Avocation4

Avocation

Author: enigmaticblue <enigmaticblue@yahoo.com>

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, but Joss said I could play. Really.

Archive: Anywhere that already has my stuff. Anywhere else, just ask.

Summary: The gypsies curse the wrong vampire, and by the time they rectify their mistake, Spike has been fundamentally altered. Nearly a century later, the Slayer needs help, and there's only one person qualified for the job. Of course, he's not real interested in taking it.

A/N: I have a secret (or not-so-secret) weakness for early canon Spuffy fics. The only problem is that Spike is evil. No, really, he is. Which means that actually writing Spuffy pre-chip requires more suspension of disbelief than I can manage. Reading it is a different matter altogether. So, this is how I write early canon Spuffy. By altering events entirely. By the way, the title comes from a Robert Frost poem, "Two Tramps in Mud Time." Pay special attention to the last stanza.

Chapter 15

"Not easy to state the change you made./If I'm alive now, then I was dead,/Though, like a stone, unbothered by it,/Staying put according to habit./You didn't just tow me an inch, no—/Nor leave me to set my small bald eye/Skyward again, without hope, of course,/Of apprehending blueness, or stars..." ~Sylvia Plath, "Love Letter"

The way Willow and Xander were standing and looking at each other, anyone would have mistaken them for lovers rather than best friends. In fact, if Cordelia or Oz had spotted them, the game would have been up in an instant. Research parties at the library had turned into exercises in self control that they were failing miserably.

"We have to stop this," Willow whispered.

Xander's thumbs caressed her hands. "I know. You have Oz, and I have Cordelia."

"Exactly," she agreed. "So we can't do this anymore."

"You're right, we can't."

Self control once again failing, Xander's lips caught hers. His kisses were different than Oz's, tasting of forbidden fruit, of desire long denied. That was most of it right there, at least for Willow. It wasn't that she loved Xander more than she loved Oz. It was that she'd wanted Xander for so long, so to have him wanting her back was too much to resist.

She just couldn't help herself.

It just sucked that Xander hadn't figured out that he liked her a long time ago.

"What are you two doing?"

The voice had them both jumping backwards, ramming into the bookshelves on either side of the aisle where they'd been kissing. Spike stood there, a frown on his face, looking suspicious and uncertain.

"Nothing!" Xander said quickly. "Honest!"

Spike looked over at Willow. "Everything alright here, Red?"

"It's fine!" she squeaked. "We were just looking for a book."

The vampire nodded. "Watcher anywhere around here?"

"In his office, I think," Xander said, jerking his head in the general direction of Giles' office. "I take it you heard about the new Watcher showing up."

"What new Watcher?" Spike asked. "Thought Giles was it."

Willow nodded frantically. Her heart was still racing from being caught out, even though Spike didn't seem to know exactly what he'd walked in on. "The Council sent a Watcher for Faith."

Spike gave each of them one more hard look before nodding and striding towards Giles' office.

"That was too close," Willow hissed. "We have to stop this, Xander."

Xander's eyes widened. "I know! I want to stop. We're stopping. Right now. We're done."

"As of now," Willow agreed.

Of course, they both knew that they'd made the same promise a hundred times.

~~~~~

"What's this I hear about a replacement?" Spike asked, leaning against the doorframe.

Giles shot him a dirty look. "She is not a replacement," he shot back. "Dreadful woman," he muttered.

Spike snickered. "I take it you weren't impressed with her."

"She's very—efficient," he admitted grudgingly. Giles turned to face Spike, indignation evident in his face and voice. "She said I was too American!"

Spike couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. "You?" he finally managed to gasp.

Giles felt some relief. "I take it you don't agree."

"Rupert, you're an Englishman to the bone." Spike shook his head, still chuckling. "What the bloody hell is her problem?"

Giles sat, waving Spike to take a seat on the small loveseat. "According to the Council, some of my methods are questionable."

"You've got one of the best Slayers I've ever heard of," Spike replied, raising an eyebrow in question. "What are they expecting?"

"I don't know," Giles replied. "It doesn't matter. What's important is that there's a demon named Lagos who appears to be after the Glove of Myhnegon. If it's found, the damage could be extensive."

Spike nodded. "So what's the plan? We find this glove first?"

"Buffy and Faith are looking for it tonight, and will continue to do so until it is found."

"What about this other Watcher? What's she up to?"

"Her name is Gwendolyn Post, and I don't know," Giles replied. "I'm still looking for information on where the glove might be. Xander and Willow were helping me look for references to either Lagos or the glove, but they disappeared into the stacks a while ago and I haven't seen them since."

Spike shifted uncomfortably. This was one of those occasions where he wasn't quite sure what to do, or what human custom called for. He was sure that whatever they had been doing, it wasn't something they ought to have been doing. Spike wasn't sure he should tell anyone, though. While he and Xander got along well enough, he didn't feel particularly inclined to help the boy out. Willow was a different matter altogether. Spike didn't want to see her hurt.

Of course, Oz was his friend too.

"You want me to help look?" Spike asked, wanting to change the subject quickly.

Giles hesitated and then handed him a book. "Certainly. The more dedicated searchers, the more quickly we can get through this ridiculous business."

Spike lifted an eyebrow, but didn't respond. He flipped open the book, beginning to search for material relating to Lagos or the Glove of Myhnegon. They worked in silence, with only the occasional rustling of pages.

Even though Spike was trying to keep his concentration on the text, his mind kept wandering to the sight he'd walked in on earlier and to Buffy.

He'd spent the previous evening trying to teach Buffy to drive—"trying" being the operative word. Spike hated to admit defeat, but the girl was positively hopeless. She was pure grace on the battlefield, but put her behind the wheel of a car and she was completely incompetent.

Not that Spike was planning on giving up. He rarely gave up.

It had been nice, though—spending time in Buffy's company, away from monster-killing, away from life-or-death matters. Although, with Buffy driving, he did feel like he was taking his unlife in his hands.

But she'd been trying. Spike loved how hard she tried.

As soon as the thought crossed his mind, Spike shoved it to the side. He wasn't interested in that sort of thing. He'd been alone for a long time now, and he'd been perfectly content. Spike had been Love's Bitch, and he wasn't interested in going there again. It had nearly killed him.

Drusilla's betrayal had nearly broken him.

The memories hit him like a flood, and Spike's fists clenched. The sound of his own screams echoed inside of his skull. It was Giles' voice that finally broke through the memories. "What?"

"I've found where the glove is hidden," Giles said, his face lined in concern. "I say, are you quite alright?"

"Fine," Spike replied shortly. "Just—remembering something best forgotten. You want me to go after this glove thing?"

Giles looked relieved. "Would you? I'll let the Post woman know we've found it." The Watcher smiled smugly. "That'll teach her to think I can't do my job."

Spike smirked. "Having me around couldn't hurt, either. You want me to bring it to the library tomorrow?"

"I'll send one of the Slayers to get it," Giles replied. "There's no need for you to be inconvenienced."

Spike shrugged. "Whatever. It's not like I've got all that much going on." He stood. "You give me directions to the glove, and I'll pick it up tonight. You can call me tomorrow and let me know what's going on."

"That sounds fine," Giles replied, scribbling down the directions. Spike turned to leave, but the Watcher's words made him pause. "Are you quite sure you're alright, Spike?"

The vampire took a deep, unnecessary breath. "As alright as anyone in my shoes can be, Rupert."

With that rather cryptic response, Spike slipped out the door, leaving Giles to stare after him, his curiosity peaked.

~~~~~

Spike retrieved the glove without any trouble. Lagos was nowhere to be seen, nor were the Slayers around. It didn't hurt his feelings to have something go right for once, though. As late as it was, Spike took a moment to call Giles to let him know that he'd found it. Then he stashed it in the lock box he kept under his bed and read until he was ready to sleep.

The reminder of Drusilla had awoken his nightmares again, and Spike didn't rest well that night. She and Angelus had been masters of torture, both mental and physical, and while Spike would have liked to forget, there were times when it was impossible.

After the second time he woke gasping, having dreamt of one particularly brutal session, Spike gave up on sleep. He rose and showered, standing under the spray, letting it pound his flesh soothingly.

Once, his wrists had been permanently raw from the manacles they'd used. Once, his best days had been when they had forgotten about him. Spike clenched his fists, remembering when they'd gone off on a killing spree for an entire week and left him alone.

