After the End
by Evaline

Email: (Weezerite12@aol.com)
Disclaimer: All characters here (with the exception of a few; i.e. spirits) belong to UPN and Mutant Enemy and, of course, Joss.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Buffy/Spike
Summary: Directly after last episode of season 7. Buffy is left to deal with the world, but what happened to Spike?

Chapter One

"I love you."

Buffy shook the voices out of her head as she looked out over what once was Sunnydale.

"You okay, Buff?" Xander stepped up to stand beside her.

"Yeah." Buffy tried to be happy that this was all over. That they had won. But she kept thinking of him. How, in their last moments together, he still didn’t know how much she loved him. Even when she’d said it.

"We won. We….won." Giles whipped his glasses off on his shirt, completely flabbergasted. The girls also wore similar expressions of surprise and excitement.

Buffy swallowed hard, looking around her. She should be happy. Look at all of her friends. They were all here. They had made it through hell. Literally. Why do I feel like this?

Why do I feel like this? Spike thought as the light consumed him. Why did he feel this heavy weight upon his chest? He had ended it-he stopped the world from ending. Still, somehow this wasn’t enough. He needed more. He heard her voice in his head, her gentle ‘I love you’ echoing through the everlasting silence of death. "I love you."

There was no pain. There was no anything. Simple blinding white surrounded him as he drifted without rhyme or reason. However, it wasn’t he who drifted. He didn’t exist. His body wasn’t there-he could not see or smell or touch or hear. But he knew. He who was nothing could sense being nothing, could sense the warm light washing over him. Could sense her. "I love you."

He traveled through this place and yet remained; he tried to cover his face from the light, but couldn’t raise an arm that didn’t exist. He hummed when he couldn’t, just to make the memories lower their volume. "I love you."

Buffy looked around at her troops. Like lost pets they appeared, looking to her of all people for guidance. Wanting to follow her home when she in fact did not know the way. She had to be strong for them. But fate had taken her strength.

Giles walked to the front of the group and cleared his throat. "Alright everyone. First thing’s first. We must get our injured to a hospital. Come on, back on the bus." Amidst good-natured groans and complaints, the Slayers and civilians once again climbed aboard the trusted school bus.

"Buffy?" Dawn reached out and gently laid a hand upon her older sister’s shoulder.

Buffy turned to Dawn. She tried to smile, but couldn’t force her lips to such a lighthearted expression. One thought continued to flow through her mind. "He’s gone."

Dawn looked down at the pavement, and nodded. "He saved us. He saved us all." She gestured to the bus, in her mind gesturing to the entire world. For that was what he had saved.

Buffy blinked hard. She would not cry. How dare she be selfish? How dare she, even for a moment, wish that he had come with her, and died with her, rather than died saving them? She had no right. Slowly, she turned and went with Dawn back to the bus.

Chapter Two
 

The infinite warm surrounded him, and gently aroused him from unconsciousness. A sleep so deep and thoughtless he didn’t know what had happened. Who was he? Where was he? What was he? As the panic began to spread, he searched the deep crevasses of his mind for any memory, any flicker of his life. Anything to show he was once material. Anything to prove that he had existed. Or did. Or would.

Into his senses poured a rich scent. Powerful. It over took his whole and he was left with a nagging thought. I know this. This was familiar. He tried to think what it smelled like-but he couldn’t remember the words. It was beautiful and airy and filled with-something. And he knew it was utterly his. Every fiber of himself knew this scent, knew it belonged to him in someway. But what was it?

He dug deeper. But he could think of nothing productive. A whisper tickled in his ears but he couldn’t make it out. The sound. He knew it. The same way he knew that smell. They wrapped themselves together in his mind. They were part of the same. The sound was rich and beautiful and full of- something. What is it?

He felt warmth within his brain. He had felt once. This he knew. This warmth he had felt, and it felt like his. He knew it. This was all he could think. I know this. I know this. These three things swirled and looped around within him, reminding him of something. Something. Some whisper, some smell, some warmth. They grew stronger in their combination. Almost overpowering. They came into him and utterly filled him with something so rich, so beautiful, so warm, so airy and light, so utterly-Buffy.

Buffy.

***

"Buffy?"

Buffy woke with a start in the hotel room. Dawn was sitting on the edge of her bed. She sat up with a start. "What? What happened? Is everyone okay?"

