Chapter 10:

"Hey Spike." Buffy smiled nervously at him as he strode into the kitchen. "I made you some breakfast."

"I have to be at the office." He muttered, grabbing his jacket and quickly exiting again.

"Spike.." She hurried after him, but the next thing she heard was the screech of tyres as he made another hasty exit. Defeated, Buffy sunk down on the floor and started bashing her back against the wall.

"Buffy?" There was knocking at the door and Buffy reluctantly crawled towards it to open it. She peered up at her visitor, Anya, who barged inside, stepping over Buffy without caution. She frowned down at Buffy and announced, "I need to borrow your Choo's."

Buffy whimpered and started crawling towards the stairs. Anya followed, and asked curiously, "Is everything okay?"

"Spike hates me." Buffy said softly as Anya helped her up.

They sat down on the stairs together and Anya put her arm around Buffy. "What happened?"

"I.. okay, promise you won't go insane-sex-fiend-Anya on me."

"I promise."

Buffy gulped and admitted reluctantly, "I slept with him. Well, okay, there wasn't much sleeping to be done, but you know what I mean."

She glanced at Anya, who's lips were pursed tightly shut and her cheeks were pink. Buffy sighed and said wearily, "Go ahead."

"What was it like? Was he amazing? How big was he? Were there many orgasms?"

"It was amazing. He was.." Buffy blushed and hung her head. "Okay, he was very big. And there were many orgasms. But that's all beside the point."

"How is it beside the point?" Anya asked incredulously.

"The point is what happened after the amazing orgasmic sex." Buffy snapped. "I told him it was just amazing orgasmic sex. And he got all sulky with me."

"Why? He was a part of the amazing org-"

"He loves me." Buffy cut in, wishing she had other people to talk this over with who weren't so blunt about everything. "He's in love with me, and at first I didn't believe him, and I went ahead with the whole sleeping-with-him-but-not-wanting-anything-more because I figured it was the same for him.. but it wasn't."

"So.. let me get this straight." Anya began thoughtfully. "You have a man who's amazing in bed. He's a famous photographer and gives you free Choo's. He buys you a car. He's incredibly handsome, clever, kind and in general, lovely, and this adds up to you not wanting anything more?"

Buffy put her head in her hands and started to cry, loud, anguished sobs escaping her.

"Oh, honey." Anya wrapped her arms around Buffy and hugged her. "It'll be okay."

"It won't be." Buffy whimpered. "I fucked this up so bad. He won't speak to me.. he keeps his door locked.. and whenever he does look at me he looks at me like I'm shit."

"Why don't you go upstairs, get me your Choo's, and then rest for the day?" Anya suggested soothingly.

"Okay." Buffy agreed in a tiny voice and allowed her friend to lead her upstairs. "But be careful with my Choo's."

"I will be." Anya promised, silently seething. I'll be less so with your stupid boyfriend.

*

"Miss, I really can't let you in here." Andrew begged, tugging at Anya's hand as the furious blonde tore into the studio.

"Where is he?" She demanded, glaring around at the people spotted around. "Where is that piece of scum?"

"Spike is not a piece of scum!" Andrew cried angrily.

"Oh, yes he is!" Anya insisted.

"Spike's in the wardrobe." Xander announced, stepping towards Anya and Andrew. "What's going on?"

"Take me to the wardrobe." Anya snapped, taking the dark-haired man by the scruff of his neck. "Now!"

"Yes ma'am." Xander whimpered and led her out of the studio.

Anya stormed into the wardrobe and caught sight of Spike standing with a model over near a rack of dresses. She reached him with a few strides and pushed the girl he was talking to aside, and then slapped him. Spike shouted out in shock and backed away from her. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm Anya. Buffy's friend. You know, the girl whose heart you're breaking?"

"Out." Spike ordered the model and she scurried out quickly. "Xander, Andrew, you too."

"Yes sir." They replied meekly and edged out the door, but remained out in the corridor where they could still hear everything.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Spike insisted.

"Buffy's at home crying, saying that you look at her like she's shit."

Taken aback, Spike glared at her and snapped, "I would never. She's the one who treats me like that."

"That's rubbish!"

"It is not! I'm in love with her, and she bloody well took advantage of that!"

A horrified cry of, "That bitch!", came from outside and Spike yelled, "Oh, bugger off, Andrew!"

Then he dropped to the floor and put his head in his hands. "I love her. I really do. She's the one who.. Jesus, I don't know. All she does is play with me."

"You mean.." Anya stared at him, confused. "I'm sorry, Spike. I just thought you-"

"Said it to get her into bed." He finished dismally.

"Well, yes." Anya sat down beside him and put her arm around him. "You're the second weepy person I've comforted today. I'm really very sorry, Spike. I'm sure she'll come around."

*

The gate intercom blared over and over again, emitting the same sharp pitched buzz as Buffy stumbled over to the speaker. She pressed the button and yelled, "What? Who ish id?"

"It's.. it's Riley. Are you alright?"

"Yesh." She sighed as the bottle of wine dropped to the floor, the red alcohol seeping out onto the white rug. "Goddamit."

"Buffy, come talk to me."

"Okay. Geesh. Don't get your knickersh in a twisht." She pressed the button to open the gates and stumbed outside, watching through blurred eyes as Riley came up the driveway.

"You're drunk." He observed worriedly, putting his arm around her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Buffy smiled up at him. "Ricky.. um.. Ronald.."

"Riley." He corrected her as he lugged the drunken blonde upstairs.

"I've mished you." Buffy slurred as he put her down on her bed. "I've mished you lotsh and lotsh."

"I'm suprised you're still here." Riley said gently as he took her shoes off and rubbed the soles of her feet comfortingly. "After Spike did what he did, I figured you'd be mad and leave."

"Turns out I didn't mish you much at firsht." Buffy giggled stupidly. "He gave me a car. Ishn't that funny? He tried to buy me."

"Well, you're a little smarter than that." Riley smiled down at her. "I should call him, though, and let him know. Then he can come and look after you. It's probably best I leave."

"If you call Shpike he'll come and bash you up." Buffy regarded Riley somberly. "We don't want that."

"No, we don't." He chuckled and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "You're adorable, you know that?"

"He shaid that to me once." Buffy flopped down against the pillow. "I think it was when I firsht moved in.. or was id when we had sex?"

"You had sex with him?" Riley stared at her in horror. "With Spike?"

"Are you jealoush?" Buffy teased giddily, poking Riley's arm. "You are! You're jealoush!"

A sad look came over Riley's face and he said quietly, "I really liked you, Buffy, so yeah."

"Lemme make it better." Buffy slurred and pulled Riley into her arms, kissing him passionately. "Let'sh make it all go away."

*
 

Chapter 11:

"Now, you go and tell her that there will be no more nonsense and that you're madly in love with her. And if she gets all iffy, give her the dress." Anya smiled and handed him the box containing the dress she'd chosen out for Buffy. "And let her know I'm the same size as her and willing to borrow it at any time."

She nudged Spike and he walked over to Buffy's bedroom door, glancing back at Anya nervously. She mouthed, "Go!", and he opened the door.

And then his world fell apart.

Again, and again, and again as he stared at Buffy and Riley, curled up together on the bed, kissing. Tears filled his eyes and Spike hissed, glaring at them, "Get out. Get out of my house, now."

