Chapter 12:

*

Spike stormed into Thomas's room and stared down at the screaming baby. "Will you please be quiet?"

Thomas only screeched louder, as though to spite Spike.

"You know what, Teddy? There's a beautiful woman in there waiting for me and we can't do what we want to do if you're making this bloody racket!"

Thomas fell silent for a moment, then smiled and yelled out, "PA!"

"Don't try that. I know your tricks..." Spike groaned and picked the baby up gently. "Come on, Ted. Please just go to sleep."

"Pa!" Thomas clung to his father.

"Oh bugger it." Spike sat down and cuddled Thomas in his arms. "I'll stay with you."

Buffy appeared in the doorway and smiled at Spike sympathetically. "He's not going to go to sleep, is he?"

"Not yet. I'm sorry, kitten."

Buffy went and sat beside him. "It's okay. It's probably best we wait."

Spike leant over and kissed her softly. "Thanks for understanding."

"Can I still stay in your bed?" Buffy asked shyly. "Just.. like.. holding each other? I've always wanted to fall asleep with someone I love."

Spike smiled at her adoringly and kissed her. "Sounds perfect, sweetheart."

*

"Wake up." Buffy said, pouncing on Spike as he started to wake.

"Oh, bugger off. You're bloody heavy." Spike grumbled, glaring at her and Thomas. "And since when do I get woken this early?"

"It's your birthday." Buffy grinned at him. "And there are presents downstairs."

"What kind of presents?" Spike asked suspiciously.

"Lots of them. Most of them are from your family, and Xander came over with his. He's waiting downstairs making breakfast."

"You let him make breakfast?" Spike gagged. "You trying to make this my last birthday?"

"Don't be silly." Buffy dragged him out of bed, carefully balancing Thomas on her hip. "Come on."

Xander met them at the foot of the stairs. "I just got a call from work.. I have to go in. Happy Birthday, man."

"I'm not happy and it's not my birthday. I'm staying 29 and that's it." Spike said with a scowl.

Xander rolled his eyes. "You can't stay 29.. because, in like, 28 years, Thomas will be the same age as you. And let's face it, that's not good - the universe will just.. implode."

"Right then." Spike said, clearing his throat. "You can go now."

"Sorry.. word vomit." Xander muttered, smiling at Buffy. "Tell Anya I said hi?"

"Sure. Oh.. wait." Buffy grabbed his hand. "She had a message for you. But she said to give it to you in private."

She led Xander outside, away from Spike so he couldn't hear them. "You have to take Thomas tonight."

"Me? And the kid? No, no, and NO. Again, the universe could implode, Buffy. I'm not good with babies."

"I'll call Anya.." Buffy smiled at him winningly. "She can come over and help you."

Xander gave a reluctant nod. "Bribery does work indeed."

"Come pick him up at like.. 9. Then he'll probably be asleep by 10 at the latest."

"Why do you want him gone?" Xander asked suspiciously.

Buffy went bright red. "I just wanted..well, some alone time with Spike."

Xander chuckled. "Well.. can I run in there and tell him 'I told you so!'?"

"No. He can't know about it yet, okay?"

Xander grinned at her. "Okay. I'll be here at 9. See ya."

*

"Hey Xan.. what are you doing?!" Spike snatched Thomas away from him hastily.

Buffy took Thomas and handed him back to Xander. "He's taking him for the night."

"Excuse me?" Spike glared at her. "He is not taking my baby. Last time he borrowed something of mine - my car, by the way - it came back broken!"

"Hey! I learnt a valuable. Alcohol and cars don't mix."

"Just like whelps and babies don't mix. Ever." Spike said firmly, glaring at Xander.

Xander grinned. "Come on, man. Me and Teddy will be fine."

"Don't call him that. That's my name for 'im." Spike growled.

"Spike.." Buffy took him aside and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Anya will be there. She's organized diapers, food, toys.. everything. Very clucky. Besides, if Thomas is here, you don't get your present from me."

She pressed her body to his and kissed him, making her desires perfectly clear. Spike pulled away breathless and nodded at Xander. "Alright. You can take him. But no alcohol, no porn, no swearing, and if you let him watch one of your sci-fi nerd movies I'll kill you. Right?"

"They aren't nerd movies!" Xander said indignantly.

"You hurt a single eyelash on that kid and I'll kill you." Spike warned, leaning down to kiss Thomas. "I love you, Ted."

"Pa." Thomas replied sadly as Xander started walking towards his car. "PA!"

Spike ran after them and swept Thomas into his arms. "I'll see you later, cookie. You stay with Uncle Xander tonight, though."

He gave Thomas back to Xander and edged away slowly, careful not to upset the baby. Thomas rested his head on Xander's shoulder and started babbling happily as Xander placed him in the car.

Spike shut the door and found himself thrown against it when Buffy started kissing him. He pulled her to him and kissed her back twice as passionately, then swept her up into his arms and hurried upstairs.

He placed her on the edge of the bed and started undoing the buttons on her blouse, licking each inch of soft skin he exposed. Buffy grabbed a fistful of his hair as he descended her body to remove her skirt.

"You're so beautiful." Spike said softly, admiring her once she was naked. "You're just fucking amazing."

"Mmm." Buffy pulled him to her and kissed him softly. "Emphasis on the word 'fucking'."

"Not fucking," Spike corrected her quietly, "Making love."

Buffy felt faint as he uttered those beautiful words. She ripped his shirt off and then went for the button-fly on his jeans. Taking his erection in her hand, Buffy smiled up at him as her hand softly stroked the hard length. Spike groaned and crushed his lips to hers, pushing her back. Buffy hit the pillows and rubbed herself against him as Spike peppered her neck with gentle kisses.

"Make love to me.." Buffy whispered, feeling that if he took any longer she'd just die from the painful anticipation building within her.

Spike put his hands on her thighs and caressed them softly as he spread her legs open. He pressed his lips to the valley of tender skin between her breasts and suckled, leaving his mark. "That makes you mine, princess."

"I was already yours -- oh!" Buffy cried out as Spike thrust inside her. "Oh, god.. yes."

He moved inside her, gasping as he felt her inner walls squeeze around him. He'd never felt so dizzied with passion for a woman, and as though she were a drug, Spike was driven into a frenzy of lust. He pressed her into the mattress, thrusting deep inside her, growling possessively as Buffy cried out his name.

"YES!" Buffy shrieked and climaxed, amazed as her body responded to his. It was as though everything inside her was a firework, and they were all exploding now, sending her way up high. She felt Spike collapse on top of her, mumbling her name, and relaxed beneath him.

"That was amazing." She whispered.

"You're amazing." Spike said softly and kissed her. "This was the perfect birthday, princess. Thankyou."

Buffy snuggled up next to him and kissed him. "I love you, Spike."

Before Spike could think about what he was saying, he'd already blurted it out. "I love you too."

And in that one moment, he knew that he did.

*
 

Chapter 13:

Buffy wandered downstairs sleepily and found Spike in the kitchen. She sat down on his knee and he drew her into his lap. "What are you doing?"

"Putting photos into the new album." Spike smiled at her. "Good idea for a present, kitten."

"Well.. I thought you could start all-new memories." Buffy kissed him softly. "And what about the other present I gave you?"

"That.." Spike kissed her gently, "Was bloody brilliant."

Buffy's face lit up and she planted a kiss on his lips. "I didn't know.. I thought it might have been disappointing for you.."

"Don't be stupid. You were more than I could've ever asked for." He held up a photo. "I think this one's the best."

Buffy took it from him and smiled - it was her favourite too. Thomas was sitting next to a sandcastle Spike had built, happily crushing it with his fists. "That one is gorgeous."

Spike opened the photo album and slid it inside the first pocket, then handed Buffy the pen. "You do captions, princess."

Buffy wrote down, Teddy's day out at the beach next to the photo.

"What did I say about calling 'im that?" Spike asked her with a frown.

"Um, do it?" Buffy said, smirking at him.

Spike gave her an affectionate squeeze and smiled. "You can call 'im that. Ooh, I like this one."

Buffy gave a cry of horror as she saw the photo he was holding. "Get it away!"

"It's cute!"

"It's not, there are no words. It's just frightening." Buffy snatched it away and clutched it to her.

"Gimme that." Spike pried it out of her hands and chuckled. "You're just adorable."

In the photo, Buffy was holding Thomas and poking her tongue out at Spike. Her hair was wet and thrown in all directions.

"Spike!" Buffy tried to grab it away from him but the doorbell rang, interrupting them. Buffy smacked him gently and went to get it.

The instant she opened the door Xander thrust Thomas at her. "Get it away from me."

"What?" Buffy cuddled the sleeping baby to her.

"He cried from 11pm until, oh let's see - half an hour ago! He threw up, he had a gross runny nose all night! Nothing helped him - none of the toys, not even food! He's some sort of demon child!" Xander exclaimed, rubbing his tired eyes. "I HATE THAT KID!"

Thomas woke and started bawling. Xander looked as though he were about to cry as well.

"Come in and lie down for a minute." Buffy took Xander's hand and led him inside. "Spike? Thomas is home... as you can probably hear."

Spike practically knocked her to the floor when he ran past and swept Thomas into his arms. "You okay, mate?"

"Pa!" Thomas giggled and snuggled into his father's arms.

"I missed you, Ted." Spike said softly, resting his forehead against Thomas's. "I hope Uncle Xander wasn't too much of a whelp."


"That baby is the whelp!" Xander cried and collapsed on the couch. "Don't ever bring him near me again."

"I'm going to try and get Teddy to sle-- what the hell?" Spike frowned and placed his hand on the baby's forehead. "Christ, he's burning up."

Buffy felt Thomas's forehead and yanked her hand back, stunned by how hot he was. "This isn't good. We'd better get him to the hospital."

"Did I break your baby?" Xander asked worriedly.

"No, mate. Look, you get some rest, eh?" Spike patted Xander on the shoulder and followed Buffy out the door.

*


"Okay, Mr and Mrs Hartley, Thomas is fine."

Spike stood up and glared at the doctor. "Then why was he burning up like that? He can't be fine."

"Did he cry last night?"

"Yes.. apparently all night." Buffy said softly, taking Spike's hand to calm him. "Apparently he wouldn't eat and threw up as well."

"He wasn't with you?" The doctor raised his eyebrows.