Dawn shook her head a little and smiled, trying to calm her. "Everything’s okay."

Everything’s okay? Buffy winced. "Then what?"

"You were having a nightmare."

"I was?" Even upon saying this, the horrors of her dream returned to her. Dawn must have seen the look on her face, for she leaned in to hug her.

"It’s okay now Buffy. We won, remember? Everything’s going to be fine."

Buffy strugged with a smile for her. She calmly waited until Dawn went back to bed. Only then did she lie down and allow herself to recount the horrid dream.

"Buffy!" Spike ran across the cave to her as she dropped to the floor. He picked her up gently and rested her head in his lap. No matter that the battle was going on around them. "Buffy, look at me."

She struggled to open her eyes. And all she saw was him. He was bathed in light and looking positively terrified. His hands were covered in blood. Her blood. She looked down in horror to the gapping hole in her stomach. He was getting covered in it. She tried to talk-tried to speak. "Sp-…Spi…"

Spike whipped some dirt from her face tenderly. Then he started to cry. "Buffy….Buffy…you’ve got to be okay….Buff?"

She tried to tell him ‘I’m right here’ but she couldn’t open her mouth. He sobbed harder. He pulled her to him and rocked her gently. "Buffy I love you. I love you more than I can bear it. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t love me. Just please, don’t leave."

She loved him. She loved him and she couldn’t say it. Again she opened her mouth. "Sp-…I…"

He pulled back to look at her face and smiled bitterly. She had never seen such sorrow. "What love? I’m here. I’ll never leave you."

She moved her fingers, testing to see if they still worked. She then carefully lifted her hand and put it to the back of his neck. Every movement hurt. And he looked at her so heartbrokenly. She tried to pull him down to her but she had no strength. "I lo-…v-…"

He blinked at her. Didn’t he know? How could he not know how much she cared? He seemed to feel the little pressure she was putting on him, for he lowered his face closer to hers. "I love ya, pet."

She used all her remaining strength to pull her head up from his lap. Gently she pressed her lips to his. She felt his surprise, his unyielding love. Afterwards he lowered her back down, a little smirk upon his lips.

She took a deep breath and willed out her words. "I love you Spike."

Buffy cried her way back to sleep, wishing that she had died in that cave instead of lived on without him. For this wasn’t living.

Chapter Three

The next morning the group packed up again and went on. Where they were going, they didn’t know. They sure as hell weren’t going to Cleveland.

Willow dozed as they drove, resting her head upon Kennedy’s shoulder. Xander sat staring out the window like a zombie, humming to himself. Dawn sat quietly talking with some of the Slayerettes. Giles tried not to crash the bus into the boulders that lined the road. Everyone was doing something. Everyone was trying to move on. Even Andrew sat playing a video game. Everyone was dealing. Why couldn’t she?

Buffy opened her bag, which Dawn had brought for her. Inside were various articles. Clothing. Stakes. Books. A few crosses. And a manila envelope. A manila envelope? Buffy frowned slightly and lifted the packet to her lap. With it wafted a familiar smell. Like leather and bleach and cologne. Buffy bit her tongue. She carefully opened it. Inside were several sheets of paper. Upon pulling them out, she found all too familiar handwriting. And that smell.

She didn’t think she could read the letter. But she knew she had to. Even looking at the paper brought tears to her eyes. But she had to know. She began to read.

"Buffy-

I hope the Niblet gives you this. No matter what happens. Because there are some things that I need you to know.

I couldn’t give a sodding rat’s ass that you are the Slayer. I don’t care you have all those wonky superpowers and that. Those things have nothing to do with us. I know there is no us, and you have to know that drives me absolutely mad. But who better to understand you?

You changed me. You are the only person who has ever thought I could be more than what I am. This amulet in my hand-you said it belonged to a champion. And you gave it to me.

I love you. You know I always have. And always will. It drives me bloody crazy to know I can never have you. But that’s nothing compared to thinking-just for a moment-that I couldn’t see you. Couldn’t hear your voice. I do believe I’d die.

You and I, we’re bloody perfect for each other. Know I’ll love you forever. See you soon, pet.

-Spike"

***

Buffy. That’s what it was. It was Buffy. Everything came back to him as if a floodgate had been opened in his mind. He could smell her sweet intoxicating scent all around him. He heard her voice. He could feel her hands in his hair, on his face. This must be heaven, he thought. He heard the way she laughed and cried. He sensed her smile. He could see those endless waves of golden hair moving lightly in the breeze. Every bit of her.

