Daylight <daylight.htm>
Spike is given one day in the light, is it enough time to prove to Buffy that they belong together?.....written pre-Smashed....NC-17 moments...

Daylight
©2001 Evenstar

Daylight
by Matthew Sweet

if you can believe you're turning all the world that broke your mind
then i can do something for you even though you're lost in time

you won't have to be my heaven.
i won't have to be your friend
daylight, daylight comes every time it's calling
daylight, daylight it goes away again now

don't let go don't let go of your heart
don't let go don't let go of your heart

feel like your skin is burning into many drops of rain
but it's doing nothing to me drowning in a sea of pain

you won't have to be my heaven.
i won't have to be your friend
daylight, daylight comes every time it's calling
daylight, daylight it goes away again now

don't let go don't let go of your heart
don't let go don't you know who you are
don't let go don't let go of your heart
don't let go don't let go of your heart

Chapter 1

Spike had never been so spectacularly drunk in all his unlife, at least not that he could recall.....not that he could recall much at present, except perhaps where the last remaining bottle of whiskey was. The bottle seemed to be calling out to him, hauntedly chanting his name, not unlike the swing dancing mice in the corner or the pink dragons overhead, Spike was hallucinating. He lay sprawled out in a dank corner of his home, not caring about much beyond the moment, and the past. In actuality it was the past that dominated his clouded thoughts, his dreams, his fantasies, his entire existence. The specific part of his past that taunted him was Buffy Summers. Buffy was the only remaining thing in all the wide world that consumed his being so fully, completely. He knew, knew it in his blood and heart that the love he kept professing to her and himself was real; but she still refused to accept it. Perhaps if she did finally buy the clue she could realize that she'd opened her heart to him too. She'd already let him have her body, the circumstances of which he still barely understood or could rationalize. It had been the best time he'd ever had, no doubt on that score, parts of his body still ached from the violent passion of their first union. He hadn't wanted or expected it to be any other way - hard, wild, each of them fighting for but never quite gaining dominance over the other.

They were perfectly matched and they both knew it, only Spike however had the courage to voice it. She had his guts twisted up like a Gordian knot; and ever since they'd crashed, Buffy had been unable to tolerate him. Spike reasoned it was the same old inner turmoil for her - knowing full well she wanted him, maybe even had genuine emotion for him, but couldn't give herself over......yet. Nonetheless, Spike knew that he could be nothing and do nothing for her unless she invited it. Nothing overt at any rate; he still followed her about when she patrolled, checked in on Dawn, made sure everything was even and safe around casa Summers.

He hadn't gone the entire past two weeks without coming face to face with Buffy, she was afterall keenly aware that he was lurking about. At the times when they'd caught each other's eyes, she'd bolted the other way. At the least, Spike knew he got to her. Buffy wasn't completely selfish in her dealings with Spike, she knew that one thing remained constant and that was the fact that vampire and her younger sister shared a bond. Therefore the one time when Dawn needed to go to Spike with whatever her present teenaged problem was, Buffy didn't interfere.

Presently, however, Spike was fed up of being the only one fighting for whatever it was he and Buffy might be able to have with each other. He was tired and angry and had lost himself in the bottom of three bottles of wry. Giving his head a shake he clawed himself up into his bed and went to sleep, daylight had already embraced the world, which meant it was time for him to forget for a few hours.

***

Buffy rolled out of bed and shook the images of her dreams from her sleepy head. She'd dreamed of him again, not surprising, it Spike was all she ever dreamed about. Her memories hearkened back to when she'd been involved with Angel; their love was all consuming and reverent, but it never irked her the way her intentions towards Spike did. She heard the tell tale sounds of Dawn getting ready for school downstairs, the clanging of the frying pan as her young sister cooked herself breakfast, the dulcet humming to herself. The house was so quiet except for in the mornings, at present only Buffy and Dawn occupied the home. Willow was in a very strange and unhealthy place and had not returned home in some two weeks after the jarring break-up with Tara and her own obsession with her magic. Dawn was content to tell herself that Willow was off getting her head straight, Buffy suspected it was nothing quite so noble. Their lives were relatively vacant at the moment, it was just her and Dawn.....and Spike. How was it that her thoughts always converged on that one man? Vampire...that's what he was.....but then Buffy would remember how he'd taken her and admit to herself, he was a man.

As the water of the shower cascaded over her naked body thoughts of Spike reigned over her once more. She couldn't shake the remembrance of having him inside her, driving her to never before known heights of ecstasy, all the while trying to make her see the truth behind it, the truth that he really did love her. She knew making love to Spike never would have been slow or tender, but she never expected it to shake her to her core the way it had. She looked down at the beads of pulsing water on her flesh, how they accentuated and magnified the colors of the bruises he'd left behind. Even the graze of her fingertips over the marks caused her pain, but the pain reminded her of the pleasure and thus she coveted that evidence of their union remained somewhere besides in her memories or her dreams.

Chapter 2

Shortly after sunset Spike's eyes popped wide open like his ass had been cracked by a whip. He then abruptly shut them again as he felt the hammer of the hangover slam into his skull."Ooohhhhhhh......fuck me....." he groaned as he buried his face in his pillow, wishing he could smother himself. He blindly reached out for the bottle the lay empty next to him, he half opened his mouth and turned the bottle upside down....nothing. He grumbled to himself, then the bottle slipped from his grasp and knocked him hard on his temple. That was the final straw, not even able to hold the bottle up anymore. He forced himself to sit up, and opened the eyes that felt not unlike an acupuncturist's pin cushion. Spike examined his rank clothes, filthy from having hardly been off his body in the two weeks straight he'd been wearing them, and smacked his lips in disdain. It was then that he noticed that his tongue was as furry as bright orange shag. He made himself stand up, albeit on what felt like newborn legs and proceeded to literally peel his clothing and boots off.

He stumbled naked around the lair and found a run of fresh water in the depth of the caves to freshen himself up with. Once suitably washed, Spike ran across the miracle of actually having a clean outfit to put on. He slinked himself into a well broken in pair of black jeans, a black t-shirt that fit tautly across his torso; then shifted his feet into his black leather combat boots, and lastly, the requisite duster that hung over his shoulders as his permanent shroud.

Spike walked out into the night and was surprised by how the cold bit at his face. He rarely noticed changes in temperature, it could have been plus or minus 50 degrees and he normally wouldn't have given it a second thought, but somehow this evening was different. The possibility of snow was even evident, he could smell in it in the air, something he was wholly unfamiliar with in Sunnydale. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat and started marching through the cemetery, without intent to any direction, just in need to walk until his head cleared of both alcohol and his lingering thoughts of Buffy.

Hours had past and Spike found himself at the farthest end of his cemetery, down a sweeping tree laden embankment to a part he'd never bothered with before. He didn't remember the walk there, he simply became aware that he was in unfamiliar territory. The area seemed void of life, not simply by virtue of the fact that it was a cemetery; there were no insects, night birds, nothing but thick mist and a few crumbling headstones. He took note of the graves surrounding them, all from the turn of the century, the 20th. Seating himself comfortably on one headstone Spike tried to formulate a course of action where Buffy was concerned. Something needed to happen, they were on either end of a thread and each pulling in opposite directions, they either needed to stop and let the cord fall, or continue as they were and let the thread snap and send them both careening into oblivion.

The hand on his shoulder had gone unnoticed by Spike for quite some time until it grasped the leather of his coat and fisted it with delicate but wickedly strong fingers. The unexpected action sent Spike reeling, he twisted away and jumped back to face whoever had joined him at the lonely end of the graveyard. The second he saw her, clad all in white, his confrontational manner faded into nothingness."Buffy...." he spoke, barely audible. Despite the sensation of having his heart swell with emotion from being in her presence, she was the last person he wanted to see.

"I could have staked you," she observed drolly. He huffed at her remark, at least she seemed like herself, treating him with a little dignity and managing to get a jab in.

"What stopped you? Ha? You know, love...." She halted their almost conversation by starting to march up the steep hill and away from him."Have it your way..." She halted and turned back around.

"Why'd you let me get so close?" Spike detected a double meaning in what she said, but followed the less treacherous path.

"M'mind was off somewhere else...didn't even know you were there 'till you were right on top of me." His double meaning hung in the distance between them, he put it out there deliberately and had no intention of covering it. Buffy knew this, but like him, chose the harmless way.

"It's dangerous....anyone could have...."

"You care?"

"Spike..."

"Don't Spike me, Slayer....you followed me, am I right?" She ran her fingers through the careless curls of her hair and inhaled a long breath,"Why, Buffy? Don't tell me you wanna talk now...."

"No, I just......"

"Just can't stay away? Come back for another slice a m'pie?" He regretted the taunt the moment it escaped his lips, but his head hurt and her noncommittal attitude had angered him.

"I shouldn't have bothered." She concluded the conversation and ran away from him and over the cusp of the hill, out of sight, but not out of mind. He rolled his eyes to the sky, looking to the moon for answers why, it didn't offer any answers, no one ever did. The sanctuary of the forgotten portion of the cemetery had been tainted by her presence, he'd never be able to settle now that she'd walked its earth, thus he decided to go back to his crypt to finish off the last bottle of liquor.

"Don't go yet," a woman's voice spoke behind him.

Chapter 3

"Did someone yank out the plug on my radar?!" he called out to no one before taking a gander at who owned the almost angelic voice. He looked her up and down, young, shag-worthy, but very tall and almost elven. Her features were sharp and birdlike with expressive ice blue eyes and shortly cropped red hair. She was dressed in green and sat where he previously had on the headstone."Who are you? Queen of the Leprechauns?"

"Behave," she cautioned, crossing her legs and smiling like the Cheshire cat. Spike kept his distance, certainly not prepared to trust this girl any further than he could throw her, and if he wanted to sometimes he could throw pretty damned far.

"Got a name, pet?" He asked with a nod of his head."And a race? You're sure as hell not human."

"Oooh, aren't we perceptive?!" She hopped off the tombstone and took a step towards him, to which he took a step back,"Your lovely has certainly made you skittish, hasn't she?"

"Leave Buffy out of this. Start talking....the patience I currently don't have..."

"I see she's also made you terribly frustrated too...but then again, love hurts....doesn't it?"

"You're like a preview without the movie...."

"My name's Niamh (ed note: Niamh is pronounced Neeve), and score one for tall blonde and luscious, I'm also of the demonic persuasion."

"Fabulous! Spiffy, charming....la la la.....point?"

"You're hopelessly in love with that young lady, and slowly but surely it's killing you."

"But what a way to go...let's flesh this out shall we? You're going to offer me some sort of deal? And by my blind ambition I'll accept no matter the consequences...."

"Not quite......the power's in my voice....it's already happened."

"What's already happened? Listen you lil'...."

"Bite me." Spike was a little taken back by her request, no quite understanding fully what she intended. However, the situation was brought sharply into focus when she hauled off and clocked him in the jaw with a mighty right hook. He came back at her full force and.......nothing. No fangs, no monster face, no snarl...just nothing. Spike furiously felt all over his face for any sign of himself, and found no sign of the inner demon, he was human.

"Bitch, what did yah do to me?!!" he shouted, angry enough to want to kill her, but suddenly finding himself inept to the task.

"Don't get the proverbial knickers in a knot....I only made you human."

"HUMAN!? Oh no you didn't, you bloody didn't!!" He was understandably outraged, he himself certainly didn't believe that a little humanity was going to make Buffy admit anything.

"Calm yourself, you'll pop a blood vessel or something....that can happen now you know." Spike grabbed Niamh by the shoulders and shook her.

"You make me right or I'll rip your bloody heart out!!" He held her fiercely and bore into her eyes trying to elicit fear from them, instead she kissed him on the nose and then proceeded to morph into a swirl of iridescent green mist and evaporate. Spike slumped to the ground, then promptly turned over and threw up the last of the alcohol that was in his stomach."Hallucinating....same thing as pink elephants and...and.....talking caterpillars....." He repeated the mantra that he was hallucinating over and over to himself as he walked back through the cemetery. By the time he got back home he was exhausted and panting, having come several miles from where he'd encountered Niamh.

He rummaged through the empty and discarded liquor bottles until he found the aforementioned bottle of whiskey. He twisted the cap off and tossed it across the room then took a mighty swig. The liquid burned his throat like never before, making his chest seize and choke on the air in his lungs. Air.....air in his lungs...Spike inhaled deeply, then started coughing, the fact that he'd been breathing for the past two hours had utterly escaped him. He smashed the bottle against the wall and let the glass and whiskey rain down on me,"Where's that Riley bloke when I need him?"

