Coming Home
©2004 Evenstar

When Spike turned the car on to Revello Drive, Buffy took in a a sharp breath and became visibly agitated. She'd been rather nervous the entire trip up from Los Angeles to Sunnydale. This was the first time she'd seen her mother since she'd left home to be with him. That had been eleven months ago and almost that long since they'd communicated. Spike had insisted she let her mother know their address and telephone number. That initial conversation had not gone well and mother and daughter had ended up screaming at each other until finally Spike had enough and took the phone from Buffy and given hre mother the information.

In the months following, the couple immersed themselves in each other, body and soul. Buffy had finished high school and with Spike's tutoring had graduated with honors. His reward system had been the key. For every A on a test he spent an hour with his head between her thighs pleasuring her with his tongue. It was a sound system. Of course the one time she got a B+, she pouted until he acquiesced. After graduation they spent a week in Cancun soaking up the sun and making love all night long, drunk on margaritas. That summer Spike had completed two novels and outlined several more. With Buffy as his ever present muse, the ideas flowed like water. They spent the season setting up their house. Spike had never decorated after he'd bought the house. He'd never cared to. But every now and again Buffy would make a suggestion about color on the wall, or how one room needed more light. Soon enough he'd assigned her the task of making the house a home.

As it turned out, she had quite a knack for design, so much so that come fall she'd enrolled in design school. Spike already loved how warm she'd made their home with chocolate browns, other earth tones, reds and oranges. Everything was accented with ivory trim, tanned leather furniture and wrought iron. She'd acquired bronzes of Indian gods and pottery from the Baja. She'd also found many hand carved pieces of wooden furniture from Sinaloa. They spent most of their time at home alone together. Neither had any close friends, but fortunately neither cared so long as the other was there for them. Rarely had they fought, other than insignificant squabbles that were settled the same day.

For Spike's part he'd never been so happy and content in all his life. He didn't question it, he just enjoyed it. Buffy seemed happy too and that kept him contented. It wasn't as if she didn't have everything provided for her when she was growing up. But Spike knew the blight on her heart from her father abandoning her had left a void that had needed filling. The discord with her mother was another thing that to Spike's mind needed repairing. Buffy had him in her corner and deep in his heart he knew that it was enough.

"Don't be scared, sweetness. It's your mum, she'll be happy to see you. She said so on the phone," Spike said, patting her thigh. "Besides, it's Christmas Eve. Time for cheer n' mistletoe n' all that rot."

"Rot? Is that why the trunk is full of prezzies with my name on them?" Buffy asked, moving across the front seat of the DeSoto until she was pressed to his side.

"No, those are because I love you. I did note quite a few with my name on them too, pet."

"Well, duh. No way I was letting our first Christmas together go over without some major happies."

"What sort of happies, love, did you have in mind?"

Buffy sighed. "Not that kind. I'm sure mom's set up a cot for you in the basement."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. Don't worry, I'll sneak down, or you'll come up to my room. The basement's freezing cold and dirty, it would be just like her to do it out of spite."

"Don't be so hard on her. She might surprise you. You've been apart for eleven months, I'm sure she misses you like crazy. I know I can't go a day without being with you." Buffy pressed a kiss to his leather clad shoulder and hugged his arm.

"I want this Christmas to be special. I want her to like you. I want her to know how much you mean to me and how lucky I am to have you."

"Even if she doesn't it won't change us, pretty bird. You n' me are forever. Got the ring to prove it too." Their eyes both snuck a glance at the diamond ring on her finger. He hadn't officially asked her to be his wife, but it was implied. He'd told her that he would surprise her one day with a proposal, that she wouldn't see it coming and it would be the most romantic moment of their lives so far.

"I have something special for you."

"Have you now?"

"Mmm hmmm. But not till Christmas morning."

"Tease. 1630?"

"Yeah. It's the next one on the right there." He pulled the car into the driveway and turned off the engine.

"Don't go in looking for a fight. It's a reunion. Concentrate on you n' your mum. I just want to sit back and enjoy seeing you happy." She kissed him on the mouth, her hand on his neck, which was how he liked it.

"Love you, Spike."

"Hmmm."

"What?"

"Nevermind, I just thought of the opening scene for the next book."

"Really? In a car?"

"Not in the least, on a beach actually. They way you touched me just then, I got an image in my head. It's perfect. Like you."

"Okay, we should get inside because I'm about to ravish you otherwise. You're too damn romantic for your own good."

"But certainly for your good. Come then, blossom. Out we get." Steeling herself, Buffy pulled away from him and got out of the car. The night was cool with the sun having set an hour previously and Buffy came around quickly to where Spike was getting their luggage out of the back seat, to find the comfort in the warmth of his body. "Go knock on the door."

"I'll wait."