Buffy wrenched away from Riley and stared at Spike in horror. Riley jumped out of the bed and escaped into the bathroom to get dressed.

"Get out, Buffy." He insisted, ice-cold towards her as she rushed to him.

"Spike.. I'm sorry." She stared up at him pleadingly. "God, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Just the get the fuck out of my house!" Spike snarled, glaring at Riley as he emerged from the bathroom. "You.. I told you if you touched her.."

Riley simply stepped past Spike and walked away, without looking back at Buffy once. But she didn't notice, she was too busy trailing after Spike as he stormed off into his room. "Please. We have to talk about this, alright? Stop walking away from me and just listen!"

"You want me to stop walking away from you? You're the stupid bitch who decided to use me without a thought as to how I felt or what we had between us!"

"Will you stop being such a baby about it? Spike, it did mean something to me." Buffy took his arm and stroked it affectionately, trying desperately to calm him. "When I said that stuff, I was just freaking out about it. Okay, baby?"

"So.. it meant something to you." He said slowly, narrowing his eyes at her. "God, you must really love me, Buffy. What a wonderful gesture, by the way - sleeping with Riley!"

"Okay." She sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled him down to sit beside her. "What I did was awful. I feel disgusting. I really hate myself for it.. and.. and.."

She started to choke up, a huge lump rising in her throat, tears burning her eyes. "It was awful. But Spike.. I was drunk. And that's because I was miserable, and lonely, and completely drowning in how I felt for you. Just please forgive me. I never, ever wanted to hurt you."

He stood up and glared down at her, insisting angrily, "Well, you did. So just get the hell out of my house."

"I work here." Buffy said in a tiny voice.

"Yeah, well, then you're fired."

Anger flared up in her and Buffy retorted, "You can't fire me. You don't employ me, your uncle does."

"Then I'll leave."

"Don't be stupid." She sneered, glowering at him. "You're overreacting, Spike. I sleep with someone and it doesn't mean anything and you still freak out! I try to tell you I do have feelings for you-"

"Well congratu-fucking-lations, Buffy. I'm so glad you grew enough of a heart to find the slightest shred of affection you might happen to dedicate to me momentarily."

"I said I'm sorry! Would you like me to turn back time and take Riley's penis out of me!"

"Now who's the vulgar one?"

"Shut up, Spike, I-"

"Okay, I'm going to leave." Anya announced uneasily, peeking her head in briefly. "Spike.. it was nice seeing you. Buffy.. you too. I'll call-"

Spike pushed her out of the doorway, and hissed, "Just bugger off, alright?"

"Don't talk to her like that! And don't shove her!" Buffy threatened in a scream, glowering at him loathingly. "You wonder why I slept with Riley and not you? He's a nice guy!"

"Right, I'm an evil bastard. I'm just the insensitive, worthless, pathetic, sleazy housemate you have to put up with." Spike swallowed hard, and continued, shaking on the inside and out as he choked out the words. "You have no idea about me and what I've had to go through, so don't you dare judge me. You.. you're just.. I can't believe I feel the way I do for you, Buffy. You treat me like shit, but then again.. I should be used to it, by now."

Tears started to trickle down his face and Spike quickly turned and escaped into the bathroom.

Buffy listened as he started to cry and tiptoed into the bathroom after him. Spike was sitting on the floor, curled up into a ball, crying to himself. She sunk down beside him and wrapped her arms around him, pressing a soft kiss to the nape of his neck. Her own tears slid down her cheeks and soaked his skin as she pressed another kiss, to his back this time, and whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's not all you." Spike admitted softly.

Buffy tousled his hair affectionately as he turned to face her and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean.." He paused and then shook his head. "Nothing, luv. It doesn't matter."

"Tell me." She caressed his face gently, offering him a small smile. "You can't be this upset over just me and Riley."

"It just brought back bad memories." He whispered, staring off into space, tears still running down his face.

"What bad memories?" Buffy kissed him on the cheek and hugged him tighter. "Tell me, I'll make it better."

"You can't." Another sob escaping him, Spike mumbled dismally, "You can't bring her back."

"Your.. mom?" Buffy guessed, peppering kisses over his face soothingly.

"Her, yeah. Dru, too." His tears fell harder, and he buried himself in Buffy's arms.

"Who's Dru?" She asked, envy flickering inside her for a moment.

"Nobody." He lied, swallowing back on more tears. "She.. she was noone."

"Tell me, baby." Buffy helped him up and led him back into the bedroom. "Do you want to lie down for a minute?"

He nodded and they flopped down on the bed together. Buffy straddled him for a moment, and reached down to brush his tears away. Then she wrapped her arms around him and caressed him gently, soothing them both into a deep sleep.

*

Buffy woke alone. The space beside her was still warm, and she stretched out, waking herself up. She stumbled downstairs and went into the kitchen - Spike was sitting at the counter, pale-faced and tight-lipped, sipping at coffee. Buffy pulled up a stool and sat beside him, wrapping her arm around him. "Are you okay?"

"She was my fiancee. A year ago, now." Spike didn't look at her as he spoke, he didn't even seem to register that she was there at all. The words just fell from him, emptily spoken, his voice baron of emotion. "I met her through work, she was a model, and absolutely beautiful. We fell in love and got engaged after a few months.. she was a virgin and didn't want to do anything until after we were married, and I was fine with that."

"What happened?" Buffy prompted him after a lengthy silence had fallen. Spike glanced at her, appearing suprised to see her there. He shook it off and continued, resting his chin in the cradle of his hands,

"But she got drunk one night and it just happened.. with someone else. She got pregnant and everything just fell apart." His eyes filled with tears again and he whimpered, "I don't know, she just couldn't take it. She hated me all of a sudden and didn't want anything to do with me. I wanted the baby, so badly.. but.. Dru.. she.."

"What?" Buffy brushed a lock of hair from his face and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "Tell me. Please."

"She got rid of it. You know, herself, in a horrible, awful way. We weren't speaking at the time and I only came to see her days after she'd done it. She'd bled to death."

Buffy instantly felt sick and pulled away from him, ready to throw up at the thought of it. She swallowed back on it and put her hands on Spike's shoulders gently, turning him to face her. "I'm so sorry, Spike. God.. that must have been awful."

She started crying, and rested her head on his shoulder, still kissing him in places soothingly, tasting her salty tears as they stained his skin. She gazed up at him and murmered, "It must have killed you."

She paused and suddenly something occured to her. She stared at Spike and cried sadly, "It's what he meant, wasn't it? Giles.. your uncle.. when he said to take care of you.."

"Yeah." Spike smiled sadistically. "I guess so."

"Tell me what I can do for you." Buffy whispered pleadingly. "Just tell me, baby. Whatever it is.. I'll do it."

"Leave." Spike stared at her, his bright blue eyes, still shining with tears, begged with her, and he continued, "I just need to be on my own now. I know what happened with Riley was a mistake you made, and I do forgive you. And I forgive you for everything else as well, Buffy. I don't know how to explain it to you, but I just need to be on my own."

She couldn't speak for a minute or two. It was as though her heart had burst into flame and had scorched her throat completely dry, registering her speechless. But finally, she gulped and murmered, "Okay. A promise is a promise, after all. I'll leave."

She kissed him one last time and went to pack.

