The fight was on. The Fyarl Spike and Buffy had taken on was bigger than most of its species, and pretty much bigger than Buffy and Spike put together. The ex-vampire wore his long leather coat as he had since Buffy had returned it to him, at least on patrol. Everywhere else he was still human-Spike, or William, depending on who you were talking to, but here he was the Big Bad again, the only one who was qualified to watch the Slayer’s back. Unless, of course, he got laid out on his.

The Fyarl backhanded him, sending him flying and crashing into a tombstone. As he lay there stunned, he dimly saw the Fyarl get the better of Buffy, sending her sailing into a tree, where she fell in a boneless heap. In that split second, he thought he had lost her again, and the inner demon he’d thought had been exorcised in Africa came out with a roar. With a strength he didn’t know he had, Spike picked himself off the ground, speeding across the intervening space, and began beating on the demon with his bare hands. Buffy, who quickly came around, watched with an expression bordering on awe as he took it down with a strength born of adrenaline and fear, snapping its neck.

She almost expected his face to be that of a vampire’s when he turned to check on her, but it was purely Spike, the expression in his eyes one of worry and fear for her safety. As she picked herself up off the ground, he turned from her to look at what he had done, and another expression took over.

“Buffy,” he choked out. “I’m sorry.”

The Slayer frowned slightly. Spike had just killed a huge Fyarl demon with his bare hands. The vampire he had been would have been preening at this point, but she realized the man was shocked at the level of violence he was still capable of. “Spike, it’s okay. You killed him, not a big deal. In fact, that was the whole goal.”

He shook his head, unable or unwilling to understand his own actions. “I can’t be around you,” he whispered. “I’ll hurt you.”

“Spike, you killed it. If you hadn’t, it would have killed both of us, or it would have tried. There’s nothing wrong with that.” She watched, bemused, as he simply stood there, unmoving. Sighing, she took him by the arm and gave him a little shake. “Come on, help me get rid of the body and then we’ll go talk.”

“But—”

“Don’t argue,” she commanded. “Trust me. If you decide to hurt me, I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.”

He helped her move the body in silence, and then allowed her to take his hand and lead him. Buffy knew that home would not be a good place at the moment. Spike had just done a tuly masterful impression of his vampire-self, and Buffy realized, in a moment of insight, that he would need a place to decompress. A place that wasn’t a reminder of what he was now, something that was in-between, and there was really only one place to go.

He pulled back from her when they reached the Bronze, protesting. “Buffy, I’m not in the mood.”

“Fine, you’re not in the mood,” she replied. “But you need a drink, and I can certainly use one, and you can’t go home right now.” At the shamed look in his eyes, she rolled her own. Really, he was a great guy, but sometimes he was such a drama queen. “I only meant that you need some time to chill, kind of work through what just happened. When we’ve done that, we’re both going to go home and go to bed.”

He nodded shortly, some of his temper coming back at the impatience in her tone. Buffy left him at the table and went to get a couple beers. While she didn’t suggest making drinking a habit, especially since bad things tended to happen to drunken Slayers, a beer had the tendency to take the edge off, especially for what they had to talk through.

She set the bottle down in front of him and waited for him to say something. When he remained stubbornly silent, she reached over and touched his hand. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He withdrew his hand. “No.”

Buffy shrugged and took a drink, deciding to wait him out. After a rather tense pause that lasted all of two minutes, he said quietly, “I thought I lost you tonight.”

“Spike, he knocked me into a tree. Last time I checked, it took a fall from a seven story tower through a rip in the sky to kill me.” Her words were light, but her tone was tender.

He shook his head. “I saw you hit the ground, and you were laying there like you did that morning, and I was there again, and I hadn’t stopped it. I was too bloody slow and I didn’t stop it in time.”

This time Buffy reached across the table and grasped his hand more firmly. “I thought we went through this, Spike. You did your best, and you kept doing it long after I was buried. You did more than I ever thought to ask you for. It wasn’t your fault.” She hesitated, and continued as she realized what their conversation was really about. “But that’s not why you’re upset.”

“I lost control,” he admitted. “I might as well have been a vampire with a blood lust. I would have killed anything right then, Buffy. I didn’t care.”

“But you didn’t kill ‘anything,’ you killed a very large demon.”

“Doesn’t matter. I’m still evil. I’ve still got it in me. I thought I’d gotten rid of it, that I could wear this coat again and make something new out of it, but I’m still ugly and dark inside, Buffy. What can I offer you?”