"No, you need to do this. I'll be right there." The worried look on her face concerned him, but he was certain once she saw her mother again, everything would be alright for her. She was a young woman and though she wasn't alone in the world, she still needed her mother. He knew. He missed his own parents more than he'd ever been able to say, even to Buffy. He left the gifts in the trunk, figuring he'd get them later and followed after Buffy with their suitcases in hand. He hung back a bit and watched Buffy waiting at the front door. It opened and the two women looked at each other before Spike heard Buffy begin to cry and reach for her mother. The older woman didn't hesitate for a moment to enwrap her child in a loving embrace. The two women held each other and cried and Spike watched with a warmth blooming in his heart. This was what Buffy had been missing. Their life together was all but perfect and now the final piece was in place. Family. He reminded himself again to call his Uncle Rupert.

After a few more moments Mrs. Summers looked over her daughter's shoulder at him. His back immediately straightened and strode forward, putting down a suitcase and offering his hand. "Hello, I'm William Giles," Spike said, trying not to sound over eager to please. He smiled at her and in the span of two seconds he found out how this holiday was going to go. Anything for Buffy, he thought to himself in response to the disapproving glare he'd received from her mother. Buffy let her mother go and went down the front steps to pull Spike up to their level.

"Mom, this...William," Buffy said with a gleam engulfing her whole being. Buffy rarely called him by his given name. Usually he only heard it spill from her lips with heated moans of passion soon after. Hearing her calling him it now as he introduced him to her mother was quite strange. Mrs. Summers took his hand and shook it, letting go quickly. Buffy didn't seem to notice her mother's cold response to him, but instead ushered him inside once he'd picked up the suitcase again. "Spike my room's upstairs, first one on the right. You can put our stuff there."

"Oh nevermind Buffy," her mother said quickly. "I've set up a room for him in the basement."

"Mom!" Spike just shrugged his shoulders, not willing to argue, and put his suitcase down and headed upstairs with Buffy's. "Mom he sleeps with me. We've been living together all year and it's Christmas. I'm not spending Christmas alone."

"Buffy this is my house and..."

"No mom. Look, I didn't come here to argue, I came because...because I've missed you and I wouldn't even have called in the first place if Spike didn't make me. I'm not a child anymore. I'm in college, I have my own house. I have a life with him." She held up her hand to show off the diamond ring and her mother stared at it until they heard Spike's footsteps on the stairs. Buffy lowered her hand and felt the tension building up inside her.

"Seems how we're having the turkey tomorrow I thought we could order take-out tonight. William do you have a preference?" Joyce asked. There was still a bit of acid on her tongue with how she said his name, but Spike ignored it.

"I'm happy with anything. Pizza, Chinese, Indian. A spicy vindaloo would be nice," he replied.

"I've never had that."

"You should try it, it's smashing. If you like hot things that is."

"Buffy likes vegetarian pizza."

"Sounds good then, thank you." She turned and left the couple alone and with a sigh, Spike bent down to retrieve his suitcase. "Just gonna take this downstairs, pet. Where's the door to the basement?"

"What's the matter with you?" Buffy asked, hands on her hips.

"Beg pardon?"

"Why are you letting her walk all over you. Leave the suitcase, Spike."

"Luv, I don't want to upset her. I want this to go as smoothly as possible. She decided before we got here not to like me, so I'm just going to make the best of it and try not to rock the bloody boat!"

"She's not given you a chance, Spike. It's not fair."

"No, maybe not, but this holiday's for you n' her. I'm just here." Now he knew he was in trouble. Buffy's eyes darkened to an emerald green that told him he'd just said the wrong thing. But instead of a tirade or verbal lashing, she reached out and took his face in her hands. She kissed him sweetly and then hugged him.

"You're not just here. It's our first Christmas together and I want it to be a happy one. Could you go outside and get the presents? Maybe if we make this place more Christmasy mom will open up."

"K', love. Be right back." He went outside and did his duty, knowing that just because he wished it to be so, Buffy's mother wasn't going to give him the chance he thought he deserved. He did save Buffy's life once, after all, may he Joyce knew that would count for something. Inside the house Buffy had made her way to the living room. There was a tree set up, though it had yet to be decorated. It was tradition that Buffy and her mother do it together. Buffy remembered last Christmas and how she'd acted the part of being happy. She and Spike had been separated for quite some time and she was missing him more than ever. She spent the night in tears after they'd decorated the tree and woke up late feeling even worse. They'd gone to her aunt's for dinner and the entire time she'd wondered if Spike was alone. As he told her later, he was. He'd opened the bottle of port his Uncle Rupert had sent and watched the old black and white version of A Christmas Carol. He spent the next several hours in a drunken stupor sobbing and missing her. Each had vowed this Christmas would be different.

"Doesn't Spike have any family he should be with? And what kind of name is Spike?" Joyce asked, as she joined Buffy in the living room. "Where is he?"

"It's a nickname he got when he was a teenager and he's outside bringing in the presents. Spike has an Uncle Rupert in England and he's got a wife named Anya. They don't have any kids and Spike's an only child. His dad died when he was little and his mom died when he was 15. Rupert invited us, but Spike thought I should spend Christmas with you. He also didn't want to be away from me, so I'd really appreciate it if you at least made him feel welcome."

"He's too old for you Buffy. And what's with the leather?"