He could see her, yes. And hear and feel her. Even smell her. But he couldn’t lay a hand upon her. He couldn’t whisper in her ear or kiss her. He tried to reach out but had no hands with which to reach. She was there, around him, and he still couldn’t have her. This must be hell, he thought.

Spike felt the waves of panic around him once more. No. He couldn’t. He needed her. He couldn’t live without her. Yeah, but you’re not living. Excellent. Brilliant. Talking to himself. That would help things. Bloody.

He became more and more agitated. He couldn’t calm himself-the echo of her voice, "I love you", the feel of her hand in his. He couldn’t have left now. Not when things were finally changing. When he was changing. When she was changing. No.

He sensed something. It chilled the air around him, yet was bright and warm. It slid up beside him. "What’s wrong, William?"

"Mother?"

***

"Mom?" Buffy woke up with a start from another dream. She looked around. Still on the bus. The envelope beside her. Peculiar dream. Her mother had been sitting with her in their living room. They had been planning Buffy’s funeral. She had ordered two hundred white roses and a white casket.

She looked around. It was late. Most everyone was asleep. Even Giles. They weren’t even moving-he had pulled over to catch a few hours rest. Night and the world was asleep. Except for Buffy. She sat there, remembering Spike’s letter. Why did she always cry herself to sleep? He didn’t even know. In the end he didn’t even know I loved him.

Chapter Four

"WELCOME TO NEVADA!!!" A sign by the side of the road read. Why Nevada? Buffy thought, confused. Why does it matter where we go?

They rode in silence all day. Every now and again they would pull over at a rest stop, or go to get food items of some sort. But always back to the bus. Always back to the road. Always on the move. They never stopped to rest. "Can’t we rest, Buffy?" Buffy tried to think of other things. Look out there. That was a cactus. And look-a dead snake. Poor dead snake. Dead. Like Spike. This wasn’t working. She looked the other way. Kennedy lay with her head in Willow’s lap as Willow looked out the window, playing with her hair. He used to like to play with my hair. He wanted to call me Goldilocks. In frustration she turned to look at Xander. He was sleeping in one of his many Hawaiian print t-shirts. Remember when Spike had to wear one of those shirts?

No matter what she thought of, it brought back memories of him. She closed her eyes and remembered when they were in that old house with no electricity. They hit a little bump and she remembered the sound of his motorcycle hitting potholes. She breathed in and remembered what it felt like to have his intoxicating scent fill her senses. She blinked and remembered leaving him to his fiery death. Without even saying goodbye.

She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to the cool window. "Goodbye, Spike."

***

"Hello, William."

"Mother?"

"Yes, William."

Spike was completely confused. How could they be speaking? How could she be here?

"Where are we? Why are you here? What is this place?"

He heard her sweet laughter echoing throughout this place. "William, you are in Heaven."

"Heaven?"

"Yes." She paused slightly. "Everyone has their own special part of heaven. What they wanted heaven to be. This is yours."

Spike pondered this. He could see, smell, feel, and hear Buffy. Yup. It was his part of Heaven alright. "Then why are you here?"

"William, you aren’t happy."

"No, I’m not."

"Why? This is what you want, isn’t it?"

If Spike still had a body he would have pouted his lips. "No. I want Buffy."

"But you have her. Here."

Spike let Buffy’s smooth voice wash over him for a moment. "No, mother. I don’t. She’s down there, without me."

"There’s nothing you can do about that, William."

Spike felt his anger building up within him. "We’ll see about that."

He felt a slight pressure upon him. His mother. Trying to calm him. But it would do no good. He would do anything to get back to Buffy. Anything.

***

Anything. She’d give anything, just to go back to that one moment. She wouldn’t have run. He would’ve said "Go, Buffy!" And she would have cried out "I’m not leaving you. I can’t." And she would have wrapped her arms around him and held him and died the way she’d always dreamt of. In his arms.

It’s not supposed to be this way, she thought stubbornly. She gently fingered his letter to her. He loved me. Really loved me. She thought back to when he was still alive. Well, when he was still here. When he had been jealous of Angel. When he had defended her against her friends. In all her life, he was the only person who’d ever been loyal. Who’d always been there for her. Spike, where did you go? Why did you leave me?