*
 

Chapter 12:

"That's the last of them. All packed away and ready to go." Buffy said softly as she slammed the car door shut, sinking down in the driver's seat. Staring up at Spike forlornly, she asked gently, "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yeah." He stepped back from the car but Buffy grabbed his hand and kept him close.

"I'm gonna be at my mom's.. I left you the number if you need anything." She leaned up and slid her arms around his neck. "I really don't wanna go."

"I know, luv." He stared at her through his tears and wondered what the hell he was doing for a moment. But he could only look at her in two ways now - as the girl who he loved, or the girl who broke his heart. They really went hand in hand, and he couldn't have the one without the other. Biting back on his misery, Spike pressed a tiny kiss to her forehead. "But I just need this right now."

"I know." She hugged him a little tighter and whispered, "Just tell me why you forgave me. I don't deserve it."

"I don't want you leaving if there's any hurting between us. It still hurts me.. what you did.. but I know you didn't mean to hurt me, kitten."

"I didn't." Buffy agreed softly, nuzzling his neck. She paused as she felt his tears soak down into her hair and gazed up at him. "Why'd you tell me all those secrets? I mean.. they just seem really personal and I've always been so awful to you."

"I needed to tell someone. And I trust you, Buffy." More tears falling from him, he stammered, "I love you."

"Then don't make me go." Buffy whispered, brushing her lips against his. "We'll be happier if I stay."

Pulling away from her and shaking his head, Spike said firmly, "N-no. I really need to be alone. And.. you don't. You don't love me."

She slid down into the seat again, defeated, and started the car reluctantly. She stared at him tearfully and whispered, "I do love you, Spike. I really, really do."

For some reason, hearing her say that hurt him. And then the words fell out of him, stupidly and carelessly. "No, you don't. But thanks for saying it."

Buffy yanked her hand away from his as though he'd burnt her. She stared at the leather steering wheel, blinking back tears, and mumbled, "I should go."

"Call me when you get there." He murmered, backing away from the car.

Buffy pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street. As soon as she was far away from his house, she brought the car to a halt and collapsed against the steering wheel to cry.

*

Spike woke with a groan, rolling over to grab the phone that was blaring in his ear. He grabbed at it and tumbled off the bed, bringing the phone along with him. Grumbling loudly, he answered, "What is it?"

"It's me." Buffy replied in a hushed voice.

Spike climbed back into bed and stretched, wriggling around, trying to wake himself up. "You only just get there, luv?"

"No.. I forgot to call at first, stuff was going on."

"Settling in?"

"Not so much." Sadness cracked in her voice and Buffy whimpered, "Me and my mom had a big fight. I told her about what happened with us and she got really mad at me. But.. who wouldn't? I mean, what I did to you was a-awful.. and.. I.."

She broke down and started sobbing into the phone, muffling the noise with a pillow. Spike sighed and whispered, "Don't start crying, luv. Please don't."

His arms ached to be holding her and tears of frustration gathered in his eyes as Buffy continued to wail into the phone. "Kitten, please, stop crying. You have no idea how sad it makes me to hear you like that."

"I'm sorry. But she was so angry with me. And I don't wanna be here.. I wanna be home with you." Buffy sunk down against her pillows and whispered, "I miss you, Spike."

Her words tore him apart and Spike replied, tripping on his words as tears spilled down his face, "I miss you too, kitten."

"I didn't think it'd be this hard." She heard him groan and frowned, asking worriedly, "Are you okay?"

"I have a headache, that's all."

"If I were home with you I could be helping you feel better." Buffy sighed and pleaded, "Maybe you want me to come home?"

There was a long silence and then he said softly, "Yeah."

"I'll pack." Buffy grinned and jumped out of bed when Spike interrupted,

"Not yet, though. Let's give it some time. I think we both need a bit of that."

"You're no fun." Buffy said huffily, though she was smiling. "Can I at least call you sometimes?"

"Anytime you like, sweetheart."

A smile curved over her lips and Buffy wondered aloud, "Anytime.. to ask anything?"

"Absolutely, luv." He stifled a yawn and laid back, half asleep within seconds, but again interrupted by Buffy.

"Spike.."

"Yes, kitten?"

"I have a question."

"What's that, pet?"

"What are you wearing?"

Spike chuckled and scolded, "Oh, we're not gonna play that game, luv."

"Why not?" Her voice was coated with sugary-sweet innocence.

"Because we broke up." He reminded her gently.

"You realize the moment I get back to LA I'll be all over you. I know you need time, but when you decide that time is up, and that you're days of acting like a baby are over, I'm not gonna let you go ever again." Buffy promised, glowing with the thought of having him in her arms again. "Now, stop being a baby for now, and tell me what you're wearing."

"Tell me what you're wearing." He challenged, smirking as he waited for Buffy to reply.

"If you were here I wouldn't be wearing anything." Buffy teased, all her tears and sad thoughts gone, replaced by a warm, fuzziness that swept over her every time he spoke. "Spike.."

"Yeah."

"Can I call you again tomorrow night?"

"You're hanging up now? You woke me at bloody midnight to have a ten minute chat with you either being weepy or a nympho?"

"Shutup!" Buffy cried, giggling. "I'm not hanging up yet.. I just want to be able to call you again."

"That sounds great, sweetheart."

They talked until the sun rose, speckling light over both of them as they fell asleep together, perhaps not side by side.. but in other ways, they were as one as they rested.

*

 

Chapter 13:

"Morning." Buffy smiled cheerily at her mother as she strutted into the kitchen. She'd woken only half an hour ago, the phone still pressed to her ear, the whistling of Spike's breath echoing in her ear. She'd briefly considered being naughty and screaming down the phone to scare him silly, but found herself in a complete trance, just listening to him breathe. In, and out, a soft, quiet noise. It sent shivers down her spine and made Buffy smile from ear to ear.



Joyce didn't reply, she stared down into her cup of tea with an angry expression on her face. Buffy sighed and asked wearily, "You're not still mad, are you?"



"Of course I'm still mad." Joyce snapped. "You expect me to be pleased with you for all you've accomplished? Hurting someone who loves you isn't something to be proud of, Buffy."



"I know that." She retorted angrily. "I'm not proud of myself for hurting him, I hate myself for it. But I'm gonna make it better."



"You should! God.. I can't believe you." Joyce shook her head and sighed. "I can't believe it at all."



"I didn't mean to hurt him. I didn't realize what I was doing. You know I get all Freak Out girl over nothing. But-"



"Do you know what it felt like when your father cheated on me?"



Buffy sighed and put her head in her hands, protesting weakly, "Mom-"



"No, no. You were there for it all, you knew how much it hurt me, yet you go and do the very same to a wonderful man who loves you and gets on his knees and offers you everything!"



"You should have been there when he was practically sexually assaulting me!" Buffy yelled and stormed out of the kitchen, kicking, hitting, and generally slamming about as she made her way furiously upstairs. She flopped down on her bed and grabbed the phone, quickly dialling Spike's number. But before the call even connected, Joyce had snatched the phone away and hit END CALL.



"What do you mean he was sexually assaulting you?"



Buffy groaned and started to insist, "Mom, he wasn't-"



"You just said he was sexually assaulting you! What did you mean by that?!"



"I said practically. As in not really.. as in.. just acting sleazy and smarmy and up himself? Nothing you should be calling the police over." Buffy rolled over and buried her face in her pillow, but bolted upright when she heard her mother dialling a number. She glared at her and hissed, "What are you doing?"



