Chapter 9:

*

"She'll be home soon, pet. We'll talk to her then." Spike said soothingly, taking Buffy's hand to still her. She yanked away from him and continued pacing back and forth, releasing a frustrated sigh.

"I just don't know how she could do this!" Buffy said angrily, raking her fingers through her hair. "That stuff.. all that stuff she took is worth hundreds of dollars. I mean, I know I didn't raise her, and really, nobody did.. but she knows better! Jesus Christ!"

Spike pulled her down into his arms as she started to cry. She shook violently in his arms, sobbing loudly, drowning out the sound of Dawn's greeting as the girl came striding through the front door. Spike frowned at her and said quietly, "Can you come here for a minute, Dawn?"

"Sure." She replied uneasily, going to sit on the couch. What scared her more than Buffy's tears was the way Spike looked at her and spoke to her - no "Bit", no "Nibblet", just Dawn, angrily spoken. She swallowed hard and gave him a small, scared smile. "Is everything okay?"

"Spike, I can't do this." Buffy murmered against his shoulder. "I'll just go crazy at her."

"Alright." He turned back to Dawn and started, "Buffy went into your room today to make sure you'd taken something to school."

He watched as Dawn paled and continued, accusation rising in his voice, "She found some stuff that we're worried about. We want to know where it came from."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Dawn said, her words wobbling as tears filled her eyes.

"Yes you do." Spike frowned at her and demanded, "Where did it come from?"

"You know." She snapped, tears spilling down her face. When not even the slightest flicker of concern lit in Spike's eyes Dawn started to feel ill. She let out a small sob as he waited for her to answer his question and whimpered, "You know where it came from. Why ask?"

"I want to hear you say it." Spike raised one eyebrow and continued to wait, insisting, "We'll stay here all night 'til you say it."

Sniffling as she tried desperately to hold back her tears, Dawn admitted, painful guilt swelling in the pit of her stomach, "I stole it."

"Now tell me why." Spike said, gentler with her now. Adjusting an equally tearful Buffy in his arms, he reached out and took Dawn's hand. "Come on, Bit. You don't need all that stuff. Why'd you take it?"

"I don't know." She sobbed, wincing as Spike took his hand away and glared at her again.

"You must know, you did it, and you did it for a reason."

"I don't know. I was sad." She tried to blink away her tears but failed, more flooding down her cheeks as she admitted, "Everything was so awful after Buffy came back. She was always so sad and miserable and it seemed like she didn't love me or want me or even want to exist."

"That is so unfair." Buffy hissed, wrenching out of Spike's arms suddenly.

Spike kept hold of Buffy's hand and tried to pull her back, calling gently, "Come here, luv."

"You try coming back from heaven into a world that's practically hell." Buffy spat.

"Yeah, so you made it hell for everyone else. Look what you did to Spike!" Dawn retorted, pointing at him. "You think that you can just do anything you please and nobody else will be affected! You made me so miserable that I acted out and-"

"Don't try and blame me for your little klepto problems."

"Don't try and blame me for your I-hate-being-alive problems!"

"That is so unfair!"

"Will you both bloody well stop it?" Spike shouted, pushing Dawn down onto the couch and yanking Buffy into his arms. "You're both being bloody unfair."

"I'm sorry." Buffy said reluctantly, more to Spike than to Dawn. He nodded his head at the teenager and Buffy said with even more reluctance, "I'm sorry to you too, Dawn."

"So am I." Dawn muttered, slumping down into the couch.

"Nibblet, we'll have to find a way to make this all better now." Spike said, taking her hand again as fresh tears squeezed from her blue eyes. He smiled at Buffy as she reached over and took Dawn's other hand, pressing a soft kiss to it.

"You'll have to return all the stuff, honey." Buffy swallowed back on more tears and sighed. "And you'll probably have to pay as well."

"But if I return the stuff, why should I pay for it?" Dawn asked, more confused than upset about it, but guilt still coloured her face red. "Sorry. That sounded mean."

"They could press charges, Bit."

"Where will I get the money?" Dawn asked in a tiny voice, tears sparkling in her eyes again. "I took so much."

"I'll pay." Spike offered, ignoring Buffy's cry of disapproval. "But you are grounded, Bit."

"For how long?" Buffy and Dawn asked at the same time, Dawn hurt, and Buffy angered.

"How long ago did you steal this stuff?" Spike asked simply.

"Two months, maybe." She guessed uneasily, shrugging.

He mimicked her shrug and sentenced her calmly, "Then for two months, pet."

Dawn glared at him and yelled, "That's not fair!"

"It is, Dawnie." Buffy smiled at Spike admiringly.

"I hate you." Dawn spat and stormed upstairs, slamming her door several times to emphasize her fury.

"She doesn't mean it." Buffy promised gently, moving into Spike's lap. She kissed him, her hands tousling his hair gently as she pulled away, admitting softly, "You did really good with her."

"She doesn't reckon so." Spike mumbled, pain flashing through him still after Dawn's cruel words.

"You'd make a really good dad." Buffy blushed and insisted quickly, "Not that I think about you ever.. and me ever.. you know.."

"I think you'd make a great mum." He rubbed his nose against hers in a playful Eskimo kiss.

"Ha! If you hadn't been here to deal with Dawn like that this house would be caving in on itself right about now from all the screaming." Buffy shrugged. "I'm just not good with the mom-type stuff. So.. why exactly are you paying for all the stuff?"

"Because she won't be able to raise money like that and she's being grounded for two months.. I reckon the Bit's learnt her lesson." Spike's blue eyes darkened with pain and he murmered, "She hates me for it, though."

"She doesn't hate you, baby." Buffy whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. "Just give her time to stop being mad."

"Is she as stubborn as you are, because if so, I'm screwed." He yelped as she punched him on the arm and pulled her close for a passionate kiss.

*

"Hey, man." Xander smiled at Spike. "Where's Buffy?"

"Patrol."

"And Dawn?"

"Sulking in her room." Spike rolled his eyes and elaborated, "She's grounded for a while. Wasn't very happy with it."

"You want a beer?" Xander offered as he went to the fridge. He tossed Spike one without waiting for an answer and grinned. "Want to watch TV?"

Spike nodded and followed Xander into the family room, still finding himself both taken aback, yet slightly warmed by Xander's offer of friendship. As much as Spike used to dislike him, he knew that Xander was close to, and very important to, Buffy, who he loved more than anything. And even though it was probably mere pity that made them do it, he did like having the Scoobies as friends.. not that he'd ever admit it.

Xander was flicking through channels when he found a Monty Python movie and set the remote aside. Suddenly a small voice rose from behind them, "Can I come watch?"

Spike nodded at Dawn and she rushed to him and hugged him fiercely, clinging to him desperately as she whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"S'alright." Spike nodded for her to join Xander on the couch and turned the chair around, quickly moving himself onto the couch beside her. Dawn snuggled up to him and sighed happily as he returned the hug.

She pulled away for a second with a frown crumpling her face. She stared from Spike to Xander and asked in utter bewilderment, "Are you guys friends?"

"No." They denied instantly, glaring at each other.

"He's a vampire." Xander stated accusingly.

"He's a whelp."

"You're both equally dumb." Dawn muttered and buried her face in Spike's shoulder again. "And you're all chummy, don't deny it."

Xander smiled and said distantly, eyes set on the TV, "Good way to get yourself un-grounded, Dawn."

"I'll be un-grounded soon enough." Dawn said smugly, smiling up at Spike. "My grounder is just a big softie."

"Want me to make it three months?" Spike warned, smirking as Dawn's eyes went wide and she shook her head in refusal. "No? Then shut up, Bit."

