All the Graces of the Dawn

By enigmaticblue

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I don’t own them. Don’t sue.

Spoilers: I suppose through BtVS S5, but I’m doing some rearranging.

Summary: This is a sequel to “The Great Advantage of Being Alive.” If you haven’t read it, this one really won’t make any sense. In any case, Spike’s trying to find out what it means to be a man, and to fight at Buffy’s side. Buffy’s struggling with what it means to be the Slayer. Dawn wants to know if she’s real, and Glory just really wants her Key back.

Feedback: Yes, please.

Archiving: The Sandlot, The Crypt, and anywhere else that already has my stuff. Otherwise, ask and it shall be given to you.

A/N: The title comes from a Pablo Neruda poem. The line actually goes “all the graces of the daybreak” but I liked my pun.

Prologue

“As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.” ~Psalm 103:15-16

Spike stood in the corner of the old cemetery, daylight filtering down over him in a shifting pattern of light and shade. This was one of his favorite places to come, where he could think and be alone.

The headstones had been worn by time and the elements, the names all but rubbed off, the dates difficult to determine. An old stone bench sat next to his favorite, a simple white marble stone with only the legend “Beloved Mother” remaining. Even if some of the letters had been worn off, it was legible, and what remained of the date suggested that the nameless woman had died sometime around the turn of the century. Days like this, Spike liked to pretend she was his mother, and that this was her gravestone. It was one of the reasons he liked being undisturbed, as he didn’t want to appear crazy.

The dream he’d had after they’d defeated Adam had settled some questions for him. It had allowed him to figure out who he was—William or Spike. Now he was trying to figure out what he could become.

He wished his mother were here, actually—he missed her. William wondered where she was, if, by turning her, he had damned her soul for eternity. He wanted to ask her advice, to find out if she was proud of him—if she could be proud of him after the atrocities he had committed. He wanted a family again, his own family.

Spike wanted a purpose. He’d been thinking a lot lately about his dream, about what he might have been if he’d never become a vampire. He would never have made a difference in the world. After all the things he’d done, Spike wanted to do something, something that would counterbalance all that evil. He had the feeling that it wouldn’t involve working in an art gallery or being Buffy’s boyfriend. Both were rewarding in their own way, but it wasn’t enough, and that was becoming more and more clear.

“H’lo, mum,” he said quietly. “Wish this was your place. Wish I could be sure you were hearin’ me. I miss you, you know. Joyce does her best, but ‘s not the same.” Spike paused to pull a couple weeds that had sprouted up since his last visit.

He rubbed the back of his hand over his cheek, brushing at a fly. “’s my biggest regret, turnin’ you. Wish I knew where you were now, if you were okay. I have to believe that you are. You were a right good woman, an’ a good mum. Don’t see why you’d have to suffer because of me.

“Wish you could tell me what I’m s’posed to be doin’ with my life, where ‘m s’posed to be goin’.” He traced the letters with a finger. “’ve got this bright, shiny future all stretched out in front of me, an’ I’m sort of on a time table now, mum. I’d forgotten how to be mortal. Forgot what it meant to run out of time.”

He sighed. “I can’t get my hands clean, mum. Every time I think about doin’ somethin’ else, I wonder what the bloody hell I might have to offer—sorry for the language. My hands are still stained, an’ I don’t think they’ll ever be clean.”

Spike laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. Buffy knew nothing about any of this, and he had no plans of telling her. She had enough on her plate as it was, even if it had been a slow summer. And what could he say? How could she possibly understand? “So there you have it, mum. Your darling William is now an aimless bloke without a clue as to his future, who spent over a century as a vampire killin’ thousands, an’ ‘m on a tight schedule when you start talkin’ about makin’ amends.

“Besides, I don’t think it’s even possible.”

With that, Spike stood, prepared to go back to the gallery. He was on his lunch break, and if he didn’t hurry back, he would be missed. “There are days when I wish I could go back,” he confessed quietly. “Wish I could turn back time, an’ never have come to Sunnydale, because even if I did go back to bein’ a vampire now, everythin’ would be different.”

He looked down at his hands and remembered how many times they’d been stained with gore. They wouldn’t last another hundred years, not now. “Everything is different.”

Taking a deep breath, he went to join the world again.  

Chapter 1: Visiting Relations

“The moon blind-sided the sky again/As we grabbed loose ends of the tide and then/The slippery slide/You know I can’t say when/I ever took a ride that could slap me this silly/ With roiling joy/Lazy as sin/Lyin’ up in heaven with my special friend/And the space he’s in/It can make a girl grin/In the beginning of a lifelong fling…I wrote myself a riddle/I said, What I wouldn’t do/To give something good/To a love like you…” ~Over the Rhine, “Lifelong Fling”

The clash of steel on steel could be heard ringing out over the Summers’ backyard for at least two houses down. Joyce had already decided on the story she would tell her neighbors: her friends were practicing for a Renaissance festival. Of course, the occupants of the surrounding homes had long since grown used to odd goings-on at 1630 Revello Drive. Two men sparring with swords in the backyard was hardly something to take much notice of.

Both Spike and Giles were dressed only in jeans and shirt-sleeves, trusting to skill to keep them both out of harms’ way. As Giles had explained, it was much too hot outside to use pads, since they would both be risking heatstroke.

They had been going all out for the last thirty minutes, the first hour having been spent practicing defenses and lunges. Now the swords were a blur of movement, the mens’ feet dancing patterns around each other. The backs of their shirts were soaked in sweat, and Joyce could see it running down their faces. Giles wore a look of intense concentration to match Spike’s almost manic grin. It was parry-parry-thrust, and then, the movement too quick for Joyce’s novice eye to catch, Spike executed a maneuver that sent Giles’ sword flying across the yard to land in the grass several feet away.

“Do you yield?” Spike asked with a broad grin.

Giles gave the sword pointed playfully at his throat a sour look. “Of course I yield, you tosser. We’re not in a duel to the death.”

Spike pulled the sword away, his grin unwavering. “You’re getting slow, old man. Should have been able to catch that one.”

Giles raised an eyebrow. “My sword being on the lawn has nothing to do with my speed, or lack thereof. You’re getting to be quite the swordsman, William.”

Joyce was always amused at Spike’s reaction to a genuine compliment. He usually ducked his head as the tips of his ears turned pink. Shrugging, Spike did exactly that, pulling up his shirt to wipe some of the sweat off his forehead. “Had a good teacher,” he mumbled, heading over to collapse at Joyce’s feet on the back steps.

“Thanks, Joyce,” he said as she handed him a glass of iced tea. Giles echoed his thanks a moment later as he joined them.

“That was a well-executed move, Spike,” Giles said. “Where did you pick it up? It’s not one I’ve shown you.”

Spike shrugged. “Seemed like a good idea at the time,” he explained. “Don’t like to get too caught up in the drills, you know. Can’t surprise your opponent that way.”

Giles smiled. “I suppose that might be true. For someone who doesn’t like orthodoxy, you’re remarkably good at it, however.”

“Had some practice once upon a time,” was Spike’s only reply. He finished off his glass, standing to give Joyce a peck on the cheek. “Mind if I shower? Buffy’s supposed to be back any minute now.”

“Feel free,” Joyce replied with a smile. “Are you two going out tonight?”

“Big good-bye thing before ‘m out of town for a night,” Spike said with a smile. “She’s none too happy with me leavin’.”

“It’s only for one night,” Giles said with a frown. “Surely she can live without you for that long.”

Spike shrugged. “I think it was because we were s’posed to go to the beach, ‘fore school starts for her. Had to postpone it for this trip, and you know how much the Slayer loves to wait.”

With that, the ex-vampire disappeared indoors, and the older couple could hear him whistling his way through the house. “Sometimes he has more energy than two people,” Giles remarked, though without rancor. He’d had real reason to be grateful for Spike’s vigor over the course of the summer. Buffy still hadn’t shown much interest in getting back into training, although he knew Spike had encouraged her in that direction. Spike, on the other hand, had thrown himself into sparring with all the energy he’d harnessed to his advantage as a vampire. Giles had a theory that there was a bigger reason behind it than Spike’s desire to be of use on the Hellmouth. But the other man hadn’t opened up to him, and Giles hadn’t pressed.

Giles thought he probably would have been giving serious thought to going back to England at this point if it weren’t for Spike and Joyce. He still felt a measure of responsibility for the ex-vampire, and hadn’t yet figured out where that began and ended. Spike’s desire for his company and knowledge helped to keep Giles more content than he otherwise might have been.

He and Joyce had found themselves in an amiable relationship. It wasn’t what anyone might call a dating relationship, but Giles had found that they had a great deal more in common than he might have ever expected. Not only had his fondness for the older Summers grown, but also his respect. If he’d believed his duty as Buffy’s Watcher could be trying, he hated having to think of what Joyce must go through every time danger was around the corner.

They’d been out for dinner a few times, had had a number of casual cups of tea, and many more pleasant conversations. If more than that was on the way, Giles didn’t know, even if he was eager to find out.

“Have you noticed anything off about Spike recently?” Joyce asked, pulling Giles out of his thoughts.

Giles leaned back slightly against the railing to better see her. “Off? I don’t think so. Why?”

She shook her head. “I’m not sure, to be honest. He just seems a little more distant recently. I don’t think it’s anything serious, but I was wondering if he had said anything to you.”

“I would think it would be you or Buffy he would talk to first,” Giles pointed out. “Not that Spike doesn’t talk to me, but I know he confides in you.”

Joyce nodded slowly. “Perhaps. He might say something to me after a while.” Her pensive mood dissipating, she gave Giles a smile that was nothing short of sexy. “You know, if Spike and Buffy are going to be gone, I think I might want to stay in this evening.”

Giles smiled in return. “That sounds perfect.”

~~~~~

Spike stepped out of the bathroom to find Buffy waiting for him in the hallway. “Mom said you had a nice training session this afternoon.”

“Went alright,” he agreed, leaning down to give her a kiss. What had been a casual greeting peck soon changed into a rather heated make-out session, interrupted by Joyce’s voice. “Are you two staying here for dinner?”

“No, Mom,” Buffy called down the stairs. “We’re on our way out as soon as I get changed.”

“Are you going to be coming back tonight?”

Buffy smiled as Spike winced at the question. While her mom operated under a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, Joyce knew they were sleeping together. And Spike knew that she knew, which made him uncomfortable in moments like this when it became that much more obvious. “No, Mom,” she replied. “I’m going to see him off in the morning.”

Spike leaned in close. “I’m only goin’ to be gone for one night, pet,” he reminded her. “’s not like you’re never gonna see me again.”

Buffy frowned. “Yeah, but one night this time could turn into a whole week if Mom starts wanting you to go on these buying trips a lot. Up till now, she was the one who was doing this kind of thing.”

“You know I’ll always come back to you, luv,” Spike replied, slightly confused by Buffy’s words. He thought that they were both independent enough that time apart shouldn’t have caused her worry.

Buffy shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about this here,” she said, shooting a meaningful glance down the stairs. “Can we put it on hold?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, trying to sound as though he hadn’t a care in the world. “Why don’t you get dressed and we’ll go get a bite?”

