so complete in its form, began to melt away. He was no longer devoid of his senses and the pain that bloomed through his flesh and bone attested to that. Still, he couldn’t quite swim up from the depths and focused as best he could on the outside world.

"--okay."

"--we don't know…"

"…bloody kill him!"

"Spike, please, he didn't…"

"…should but dead but…"

"…heal so fast?"

Their voices were familiar but were unidentifiable in his state. No one's except for the young woman next to him.

"…gonna be fine, CJ…" He wanted to respond, to wipe the sadness from her voice but he couldn't. She squeezed his hand and, gathering his remaining strength, CJ returned the squeeze and fell into oblivion's awaiting arms.

~~~

She didn’t know how to calm him. His eyes were no longer that beautiful blue but were tinged the dirty amber as he fought to reign his demon in. He'd arrived at the hospital fifteen minutes after they had, with Dawn and Willow in tow. When she told him what happened, he'd barreled through the halls, knocking bystanders away, ignoring the pain from the chip. She'd caught up to him before he did anything to CJ but Dawn's pleading eyes were what had diffused his wrath.

So, for the last twenty minutes, Buffy watched Spike pace back and forth on the roof, never acknowledging her presence.

"Bloody fuckin son of a whore," he growled and she couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Aside from he violent body language, the litany of curses that had fallen for his lips the entire time they had been on the roof had started to grate on Buffy's nerves. She was all for the protective vibe he was emitting for Jay but, goodness, give it a rest already.

She bit back a scream when those demon eyes glared at her from a few inches away. Damn vampire speed.

"Did you just say 'give it a rest'?" Had she really said that aloud? Buffy started to protest but decided against it. Puffing her chest out, she hopped off the bench and pushed him--not too hard--away.

"If I remember correctly, my exact words were 'Give it a rest already'." She folded her arms over her chest and, were she not giving her stare of death, she would have missed the fraction of a second when his eyes caressed her breasts. He still wants me, she thought giddily but stamped out her burgeoning hope when Casual Indifference Spike--god he could be so aggravating--made an appearance.

"Whatever you say, Slayer," he mumbled and pulled a crumpled pack of Marlboros from his duster pocket.

Buffy closed her eyes, set on counting to ten but when she heard the rustle of leather heading away from her, she growled in frustration and hustled in front of him, blocking his path.

"Where do you think you're going?" She punctuated each word with a poke to his chest and jutted her lip out just like so.

"Gonna go for a walk, there a rule against that?"

"No," she said blandly, "except for the security guards that are waiting for you to cause a scene so they can thwap you with their big wooden sticks…and probably tasers, too."

Spike's jaw twitched and Buffy braced herself for the meltdown she knew was about to come. So she was taken unawares when he whirled on his heels and stomped over to the edge of the roof, tossing a "fine" over his shoulder.

Buffy blinked at his stiff figure before she walked over to him, each step cautious. As much as she loved plowing through the landmine that was Spike's personality, tonight called for a more introspective approach. Nerves were on end right about now and as much as she was worried about Jay--who was now with Tara--she knew her daughter would be okay. Spike on the other hand, she truly didn’t know.

"So," she said. She stood next to him, not touching but so close that the cool beat of his flesh caromed off her windbreaker although not before seeping underneath the crevices. "What's going on?" She apologized with a sheepish smile when he glared at her as if she asked him to sunbathe with her at noon. Okay, that didn’t come out right. "Spike…"

"Save it, Slayer," he said and waved his hand in front of him. "All the niceties in the world ain't gonna change what I'm feelin about now so don’t waste your time."

"And what are you thinking?"

"Are you that daft naturally," he snarled, "or is it the dye bleedin into your brain? What the bloody 'ell do you think I'm thinkin? Our lil Bitlet gets attacked by Dawn's boyfriend who just so happens to be the reincarnation of the bastard who…'urt 'er."

"We don’t know that…"

"Don’t we? Don’t know about you, pet, but Jay's word's good enough for me. Sides, you saw what he tried to do."

Buffy's heart dropped at his reference and she forced the bitterness down before it ripped into him. Taking several deep breaths she asked, "So, seeing is believing then?" The immediate wilt of his features told Buffy that he knew where she was going with it and before she could discern the emotional disturbances that took residence in his eyes, he turned away.

"Guess so," he murmured.

