Title: Thoughts (1/1)

Author: Danielle

E-mail: PrincessCashew@hotmail.com

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Up to Tabula Rasa and everything that happened in the previous fics (Days, Nights and A New Year)

Summary: Buffy and Spike think about their little surprise.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, UPN, and whoever has rights to these people in court. Do not sue me, I'm poor anyway.

Feedback: I would love it so much if you sent me some! Just pass it on to PrincessCashew@hotmail.com

Distribution: Whoever wants it can have it, just e-mail me first so I can come and visit.

Notes: Thank you so much to everyone who sent me feedback. Hope this next part lives up to your expectations.

A baby. We're going to have a baby. It shouldn't have happened, and it doesn't make sense about how it could have, but it's not important right now. We're going to have a baby.

A girl with a head full of brown curls and big blue eyes.

A boy with stray strands of blond hair and chubby cheeks.

I love it even though I didn't even know that it existed inside of me yesterday. I love it despite the fact that none of this seems like it could happen. I love it although I don’t think anyone knows exactly what it is or how it got here.

It doesn't matter. Its father's arms are cradling me, with both hands resting squarely on my stomach. Right above where it must be.

A girl who writes poetry and pitches for the softball team.

A boy who paints and teaches himself to ride a bike before he's five.

There will be birthdays, and family dinners, and graduations. Halloweens spent all dressed up in costumes and Christmas mornings drowning beneath a pile of festive wrapping paper. School plays, swim meets, soccer games. It's going to have a whole life ahead of it.

A girl that wants to study medicine and become a doctor.

A boy that wants to enter the field of communications with the expectations of being the youngest president of the company.

It's going to have the life I never got to have.

I want to feel it move beneath my fingertips. I can hear it inside of her, the quick palpitation that I can't believe is our child. We're not supposed to have a child. But there it is the steady beat that still shocks me as though it's the first time I'm hearing it.

A boy with short black hair and plump tiny legs.

A girl with dimples and long fingers capped with little half moon nails.

I love it, the little life we've created. I don't understand, but I can wait to find out how it came to be. It's here right now, and that's all that I really care about. Its mother is lying next to me, her abdomen shifting slightly with each breath, and her warmth is becoming my own. It's right beneath my palms if I place them the right way.

A girl who can horseback ride and dance Pointe.

A boy who takes karate and learns how to play acoustic guitar,

There will be first steps, first words, first teeth. Independence days underneath a sky of fireworks, I suppose it's all right that the colonies won after all, and Thanksgiving meals where I might get something other than gravy to eat. I smile to myself. We're going to be a family, this little infant and us.

A girl that wants to graduate at the top of her class, and then return to that same school to teach art history.

A boy that wants to write articles for a metropolitan newspaper while traveling the world looking for a lead.

It's going to get to do things that I never got the chance to do.

"So do you want a boy or a girl? Have you made any plans yet?" He smirks at my words.

"I was planning on asking you the same thing pet." His fingers don't stop their lackadaisical prance.

"Well?"

"No matter what, everything will be fine. This baby's going to turn out all right. It has to. You're it's mum."

"You always know the right things to say," I feel the tears pricking at my eyes. "I never should have let you go."

"Doesn't matter luv. I'm back now. I'm back to stay. You and this baby are going to be my world. And the two of you will be all that I need."

"We're going to have a baby."

"We're going to be a bloody family." Merriment is visible in his eyes, and I know he's had this same dream many times. Us with a family.

"The others have to know. And I have to talk to you about what's happened while you've been gone."

"It can wait. I want to stay with you for right now."

I smile up at him. "I forgot that it's not all going to stop tomorrow."

"Buffy, it's never going to stop. And we're always going to have a tomorrow. Together." His lips are cool against my own, and it's at that moment that I know that he is right.