AN: Welcome to the third installment of the After The End series! For those of you who are new to this particular plotline, feel free to start reading here or go back and read its predecessors, After The End and Home Again. I don’t mind explaining to those who are lost, but I do strongly recommend reading the other two stories in full so you understand what this one is about.

NOTE: If you haven’t read the last chapter of Home Again CLOSELY, you’re going to be very confused this first scene. If so, go back and re-read the last scene. *hint hint*

Also, I apologize for how infrequent my posts have become. The back to school hubbub is very…trying. It’s taken me forever to get this chapter out, and the others will probably come very infrequently. Sorry! I’m trying my best!

All right, now that that’s taken care of… read, review and enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss.

Alive

Thud-thump. Thud-thump. Thud-thump.

It kept going. Steady. Regular. Pulsing through him, shaking him ever so slightly with each subtle noise.

Thud-thump. Thud-thump.

Coursing through him like so many soft embraces, delicate kisses, delicious fragrances. Warm. Comforting. And on it went.

Each beat on it’s own a pleasant surprise.

Each beat a minor miracle.

The sound of it mesmerized him. He had never heard such a sound. So stable. So unwavering. So breathtaking. So utterly and completely perfect, so luscious, so everything. So…

Alive.

Thudthump thudthump thudthump

Calm down, you git. He closed his eyes, trying to control his breathing.

Wait a second… my breathing? Thudthumpthudthumpthudthumpthudthumpthudthump

Spike sat bolt upright. Breathing. He was breathing. And that sound, that wonderful sound…

It was his heartbeat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stumbling, Buffy fell. And instead of standing up, like she had for the last dozen times she’d collapsed in the past ten minutes, she just sat there.

How can a person stand up when their legs are gone? How can a person breathe when there is no oxygen? How can a person walk or talk or even live without something? Without…someone?

She stared at the dirt underneath her bloody hands. Spike’s blood. Spike’s blood on the dirt. Her eyes squeezed shut as she saw him lying there; saw all of that blood on the dirt…

She opened her eyes. However, she couldn’t see the dirt anymore. She saw him. For a second the apparition was so vivid she gasped. There he was, lying in front of her. Sleeping. And he wasn’t bleeding; he wasn’t hurt…She reached out, wanting to feel his cool skin. But he disappeared under her slim fingers and she tumbled forward onto the ground, sprawled out and dazed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, that was interesting. Rolling her eyes, she turned to look at William again. He was still sitting there, looking around with the funniest look on his face. She would have found it highly amusing if Buffy hadn’t been walking in the other direction at that very moment. But wait… She squinted. Okay. She was…sitting down? Lying down?

The girl jerked. “No, he isn’t…” Too bad she can’t hear me. But maybe… Eagerly, she leaned forward in hopes of her falling asleep. If she would just fall asleep…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HEARTBEAT?!? He smacked his hand against his chest, mildly surprised at the sting it caused on his skin. And there, there was thumping against his hand. A heartbeat. His heartbeat. A beat produced by his heart. His old heart, which had stopped beating so long ago…

His train of thought paused as he sucked in another breath. It was really getting to be quite bothersome. Being a hundred and some years out of practice, it didn’t exactly come naturally to him. Which meant he had to think about every single breath he’d taken in the past five minutes. Yes; very annoying indeed.

But how could he think about breathing when Buffy… Buffy! He looked around anxiously. All along the horizon there were demon carcasses, grasses, rocks, trees…no Buffy. What if she thinks I’m-…oh bollocks.

He had to find her. He had to. So very carefully, he stood up. Brushed the blood and dust from his duster. And set out, once again, to find the girl he loved.

There’s just a little too much déjà vu in this situation… except for the whole ‘alive’ thing. He examined his hands, looking for any distinguishing marks that would prove they were human. Nope. Same old Spike hands. He ran a finger along his teeth. No fangs… that’s one point to the ‘human’ theory…He tried changing his face. And winced at the major headache it induced. Alright… two for the lack of lumpies and three for that fucking headache… Mentally, he ticked off more numbers. Four for the breathing, five for the heartbeat… He pressed a palm to his forehead. And I’ve got a temperature. That’s six.

And for the demon theory… He picked up a rock. Without even exerting himself, it crumbled in his fist. One, freakish strength. Wicked strong freakish strength. Spike mulled over what he’d just thought. That girl has rubbed off on me in the weirdest ways… He looked around, before experimentally sprinting a few hundred meters. Two, bizarre speed. He frowned at the odd feeling in his chest.

Breathe, you idiot! Gasping, he dropped to his knees. Great. I can run faster than a car, apparently, but I have to breathe. Hmm. After recovering, he stood up and looked around again. Rock. Tree. Small rodent thingie. Depressing looking puddle. Dirt. Buffy. Buffy!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ground was cool against her skin, but she didn’t feel it. The sun flashed painfully in her eyes; she never noticed. A small furry thing ran past her mere inches from her face, and she didn’t bat an eyelash. Why should you see anything when there’s nothing to see? Why should you smell, or feel, or taste, when there is nothing to experience?