Chapter 4

By the time morning hit, Spike was convinced he'd dreamed the whole bloody night. He declared the craziness of the night before as the greatest bender in history - booze, hallucinations, worst nightmare come true and two nibble-able women, all in all it was one for the record books. He found himself in much the same position as he had no so long ago, sprawled out on the bed, face buried in the pillow, however this time there was a nice cake of dried saliva on his chin. He rolled out of bed, body aching and cramped, he felt frightfully mortal. He splashed cold water on his face and for the first time since he could remember, he felt the pores of his skin contract. The sensation made him recoil from the water, it was as brutal as a fist."Not happening....no, no, no, no, no......". Spike sunk into the shadows, questioning his very existence, there was no way between Heaven and Hell that some demonic bitch could just snap her fingers and make him human. There was however one way to prove it, go up and out.

As Spike tentatively approached the exit to his crypt, hand out stretched and wishing he had 90 billion SPF protection. He let the tips of his fingertips be touched by the sunlight and then quickly drew them back into the shadows,"Bloody grow a pair!" he cursed to himself before punching his fist out into the light. Nothing happened, he did not burn, no smoke or singing, just warmth - pure, heart wrenching, sickening warmth. He flipped off his coat and tossed it behind him, hearing the leather slide over the floor and through the mouth and fall into his lair below. Holding his naked arms out in front he stepped into the daylight. The brightness of the morning sun assaulted his dulled senses in new and long since forgotten ways. The vampire sense of smell and taste for the air were gone, as was the keen perceptiveness of his eyesight. Instead they were replaced by the misfiring synaptic reaction of the brightness of the sun in his eyes making him sneeze.

He clutched at his face as the action made his head spin, bright, angry colors danced in front of his eyes and gave him an instant headache. Spike of course, never being one to play chicken once he'd gotten in the ring, didn't cower back into his crypt and instead stepped down from the entrance to his tomb and onto the green grass of the cemetery. The place was utterly deserted, much as it was at night, save for the requisite vampires and ghouls that came prowling after dark. Spike kept his gaze low to the ground, still adjusting his sensitive retinas to the harsh light. In actuality he had to continuously wipe away the tears caused by his newly human eyes being unused to the sun.

"Who was it?" a disembodied voice asked. The surprise caused Spike the trip and knock his knee into a headstone, he swore under his breath and rubbed it trying to frot away the intense ache. So far being human sucked rocks."I'm sorry there, friend, didn't mean to upset yeh further." Spike followed the cast shadow at his feet and looked up to its owner. The man was skinny, rather tall, with bony fingers and a sunken face, Spike almost would have pegged him for vampire, if it weren't for the fact that he wasn't presently bursting into flames. Spike caught the name embroidered on the army green maintenance uniform, Earl, as his eyes travelled up to examine the man's face with a little more scrutiny. Longish rusty hair and a confederate soldier style mustache with mirrored sunglasses hiding his eyes."You deaf boy?"

"Nah, mate......just...."

"Who died?" Spike looked at Earl, confused by the question."I say, who died....you were crying, you're in a cemetery...."

"No one died, just the bloody opposite....I'm wanting a death like a fat boy wants candy...don't 'spose you've got a weapon of some sort do you? Put me out of my misery?"

"No can do friend, unless you want to get creative with my rake or leaf blower."

"You'd be surprised."

"Mind if I ask what's got you in the doldrums? A woman? She must be something if she's got you so twisted up you've taken to hangin' in a boneyard."

"This is the one place that doesn't depress me....mind you it's hard to tell....I've been depressed for a 100 years. Yeah, a woman."

"Always is." Spike reached out and slipped Earl's sunglasses off his face and onto his own.

"Don't go changin' Earl," Spike added as he patted the man's arm before continuing on towards the cemetery gates. The sunglasses were a great improvement to his sore, sun smacked eyes. So far, being human was a colossal bummer and Spike was in serious doubt the day would improve, let alone the fact that the rest of his life was seeming without prospect if he was to remain alive.

The demon watched in cool satisfaction as the former vampire took carpéd the diem. There was nothing the demon prized more in its entire existence than altering the natural course of events. However this time the demon took special pleasure, pride if you will, in this specific subject. Spike was certainly a worthwhile investment of its time - not to mention the fact that he deserved everything that was coming to him.

Chapter 5

By virtue of the fact that Spike had never, in over a century at least, been out in the sun as he was now he was wholly unprepared with how noisy everything was. Infernal birds chirping were like nails to a chalkboard...in truth Spike preferred the nails to the chalkboard. The streets he walked were still relatively deserted, he suspected some people were just waking, or already stuck into their morning routine. He certainly didn't care what people were doing in their houses, he just wanted to be back in his crypt, in his bed and waiting for night to fall so he could rise as he did every sunset to be the vampire he'd always been, always thought he would be. Fact of the matter was that Spike hadn't the vaguest conception between Heaven and Hell what entailed being human, he'd clean forgotten. He didn't know if he could tolerate the ease in which he felt pain, the constant autonomic functions of his body, growing old, fading.

Hardly paying attention to what lay before him, Spike could do nothing to avoid the jogger that was about to plow him over. The two men collided with such reckless force that both were sent to flying and straight to the ground."Bloody hell!! You stupid git, watch where you're driving those Nike's!" Spike shouted, kicking the hapless man off him,"Bloody hell.....bloody......bloody...." Spike rolled over on to his hands and knees, trying to get a handle on what human bones felt like when they got whacked. For his part the jogger was already on his feet and looking down on Spike with disdain.

"Lousy punk addict...go burn out somewhere else....our neighborhood doesn't need your kind polluting it," the athletic man spat out in disgust. Spike clamored to his feet and puffed himself up against the overtly poncy buggar before him.

"My kind? If it wasn't for me you'd be eating your tofu six feet under....yeh bloomin' wanker...." Spike imagined that the vampire in had awakened by now, that his face was contorted and vicious, but instead all Spike could do was use the stereotype granted by his opponent. However, his adversary wasn't about to be intimidated in the least, he curled his fingers into a tight fist and punched Spike square in his chiseled jaw. Momentarily dazed, but still standing, Spike heard the jogger mutter "loser" before he continued on his morning run."Yeah....and am certain the neighborhood needs more folk like you...smarmy little prat..." Concentrating back on the ache in his jaw, Spike checked to make sure none of his teeth were loose and that the bones were still in working order."Jazuz......sufferin' fuck..one lil' love tap and suddenly Xander's looking tougher than me..." Spike continued on his walk only head unceremoniously straight into a telephone pole. He pitched a minor fit, kicking and punching at it, which only served to acquire a litany of splinters in his knuckles.

***

"Are you ever going to tell me?" Dawn asked as she put her dishes in the sink after breakfast. Buffy was staring mindlessly into the yellowy depths of her orange juice, which only reminded her of the intensity of Spike's eyes when he showed her his beastly side. Through the hypnosis of her thoughts she caught Dawn's question the second time around.

"Huh? Tell you what?" Buffy replied, Dawn's meaning lost to her.

"Between you and Spike....."

"What? Nothing...nothing happened." Dawn scowled, she knew something was wrong, Buffy had been sulking and distracted for close on two weeks and Spike hadn't been around all that time. She'd seen Spike herself several days past, but he wouldn't tell her anything save that 'the wrecking ball's in her corner'.

"Did you guys have a fight? You know a kid knows when her parents are fighting....."

"Parents? Spike and I aren't...."

"You kinda are....Buffy, come on....something happened, why doesn't he come around? Why are you patrolling alone?" Buffy couldn't look her sister in the eyes, she knew there were definitive answers to the questions - he doesn't come around because I rejected him and I'm not patrolling alone, he's as as good as in my shadow. Buffy remained silent for a long stretch of time before taking in a breath to answer.

"Too early in the morning for so many questions....you should get going, don't want to be late for school."

"That's it? School? That's your excuse for the zipped lips? You gotta do better than that..." Buffy only gave her a resolved glare in response,"Fine...fine....I'll go to school, but I'm going to Spike's afterwards!"

"Let him be Dawn."

"You said you wouldn't interfere if I wanted to see him....I wanna see him, so no interfering from you, right?"

"If you stay past dark make sure he walks you home."

"He'd walk me home in the daylight if he could, you know that."

"Yeah, I do." Dawn gathered up her backpack and headed for the front door, but not before turning back to look at her sister, despondent and distracted.

"Whatever it is Buffy, what happened between you and Spike...work it out. He's all we've got you know, he's the only one that's gonna always be there for us." Buffy couldn't look at her sister, the truth she spoke was too much to hear, let alone deal with. Dawn carried on outside, running over in her mind the dialogue she'd present to Spike later. Spike.....Spike who was walking down the street towards their house......Spike the vampire in broad daylight! Reacting instinctually she screamed bloody blue murder, the surest way to get Buffy's immediate attention.

Chapter 6

Buffy bolted from the front door and off the porch and hit the ground running only to skid to a stop upon finding her sister safe and sound at the end of the drive."Dawn...what the...." Buffy began but then followed Dawn's frightened stare to Spike, who was now little more than ten paces from them and coming fast at the first prickling of his lil' bit's scream in his ears. Buffy propelled herself into action without a second thought and grabbed for Spike, rushing him into the house as if he were little more than a feather weight. Spike found himself hurled into the Summers home with scores of blankets tossed over him within seconds. He heard the sound of drapes being furiously pulled shut and the panicked orders from Buffy for Dawn to find something to put out the fires they hadn't yet realized weren't burning. Spike tossed off the blankets only to promptly receive a glass full of cold water in the face.

"Sorry," Dawn apologized meekly seeing Spike's reaction,"Spike...you're not smoking?"

"How can I? You just dowsed my last cigarette," he replied, flipping the soggy stick he'd had behind his ear aimlessly away from him. Unexpectedly, but very welcomed, Dawn through her arms around his neck and squeezed him tight,"There, there....nibblet, m'alright....well, in a manner of speaking." He looked over Dawn's shoulder at Buffy, who was dumbstruck by what was before her eyes, the vampire was unharmed by the sun. She wanted to express her extreme relief that he wasn't in flames or in pain; in actuality she wanted to cave at his side and burst into tears, wrap her arms around him and hold him for all he was worth. Instead she became stern, cold and introverted."Didn't need the save there, Buff....but it's nice to know you care, nonetheless." He smiled sweetly at her and took off his sunglasses, letting his blue eyes sparkle at her as he tried to break down the barriers she was building around her emotions.

"How come you're not all bursting into flames?" Dawn asked, releasing the grip she held on him.

"Dawn, go to school," Buffy ordered. Dawn looked crestfallen at her sister, but Spike diffused the situation with a comforting hand on Dawn's shoulder.

"Go on, pet....I'll be around." Dawn accepted Spike's dismissal more readily than her sisters and resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't going to be privy to the facts just yet. At the least she knew that Spike and Buffy at least would have some sort of conversation, some sort of contact, it was really all she could hope for at this point. Once Dawn was gone Buffy's quiet demeanor was cast off like a shroud.

"What the hell kind of scam are you pulling now Spike?!" she demanded. He climbed to his feet and straightened his clothing, hooking the folded sunglasses on the collar of the t-shirt.

"No scam, love...least not one I'm running....I've been majorly fucked o'er..."

"Huh? Why are you bringing your problems to me?"

"I wasn't, pet, your house just happens to be on the way....I was heading to the shop...see what I could find out about a lil' chicky named Niamh.....see if Anya's got a clue I could buy."

"Who on God's green Earth is Niamh, Spike?"

"The demon that made me into a human being last night...that's who!" Buffy did a double take and scrunched her face in disbelief. Her first reaction was to doubt what he was saying, but then slowly she let herself notice the changes in him. For one thing, besides that he didn't incinerate in the daylight, his chest rose and fell in even breaths. She reached out for his wrist and pressed her fingers to the inside, searching for a pulse. Sure enough the steady ebb of a heartbeat surged under her touch. Buffy gasped and let go of him as if his skin burned her."Told you so."

"It's not possible..." she whispered.

"Apparently blindingly shockingly possible....trust me, lover, I'm living bloody proof!"

"Don't call me that...."

