A/N - At long last, Chapter 18. The conclusion to the first half. (Yes, I know, I know, I’ll probably never finish at the rate I’m going right now) This was the ending to what was originally meant to be my short, maybe five or six chapter story that somehow expanded into something entirely different the more I planned and thought it out. After this point, The Plot is going to move into full swing - it’s no longer going to be a simple Buffy/Spike fic, but a lot more. And I’m excited. So excited, that I’ve put a preview for what’s to come at the end of this chapter. This chapter is dedicated to all those lovely reviewers out there that I’ve noticed have been continuously reviewing - even with my snail-like updating. (Darryl J, RaB, BlueSuzanne, Falcon-Rider, anastacia, Jen, Brandi, SheAngelus, Lutheyl, Heather B, and anyone else that I missed. Thank you!) This chapters a little cheesy, but remember, our duo have been thinking, and thinking, and thinking… Plus, this chapter has been giving me a mean case of writer’s block for the last month because I’ve been flogging it to death in my head for the last year and once I finally sat down to write it I couldn’t. (Does that make any sense? Probably not). Well, enough of my rambling: enjoy!

Buffy sat down on a gravestone with a sigh. Slumping her shoulders, she looked at Mr. Pointy, and then threw her favourite stake into the ground before her. She had gone patrolling in the hopes that it would get her mind off everything. That it would help clear her head and work through all the things that had been thrown at her recently, but all it did was make her feel worse.

It had been four nights since Buffy had last seen Spike, but it might as well have been four eternities. As each day passed, Buffy felt emptier and emptier as the fact that he had left became more and more real. Everything brought up memories of the blond vampire for Buffy, and with each memory she felt as if her heart was being ripped apart a little bit more. What made everything worse was that Buffy blamed herself. She kept on replaying those key moments between them, and in every one she could now pinpoint how she had pushed him away. She and Tara had been having long talks each day, and the good witch had been trying to convince her that she was not the only one at fault for what had happened, but Buffy knew that she was only trying to make her feel better. She was grateful for Tara’s support, but it didn’t help to take away the emptiness she felt inside.

If only she could see him one last time, Buffy knew exactly what she would say. She wanted to tell him everything that she had kept bottled up. Everything she had refused to let herself feel for so long. Everything that she was afraid to say once she had let herself feel it. Everything he deserved to hear from her.

A single tear rolled down Buffy’s face and she quickly wiped it away. She had vowed to herself that she would not cry again. The only thing that tears did was make the pain fresh again. Numbness was Buffy’s goal for the evening, and although Buffy hadn’t found it yet, she was determined to at least slay enough by the end of the evening so that she would be too exhausted to think, even about him. With that goal in mind, Buffy pushed herself away from the gravestone and bent down to retrieve Mr. Pointy. When she stood back up, she found herself face to face with the blue eyes that had been plaguing her thoughts day and night.

*****

Spike stood in the shadows as he watched Buffy throw the stake into the ground. It was her favourite one, he knew that. She had threatened him with it on more than one occasion, and the memory of the first time he had heard her refer to as ‘Mr. Pointy’ made him smile sadly. The smile quickly disappeared when he saw the look upon his Slayer’s face. It was so miserable that Spike could barely stop himself from running over to her and wrapping his arms around her.

He knew it was risky following her on patrol, but he had needed to see her. He was surprised when she had not instantly felt him, but seeing her sitting in the middle of graveyard, so lost in her own thoughts Spike now understood. It tore him apart to see her so sad, and he knew that he was to blame for the expression on her face. He had spent the last four nights holed up in his new apartment thinking and sorting through everything he was feeling. What Arabella had said to him the evening before had been the last thing he had expected her to say, and it made everything more confusing. His thinking about things had confused him more, but the evening before Spike had finally begun to understand all the thoughts racing through his head. Spike was sure that if he could only see Buffy for a moment, things would become clearer.

When he saw the tear roll down Buffy’s cheek he couldn’t take it. Even seeing a single tear fall from her face was one too many, and Spike knew he had to speak with her. He had to let her know that he hadn’t left and that he wasn’t going to. As she bent down to pick up the stake she had only recently thrown, Spike mentally collected himself and silently stepped out of his hiding place and moved towards her.

For a moment they just stood there, staring into one another’s eyes. Neither knew what to say. Seeing Spike had been the last thing Buffy had expected this evening, even though it was all she wanted. She had convinced herself she would never see the vampire’s expressive eyes again, and now that she was, she was not completely sure her mind wasn’t playing tricks with her.

Now standing in front of her, with her tear-filled eyes looking up at him wide and in shock, Spike had no clue what the hell he was doing. He had thought he knew exactly what he wanted to say to her, but looking down at her when the moment had finally come, every sentence he had so carefully developed seemed utterly meaningless compared to the emotions looking at her eyes inspired within him.