"Don't you give me that look!" Spike snapped. "Are you suggesting I'm a bad father."

"Spike, leave it." Buffy snuggled into his arms. "He wasn't suggesting anything like that."

"Anyway," The doctor forced a smile at Spike, "It's just a simple flu. I'm not going to suggest any medication - it'll go away with plenty of bed rest and tender loving care."

"Can I please see him now?" Spike asked in a small voice. Buffy gave his hand a little squeeze and he pulled her closer.

The nurse emerged with Thomas bundled in her arms. "Here he is."

Spike scooped Thomas into his arms and kissed him softly. "God, I'm sorry, Ted. This is all my fault."

"This wasn't anyones fault. Babies just get the flu." The nurse said softly, smiling at them. "Call us if you need anything."

"Look. He's fine." Buffy whispered, taking Thomas from Spike. "He just needs lots of rest."

"Okay." Spike agreed softly. "Let's get 'im home."

Buffy kissed Spike on the cheek softly. "You realise they just thought we were married?"

Spike grinned at her. "What's the matter with that?"

"Well, we aren't."

"Not yet." Spike said quietly and unlocked the car. He opened the back door and strapped Thomas into his seat. "Don't worry Ted. We'll be home before you know it."

"H-Hom." Thomas repeated.

Spike grinned down at him. "Clever, clever boy!"

Thomas stared at him for a moment then threw up all over Spike.

"Bloody hell!"

*

"Come to bed." Buffy said softly, resting against the doorframe.

"I can't." Spike said, not taking his eyes off Thomas for a moment. "He needs me."

"He's asleep." Buffy pointed out. She took Spike's hand and pulled him towards the door, but he wasn't making it easy. "What if he throws up again and chokes on it?"

"Spike-"

"I can't leave 'im, Buffy." Spike stated firmly and hurried back to the crib.

"Fine. Goodnight." Buffy kissed him on the cheek and left, holding back tears. She knew that above all else, Thomas came first. She didn't at all feel jealous of the baby, or angry - in fact, all she wanted to do was kiss and cuddle and hold him until he was one hundred percent better. But at the same time, she wanted to be kissing and cuddling and holding his father as well.

She removed her shirt and pants and climbed into his bed, curling up among the sheets that smelt so deliciously of him. Buffy missed him already, even though she was well aware he was only in the next room.

"Buffy? Sweetheart?" Spike appeared in the doorway. "I've left him with the baby monitor on. What in god's name are you wearing, princess?"

She sat up and smiled shyly at him. "My underwear."

"It's damn sexy." Spike said in a husky voice as he approached her. He pulled the sheet away and ran his hands over her body. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"More beautiful than Ce--" Buffy quickly silenced herself, seeing the pain in Spike's eyes.

"I'm going to check on Thomas." Spike said quietly, but before he could leave, Buffy wrapped her arms around him and kissed the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry, baby. That was silly of me." Buffy hugged him close to her. "Forgive me?"

"S'okay, pet." Spike pulled her into his lap.

"Thankyou, baby." Buffy kissed him softly. "I love you."

Spike smiled at her and whispered, "And I hate myself for saying this... but you are."

*
 

Chapter 14:

"You are more beautiful.. technically." Anya said, looking at the photo of Cecily curiously. "But you can't ask Spike to compare in this situation, honey."

Buffy nodded sadly, and sighed. "I know. But I feel like she's everywhere around me... and I can never beat her."

"It's not a case of 'beating her'. Spike will always love her, but he says he loves you now." Tara covered Buffy's hand with hers. "Isn't that what you wanted? For him to love you?"

"Yes." A smile broke out over Buffy's face.

"But?" Anya supplied softly.

"But.." Buffy's smile faded. "I don't want to live in Cecily's shadow forever. It feels like that's what I'm doing."

"Why?" Anya sipped her coffee and flipped to a photo of Thomas. "He's going to be a looker one day. Just like his daddy."

"Yeah, well last night his daddy and I had a really romantic night together.. then I wake up and he's gone off to see her." Buffy spat out bitterly. "I hate her!"

"It's never going to work between you and Spike if you can't accept Cecily is important to him!" Tara gave Buffy's hand a squeeze. "He loves you - that's all you can ask for right now. He's still mourning. I think the best thing you can do is accept Cecily - love her like Spike loves her. Learn to appreciate she'll never really be gone in his heart... and Spike will see that you belong there as well."

*

"Tell me about Cecily." Buffy said softly, curling up next to Spike after another hour of passion together.

Spike frowned slightly, confused by this request. "You want me to tell you about Cec?"

Buffy kissed him softly. "Yeah."

"Okay. Well... we met when we were in college, I think I was 22. I was the bad boy, I guess, and Cec didn't like that in me. I fell in love with her, but any attempt I made to be close to her, she just.. well, she rejected me. Must've broke my heart about a thousand times before I realised I had to change." Spike chuckled softly. "So I changed back to what I used to be in high-school.. the person I hated, but apparently Cecily loved me for being the good guy."

"How did you change?" Buffy said between planting kisses on his neck.

Spike got out of bed and walked over to the closet where he pulled out a small leather photo album. He handed it to Buffy and pulled her into his lap. "Look through it. After I left high-school.. where I spent years being miserable.. I changed into this."

Buffy flipped through the photos and burst out laughing. "Oh my god. Billy Idol clone, much?"

"Yeah, have a laugh." Spike snatched the album away. "At least I wasn't in the soddin' cheerleading squad."

"You looked through my photos?" Buffy yelled, going bright red.

"I always wanted to shag a cheerleader." Spike whispered, gently kissing her neck. "You did look bloody sexy in those pictures, kitten. You still have that costume?"

"I can see someone's still a bad boy." Buffy said, giggling. "Well, yeah.. but it's too small for me now."

The pout that appeared on his face was so adorable Buffy almost melted. "You wouldn't even put it on for me?"

Buffy was straddling him when Thomas's wails echoed through the house. Buffy sighed inwardly and got off Spike. "I'll go to him."

"You sure, kitten?"

"You're tired." Buffy kissed him softly. "Wait here."

"Kay." Spike said softly and raked his hands through his hair. Minutes passed without her and he was going almost insane, but finally Thomas fell silent and Buffy returned.

"He's asleep.. but I don't know if he'll stay that way." Buffy snuggled up next to Spike. "His temperature's gone down though. It's 101."

"You think he'll be better soon?" Spike asked, smoothing Buffy's long blonde hair with his hand.

"Yeah. He's a little fighter." Buffy straddled Spike again, kissing each of his cheekbones and the tip of his nose. "I love you."

"Love you too, kitten."

*

Spike woke to the sound of Buffy smashing things around in the kitchen, cursing and sobbing. Without thinking to get dressed, he raced downstairs. "What's the matter?"

"Leave me alone." Buffy said, shaking him off when he tried to touch her.

"Why are you crying?"

"Do you not understand the meaning of alone?" Buffy shrieked and shoved him away. "Get lost!"

Spike grabbed her by the arm roughly and wrenched her towards him. "Tell me what the fuck is the matter with you!"

Buffy's eyes went wide and she froze, shocked by what had just happened.

"Princess, I'm sorry." Spike pulled her to him and kissed her. "Tell me what's wrong."

Buffy thrust a piece of crumpled paper at him and sat down at the kitchen table to cry.

You are invited to witness the blessed union of Cordelia Chase and Angel O'Connor

Spike sat beside her and kissed her softly. "Who are they?"

"He's my ex-boyfriend... and she was my best friend." Buffy snuggled into him and Spike felt his stomach churn as her body shook with the sobs escaping her. "That's why I left LA - Angel cheated on me with her. And now they're getting married! They're only inviting me to be cruel."

"How long ago did this happen?"

"Three years. God, I loved him. I really thought I did.... then just because I wanted to wait!" Buffy's eyes started to well up again. "He went and fucked cordy. They were together for months behind my back."

Spike pulled her into his lap and cuddled her to him. "Then don't go. Just tear up the sodding invite and don't go."

"But I have to! I have to show them that I'm better than them.." Buffy's eyes lit up suddenly and she smiled at Spike. "Come with me. I'll be like, ooh, look how happy I am with my new boyfriend."

"When's the wedding?"

"It's this weekend." Buffy frowned. "You reckon we'll find Teddy a sitter? I doubt Xander'll do it again."

"I'm not leaving him alone with some stranger!" Spike exclaimed, mortified. "We're taking him with us."

"Okay. But a road trip with a baby? That's not going to be fun."

"Road trip? No, no. We'll take a plane, kitten."

"You really want to go to this?" Buffy asked nervously.

"If you do." Spike smiled at her. "I'd love to see you tell this wanker where to shove it, luv."

"I'll go get a really sexy dress just to show him what he's missing." Buffy said with mischief glimmering in her eyes.

Spike chuckled and gave her a gentle squeeze. "As long as I can rip it off later, eh?"

"You have to be all lovey-dovey and all over me all weekend.. just to show him that he's not my true love, you are."

Spike smiled madly when she said the words 'true love' - he loved being with someone who loved their relationship. Cecily had always loved him, he knew that, but she hated being kissed or cuddled in public, and despised Spike openly expressing his feelings for her. She was cynical a lot as well, and refused to believe in things like soul mates.

But Buffy did. There was so much hope, so much faith, so much love inside her that she was willing to give unconditionally - he'd never been one hundred percent sure, but now he was - he'd found his soul mate.

*
 

Chapter 15:

The flight had been terrible. Thomas had cried the entire time, Spike had complained about the food, and Buffy already hated flying so it was far less than perfect. But now they'd gotten a beautiful suite in the Carmel Hotel, she'd put on her sexiest dress and shoes, and they were ready for the rehearsal dinner.

"You look stunning, kitten." Spike pulled her closer to him, suddenly feeling protective as they entered the dining room.

"Oh my god, there he is." Buffy murmered as a tall guy with dark hair approached them.

"Buffy!" The look on Angel's face was priceless. "I didn't know you were coming."

"I was invited." Buffy said with a forced smile.

Angel chuckled. "It is polite to RSVP. But hey, you were always a little unorthodox."

Spike clenched his fists and was ready to smack him one, but Buffy kicked him as a warning. Spike cried out and glared down at her.

"And who's this?" Angel turned and frowned at Spike.