*

 

Chapter 10:

"Milk?" Buffy offered Spike the glass and he accepted it reluctantly, swigging it down quickly. He gagged and she frowned at him, scolding, "Stop being such a wimp. It's not that bad. Blood?"

She stepped back nervously as he took a sip from the blood. Spike pulled a face and instantly spat it back into the glass. He wiped it from his lips and demanded, "What did you put in this?"

"Nothing." She groaned as he grabbed her wrist and yanked her sleeve up, his eyes growing wide as the cuts came into view. "Spike, I want you to take my blood. It's better for you than that pig stuff."

"You hurt yourself." He murmered sadly, running his finger over the scrape, still oozing a little blood.

"It didn't hurt at all. I did it for you." She said, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "I trust you."

These words should have been magic to him. They should have made him feel like gold. But all Spike felt towards her right now was resentment. He frowned and said, "Because I can't hurt you."

Her eyes clouded with confusion and she cried insistantly, "What.. no! No!"

"Because I'm crippled now and I can't attack you." Spike continued angrily. "Because you have complete and utter control over me."

"That's not true." Buffy said in a tiny voice, her legs suddenly caving under her. She fell down on the bed and listened as he continued to rant,

"You feed me, you clean me, you dress me, and you can do anything you please!" He snarled, now attacking her in a way that didn't require the use of his legs. It stung her more than any way that he'd physically assaulted her. "You can dress me in fucking duck pyjamas and somehow, you're so bloody manipulative that I end up feeling guilty for hurting for the slightest second over what's happened to me!"

"Get out of my room." Buffy hissed, glaring at him as she fought back tears with all her might.

"I can't. I can't get downstairs because of this fucking chair." He spat back at her. Tears started to spill down his face and he whimpered, "How can you even look at me when I'm like this?"

"What?" Buffy moved into his lap despite his resistance and cupped his face in her hands. "Baby, there's nothing wrong with you."

"Yes there is. I'm pathetic." He tried to push her away but Buffy held on tight to him and kissed him, moving her lips soothingly over his cheeks and jawline.

"Spike, maybe I started to trust you because I knew you couldn't cause me any harm. And maybe I did pity you a little bit, and maybe a lot of my motivation was guilt. But you've been here, what..?" Buffy tried to count how long and he interrupted softly,

"Three months."

"Yeah, three months." Buffy placed a tiny kiss on the tip of his nose and smiled. "And over that time I've fallen head over heels for you because I've been forced to realize what a kind, loving, amazing, beautiful man you are."

This did make him feel like gold. A small smile grew on his face and Spike stopped resisting her touch. "Really?"

"Yeah, baby." She saw a frown cross over his face and Buffy reminded him gently, "It's what I say because you're in my heart, 'member? And that's why I wanted you to take my blood. So you can heal, and because I just feel right about it."

Her lips met his in a slow, soft, lingering kiss. As it faded away with smaller, quicker kisses, Buffy whispered, "You're not any less of a man. I promise."

"So.. I'm not just a thing?" Spike asked uneasily, holding her hands in his, gently caressing her fingers lovingly.

"You're not just a thing." Buffy promised, stroking his face affectionately. "I haven't ever thought that about you."

He gave her a 'do you think I'm stupid' look and she insisted, "I haven't! You've always seemed very.. deep. Not like other vamps, that's for sure."

She paused and moved away from him, a frown settling on her face. "I have to get to work."

"If you don't like it, you shouldn't go." He wheeled after her as Buffy dragged her feet into the bathroom to put her make-up on.

"I need to pay bills and buy things and to do that I need money." As Buffy tugged a brush through her hair, tousled from a day spent almost entirely in bed, she rolled her eyes and sighed. "It may not be pleasant, but I have to do it."

"C'mere." Spike pulled her into his lap and started combing her hair gently, smiling as her golden hair flicked about, giving off it's delicious strawberry scent. As he finished smoothing it into place, Spike pressed a soft kiss to the nape of her neck and sighed, "There you go, luv."

"Thankyou." Buffy nuzzled her nose against his and smiled. "I'll be back around 10 after patrolling. Tara's going to be here soon to check your legs, okay, baby?"

"Okay." He grabbed her hand just as she was about to leave and whispered, "I love you, Buffy."

"I know." She fell into his arms again and attacked his lips with a fiery, passionate kiss. She could feel the words building up inside her, but as she stared at him they refused to fall from her lips.

Yet she knew she felt it. Buffy left, completely and utterly bewildered with herself.

*

"You're wearing your ducks." Buffy purred as she slid into bed with Spike, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek as he woke.

"They're not so bad." He murmered sleepily. "Hey, guess what?"

"What?" Buffy started undressing slowly, stripping off until she was only in her underwear. She crossed the room and grabbed his pyjama top, sliding it on quickly. Buffy took her bra off and threw it to him with a saucy smile. "Well, are you going to tell me?"

Spike tossed the bedcovers aside and nodded his head down at his feet. "Look at this, pet."

He started wiggling his toes, grimacing slightly from the pain it still caused him. "Tara says it's a good start."

"It is, baby." Buffy snuggled up to him and whispered, "I'm sorry about before."

"What about before?"

She curled her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest, mumbling, "For not saying it back to you. I will one day, I promise."

"It's alright, kitten." He kissed her forehead tenderly and assured her, "What we have now is enough."

"What else went on here while I was gone?"

"I took Dawn to the mall. She returned all the stuff, paid for it, and apologized." Spike pulled a face and added, "Then we dropped by the Magic Box to see Anya."

"She didn't take it so well, huh?"

"Yelled at the poor Bit until she was blue in the face. Dawn cried and cried and cried and eventually Xander had to hit Anya to shut her up."

Buffy's eyes went wide and she gasped in shock, "He hit her?"

"It was a little slap on the arm, really. Anya didn't take that well either. She got so mad at Harris she forgot all about the Nibblet."

He noticed the anxious expression on Buffy's face and whispered reassuringly, "Things'll be alright."

"Okay." Buffy wormed further into his arms and sighed. She didn't sleep much that night. Most of the time was spent trying to promise herself that come morning, she'd tell Spike what he deserved to hear.

*

 

Chapter 11:

"Am I a total freak?" Buffy screamed, barging past Xander as he opened the door, eyes barely even open yet.

"What time is it?"

"It's five-thirty." She mumbled, knotting her hands together nervously as he groaned.

"Then, yes, you are a freak. What the hell are you doing up this early? And why must you come and inflict suffering on me as well?" Xander collapsed onto his sofa and buried his face in a pillow, mumbling, "Why do you think you're a freak?"

"I can't say 'I love you' to Spike." She sat down beside him and sighed. "It's just not fair. I want to say it so badly, but it doesn't work. It won't come out of my mouth."

"Severe sleep deprivation, perhaps?"

"Shut up." Buffy glared at him and demanded, "Don't I sound like a freak? I love him but I won't say it. And is this weird for us to be talking about it? I mean.. you don't like Spike. Why would you want me rambling about how I love him?"

"Spike's a good guy. It's you I don't like right now." He sat up and stretched with a loud cry of agony. "It's much too early for me to be operating. Look, do you really love him?"

"Yes." Buffy put her head in her hands and mumbled over and over, "Yes, yes, yes."

"Maybe you just aren't in a place to be saying it right now. Maybe you're too tired."

"Will you stop it with the wise-ass sleep cracks?" Buffy snapped. "This is serious. This is what happened with Riley."

"You didn't love Riley."

"Well, no, but maybe that's how it is for me. Maybe even if I love someone I just can't say it. Maybe when I signed up for slayerage I signed up for being a heartless bitch."

"You're not a heartless bitch. You managed to fall in love with him." Xander hugged her close and whispered, "You'll find a way to say it."