Buffy’s mind was like a chalkboard. It had been whipped clean; all that remained was a faint dust of everything she was and everything she loved. And everyone.

She didn’t know where she was. She barely knew who she was. All her mind knew was a fragment of a memory, one moment that was all too brief when she’d seen everything she’d ever wanted in two crystal blue eyes. It was then, for the first time that she’d known; the person behind those eyes loved her. For just a second, he’d looked at her with more love and more honesty than she had thought existed. And in that moment he’d captured her. She had been lost, consumed by her own grief at being lost in the world. She had found herself in his eyes.

What’s a slave to do when it’s lost its master? What’s a student to do when they loose their teacher? What do you do when you have lost everything connecting you to this world?

Buffy did the only thing she could do. She did nothing. And all she knew were his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thought that crossed his mind was that she was dead. The second was that it was really, really hard to run and breathe at the same time. Buffy Buffy Buffy oh dear sweet whatever-is-up-there please… As he sprinted, he gasped out, “Bu…Buff…Buff…y…” Damn breathing! Inside he was screaming, crying out so loudly his ears were ringing. Pounding, roaring, deafening in his mind. On the outside… he sounded like a wounded dog.

She’s not moving. Pushing himself faster, he tried to look for signs of consciousness. Or signs of life. But it was so hard to get past her limp figure, sprawled out there so helplessly on that dusty ground…

Thump thump thump thump thump thump… Strange, how his boots pounding against the hard soil sounded so much like his heartbeat. Stranger still, that they might be leading him towards the one thing that had the ability to destroy his heart. Why aren’t you moving?!? He was seventy five feet away…Fifty…Thirty…

Fifteen. Ten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something coming near her… someone reaching out… Spike why did you leave me you can’t be dead no god please-

A hand on her shoulder.

It ran through her like a shock. At first, that’s what she thought it was. Sudden. Harsh. But the sheer power of it, coursing through her… It was intense. It was hot. It was so many things all mixed together…

Unbeknownst to Buffy, it wasn’t an electric current she was experiencing. It was love.

Her eyelids sprang open as she registered the warm hand on her shoulder. Whipping her head around, she let out a small gasp. And time… stopped. Because the man she had left…the friend that had died…the lover who had been lying in a pool of his own blood…

Was here.

She pressed her hands against his face, unbelieving. His eyes, his blue thoughtful eyes, regarded her with equal astonishment. Patiently, he let her fingers explore the contours of his jaw, his cheekbones. Finally, she murmured, “Spike.”

He smiled, never happier to hear anything in his whole life. Few things sounded sweeter on the lips of his love than his own name. Taking a breath, he prepared to say something amazing, something romantic, something that would knock her off her feet and make her laugh and cry all at once… “Hi.” Or… he’d say something like that.

A grin spread out across her face. “Hi,” she said quietly, sitting up so she could wrap both her arms around him. For the longest time she just held him, a thousand thoughts running through her mind. Spike… Tears spilled onto her cheeks as he pulled her closer, dripping down onto his duster. She never even noticed.

The soft sound rested on her ears for some time before she noticed. With a confused expression, she pulled back far enough to look at him. “Spike?”

“Hmm?” He fingered a tendril of her blonde hair that had escaped her binder.

Buffy squinted up at him. “You’re…” She ran one of her hands down his chest; all too aware of the heat it gave off. Of the slight pulsation it produced against her palm.

Smirking, he kissed her gently. When it ended, he nodded slightly. “Yeah. I am.”

Her eyes widened. How…? She was too stunned to do anything. Say anything. Spike was… And then she looked back at him. He looked…almost scared. A little timid. Without thinking she leaned in towards him, pressing her lips against his for the briefest moment.

I wish I could stay like this forever. Spike closed his eyes. This was where he was meant to be. This was who he was supposed to be with. And this, apparently, was what he was supposed to be. He was…

She smiled again at him. “Alive.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2: Phone Tag

“How?”

Spike chuckled lowly. “Wish I knew myself, love.”

“This…” Her fingers slid down the front of his chest lightly. “This is real? You’re here?”

“ ‘m here.”

“You’re not leaving?”

“No.” His face turned serious. “Never again. I will never leave you.”

Buffy smiled.

“I’m serious,” He murmured. Taking her hands in his he pulled her to her feet, drawing her close until they brushed against each other. “I promise…never again.”

She waited until the fire in his eyes began to fade before speaking. “You won’t die again?” She teased.

“I won’t if you won’t,” He murmured sweetly. His heart beat a little faster as she laughed. His Buffy. Here. Alive. And I’m…here. Alive. Huh. …huh? “Buffy?”

“Hmm?”

He squinted down at her. “Did you…did you say anything…to me?”