~~~~~

The summer had been one of nearly complete relaxation for everyone. Adam’s failed plan meant that most of the demons in Sunnydale—the ones to worry about, anyway—had been down in the Initiative at the end. With the demon and vampire populations much depleted, Buffy had a chance to get caught up on her beach-going activities, hang out with her friends, and spend as much time as possible with Spike. Granted, Spike was often busy being responsible-guy with a job and training, but he made time for her.

Buffy smiled, thinking of some of those times. What they might have missed out on in quantity, he certainly made up for in quality.

The summer hadn’t been completely tame, however. Buffy had begun to feel the pull of something primal, something that had been unleashed when they’d invoked the power of the First Slayer. She knew Spike had noticed, since she’d snuck out to go hunting several times while spending the night at his place, and each time upon her return he’d cracked an eyelid and pulled her close to him again. But he hadn’t said anything about it, which surprised Buffy.

She was also a little worried about Spike. Buffy had surprised him staring off into space a number of times, so deep in thought that he didn’t even realize she was there. His obvious distraction had gotten worse as the summer went on, and she couldn’t help but wonder if he wasn’t getting tired of living in Sunnydale. Buffy knew that he had traveled the globe for decades, never staying in one place very long. What if he was getting tired of being here? And what if this trip turned into multiple trips, which whetted his appetite for bigger and better things than he could find in Sunnydale? He couldn’t define himself as a vampire out to kill the Slayer any longer. What could she hope to offer him here, other than herself?

“Were you not hungry tonight, luv?” Spike asked, as they walked back to his place from the restaurant. “You didn’t eat much. Want to tell me what’s on your mind?”

Buffy hesitated. “It’s just—I don’t know.”

Worry, mixed with anger, flashed across Spike’s face. “’s okay, Buffy. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, it’s not okay, and I want to tell you,” she replied. Buffy looked down the street, reminding herself to be alert. It might have been a fairly quiet summer, but it didn’t pay to be caught off-guard. “I need to talk to you about why I’ve been sneaking out lately.”

Spike braced himself. “Okay.”

“I’ve been getting this urge—I don’t know, it’s like this part of me has been awakened, after we did that spell calling on the First Slayer.” Buffy reached over and grabbed one of Spike’s hands. “At night—I’ve been hunting. And it’s strong, Spike. I wasn’t sure what to tell anyone, but I figured you’d understand, if anyone would.”

Relief hit him like a freight train. Buffy wasn’t breaking up with him, she was just feeling the pull of her Slayer blood. When he didn’t say anything right away, too relieved to know what to say, Buffy forged ahead. “I don’t know what it says about me, Spike. I don’t know what it means to really be the Slayer. I’ve been trying for so long just to be Buffy, trying to make the Slayer thing a side-gig, but I don’t think it’s an option anymore.”

“What do you want to do about it?” Spike asked gently.

Buffy shrugged. “I think I’m going to ask Giles to start training me again. I want to learn more about the Slayers that have come before me, what makes us who we are. I just—I wanted you to know. You’ve seemed kind of—I don’t know, distant lately.”

Spike sighed, releasing Buffy’s hand to put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her in close. “Dunno, luv. ‘s nothin’ to do with you, really. ‘m just thinkin’ about the future, an’ it’s not real clear.”

She frowned. “Not clear? Are you thinking you might want to leave Sunnydale?” she asked, her own fears coloring her tone.

“Not unless you’re goin’ with me,” he reassured her quickly. “But Buffy, ‘m not sure I want to work in the art gallery for the rest of my life. I like it, like workin’ with your mum, but I’ve just been tryin’ to figure out what it means to be alive again. Now, seems like there’s more to it than that.”

“Welcome to my world,” Buffy said dryly. “Everybody keeps asking me what I’m going to major in, but I’m having trouble just figuring out what classes I want to take.”

“Thought you’d signed up for those,” Spike replied, pulling out his keys as they approached his apartment.

Buffy nodded. “I did. I mean, I’m all signed up, but it’s just general stuff right now. Sooner or later, I’ll start running out of those kinds of classes, and then I’ll have to pick something.” She smiled. “So what do you want to be when you grow up, William?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, luv. Doin’ something else probably means goin’ back to school, an’ I’m not sure I want to do that. On the other hand, whatever degree I had is probably obsolete at this point. Don’t have much in the way of skills.” Spike followed her into his living room, running a hand through his hair.

“Don’t say that,” Buffy said, reaching for him playfully. “You have lots of—skills.”

Spike wasn’t quite ready to play. “Slayer, you know that’s not what I mean.” He turned away in frustration. Being a vampire had been a lot like being an adolescent. For over a hundred years, he hadn’t needed to have a direction. Adulthood stretched out in front of him now, years of doing something with his life. He was going to age, and he had to think about things like retirement, and how he would take care of a family—if he ever convinced Buffy to marry him.

Buffy took a step back, watching Spike thoughtfully. “Spike, this isn’t about me being the Slayer and you not being a vampire anymore, is it?”

“No, luv, this is about me bein’ a man,” Spike said sincerely. “Don’t mind if you’re stronger.” He hesitated, not wanting to bring up bad memories for either of them. “Dru was always stronger than me, except for after Prague. I like strength in a woman.”

“Then why don’t you give it some time, sweetheart?” she asked, coming closer again. “You haven’t even been human for a year yet. You work hard. Isn’t that enough for now?” Close enough to touch now, Buffy put a hand on his chest. “If you’re worried about it, talk to Giles, see what he has to say. But don’t even think that you’re useless, not when you’ve done so much.”

Spike let himself be reassured by her words, and her hands. Bending slightly to kiss her, he pulled her shirt up, running his hands over bare skin. It was all the encouragement Buffy needed to do the same thing. “Need you,” she whispered, when they both finally came up for air. “Stay with me.”

“Always,” he replied. “Remember? I love you.”

“I thought you might want to leave me,” she said, drawing in a quick breath as he trailed kisses down her neck, nibbling at a particularly tender spot. “You might get bored…”

“With you? Never,” Spike replied.

His mouth got busy again, and Buffy breathed out, “I love you.”

They left a trail of clothing from his living room to the bedroom in their haste, Spike’s clever hands working as quickly as hers to remove all impedimenta. Sex had never been a problem with them. Actually, the physical had never been a problem. Whether it was fighting or making love, they seemed to sense the other’s needs and moods before anything was said.

Skin slid across skin and hands tangled in hair and sheets, as they created anew their union. In that moment, Spike felt like a god among men, and he worshipped Buffy with everything he was. Anxiety about the future disappeared, as did the past. There was nothing but the moment, the rhythm and the dance.

When it was over, Buffy lay exhausted agaist Spike’s bare chest. “I really do love you, you know. Just you, as you are.”

Spike stroked her hair. “An’ I love you. Buffy-you, an’ Slayer-you.”

It was all either of them needed.

~~~~~

Spike’s ride to L.A. was uneventful, as was his meeting with the client. It was late before the deal was completed to both their satisfaction, and Spike gratefully accepted the other man’s invitation to dinner. “It’s been nice working with you, William,” Brad Koerner said. “I like Joyce quite a bit, but you’ve got an eye for this business as well.”

Spike glanced off to the side, feeling a little embarrassed by the compliment. “Thanks, mate. Mostly, I just fell into it. Joyce offered me a job when I was a bit hard up, an’ it worked itself out.”

“Well, I’ll call that a bit of luck,” Brad agreed. He leaned back in his chair. “How long have you known Joyce?”

Spike shrugged again, taking another bite of the excellent steak that Brad had ordered for the both of them. “Few years now. She’s like family to me.”

“Joyce definitely has a presence. She’s a real lady,” Brad said. “You know, if you ever decide you want to change careers, do something a little different, give me a call.” He produced a business card from the breast pocket of his suit. “I could always use a man with your talents, William.”

Spike looked bemused. “Not sure what you think those are,” he replied. “But thanks for the offer.”

Brad raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got a good head, which is more than I can say for a lot of people out there. In any case, I appreciate all the work you’ve done for me. If you’re in L.A. again, be sure to look me up.”

“Sure thing,” Spike replied, pocketing the card. He frowned, struck with an idea. There was someone else he wouldn’t mind looking up while he was in L.A.

~~~~~

Buffy fingered the scarf at her neck and thought of Dracula. Every once in a while, the idea of a platinum blonde ex-vampire would intrude, but the thrall had her dismissing her memories like pesky flies. No one had noticed her attempts to hide a bite mark yet.

There was some small part of Buffy’s mind that knew that Spike would have noticed. Spike would have seen the scarf and known immediately what it was for.

Spike was in L.A., though, and the other part of Buffy was grateful for it.

She listened half-heartedly as the rest of the gang discussed how they were going to find Dracula, not even noticing Xander’s peculiar behavior, or the odd way he was speaking about the “Master” vampire. Buffy tuned back in briefly as Giles addressed her specifically. “Buffy?”

Thinking about the snatches she’d managed to hear, she nodded. “Oh, yeah. I’ll check the swanky places first.”

Giles gave her a concerned look. “Buffy? Are you okay? I know that you were distressed over Spike being gone, but he should be back tonight sometime.”

“Spike?” Buffy asked, as though she didn’t even remember the name. “Oh, no, Giles. I know. It’s not a big deal.”

“Well, I hope your good-bye orgasms were worth more enthusiasm than that,” Anya said bluntly. “Because that’s the only good thing about saying good-bye.”

Anya’s words caused all eyes to turn toward her and then away again as they collectively decided to ignore her. “Well, Dracula isn’t like other vamps,” Willow explained. “He has all these cool powers, like being able to appear in dreams, and changing his shape. More importantly, he wants to feel a connection to his victims, and he has all these mental powers to draw them in.”

Buffy frowned, thinking of her dream. Well, probably not a dream, since she had the bite on her neck, but it hadn’t really felt real. Plus, she was still alive. Giles seemed to pick up on her thoughts, at least partially. “In any case, the end result is the same, whatever the differences in styles,” he pointed out. “He turns his victims.”