"Why not, eh? It's true....made you think about us did I? My bad...not thinking as usual, silly me...reminding you how good is was to be together...joined at the center...hot....moving together.....in and out....just like breathing...just like a heartbeat....until that lil' death comes and you....." Unable to tolerate how his seductive voice was creeping into her heart, making her body respond to his calling, Buffy saved herself by sending a wicked right hook into the side of his head. He dropped back to the floor like a sack of coal, his conscious knocked somewhere into next week.

"Spike?" she inquired, the sight of him laid out flat made her feel immensely guilty. She knelt down at him, shaking him, trying to rouse him, but he was out cold....stone cold. A slight panic settle itself into Buffy, she'd knocked him out and probably given him a concussion to boot."Oh Spike.....you're such trouble you know....almost more trouble than you're worth.....almost." She easily dragged him into the living room and placed his limp body on the couch. She felt safe and able to sit next to him when he was in this state, when he wasn't pushing her buttons or making her remember their night of reckless abandon. He didn't seem to be coming to anytime soon, therefore Buffy found herself content with just watching him sleep. She rested a hand on his chest, his muscles hard and remarkably warm. His face looked docile and handsome as ever, albeit bruised, the red swelling on his chin did no go unnoticed... a few short hours into the day and already he'd been in two fights.

Suddenly Buffy noticed a spot of blood at her feet, it struck her as more than a little odd considering Spike was no longer in the vampire way. She followed the spot to the smears across the hardwood floor and then back to Spike. She examined his knuckles which were bloody, swollen, and jammed full of splinters. The painful sight made her recoil, but she quickly took his hands in hers for a closer look. He'd obviously taken his frustrations out on some poor unsuspecting tree. In seconds her frustrations with him turned to sympathy, but not pity. Almost unaware of her actions she found herself lovingly caressing his face,"What am I gonna do with you?"

Chapter 7

When Spike woke up he'd hoped he'd been having a long continuous nightmare and that it was early the previous night when he was still himself. But alas, that proved not to be the case, given the pounding headache he was experiencing. The side of he face felt like a slab of meat,"Arrrrgh...." he groaned loudly, before inadvertently rolling off the couch and thumping to the floor,"Owww...." Moments later he felt small, but monstrously strong hands on his back, guiding him back to the couch.

"You really suck as a human being....but then again, I always thought you sucked as a vampire too....hey....I made a funny," Buffy laughed as she settled him in a seat on the couch, smiling coyly at him. She flopped down next to him and pressed an ice pack to the side of his face. He protested for a moment, but relented after receiving a serious Buffy level intense glare. It was then, as she held the ice to his battered face that he noticed that his hands had been cleaned and bandaged.

"M'hands.......you took care of me?"

"It's good thing I knocked you out....I doubt you could've dealt with the pain, some of those splinters were in pretty deep...had to dig 'em out."

"Why are you being this way?" He put his hand over her's and held it firm to the ice.

"What way?"

"You're being kind....you're never kind to me, Buffy....you're either beating me down or shaggin' me rotten....but you're never kind..." Suddenly he thought of something different and it crushed him,"Pity....that's it...right? Bollocks to that....last thing I need is your pity!" He pushed her hand and the ice away and got to his feet, ready to storm out of the house but was quickly defeated by a spectacular head rush that sent him reeling and collapsing back to the couch. He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, no, it wasn't pity, it was compassion. It surprised him greatly and he felt impotent against it.

"You're having a hard time...I'll help." He nodded in acceptance."Tell me what happened......this demon...."

"Under guise of supermodel."

"Supermodel? I get slimy, pus covered, snarly, teethed ghouls and you get Claudia Schiffer?! Slay me the day a demon appears looking like Brad Pitt!"

"Sorry, love, what can I say? I attract all kinds of beautiful women....got you didn't I?" She rolled her eyes at him.

"Continue......post haste."

"Right....last night after you skirt off in a huff...I go to follow n' she calls from behind me....gives me the short and skinny about our relationship n' tells me, tra la dee da, she's gone n' made me a bloody muggle."

"She just said she made you human and you were, *poof*."

"No *poof* anything, I just suddenly was...becoming a vampire ain't nothin' compared to havin' your humanity stuffed back in...and the breathing thing.....ugh....heart beating, and what's with the sun....thinks its the boss o' everything what with it's brightness and eye hurting...."

"Your eyes do look a little bloodshot...you're handling things pretty good, considering."

"I'm bloody miserable. What am I supposed to do if I have to be mortal for the rest of my life?" Buffy smiled inwardly, she wasn't enjoying his misery, instead she found his angst and refusal to accept his state quite charming. Buffy herself was wrestling with all sorts of strange emotions and thoughts, specifically what his being human meant for her and their relationship.

"We'll work it out, have back to being the big bad in no time." Spike was well aware that she had taken his hand in her's, though she seemed completely oblivious. His fingers played with hers, lightly caressing, tangling with his. He bore in her tawny eyes with his blue ones, oceanic and almost soulful ones, but the emotion behind them was the same as ever. Spike loved her and she knew it, and it frightened her to death."Magic Box."

"Yeah....." He pulled away and got to his feet, started heading for the door. He stepped onto the porch and immediately put on his sunglasses. He waited for a moment and much to his relief, Buffy came out of the house and closed the door behind on her, resolved to be at his side. In that instant, seeing him in the daylight for the first time, Buffy saw Spike from an entirely new perspective. His exterior was more or less unchanged, still lean and taut; but his entire aire had changed, now his skin was darker toned and supple, his body vital and of living flesh. Without looking at his face, Buffy linked her arm with his and started them walking towards the shop. As much as being human irked Spike to no end, if it softened Buffy to him then perhaps he'd be willing to deal.

Chapter 8

Buffy noticed how oddly reserved Spike was behaving, almost complacent, introverted - certainly not like himself. They walked at a steady pace, a little quicker than usual, maneuvering around people that got in their way. Spike said nothing and kept his eyes to the ground, determined to reach the Magic Box as soon as possible. All the while Buffy kept a sure grip on his bare bicep, he was even more unlike his usual self without the long black leather duster, but the feel of the hard muscle under her hand excited her more than she wished to admit to even herself.

Spike took note of how quiet Buffy was also being, and he wondered to himself if she was either intrigued or displeased about his present state. Being human certainly had potential as far as they were concerned, she wouldn't have the loving a vampire equals no future hang up to throw at him, but in the same token, would she give a damn about him if he wasn't a vampire? All in all Spike really just wanted things to be back to the way they were, being a vampire was a dodgy lifestyle, but it was who he was and it was all he knew how to be.

Spike held the door to the Magic Box open and chivalrously ushered Buffy in first, her face gleamed with an unplanned smile and she quickly turned his head the moment she saw him smile back. As she walked ahead of him he smacked his lips, admiring both the sway of her rear end as well as relishing her reactions to him, he was still the same ol' Spike on the gooey inside, the flavor of the outer shell had just changed. Spike headed off towards the Demonology section of the shop, letting Buffy be the one to spill the beans on his newfound aliveness. The store was primarily deserted, given the the fact that it had opened for business only moments ago and Anya was no where in sight.

"Anya?" Buffy called out into the vacant spaces. She thought she heard a tune being hummed towards the back room and decided to follow."Spike.....I'm just going to check for Anya in the back....."

"Right love....I'll just be....well.....I don't know what the bloody hell I'm looking at." He scowled and dropped the handful of books he had in his hands to the ground in disgust. He made a face, but Buffy missed it as she'd already stepped into the back. Anya emerged from the downstairs stock room, and seeing the back of her first customer of the day, gleefully honed in on him.

"You're certainly an early bird, welcome to the Magi...." Spike turned himself around and smiled widely at her, showing her his fangless grin, Anya's voice fell away, but was quickly replaced with her palm smacking hard on his forehead.

"Hey now! None of that!" he protested as she yanked him into a shadowed area.

"Stupid vamp....what the blazes are you doing....you were less than a foot away from a fuzzy yellow ray of sunshine! Are you tryin' to get yourself dusted?!" she bellowed out at him. Spike pushed passed Anya and straight into the said ray of sunshine and made a perfunctory gesture with his hands presenting himself in all his non-vampire glory,"Holy moly......you found another on of those rings....of.....??"

"If only, love....no, this is the handy work of one of your sister folk....a radical little bitch named Niamh decided she'd fancy me into a human being!"

"Nuh-uh, don't go twisting my ringlets, I was an only child!"

"Look....do you have a book....what am I saying? You've got enough bloody books to fill in the Hell Mouth! Demon, female, red hair, blue eyes, wearing green....oh, n' Irish."

"Irish? Don't get many of those, Irish demons I mean....mostly faeries."

"If you ask me the whole bloody race is off....leprechauns, jigs, penny whistles...that whole potato fixation."

***

"Anya? It's Buffy," the Slayer called out as she entered the back room, only to find instead of the former vengeance demon, a young girl woman with red hair and wearing a green sweater and black linen pants,"Oh....hello...." The woman got up from her crouching position at a shelf and turned to flash Buffy with a bright smile and striking blue eyes.

"Hi there," she spoke, flipping a long braid over her shoulder.

"Did Anya hire you? I was looking for her..."

"Yeah, today's my first day, I'm Shannon....Buffy? Anya told me all about you."

"Oh....well, that's nice....she didn't say that she needed help for the shop....you're new to Sunnydale?"

"Yes...very new actually...Anya's downstairs in the store room...is there something I can help you find?"

"No.....just need to talk to her..."

"Well, let's go find her for you then." Shannon placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder and led her from the back room, only to pull her right back. Shannon peeked her head out from the doorway, her jaw nearly dragging on the floor.

"What?" Buffy asked, standing in the doorway.

"That guy....the blond..." Buffy knew Shannon was referring to Spike, mostly due to the fact that he was the only guy in the store.

"What about him?" Buffy felt a pang of possessive jealousy over Shannon ogling Spike like he was edible.

"He's gorgeous for one thing." As Buffy saw Spike through Shannon's eyes she admitted again what she'd always known, Spike was more than gorgeous, he was absolutely beautiful, shockingly so. Buffy felt flush as her mind flashed images and sensations of his naked body, her eyes transfixed as he talked with Anya."That's the kind of man that really gets under your skin.....looks like a bad boy but get him between the sheets and you find out he'd got the soul of a poet! I wonder if he's seeing anyone? Think I should introduce myself?"

"Huh? Uh....no, um.....excuse me..." Buffy stammered before breaking away from Shannon and making her way towards Spike, all the while one word spoken by the young woman jailed itself in her mind.....soul.

Chapter 9

"Human, huh?" Anya chatted Spike up as she looked for the right book,"Well, as a former demon myself I can tell yah, it's no smooth ride....I mean, you've got all these bodily functions that suddenly start doing things...."

"Spare the biology lesson, I don't plan on staying this way," Spike replied, heading to the table.

"Watch it, I'm still not fully adjusted to PMS." Anya flopped a huge book down in front of where Spike had taken a seat."Here yah go Blondie....everything Irish and supernatural you ever wanted to know but were afraid to ask.....from banshees to blarney." Spike looked at Anya like she'd grown a second head, which considering the Hell Mouth location, wasn't entirely out of the question.

"What am I supposed to do with this? Use the paper for origami?" he asked, looking over the volume and flipping it's pages a few times over before pushing it out of the way.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know? It has pictures...in case you're cool guy persona doesn't allow for literacy."

"Hey.....what've we got?" Buffy asked, coming upon the scene,"Hi Anya....ooh, book...research....figures....guess we won't be settling your score with demon girl with fists, huh?" She flopped herself down next to Spike, being as casual as possible, but the heat radiating between them was enough the make her stomach tie itself it knots. She reached in front of him and dragged the book in front of her, opening it to the center to a picture of a little man in green clothes. Her body gave a shudder and she quickly flipped the page,"Uh.....leprechauns...is there anything creepier?"

"Rabbits," Anya stated before leaving them to go about doing shop business. Buffy smiled inwardly at her friend's peculiar phobia before concentrating back on the book.

"You said she had red hair, blue eyes.....pretty? Spike?" When he didn't answer she looked over to find him staring at her, his perilous blue eyes settled on her body and taking in her beauty,"Don't...." He didn't move his eyes away, instead he took hold of her hand and held it between his.