He hadn't known whether to be relieved or angry, because he'd had nothing to eat for all that time. Angelus had made certain that he didn't even have access to rats.

With an impatient twist, Spike shut the water off. This was ridiculous. It was over. His tormentors were dead.

They had not broken him, so what did it matter if he still bore the scars?

Spike knew he needed something to distract him, someone to talk to. He also needed to figure out how he was going to deal with Willow and Xander's situation. There was a part of him that wanted to forget about it, but he couldn't.

A sudden burst of rage had him throwing his empty mug at the wall, watching it shatter. It gave him less relief than he'd hoped.

"Bugger," he muttered, staring at the mess, knowing he would now have to clean it up.

The ringing of the doorbell distracted him, and he went to the door, surprised to see Faith on the other side. "What can I do for you?"

Faith's knowing grin told Spike that she was thinking in double entendres again. "Right now? You can hand over the glove-thing. Giles said you had it, and my Watcher sent me to pick it up."

Spike hesitated, then stepped aside to let her enter. "Let me grab it for you."

Faith stayed in the living room, calling after him, "Pretty nice place you got here."

"It's not bad," he replied. "You still at that hotel?"

"Different room, but yeah." She ran her hand along the soft leather of the sofa. "It's Spartan."

Spike frowned slightly, wondering where Faith had picked up that term. The way she said it led him to think that she was proud of it, proud that she didn't need what anyone else had deemed important. At the same time, he'd heard a longing in her voice when she'd complimented him.

If Faith hadn't had a Watcher, Spike might have offered her a place to stay, but he figured it was another one of those things that wasn't any of his business. "Here you go," he said, handing over the glove, wrapped up in rags. He watched as Faith parted the cloth slightly to get a better look. "Careful," he warned. "You touch it, and the only way it comes off is when you die."

"Wicked," she murmured.

Spike knew the look in her eyes. It came from having been powerless, and then becoming strong again. It was probably the same look he'd had back when he'd a newly risen vampire. There was a piece of him that wanted to offer her something, some lifeline that she could hold on to.

He remained silent, however, since it didn't appear as though she needed anything from him. Faith had her Watcher, and he'd been asked to help Buffy. Spike didn't owe her anything.

"I gotta get this to Mrs. Post," Faith finally said, pushing the rags back into place and tucking it under her arm. "Thanks."

"No problem," he replied. "You need my help with Lagos, just call."

"Will do," Faith replied, pausing at the door. "You're okay, you know. For a vampire."

Spike smirked. "You're okay for a Slayer."

She grinned at him. "Just as long as we understand each other."

When she was gone, Spike turned back to his kitchen. He still had a mess to clean up.

