(A/N: The update is finally here ::hides behind desk::)

Buffy hated rain. Her hair went all limply, her new shoes got muck, and her makeup would've been ruined entirely if it wasn't for the waterproof mascara and eyeliner she was wearing. She was never the kind of person who carried around an umbrella if there was a chance it would rain. But then again, she didn't expect it to be raining today when she walked out of the gallery.

Ugh! Why didn't I call Spike to pick me up instead? Buffy tried to cover her hair with her small purse even though she knew it wouldn't help much. Almost jogging, she treaded across the street and headed to the Espresso Pump.

Buffy tidied her hair a bit, tucking a strand behind her ear as she entered the café. Her eyes wandered around the room in search of familiar people. Spotting her friends, she waved and offered a smile. It seemed like the Espresso Pump was pretty packed today. So packed that Willow, Xander and Spike had to share a table with strangers.

Buffy came to a halt and a frown marred her face. Wait a minute! Those are not strangers. Those are- She squinted her eyes at them. Oh, great! Those girls again! Does he really have to bring them? Buffy scowled more as Anya started to ruffle Spike's hair, teasing him endlessly about his slicked back hair. Spike feigned a glower at the brunette, trying to pry her hand away. God, this was just a great additional to Buffy's bad day, watching her boyfriend laughing together with another girl. I'll show you whom he belongs to! With determination, she made her way to their table.

"Oh! Hey, Buffy!" Willow perked up when she saw Buffy.

"Hey, guys! Sorry, I'm late." Buffy smiled as she gave a long sided glance at Spike's friends.

"S'okay. Ooh! Have you met Anya and Tara?"

"Yeah, I have." She forced another smile. Unfortunately. Anya and Tara smiled back at her. "Hi, baby!" Buffy gave a seductive smile to Spike before kissing him deeply. A throat clearing finally broke them apart. Buffy feigned an innocent look at Willow and Xander while Spike smirked. "What?" She chose to sit on his lap even though there was an empty stool.

"So anyway, this guy said that his band was playing next week and that I should come and check them out. He even gave me his recorded demo!" Anya continued excitedly, as if not to acknowledge Buffy's presence.

"That's great, luv! Does his band have a name?" Spike pulled Buffy's hand away from playing with the end of his hair. His gaze was fixed on Anya, interested in the story she was telling, so he didn't catch the frown Buffy threw him.

"I think it's called Venice, Vanished, Vanquish…or maybe it's Venus. Or Penis!" Everyone chuckled at that except Buffy. Great! This was just what she needed on this gloomy, rainy day.

The conversation continued all around Buffy, and most of the time, she remained silent. She almost felt she didn't belong there. She tried to get Spike's attention with a caress on the nape of his neck, a kiss on his head, and a rub on his shoulder. None of them worked. She even yanked a lock of his hair on purpose. When he yelped and asked her irritatingly about it, she simply said that her bracelet got caught in his hair accidentally.

That's it! Buffy had enough of it. Spike didn't show her any interest, and Willow and Xander didn't pay much attention to her either. For some reason she felt like she was being betrayed by her friends. She wished she was still at the gallery, working instead.

Buffy slipped from Spike's lap and grabbed her purse off the table. "I have to go." She said with restrained anger. She finally got everyone's attention.

"Why? Where are you going?" Willow asked at the same time as Spike did.

"Work. You know, the usual." She forced an apologetic smile. But she wasn't sorry. She wanted them to apologize to her.

"But you've only been here an hour."

Oh that is more than enough, believe me. "I know. I'll see you guys later." Buffy didn't spare Spike a glance after she said her goodbyes. She stormed out of the café with rage in her steps.

Spike was baffled. What the hell was that about? He looked back to Willow and Xander and released a groan at the meaningful look they gave him. "Be back later." He muttered under his breath.

"Buffy, wait!" Spike jogged after her but she just quickened her pace. "Buffy!" He grabbed at her arm, gripping her so harshly that Buffy winced. She jerked her arm away.

"Why are you acting like this?" Buffy scoffed.

"Last time I checked I was coming here to spend time with you and our friends, not to be invisible. But then, you just had to invite your new friends to join us." Spike restrained an exasperating groan at her jealousy. He was getting tired of her insecurity.

"Xander and Willow didn't mind."

"Well, I do!" She almost yelled.

"Why? Because your little, insecure mind told you so?"

"No, because every time I want to be with you, you always have other plans with them."

"Buffy, you work practically all the bloody time! How am I supposed to know when you'll be free? And don't ever think that I never wanted to be with you, because from what I remember, you would rather spend your free time helping your mother. For God's sake, Buffy, you're still in high school!"

"You don't under-"

"Oh, don't give me that mother-daughter bonding crap!" He finally said it. He was sick of her reasoning and he finally told her to her face.