Buffy hesitated, choosing her next words very carefully. She could make him or break him with her words, she finally admitted to herself. Spike didn’t get fists. You could beat him to a pulp, and he still wouldn’t change his mind or back down, but say the wrong thing, and you would rip his heart out of his chest and stomp it to pieces. “Do you love me, Spike?”

He looked at her, hurt evident in his eyes. “You know I do. How can you ask me that?”

“Do you love every piece of me?”

“What?”

She stared into his deep blue eyes. “Come on, Spike, it’s important.”

“Of course, I do. Wouldn’t be love otherwise. You’re everything to me.” His look was intent, letting her see the pain her question had caused.

“Then do you love the darkest part of me, the part that no one else ever wants to see or will admit exists?” she asked, and though she knew the answer, her heart hung on his words.

“I’ve seen it and I still love you,” he replied. Then, as understanding dawned, he protested, “Buffy, this is different.”

“Is it?” she countered. “No one has ever loved me like that before, Spike. Angel didn’t want to see my dark side, and Riley couldn’t completely accept it. You’re the only one who took everything I am and never even flinched. There’s no one else in this world I can say the same thing about, not my friends, not my sister, not even my mother. That last year, when I treated you so badly, I wanted you to go away because I needed you too much.

“I see everything you are, and I need every part of you. Tonight, you let the demon loose, and that’s okay, because we were in the middle of a fight, and you lost it because you wanted to protect me. If you didn’t have that little bit of darkness left inside, we couldn’t be together, because I would always feel as though I had to hide something from you. And I don’t.”

“What if it happens again, and the next time I hurt a person?” He looked away. “I won’t let that happen.”

“No, you won’t, because you never have before. Look, Spike, when it was all over, you made sure I was okay. If you were really that crazy, if a demon were really in control, you’d have run off or tried to kill me or something. You took care of your target, and that’s the important thing.” Buffy reached across the table to touch his face. “Besides, I liked your demon. He could be really sweet.” When he didn’t move, she pulled him away from the table onto the dance floor, showing him with her hands and her movements what she felt in her heart. As the music slowed, she let him pull her into the circle of his embrace, offering comfort to him.

She had forgotten that Ardent Living was playing tonight, and she listened to Simon’s young voice floating across the dance floor.

“I got nothing left to give,

Got no reason left to live,

But you’re standing there looking in my eyes.

I got nothing left in me,

Got taken by life and reality,

But you’re still lookin’ at me like I’m somethin’ fine.

Have I ever told you what you are?

You’re my stone to stand on,

My port in a storm,

You’re the only one who’s still got faith in me.

And I been black and blue,

I’ve been torn in two,

But your hand is always gentle over mine,

I’ve been left behind,

Almost lost my mind,

You’re the sanity I thought I’d never find.

So I’ll tell you what you are.

You’re my stone to stand on,

My port in this storm,

And you’re the only one who still has faith in me.

You make me stronger,

You make me better,

I’d be a man for you,

You make me stronger,

You make me better.

And I’ll be the man for you.”

Buffy reached up and tilted his chin so that he was looking her in the eyes. “You’re it for me, William,” she whispered softly. “All of you.”

He smiled, though his face was still slightly pained. “I’m still all yours, luv.”

~~~~~

Spike’s face was creased in concern as Buffy came out of the bathroom. “You all right, pet?” he asked, reaching out to put a hand against her forehead.

Buffy smiled at him. Spike had never been one for brooding, but he’d come dangerously close to it the last couple of days. Unlike Angel, who always seemed to have a dark cloud hovering overhead, Spike had done relatively well with the new addition of a soul plus humanity. There were still traces of the grief he bore in his eyes and in the lines around his mouth that hadn’t been there before he’d gone haring off to Africa. But in his concern for her well being, he was completely concentrating on her welfare, rather than the burden of his past. “I’m fine. It’s probably just a little flu or something. I don’t even feel that bad, just a little sick to my stomach.”

“Still, maybe you should go see the doctor or something. Or call in to work. I don’t think you should be goin’ anywhere today.” As if to underscore his point, he tugged her back towards their bed.

“I’m not going to the doctor, Spike. This will pass, I promise. And I’m not calling in sick to work. I don’t have sick days, which means if I’m not there, I don’t get paid.” Buffy was firm on this point. While they might be doing better financially with the extra Spike was bringing in, it simply meant that they could afford to buy decent food, and maybe go out once in a while. It didn’t mean she could slack off; she had a place for every penny in her paycheck.

He sighed. “Maybe we should talk about that, Buffy. I could probably pick up another job, bring in some extra cash.”

“Absolutely not,” she replied hotly. “I don’t get to see you often enough as it is. You go getting another job and I really won’t see you.” She gave him a hug, relishing the tenderness of his hands as they stroked her back. “We’re fine, but I can’t afford to miss work over getting a little sick. If I start feeling worse, I’ll come home, but I’m fine. Really. Slayer strength, remember?”

“How could I forget?” he asked with a leer.

She grinned back. “Don’t get me started this morning, buddy. If I don’t get moving, I’m going to be late.” She gave him a quick, hard kiss and went about getting ready for work.