Chapter Five

After much deliberation, the group decided to stay in Nevada until they could get back on their feet. They stopped the bus for a final time at a quaint rental apartment complex. Using money the Council had wired over after the final battle, they rented 12 apartments. One for Xander and Andrew. One for Buffy and Dawn. One for Giles and Robin. One for Willow and Kennedy. One for Faith. And one for every three to four of the twenty some Slayers. The Council, with Giles help, was trying to figure out what to do with them. For the first time ever, there was actually a demand for Watchers. So far, the plan was to send one or two of the trainees to each hell mouth around the world. Until then, the girls were left together to enjoy each other’s company.

Buffy tried to help. Here they all were, planning the rest of their lives. And there she was, just wanting to crawl back to the crater she’d called home for so long. She was finally free. She was no longer in charge of saving the world. So why wasn’t she happier? He’s never coming back. You know that. Now just accept it. It won’t do any good to cry. As many times as she told herself this, it didn’t help. It was like she was forced to live without her vision, or her hearing. Hell, it was like trying to live without a heart. And it wasn’t getting any easier. She needed him.

***

"I need her." Spike cried out to his mother. Didn’t anyone up here understand that?

"William. You can’t go back. You’ve had more than your share of time upon Earth. That’s not the way it works."

"Why? Why does it have to be that way?" Spike snarled at this spirit who had given him life. "You said Heaven was every person’s own ideal. Why can’t I have mine?"

"We cannot alter fate. You were meant to die."

"Yes." Spike argued. "I was meant to die. And I did. Best sodding day ever. All sunshine and smiles and the like. But who’s to say I have to stay dead?" He spun around wildly inside his white prison. "Why can’t I go back?"

He heard her sigh, exasperated. He had never been fun to argue with. So bloody stubborn. "There are rules. Rules you cannot mess with. Rules you cannot change."

"Such as?" Spike prodded.

"Fate cannot be changed, William. You did what you had to. You saved the world. You were destined for that."

"No." Spike said plainly. "I was destined for her."

***

Their apartment was far from cozy. The walls were painted white, so white it showed every smudge, every fault. The carpet resembled a bruised peach, it was so stained. But it was their new home. For now.

Dawn did what she could. She promptly unpacked her few belongings and went about fixing their beds. Funny, how their roles had changed. Funny how suddenly Dawn had to take care of her.

"Hey, Buff?" Dawn came out of her bedroom.

Buffy looked up at her from the sofa. "Hmm?"

"We-Giles, Willow, Xander, me-were going to go out to dinner. Are you coming?"

Buffy sighed. As much as she loved sitting around here moping. She put on her brave face. "Sure, Dawn. I’ll come."

Dawn smiled at her. "Good. I’ll go tell them."

Buffy watched as her sister walked out into the hallway. So effortless. Walking. Breathing. Living. It just came automatically. Most of the time. She pressed a hand to the wound in her side and thought, ruefully, not anymore. She was healing fine. Sure. The cuts were closing. The bruises were fading. But the memories were always there. And they always would be.

They would be leaving in a few minutes. Plenty of time. So why not just sit here a few minutes more. What was the harm, after all, of just sitting quietly. Thinking of what could have been:

"Buffy, hurry up." Spike sat on the sofa eagerly, holding a bowl of popcorn in his lap. "It’s starting. Come on!"

Buffy rushed into the living room. She sat down on the couch beside him, curling her legs up under her as he draped an arm around her. She lay her head down against his shoulder, sighing. They watched the movie in silence, munching popcorn and just holding on to each other.

"Spike?"

"’Tis okay, love, I’m right here." Spike grinned as he led his blindfolded Buffy down the hallway.

"Where are we?" Buffy reached out with her free hand, pressing it against his chest playfully.

"If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise, now, would it?" She could hear the smirk in his voice. They walked a little further, and he opened a door. "Now keep your eyes closed."

She did as she was told as the fabric was removed from her eyes. She let him help her into the room. It smelled like roses and vanilla. "Spike?"

He let go of her hand, taking a few steps back. "Open your eyes."

She opened her eyes, and was met by the sight of their bedroom. Except it was gorgeous. There were rose pedals all across the bed, coating the floor, and spread thickly across all the other furniture. And candles. He must have lit two hundred candles, at least. She walked up to him, pressing her lips lightly to his.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She opened her eyes. The sunlight came in through the window. She sat up, startled, and looked over to her side. The sunlight reflected off the sheets. Empty. She stood up, becoming frantic. "Spike?….. Spike?"