Buffy looked at him confusedly. “What do you mean?”

“…It doesn’t matter. Not now.”

“What?” Her look of confusion turned into a frown. “What aren’t you going to tell me?”

“I’ll tell you, pet,” he reassured her. “I just…I don’t think I can just now.”

“I understand.” She rested her hand on top of his. “Let’s just…go home. Okay?”

“Home.” Very slowly, he smirked. “Alright.”

Winding her fingers through his, they started walking back in the general direction of their trusty rental car.

“Buffy?”

“Hmm?”

“ ‘ Love you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Maim? Can I get you something to drink? Or your friend?”

Buffy shook her head slightly, never tearing her eyes from the adorable sleeping vampi-…the adorable sleeping man beside her. She grinned as he purred softly, a smirk of pure contentment solidly placed on his face. I’m glad he still purrs, she thought distractedly as she watched him dream. Maybe… she stifled a laugh as he shifted, murmuring softly about “goldilocks”. Maybe he’s dreaming of me.

The flight attendant glanced over at the blonde man, taking a moment to appreciate his good looks. “We’ll be landing in England in about another hour and a half, maim.”

Buffy nodded, not hearing a word the woman said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy, where are you? Dawn looked back at the clock on her desk. She wondered what time it was in Nigeria. She wondered if Buffy knew what time it was in Nevada. She wondered if Buffy was alive. She wondered if Buffy was lying lifeless on the hot desert ground blood pouring out of her with a bunch of vultures circling overhead…

“Dawnie?”

Dawn jumped. “In…In here,” she called.

Willow appeared in her doorframe. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

Crossing her arms in front of her, the redhead glanced at the unfinished homework on the desk. “Why is your homework all, you know, not done-y?”

“Not not done-y,” she said slowly. “Just… Willow, I can’t do homework now!”

She stepped into the room, taking a seat on the bed. “Come here,” she said, patting the mattress beside her. She waited until the teen was seated at her side before continuing. “You promised Buffy that you would do you school work while she was away, remember?”

“How can I think about homework when I don’t even know if my sister is alive?”

Willow sighed, wringing her hands in her lap. “She’s fine. Buffy’s fine. I know we’re all really worried and jumpy and stuff, but we still have to get things done. I mean, hey, look at me!” She smiled proudly. “I’m taking that class on the Corrilian Tradition, and there’s that High Priestess position I’ve had my eye on…”

“She’s not your sister,” Dawn protested. “Me and her, we’re, you know, all we’ve got. I mean, expect for Spike. And you guys! So…” Realising that her argument was crumbling before her, she went back to her desk. “I’ll just do my homework now.”

With a soft smile, the witch stood and glanced at the clock. “It’s okay that you’re scared. But remember, it’s Buffy. And Spike. And… they’ll be fine.” She nodded firmly. “I promise. Now,” Looking at the clock again, she winced. “I think it’s time for bed.”

“Okay…goodnight Willow.”

“Goodnight Dawn.”

Downstairs, amidst the half empty coffee mugs and vacant chairs, the phone rang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angrily, Buffy snapped her phone shut. “Dammit!”

“Problems, love?”

She sighed. “They won’t pick up. Or, or maybe they aren’t home? Or they’re hurt?”

“Or they’re asleep?” Spike suggested gently. At her black stare he showed her his watch, which he had left set on their regular time zone for just this occasion.

“Oh.”

He smirked. “Come on, we just have one lil’ hop left, and then we’ll be home. ‘Sides, you can always call them from the plane.”

“I know. I know all that. But Spike…” Her voice trailed off. “I want them to know…to know we’re okay. I know my friends. And I don’t want them worrying over us any more than is necessary.”

“Nonsense,” he teased her gently. “You just want to gloat to them about your new and improved Technicolor boyfriend.”

Grinning, she nodded vigorously. “Of course. Always.”

“Flight 484 from Boston, Massachusetts to Las Vegas, Nevada, now boarding. Flight 484 to Las Vegas, now boarding.”

“Spike?” Buffy asked as they stepped onto yet another plane, settling down in their cramped coach seats.

“Hmm?”

She rested her head on his shoulder, sighing softly. “Could you tell me…what happened?”

“What happened.”

“Why you’re human?”

“Why I’m human.”

“Stop it!”

Spike grinned. “Sorry, pet. I really don’t know why I’m…all human and that.”

“But…you died.” She turned her head to look at him.

“I was already dead.”

“But you…”

“I know.”

“So how is it…that you’re here?”

Damn. Ok. This was it. For so long, he hadn’t been able to tell her, hadn’t been allowed to, and here it was, the perfect opportunity! So why was he so scared that she was going to be unbelievably pissed? “It’s a long story, ‘m afraid. A very, very, very long story.”

“Good thing this is a very, very, very long plane ride,” she retorted.

Come on, you git. You have to tell her. She wants to know. And then everything will be out in the open and you won’t have to keep any more secrets from this beautiful girl. He took a deep breath. “Well…it all started when I died.”