~~~~~

“So is she okay?” Willow asked, her voice mirroring the concern in Spike’s face.

He shook his head. “She says she is. The nausea is gone by the afternoon. Says it’s just a little bug, and when I told her she should see the doctor, she said she wouldn’t. Bugger me,” he muttered. “Don’t know what to do, but I thought she might listen to you.”

Willow raised her eyebrows. “This is the same Buffy we’re talking about, right? Because the last time she was really sick we had to wait for her to pass out before she’d go to the hospital.” Seeing the look in his eyes, she quickly added, “Not that she needs to go to the hospital this time, of course.”

He sighed. “Maybe she’s right. Bloody hell, it’s not like I know that much about human females.” At Willow’s giggle he gave her a dirty look and then changed the subject before the territory became too unfamiliar. “Have you told the rest of them about Oxford yet?”

Her smile faded to a guilty look. “Nooo. I’m waiting for the right moment.”

He quirked his eyebrow and gave her a sardonic smile. “Well, I suppose you could wait until you throw your own going-away party before spilling the news.”

Now it was her turn to glare. “Fine, Spike. You tell all your friends that you’re going to a foreign country for who knows how long, and there’s no guarantee you’ll be back.”

He smiled and shrugged. “Think I’ll pass, Red. Never was much one for good-byes.”

Willow rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell them.” She glanced up at the knock on the door. “Looks like you’ve actually got a student for office hours,” she observed, smiling. “That’s my cue to take off.”

As she opened the door to let in a very young looking freshman, she turned to face him again. “I promise I’m going to tell them.”

“Sure, pet,” he replied, watching with amusement as she left and the other girl came in. Willow would have to tell them soon, he knew, because she definitely wasn’t any good at keeping secrets like this one. “What can I do for you?” he asked the girl, putting personal matters out of his mind to focus on the business at hand.

He vaguely recognized her from his mythology course. While he did his best to learn names, he didn’t take roll, which meant he usually only knew someone if they made it a point to talk in class or get to know him. This girl was very young, very thin and extremely nervous. “I didn’t mean to come at a bad time, Mr. Benton,” she replied, hesitating.

“Not a bad time at all,” he answered smoothly, finally coming up with her name. “Jen, isn’t it?” he asked. “These are office hours, so I’m here to serve you. And please call me William.”

Jen held out a paper to him hesitantly. “I just wanted to know if you thought this paper was okay,” she confessed. “I really need a good grade in this course.”

He smiled gently, waving her into the chair on the other side of his desk even as he took the paper from her. Spike wanted to put her at ease, since she looked like she might bolt at any moment. “Of course,” he replied. “Just to let you know, though, this is a freshman course for a reason. I don’t think I’ve given anyone less than a B at present, provided they turn their work in on time.” There was no question of that with her. The paper she’d given him was due in about two weeks.

“It’s just—I really want to do well.” Spike could tell the poor girl was on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and he set the paper aside.

“Why don’t you tell me what’s really going on?” he suggested. “I’m sure you know by now that I’m supposed to be one of the easiest teachers on campus.”

She shook her head emphatically. “Oh, no, but you’re not. It’s just that you’re so good at teaching, it makes it seem easy.” Jen frowned. “I just think I’m going to get a B in physics, you know, and I think a good grade in this class will balance that out.”

“Nothin’ wrong with a B, now,” he encouraged her, but she shook her head and proceeded to tell him why her life was about to end. After about five minutes, Spike felt like he had gotten in way over his head. The poor kid’s father was dying, and all she wanted was for him to be proud of her. She had scholarships to keep, and she knew that if she lost them, she’d never be able to finish school. Her roommate was a social butterfly, meaning she couldn’t study in her room, and it was hard to find another spot. She was having trouble adjusting to college life and was afraid she’d get lost and wouldn’t make it.