"He's not too old. Only ten years older and dad was eleven years older than you..."

"And we know how that turned out." Buffy felt knots forming on her shoulders and neck. Her nerves were already pulled taut and if her mother continued like this, something was going to break.

"He's had the coat since he was a teenager too. It's just a coat." The front door opened and Spike came in with his arms overflowing with boxes and bags.

"Lil' help, love, we're about to have an avalanche!" he cried, already feeling several packages slip. Buffy rushed over and lightened the load.

"You could've made two trips, honey."

"Well that would have be logical, wouldn't it? Can't have that." The two arranged the presents and it was then that Buffy noticed that her mom had several under the tree for her, but not a one for Spike. Fortunately, Buffy had bought him many wonderful things to make up for it. Still, it stung a little. Spike had got her mother something. "So when do you two plan on trimming the tree?"

"After dinner," Joyce provided. Conveniently there was a knock at the door. "That'll be the pizza."

"Let me get it," Spike insisted, already making his way to the door before she could protest. Spike paid the pizza boy, gave him a generous tip and wished him a Happy Christmas. "Shall we eat in the kitchen or the dining room?"

"Dining room," Joyce said. "I'll get us plates. What would everyone like to drink?"

"I'm happy with anything."

"Spike likes 7-Up if you don't have beer. Do you still have that brand of orange juice I like?" Buffy asked, hopeful.

"Yes dear, I bought a whole gallon especially for you," her mother replied.

"Yay! And suddenly it's be good to Buffy day!"

"That's every day, pet," Spike added, as he made his way towards the dining room. Buffy looked for a smile on her mother's face, but one never came.

They ate dinner in silence for some time before the silence finally got to Spike and he decided to try and open the lines of conversation. "Do I get to help with the tree?" he asked innocently. Buffy was about to reply in the positive but her mother began to talk over her.

"Buffy and I usually do it," she said nonchalantly.

"Fair enough. I'll enjoy watching you two birds."

"Of course Spike can help us, mom," Buffy said, feeling herself tense up again.

"S'alright, lovely. It's important to keep with tradition."

"It's tradition that we do it as a family and you're family." There was a sudden clink of a glass against a plate at Joyce nearly let it slip from her hand. Spike took another bite of his pizza, pretending to look beyond the room at the tree. He was doing a good job on reigning in his anger at how he was being treated, but it was irking him something fierce how Buffy had to constantly defend him. It didn't have to be this hard. Both he and Joyce loved Buffy, they should've been able to build some sort of amicable relationship based on that. He took a drink of the 7-Up he'd been given and cleared his throat. Buffy rubbed at her eyes and Spike knew it as a sign of a headache coming on. She usually got this way when she was rushing to finish a project for school and had gone days without much sleep, running on empty. When this was the case he gave her a hot bubble bath and a massage. He doubted that was possible under these circumstances.

The silence dragged out again and each finished off another piece of pizza. Once again Spike was brave enough to speak,"Do carolers usually come around? Back in England we used to get this one family every Christmas Eve. It was just Uncle Rupert, me and Jenny, so it was kinda nice to see this huge gathering of kids, aunts, uncles and cousins."

"Who's Jenny?" Joyce asked. "Your girlfriend?"

"God no! Jenny was my aunt. Sweet young thing, I miss her."

"She's not in the picture anymore?"

"No...um..."

"Mom..." Buffy cautioned, knowing this story wasn't one Spike really wanted to tell.

"She...she was killed not to long after I came to live with them. She was a teacher n' one of her students....well, he was obsessed with her n' killed her. Just about did both me n' Rupert in." Spike put his slice down and took another drink. Buffy reached next to her and took his hand and he smiled at her. Across from them Joyce continued to eat her dinner. Truthfully she didn't know how to respond. So far she'd learned that the man sitting next to her daughter has experienced a tremendous amount of loss in his life. She'd been determined to hate him and for all his out of normal appearance with the bleached hair and leather coat, he was a very kind man. However Buffy misinterpreted her mother's silence as disdain and she couldn't hold her tongue any longer.

"God mom! What's wrong with you!?" Buffy shouted, starling bother her mother and Spike.

"Love, let it go."

"No I won't let it go! She's not even giving you a chance and you've been taking her crap all night."

"Buffy, I told you that this holiday wasn't for me."

"Right, it's for me. Spike that's not what I want, I want her to know how much I love you and how lucky I am to have you in my life."

"Sweetheart, please. There doesn't need to be a fight about me."

"Shut up, Spike. Mom, what's it going to take to get you to be nice to him? To make him feel like it's his Christmas too?" Her mother was stone faced for a moment, then met her daughter's challenge.

"Maybe if you hadn't left home the day after you turned eighteen we could have a normal Christmas like a normal family. Instead you leave for eleven months to live with some older man I know nothing about and expect me to welcome him with open arms like he hasn't kept my daughter away from me in almost a year!"

"We are not making my leaving about Spike! He's been wonderful to me since the day we met. He's not the reason I haven't been home. He's the reason I'm back here in the first place. I'm not a little girl anymore."