“Huh?” She sat up so she could see his whole face.

“The first time.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Again I say huh?”

He bit his lip. “Buffy…” His eyes trailed down to his lap, almost ashamedly. “I couldn’t tell you. All this time. There was so much I couldn’t…”

“Stop.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t do this…now. Here.”

Glancing up at her, he frowned. “But don’t you want to know?”

“Yes.” What happened to you, Spike? “I want to know. Whatever it is you have to tell me. But I don’t really feel like doing it on a commercial jet.”

He forced himself to smile. “Alright then.”

“Once we’re home…”

“Okay.”

She waited until his gaze dropped before daring to study him. Never had she seen him this uncomfortable. This…distraught. And it was bugging her more than she ever could have imagined. He obviously wasn’t ready to tell her something. Whatever that something was. I thought you could tell me anything…

Please don’t hate me… Spike closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. But he could still feel her eyes on him. And…he swore he could hear her thinking about him. Weird. Brushing it off, he tried to figure out how exactly he was going to phrase his little story. Ok, so here’s the deal…remember back when I burned to a crisp in your old high school? Well, they sent me back with a little bet, where you had to say you needed me, which you must have said although I don’t remember it. And I’ve known about this since the day I appeared on your driveway. Before even. And those weird dreams you’ve been having, with that girl? Yeah, she’s the one who sent me back. And one other thing-they almost took me away. I almost left you again, without ever telling you. Sorry. He opened his eyes. Looked over at her. “I love you, you know that right?”

She started at the question, stated by a man whom she’d thought had been asleep. “Of course I know that. I love you too.”

“Okay.” He sat back a bit easier in his chair. After a moment he added, “No matter what?”

“No matter what.” Buffy raised an eyebrow at him. “But you’re kinda scaring me.”

“Come ‘ere.” Reaching over he draped an arm around her shoulders. He held her like that, murmuring soft little nothings in her ear, until she fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BRRI- “Hello?”

“Willow?”

“Hey!” Willow smiled, shifting the spatula she was using to flip pancakes to her other hand so she could grab the phone tighter. “Where are you?”

“I just got back from the airport.”

“Dropping Faith and Robin off?” She asked.

From his house, Giles nodded. “Yes. I was wondering…did you…?”

“We haven’t had any calls from Buffy. Or Spike. Sorry.” Sliding her pancakes onto a plate, she walked over to the table. “Can I assume since you’re calling me at eight in the morning that they haven’t called you either?”

“No, they haven’t.” He sighed into the receiver. “I just wish that I knew they were alright.”

BEEEE- “Argh!”

Spike looked up from their luggage in amusement. “Something wrong?”

“Busy. The phone is busy at eight in the morning.” She shoved the cell phone back in her pocket. “I give up.”

Walking over to the window of their hotel room, he watched the cars whiz by on the street below. “We can call them again once we’re on the road.”

“They were supposed to pick us up at the airport!”

“Do you want to wait for them?!?” He spun around, clenching his fists angrily.

Silently, she stood up. She walked across the room, until she was standing mere inches in front of him. “Why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” she whispered.

His jaw tightened.

“Spike…”

“No.”

“Damn you.”

His eyes flew up. And she was staring at him with more venom than he could bear. “Buffy…”

She jerked back. “What? Is it so horrible, that you can’t tell me? What happened to you?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” he hissed lowly.

“You already are.”

A lump rose in his throat. He stepped towards her. “Alright.” Taking her hand, he led her to the bed. Once they were seated, he turned a bit so he could face her. “Do you remember, back when I died in the high school?”

Buffy nodded.

“I was in heaven. At least, I think I was. And it was you.” Realizing he wasn’t making much sense, he tried again. “I could see you and smell you, felt your hair against my skin even though I couldn’t touch you…” He dropped his eyes. “It was driving me mad. So my mum…she was there. She came…to me. Brought me…to a girl. I don’t know who she was. Who she is. But she said…” His head jerked back up. “She said I could come back, for a second chance, to try and prove that…you needed me.”

She was speechless. Of course, she realized this only after opening and shutting her mouth several times. “Wait…what?”

“Ok. I was in heaven-”

“No, I got that,” she murmured. Inside, her mind was spinning so fast she could barely keep up with it. “You had to prove that I needed you?”

“I told her…I told her that you needed me. That I was supposed to be with you. I don’t remember the exact wording. But she said I could come back for a time, that I needed you to admit you needed me, or else-”

Buffy glared at her phone before answering it. “Hello?”

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Chapter 3:

Different

“Buffy?”

“Maim?”

Buffy looked back and forth between the man by her side and the cab driver. “Um…yeah?”

“I don’t think I can go in there.”

“We’re here, maim.”