"This is my-"

"Husband, William." Spike interrupted with a smug smile.

"Husband?" Angel gaped at Buffy in absolute horror. "You're married?"

Buffy was still in shock herself. "Apparently so."

Angel noticed the baby perched on her hip and his eyes bugged out of his head. "You have a kid?"

"Yes." Spike jumped in, patting Thomas's head. "This is our son, Thomas."

"Wow." Angel stared at Thomas. "He's cute. Is his nose always that crooked?"

A low growl escaped Spike and Buffy squeezed his hand gently to calm him. "Where are we sitting?"

"I think we can fit you in over here." Angel took Buffy's hand and smiled at her. "Hey. It's good to see you again."

"Mm-hm." Buffy murmered as he led them over to table 18. She glanced at Spike and saw he looked absolutely furious.

"I'll let Cordy know you're here." Angel kissed her hand softly and left to find his fiancee.

"Okay." Buffy said flirtaciously, smiling her sexiest smile at him.

Spike helped Buffy into her seat and snatched Thomas away from her. He sat down and refused to look at her.

"Spike.. come on, baby.." Buffy took his hand in hers and kissed it softly. "I was only playing."

"Fine." He said, still ignoring her.

"Come on, honey." Buffy kissed him softly. "It's you I love."

"Whatever." Spike mumbled, playing with Thomas's curly hair.

"If you don't want to be here-"

"I don't mind being here! I just don't like you flirting with him. You're mine."

"I know. I don't want to be anyone else's, alright?" Buffy smiled against his lips as he kissed her passionately.

Thomas distracted her when he started suckling on her hand.

"Oh, gross!" Buffy pulled away. "I'm gonna go wash up."

"Ba." Thomas babbled happily.

"Be quiet. Ba's mad right now." Buffy frowned at the baby and stomped off to the bathroom.

She shut the door and started washing the baby spit off her hands. Voices floated out of the cubicles, and she recognized the first as Cordy's.

"Can you believe she showed her face here! What a loser!"

The second girl laughed. "I know. Did you see how skanky her dress was?"

"And her husband's hair!"

"And the baby in the suit? How tacky was that?"

"She was trying to look sexy, she just look frumpy from all the baby weight she hasn't lost!"

"I feel bad for her husband.. Angel said she was hopeless at anything in bed. She was too scared to give him anything he really.."

Sickened, and not prepared to hear any more, Buffy blinked back tears and raced from the bathroom. She ran back to her table and grabbed Spike by the scruff of his neck. "We're leaving."

"What's wrong?"

"We're leaving! Gimme Thomas." Buffy took the baby and hugged him. "Let's get you upstairs."

She stalked off and Spike hurried after her.

*

"Princess, why are we walking away from our room? I'm not sure I feel right leaving Teddy on his own... Why don't you just tell me what hap-" Spike was silenced when Buffy slammed him against a door and kissed him passionately.

"Get inside and get naked." Buffy said firmly, pushing him inside.

Spike was hardly going to argue with that. He sat down on the bed and took off his shoes and shirt as Buffy crawled between his legs and unzipped his pants. She took him into her mouth, gently caressing his thighs, and licked his swollen head gently. Spike groaned and collapsed back onto the bed as she took him completely into her hot mouth and sucked him until he came into her mouth.

"Ready for more, honey?" Buffy whispered as she mounted his body.

"Fuck yes." Spike grabbed her and kissed her roughly. Buffy pressed him up against the head-board and rubbed against him, letting Spike feel how aroused she was.

"Feel how wet I am?" Buffy cried out as he dipped his hand between her legs and stroked her.

"That feel good?"

"Feels amazing." Buffy gasped and kissed him.

She took his erection in her hand and rubbed it gently, positioning him at her moist entrance. Buffy gasped as she sunk down on him, swivelling her hips slowly, growing faster by the second as she rode him.

"I want this dress.. off you!" Spike ripped the black satin garment off her and pulled her close enough so he could suck at her pert breasts, driving Buffy into a frenzy of lust. She bounced up and down on him, screaming out his name as she climaxed. Spike was already a babbling mess, moaning against her soft skin as he came.

"Bloody hell."

"I love you." Buffy whispered and pulled away from him.

Spike suddenly noticed their surroundings and gave her a funny look. "Where are we?"

Buffy grinned at him devilishly. "The bridal suite."

"Angel's room? You wanted to do this in Angel's room?!"

"Revenge is sweet, baby." Buffy threw his shirt at him. "Come on."

"You realize this was insane?" Spike buttoned up his shirt and reached for his pants.

"Mmmm." Buffy pressed her body to his and kissed him.

"I ripped your dress, sweetheart." Spike fingered the torn satin sadly. "Shame. You looked so pretty in it. Prettier without, but all the same.. you mad?"

"No.. I didn't like it. It was kind of skanky." Buffy said softly.

"No it wasn't.. where'd you get an idea like that?"

She turned to him and Spike saw tears in her eyes. Buffy took a deep breath, "I heard Cordy and some other bitch talking about me."

"What'd they say?" Spike wrapped his jacket around her shoulders.

"They said.." Buffy took another breath, shakier this time as she strugged to hold back her tears, "I was fat, and hopeless in bed, and such a loser for coming here.."

Spike bundled her into his arms and cuddled her as she continued, "They said mean stuff about you and Teddy too! I knew I shouldn't have come here."

"Well, we can go-" Spike paused as the door clicked open.

"What the hell are you two doing in here?" Cordy shrieked, storming towards them. Angel glared at them from behind her.

"Fuck you." Buffy muttered, wiping stray tears off her face.

"How dare you?!" Cordy reached out to slap her but Buffy shoved her away.

"You're the one who fucked my boyfriend in my bed thousands of times! Go to hell, Cordy. And you're a lot fatter than I am." Buffy grabbed Spike by the arm and dragged him out of the suite.

Once they were outside, she burst out laughing. "That was so much fun!"

"I'm proud of you, princess." Spike pulled her closer to him. "Let's go back to our room, eh?"

"Can we go home tomorrow?" Buffy asked, guilt appearing on her face. "God, I'm making you pay for all these tickets.."

"S'fine." Spike kissed her softly. "I want to go home too."

*

 

TBC

Chapter 16:

Spike wandered into Thomas's room to check on the child and felt a chill run down his spine. The walls were bright red, dripping, and with a slamming feeling to his chest, he realized it was blood. Thomas was nowhere to be seen.

Spike spun around and found himself face-to-face with Cecily. She too, was drenched in blood, and holding Emily and Thomas. Thomas was screaming, but Emily was limp, lifeless in her mother's arms.

"Three months?" Cecily shrieked, clutching Thomas so hard he started going blue in the face, and bruises were appearing where her hands were. "Three months and you've got yourself a new whore?"

"She's not a whore!" Spike whimpered, reaching out to take Thomas. Cecily refused to let go of the boy, though. "Luv, you're hurting him. Just give him to me, eh?"

Cecily's eyes went from deep brown to an electric red, and with an insane grin, she sneered, "No! No, no, no! He doesn't want you. He doesn't want a father who's just going to abandon him for some cheap slut!"

"She's NOT A CHEAP SLUT!" Spike roared and whacked Cecily across the face. She tumbled to the floor and Spike grimaced as Thomas's wails got louder. Emily stared up at him with glassy eyes. Distantly he heard her screams, her joyful cries, her babbling - all gone now, muted by the horrific hands of death.

Spike grabbed Thomas and clutched the baby with a choking strength. "Shutup, shutup, SHUTUP!"

Thomas was limp in Spike's hands now. Silent.

Dead.

*

Spike bolted upright as he woke, a sob catching in his throat. He tumbled out of bed and raced into Thomas's room to find the baby safe, fast asleep, a content smile on his face.

Spike swept the baby up into his arms and hugged him. Thomas woke, but he was too tired to cry, and simply rested against his father as Spike cried into his soft baby skin.

"I'm so sorry, Ted." Spike whispered, cuddling the baby gently. "I love you so much."

"Pa."

"Yeah.." Spike gave Thomas a teary smile. "I'm your pa. And I'll never, ever leave you. Buffy would never want that."

"Ba?" Thomas giggled.

"I wish.. god, Teddy, I wish it were easier. I wish she were your mom. Then we could be perfectly happy. You need a mom.. a real mom, not a nanny, not some stand-in chit, a real mommy. Eh?"

"Brrrrr." Thomas hummed, making smacking sounds with his lips.

"I'll take that as a yes, mate. You like Buffy, right?"

"Ba."

"I'll take that as a yes as well." Spike kissed the baby on the tip of his nose and chuckled. "G'night, mate."

*

"Hey man." Xander stopped in the doorway and stared around. "Is he here?"

"Who, Thomas?" Spike chuckled. "No, Buffy took him out for a bit."

"Okay. It is officially safe." Xander stepped inside. "How was your weekend?"

"It was okay. Plane was a nightmare, Thomas wailed the entire time."

"What did I tell you? He's evil!" Xander exclaimed. "And I didn't mean the baby part, I meant the Buffy part."

"None of your bloody business." Spike grinned. "It was great."

"Are you guys serious, then?"

"Are you kidding? This woman loves me, she loves Thomas, she puts up with the both of us endlessly and unconditionally... she's amazing."

"Do you love her?"

Spike nodded. "She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know, I know.. Cec was great, but I know that she never loved me half as much as Buffy does. And even when we were in love, she always kind of looked down on me."

"Yeah." Xander agreed with a sympathetic smile. "But Buffy doesn't?"

"No. She's so.. well, she's just so.." Spike paused to think of the right word.

"Hot?" Xander supplied.

"I was going to say sweet, but yeah!" Spike and Xander burst out laughing.

"Hey." Buffy appeared with a smile on her face, Thomas bundled safely in her arms. "What's up?"

"Did Anya tell you? We're going out." Xander said proudly, grinning from ear-to-ear.

"That's great." Buffy smiled and sat down in Spike's lap. "You sleep well?"

"Yeah." Spike lied, kissing her gently. "You?"

"Wonferfully." Buffy's voice dropped to a whisper, "I had the sexiest dream about you. Did you dream about me?"

Spike swallowed hard and shook his head. "Can't recall, princess."

"I'm going to head off. I'll punch Riley for you if I see him." Xander snorted with laughter. "Man, you should see the bruises he's sporting."