Spike had no clue why she was confiding in him, but she was, and there wasn’t much he could do except sit there, listen, and make small sounds of encouragement at various intervals. In the end, she stood slowly. “I’m sorry, I’ve taken up too much of your time.”

He looked over at the clock and realized that his office hours had been over by thirty minutes. “Anytime, Jen. Lighten up on yourself, though. I can tell you you’re gonna do fine in my class. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll go over the paper, give you some tips.”

Her whole face lit up. “Thank you so much. You’ve been a huge help.”

Spike was still unsure of what exactly he had done, but it gave him a small glow of happiness in his middle to know that he’d managed to lighten her load a little. Later, when he was talking to Liz over a pile of very old books, he told her about Jen’s visit.

“I’m not that surprised,” Liz responded. “I expect she simply needed to get a few things off her chest. Besides, you’re a wonderful teacher, William. I would like to have you teach my beginning Latin class next year as well. I think you’d do a marvelous job.”

He stared at her. “You really think that?”

“Of course,” Liz said. “You’re a good man, with a great deal of compassion and patience, just the right combination for teaching a bunch of freshmen trying to learn Latin.” She smiled slightly.

“If you think so,” he replied dubiously.

“I know so,” was her rejoinder. “William, I’ll be retiring in a few years. By that time, I’d like you to be ready to step into my spot. There are very few who are qualified to take my place, and I would like you to be one of the candidates. Also, there are fewer still who would be willing to come to Sunnydale. I feel you are an invaluable asset, and I have no intention of losing you at any point in the near future.”