*

One Week Later

"SPIKE!" Dawn yelled down into the basement as she thundered down the stairs. "GET UP!"

"Will you shut up? Some people are just waking up." He grumbled as Dawn dragged him out of bed and helped him into his chair.

"You have to come upstairs." Dawn insisted, stifling a laugh as she saw what he was wearing. "Cute PJ's, Big Bad."

"Shut up." Spike scowled at her and demanded, "Well, what'd you wake me up for?"

"Buffy's sick." Dawn announced dramatically, her words punctuated by a cry from upstairs of,

"I'M DOT SICK!"

"And because it's almost Christmas and I want to go shopping-" She caught his suspicious frown and rolled her eyes. "As in with money, not a five-finger discount. Anyway, because I want to go shopping, you have to look after Buffy. Warning: She get's very bitchy when she's sick. Mainly because she spends 99% of the time preaching about how Slayers don't get sick. And eventually she'll get onto telling you that everyone's out to get her and we plotted her illness."

"You're really making it sound like a bunch of fun, Bit." Spike sighed as Dawn bumped him up the stairs in his chair and asked curiously, "How's she sick?"

Again Buffy screamed from somewhere above them, "I'M DOT SICK! YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS! SLAYERS DON'T GET SICK!"

"She's all snotty and drippy and feverish." Dawn groaned as she pushed the chair over the last few steps and successfully moved Spike up into the house. "Okay, I'll see ya!"

"How long will you be?" He asked, glancing at Buffy as she stumbled into the kitchen.

"How long will it take for her to get better?" Dawn retorted with a raise of her eyebrows as Buffy yelled,

"I'M DOT-"

"Yeah, yeah, we know. You're 'dot' sick." Spike yanked her down into his lap and placed his hand to her forehead. He bit down on his lip anxiously and murmered, "You're burning up, kitten."

"I'm dot." Buffy snapped, trying to wriggle out of his arms.

"Now, luv, listen. I'm going to wait on you hand and, well, wheel.. all day. You are sick, and all it'll take for you to get well again is a bit of rest, some time on the couch in front of the telly, and some hot soup and tea to last you the day. You just need some relaxation so you can recuperate. Okay? It'll be nice." Spike kissed her softly and smiled. "Well?"

"Okay." Buffy gave him a tiny smile. "That sounds alright."

Dawn's mouth dropped open and she said in awe, "If mom could see you right now she'd kiss you. She spent 22 years suffering under the hand of Sick Buffy."

"You have fun shopping." Spike frowned as he grabbed his billfold from the counter and fished out some notes. He handed them to Dawn and smiled. "Grab yourself a treat, Bit, and make sure your presents are nice."

"I'll get you some nice duck socks to match your jammies." Dawn giggled and ran out the door before he could trample her with the chair.

Spike turned to Buffy and smiled. "Go and get on the couch, sweetheart."

"Find." She mumbled and frowned, trying to pronounce the word properly. "Fin-d. Finnn-d."

Spike grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap, quickly wheeling them into the lounge room. He deposited Buffy on the couch and covered her with the knitted throw, tucking her in carefully. He smiled and asked gently, "How's that?"

"I'm still a liddle cold." Buffy said, smiling after him as he went to get more blankets. He returned with a thick doona for her and threw it over her, then offered her a box of tissues he magicked out from under his arm. As she wiped her nose and blew it he grabbed the TV remotes and handed them to her.

"You can watch anything you like, princess." He pecked her on the cheek and suggested, "How 'bout I get you a nice cup of tea?"

"With marshmallows?"

"You can't have marshmallows in your tea."

"Okay, then get me cocoa."

"The sugar won't do you any good."

"It'll do better than the tea ending up over your head." She offered him a sweet smile and Spike retreated to the kitchen to get her some hot cocoa.

*

"See, that one's Ethan, kitten." Spike pointed to the man on the screen and added, "The girl with him is Theresa. Then you've got Chad and Whitney."

"I don't like it." Buffy flicked the TV off and scowled. "Too many dumb characters to remember. And too many pretty girls."

She glared at him accusingly and he assured her, stroking her hair gently, "Not one of them is a millionth as pretty as you, princess."

"Good." Buffy snuggled further under the thick blankets and sighed. "Do you mind if I go to sleep?"

"That's okay, kitten. You need your rest." He pressed a tiny kiss to her temple as her eyes fluttered shut and he smiled, watching as she lulled off to sleep. He brushed a stray golden strand of hair out of her face and smiled all the more as a soft purr escaped her lips. He kissed her again and whispered, "I love you, Buffy."

Her eyes snapped open suddenly and she asked in a hushed voice, thick with sleep, "What'd you say?"

"Nothing important, sweetheart. I say it all the time." He smiled at her and left the room, humming contentedly to himself.

"Show off." Buffy muttered bitterly and wondered if he knew how close she'd come to saying it back mere seconds ago. She buried her face in the cushions surrounding her and mumbled over and over, "I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

She'd woken up feeling completely healthy. Now she felt sick to her stomach all over again.

*
 

Chapter 12:

Spike was wheeling himself into the kitchen to give Buffy some peace when he heard her mumbling something. At first it sounded like another exclamation of, "I'm dot sick", but as he listened more carefully, he realized she was saying something different.

Something much different.

And she kept on saying it, sobbing slightly with ever repetition.

"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."

*

"You feeling better now, kitten?" Spike asked gently as Buffy came trudging downstairs.

"Yeah." She slid into his lap and kissed him, her hands tousling his hair gently. She turned to Dawn who had her eyes glued to the TV and scolded, "School tomorrow. Bedtime."

"Okay." She flicked the TV off and ruffled Spike's hair before disappearing upstairs.

"What is it with you all and doing things to my hair?" Spike grumbled, trying to smooth it back.

"I love.. your hair. It's so cute." Buffy conjured up a bright smile and kissed him on the forehead. "Is it bedtime for us too? I'm still kind of tired."

"Sure." He caressed her face gently and smiled. "I love you, Buffy."

"I-- I know." She mentally kicked herself and planted a soft kiss to his lips. "Where are the ducks?"

He pushed her out of his lap and wheeled over to the bed, retrieving them from under a pillow. He tossed them to her and muttered, "There you go."

Buffy undressed and slid the shirt on, then went to help him put the pants on. The words kept ringing around in her head. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Still silent, she helped him into bed and crawled in beside him, kissing his neck slowly, waiting for the words to come.

Buffy knew he was waiting for them and with every second that ticked by the basement filled with more and more tension. Finally, they turned away from each other and went to sleep on seperate sides of the bed.

*

When he woke up she was gone without so much as a note on the pillow. Spike wished there were one there, proclaiming over and over, I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Just as he'd heard her say.

It was about noon now. Buffy would probably be at work, Willow would be at school, as would Dawn. He rolled over in the bed and felt the place where she'd been - it wasn't warm anymore, but her soft scent floated up from the mattress, and he could imagine her there.

Saying over and over, I love you. I love you. I love you.

Spike started to mentally kick himself over and over for being so greedy. He was already living with her, sleeping with her, and spending every other spare second of the day with her.

Yet he wouldn't be asking for it if he hadn't already heard her saying it. Spike couldn't imagine for the unlife of him why she couldn't say it to his face.

He sat up and grabbed at the chair, pulling it closer to the bed so he could try and get into it. Suddenly, completely out of nowhere, he lost his balance and went toppling out of the bed. His head cracked against the floor and his arm let out a loud shriek of pain as he landed on top of it.

Then everything faded to black.

*

"Spike?" Buffy came down into the basement and glanced around, worry filling her instantly. "Spike? You here?"

"I'm down here." He muttered from the floor and she rushed around to see him lying helplessly by the bed.

"What happened?" She cried, panicking as she saw the way his arm was twisted.