Great. She sighed. “Thank you,” she said to the driver. Then, she turned to Spike. “What do you mean, you can’t go in there? It isn’t like you need an invitation anymore, and if you did, you’d already have it…”

He smiled. “Didn’t mean it like that, luv.” Squeezing her hand a bit tighter, he looked down. Their hands still looked… Hers was small, warm yet cool, soft yet incredibly strong. And it sat so peacefully in his. His freakishly pale, strangely warm, hand. “I’m…different.”

“Yeah?” A small frown surfaced on her face. “You’re human. At least, you seem to be. They’re going to love it.”

“They’re going to want to know why.”

“So?”

He looked up guiltily at her. “I just wanted you to know first, alright? Like I said before, it’s a bloody long story and I can’t just sit down and tell it to everyone.”

“Maim?”

“Yes?” She leaned forward slightly so she could hear the driver’s very soft, thickly accented voice better.

“I said we are here, maim.”

Getting the hint, she reached for her purse.

“Thank you, sir.”

Her eyes snapped up, to see Spike handing him a small bundle of bills. “Spike…”

“My treat,” he murmured, smirking. Still holding her hand rather possessively, he slid out of the car, waiting until she was standing beside him before daring to move. Had becoming human really turned him into this much of a ponce? He glanced over at her. No…you did that all on your own.

Silently, they gathered their luggage from the truck of the cab, and watched it drive away into the distance. And then Buffy turned around, and stared in awe at her house, sitting there as if they had never left it. The lawn gnome sat firmly in place on the freshly mowed lawn, which had, by the looks of it, been watered very recently. The windows were clean, and the siding undented. Basically, it looked perfect. “Come on.” With a grin she half-drug her companion up the driveway, onto the porch, and up to the door.
“Buffy…”

Pausing with her key against the doorknob, she tilted her head. “Hmm?” Before she had time to say anything else there was an arm around her waist, and a hand upon her own, helping to guide the key and bring them home.

Spike pushed the door open. Glancing at Buffy, he took a step inside. “Hey. Scoobies? Bit?”

“Hello?” Buffy walked into the living room, looking around curiously.

“BUFFY!”

From behind her, the Slayer was knocked off her feet by an overly-excited teenager. “Hey Dawnie.” Groaning, she rolled over on to her back. “Glad to see me?”

Standing up, Dawn grinned. However, her expression quickly turned to a scowl. “Bitch.” Lightly she kicked her sister with the toe of her shoe.

“Hey!”

“You didn’t call!”

“I tried to, Dawn. The line was either busy or no one answered. But I did try.”

“She did, Bit.”

Dawn whirled around. “Spike!” She flung her arms around the uncomfortable blonde, happy once more.

“ ‘lo.” Squirming, he managed to loosen her grip so he could breathe again. Unfortunately, this meant forcing the girl from his windpipe and dangerously close to his ever-beating heart, which to him was pounding so loudly it was a wonder the entire town didn’t hear it. She’s going to notice something. In three…two…

Thud-thump. Her eyes flew open. Jerking her head away from his chest as if it was scalding water, she blinked several times. “You changed.” Her eyes flew up to meet his. “Your…different.”

Spike winced.

“What happened?”

“Buffy!”

“You’re back!”

“Are you alright?”

Buffy waited until she had properly hugged Willow, Giles and Xander before commenting. “We’re good. We’re better than good. We won!”

“So I assumed,” Giles said amusedly.

“Spike?” Dawn’s voice lowered slightly as her eyes bore into him. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing, Bit,” He hissed.

Willow looked over at him, a slight smile on her face. “Hey Spike.”

“Something’s different.” Reaching out, Dawn placed her hand on Spike’s chest.

“Stop it!” Backing away as much as the crowded room would let him, he glared at the girl. But from the way she was looking at him, he knew she had felt what he was so desperately trying to hide.

“You’re… your heart.” For once in her life, Dawn was speechless. Looking around helplessly, she finally settled on Buffy. “Buffy!”

“Yeah?”

“Spike!”

Buffy looked over at him. If possible, he looked paler than he already was. Is that possible? She stepped towards him. Are you okay? “What about him?”

‘Are you okay?’ His eyes widened slightly in complete bewilderment. Buffy?

“He’s…” Dawn struggled to express what she knew. “His heart. I think…I think it’s beating.”

‘Buffy?’ Buffy smiled a little bit at her new discovery. Telepathic. Cool. Wait…

“Beating?” Giles reached for his hankerchief.

“Spike. He’s…”

Spike smirked a bit at the blonde in front of him. You can tell them.

‘You can tell them.’ “Giles?” She waited until she had his attention. “Spike’s kind of…alive.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Bloody hell. I thought they’d never leave.”

Buffy laughed. “I had to promise Giles we’d start researching your “fabulous condition”, to quote him, tomorrow.”

He winced. “Buggar that. Give the man a stethoscope, or some other medical thing. Doesn’t take a genius to hear a heartbeat.”