The words didn’t register as strongly with Buffy as they probably should have. Turn her? Would that be so bad? To live forever, to never worry about growing up or growing old… Again, she didn’t quite catch Xander’s odd phrasing about the offer of immortality. He was being all too enthusiastic about the idea of exchanging blood.

Tara was watching Buffy from her seat next to Willow. Something felt off about this whole thing. Willow’s enthusiasm over the legendary Dracula could be explained away by her intense curiosity, but both Xander and Buffy were acting oddly. The blonde witch watched as Buffy’s fingers ran over the scarf again, and she noticed that it coincided with Giles’ mention of Dracula’s name.

“Buffy?” Tara said, timidly addressing the Slayer. Her voice caught the attention of the others, and silence fell over the room. She blushed and stammered a bit. “Um, is there something wrong? With your neck?”

Buffy’s response was a frown, and she quickly rose from the couch. “No. I’m fine. I just felt like wearing a scarf today, that’s all.” The Slayer shrugged her shoulders, as if to cast off Tara’s questions. “I should go start checking out those spots.”

Something in Buffy’s tone caught at Giles’ attention as well, and he also stood. “Buffy, why are you wearing a scarf?”

“Because it goes with the outfit!” she snapped, sounding more overwrought than the situation would seem to demand. Her fingers were nervous on the bit of cloth, however, and Giles stepped forward, quickly pulling it away.

The twin puncture marks were visible immediately, and Giles eyed her sternly. “Why were you trying to hide that, Buffy?”

“I don’t know…” As the Slayer explained about the voice in her head, she continued to feel the pull. It wasn’t over yet, the voice seemed to whisper. And it could only end one way.

~~~~~

Spike stood outside the Art Deco style apartment building with some trepidation. He’d called Willow on a whim the previous night, knowing that she kept in closer touch with the L.A. gang than Buffy or any of the others did. The ex-vampire had the sense it was Willow’s rather forgiving nature, more than any real sense of friendship, that had led her to stay in touch with Cordelia. He wasn’t certain that Buffy knew that Angel’s office had been destroyed, and that the vampire was making his headquarters at the Cheerleader’s place for the time being.

Actually, he hadn’t cared to ask Buffy. Telling his girlfriend that he was going to see her ex to discuss personal issues didn’t seem like the wisest course of action. Not that he thought she would mind him talking to Angel, but still. He didn’t want her to know. This was personal. More personal than he wanted to share with anyone.

Which was why he was going to Angel.

Spike let out a frustrated sigh, shoving the scribbled address back into his pocket. This was ridiculous. He would go in there, say hello, and then leave. He could even tell them that the rest of the gang sent greetings. It wasn’t so odd that he’d look up old acquaintances while he was in town.

Spike knocked on the door, smiling admiringly when Cordelia answered. “Hello, Cordelia.”

Her eyes widened. “Spike! I thought you learned your lesson last time you were here.”

“I did,” Spike replied with a little grin, realizing that she didn’t know he was human. “You want to invite me in? And you look lovely by the way.”

She glared. “Thanks, and hell, no. I’m not inviting a vampire into my house so you can rip my throat out. In fact, when Angel sees you, he’s going to—”

“Probably say hello,” Angel rumbled from behind her. “Hey, Spike.”

“Angel,” Spike replied casually. With as much finesse as possible, he pushed slightly past Cordelia, demonstrating that he could come across the threshold without an invitation. “May I come in?”

She stood aside for him then, raising an eyebrow at his easy entrance and slight tan, then turned her glare on Angel. “You knew Spike was human! You couldn’t have told me?”

“Didn’t seem important,” Angel said, knowing he was getting a rise out of her, and enjoying it. “Is everything okay?”

Spike nodded, knowing what Angel was really asking. “Buffy’s fine. I was in town, runnin’ an errand for Joyce. Thought I’d drop in.”

Angel nodded, eyeing him solemnly. “You want to talk?”

“Somewhere private?”

Angel looked over at Cordelia, who sighed. “Not a big apartment, Angel. Use my bedroom.”

The vampire jerked his head at Spike and headed back towards her room, while Spike took a moment to take in the place. It was a lot nicer and definitely roomier than his flat, and he nodded appreciatively. “Nice place you got here, pet.”

“Rent control,” she explained briefly. “It has a ghost.”

Spike nodded. “Ghosts can be useful.”

“His name is Dennis,” she replied, beginning to warm up to this human-Spike. Of course, the vampire-Spike had been the first to notice she’d lost weight. He’d always been observant.

“H’lo, Dennis,” Spike said, then went to follow Angel back to the bedroom.

Angel stood away from the window, where the light wouldn’t reach him. “You didn’t come see me just because you were in the neighborhood.”

“No,” Spike agreed. “I just—” He stopped, unsure of how to put his thoughts into words.

“Soul bothering you?”

Spike wouldn’t have answered, save for the hint of compassion threading through the words. “Some days.” He wasn’t going to go into how many days the guilt threatened to overwhelm him. It was worst in the mornings, right after he woke up. Once he got himself up and going, and distracted with all the regular challenges of life, he was fine. And if Buffy was there, it made things better. That wasn’t the issue at present, however.

“Not about the soul, exactly,” Spike said slowly. “When we saw you, this spring, the look on your face told me you knew somethin’ ‘bout the demon-blood.”

Angel watched the other man warily. “I do. I did.”

“Personally?”

“Something like that.” Angel heaved a sigh. “You won’t tell Buffy?” When Spike nodded, the vampire slowly told him what had happened, right down to the rewinding of the day. Angel finished and gave Spike a curious look. “Is that why you’re here today?”

Spike shrugged. “Somethin’ like that. I thought you might understand, but I guess you didn’t have much time to give thought to the future. It’s just that I have one now, you know?”

Angel did know. It was part of the reason he’d chosen to go back, to ask the Powers to change things. As a human, he couldn’t have the future he wanted, do the things he wanted to do. Angel had thought it was because he couldn’t search for redemption when he was so fragile. In reality, it was because searching for redemption as a human frightened him. He would never say it, but he hadn’t wanted to give up being a vampire, not until he knew he’d earned his humanity as a reward, not as a fluke.

“I know.” Angel suddenly put out a hand, squeezing the smaller man’s shoulder with a firm grip. “You haven’t been alive for that long, Spike. Give it some time.” What he couldn’t say was that Spike was perhaps the braver man.

“That’s what Buffy said,” Spike replied with a wry smile.

Angel returned the smile. “She’s right sometimes.”

“Lot of the time.” Spike turned towards the door. “Speakin’ of, I should be getting back to Sunnydale. Got to make sure everythin’s runnin’ smoothly.”

“Spike?” He waited until Spike turned to face him again. “If you need something, you know where to find me.”

Spike lifted an eyebrow and nodded. “Yeah. Same goes.”

Angel walked his old companion to the door and watched him go. “Was that William the Bloody?” Wesley asked from behind him, having caught a brief glimpse.

“Yeah.”

“And he’s human?” Wesley persisted.

“That’s right.”

Cordelia spoke up. “And he’s dating Buffy?”

“For a while now.”

Cordy shook her head in sympathy. “In other words, Spike got everything you ever wanted.”

Angel thought for a moment, remembering the lines on the man’s face, the haunted look in his eyes. He thought about what it would mean to be human again, to try and live in the world he’d long left behind. “No, not everything,” he replied, not elaborating. “Not everything.”

Chapter 2: The Taste of Darkness

“By night, Love, tie your heart to mine, and the two/together in their sleep will defeat the darkness/like a double drum in the forest, pounding/against the thick wall of wet leaves…tie me to a purer motion,/to the constancy that beats in your chest/with the wings of a swan underwater…” ~Pablo Neruda, “LXXIX”

Spike went by the gallery first, only to find the “Closed” sign in the window. He frowned slightly. It was early in the day for Joyce to have closed up. Beginning to feel the first twinges of anxiety, he headed for the house.

Willow and Tara were just finishing up the disinvite spell when he arrived, sending his eyebrows straight up into his hairline as Spike recognized the ritual. “What’s goin’ on?” he asked, perhaps more sharply than he intended.

“Dracula’s in town!” Willow blurted out. She was still feeling some excitement over meeting the vampire so many legends were based upon.

Spike looked around, his eyes narrowing as he took in the situation. “Don’t tell me. Somebody invited him into the house.”

“That would be me,” Joyce admitted ruefully, stepping out of the kitchen. “I met him over at the gallery, and then he was just so nice…” She trailed off, sighing. “I don’t normally invite strange men over for coffee.”

Spike’s expression softened. “Not your fault, pet. Ol’ Drac’s got a few tricks up his sleeve. If you didn’t want to invite him in, he would have made sure you did.”

Tara’s eyes went wide. “Y-you know D-D-Dracula?”

“Sure,” Spike said shrugging. “Poncy bugger’s told the whole world how to kill u—vampires.” He checked to make sure no one heard his slip. It was still hard to remember that he wasn’t a vampire sometimes. “We were rivals once upon a time. The wanker still owes me eleven pounds.”

All three women moved just a little closer, sensing a good story. “Why does he owe you money?” Willow asked.

“Well, see, I was chattin’ up this girl,” Spike explained, realizing he was going to have to be careful if he wanted to avoid the gorier parts. “Dru’d gone off, an’ I was feelin’ a bit lonely, an’ I wanted some conversation. Then Drac comes along and steals her right from under my nose.” Spike still remembered the rank arrogance of the famous vampire. “So I returned the favor a few days later. Kept on like that for a while, until there was this one—”

Spike stopped there, remembering his audience. He also remembered that he wasn’t supposed to recall those days with quite so much pleasure. “So we had a bet on for who could charm this chit. Eleven pounds, and I won.”

Willow frowned. “Why eleven pounds?”

“It was all I had in my pocket,” Spike replied easily, his grin illustrating one of the reasons why he’d won. “But the tosser never paid.” Though momentarily distracted by his memories, the small niggling anxiety blossomed. “Where’s Buffy?”

~~~~~

Buffy’s lassitude was bordering on the catatonic at this point. There was still a part of her that knew this strange not-caring wasn’t right, but she was helpless in the face of whatever held her in its grasp. Hours had now passed in Xander’s basement apartment, and she’d done little except watch the shadows move across the floor.

If she had thought about it—or had been able to think about it—she would have wondered why the Slayer found it so difficult to cast off Dracula’s thrall. Buffy had thought herself immune to such things, though she’d never gotten the chance to experiment. What little she did know about thrall and its effects was limited to her casual perusal of Giles’ books, and one of Spike’s off-handed comments. He’d told her he hadn’t the patience to learn the technique, and had added that he hadn’t seen the need for it either. “Thrall’s a stupid thing when you can accomplish the same things with a bit of charm.”