"Fucking wanker deserved it." Spike muttered and gave Buffy a little squeeze. "Have a nice time with Teddy?"

"Sing!!!" Thomas cried.

"We went on the swings, and we went so high, didn't we Teddy?" Buffy grinned down at him. "I was scared out of my mind, but he thought it was great."

"Don't try the slides." Spike reminded her. "Cec and I did that once, he wouldn't stop crying for a day straight. Just hated it, didn't you Ted?"

Thomas stared up at Spike with wide eyes. "Pa."

"Clever little chap, isn't he?" Spike smiled lovingly at Buffy. "You look beautiful today, kitten. Not that that's anything out of the blue."

"We visited Cecily." Buffy said softly. "I thought Thomas should see her more than once in a while."

"Right." Spike said quietly.

Buffy ran her hand up and down his back soothingly. "Are you upset?"

"No, it's just.. I didn't expect you to go see my wife."

She wished dearly he'd say 'ex-wife'. "Well, Thomas needs her to be a part of his life."

"I know." Spike brushed his lips against hers. "But I don't need you to be wallowing in my past."

"If you think I'm being nosy-"

"It's not that, kitten!" Spike sighed. "I'd just rather be thinking about our future than my past."

"Okay." Buffy said softly, wondering if Spike would take kindly to her asking why he looked like he was about to cry. But soon his lips found hers and she lost herself in the moment.

*

 

Chapter 17:

"Can you say fish?" Spike held up the cartoon picture of Nemo and smiled down at Thomas. "C'mon, mate. It's easy. FISH."

Thomas grabbed at the picture and giggled as he scrunched it up.

"Fine then. Can you say.." Spike flipped through the pictures, "Can you say boat?"

Thomas crumpled his brow, confused by this new game.

"Let's try it, eh? Boat. B-O-A-T." Spike sighed impatiently. "Wait, here's an idea."

He held up a picture of Buffy. "Who's that?"

"BA!" Thomas shrieked triumphantly.

"Or maybe.. ma?" Spike held the photo closer to Thomas. "Can you say mum?"

"Ba." Thomas giggled.

"Ma." Spike corrected. "Maybe tomorrow you'll be in a more clever frame of mind, eh?"

*

"Spike, someone's at the door!" Buffy called as she tried to get Thomas to eat. But the baby continued to spit out whatever she fed him.

Spike hurried to answer the door and the instant it was open, Willow fell into Spike's arms, crying softly against her brother's chest.

"Why are you here?" Spike pulled her inside and held her at arm's length, studying her carefully. "What's wrong?"

"Faith.. she.." Willow's sobs became louder and she collapsed on the couch. "She cheated on me."

Anger flared within Spike and he clenched his fists - he'd seen this coming. But rather than tell Willow so, he sat beside her and hugged her. "Don't cry, princess."

"I hate her!" Willow yelled furiously. "I walked in on her and some guys just going at it!"

"Guys?"

"Three of them!" Willow shrieked and buried her head in her hands.

Spike's eyes went wide. "I thought she was gay-"

"Well, apparently she's not!" Willow snapped and glared at Spike. "Go on. Say it. Say that you knew this was coming."

"Well, yeah. I knew she'd do something like this, because she's a little whore. But I didn't want to hurt you by saying that in case you wound up with something really special."

"Fat chance." She muttered bitterly. "I'm going to wind up old and alone."

"That's not true, luv." Spike smoothed her red hair with his hand. "You'll find someone."

"I won't! When does anyone actually find love? It's not rare, it's not a myth, it's just absolute bullshit!"

Buffy entered the room with Thomas wriggling in her arms as he wailed. "I think we need to take Teddy to a doctor."

"Not right now, okay?" Spike snapped and turned back to Willow. "Look, sweetheart.. you're a wonderful girl, and-"

"Spike!" Buffy yelled and hit him on the arm to get his attention. "He's burning up."

"For fuck's sakes, YOU take care of it! You're the goddamn nanny!" Spike regretted his words the moment they'd escaped his mouth. Buffy looked absolutely wounded.

"Fine. If that's all you think of me." She mumbled and propped Thomas on her hip. "Come on, Thomas."

Spike shuddered as she slammed the door. "Jesus H. christ. Why do you women have to be so bloody sensitive?"

"Because we are." Willow frowned. "Except for Faith. Heartless bitch."

"She didn't deserve you." Spike kissed Willow's hand softly. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. You reckon Buffy will be? She won't quit?"

"Nah, she'll probably just ignore me for the next day or two. But I'll have her back in my arms soon enough."

A smile appeared on Willow's face. "Are you guys together?"

Spike grinned. "Yeah."

"Well, aren't you going to thank me for bringing her into your life?" Willow said with a silly smile. "Seriously, are you happy?"

"More than I've ever been." Spike sighed. "But she's probably ready to neuter me right about now. She has a right little temper."

*

"Is he okay?" Spike asked cheerily when Buffy returned.

She ignored him and flounced upstairs with Thomas. Spike took a deep breath, preparing himself for the worst. He followed her upstairs.

Spike wrapped his arm around her waist as she filled Thomas's bath with water. "Princess? Is my boy okay?"

"He's fine. Get your fucking hands off me."

"Princess-"

"Don't you go and princess me." Buffy snapped, wrenching away from Spike. She picked Thomas up and started undressing him. "I'm just the nanny, pet names are for your girlfriend, not me."

"You are my girlfriend." Spike kissed her neck softly. "Or at least I thought you were."

"Apparently I'm just the nanny!" Buffy hissed, wriggling away from him. "Leave me alone, it's hard to bathe Teddy when you're practically molesting me."

"If you're just the nanny, you can't call him Teddy. That's a girlfriend priveledge only." Spike said firmly, glaring at her.

Buffy shrugged. "Fine."

Spike sighed angrily and stormed out of the room.

*

Buffy took a freshly washed and clothed Thomas downstairs at his endless requests to see his 'pa'. She didn't want to see Spike at all, but Thomas was about to cry and she didn't want to deal with his noise at the moment.

She found Spike on the back step, taking a long drag from a cigarette.

"How dare you?! You were meant to quit!" She snatched it from his lips and glared at him.

"Bugger off." Spike scowled at her, but as Buffy started to leave, he grabbed her ankle. "Wait. Gimme Ted."

Buffy sat down beside him and offloaded Thomas into Spike's arms. "There. I'll bugger off now."

Spike put his hand on her leg to prevent her from moving. "Wait. Look, kitten, I'm sorry. I know I hurt you before-"

"I don't want to hear this." Buffy tried to move away from him but Spike was firmly holding her in place.

"You're not just the nanny. You're my girl, it's just, I was having a tough time of it before with Red - she was all upset and I wasn't ready to deal with your whining as well."

"I wasn't whining!" Buffy cried. "I was concerned for your son!"

"Alright! Maybe I was wrong. I'm sorry." Spike brushed his lips against hers. "Forgive me?"

Buffy frowned at him. "Are you actually going to quit smoking?"

"Yes. I will. I'm sorry 'bout that too."

"Then I reluctantly accept your apology." Buffy kissed Spike on the cheek. "Is Willow okay?"

"She will be. She didn't deserve to get hurt like that. I could kill that stupid whore."

"Willow?" Buffy asked, confused.

"No! Faith." Spike chuckled. "Jesus, I don't know what Willow saw in her in the first place. In highschool she slept with the entire football team."

"No way."

"I'm serious! She told it like it was some great honour, and the entire team backed her story up!"

"You mean she slept with them at once?" Buffy gagged.

Spike shrugged. "With her track record, I wouldn't put it past her."

Buffy laughed softly, snuggling into Spike. "I could set Willow up with my friend Tara. She's gay."

"Definetly?" Spike asked, chuckling. "Apparently Faith goes back and forth, wouldn't want Red to have a repeat of that nonsense."

"Pa!" Thomas cried, seeking attention.

"Yeah, yeah. We know you're there, Ted." Spike lifted the baby up and placed Thomas on his shoulders. "How about we go for a nice picnic dinner in the park? We can go on the swings."

"SING!" Thomas repeated happily.

"That's right." Spike stood up and offered Buffy his hand. "Come on, kitten. You can pack us a nice meal."

"Okay." Buffy moved closer to him so they were only barely apart. "I love you."

"I love you too." Spike whispered and watched as she disappeared inside.

Thomas stared after Buffy, and then did something that almost made Spike collapse with shock. He said ever so softly, so that only he and his father could hear, "Ma."

*

 

Chapter 18:

Spike stared down at Thomas in shock, wondering if he'd just imagined what had just happened. He really hoped that he was imagining things. "Teddy? Did you just call her your 'ma'?"

"Ma." Thomas repeated happily, staring up at Spike with big blue eyes.

Spike sat back down and placed Thomas on his knee. "Teddy, listen to me. As happy as I am that you're so bloody clever, you CAN'T say that in front of Buffy. You'll scare her off. Alright? She'll leave us, and you know what'll happen then - there's no happily ever after if she leaves us. So you be quiet. Her name is Ba not.. well, not what you just said."

Thomas showed no sign of understanding, the same innocent smile remaining on his face.

Spike sighed and looked Thomas straight in the eye. "Teddy, PROMISE me you won't call Buffy your ma."

"Ma." Thomas giggled.

"TEDDY!" Spike groaned and buried his face in his hands. Thomas shrieked and batted Spike on the head.

"Ready to go?" Buffy asked, smiling down at them lovingly.

"Sure." Spike stood up and slapped his hand over Thomas's mouth. The baby started slurping on his father's fingers immediately. "Want to drive or walk, pet?"

"We can walk." Buffy took Spike's hand and led him around the side of the house. "I just made us sandwiches and some fruit salad. Sound good?"

"Sounds delicious." Spike said, nuzzling her neck gently. "Just like you, kitten."

"Perv." Buffy kissed him, smiling against his lips. "I love this feeling."

Spike pulled her to him, wrapping his arm snugly around her waist. "Me too."

*

Spike and Buffy were finishing off their sandwiches when a girl came running over from the swing-set. She smiled at them shyly. "Hi. I'm Michelle."

"Hi, sweetie." Buffy smiled at the girl. "I'm Buffy, this is Spike, and this," She picked Thomas up and smiled down at the baby, "Is Thomas."