"He's not good for you Buffy, you should be with a boy your own age, going to college."

"I am going to college!"

"....living in a dorm. You haven't talked to Willow or Xander either. He's made you abandon your friends, your family..."

"No he hasn't! What's it going to take, seriously? Tell me so I can do it."

"It's not that simple."

"How's about if I were pregnant, would that make it simple enough for you?" Without another word Buffy got up and stormed out of the room, heading upstairs. Meanwhile the piece of pizza fell out of Spike's hand and splattered on his plate. He mouth gaped open in shock and his eyes were wide staring at the spot he'd last seen Buffy before she'd disappeared upstairs. Across from him Joyce was equally in shock and silent. After a moment Spike snapped out of his daze and bolted from the table after Buffy.

He found her upstairs in her bedroom pacing furiously. "Buffy?" he spoke, closing the door behind him. She shrugged her shoulders and sighed, still angry but realizing she was grateful they were alone. She opened her arms to him and suddenly found herself swept off her feet and being swung around in a girl. Then he was kissing her with a mad passion. "I had no idea! When you said it was a special gift I didn't have a bloody clue it was something this big! This wonderful! God, I love you so much Buffy!"

"Spike? Put me down."

"Oh! Right, sorry, mustn't jostle you, or the little one." He put her down and she studied his face. In all their time together she'd never seen such a wide delighted smile on his face. It stretched from ear to ear, showing his dimples.

"Me and my big mouth."

"I don't care that it slipped out before tomorrow morn! Buffy this is...is...the greatest moment of me entire life and that's all thanks to you. I know I promised a grand romantic surprise, but please, you must be my wife, we should be married before the baby's born."

"Spike slow down, I need to tell you something."

"What? What is it? Are you feeling tired? Would you like to lie down. I can get you s'more orange juice, probably good for the baby too....build strong bones."

"Spike would you listen? There's no baby." He didn't seem to hear her the first time. "I'm not pregnant. I just said that to knock some sense into my mom." She saw his heart break right in front of her eyes. She could literally pinpoint the moment when it happened. For a moment he looked mortally wounded and then a second later she saw blinding hot anger on his face.

"There's....there's no baby?!"

"No, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said it if I thought you'd go overboard with the reactions."

"You lied to me?"

"Honey, I'm sorry I got your hopes up, but you saw how she was acting." She reached for him and he took several steps back from her. His emotions were palpable in the room and for the first time Buffy felt a twinge of fear in his presence.

"How dare you lie to me!"

"Spike, come on...I didn't mean it."

"Didn't mean a lot of things, you heartless bitch!"

"What?"

"You can't...you can't bloody do that to a man! You can't give him the world and take it back a second later!"

"Spike, you're making too much of this. I'm sorry, but..."

"Stop saying that!!" His volume of his voice made the whole room shake and this time. Buffy took a step back from him when he got in her face. "You're not sorry! You're just like her! How dare you, after all I've given you! I saved your bloody life - should've let Warren have you, ungrateful manipulative bitch!" That comment was a smack in the face to Buffy and she returned it in kind. Her palm hit his face with such force his head snapped back. He grabbed her hand as she pulled it back and tore the diamond ring from her finger.

"Give that back!"

"Not bleedin' likely princess. If you think I'm marrying you now you're dead wrong. As of right now you're through. I want you out of my house, out of life!"

"Spike, please calm down and let's talk about this." She tried to give him a hug, but he pushed her away. She fell back and luckily landed on the bed. She got up to go for him again but he'd already left the room. She ran after him, but couldn't catch up. She flew past her mother and out the open front door just in time to see pulling away in the DeSoto. The tire squealed as he sped away and Buffy continued to scream out his name long after the car had disappear out of sight.

She stood there alone for a long time, crying, until she felt her mother's arms around her, gently urging her back inside. "Come on, sweety. Come inside," her mother bade in a soothing tone.

"Mommy? What just happened?"

Joyce led her shaken daughter back inside the house and sat down with her in the living room. Buffy fell against her mother and began to sob uncontrollably, mumbling sentences she didn't understand and still begging Spike to come back. "Maybe it's better this way, Buffy. You're still young, it wasn't a good idea to be tied down so soon." Buffy looked up at her mother and tried to calm herself enough to speak.

"Mom, I love him. And it's not a silly school girl crush kind of love. If you could see us, really see us you'd understand. I've been in love with him since the first day I met him."

"You never told me how you met. I don't know how you were able to run away to Los Angeles and already have a place to stay. Buffy, I'm willing to listen to everything you want to tell me about you two and I won't make up my mind until afterwards." Buffy nodded in agreement. She wiped the tears from her face and took a deep breath.

"He saved my life. Literally. Do you remember last fall the stories on the television about that serial killer Warren Meers?" Joyce gasped, and Buffy continued. "We met a bit earlier that night...the night I stole your SUV to go to LA. I hit Spike with the car, mom." Joyce couldn't suppress a slight smile. She opened her arms to her daughter and held her as they stayed together on the couch and Buffy told her mother the entire story, including how she had given Spike her virginity that same night. By the tale's end, Buffy was exhausted and fell asleep on the couch. Joyce covered her with a blanket and kissed her tear stained cheek.