"Don't what? Don't look at you like you're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen? Don't look at you like I love you?" She yanked her hand away and concentrated on the book. Spike clenched his jaw, every rejection was harder to take than the last, but he still knew he was in her system and it wouldn't be long before she wouldn't be able to deny herself. He'd be as patient as she needed him to be, he'd waited a century for a woman like her, he would wait a little longer. Buffy turned the pages that showcased a wide array of Irish monsters, creatures, goddess, and fae folk.

"Spike?" Buffy finally spoke up after a long stretch of silence.

"Yeah, love?" He replied in a acquiescent tone, unwilling to provoke her any further at this time, just content that she wasn't walking away.

"Do you feel different....not just the physicals.....I mean inside...."

"Hadn't really thought about it.....dunno.....why? Do I seem different?" She shook her head, in truth he didn't seem any more human or any less vampire, he was still just Spike. "THERE!! That one! That's the lil' chippy that scrambled my species!" Spike declared, slamming his hand down on the page that portrayed a stunning woman, who underneath was a monster.

"Niamh....the demonic incarnation identified by her eyes of ice and the crown of fire, a former fae by the same name who traded in her soul after her lover was taken from her....her intentions are ambiguous, but she usually uses a person's innermost desires against them...."

"Clearly they had some prime ganga in ancient Ireland, cause that broad's been doin' some major hooka'ing to think that my fondest wish is to be a human! Anything about how to switch me back?" Buffy read a little further and frowned as she absorbed each sentence.

"No....she just appears once....does the damage and that's it....goes on to the next victim, sorry." Spike unceremoniously slammed his head to the table and only half held in a groan of pain, but let enough of one out to elicit a pat on the back from his Slayer.

"Maybe there's something in here about summoning her."

"Not bloody likely....this is it, it's the doomed end for Spike....human, dead in 50 years.....probably'll hafta start paying taxes."

"Where's the stiff upper lip you English are supposed to have? You can always go the live fast, die young, leave a beautiful corpse route."

"I was a beautiful corpse!" Buffy couldn't hide her laughter and started giggling; Spike looked up at her and gave her the saddest pout she'd ever seen, his forehead was comfortable with the table top a second later. As Spike wallowed in his misery Anya came back over to check on them.

"So, what's the verdict....is Captain Peroxide on a permanent vacation from vamping or just visiting for the holidays?" she asked, taking the book from them and looking over the demon's profile.

"Looks like he's stuck in Peopleville," Buffy offered. Just then a low growling sound was distinctly heard and shocked the women into silence. They listened attentively.....moments later it was heard again. Anya and Buffy looked at each other, then looked at Spike.

"Somebody's got a rumbly in their tumbly," Anya announced. Spike looked up at her with a look of total and utter confusion on his face."Spike....you're stomach's grumbling....that means you're hungry....welcome to your first human trial....breakfast."

Chapter 10

Buffy watched in both amusement and abhorrence as Spike wolfed down his second plate of bacon and eggs.....with hash browns, all swathed heavily in ketchup to at least give the meal some semblance of bloodiness. He'd also downed a chocolate milkshake and a stack of pancakes."You better ease up there....you'll make yourself sick......you eat food all the time Spike, why are you piggin' out now? "

"I haven't needed food in over a century....I'm hungry," he replied with he cheeks stuffed like a squirrel who'd found a chestnut stash,"Forgot how good this stuff can really taste.....blood doesn't exactly provide a bloke with a diverse palate."

"The reason you can taste everything is because you're sober. You're taste buds were probably shot from all the liquor anyways....you can't drink like that anymore, you've got an innocent liver to consider now."

"Thanks for the lecture there, mom. I remember when I used to eat livers."

"Ewww....gross, Spike, nice breakfast conversation topic. I'll get you some fava beans and a nice chianti for dinner..."

"String beans, if you please.....fava.....who was he kidding?"

"I wouldn't even presume to guess." As he took in the last mouthful food a glint of the sun reflecting off something out in the street. Spike searched through the glare to discern what it was that had caught his attention and when he finally did he bolted into action. Buffy was left in the dust as he push past the diner's other patrons and ran out into traffic. Buffy was quick to act and was on his heals seconds later. She watched in heart pounding shock as Spike scooped a small boy into his arms from the street just before a transport truck would have mowed him down. As it was, Spike wasn't quite so lucky and the side of his body was struck. With the toddler still in his arms he was sent spinning and crashing into a parked car."SPIKE!!!" Buffy yelled, as traffic screeched to a halt and she ran towards him. Presently, another young woman was running down the street, crying and calling for her child. The small boy was frightened and wailing from the experience and crawled out of Spike's tight grip to run into his mother's.

Buffy crashed to her knees at Spike's side, and a swarm of people started to gather around the hero of the day. Spike however wasn't too keen on being the center of attention, but was unable to do anything to remove himself from scrutiny due to the fact that the wind had been knocked of his lungs and he felt like he was dying, not to mention that his entire left side felt like it had been hit by a truck.....which it had."Spike....shh....let yourself calm down....you'll be fine, you just had the wind knocked out of you.....it'll take a minute to recover...." Buffy offered in a cajoling tone, her hands holding firmly on to his shoulders as she shielded him from the onlookers. He tried to take in a breath of air in order to talk to her, but was met only with searing pain in his chest and an instant migraine headache. The panic in his eyes as he gasped for breath was making Buffy herself scared and she could think of only one thing to do that would calm him down. She met his eyes with her's and held his gaze, willing him to see that there was no one else but them in the world; her hands held his face and she bent down to lightly brush her lips across his. As soon as Spike felt the gossamer light caress of her skin on his he immediately took in a short gasp. As she dragged her lips across his face, over his cheekbones, eyelids and forehead, then back to his lips, he was slowly able to breathe again.

"Get me out of here Slayer..." he whispered in her ear.

"Spike, it's not a good idea to move you.....you might have broken bones...."

"I don't care....just sling me over your bloody shoulder.....I don't want to be the main attraction at this freakshow." Using her Slayer strength she gingerly helped him to his feet, supporting most of his weight as he struggled to stand. Meanwhile the rescued child's mother was thanking Spike incessantly, the crowd was clapping and cheering him, but Spike ignored them, his brain in a haze and aware that Buffy had her arms around him. As the Slayer and the blond man left the scene, the child watched them over his mother's shoulders, his red hair tussled, his pale blue eyes sparkling and a wry grin stretched from ear to ear.

***

There wasn't exactly anywhere on the street for them to settle that wouldn't attract attention, no was there any shop or restaurant that would welcome a man covered in dirt and blood who could barely hold himself up. The hospital was the sane choice, however Spike of course would haven't none of that. Buffy pulled him into an alley and helped him to sit on a bundle of wooden crates. He slumped forward and Buffy had too keep him upright with an arm around his shoulders."Tell me where it hurts," she asked as her eyes raked over his battered and beaten body, he look almost as bad as when Glory had taken the proverbial strap to him.

"It'd be easier to tell you where it doesn't bloody hurt! arrrrrg......"

"Are you sure you're going to be alright...nothing's broken? You might have internal bleeding Spike.."

"I'm fine!" He shut his mouth right after the outburst and closed his eyes, trying to get a handle on himself,"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologize...you're a bloody pulp and all....you eared a get out of Buffy's bad books free of charge card. Spike, can I ask you something?"

"Fire away..."

"Why did you do that? Run out into the street and save that little boy..."

"Don't rightly know....n' trust me, pet, I'm regretting it now - should'a let the brat become a road waffle....save me a beating. Sure demons, vampires, Slayers...I'll fight 'em 8 days a week....16 wheelers, never again....never again."

"You don't mean that....the road waffle part...but we'd appreciate if you didn't take on any more semi trucks. That was a very brave thing you did Spike."

"It wasn't brave, I just saw the lil' tyke, saw the truck.....dunno...just sorta went for it, instinct....you and your bloody Scooby gang have got me all noble all over the place, damned infuriating." Buffy smiled at him and he huffed a melancholy breath. She sat closer and stayed silent, still holding him. A rush of wind spun through the alley, plastic bags scattered like leaves, whistles chimed through hollow pipes and Buffy was amazed to discover Spike was shivering.

"You're cold," she stated rather than asked,"Where's your coat....you're never without the coat! I know it's Sunnydale, but this is the coldest December on record, besides it's just not Spike without the black leathers...."

"In c..c..case you hav...haven't nn.....noticed...I'm not the S...ss...sp....Spike I used to b...be...." Before Buffy even knew she was doing it, she was kissing him. Her tongue folded into his open mouth and curled around his, drawing it back into her own; their flavors and sensations mixing as their bodies melted into each other. She caressed his bruised face and pressed herself firmly against him as Spike drew her closer with her arms around her waist. Warmth spread over his body, his blood flowing to his extremities as the beat of his heart quickened. No matter the pain that afflicted his body, he'd let a thousand trucks roll over him for a kiss such as this.

Chapter 11

"Buffy?" he spoke, taking a breath in between her impulsive surges. She let the kiss end and rested her forehead against his.

"Yes?" she replied, still stroking his cheek with her slight fingers. He moved his hand to the back of her neck, massaging it as they talked.

"Buffy.....I'm not going to say it again...just this once...that....I love you. You don't believe I can love you because you don't believe I have a soul....."

"Spike...."

"No....no.....you let me finish, k' love? Just this once. I have lived over 100 years....128, I think....and in all that time I've never been so sad and so miserable as I am since you. It's not because I damn near die every time we're together, not 'cause you n' the others keep telling me I'm a disgusting thing....no vampire, no human, just some lab chimp. When I was doin' evil I was having fun...it's the vampire way to....well, you know. I had my whole existence blown to smithereens by a bomb named Buffy. So, I learned to deal....I help y'all out when yeh needed me; got the protector thing goin' on with my lil' nibblet; and....and was enough of a man once for you to want me, but only for one night....but now I'm not any of those things, I'm not me.....so....pet, if you see what I'm sayin'....." He broke clean away from her and struggled to his feet, using a brick building side to steady himself,"I've out stayed my welcome in Sunnydale...I'm human now....and I can't hack it in the Hell Mouth...."

"Are you saying you're leaving town?!" He started walking away, more like hobbling away.

"Look at me Slayer....I'm as good as dead if I stay around here....I'll pick a fight with some demon, thinkin' I can take him and I'll end up worse off than I am right now. I can see it already. Your friends don't need me.....you don't need me..."

"Spike you saved a little boy's life today...that counts for alot....why are you giving up?! This isn't you....you fight me on everything, you're a fighter....."

"What if I screw up next time....what if next time it's Dawn....last time it was you! You don't need another pathetic lifeform to babysit....It's time for me to kick this habit...."

"The hell it is!" She went after him, not caring about trying to rationalize or deny the emotions that were gripping at her heart, threatening to tear her soul away. All her thoughts, fears, hopes were wrapped around him and she'd barely realized it until now when it seemed he'd made the choice to leave. She grasped his arm, halting his advance, trying to search for the right words to make him change his mind, but the only words that escaped her lips was a meek and quiet,"Stay."

"I'm not afraid to break you like Angel was," he growled out, staring her down,"We were damn good together and you bloody well know it. I'm not leaving because I can't handle a rejection...." He straightened himself up as much as his body would allow,"I'm just not donna be your bitch anymore....I'm through letting you walk all over me, I used have pride you know....and maybe I think it's time I got it again."

"Pride?! That's it? That's your excuse!" Buffy was growing increasingly infuriated with him. He was talking about lofty human qualities like pride and meanwhile all she wanted was for him to reassure her that he'd always be there for her, she'd become too used to believing that he'd be a permanent fixture in her life no matter what happened.

"It's enough, Slayer....it's enough...I'm not gonna take you telling me how I'll never have you, only to have you kissing me be the next thing you do....it's a damn cruel thing to do to a bloke."

"It's complicated......"

"No it isn't Buffy...you either love me or you don't.....you don't, so I'm gone."

"You can't go, Spike..."

"Yeah, pet, I can....sayanara...." He jerked his arm away from violently, bound and determined to have had the last word, but secretly hoping that this would be the final straw for them and she'd just admit to him that she loved him. She spun him around, fist recoiled and ready to pound some sense into him. He looked at her, she was shaking with both rage and fear; he simply shook his head and Buffy let him walk on.

She watched as he barely put one foot in front of the other, each step seemed like a hundred miles to her. Every man she ever loved left her, first Angel, the Riley and now Spike....the only difference was that this time she had the power to stop him, all she had to say were the words he needed to hear. She screamed at herself in her head to make it right, but she remained silent and watched him walk out of her life.