“He seems to think it’s…temporary.” She sat down next to him on the bed, leaning slightly against his arm. “It isn’t, is it?”

Smiling, he shook his head. “No. I’m human until…well, I guess until I die again. Then I’m a kitten for all I know.” He shifted so he could wrap an arm around her.

“Good.”

“Good I’m human, or good, I’m going to be a kitten?” Spike teased.

“Both,” she hummed.

Gently, he began running his fingers up and down her back.

“Are you ever going to finish your story?”

His hand froze. “I wasn’t sure you wanted me to, pet.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Fine.” Leaning over, he brushed his lips across hers. “You’re bloody stubborn, you know that?”

“Yup.”

He grinned. “Alright. I was in heaven. And I was unhappy. No…I was miserable. Needed you. No other way to put it than that. So they brought me to this girl, this glowing, shining, bright thing of a girl, who says I can come back to you, come back here, on one condition. And that condition is that I had to prove, to myself and to those damned Powers, that you needed me. Now-” He held up a hand as she tried to speak. “What she meant by that was that I had to prove that you couldn’t survive without me. That we were, what would you call it, destined. And I could only be here for a small amount of time, which she wouldn’t tell me. And that I would be allowed to stay for good should I prove it.”

“Wait…” Struggling to understand, she turned so she was facing him more directly. “So…you must have proved that, right? How? And you knew about this, all along? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Spike bit his tongue. “That was the thing, luv. I couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed to. The whole thing would’ve been botched if I had told you why I was really back.”

“All this time…?” She looked at his eyes, trying to figure out what was going on. Why, for all this time, he had had such a huge secret from her, and she’d never even suspected. Why he’d been under all this pressure, and she didn’t notice. But all she saw in his eyes were guilt, love, and desperation. Three things that, when she had first met him so many years ago, she never would have believed he could even feel, much less be consumed by.

“Yeah.”

Almost unaware of it, she reached out until she had her palm pressed against his cheek. It was all she could do to keep from jumping on him, or doing something equally dramatic, just to get that look off of his face. The look that, though he was probably unaware of it, screamed I’m sorry! louder than he ever could. Or ever wanted to, for that matter. And all she could think about was the fact that she never saw it, never noticed that he had been acting different, that he hadn’t been telling her what was on his mind. I never even questioned it.

Calm down, dummy. She’s fine with it. Look. Now stop freaking out and finish the fucking story! “Anyway…the whole point of the thing was that I had to get you to say that you needed me.”

[“I need you, Spike,” she said so quietly she could barely hear herself. “I need you here with me. Why did you leave me? I can’t do this without you.”] “I…I did.”

“What?” His head jerked in surprise.

“After you died…I said that I needed you. I need you.”

He smiled softly. “Nice to know that,” he purred lowly.

Buffy collapsed backwards, landing with a soft thud against the pillows. “Did you know you were going to be human?”

“No.” He watched her as she arched her back, running her fingers up through her hair. Grabbing her knee in his hand he pulled her legs onto his lap, gently rubbing his thumbs against the bottoms of her feet. He wasn’t sure which he liked better; touching her, feeling her skin under his, or watching her reaction to it. Watching her smile or shiver or laugh… Had she always been this brilliant? This alive? Or was he only noticing now, now that he was different? Now that he was…the same as her? Human?

She sat up partly so she could catch her wrist in her own small hand. Tugging gently, she pulled him down so his body overlapped hers. His fingers slid from her foot up her leg, over her hip and to her waist, while with his other arm he cradled her head. My Spike pillow, she thought happily. Now comfortable, she cleared her throat. “Is it…is it like when you got your soul?”

Spike’s eyes narrowed slightly. “What, you mean painful like that? Am I looney? No. It’s…different. No more lumpies. No more blood cravings or sun allergies…though I didn’t really seem to have either one of those as of late, did I?” He lowered his face until their noses were brushing. “I still seem to have my superpowers, though. And I can feel you.”

I can feel you…She smiled. “So you’re here. You…I don’t think I could stand it, if you left again.”

“I won’t.” Closing her eyes with a finger, he kissed her lightly. “I promise. Even when you want me gone, I’ll still be here.”

“I’ll never want you gone,” she hummed.

I must be dreaming, he thought. How else could everything be so perfect? The research and the questions and the theories on his human hood could wait until tomorrow. Tonight was theirs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 4:

Never Leave Me

She woke up alone. Groaning, she rolled over slowly, pulling the covers up over her in the brightly lit room. “Spike?” No answer. Hmm. After a few moments of internal debate, she sat up. She stretched out her cramped limbs as she slid out of bed, gathering her robe and wrapping it tightly around her small form. Now decent, she stepped out into the hallway and over to the bathroom door. “Spike?”

“Nope.” Dawn’s muted voice could be heard over the sudden blast of the hairdryer.

