Chapter 26

"Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast/In a field I looked into going past,/And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,/But a few weeds and stubble showing last...I am too absent-spirited to count;/The loneliness includes me unawares./And lonely as it is that loneliness/Will be more lonely ere it will be less—/A blanker whiteness of benighted snow/With no expression, nothing to express./They cannot scare me with their empty spaces/Between stars—on stars where no human race is./I have it in me so much nearer home/To scare myself with my own desert places." ~Robert Frost, "Desert Places"

After much discussion, Spike and Buffy decided that reporting the incident to Giles could wait until the next day. Everyone was tired, and it was unlikely that any of them were up to dealing with an accidental killing.

Once Buffy had left, Spike showered and collapsed on the bed. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this exhausted, and yet sleep still wouldn't come.

He couldn't help but wonder if perhaps he hadn't pushed Faith a little closer to the edge with his refusal. Maybe he could have done something if he hadn't gone to talk to Giles and had instead gone straight to the warehouse. If only he'd kept his eye on the job, and not the girl.

If only Spike had never come to Sunnydale in the first place.

It was too late to go back now. Spike knew that. He was too connected to these people, to their lives. His heart was involved.

With a growl of frustration, he rose, realizing that sleep was not going to come this day. Daytime TV was mind-numbing, however, and Spike let the words and images wash over him without taking any of it in.

The house was silent around him except for the noise of the television, but it was not a comfort, not like it used to be.

The knock on the door came as a welcome distraction. "Come in, Rupert," Spike said, moving out of the doorway, carefully avoiding the sunlight.

"Forgive me for disturbing you," Giles said. "I hope I didn't get you out of bed."

Spike shook his head. "Couldn't sleep. Something to drink? Tea?"

"Scotch, if you've got it," Giles responded, smiling thinly at Spike's raised eyebrow. "I didn't get a chance to tell you that your home is quite nice."

"Don't sound so surprised." Spike poured a drink for both of them. "I like a soft bed as much as the next bloke."

Giles took a seat. "Rumor had it you never sleep."

"That's not as far from the truth as I'd like it to be," Spike admitted. "Much as I enjoy your company, you didn't come for the small talk. What is it, Rupes?"

Giles sighed. "I came to talk to you about Buffy."

"This where you tell me to get the hell out of town?"

"Hardly." Giles fiddled with the glass. "I don't think I told you what Angelus did to me."

"No, you didn't."

"He killed the woman I loved and left her in my bed for me to find." Giles was proud of how even his tone was, and he could see Spike's wince before the vampire regained his mask of composure.

"Bloody hell, mate," Spike murmured. "I'm sorry."

Giles just smiled—a small, sad smile with a hint of wistfulness about it. "I think you would have liked Jenny."

"I don't doubt it," Spike replied carefully, wondering where the Watcher was going with this.

Giles took a deep breath. "So you can see why I'm hesitant to endorse Buffy's relationship with a vampire," he finally continued. "It's not that I don't like you. It's not even that I don't trust you, Spike. It's simply that we have no guarantee of the soul's security, except your word."

Spike nodded. "That's true enough. I'm not sure what else I can give you, though. Didn't keep any records."

"I want you to tell me exactly what happened, exactly what the gypsies did," Giles said, his tone fierce.

Spike started to object, but then he stopped. He was beginning to think that Sunnydale might end up being more than just a job, more than just another brief stop on his long road. If he was going to stay, perhaps he did owe Giles an explanation.

"This doesn't leave the room." Spike stared at the other man, waiting for a sign of acquiescence. "What I'm telling you, it's only because I know you're not with the Council anymore."

"I understand."

Spike stood. He didn't think he could sit still for this story. "You're asking a question no one knows the answer to," he began. "Told you that the gypsies made a mistake, that I went after them later, got them to close the loophole. That's not the beginning of the story, though. You know what Angel was before he got turned?"

Giles frowned, his memory fuzzy. "I think I remember something about him being a merchant's son."

"He was a whoring lay-about," Spike said bluntly. "Didn't care about anyone but himself. I'm not saying he was evil, mind, but he wasn't worth much either."

The Watcher was beginning to see where Spike was going with this line of thought. "And you?"

"I was the only son of a good woman, and she made certain that she raised a good man." Spike was quiet for a moment. "I'm not saying I was worth much, either, you understand. I was a—well, William wasn't a hero, that's for certain. But I was a good man."

The expression on Spike's face was almost nostalgic. "I think that's what made the difference, you know? It was the soul that made Angelus bearable at best. Me? I was evil, but it was all about the fight and the hunt. Didn't much care for torture, even though I did my fair share. Maybe if I'd run after I got my soul back, things would have been different, but instead I got three years of torture."

Spike looked over at Giles. "You ever been tortured by an expert?" When the Watcher shook his head, he sighed. "Hard to explain then. It might not have been so bad if the bastard had wanted something, but he didn't. There wasn't anything I could say, anything I could do, to get him to quit. Angelus would get tired of hurting me after a while and move on to a different victim, but sooner or later he'd come back to me."

Spike was completely lost in his memories at this point. "I would have eventually found a way to escape, I think. Either that or I would have managed to dust myself. He got his soul, though, so I didn't have to."

The vampire faced Giles. "I had three years to stare into the face of evil, Rupert. Three years to watch a master at work, to see him for what he truly was. It was like looking into a mirror, and I decided that the first thing I was going to do was to make sure I would never unleash that beast inside of me again. I figured that if I could be given a soul, it might get snatched again too, and I would have rather died permanently first." Spike shrugged. "So I found a gypsy who would sit still long enough to talk to a vampire, and I told him what I wanted. He was a reasonable bloke, and as soon as I explained that I didn't want to get rid of the soul, he was willing to help me out."

"What did he do?" Giles asked.

"Binding ritual of some kind," Spike replied. "Something to make sure that the soul stayed with me just like a human soul stays with its body. There's nothing that's going to shake it loose at this point, short of death."

"And why didn't Angel do the same?"

Spike shrugged. "Beats the hell out of me, Rupert. Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he was a lazy bastard. Don't know that the gypsies would have helped him anyway, since he was the one they were originally going after."

Giles nodded slowly. "I see. That correlates well with much of the research I've done on the subject."

Spike decided it was time to change the subject. "Buffy talk to you about last night's incident?"

"What incident?"

Spike quickly repeated what Buffy had said, and Giles took in a slow, deep breath. "I see. Neither Faith nor Buffy said anything."

"I think Buffy was trying to protect her," Spike said quietly. "It's Faith's reaction I'm most concerned about. Buffy's sick over it."

"And Faith has shown no remorse?" Giles asked.

Spike shook his head. "That's what I don't know, since I haven't spoken with her."

Giles nodded. "I think we ought to leave it that way. I'll speak to Faith, and I think we'll leave the Council out of it for now. I'm not sure that Wesley is equipped to handle a situation like this."