“Spike…”

“Buffy…”

Saying each other’s names at the exact same time, they then both looked down awkwardly. The silence stretched out until Spike stepped away and motioned Buffy to sit beside him on the gravestone she had been perched on before. Once she had settled herself, Spike sat on the stone next to it, shoving his hands deeply into the pockets of his duster, he pulled out a cigarette.

“Well this is bloody awkward.” Buffy looked up at him for the first time with the proclamation, and silently watched as he took a slow drag from the cigarette. For his part, Spike stared straight ahead, afraid to look at the woman sitting beside him.

“I thought you had left.” The words were whispered, but they still caused Spike’s head to snap towards Buffy, a serious look on his face.

“Never said I was leaving, just going away for a while.”

“Same thing.”

“Guess you would see it that way. But it doesn’t matter either way now.”

“Why do you say that?” Buffy looked at Spike hopefully, praying that he was going to say what she thought he was going to say.

“I had a very interesting conversation with Ari a few days ago. See, I heard something I’m not fully sure I was meant to hear.” Buffy’s eyes widened at the implication. She instantly knew he was referring to what she had whispered as he had walked away after their last conversation. “But, really, I had heard it before in a different form and had been too daft to pick up on it. Ari smacked a little sense into me though - literally - and I’ve spent the last few days thinking over a few things.” Spike butted the cigarette out, got up, and began pacing. Buffy just watched him, waiting for whatever it was he had come to see. She was so afraid that it was not what she hoped, that he was going to tell her to forget the possibility of him ever coming back. Her mind was raging a battle against itself - half filled with hope, and half filled with dread.

Spike suddenly stopped his tense movements and looked Buffy directly in the eyes. The expression on his face seemed to say that everything had finally fallen into place, and everything was clear. “I understand now, love. They’re the only ones that have never left. No matter what they do, they don’t leave you. And that’s why you’re the best bloody slayer in history. They give you a tangible reason to fight. If you lost that…” Spike faltered for a moment as he remembered the past summer. “I don’t want to even think about what would happen. Never want to think about that again. And with me, well, you might lose them. But I need you to know that you’ll never lose me. And when you’re, if you’re ever ready for just me and that’s the way it has to be, I’ll be here. Always. Because this is the only place I ever want to be. I love you Buffy. And the way I’ve been acting is selfish. At some point I stopped thinking about what you needed, and only thought about what I wanted you to need. I just want you to know that I’m going to be here, out in the open or as your secret. Whatever you need.”

Tears were running down Buffy’s cheeks, and for the first time she wasn’t ashamed of them. “You haven’t been selfish, Spike. I’ve been scared and stupid.”

Spike reached out and took her hand. “Hush love. You don’t have to say anything. I’ve been the one acting like a wanker and not the other way around.”

Buffy pulled her hand away and jumped up. “No, Spike, you’re not going to take the blame this time. For once, I’m not going to let you and you’re going to listen to me for a change.” His trying to take the blame for what had happened between them in the last few days pissed her off. For the first time, she didn’t like that he willing to let her blame him for everything and it made her angry to think that she had been happily doing just that for the past few months, for the past few years. What he had just said to her made her heart swell, but the fact that he was willing to roll over and take the blame for her being a basket case made her see red.

“Buffy -”

“No! Goddamn it Spike, you’re not going to do this again! You’re not going to be the one at fault, because you’re not! I have hurt you in so many ways because I’ve been too scared and stupid to admit to myself the truth. It’s not just about what I need, but what you need as well. I don’t want to hurt you again, ever. I hate myself for everything that has happened.” Buffy was getting louder and more upset as she spoke. There were tears running down her cheeks as she spoke and frantically paced back and forth in front of Spike. For his part, Spike just stood there dumbfounded. “And you’re right - I am afraid to lose my friends! I did mean what I said, I do want some time. But not because I’m afraid to tell them. I’m afraid that their reaction will damage us. I need to be strong enough that I will be able to walk away if that’s the situation because you are what I need, Spike. You are everything that I need. And I want to be what you need too.” With the final exclamation, she pushed Spike forcefully, and he fell onto the ground. When she realized what she had just done, she gasped and was instantly at his side, only to find him laughing hysterically.

“You’re all I’ve ever needed or wanted, Buffy. It’s been that way since the moment I first laid eyes on you.” He pulled her down and kissed her passionately, their arms wrapping tightly around one another as they lay in a heap. Only when Buffy needed to breathe did they part, and then they just grinned at one another. Buffy suddenly looked down timidly, and then looked back at the blond vampire, a scared expression on her face.

“I mean it you know - I meant every word, Spike. I’ve spent the last four nights planning what I would say to you if I had the opportunity. I’ve been so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to tell you everything. I’m sorry it came out so violently.”

Spike just laughed and pulled her closer. “If it came out any other way, pet, it wouldn’t have been you. There’s a reason I get you angry when I want to have a discussion, or do anything else for that matter.” At Buffy’s look he just smirked and jumped to his feet, pulling her with him.