In other words, Spike had never needed anything but a devastating smile, a pair of sharp blue eyes, and that little tongue thing he did. Buffy had believed it. She had experienced the talents of the tongue.

Even the memory of Spike’s talents weren’t enough to break her out of the trance, however, and if she had to say why, it might have had something to do with the inevitable showdown she knew was imminent. There was something about the darkness that Dracula represented that drew her in. It was probably related to her recent fascination with hunting.

The darkness drew her, and Buffy couldn’t help but wonder what it would feel like if the next bite she received from Dracula made her a permanent resident of the night.

So, she was ready to go when Xander told her he was supposed to take her to the “Master.”

Buffy regained some of her equilibrium on the way to Dracula’s castle. She had even managed to convince herself that the thrall was over, and she was in control of herself again. That is, she managed to believe it until she found herself putting down her stake at his command.

“Stay away from me.”

Dracula simply smiled. “Are you afraid I will bite you? Slayer, that’s why you came.”

“No. Last night? It’s not gonna happen again,” Buffy said, as much to convince herself as to convince the vampire.

“Stop me. Stake me,” he invited, getting closer.

Buffy glanced longingly towards her stake. “Any minute now.”

“Do you know why you cannot resist?” he asked.

“Because you’re famous?”

“Because you do not want to,” he replied, circling her.

Buffy backed off. “My friends—”

“Are here. They will not find us. We are alone, always alone,” Dracula replied. “I have so much to show you, so much to teach you, what you are capable of. Your history, your power, what your body is capable of.”

The Slayer blinked, suddenly recalling the conversation she’d had with Spike. He had understood; Spike had known, and not seen anything to be wary of. “I don’t need you to teach me anything.”

Dracula merely raised an eyebrow. “Who better than someone who lives in the darkness to give you your first taste of it?” With a casual gesture, the vampire slid one fingernail along his wrist, raising a thin line of blood.

Buffy took a step back. “I won’t—”

“Just a taste, Slayer,” he assured her. “I have not taken enough from you yet to change you.”

Dracula had been right about one thing; she was drawn to the darkness, to him. There was a part of her that longed for the taste that he offered. She bent, but against her will, and a voice interrupted.

“Stealing my girl again, Vlad? Why can’t you ever get your own?”

~~~~~

Hearing what had happened with the Slayer told Spike all he needed to know. Dracula had placed his mark on her neck, and Buffy wouldn’t be able to resist the pull he’d placed on her mind. Buffy shouldn’t have allowed the wanker to bite her in the first place.

Spike didn’t want to admit to how much it rankled that old Drac got the chance to sup while he’d never enjoyed the opportunity.

After a quick word to the girls, Spike took off for Xander’s place. He knew that if Buffy really wanted to go somewhere, Xander would have no chance of stopping her. When he arrived, however, Harris’ mom told him that he’d just left with “that Buffy girl.” Spike stood on their front lawn, running a hand through his hair. Where the bloody hell was he supposed to go now?

He knew Drac favored the more high-brow places, but it would take hours to check all of them out, and Spike didn’t have time for that. He frowned. On a whim, he took out his new cell phone and dialed the shipping place he and Joyce used. It was the only reliable company that operated in Sunnydale.

Using his most persuasive tone, Spike convinced the lady who answered the phone to not only inform him that they’d had a delivery just a day or so previous from which two of their men had never returned, but also the address of said delivery.

Spike chuckled darkly, sliding behind the wheel of his car again. “Trust Drac to be all traditional. Bloody idiot will never learn to change things up. Always has to be shipped by crate, packed in dirt from the soddin’ motherland.”

It took him only a few minutes to get there, and Spike found himself standing in front of a castle that was right out of a Gothic romance. Muttering curses to himself all the way inside, he made his way through the halls.

He didn’t bother looking for Xander or Giles. They would be safe enough while Dracula was focused on the Slayer. Of course, while he wasn’t looking for Xander, that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to find him. The younger man got in his way as Spike headed for the inner sanctum of the castle. “No one hurts the Master.”

Spike’s eyebrows went up. “Bloody git always has to have his bug-eaters,” he grumbled.

“If you want to get to the Master you have to go through me,” Xander said, ignoring Spike’s commentary.

“Yeah, okay,” Spike replied, throwing a mean left hook that took him out with one blow. “Sorry, mate,” he muttered as he stepped over Xander’s still form on his way to find Buffy.

Spike didn’t try to analyze the rush of jealousy he felt as he walked into the great room, firelight giving the room that dim, romantic glow that Dracula had always favored. He had never quite understood some of the older vampires’ desire for the olden days, before electricity and such. The lack of open flames could only be a good thing in Spike’s mind, and he’d loved TV.

It wasn’t the atmosphere that caused his anger. It was Buffy’s position, leaning over the vampire’s bleeding wrist. Spike knew there was no way Buffy could be turned, not if she was conscious enough to stand on her own. He understood the kind of intimacy that the sharing of blood connoted among vampires, though. If Spike thought that the Slayer was operating under her own power, or that she understood what Dracula was offering, he would have been a lot more than angry.

But it was his jealousy that spoke. “Stealing my girl again, Vlad? Why can’t you ever get your own?”

Dracula looked over to where he stood in the doorway. “William. I don’t see your name on her.”

It was a childish, schoolyard comment, and it put a smirk on Spike’s face. He was no longer an adolescent, playing games winning girls’ hearts. He was a man, and the girl was his. “No? You looked at her hand, mate? She’s got my ring on, doesn’t she?”

Dracula blinked, beginning to realize that Spike had made a fundamental change. “You think you can hold her?” he asked incredulously. “You belong to the daylight now, William. You have nothing to offer her.”

“Wrong,” Spike replied in a hard tone. “I can offer her everything.” He looked over at Buffy. “Nice to see you, luv.”

“Same here,” she managed. “Did Giles call you?”

“Walked in on the disinvite spell,” Spike explained. “Thought I might come give you a hand, maybe renew my acquaintance with the poncy bugger standin’ in front of you.”

Buffy smiled and seemed to pull back, taking a step towards Spike. “I don’t think so,” Dracula said, reasserting his will. “Taste, Slayer. You will see that I can offer you more than any mere mortal. I can teach you who you are.”

“Slayer’s a creature of the daylight, Drac,” Spike replied. “She doesn’t belong in the dark.”

“And yet she seeks it,” Dracula replied with a coy smile. “Have you yet begun to wonder, William? How long can you hope to hold her attention?” He looked back at Buffy. “Taste, and see,” he said, and this time the Slayer couldn’t resist.

Spike watched as Buffy sucked at his wrist, drawing in a deep breath. The taste might give her clarity. It might, as Dracula said, give her a taste for the dark. And if Buffy decided that was where she wanted to go, Spike knew he wasn’t strong enough to stop her.

He watched the emotions play across her face, and he knew exactly when Dracula had lost his hold. Buffy straightened, a cool little smile playing over her lips. “Okay, now that was gross.”

Dracula frowned. “You are resisting.”

“Looks like.” Buffy looked over at Spike. “Hey, honey. How was your trip?”

“Good,” he replied, a grin beginning to light up his features. “You need any help?”

“Nope,” Buffy said. “I’m just going to give Dracula here a taste of the Slayer. If you want, you can stay and watch me kick his ass.”

“Always a pleasure,” he responded, watching as the vampire went after her with a roar. Spike knew that at least half of Dracula’s fury stemmed from having had an audience to witness his failure with the Slayer. The fight ranged over the entire hall, with Spike standing at the edge, an eager spectator. Even though he loved the fight as much as Buffy did, he got just as much pleasure from watching the Slayer do battle.

Had he still been a poet, she would have been an endless source of inspiration.

Her last move was a spectacular one, staking Dracula just as he rematerialized on the landing, and Spike realized that she’d been showing off for him. With a broad grin, he came to join her in the middle of the hall. “Hello, luv,” he murmured, kissing her.

“Hello, yourself,” she said, returning the embrace with feeling. They were interrupted by Xander’s dramatic entrance.

“Where is he?” Xander demanded. “Where’s the creep that turned me into his spider-eating Man-bitch?”

Spike and Buffy exchanged looks. “Slayer already took care of him, Harris,” Spike said apologetically.

“Dammit!” Xander exploded. “I’m sick of this crap. I’m sick of being the guy that eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As of this moment it’s over. I’m done being everybody’s butt-monkey.”

“Right,” Buffy said, trying to keep a straight face. “No more butt-monkey.”

Spike nodded, a suspicious twinkle in his eye. “That’s the spirit, mate.”

Xander looked from one to the other, trying to decide if he was being made fun of. Buffy looked over at Spike. “You know, you’d probably better look for Giles. Dracula said something about my friends not finding us.”

“What are you going to do?” Xander asked.

Buffy rolled her eyes. “I’m going to make sure Dracula doesn’t come back.”

~~~~~

The next day Buffy met Spike at the gallery, with plans for a nice stroll back to her house where her mom was making dinner for the both of them. “So, you ready for the beach tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure,” Spike replied, sounding distracted.

Buffy frowned. “You don’t sound too thrilled.”

He seemed to shake his mood off. “Not that, luv. Just a lot on my mind right now, ‘s all.”

“You’re not mad about Dracula, are you?” Buffy asked. Spike could read her like a book, but she was beginning to be able to read his moods as well.

He looked over at her, surprised and guilty. “No. I mean, I know it wasn’t your fault, Buffy. ‘ve known Dracula for a while now, so it’s not like I don’t know what he’s capable of.”

“It’s about him biting me, isn’t it?” she asked, feeling as though she’d gotten pretty close when she saw him trying to hide a wince. “Spike—”

“You don’t understand, Slayer,” he said, cutting her off, a touch of impatience in his voice. “You don’t know what a bite means to a vampire. It’s more than just the blood, ‘specially when the vamp is Dracula and the girl’s the Slayer.”

Buffy gave him an incredulous stare. “You mean it’s about the sex. Spike! I would never—”

“Not about you,” he said, almost grimly, and Buffy got a glimmer of understanding.

Tentatively, she reached out for his hand. “It’s about you.”

“I don’t want to be a vampire, Buffy. Not anymore, not with what I’ve learned about bein’ alive.” Spike sighed. “I wouldn’t go back for all the tea in China, but that doesn’t mean I don’t remember, that I don’t look back and wish…”

When Spike trailed off, Buffy leaned in closer. She had been his first, in a lot of ways. She had certainly been the first lover he’d had as a human. Buffy, on the other hand, had had other lovers, human and vampire. She had been bitten three times, and none of those times had been by him.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly.