Spike almost turned back when he first heard her crying and it took all his will not to stop walking when she started wrecking the alley. He hadn't vaguest conception on Earth for what he'd just done; he surmised that he'd simply gone as low as he possibly could. He was no good to her in the demon fighting capacity; so far as a human he was pathetic; and as a man, he finally got that no matter how incredible they could be together, Buffy was never going to give it a genuine chance. There was nothing left for him in Sunnydale.....except maybe Dawn, only he'd failed her once too many times too, she however at least deserved a goodbye.

Chapter 12

Spike felt like a right royal creep skulking around outside Sunnydale High, all he needed was pair of Hunter S. Thompson style sunglasses and a white van and he'd be one biscuit shy of getting himself arrested. The din of the school bell ringing shrilled through air and then legions of Britney and Justin knockoffs exploded from the doors. Once again Spike found himself the center of unwanted attention, mostly by girls screeching in horror at the sight of him and leaping into the arms of their boyfriends, who in turn threatened to beat Spike seven ways to Sunday. He was getting all kinds of sneers, laughed, disgusted looks from the little snips that were waaaay over a century younger than he. Dawn was no where in sight, and if this wasn't his last chance before gettin' the heck outta dodge, he'd have turned around on his heels and headed home.

He could hear the whispers and snickers as he walked into the school, the gasps and revoltions. Spike felt oddly self conscious, the confrontation earlier with Buffy coupled with his reemerging human sensibilities had altered his normally confrontational bravado and left him unwilling to stand up for himself. He had one purpose and once he'd fulfilled it, it would all be over. He recalled vaguely Dawn once telling him that she usually spent her lunches in the drama room. Ever since the lil' episode with the singsong demon, his lil' bit had been bitten by the acting bug. Spike quickened his pace, start knocking into students, causing quite a panic in his wake. Fate led him to the back entrance to the school's theatre and he entered through a door that named itself The Green Room. He found the area void of life, but with props and costumes strewn about like a ghostly masquerade. Out of the corner of his eye Spike was certain he saw movement in the far end of the room."Dawny?" he called, looking again for the motion, closing in on the flash of pale skin. He entered the small dressing room off the side of the green room and flipped on the lights. All at once Spike was assaulted with the reflection of his own image from an array of mirrors.

He saw himself for the first time since he was turned, displayed on all the walls, caught in his own private house of mirrors. To Spike it was more like a house of horrors; each table top and full length mirror was illuminated by harsh light, almost brighter than the sunlight. Spike remembered a gaunt, gangly boy, with Lord Byron aspirations, but all the lyrical talent a prefabricated boy band. He had nearly forgotten his own features; the curve of his forehead, his hairline and the now bleached mess of short curls, the round of his ears and the indent in the lobes; the sharp jut of his cheekbones and the skeletal resemblance of his cheeks and jaw, lips that were perfect and sensuous, eagled nose and shockingly blue eyes, perilous and cool - the familiarity slowly sunk back in. He was like child, utterly fascinated by his own image, but also frightened to see what he'd made of himself. He was bloody, bruised, swollen and cut, generally he'd have expected it considering how rarely 24 hours passed without him getting into some kind of altercation, but in this instance he'd have preferred the old visage of William.

The sound of angry voices approaching went undetected, until Spike found himself surrounded by a few male teachers, a security guard and what seemed to be the principal."You're not permitted on school grounds....the police have been called...we're here to escort you off the property. It'll be better for everyone involved if you don't give us any trouble."

"Bite me," was Spike's initial reply, but then a strange feeling crept over him. So far on this day he was being unrighteously crapped on and the epiphany hit him all at once, he was bleary tired and in a fowl mood over it,"Blah...you know, that used to be m'favorite thing to say....'cause they'd get these gutted guppy looks on their faces n' I'd go....oh, don't wanna bite me? Fine....I'll bite you then!! 'Course after home delivering that delicious line, complete with un-fortune-ate cookies, I'd vamp out n' scoff the lot...wouldn't leave a drop. Bloody hell...you know, a guy just doesn't appreciate a good spot of violence when he's in the moment....it's times just like this, when it all comes back in technicolor dreams and you stop and think on it. It wasn't all so bad, the killin', the maimin'.....it was jolly good fun.....then, ZAP, BAM, SHEZAM, I go ass over tea kettle for the Buffers n' now the the big bad I was, isn't! She's got it so I don't even want to hurt people, can you bloody believe it?! ME!!! But you know what.....no more of that! Nope, I may be beat down, but I ain't beat. So, step up...."

After the rant the men all look terribly confused, here was this young man who'd clearly was a deviant and now he appeared to be mentally unhinged. Spike made a gesture with his hands, as if to inquire as to why they weren't throwing fists yet; when he still received no response he sent a wicked left side kick crashing through one of the mirrors. With that the security guard and what seemed to be a P.E. teacher lunged for Spike, both men were put to the ground with a fist each square in the face. "AAARRRRrrrGgggggggHHHHHHH!!!!!" Spike roared in absolute agony...he'd forgotten he was still wired to the Initiative chip and clearly Niamh hadn't done a thing to alter it. He thrashed about on the ground like he'd just been dropped on a volcanic hot plate, smashing into mirrors. The vicious tremors in his brain faded and Spike was left caught in a manic seizure, bleeding from his nose and unable to calm himself this time. It was brought sharply into focus once more how fragile he was in his human form. The chip was designed to control the impulses of a vampire....on a human, it was virtually fatal.

Chapter 13

From the way of stage right of the theatre Dawn heard the howl of who she instinctually knew was Spike. She dropped her sandwich and sprang to her feet, leaving her friends in her wake as she ran to where the cry had come. She came bursting into the dressing room and nearly screamed herself by what she saw. In all the time she'd known Spike, even when Glory had had her way with him, she'd never seen him so damaged,"Spike!!!" she shouted, worming her way past her teachers and collapsing at her friend's side. Unable to really do anything for him, she took off her sweater and laid it across his chest. Cradling his head in her lap, Dawn tried to wake him up, tried to find any sign of life.

"Miss Summers....what's the meaning of this?!" the Principal demanded, helping his colleagues to their feet.

"What's the matter with you people?! Get an ambulance!" Dawn shot back. Shocked by the authoritative tone the teenager had taken with them they had no course by to do as she said. She and Spike were left alone for the time being and the moment the dressing room was closed she started trembling."Spike?! Spike.....come on, answer me...please be okay..." He stirred a little and shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"Dawn...." he whispered.

"Spike what happened?! Was it a demon?"

"No...no.....listen, lil' bit...." He summoned all his strength and sat up, pulling her sweater away, but still holding firm to it. He looked into her teary eyes and the sight of his broke his heart, he shook his head, knowing it was about to hurt her....but there was nothing to prevent it."Oh, Dawn...m'lil' nibblet...you know how important you are to me...how much I loves yah?" She nodded her head.

"What's this about....why are you all beat up?" Spike caught site of himself in a piece of glass and used his t-shirt to wipe the blood from his nose and face.

"Dawn...maybe this was a mistake....coming here...." He got to his feet, amazed that he could even still manage it. Dawn wasn't about to get left of the loop for the second time today and moved to block his exit, crossing her arms in front of her,"Move it lil' girl..."

"Nuh-uh....you've got some 'splainin' ta do.....first off, why can you be in the sun, second...why do you look like you've been run through a meat grinder....does Buffy know about this?"

"I came to say goodbye. I'm leaving."

"What? No...you can't Spike...."

"It's better this way...promise, you'll be fine, you and your sister."

"How can you say that?! We need you Spike! Buffy...."

"Buffy doesn't need me, Dawn....I get that now..."

"I need you." She whimpered as she said her last sentence, tears bursting from her eyes."Please.....I can't lose you too....first mom...and then Buffy. What if she dies again? I don't want to be all alone...." Spike opened his arms to her and Dawn didn't hesitate the throw herself into his embrace. Despite the pain in his body from her hug, Spike didn't complain and just held her too.

"Dawn....I wish I could stay...but I can't, my world's changed and I don't belong to it anymore...you and Buffy will be just fine without me..."

"No we won't...." He pulled away from her placed a kiss on her forehead.

"You'll always be m'lil' nibblet......right?"

"Yeah...." He opened the door and was met with the arrival of paramedics and a crowd of students. As the EMTs tried to administer to Spike he jerked away and gave them a resounding,"Sod off!" And went back the way he'd come, which left Dawn with dozens of eyes on her. Her heart was broken and she was at a loss, she'd never seen Spike ever give up on anything. She knew there was another reason to why he was leaving and Dawn wasn't about to let Buffy get away with it.

***

It was early afternoon and Spike admitted that now he'd hit rock bottom. He'd taken any physical slight the big bad world could pummel him with, but deliberately breaking Dawn's heart like that had cut him to the quick. She was the last one that deserved to get caught up in all his problems, out of everyone he couldn't bear to cause her pain. Yet he had, and knowingly done so. After crossing that line Spike was even more resolved to get as far away from the Summers as he possibly could.

Chapter 14

"BUFFY!!!!" Dawn yowled into the Summers home, slamming the door behind her. Buffy appeared at the top of the stairs, having changed clothes from the ones that were previously covered in grime from her fit in the alley after Spike had left. She'd changed into and outfit that Dawn once overheard Spike telling Buffy she looked smashing in. She wore a red satin camisole with matching black leather pants and jacket, with her hair pulled tightly back.

"Dawn....what are you doing home..."

"What did you do to Spike?"

"You've seen him....where is he?" Buffy came rushing down the stairs to confront her sister,"Dawn....answer me."

"What did you do Buffy? Did you beat him up? Did he make you angry again?"

"Lots of stuff happened today......"

"He came to the school to tell me he was leaving.....and he got in a fight with some teachers who though he was a threat to the students.....n' the chip went off...." A pain sliced straight through Buffy, yet another nail in Spike's proverbial coffin.

"Is he alright...."

"No...his nose was bleeding and he was shaking....he was unconscious for a long time....Buffy I've never seen him like this, it was never this bad...even when..." Dawn voice trailed off.

"Dawn......even when?"

"When you were gone....you know, dead. Spike, he.....he took it really hard. Everyone looked after me, but no one was there for him. I tried to be, but he'd always make it about me somehow...he took care of me Buffy and no one took care of him and he stayed all this time....until you did something."

"Spike's over a century old, it would take more than just me....."

"You're wrong, Buffy. I know Spike's in love with you, you're the only one who has that much power over him. It's your fault....if he leaves or if he dies....."

"Die? Why would Spike die....." Dawn suddenly couldn't look her sister in the eyes,"Dawn? There's something you're not telling me."

"After we buried you...he....that night he picked fight with a gang of demons....he was trying to get himself killed. The only reason he started fighting back was because I showed up....and after, when he'd run them off....he cried........" Buffy wrapped her arms around her sister,"Buffy please don't let him go...we need him....we don't have anyone else..."

"I'm going to call Tara and ask her to come over and then I'll go find him, okay?" Dawn nodded her head and hugged Buffy again. For the life of her Buffy had no clue how she was going to stop Spike from leaving, short of tieing him up, which wasn't entirely out of the question. Buffy knew what would make him stay, what words she finally had to speak allowed. She'd already let him into her home, her family....and her body....the only place she had yet to invite him into was her heart.

***

Buffy walked at a determined pace towards the tomb that housed Spike's crypt. She was flying blind as far as what exactly would transpire between them once she reached his home, but every cell in her body was screaming at her to just find him. Buffy wanted to be angry with him, to place the blame for all her tangled emotions on his shoulders; but as she drew closer to his dwelling she found that her heart held no contempt for him. What she did feel was an intense longing for the quiet times of the past; their long talks and walks whilst patrolling together, stories of his past and the swirling miasma of living on the Hell Mouth; also the sweet laughs and charmed words on her back porch. Furthermore she found herself imaging what the future could hold for her family if Spike stayed with them, the possibilities filled her with a rush of hope. Buffy broke into a jog and found herself believing that she'd do anything to keep Spike in the lives of her and her sister, even if it meant taking the ultimate leap of faith and telling Spike the truth....that she loved him too.