"I'm going to call him and give him a piece of my-"



"You won't give him a piece of your anything!" Buffy grabbed the phone and hung it up before Spike answered. "I was exaggerating. Okay? E-X-A-G-G-E-"



The phone started ringing suddenly and Buffy snapped down the line, "What?"



"Kitten, it's me. Did you just call?"



Buffy sighed and gave her mother a hate-filled, venomous look. "Yeah, but don't worry, I-"



"Give me that." Joyce snatched the phone and yelled down it, "How dare you? How dare you assault my daughter and treat her that way?"



Buffy tried to take the phone away desperately but her mother was in full attack mode, yelling things about lawyers and lifelong jail terms for perverted behaviour. Then suddenly, she stopped talking, her eyes wide. She turned to Buffy and gasped, "He hung up on me."



"I'm not suprised!" Buffy yelled. "You probably scared him half to death! He's never gonna want to see me again!"



"I was just trying to protect you." Joyce said gently, putting her hand on Buffy's arm timidly. "After you said what you said, I got a little upset and-"



"A little upset?" Buffy cried out, wrenching away from her mother. "You were accusing him of God knows what! You called him a 'dirty old man' and a 'paedophile', when he's, what, two years older than me?!"



"I'm sorry." Joyce stared at Buffy sadly, repeating, "I was just trying to protect you."



"I was exaggerating when I said what I said! E-X-A-G-"



"I don't need another spelling lesson." Joyce said gently.



"So? Can't you tell I wasn't being serious? Can't you even tell when I am serious or when I'm not?"



"Maybe.. you're not now?" Joyce guessed hopefully.



"I am bloody well serious now." Buffy seethed. "I've never been so angry at you ever."



"I'm sorry." Joyce murmered, gazing up at Buffy as she flopped down onto the bed, eyes wide and filled with tears of regret.



"You should be." Buffy spat and stomped out of the room.



*



She spent the next hour trying to call Spike, but he didn't answer once. She'd call his cell, but she didn't have the number. Meanwhile, she was locked up in her childhood hideaway place - a treehouse, perched high up in an oak tree, where she could sulk away for as long as she wanted.



There was a soft ache in the pit of her stomach, a pain that had come during a fit of tears and wouldn't go away. She needed Spike to hold her and kiss her and love her before that pain would go away, and after the events of that morning, she knew he'd never be there to do that again.



She heard her mother calling from down below and sighed angrily. When she was little, and came up here frequently to sulk, her mother would wait at the bottom of the tree with some delicious snack to lure Buffy down. Buffy sunk further down into the corner, and although it was cramped, it was cosy enough for her to last up here quite a while.



"Buffy?" Her mother called out again, cheer ringing in her voice. "Will you come down?"



Buffy ignored it, miming a disgusted, "No", to herself. Fury still boiled deep inside her as she replayed the events of that morning in her head.. no, she was never going to come down. Not for anything or anyone.



"Luv, come down." Another voice pleaded, husky and British. Buffy's heart lept and she practically dove down the ladder into Spike's waiting arms. She hugged him and he wondered aloud, "What on earth were you doing up there, you silly chit?"



"I was avoiding her." Buffy hissed, regarding her mother as though she were a monster. She turned her gaze to Spike and asked in a small voice, "What are you doing here?"



"He came here to talk to me and explain everything." Joyce said softly.



"Yeah, explain it to her." Buffy insisted.



"He already did, he's been here for a while." Joyce sighed as Buffy fixed her with another accusing glare, that clearly said, "You're only just telling me now?". She smiled at Buffy wearily and said, "Spike and I both thought it would be best to speak with each other before either of us risked going to speak to you."



Spike leaned down and murmered gently in Buffy's ear, "Kitten, I think you owe your mum an apology. She told me 'bout your little screaming fit."



"It was only 'cos of hers." Buffy muttered, frowning at him before she turned to her mother, who looked like, she too, had done a lot of crying in the past few hours. Buffy melted instantly and hugged Joyce. "I'm sorry, Mom."



"That's okay." Joyce smiled at her and Spike. "I'm sorry too."



"Mind if I steal Buffy away for a bit?" Spike asked, meeting Buffy's curious gaze. "I wanted us to have a chat before I go back to LA."



"Okay." Buffy glanced at her mom. "Is that okay?"



"Yes." Joyce smiled at them and disappeared inside.



"We can go up here." Buffy suggested, crying out in suprise as he scooped her up into his arms and carried her up the ladder carefully. Once they were up in the treehouse, and Spike had dumped her on the floor, Buffy pounced on him and kissed him until they were both left breathless.



Neither could suspect that inside, Joyce had collapsed on the couch, pain pulsing heavily through her in deep, hard hits. She couldn't speak, nor move anymore as everything grew cold, and utterly black.



*


 

Chapter 14:

"Can I come home with you tonight?" Buffy asked shyly as Spike carried her down the ladder of the treehouse.



"Of course you can, sweetheart. I wouldn't have it any other way." He planted her on her feet and kissed her. "Why don't we go get some dinner together for now, though? I'm starving."



"Okay." She grinned at him and dragged him to the car, pulling him closer as they got there. Buffy took a deep breath and buried her face in his shoulder, then peppered kisses up his neck until she covered his chin and found his lips. She sighed and whispered, "I love you. Forever and ever and ever."



"I love you too, princess."



"So you believe me now?" Buffy scowled at him. "Because the other day you told me you didn't."



"I believe you very, very, very much." He whispered, pulling her flush to him. "I love you so much, Buffy."



"Then take me somewhere special, then." She smiled at him and then jumped into the car. "Oh, wait, I need my jacket."



"No, I'll get it, kitten." He offered, smiling back at her.



Buffy felt a rush of affection for him and sighed happily, "You're such a gentleman."



"Only because I have a lovely lady." Spike grinned and hurried up to the house. He slipped inside and quickly grabbed Buffy's coat off the rack. He was about to leave again when something caught his eye. Spike turned and everything screeched to a halt.



Joyce was sprawled out on the couch, her eyes wide open, glassy and cold. Her lips were slightly parted and whiter than they should be, matching the pale shade of her skin. There was no sound of breathing nor of any movement coming from her. His heart pounding, terror shooting through him in cold spasms, Spike stepped forward slowly and whispered, "Joyce?"



There was no response. He took her hand and dropped it instantly - it was cold. Spike felt ill suddenly, and backed away, crashing into the wall with a loud thud. He stared at her in horror, unable to breathe now. He barely noticed as Buffy came into the house, calling,



"Spike, what's taking so long?"



When she caught sight of her mother, everything turned still. Buffy didn't move, breathe, or speak. She stared at her mother and fell to her knees, and after a few moments of utter silence, she whispered sadly, realizing the worst had become, "Mommy."



And she started to cry, the hot tears scalding her face as they fell, seemingly endless, lasting forever.



*



"It was a brain aneurysm." The doctor explained gently. "They're very rare, and in most cases, fatal. It's basically hemorrhaging, or an abnormal bulging outward of one of the arteries in the brain. The brain bleeds into itself. In Mrs. Summers' case, it was rather severe."



"Right." Spike said quietly, still numb. He glanced over at Buffy and fought back tears at the sight of her - she was pale, rigid, and silent, but tears streamed down her face.