He shook his head. “Don’t be, luv. It’s just me bein’ silly. I know you love me.”

“More than you know,” Buffy replied. “You see me, Spike, and that’s more than I can say for any other guy I’ve ever known.”

Spike smiled, and gave her hand a squeeze, bringing it up to his lips for a kiss. “Did you check on Giles today?”

She laughed. “Yes, Mr. Subtlety. Not only did I check on him, I also asked him to start training me again. He’s still turning bright red every time I say vampire.”

“An’ how many times did you try sayin’ it?” Spike asked with a knowing smile.

Buffy smirked slightly. “Oh, as many times as I could get away with it.”

They entered the front door of her house, still laughing a little in memory of pulling Giles out of what Xander had termed “the chick pit.” Spike thought that Harris was just happy someone other than himself had been thoroughly embarrassed. “Hey, Mom,” Buffy called.

“Hi, honey,” Joyce responded. “How does pizza sound tonight?”

“Great,” she said, heading up the stairs, Spike on her heels.

“H’lo, Joyce,” he greeted her, sticking his head through her bedroom door as Buffy went down the hall towards her own room. “Made a couple sales this afternoon after you left. That lady—the one who’s always wearin’ purple—came in an’ finally bought that print.”

Joyce sighed in relief. “Thank goodness. I was afraid we were never going to get rid of that thing.”

From down the hall, Spike could hear Buffy’s voice. “What are you doing here?”

Both he and Joyce looked down the hall, and Joyce seemed to have just remembered something. “Oh, Buffy, I need you to take your sister shopping for school things tomorrow. I have to be at the gallery.”

Both Buffy and another girl’s voices rang out down the hallway. “Mom!”

Chapter 3: Dear Diary

“Could you let down your hair/and be transparent for a while/just a little while/to see if you’re human after all/Honesty is a hard attribute to find/when we all want to seem like/we got it all figured out…” ~Lifehouse, “Trying”

Joyce came out of her bedroom, past Spike, who was getting the same look of bemusement he always did when faced with all three Summers women at the same time. “Buffy, you know I have that show coming up, and Spike has the next couple days off.”

“I can still help, luv,” Spike inserted. “I don’t mind; you know that.”

Joyce shook her head. “You haven’t had a day off for a while. It’s the principle of the thing. Plus, there’s overtime, which you’re already into with that trip and setting up for the new show. You deserve a weekend.”

“Even if it isn’t on the weekend,” he said, smiling.

Buffy glared at him. Spike was always making light of her Dawn-duties. It was like he enjoyed being tailed by her little sister. “We’re going to the beach tomorrow. Classes start soon, and Spike’s hardly been able to get away all this last month. You know we’ve planned it!”

“And I need your help on this, Buffy.” Joyce sounded implacable. “You can take your sister for school supplies before you go, and then you can take her along with you.”

“Mom!” Dawn wasn’t much happier about the situation than her sister. “I thought you were going to take me for school supplies.”

“Buffy will take you,” Joyce said. “And then you can go to the beach. I’m sure Dawn would like a trip out there before school starts for her as well.”

When it looked as though World War III might break out in the hallway, Spike decided to try for world peace. “I don’t mind takin’ Dawn day after tomorrow, Joyce,” he said smoothly. “I’ve got that day off, an’ I know Buffy’s going to be with Rupert, workin’ on her new trainin’ schedule. I was goin’ to make a trip to the mall anyway. I’ll just grab Tara to come with me.”

The three women blinked. It was a novel solution. “That would be fine, Spike,” Joyce said warmly. “Although, tomorrow—”

“Bit can come with us,” he said, winking at Dawn, and giving Buffy a look that said clearly that they could talk about it later. “We won’t be doin’ much but layin’ about. She’s welcome to join us.”

She nodded. “Thank you, Spike. I really appreciate that.” Joyce gave Spike a kiss on the cheek as she passed him to get the front door. “Pizza’s here. Don’t be too long!”

Dawn looked as though she was trying to decide whether or not to be grumpy because she’d just had the next two days planned out for her, or whether to be excited to be spending an entire day with Spike—whom she thought was cool beyond the telling of it. “Thanks, Spike,” she finally said, heading down the stairs, trying not to sound too grudging.

“Anytime, Niblet,” he replied, turning back to Buffy to face her wrath.

“Spike!” Buffy hissed. “Does grown-up time mean anything to you?”

“Sure it does,” he murmured, moving closer. “Means a lot to me, an’ I’ll be showin’ you just how much a little later tonight. But your mum needed a hand, an’ you know I don’t mind havin’ Dawn around.”

Buffy shook her head. “I swear, Spike. Sometimes I think you like my family more than you like me.”

Spike gave her an exasperated look. “Buffy, you’ve got a mum and a little sis who love you to bits. I’ve got you, an’ I’ve got them, an’ that’s it. You lot are my family.”

Buffy looked a bit abashed, though she still wasn’t happy about losing out on quality time with her boyfriend. Granted, the beach thing was a group activity, and the day after she’d planned on spending most of her time with Giles, but she’d still had some hopes. She always forgot how seriously Spike took his role in her life, and in the lives of her sister and mom. In fact, Buffy sometimes thought that he was a better son and brother to them than she was a daughter and sister.

It could be just a little bit irritating at times.

“Fine,” Buffy finally grumbled. “But you’re going to have to make it up to me, mister.”

Spike smiled, and did that little thing with his tongue that drove her crazy—in a good way. “Tonight, I’ll worship your body,” he promised.

Buffy could hardly wait.

~~~~~

Entry from Dawn’s diary:

No one knows who I am. Not the real me, anyway. It’s like nobody even cares to find out. No one ever asks me what my opinion is, or what I want on my pizza, or what I want to do with my life. No one understands. No one has an older sister who’s the Slayer.

Everybody thinks Buffy’s so great, just because she can do back flips and stuff. Like that’s such a great job skill. It’s always like, “Buffy’s saving the world.” Well, I could so totally save the world if you handed me superpowers.

At least Spike’s cool about things. He’s always looking out for me, and he totally treats me like a grown-up. Sometimes I wish he was my brother instead of Buffy being my sister. I’ll bet he’d get me. I guess he and Buffy are practically engaged though, so maybe he will be my brother one of these days.

~~~~~

“Dawn, hurry up! We were supposed to leave fifteen minutes ago!” Buffy yelled up the stairs, turning to look at Spike, exasperated. “Let me just remind you that bringing her was your idea.”

“And who else was goin’ to look after the Bit today?” he asked reasonably. “We’re all goin’ to be at the beach, an’ your mum has the showing to get ready for.” A look of worry crossed his face. “Speakin’ of, I hope she doesn’t need me today. I wouldn’t mind—”

“You wouldn’t mind bending over backwards for her and Dawn,” Buffy said, raising an eyebrow. “But what about your girlfriend, huh? Do you ever think about me?”

He smirked, knowing that she was mostly teasing. “Thought about you last night, didn’t I?” he asked. “Gave you a proper seeing to.”

“You did,” Buffy said, moving a little closer. “You know what I’m thinking of right now? I’m thinking of suntan lotion and a certain guy that might get burnt to a crisp.”

Spike’s eyes glazed over slightly. “You gonna take care of me then, luv?”

“Geez, get a room,” Dawn said, coming down the stairs. “Impressionable kid here.”

Spike looked up, raising a scarred eyebrow. “Your fault for leavin’ us waitin’ for you so long, Little Bit,” he teased. “If you’d been on time, we’d have been halfway to the beach by now.”

Dawn stuck her tongue out at him, and Spike returned the gesture, though he waited until Buffy had turned to get the door. “Let’s go,” the Slayer said impatiently. “I’ve waited too long already.”

Dawn trailed behind them as Spike pulled out his cell to call the others and let them know he was coming. Even though a day at the beach beckoned, Dawn wasn’t sure that it was going to be that much fun. Not that she didn’t enjoy spending time with her sister’s friends, it was just that Buffy always treated her like she was some big nuisance. Dawn was convinced that it was her sister who was the bigger pain.

~~~~~

Spike used to be this big bad vampire, and he tried to kill Buffy a lot. But then he got turned into a human and started helping her. Mom even let him stay with me when she had to go on business trips last year, before he started working for her at the gallery. He would let me stay up and watch TV with him and stuff. For somebody who was supposedly so scary, Spike’s a big pushover.

Spike came over all the time last year, I think because Mom was worried that he wasn’t taking care of himself. He’d help me with my homework and tell us about all the places he’d visited.

He never really calls anyone by their real name either. He has these cool nicknames for everybody, except for Mom and Buffy’s Watcher. He calls them by their first names, I think because he really respects them. I asked Spike why he makes up names for people, and he said it was because his names mean something, but I think it’s because his names tell people where they really stand with him.

~~~~~

“So Dawnie, you all ready to go back to school?” Willow was planning on heading to the Magic Shop with Buffy and Giles while Spike and Tara took Dawn shopping. She gave the younger girl a hug.

Dawn shrugged. “I guess. I just mostly need school supplies now. Mom said we could go shopping for clothes when she had a day off.”

“We can look for clothes today too, Dawn,” Tara said. “If you wanted to, I mean.”

Dawn looked a little uncertain. “I guess that might be okay.”

“Well, we’ve got a budget,” Spike said with a grin. “We come in under that, maybe we can get a treat for you, for bein’ such a good sport an’ all.”

Buffy rolled her eyes, coming up behind him. They had decided to meet up at the Espresso Pump, though she was certain that most of the reason Giles had agreed to it was because he wanted to show off his new car. “Like she needs a reward for going shopping, Spike.”

Spike gave her a look, the kind of look that said, “Be nice to your little sister, Buffy.” The Slayer was beginning to get aggravated. Everybody was so lenient with Dawn, and they always expected her to pick up the slack, as if she didn’t have enough to worry about already. It was driving her crazy, especially since Spike’s fondness for Dawn was going to spoil her rotten.

“Tara an’ I have our own lists,” he said quietly. “Dawn will just have to be patient with us while we finish up our shoppin’. Think you can stand it, Bit?”

“I’ll be fine,” Dawn replied, trying to sound as grown up and nonchalant as possible.

Giles smiled. “That’s the spirit. You know, Buffy, we really should be going.”

“Fine,” Buffy said, giving Spike a kiss. “I’m going to see you later tonight, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he assured her, turning back towards the DeSoto. “Speak with you later, Rupert?”