Buffy gritted her teeth so hard they hurt. She clenched her fists together tightly, anger rushing through her blood. Oh, no, he didn't understand. He would never understand what it was like to be her. How she used to wish to be someone else. How she wanted to be him or her friends instead.

"I'm not like you, Spike. I haven't had the privilege of coming home every day, knowing that one of my parents would always be there. Knowing that I would be able to at least communicate with them for a minute. God, I rarely have a chance to even see my mother long enough to argue with her! If you only knew how much I envy your relationship with Giles. How you both can spend time having breakfast and reading the paper together in the morning. My mom couldn't even stay in the same room with me longer than five minutes!" She looked away, holding back her tears. She almost lost control, her emotions overwhelming her.

Pausing, she took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. "I don't regret having to work during most of my free time if it means that I can be in the same room with my mom for any length of time. I think you should know that."

A few seconds ago, Spike was feeling sorry for her. But the words she just spoke now had him unsure of how to react. Still, he stood there and listened to her.

"I do try to cut back my hours, try to finish my job sooner so that I can be with you. And maybe I still can if those girls stop keeping you away from me."

Spike was bewildered. This was ridiculous! A few seconds ago, she was pouring her heart out. But now, she was faulting others for the problems that were occurring between them.

"Oh, so you're blaming my friends now? Buffy, I'm grateful I have them as friends. I go out with them and talk to them because I can't talk to anyone. Not even you."

"What about Willow and Xander?!" Spike scoffed at that.

"Yeah, if they're not busy shagging each other." He shook his head, ridiculed by her. "You can't put the blame on someone else when you're upset. You got mad when you were ignored. Well, congratulations! Now you know how I've felt since you took that job." Buffy widened her eyes, her anger reignited.

"What is this, revenge?"

"No, I'm trying to make a point! God, to think that we used to be best friends! But we couldn't hold our libido back so we began shagging each other silly like bunnies and now everything is all fucked up." He glared at her.

Buffy's jaw dropped open in shock. "A-are you regretting what we have?"

"No, I never said I regretted what we have. Jesus, Buffy…" He couldn't think clearly any more. She just kept making everything harder, turning all the words he said against him.

Buffy was at a loss for words. She wasn't sure where this whole thing was heading. Hell, she had even forgotten how it all started. All of her fears and doubts came back to her, and she was almost afraid to close her eyes. Her voice came out as a whisper when she finally spoke. "What happened to us, Spike? We used to be very close. And now, we're just two strangers."

He snapped his eyes open as he glared at her, his jaw clenched tightly as he looked her coldly in the eyes. "Maybe it's all a mistake. A big, bloody mistake. Maybe I do regret it if that means I'm losing my best friend."

Spike didn't bother to wait for her reaction as he walked away. He stopped when her question rang almost inaudibly to his ears. "Is…is this the end of us?"

He looked over his rigid shoulder but not enough to let her see that his face was red with anger or see the agony which was present in his eyes. "What do you call it when one of us is never there?" With that, he resumed his pace, leaving her standing numbly there with silent tears flowing freely down her cheeks.

Chapter 30: All Broken Apart

'Spike smashed the clock against the wall. Its wires stuck out as the clock bounced from the wall and landed on the floor, joining the other broken items. He breathed heavily, staring inquisitively at the silent wall. He switched his gaze to the trashed bed; it kept its words to itself. Looking at his surroundings, he couldn't find any more things to destroy, to express his anger and devastation and anguish. He cursed at the silence in the room, because it gave him time to relive their last conversation in front of the Espresso Pump.

Fuck!

'He couldn't remember what had happened between them. The only thing he remembered was that Buffy was being selfish. Yes, she was being selfish the entire time and it made him mad that when he finally confronted her about it, their situation worsened. Spiraled down further and further to the point that it now cost them their relationship.

'Fuck her and her jealousy. He had put up with her and he had enough of it. Did she do her share? No. She would never know that every time she was busy, he became lonely. He tried to understand her but she didn't want to understand him.

'Was it wrong of him to make new friends who happened to be female? Yes, it was wrong to her because she was being selfish and she wouldn't stop questioning his new friends and his mutual friendship.

'He slumped to the floor, body leaning on the end of the bed. He hadn't cried since Drusilla betrayed him. His body was tired from anger and distress. He missed her. He missed the old her.

'

'Tara and Anya stepped down the stairs cautiously, looking around at the darkened room. They both had decided to check up on Spike when he never returned to their table at the Espresso Pump. Their eyes widened and they glanced at each other as they observed the chaotic room. They rushed toward the young man slumped on the floor by the end of the disarrayed bed.

'"Spike? A-are you okay?" Tara asked softly.