Spike snorted. "No kidding."

~~~~~

Buffy knocked on the door, not looking forward to seeing Faith's reaction when she told the other Slayer that Spike knew about the incident. While she hadn't exactly promised to keep their secret, she suspected that Faith would regard her telling Spike about the death as a betrayal.

"Hey," Faith said, after the door swung open. "What's up?"

"We need to talk," Buffy replied.

Faith backed away from the door, going back over to the sink where she was scrubbing at a shirt. "About what?"

"You know about what." Buffy crossed her arms in front of her chest. "We killed a man, Faith."

Faith tossed her head impatiently. "That's right. We did. You and me, B. We're in this together."

"I told Spike."

You could have heard a pin drop in the room. Faith stared at her, dark eyes flashing. "You did what?"

"I told Spike," Buffy repeated. "He knew something was wrong. He could smell the blood on me, and—"

"Shut up!" Faith said furiously. "You little snitch!"

Buffy frowned. "Spike said he'd help, Faith. He said—"

"Do you think I care what that undead do-gooder said?" Faith demanded. "I took care of it, Buffy. You don't need to worry about it."

"A man is dead, Faith." Buffy took a deep breath. "Look, I know how you're feeling. I feel it too. Scared, sick—like something twisted your insides, but—"

Faith smirked. "Yeah, that's how you feel. Not me."

"Don't you get it?" Buffy demanded. "You killed a man!"

"Don't you get it? I don't care!"

Buffy stared at her. "Faith, you don't mean that."

"Who says?" Faith asked. "Buffy, we're Slayers. We have the power. It's want, take, have. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and that's his problem, not mine."

Buffy didn't know how to respond to that. "Faith..."

"I took care of the body," Faith told her. "It's done, and it's not going to be found. So don't worry about it, B. Go back to your boytoy."

Buffy's face hardened. "You're out of line, Faith."

"Am I?" she asked. "You got him, didn't you? He's following you around like a lovesick puppy. It's really pathetic."

Buffy took a step back. "Where is this coming from, Faith? Last I heard, you didn't have any interest in the undead."

"Yeah, well, guess I'm a vampire slayer, not a vampire layer."

The words were calculated to hurt, and Faith hit her mark. Buffy didn't bother to reply to that barb, instead turning and stalking out of the hotel room.

She wasn't sure where to go. Her first inclination was to run to Giles, but she was afraid of his reaction. Spike had talked about going to Giles together, and that would be ideal, but now she wasn't so sure she wanted to rely so much on Spike's help.

Was Faith right? Was there something wrong with her? She was a Vampire Slayer, and here she had gone and fallen for another vampire. Scott Hope seemed to prove that she couldn't make it with a normal guy. So what was she supposed to do?

Buffy bit her lip, undecided. She could go home. Or she could go see Spike.

Or she could do something else altogether.

~~~~~

Willow looked up, surprised to see Buffy standing at the French doors. "Buffy? What are you doing here?"

"I had to talk to someone."

Willow sat up straight. "Okay. Is it bad?"

"Yeah. Kind of." Tears started leaking down her cheeks. "I don't—I don't know who else to talk to."

"Oh!" Willow exclaimed, quickly coming to put her arm around Buffy's shoulders. "What's wrong? Is it Spike? Is he being a poophead? Because if he is..." Willow trailed off. "I'll figure out something. I'm not up to turning people into frogs yet, but I'll bet I could manage something really nasty."

Buffy shook her head wordlessly. "No, Spike's great. He's perfect. It's just—" The whole story came pouring out, including her confrontation with Faith. "Is she right, Willow? Is there something wrong with me?"

Willow shook her head frantically. "No, Buffy! You're just special, that's all."

"But vampires, Willow," Buffy sniffled. "Why is it always a vampire? Why can't I be with a normal guy?"

Willow frowned. "Buffy, I think you're looking at this the wrong way. You're the Slayer, and you're special. So is Spike. It just makes sense that you two would be attracted to each other."

Buffy swiped a hand across her wet cheeks. "You really think so? You're not just saying that, are you?"

"Would I do that to you?" Willow asked. "Buffy, this thing between you and Spike has been building for a long time."

Buffy didn't look convinced. "Willow—"

"Trust me," Willow said firmly.

"Okay." There was a pause. "You really don't think there's something wrong with me?"

"Buffy, Spike's my friend," Willow said frankly. "I like him. If I didn't, I wouldn't be encouraging you."

She sighed. "What am I going to do, Willow?"

"Talk to Giles, Buffy," Willow urged. "Spike's right. He can help you, and maybe he can talk some sense into Faith."

Buffy wasn't so sure about that.

~~~~~

"Giles?" Buffy called as she entered the library. It was early evening, and she had thought to catch him here before she swung by Spike's place to head out on patrol. "Giles?"

"Ah, Miss Summers," Wesley said. "It's about time you showed up."

Buffy raised her eyebrows. "Excuse me?"

"We really must talk about your training," Wesley insisted. "You have been quite lax with Mr. Giles, but—"

Buffy glared at him. "Spike's training me. It's taken care of."

"I really don't believe that's a good idea." Wesley drew himself up to his full height. "As a vampire, Spike can hardly know how a Slayer ought to train. I trained for years for this position. I am well aware of the best hand to hand fighting techniques, and I—"

"You're a git, Wesley," Spike said from behind him. "Bugger off."

Wesley let out a very unmanly squeak, whirling. "You—you can't tell me what to do!"

Spike stared at him for a moment. "You're right."

"Of course I am."

"I'm undermining your authority."

Buffy knew Spike was planning something by his tone, which was way too agreeable for the vampire to be serious.

"I'm glad you recognize that," Wesley replied, unbending slightly.

Spike smirked. "Which is why I'm going to do you a favor, mate."

Wesley frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I'm going to make sure you survive long enough to pull that stick out of your arse," Spike said, his smirk widening into a grin.

The Watcher stared at him, his mouth opening and closing in a perfect imitation of a fish. "Why—why you!"

Spike ignored him, turning to look at a snickering Buffy. "You ready to go, luv?"

"Where is Giles?" Buffy asked, suddenly wanting to talk to her Watcher very badly.

"I took care of it."

"There's more."

"What's that?"

"What are you two talking about?" Wesley demanded, finally regaining his speech.

Buffy smiled impishly. "Oh, didn't we tell you?" she inquired innocently. "Spike got me pregnant."

~~~~~

They were both still howling with laughter when they arrived at Giles' apartment, so much so that he insisted on being let in on the joke. Giles frowned. "Buffy—"

"Giles, you should have seen the look on his face!" Buffy protested, sensing an upcoming lecture. She had needed the moment of levity amidst all the strife, but she'd also wanted to throw Wesley off track. He'd been too stunned by her words to even attempt to follow them.

Giles sighed. "That wasn't my point. My point was that if you're going to do something like that, you ought to make sure I'm there as well. I wish I hadn't missed it."

Buffy sobered. "There's more about the Faith thing, Giles." She told him about the other Slayer's lack of remorse, but didn't get into details about what exactly Faith had said to her.

"That doesn't bode well," Spike muttered.

Buffy shook her head. "I can't believe she meant it. Faith's probably just trying to cover."

"Or she's got a taste for killing now," Spike interjected. "Buffy, killing someone is a rush. Faith likes her adrenaline."

Giles held up a hand to stall the argument he knew was coming. "We don't know what's going on in Faith's head, therefore it's impossible to know what our reaction to her statement should be."

"What are we going to do, Giles?" Buffy asked.

He pulled off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. "I don't know. Normally, I would say that the Council ought to be contacted—"

"Giles!"

"—but not in this case," he continued, ignoring Buffy's exclamation. "Faith's mental state is precarious enough. I don't think the Council will demonstrate the necessary delicacy. If Faith is correct, and the body is not found, that gives us a little more time."

"And if the body turns up?" Buffy asked.