“Of course, Spike,” Giles replied. “Give me a ring.”

“You’ll be over your midlife crisis by then, I hope,” Spike called back, with a grin. He couldn’t resist giving Giles a hard time about his new car, and he made sure his door was shut before the other man could reply. “All set ladies?” he asked Tara and Dawn, making sure they were buckled in before pulling away from the curb.

~~~~~

I don’t think Buffy’s Watcher likes me much. He and Spike get along okay, and he’s over with Mom a lot, but I don’t think he knows much about young people these days. I heard him say “newfangled” once, so he’s got to be pretty far gone.

Buffy’s friend Willow is the awesomest. She’s the only person I know who likes school as much as me, and her friends are cool too. Like Tara. They’re both witches, which is way cooler than being the Slayer. They do spells and stuff. I told mom one time that I wished they would teach me some of the stuff they do together, and then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs. I guess her generation’s not cool with witchcraft.

~~~~~

Spike kept a careful eye on Dawn while she browsed the racks at the clothing store, as he leaned up against the wall next to Tara. “Are you sure you don’t want this one?” she asked, holding out a patterned shirt. “I think it would look great on you.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Don’t think I’m up for patterns yet, Glinda. Better stick to solids for me.” Spike looked over towards the littlest Summers, who was holding up a brightly colored skirt with a considering eye. It was too short, but she was going to try to get it by him. Spike smirked. Joyce had given him very specific instructions, and he had no intention of disappointing her. “What about you?”

Tara frowned. “This is a guy’s shirt, Spike.”

He laughed. “I’m just wonderin’ how you were, ‘s all. Haven’t seen much of you this summer.”

“Oh, you know how it is,” she said vaguely. “With you and Buffy together, and me and Willow, we’re all kind of wrapped up in each other. It’s—hard.”

Spike eyed her knowingly. “We outsiders have to stick together, luv.”

Tara looked startled, and then blushed, looking away. “I don’t—okay, I do, but you—” she stammered, trying to explain, and not succeeding very well.

“I don’t quite fit either,” Spike replied, looking past her at Dawn, who had several items over her arm. He watched as the girl grabbed a salesperson and ducked into a fitting room. “’ve made my own connections, Glinda, to Buffy, an’ her mom, an’ such. Rupert, of course, doesn’t count, since he’s my uncle.”

Tara giggled a little, knowing what a fiction that was. “Yeah, but you seem to fit so well,” she objected. “You’re just—there, an important part.”

“You’re important too,” Spike insisted. “You might not see it yet, but you’re the steady one. The others, they’re still kids yet, barely older than Dawn over there. You’ve got some living behind you.”

“So do you,” Tara replied. She met his eyes then, as one old soul to another, and smiled. “It meant a lot, you know. What you said to me—about me being human.”

Spike’s eyes lit up. “Glad to have been able to help.” He looked off into the distance. “Sometimes I wonder, you know, what the point is of me bein’ here. Wonder of what possible use I could be to Buffy an’ the others.”

“Well, Dawn adores you,” Tara pointed out. “And so does Mrs. Summers. I think you’ve helped both of them a lot.”

“But would it matter if I wasn’t here anymore?” Spike asked in return, almost idly. “What is a man, an’ what is his life but a vapor, a passing breath?”

“Are you feeling your own mortality, Spike?” Tara asked gently.

“Among other things,” he agreed. “Mine an’ others. My life’s as uncertain now as it ever was, I guess. ‘s folks like you, an’ the Niblet, that make it solid.”

As if called, Dawn showed up in front of them. “Okay, I think I’ve found it.”

Spike raised an eyebrow. “An’ if I didn’t see it on, how am I to know that your mum won’t skin me for lettin’ you buy it?” he asked, knowing full well that the outfit was outside the limits set.

“Spike!” Dawn whined. “Come on. I’m old enough to wear a short skirt.”

“Not that short.” He gave her a wicked grin. “’s gotta be below the knees, Bit. Mum’s orders.”

“Spike!”

Tara quickly intervened, shooting Spike a glance that was half amused, half exasperated. “Be nice, Spike. Come on, Dawn. Let’s see what we can do.”

Spike watched them go. He had long since accepted his fate as a man permanently entranced by Summers women. He’d fallen in love with Joyce and Dawn long before he was conscious of any attraction to the Slayer.

The first time he’d seen Dawn was the night he’d made the truce with the Slayer. She’d been a tiny thing, standing on the stairs, big eyes looking down at him. Then she’d stuck out her tongue and darted away. As the Big Bad at the time, Spike had been completely—enchanted. That was truly the only word for it. Just as he’d been enchanted by Joyce when she’d invited him for hot chocolate after Dru dumped him. Both of them had a lot of spunk, and a lot of class.

Then, becoming human, having no idea what he was going to do with himself or of what use he could possibly be, Joyce had asked him to babysit Dawn. No one else had been available, and Buffy was busy with school. She’d left him with her baby daughter and a list of emergency numbers to call.

The two of them had stared at one another, and Dawn had said, “I don’t need a babysitter.”

“Maybe I need lookin’ after,” he’d replied. At her thoughtful look, Spike had added, “We could look after each other.”

Buffy had good reason to accuse him of loving her mom and sister better than her. If Buffy ever dumped him, he’d be crushed. If he lost his family though—if he lost Joyce and Dawn—he had serious doubts as to his ability to survive.

“Will this do?” Dawn asked sarcastically, modeling an outfit for him. The skirt was a couple inches longer than the one she’d tried to sneak past him, and the shirt actually covered her abdomen, rather than showing several inches of skin.

“You look right nice, Niblet,” Spike said sincerely. “I’ll be beatin’ the boys off you with a tire iron.”

A wide smile broke out over her face. “Thank you, William,” she replied, as dignified as any queen. Spike watched her go back to the dressing rooms, stopping to giggle with Tara. In that instant, he’d caught a glimpse of the woman she was to become, and he thought she would be breathtaking.

~~~~~

“One more stop,” Spike said a few hours later. Tara and Dawn were slurping up the last of their ice cream cones, and he was good-naturedly carrying their bags.

Dawn looked over at him. “Another one? I thought we got everything on the list Mom gave you.”

“We did,” he replied. “We also got everythin’ on Tara’s list. Now we’re finishin’ up my shoppin’ before we can get out of this bloody mall.”

“What do you need to get, Spike?” Tara asked curiously. She knew he’d gotten some new clothes. She’d even managed to talk him into the blue and cream shirt, for which Buffy was sure to thank her.

“Electronics store,” he explained briefly, handing them back their bags. The girls trailed him in as he went to speak to one of the men behind the counter. A few minutes later, Spike had a large box tucked under one arm, and he went to take his bags back from Tara.

Dawn stared at the box. “Whatcha got?”

“Laptop.”

“That’s what you and Willow were so deep in conversation about the other day,” Tara said in sudden comprehension. “She was pretty secretive.”

“I asked her to be,” Spike replied, looking a little uncomfortable.

Dawn frowned. “Why? I don’t think a laptop qualifies as contraband, Spike.”

He gave her a disgruntled look. “No, but then everybody an’ their brother wants to know what I want with a computer. ‘s my business.” He spoke as if that settled it, but Dawn and Tara exchanged a glance well known among women—it said that there was no way he was going to get away with keeping such delicious news to himself.

“We won’t tell,” Dawn coaxed. “Will we, Tara?”

“Of course we won’t tell,” Tara replied. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, Spike,” she said magnanimously.

“Bloody hell,” Spike muttered, knowing that he was doomed. “I wanted to try writin’ again. If you must know.”

“Again?” Dawn picked up on the word like a hound dog on a rabbit. “You wrote?”

“Once upon a time,” Spike grumbled. He suddenly looked irritated and frustrated and somehow sad. “Look, it was a long time ago. I just wanted somethin’ to do that was—”

“Yours,” Tara said, in understanding.

Spike nodded. “You won’t say anythin’? Red just knows I want a computer. She thinks ‘m finally joining the 21^{st century.”}

“Our lips are sealed,” Tara promised.

Dawn snorted. “As if I’d tell Buffy. Please.”

“Right then,” Spike said, taking a deep breath. He wasn’t even sure why he was trying to write again, though he thought he’d stick to prose, instead of poetry. As Tara had deduced, it was partly to have something of his own. It was also because he wanted to. Even if he never showed it to anyone else, he wanted his life on paper—or on microchip as the case might be.

Writing was the last bit of his lost humanity that he hadn’t tried to unearth yet. It was the only piece that felt incomplete, but it was also the most private part of who he had been. He didn’t think he was quite ready for anyone else to know, but he trusted Dawn and Tara.

Spike might trust Buffy with his life, but there was still a piece of his heart he was unsure about revealing.

Chapter 4: Sisters

“A friend loves at all times, and a [sister] is born for adversity.” Proverbs 17:17

Spike dropped Tara off at her dorm and then drove Dawn home. “Where are you going to put your computer, Spike? And if you get games, can I play?”

“I thought we weren’t goin’ to talk about my computer, Bit,” Spike replied.

Dawn huffed. “I said I wasn’t going to tell Buffy what you wanted it for. If you tell her you got it for work and stuff, she’ll get it. Or tell her you got it to play computer games. You’re a guy—she won’t even blink.”

Spike frowned, considering the suggestion. “I’d have to buy a game then.”

Dawn grinned. “I could give you some suggestions.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Uh huh. Out with you, luv.”

As Dawn got out of the car, Spike was right behind her, carrying her bags. Joyce came out of the kitchen as they entered the front door. “Oh, you’re back. Did you find everything you needed?”

“I found the coolest new clothes,” Dawn gushed. “Tara helped so much. She’s the best at finding the deals.” At the look on her mother’s face, Dawn quickly added, “And we got all my new school supplies too.”

“Good,” Joyce said, smiling warmly. “Spike, thank you for taking her. You’ll tell Tara thank you as well?”

“’course,” he replied. He looked up as Buffy came down the stairs. “Hey, luv.”

“Hi, Spike,” she replied, coming up to kiss him. “You want to patrol with me tonight? There’s a new fang gang in town.”

“I need you to watch Dawn tonight. I have the Gurian showing,” Joyce said.

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Mom! I have to patrol.”

Spike started to speak. “I could—” He shut up quickly when Buffy shot him a look that plainly said he’d better not volunteer for more Dawn-duty.

“Someone has to watch Dawn, Buffy.”

“I don’t need a babysitter!” Dawn yelled from the kitchen.

“Yes, you do!” Both Joyce and Buffy spoke at the same time.

“Wait,” Buffy said breathlessly. “That means if I can find an acceptable babysitter—other than Spike—before you leave, we can go patrol?”

Joyce gave her a considering look. “Who?”

Buffy thought and blurted out the first name that came to mind. “Xander.”

“Xander?”

Dawn suddenly appeared in the doorway. “Okay.”

Spike tried to hide a snort of laughter. Dawn’s crush was obvious. Joyce ignored both his reaction and that of her youngest. “If Xander agrees, you can go,” she said, heading out to the kitchen.

“So we going slaying tonight, luv?” Spike asked.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “I need you to help me look into all the old vampire haunts you know of. When we went to the magic shop today, Mr. Bogarty was dead, and the vampires took a lot of books about the Slayer. Giles thinks they might be gunning for me.”

Spike frowned, a new intensity coming into his eyes. “We’ll want to check the cemeteries, an’ maybe the caves in the north woods then.”

“Eat something before you go, Spike,” Joyce called. “I’ve got leftovers in the fridge.”

“Thanks, Joyce,” he replied.

“I’ve got to call Xander,” Buffy said. She gave him an amused look. “You go eat, Mr. Bottomless Pit.”