“So what now?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do you want to do now?”

“I don’t exactly know. Why don’t we just walk for awhile and figure things out. It might be nice to try and avoid all this drama for a little while.”

“So I guess this is a clean slate?”

“Nah - we’ll just bugger everything up if we do that. ’Sides, I can remember some particularly fun messes we’ve made on the slate we’ve already got…”

*****

Here’s a block of text from the next chapter - for once I am ahead of myself! No character names, no descriptions (it has been edited to increase the mystery). I am posting this to taunt you all, simply because I can. :)

I’d show you more, but that would make the chapter very, very boring. I promise it will be up soon (just a few more small changes and edits to complete). If you can which two characters are in this chapter, I’ll email you a copy before I post it on the web. (This is because I’m curious to see what you think is going to happen, and bribery is a good way to get people to open up.)

A/N - Thank-you all for the lovely reviews. Here’s the next chapter - the story is going to be taking quite a big twist, especially in regards to its pace and focus (don’t worry, the primary focus will still be Buffy/Spike). More details about things will be given when I post the next chapter. Also, I know this chapter is very short, but it’s setting things up for future chapters. Hope you enjoy this one, please let me know what you think (i.e. review!!)

Connor quickly walked down the street, staying in the shadows as he moved. He had called Justine as soon as Angel had left to go meet Cordelia. She had told him it was the perfect opportunity to get away from Angelus and that he should meet her outside the motel as soon as he could. He was almost there when he sensed it. A demon. At first, he contemplated stopping and killing the filthy beast. But then he realized that it would take time he did not have to spare. So he kept on moving towards his destination. When the tingling didn’t disappear after four blocks, he knew that the creature was following him. Ducking into a nearby alley, he waited until he saw the surprisingly short creature walk by. It looked like a human, but his blood was telling him it was anything but. With a quick movement, he had the short demon pinned against the opposite wall of the narrow alleyway.

“Why are you following me?”

“Hello to you too.”

“Tell me now or I’ll snap your neck.”

“Go for it kid, it doesn’t do much. Just stings a little bit. Plus, the old lady will be annoyed. Besides, I can probably answer a lot of the questions going through that little head of yours, Steven.”

“What are you talking about? How do you know my name, demon?”

“I’m here to talk to you. Tell you a few stories. And I know your name because I’m meant to know your name. Now will you let go of me, my neck is starting to chafe.”

“Why don’t I just kill you.” Connor pushed the demon a little higher up the wall, tightening his grip as he did so. The demon tried to speak, but all that came out was a strangled gasp. He raised his eyebrows at the young man, and Connor loosened his grip enough for him to speak.

“I guess you’ve been getting your Wheaties on Quortoth. Too bad you haven’t been getting your Prozac as well.”

Connor looked at him blankly, and tightened his grip again. “Answer me, demon.”

“Okay, okay. You’re just as impatient as your father.” When the still grip was tightened again, and he was pushed up the wall another inch, he rolled his eyes grudgingly. “Killing me would be bad for two reasons. One, I can answer a lot of questions you have about both your fathers, and two, no one else can. Besides, I told you before, the breaking-my-neck tactic isn’t gonna cut it, kid.”

“I beg to differ.”

“So did your pops. Especially the pretend one. Did he ever tell you a story about the demon that started him down his righteous path?”

“What do you know about my father?”

“Quite a bit, seeing as I am that demon.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“How else would I know that Holtz, excuse me, Daddy, was saved by a demon when you’re the only one he ever told? I lead him on his path to becoming a great demon hunter - I’m still getting shit for that one, by the way. The point is, your Daddy trusts me and you trust who Daddy trusts.”

Connor stared angrily at the demon, and then dropped him with a violent shove against the wall. After adjusting his hat and brushing himself off, the short monster looked Connor up and down, laughing as he did so.

“Christ, you certainly are a chip off the old block. You even brood like him.”

“My father doesn’t brood.” The comment was in true snivelling teenage form, and made the demon laugh even harder.

“You have a lot to learn, kid. First thing, have you ever seen a vampire bite?”

“There were no vampires on Quortoth, but my father has described them in detail.”

“Let me guess - two holes in the neck? There a little less cliché than that.”

“Cliché?”

“We’ll leave that explanation for a later conversation.”

“What makes you think you’re going to survive this one?”

“Why is it that every case I’ve been given lately is of the hit-then-think variety? Listen, you can’t kill me, sporto. No way, no how. And you won’t want to kill me after I tell you what I came to tell you.”

Connor crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the short demon in front of him warily. Nodding, Connor let him know he had his way, at least for the time being.

“Maybe you’re smarter than I thought. The names Whistler. Nice to meet you.” He offered his hand and when Connor refused he rolled his eyes and chuckled. After a moment of silence, he clapped his hands. “Now, why don’t we go and find a vamp to bite me.”