"I fell out of the fucking bed." Spike spat bitterly, glaring at her. "I think my arm's broken."

Buffy pulled him up gently and helped him onto the bed, taking his left arm in her hands. Spike cried out in pain as her fingers explored the spot where his arm turned into a deformed L shape. She glanced up at him and soothed, "Sshhhh."

"You bloody shh!" Spike snapped. "I've been left lying here for three bloody hours!"

"I can't care for you 24-7, Spike." Buffy said gently. "Look, I'm going to go get a first aid kit."

She returned as quickly as she could and tried to be as nice as she could as she wrapped his arm up, but he refused to look at her. When she finally finished, Buffy moved into his lap and planted a soft kiss to his forehead. "I'm sorry I wasn't back sooner."

"I was just left lying here." He mumbled. "I'm so fucking sick of this. I'm so pathetic."

"You aren't. Will you stop saying that? I'm so sick of it. It hurts me to think that you see yourself that way." She frowned at him and snapped, "I'm so sick of this self-pitying routine you do. You make me feel like absolute shit and it's not fair."

His eyes went wide and he murmered, "I'm sorry. God, Buffy, I-"

"And don't you start doing your guilty puppy dog act!" She sighed in frustration and growled, "You always give me those big blue eyes and I'm meant to just forgive you?"

Spike started chuckling as she continued ranting and she froze, glowering down at him as he shook with laughter. "What the hell are you laughing at, buster?"

This only made him laugh harder and he didn't stop even when she started hitting at him. Finally she shouted in her freezing-hell-over voice, "Stop laughing at me!"

He bit down on his lip and croaked, "I'm sorry, kitten. You're just so adorable."

"Go to hell." Buffy mumbled and fell down beside him on the bed. "You know, there are things you can do to get better. I offered you my blood and you spat it out. Most vampires would die again for that oppurtunity."

"But it's you, kitten." He gazed at her longingly and whispered, "I don't want to see you come to any harm. I especially don't want you cutting your wrist open to squeeze out some blood every morning for me."

"Then you take it straight from me." Buffy stripped her shirt off and arched her neck, awaiting his touch.

"Buffy." Spike pulled her into his arms and brushed a few kisses over her shoulder before whispering, "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't." Buffy assured him and smiled, reaching around to unhook her bra. As it fell away she lifted one of her breasts to his mouth and purred, "Go on, baby."

His eyes glimmered yellow with both hunger and doubt. Buffy nodded insistingly and his face shifted, his demon emerging slowly. She gasped as his fangs traced over her nipple, his tongue darting out to lick it a little. Buffy gave a soft moan as his fangs sunk deep into her breast. Spike suckled at the blood that poured from the wound, carefully lapping it up before it stained her skin.

Buffy raked her fingers down his back as he started to pull away and moaned, "Don't stop."

Planting a small kiss on the wound, he smirked and inquired, "That feel good, pet?"

"God, I love you." Buffy groaned and slipped down into his embrace, kissing him passionately.

Spike yanked away and asked quietly, not sure if he'd heard right, "What did you just say?"

Buffy blushed bright red and whispered, "I love you."

Spike rolled his eyes and sighed, "I know, I heard you say it yesterday."

"You.. you heard that?!" Buffy let out a cry of frustration and hit him on the arm. Spike yowled in pain and she slapped her hand over her mouth in horror. "Oh my god! Did I hurt it?"

"It was starting to heal from your blood." Spike muttered sullenly, rubbing his broken arm. "Jesus, Slayer. You wanna get a hold over that temper of yours?"

"I'm sorry." She pressed a kiss to his arm and moved up his body with her kisses, stopping to sing in his ear, "I love you."

"I love you too." Spike murmered as her hand slid down his body.

She moved on top of him and sighed as she brushed her lips against his, "I love you, baby. Do you know how good that feels to say?"

"As good as it feels to hear?" He guessed, pulling her close. He smiled and bumped his nose against hers affectionately.

Her hand exploring the bulge growing in Spike's pants, Buffy whispered, "Guess Slayer blood is an aphrodisiac..."

*
 

Chapter 13:

"Spike?" Dawn frowned over at him as he dealt out the cards for the third time that evening.

"I told you, I'm not cheating!" He cried adamently, slamming the cards down in front of her. "Here, you deal if it worries you so much."

"It's not that." Dawn started dealing the cards, her eyes downcast as she asked in a tiny voice, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure, luv." Spike picked up his hand and studied the cards, glancing at her quickly. She had a look of total guilt on her face and he asked suspiciously, "What is it?"

"I don't want you to think I'm not happy for you and Buffy. I really am. You guys are happy and I'm really glad because I know you've wanted this since forever." She paused and sighed, pushing her hand of cards aside. "It's just.. why are you with her? After what she did to you?"

"I love her." Spike replied simply, smiling at Dawn. "You know that."

"But why.. why would you want to be with her after her hurting you so much? Why would you forgive her?" She shook her head and sighed in frustration, admitting, "I know I've asked you this before but I really don't get why you put yourself through all her crap."

"Because I love her." Spike saw the irritation flicker over Dawn's face again and he elaborated, "Look, I never thought that she'd go as far as she did when she did this to me. But this isn't the first time she's put me in a wheelchair."

"You say that like it's a good thing!" Dawn cried, anger and confusion filling her. "I don't get it."

"I guess it isn't a good thing, Bit. But if she hadn't done that to me then, maybe things wouldn't have worked out to what they are now. Maybe I wouldn't have fallen for her."

"You say that like it's a bad thing." Dawn muttered as she shuffled her cards aimlessly, ignoring his glare.

"Anyway, pet, what I'm saying is.. things worked out then. And right now they're working out pretty good too."

Still utterly baffled, Dawn frowned at him and said slowly, "Right.."

Spike sighed and started ticking the things off on his fingers as he went. "I get to live with you both. I get to be with Buffy. She's finally let her guard down and she's admitting how she feels. You have no idea what she put me through before all this happened. We're past that now, for one reason or another."

"Yeah, because she crippled you, and she feels guilty!"

Spike ignored her outburst and continued, "I could never have asked for this much from her, Bit. I barely ever dreamed of things this good with her."

"But look at what you had to go through." Dawn put her hand on his leg and sighed sadly. "This isn't fair."

"They'll heal." Spike said softly, closing his hand over hers. "But even if they don't.. even if in a hundred years I'm still like this.. I don't care. She makes me so happy."

"But she-"

"She's good to me." He finished. "And she's better now. I think I make her happy too."

"You do." Dawn admitted with a smile. "I just don't want you to get hurt again. Especially so close to Christmas."

Dawn moved into his arms and hugged him, and he murmered, "Christmas'll go fine, pet. I promise."

*

She was definitely rusty.

Buffy was fighting with all her might, and although it was a huge, ferocious demon she was fighting - or losing - against, she knew that two solid weeks of no patrolling and making out with vampires rather than killing them was not good for her.

"Why. Won't. You. DIE!" Buffy yelled as she kicked the demon up against a wall, pounding his scaly chest fiercely. The demon grabbed at her and flung her against a tree. Buffy slumped to the ground like a rag-doll and groaned as it came towards her again. As it pounced she swung her leg out and kicked it in the chest, but rather than achieving any defense, her stiletto heel became caught in it's huge paws as it prevented her attack. Again she was flung across the graveyard, this time smashing into a tombstone.

As her head swum and the stars above her glared down at her, their white light blinding, Buffy clawed at the ground, trying to pick herself up. This is a hell of your own making. If you had just kept your hands off Spike this never would have happened.