Giles' face suggested that the idea pained him. "Then we may have to call in the Council for reinforcements. I will make certain that it is taken care of. That much I can promise you, Buffy."

~~~~~

It was unfortunate for everyone that the body did turn up. Worse, it turned out to be the deputy mayor, and Wesley was all-too-insistent that Buffy and Faith investigate. "I don't think that's necessary, Wesley," Buffy said, hoping that the man would finally take a hint and go away. "I mean, this seems more like something for the police."

"Nevertheless, he's an important figure in this town," Wesley replied. "There might be something more insidious behind this."

Faith shrugged. "Sure. I don't have a problem investigating."

She gave Buffy a smug look, although that quickly disappeared when Giles cleared his throat. "Ah, Faith, I need to speak to you for a moment."

Wesley opened his mouth to protest, and Buffy bit back a groan even as she said, "Wesley, you said you wanted to talk about tests or something?"

The younger Watcher was immediately distracted. "Oh, yes, Buffy. Thank you for reminding me."

As he started to drone on about the importance of honing skills, and the necessity for establishing a baseline so as to more accurately track improvement, Buffy wondered how long she'd have to keep Wesley distracted. It was generally understood that if Wesley knew about the Slayers' role in the death of the deputy mayor, he'd get the Council involved.

That would not be good.

Of course, Faith didn't seem nearly as concerned about that. The other Slayer stalked out of Giles office, the door slamming into the wall with a bang that caused Wesley to jump. She turned to look at Buffy. "Stay out of my way."

Buffy watched her leave, turning to look at Giles. "What just happened?"

"She didn't react well to my questioning her reactions," Giles replied. "Other than that, I'm just as much in the dark as you."

"What is going on?" Wesley demanded. When Giles and Buffy just looked at each other, he scowled. "I really must insist! I am your Watcher, Buffy, and I—"

"The deputy mayor is dead because he jumped out in front of Faith the other night," Buffy said.

Wesley's expression changed from anger to befuddlement. "I don't understand."

Buffy mimed staking something. "Pointy wooden thing? Slayer's aim? You do the math."

Wesley sat. "I see. This is serious."

"Which was what I was trying to explain to Faith." Giles sighed. "She doesn't seem to understand."

Wesley quickly stood. "Well, our duty is clear in such cases. We must let the Council know. If Faith has gone rogue, it is most important that—"

"We don't unbalance her further," Giles said firmly. "I must ask that you listen to me in this case, Wesley. I know a little something about those who are on edge. It is important that we give her time to cool off. Otherwise, she may become even more lost."

Wesley appeared to consider that for a moment. "Yes, of course. If she does not come around, however—"

"Then you can call the Council," Giles replied. He shook his head. "Let's hope that it doesn't come to that, however."

Wesley didn't say anything in response, instead he watched as Giles went back into his office and Buffy left the library. He would have to wait to call the Council until later, but of one thing he was certain.

Faith could not be allowed to continue down this path.

Chapter 27

"Parting after parting,/Sore loss and gnawing pain:/Meeting grows half a sorrow/Because of parting again./When shall the day break/That these things shall not be?/When shall new earth be ours/Without a sea,/And time that is not time/But eternity?/To meet, worth living for;/Worth dying for, to meet;/To meet, worth parting for,/Bitter forgot in sweet:/To meet worth parting before,/Never to part more." ~Christina Rossetti, "Parting"

They weren't exactly speaking, but the job had to be done. Neither Buffy nor Faith were stupid. The deputy mayor had been in that alley for a reason, which was why they were in City Hall.

Funny how Spike's presence wasn't making it better.

The vampire had more experience breaking in, however, and he had a car for the getaway, so it only made sense that he would accompany them. It had been Spike who insisted on Faith's presence. In explaining his reasoning to Giles and Buffy, he had said, "Best to keep an eye on the girl right now."

Giles had been hesitant about breaking into City Hall, although he'd agreed that something was going on. He'd finally warned them to be careful and not to tell Wesley.

It was too bad that they had been forced to tell the young Watcher the truth about the deputy mayor's death in the first place. Buffy didn't trust him as far as she could throw him.

Since she could throw Wesley pretty far, maybe that analogy didn't work very well.

It probably would have been better if there had actually been evidence for them to sift through, since that would have given all of them something to do other than not talk to each other but the files were empty. Someone had apparently anticipated their search. Finally, Faith threw up her hands. "There's nothing here. This was a waste of time."

Buffy shook her head. "I agree. There's nothing here, but that's not normal. Spike?"

"Have to agree with you, pet." Spike looked around the office. "Somebody did a real thorough job of cleaning up."

Faith was starting to get it. "Too thorough?"

"Maybe." Spike allowed. He stopped, cocking his head. "Bloody hell." He motioned them to be quiet. A moment later, the Mayor's voice could be heard echoing down the hallway. All three of them recognized the voice of the vampire at his side.

They waited until the echoes had died away. "The Mayor is a Black Hat?" Faith asked quietly.

Buffy nodded. "Seems that way." A fleeting look of sadness crossed her face as she glanced around the office. "The deputy mayor was probably looking for us."

Faith shrugged. "Well, maybe he should have waited for a better time."

"Enough." Spike fixed her with a hard stare. "Wasn't his fault, Slayer."

Faith looked stung. "He came out of nowhere!" she hissed.

"I know, Faith," Buffy said, throwing Spike a warning look.

The other Slayer wouldn't meet their eyes. "Whatever. It's done."

After that, there was nothing further to say. After they had managed to make it out of City Hall, Faith insisted that she didn't need a ride, and she took off on her own. Spike and Buffy let her go, knowing that there wasn't much they could do to stop her.

"What are you going to tell the cops?" Spike asked as they pulled up in front of Buffy's house.

Buffy gave him a sharp glance. "What are you talking about?"

"Buffy, they've found the body. There are always witnesses. You need to figure out what you're going to tell the cops and then stick to it."

The seriousness of Spike's tone had Buffy pausing. "Do you have any ideas?"

"Tell them you were with me."

Buffy blinked. "Spike, what about Faith? If I say I was with you..."

"She doesn't seem to be real interested in anything but herself, luv," Spike replied. "My main concern is keeping you out of this."

Buffy was a little taken aback by the intensity of his gaze. He meant what he said. She was his focus. It was an overwhelming realization. For the first time, Buffy thought she understood what Spike meant when he said he was all in.

It made her wonder what she had to offer Spike.

~~~~~

The silence in the library was thick and heavy. "So what now?" Xander asked, the first to break the silence as usual.

Willow already knew what had happened, but Xander hadn't been told about Faith's involvement in the murder yet. Neither of them were aware that the police knew that there was a good possibility that either Buffy or Faith were involved in the deputy mayor's death.

They also needed to be informed that Faith was to be avoided for the time being, at least until they knew whether or not unpredictability was going to turn into danger.

Buffy slumped a little further in her chair. The interview with the detective earlier that day had not been fun. Even though her mom knew what had happened and had understood that accidents can happen, Joyce still wasn't happy about having the police at the house. Buffy wondered how Faith had handled her interview with the cops.

She wondered if Faith had even stuck around, or if she'd decided to let Buffy take the heat.

"We wait," Giles said quietly. "I believe that there is every possibility that Faith will come around on her own."

Xander shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Maybe I should talk to her." When everyone turned to stare at him, the tips of his ears turned pink. "We have a connection."

"Xander, you guys have talked maybe twice," Buffy said. "Why would you think—" She stopped abruptly. "Oh."

Giles frowned, realizing that he was missing something. "What?"

Willow, who had figured it out as soon as Xander had started fidgeting, looked down steadily at her hands. "Xander had sex with Faith."

"Oh." Giles paused and then decided to ignore that information. "I would suggest that you stay away from her, Xander. Faith is highly volatile right now. Her reaction is unpredictable."

He stood. "Meanwhile, I want you all to go about your business." As the others filed out, Giles glanced over at Buffy. "How are you?"

"Surviving," Buffy replied. "I have no idea what Faith told the cops. She could have said anything."

"What exactly did you say?" Giles asked.

Buffy gave a short little laugh. "I told him I was with my boyfriend, which was sort of true. Then he asked me for Spike's name and number."

Giles raised an eyebrow. "It will be interesting to see how Spike handles that."

~~~~~

Spike handled the police with the same aplomb with which he'd been handling cops for years. Dealing with the law was not a new thing for him, and he had everything he needed to prove who he was.

His papers—that he'd paid top dollar for a few years ago—identified him as William Brighton, a British national who lived off his free-lance writing. Spike knew it was a cover story that seemed plausible. From the outside, his lifestyle appeared very modest, and he didn't appear so old that his relationship with an eighteen-year-old girl would raise eyebrows too high.

The truth was always stranger than fiction.

From the hints that the cops had dropped, it appeared that while both Buffy and Faith were on their short-list of suspects, Faith was the one they were most concerned with. Buffy, after all, had an alibi, and a pretty good one. Faith's was a little flimsier.

Spike had been thinking about the situation all day, since he couldn't sleep, and he'd thought about a potential solution. Of course, it involved going behind both Watchers' backs and going to Faith, but he thought the end result might be worth it.

When Faith opened the door, her expression suggested that she was ready to stake him if she didn't like what he had to say. "You here to tell me how sorry I ought to be?"

Spike entered the room, brushing past her. "Would it do any good?"

"Look, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time," Faith retorted. "This is a war. You've got casualties in war."

Spike regarded her with a steady gaze that Faith couldn't hold. "You're right," he finally said. "There's always going to be collateral damage, but there's such a thing as remorse, Slayer."

"What good is that going to do me or him?"

"None for him, but you'd be surprised what it'll do for you." Spike shrugged. "That's your business. You feel what you feel. Nothing anyone says is going to change that."

She tossed her head, still defiant. "That's right."

"Came to tell you to get out of town," Spike continued. "The police are going to be looking at you pretty hard."

Faith sneered. "So you're ready to get rid of me, is that it?"

"Figured you'd want to be gone," Spike replied. "We both know you don't want to wind up in custody, Faith. And we both know they can't keep you if you don't want to be kept."

"Damn straight," Faith replied. Her eyes were still suspicious. "You want me to run so I take the heat off your precious Buffy, is that it?"

Spike stared at her. "I never made any secret of the fact that Buffy was my first priority," he shot back. "I did what I could for you, Faith. If you're going to be a bitch because I didn't sleep with you, that's your problem."

The silence that fell was not pleasant, and Spike knew that the Slayer was fighting the urge to strike back. "You really don't think that's going to work, do you?" Faith asked finally. "This won't last. It can't."

"Maybe," Spike allowed. "But it doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it?"

"Not to me." Spike shrugged. "Never been all that smart about who I love."

Their eyes met, and a glimmer of understanding hummed between them. If things had gone differently, that moment might have made all the difference in the world.

Too bad things didn't go differently.