“Are you mad?”

“Nah - it’ll be fun. We’ll find a minion. They always think I’m human till the first chomp. And then you can dust it. It’ll be a bonding experience. Trust me. And then I’ll take you to get some pie. There’s a great little diner I know that’s open all night.”

“I have to -”

“Yah, yah. I know about that little plan too. We’ll swing by the motel after our little bonding session. Don’t worry about it. Has Holtz ever told you what a gypsy is?”

Whistler started to walk down the alley, in the opposite direction of the motel. After a moment’s hesitation, Connor followed him. There was something about the demon that compelled him, and his father had spoken of how he had led him down his path. Instinct told him that whatever the short demon was here for, it would change things in very significant ways.

A/N - OK, so here’s the deal: time has passed. And things have happened. Why? Because it must before anything happens. But instead of filling it in during the story (which would be a long, painful, boring process) I’m going to summarize the most important points. I’m sure you can find a number of fics that fill in the time between where the last chapter left off and where I’ve picked it back up, and if not use your imagination. So here are the main points for what has happened since the last two chapters:

1) Tara was not killed. But she was shot, in the back yard talking to Buffy. Buffy was not shot. Willow saved Tara like she saved Buffy in cannon, but still went psycho and is currently at the retreat in England with Tara at her side.

2) As you’ll recall, Anya and Xander did get married in this fic. She did not become a demon, and they are together.

3) Cordelia has gone up to the higher realms, just like in Angel cannon

4) Angel did not get sent to the bottom of the ocean in a box. Connor did not blame him for Holtz’s death, because he learned what a vampire bite actually looked like before he saw Justine with Holtz’s body. (Just for the hell of it, let’s just say he kicked her ass for what she tried to pull)

Those are the important things you need to know for the fic, if anything else occurs to me, I will be sure to somehow incorporate it into the story or throw it in during an author’s note.

Nit-picky note for this chapter (you really don’t have to read this): As a finance student, I thought it would be fun to say just how much money the debt Ari bought from Spike would be worth today, assuming a 10% compound interest rate and that she fiddled with the numbers to maximize their value. I didn’t want to deal with the mass amount of effort 100% accurate calculations would have taken, so the number I give you here is a very rough estimate that the wonders of the internet (specifically Economic History Resources, ) and Microsoft Excel (instead of using a calculator and doing by hand over one hundred calculations) helped me to find. Basically, from my estimates the value would be around US$22 million to US$23 million today (I may be completely off and should consider changing my major). Anyways, this is just a note for anyone that is interested in how I came up with that number, and to let you know that because this is just a fanfic, I didn’t stress my brain too much in figuring out the calculations (i.e. pulling a random interest rate that is very easy to use out of my ass). If anyone’s interested in how I calculated the final value and where I got my numbers, please feel free to email me about this subject. (I am now looking back at this little note and realizing just how big a finance geek I have become - I blame it on university brain washing and procrastination tactics gone too far)

Oh, and by the way, thank you for the wonderful reviews and remember: I am completely willing to grovel for more.

Buffy rolled over in her bed, her arm reaching out to her side as if it went to grasp something. When it found nothing but the mattress beside her, she frowned and blindly grabbed one of her pillows, wrapping her arms around it. After a few minutes of shifting unsuccessfully, she let out a loud grown and flopped onto her back, her eyes snapping awake. Glancing to the side, she looked at the glowing numbers on her alarm clock.

4:27

Groaning again, Buffy got out of bed and pulled on some sweatpants and a hoody. She quietly went down stairs, stopping only to write a letter to Dawn.

Buffy was starting to get really annoyed by the turn her sleeping habits had been taking in the last month. She was starting to find it almost completely impossible to get a good night’s sleep without having Spike beside her. It had worked perfectly in the first few months they were together - with the winter-time sunrise hours, Spike was able to stay until at least six most mornings, and she was usually up by then for work anyways, so they had settled into a routine. He would walk her to the corner of Revello, give her a long kiss and then she would head home. After the small talk and usual evening activities with Dawn, Willow, and Tara she would head up to her room and about half an hour later there would be a tapping at her window from one bleached-blond vampire. It was the perfect routine, and she loved it.

When the sun had started to rise earlier and earlier, they had changed the routine. And if she was really honest with herself, she liked it even more. Any morning she had work, which meant four or five nights a week, they would follow the usual routine of kiss, home, bed, but then Buffy would slip out her window and head over to Spike’s at around 3 am.

It was exactly what she was doing now. As she reached the tall building, she nodded at the evening doorman, who automatically opened the door for her and smiled warmly. He was fond of the young woman and her boyfriend - night owls like himself it seemed. He was also very happy with the fact that he saw the young woman walking down Main Street once in a while on sunny afternoons and wearing a cross around her neck every so often. It meant that they were just night owls and not something else.