If Spike was anything like what Buffy had described, Joyce knew he'd be back. She was sure there was more to the story as to why he'd overacted to horribly about Buffy's lie over there being a baby in the picture. She'd heard their argument and he'd said some things that didn't make any sense. With nothing else to keep her occupied, Joyce decided to decorate the Christmas tree.

At a quarter to eleven Joyce heard the front door open. He was being as quiet as possible, but it still made a creak. He'd been gone for three hours and Joyce breathed a sigh of relief when she saw him standing in the front foyer, his head hung low and his hands in the pockets of the duster. He looked like death. His face was gaunt and pale and marked with endless streams of tears that had dried on his face. He was every bit a wounded, lost soul and the mothering instinct that had been working overtime with Buffy now extended to Spike. He looked up, shy and scared and fixated on Buffy.

"She alright?" he asked quietly.

"Not really, but she will be. You hurt her terribly."

"I know."

"Where have you been?"

"Driving, found my way to the beach. Listened to the water for a long while, thought about what I'd done, things I said."

"And what did you come up with?"

"I want her to forgive me. I want to make it up to her. I love her...I'll..." He started crying again and it broke Joyce's heart. "I'll die without her." She went to him then, before he could crumble over Buffy and probably upset them both further. She took him by the arms and led him to the kitchen.

"Why don't you sit down for a bit, you must be exhausted." Spike was surprised the kindness he was being shown, but didn't question it. It had been a long, long time since he'd felt the care of someone maternal and he wasn't about to refuse it.

"Feel like I could sleep a month of Sundays."

"Cocoa?"

"Really? Um, yeah, that would be...perfect." Joyce set about making her special blend, using whole ingredients from scratch. "Do...do you have any of those little marshmallows?"

"I should. Let me see." She looked in one cupboard and found the bag straight away. "Aha! Here we go. Why don't you take off your coat and sit down." Spike did as she said and hung the duster on the hook on the back door, then took a seat on one of the stools by the island. Joyce put a mug in front of him and the frothy chocolate looked so homely and comforting he nearly began to cry again. She sat next to him with her own mug and they were silent for a time.

"I...I know I overreacted," Spike began. "I didn't mean to lose my temper. I...I'd never do her harm, alright? I'd never strike her. But I do yell and say things I don't mean."

"Why don't you tell me why what happened tonight happened." She put her hand on his and gave it a reassuring squeeze. It was enough to prompt him to begin a story he'd never shared with anyone before, not even Buffy.

"When Buffy said that she was going to have my baby I thought it was a gift from god or some such rot. See, I've never had much. Sure, I have some money. My parents left me plenty and I've made good living for myself. But I never had anything that was really my own. My Uncle is a good man and he did the best he could after Jenny died, but you know..."

"I understand, go on."

"Anyways there came a time when I found out I was going to be father....it didn't work out. So...so when Buffy said...what she said, I thought I had a second chance. I was so happy, I can't even describe it and then it was snatched out of my hand and...and I just couldn't handle it. It wasn't Buffy's fault, she didn't know."

"My daughter can be rash sometimes."

Spike laughed. "No bloody kidding."

"But I think this upset tonight could've been prevented if you two had been more open with each other."

"But we are! Honest. This was the one thing I'd held back."

"Then I think you two will be okay. Why don't you carry her upstairs and you can get some sleep. You don't have to stay in the basement. I'm going to give you a chance, William. Don't disappoint me."

"I won't." He hurried out of the kitchen to gather up Buffy, but instead ran smack into her. The pair nearly both fell over, but he caught her.

"You came back!" she gasped, clinging to his t-shirt and pulling it all out of order. She was already crying again, and so was he. He wrapped his arms around her and they sunk into each other in a possessive embrace.

"'Course I came back, can't be without my girl."

"Spike, I'm so sorry..."

"Shhh, hush now, pet. It was all me, I'm a stupid git, so undeserving of a treasure like you. Forgive me?" She nodded against him and squeezed him tighter.

"Only if you forgive me too."

"Nothing to be forgiven for, you didn't do anything wrong...was all might fault."

"Yes I did, I lied..."

"Shhhh, darling. Let's go upstairs, we need to have a conversation." He led Buffy away, not looking back at Joyce, picked up his suitcase and ascended the stairs with her held close. When they got to her bedroom he left the light off. After putting down the suitcase he directed her to sit on the bed. He turned on the lamp and sat across from her cross legged. He could tell she was still a bit frightened of him, given how he'd left her after such an explosive argument. She sat with her back against the wireframe headboard surrounded by the cutesy stuffed animals of her childhood.

"Spike?" she asked, trying to encourage him to start. "Is there something you want to say to me?" He nodded and took a couple of steadying breaths.

"First, sweetheart, I need to apologize. You were right, I did overreact." There was a distance of four feet between them and as much as they both wanted to close that gap, they knew he had to say whatever it was he was going to otherwise it would tear him to shreds to hold it in any longer. "The reason wasn't anything you did. It was something Drusilla did."