He walked out of their bathroom, with mussed, wet hair and a towel ‘round his waist. "Pet?"

She let her breath out. He easily walked around the beams to stand in front of her. He leaned in, kissing her lightly on her nose. Running his finger along her arm. He smiled.

Buffy sighed. All she was doing was beating herself up. These little fantasies wouldn’t do her any good. "Spike," she whispered faintly. "I miss you."

***

Spike drifted, alone again in his Heaven. Buffy all around him. Buffy coursing through him. And he had never felt so alone. I’d give anything, he thought, just to be back with her again.

Chapter Six
 

Spike floated, unaware of time. How long he had been there, he didn’t know. Maybe a year. Maybe an hour. He never slept. He never tired of having her wrapped around him. But he had never felt so helpless. It was like he had been blinded, or deprived of his hearing. Or both. Or maybe someone had just ripped his heart out.

He sensed a disturbance around him. More than one.

"William."

"Mother."

"William."

"Huh?" Spike spun around.

"William."

"William."

"Who are they??" He asked to his mother.

"They’re here to help you." She came closer. He could feel she wanted to help him. "Go with them, William."

Spike went towards the three. They felt…different. Like if you went too close, you might combust. Strange, really. "’ello." They latched on to him, and took him along. And the world changed. He panicked when he could no longer hear her. The light was blinding. Faster and faster, they went. Brighter, brighter.

Great. And when do the sodding harps start, he thought. Just then, he heard a soft melody winding around. Bloody.

He noticed when they stopped moving. Tentatively, he tried to figure out where they were. No use.

"Through here, William." One of his guides led him through what felt like a door. Inside it was cooler. Smaller.

"William."

Spike sighed and turned towards this new voice. It was softer than the others. More feminine. Yet infinitely more powerful. Hearing it calmed him more than he could say. "Yes?"

"We hear you have a problem."

"Who are you?"

She seemed to glow at his question. "Simply one of those who is allowed to help others."

"Ah."

"William, why aren’t you happy?"

Spike would’ve liked to shake this girl, had she not seemed so utterly charming and kind. Wasn’t it obvious, by now, why he wasn’t happy? "I’m here. I want to be back on Earth."

"Why, William?"

"For her."

"William." She came closer. "Tell us. Why do you need to go back."

"Because." Spike sighed again. "Because every moment I’m without her makes me feel like I’m loosing my mind. Because I love her, more than I’ve ever loved anything. Ever. She is all that I am, and she’s all that I want. She makes me feel like I’m actually someone in this world. When I’m with her, God, the world is bloody perfect. And she loves me." Spike paused, just now truly realizing these words. "She loves me. She loves me even though I’m a horrible being, and even though I’ve done some horrible things. Even though she knows who I really am. All of my fears. All of my embarrassments. She loves me. And I never even knew." He smirked. "I used to think I would die a thousand deaths before allowing one pretty hair on her head to be scratched. Now, I know that isn’t true. Yes, I’d rather die than have her hurt. A million times over, if not more. But I couldn’t live without her. And I sure as hell am not going to be dead without her either." Spike went even closer to the girl. "So we have us a little choice. I can’t stay here. Either kill me for good, let my being become nothing, destroy my soul. Or send me back where I bloody belong."

***

Buffy sat up that night, watching the clock. She was afraid to sleep. Every time she slept, she dreamt. If only they could be horrible dreams. If only they could be about all the carnage she’d seen, all the friends she had lost. But no. They had to be about him. Always about him. And it wasn’t even as if they were bad dreams. It wasn’t as if he was dying. No. They were wonderful. Always wonderful. Why did her dreams taunt her?

It had been over a week. More than seven days ago, she’d lost him. She didn’t even remember the time. It was like she didn’t know the concept. Time. Silly really. Had it really been a few days ago that they’d come here? Had it really been that many hours since she’d eaten lunch with her friends at a local restaurant? Had it really been that long since he’d held her in his arms and told her he loved her?

She was so weak. She could feel her eyelids sliding shut. She resisted the urge to yawn. I will not fall asleep. I will not fall asleep. I will not fall…..

Chapter Seven

Spike waited in the silence. She hadn’t said anything since his improvised love rant. He didn’t mind. Nice to have the quiet every now and again.