"So what does that tell me about you?" She tried to maintain an even tone but the hurt and resentment bleed into her words. When Spike flinched, the anger that she'd been holding in check exploded. The next thing Buffy knew, Spike was sprawled on the ground, staring up at her in shock.

"What the bloody 'ell was that for?" He wasn’t holding his face so she hadn't hit him, a part of her realized but that didn’t abate the days of pent-up frustration.

"Where in the hell do you get off playing the victim?" She yelled.

"Victim?" He stood on shaky legs and brushed his jeans off. "If bein bullied by the slayer ain't bein' the victim, luv, then I don’t know what is." The teasing hid behind his words infuriated her even more and she had to consciously hold her fists down.

"You think this is funny?"

Spike sighed and glanced over her shoulder, to his left, at her lips but he couldn’t go long without staring into her eyes, which she knew weren't the friendliest right about now. "No, luv, I…"

"I ain't your 'luv'. How can I be when you're out gallivanting with some other slut, practically fucking her in the club?"

"I didn’t…we didn’t--we didn’t shag."

"That's not the point!" She yelled and even she was startled by the intensity of her voice. "The point is, Spike, that you were with another woman when you were supposed to be in love with me. Even if you didn’t go further than kissing her…" She knew that look well--Angel had it when he left, so did Riley. Spike hung his head in shame and it felt as if her world was falling faster into oblivion.

"You did--" she could barely squeeze the words out of her tightening chest. "You did do more than kiss, didn’t you?" When he raised his head, the shine in his eyes was answer enough. Grabbing his biceps, Buffy squeezed, never taking her eyes off of his. I don’t wanna know, I don’t wanna know. But she had to, she needed to hear the words. "What else?"

"She…she went down on me." Something in her cracked and Buffy's legs nearly gave out. She closed her eyes, wishing away the images that came unbidden at his confession. His hands in another woman's hair as she took him into her mouth, directing her ministrations as a name other than Buffy's fell from his lips. But fighting it did nothing and Buffy watched in horror as her mind pictured Spike roar and filling the other woman's mouth with his spent seed. She didn’t know why but this hurt more than if he would've admitted to having sex with the skank. Knowing that he found pleasure by some other woman's lips tore at something in the slayer. Besides the one time effort with Riley, she'd never had another man's cock near her lips and she definitely hadn't tasted all of someone like she had with him. As precious as sex was, going down on Spike, tasting his seed was so much more intimate to her. And to know that he…

"Buffy, I'm sorry." Her laughter was hollow even to her ears and when she realized that she was in his arms she pulled away.

"Sorry? You let some ho suck your…suck you off and all you have to say is sorry? Hell, while you're at it, you might as well let her bite you. Oh my god," she whispered when his lips tightened. "You did, didn’t you? She was a vamp and you let her bite you?"

"I didn’t let her do anything," he said.

"Oh, please, Spike. You're not going with the 'I was out of my head' excuse, are you? Cause, if you are, that's just sad." Yeah, sarcasm. Bright, blinding sarcasm. That was the only way to stave the tears rising within her.

"I didn’t…I didn’t want her to."

"So, what?--she forced you?" She caught his nearly imperceptible nod and shook her head. "So, she raped you, is that what you're saying?"

She saw that jaw tick again but it wasn’t in anger. Was that humiliation? Hell no, what did he have to be humiliated about?

Buffy shrugged and turned away. "Kinda hard to rape the willing, wouldn’t you say…" Her chest slammed against the wall before she knew it and Spike's hard body pressed her into the brick.

"What, pet," he growled in her ear and Buffy shivered at the dangerous tone. "You don’t think a man can get forced to do things he don't want to?"

"Get. Off."

"Answer the question."

She tried pushing off against the wall but the angle he held her at allowed no movement; she was at his mercy. And she couldn’t help the raw pulse of desire that flared in her womb.

"Smells like someone's excited," he whispered and ground his jean clad erection against her ass.

"Hardly." She tried to sound angry but it came out more as a needful sigh.

"So what would you do, pet, if I decided to have a go at you like this; you up against the wall, helpless. All you could do was take it and hope to like it, you know."

Buffy's heart thumped against her ribcage and the first tinge of fear slithered between the columns of her spine. Still, she couldn’t reign in the signals her traitorous body emitted.

"You wouldn’t."

"Why not?"

"Cause…" she had trouble breathing. The combined flare of arousal with her mounting fear was overpowering and Buffy's tongue refused to obey her commands.