"I'm very sorry that nothing could be done."



"Why couldn't anything be done?"



Buffy's voice startled both Spike and the doctor. She hadn't spoken in over an hour and now she threw her words at them angrily.



"Pardon?"



Buffy sighed in frustration and demanded, "Well, didn't my mother come here ill? Wasn't there some sign she was unwell?"



"She did come complaining of nausea and headaches. We couldn't determine the source of her discomfort, and ran tests. That was two weeks ago, and unfortunately, the results were inconclusive. This type of problem is very difficult to detect until-"



"What, until she dies and proves that something was really wrong?" Buffy shrieked, jumping out of her seat.



"Calm down, luv." Spike said gently, taking her hand.



"Don't touch me." She hissed, wrenching away from him. Guilt instantly flooded through her as she saw Spike's eyes fill with tears and she fell into his lap, clinging to him, whispering frantically, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."



"It's alright, kitten." He said, running his hand through her silky locks of golden hair soothingly.



"I want her back." Buffy sobbed, collapsing against him. "I want her back, Spike, bring her back."



"I can't." He whispered sadly, wrapping his arms tightly around her. "I'm so sorry, princess."



The doctor watched on with a sympathetic gaze. He glanced from Buffy to Spike and noted softly, "I can organize some sleeping pills for her if you wish."



"Thankyou." Spike continued smoothing his hands over Buffy's body comfortingly as she shook violently in his arms, crying loudly. "Come on, sweetheart. Calm down."



"I wanna go home." Buffy whimpered. "Not here home, LA home. I want to see Anya and I want to have my Choo's and I want to forget all of this ever... ever.. ever happened."



"I'll take you home." Spike promised and helped her up, coiling his arm tightly around her to keep her close. "But do you maybe want to stop back at your m.. your old place to get some stuff?"



"Yeah." Buffy snuggled into him as he walked her out of the doctor's office, who handed the prescription for the pills to Spike and apologized again.



"There's nothing you can do." Buffy said icily, facing the doctor angrily. "You don't really care, she's just another body."



"Buffy-"



"Shut up, Spike." She snapped and glared at the doctor. "You could have helped her but you didn't. You let her die. I just hope you know that much. I'll hate you forever for this."



She fell back into Spike's arms and let him lead her out towards the car.



*



Spike lay Buffy down in her bed and tucked her in carefully, pressing several kisses over her face lovingly.



"Stay with me?" Buffy pleaded, tugging at his hand.



"Alright." Spike quickly took his shirt off and then kicked his shoes away. Buffy pulled him into the bed beside her and wrapped herself around him, comforted by the feel of him in her arms. It seemed like forever since they'd touched, absolute eternities, in fact. Buffy snuggled into him and smiled as he nuzzled the top of her head affectionately, smelling the soft scent of her hair.



"I love you." She whispered, gazing up at him longingly.



"I love you too, princess."



"I was so scared I wouldn't see you again." She admitted, burying her face against his chest. "There was so much pain inside me.. just thinking it was over between us. And as soon as I saw you there from up in the treehouse, it went away, and I was so happy. But now it's back, because of my mom.. and it's not gonna go away, because she won't ever come back.. and.. and.. I don't know how to make it stop hurting. It's just gonna hurt forever and ever.. it's not fair!"



"Sshhh." Spike hugged her closer, planting a soft kiss on her lips. "I'll make it go away, sweetheart. It'll take time.. but I promise, you won't be hurting forever. It'll get better."



As she dozed off to sleep, a tiny smile lit up her face, although tears still dripped endlessly from her eyes. She was utterly miserable, and she knew he was right, the pain would take time to go away. But as she pressed up against him and lulled off to sleep in his arms, she knew that he'd kep his promise. He would make it go away. The pain wouldn't last forever.. but maybe they would.



*


 

Chapter 15:

"Wake up, princess." Spike whispered, shaking Buffy gently. "C'mon."

"I'm sleepy." Buffy groaned as he pulled her up to rest against the pillows propped against the headboard. "What do you want?"

"I have to go into work, I'm so sorry. But I made you some breakfast."

He placed a tray down on the bed, complete with waffles, fruit, hash browns, bacon, and scrambled eggs. Buffy licked her lips hungrily and smiled up at him. "Thankyou. Did you make all this yourself?"

"Sure." He chuckled and shook his head. "No, I didn't, actually. I'm bloody hopeless in the kitchen too. I asked Andrew to come over and keep you company."

Buffy's face fell and she looked away, deciding to mash her eggs under the fork as a distraction.

"What's wrong?" Spike asked worriedly, sitting down beside her to wrap his arm around her waist.

"I don't need a babysitter." Buffy said quietly.

"I'm not getting you a babysitter, kitten. I just thought you wouldn't want to be alone right now." He smoothed her hair down and pressed a tiny kiss to her forehead. "You call if you need anything."

He disappeared from the room and a moment later Andrew appeared in the doorway. He smiled shyly at her and mumbled, "Hey."

"Come in." Buffy offered, making space for him on the bed.

"How are you?"

"I'm okay." She smiled at him as he sat down. "Whatcha got there?"

Andrew grinned and held a box out, stating proudly, "Dungeons and Dragons. Wanna play?"

Buffy shrugged and agreed, "Sure."

"Before we do.." Andrew paused and frowned at her skeptically. "Do you still think Spike's a jerk?"

"Would I be in his bed if I thought that?" Buffy challenged him teasingly.

"Okay." Andrew was all smiles again and started setting out the gameboard.

"How long've you known Spike?"

"For a few years now."

"So you knew him when he was with Dru." Buffy guessed uneasily.

"Yeah." Andrew glanced at her curiously. "Why?"

Chewing on her lip, she asked nervously, "Did he love her? Like, a lot?"

"Yeah, majorly." He pulled a face. "You should have seen what a disaster zone he was after she.. well.. if you know about her, you'll know her story. Anyway, what do you want to be?"

"Do you think.." She fell silent for a moment, wondering how insane Andrew would think her for saying what she wanted to say. But the words had been bubbling up inside her since Spike had told her about Drusilla, and now they bubbled right up out of her. "Do you ever think maybe I'm just a rebound from Drusilla?"

"What?" Andrew frowned at her. "Where did that come from?"

"I don't know. I just've been thinking lately maybe I'm just rebound girl to him. The thing with Drusilla only happened, what, a year ago? That's not long to get over all the stuff that went on there." She sighed and whispered sadly, "I just find it hard to believe he really loves me the way he makes out to."

"He does. He's never been like this with anyone." Andrew smiled and boasted, "You're his great love."

"Really?" Buffy asked shyly, blushing slightly.

"Of course. And if you ever feel sad or unsure like that again, think of happy things. A lake, candy sticks, bunnies."

"Floppy hoppy bunnies?" Someone cried in horror from the doorway. Buffy turned and yelped as Anya landed on top of her, giving her a big bear hug. "Hi honey."

"What's wrong with bunnies?" Andrew frowned in bewilderment.

"Weird phobia." Buffy explained, tapping the side of her head suggestively.

"I can think of a million things wrong with Dungeons and Dragons." Anya said bluntly, shoving the game aside. "We're not playing that. We're trying to cheer Buffy up, not send her to an asylum."

"Dungeons and Dragons is cool!" Andrew whined.

"About as cool as Bugs Bunny!"