~~~~~

Xander is so much cuter than anyone. And smarter too. He totally skipped college and got a job working construction. Which is just so…deep, you know? He builds things, and he’s brave too. Just last week he went undercover to stop that Dracula guy. Xander treats everybody like an equal. And he doesn’t look down on anybody. Even when he should.

He says I’m like a kid sister, but sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like he sees me as I am. As a woman.

~~~~~

The patrol was rather uneventful, although Buffy was tense enough to set Spike’s nerves jangling. “You alright, luv?” he finally asked when she jumped at a shadow.

“I’m fine,” she said, still sounding distracted.

Spike raised an eyebrow. “You don’t sound fine. You’re a bit on edge.”

“It’s just this new vampire gang in town,” Buffy replied.

Spike shook his head. “Not the gang. We can handle a few vamps. ‘m talkin’ about at the house. You seem a bit more antsy about Dawn than usual.”

“I guess,” Buffy admitted. “It’s just—I know it’s always been this way, Spike. She’s the baby. But lately, it’s just getting to me. I mean, she’s always around. And if she’s not hanging around me, she’s with you.”

“Buffy,” Spike began. “’m sorry if you think I’ve been neglectin’ you.”

“No, it’s not you,” Buffy assured him. “I know you just wanted to help Mom. It’s just—”

Spike looked over at her. “You’re the big sis, luv. ‘s part of the role. The L’il Bit looks up to you, pretty much wants to be you.”

“Which is why she’s always borrowing my clothes and spilling stuff on them,” Buffy muttered.

Spike sighed. “Luv, you’ve got superpowers, you get to save the world. She’s just the kid sister. You’re important.”

“And I’d give anything to be her!” Buffy protested. “Just to be able to give this job a rest sometimes, or give it away.”

Spike put a hand on her shoulder, hoping his contact would reassure her. “Buffy-luv, I know that. Dawn doesn’t. Girl doesn’t understand the pain that goes with bein’ the Slayer, an’ she shouldn’t, since she’s just a baby. It isn’t fair, but she doesn’t quite get that either.” He smiled. “Little sisters always think that the bigger ones have it better. Bigger ones always think the little ones have it better. ‘s just the way of things.”

“You sound like you speak from experience,” Buffy said wryly.

Spike was quiet for a moment. “Had a sister once,” he said softly. “She died when I was ‘bout thirteen.”

“Oh,” Buffy said, thinking of how she would feel if something happened to Dawn. “What happened to her?”

“Consumption,” he said. “You’d call it tuberculosis today, I s’pose. ‘s what my mum would have died from, had she lived. I probably would have had it too.”

Spike’s words brought home yet again how very alone he was. Buffy had her mom and sister, and even her dad out there somewhere. Giles was her Watcher. Spike had her, and the people he was connected to through her. “You know I love you, right?” she asked impulsively.

He gave her a strange look. “Yeah, Buffy. I know.”

“No, I mean, I really love you,” she insisted. “Even if someday we didn’t go out anymore, or something like that, I’d still love you. You’d still be family. No matter what.”

Spike smiled, and his face seemed to relax. “Yeah, luv. I know. I’ll always love you too.”

~~~~~

Buffy couldn’t quite seem to catch her breath; she was laughing too hard. “Harmony? Harmony has minions?”

Next to her, Spike was leaning against the counter, wiping tears from his eyes. “Oh, bloody hell. I’d have given my next paycheck to see that.”

“Yeah, that was pretty much my reaction,” Xander agreed, a touch of anxiety in his voice. He couldn’t blame Buffy and Spike for laughing—he’d nearly wet his pants when Harmony showed up with her “minions.” The idea of Harmony running a gang of any sort was enough to send anybody into hysterics. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the whole story, and Xander wasn’t real excited about telling Buffy of Dawn’s inadvertent invitation.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Buffy apologized, trying to get herself under control. “It’s just—Harmony has minions?!” She was off again, and Xander bit back an impatient sigh. Spike seemed to catch onto his serious look, and sobered a bit.

Frowning, Spike said, “Harris, you don’t look real happy.”

Xander hesitated, and then said, “Well, Harmony came here to kill Buffy—” He was interrupted by renewed laughter from the Slayer. There was also a suspicious twinkle in Spike’s eye, though he was holding it in admirably at the serious look on the other man’s face.

“I’m sorry, but it’s hard to take a death threat from Harmony seriously.” Buffy took a deep breath, once again attempting to get herself under control.

“Well, that was before she could just walk into your house at any time,” Anya said bluntly from her seat on the counter. Xander was absurdly grateful to his girlfriend for just blurting out the news. He hadn’t been sure how he was going to explain it.

Buffy and Spike exchanged concerned glances, the Slayer completely sober now. “Wait, you invited her in? You guys can’t give an invitation. It has to be someone who lives—Dawn!” Buffy’s shout made the other three wince at the volume.

She set off for the stairs, but Xander got in front of her. “Look, Buffy, it was an accident. She didn’t mean it.”

Buffy pushed him aside. “Well, that just makes it okay, doesn’t it?”

Spike and Xander exchanged looks. While no one would mistake them for best friends, there was a kind of solidarity that comes from being two of the only males in a group of women. They also shared a similar relationship to the youngest Summers. “Buffy, why don’t you let me talk to her?” Spike asked, grabbing her arm.

Buffy glared at him. “You can’t keep being so easy on her, Spike. She has got to learn the rules.”

“Your mum forgets the rules sometimes, luv. She invited Dracula in last week.”

Buffy stared at him in consternation, unable to deny his statement, but positive that it was completely different. “That was different. She didn’t know—and it was—I wouldn’t even have Harmony over when she was alive!” She pushed past him and went up the stairs. “And now I have to hunt her down before she tries to come after us, because someone gave her an all-access pass to my house.”

Spike looked over at Xander and they both headed up the stairs after the Slayer, hoping to calm her down before she said or did something she’d regret to Dawn. “Buf, I called Willow. She’ll come back and do the spell, and bang, boom, you guys are back in the Fortress of Solitude. All better,” Xander said.

“Not all better,” Buffy insisted, beginning to get her weapons together. “Dawn has got to learn. If she keeps making stupid mistakes like that, she’s going to get all of us killed.”

“I think you’re overreacting, luv,” Spike said soothingly. “We’ll both go out an’ hunt Harmony down, dust her gang, an’ it’ll be fine.”

Buffy gave him an icy look. “No, I’m going to hunt Harmony down. You’re going to stay here and make sure she doesn’t come back.”

“Buffy, I can take care of Harmony if she comes back!” Xander protested.

Spike stared at her, and then a similarly cold expression descended over his own face. “Right, luv. I see how this goes. ‘m goin’ to talk to the Bit. Let me know when you get back.” He turned on his heel to leave, angry at Buffy’s obstinacy, and her refusal to listen to reason. Just because he spoke the truth, she was going to shut him out, her anger making her irrational.

“Spike!” she called. When he didn’t turn, she went back to stuffing weapons in her back, a set expression on her face. “I don’t know why he has to be that way,” she grumbled.

Xander moved closer. He hadn’t been sure how to feel about Spike when she had first started dating the ex-vampire. On the other hand, Buffy had been happier in the last few months than he’d seen her in a long time. It was obvious to the most casual observer that Spike would do just about anything for Buffy, including tell her the truth. Buffy was overreacting, and she was being irrational, and like always, she didn’t like hearing it.

He figured it was his job to say something to her before she really screwed things up. “Buffy, you know Spike’s right. Dawn screwed up, sure, but it’s nothing to get excited about. Harmony’s not that big of a threat.”

“I know,” Buffy sighed. “It’s just—I can’t be with Dawn all the time. I can’t always protect her, and she’s got to be able to take care of herself. She can’t afford to forget the rules like that.” She looked off into the distance. “And I know Spike didn’t mean anything, but he’s so close to her. It’s not like—”

Xander gave her a look that was filled with compassion. “You mean, he’s not completely obsessed with you like Angel was.”

Buffy gave him a wry look. “Something like that. It’s nice that he’s so close to my family, Xan, but sometimes I just want him to myself.”

“You can’t expect to be the center of his world, Buf,” Xander reminded her. “It might sound all nice and romantic, but it’s not very healthy. Frankly, I’d be a lot more worried about him if he were completely taken up in you.”