And he had a visit to make.

~~~~~

The appearance of Lagos had Buffy completely forgetting that Willow had been trying to tell her something. The redhead had stammered and gone around in circles for so long that nothing had been shared before the demon showed up. By the time Buffy had killed the demon, she'd been intent on getting back to Giles. She had the feeling that he'd want to gloat about her success to the Post lady.

Evil bitch.

Buffy certainly didn't envy Faith her new Watcher. That woman would have done better to stay in England. What Buffy hadn't expected to find were the paramedics carrying Giles out on a stretcher. "Giles!"

"Out of our way, miss," one of them warned her.

Buffy ran alongside him. "Giles? What happened?"

"Living Fire," he muttered. "Use..."

There was no time to ask him what he meant by that, even if he'd been coherent enough to tell them what he'd meant. Buffy looked over at Xander. "What's going on?"

"I don't know," he replied. "I came to see if Giles needed help with the research again, and he was laid out on the floor."

"What about Mrs. Post or Faith?" Buffy demanded. "Have you seen either of them tonight?"

Xander shook his head. "No, not at all. I don't know where they are."

Buffy wasn't sure what to do. Her only option seemed to be finding the other Watcher, who might know what they were supposed to do with the glove anyway. "You guys go see what you can find out about this Living Fire that Giles was talking about," she said. "I need to find Faith or Mrs. Post."

She ran to Faith's motel room first, but there was no answer when she pounded on the door. Buffy found a pay phone and quickly dialed Spike's number. "Spike."

"What's up, Slayer?" he asked.

Buffy quickly told him about Giles. "Have you seen Faith tonight?"

"She came by to get the glove earlier," he replied. "Told me her Watcher had sent her."

Buffy bit back a curse. "Did she say where she was taking it?"

"No. Buffy, do you want me to come pick you up? I can—"

"No, that's okay. I don't think you can help me on this one, Spike, not unless you know who knocked Giles out, or who might be after that glove other than the demon I just killed."

"Sorry, pet. Dunno."

"I'll talk to you later," she said, hanging up. Buffy decided to head back to the school, thinking that at least Willow and Xander might have found out something about the Living Fire.

She'd just gotten to the front of the school when she saw Faith running. "Buffy!"

"Faith! What's going on?"

"Mrs. Post was after the glove," Faith gasped. There was a trickle of blood down one cheek where something had grazed her. "She's got it."

Buffy's eyes widened. "She's wearing it?"

"Yeah, and she's heading this way," Faith replied. "I think she wants us out of the way. She said something about not letting us destroy it."

Buffy grabbed the other Slayer's arm and hustled her into the school. "Willow and Xander are working on it, I think. If that's what Giles meant about the fire stuff, anyway."

They raced through the halls to the library, and when they burst through the doors, Willow and Xander both jumped, startled. "What's up?" Willow asked.

"Mrs. Post is the bad guy," Buffy quickly explained. "Do you know—"

"I know how to destroy the glove, Buffy," Willow quickly replied, cutting her off. "But we've got to get it off her hand first. And for that—"

"We have to kill her," Faith supplied. "That's what Spike said."

Buffy turned towards the weapons cage. "We've got—"

She was interrupted by the sound of the library doors bursting open, Gwendolyn Post standing there with the glove on. "Faith, how nice of you to lead me right to the only other person who might have stopped me. So convenient to only have to make one stop." She pointed at Buffy. "Tauo freim!"

Buffy dove out of the way just in time. The bolt of electricity struck the spot where she'd been standing. "Faith! Get weapons!"

"I'm trying!" the other Slayer shouted, rolling as the rogue Watcher tried to hit her. Faith rolled towards Buffy, hissing, "I'll draw her fire." Faith was on her feet and running, with Xander and Willow ducking for cover behind the big library desk.

With Mrs. Post's attention on Faith, Buffy headed for the cage, frantically searching for a weapon she could throw. She knew that there was no way she'd get close enough to use a short-range weapon.

"B! Look out!"

Buffy dropped to the floor, the bolt striking just above her head. She glanced over, spotting a throwing ax that had fallen to the floor. "It's about time," she muttered, then braced herself, knowing that she'd only get one change.

She surged to her feet, throwing the ax immediately. Faith had just come out from behind one of the bookshelves, causing Mrs. Post to turn towards her, and presenting her profile to Buffy.

Buffy had thrown the ax in a precise arc, slicing through the rogue Watcher's arm just above where the glove stopped. Gwendolyn Post screamed, and the energy from the glove became erratic. Both Slayers ran for cover, hearing the Watcher's screams as the energy burned her up from the inside.

When silence had fallen, they all came out from hiding, staring at the blackened spot on the floor where the glove lay. "So, Willow," Buffy said rather breathlessly. "You said you can destroy it?"

"Yeah," Willow nearly squeaked. "I'll get on that right away."

Buffy and Faith's eyes met. "You okay?" Buffy asked.

"Five by five," Faith replied, her dark eyes unreadable.

Buffy wanted to say something, to tell Faith that it hadn't been her fault for not knowing, that they'd all been fooled. She didn't know how to say the words without sounding condescending, however, and so she just nodded. "Good."

"Never on this side of the grave again,/On this side of the river,/On this side of the garner of the grain,/Never,—/Ever while time flows on and on and on,/That narrow noiseless river,/Ever while corn bows heavy-headed, wan,/Ever,—/Never despairing, often faiting, rueing,/But looking back, ah never!/Faint yet pursuing, faint yet still pursuing/Ever." ~Christina Rossetti, "A Life's Parallels"

Spike honestly didn't know who else to talk to. Nearly everyone else he knew in Sunnydale was intimately connected with the situation in some way. Joyce, on the other hand, while Buffy's mother, would be able to give him some good advice while remaining removed.

She answered his knock as she always did, with a warm smile and welcoming words. "Spike, it's been a while."

Joyce fixed him with a stern eye. "There's nothing going on between me and Rupert."

Spike lifted an eyebrow. "Joyce, I might look young, but I wasn't born yesterday. Ever since that thing with the candy—"

Spike shrugged. "None of my business, quite frankly. You and Rupert both are unattached adults. There's no reason you shouldn't pass the time together." He smiled at her. "Take some of the edge off a lonely life, yeah?"

Joyce breathed a sigh of relief. She and Rupert had managed to keep their relationship fairly quiet so far. The only one she'd suspected of having some inkling was Spike, and she'd thought they would be able to trust him. It was, however, something of a relief to have her suspicions borne out. "Thank you, Spike. I don't think Buffy would understand."

Spike snorted. "She's your daughter, and she's young. I imagine she'd come around eventually, but it might be nicer to avoid the fanfare for a while."

"Exactly." She'd led him into the kitchen and was automatically beginning to prepare hot chocolate. Joyce knew that Spike liked it, especially with the little marshmallows. She wondered what it was exactly about the drink that he enjoyed so much, since he didn't really seem like the type.

Once again, Joyce couldn't help but wonder what exactly made Spike tick. And once again, she couldn't help but want to mother him a little. He looked like he was in sore need of it.

"What can I do for you?" she finally asked, after he had been fidgeting restlessly for a few minutes.

Her eyes widened. That wasn't exactly what she'd expected to come out of his mouth. "Okay."

"I—what if you saw two people doing something they probably shouldn't be doing?" he asked. "Especially if you knew that if anyone else knew, it could hurt your friends?"

Joyce blinked, trying to decipher his twisted grammar. "Can you be a little more specific?"

Joyce didn't want to make a promise she couldn't keep, but she somehow doubted that Spike would knowingly allow Buffy or any of her friends to be hurt if he could help it. "I promise."

"When I went to the library last night to see the Watcher, I saw Xander and Willow kissing," Spike said frankly.

She frowned, trying to figure out what had Spike so upset, and then the words truly registered. "I thought Willow was going out with Oz," she said slowly.

Spike nodded. "And Xander's partnered up with Cordelia. I don't care so much about them, but both Red and Oz are f—" Spike broke off, suddenly remembering that he didn't have friends.

Joyce caught his hesitation, and correctly guessed the reasoning behind it. "You don't want either Willow or Oz to get hurt," she rephrased gently.

Joyce considered his problem for a moment. Spike was right. The situation could get sticky quite easily, and if he didn't play his cards right, he could easily be blamed for any fallout. "I don't know," she finally said. At his crestfallen expression, Joyce said quietly, "Spike, this would be a difficult situation for anyone to deal with. Any way you look at it, you've been placed in a bad position."

"No," Joyce said. "Since you're closer to Willow, however, I think you ought to talk to her. Explain that you're worried and that you don't want to hurt her or Oz. Maybe she'll come clean on her own."

Joyce placed his cup of hot chocolate on the counter, and then laid her hand over his. "Spike, it's okay to have friends, you know."

He wouldn't meet her eyes. "Never had them before," he muttered. "I didn't need them."

She somehow doubted that, wondering once again at what must have been the unbearable loneliness of his existence. "Things change. I'm sure you know that."

Joyce thought she knew what he wanted to ask. "You can always come to me, Spike."

It was a promise that meant something; Spike thought he might actually be able to believe her.

Spike didn't get a chance to corner Willow the next day. When he met up with the Slayers and the rest of the gang at the Bronze, they were full of news about how they had stopped Gwendolyn Post from taking over the world. The witch was surrounded, and it didn't appear that she was going to go off by herself any time soon.

He pushed that issue aside for what seemed a more pressing one, however. Faith was even warier than she'd been in the past, and it worried him. Spike knew that the dark-haired Slayer was a great deal more fragile than she let on, and the rogue Watcher's betrayal was enough to put her on edge.