Buffy glared at them and snapped, "Buffy's gonna go commit herself to an asylum, because you two clearly aren't mixy."

"Why don't we watch a movie?" Anya suggested, quickly glancing at Andrew. "If I hear 'Star' in front of 'Trek' or 'Wars' I'll kill you."

*

Spike returned home to the sound of laughter floating down from upstairs and, adjusting the gift box in his arms quickly, hurried up the curving flight of steps. He was met with Buffy and Andrew and Anya all leaving his room, smiles lighting their faces. Buffy's smile grew immediately when she saw him and within seconds she'd jumped into his arms, the gift box clattering to the floor.

"Hey, beautiful." He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "How was your day?"

"It was great!" Andrew announced happily. "We were just leaving."

"I was asking Buffy." Spike smiled at Andrew. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Buffy wriggled out of his arms and scooped the fallen box up off the floor. "What's this?"

"It's a present for you, kitten." He led her back into his room and sat her down on the bed, kneeling before her. He removed the black satin ribbon from the box and presented it to her. Buffy lifted the lid off and gasped. He smiled as she pulled the black dress out, eyes wide, her mouth hanging open as she admired it.

"It's a-- it's a--"

"It's a Dior, kitten. I thought you could wear it to your mum's funeral." His smile faded slightly and he put his hand on her knee gently, caressing it soothingly. "Even if you're miserable, you deserve to be as pretty as a princess."

"When will the funeral be?" Buffy asked in an empty voice, letting the dress fall back into it's box.

"I've spoken with some people, and I can have one organized for next week. How's that?"

"That's okay." Buffy smiled at him and started smoothing her hands over the whispy black fabric. "Thankyou for the dress."

Spike stood up and then sat down beside her, snaking one arm around her slender waist. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"The dress? Yeah, it's gorgeous."

He sighed and gave her a look, scolding, "That's not what I meant, kitten, and you know it."

"I'd really rather not." Buffy said matter-of-factly and stood up to leave the room, but Spike gently yanked her back down. She shut her eyes and mumbled, "I know you're worried, but I just would rather keep to myself right now. When I'm ready to talk I will."

"I don't want you shutting me out." He pulled her close and kissed her, his lips merely skimming over hers for a moment. "I love you, Buffy."

"I love you too." She smiled at him bravely and tousled his hair affectionately. "I promise, I'm not shutting you out. I would never."

"Right, I wonder where on earth I got that idea?" Spike drawled sarcastically.

"Shut up." She punched him on the arm playfully and grinned. "I feel like pizza."

"Okay." He scooped her up and carried her out of the bedroom. "Let's go make some, then."

"Are you kidding me? I'm a hopeless cook and you're a hopeless cook. I burn down the kitchen and God know's what you could do. We'll be a disaster together."

"I'm alright with pizza, kitten."

Buffy smiled up at him as he placed her down gently, her feet plopping down against the cold tiles. "You make pizza?"

"Of course, it's my favourite meal."

She watched as he started getting out ingredients - tomatoes, cheese, olives and pepperoni. Buffy handled the items carefully as Spike retrieved a bag of flour from the pantry.

"Where's the sauce?" She asked curiously.

"We'll make it."

Buffy pulled a face. "That sounds messy. Especially with a half-wit like you cooking."

"It is messy." He smirked at her. "And you'd better watch that tongue of yours or I'll wash your hair with the sauce."

"I'll paint your face with this flour!" She threatened.

"You wouldn't." He cried out in horror as she lived up to her word and tipped a handful of flour over his head. Spike grabbed her, ignoring her squeals of protest and mashing a tomato into her head. Buffy pummeled his chest weakly and grabbed the mozzarella cheese to throw it at him in huge yellow, mashed-up clumps.

"That'll show you for being such a jerk!" She yelled through her laughter as he tossed flour into her hair where it clung to the remnants of tomato.

"I think we need a shower." He muttered, coughing on the flour that had gotten into his mouth.

"I bags it." Buffy announced and raced upstairs into his bathroom.

"You bloody well get out of there!" He shouted, grabbing her away from the shower just as she'd turned the hot water on.

"You don't have tomato in your hair!" She giggled, throwing her arms around his neck to kiss him. She held him there until he was breathless and she was exhausted and whispered dreamily, "You taste like cheese."

"You taste like tomato." He retorted, licking his lips. "Wonder what the rest of you tastes like."

Buffy ducked away from him and managed to back herself into the glass cubicle of the shower, getting her clothes soaked. She moaned as Spike pulled them away with the mere clutch of his teeth, that grazed against her skin every so often, sending chills up her spine.

She was naked soon and he made his way back up her body with small kisses, and once he was at eye level with her Buffy grabbed him and kissed him passionately, whispering lustfully as he went to kiss her neck, "If this is shutting you out I have to do it more often.."

"I agree." Spike mumbled, before they melted into another firey kiss.

*
 

Chapter 16:

She was going to be fine. This was just an hour she had to get through, just a tiny little thing. It would be over soon and she could forget all about it.

She could forget all about finding her mother, glassy-eyed, still on the couch. This would be closure. It would all be gone, in the past, just a bad memory to look back upon.

She had to be strong. That was the most important thing. As Buffy made her way down the stairs she took a deep breath and composed herself, quickly smoothing her hair and straightening her back. She was going to be okay. She was the very picture of okay-ness as she made it all the way to the bottom of the stairs, her face stony, her posture perfect, her Dior dress perfect on her.

Things were going to be fine.

"Are you ready, luv?" Spike stepped towards her and then she started to cry. Because things weren't fine. She wasn't ready to see her mother sunken into the cold earth. She wasn't at all ready to even accept her mother was gone. Buffy crumpled to the floor and sobbed, emptying out all the misery that had gathered inside her over the weeks when she'd been constantly haunted by images of her dead mother.

She couldn't breathe now. The beautiful dress was choking her and as Spike tried to touch her his hands burnt her. Buffy wrenched away from him and raced upstairs, stumbling up the steps as she tore the dress off her body.

She raced into her old room and curled up in the corner, burying her face against the cold wall, hot tears streaming down her face as she ached inside for everything she'd lost.

*

An hour later, as promised, it was over. Spike had managed to get her to the church where she'd done nothing but cry as people spoke about Joyce. They spoke with nothing but love for her but Buffy wondered if anyone was hurting a millionth as much as she was. She wondered if, she added up all their love for Joyce, it could ever come to be a millionth of what Buffy felt for her mother.

She was home now, curled up in front of the fire, wrapped up in Spike's arms as she munched silently on a bag of marshmallows. Spike was slowly kneading all the knots in her back out, his hands working magic on her sore body. They hadn't spoken since he'd convinced her to go to the funeral, and she knew that he wasn't clueless about what to say, but completely aware she didn't want anything said. It was comforting to know he'd been through all of this and every time she repeated this over in her mind, she sunk further and further into his embrace, loving him more and more by the second.

After a while, she turned to him and whispered guiltily, "I'm sorry I cried all during the funeral. I didn't mean to ruin it after you made it so beautiful."

"It was hardly meant to be a party, luv." He hugged her closer and whispered, "I know it's hard. I'm glad you're crying. It's good to let it all out."

"It doesn't feel very good." She mumbled.

"Not at first." He adhered gently. "But after a while you just.. well.. after my mum died, I cried and cried for ages, and one day I woke up with no more tears to cry. She was gone and I just accepted it."