Buffy nodded. “Yeah.” She lifted her bag. “I should go.”

~~~~~

Spike walked out the door to find Dawn standing in the hallway. “Not polite to eavesdrop, Bit.”

“I don’t care,” Dawn muttered rebelliously. She turned and started to flounce off, but Spike’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. “Like she knows so much.”

“Luv, Buffy’s the Slayer, an’ it’s her job to take care of people.” Spike looked both amused and irritated at the same time. “Doesn’t make her real happy when others make it harder for her to do that.”

Dawn stared at him accusingly. “You’re taking her side.”

“’m not takin’ anybody’s side,” he replied, his tone taking on a harsh note. “But you’re not makin’ it real easy either, Dawn.”

“It was an accident!” she protested. “You don’t understand!”

“I do,” he replied. “But Niblet, you’ve got to be more careful. Even a vamp like Harm can be dangerous.”

Dawn pulled away from him and rushed down the stairs. She was already feeling wounded and defensive from overhearing Buffy’s remarks, not to mention utterly stupid for inviting Harmony in. She really hadn’t meant to; it was just that the wording of her attempted insult had been bad. Now, her staunchest defender was getting on her case, and it just wasn’t fair.

Rushing through the house, she went out the backdoor, just wanting to get some space to mull over the unfairness and kick herself in peace. She passed Anya, who would have come out after her, but Spike pulled her back. “I’ll take care of it. Mostly my fault anyway,” he said ruefully, following Dawn out the back door.

Just a little frustrated, Spike went to grab her arm. “Come on, Bit. Let’s finish this inside.”

“Leave me alone!” she said angrily, pulling away.

Grimly, Spike took a firm hold and began hauling the girl back to the house. He was beginning to agree with Buffy’s assessment that she was a spoiled brat. Girl was not thinking tonight. “Don’t be stupid,” he said. “It’s not safe out here.”

“Let go of me!” she snapped. And then, when that didn’t work, she complained, “You’re hurting me.”

Dawn knew which buttons to push. Spike loosened his grip enough so that Dawn was able to twist free, just before he’d pushed her indoors. “Dawn, get inside and quit bein’ such a brat,” he ordered in his best scary voice.

She looked as though she was about to argue when she let out a little shriek. Spike turned just in time to see a large fist descending. And then all he knew was darkness.

~~~~~

Xander followed Buffy into the kitchen to find Anya dragging an unconscious Spike back into the kitchen. “Spike!” Buffy said, rushing over to him.

“Dawn ran out the back door, and Spike tried to stop her,” Anya said succinctly. “A big vampire came out of nowhere, hit Spike, and grabbed Dawn.”

“I’m going to kill her,” Buffy said fiercely.

Xander, who had enough experience with getting beat up to be something of an expert, said, “I think he should be okay, Buffy. He’s going to have one hell of a shiner though.” He stopped to consider Buffy’s threat. “Wait a sec. You’re going to kill Harmony? Or Dawn?”

“Both,” Buffy said, after a moment’s consideration. “You two take care of him.”

Buffy was fuming as she left the house. It wasn’t just Dawn getting herself kidnapped or Spike getting hurt. She was irritated with her boyfriend because he seemed to have a better relationship with her family than she did, and she felt guilty for being irritated about it. After all, wasn’t his closeness with her mom and sister something she’d have given her right arm for when she was dating Angel?

Of course, she was also angry because he’d been right, and then he got hurt. If she’d been a little more reasonable, Spike wouldn’t have had the chance to talk to Dawn, and maybe he wouldn’t have gotten knocked out.

It just wasn’t fair. She wanted him to be wrapped up in her, completely entranced with her, no distractions. Instead, Spike was sweet and devoted and a hard worker who had no qualms about hanging out with her younger sister. He got along with her mom and her Watcher, and her friends thought he was about the best thing that ever happened to her. That should be worth everything.

Buffy sighed, wishing she had Spike with her. Or that she’d had a chance to ask him where Harmony typically stayed. She’d just rushed out, without thinking much about where she was going or how she was going to find Dawn.

Altering her course, she headed towards Willy’s. When in doubt, ask the professional snitch for information.

Numerous threats and one punch later, Buffy had the information she needed. Harmony used to have a lair in a cave. Spike had thought to check out that area, but they hadn’t managed to get there before it was time to get home and relieve Xander.

She arrived just in time to hear Dawn threatening someone. The girl’s voice was shaky with fear, and Buffy hurried her steps. She watched as the vampire reached out and touched Dawn with a finger, and he and his cohorts started laughing.

Buffy didn’t hesitate. The crossbow bolt went through the heart. “Can’t say she didn’t warn him,” she commented. Looking over at Dawn, and remembering her mom’s injunction not to slay in front of her sister, she ordered, “Close your eyes.”

“So, Slayer, we finally meet,” Harmony said, trying to sound scary and in charge, and not quite making it.

Buffy stared at her, annoyance and frustration making her tone sharp. “We’ve met, Harmony, you half wit.”

“Half wit?” Harmony asked, sounding superior. “I’m the half wit, when you’ve walked into

my—” She stopped, watching as Buffy killed two more of her minions. “Trap.”

“Harmony, when you tried to be head cheerleader, you were bad. When you tried to chair the homecoming committee, you were really bad.” Pausing for effect, she added, “But when you try to be bad…you suck.”

Dawn had cracked an eyelid during this exchange, just to see where Buffy was on the whole rescuing thing, and watched as Mort came up behind the Slayer. “Buffy, watch out!”

Buffy found that while Harmony’s other minions were hardly worth her time, Mort was a different story. He was so big that most of her punches had no impact.

The Slayer never thought she’d be grateful for Harmony’s unicorn obsession, but the wooden carousel animal certainly came in handy. It was about the only thing that gave her enough reach so that she could stake the big vampire and not worry about him making a grab for her. After he’d disintegrated, she gave it a look and tossed it aside in disgust, turning towards her sister. Harmony had made good her escape already, but Buffy wasn’t too worried about the vampire. Without her gang, the chance that she could do much damage was pretty much nil.

She reached down and snatched up the ax again. “You are in so much trouble,” she told her sister sternly.

Dawn frowned. “Well, I’m going to tell mom you slayed in front of me.”

“Fine,” Buffy replied. “I’ll just tell her that you invited a vampire into the house, got Spike hurt, ran out after dark, got kidnapped…” As she listed off her sister’s sins, Buffy hacked away at the chains holding her. “I should so kick your butt,” Buffy said, when she’d run out of mistakes Dawn had made that evening. “And if I don’t, Spike definitely should.”

“Is he okay?” Dawn asked in a very small voice.

Buffy glared at her. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I was too busy trying to rescue you to stay and find out.”

“Oh.” Dawn’s lower lip trembled. “Buffy, I didn’t mean to—”

“I know,” Buffy replied, her voice tired. She gave Dawn a look, remembering what Spike had said earlier, about losing his own sister. “You just have to be more careful, Dawnie. What if I’m not there to protect you? Or what if next time someone else gets hurt really bad? I know you didn’t mean to invite Harmony in, or get kidnapped, but those aren’t the kind of mistakes you can make and just be okay. Not in this town.”

Dawn looked away, her expression both torn and sullen. “I’m sorry.”

“You can tell Spike that when we get home,” Buffy replied.

The walk home was silent, both girls caught up in their own thoughts. They entered through the back door as quietly as possible. A few moments later, they both heard Joyce’s voice from the living room. “Spike! What on earth happened to you?”

Buffy and Dawn exchanged a look and hurried toward the living room. “Uh, just met a vamp who didn’t much like me on patrol is all,” Spike said. Buffy came through the living room door, and she saw the relief in his eyes when he saw that she and Dawn were in one piece.

Well, relief in one eye anyway. His right eye was pretty much swollen shut.

Joyce saw his expression change, and she turned to look at Buffy and Dawn. “Are you guys okay?”

“We’re fine,” Buffy said. “We just watched TV and kept Spike company.”

Joyce looked from one to the other of them, sensing that something was up, but deciding not to push it. “Well, I know at least one of us is supposed to be in bed.”

Dawn nodded and gave her mom a kiss. She paused to give Spike a quick hug too. “Sorry,” she whispered quickly, before dashing upstairs.

Spike stood slowly. “Better get home,” he murmured. “’ve got to open the gallery tomorrow.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Buffy said firmly, not willing to brook any arguments.

Spike wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Right then. See you tomorrow, Joyce.”

“Good night, Spike,” she replied.

The two of them walked in silence toward Spike’s apartment. “I’m sorry,” Buffy finally said.

“You don’t have anythin’ to be sorry for,” Spike mumbled.

“I got mad at you, and there really wasn’t any reason for it,” she replied.

Spike shook his head. “’s okay.”

Buffy reached out and grabbed his arm. “That vampire could have killed you tonight.” He was silent. “Spike—”

“Forget it,” he replied, tugging his hand away.

“Spike!” Buffy grabbed his arm, turning him to face her. “I’m trying to apologize here.”

He was obviously angry. “Why is it such a problem that I like your family, Buffy? That I want to help? Is there some rule against tryin’ to do the right thing with you?”

“No, I—”

“Then what?” Spike demanded. “Why is it a big deal, Buffy? What the bloody hell did I do wrong?”

Buffy raised an eyebrow. “Actually, that’s pretty much why someone apologizes, Spike, to say they were wrong and the other person was right.”

He stared at her, and then a sheepish grin started to spread over his face. “Oh, yeah.”

She reached out and grabbed his hand again, and this time he let her. “It’s just weird, Spike. You’re the first guy I’ve gone out with who likes my family as much as I do. In fact, I think you like my family more than I do. I might love my sister, but I don’t always like her.”

“So you’re tellin’ me you’re jealous of your kid sister?” he asked.

Buffy shook her head. “Not really. More like jealous of you. You get along so well with everybody. And you’ve got your own life.”

Spike was beginning to look amused. “You mean, you’re upset because I have a life.”

Buffy gave him a dirty look. “No. Well, sort of. It’s complicated.”

“Life always is,” Spike replied. He was beginning to see the problem. “You know, luv, just because my life doesn’t revolve around you, doesn’t mean you aren’t about as important as air to me.” When Buffy didn’t say anything in reply, Spike continued. “Luv, if somethin’ ever happened to you, I’d be lost. The Bit an’ your mom are important to me, but I love you, Buffy. You should know I don’t do things half-way by now.”

Buffy leaned against him. “I know, sweetie. And, really, I’m glad that you get along so well with my family. But sometimes I feel like I’m fighting for your time, and it drives me nuts.”

“I might spend time with your nearest and dearest, Slayer, but there’s only one woman who gets me after dark.” Spike’s voice was a husky purr, and Buffy shivered in response.

She turned toward him, a coy smile on her lips. “Oh? Too bad you’re too tired to show me what you can do after dark.”

Spike grinned. “I’ll never be too tired for you, Buffy.” His kiss was long and heated. “By the way, luv, you did stake that vampire for me?”

“With one of Harmony’s unicorns,” Buffy giggled in reply.

“Good,” he muttered. “Bugger ruined my pretty face.”

“No,” Buffy said. Then, laughingly, she said, “Besides, who ever said it was pretty to begin with?” Her laughter could be heard ringing out as Spike chased her all the way back to his place, where another sort of game was soon begun.

~~~~~

It was pretty cool of Buffy not to tell Mom. Of course, she probably would have gotten in way more trouble than me anyway. And Spike was really good about everything. He said he’s done a lot of dumb stuff, and it didn’t kill him. So he and Buffy are okay now too.

Not that Buffy’s changed. She still thinks I’m little Miss Nobody, just her dumb little sister.

Boy, is she in for a surprise.