The half-formed plan he'd had suddenly seemed important, and Spike knew that he needed to speak with Faith and soon.

The Slayers went off together, but Spike knew their routine well at this point. He wasn't precisely following them, but he was making certain that his path intersected theirs at certain key points.

It was late when Buffy finally called it a night and headed home, leaving Faith to go back to her dingy motel room. Spike stepped out of the shadows to walk next to her. "Want some company, Slayer?"

She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think you were going to take me up on my offer of a ride, Blondie."

"Not interested in a ride," he replied easily, making sure to keep his tone light, knowing that he could give offense if the brush off was done too carelessly. "I had a proposition for you, actually."

"I've got an extra bedroom," Spike replied, letting the words hang between them.

"I'm not interested in that kind of arrangement," Faith spat, picking up the pace.

Spike kept up. "That's not the kind of proposition I had in mind." He reached out and grabbed her arm, ready for the punch she threw at him, catching her fist. "Easy, Slayer."

"Let go!" Faith said furiously. "What do you want from me, vampire? You said you didn't want a ride, but you—"

"You pay me what you're paying your current landlord," Spike interrupted. "This isn't a charity deal, and it's not what you're thinking either. I'm not interested in using you, pet."

"Yeah, so have I," Spike responded. "Which is why I'm offering you a different place."

"Not from you," Spike replied candidly. "In fact, I'm going to pretty much insist on it if you decide to take me up on my offer. Watcher would probably stake me otherwise."

"You'll have as much of it as you want," Spike said. "I'm not your parent, and I'm not your Watcher. Don't really care where you are or how late you're out. Just thought you might like a halfway decent place to sleep. Plus, we keep the same hours."

Willow's sense of guilt, which had been fairly well-honed to begin with, was growing daily. At first, her dalliances with Xander had been fueled by years of unfulfilled longing. She had wanted him for so long that even her love for Oz wasn't strong enough to have her backing off completely.

After the initial shock, however, it had been the thrill of the forbidden. Willow had always done the right thing. She'd always been the good girl, the one who followed all the rules, and turned her homework in on time, and listened to authority figures. This thing with Xander was wrong and bad, and Willow knew that she needed to end it.

How do you cut things off with your best friend without abandoning the friendship? It seemed an impossible choice.

When Oz had given her the Pez witch earlier that day, Willow had been galvanized, however. She loved Oz, for precisely the reasons that had led him to give her the small gift in the first place. In some ways, Willow loved Oz because he wasn't Xander.

She wanted Oz. Willow just had to find a way to make her attraction to and for Xander go away.

Spike's words had her squeaking and dropping the book, which he caught just inches from the floor. Willow breathed a sigh of relief. She wasn't even supposed to know about that book. If she damaged it, Giles would kill her.

"Spike! What are you doing here?" she asked, trying to sound as if she wasn't bothered by his presence in the least.

He raised an eyebrow. "Came to talk to you, actually." Spike paused. "I think you know why."

"I'm going to fix it," Willow said firmly, deciding that since he obviously knew, there was no point in trying to hide the truth.

"With this?" he asked, holding up the book. Willow snatched it back from him. "Magic isn't the way to go. A love spell—"

Spike frowned. He had thought that Red was a smart bird, so he was a little surprised to have her acting like an idiot. "Do you really think that's a good idea?"

Willow bristled at his tone. "You don't know what you're talking about," she shot back. "Xander and I have been best friends since forever. We can't just turn our feelings off, or—"

"That's not what I'm suggesting," Spike replied. "But you don't have to keep getting together. Mark my words, Red, it's going to come out one way or another. You'll do better to come clean to your boyfriend and then figure out which bloke you want."

"I want Oz," Willow said firmly. "Which is why I'm going to do this spell." She brushed past him impatiently. "Now if you'll excuse me, there are a few ingredients that I'm missing."

Spike watched her go and let out a frustrated sigh. That conversation hadn't gone how he'd planned at all. He had no idea what his next move should be.

He exited the stacks and looked up at the clock on the wall. It didn't look like he had time to worry about it at the moment, however. The two Slayers would be arriving shortly for training with him. Any other action he decided to take would have to wait for later in the evening.

Buffy knew her training was rather erratic. She was feeling pretty erratic. The high test scores she'd gotten had pretty much turned her whole world upside down.

She was not intelli-girl. That was Willow. Buffy was action-girl. Now she was finding that she needed to redefine her entire life, especially with her mom going on and on about how she could finally get away from Sunnydale. She would have thought that Giles would be on her side, but no. He was all for her leaving town, too.

"Don't be sorry," he shot back. "Just try to focus." Spike looked over at the other Slayer who had been waiting rather impatiently for her turn. "Faith, you're up."

"Can I go now?" Buffy asked. "Look, I know Giles asked you to train us while he was on that retreat, but Mom wanted to spend some quality time with me."

Spike sighed and shook his head. "Get out of here. Go home. But we're on tomorrow, got it?"

Spike readied himself for Faith's attack. "You thought any more about my offer?"

"I've given it some thought," she admitted, throwing a punch to test his defenses.

Faith stepped back, giving him a serious look. Spike could tell that she'd let some of her defenses down. "This is just business, right? Because I don't need anybody taking care of me."

Spike shrugged. "Like I said, I don't bloody well care what you're up to. It's just a nicer place to stay for the same kind of money you're already paying."

With those words, she launched herself at him in a furious attack. Faith's style was completely different than Buffy's—she moved like a street fighter, like a wild thing. Buffy's movements were typically more controlled, although she could be a bit of a wild card herself with her inventive use of the environment around her.

In some ways, however, fighting with Faith brought back memories of the days after Spike was turned, when it was fists and fangs and sod all else.

Faith, unlike Buffy, embraced the fight. Spike found himself grinning as they sparred. They were both having a grand old time.

They didn't stop until Spike called a timeout. Faith was panting hard, her own broad grin spreading out over her features. "Never thought fighting with a vampire would be like that."

"I don't know," she replied. "That was good. A lot more fun than training with Giles, that's for sure."

"Fight like that gets me revved up," she said. "Like I told Buffy, slaying makes me hungry and horny."

Spike could see the hunger in her eyes, but there was a playful light there that suggested she was flirting but not serious. "Guess you'd better go find something to snack on, then," he said smiling, pulling something out of his pocket and tossing it her way.

"Forget it," he said, sensing that she was about to thank him. "Like I said. I've stayed in places like that before. There's no reason you should have to, not when I've got a spare room."

She nodded. "Right. I should go patrol." Faith had reached the doors when she called back over her shoulder, tentatively, "I'll see you later tonight."

Spike knew he was taking a chance on her, knew that this arrangment could have serious repercussions, but he wasn't sure he cared. It felt like the right thing to do.

Willow had known that Xander wouldn't be too keen on a de-lusting spell—or any kind of spell, actually. He was much warier about magic since he'd tried to cast that love spell on Cordelia last Valentine's Day. Nearly getting torn apart by a mob of women desperately in love with you tended to make you rethink your decisions.

Still, she was sure that this would do the trick. The owner of the magic store had suggested raven's feather, and had been really nice about giving some pointers. A wave of the metaphorical magic wand and their problem would be solved.

Anyway, what did Spike know? As long as she and Xander weren't stealing kisses, no one needed to know about their indiscretions. Willow just hoped that Spike would keep his mouth shut.

The funny thing about magic is that it isn't just about finding the right ingredients. It's not even about saying the right words, although that's important too. The key ingredient is the will of the spell-caster, and Willow was still working on her self-control.

Xander went along with Willow's plan because she insisted, and she was wearing her resolve face. He'd never been able to say no to her resolve face. Besides, after Willow told him about Spike confronting her, he was willing to do whatever it took to put this behind them. The last thing he needed was the bleached pest telling Cordelia that he was cheating.

So it was that both Willow and Xander were thinking about Spike, of all people, while casting their de-lusting spell. And so it was that the de-lusting spell was thus transformed into a spell redirecting love.

"I do not love you—except because I love you;/I go from loving to not loving you,/from waiting to not waiting for you/my heart moves from the cold into/the fire. I love you only because it's you/I love; I hate you no end, and hating you/bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you/is that I do not see you but love you/blindly...In this part of the story I am the one who/dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,/because I love you, Love, in fire and blood." ~Pablo Neruda, Sonnet LXVI

"Why do we have to meet them in the science rooms?" Cordelia asked Oz. "I mean, if we had to meet them, couldn't it have been at the bowling alley, or out front?"

Oz shrugged. "I don't know. Willow said she had an experiment she needed to finish up."

"And Xander had to help her. Yeah, I know." Cordelia wasn't nearly as upset about the situation as she seemed. The more she thought about it, the nicer a double date spent bowling sounded. She was Queen C, though, and she had to keep up appearances, and that included bitching a whole lot.