"I can't." Buffy said quietly.

"You will eventually." He promised, running his fingers through her golden hair. "I know you will, luv."

"I used to think I was a strong person." She murmered distantly. "I thought I could cope with this stuff. I thought I would be brave and confident and just.. like you said.. accept it. But I feel so weak. I feel so lost.."

"I know." He tilted her head to look at him and pressed a soft kiss on her lips. "But it'll get better, I promise."

"You're so good for putting up with me." She smiled and buried her face against his neck. "I love you."

"I love you too." He whispered, smiling back down at her adoringly. "Do you want some dinner?"

"I'm not really hungry." She admitted, clinging to him. "I want to just stay here with you. I don't ever wanna let you go. Is that okay?"

"Of course that's okay. Why wouldn't it be?"

"I just don't want you getting all annoyed by me being all obsessive." She played with the collar of his shirt and laughed, "Of course, you're Mr. Obsessive."

"When have I ever been Mr. Obsessive?"

"With me in general, and about Riley, and about-"

"Okay, fine, let's not get into it?"

"You're a dope." She giggled.

"Have you gone completely carrot-top?" He asked incredulously.

"You are, you're a total dope." She kissed him on the cheek and smiled. "But you're a lovable dope. A very, very lovable one."

"Good." He caressed her face gently and kissed her softly, letting it linger for as long as possible. When they finally pulled apart Buffy rested her head on his shoulder and they remained quiet for a while, until Buffy broke the silence and asked,

"How did you get over your mom dying?"

Spike didn't answer for a while, and when he did, his voice wobbled from the tears he fought to contain. "I never really did. I could never understand why she had to die so soon, and I'll never get over losing her. But I accepted that she was gone a long time ago and I guess that came from letting her death be a part of my life."

"What do you mean?"

"I visited her all the time, I wrote her letters and prayed to her, so she was still there, but you know, not. I didn't let her disappear and I didn't let myself disappear and somehow it all worked out. I accepted it.. but she'll always be there in my heart." He frowned and sighed, "I don't know how to explain it really. I don't know if you'll understand because you really have to find your own way through this."

"Yeah." Buffy glanced up at him. "You'll be there for me though, right?"

"I will be, luv. Promise." He pressed a kiss to her forehead and said quietly, "Let's just.. can we just rest? I feel exhausted. Don't know by what, really. I just feel like I need to rest."

"Me too." Buffy closed her eyes and almost instantly dropped off to sleep. She needed to rest too, desperately, and somehow felt like she'd gotten a little closer to closure tonight as he'd shared everything with her and soothed her with his words and his touch. Sleep came easily.

*
 

Chapter 17:

"Yeah. No, you're right. I shouldn't panic. Okay." Buffy spun around and forced a smile at Spike as he came into the room, and quickly murmered down the phone, "He's home, I'll call you back later."

"Who was on the phone?" Spike asked, approaching her slowly.

"Nobody." Buffy answered quickly, blushing bright red as he snaked one arm around her waist.

"Someone must've been. As soon as I came into the room you started whispering and blushing like a schoolgirl." He smiled at her curiously. "Is everything alright, sweetheart?"

"Of course." She smiled at him confidently. "How was your day?"

"Great, great. Now are you going to stop being a silly chit and tell me what's going on?"

"Nothing." She escaped his embrace and threw him one last quick smile. "I'm gonna go for a walk."

"Buffy.." He grabbed her and pulled her back to him, frowning at her. "What is going on?"

"Nothing." She insisted, glaring at him. "Just back off, I need some time alone."

He shrunk away and hung his head, wounded. Buffy ignored the pang of guilt in her heart and stormed out of the house.

*

"Hey." Buffy greeted him, hours later, as she slunk back into their room. She went to him and planted a soft kiss on his cheek and smiled. "God, I'm tired."

Spike glared down at her and demanded, "Where have you been?"

"Around." She shrugged, quickly shedding her clothes to get into her pyjamas.

"I've been worried sick, Buffy." He seethed through clenched teeth. "Tell me where you were."

"Visiting mom." Buffy said as she slid into bed, rolling onto her side and staring up at him innocently. "Look, I'm sorry."

"You weren't with your mom, Buffy. Explain how you drove to Sunnydale within the past four hours and got back in time."

"Did I say I had to be in Sunnydale to be with her?" Buffy snapped defensively.

"Just tell me where you were."

"Nowhere!" She yelled back, glaring at him. "Do you have to smother me like this? What does it matter where I was?"

"Were you with Riley?" He demanded, feeling the rage curdle inside him at the thought of it.

"Oh my god!" Buffy put her head in her hands and moaned. "I was not with Riley! How can you even ask me that?!"

"I can easily ask you that after you went and fucked him behind my back." He sneered, and then laughed bitterly. "Oh, and then I had to see you two putting on a show right in front of me!"

"That's so unfair." Buffy muttered, climbing out of bed, again shedding her clothes. She threw her pyjamas across the room and tugged her other clothes on quickly. "You know, Spike, you're just so-"

"What? What am I?" He inquired icily, staring daggers at her.

"You're not at all who I thought you were." She sighed and grabbed her bag. "I'm staying in my old room tonight."

"Fine." He reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a box of cigarettes, taking one to light.

"I thought you quit." Buffy said quietly, fury dancing in her eyes as they glared at each other. Spike simply gave her a spiteful look as he exhaled smoke in her face.

"You bastard." She hissed. "You promised, you'd-"

"What, that I'd love you forever? That wasn't enough for you. I promised I'd keep you safe and look after you and devote my entire heart to you, but no, that's not enough." He sighed angrily and murmered, "Nothing's ever enough for you."

"That's so unfair." Buffy said for the second time that night, her eyes filled with tears.

"What's unfair is that I had to buy you a car before you would actually treat me nicely." Spike said, whimpering slightly, his own eyes starting to sting with tears. He didn't know why they were doing this. Spike reached out and took her hand and whispered, "I love you so much.. I.. Buffy, I.."

"I'm leaving." She mumbled and tore out of the room, racing clear out of the house, ignoring his desperate cries for her to come back.

*

"I can't believe you left him." Anya said softly as she stroked Buffy's long blonde hair soothingly. "You found the perfect guy.. and you just leave."

"Can we not talk about this?" Buffy mumbled, her hot tears soaking into the pillow as she snuggled deeper into the bed, hiding away from Anya. "He wasn't the perfect guy."

A short, dubious silence on Anya's behalf passed and finally Buffy rolled onto her back and groaned, "Fine, he was perfect. But that doesn't mean that I should forgive him."

"He didn't really do much wrong." Anya said, and shrunk back from Buffy's angry glare, insisting, "Well, he didn't! He didn't mean to get you p-"

"He didn't." Buffy blinked back more tears but they still spilled out in rivulets of misery. "I.. I was just late. It was a mistake."

"Oh." Anya frowned and asked in a bewildered tone, "Then why are you still so mad at him?"

"Because.." Buffy hesitated, racking her brain for a reason. She frowned and repeated firmly, "Because... well... he.."

"Yes?" Anya prompted her curiously. "Sure, he started smoking and he yelled at you a bit, but you did get all moody on him."

"I had every right!" Buffy snapped, and muttered sullenly, "I thought he knocked me up."