~~~~~

Buffy was getting worried. Spike was supposed to meet her more than an hour ago, and he still hadn't shown up. They were going to patrol, and then had made a tentative agreement to go to the Bronze afterwards.

She wanted to have some fun with her boyfriend for a change.

It wasn't like Spike to be this late, and Buffy wasn't quite sure where she was supposed to find him. She had already tried calling his cell phone, but there was no answer, which just heightened her anxiety. Giles had finally retreated to his office to get away from her pacing.

"Buffy?"

She turned to see Wesley standing just inside the doors of the library. "What is it?"

He winced at her short tone, and Buffy noticed that his jaw was beginning to swell. "What happened?"

"I called the Council," he admitted in a low tone.

Buffy stiffened. "I thought—" She stopped, remembering who it was she was speaking to. "Never mind. Where is she?"

"She got away," Wesley replied. "I—she escaped."

Giles emerged from his office. "What are you talking about?"

Wesley nearly flinched at the ice in the other Watcher's tone. "I called the Council. They were going to take her back to England for rehabilitation, but she managed to escape."

"Great," Buffy muttered. "Where is Spike? We could split up and—"

"I know where Spike is."

It was Wesley's tone of voice that stopped her cold. "Did you hurt him?" she demanded. "Because if you did—"

"He's unhurt," Wesley hastened to assure her.

Buffy glared at him. "Where is he?"

"At Faith's hotel room," Wesley replied. "In order to apprehend Faith, we had to incapacitate him."

"Dammit!" Buffy swore. She needed to find Faith, and fast. Buffy knew that the other Slayer was probably feeling betrayed right about now, and for good reason. She didn't have time to make sure Spike was okay.

"Buffy." Giles even voice calmed her. "I'll find Spike, and we can start looking for Faith from there. Where do you think Faith will be?"

"The docks," Buffy said immediately. "She's talked about it before. I'll head there, and then you guys can—"

"We'll look," Giles promised.

"What about me?" Wesley asked. "I want to help."

Buffy glared at him as she walked out. "Do you still have your ticket back to the mother country?"

~~~~~

Mayor Wilkins was not a happy camper. Not only had there been two Slayers in the building, but that Spike character had been with them. They most certainly knew that he was up to something, and he'd wanted to keep them in the dark up until the Ascension.

There were still a few key things that had to happen, and if the Slayers got in his way, well, that would certainly be unfortunate.

"Not one, but two Slayers," the Mayor commented, rewinding the tape. "And a souled vampire. Do you know how unhappy this makes me, Mr. Trick?"

"We had a guard," Trick protested, knowing it was a weak excuse.

The Mayor held up a hand for silence. "This is my favorite part. This is where they see that I'm a thief, and probably a whole lot more." He leaned back in his chair. "What are we going to do about it?"

Trick frowned. "Well, they can't do much from a jail cell."

The Mayor waved his hand, dismissing that idea completely. "We don't have nearly enough evidence for that. No, I think you need to do something a little more permanent. And I want that vampire taken care of. He's worn out his welcome."

~~~~~

Spike had never been so humiliated in his unlife. In his line of work he couldn't afford to let anyone get the drop on him, and he'd let the Council wankers truss him up like a Christmas goose.

In his own defense, they'd hit him with a taser blast before he had even registered they were through the door. Still, it was humiliating.

It was worse not to be able to free himself.

"Spike!" Giles' voice came from somewhere above him just before a pair of feet appeared before his eyes. "Are you alright?"

"Do I bloody look alright?" Spike demanded. "Those sodding bastards—" Now that he had an audience, Spike let loose all the creative profanity he'd been thinking up over the last few hours.

Giles knelt down beside him. "Do you have a knife?"

"Not on me," Spike admitted sullenly.

Giles sighed. "Well, this might take a while then."

It took longer than either of them wanted. When Spike was finally free of the ropes and netting, he stood. "Where's Faith?"

"Buffy went after her," Giles replied. "The Council didn't manage to retain custody for long."

Spike sneered. "Of course they didn't. Bunch of idiots, that git Wesley in the fore. When I get my hands on him..."

Giles gave him a warning look. "Killing Wesley won't do any good."

"It'll make me feel better," Spike muttered, looking around the hotel room. "I wanted to help her, Rupert."

Giles grimaced. "You did the best you could, Spike."

"You do realize that this is going to send her over the edge, don't you?"

"It might not," Giles temporized. "Perhaps this will turn out."

"You don't believe that any more than I do," Spike replied.

"What were you doing here, Spike?"

"Trying to convince Faith to leave town," Spike admitted candidly. "Figured it might be best to get her out of here. She's jealous of Buffy, and as long as she feels like she's playing second fiddle, she won't be happy."

Giles frowned. "Do you really think it's wise to send Faith out on her own?"

"Not now," Spike replied. "I thought I was getting somewhere before the Council goons showed up. At this point, it's hard to say what the girl will do."

~~~~~

Faith had saved Buffy from getting eaten by Trick, although she wasn't quite sure she'd actually wanted to. It had been reflex more than anything else. After all, if Buffy died, it would leave Faith the Chosen One.

The way things were at the moment, Faith knew that she would always be in Buffy's shadow. They were all Buffy's friends, Buffy's mom, Buffy's Watcher.

Buffy's boyfriend.

Even though Faith didn't typically think much of guys in general, she knew Spike's type. She'd seen a few, but they generally didn't go for girls like her. They wanted somebody like Buffy.

Everybody wanted somebody like Buffy. Faith was the troublemaker, the rabble-rouser. Her kind wasn't wanted.

Except on the rare occasion when she was.

Faith figured that the Mayor might just be her shot at doing something that was only about her, where she was valued for her unique skill-set. She recognized in the Mayor the same values that she'd grown up with—want, take, have. That was the only way you could get ahead in this world. Do-gooders like Buffy and Spike would eventually get screwed over and probably killed. Faith was determined not to let that happen to her.

If the Mayor was the major player in town, Faith wanted to be on his team.

She figured it was only right. She'd killed a man, and you didn't go back from something like that. It was time she joined the side she'd always been meant for.

After all, Faith had always been bad.

~~~~~

"So is everything okay with Faith?" Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged. "The police haven't been calling. Spike said they probably didn't have enough evidence to make an arrest."

Willow tried to appear positive. "Well, that's good."

"You don't sound all that approving."

"I just don't think it would have hurt if Faith left town," Willow replied. "She killed somebody, Buffy. If you hadn't told Spike, I don't think she would have told anybody."

Buffy looked uncomfortable. "Well, maybe things will be better now. It's all out in the open."

"What about you and Spike?"

"What about us?" Buffy asked, frowning. They had taken their discussion outside to the school lawn, and Buffy was trying to get some crunches done. Wesley had pulled out his tests, probably trying to figure out how to make sure that one of his Slayers didn't kill somebody again. Buffy wanted to make sure she was just as good as Faith.