"They should be—" Oz stopped when he saw Spike skidding towards them. The vampire was looking a little freaked out, which Oz hadn't thought was possible. Spike seemed to be the epitome of coolness. "Spike?"

Spike grabbed the both of them, shoving them into an empty classroom and shutting the door behind him. "We've got a small problem."

Willow's voice rang out in the hallway. "Spike? Where did you go? Are we playing a game now?"

"I don't know," Spike replied. "I was training with the Slayers tonight. They'd left, I heard a noise, walked into a room and found Harris and your witch."

"Xander and Willow?" Cordelia's eyes narrowed in suspicion. She hadn't thought anything of Xander spending time with Willow. They'd been hanging out together forever. Something in Spike's face had her attention sharpening, however. "What were they doing?"

"Spike? Come on, man, don't play hard to get! Willow and I talked it over. We're going to share you."

"I don't know!" Spike was looking just a little panicked. "I walked in and they were both all over me, telling me how much they loved me. Bloody hell! Harris—" Spike stopped right there, not wanting to go into details. "They were fighting over who was going to get me first."

Cordelia couldn't help her snickers. The fact that Willow and Xander were doing magic together for some unknown reason wasn't humorous at all, and she'd have to kick her boyfriend's ass later for that. On the other hand, Spike's panic was priceless.

The door opened and Willow poked her head in. "Hey, Oz," she chirped cheerfully when she saw her boyfriend. "Spike! There you are."

Spike started backing away. "Now, Red, I'm not the guy you want." He jerked a thumb at Oz. "Your boy's standing right there."

"I know," Willow replied. "But he just doesn't have the same charm, you know? I'm sure vampires have tremendous stamina."

Spike was backing off rapidly. Willow wasn't herself, and as soon as they reversed this spell, she was going to feel pretty foolish. Worse still, Oz was standing right there, listening to his girlfriend go on and on about another man.

"Spells go crazy on the Hellmouth," Oz said, cutting him off and moving to intercept Willow. "I suggest you get Giles."

"He's off on a retreat," Spike replied, weaving around the desks to get himself a clear path to the door. "Buffy might know where he is, though, and I could probably figure out a general reversal spell in a pinch."

Xander appeared in the doorway behind him. "Spike! Finally. Look, it's not nice to hide. Unless you're just trying to increase the anticipation." Xander leered. "It's working."

Xander shook his head, advancing on Spike. "Sorry, Cor, but I've finally realized that I need a real man."

"He's mine!" Willow protested. "Xander, you agreed that I get to have him first."

"Sod it all!" Spike snarled. "You two! Keep them busy!" He bowled Xander over, not caring if he bruised the boy. This was getting ridiculous, and he was fairly certain that he had Willow to blame for this. Worse still, she'd put him in an untenable position. Spike knew exactly why Willow had done the spell, and Buffy and the others were going to be asking. He wouldn't be able to put them off forever.

Spike raced to the Summers' house on foot. He'd taken the sewers to the high school, which meant his car was in the garage. Hopefully, Oz and Cordelia would keep the two lovebirds busy until he and Buffy could find a way to defuse the situation.

There had been one occasion in the past when Spike had witnessed a love spell such as this one, in which the person affected hadn't been able to get to the object of their affection. The results hadn't been pretty.

Besides, the very idea of Xander coming on to him was enough to make Spike sick.

His frantic pounding soon brought Buffy to the door, obviously expecting the worst. "What's wrong?"

"Red did a spell, and it went wrong," he said without preamble. "We need to reverse it."

"They're at the school," Spike said quickly. "I think we can figure out a general reversal spell. If we have to, we can get Giles."

Buffy put her hands on Spike's shoulders. "Stop. I can't do anything if I don't know what the situation is."

"Willow did some sort of love spell," Spike explained. "It went wrong." He hesitated, then took the plunge. "She and Xander were coming after me."

Buffy's eyes widened in merriment as his meaning sank in. "Xander is in love with you?"

Buffy started laughing. "Xander's in love with you? What did they do that has you so freaked?"

"Xander's in love with Spike!" Buffy burst out, tears of laughter beginning to stream down her cheeks.

"It's not funny!" Spike protested again. "Oz and Cordelia were standing right there, and you can bet they weren't laughing."

Buffy sobered quickly, realizing that as funny as it was to see Spike so freaked out, people could end up getting hurt. "Okay. What do we need?"

"Going back to the library will take too much time," Spike objected. "We'll have to get supplies too."

"Yes, we can," Spike said. "I'll tell your Watcher we broke in for a good cause."

Buffy picked up the phone and had a quick conversation with Oz. "We have a small problem."

"Willow and Xander got loose," she said. "Apparently, Willow said that she was going to do a love spell on you so you'll love her back, and Xander decided that if he can't have you, no one can have you." The Slayer gave him an apologetic smile. "He's got a crossbow."

"Lovely," Spike growled. "Let's go, Summers. The sooner we get that spell done, the sooner we can get this mess sorted."

As soon as her daughter was out of the room, Joyce handed Spike a house key. "What's this?" he asked.

"It's to Rupert's apartment," Joyce admitted in a whisper. "He wanted me to check on his plants."

Spike stared at her. It was one more secret he suddenly found himself privy to, and he wasn't pleased in the least. "Fine," he said shortly. "It's your secret to keep."

"Okay, so what's up with this spell?" Buffy asked. "Somehow, I'm pretty sure you know."

The vampire was tired of keeping secrets for other people. "She was doing a de-lusting spell of some kind on her and Xander."

"Why would she need to do that?" Buffy asked. "She and Oz—" She stopped cold. "Please don't tell me that Xander and Willow were cheating."

"I caught them kissing a couple days ago," Spike replied. "When I talked to Red about it, she said she was going to do some spell to make the feelings go away. I walked in on the tail-end of the spell, I guess."

"And then they both took one look at me and started talking about how wonderful I was," Spike burst out, completely mortified. "Harris managed to get his bloody hand down my pants!"

Buffy's face twisted as she tried not to start laughing again. Spike just looked so horrified—his expression was priceless. "What about Willow?"

"She nibbled my ear," he admitted grumpily. "Then they started arguing about which of them liked me more and who got me first. Soon as they were distracted, I took off. I didn't want to hurt them, and I didn't know what else to do. I ran into Cordelia and Oz, and they were supposed to keep the two lovebirds busy while I managed the reversal."

"No, I wouldn't be," Spike shot back. "I'd be thinking about how bloody uncomfortable it was to be caught in the middle like that. It's not like I asked for this. I told Red to come clean!"

She patted his arm. "Easy, big guy. We'll go to Giles, find the reversal spell, and get the supplies. We'll have you love-free by sun-up."

"We'd better," Spike muttered. "Otherwise, I'm going to have to find a place to hide out for the day. You don't want to see how crazy these things can get when people don't get what they want."

"Oh, I've already experienced the effects of a love spell gone wrong," Buffy said cheerfully. "Last Valentine's Day, Cordelia dumped Xander so he tried to do a love spell. Instead of making her love him, it made every other female in Sunnydale madly in love with him. He almost got torn to pieces." She grinned. "Just think. There's only two of them, though. That's not enough people for a mob."

"I try." They were at Giles' apartment at this point, and Spike made a big show of trying to jimmy the lock while using the key Joyce gave him. "What kind of a book are we looking for?"

He shrugged, mumbling, "General spell book. The Watcher should have one around here somewhere." Spike ran his fingers along the spines of the books on the desk, finally grabbing one and flipping it open. "Here. We need supplies, though."

"The magic store is open late," Buffy replied. "Don't ask me why, but they are."

"Let's get this done, then." Spike was careful to lock up behind him while Buffy wasn't looking, then followed her out of the courtyard.

They walked in silence for a few blocks before Buffy said, "So you really saw Xander and Willow kissing, huh?"

"I dodged the question," he admitted. Spike glanced over at her. "You said Willow was going to do a love spell?"

"No, I—oh. You think she might be at the shop." Buffy frowned. "Maybe it would be better if I met you somewhere? Back at my house, maybe?"

Buffy chuckled. "Got it." She took the hastily written list from him. "See you in a few." She watched as Spike loped off, shaking her head. As big of a mess as this undoubtedly was, Buffy was grateful not to be in the middle of it for once.

She had to admit to feeling a twinge of something when Spike had said that both Willow and Xander were in love with him. It wasn't jealousy, of course. It was a spell, and Spike was obviously not thrilled about it. At the same time, Buffy couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to be in love with Spike.

Not that she was—in love with Spike. Maybe she liked him a little bit, but that was all it was. Just like. Just a little.

Buffy bit back a sigh. It wasn't like he'd shown any interest in her beyond the fact that she was the Slayer anyway.

Spike's supposition had been right on the money. Willow was just coming out of the magic shop while Buffy was going in. "Oh, hey, Buffy!" Willow said cheerfully, as though nothing was wrong.

Buffy nodded. "Maybe you should wait on that spell until tomorrow. It's getting pretty late."

"Shopping list for Giles," Buffy lied. "He asked me to grab a few things he likes to keep on hand." The Slayer decided that time was of the essence at that point, and she ducked into the shop.

The shopkeeper was quite helpful. "General reversal spell, huh?" the woman asked.

The other woman winced. "Those can be bad. It's better to get it taken care of as quickly as possible."

"We're trying," Buffy replied, quickly paying her and heading out of the shop. She was about a block away when a car pulled up next to her. She froze, a hand automatically going for her weapon.