She thought of Spike at home, with the exception of her sister, all alone, and her blood started to boil with longing to go home and be with them. She threw herself up onto her feet and grabbed the demon's paw as it swiped at her, claws glistening under the moonlight. Buffy snapped it's arm back and booted it in the stomach until it was weak, and then with a triumphant cry, she tore it's head off.

As she walked away, limping only ever-so-slightly as she left the demon behind, bleeding into the dewey green grass. Buffy breathed in the calm of the night and barely flinched as a vamp flew at her from behind the cover of a tree. It was dust within seconds and she continued on home to her family.

*

"Hey, luv."

"Don't you 'hey luv' me." Buffy scolded as she stripped her jacket off and collapsed down onto the couch into his arms. "You're not good for me."

"Why am I not good for you?" Spike asked softly, kissing her forehead as she wriggled around, trying to get comfortable.

"Because you're a very big distraction. You got all kissy with me before I left and I couldn't concentrate and almost got killed." Buffy scowled at him, pressing only a tiny little kiss to the side of his lips.

"I'm sorry, pet." Spike sat up properly and dragged her up with him, smiling at her adoringly as she gave a big yawn. "You tired?"

"Yeah." Buffy frowned and sighed, "You didn't have to wait up for me."

"S'alright. I can't sleep at night unless you're with me, pet."

"Am I that boring?" Buffy questioned with a soft laugh. "Come on, let's go to bed."

"Too much effort, pet. Let's just stay here." Spike grabbed the quilted throw off the armrest and threw it over Buffy as she tangled herself up in his arms. "Hey.. the Nibblet says there's not long til Christmas."

"About four weeks." Buffy agreed, a smile tugging at her lips at the thought of it.

"Wonder if it'll snow."

"In California?" Buffy shook her head vehemently and laughed. "Worse, we're on the Hellmouth. It won't ever snow. There's not a chance in hell."

As they lulled off to sleep together, Spike murmered distantly, "That's what I used to say 'bout us, kitten.."

*

 

Chapter 14:

"Your legs are looking much better." Tara said softly as she unwrapped the bandages gently. She glanced at Spike and asked curiously, "How do they feel?"

"They don't hurt as much as they used to." He replied with a shrug.

"Most of the cuts and the burns have faded." Tara frowned thoughtfully and took his hands gently. "Stand up."

"Have you gone completely carrot-top?" Spike demanded, staring at her in confusion. "I can't stand up."

"Trust me. You already have the feeling in your feet back, and I think your legs are getting there too." Tara smiled at him and repeated, "Trust me. Stand up. I'll help you."

He nodded reluctantly and gripped her hands as he pulled himself up off the bed. Tara wrapped an arm around his waist, supporting him as he stood. His legs were shaky and they ached terribly as Spike settled, shifting his weight from side to side. But he was standing. He never thought he'd be able to again, but he was. Spike grinned from ear to ear and muttered, "Bloody hell."

"I knew you could do it." Tara smiled up at him and requested gently, "Why don't you try walking a bit?

"I don't know, pet. Already hurts to be standing this much."

"Just a few steps." Tara insisted, and she held him upright as Spike managed to take two small steps away from the wheelchair. He paused and grimaced as pain shot through his legs and noticing this, Tara quickly helped him back to his chair. She grinned and stated, voice coloured with pride, "That was great."

"It still hurts." He grumbled.

"Well, your muscles still need time to heal, and they are still bruised a lot." Tara pointed out timidly. His legs did look better from what they'd been the first time she'd seen them, but they were still shaded a deep purple. Looking away, she smiled and said quietly, "I guess all that Slayer blood must help."

"Wha--? I.. I haven't been.. no." Spike shook his head vehemently and insisted, "I haven't done anything like that."

"I saw the bitey marks." Tara laughed softly as his face contorted with shame. "Spike, it's okay."

"I didn't force it on her." He said weakly, eyes downcast. "She lets me."

Placing her hand over his, Tara assured him, "I know."

He smiled up at her and whispered, "She says she loves me."

She smiled back at him, touched by the joy sparkling in his blue eyes, and realized how often she saw it aglow in Buffy's eyes as well. Tara admitted, giving his hand a small squeeze, "I can see she does."

"It okay if I smoke?" He asked, and she nodded. Spike rested back in his chair and found his box of cigarettes, plucking one out and lighting it as it dangled from his lips. He exhaled rings of smoke and asked curiously, "So.. how are things with you and Red?"

"Fine." Tara replied in a squeak. "Why?"

"Jus' wondering, pet." Spike eyed her carefully as she turned beet red and smiled. "She's always asking me when you're going to be coming around."

"To avoid me?" Tara guessed uneasily, her eyes growing wide with hurt.

"Sometimes. Most of the time she'll go running upstairs to spend hours picking out what to wear. Sometimes I hear her rehearsing what to say to you." He chuckled along with Tara and added, "D'you miss her?"

Tara nodded and asked worriedly, "Is she okay? I mean.. is she? No more magics?"

Spike shook his head, spraying ash from the cigarette around. He frowned and brushed it off his knee, replying distractedly, "No."

"You sure? Because I want her to be okay before.. anything happens." She said the last two words quietly with reluctance heavy in her words.

"I reckon she'd do better getting over this if you were there with her." Spike pointed out and they fell silent as Tara thought this over.

*

"I cannot wear this dress."

Dawn rolled her eyes and muttered, "We heard you the first time, Buffy."

"Well, then why hasn't someone disposed of it yet?" Buffy stared at herself in the mirror and groaned. "Why did I sign up for maid-of-freakin-honour duties?"

"Hey, at least you don't have the whole sleeve thing going on. I look like I have frogs crawling up my arms. And hey! Anya said she had designer dresses for us." Willow said quietly, glaring at her reflection. "I'd like to find this designer and shoot him."

"I like mine." Dawn announced brightly, trying to alert Buffy by subtly nodding her head towards Anya who had returned from the bathroom. "It's really pretty."

"Are you colour blind? Or maybe just plain blind?" Buffy cried, laughter suddenly bubbling out of her as she stared down at the dress. "The designer certainly was."

"Buffy." Willow warned.

"Anya's right behind me, isn't she?" Buffy guessed, cringing. She turned and smiled uneasily at Anya. "Hi."

"Do you have a problem with the dresses?" Anya wondered tersely, folding her arms over her chest in a very stern manner.

"Well.." Buffy hobbled over to Anya as best she could, seeing as the dress was being fitted and was decorated with pins that kept jabbing into her. "I thought the maid of honour wore a different dress to the bridesmaids, that's all."

"Your sleeves are different." Willow muttered sullenly.

"It's just, maybe I could pick my own dress." Buffy suggested, trying to sound enthusiastic as she faltered under Anya's angry glare. "It's not that I don't love the dresses. They look great. Just.. not on me. It's my fault, really."

"Will you be paying for your new dress, then?" Anya challenged, her fury increasing by the second. "Because you'd better! I've paid for this one but it's just not good enough, is it?"

"No, it-"

"Everyone is wearing the green dresses." Anya snapped, cutting Buffy's every protest off. "But that's just not good enough for Little Miss Perfect Slayer. I try, and I try, and I try-"

"FINE!" Buffy glared at Anya and sighed in defeat, "I'll wear the stupid green dress."

"You'd better." Anya narrowed her eyes at Buffy, and, with a threatening jab of her finger, finished dramatically, "Or else!"

She turned on her heel and stomped out of the dressing room as Buffy continued staring down at her dress in disgust. She gazed over at Willow and Dawn sadly and mumbled, "I look like a celery stick gone wrong."

Dawn shrugged and said dismally, "Join the club."

*

It was pouring. The rain was bucketing down outside the hotel and Buffy couldn't help but feel slightly happy that Anya's dream of a perfectly sunny wedding day was getting ruined.