Competition was healthy. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.

"How's the dating thing?" Willow asked.

"What dating thing?" Buffy asked. "If it's not one thing, it's another. Spike is completely focused on the slaying, too. I mean, we patrol together, but I just want to spend time with him, without having to worry about a monster jumping out of the bushes." She saw the floating pencil doing a slow spin. "Hey, that's great!"

"It's all about the control," Willow said, grinning. "Why don't you go out tonight? There's nothing going on, right?"

Buffy huffed. "Mandatory dinner with Mom. After the thing with the police, she's insisting on lots of bonding time."

Willow frowned. "Ask her to ask Spike," she suggested. "She likes him, so it won't be that big of a deal."

Buffy flopped back on the grass. "I guess that's better than nothing. I thought dating Spike was going to be easier, since he knew about me being the Slayer. Instead, it's harder, because we're always doing Slayer things. I'm tired of having to mix business with pleasure. I want my pleasure unadulterated."

"I hear you," Willow agreed, thinking of Oz. If she didn't get regular Oz-time, she was one cranky witch. It was no wonder that Buffy wasn't a happy camper.

Buffy pushed herself up off the ground. "I'll see you later, Wills. I'm going to go do some laps in the pool."

Willow watched her go, turning her focus back on her pencil. Maybe she should go talk to Spike, let him know that he should try doing something special with Buffy. It couldn't hurt to give him a heads up.

Chapter 28

"The fire for light, a rancorous moon for bread,/the jasmine smearing around its bruised secrets:/then from a terrifying love, soft white hands/poured peace into my eyes and sun into my senses./O love, how quickly you built a sweet/firmness where the wounds had been!/You fought off the talons and claws, and now/we stand as a single life before the world...then there will be no you, no me, no light,/and yet beyond the earth, beyond its shadowy dark, the splendor of our love will be alive." ~Pablo Neruda "Sonnet XXIII"

Wesley Wyndam-Pryce was in over his head. He just didn't want to admit it.

When the Council had sent him to Sunnydale, it was with the understanding that whatever had gone wrong was solely the fault of Giles' unconventional methods. Travers had told him that Giles had sold out as a Watcher, that he was obviously too weak to deal with the challenges of handling a Slayer. The idea was that if Wesley did exactly what he was trained to do, everything would go according to plan.

Instead, Wesley had found himself in series of unpredictable situations—situations in which his Council training didn't seem to apply. Faith had killed a man, Buffy was dating a myth, and Wesley had discovered that Giles, for all of his unorthodox tactics, seemed to know what he was talking about.

The only bright spot was Miss Cordelia Chase, and he knew that a relationship with a student would not only be unwise but also rather unethical.

Still, a man could appreciate a beautiful girl who seemed to appreciate him in return.

The knock that came at his apartment door startled him. Wesley certainly hadn't been expecting anyone, and there wasn't anybody he was aware of who would visit. Without thinking about it, he called out, "Come in."

"You know, it's probably not a good idea to issue an invitation when you don't know who's at the door."

The voice sent chills down his spine, and Wesley quickly looked around for any means of escape as Spike sauntered inside. "Spike, I—"

"I imagine you've been expecting me," Spike said. "After all, a bloke doesn't forget who was responsible for trussing him up."

Wesley realized that his only viable avenue of exit was the front door, and he'd have to get around Spike for that. Besides, now that the vampire had an invitation to his apartment, he could enter any time he wished. "There's a perfectly reasonable explanation."

"Let's hear it," Spike said, sprawling on the second-hand couch Wesley had purchased.

Wesley was taken aback by the vampire's rather cordial invitation. "I, uh, you see—" He straightened his shoulders. "It was my duty to inform the Council of Faith's actions and her inability to take responsibility."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why was it your duty?" Spike raised an eyebrow. "You're out in the field now, Wes. What the Council doesn't know certainly won't hurt them. You and Rupert could have worked together to take care of the situation."

Wesley frowned. "Mr. Giles was relieved of his duties."

"Rupert acted in his Slayer's best interests. I thought that's what a Watcher was supposed to do." Spike watched as his words sank in to Wesley's thick skull. The poor git had been spoon-fed duty and responsibility for so long, he'd probably never made an independent decision.

In fact, Spike would bet his Mustang that Wesley had never been allowed to make an independent decision. That was probably why he'd been chosen to come to Sunnydale.

"A Watcher's duty is to his Slayer and the Council," Wesley said, sounding as though he was reciting by rote memory, which he was.

"And when those duties are in conflict?" Spike asked shrewdly.

Wesley shook himself, wondering if Spike was trying to put some kind of thrall over him. His duty was to the Council. There was always a reason behind their actions.

Always? The little voice inside his head questioned.

When Spike didn't get a reply, he simply nodded. "I told you, Wesley, I'm going to keep you alive so you've got a decent chance at learning to think for yourself. Not sure why I feel it's necessary. I've killed people for less than what you did to me."

Wesley tried not to give away the fact that he was quaking in his loafers. "You could try."

Spike chuckled. "Yeah, that's what I like about you, mate. You've got stones somewhere in there." He stood up, coming close to the other man. "Let me make this very clear, however. Buffy's my responsibility. You thought you were doing the best thing for Faith, but if you ever pull that sort of thing on Buffy, I'll kill you, and it won't be quick."

Wesley managed to hold himself upright until the front door closed behind Spike, and then he slid down the wall, resting his forehead on his knees. He had no doubt that Spike not only meant what he said, but also that he would make good on his threat.

There was no doubt about it. Wesley was in over his head.

~~~~~

Spike had made the trip by the Watcher's place on his way to have dinner with Joyce and Buffy. While he'd been pissed as hell about Wesley's betrayal, he'd given himself some time to calm down and had come to the decision that the idiot was merely doing what he knew how to do.

There was no sense in getting angry when a cat killed a mouse, just like there was no sense in getting angry when a rabbit froze in the headlights of your car. Of course, that didn't mean Wesley couldn't change his nature. Spike figured he'd give the Watcher a chance. After that, he'd kill him.

Well, he probably wouldn't kill him, but he'd make sure that Wesley learned his lesson.

It wasn't that he liked the man. Hardly. It was just that Spike remembered what it was like to not fit inside his own skin, or to fit in with anybody else. He could afford to feel some sympathy for him.

Dinner was pleasant, although Spike was getting the sense that Buffy wasn't very happy. He didn't know if it had to do with him, or if it was something else entirely. When she followed him out to the back porch for an after-dinner smoke, he asked her about it.

"I'm fine," she insisted. "You know, Wesley's just pulling out the tests. I didn't think you could get tested over all that stuff."

"You talked to Faith recently?" Spike asked.

Buffy shrugged. "I see her, we say hi. I don't know if you could actually say that we talk." She glanced over at him. "What about you? Have you talked to her?"

"No," Spike replied mildly, sensing the danger. "Don't have anything to say to her." Buffy nodded, but the faint light of discontent didn't go away. "You'd tell me if there was something wrong, wouldn't you?" Spike asked.

"What?" Buffy asked, glancing over at him. "Oh, sure."

Spike wasn't quite sure he bought that.

~~~~~

Willow shifted from foot to foot, wondering if this was a good idea. It was just that she knew that Buffy was probably going to try to get to the Bronze that night, and it would be a really good time for Spike to prove himself to be good boyfriend material.

Plus, she wasn't sure if she'd be able to catch him any other time. He was usually out patrolling at night, and there were always other people around when they were at the library.

The door opened soon after her first timid knock, however, and Spike greeted her cheerfully enough. "Red? What are you doing here?"

"I—I need to talk to you," she said, steeling herself.

He raised an eyebrow but waved her inside. "Can I help you with something?"

"Buffy's not happy," Willow blurted out, her carefully prepared speech flying right out of her head.

Spike frowned. "Yeah? What's up? Noticed that something was off when we had dinner last night, but she wouldn't tell me what's wrong."

"That's because it's you." At the expression on Spike's face, Willow quickly backpedaled. "Oh! I didn't mean she doesn't like you. It's just that you guys haven't done anything fun."

"Fun?" Spike ran a hand through his hair. "What do you mean?" He started wandering towards the kitchen. "Coffee?"