"You loved her, then."

"Yes."

"And you love her now?" She sounded confused, as if the mere thought of it was astonishing in and of itself.

"Yes." Spike thought about her. The way she walked, so fearlessly. The way she smiled, when she felt like crying. The way she wore her hair. The way she was. Yes, loved her. He always would. It was all he was capable of doing.

"You love this woman. You love her so much that-please correct me if I’m wrong-that you would rather be with her than in Heaven?"

"Yes."

"You would rather have her reject you than exist in eternal bliss?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Spike smiled. "She wouldn’t reject me. I know her too well."

The girl sighed. "Fine. She wouldn’t reject you. But William-you have done your part. Put in your time. It’s time to rest now, William."

His mind flashed back to a time not so long ago, when he had said such similar words. But they weren’t true. Not now. "No."

"She will come, William." Her voice softened, lowered in volume to the most peaceful intimacy. "You won’t be without her forever. She will come."

Spike shook at the thought. "Yes. And she will come sooner if I’m not there with her."

"Isn’t that what you want?"

"No!" Spike said. "I want her to live. I want her to grow old and get all wrinkly and have lots and lots of babies and look like someone put a tire ‘round her waist. I want all that lot. I want her to be happy."

"Then why are you here, arguing with me?"

"She needs me." Spike smiled softly. "I don’t know how I know, but somewhere down there in this bloody soul, I know that she needs me."

***

"She needs him." Willow sighed over her coke. She looked over to her friend, sitting on the windowsill, watching the clouds. "She’ll never admit it, but she does."

"Who’s to say?" Xander cocked his head at her slightly. "It’s not like he was such a good guy."

"She loved him." Dawn chirped quietly. "You know that."

"Yeah." Xander snorted a little. "I got that memo. But she loved Angel too."

Willow shook her head. "No. Look at her. It looks like someone took something from her. Or it’s just…gone."

***

Buffy looked over her shoulder at her friends. She knew they were talking about her. She didn’t care. Let them.

She knew she shouldn’t be separating herself from them. Done that before. And what had happened? Spike had saved her. Spike had brought her back. Like he always did.

She sighed. Life could not always be put on pause. One of these days she was going to have to get up. Learn how to breathe again. Try and find a job. Get Dawn back into school. And attempt to rebuild their lives.

What am I even going to do? She thought. Not like I can go up and say "Hi! I’m a Slayer. But they don’t really need me for that right now. So I’d like to come and work for you!" Buffy smiled a little at that thought. Smiled. She looked up again at the sky. Somewhere up there. Maybe. Maybe he could see her. Do you mind if I smile?

***

Spike smiled bitterly as he went back to what he had affectionately named ‘Buffyland’. The girl had said they would talk again. He bloody hoped so. He couldn’t stand this. Still, it was nice to be back. Her fingers tickled against his cheek. Her hair brushed his hand. Her words left him all weak in the knees and pansy-ish. He imagined what he could have said to her in those final moments.

"I love you."

"I know, pet."

"You do?"

"I’ve always loved you. You think I wouldn’t notice?"

The only problem was, that he hadn’t. She loved him, and he didn’t know. How long did you love me, Buffy? Did you love me when I held you in that abandoned house? Did you love me when I went to Africa? Did you love me when we- He stopped before the memories became too painful. He let his mind wander off, just so he wouldn’t have to recall all of these empty moments. Better to make up a happy one.

She stood there, watching him. He waved a little, awkwardly. She walked closer, stepping into the shadow her tree cast.

"What are you doing here?"

"Nothing." He looked down at the ground. Twenty some cigarette butts gazed back at him.

Buffy smiled a little. She stepped closer. He looked up in time to catch the twinkle in her eyes. To notice something that hadn’t been there before.

"Pet?"

"Hmmm?" She peered up at him, blinking innocently.

"I do believe that you’re falling for me." He snarked, leaning in and letting his nose brush hers.

"Am not!"

"Stop me then." He kissed her. And the last thing he expected was for her to kiss him back.

Slowly, she pulled away. Always slowly. "Fine." She smiled teasingly, reaching up and running her hand through his hair. "Don’t have to be so damn cocky about it."

He smirked at her. Then he leaned down, softly brushing their lips once more. She hummed against him. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Chapter Eight

It rained that day. How appropriate. Buffy stood in the doorway to their building, clutching her umbrella. Why did the weather always suit her mood?