Chapter 15

An organic fear closed in around Buffy as Spike's tomb came into view, the atmosphere surrounding her was eerie, barring the fact that she was in a cemetery. The air was supernaturally still and thick and to Buffy it was as if she was running hip deep in water, she was aware of no more than the incessant hard pulse of the blood in her veins and the panic that she was too late to salvage any sort of life with the man that she was now freely declaring to herself that she loved. A blast of cold air swelled up from the ground beneath her, sending fallen leaves swirling within contained funnels of wind; Buffy knew then that there was someone else in cemetery. She stopped 20 paces from the entrance to the crypt, wanting to call out to him but finding her voice had caught in her throat. She was the only soul in the entire place, today there weren't even song birds, insects, even the plant life seemed to be fading - all the tell tale signs that the demon had come.

Buffy stopped dead in her tracks and looked about, wondering if it had camouflaged itself and was only an arm's length from her vulnerable body. A sudden swish of red in the sky above announced the arrival of Niamh, the red slowly became an erratic mess of short red hair, then a long slim body with creamy white skin. She was clad in green velvet from head to toe, a neo-gothic Irish demon that fit the stereotype to a tee. She'd perched herself precariously high atop the old building like a crow searching the world below it for carrion. The demon honed in on her prey and propelled herself from the heights and floated down like a ghost to present herself to the Slayer. The pale blue of Niamh's eyes were so like ice that a chill sliced it's ways into Buffy's body."Buffy Summers....the Slayer....." the demon spoke with melodic tomes.

"Niamh.....demon......bitch..." Buffy replied with a smirk and confidence abound. Buffy had faced just about everything the Hell Mouth could cough up, but this time was different, this time it was more than personal.

"Tsk, tsk.....did you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"I wouldn't go bringing up mothers....I might have a few choice words about your's."

"Mmmm...fair enough..." Niamh circled around Buffy, a smirk painted on her porcelain doll face, wicked and playful."Quite the fellow, our Spike...isn't he?"

"Don't talk about Spike like you know him..."

"And you do?"

"Yes, I do, intimately." Buffy wanted nothing more than to haul off and beat Niamh into submission, but as with most demons this one was about to get off on a rant and explain everything. After so many years, Buffy was willing to put up with the routine once more, for Spike's sake.

"Apparently so....he's ever so in love with you....it's all daisies and chocolates for him.....how is it for you?"

"None of your business."

"What's with all the curt lil' answers, darling? One mention of your name and it's a safe bet that your boy would throw himself into a soliloquy professing his eternal love for you, how he lives for your smile and dies for your kiss.....so sweet."

"And is that where you came in? You made him human.....why?"

"Hhmmmmm....well, I imagine the books say something about my past, traded the soul in a moment of weakness for oodles of power? Truth is....after all this time, it's really just for kicks. A thousand years ago, I was all doom and gloom, serious, wore a big heavy cloak.....thank Beelzebub and all his little wizards for Alexander McQueen! Anyhoo....I'd delve deep into their hearts and minds.....find what their fondest wish was and worm my way into it, twist it up and spit it back at them. If a young fella wanted wealth, freedom to do as he pleased....I'd kill off his family so he'd inherit the big cash and not hafta share. You wanted peace and tranquility.....poof, off to a deserted island you go! The irony's usually lost on them though...oh well, that's just the way the cookie crumbles....hmmph! But Spike....well, Spike was different - for starters he was a vampire - a gal's gotta bend the rules right from the word go. You gotta have style, subtlety, manipulation....it's not the kind of situation where you can do the deed and just sit back and watch the wackiness ensue....it's interactive, you must mold and bend the path they walk....he's the most fun I've had in centuries - all because of you."

"Get to the point.....now." Niamh rolled her eyes and huffed.

"He didn't wish that you loved him, nothing like that...that's boring anyways.....odd, given the nature of the beasty, that he didn't want to manipulate you.....he just wanted to fix whatever it was about himself that was making you not love him. He didn't understand, poor fellow....you know?"

"You're going to insist on telling me your version anyways.....have your fun.....but be warned, you're wearing on my last nerve."

"He'd laid himself on your altar, asking you to make him a sacrifice and when the time came you couldn't do it....it's not in you to give, you don't believe you can love him because you don't believe he can be loved.....he's a souless fiend, a thing, and if you give yourself to him mind, body, and soul you fear it will be wasted....it's a leap of faith you can't bring yourself to make. By making him human he will suffer, he will lose himself and he will die.....it will be beautiful."

"You're sick....cruel....I won't let you destroy him, I won't."

"It's too late, dearest....you did the damage long before I ever graced the scene....I just woke him up to the truth..."

"You're wrong...."

"And he's probably dead already." Niamh's last taunt was enough to propel Buffy into action, she was tired of listening to the bitch anyways. Within a split second Buffy had the woman's throat in her powerful hand, ready to squeeze the life from her.

"Put him back to the way he was."

"He's human....you can love him now.....no guilt...." Niamh's choked out. Buffy squeezed harder, crushing the demon's vocal chords.

"I already loved him...I love him now....and I will love him when he's a vampire again.....change him back." Niamh smiled wickedly at Buffy, she snapped her teeth at the Slayer and the solid form Buffy grasped faded and vanished in a shower of green flickerings of light.

"Are you sure about that?" Niamh's disembodied voice echoed, reverberating through the air and dissipating into nothingness. The Slayer growled in frustration, then shook off the all the doubts and insecurities that the demon had tried with great effort to make her believe. After years of dealing with demons, vampires, creatures of the night....frat boys.....a hell bitch wasn't about to deter her going after the one person in all the world she suddenly realized she didn't want to live without.

Chapter 16

Buffy walked into Spike's tomb determined to sit him down and convince him that he belonged with his family, her and Dawn. However, as soon as she crossed the threshold to the inside of the tomb, Buffy knew that something was not right. She took another step forward then her instincts compelled her body to bend herself backwards. Her palms hit the stone of the tomb floor, her body bent in an awkward arch as a wind storm of arrows flew over her and out into the open. The next attack came from a series of sharp implements, knives, spears, shards.....all catapulted from set traps. She masterfully coiled and turned her body, the stealth of her limbs deflecting and redirecting each of the dangerous edges."What the hell's going on here?!" she yelled in frustration as a board riddled with spikes swung across her path.

"Buffy!? Oh bloody hell!!!" she heard Spike shouting back,"Buffy get on the ground!!!" She'd never seen him move so fast his he did after clamoring up the step ladder from the depths of the crypt. He crawled military style to the farthest reach of the tomb until he was able to reach and cut a rope with the knife. Abruptly all mechanics of the the booby traps ceased and the room became silent and still. Spike and Buffy both jolted to their feet simultaneously, each wanting to make sure the other was in one piece. He dropped his knife and started towards her, in almost Shakespearean staging Buffy ran for him too. Before either could analyze the situation they were in each other's arms. Spike succumb to the strength of the small body he held, pulling him downwards till they'd crashed to the ground."Buff? Are you okay.....nothing nicked you did it? You're not hurt?" She pulled back from him a ways, enough to read the pained expression on his face, the overwhelming concern over her well-being absolutely evident.

"Who do you think writes this stuff? I'm the hero-girl, I'm peachy keen....How about you?"

"If you could bottle my adrenaline right now kids would be downing it at raves." Again she was holding him tightly, rocking them as they heartbeats returned to normal.

"Pet....you sure you're alright?"

"I thought you'd be gone already.....I thought I'd be too late!"

"Too late for what?"

"To stop you from leaving....you can't go Spike....I can't let you...."

"You can't let me go?" The way he phrased the question peeled away the first layer of the the thick skins that had kept the truth from being revealed for so long. He parted from her once again, holding her face in his hands."You can't let me go?" She shook her head and placed her hands over his."You know Summers....I will suffer the wound of your love for as long as I walk this Earth.....so, what then - if I stay?"

"I don't know.....I just know.....that......they all left and I can't live through that again....."

"They?"

"My father....then Angel, then Riley....my mother.....Giles....everyone I love leaves....Willow's gone now...I'm barely holding on and I don't want to lose you too....."

"Then you won't.....alright....you want me to stay....then I'll stay, doesn't matter what happens between us....it'll always be you, me and Dawny...right?"

"Promise? No more stupid suicidal stunts like this either?"

"Huh?"

"The arrows.....sharp things?? Flyin' through the air in a killing way?"

"You thought I wasn't gonna off m'self?? Not bloody likely! This wasn't for me.....it was for......oh cripes!!!" Spike suddenly started to scamper away, pulling the Slayer with him. At the door stood a 7ft beast covered from head to toes with shaggy black fur and elongated claws.

"Sppppike......I've come to collect.....if you don't have the goods, I'm taking it out of your hide...." spoke the monster in the vestibule.

"Spike?" Buffy questioned.

"Damn kitten poker......high stakes game a few weeks ago.....lost m' shirt...." he tried to explain before turning his attention back to the fellow with the penchant for beating vampires into bloody pulps,"I've been a lil' preoccupied Lewis.....being a BLOODY HUMAN.....I told you not two hours ago I'd get you the fluffers in a few days.......criminy, cut a bloke a lil' slack here! HUMAN and SUFFERING MAJORLY!!!" The creature was about to offer his rebuttal when Buffy stepped in between them, Spike tried the hold her back but she slapped his hand away, and not at all playfully.

"Okay....let's get this straight....Spike, you owe some demony person a whopping huge payoff for yet another lost game of kitten poker......for which by the way you are never allowed to play again and whilst we're at it, can't you go a day without getting into trouble....and you, fuzzball, you're some hired thug send to beat him for the pure fun of it?" Both nodded in agreement with her summation."Okay....new plan....less chat.....more splat....." With her eyes she intimidated Spike enough to convince him not to argue with her as he remained inside the crypt and she took Lewis outside.

***

"Come on....let's get you down below," Buffy announced, returning to him after her tussle with what was the Genfu Demon formerly known as Lewis, finding Spike a gormeless pile of mush on the floor.

"Not that I exactly want to admit to being a nancy boy here....but you're gonna have to carry me.....or, to save my dignity, just roll me over there and let me drop through the hole....I'm knackered, Buffy, as weak as a sack of wet kittens. Why do I get the distinct impression that my every path is strewn with cowpats from the Devil's own satanic herd?"

"Karma....a century of massacres and mayhem are bound to catch up with you at some point.....just be thankful it wasn't all at once..."

"Not so sure about that love.....after the day I've had."

"Sure sucks to be you, huh? On your feet you big baby....."

"I need a smoke...." Spike moaned, digging into his pockets for his crumpled back of cigarettes and match book. He held the thin white stick between trembling lips and struck the match, bringing it to his mouth. He flicked the match off and it died on the moist surface of the cave floor. He exhaled all the oxygen from his lungs then took in a staggeringly long drag, filling his lungs to capacity with the comforting chemical combo - to which he promptly started to choke on. He exhaled as best he could, heaving and coughing, and nearly throwing up.

"Fresh baby lungs...smoking bad for them," Buffy offered, taking just a little pleasure in his disgust at his own disgusting habit.

"Not a problem....I think I just quit."

Chapter 17

"Without doubt....this has been the worst day of my life...." He groaned and swayed, almost too exhausted and injured to hold himself upright, eventually leaning back against the wall of the inner crypt. Buffy sighed and approached him, coming dangerously close for Spike to not react,"Buffy?" he whispered, holding her gaze through the darkness.

"Spike......I think maybe I can make this the best day of your life..." She looked at him seductively, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth as she began to pulled the fabric of his T-shirt from his jeans. Spike's eyes widened after she'd pulled his shirt over his head,"Let's get you cleaned up...you look awful Spike."

"Thanks love...words like that do wonders for my mood.....Buff....Buffy?" The Slayer was no longer paying attention to his words and was instead concerned with examining his battle worn body. She winced as she found bruise after bruise, slices, cuts and gashes all over his torso and upper body. He was caked with sticky remnants of blood and as she grazed her fingers delicately over his wounds he hissed in pain.

"Oh Spike..." she whispered. She looked lastly upon his face, swollen and discolored, but still fiercely handsome, a face that was imprinted on her very soul. She curled her fingers around his wrist and gently encouraged him to follow her as she lead him deeper into his crypt. They rounded a corner and the cave opened into the vast expanse that housed his bed. Buffy paused, taking a moment to assure herself that she was making the right choice. In truth the solace of his embrace and the warmth of the bed was more than just inviting, it was perfect."We need some water...towels...."