"Cause what?" He repositioned himself and before she could take advantage of it, she was ground into the wall further and his hand snaked up her shirt. He squeezed her breast roughly and she cried out.

"Spike, stop it." She was shaking now, her nerves dancing on the edge of need; need to be touched, need to be let go. Buffy didn’t know if she wanted this to continue or to ball up in a corner and cry.

"Why, pet?" His hand slid down her stomach and caressed the span just below her waistline. "Cause you say no? But what about what your body's saying? It's begging me to slide into you, to take control and give you what you want, even if you're saying no. You want that, don’t you? Want me to fuck you like this. Want me to hold you down…"

All of the sudden, her arousal was overshadowed by the stifling feel of helplessness and her slayer strength seemed to abandon her. "Please, Spike," she said, tears of shame prickling at the corners of her eyes.

The weight against her back disappeared instantly and Buffy sank to the ground. She tried to hide her cries by covering her mouth but there were no vibrations against her palm. Instead, it was as if they were next to her, close to her. Buffy turned towards the voice and saw Spike huddled into himself not five feet away. His face was buried in those beautiful hands and he rocked back and forth. "Oh, god, Buffy," he moaned. "I'm so sorry, so sorry. I'm so sorry." Despite the frightening moment prior, the magnetic connection between them overpowered her trepidation and she crawled over to him, ignoring the concrete biting into her palms.

"Spike?" She reached out to touch him and he shrank away. "Spike, come on, stop that." He didn’t pull away this time and Buffy's hand stroked his arms and when she thought he was ready, she pulled his hands away from his face. The stricken glaze of his eyes made her gasp and she tentatively reached out to caress his face.

"I'm so sorry, Buffy," he said, never taking his eyes off her. "So sorry, luv. I was tryin to show you but I went to far."

Goosebumps prickled at her flesh at the memory of helplessness. She fought through it and set her eyes on his. "You did. You went too far, Spike. But," she said before he could interrupt. "I know why you did it. It may not have been the best thing to do but…but I understand now."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do. Just because your body reacts to the stimulation doesn’t mean that you want it."

The strained look on Spike's face dissipated but there was still an unease cut into his features. When he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, Buffy knew he was about to speak and though she needed to hear what he had to say, something inside her decided now wasn’t the best time for a heart to heart. So she kissed him.

There was nothing overly sexual about it. Her lips brushed against his for several beats before his mouth parted and he ran his experimentally ran his tongue against her lower lip. Even when she allowed him accessed and he massaged her tongue with his, they maintained control over the lust that usually erupted through a single touch. Only when she needed to breathe did Buffy withdraw and she took in the man who had stolen her heart.

"I love you, you know." He started to say something but she placed two fingers over his lips. "No, don’t say anything. Not now. Spike, you really hurt me with what you did but…I handled it badly. I should have given you the benefit of the doubt on it. I should've trusted your love for me. I didn’t and for that, I'm sorry."

"Don't, luv," Spike murmured and cupped her face between his hands. "No one in their right mind would've thought otherwise to what they saw. 'Sides, I didn’t fight to much to get your attention."

"It doesn’t matter now," she said and pulled him to stand up with her. "All that matters is that you know that I forgive you and I'm here for you." She smiled at the childlike wonder in his eyes and embraced him in her arms. The cool leather and the chill of his flesh calmed the antsy part of her that was still stinging from the unintentional infidelity but she could deal.

"I promise you, pet," he said as they walked towards the exit, hand in hand, "you won't have to worry bout it again. Never 'urt my slayer. Never again…"

"You all right, luv?"

Buffy shook her head, clearing the residual aches brought on by the vision, and smiled. "I'm fine. Just wanna get back to Jay." Spike gave her a curt nod and, kissing her on the forehead, led the slayer through the door.

As good as her hand felt in his as they descended the steps, Buffy couldn’t help but cringe at the possibility that the pain she'd felt from seeing him just kissing someone was only the beginning. That had only been a pinprick; the gash still hadn't occurred. But when it did, the wounds would not just be carved into her. They all were going to bleed and she didn’t know if they would be able to staunch the flow before it was too late.