Buffy felt a shiver run over her body at the mention of that woman's name. When she fell in love with Spike and came to live with him she knew he had emotional baggage, but she had no idea how much until she finally persuaded him to talk. The older woman had seen him coming miles away. He met her when he was practically still a boy, only 16 and still a virgin. It was not long after Jenny's murder and William had been looking for something, anything to hold on to. Dru had him at her feet like a loyal dog in no time at all. She'd led him into a lifestyle of violence, sex and drugs that scared the hell out of Buffy. She'd seen the scars on his body from Dru's games. She'd tortured him sexually to get herself off and he was too damaged in soul to resist. He was ashamed that sometimes she made him like it. Some of the scars on his inner thighs and even other parts upset him more than it did Buffy. Spike had said he left her when he found her cheating. But now Buffy supposed there was more to the story.

Spike looked down at her pink quilt and tried to figure a place to start. Buffy knew the majority of the details already. Being with Buffy was the polar opposite of being with Drusilla. He felt safe with Buffy, like he could fall asleep anywhere and know she was watching over him, protecting. He hadn't felt that since Jenny died, and his own mother before that. Buffy was a holy sanctuary in so many ways. Even though he'd been the one who taught Buffy how to have sex, she'd shown him what it was to make love. He'd told her almost everything about his past, except one thing and telling her now was the biggest leap of faith he'd ever taken.

"The first few times Dru cheated on me, I took her back. She made me believe she was sorry and for a while we were really good again. She'd make me feel like I was the center of her universe. And like a fool I believed it was true. Towards the end things were pretty bad. I took her back after another long line of men she'd been stepping out with. We were mean to each other, provoking arguments and things of the like. We fucked, a lot, and poured our anger into it. She came to me one afternoon and told me she was going to have my baby. I knew it was mine because of dates and how I hadn't given her the opportunity to be with anyone else. I was a changed man when I heard those words. You're going to be a father my Spike, she'd said. I let all my anger slip away, I made myself believe that I really loved her still and that we could be happy about it. The next day I went out to the shops and bought things for the baby. She disappeared that day and I was frantic for a week until she suddenly popped up again.

She was with some random bloke I'd never seen before, waiting for me in our apartment after I got home from work. I asked her what the bloody hell was going on, where she'd been and who this guy was. She said that he was her new man and I was history, she'd just come by for her stuff. I asked, 'What about the baby?' and she handed me a piece of paper from her purse. It was from a doctor, she'd had an abortion the day after she told me she was pregnant. She told me just so she could use it to rip my heart out one last time. She....she..." He broke down in choking sobs and his whole body began to shake. "She killed our baby! My baby..."

She reached out to him and he pitched himself forward into her body. She took his face to her lap and gently stroked his face and hair. "She didn't have to do that! If she didn't want to be a mum she could've just given the baby to me. I would've gone back to Rupert and he'd have helped. I wanted it so bad, Buffy and she killed it to get back at me. I never did a wrong thing to her, I swear!"

"Okay, okay....shhhh...just let it out, I've got you." He continued to cry and sob and scream against her legs and stomach. She cried for him too, mourning with him. She had the feeling he'd been holding this in for quite some time and letting it out was going to do him a world of good. After a long time his sobs turned to quiet whimpers and snivels. He turned and looked up at her and found only love and compassion. She smiled at him and he smiled back. He took her hand and placed a kiss on her palm, then held it tightly, staring at it.

"Your ring...I shouldn't have done that." He reached into his pocked and brought out the diamond. He slipped it back on her finger and continued to hold her hand. "That's never coming off again, I swear it."

"If it helps...I want to have babies with you."

"You do?"

"Lots of 'em. We're both only children, so I want us to have at least two. I think we should go about this the right way though. Can we be married first? We can get pregnant right after if you want."

"Of course...god yes, I want to marry you! Can we do it tomorrow?"

"No, silly. I want real wedding and we've got the plan for it, but it'll be next year. You can wait can't you?"

"How's about on Hallowe'en? Is that enough time. We can have costume party."

"I like that idea. We can have it at the house. That huge back yard's got to be good for something."

"It's good for chasing you around in when I catch you in just your knickers eating peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon." She bent down and kissed him then, her hand sneaking down the front of his shirt to caress the skin of his chest, creating a lovely friction against his nipples. He turned over and came to his knees in front of her, pulling her own shirt off her. They undressed quickly, but not frantically.

"We have to be quiet...mom's downstairs...and, and the bed really squeaks."

"I don't want to make love on the floor."

"We don't have to, just be quiet."

"You know I can't." She pushed him back against her stuffed animals and a pink pig fell over his face. "Who's this then?"

"Mr. Gordo. He's coming home with us."

"Terrific." He looked at the pig and smiled. "I'm about to shag your girl, piggie." Buffy snatched the pig away and tossed him off the bed.

"Behave." She straddled his thighs and took his soft cock in her two hands, gently caressing him to hardness.