"Sorry,pet.....there's water....a lil' run off in the back of the cave, it's from a source underground, nice and clean.....but the other...." Buffy scoured the room and her eyes settled on a bundle of old sheets, apparently Spike never tossed a thing out, just allowed it to find it's own nook in the dwelling....no doubt eventually to develop it's own personality,"Sit down," she commanded, but with a kind tone. He hobbled over and sat on the edge of the bed, legs out in front of him as he tried in vain to stretch the tension from them. As Buffy went in search of the water, he kicked off his shoes, realizing that his feet were probably the only part of his body that weren't injured. Buffy returned a few minutes later with a container of water and a few scraps of the torn sheet, intent on cleaning his wounds. She knelt down in front of him, pushing his legs apart and positioning herself in what under less Florence Nightingale circumstances could be misconstrued as promising.

"The water's cold.....it won't feel nice, but we need to clean the wounds......they might get infected otherwise..."

"Right...Buffy....I....."

"Just let me....okay?" He didn't speak another word instead contented himself with whimpering and cringing every time the cold wet rag touched his body."The wounds are all closed...so many bruises though, we really should have taken you to the hospital..."

"Slayer.....I'll be fine, you know me, tough as....well, at the mo' tough as a cotton ball. You know, they should make it an annual holiday, every year close on Christmas the town of Sunnydale gathers, joins hand in hands for a regular Whoville sing along then celebrate Beat the Spike Day....." Buffy drew herself on to her feet and took away the water and bloody rags before coming to stand before him again. Spike took the initiative and placed his hands on her hips, look up at her with expectant, needing eyes.

"I like that color on you...." he observed, drinking every nuance of her pert, round breasts to which the satin had contoured itself. He practically salivated for want of taking her flesh in his mouth, to taste her, to make her want him as much as he wanted her.

"I know you do...it's like blood...." The mention of it reminded him of suddenly of what he'd lost, and what more he could lose now that he was human. His hands dropped from her sides like stones and he started to inch away from her."Spike....."

"You should go....sun will be down soon, you don't want to leave Dawn alone..."

"Tara's with her.....I want to stay."

"Why? Why do you want to stay Buffy?"

"I want to stay with you...." She closed the gap between, pressing the skin of her exposed stomach to his naked chest, bringing his face a breath from her breasts. He looked up at her, searching for a clearer window into her mind; Buffy saw his uncertainty and decided she'd have to show him how certain she was about them. The little jacket fell from her shoulders to the floor, her hands ran up the length of his arms, around his neck, almost as if to strangle him,"Spike.....you and I....in the past, we've done so much damage...."

"I don't want to do anymore damage.....not to you...."

"Me either..." She pushed his back to the bed, falling with him. She straddled his waist between her legs before leaning forward and began to kiss him as she always had in the past, hard and passionate, plunging her tongue into his mouth and savagely dueling with his. Spike fisted his hands in her hair, crushing her to him. His body ached with every action, but the pain was arousing when coupled with the flavor of her succulent kiss. Buffy reached down in between them unbuckle his leather belt, then lower the zipper of his jeans. She tugged at the waist of his worn out jeans, trying to get them off his body. The kiss was broken off and she removed herself from his embrace, standing at the bedside. Spike took particular note of the coy smile that illuminated her face before she crossed her arms in front of her and drew the satin camisole above her body and off. The let the garment fall to an unseen part of the floor, to be followed immediately after by the lacy strapless bra that covered her. She pulled the tie from her messed hair and let the cascades of golden curls fall around her shoulders. She turned way from him, slipping into the darkness, Spike was about to call after her but stopped his voice when he heard the striking of a match.

A soft amber hue illuminated the bedroom as Buffy lit candle after candle. Flames flickered like the final flare of dying stars in the night of the inner crypt. Buffy moved about, as slow and as haunting as a ghost moved through walls until she came back to his side. She helped him to pull off his jeans, before getting out of her own leathers. She made the point of shimming out of her panties, which elicited a throaty laugh from Spike."You'll have to go easy on me, Slayer...." he warned as she joined him on his bed. Buffy leaned down to press her lips to his abdomen, warm flesh to warm flesh. She raised her eyes to look on him and he brushed the back of his hand over her temple.

"I'll give as much as you can take..." With those words she climbed on top of him, gliding up the length of his body as a jaguar stalks its prey. Their lips met for a brief, but searing kiss before she slid her body down to take him fully inside her. She sank her body down on his hardness, reacquainting herself with his impressive length and girth, gloving him completely in her accepting body. Buffy let a moan of utter abandon escape her lips as she took him to the hilt, his body touching every excitable inch inside. Spike, despite the damage he'd sustained over the course of the day, all pain faded when he came in contact with her tight wet warmth. Intent on taking them both for a soothing ride, Buffy made slow surges with her hips, rocking back and forth.

"Mmmm....Buffy...." groaned Spike, thrust up underneath, trying like the last time to stroke the one place he knew would drive her wild. He gripped his hands around her small waist, encouraging her to kick their lovemaking up a notch....or two. Buffy leaned forward, sinking her palms on either side of his head into the pillow. Bringing herself up onto her knees, she let some of his flesh hit the cold air as she slid upwards; then quickly lowered herself again. She repeated the action slowly at first, raising herself half off, then letting her full weight settle back down."I love....." His declaration was abruptly silenced as she kissed him again, crushing and bruising his lips as she increased the speed of the activity of their lower halves. He cupped her face with his hands and savagely kissed her back, reaching into her throat with his tongue. As the breaking point neared, Spike's animalistic instincts began to awaken and he decided it was time for him to take control.

Taking Buffy by surprise, he flipped them over, pushing himself as deep as he could into her. She cried out an exclamation of total ecstasy, he continued to grind his hips against her's, keeping their kiss in action for a time before tearing away from it. They locked eyes, burning the passion and energy that was coursing between him. Buffy raised her legs and dug her knees into his ribs; the pain in his injured sides was incredible, but at this moment he didn't care. His thrusts soon became long and hard, crashing against her and bringing them both to their mutual release. With a final purposeful thrust and the slight jerk of his hips, Spike emptied himself of a wash of white heat. Buffy watched as his blue eyes became yellow, his bruises evaporated and his cuts sealed and disappeared - the vampire returned when outside the sun sunk under the horizon and night fell. In the beginning her scream was one of pure terror, but it quickly fell into one of ecstasy as her orgasm overcame her and she became aware of nothing more than her own extreme pleasure.

Chapter 18

"Oh god....." Spike groaned as he collapsed onto Buffy, spent, satiated and exhausted. He rode out the final pulses of her climax, her body convulsing around the portion of flesh he still had buried in her."I love you......Buffy....I love you..." He wrapped his arms around her, lovingly holding her close as the aftereffects of their union coursed through his veins. It was then that he noticed the beat of his heart was slowing, slowing and then suddenly stopping altogether. He realized he no longer needed to take in air and that his body was miraculously healing. He felt remarkably invigorated, alive in the supernatural sense, back to his old self again, a vampire. His was in its feral form and he relished in the feel of having fangs once again.

Buffy didn't know whether to pull him closer or push him off her; she'd just made love to the man she finally admitted to herself she loved but the miraculous return of the vampire made her as confused as ever. Spike slipped apart from her, giving her one last thrill. As he tried to contour his body to her's before he descended into slumber; it was then that Buffy decided she couldn't stay. Spike was godsmacked when she pulled away from him and maneuvered her way off the bed, grabbing her clothes off the floor and starting to dress."Bloody hell...not again...." he muttered to himself. He swung his legs around and sat up, watching as she fluttered about like a butterfly on crack trying to get back into her clothes,"Like that is it again, pet? Guess it's Beat the Spike Day after all, huh?"

"It's not like that....I can't leave Dawn alone overnight....." she tried to explain herself as she headed towards the ladder. Spike quickly followed after her, springing himself from the bed with little care to cover himself. He grabbed her and flung her around until her back was against the wall.

"Tara's with her....you said so yourself...you're running scared Slayer....."

"I'm not...."

"Yes you are....you tell me I'm wrong....We both thought I was human permanently...not just a day. You went to bed with me because you thought I was safe, thought you were the one in control and I was as impotent as lapdogs like Xander or Riley, well I'm telling you baby.....I'm not your toy or or your whore......I want to be the man you love." Buffy couldn't take another second of his scrutiny, knowing every word he was saying was the truth.

"I'm outta here....."

"Not so fast." He pinned her shoulders to the wall.

"Let go of me....or...."

"You'll what? Kick the shit outta me? We're better than that, doncha think? I can see the thoughts spinning in that pretty little head of your's.....the whole time we were together, touching, pleasing....locked.....you wondered if I had a soul? Thinking you did it again? Sucked it right out of me like you did with Angel?" He let her go then, took a step back, but she didn't move."I'm sorry, Slayer, I didn't think to take a soul test...didn't happen by any crosses or holy water.....I did see my face though, in a mirror at Dawn's school...I don't know what that meant - but there is one thing I do know for certain." The look she gave him was one the begged for him to continue, to finish his story and give her answers,"I never felt any different, not a spec.....from the time I met Niamh until now. Maybe I forgot in all this time what it feels like to have one....I don't know if I had a soul today....all I know is that I love you Buffy, soul or not, I love you. Until you can tell me the same thing, I don't want to see you again."

"What?" Spike walked backwards away from her.

"You heard me. Stay away, alright?" Spike felt a dagger in his gut with the hurt look on her face, the tears brimming and threatened to stream down her face; but he'd found himself again and he wanted more....he wanted it all or nothing and he wasn't about to settle for anything less from her.

"Fine....I'm gone," she spat out, enraged, she pulled herself up the ladder and removed herself permanently from his life. Spike stormed back to his bedroom and let out a barbarous roar, clearing the tables and stone slabs of their candles. He was plunged into darkness and held in the sounds of the sobs that wracked his body. He lay in his still warm bed, the sheets still alive and drenched with her scent, he let sleep take him and hoped he would never wake again.

***

Buffy walked into her house and was immediately confronted by Dawn, who'd leapt off the couch and Tara's side and was at her sister's before the Slayer had even closed the front door."He's staying........I'm going to bed...." Buffy spoke, walking past her sister and ignoring Tara altogether. She climbed the stairs and made a bee line for her bedroom, shutting and locking the door behind her. She crashed in a heap on her bed and burst into tears, weeping into her pillow to muffle her screams. After everything they'd been through over the course of the day, the naked truth was that Niamh had been right all along.

As night dragged on, Buffy managed to get ready for bed and enwrap herself in the covers, keeping herself caged from making the final choice. All the action served to do was remind her of laying in his bed, having his body not so long ago fitted with her's, moving in synch and in love. His scent was still around her, as was evidence of their union still on her body; the sense and memories of him lulled her into slumber, praying for kind dreams.

Chapter 19

Spike tossed the blood packet he'd nicked from the hospital that he'd just taken his dinner from towards one corner of the cave. He picked up the second Type O and stabbed his twisty novelty straw into it and began the second course. He hadn't seen or spoken to Buffy, nor Dawn or any of the other Scooby Gang. In actuality he'd been avoiding people all together, spending the majority of his time brooding and skulking about in the demon haunts n' pubs. He stuck to his guns as far as Buffy was concerned, as much as it pained him he'd managed to stay away....for an entire three and a half weeks infact. He was an extremely patient man, but hanging in limbo was nothing short of pure torture. Every thought was of Buffy, every action was in response to them, every step, every second that passed. He'd made a sport of taking on demon gangs in nightly fights, re-staking his reputation as the big bad in town, in the demon part of Sunnydale at any rate. Otherwise, Spike found himself alone, in his crypt.

A rustling was heard in the above half of the crypt and Spike perked his ears to try and detect who was in his resting place. Whoever it was, they moved carefully, perhaps even timidly. He drank down the last of his supper and eased himself off the bed, taking the 12" blade he'd laid underneath his pillow in his hand."Spike? Are you there?" a meek, mouse like voice called. Instantaneously he threw the knife under the bed and ran to the ladder, hauling himself up with incredible speed.

"Dawn!?" he shouted out into the echoed holds of the tomb,"Dawn?!" He emerged from the nether portion and searched for her. He found her, just a step inside his doorway. Upon seeing him she beamed the sweet smile he loved so well, but then he saw the tears in his eyes and it stunned him. "Dawny?" his last calling of her name was soft, less urgent, but choked with emotion. She rushed to him and through her arms around his shoulder in an almost Slayer strength hug.