"Change of plans," he said, teeth gritted. "Xander was there waiting for me. I called Oz, and they're supposed to try and pick him up."

"He stuck his hand down my pants!" Spike sputtered. "I don't want to give him an opportunity to do the same thing again."

Buffy snickered. "Point taken. We doing this reversal spell at your place then?"

"Yeah," Spike replied. "Think that might be for the best." He pulled into his garage a few minutes later, and they went into the kitchen where he started pulling ingredients out of the sack, scattering them over the table.

"I've had to do a spell or two in the past," Spike replied. "Not my favorite method of getting things done, though." He started muttering under his breath as he read through the spell instructions. Suddenly, his head shot up. "Shit."

"I think that witch of yours is trying to do her spell," Spike growled. "Dammit." He started sprinkling the sacred salt on the floor to make a circle.

He tossed the jar to her. "I don't know. I've never had to do a reversal spell while someone else was trying to cast a love spell on me before. The circle is supposed to protect me."

"What do you want me to do?" Buffy watched as he flicked his lighter, catching a bundle of herbs on fire.

Spike gave her an intense look. "Whatever happens, make sure I finish this spell. If I start acting crazy, you have my permission to knock me out."

"You're usually Mr. Cool," she replied. "It's kind of fun to see you this flustered."

"Better pray you never see it again," he said. "I only get flustered when things get bad." Spike closed his eyes for a second and then began to repeat the spell in Latin.

Buffy was so busy listening to Spike chant in Latin—which was probably one of the sexiest sights she'd seen in a long time—she didn't hear the front door open.

Xander managed to be a lot more stealthy than he usually was. In the pursuit of his true love, he was many things, including incredibly jealous. He knew that Spike didn't love him. Xander was fairly sure that Spike would never love him, and that wasn't sitting well.

His announcement was enough to get Buffy moving. Xander looked pretty serious, especially with the crossbow aimed for Spike's heart. The Slayer wasn't fast enough to prevent Xander from firing, but she did deflect the bolt so that it hit Spike in the thigh instead of killing him.

Spike grunted, but he didn't stop his recitation until the final word was spoken. Xander took one horrified look at the vampire, and then stared at Buffy. "Oh."

Xander started backing out of the kitchen, seeing the very angry expression on Spike's face. "Spike, I'm really sorry."

"Hold still," Buffy scolded as Spike tried to pull the bolt out himself. Spike snarled as she yanked it out in one smooth motion. "You want some help bandaging it?"

He shook his head. "No, I've got it." Spike sighed. "It's not like I haven't done it before."

Buffy patted him on the shoulder. "I'd better go find the others and do some damage control there."

Buffy grimaced. "I don't know. I didn't see anything, you did, so I can probably put them off, but they're going to know something is up from that spell. I guess we'll just have to see how it goes."

"Anytime." Buffy resisted the urge to kiss his cheek. An action such as that might catapult their relationship onto a completely different level, and she had no desire to do that.

Well, she didn't have any desire to lose what they already had. She liked Spike way too much to date him at this point. Buffy had seen what happened when she dated a guy. He either turned into a raging psychotic or it ruined the friendship.

"Absolutely, Slayer." He watched her go, wondering if he had misread the look in her eyes. He could have sworn she was going to kiss him at the end.

Of course, there was no way he would get involved with her. Spike liked her way too much for that.

"Lay your sleeping head, my love,/Human on my faithless arm;/Time and fevers burn away/Individual beauty from/Thoughtful children, and the grave/Proves the child ephemeral:/But in my arms till break of day/Let the living creature lie,/Mortal, guilty, but to me/The entirely beautiful..." ~W. H. Auden, "Lullaby"

Willow clutched the plate a little tighter. She hoped her peace offering would reduce Spike's anger, since her efforts weren't helping on any other front.

The reversal spell had taken effect just before she'd finished her love spell on Spike. Willow had quickly abandoned the spell, trying to erase all traces of the magic. She couldn't change the fact that Oz and Cordelia knew that she'd tried to cast an anti-lust spell, nor could she lie about why she'd tried one in the first place.

Both Cordelia and Oz had been understandably angry. Cordelia wasn't speaking to Xander at all, but she was making it known that she had dumped him completely. It wasn't doing much for her reputation, and Willow couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt, even though she didn't like Cordelia much. The other girl didn't have many friends these days.

Oz had told her he needed time, and that he didn't really want to talk to her for a while.

He'd been so nice to her up till now that Willow gulped audibly. "I'm really, really sorry, Spike," she said before he could close the door in her face.

"I'm really, really, really sorry," Willow repeated. She held out the plate of cookies. "Do you like cookies?"

An unwilling smile twisted his lips. "I wouldn't say no to one." Spike led the way to the kitchen, leaving Willow to follow in his wake. He was dressed in a rumpled t-shirt and jeans and was still limping slightly. She winced, wondering if Xander had apologized yet, or if Spike had let him.

"If you apologize one more time, I'm not going to be responsible for my actions," he warned her. "Tea?"

Spike went about putting the kettle on, finally coming to sit down at the small table. "Thanks," he said as he took a cookie from the plate she held out.

An uncomfortable silence fell, although Willow got the sense that Spike wasn't nearly as uncomfortable as she was. "Did you finally come clean?"

"That doesn't surprise me." Spike sighed, shaking his head. "Look, Red, I'm not that angry. Bit upset about the hole in my leg, and getting chased all over by the two of you wasn't fun, but I'll survive."

Willow nodded. "Okay. I don't really want to talk about it either. Well, I wouldn't mind talking to Oz, but he won't even look at me."

"Give him time, pet," Spike advised gently. "It's a bit of a stunner to find out your girl's been making time with another guy."

Willow's lip trembled. The last thing she wanted to do was end up crying on Spike's shoulder, especially since she'd come to say she was sorry. Still, she'd found herself shedding a few tears over this. The idea that she might have lost Oz hurt a lot. "Yeah, I just—"

Spike realized that she was going to cry, and he had no idea what to do. The last of his annoyance melted away at the sight of her wide, teary eyes. He awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. "It'll be fine, luv."

Spike quickly poured both a cup of tea for both of them, anything to avoid seeing her blubber. He felt responsible in a way, thinking that he might have done something to help Willow avoid this situation.

In that moment, something inside Spike gave way, and he finally admitted that he cared. He was irrevocably connected to the goings on in Sunnydale, to the Slayer and her friends. It wasn't just about defeating the bad guys, either, or killing demons. It was also about the little things that made up everyday life, the things he hadn't worried about as a vampire.

Hoping to distract Willow enough so that he wouldn't have to see her cry, Spike said, "Have I ever told you how I got into the mercenary business, Red?"

Willow perked up immediately. "No. I just thought that you started charging money."

Spike chuckled. "Not quite. I'm afraid it wasn't nearly as well thought out as all that. Once I got free of Angelus and the others, I decided to find the gypsies that had given me the soul. I wanted to know what the hell they'd really done to me. Angelus might have been content to take it as his just deserts, but that wasn't good enough for me."

Spike frowned, trying to remember. "Round about the turn of the century, maybe just after. Dru and Darla took off for China and the Boxer Rebellion around that time, but we'd been in Russia up till then."

"Got out before then," he replied. "That's about the time I got into this business, though. No, I took off. Took me a couple of years to find the gypsies responsible for the curse. They'd gone to ground to avoid Darla, and they were slippery bastards. I finally found them, convinced one of them to talk to me."

Spike sipped at his tea, relieved that Willow was looking entranced rather than tearful at this point. "Turns out I found the only one of them with a brain. When he told me about the curse, and the loophole, I insisted he make the soul permanent. It took a bit of doing, but they decided that it was only right since I asked for it. I wasn't the one who had eaten a member of their clan, yeah?"

"That's right. It was probably 1904 by the time they finally got around to doing it." Spike shrugged. "I was living off animals as well as the occasional human that crossed me. There were plenty of people who deserved to get eaten. Usually waited for one of them to try to rob me." He grinned at her. "I looked like an easy target, you see."

Willow wasn't sure how she felt about that, but the story was too fascinating for her to want him to stop. "Then what?"

"Just so happened I was in Belgium at the beginning of the first World War," Spike replied. "Got caught behind German lines and came across a pocket of Belgians wanting to get out of the country. Britain had just declared war, and I knew the Germans would think I was a spy if I got caught. Not that I would have let them kill me, but sometimes it's best to avoid trouble. So when the Belgians offered me money in exchange for guiding them out of the country by the backroads, I agreed." Spike shrugged. "That was that. I figured I could have fun and make money at the same time."

"Not as such, no," Spike replied. "There was a French Resistance fighter during the second World War. Her name was Anouk, but it didn't last."

Willow stared into her mug of tea as though it would tell her the future. "Do you think Oz will forgive me?"

"For distracting me." Willow smiled at him. "This was the first time in two days that I've actually been able to forget about how bad I feel."

Cordelia couldn't help but feel relieved that she'd managed to do some damage control. People knew that she'd dumped Xander, but the rumors were that she'd finally come to her senses. No one seemed to know the truth—that he'd cheated on her.