Buffy got into the elevator and hit the button for the tenth floor. Impatiently, she watched the numbers indicating the elevator’s slow decent up, unable to hide a smile as the door slid open indicating she was almost at her destination - Spike’s.

She wasn’t afraid to admit that Spike’s apartment had quickly become one of her favourite places. And it wasn’t just because it happened to be where Spike lived. She just loved what he had done to the place. The apartment was well sized and in a very good building. At first she had been surprised at the location and quality of the apartment, but finally Spike had reluctantly explained where his sudden financing had come from. When he had first said Arabella’s name, Buffy had cringed. In typical Buffy-fashion she had jumped to the conclusion that she was playing “sugar-mommy” for Spike, but after a bit of ranting, pacing, and general freaking-out, Spike had calmed Buffy down enough to explain the actual arrangement. When Spike first said that Ari had purchased the £11 debt Spike was owed from Dracula, Buffy had scoffed. But then Spike had explained, at first verbally, and then with diagrams and evidence when Buffy didn’t believe what he was telling her. The debt was from around the turn of the last century - 1898 - and after applying inflation, compound interest, and exchange rates at the right times (the mathematics of which made Buffy’s brain hurt), the value of the debt was mind-boggling. Spike had just gone on about how much he loved exponential curves and inflation. Buffy was still afraid to say the number that was in Spike’s brand-new bank account(s) out loud.

Nonetheless, Buffy loved Spike’s apartment. There weren’t very many rooms - a kitchen, living room, and two bedrooms (one that had been made into Spike’s Room of Randomness and Weapons, as Buffy called it) - but they were all extremely spacious with high ceilings. There were big windows and Buffy figured that there would be great natural lighting if Spike wanted it, although, obviously, he didn’t, and a large fireplace in the living room that Buffy adored. Spike had decorated the apartment in a mix of traditional Victorian style and modern edge. Buffy still wasn’t sure how he had managed to combine the two, but one afternoon when she had nothing better to do than ponder her vampire’s decorating tastes, that was what she had come up with. What she loved most was the constant game she played in finding the little things scattered around the apartment that were just so Spike. There were obvious things - like the framed, vintage, signed posters that Spike of the Sex Pistols, the Doors, and the Who displayed along one wall of the bedroom, or the fact that when you opened the cupboards in the kitchen you could always be sure to find a large stock of Wheatabix, hot chocolate mix, Glenfiddich, and mini-marshmallows - but it was the little things that Buffy loved to find. The black nail polish that sat on his bedside table, the pieces of paper that had complex doodles all over them that he made when he was bored, or her personal favourite, finding the old novels and poetry books he tried to hide from her. She even laughed when she found the child-like picture of Angel on the punching bag in the Room of Randomness and Weapons after she had mentioned him one evening while they were discussing a demon she had seen in high school.

But what she most loved about the apartment was that she felt so at home there. Sometimes, more at home there than at the house on Revello. On one level, this fact bothered her, on another, she loved how at ease she had become with Spike. And this was the level that she realised made her the happiest. Buffy still had her panic moments about what her relationship with Spike meant. But for the past few months, since they had learned about Dawn, the panic moments were becoming far and few between, and when they did occur she mentally stopped herself before she acted on them. More and more often, her internal freak outs had more to do with missing Spike than anything else. She hated it when she was unable to see him during the day or night at some point, and although their relationship wasn’t public knowledge yet, she found almost all the decisions made being determined by how they would impact the both of them, not just her.

The last few weeks had been the most difficult. Tara had gone to join Willow in England while she recovered from her “magical loss of control” (the PC term Buffy had started using for Willow’s foray into bringing on the apocalypse), so Buffy had been alone in the house with Dawn. She had grown used to the fact that if she wanted to, there was someone in the house to watch out for her sister, and she had been able to spend late evenings “slaying,” or sneaking over to Spike’s apartment. However much independence Buffy had given Dawn in the last few months, she still did not feel comfortable leaving her in the house alone at night, for reasons that were both demon and every-day-life related. Buffy hadn’t spent a night away from the house for over four weeks. Spike would kiss her goodbye a block away from her house, and she would head home, not to be met later in her bedroom. Buffy knew it was too risky with only her and Dawn in the house - any strange sounds could be automatically traced to Buffy. All of the extra alone time had given Buffy the opportunity to think. This was the reason she had was about to enter Spike’s apartment at 5 a.m. in the morning and leave Dawn alone, even if it was only for an hour more than unusual. She had made a decision as she tossed and turned in her bed, and she needed to let him know.

As Buffy used her key to enter the apartment, she could help but smile at the sight before her. Spike was asleep on the couch, one of the infamous books that were his dirty little secret resting open on his chest, old half-glasses perching precariously on the tip of his nose.