“Oh.” It wasn’t a clever response, but it was the only one he could think of. He admired Liz greatly, and to have her give him her approval gave him a warm feeling similar to that he’d had earlier with Jen. Knowing what she thought, in spite of what he’d done in the past, thawed out the part that had frozen with his realization that he was still capable of great violence even after the demon had left. He smiled slowly. Not only did he have something to offer Buffy, he also had something to offer the world.

~~~~~

It was quiet in the house. Both he and Buffy had made a very quick patrol and then had gone back to the house around 10, neither one of them quite able to keep their hands off each other. Just because they were starting to feel like an old married couple certainly didn’t mean they had to act like it.

They lay in the afterglow of their lovemaking and talked idly of their day. Spike had to concede that this was the part he enjoyed the most. The sex was amazing, of course, but he’d had amazing sex in the past, and it didn’t mean anything in the end. The bit that came after, where they talked, and laughed, or disagreed with each other, that was what was gold to him. He was telling her about the girl who’d come to see him, and what Liz had said.

“You were surprised?” Buffy asked incredulously, twisting in his embrace to face him, one elbow propped on her pillow.

He frowned slightly. “A bit, I guess. Didn’t bloody well expect for her to want me to take over.”

“Why not?” When the look on his face continued to be one of puzzlement, she explained patiently. “Spike, you’re a good teacher. I know because I sat in on one of your classes a couple weeks ago, and I thought it was really interesting. You don’t know what it takes to keep me awake in a class, especially when they’re not telling me what’s going to be on the final.”

“When were you there?” he asked, totally appalled that he had missed her.

“A couple weeks ago. I thought it might be weird for you to have me there, so I didn’t say anything, and then there was that Ghora demon that night…” She trailed off, and Spike knew exactly what she was talking about. Along with the Ghora, there had been about a dozen vampires, plus a couple other demons of indeterminate variety. By the time they’d gotten home, they’d been so exhausted that they’d showered together with no intentions other than getting clean and falling into bed. Spike hadn’t believed it possible.

“You really thought I was good?” he asked, a delighted smile creeping across his face.

“Yes,” she replied, exasperated. “How many times do you have to hear it?”

He gave as good a shrug as he could manage from his position lying on his back, looking up at her. “It’s just—I haven’t been good for much of anything except death and mayhem for a while, luv. It’s nice to know I have other talents.”

She grinned at him. “Oh, trust me, you have plenty of other talents.” She leaned down and kissed him, causing him to groan. Then the kiss deepened, and might have led to more except for the doorbell.

Even at a Slayer’s house, a doorbell after 11 o’clock did not speak of anything good. Spike was immediately out of bed and pulling on a pair of pants, Buffy close behind him. He’d just managed to pull a t-shirt over his head when he reached the front door, surprised to see Simon standing on the other side. He was actually less surprised to see the bruise darkening one side of the boy’s face.

“Come in,” he said quietly, holding the door open for him.

“Thanks,” Simon replied, clutching a pack and looking at the older man nervously. “I’m sorry if I woke you up. I just didn’t know where else to go. I had to get out of there.”

Spike laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. “And I said you were welcome here at any time. I meant it.” He sat the boy down on the couch and watched as Buffy came into the room. Their eyes met, and she could see the anger he just barely had a hold on.

“I’ll get some ice.” She went into the kitchen and got the ice she needed, furious. She wanted to go over and beat that man to a bloody pulp, and she knew Spike wanted to do the same, but they were adults, and they were supposed to be responsible ones, at that. Sometimes being responsible sucked.

She sat down next to Simon and gave him the ice she’d wrapped in a towel. “This should help with the bruising,” she said. “I should know.”

He gave her a wry look. “Thanks,” he muttered against the ice pack. “I don’t want you guys to get into trouble, but my step-dad was on a major rampage tonight. Mom pretty much told me to get out of the house.”

Both Buffy and Spike’s jaws tensed. It was a good thing that Simon had been able to come to them, and that he lived nearby. Chasing a kid out of the house after dark in Sunnydale was akin to attempted murder. Sensing their anger, he tried to smile. “I had my stake with me.”

“Bloody hell,” Spike muttered, and walked away, his back stiff.

“I’m really sorry,” Simon repeated.

“Sweetheart, it’s not your fault,” Buffy assured him. “We’re not mad at you. Spike’s just trying very hard to not go over and kill your step-father at the moment.”

As though her words had pulled him out of a trance, Spike turned to face Simon and Buffy. “Alright. Simon, you’ll stay here tonight. We can put you up in the guest room without any trouble. But tomorrow morning, I want you to call your mum, tell her you stayed with some friends. If she asks who, tell her the truth, but don’t give out any more information than you have to. Then, when you go to school, you go tell the nurse what happened. If you feel like you’re getting in over your head and need to call someone, you call me.”

Simon looked confused. “Then what?”

Spike looked grim. “To be honest, I don’t know, but I can sound impressive, and I can be on your side. We’ll take care of things from there, play it by ear, like.” He looked at him with compassion. “How long has this been goin’ on, Blue Boy?”

Simon ducked his head slightly. “Pretty much since my mom married him, I guess when I was 12. He just doesn’t like kids all that much, and he really didn’t like me. He hasn’t hit me for a while now, not since this summer, but he was pissed off about something his boss said to him, and kind of took it out on me.”

Spike nodded slowly, his limbs feeling heavy. He’d been on the receiving end of that kind of beating before, handed out for his own good, to make him a better vampire. He wondered what his grandsire would think if he saw him now. “I know, lad.”

Buffy looked over at him in surprise. She could tell by his voice that he did know, and she had a feeling she knew where he’d gotten that kind of information. It sickened her to think about it. “Let me go make sure the room is ready,” she said quickly, letting Spike take over as he spoke to Simon in low, comforting tones. He’d always been good at that, she realized, making people feel okay. Or, at least when he was a vampire, he’d been really good at it with her and Dawn. Apparently, when he became human, that capacity stretched to include everyone else as well. She realized with a startling suddenness that he would make a great father, and even though her middle gave a twinge of anxiety at that thought, her heart did a little dance for joy.

Later, once they’d gotten Simon bedded down, they went back to bed, grateful that Dawn had managed to sleep through the commotion. “We can’t keep him, you know,” Buffy whispered quietly.

“You’re talkin’ like we picked him up from the pound, luv,” Spike replied lightly, but then sighed as he grew serious. “I know, pet. Even if the social nazis let us take him, it wouldn’t be fair to Dawn or Simon.”

“Mmm. Telling them not to sleep together, while living under the same roof, while we’re doing it right under their noses, would be just a little hypocritical,” Buffy agreed.

“Simon wouldn’t touch her,” Spike said with more assurance than Buffy felt was warranted.

“And you know this how?”

“Because we’ve spoken. He understands what happens if she gets hurt.” Spike paused. “Have you talked to Dawn?”

Buffy hesitated. “Well, we discussed what happens when you sleep with someone, namely that if it doesn’t work out the pain level is magnified about 1000 times. And, if she wants to avoid mistakes like mine, that would be one to start with.”

Spike chuckled. “That’s one way to look at it. What did the Bit have to say to that?”

“She said that they’d talked about it and had decided to wait for a while, if only because they both feel as though they’re too young to be playing house.” Buffy smiled reflectively. “She also made some comment to the effect that she was already avoiding my mistakes by not dating a member of the undead or a soldier working for a secret government agency.”

“Point,” he said.

“So what are you going to do tomorrow?” Buffy asked.

Spike hesitated. “I’m going to do everything I can to make sure Blue Boy gets a fair deal. That’s all I can do.”