'"Spike, what's wrong?" Anya brushed a hand on his head, her other hand trying to pry his arm away from covering his face. Spike looked up at them groggily, his eyes were red and bleary. He bowed his head down again, his elbows resting back to his knees. The girls put their arms around him, their heads leaning against his as they comforted him in silence.

'Buffy's body felt numb except for her feet that were acting on autopilot, bringing her back home. She opened the front door weakly, her thoughts jumbled in her mind. She disregarded her mother's greeting; her feet now carried her up the staircase. Joyce's voice sounded questioningly in her ears, yet Buffy ignored her. She kept on walking up the stairs, through the hall until she reached her room and closed the door behind her.

'Buffy made her way to her bed and sat down, her eyes drawing a blank. For a long minute, she tried to sort out her feelings but failed. Something caught her attention as she looked down at her lap. A tear fell onto the back of her hand and she blinked the rest of her tears back quickly. She shifted her gaze to the nightstand. A small recorder with a cassette inside was laying on it. She reached for the recorder and crawled onto her bed, her body curled into a ball. Pressing the play button, she choked on her cry at the first message to which she listened.

'Willow stared at the white bedroom door and sighed deeply. Joyce had called her twenty minutes ago, telling her it was urgent and that she needed her to come over as soon as possible. Willow had suspected it was all about Buffy and she was right. Joyce told her that Buffy had acted strangely when she came home. She had tried to coax her daughter to tell her what had happened but Buffy never responded. Buffy only cried on her mother's lap and then fell asleep.

'Willow felt sorry for Joyce. She could see the helpless look on the older Summers' face. Joyce had pleaded with her to talk to her daughter. She felt that Buffy might be more comfortable speaking with her best friend, as Joyce realized she rarely talked to her daughter about her social life.

'Willow took a deep breath before she raised her fist and knocked on the door. She didn't hear any response but decided to enter the room anyway.

'"Hi, Buffy." She greeted her best friend softly. Buffy responded to her in a weak tone. She raised her upper body and sat up on her bed. Her hair was a mess and she had upset lines drawn on her facial features.

'Willow attentively sat close to Buffy and put her hands on her lap. "How are you feeling?" God, what a stupid question! She felt so retarded asking her that.

'Buffy gave her a tight smile. "Horrible."

'"I'm really sorry, Buffy. I shouldn't have asked that. That was a stupid question."

'"It's okay, Will…"

'"I mean I saw the whole thing. I should've known better…that it wasn't good. I- Oh god, I made you feel worse." Willow immediately felt guilty when she saw Buffy's face fall at the mention of the incident.

'Buffy forced a weak smile. She hung her head low as she brushed a thumb on the comforter. "Everything's gone bad. And I think I'm the one to be blamed."

'"No, it's not…" Willow protested quickly.

'"Yes, it is. You're just trying to comfort me…Thanks anyway." Willow smiled kindly and squeezed Buffy's hand in consolation. She let go of Buffy's hand when her eyes caught a picture which was perched on the nightstand. Its frame was made of old-fashioned silvery metal with a touch of elegance. Willow knew how much Buffy loved that photo frame. After Willow and Buffy bought it from a flea market, Buffy had said that she was going to use it to put the one picture that she would look at before she went to sleep.

'Willow smiled as she traced a line on the frame. "I remember this picture. I took it, didn't I?"

'Buffy took the photo from Willow and sighed dejectedly. "Yes, you did." She confirmed in a whisper. She bit her lip as she stared down to the picture of her and Spike lying on the sand, sleeping. Her head was resting against his chest as they wrapped their arms around each other. Before, it had looked so sweet. Now it would only make Buffy burst out crying whenever she saw it.

'"Buffy…" Willow began carefully. "Talk to him. If you think it's your fault, don't you want to straighten everything out? Apologize to him if you must. Or-or just talk to him again." Willow sighed when Buffy stayed quiet. "I know there's a possibility that you can't work out your relationship again. But at least don't end it this way! You can always go back to being friends, right?" Buffy was still quiet. Willow shook her head in frustration, her patience was growing thin. "He is your best friend, Buffy!"

'"He used to be." Buffy finally responded.

'"Don't you want him to be again?"

'Buffy nodded weakly, her lips trembled when she whispered, "Yes." Willow's features softened. She gave a comforting squeeze to both of Buffy's hands.

'She spoke again, this time in a soft tone. "You know I can't watch you two fall apart. You both are my best friends. Please, Buffy, talk to him? He's as miserable as you are, Xander told me."

'Buffy looked up to Willow and sniffled. She smiled faintly and nodded. Willow's smile beamed and she open her arms to hug her friend. "Thank you." She said in relief.

'

'

'to be continued.