“Oh. Okay.” A small frown formed upon her face. She went down the stairs to the kitchen, looking around, expecting to find him eating cereal or watching early morning soap operas. But all she found were a few dirty dishes and a bad AM radio station on the radio clock. The living room, too, produced no lovable ex-vampire. Buffy eyed the hook where his duster could usually be found. “Spike?” She went over to the door, peering out the window. Her eyes lit up as she spied a figure standing in the grass. Slowly, she opened the door. “Spike?”

He turned his head so he could see the blonde standing in the doorway. “Morning, luv.” Turning back, he smiled as he heard her walk across the lawn, felt her hands rest comfortably on his hips.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Nothing. Watching the sun rise.”

She looked up at the blue sky. “I think you’re a little late for that.”

He chuckled. “I guess I’ve been out here for awhile.”

A quiet moment passed between them. Finally, she rose up on her toes to murmur in his ear. “Are you going to come inside for breakfast?”

“In a minute.” His eyes were glued on the horizon. “I just want to feel this.”

Buffy’s eyebrows rose slightly. “Feel this?”

He glanced at her again, smirking. “Yeah. After a hundred years or so, you forget what it’s like to feel, really feel, the sun on your skin. That is, without it burning.”

She watched as his gaze returned again to the sky. What I wouldn’t do for a camera right now… She wasn’t sure if it was just him being outside during the day, or him being human, or even the amazing way the sunlight reflected off of his hair, but he looked absolutely gorgeous. Never leave me…

“Buffy?”

She snapped back to reality when she realized he was watching her with a perplexed look about him. “Hmm?”

He grinned. “You’re awful cute out here, pet.”

She swatted at him, causing him to chuckle again. “Oh yeah?” She teased.

“Completely. And the fact I can see down your robe doesn’t hurt either.” Quickly he darted away as she made like she was really going to smack him. Safely out of harms way, he started giggling at how ridiculous she looked. She was trying to look menacing, while at the same time trying to hold her robe shut and looking utterly adorable in her bare feet. He didn’t try to escape again as she pummeled him with one mocking fist, trying hard not to laugh herself.

“Stop…it…” she gasped out, laughing silently. A shriek escaped her as he swept her up in his arms, spinning her around once before carrying her back inside.

Willow was cooking pancakes in the kitchen when the couple came in through the front door. “Good morning,” she said dryly.

Buffy blushed furiously, waving as Spike carried her upstairs. Once they were out of her friend’s eyesight, she smacked him again. “Put me down!”

He smirked. “No.” With that he kicked open her bedroom door, dropping her unceremoniously on her bed before going back to close the door.

Her heart pounded as she watched him come back towards her with an almost predatory stare. “What are you doing?”

Laughing, this time not so innocently, he kicked off his boots and plopped down on the bed next to her.

Her eyes widened. She looked over at the clock. “It’s eight in the morning!”

Spike grinned.

“Everyone’s awake! They’ll hear us!” She protested.

Tilting his head, he waited until he had her complete attention before leaning in and kissing her. At first, he simply pressed his lips against hers. Then, he sucked her upper lip, nibbling at it slightly. She responded eagerly, running her tongue along his lips until he opened his mouth. He plunged his tongue into her mouth, and had to try hard not to smile as he heard her surprised gasp. As this was going on he laid them both back on the bed, facing one another. One of his hands slid in between them, untying her robe and pushing it open, letting his thumb brush the soft skin of her stomach.

She arched her back at his warm touch. Oh, to hell with eight o’clock she thought as she pressed herself against him. She moved from his mouth to his neck, traveling upwards with feather light kisses until she was nibbling on his ear. He groaned against her neck. She shifted so she was underneath him, pushing at his duster in annoyance. After he had removed it, all the while making dirty, sarcastic comments to her, she pulled him back to her, kissing him more tenderly. “Love you,” she breathed.

His eyes lit up. That just never gets old. With renewed energy, he grinded against her…

Buffy pushed away from him suddenly, struggling to catch her breath. “Spike?”

“Yeah?” He looked up from his, er, administrations at her beautifully flushed face.

“Do we have a condom?”

What the fuck? He opened and closed his mouth several times, at a complete loss for words. Finally, he managed “Um, pet, I don’t exactly think we’ll be needing one.”

“But you’re human now,” she pointed out.

He looked at her quizzically. “Yeah. I’m human. I’m also over one hundred and twenty bloody years old. I think my swimmers expired awhile ago.”

She blushed fiercely. “Oh. Okay.”

Spike watched her squirm for a few more moments, trying not to laugh. But honestly, her innocent inquiry did make him think. He was human, after all. And he certainly didn’t look, nor feel, much older than his late twenties. Would it be that impossible, for him to father a kid?

Realizing her fatal error, she wrapped her arms around him, drawing him back down to her. “Forget I mentioned it, okay? Just being stupid.”

Oh, how he wished he could. But the mood was completely ruined. After all, you couldn’t put it to a girl while imagining yourself bottle-feeding a kid, could you? He sure couldn’t. Sighing, he sat up. “ ‘s alright, luv. One hell of a moment spoiler, though.”