~~~~~

Dawn had been surprised to see Simon at the breakfast table when she came downstairs that morning. She’d been furious with Dick the Dork, and had fussed over his bruise in such a way that made both Buffy and Spike hide smirks. She sat next to him as he phoned his mom.

“Hey, Mom.” He waited a minute. “Yeah, I’m with friends. I’m okay…Oh…No, I understand, really…It’s okay, I can have William drive me over there, and we can pick some stuff up…No, I get it…It’s better this way…I’ll see you later, while he’s at work…bye.”

When he looked up at Dawn, his eyes were blank with misery. “She says it’s better if I don’t come home. She thinks it would be okay if I grab some stuff this afternoon while Dick’s gone.”

She didn’t say anything in reply, just moved to hug him. They stood that way for a long time. “It’ll be okay,” Dawn assured him finally.

He shook his head. “I know, but—”

“Hey,” she replied. “We’ve stopped like a hundred apocalypses. We can work this out.”

“Yeah, I guess this isn’t really the end of the world is it?” Simon put a tired hand up to his bruised face. “It’s just the end of mine,” he whispered, so quietly that no one he

“the great advantage of being alive/(instead of undying)is not so much/that mind no more can disprove than prove/what heart may feel and soul may touch/--the great(my darling) happens to be/that love are in we,that love are in we…a billion brains may coax undeath/ from fancied fact and spaceful time--/no heart can leap,no soul can breathe/but by the sizeless truth of a dream/whose sleep is the sky and the earth and the sea./For love are in you am in I are in we” ~e.e. cummings

Spike drove Simon and Dawn to school that morning. Looking over at the boy, he asked, “You gonna be alright, then?”

“Yeah. I’ve got your work number if I need anything.” Simon tried to smile, but his face hurt. Not to mention his heart.

Spike gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder in reply, and drove away as soon as they got out. “Do you want me to see the nurse with you?” Dawn asked, hanging onto his hand.

Simon looked over at her. “Would you?” he asked, gratefully.

“Sure, you know I will.” She walked him to the nurse’s office, where he explained what had happened in as few details as possible.

Nurse Avery nodded. “Well, it looks painful. Do you need anything for it? We don’t usually give out medicines, but I think this time we might make an exception.”

“No, that’s okay. Dawn’s sister gave me some stuff,” he replied.

The nurse nodded. “Well, I’ll need to talk to the principal, and he’ll probably make a few phone calls. If you feel up to going to class, we can come get you when we need you.”

He nodded. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just looks bad, you know?” Dawn stayed with him until they reached his first period class, since hers was down the hall.

“Don’t be afraid to come and get me if you need to get out of here,” she whispered to him. “I’ll have you know I’m an expert on ditching.”

“Your sister will say I’ve been a bad influence,” he said, a real smile quirking up one side of his lips.

“Not a chance. Trust me, there are a lot of other people who are a much worse influence than you are,” Dawn smiled, giving him a long kiss.

~~~~~

“Well, of course you’ll need to go if Simon calls,” Liz said reasonably. “I’m guessing you and

Buffy already talked about his staying at your house.”

Spike shook his head. “Talked and agreed that it wouldn’t be a good idea. Might not even be possible. Social services has just now gotten off Buffy’s back about Dawn. Adding the Bit’s boyfriend to the household might not be the best idea we’ve ever had.”

Liz smiled. “I could see how you might feel that way. What will you do?”

He hesitated. “Looked into this kind of thing that summer Buffy was gone. He’s too old for foster care, they’ll dump him as soon as he turns 18, and that’s no good. He can’t go home, his mum doesn’t want him there, and his step-dad shouldn’t be near him. Best thing would be to get him emancipated, but that means makin’ sure he has a place to live, that sort of thing. Buffy and I, we can watch out for him, but we can’t give him everything he needs right now.”

“Perhaps you can’t, but I know someone who can.”

He looked at her in surprise. “You aren’t serious.”

“Of course I am,” Liz replied. “William, I’ve been putting lost boys and girls back together for as long as I’ve been teaching, and that’s quite a while. I have an extra room, and I met Simon at your house at Christmas. Granted, it was brief, but he seemed like quite a nice young man, and I trust your judgment.”

Spike ran his hand through thick curls and thought for a moment. “I could call the school, see what they’ve already done. Propose this as a solution, provided that Simon agrees to it. I imagine they’re scratching their collective backsides trying to figure out what they want to do right now. This might just be the thing.”