"But he didn't, it was a silly, rash mistake you made." Anya sighed and handed Buffy the phone. "Call. Him. Now."

"Okay." Buffy took the phone and started dialling when, downstairs, the doorbell rung.

"That might be him." Anya said brightly, adding, "Taking the high road, unlike you."

"I was about to!" She grumbled and crawled out of the bed and went downstairs. She stopped as she got to the threshold and frowned. "If you thought some guy got you pregnant you'd be livid."

"He wouldn't have any other chances to procreate, that's for sure!" Anya smiled and nodded to the door. "But Mr. Perfect outside didn't get you pregnant, and even if he had, it wouldn't be something he'd have done to hurt you."

Buffy scowled at Anya and quickly took a peek through the peephole, then turned back to her friend with a confused frown. "There's nobody out there."

"He probably got sick and tired of waiting for you, Ms. Fussy." Anya went and yanked the door open and gasped, "Oh good God."

Buffy let out a little squeak and tried not to tumble backwards from shock as she stared at Spike, down on one knee, holding out a small velvet box. Spike smiled and flipped it open, and murmered, "Marry me."

*
 

Chapter 18:

"What are you, fucking crazy?" Buffy yelled, glaring down at Spike.

"That's your answer?" He and Anya cried at the same time and she nodded vehemently.

"I'm not marrying you!"

Spike stood up and frowned at her. "Why not?"

"Because that's crazy! You can't just thrust a huge diamond under my nose and expect me to fall all over you again!"

"Well.. it's a two-carat princess cut." Spike mumbled dejectedly. He glanced up at Buffy hopefully and suggested, "A princess cut for my princess?"

"Don't get cute with me." She warned him with a scowl.

"Buffy, if you don't say yes, I will." Anya jumped in, prying the ring out of the box to gaze at it.

Spike quickly snatched it back and glared at Buffy. "Why won't you marry me?"

"Because you can't expect to always go buying my love! You got me the shoes, then the car, and now this!" Buffy let out a frustrated cry and turned away from him. "You make me so mad."

"I've had this for ages." Spike said softly, taking her hand and pulling her closer. "I was trying to find the right time. I love you, Buffy. I've wanted to marry you since I met you."

"How is this the right time? Do you not remember our fight?" She demanded, shoving him away from her.

"Course I do." Spike said sullenly, scowling at her.

"So do you even care what upset me?" Buffy asked, eyes glinting angrily.

"Fine, Buffy, what upset you this time?" Spike drawled in a weary tone.

"I thought you got me pregnant." She announced, folding her arms across her chest, a frown now set upon her face.

"You're pregnant?" Spike asked in awe, a smile spreading across his face. He reached out to touch her belly but Buffy shoved him away again and he hit the wall with a thud.

"I'm not pregnant, and you should be thankful for that! If I'd been pregnant I would have killed you!" Poking her finger accusingly against his chest, she shouted, "And you know how I knew it was you who got me supposedly knocked up? Because you're a thoughtless, selfish pig, Spike. Because of the two men I've slept with within the past month, you were the dumb one. At least Riley had the fucking courtesy to wear a fucking condom!"

"I'm sorry." He mumbled, head hung in shame.

"What the hell would you do if I was pregnant?" Buffy muttered bitterly to herself.

Spike gently reached out and pulled her into his arms, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead. "We'd be happy, Buffy. I'd love for us to have kids."

"One day." She admitted, pouting at him. "Not yet."

"No, maybe not yet." He brushed a stray lock of hair away from her face and kissed her, whispering as he pulled away, "But you could marry me for now. Unless you really don't love me anymore.. or if you never did, I don't know.."

"Of course I love you." Buffy smiled at him. "Just keeping you on your toes."

"That's my girl." He murmered, beginning to kiss her neck coaxingly. "Well? Will you?"

Buffy smiled and agreed in a tearful gasp, "I will."

*

A Few Weeks Later..

"Are you still here?" Spike asked incredulously as he came into the wardrobe. "I was about to lock up, I thought Andrew took you home."

"I can't decide." Buffy admitted, staring at the rack of wedding dresses. "I have it narrowed down to three and I'm not leaving until I decide."

"I don't care what you wear, just as long as you're there and you say the right words." He mumbled, pressing soft kisses up and down her neck. "Come on. We'll go home and you can think about it overnight, then tomorrow we'll come here first thing and pick it up."

"No." Buffy said firmly.

"Fine, you silly chit. Let me help you then." Spike suggested, stepping forward to look at the dresses.

Buffy cried out in horror and shoved him away, slapping her hands over his eyes. "You can't look, it's bad luck!"

"It's bad luck if I see you actually in the dress. I've seen all these on models already, what's the difference?"

"The difference is I don't want any bad luck." Buffy said and turned back to the dresses with a scowl on her face.

"I think we've had all the bad luck we're gonna ever have, sweetheart." Nuzzling her neck, he started ticking the things off on his fingers, "Your mum dying, all the horrible truths from my past, Riley, you acting like a right bitch all the time-"

"You acting like a sleaze all the time." Buffy teased straight back, smirking at him.

"Silly bint." He pulled her to him and kissed her, smiling against her sugar-sweet lips. "You know, princess, when I shot these dresses on the models.. I always imagined you.. wearing.. this one."

"That's one of my three." Buffy said softly as he held out a dress, and stated proudly, "It's a Vera Wang strapless ballgown, of pin-tucked organdy with alencon lace, and pearl and crystal details."

"That's right, sweetheart." He smiled at her and replaced the dress on the rack. "We'll pack it up in a minute."

"What are we gonna be doing for that minute?" She asked, purring as his hand slid down her back and caressed her bottom playfully.

"I can think of a few things." Spike turned her around, pressing her hands against the wall. He lifted her skirt up and peeled her panties off slowly, his fingers grazing over her clit gently. Buffy cried out and bucked into his touch, biting down on her lip as she heard his zipper go down. Moisture pooled between her legs at the sound of it and she started to tremble as Spike's erection nudged at her wet, quivering entrance.

"Don't stop." She pleaded, rubbing against him.

"Wasn't planning on it, sweetheart." He whispered, voice husky and thick with lust.

Resting his chin on her shoulder, he thrust inside her and let out a soft groan. His hand snaked underneath her blouse and adventured up slowly to find the soft swell of her breast. Buffy whimpered and wiggled against him as he pounded into her, his fingers tweaking her nipple gently. Sensations roaring through her like fire, she took his hand and guided it down to her clit. Kissing her neck passionately, he stroked her swollen nub fiercely, reducing Buffy to a screaming mess in his arms. Upon the third cry of his name that sounded from her lips he came too, shuddering against her.

Buffy tumbled down to the floor, bringing him along with her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. "That was amazing."

"T'was, luv." He smiled and pulled her into his lap. "Buffy.. I can't wait to marry you."

"I can't wait to marry you." She agreed, smiling adoringly at him. "You know, you really are Mr. Perfect. Perfect job.. perfect house.. perfect looks.. perfect personality.. perfect everything."

"You're pretty perfect too, sweetheart."

"You know what that makes for?" Buffy asked, rubbing her nose against his in an affectionate Eskimo kiss.

"What does that make for, sweetheart?"

She smiled and snuggled into him, whispering happily, "A perfect happy ending."

*

The End - I hope you enjoyed it, please review :-)