"You stayed....you really stayed!! She told me...but I wasn't sure..and I wanted to come, really I did but....but she was so sad, I didn't want to leave her.....but I just couldn't wait anymore and you never came by and...."

"Woah, woah, woah.....that run-on sentence is one syllable away from running right outta here....slow down, pet.....Start at the beginning..." He led her over to one of the stone coffins and like a child, he lifted her up on one."Why've you come?"

"Because I haven't seen you since that day at school...."

"Oh..."

"Buffy told me you were staying....but she wouldn't say anything else....she hasn't really said anything at all. I got tired of waiting - she's all zip lipped and you're all no where near my house....so....."

"You shouldn't go out alone at night....ever....ever! You hear me, pidge?"

"Buffy's sick." Dawn's short statement would have stopped his heart if it had been beating.

"Sick? Sick how?" He found himself suddenly consumed with worry, panic, fear....too much all at once for him.

"She won't get out of bed...she won't eat anything....she keeps saying she's fine, but then goes into her room and doesn't come out for hours and hours. Tara's been great, making sure I'm okay....but Buffy won't even talk to her....I'm really scared, it's been a week...I can't get her to go to a doctor or anything.....Spike, please help..."

"'Course I'll help, nibblet....'course I will."

***

Upon arriving at the Summers home, Spike sent Dawn off to bed, promising he'd spent the entire night and coming day and make sure Buffy would be taken care of, no matter how much she protested......he'd handle the Slayer, whether she was willing to be handled or not. He soundlessly opened the door to Buffy's bedroom and stepped inside, closing it behind him. He paused to listen if he'd wakened her, but heard only the steady rhythm of her inhales and exhales. On bended knee Spike came to her side. Even in the darkness of the bedroom he could make out every breathtaking feature of her angelic face. To Spike's mind she looked quite well rested and not particularly sick at all. He placed the back of his hand to her forehead to check for a fever, but found her temperature quite normal."What's goin' on with you Buff?" he whispered as his continued to caress her.

"Mmmmm....Spike..." Buffy spoke in her sleep, snuggling deeper into the covers, pulling them up around her face. Spike allowed a sheepish grin to come over his face at her utterance. He took her words with initiative and gave her shoulder a nudge.

"Buffy? Slayer darlin'......it's me, the bane of your existance....come a callin'..." She groaned and rolled over, giving full view of her bare back. She started repeating his name to herself, still caught in what sounded like a wonderful dream, to which he wish he could be privy to. He reached out and raked his fingers down her back, snapping the Slayer from her slumber and causing her to bolt straight up, clamoring for a weapon,"Hey.....careful now.....it's just me..."

"Spike." She suddenly felt quite shy under the intense scrutiny and concern in his gaze. She clutched the covers to her naked body, unable to separate herself from the erotic dream she'd just been in the middle of and the reality that he was in the room with her.

"What other bloke would to come into your room at night? There isn't another...."

"No...no....no one else....why are you here??"

"Dawn came to see me tonight....."

"She went out by herself?! That girl...."

"Woah....calm down....she came because she was worried about you....she said you were sick." He turned his head to one side, looking over her again,"You don't look sick....."

"I'm not sick Spike....it's something else....."

Chapter 20

"Something else? Dawn said you haven't been out of bed in a week. I know you haven't been patrolling, all the vamps are actin' like it's bloody Spring Break....I've been picking up the slack though, you'd be proud. What's the matter Slayer?"

"Don't call me Slayer, Spike....I don't want to be the Slayer right now.....not even sure I can handle being Buffy just now..." She was trembling and on the verge of tears. Spike had no idea what was wrong with his girl, but he could tell that it was tearing her up inside. He rose from the side of bed to sit on it next to her and without him even making the slightest motion to suggest it, she leaned back into him. The familiar combined scent of leather, cigarettes and what ever else that was all Spike flooded her senses and comforted her. He gathered the fabric of her comforter up and around her, making sure she was warm and secure in his embrace.

"You can talk to me you know....I'm not always sarcastic...I'm not always nasty..."

"I know you're not....I know the real you....I do, you might not think I do, but I do...I know you better than anyone."

"Got that right.....but love...what's happening here? I don't understand..."

"Yeah, you do....It's what you've been saying for months, you love me."

"Too right.....but that's nothing new."

"No it isn't...I just haven't believed it, that you weren't just obsessed....that it was real....I do now, I know you love me."

"And?"

"It gives me comfort, solace....I know that you're never leaving us....your here for the long haul...."

"Buffy, you've been walking all over me for years.....you shoulda known it all along.....no matter what, I've always got your back....even when you don't know it, I'm always there."

"I know that too.....that's why I've been avoiding you....I was scared to see you again because once I did I knew I couldn't keep the truth inside me anymore and then I'd have to deal...."

"What truth is that?"

"The truth is Spike.....despite what people have told me, despite what the Slayer instincts slap me upside the head with when we're together....I love you....I love you too...." His body rattled with a sudden gasp, then she felty the exhales of oxygen against her bare shoulder. Afterall, after the fighting, dancing, longing, shagging and the denial....the truth had been spoken between them. He nestled his cheek against her's wrapped his arms around her so tightly he'd have broker her bones if she wasn't the Slayer."Ease up there fangboy.....I can't love you if I'm in traction." He laughed inwardly and loosened his hold.

"You're not scared anymore?"

"No....I'm petrified....we're not exactly Ozzie and Harriet here...."

"Thank God...."

"Ditto...."

"You're scared.....I get that....I'll break the news to Xander, he'll probably try and stake me....ooo!! oooo!!! Lemme tell Giles!! I can call him up n' tell him I've bedded the Chosen One, he'll prolly rub his lenses into dust!...I can't wait!"

"Spike....there's something else....the reason I've been in bed all week." She'd become very serious again, he cajoled her with kisses to the side of her face."I'm not sick Spike....I'm pregnant." He closed his eyes and tilted his head skyward. Silently his hands moved to cup her face, forcing her to turn to face him. He opened his eyes and looked deep into her's searching to confirmation through the windows to her soul,"You were human Spike...when we made love....when you.....you were still human....say something, please...." He would have spoken, but no words existed to convey the scope of everything he was feeling, instead he was able to express himself fully by capturing her lips with his in a tender, complete kiss. Buffy fell against him, pushing the black leather coat from his shoulders in anticipation to be with him once again. His reaction to her news was all the reassurance she needed, she'd never test him again, never push him away, she'd just love him and let him love her.....and their child.

Chapter 21

Spike had laid awake all night long, for the most part watching Buffy sleep as the lay naked and tangled. After hours of making love slowly and tenderly, Buffy had let sleep claim her, wrapped possessively with her lover. He watched her with a new appreciation and a heightened level of emotions. They were bonded now, and unbreakably so...now that she carried his child within her. He was still barely able to wrap his mind around the concept that after over a century of blood and death, he'd created a life. He'd vowed to himself to protect them both until his moment of death, and beyond if possible; no matter what would come in the days, months and years before them, he'd live and die for them. And the greatest epiphany of all was that by virtue of the fact that the love he had for her was unselfish and pure, he'd been given it back in return....in spades. Something to be said for instant Karma. She stirred a little and he waited for her to open her eyes, but instead she only buried her face into his chest and sighed. Just then Spike sensed a change in the atmosphere, like a jolt of electricity reverberating through the air around them. He knew in an instant what was occuring.

Careful to not wake Buffy as he disentangled himself from her warm body, Spike left the bed and pulled on the jeans that lay on the floor. He quietly padded his way down the hall, making note that Dawn still slept soundly in her own room. He came down the stairs and found her waiting for him, sitting in an arm chair in the living room, humming an Irish ditty to herself. She smiled widely at him and he scowled, dark and venomous."You should get out of our house....wouldn't want to mess up the place by painting the walls with your blood," he seethed, hands in fists and the vampire alive and evident on his face and in his burning gold eyes.

"Tut, tut....that little bitty upstairs clearly hasn't taught you a thing about manners....mind you she has all the social graces of a long shoreman, you should learn how to greet a lady...."

"You're no lady....." Ignoring Spike's mounting rage, Niamh rose from the chair and made he way over to him, licking her lips an putting her hands on her hips.

"Not really, no.....just on the outside. Thought I was gone for good, did you?"

"Hoped is more like it....come back for another round? I'm good to go now...."

"That you are....did you enjoy your day in the sun? I thought you'd be thanking me....now that you've got her in the family way.....you've been granted your fondest wish - you two will be together now.....forever if you play the cards right."

"At her expense though! No care to the fact that she's the bloody Slayer!! She can't do her job now...she has to protect the baby and that means no fights! No taking on vamps and demons! They're at risk now...."

"That's nature.....loving and cruel, at the same time...besides, what's life without risk? What you have is worthless if you aren't at risk of losing it."

"Oh I get it ......you're an Irony Demon! I'm still good for ripping your head off after finding out about your special quirk....just so you know."

"I did you a favor, vampire....I handed you everything you ever wanted on a silver platter...."

"Maybe so....yeah, you did.....and it didn't cost me a thing did it? It did however cost Buffy a whole damn lot.....if I ever see you again, I'll eat your heart....you hear me little girl?"

"You won't see me again after tonight...I never out stay my welcome, metaphorically speaking - I've already got a new fun ripening on the vine....but I don't think he'll top you.....you're one in a millenia....Spike."

"Get out." She exploded into a million points of green light and then was no more. Spike wanted to unleash a roar that would bring the house to its foundation, but instead resigned himself to holding the anger inside, respecting his family's home. He was aware however, that if he went back upstairs Buffy would know in an instant that all was not well and now was not a time to be upsetting her.

***

"Spike? Is everything okay?" Her sudden appearance jolted him out of his pensive thoughts, he'd been lost inside his own mind for close on two hours. He gave her a reassuring smile and nodded his head.

"Yeah, love...you should be asleep....gotta keep the lil' nipper's mama well rested and happy."

"Then daddy shouldn't have left me all alone...what are you doing?"

"Nothin'....just.....um..." He searched for an excuse to give her, anything but to have to tell her that Niamh had been interfering and threatening them again.....and then he saw it, another miracle,"Just watching the snow coming down."

"It's snowing?!" She quickly closed the gap between them to take a place in front of him at the window. Spike laid his hands on her shoulders, massaging them, letting the heat of her body warm his own. It was a strange thing he'd just realized, when he was around her, he was warm.

"What was it, love? That made you take that leap of faith....to trust me.....to love me and have no regrets?" She took his hands from her shoulders and made him hold her entire body firmly against his, his hands travelled down to the flat of her stomach and rested there.

"Don't freak out......but it was something Niamh's said...."

"Oh bloody hell....that's just peachy...had a demon championing my cause..."

"She made me see that I was the problem.....not you....that and morning sickness."

"Ah yes....a sign about our future announced by vomit...figures..."

"Be nice......that's your child you're talking about....you okay? About everything?"

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Yes...but...."

"You worried, pet....about us? Wonderin' if the vampire can be everything you need him to be? I don't know what's gonna come....our roads tend to bend unexpectedly....but one thing we've got wrapped up in a nice little package is you and me....Slayer, there's no one else in this world for you but me......those others, they never got you like do....you're not as noble and as righteous as they like to think you are...you've got a bit of the bad in you; but you're pure, you're raw, you're fierce and you're passionate.....in other words, m'lovely, you're perfect.....for me." His words were the uncomplicated truth, some of them a little jarring, but all true. She looked away from the hypnotic ballet of snowflakes tumbling towards earth and turned around into his embrace, laying her head under his chin and linking her arms around his waist. His tactile skin was intoxicating, surprisingly warm; she relaxed into him and sighed.

"You're just the heartbroken poet.....for all the demon, there's still William to balance him out....it's a great mix, it's irresistable....you're just the heartbroken poet....who finally wrote a masterpiece.....and put it to punk." He rolled his eyes at her mockery, and then took her by surprise by grabbing her rear,"Spike!"

"Shhhh....you'll wake Dawn..." He then growling at her, showed her his fangs with a curl of his lip. Buffy's eyes's widened and she shuddered as he moved a hand inside her robe to caress her naked body.

"Let's go back to bed...." She made her way to the stairs, dragging him behind her; halfway up he paused, looking the downstairs over once more to make sure all was at peace."Spike?"

"Coming, love..."

THE END