"No thanks," Willow replied. "You guys don't, you know, date."

Spike looked completely bewildered. "Don't think I understand."

Willow's eyes narrowed. "How long has it been since you've been on a date, Spike?" His silence was answer enough. "Have you ever been on a date?"

If vampires could blush, Spike certainly would have. "No," he mumbled. "Never got the bleeding chance."

Willow suddenly felt tremendously sorry for him. "Oh, well, you just need a few pointers then."

"Didn't know I was doing it wrong," Spike muttered. "You'd think Buffy would have said something."

"You're not doing it wrong!" Willow assured him. "Buffy's not unhappy with you. It's more circumstances, you know, because you guys don't have any time to do couple-y things." At Spike's blank look, Willow sighed. "Buffy's going to be at the Bronze tonight. Did she say anything about that?"

Spike frowned. "Yeah, I think she said something about going. I figured she would want me to patrol or something for her."

It was a sweet thought, but Willow knew that Buffy would probably appreciate dancing with her boyfriend a little more. "Why not skip patrol for the night?" she suggested gently.

Spike frowned. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Show up, hang out, maybe dance," she suggested. "Ask her if she wants something to drink. Just be there."

"And that'll make Buffy happy?" Spike asked, sounding none too sure of that.

Willow sighed. "Spike, you really need to learn to have some fun."

Spike gave her an exasperated look. "I know how to have fun."

"Fine, then learn how Buffy likes to have fun," Willow chided gently. "Trust me, it'll make her really happy if you show up at the Bronze tonight for something other than killing the bad guys."

Spike shrugged. "Fine. If it'll make her happy."

Willow grinned at him. "Sleep tight, Spike," she said as she left.

Spike waited until she was gone before saying, "Haven't slept in weeks, Red. Don't know why I'd want to start now."

~~~~~

Spike still wasn't quite sure what Buffy expected of him. He had told Buffy that he was all in, and that was the truth. When Spike said something like that, he meant it with his whole being.

He had been honest with Willow, however. Spike had never "dated" anybody. Even Anouk, who was probably the closest thing to a girlfriend he'd ever had—not including Drusilla—wasn't somebody he'd done much with besides have sex and the occasional conversation that wasn't work-related.

So trying to figure out what exactly one did with a human girlfriend, and a young one at that, was more than a bit challenging. While Willow's suggestion that he just show up and hang out appeared simple enough on the surface, Spike wasn't all that certain. If this was supposed to be a date, did he need to wear something special? Should he bring flowers? Were they past that stage, or had they not reached it yet?

What the bloody hell was he supposed to do other than keep her safe? It was a question he didn't have an answer to.

Still, he didn't doubt that the witch knew what she was talking about when she told him to show up at the Bronze. When he arrived around nine, it was with a feeling of nervousness that he hadn't experienced in decades, which was utterly ridiculous. After all, Spike knew Buffy. He had no reason to be nervous.

Spike saw Oz on the stage setting up with no small measure of relief. He wondered if the boy had any advice on this dating thing. Oz, at least, seemed to be keeping Willow a happy witch.

"Hey, Spike," Oz greeted him. "You looking for Buffy?"

Spike shrugged. "Your girl said I should show up tonight. Something about me not having enough fun."

Amusement flitted subtly through his eyes. "She should talk."

The vampire smiled. "Yeah. You seen the Slayer?"

Oz shook his head. "No, but she said she'd show. I doubt you'll have to wait too long."

There was a loud bang from the front, and both Oz and Spike looked up to see a gang of vampires strolling in. "Bloody hell," Spike muttered.

"This doesn't look good."

Spike's left hand twitched towards his jacket pocket where he'd stuck a stake. It was the only weapon he had, though, and there were at least ten vamps. "No, it doesn't," he agreed.

"Can you get out of here?" Oz asked. "Get Buffy?"

Spike frowned. "Not sure I should leave," he objected. There was no telling how much damage the vampires could do in his absence, and the idea of leaving Oz at their mercy galled him.

"With odds like that, it could get pointless," Oz murmured.

Spike was about to shake his head, deciding that he could do more good on his own than if he left to get Buffy, when Willow walked in.

Willow, who was only too obviously a vampire.

Willow, his friend.

There was steel in Oz's voice when he spoke. "Get Buffy."

~~~~~

Buffy had never really thought about what it would mean to lose one of her friends. She might be the Slayer, and therefore likely to die an early death, but that didn't apply to Xander or Willow. Of course, she knew that Jesse had been turned, knew that Xander had been forced to dust the thing that was left, but she hadn't known Jesse.

Not like she knew Willow.

The very idea that Willow wouldn't be around, that Buffy would never be able to talk to her again, that they'd never go for another mocha, it was like the world had stopped spinning.

The relief she felt when Willow came walking through the doors of the library was very nearly overwhelming.

Once the hugging had been taken care of, they all sat down. Willow was feeling much less rebellious at this point, knowing that there was a vampire-version of her out on the town. All day she'd been thinking up strategies for getting people to see her less as dependable-Willow and more as fun-Willow. Now she was thinking that dependable might be okay as long as she wasn't a vampire.

Although, maybe vampire-Willow was dependable—about killing people.

"I don't like the idea that there's a vampire out there who looks like me," Willow said.

Buffy shook her head emphatically. "Not looks like you, Will. Is you, right down to the last detail. Except for you not being a dominatrix." She paused. "Unless there's something we don't know."

Willow grimaced and rolled her eyes. "Oh, right. Oz and I play Mistress of Pain every night."

There was a long silence as that mental image hit them all at the same time. "Did anybody else just go to a scary place?" Xander asked.

"Oh, yeah," Buffy said, as Giles shook his head, trying to get rid of it.

Willow frowned. "I just don't understand why—oh!"

"What, oh?" Giles asked.

Willow winced. "Oh, uh, I think I know why the vampire's here. I did a bad thing."

Before she could explain that she'd delved into the black arts with Anya—and had apparently botched it—Spike came running into the library. "Buffy! We need you down at the Bronze. It's—" He stopped cold, staring at Willow, who gave him a timid wave. "Willow?"

"Hey."

For a moment, Willow really thought Spike was going to hug her, but then he was all business again. "There's a gang of vampires at the Bronze, and they're looking to do some damage." Spike frowned, still trying to process what his senses were telling him. There was Willow, alive and human. In pink. Breathing. "And one of them looks a lot like Red here."

Xander patted him on the shoulder. "I know. We saw her earlier."

Buffy made a face. "It wasn't fun." She looked at her friend. "You were saying?"

Willow sighed. She had really hoped she wouldn't have to explain. "That new girl Anya? She wanted me to help her with a spell. I think that's what brought vampire-me here."

Giles frowned. "Willow—"

"I know!" she quickly said. "Bad Willow. It's just that I wanted to do something, and—never mind."

Spike shook his head. "We don't have time for this. Those vamps meant business."

Buffy nodded. "Spike's right. We need to stop the feeding frenzy before we do anything else. How many were there?" she asked Spike.

"Eight or ten at the most," Spike replied. "Enough so that I didn't like the odds, especially—"

Buffy nodded, knowing what he wasn't saying. "Okay, let's go."

"Uh, guys?" Willow called, stopping them. "What are you going to do with her?"

Spike and Buffy exchanged looks. "I don't know, Will," the Slayer replied. "I think right now we just have to concentrate on stopping her."

Willow nodded. "Oh, right." They all turned towards the door again, and she called out after them, "You go on! I just have to get something."

The tranquilizer gun was behind the library counter. Willow thought that if they could knock her doppelganger out, she might have enough time to figure out how to send her back. It only seemed fair, since she was the one who had brought the vampire here in the first place.

She sighed. The day had started out so well, too. Spike had seemed receptive, if bewildered, after their talk. He'd obviously taken her advice and had shown up at the Bronze. Good thing, too. Otherwise, who knew when they would have known about vampire-Willow taking over.

But then Snyder had ordered her to do Percy's homework, and Percy had been a real jerk about it—not appreciative at all. And Xander and Buffy kept talking about how reliable she was, and Oz hadn't told her about his gig because he didn't think she would want to miss school. Willow knew she wasn't that boring.