"Make love to me, Buffy. Make it all better." She poised herself over him and sank herself down to the hilt. Encase in her tight and wet heat, Spike's emotions welled up inside him again and his tears started again. "She didn't have to do that...I would've been a good father." She pulled him up to her and held him tight against her chest. She maneuvered herself around until she could wrap her legs around his waist, and then they were back together again. They were still for some time, joined together and holding each other. He cried against her, repeating that he would've been a good father to his child. He sought out her lips and crushed his mouth to hers. He was aggressive at first, but when his mind flashed back to his times with Dru, he stopped himself and started again.

His hands traveled down her back and cupped her bottom, pulling her down and against him even tighter. Buffy made a sound of pure ecstasy and her finger nails dug into his biceps. Her body quivered and her inner muscles tensed and relaxed and tense again as she rocked herself gently on him. The bed did squeak and they both winced when it made a particularly loud noise. She tilted his head back and stared into those perilous blue eyes of his, imaging children made in his image. She wiped away the tears that still remained on his cheeks and smiled at him again, reassuring him.

"We're going to have babies, I promise. I'll make you a daddy some day soon."

"Thank you, love, oh thank you. I love you."

"I love you. I promise it's going to happen. Believe me?" He nodded, then his mouth descended to take a breast, drawing the entire aureole into his mouth and sucking softly in a steady rhythm. His hands squeezed and massaged her ass, pushing and pulling her back and forth. He knew too well how this pleasured her, especially when he arched into her and ground against her clit in just the right way. He released the nipple and licked all the way up to her ear. His mouth travelled back down to her shoulder, then he switched other side. He lavished her with kisses and teasing bites. In wanting to prolonged their lovemaking for as long as possible, Spike distracted himself with imagining their future. "Hey. Stay with me."

"I didn't go anywhere...just imagining the future."

"God, we've got six kids, don't we?"

"Just four so far, but we were thinking about a fifth." Together they began to move with more fervor and a sheen of sweat made their skin glow. Though they often talked whilst making love, at a certain point words always become impossible. The bed did creak under them, and the headboard occasionally tapped against the wall. When making love sometimes they'd disappear into each other with manic, biting kisses and crashing bodies, while other times, like this time, they locked eyes and gently they rode each other to the culmination of their pleasure. With a slow pass of the pad of Spike's thumb over her at their joining, Buffy cried out and surrendered. He closed his eyes and let his forehead fall on to her shoulder and he immersed himself in the sensation of her tight cunt milking his cock. He flooded her, giving her every last drop until he was spent.

Afterwards he cleaved to her and quietly cried again with his face hidden between her breasts, but this time joyful and thankful for her. Somewhere in the peripheral they head a clock chiming midnight, signaling the coming of Christmas. They parted only long enough to crawl under the covers and were asleep in each others arms within moments.

***

Spike was the first to awake the next morning, shortly after sunrise. He found that he and Buffy hadn't changed positions all night and their were still entangled with each other. Buffy's head was tucked under his chin and her breath was like a slow parade of wind across his bare chest. Last night had been both the worst and the best night of his life. Telling Buffy the final hidden piece of his past had lifted a great weight from his shoulders. It had been agonizing, but he'd finally had the exorcism of all his angst and sadness over the loss of his child. Part of him was relieved that his life had taken the path it had, because now he had Buffy and a real future. Another part of him would always wonder what could've been. Still, Buffy had promised to make him a father and that meant the world.

Suddenly Buffy sneezed and startled herself away. Spike's chest shook with laughter. "I once had a cat that did the same thing," he remarked as Buffy rubbed her nose.

"What thing?" she grumbled.

"Sneezed in his sleep and spooked himself. I miss that cat. It ran away from my apartment not long after Dru left."

"We should get a kitty then." Spike thought it a good idea and kissed her for it. "Mmmmmm, Christmas morning Spike's just as nummy as the regular Spike."

"Mornin' breath to prove it too."

"Eww. I don't do I?"

"Nope."

"Ugh, I do too!" She leapt out of bed and rushed across the hall to the bathroom before he had a chance to stop her. He sighed and stretched out, then got out of bed himself. He rummaged through his luggage and found his toothbrush and toothpaste then made his way across the hall. He leaned against the bathroom door and waited for Buffy to be finished. When she opened the door and found him there she gasped. "You're naked in the hallway! My mom could've seen you."

"Entirely possible, yes. And so are you, pumpkin. He ushered her across the hall and gave her bottom a smack before delving into the bathroom himself. Upon returning to the bedroom he found her laying on her side under the covers, looking sullen. "Buffy, love? You look upset."

"Not upset...just....over there in my suitcase, there's a package. I was remembering my plan and my special present for you and how stupid it sounds now after last night." Spike saw the shoebox sized package and brought it with him over to the bed.

"For me?"

"Yeah." She looked away, suddenly mortified. "I thought maybe you'd like it...kinda kinky, you know? And we've never done anything like that..." He held up a red satin teddy, complete with white feathered rim and a matching Santa hat. It was the accompanying handcuffs that had her hiding from him.