As soon as she shut the door, he shot up in complete defensive mode. Both the book and pair of glasses clattered to the floor, Spike casually pushing them under the couch as soon as he realized that it was just his Slayer. Buffy couldn’t help laugh as she walked over to the vampire and put her arms around his neck. Spike automatically brought his own arms around her waist and leaned in to give her a brief kiss hello.

“This is unexpected. Very nice, but also very unexpected.” Spike casually leaned back into the couch, bringing Buffy with him. She cuddled up into his side and sighed happily.

“I needed to see you. I thought I’d stop in before I headed to work.” That was the other thing - about two weeks after the news about Dawn (everything seemed to be defined by that one week), Buffy had noticed an advertisement in the newspaper offering aerobics instructor certification at a gym in downtown Sunnydale. Buffy had signed up after literally everyone told her it would be the perfect job for her. It turned out the instructor certifying thought so too, and hired her as the new intensive aerobics instructor at her fitness studio as soon as she had got her certification. Buffy taught three classes in the morning, and did personal workouts for about three hours midday. Not only did the job work around Buffy’s slaying schedule, but she really enjoyed it and the tips that her private sessions with the wealthier Sunnydale denizens were a very nice perk.

“What about the ‘Bit?”

“I figured that one hour at Dawn wouldn’t be too bad. And I have something very important I want to tell you.” With that, Buffy pulled herself out of Spike’s arms, and turned to face him, picking up his hands as she did so. “I’ve made a decision.”

The look of resolve on Buffy’s face made Spike nervous. Every time he was with her, he had to remind himself that he wasn’t dreaming and that his arms around her were a reality. Most of the time he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, and for her to realize just how much better she could do. Even though as she said the words she was rubbing the palm of one of his hands’ with her thumb affectionately, he half-expected her to tell him that she no longer wanted to waste her time with a vampire.

“This whole thing is driving me mad. I’m sick of pretending to not feel anything for you in front of my friends and I hate lying to Dawn. I can’t do it anymore.”

“Oh.” The other shoe had finally dropped. He knew that it would come sooner or later. The only thing that confused him was why Buffy was still playing with his hands.

“That’s all you have to say? ‘Oh?’”

“Well I’m not exactly sure how you expected me to react, but that’s all I can really muster at the moment.”

Buffy pulled her hands away from Spike’s and slugged him in the shoulder. “God, I tell you that I want to finally tell the Scoobies about us and you can’t muster a reaction. I was kind of expected overjoyed and a lot of smoochies.”

“Oh. Oh, oh, oh.” Spike was suddenly feeling exactly how Buffy was hoping he would feel. And seeing her sitting on his couch with the pout and crinkled brow she was now sporting, he definitely wanted to kiss her. “I thought... Well, I thought you meant… Oh, sod the talking.” Spike leaned over and kissed Buffy intensely, pulling her into his lap as he did so. When they finally came up so Buffy could get some air, they both had stupid grins on their faces. “Sorry about that love, for a moment I thought you were dumping me.”

“Idiot.” And to show that she meant it, Buffy leaned in to continue with the much-desired smoochies.

Before things could progress further, Spike sat up straight and looked at Buffy pensively. “How are you going to tell them?”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Glad to see that that’s what you’re thinking about while kissing me. I figured I would talk, while they listened of course, and words about me and you and love came out of my mouth.”

“Love? Bloody hell, I thought we were both in this for the shag.” Spike smirked and laughed as the obligatory punch to his shoulder made contact. “No, seriously, are you just saying this because the Wicca’s are away so you can’t tell them, and the Bit’s running off with a bunch of girls to a cabin in the middle of nowhere for two weeks?”

“I’m just saying this because I became a hundred percent sure it was time about an hour ago, and thought you might want to know. It’s not my fault that the reason I’m hundred percent sure is because Willow and Tara are gone, and that means less Spike-time, which makes me really miss you. And the fact that I’m not upset about Dawn going on vacation with Janice and her family - which it really should be, and still I can’t believe you talked me into agreeing, by the way - because all I can think about is how excited I am about the idea of waking up beside you two whole weeks in a row. So maybe it is the worst time for me to get my resolve, but I don’t want to have to miss you anymore and I don’t want to have to look forward to waking up beside you because it’s so rare.”

“I miss you too, Buffy. Especially when I’m asleep without you there.”

Buffy smiled and slid her arms tightly around Spike’s neck, resting her head on his shoulder with a contented sigh. “So we tell everyone as soon as possible?”

Spike just smiled and buried his head into Buffy’s neck, not fully able to believe that the woman in his arms was actually there and wanting to stay there.

A/N - It has literally been forever - I have been so busy that although I have been aware that this fiction has yet to be completed, I haven't had time until this month to write again. I apologize for the time it has taken, and I will be shocked if anyone even remembers this fic. So here's the next chapter - enjoy and let me know what you think.

Dawn poked her fork into a piece of fruit and rolled her eyes. Buffy was giving her the talk again. The one about responsibility, trust, and how important it was that Dawn proved that Buffy could give her both of them on this trip. She had heard this specific version of the talk about twenty times in the last week, and was pretty sure she would be hearing it at least one more time before she got in Janice's parents' car to head to their beach house.