Was she?

Anyway, after all of that, she'd been all too willing to help Anya with her spell, especially knowing that Giles would not approve. Just then, she'd wanted to do something to show everybody that there was more to her than Reliable Willow. That she too could be unpredictable. That she wouldn't let people walk all over her.

All she'd managed to do was to pull a vampire version of herself out of some weird alternate dimension. Yeah, that was real smooth.

Willow sighed as she reached over the counter, trying to get the tranquilizer gun. She couldn't quite reach it from that angle, and so she started going around.

She was going to have to put things right, she thought, just as a strong hand clamped down over her mouth, and a very familiar voice spoke.

"Alone at last."

Chapter 29

"If thou must love me, let it be for nought/Except for love's sake only. Do not say/'I love her for her smile—her look—her way/Of speaking gently,—for a trick of thought/That falls in well with mind, and certes brought/A sense of pleasant ease on such a day'—/For these things in themselves, Beloved, may/Be changed, or change for thee,—and love so wrought/ May by unwrought so. Neither love me for/Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,—/A creature might forget to weep, who bore/Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!/ But love me for love's sake, that evermore/Thou mayst love on, through love's eternity." ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "Sonnet 14"

They were still waiting for Willow outside the school. She'd said she would be right along, but Spike was beginning to think about going back in after her. "So what were you doing at the Bronze tonight?" Buffy asked him.

Spike glanced over at her, suddenly feeling the need for a cigarette. "Went to see you," he replied, lighting up.

Buffy took his arm, tugging him away from Giles and Xander. "You were going to see me?"

"Yeah," Spike replied, wondering if that wasn't a good enough reason for him to be at the Bronze. "Look, I, uh, know we haven't gotten to spend much time together lately, but—" He took a deep, unnecessary breath. "You have to tell me what I'm doing wrong."

Buffy stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I've—I've never dated anybody before," he admitted in a low voice. "I don't know how this is supposed to work."

"I don't—" Buffy stopped, realizing what exactly Spike was saying. "Nobody?" When he shrugged, obviously unwilling to go into further detail, she sighed. "Okay. Well, then, I guess we start with the basics."

"And those are?"

"Do you like movies?"

Spike shrugged. "Yeah, sure."

"Dancing?"

"I guess."

"Being with me?"

"You know I do."

"Those are the basics," Buffy said. "Anything else, we make up as we go along."

Spike eyed her. "Then what was Willow doing at my place this morning telling me you weren't very happy?"

"Willow did that?" Buffy asked, frowning. "We talked the other day, and I admitted that I wasn't happy, but that was because I wasn't getting to spend enough time with you." She took a step closer to him. "The time we have spent together in the last few weeks is all dealing with emergencies, and now with the Mayor on the bad guy list, I don't think that's going to get better anytime soon."

Spike's hand found hers. "You know you're important to me, right?"

"I think I've been getting that vibe," Buffy replied. "Same goes here. The last few months—I don't know what—"

"Hey, guys?" Willow's voice cut off the rest of Buffy's words. "I think maybe the plan has changed."

~~~~~

Wesley knew it was late, but his apartment felt too empty to stay there. Besides, there was always more research to be done, more history on the Hellmouth to peruse.

The scream came just as he reached the library doors, and there was a part of him that wanted to run the other direction. He squashed that part fairly quickly, however, dropping his briefcase and running towards the screams, rather than away from them.

He didn't have a stake, but he did have a cross and a vial of holy water, and those would have to do. There was no time to retrieve any other weapons.

The scream came again, and Wesley realized that it was coming from inside one of the girl's restrooms. He barreled through the door, managing to get himself between the vampire and Cordelia, holding the cross up in what he hoped was a threatening manner. "Back, creature of the night!" The vampire gave him a dirty look, and he summoned up the last dregs of courage. "Leave this place!"

"Don't wanna," the vampire—who looked startlingly like Willow—replied.

Wesley fumbled in his jacket pocket for the holy water and shoved it at her. The vampire sighed and turned. "Fine. Whatever."

He heaved a huge sigh of relief when he realized that she really was leaving. The relief was short-lived, however. The hand on his shoulder had him shrieking and spinning around, ready to face the next threat.

Which was apparently Cordelia.

"I'm sorry," Cordelia said apologetically.

Wesley shook his head. "No, it's fine, really. Men in battle. On edge, all of that." He wasn't sure that was very convincing, and so he quickly changed the subject. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Cordelia replied. "Thanks to you!"

It was the first time a woman had ever literally thrown her arms around him, but Wesley couldn't say that he minded. Her approval felt good. It was the first time somebody had been happy to have him around since he arrived in Sunnydale.

"Oh, uh, well, happy to be of service," Wesley managed to stutter out once Cordelia had pulled away. He frowned. "Was that—"

"Willow?" Cordelia finished for him. "Yeah. They must have gotten her." She looked him up and down, liking what she saw. She'd come to the school to try and find Wesley anyway. It looked like her night wasn't going to be completely pointless. "So, are you doing anything tonight?"

Wesley stared at her, wondering if perhaps he shouldn't be doing something about the vampire. Then, he realized that Buffy probably didn't want him interfering anyway. "No, I wasn't doing anything at all."

~~~~~

"You look good."

Willow glanced over at Spike, who had fallen into step next to her. They had parked a couple blocks away from the Bronze, not wanting the sound of the cars to give away their approach. "Don't lie." She tugged at the leather corset her evil double had been wearing.

"Wasn't lying," Spike said, smiling. "Won't say that look suits you, but you look good."

Willow was quiet for a moment. "Do you think Oz is okay?"

"Sure he is," Spike replied. "Boy's sharp, and not so big that he's going to present an easy target."

That got a smile out of Willow. "Yeah, I guess." She was surprised to feel a hand on her arm, and she turned to meet Spike's eyes. "What is it, Spike?"

"I'm glad you're alright," he finally said, unable to think of another way to say it. The idea that he would have had to stake Willow—well, it turned his stomach.

She smiled at him. "Me too."

They were outside the Bronze now, and Willow adjusted her top. "Okay, here we go."

"Play it safe, Will," Buffy told her. "If you get any idea at all that they've figured out what's going on, give the signal, and we'll be there."

"I promise I won't do anything that could be remotely interpreted as brave." Willow straightened her shoulders.

"What's the signal?" Xander asked.

"Me screaming," Willow replied, heading inside.

Giles and Xander headed around to the back of the Bronze, while Buffy and Spike stayed out front. The plan was for Willow to go in, impersonate her evil twin, and send as many vampires outside onto their waiting stakes as possible.

"I meant it, you know," Buffy said quietly, her eyes trained on the door.

Spike glanced over at her, keeping his voice just as low. "Meant what?"

"What I said earlier."

"I don't think you got to finish it."

"About not knowing what I'd do without you around," Buffy said softly. "I meant it."

"You'd have managed," Spike replied. "Maybe not all that well, but you'd have been okay."

Buffy watched as the door opened and a vampire came out, looking from left to right. Spike's hand shot out of the shadows and grabbed him, holding on tightly so Buffy could stake him. When the dust had settled, Buffy took up the conversation again. "Maybe, but I'm glad I didn't have to manage without you."

There was a long silence, and Spike said quietly. "I don't know how to do this, luv. Haven't felt like this in a very long time, and I'm not sure I like it."

Buffy thought she might understand what Spike was saying. It was hard to feel as though you had no idea what was coming next, or what your next move might be. With Angel, it hadn't really mattered. Rather, she hadn't given it much thought. Now Buffy knew that life had a tendency to throw curve balls at you, things you weren't prepared to deal with.

She understood, but she didn't know what to say. "I don't know what we're going to do any more than you do, Spike."

Spike's hand found hers and squeezed briefly. "Guess we probably ought to stick together then."

"I guess so."