"I like the outfit, pet. My own little naughty elf, eh?" She shrugged and continued to not look at him. "Do you think about us doing other things? Like with the handcuffs?"

"Have you?"

"No." She looked back over her shoulder at him, obviously surprised. "Got my fill of that sort of thing with Dru, don't really have a taste for it anymore, not sure if I ever did. I much prefer what we do."

"I just thought maybe you'd like it. I've never been with anyone else, I was afraid you'd get bored of me." He laughed out loud and tossed away the handcuffs, then scooped her up and held her in his lap.

"You're off your nut, you know that?" He nuzzled her cheek with his nose and kissed the tip of hers. "I'll never get bored of you. Do you remember how you found my that first night you showed up at our house? The pathetic wretch that stunk of alcohol and body odour who hadn't shaved or eaten in a week?"

"Yes. You were in such bad shape. I just wanted to hold you in my arms all night until you stopped hurting."

"The second I saw you I did stop. We made love that night, all night, and it was my first time. It really was. Buffy it was like nothing I'd ever know before. Our first time was special, and beautiful, but at the time I thought it wouldn't happen again." He paused and then tucked his head under her chin so he could listen to her heart. "Maybe I should've said these things before...but you gave me life Buffy, made me happy like I haven't been since I was a tot and had both my parents. You've filled me up, my heart, my soul, my whole life. I love you just doesn't seem to bloody cover it anymore."

"It does." He pulled back and gave his head a shake.

"I'm blaming this maudlin lil' interlude on it being Christmas."

"Let's go downstairs and make coffee and waffles. It's another tradition, waffles." She looked adorable, blushing and cuddling up to him. "But with clothes, 'cause, mom. And then presents."

"I love prezzies."

They came downstairs, Buffy in a pair of pajamas and Spike in a T-shirt and jogging pants, to find Joyce already in the kitchen. "Merry Christmas you two, sleep well?"

"Very well, mum," Spike answered, giving Joyce a peck on the cheek and whispering a thank you in her ear. Joyce patted him on the back.

"Spike, dear, will you get mugs for the coffee?" she asked, mixing up the batter for the waffles.

"I'm on it."

"Buffy, can you get some fruit ready for the waffles? There's whipped cream in the fridge too." Buffy stood still for a moment, then rushed up and kissed her mother on the cheek. They shared a knowing smile and Buffy went to do her part of making breakfast.

***

"Aren't there any more for me?" Buffy pouted from her spot sitting in front of Spike between his legs and leaning back against him. He had his arms around her and his chin rested on her shoulder. All around her were scattered dozens of gifts that she'd opened. Spike tickled her ribs and planted a huge smooch on her cheek.

"There might be one left, but not till your mum opens her last one," Spike answered. Joyce picked up her gift from him, which was obviously a book. "S'from me..." Spike mumbled that last bit, suddenly feeling a bit on the shy side and hiding his face in Buffy's hair.

"Oh my! This isn't supposed to come out until the spring!" Joyce exclaimed, looking over the hardcover novel she'd just unwrapped. "How on earth did you get an advanced copy of Willimina Ingoldsby's new book!?"

"Buffy told me you were a fan n' I pulled a few strings." Buffy kissed his cheek, silently thanking him for making her mother happy on Christmas morning as well as sharing the inside secret of knowing Spike's pen name. Spike was still too embarrassed to reveal the precise details of his occupation.

"I've been dying to find out of Angelica succeeded in keeping Nathaniel and Elizabeth from reaching the castle before the moon rose. Have you read them? They're so exciting and that Angelica is one of the nastiest villains ever. And poor Elizabeth, thinking her lover's dead, but still willing to fulfill his final wish...." Joyce gave a dramatic sigh and clutched the book to her chest. Buffy giggled and snuggled even closer to Spike.

"Joyce, do us a favor and pass Buffy that little box dangling on the tree, the blue one." On one branch there was a small box swaying on a piece of ribbon. Joyce passed it across to Buffy who unlike with her other gifts did not tear the paper away in excitement, but instead carefully and almost reverently unwrapped it. The velvet box was a jewelry one and Spike nudged her to open it. Her gasp intrigued her mother who leaned in to try and have a peek.

"What is it, honey?" Buffy showed her the contents of the box. Both mother and daughter were nearly moved to tears. "Oh, Spike, they're stunning!"

"October 31st, Joyce. Say you'll be there?" Joyce looked at the two platinum wedding bands, the feminine one encrusted with tiny diamonds.

"Of course I'll be there to see my daughter marry such a good man!" Spike was ever bashful, his arms firmly encircling Buffy's small body and keeping it close against his. After a while, it was Joyce who ended the silent reverie, by starting to clean up all the wrapping paper. Spike took the rings from Buffy and closed the box, promising to keep them safe until their wedding day. He kissed the back of her neck and sighed, looking up at the Christmas tree and thanking god for his blessings. His hand drifted down to her stomach, a promise of things to come.

"Love you, Buffy," he whispered.

"Love you, Spike."

The End