Dawn couldn't help but smile at the thought. In two hours she would be heading out of Sunnydale and away from the Hellmouth (and her sister) for two whole weeks. She was sure that she and Janice would still be on lockdown, but they would be on lockdown on a beach. Much better than in a town where the mortality rate was so high that half the local newspaper was filled with obituaries. And of course, the prospect of leaving training, research, and anything else related to her Blessed status behind was nice. 'Out of sight, out of mind' was going to be her mantra for the next two weeks.

In the last few months, Dawn's life had completely changed. The proclamation that she was some super being that would determine that fate of every dimension in existence was not exactly something that was easy to cope with - especially when the details about what she was exactly were seriously lacking. The book that Arabella had given to them had no more information than what the summary of the Legend that Anya had told them. Dawn had refused to listen to Willow when she had started telling the other Scoobies about the more fluffy aspects of the book. It felt as if she was being told the intimate details of her life (particularly the romantic aspects) before her life actually occurred. It made her sick just thinking about it. Everyone kept on trying to reassure her that the book probably had quite a few creative liberties taken when writing about her life, but Dawn couldn't see it that way. She felt as if no matter what decisions she made in her life the outcome would be the same - what the Powers That Be had pre-determined it to be.

The worst part about the whole situation was that it wasn't just about her, but about someone else - Vidhamaka, her future other half. The book was even more vague and confusing about who (or what) Vidhamaka was. Every guy Dawn met had the potential to be Vidhamaka. Every time she met someone new, every time she thought about a boy in one of her classes, she'd wonder if he was the second half to determining the fate of the universe. It was driving her mad. When one of the boys in her class (who happened to be one of the cutest boys as well) had asked her out, she had almost had a panic attack thinking that it may be the start of the end.

"Dawn, are you listening to me?"

Too bad she couldn't begin the mantra right now.

"Yes Buffy, of course I am."

"What did I just say?" Buffy raised her eyebrow, waiting to see how her little sister would answer. Dawn was so anxious to get moving that she could hardly stay seated, let alone listen to a single word that Buffy was saying.

With wide eyes and a nervous bite on her bottom lip, Dawn squeaked out her response. "You were just telling me how important it is that I don't let you down on this trip and that I make sure I stay in line."

When Buffy's expectant look turned to surprise, Dawn knew she had responded correctly. It was getting amazingly easy to figure out exactly what Buffy would say when she got into lecture mode.

"So what exactly are you going to do with me off improving my tan for two weeks anyways?" Dawn asked while sticking her fork into the pancake sitting on her plate. She was actually very curious about the answer. Buffy worked and slayed, occasionally visiting the Bronze when Dawn convinced to come out. Since Willow and Tara had left for England, that was pretty much it for Buffy's social department. At least as far as Dawn was aware. Spike would come around once in a while, but that was mainly to tell Buffy he had found some new big bad for them to kill. And Xander had become more and more absent in the past few months…

Xander put his hammer down as he heard the front door of the shop open and close behind him. Getting down from the step-ladder, he walked over to his wife and pecked her on the cheek as she set their lunch out on the make-shift table that was temporarily replacing the large round table that had been destroyed. Work on the Magic Box was well on its way, but a lot still had to be done. Insurance was covering the majority of the reconstruction costs that the damage caused by "thieves and vandals" (a.k.a. Willow) had caused, and Anya had been willing to dip into her personal savings for the rest. The store wasn't nearly ready - but it was beginning to look like a store once again and Anya was sure that it would look as it once had. It was the books that Willow had erased that could never be replaced that had his wife really upset.

"So what did you get us today, honey?"

"Skinless chicken on whole wheat and a garden salad," Anya chirped as she set the food out. Xander cringed. Anya had decided that Xander needed to lose weight, and that it would be her first official wifely duty (after sex, of course) to ensure that he stuck to a diet so hellish that Satan would be proud. Anya insured him that it was merely a diet book that Halfrek had recommended to her. That didn't make him feel any better.

"Dawn's leaving today for her vacation, you know." Anya started to chatter as she methodically set out their lunch table. She insisted that they would not eat on a construction bench and always set out a table cloth, cutlery, and whatever else she felt was needed on a particular day. Sometimes flowers, sometimes place mats, it all depended on her mood. "I thought it would be nice for Buffy if we invited her over for dinner or to go out sometime this week. She's going to be lonely."

"Not likely." Xander said through gritted teeth. When Spike hadn't left like he thought he was going to, all hope that he and Buffy were not actually a thing and that it had all been some sick nightmare that Xander had had due to stress was lost. For a while, he pretended to ignore it, but every time they had a Scooby meeting, every time they were all out, he could see it. Even if Spike and Buffy were on opposite ends of a cemetery lost in battle, he could see it. And it disgusted him. The way they looked at each other, the way they would "accidentally" brush up against one another made him ill. And he couldn't understand why nobody else could see it. But Xander would not tell the others. The words that Buffy had said that night still haunted him.