"Can I play with Thomas?" The little girl gave Spike and Buffy a near-toothless grin. "Please? I love babies."

Spike returned the smile, and asked gently, "How old are you, luv?"

"I'm almost 9. I won't hurt him, promise! I have a baby sister at home and mommy always lets me play with her."

Buffy shrugged at Spike. "As long as she doesn't take him far, that's okay, right?"

"Just to the sandpits, kitten. Okay?" Spike gently placed Thomas in her arms. "Don't take him on any of the playground, though. He's a bit fussy about all that."

"Thankyou." The girl hurried off, carefully cradling Thomas in her arms, cooing at him adoringly.

Spike picked up a strawberry, dipped it in cream, and offered it to Buffy. She took it into her mouth and licked away the cream before devouring the sweet red fruit. "Yum."

"You know how damn sexy that looked?" Spike leant in closer and kissed her softly. "I love you, princess."

"I love you too." Buffy tousled his gelled hair with her free hand, the other entwined with his. "This is fun. I thought he didn't like other kids though."

"Seems to like Michelle." Spike shrugged. "It's more the other babies. One time when me and Cecily were here, we tried putting him in the sandpit with two other babies and he just screamed bloody murder."

"Maybe he's just shy."

"You saying my boy's a pansy?" Spike cocked his eyebrow at her.

"Just because someone's shy doesn't mean they're a pansy!" Buffy slapped him on the arm gently. "You looked like quite the pansy in high-school, Mr-I-Was-In-The-Book-Club!"

"Don't make me tickle you again." Spike warned, feeding her a cherry.

A loud cry came from the playground and they turned to see Thomas was flat on his face in the sand. Spike got to his feet and raced over. "What happened?!"

Michelle burst into tears. "I didn't mean it!"

Buffy approached and gathered Thomas into her arms to inspect the screaming child. "It's okay, he's not hurt. Just a bit suprised."

"I'm sorry!" Michelle cried and Spike took her hand gently to comfort her.

"It's okay, luv. Where are your parents?"

"They live over there." Michelle pointed across the road. "They let me come over whenever I like because it's so close."

"That must be lots of fun, eh?" Spike smiled at her. "I'll walk you home. Buffy? I'll meet you back here."

Buffy watched as he and Michelle walked over to her house and cuddled Thomas. "You okay, cookie?"

Thomas sniffled and let out a tiny sob. Buffy kissed him on the tip of his nose, and he giggled. "M-m-Ma."

Buffy stared down at the baby in horror and gasped, "What?!"


"Is this the right one, luv?"

Michelle nodded happily. "Guess what? We just moved here, and we got a pool, and this one is two-tales."

"I think you mean two-storey." Spike chuckled. "You know, Thomas loves to swim. Maybe you can spend more time with him this summer, eh?"

"Wow!" Michelle grinned up at him.

"You have a baby sister, huh? What's she like?"

"She's kind of noisy sometimes." Michelle scowled. "It's hard to sleep."

"I know that feeling." Spike chuckled as they walked up the path.

"But she's really cute as well." She smiled at Spike. "Would your baby like to play with my baby?"

"We'll see, luv. He's a bit shy sometimes." Spike pressed the doorbell. "What's your mummy or your daddy's name?"

"It's Harmony and Wesley Hartley. He's really my step-daddy, but that doesn't mean he loves me any less." Michelle said proudly.

Spike froze as the door swung open. He looked from the smiling little girl to the man in the doorway.

Michelle was oblivious to the tension between the two men and started speaking of her adventures with Thomas in the park. "Hey daddy! This nice man let me play with his baby boy, and said maybe he can come for a swim! Can he do that?"

Ignoring his daughter, Wesley's eyes went wide when he recognized the man in front of him. "William?"

Spike stared back at him in total shock, and said softly, "Dad. It's you."

*
 

Chapter 19:

"Michelle.. honey.. why don't you go up and get ready for bed?" Wesley knelt down and kissed her on the forehead softly.

"Goodnight, daddy." Michelle hugged him and turned back to Spike. "Can you bring Thomas 'round soon?"

Spike nodded and forced a smile at her. He was still in shock... this girl was his sister! "Of course, kitten. Sweet dreams."

They watched as she bounded upstairs and then turned to look at each other. Spike glared at Wesley hatefully. "When did you get back?"

"A week and a bit ago. I was planning on getting in touch-"

"Sure you were." Spike said bitterly and continued scowling.

"I was." Wesley replied firmly. "I asked around.. I was so proud to hear that my boy's grown up into such a great guy. I got all your old columns from the library archives and read them.. they're fabulous, William. Do you still write?"

"Not lately." Spike said stiffly and turned to leave.

"I was so sorry to hear about your wife." Wesley put his hand on Spike's shoulder gently.

Spike shrugged it away. "Doesn't concern you."

"Well, it does-"

"If you'd come to my wedding, maybe." Spike continued to glare at his father.

"I wanted to!" Wesley cried defensively. "I seriously did. It's just.. I only got the invitation when I got home from this big business trip, and by that time, the wedding had already been. I'm sorry."

There was a long, awkward pause on Wesley's part. Spike just seemed furious, and was the first to speak. "You're literally a stranger to me. I don't know you."

"And I don't know you. And trust me, I want to. I want to be a part of your life."

"Well, you're 30 years too late." Spike snapped.

"I was only young. I didn't know how to handle it." Wesley said desperately. "Please. You and Willow.. you're my only kids, and I want to know you."

Spike wasn't at all convinced. "Thought we were both accidents."

Wesley went pale, and said breathlessly, "What?"

"Before you left.. I heard you and mum fighting. You said we were accidents." Spike turned and started walking away, blinking back tears as he went.

"You promised Michelle you'd come tomorrow." Wesley called after him. "We'll be waiting."

*

"Spike?" Buffy studied him carefully - he looked like he was ready to kill someone. "You okay?"

"Fine." Spike said through clenched teeth. "That was just my bastard of a father."

"What?" Buffy adjusted Thomas on her hip and had to almost run to keep up with Spike as he stormed off in the direction of home.

The walk home was silent and awkward. Spike refused to talk about his father, and Buffy didn't know how to even begin explaining what had just happened with Thomas. How was she meant to say to Spike that his son had just called her 'Ma'? Deep down inside, she was touched, but she also knew no good could come of this. Thomas just wasn't her son - it was that simple.

They returned home and Spike stomped upstairs and slammed his door. Buffy could hear him pacing the floor, cursing to himself angrily.

"Come on, honey. I think it's bedtime." Buffy took Thomas upstairs and laid him down in his cot. She turned on the music mobile and smiled down at him. "I love you, Teddy."

"Ma." Thomas said softly, a faint smile on his tiny face.

"No. Not 'ma'." Buffy corrected him in a mere whimper. She loved hearing him call her that, and she didn't want it to stop. "Goodnight, cookie."

She left Thomas's room and went to see Spike. She knocked gently on the door, and when there was no objection, she went in. "Hey baby."

She straddled him and kissed him softly. "You alright?"

"No I'm not bloody alright." Spike glared at her. "Everything was going alright in my pathetic life and now he's back."

Buffy ran her hands through his blonde hair gently. "Is he really that bad?"

"Problem is, he's not. He's a nice enough guy, and every excuse he ever gave for not seeing me was genuine. But is it so unfair for a kid to ask to see his father more than once every few years? He never sent cards, he'd just call days, maybe even weeks later to say he had a conference or a trip that he couldn't avoid."

"Sounds familiar." Buffy said softly, thinking of her own 'father'.

"You know how many important things he's missed?" Spike started counting off on his fingers, "Twenty-three of my birthdays, my graduation, my wedding, the birth of his grandchildren, and my 30th birthday! And now he expects for me to just let him into my life?"

"That is kind of tough." Buffy gave his hand a little squeeze. "But imagine if you were in this situation with Thomas. Wouldn't you want a second chance?"

Spike's frown didn't lift. "It wouldn't be a second chance, though! It'd be like the thousandth chance I've given that bastard."

"But you could at least try, huh?" Buffy smiled at him. "For me? I'd be really proud of you."

*

"William. I'm glad you could come." Wesley smiled at him warmly. "Come in."

"This is my son, Thomas, and my girlfriend, Buffy." Spike noticed Buffy blushed slightly at the term 'girlfriend' and gave her an affectionate squeeze.

"It's nice to meet you, Buffy." Wesley shook her hand. "And you," He patted Thomas on the head gently, "Are just so handsome, aren't you?"

Thomas stretched his arms up at his grandfather and Spike reluctantly gave the baby to Wesley. "He's almost eighteen months."

"Spike! Thomas!" Michelle raced downstairs and hugged Spike. "You came! You really did!"

"Of course I did, cookie." Spike ruffled her hair. "And Thomas brought his bathers."

"Daddy, can I take the baby for a swim?" Michelle smiled at at Wesley winningly.

"Of course, if there's an adult with you." Wesley looked from Spike to Buffy. "Were either of you planning on a swim?"

"I thought I would." Buffy said and took Michelle's hand. "Can you tell me where to get changed?"

Wesley gently placed Thomas in Buffy's arms. "Just down the hall there, the second door to the right. Michelle, go find your goggles. You don't want your eyes to sting again."

Michelle hurried upstairs. Spike watched as Buffy and Thomas disappeared down the hall, and with a sinking feeling, realized that now he had to talk to his father.

"Would you like a drink?" Wesley led Spike into his study. "I have whisky, wine, or beer."

Spike shook his head, his face stony. "I'm actually not drinking anymore. I had a bit of a problem after Ceccy died, and I've quit since then."

"Okay." His father sat down and motioned for Spike to do the same. "So.. how did you and Buffy meet?"

"Willow hired her to be my nanny after Cecily died."

"I heard Willow moved, actually. Has she found herself a nice guy?"

Spike snorted with laughter. "You really pay attention, don't you? Willow's gay."

Wesley's eyes widened slightly. "Ah. Alright."

"Who's this Harmony chit you married?"

"We met about two years ago, now. A colleague of mine handled her divorce, and we met at a social event. She's really very sweet... as is Michelle." A smile lit up Wesley's face. "And just three months ago we had ourselves a baby girl, Tess."

"That's nice." Spike said awkwardly, shifting in his seat.