They turned as one to face the next vampire that emerged from the building. It was always business before pleasure.

~~~~~

"What are we doing?"

The words were whispered into the darkness of a bedroom, and they held a note of anxiety that Giles didn't like to hear, even though he understood. He had no idea what they were doing himself. "I think we're enjoying one another's company."

Joyce blinked at the sudden light from the lamp he switched on. "Do you think we should tell Buffy?"

They had been meeting at least a few times every week, sometimes at Joyce's house, but more often at Giles'. One memorable tryst had been held in the back room of the gallery after hours. He made her feel young and irresponsible again. He made her feel like a woman, instead of just Buffy's mom.

She didn't want to give this up, but she wasn't sure she should try to hang onto it either.

"Do you want to tell Buffy?" Giles asked, suddenly terribly afraid that Joyce was going to break things off. They hadn't spoken of their feelings for one another. Giles knew that he was very fond of Joyce, and he thought she might care for him. On the other hand, he knew that Joyce took her role as Buffy's mother as seriously as he took his role as Watcher.

Joyce sighed. "Honestly? No, I don't, mostly because I'm afraid of what it'll do to your relationship with her."

Giles blinked. "What about your relationship?"

"I'm her mother, Rupert," Joyce reminded him. "We will always have a relationship. I imagine she'll get over my betrayal fairly quickly."

"Do you really think she'll see it as a betrayal?" Giles asked in surprise. He didn't think Buffy would be thrilled, exactly, but that was a rather harsh way of putting things.

Joyce just smiled. "It would be a reminder that you and I are people. That's never something a child is happy to discover."

He hadn't thought of it that way. "I suppose you're right. So what do you want to do?" Giles swallowed hard. "Do you—do you want to end this?"

"Are you kidding?" Joyce asked incredulously. "I've felt more alive these last few months than I have in years. I'm not giving it up. It might be selfish, but so be it."

Giles laughed softly in relief. "That's quite reassuring, since I feel much the same way."

"I really do care for you."

"I was just thinking the same thing myself," Giles responded, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. "So we're not going to tell Buffy?"

"I was thinking about waiting until she goes off to college," Joyce replied with a smile.

Giles returned it. "That sounds like a plan."

~~~~~

Oz had been completely unwilling to leave her side, although Willow really didn't mind. Her parents were out of town, so it wasn't like she had to worry about getting caught with a boy in her room.

She lay with her head on his chest, listening to the slow, steady thumping of his heart. She'd been so glad to see him in the Bronze, knowing that he was in one piece and safe. Willow wondered if his heart had threatened to burst out of his chest as hers had, wondering when the vampires would catch on that she wasn't who she said she was.

"You were really brave tonight."

His words echoed strangely through his chest and in her head. "Not really."

"Trust me on this."

"Okay." Willow would trust Oz with anything. "I was really scared knowing you were in there."

"I don't know what I would have done if that had really been you."

Willow clutched him tightly. "Do you really think I have that in me, Oz?"

"Have what in you?" he asked, not quite understanding.

"Being—that." Willow didn't know how to put it. "You know, being evil."

"You?" he asked. Oz actually looked incredulous. "Are you kidding me?"

Willow made a face. "It's just—she was me."

Oz was silent for a minute. "Willow, that wasn't you. I don't know anyone less evil."

"Thanks." Willow put her head back down, listening to the steady beat of Oz's heart. "Thanks for staying tonight."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

~~~~~

Buffy watched as Spike shot up from his kitchen table. Giles had insisted on meeting them both here, away from the library and any prying eyes or ears. It was yet another evening where they were supposed to be out together, trying to get a handle on this dating thing, and now this.

"I won't," Spike said flatly.

Giles frowned. "Spike, I realize that this is difficult for you, but—"

"I told you that I bloody well won't do it!" Spike was nearly shouting, and Buffy didn't think she'd ever seen him this worked up. "We'll find another way to get the information."

"Giles, if Faith tries to take Spike's soul, we'll know she's working for the Mayor," Buffy pointed out, wanting to give the vampire a chance to calm down. "Like he says, we can find another way to get the rest of it."

Giles stood. "This might be our best chance," he argued. Turning to the vampire, he said, "I'm sure you've done things like this in the past. I don't see why—"

"Because I'm not doing it," Spike said roughly. "You asked, and I'm answering. No."

"Giles," Buffy said, shaking her head when it looked like her Watcher was going to try and argue some more. "Maybe you should go."

Giles didn't want to leave, not before he had Spike's agreement, but he also knew that there was no way that they could force Spike to do something like this against his will. He had to be willing, or there was nothing they could do.

"Fine. I'll see you both tomorrow sometime." He walked out, the front door closing behind him just loudly enough to make his displeasure obvious.

Buffy was silent, watching Spike as he paced around the small space. "What's going on, Spike?"

"Nothing."

It was almost a growl, and Buffy knew that he was on edge and angry. She stood, and Spike stopped pacing. "Look, I—"

"You should go," he said. "I'm not going to be good company tonight, Buffy. We'll try this again some other time."

"No."

It was a single word, and it rocked Spike back on his heels. "What?"

"No. I'm not leaving. I came over here to spend time with you, and that's what I'm going to do. If it means watching you pace, then I'll watch you pace."

Spike glared at her. "Buffy—"

"Tell me why you just about took Giles' head off for suggesting you play-act losing your soul with Faith," Buffy said. "Tell me that, and I'll go home, if that's what you really want."

Spike shook his head. "No, Buffy, I—"

Buffy moved closer, touching his cheek with her hand. "Please, Spike. What's wrong?"

"I can't." His eyes begged her to understand. "I just can't. Do you know how long I worked to be sure I wouldn't release that monster again? I wouldn't even know how to act, not without—"

He broke off, and Buffy suddenly got it. Spike didn't know how to pretend to be the monster without losing everything he'd worked for, without losing himself.

"Okay," Buffy said quietly. "Was that really so hard?"

Spike pulled back, busying himself with the tea kettle. "You aren't angry?"

"Why would I be?"

"You wanted me to do this," he replied. "And I couldn't."

Buffy sighed. "There might come a time when you ask me to do something, and I won't be able to," she pointed out. "It's hardly fair for me to hold that against you."

Spike stilled. "I never wanted you to have to see that side of me, luv."

"You think I haven't?" Buffy asked quietly. "I'm not stupid, Spike. I know that you killed those guys that were hunting Faith and me. I know that there have probably been others you've killed because of the demon."

"Because of the man," Spike disagreed. "I knew what I was doing, Buffy. I made a choice, and—"

"You killed them." Buffy raised her eyebrows. "I also know that you'd do it again in a heartbeat if you thought I was in danger."

"Sooner, actually," Spike replied.

"So I've seen it," Buffy continued. "But if you don't want to do this, then you don't want to do this. I get that."

He laughed. "Didn't think you would take it this well."

Buffy was quiet. "I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, Spike. I kept thinking that maybe, once this year was over, I could get out of Sunnydale, go to college, do a normal life."

"You could," Spike said. "You—"

"I'm the Slayer," Buffy interrupted him. "There's always going to be something. A new apocalypse, a new bad guy. The only thing that makes staying here truly bearable is the idea that you might be around."

"You know I will be."

"Even after the big end of the world thing?"

"Like you said, luv, there's always something," Spike pointed out.

She smiled at him. "So I figured that I had to be okay with you being who you are, or I had to decide that I wasn't."

Spike stared at her. "What did you decide?"

"Duh," Buffy said. "That I wanted you around." She moved to stand close to him again, her hand coming to rest where his heart would have been beating. "We've both got a job to do, but that doesn't mean we aren't human. Or people." Buffy made a face. "You know what I mean."

"Think I do."

"It doesn't mean that there are things that we won't want to do, but we have to do. And sometimes there'll be things that we don't want to do, and then we'll figure out a way around it." Her eyes held a challenge. "We're both really good at that."

"Yes, we are." Spike looked like he wanted to say something, but changed his mind, bending his head to kiss her. It soon grew more heated than any of their past embraces. "Buffy..."

She shook her head. "Don't. I just want to be close to you."

"You should get home. Your mom—"

"Won't notice," Buffy replied. "I told her I'd be out late and not to wait up. If she gets worried, she can call me here."

"And then come after me," Spike said wryly. "You sure about this?"

"I'm sure." She pulled his head down again. "Really, really sure."

After all, Spike was the guy she was in love with.

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