~~~

The hand stroking her back and Tara's soft words were the only thing that kept Jay grounded. She rocked in Tara's arms, silent tears trickling down her red cheeks. She felt nothing save for the tremendous knot of confusion that bubbled and expanded in her gut.

Seth was alive.

True, the body that she'd pummeled wasn’t his but those eyes…those eyes, she'd never forget the malice that always greeted her screams and pleas for mercy. She had no doubt that CJ housed the bastard's soul, especially after his teeth had torn into her neck. She'd come so close to killing him, ending the nightmarish thoughts of him returning to claim her. Before her mother had interrupted, Jay's vindication was nigh. Killing the thing that had used her for his--its--pleasure would have put to rest the self-loathing that still rested inside of her. She had been so close, so close.

So why was she relieved that he was still alive?

"Jay?" A hoarse voice not belonging to Tara whispered. Jay looked up to see Dawn's pained face staring back at her and instantly felt guilty. So consumed in her desire to see Seth obliterated, regardless of the body he inhabited, Jay had forgotten that the man that now lay in the hospital recuperating had a family that loved him--his aunt was by his side now--as Dawn had been earlier. Oh, the teen may not have said it but Jay knew the far off gaze, the rising heartbeat of a woman in love.

"Hey," she said and slid from Tara's hold. She stood in front of Dawn, and studied her shoes, trying to overcome the awkwardness of the moment. What could she say--that Dawn's boyfriend used her as his personal…? Or I could say that I'm torn between wanting to carve him up and the need to be next to him. God, I'm sick.

"He's gonna be okay."

"That's good," Tara said and put her hand on Jay's shoulder.

"Yeah," the teen agreed. "I mean, the stake wound has healed pretty well…"

"The doctors haven't asked any questions?" Jay asked and kept her tone emotionless.

Dawn shrugged. "Well, they were giving him these odd looks but this is Sunnydale, the world's capital of freaky shit that goes by the wayside."

"Dawn," Tara admonished and Jay saw the hints of smile slice through the melancholic mood of the younger girl.

"Well, it's true. Besides," she added, "his aunt is some sort of administrative liaison to University Hospital in LA."

"Wow," Tara said and Jay's eyes bounced from the witch to the Key.

"What's that mean."

"Well," Tara started but Dawn interrupted her.

"Beats me. All I know is she carries a lot of power. She makes her own hours, you know. Oh and Tara, before I forget, Willow's looking for you."

"OK, thanks Dawnie." Tara made her way down the hall but before she disappeared around the corner, turned back and asked, "Are you two gonna be okay?"

Jay rolled her eyes and Dawn snorted and replied, "Come on, Tara. You're talking to one kick ass Slayer from the future and an ageless entity of good and evil combined into One. I think we can handle everything." The young Wicca smiled shyly and continued towards her destination.

"I love Tara, Jay, but she can get more fussy than Buffy," the teen said and plopped onto the bench the two blondes had just vacated.

Jay laughed and sat down next to Dawn. "Yeah, but she does it in such a sweet way, you really can't complain."

"Hello, youngest brat here. There's absolutely nothing that I can't complain about."

The slayer shook her head. "Sorry, D, but you're older than all of us."

Dawn scowled and crossed her legs. "All that counts is that I'm in the body of a sixteen year old and if you wanna get technical, I'm really only about a year old."

"So, if you're that young," Jay supplied, "then I guess you don’t need to be lip locking with that boyfriend of yours." As soon as the words left her mouth, Jay felt the mirth of the past few minutes sucked out the hall. Dawn's eyes glazed over and the slayer felt the familiar stirrings of fear begin anew.