"So why don't you write anymore?"

Spike shrugged. "I quit after Cecily died. I needed to be with Teddy."

A long silence followed, and Spike was ready to get up and leave when Wesley said, "There's not a day I don't regret what I did."

"Yeah. Right." Spike rolled his eyes.

"You have to understand how hard it was. I was so in love with your mother, but I was just 17! I had my whole life ahead of me, and I wasn't even thinking about babies when she got pregnant. I did stick around until you were 7.. but my career was waiting. My dad didn't approve of the whole thing anyway, and he practically forced me to leave you guys."

"You never could take the blame, could you?" Spike glared at him. "Every time you made some stupid excuse, it was, 'My boss is making me' or 'My colleague can't fill in for me' or 'So-and-so said I have to'. But you're the one who got mum pregnant, you're the one who broke her heart, and you're the one who never made any sodding effort to be a part of my life!"

Wesley fell silent again, guilt reading heavily in his eyes. "You're right."

"Wesley-Schmesley, where are you?" A woman flounced into the room and smiled politely at Spike. "Hi. Are you William?"

Spike frowned. "Yeah. And you are?"

"Harmony. I guess I'm your step-mom!" She grinned at him. "It's great to meet you."

Spike turned and glared at his father. "She's younger than me!"

"I'm 28." Harmony said uneasily, looking from father to son in confusion. "What's wrong with that?"

Wesley sighed. "William-"

"I'm going." Spike stood up and stormed out of the room.

*

"Where's Spike?" Buffy asked when she and Thomas came back inside.

Wesley scratched his head, and muttered awkwardly, "He left."

"Pa?" Thomas said softly, resting against Buffy sleepily.

"Can you give him this for me? Please?" Wesley handed Buffy a single photo. "I just thought he might like it."

Buffy studied the photo and smiled. "Sure. I'm sorry.. he's really very stubborn."

"It's okay. I can see why he doesn't want anything to do with me, but I'm glad he made the effort."

"Okay." Buffy smiled at him. "See ya."

*

"Why did you leave like that?" Buffy frowned at Spike disapprovingly. "Your dad was really upset."

Spike stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. "He was upset? I've been upset for the past 23 years."

"Stop being such a baby." Buffy took another towel and started rubbing it all over Spike to dry him. "I want you to go and see him again sometime."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!" Buffy snapped, glaring at him. "He seems like a good guy."

She thrust the photo at Spike and he looked at it. Buffy watched as a pained expression appeared on Spike's face, and he pushed past her. "Spike.. are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Just need to be alone." Spike disappeared into their bedroom and shut the door. He glanced down at the photo and felt close to tears. It was taken on his sixth birthday, at the park, where he and his father were building a sandcastle in the sandpits.

Wesley was wearing the shirt Spike had made at only four years old, reading, "I'll Love My Son Forever", and Spike was wearing a matching one, "I'll Love My Daddy Forever".

*
 

Chapter 20:

Spike returned to see his father the next morning - and this time he hadn't been forced by Buffy. He had barely slept the night before - partially because Buffy hadn't been with him. She'd returned to her own room after he'd asked her to give him some time alone, which ended up being a bad thing. Spike missed her arms around him within minutes of her abscense.

The other thing stopping him from sleeping was the rage filling him. He'd never experienced anger like this before - why should he be the one to make things up with his father? Why should he be feeling guilty when he'd done no wrong? He was the little boy who'd lost his father. Twenty-three years had passed, and Spike could barely believe Wesley had the nerve to ask for forgiveness.

So why did he actually want his father in his life all of a sudden? Was it because above all else, this stranger was family? Family mattered to Spike in a way nothing else did. The thought that this man was the same flesh and blood was somehow comforting - this man, this virtual stranger, shared life with Spike in every way. Without Wesley, he wouldn't be alive.

Spike pressed the doorbell and cleared all the jumbled thoughts out of his mind and waited for someone to answer. Finally Wesley opened the door, and a smile instantly brightened his face when he saw who it was. "William."

"Look.. I'm not going to be here long. Even though I hate you in a lot of ways, it can't ever erase the fact that you're my dad. And there's two little girls in there who'll be aunties to my boy one day. I can't just expect you to disappear, because if you were going to, you would have by now. I want you to be a part of my life.. just not yet." Spike sighed. "Give me some time. It's hard enough that I've just lost two people I loved.. but maybe because of that I'm coming to realize that things like this are important. You know, family and all that rot."

Wesley's smile continued to grow. "You're right. It is important."

"Just.. give me some time. I want my kid to know his grandpa.. just not yet. I'm not done being mad with you yet." Spike turned and started walking away, when Wesley called out,

"I've had that photo of us in my wallet since it was taken." He shrugged. "You've always been important to me."

Spike nodded and smiled slightly, then continued on his way home.

*

Spike shook Buffy awake gently. "Princess? Wake up."

"Go away." Buffy buried her face in the pillows to prevent him seeing that she'd been crying.

"Luv, if you're mad... I understand." Spike brushed her hair away and kissed the nape of her neck gently. "I went to see him, though."

"I don't care." Buffy finally looked up at him and glowered at him. "I was lonely all night long."

"So was I." He lifted her up and gently placed her in his lap, smiling when he saw she was naked. "I'm very sorry."

"That's not the only reason I'm upset." Buffy bit her lip and stared at him with sorriful eyes. "Something happened you should know about."

"What's that, kitten?" Spike asked as he nuzzled her neck affectionately.

"Well, the other day, when Thomas and I were alone.." Buffy swallowed hard on the lump aching in her throat, blinked back tears, and whispered, "He called me 'ma'."

"Oh jesus." Spike groaned and buried his face in the crook of Buffy's neck.

"I'm sorry. I don't want him to say it!" She said as her tears started to fall. "I'm not his mother.. even though I want to be so bad."

"Luv, don't start crying." Spike wiped her tears away and kissed her softly. "This isn't your fault. If anything, it's mine."

Buffy looked at him questioningly. "How is this your fault?"

"I might've told him to call you that." Spike said sheepishly. "You know, I was teaching 'im new words with the pictures.. and the rest really writes itself."

"But I'm not his mom." Buffy said in a dejected tone, her eyes sparkling with tears.

"Not technically." Spike replied softly, brushing her fallen tears away gently. "But you're probably the only one he'll ever know."

Buffy smiled. "Really?"

"Really, kitten. I want you to be in our lives forever."

Buffy pressed her lips to his and kissed him passionately, not letting go until he was breathless and red in the face. "I love you."

"I love you too, princess." Spike said, moving his kisses down the side of her neck. His hands grabbed her gently by the hips and Spike pressed his erection into her, smirking as Buffy mewled with pleasure. "Like that, sweetheart?"

"Touch me--- yeah, baby. Like that." Buffy gasped as his fingers found her sweetest spots. "More.."

Spike peppered kisses all down her chest, stopping at the hollow between her breasts. He turned and suckled on her left nipple, making his actions harder with every lust-filled moan Buffy released. His finger slid inside her wet pussy and stroked her until Buffy was a writhing mess in his arms, desperate, and pleading with him to make her come. Spike pulled his pants down and lifted her up gently, then sank her back down on his cock. Buffy gasped and started riding him, bucking her hips wildly to reach her desperately-craved orgasm. Spike captured one of her nipples in his mouth and sucked it again, and heard Buffy give a final cry of release. He felt his own climax hit and fell back against the headboard, resting as they came back down from their highs.

"Bloody amazing." Spike whispered and nuzzled her neck.

"Same to you." Buffy kissed him softly. "I love you, Spikeykins."

"Spikeykins?" Spike snorted with laughter. "You make me sound like a bleedin pet kitten."

"You purr like one in your sleep!" Buffy said, breaking down into a fit of giggles as he pounced on her and tickled her. "Oh god..."

"Yes?" Spike replied cheekily.

".. I love you." Buffy finished and kissed him. "I really do."

"Okay.. 'ma'." Spike chuckled. "Why don't we go check on our boy, eh?"

*

 

Chapter 21:

"Hi Spike!" Michelle grinned up at him. "Guess what?"

"What, cookie?" Spike knelt down so they were at the same eye level. He noticed Wesley remained at the gate, and frowned slightly.

"I'm having a birthday party tonight. I was going to have a big one with all my friends... but I'm a bit sick." Michelle pouted. "I just had a little cold, and Daddy said I couldn't risk getting other kids sick. But he said I could invite you and Buffy and Thomas over."

"Well, I'd love to come, princess." Spike smiled at her lovingly. "What time?"

"It's all on here." Michelle handed him a folded piece of paper - on one side she'd drawn a picture of her and Thomas, and on the other side, the party details were scribbled down. "Can you please bring Thomas?"

"Of course, sugar." Spike smiled at her. "Run along now, your dad's waiting."

"Is he your daddy too?" Michelle asked curiously. "Cos he said that he is."

Spike glanced over at Wesley and smiled. "Yeah. He's my dad too, luv."

"Then you're my brother?" Michelle threw her arms around Spike and hugged him. "Wow."

Spike ruffled her hair. "Yeah. I'll see you tonight."

"Can I see Thomas quickly?" She asked pleadingly, batting her lashes at him.

"I'm sorry, pet, he's still asleep. Had a bit of a rough night. But he'll be seeing you tonight, eh?"

Michelle grinned at Spike. "Okay.. big brother."

Spike chuckled. "Yeah."

He watched as she ran down the path to Wesley and smiled to himself, glancing down at the invitation. He tore off the picture half and went to find a frame - he knew just the place in Thomas's room for it.

*

"Aren't they all the same?" Spike asked, confused as he and Buffy trawled up and down the Barbie aisle. "Look at 'em. They're all blonde and wearing pink. And bloody bimbos, if you ask me."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "To a little girl, they're not. They're her best friends. And how can Barbie be a bimbo if she's a doctor, a vet, a teacher, a politician.."

"Alright, I get the sodding point. What about this one?" Spike picked up one of them and studied it.

Buffy shook her head. "God, no. We have to give her a special one."

She took his hand and led him to the Collector's Edition cabinet. "But these ones cost a bloody heap, Buffy!"

"They're really special though." Buffy said, leaning up to kiss him. "Don't you want your sister to have something special?"