~~~~~

Buffy sat on the exam table, swinging her feet nervously. She was getting a little tired of

throwing up every day and had finally decided to see the doctor. She hadn’t told Spike because she didn’t want to worry him and figured he’d want to come along; he had enough on his plate with Simon as it was.

Dr. Hansen let herself back into the room and smiled. “I’ve looked over your chart, and everything seems normal. We’ll want to do a pregnancy test on the urine sample you gave us, but that shouldn’t take too long.”

“A pregnancy test?” Buffy asked, surprised.

The doctor nodded. “Well, yes, that is standard for women your age complaining of morning nausea. Plus, you also mentioned that you’ve missed at least one menstrual period. It sounds to me as though you might be pregnant. Why?”

Buffy opened her mouth to tell the doctor that it was impossible for her to be pregnant. And then she realized that it was entirely too possible. Spike may have been a vampire a couple years ago and incapable of becoming a “daddy,” but that wasn’t the case any longer. Neither one of them had even thought about a possible pregnancy. “Oh, I just hadn’t really thought of that,” she said weakly.

“Is that a problem for you, Buffy?” Dr. Hansen asked. “Because if it is…” she trailed off, knowing that a young, unmarried woman might indeed have a problem being pregnant.

Buffy hesitated. ‘Is it a problem?’ she wondered. Maybe it should have been, but she’d never thought to even have the chance at having kids, and now the opportunity was being given. With Spike, no less. Angel would have a whole herd of cattle if he knew, but Buffy decided that there wasn’t any problem at all. “No,” she replied finally, a smile spreading slowly across her face. “No, in fact, it’s great.”

~~~~~

Simon watched as one of the student aids came into Mr. Henry’s fourth period history class. He knew it was for him just by the way the kid glanced at him as he walked into the room, and he slowly shut his book and got his papers together. “Call me when you can,” Dawn whispered from the seat in front of him, giving his hand a quick squeeze for support as Mr. Henry called out, “Simon, you’re wanted in the teacher’s lounge.”

He walked out into the hall, fingering the cross he wore, a Christmas gift from Buffy and Spike. “If you’re going to be playing regularly at the Bronze, you need to carry protection,” Buffy had said, blushing when she realized what that had sounded like as Spike snickered. They’d given him a stake too, and Spike had shown him how to use it, while Buffy and Dawn watched, yelling pointers. Somehow, knowing that they were there, somewhere in the background, made this whole thing easier. He’d always done it alone before.

The door to the lounge opened easily, and relief spread through him as he realized that Spike was already there. Principal Drake was there, as was a woman he’d never seen before, and another older lady Simon recognized from Christmas. ‘Liz,’ he thought, ‘Spike’s boss.’

“Simon, please have a seat,” the principal said, waving to a chair next to Spike. He sat obediently, waiting. “Mr. Benton here has been telling us what he knows of the situation. It is my understanding that you are fairly close to the Summers.”

Simon nodded. “Dawn’s my girlfriend,” he explained. “Buffy and Sp-William have been really great to me.”

The unknown lady smiled at him. “My name is Dara Ephraim, Simon, and I work with Social Services. Mr. Drake called me this morning. When Mr. Benton called, we had a quick conference. It’s my understanding that your mother believes that it would be safer for you to find another place to live at the moment.”

Spike’s cool voice broke in. “Safer, bollocks. If that—man had done the damage to anyone other than Simon, he’d be in jail right now for assault.”

His British accent was much more clipped and higher class than it usually was, Simon noted. Plus, the glasses he never wore for anything but reading were perched on his nose, making him look extremely refined and very upper class. The guy who spent his weekends in a pair of old black jeans and a ratty t-shirt was completely gone, except for the glint in his eyes. That glint matched the leather duster he sometimes wore.

“I do understand your feelings, Mr. Benton,” Darcy assured him. “I assure you, we are looking into the matter. As of right now, however, I tend to agree with his mother.” She turned to Simon. “What Mr. Benton has proposed is that you file for status as an emancipated minor, which would remove you from underneath your parents’ control. It would also remove their responsibility for you.”

“So I wouldn’t have to go home?” Simon asked.

“Yes,” she said kindly. “It would also mean that you would not be remanded to the custody of the state. Normally, we would ask for some assurance that you would be able to take care of yourself or had somewhere to go, especially since you’re still in school. However, Dr. Kearns has offered to allow you to stay with her until you graduate high school. You would still be responsible for yourself, but I would feel better knowing someone is looking out for your interests.”

Simon opened his mouth to reply and couldn’t find the words. He turned to Liz who was smiling at him. “I don’t know what to say,” he admitted. “That’s great, I just—”

Ms. Ephraim smiled. “Then the plan sounds feasible to you?”

He nodded. “It’s better than I was expecting.”

“Good. I should be off, I have another appointment in a little while.” She reached out and shook his hand. “I have both Dr. Kearns and Mr. Benton’s phone numbers, so I’ll let you know when your petition will be heard. I have no doubt that the judge will grant it, however. I’ll be talking to you soon.”

Principal Drake stood as well. “I’ll let you three talk and settle matters.” He looked over at Simon. “Why don’t you take the rest of the day to get yourself settled, Simon? I know this has been a rough day for you.” When the boy nodded, he shook Spike and Liz’s hands and left.

“William has already told me that he was going to help you collect your things,” Liz said kindly. “Once you do that you can bring them over to my house and get yourself settled.”

Simon looked over at her gratefully. “I don’t know how to thank you for this.”

She smiled. “I imagine it will take a bit of getting used to for the both of us, but I don’t foresee any problems. We can discuss any questions you have and any expectations later.”

Simon nodded. “Thanks.”

“Well then, William, I’ll expect you two shortly,” Liz said, standing. After she’d left Simon looked over at Spike.

“How—”

“I did some looking into these kinds of things a while back. This seemed like the best solution to your problem,” Spike explained quietly.

The boy shook his head. He was trying to find words that would explain how he felt, and couldn’t. He’d wanted to get out of that house for the longest time, and now he was out and it didn’t feel at all like he’d expected. To his shame, he started crying, soft, gut-wrenching sobs tearing out of throat. He wanted to apologize for being weak, but he couldn’t find the words for that either. The only things that registered were his own tears and a pair of strong arms wrapped around him.