Of course, her friends were still avoiding her. It wasn't just Buffy—that Cordelia had expected. After all, she had never been best friends with the Slayer. The others, though, the popular crowd, were regarding her with a mixture of pity and condescension. She just hoped that the insanity of falling in love with Xander Harris wouldn't completely ruin the rest of her high school career.

Pretending to be fine was getting really old, though, and part of Cordelia wanted to take Xander back, just so she wasn't alone.

Cordelia looked over to see the new girl, Anya Jenkins, standing there. "Oh, hi. Have you come to insult me, too?"

"Hardly," Anya replied. "I'm just thankful that there's at least one person in this town who knows something about fashion."

Anya snorted. "Please. I know how it is. The guy gets beneath your defenses with sweet words, and kissing, and the next thing you know you're going out with him."

"Pretty much," Cordelia agreed. Lowering her voice, she added, "I even had his picture in my locker."

Cordelia shook her head. "I don't wish, I act." She looked down the hallway where Xander was standing with Buffy and Willow and laughing. Cordelia huffed. "I love that. He's the one who—acts like an idiot, and yet he still has friends. What is up with that?"

Cordelia sniffed. "If it wasn't for Buffy, none of this would have happened, you know. She's the only reason I kissed Xander in the first place, which was what got me into this mess."

"It would be nice if they got what was coming to them," Anya suggested hopefully.

Cordelia sighed. "I wish Buffy Summers had never come to Sunnydale." For a moment, Cordelia thought she'd seen Anya's face change into that of a demon's, but she dismissed the idea. Anya looked perfectly normal. The wish had been cathartic, however, and suddenly a million things occurred to Cordelia that would be nice to see happen. "In fact," she added with a smile, "I wish Buffy had never been born! I wish Xander would never know the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair!"

Anya was left standing by the lockers, trying to figure out why she couldn't grant the simplest of wishes.

Buffy was getting used to making the rounds by herself. Faith hadn't been around much lately, and this was the first time in two weeks that Faith had agreed to meet her for a routine patrol. She couldn't help but wonder if something about Gwendolyn Post's betrayal had harmed their relationship as well. Spike had been M.I.A. as well. Willow had told Buffy about going to see him and that he'd still been limping. Buffy couldn't blame him. As crazy as things had gotten, with the vampire caught squarely in the middle, it made sense that he'd want to maintain his distance.

Buffy was a little surprised to find Faith with Spike when she met up with the other Slayer for patrol. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Faith's staying at my place," Spike explained. He glanced at the dark-haired Slayer. "I thought you'd already told her."

Buffy felt like she'd just been gut-punched. It wasn't like she had any say in where Faith was living, or in who Spike was seeing, but she felt a flare of jealousy anyway. With some effort, Buffy pushed the feeling to the side. There was no way she was going to let on to how she was feeling. "That's great," she said, forcing a smile. "Anything has to be better than that motel, right?"

"Yeah, that's for sure," Faith replied. "At least now I don't have to listen to people screaming all day, you know?" She bounced a little bit. "You ready to go?"

Buffy brought her focus on the task at hand. She couldn't let on that the news had thrown her, because Spike would notice that her patrolling was off, and then he'd tell Giles, and Giles would make his worried face and give her more training exercises. Which would then cut into what limited free time she had.

Besides, there was no way she was going to let on to Spike that she was jealous.

Spike had heard Buffy's rocketing heartbeat, and he knew she was taking the news the wrong way. Although he wanted to straighten things out with her, he didn't dare bring it up while Faith was present. Spike liked Faith well enough, but she was a prickly chit, and he knew that she'd take his justification of their arrangement the wrong way.

Faith would either take it as a challenge or she'd take it as an insult, especially when he explained that there wasn't anything between them.

Patrol was relatively uneventful. Even vampire activity seemed to be greatly reduced as of late. Spike didn't trust the quiet. It felt wrong, like something was coming.

After a while, Faith took off as he'd expected her to. Spike had noticed that she wasn't comfortable around a lot of people, especially when they weren't strangers.

As soon as Faith had taken off, Buffy announced that she needed to head home as well. "I've got some homework to finish."

She headed off towards Revello Drive at a fast clip. "Don't worry about walking me home."

Spike rolled his eyes. "I have a spare room. Faith is using it. There's nothing more to it than that."

"I don't have any say over who stays in your house, Spike," Buffy replied. "So I really don't care."

Spike grabbed Buffy's arm, pulling her to a stop. "You know like what. Look, I'm sorry you had to find out like that."

"You're not involved with her. Faith's just staying with you." Buffy shrugged, feigning indifference. "It's not a big deal."

Buffy opened her mouth to argue, then shut it. She glared at him. "How could you tell?"

He wasn't. Buffy could see the amusement in his eyes, and she started walking again, albeit a little slower this time. "It's just—I like Faith, Spike, but she's totally going to try to get into your pants."

"And I already told her that it wasn't going to happen." Spike smiled. "Buffy, I like Faith, but I don't have any intention of getting involved with her. It's bad policy."

"It's just that Mom said I should ask you, and it's not that far away," she explained. "You should ask Faith too. I was going to, but then I forgot."

"I know vampires probably don't celebrate Christmas or anything," Buffy admitted. "It's just that nobody should have to be alone for the holidays."

Buffy couldn't read his face, and she wondered suddenly if she'd somehow managed to offend him. "If you don't want to—"

"No!" he said quickly, interrupting her. "No, it'd be nice, actually. Been an age since..." Spike trailed off. "Thank Joyce for me, will you?"

The moment was a lot more awkward than it should have been. "Good night, Spike."

Buffy watched him disappear into the shadows and cursed her rotten luck. It had to be another vampire, didn't it? She had to like another vampire.

"into the strenuous briefness/Life:/handorgans and April/darkness,friends/i charge laughing./Into the hair-thin tints/of yellow dawn,/into the women-coloured twilight/i smilingly/glide. I/into the big vermilion departure/swim,sayingly;/(Do you think?)the/i do,world/is probably made/of roses & hello:/(of solongs and,ashes)" ~e.e. cummings, "into the strenuous briefness"

Spike had never lived with anyone before, so he wasn't sure how things were going to work with Faith. There was a part of him that fully expected to deeply regret making the offer after she'd moved her things in.

It turned out that you could live with a person and never see them, however. Even though they kept basically the same hours, Faith would often be gone before the sun went down, and then wouldn't return until after it had risen. When Spike extended Buffy's offer to spend Christmas Eve, she was evasive, telling him that she had a party to go to, but she'd think about it.

It wasn't a new phenomenon, of course. Spike had experienced them nearly every time he went to sleep for the first ten years or so after he'd gotten the soul. Once he'd managed to get away from Angelus and the others, the nightmares had been about being recaptured and tortured all over again.

Spike had a pretty good idea of why they were coming back now. Emotions he had long since buried and abandoned were beginning to well up again. With emotion came desire, and with desire—

Well, with desire often came love, and Spike had had his fill of that. His ability to love had died the day Drusilla had watched when he freed of himself, only to crow with delight when Angelus entered the room.

His memory of the next week was completely gone. Spike just knew that it had been bad, because he'd blanked out most of it.

The trouble was, it was all starting to come back in bits and pieces. So far he hadn't actually woken up screaming, which was a relief. Spike had no desire to have to explain things to Faith.

There was a part of him that wanted to pull back, even now. That wanted to back out of Christmas Eve, that wanted to go back to skulking in dark corners, keeping his relationships on a business-only level.

And Spike knew that it was too late for that. The Powers That Screwed With You had buggered him royally.

Willow gave her friend a nervous smile. "We're getting together at my place to watch videos since my parents are going to be out of town."

"That's good!" Buffy was happy for her friend. Willow had been trying really hard to get back into Oz's good graces.

She nodded hesitantly. "In a really awkward way. I just want him to trust me again."

"Xander has a piece of you that Oz will never be able to touch," Buffy pointed out. "Now it's just a matter of showing him that he comes first."

"He really does," Willow said. "I still don't know what I was doing, you know? At least Spike forgave me." She blushed a bright red at the memory of what she'd done under the spell. It could have been much worse, however. She knew that much.

Something in the Slayer's tone had Willow looking at her sharply. "You like him."

"You like him, like him," Willow argued. "I can see it. You have the same look you did when—" She stopped there, but Buffy knew exactly what she was saying.

"Which is why I'm not going there," Buffy said. "Besides, Spike has made it very clear that he has no feelings for me. We're very much just friends."

"Friends," Buffy repeated firmly. Her tone softened. "I really do like him, Wills. As a friend. It's easy to forget that he's a vampire."

Willow shook her head. "Buffy, Spike's soul is permanent. You know he wouldn't go evil on you. Besides, he's definitely different than Angel."

Buffy sighed. "I know he is. I'd rather leave things the way they are than ruin what we have, though." She laughed a little. "It's fine. He's coming for Christmas Eve, along with Faith and Giles. It should be quite a gathering."

"That's good, Buffy," Willow said. "I mean, it's good that you guys are friends."