She glanced around nervously at the room full of people, waiting for the ceremony to begin. She'd spent the past two hours avoiding Spike to her best ability, but as she stared out at the rain, and the hairs on the back of her neck rose, she knew he was approaching.

Buffy spun around and he was there, smiling up at her lovingly from his chair. She scowled at him and edged away from him as he wheeled closer, explaining as confusion and hurt flooded over his face, "My dress is radioactive."

"You look lovely, kitten." Spike assured her, trying to take her hand.

"I do not." Buffy snapped and turned back to the window, gazing out at the flooded street. "Will you go help Xander? I'm meant to be, but he kept laughing at me. So I stuffed his bow-tie in his mouth."

"You look fine, pet." Spike insisted, pulling her into his lap. "C'mon. You're gorgeous."

"And you're a liar."

Suddenly something clicked in her mind and she smiled at him, purring sweetly, "I'll be back in a second, baby."

"Where are you going?"

"Go find Anya for me, will you?" Buffy requested and made sure he was gone before she tore through the crowds of guests and burst outside into the pouring rain.

She stared down at her dress as it became soaked and announced with a smirk, "Teaches you for being so ugly."

Now all she had to do was handle Anya.. who to Buffy's horror, was standing at the entrance to the hotel, pure fury glowing on her face as she yelled, "Elizabeth Anne Summers, what the HELL have you done?!"

*
 

Chapter 15:

"Hey guys." Tara and Willow grinned at Spike and Xander as they rushed into Xander's room.

"I thought you were helping my missus-to-be." Xander said questioningly, frowning at them. Suddenly an angered scream echoed from down the hall, causing both Tara and Willow to flinch.

"Was that Buffy?" Spike demanded, beginning to wheel towards the door.

Tara grabbed him and pulled him back, and explained to him and Xander softly, "She and Anya are in the middle of a little.. disagreement."

"Or a war." Willow pulled a face as more shouting sounded and explained, "Buffy managed to ruin her dress. At first I was wishing I'd thought of it.. but apparently Anya wasn't so impressed."

More screams rose, reaching a glass-shattering pitch. Then silence fell suddenly, which somehow seemed worse than the screaming. Tara noticed the concern etched on Spike's face and said with false confidence, "I'm sure Buffy'll be fine. She's the Slayer.. I'm sure Anya's not going to try and cross her."

"Do the words Vengeance Demon come to mind?" Willow squeaked as the yelling started again.

"Does the word Anya come to mind? That woman could scream the Hellmouth down." Xander shuddered and turned back to the mirror, emitting another shudder after a few seconds.

Sensing a change of subject was needed, Tara turned to Spike and asked with a smile, "So, was Buffy happy when you told her?"

"Told her what?" Willow and Xander asked, glancing over at Spike curiously.

"I didn't yet. I'm going to wait a while 'til I'm sure m'legs can cope."

"Wanna practice?" Tara offered him her hands and pulled him up, ignoring the shocked gasps coming from Xander and Willow as she walked him around the room. "Did you have another feed last night? You seem to be stronger."

"Another what?" Xander demanded, turning on Spike. "A feed as in blood? As in Buffy blood?"

"No." Tara lied, projecting suprising smoothness as she continued, "It's a special mix of blood with some potion in it I found out about."

"Alright." He shrugged and disappeared into the bathroom.

Tara glanced at Willow and saw the redhead wasn't nearly as convince. She faltered under Willow's critical gaze and admitted, "Yeah, it's Buffy blood."

Horror passed over Willow in a cold wash and she turned to glare at Spike, when she saw nothing but shame pasted on his face. She smiled and jumped up to hug him, and said softly, "But you're walking, that's great."

"Spike?" Dawn called as she poked her head in the door. Her eyes went as wide as saucers as she saw he was standing and with an excited squeal, she leapt across the room and threw him back down into his chair, clinging to him. She buried her face in his chest and mumbled happily, "You were standing. Were you standing? You were standing!"

"I don't think I will be again for a while though." Spike groaned and she quickly jumped off him.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked worriedly, and when he shook his head, she jumped into his arms again and hugged him fiercely.

She pulled away after a few moments and announced, "Buffy and Anya have finished fighting. But apparently Anya's kicking her out of the wedding party unless Buffy conjures up a dress within the next half hour."

"There's a bridal shop down the street, isn't there?" Tara smiled as Buffy came into the room, dressed in clothes that looked like they'd been worn by Xander before he'd put on his tuxedo.

"I'll take you down the street and get you a new dress, kitten." Spike offered, taking her hand gently. "Sound good?"

"I knew there was a reason I loved you." Buffy murmered, planting a soft kiss to his cheek. "You're so good to me."

*

"Choose anything you like, sweetheart." Spike said with a smile as he watched her swan around the shop, ruffling the fabrics of the different dresses as she skimmed past them.

"Anything?" Buffy grinned and kissed him on the nose. "You're so, so good to me."

"You deserve it, pet." Spike picked a dress off the rack and presented it to her. "I like this one."

Buffy's eyes lit up as she held the black satin number in her arms and beamed. But her face fell when she saw the price, and realized it was way outside Anya's idea of acceptable colour scheme. "It's black. And kind of pricey."

"Well, I'm paying, an' I don't see a problem with black." Spike nodded down at his suit, a black jacket and pants with a black silk open-collar shirt.

Convinced, she pecked him on the cheek and whispered, "I'll try it on."

He followed her to the dressing rooms and waited outside as she ducked behind the curtain to put the dress on. She emerged and turned her back to him, leaning down so he could zip her up. Spike pressed a soft kiss to each inch of her back before he concealed it with the zipper and turned her around so he could admire her.

"Do I look okay?" Buffy asked nervously as his eyes wandered over her.

He grinned and affirmed, "Amazing."

"Maybe I'll get a white one for our wedding day." Buffy instantly paled and added quickly, as though deeply embarrassed for saying it, "Not that it would ever happen, but-"

"I think about it too." Spike smiled up at her, and shrugged. "Sounds crazy for people like us, I know.. but I've thought about it for ages now. Since that time we got pretend engaged."

"You're just a big dope underneath that broody Big Bad exterior, aren't you?" She teased and spun around in the dress once more. "You sure this one looks good?"

He took a long look at her and smiled as the sight of her set him on fire. She was beautiful from head toe - from where the material scooped down at her chest to reveal a little cleavage, to all the places it clung to over her body, and then the way the black satin puddled at the floor. Spike gazed into her sparkling green eyes and whispered, "You look bloody perfect, luv."

He did too. Buffy smiled and moved into his arms, kissing him slowly, despite the fact they were in the middle of a dress shop. She just kissed him all the more as his hands ran lovingly over her body, and suddenly felt far, far beyond perfect. There wasn't even a word for just how good he made her feel.

It was too strong.

*

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time..
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you..

"They look so happy." Buffy said softly as she watched Xander and Anya dance together. She closed her hand around Spike's and squeezed it gently, smiling over at him. "You want some more champagne, baby?"

"No, I'm fine, kitten."

"I'll have some." Dawn piped up suddenly, to which they both immediately insisted,

"NO!"

"You're not much fun." She grumbled and stalked off to get more cake.

Buffy snuggled deeper into Spike's arms and smiled up at him, bumping her forehead against his chin. "Hey, you."

"Hey, kitten." He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her closer, cuddling up to her warmth.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you..
Maybe I'm a man, maybe I'm a lonely man who's in the middle of something,
Something that he doesn't really understand..

"I'm going to get something to drink." Buffy wriggled out of his arms and smiled down at him as she swung their hands from side to side. "Sure you don't want something?"

"A dance?" He requested, smirking as confusion passed over her pretty face. Spike grabbed her hand to steady himself, and pulled himself up out of the chair. He stood before her and smiled as Buffy opened and closed her mouth, speechless, and suddenly breathless as well. She toppled back down into her seat and stared up at him, sucking in breath desperately.