She smiled uncertainly. “Yeah.”

“Come on.” Kissing her lightly, he climbed out of bed, grabbing at his clothes on the floor. “We can finish this later.” He looked back at her half-teasingly, half-hungrily.

“Tease,” she announced, throwing a balled up sock at him before going to get dressed herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So.” Giles set down his cup of tea on the coffee table, looking back to the pair of blondes on the sofa opposite him.

“So,” Spike responded.

He pulled out his handkerchief, studying it for several moments before pulling off his glasses and carefully cleaning each lens with it. It was almost as if he had something to say, but wanted to put off saying it until the last possible moment, fearing the reaction would be an extremely unpleasant one. “You have no idea how you came to be human?”

“Like I told you before, I made a deal with an angel.”

“You knew she was an angel?”

He rolled his eyes. “Well, no, I was just assuming…”

“And she said she could make you into a human being?”

“No, she did not. She said I could stay if Buffy needed me.”

“But she never said you got to be human.”

“No!”

Buffy laid a hand on his leg. “Giles, for the thousandth time! Spike didn’t know, okay? What does this have to do with anything?”

He looked down to study his handkerchief again. “It’s just…it’s highly unusual for a vampire to be randomly turned into a human being. In fact, I don’t believe there’s ever been a record of it.”

“Oh bloody hell,” Spike muttered. “Look, I’m not going to be in one of your sodding British books. I don’t want a bunch of wankers studying me, poking and prodding…”

“Think of the good this could do for the Watcher’s books!” Giles was really getting excited now.

Sighing, she glared at her former Watcher. “Down boy,” she said dryly. “I know you’re really all gung-ho about this, but it isn’t necessary. Spike’s human. That’s all we really need to know.”

Spike smirked.

“And how do we know this is going to be permanent?”

“Um, how ‘bout because the Girl bloody told me it would be?” His eyes narrowed menacingly. “Honestly, Rupert. Keep up.”

“She told you you would get to stay human?”

“Technically, no, not human-”

“Then we don’t know!”

“Ah!” Buffy leapt up, stomping out of the room.

Both men turned their heads to watch her go. Finally, Giles spoke up. “This is really upsetting her a great deal.”

“This?” Spike snorted. “You! You’re the one who’s upsetting her!”

The ex-librarian gasped, glaring. “I am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Yes, you are!”

“AAAH!” Buffy cried from the kitchen. Still stomping, she came around the wall so she could see them both. “Stop it! If you want to kill each other, at least have the decency to go outside or something!” She folded her arms, her gaze passing back and forth between the two guilty looking men.

“I’m deeply sorry Buffy, but I have to know what we’re dealing with here.” Giles turned so he could look at both of them. “Who knows if this is a result of a spell, or a curse, or a prophecy-”

Spike’s eyes widened. “Ooh. That sounds interesting.”

“We’ll look it up,” he said dismissively. “It could have a serious consequence attached to it.”

She nodded slowly. “Okay. Fine. We’ll do the research thing.” Her nodding became firmer. “After all, there’s nothing bad we can find out about this, after all. This is permanent.”

Catching the hint of doubt in her voice, Spike came up and wrapped an arm around her. “Don’t worry, pet,” he murmured softly. “ ‘ll never leave you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy rubbed her hands together eagerly. “Alright everyone. It’s two o’clock. What ya got?”

“Absolutely nothing.” Dawn slammed her book, slumping dramatically on top of it.

“Several spells involving ‘humanizing vampires’, allowing them to be in the sun and whatnot, but nothing specific.” Frowning, Giles continued flipping pages.

“Well, I’ve found a crapload about demon armor in the thirteenth century.” Buffy wrinkled her nose. “Which is something I’d rather not have known.”

Willow raised her hand tentatively. “I think I got something. It’s a prophecy.”

Spike came around to stand behind her chair. “Let’s have a look, Red.”

She glanced up over her shoulder. “Well, all I really found was a mention of this ancient prophecy that will turn a souled vampire into a human. I think it’s called…” She squinted down at the ancient pages. “Shawn’s Shoe?”

“Weird name,” Buffy muttered.

Giles tapped his fingers against the table, deep in thought. “Wait… you say a souled vampire?”

“Yup.”

“Buffy,” he asked tentatively, “do you think, I mean, is it conceivable that Angel might know about this?”

She shrugged. “It’s hard to say-”

“Yes.” Spike cracked his knuckles angrily. “Bloody wanker, if there was a way he could get out of the ‘torment of being a vampire’, a way to ‘redeam himself’, you can bet to hell he’d spend all of his bloody hours reading up on it. Sodding Nancy Boy.”

Buffy raised an eyebrow, saying nothing for a long while. “I guess I’ll call Angel,” she sighed finally. “See if he knows anything about this.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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