Christmas Eve was incredibly uncomfortable. Faith obviously felt as though she was out of place, even though she was trying to have a good time. Joyce and Giles had a thin undercurrent of tension running between them, although that was because they were both trying not to reveal how close they really were.

Spike was tired and unfocused from lack of sleep, although he was doing an admirable job of covering it up. And Buffy felt like she was caught in the middle of a maelstrom of emotions.

It got better after dinner. Faith made her excuses around nine, and Joyce and Giles took their drinks out to the living room, leaving Spike and Buffy alone in the kitchen.

"I need a fag," Spike muttered, patting his pockets.

Buffy hesitated. "You mind if I join you?"

"Not at all." She followed him onto the back porch, and Spike lit up a cigarette, taking an appreciative drag. "How are you, luv?"

Buffy glanced over at him in surprise at the warmth of his tone. It was almost—intimate. "What do you mean?"

"With Angelus being gone, I mean," he clarified. "This is the time of the year to miss the ones who aren't around."

Buffy blinked slowly, frowning. "I haven't even thought about Angel in a while now. I mean, I still think about him, but it's different now. It doesn't hurt as much." She wrapped her arms around her knees, looking off into the darkness. "We did have some good times, you know, but it was mostly all sneaking around and fighting evil. I don't know if that makes sense at all."

"Sure it does," Spike replied. "He wasn't a part of your daily life, so you can go about your day without too many reminders of him."

Buffy took a deep breath. "It was almost a year ago now that he lost his soul, you know." She glanced over at him. "Has anyone told you how it happened?"

Spike managed to hide a wince. While he'd laughed at the idea of Angel having his perfect moment by finding "some brainless chit to fall in love with him," he hadn't really thought about it from the girl's perspective.

"It was on my birthday." Buffy's face reflected pain, but it was a pain gentled by time.

"Yeah. It sucked." She frowned, then snuck a look at him from the corner of her eye. "But I'm not really sorry it happened."

She took the hoarse bewilderment in his voice for rejection. "It's okay. I mean, I know—"

Spike stopped her words with a gentle finger on her lips. "I'm glad I came too."

It was all either one of them were willing to say at the moment. Buffy wasn't quite ready to trust her heart to another man—let alone another vampire. Spike wasn't quite ready to believe he could love someone again.

They had both thought love was dead, but the first seeds were beginning to wake in their hearts.

Joyce felt horribly guilty. Of course, this wasn't the first time she'd been seeing someone without letting Buffy know about it, but it was different this time. This time, Buffy knew the man as well, if not better than, Joyce did.

She just didn't want to risk her relationship with Rupert, knowing that Buffy's disapproval was nearly certain. He was another adult who shared her interests and concerns. She hadn't had that in so long—not since the early years of her marriage to Hank.

In less than a year, Buffy would be going to college, and that would be the time to tell her about the fact that her friendship with Giles was a little more than that. Her daughter wouldn't be able to do much from a distance.

Joyce knew from her experience with Ted that Buffy was a pro at sabotaging things—although, she couldn't regret it in Ted's case.

Still, there was no fear that Giles was an evil android, or that he and Buffy wouldn't get along. Really, the whole situation was perfect, save for the fact that Buffy didn't know, and when she did find out, would probably go a little nuts.

It was guilt, plus a lingering curiosity that brought Joyce out to visit Buffy while she patrolled. Hot chocolate and cookies seemed the perfect way to assuage her growing uneasiness. Unfortunately, Joyce got a chance to see Buffy's work up close and personal.

Spike hadn't seen anyone for a couple of days. Willow had notified him about Buffy's upcoming birthday, and he'd needed to retrieve her gift. Or commission it, rather. When he got back, the whole town was in an uproar over two dead children. There was a very nasty feeling to the whole affair that made Spike nervous.

He still wasn't expecting to get shot at when he went to the Summers' house to find Buffy, though. "Spike." Joyce was standing in the doorway, holding a crossbow.

She appeared extremely calm. "We're rooting out the bad elements in town. I'm sure you heard about what happened."

Spike backed up a step. "Yeah, but I've been out of town. You know I didn't have anything to do with it."

"That's not important," Joyce replied. "What's important is that it was the occult that killed these children, and you're a part of the occult. Spike, I'm sorry, but you're just not welcome here any longer."

It was a very good thing that Joyce didn't have any training, since her shot went slightly wide, hitting him in the right shoulder and missing his heart. Spike was too stunned to move right away, but when she started trying to load another bolt, he took off, clutching his wounded shoulder.

Spike kept going until he was certain that no one was going to be coming after him, finally stopping in a park, deserted at that late hour. With an angry hiss, he yanked the bolt out of his shoulder and stared at the bloody shaft in disbelief. He'd thought that Joyce liked him, had thought he could trust her. Now she was trying to kill him for no other reason than because he was a vampire.

"I should have bloody well known," he growled, tossing the bolt into the grass. "What the sodding hell was I thinking?"

He rose, readying himself to fight if he needed to. Buffy was hurrying towards him. "What do you want?"

"Did Mom hurt you?" Buffy came over quickly, spotting the dark circle on his shirt. "Are you okay?"

Her concern relaxed him slightly. "I'll be fine. I've gotten shot more often in the last month than I have in the last ten years, though."

Buffy led him over to the swings, where she pushed him to sit. "Hold still and let me see."

"What's going on, Buffy?" Spike asked quietly. "I didn't—I don't understand why your mum was so upset with me."

The Slayer shook her head. "It's not you, I promise. There's something really strange going on."

"The kids that were killed?" he asked, keeping an eye on what she was doing. Buffy had pulled his shirt aside, stretching the neck to get a glimpse of the wound.

"Yeah. Mom came to see me while I was patrolling, and she found their bodies. It really shook her up, but the whole town seems to have gone crazy. They searched all the lockers today for 'occult materials,' and Willow's been grounded completely. It's bad."

"Had to run an errand," Spike replied. "Just got back tonight. How are you doing?"

"Well, on top of the fact that my mom tried to kill one of my friends, she also said that me being the Slayer was fruitless. No fruit for Buffy." She sighed. "I actually thought that she was beginning to understand what me being the Slayer meant."

Spike touched her hand with his good arm. "Buffy, you do good. You do as much as any of us can do. There's a lot of evil in this world, and there isn't much we can do about it. But we can fight it."

"All the bloody time, luv," he said. "Look, you tell me where you want me, and we'll see about figuring out what killed those kids. How old were they again?"

Buffy opened her mouth to reply and then snapped it shut again. "I don't know. They looked about seven or eight, but—" She stared at him. "I don't know anything about them."

"I don't know their names, where they went to school, nothing! I haven't even seen their parents. You would think they'd be the ones leading this campaign, not my mom." Buffy straightened. "We need to know more about those children. Let's see if we can't find Giles in the library. He should still be there." She gave Spike a sympathetic look. "He'll have bandages for your shoulder too."

Buffy reached for his arm before she could stop herself. "Spike, whatever is going on—Mom likes you. I'm sure she didn't mean to try and kill you."

Spike wasn't certain of anything, nor was he sure he could trust anyone at this point. Except, perhaps, for Buffy.

The feeling of tension in the library was nearly palpable. It went beyond Giles' anger at his inability to work with the computer, or Oz's concern for Willow, or even Xander's continual joking. There was the sense like that of the air right before a heavy storm, full of electricity and danger.

Oz was plugging away on the computer as Willow sent information their way. Spike listened in, waiting patiently for Buffy to finish her first aid job. He couldn't quite control his reaction to her hands on his bare skin. She was being a lot gentler with him than she'd been in the past.

The tension that hung between them had the same impending feeling, but without the danger.

"Willow says that the articles pop up every fifty years, as far back as 1649," Oz said.

Giles peered at the screen. "Hans Strauss, age eight, and Greta Strauss, age six."

Giles nodded slowly, explaining for the benefit of the others, "There are demons that stir up feelings of hatred and violence among humans, feeding on those emotions. I imagine we've got one of those on our hands."

Spike raised an eyebrow. "Seems to me we've got something out of the Brothers Grimm here."

"As in breadcrumbs, evil witches, and gingerbread?" Xander asked, looking around the room.

Buffy shook her head. "Hansel and Gretel come back to the village, tell the people about the nasty, evil witch—"

"And a mob kills a great many innocent people," Giles finished. "Yes, I think that's exactly what's going on."

"I don't know about you, but I'm going to trade in my cow for some beans," Xander joked.

Xander opened his mouth to argue, but Buffy cut him off. "We need to go find my mom. When we explain this, she'll defuse the whole thing."

Spike stood to go with her, but the Slayer shook her head. "No, Spike, I'm not going to risk you. She may decide to shoot first and listen to us later." The doors to the library flew open, and a boy Spike didn't recognize ran in, out of breath, his face bruised and bleeding. "What happened, Michael?" Buffy asked.

He shook his head, trying to clear it. "My dad, his friends, a bunch of others. They're going door to door, and they're talking about a trial at City Hall. They got Amy."

Oz was looking at the last instant message that Willow had sent. He glanced over at Spike. "Willow!"

Spike nodded. If he couldn't go with the Slayer, he would help Oz find Willow. He was just as concerned about the girl as the werewolf. "Let's go."

"Hide in my office," Giles was saying to Michael as Spike followed Oz out of the library, Xander close on their heels.