"When did you.. how did you.." Buffy stared up at him and guessed from the smug look on his face that this wasn't a brand-new developement. She stood up and grabbed a handful of his hair, yanking it so his head became level with hers. She glared at him and snapped, "You jerk! How long has this..?"

"Only since yesterday, kitten." Spike brushed a soft kiss over her cheek and whispered, "Now, about that dance..?"

She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around him as they melted into the crowd of other wedding guests, finding a spot on the floor quickly. Buffy rested her head on his shoulder and started to cry as they swayed to the tune, both dizzied and blinded by love, adoration, and desire for one another.

Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time..
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song..
Right me when I'm wrong..
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you..

*

Chapter 16:

"Spike?" Buffy put her hands on her hips and glared at him as he spun around to face her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making you and the Bit breakfast." He announced with a smile, but the fury didn't lift from her face. Spike set the bowl of pancake batter down and frowned at her. "Is something wrong?"

"I've been thinking." Buffy sat down at the kitchen island, lips still narrowed, stained white as she pursed them. "You can use your legs now. So there's no real reason for you to be here."

The bowl clattered to the kitchen floor and batter puddled everywhere, all over the tiles and around his feet, but Spike didn't notice. He was frozen, shocked and stung by what she had just said. No words would come out, and all he could do was stare at her. Buffy sighed and continued, "This has been fun, but we can go back to being normal now, and forget this ever happened."

Tears brimmed in his eyes and Spike pleaded, the words shaking as they escaped him, "But.. Buffy.. I thought.."

Buffy reached out and yanked him over to her side of the bench and growled, "We. Are. Not. In. Love. This never happened. You can just forget it!"

Spike sobbed as the words burnt themself into him and tears spilled down his cheeks. Buffy relaxed her grip on his neck and whispered, "Baby, I was just kidding."

"What?"

"I was just joking!" Buffy cried, paling with guilt. She hung back as his face contorted with rage and murmered, "I'm sorry. I thought it'd be funny."

"It's not bloody funny." Spike seethed through clenched teeth and tore around the kitchen island to grab her. Buffy cried out as he tossed her down on the island and snarled as he bit down on her shoulder with blunt teeth. She ruffled his hair and kissed him softly, again whispering earnest apologies as he nipped at her neck, hissing back, "Don't ever scare me like that again."

"Gross!" Dawn cried as she came into the kitchen.

Buffy wriggled out from under Spike and flashed her sister an apologetic smile. "You're up late."

"Grosser!" Dawn shrieked, backing away from the mess of pancake batter coating the kitchen floor. "What happened, did Buffy try and cook breakfast?"

"Hey! That was his fault." Buffy jabbed her finger at Spike and scowled.

"It was because you were being a bitch." Spike planted a kiss to her cheek and turned to Dawn. "Can you get me the mop, pet?"

"But Spike," Dawn protested, stretching his name out into six long, whiny syllables. "Me and Buffy are getting ready for Christmas."

"Faster you do it, faster we can start." Buffy said, snuggling close to Spike again as Dawn sulked out of the room. "Wanna help?"

"What'll you be doing?"

"Decorating the house. Xander normally brings over a tree but he's in honeymooning mode, so we can go and get that later. We'll also write out our Christmas cards and make cookies and other festive treats. And we put new photos up around the house that we've taken."

"Hey!" Spike stared at Dawn as she danced back into the kitchen, arms loaded with boxes full of glitzy tinsel and other decorations. "I thought I asked for a mop."

She took a deep breath and said slowly, "Yeah. That sounded like.. not much fun. This is fun. Buffy?"

Buffy leaned up and kissed Spike gently. "I love you, baby. But I love Christmas too."

"Alright." Spike paused for a moment on his way to clean up the mess of batter and then peered out the window. "It's cloudy out today. I reckon I'll go back to my place and pick some stuff up."

"Baby, I was kidding before." Buffy insisted, grabbing at his hand as he went for the back door.

"I know." He pulled her close and kissed her, his heart flipping as she smiled and purred against his lips. Spike smirked at her and affirmed, "There's just some stuff I want to pick up."

*

"Hey, kitten." Spike smiled at Buffy as he slammed the front door behind him and strode over to the couch, flopping down with a sigh.

"Did you pick up what you needed?" Buffy asked distantly as she stuck a stamp to the envelope and set it aside. "There. Only four to go."

"Yeah. What's all this?"

"Christmas cards." Buffy leaned back and kissed him, noticing the box he held in his hands. "What's that?"

"I'll show you in a second, luv." Spike sat down beside her on the floor, curling an arm around her waist. He flicked through the pile of cards and paused, snatching one out of the stack. He shoved it under her nose and demanded, "Angel? You're sending one to Angel?"

"Well.. he always sends me one." Buffy cried out in horror as Spike tore the envelope open and leaned back to read the card.

"Dear Angel.. hope you all have a wonderful Christmas in LA.. we're having a great time here.. love Buffy and Dawn and everyone else." Spike glared at her and tore the card straight in half. "You are not sending that."

"Spike!" Buffy bashed him on the arm, trying to grab the card as he continued to shred it up. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Firstly, I don't hear anything about me in that card. Secondly, you are not allowed to say you love him." Spike tossed the torn up card aside where it scattered over the floor.

"You're cleaning that up." Buffy snapped and turned away from him, retorting bitterly, "Firstly, I don't know what to tell Angel about you. And secondly, I used to say it, so why not now?"

"Because you're meant to love me now." Spike snapped and stretched out on the couch, glowering up at the ceiling.

"I do love you." Buffy groaned as she moved on top of him and wrapped her arms around the sullen vampire. "Stop brooding."

"I am not brooding."

"I have to send him something or he'll think something's wrong." Buffy pulled Spike down onto the floor by the coffee table and grabbed a fresh Christmas card to place in front of her, and handed him a scrap of paper. "You write what you think I should tell him."

Spike planted a soft kiss on her shoulder and smiled as he quickly scrawled something. He handed it to her and Buffy took one look at it before tearing it up and throwing it in his face. She slammed another scrap of paper down in front of him and insisted, "This time, nothing obscene."

"Well, it's true." Spike grumbled and wrote something down and handed her the piece of paper with a pleading look.

"Dear Angel," Buffy read out, narrowing her eyes suspiciously at Spike. "Things are great here. Spike's living with us and I'm madly in love with him, you big brooding wan- SPIKE!"

"Well you are. Aren't you?" He nuzzled her neck affectionately but Buffy yanked away and started scribbling something down. She smiled at him and read it out slowly, "Dear Angel--"

"Cut out the 'dear'." Spike snapped.

She ignored him and continued, "Life in Sunnydale is great. A lot has happened lately - we've taken on a new member to the family in the form of Spike. He got hurt recently and we decided to take care of him. Spike says hi-"

"I do bloody not."

"-and sends his best. We all do. Xander and Anya are husband and wife, and Willow is all better. Dawn is doing great in school and I'm brilliant as well. I'm very happy with Spike and I hope you all have a great Christmas." Buffy paused and skimmed over it again with a small smile. "That sounds good."

"It's alright." Spike frowned as she started writing it onto the actual card. "If you write 'love from Buffy', I'm leaving."

"I won't." She promised and finished the card with a flick of her pen. "There. From Buffy. No love. I'm sure he'll take the hint."

Spike got back up onto the couch and waited for her to finish addressing the envelope and stamping it before he pulled her into his arms and kissed her passionately. Buffy pulled away as the box he'd been carrying wedged itself between her knees and she picked it up, studying it curiously. "What is it?"