"Fine. What about one of these birthstone chits?" Spike looked at them. "I think Mishi would be a-"

"Mishi?" Buffy repeated, an amused smile on her face.

"Hey, I can give her a nickname!" Spike scowled at her. "She'd be a Leo, right?"

*

"Hey, sweetheart!" Spike swept Michelle up into his arms and hugged her. "Happy Birthday, luv."

"It's tomorrow.. but thankyou." Michelle turned to Buffy and grinned. "Can I hold Thomas?"

"Sure." Buffy gently placed the baby in Michelle's arms. "He put on his special suit for you."

"I like it. It's cute." Michelle said, playing with the baby's blonde curls. "My mommy and my daddy said we could open presents in here!"

She dragged Spike and Buffy down the corridor, into the spacious loungeroom. Wesley stood and greeted Spike. "Hey. Thanks for coming."

"S'okay." Spike sat down next to Michelle, and took Thomas from her. "You want your present now?"

She nodded happily, and Spike handed her the present, wrapped in pink paper. "Pink's my favourite!"

"We thought so." Buffy said with a smile, accepting a drink from Harmony.

"WOW!" Michelle cried and hugged the box containing the Barbie to her chest. "I wanted this one! Barbie's are my favourites! Mommy, can I bring all my other dolls downstairs to show them? Please?"

"Sure, hon." They watched as she raced out of the room. Harmony smiled at Spike. "She loves her Barbies."

He forced a smile back. "Don't all little girls?"

"I had so many when I was little." Buffy said, grinning. "I could bring some around for her."

"That'd be great. She's really taken to you three." Wesley replied, smiling from Buffy to Spike. "Um.. mind if I hold Thomas for a moment?"

Spike stood and cuddled Thomas to him for a moment. "Thomas, say hi to Grandpa."

Wesley grinned at Spike. "Thanks." He cradled the baby in his arms and cooed down at him affectionately.

"See?" Michelle ran back into the room, arms loaded with dolls. "This is Hawaiin Barbie, and Nurse Barbie, and Butterfly Princess Barbie, I even have a Kelly and a Ken... oh, and this is Sugar Plum Fairy Barbie!"

"They're great." Buffy said, admiring each of the dolls Michelle handed to her. "I'll bring some of mine and we can play, huh?"

"Thanks!" Michelle said with a bright smile. "What ones do you have?"

"I have a supermodel, a doctor, and a ballerina." Buffy picked up the Sugar Plum Fairy Barbie and smiled. "This one's very pretty."

"She's my second favourite." Michelle picked up the Birthstone Barbie. "This is my new favourite."

Buffy glanced up at Spike and they shared a proud smile.

"Honey? Would you like to have some cake now?" Harmony offered.

Michelle jumped up and grinned at everyone in the room. "We got princess cake!"

Spike smiled down at her affectionately, and said softly, "Princess cake for a princess."

*

"That was fun." Buffy said sleepily as they hung their coats up. She couldn't wait to go to bed - she'd had too much cake and felt sick to her stomach now.

Spike kissed her softly. "Michelle's lovely, isn't she?"

"She is." Buffy agreed drowsily, wavering on her feet.

"Sweets? Are you okay?" Spike frowned at her in concern. "You're trembling."

Before she could say another word, she ran into the kitchen and threw up into the sink. She heard Spike groan and started crying. "I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay." Spike scooped her up into his arms and carried her upstairs. "You think it's over?"

Buffy nodded, tears still streaming down her face. "I feel so gross."

"No, princess. You've either eaten a bit too much, or you caught some germs off Mishi. Come on, let's get you some rest." He pulled back the doona and laid Buffy down. "Let's just get you a hot water bottle and you'll be fine. I'll stay on the couch or in your old room. Don't want the whole house to be sick, eh?"

Buffy sniffled and snuggled into the pillows. Spike kissed her on the cheek softly. "Night, princess. I'm sure you'll be better by morning time."

But this had been the second day in a row she'd been sick.. it wasn't Michelle, or cake.

So that left only one option... Buffy sighed, and mumbled sadly, "I cannot be pregnant. Please, God, tell me I'm not pregnant."

 

Chapter 22:

"Well, Miss Summers, you are pregnant. Congratulations." The doctor smiled at her, completely unaware of the fact that Buffy was ready to kill him right now.

"I can't be." She said firmly, glaring at him. "It's just not a possibility."

"Do you and your partner use protection?" The same patient smile remained on his face, and Buffy wished she could reach up at him and scratch it off.

"I'm on the pill." She said tersely.

"Well, you realise that-"

"Well, I realise that it's meant to work! Am I meant to be psychic and know when it's faulty?" Buffy snapped. "I can't be pregnant. It's just not possible."

"I'm sorry, but you are." The doctor replied gently. "By seven weeks now."

"No!" Buffy yelled. "You must have read the results wrong. I'm not pregnant."

The doctor was losing patience with her fast. "I don't read the results wrong. They don't lie, there's definetly a baby in there. If there's a problem with you being pregnant, then you'll have to come and see me at a later time and we'll discuss your options."

"Fine." Buffy grabbed her coat and stormed out of the office.

Tara was waiting for her in the lounge, a sympathetic smile on her face. "Hi honey. How did it go?"

"I'm pregnant." Buffy whimpered and fell into her friend's arms to cry.

*

Buffy trudged into the kitchen and found Thomas and Spike sitting at the table together, playing the word game again. "C'mon, Teddy. Say car."

Thomas ignored his father and shrieked happily, "MA!"

"How was lunch with Tara, princess?" Spike pulled her into his arms and kissed her, but paused when he noticed she was tense. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Buffy mumbled and pulled away. "How's Teddy?"

"He's great." Spike ruffled the boy's hair. "Bit daft, but he's good. You feeling better?"

"I might go and rest a bit, actually." Buffy noticed the concerned look on his face and forced a smile. "I'm just a bit sleepy."

"Alright." Spike kissed her softly and watched as she disappeared upstairs. Something told him there was definetly something wrong, but Thomas was whimpering, pleading for attention, and Spike decided to tend to the baby instead.


Buffy laid down on their unmade bed and pulled the loose covers around her, burying her face in the soft pillow to muffle her crying. She had no idea how Spike would react to this and didn't want to know. Minutes passed and she had no idea how loud she had become until Spike raced into the room and pulled her up to face him. Thomas wriggled in Spike's arms, shrieking happily at Buffy. Spike put Thomas down and sighed. "Princess, what's wrong? What is it?"

Buffy forced herself to stop crying and smiled at him weakly, gathering Thomas into her arms. "Nothing."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Right. Then why are you bawling like a little baby?"

Wrong choice of words. Buffy burst into tears again, pulling away from Spike and curling into a tiny ball, still clutching Thomas tightly in her arms.

"Princess.. tell me what's wrong." Spike said softly, pulling strands of her blonde hair out of her face so he could see her. "Did you and Tara have a fight?"

Buffy shook her head, handing Thomas back to his father.

"Are you still feeling ill?"

Again she answered 'no'.

Spike sighed and wished she wouldn't be so stubborn. "Did I do something?"

"Maybe." Buffy said in a tiny voice.

"What did I do?" Spike asked, a little too indignantly for Buffy's liking.

"What, you, Mr Perfect? Mr I-Can-Do-No-Wrong? Of course you didn't do anything." Buffy snapped, glaring at him loathingly.

"Can you tell me what I did already? If you do, maybe I can make it better?"

"You can't."

"You don't know that."

"I know that you can't."

"Well, what is this thing that I can't fix?!" Spike growled, getting more annoyed with her by the mere second.

"Go to hell, Spike." Buffy muttered.

Pain flashed in his blue eyes and for a moment Buffy regretted being so nasty, but the hurt turned to anger and Spike dumped Thomas in her arms before storming out of the room.

Buffy cuddled Thomas to her. "Pa being angry at me is hardly going to help, is it?"

"Pa." Thomas repeated, reaching up to yank Buffy's hair.

"OW!" She pried his sticky baby hands away. "Bad baby."

"Ma?" Thomas smiled up at her and earned a tiny kiss from Buffy.

"I'm gonna be a mommy for real." Buffy said softly and let more tears fall as she hugged Thomas to her. "God, your daddy's gonna kill me."

*

"Spike?" Buffy and Thomas watched him from a safe distance as he slammed around the kitchen, searching for some anonymous item. "Whatcha doing?"

"Bugger off." Spike muttered and slammed the fridge shut, making it shudder and shake.

"I'm sorry I was bitchy before." Buffy said softly, reluctantly approaching him. She placed Thomas in his booster chair and wrapped her arms around Spike. "Forgive me?"

"You could've just told me what was wrong instead of attacking me." Spike pointed out.

"But if I tell you..." Buffy rested her head on his shoulder. "You won't like it."

"Try me out, kitten." Spike cupped her face in his hand and kissed her softly.

There was a part in 'My Best Friend's Wedding' that came to mind right now. If you love someone, you say it. Otherwise, the moment passes you by. She'd told Spike she loved him. Right now she had something even bigger to confess... and she knew if the moment passed her by, Buffy would be in labour before she told him.

"Princess?" Spike said softly. "What is it?"

"I'm pregnant." Buffy blurted out.

The silence that followed wasn't encouraging. Spike's mouth dropped open and he stared at her for a good minute without speaking. When he finally did speak, he said very slowly, "I thought you were on the pill?"

"Sometimes it's faulty." Buffy said in a tiny voice. She picked up Thomas and cuddled him, burying her face in his soft locks of hair to cry.

"Princess, why are you crying?" Spike asked, and when she looked up at him, she saw he was smiling. And then to her suprise and joy, he swept her up into his arms and cried, "This is the best bloody news I've heard in ages!"

*
 

Chapter 23:

"Princess, I've never been so happy." Spike mumbled as he planted kisses all over her face.

Buffy pulled away, flustered and confused. "You're happy?"

"Of course I am, kitten." Spike grinned and went to kiss her again, but Buffy ducked out of the way.

"We've only been together for five months! Isn't that a little soon?"

Spike's face fell. "You don't want this baby?"

"Well.. I don't know." Buffy shifted Thomas onto her hip. "We already have Teddy.. and he's a handful."

"More like two handfuls." Spike said, frowning. "Is he getting fat?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "That's not important right now."

"Right." Spike tilted his head and studied her. "How far along are you, luv?"