Xander was leaving today. He had gotten a job with a construction crew working on the outskirts of Las Vegas. True, he would only be an hour or two’s drive from them. But it still hurt. They were all leaving.

The Slayers were thinning. They had sent two to a hellmouth in Africa. One to England. One to a newly discovered hotspot in New Zealand. And yesterday, three had departed to clean up Cleveland. Their numbers were dwindling.

Kennedy would be leaving to eliminate a vampire coven in Washington soon. Willow would go with her. She had pointed out they wouldn’t be long. A month or two, at most. And they would call her if they needed her.

Everyone was going. Everyone was going about his or her life, trying to continue with the good fight. Right the wrongs. Kill the bad guys. Find the evil and drive it out.

She had tried to stay busy. Why, one day she had managed to wake up, shower and go to buy groceries. She searched in the classifieds for a part time job. She looked into the local high schools for Dawn. She tried to accept the cards fate had dealt her.

Note on tried.

She didn’t want to live in this apartment anymore. Time to get out. Get some money. Buy a house. Normal things. Happy things.

Happy?

***

[He had come to kill her. But once he saw her he knew he couldn’t. She looked up, and saw him there. Standing there. He put down his gun, and sat down next to her. He lightly patted her on the back. And she never let on. He never knew how much it meant.]

He started, recoiling out of his dream at the sound of her coming. The girl. She had come. He could sense her.

"William."

He waited. There was nothing left to say. He could only listen.

"We have done much thinking over your request."

This peaked his interest. Not that he would let her know that, of course. But he listened more carefully. This was worth hearing.

"And we have come to a decision."

"You have?" Spike came forward. He prepared himself. He hoped. "What? What is it?"

"We have decided to grant you your request."

After a moment of pure elation, Spike frowned a little. What did that mean? He had requested more than one thing. Huh? "And that would be…"

"We have granted your request." She turned, and left. Just like that.

He was alone again, and confused. Thoroughly. He remembered what he had asked. He remembered perfectly. Every word that had come out of his sodding mouth.

["I can’t stay here. Either kill me for good, let my being become nothing, destroy my soul. Or send me back where I bloody belong." ]

Oh bloody. He whirled around. Her voice, all around him.

["I love you."

The light was getting brighter. Her scent was all over him. Like vanilla and roses and jasmine all in one. All in her.

Her fingers. Her hands. Her legs, wrapped around him. Her eyes, taking in every bit of him. Her lips, softly against the skin of his cheek. Slowly. Always slowly.

Her face was the last thing he saw.

***

She hugged him close. She could feel that awful patch rub against her skin. My fault. She pulled him closer.

"Easy there, Buff." Xander patted her on the back as they separated. He looked around, sighing. After one last hug from Willow, and nearly getting knocked over by Dawn, he turned for the car. His car. Nice of the group to help him buy it. "Well."

Buffy watched him. He waved goodbye. He said he’d call them once he got there. Then he got in the car, and left. Just like that.

She walked back inside. Up the flight of stairs. Three doors down, and to the left. Don’t forget your key. Light switch on your right side. Don’t trip on the shoes. It smells like cigarettes in here…. Cigarettes?

Slowly, she entered the apartment. It was coming from her bedroom. Buffy walked quickly to the bedroom. The door was ajar. She looked around it. There was someone sitting on the bed. Someone wearing a leather jacket. Leather jacket. Cigarettes. A chill ran down her spine. She walked in.

Faith turned around, and gave her a little smile. Cigarette in hand. Leather jacket. Buffy let her breath out. Silly of her. Faith walked over, patted her on the shoulder. "Sorry, B. Couldn’t be out there, ya know?"

She nodded. The smoke curled up around the girl’s fingers, wafted up into her hair. Disappeared. She wondered where it went.

Faith walked out. The smell lingered. She’d forgotten what it had been like. She’d forgotten how she’d liked it. She sat down on her bed, facing the wall. Faith had left her pack on the nightstand.

Buffy picked it up. She fingered the lid. Pulled one out. There was a lighter in the drawer. She put the cigarette to her lips, lighting the end. Inhale. Exhale. The smoke drifted towards the ceiling. Inhale. Exhale.

She wondered if people smoked in Heaven.

Chapter 9:

Chapter 10:

Chapter 11:

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