Spike took it from her and opened it, setting it onto her lap as he sorted through it. "Photos of me as a kid with my family at Christmases and birthdays and other celebrations."

Buffy stared at the tiny photographs and smiled as she found him in each of them, with wild curly hair and huge glasses. She grinned at him and pecked him on the nose, teasing, "Nerd."

She could have sworn he'd blushed but Spike quickly moved onto the next item in the box. He retrieved a small golden bell and placed it in her hands. It emitted a twinkle as it glinted up at her, and he explained, "It was a Christmas decoration we had when I was about five or six."

"Wow." Buffy breathed as he placed another object in her hands. This time it was a tiny angel, made of cloth that was now beyond faded, but it's rosy lips and golden hair were still vivid. She turned it over in her hands, running her fingers over the delicate silk wings. She smiled at him and whispered, "It's beautiful."

"My little sister made that when she started school. I made this for her." Spike dropped a tiny fleecey lamb into her hands and Buffy giggled.

"They're gorgeous." She planted a kiss to his lips and whispered, "You're gorgeous. We have to set up these photos around the house."

"Really?" He sorted through the photos and shrugged. "Alright, but they're bloody tiny."

"We'll get them enlarged and framed properly." Buffy hugged him to her, and kissed his neck lovingly, mumbling against the softness of his skin, "You're part of the family. Remember?"

"I remember." Spike whispered and pulled her closer, so he was coated entirely in the warmth of her body and the soft tickle of her breath against his chest. "This is gonna be the best Christmas yet, luv."

*
 

Epilogue:

*

"What the hell?"

Groceries crashed to the floor as Buffy repeated angrily, "What the hell?"

"We decorated the tree!" Dawn announced happily, grinning up at it, oblivious to her sister's fury as she stormed over.

"Well, undecorate it now! I was meant to be here for that! It's my favourite part." Buffy put her hands on her hips and glared at Spike. "Why do I get the feeling this was your doing?"

"We thought it'd be a nice suprise, princess." Spike snaked one arm around her waist and stared up at the tree. "It looks great, doesn't it?"

"Maybe." Buffy muttered dismally, averting her eyes from the tree. In all truth it looked more than great. She'd never seen a Christmas tree look so lovely, but there was no way in hell she was going to admit that now. "You're a jerk, Spike."

"It was the Bit's idea." Spike caught the teenager's shocked look and hissed, "I'm not taking the blame again like I did with that pig."

"What about what pig?" Buffy asked in confusion.

"Nothin', love." Spike pecked her on the cheek and led her into the kitchen, where a sweet scent floated from the oven. He smiled as he noticed the hungry look on her face and explained, "Me and the Bit made cookies as well, they'll be ready in a sec."

Buffy watched in fascination as he knelt down and retrieved a tray of biscuits from the oven. She didn't know what to say or what to think - this was a vampire, soulless at that, who had actually baked something for her. The only cookies she ever provided came from a cheap packet available at the grocery store. Spike offered her a cookie and she devoured it eagerly, licking the crumbs away from her lips as she finished the delicious cookie. Buffy smiled and murmered, "Wow, maybe this year'll actually bring meaning to the term 'Merry Christmas'."

"Hmm?"

"Oh, you don't know about Summers Christmases, do you?" She snorted with laughter and shook her head. "Summers Christmases aren't ever very happy. You see, Dawn gets up at around three in the morning, screaming for me to come open presents with her. I, of course, want to sleep until ten, and we end up yelling at each other for the next three hours. Then we'll finally agree it's time for presents, and we'll always have forgotten what the other wanted, and that will be a major bummer, and then I'll try to cook breakfast.. which we all know always ends in disaster.. and there'll be more yelling that continues on through the day."

"Sounds pleasant." Spike muttered sardonically, pulling her into his lap. "I'm sure the Bit will behave herself."

*

"IT'S TIME FOR-"

"Shut the bloody hell up." Spike interrupted as Dawn burst into the room. "And go back to bed."

Dawn froze in the doorway, too shocked to move. "Did you just tell me to shut up? To shut the bloody hell up?"

"It's Christmas, and your sister wants to sleep in." Spike bundled Buffy closer to him and smiled up at Dawn. "Now, run along."

"But.. Spike.. that's not fair!"

"It's perfectly fair. Run. Along."

"But.." Dawn found herself at a dead end and screamed in frustration, "I hate you when you're Buffy's stupid boyfriend!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, luv." Spike called after her as she stormed out and hugged Buffy closer as she slept, snuggled up against his chest.

*

"Why was there no yelling?" Buffy mumbled as she awoke, too lazy to lift her head, so her words came out muffled against his chest. She managed to lean up enough to kiss his neck slowly, smiling against his smooth skin.

"I sent the Bit back off to bed. She's a bit mad at me right now. I can hear her, she's still awake and talking to herself, bitching about everyone conspiring against her." Spike kissed her forehead gently and murmered, "Merry Christmas."

"Hey, did you remember to send off those Christmas cards for me?"

"Lovely to know you wish me well too, pet." He teased, brushing his hand over her hair, rumpled from sleep. It stuck up everywhere, and knots barred his fingers from roaming through it freely, but she looked amazing. Spike planted an affectionate kiss to the crown of her head and ruffled her hair.

"Merry Christmas to you too." Buffy managed to lift her head to smile at him and saw the pain etched on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I can't feel my legs." Spike said softly, his words heavy with grief.

"Wha--? No! You can't.. that's not possible.. I.. no!" Her last cry came out furiously as Spike started laughing. "Spike, that's not funny!"

She wrenched away from him and swung her legs over the side of the bed, grabbing at her robe as he snaked an arm around her waist. Spike kissed the soft skin of her back and pointed out gently, "Neither was your joke yesterday, pet. But two can play at that game."

"You're a jerk." Buffy snapped bitterly, wriggling away from his touch.

"I love you too, princess."

"You won't be hearing that again for a long time." Buffy yanked her robe on and jumped out of the bed, glaring down at him.

Spike rolled onto his back and stretched out, like a cat in the afternoon sun, and sighed, "Guess you won't be wanting your presents, then."

"You can't bribe me with presents." She snapped, trying to hold her strong resolve as he pulled her back into his arms and peppered kisses over her cheeks. Spike took her hand and guided it under her pillow, where her fingers located a long velvet box. Buffy retrieved it slowly and frowned suspiciously at him. "What is it?"

"Well, open it and see, you daft bint." When she didn't respond, and simply continued to glower at him, Spike snatched it away and flipped it open. He then placed it back in Buffy's hands and watched with barely contained glee as she regarded the gift hungrily. Buffy strummed her fingers over the thin gold chain and gazed at the diamond hanging from it. She supressed a smile and frowned at Spike suspiciously.

"Is it real?"

"Yes, it's real."

"Where did you get it from?"

"If you're saying I stole it-"

"I don't know. Before that cruel, stupid joke, I wouldn't think you to steal it, because stealing is stupid and cruel as well. But now-"

"Just put the necklace on, you silly chit." Spike plucked the glittering piece of jewellery out of it's case and hung it around her neck, carefully clicking the latch shut. He smiled at her as the diamond dropped down to hang just next to the bite marks adorning her neck. "You look beautiful."

"If you think you're forgiven for that stupid joke-"

"If you think you're fooling me," Spike flipped her onto her back and kissed her passionately, leaving her breathless and speechless, "You're wrong, pet."

Buffy gasped in air and planted a soft kiss to his cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too."

Need you by my side..
Come and be my pride..
Never be denied..
Everlasting love..

Like the sun it shines..
Endlessly it shines..
You always will be mine..
Eternal love..

Whatever love went wrong..
Ours would still be strong..
We'd have our own..
Everlasting love..

This love will last forever..
This love will last forever..


The End.