"Dawn, I…"

But the One held her hand up. "Don’t, Jay, please don’t. I…I don’t know what is going on. My boyfriend leaves me in the cemetery, he gets attacked by someone or something, shows up to your doorstep with eyes of a vamp who's…dead. Then after taking a beating, he takes a bite out of you and you shove a stake into his chest. What next? Angelus coming back to town? Spike and Dru gonna go after Buffy?"

"Dawn, what happened in the Bronze?"

The younger woman's eyebrows scrunched in confusion and something that looked suspiciously like... "What do you mean?"

"When Seth disappeared. What happened to him?" There was no mistaking it now; the guilt rode up on Dawn's flesh and any sympathy Jay had disappeared, replaced by a carnivorous anger she barely contained. "You didn’t kill him, did you?"

Dawn turned watery eyes towards her niece and she tried to speak. Jay stood, the rage palpable, and glared at the brunette. "I can't believe you did that. How could you not kill the bastard?"
"Because I loved him," she whispered and Jay shook her head.

"In love with a monster."

"CJ's not a monster," Dawn yelled and a nurse admonished the outburst, warning them to keep quiet. "He's not a monster," she repeated and Jay saw the fire dancing in those dark eyes. "He doesn’t even know."

"But you do, don’t you."

"Not until today," she admitted and slunk back onto the bench. "I've never been pulled towards someone like him and I didn’t know why." She laughed hoarsely. "But when we were in his room earlier, I had this vision…I don’t remember what it was about but it…I knew then who he was but didn’t want to admit it.

"Jay, I'm so sorry," Dawn said and held Jay's hand in hers. "I know what he did…to you, but you have to see that Seth isn't CJ."

The slayer shook her head and removed the bandage from her neck. Although the wound had started healing, the angry teeth imprints from where he had dug into her flesh were still visible.

"Look at this, Dawn," Jay said, her tone resigned. "Take a good look. This is nothing," she said and waved towards the injury. "There were times when my entire body looked like this; Seth's teeth punctured every sensitive spot on my body, Dawn. The things he did to me…were more than despicable. And you know what? He did it so often, said so many horrible things to me that even while I begged him to stop, a part of me wanted his touch, wanted his attention. But no more, Dawn. No more.

"You say that CJ's not Seth but wonder why you were drawn to him. You can't have it both ways; either he is or he isn't."

"It's not that simple."

Jay kneeled in front of the young woman and said, "Well, I'll make it simple for you; until this shit with Gabriel is over, he's safe from me. We're gonna need his help to get through this. But after…if you care for him Dawn, you'll keep him away from me. Cause, fair or not, when all this is done, his ass is mine.

"I'm through playing the victim. I'm the slayer for fucks sake, and it's time I start acting like one."

"But you can't…he's…"

"What? Human? I'm not my mother, Dawn. An evil human is worse to me than a vamp and just because I've never killed one before doesn’t mean that I won't start." With that said, she stood and started to walk away. Similar to Tara's exit earlier, Jay stopped just before turning the corner and said over her shoulder, "Besides, who said I was going to kill him? It hurts so much more when you have to live through the humiliation. Trust me, I know."

She didn’t stay for Dawn's reply but fled into the night, eager for a kill. Only when the wind picked up and blew across her face did she realize she was crying.

~~~

His eyes were closed but his senses were tapped into everything around him. The trance had lasted from the time the others had been enveloped by the portal. How long ago that was he didn’t know. Soon it wouldn’t matter because he would join them and orchestrate the collapse of the Old World.

And the part of him that remembered the slayer's love salivated at finally having her again. He'd kept his secret closed even to Emerald but there would be no more longing, no more of the angelic whining inside of him. His time was almost at hand and his reign would be legend.

And by his side would be the woman who would always hold his heart.

"Buffy," Gabriel whispered and like a prayer to the heavens, his plea was answered by an influx of power. All I need is a little more time, he thought and laughed. Time didn’t matter now. As an immortal, he had all the time in the world and that would come in handy; there would be no rush subverting the slayer's will. She would be his and, in the end, that's all that mattered.

TBC in…Rocket's Red Glare…

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