The fact that she would even think that thought horrified him - that she would choose that vampire over her friends. Her family. He had to hope that she would get over Spike. That whatever thrall he had her under would go away with time and she would realize how wrong what she was doing was and stake the bastard. And until then, he had to stay quiet. Waiting patiently for Buffy to see the truth - that what she was doing was so fundamentally wrong that it had to stop. But the longer it took for Buffy to see this, the more difficult it was to be around her. So, he had been pulling Anya and himself away. It had been easier once Willow had had her meltdown. (Another subject he avoided diligently. Everything would be alright.) The Scoobies were temporarily disbanded, and they were busy with their own projects - particularly rebuilding the Magic Box in Anya and Xander's case.

"What do you mean unlikely?" Anya asked as she put her finishing touches on the table and motioned for Xander that it was time to sit.

"I just mean that she's busy - with work, and slaying, and, you know, um, work. I'm sure she wants some alone time, An'."

"Maybe. But we might as well offer - would you give her a call this evening?"

"Sure." Xander mumbled as he reached for his sandwich.

Anya suddenly smiled brightly, "I almost forgot! I thought you were working so hard that I'd give you a reward today." Xander felt a shred of optimism - maybe he'd get a real drink instead of the diet drinks she had been forcing on him.

"Coke?"

"No silly - ultra low fat mayo."

"Oh."

"And a blow job."

"Oh!"

"Eat your salad first, dear."

"Yes honey!"

Spike sat at his desk tapping the pen impatiently on the table staring at the monitor in front of him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get the paragraph to work. He just couldn't find the right words to describe what he was trying to convey. He knew he should just take a break and come back to it later, but couldn't. He knew he wouldn't be able to leave the monitor until he had expressed the moment perfectly.

It had all started out as an innocent way to pass the time late one night while Buffy was sleeping. He had been watching her and had had the sudden compulsion to write. Instead of brushing the impulse off as he normally would, Spike had gone with it, grabbing a piece of paper and a pen. At the very least, he thought it would be amusing to see what crap he came up with. But to his surprise, writing was different then it had been when he was mortal. It was as if everything that he had been trying to express back then was easily expressed now. Maybe it was the demon, maybe it was time, but he had realized quite quickly that the reason he could finally write well was that he had actually experienced the emotions he was writing about. That was the key. Once Spike had started writing, he couldn't stop. Whenever Buffy wasn't there, whenever he wasn't out fighting, he couldn't help but write. He quickly moved onto a computer to make editing easier, and soon found that poems just weren't enough. So here he found himself writing a full length story - he wasn't sure if it would be a short story or a novel, a single book, or a series, a piece of shit or a work of art. He really didn't care - he just needed to write it.

Spike heard the keys in the door and quickly saved and closed the document, smiling as he did so. There was one person who could always tear him away from his computer - Buffy. Walking into the living room, he smiled as she struggled with her gym bag and what smelt like dinner. Wings, blood, and a chicken salad (for her).

"Hey, a little help here maybe?" Buffy asked as Spike continued to just smile and stare as she struggled to close the door, balance the food, and not drop anything in the process. Spike casually walked towards her, not saying a word as he took the food and placed it on the coffee table. Turning back around, he took her bag and tossed it in a corner as he shut the door. He then grabbed her around the waist and kissed her deeply.

When he finally let Buffy come up for air, she could barely stand. "That was nice. Unexpected, but very nice. You should do it again sometime." She smiled as she walked over to the couch, pulling Spike down with her. "Hi."

"Hello," he said, quirking his eyebrow and smirking. "Do you know how long it has been since the last time we were able to see each other at this time of day? It's been too bloody long, love." Spike leaned in for another kiss, but found a strong, small hand stopping.

"Food, then smoochies, I beg of you. I haven't eaten since breakfast with Dawnie and I'm starving. Plus, I have things I want to talk to you about, and I'll forget to if we start with the smoochies now."

With a sigh, Spike nodded his head and headed to the kitchen to get plates and cutlery, and to heat up his blood. "What kinds of things?" he asked nervously (but casually, of course) from the kitchen.

"Nothing bad. It's mainly just that Melanie from work asked if I wanted to go to a party at her place tomorrow night, and I said I had to check with my boyfriend to see if he had made any plans for us." She smiled knowingly as Spike came back from the kitchen, opening the food containers as she did so.

Spike had a smile on his face as well, as he sat down beside her. "Your boyfriend? Is he handsome?"

"FYI, my boyfriend would be you, and she actually asked if you were cute." Spike just quirked an eyebrow. "I said no."

Spike pounced; the food was forgotten as Buffy let out a squeal and smoochies commenced.