"Seven weeks."

Spike smiled and placed his hands on her stomach. "This is my baby in here."

Buffy returned the smile. "Yeah."

"I want it, Buffy." Spike gazed at her sadly. "I want this baby more than anything. I just.. I wish you did too."

"Maybe I do.. but.." Buffy's eyes had filled with tears and now they were falling freely. "I see you and Thomas, and I want that. I want that unconditional love that parents have for their kids. But I see you when he'd horrible too, when he cries and all that.. you're just so sad and stressed. I don't want that."

"But you can't have one without the-"

"I know." Buffy whispered. "But I.."

"You think about it." Spike said quietly and left without so much as saying goodbye.

Buffy clutched Thomas to her and admired him silently, before saying softly, "You're enough for me right now, honey. Why can't your daddy see that?"

*

"Hey. Can we talk?" Spike asked awkwardly, forcing a smile at his father.

"Of course." Wesley said, smiling as he led Spike inside. "What about?"

"When mum was pregnant with me.." Spike paused as he saw Michelle rushing towards him.

"Spike!" She threw her arms around him. "Did you bring Thomas?"

"No, pet, I'm sorry."

"When will Buffy come with the Barbies?" Michelle said, pouting slightly.

"Soon. I promise." Spike said softly, hoping Buffy would be around long enough to do that.

*

Buffy flipped through the photo albums, Thomas still perched on her hip. There were millions of photos of Thomas in this one - Thomas at the park, in the bath, with Spike, Cecily, Willow or Emily, at all different times in his life. Buffy felt like she knew him because of this, like she'd been there too.

Like he was truly hers.

Thomas seemed to be growing bored of photos and wriggled in her arms restlessly. "Ma?"

"Am I a good mom?" Buffy asked softly, running her hands through his messy locks of hair. "God, this needs a wash. You want a bath, Teddy?"

"Baf." Thomas agreed with a giggle and Buffy carried him upstairs. Once the bath was full, she dipped Thomas into the water and smoothed soap all over his pale skin, making funny noises to entertain him. Thomas screeched and bashed his fists up and down, splashing water all over her. Buffy wiped the water away from her face and smiled down at him adoringly.

"If you weren't so cute you'd be in trouble for that." Buffy giggled and reached up to get the shampoo. As she ran it through his damp, matted hair, some of the soap dripped into Thomas's eyes and he started to scream. Buffy stared down at the bottle and muttered, "No tears my ass."

She rinsed the bubbles out of Thomas's hair and pulled him into her arms, wrapping a towel around his shoulders. "It's okay, Teddy. Don't cry."

When his tears subsided, she dried him off and carried him back into his bedroom. She laid him down on his changing table and put a fresh nappy on him, then her favourite t-shirt of his - a yellow one with a picture of Paddington Bear on it. "All better?"

"Ma." Thomas chuckled.

Buffy smiled at him and took one of his tiny, chubby hands. She held it to her stomach. "Feel that? There's a baby inside there."

Thomas slapped her stomach and shrieked with laughter. Buffy giggled along with him and planted a tiny kiss on his forehead.

*

"Well, anyway. When mum was pregnant with me.. did she want me?"

"Not at first." Wesley chuckled. "Neither of us really did, to be honest. I mean, we were young, William. But she took to the idea eventually, and I did too. Neither of us could have ever given you up."

Spike raised his eyebrows. "Right. Because you've been the perfect picture of family loyalty."

Wesley's face fell. "You're right, I-"

"I was kidding, dad." Spike smiled at him. "It's just.. Buffy.. she's.. well, she's.."

"She's what?"

"Pregnant." Spike said quietly. "And she doesn't want the baby."

Wesley paused and thought for a moment. "Do you?"

"Of course! I'd love another one." Spike replied, sighing. "But if Buffy doesn't... it's her body, so it's her choice."

"Have you told her you want it?"

"Yes."

"And she's told you that she really doesn't want it?"

"Well.." Spike faltered momentarily. "She said she doesn't want the sad bits and the stressful bits. And that's what it's all about.. babies cry, and they are stressful, and I know that. I've been through it all, and I don't care. I love comforting Teddy when he cries, that's all a part of it. But she doesn't want that."

*

Thomas wouldn't stop screaming now. Buffy had been feeding him when she'd accidentally bashed the spoon against his lower lip, which was now bleeding. Buffy held him down to stop him from wriggling away, and held a tissue to the wound.

"Teddy, I'm sorry. Please, honey, I'm sorry!" She pleaded with him as he wailed furiously. "Come on.. where's my happy baby? Smile for ma."

"Ma." Thomas whimpered, crumpling his face up. "MA!"

Buffy lifted him up and cuddled him to her, clueless as to what she could do. "Come on.. what cheers you up?"

Thomas's screams were almost deafening her now. Buffy collapsed onto the couch and sat him on her knee, watching him in horror as the baby yelled. "Good god, you're noisy."

Something occured to her suddenly, and a smile grew on Buffy's face. "Teddy? Come on, Ted. Look at ma."

He let out a tiny sob and stared at her with rounded blue eyes, filled with tears. Buffy kissed him on the nose and sung softly, "The moment I wake up.."

*

Wesley nodded, biting his lip slightly. "But what if she does want that? I remember when we'd just had you, you wouldn't shut up for hours. You just screamed for no reason - you weren't teething, or sick, or anything. But good God, when you were! You were the noisiest little thing."

Spike chuckled. "Your point being?"

"When we finally got you to stop, it was amazing. You'd smile up at us and we'd feel so wonderful. It's like a huge accomplishment to comfort your child."

"Yeah. I know." Spike agreed quietly. "Maybe that's where Teddy gets it from.. he's always screaming about something."

"So.. what are you going to do about Buffy? What if she doesn't want the baby?"

"I'm not going to let her go." Spike said, getting up slowly. "Even if she doesn't.. I don't want her to think.. I don't want to lose her."

Wesley walked him to the door and Spike noticed his father was grinning from ear to ear. "What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing.. it's just.. you came to me. For advice." Wesley's smile continued to grow. "And you called me 'dad'."

"Well, you are, aren't you?" Spike smiled back and patted Wesley on the back. "Tell Mishi I'll come see her again soon... and our dad."

"So is the whole hating me thing over?" Wesley asked nervously.

"Yeah." Spike grinned. "I'll see you later... dad."

*

"My darling believe me, for me there is no one but you, say you love me too..." Buffy sung, bouncing Thomas up and down as he giggled madly. "Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I'll love you, forever, and ever, we never will part, oh I love you! Together, forever, that's how it should be.."

She paused when she heard the door click open behind her. Spike smiled down at her lovingly. "Now who's the cutest?"

He came and sat beside her. "How's my boy.. what the hell happened to his lip?"

Buffy blushed and looked up at Spike guiltily. "I accidentally hit it when I was feeding him. I'm sorry."

Spike took the baby from her and grimaced when he saw the drops of blood staining Thomas's shirt. "Is he okay?"

"He cried for a bit." Buffy shrugged, completely understating what had happened only minutes ago. Her ears were still ringin after Thomas's tantrum. "He's okay now, aren't you, honey?"

"Ma." Thomas giggled and reached his arms out, seeking Buffy's embrace. She pulled him back into her arms and he clung to her. She smiled at Spike and said softly, "I want to keep little Emily."

"Little who?" Spike asked, frowning.

"The baby. If it's a girl.. and it better be, cos I want a girl.. I thought we could call her Emily. Well, not actually call her that.. maybe make it her middle name, cos I always wanted to call my baby girl Joanna."

"Joanna Emily Hartley." Spike said, a smile appearing on his face. "I like the sound of that. Wait.. you're definetly keeping it?"

"Mhm." Buffy nodded and shrieked as he swept her into his arms and kissed her passionately.

"Thankyou, princess." Spike mumbled against her neck as he kissed from her lips to her shoulder.

"Where did you go?" Buffy asked, running her fingers through his hair to muss it up a little. "I don't like this slicked back. I like it all.. messy and sexy."

"I went to see m'dad." Spike replied. "Then I went to the mall for a bit."

"What'd you get at the mall?" Buffy asked, noticing the bags he was holding.

Spike grinned and presented a little pink one to Thomas. "This is for you, mate." He pulled out a Baby Pooh Bear toy. "Cute as a button, I thought, just like you."

Thomas grabbed at the toy and started bashing it around. Spike frowned and chuckled. "You won't be touching Joanna, that's for sure."

"What else?" Buffy asked, eyeing off the other bags suspiciously.

"Well, I got him some new clothes. Nothing special.. but he's getting fatter, and he needs new stuff."

"He's not getting fat!" Buffy slapped Spike on the arm and scowled at him. "Baby's grow."

"Well, he's growing sideways." Spike said, smiling at Thomas lovingly. "Aren't you, you greedy little thing?"

"PA!" Thomas threw the Pooh Bear toy at him.

Spike handed it back and put the bag of clothes on the floor, leaving only one to give to Buffy. "This is for you, princess."

Buffy took the tiny golden gift bag, and from it she extracted a tiny velvet box. Dropping it in shock, she gasped and stared at Spike with wide eyes. "Is it..?"

"Open it, kitten. Go on." Spike put it back in her hands and Buffy carefully opened it and shrieked happily.

A silver engagement ring stared back at her, the diamond in the centre sparkling so brightly it almost blinded Buffy. Surrounding the diamond were several green stones, which Spike reached out to touch gingerly. "They reminded me of your eyes, how they glitter when you smile."

Buffy felt her eyes fill with tears and she threw her arms around Spike. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!"

Startled slightly by the noise, Thomas stared up at them with confused blue eyes. "Ma? Pa?"

"Yeah." Spike agreed, collecting Thomas into his arms. "Ma, Pa, Ted and little Jo.. has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Buffy nodded and grinned at him, tears sliding down her face.

"Stop that." Spike said softly, wiping them away. He kissed her gently, careful not to crush Thomas between them. "I only want to see you smiling from now on.. cos we're going to live happily ever after, aren't we, Ted?"

Thomas shrieked and clung to his father and mother, babbling senselessly as Spike and Buffy kissed.

Forever, and ever, you'll stay in my heart, and I'll love you
Forever, and ever, we never will part, oh I love you
Together, forever, that's how it should be
To live without you
Would only mean heartbreak for me...