~~~~~

“Hey, Buffy,” Willow said from the front porch.

“Willow,” the Slayer replied, opening the door to let her friend in. “It’s been a while.”

She hadn’t seen much of her friends since school had started. It seemed as though they were beginning to drift apart even more than they had after they’d first left high school. Xander and Anya were busy getting their lives on the right track with each other, the Wicca was busy trying to finish school, and Buffy was just trying to figure out what a semi-normal life looked like. Without the threat of an apocalypse hanging overhead, it was easy to get involved in the little, every day matters that seemed to separate them out into their different lives. “I know. I needed to talk to you about something.”

Buffy let her friend inside, and they went into the kitchen. “Do you want something to drink?”

Willow shrugged. “Whatever you’ve got would be fine.”

Buffy started the water for tea, knowing that her friend had developed a taste for it while in England. “What’s on your mind?”

“My hair,” Willow said with a small smile, and was rewarded with a chuckle from her friend. “I needed to tell you that I was offered a scholarship to study at Oxford,” she confessed.

Buffy turned to her in surprise, noting that Willow looked apprehensive over her reaction, which told the Slayer everything she needed to know about her answer. Swallowing whatever selfishness might have caused her to hold her friend back, she replied, “You’re going, of course.”

Willow broke out into a huge smile. “Yeah, I am. It’s an incredible opportunity, Buffy. I never thought I’d get to do something like this.” She paused. “I hate leaving you and Xander and Dawn and Spike and pretty much everyone else, though.”

“I know, and I hate that you’re leaving, Will, but it had to happen sometime.” Buffy gave her a hug. “Have you told Xander or Anya yet?”

“No,” the redhead admitted. “Spike was the first person I told, actually,” she said, taking in Buffy’s surprise. “I knew he’d give me an honest opinion, so I thought I’d ask him if I should take it. Plus, he’s on campus a lot and I visit him.”

Buffy thought about it for a moment, and then said, “I’m not that surprised, Will. Spike’s an easy guy to talk to. Apparently he’s turned into the go-to guy.” She then explained briefly about Simon and the previous night.

Willow shook her head in sympathy at the story. “Poor kid. And we all thought Xander’s parents were bad.”

“Yeah, turns out there are worse people out there,” Buffy replied.

Willow looked at her friend with some concern. “Are you okay, Buff? Spike told me the other day that you hadn’t been feeling well.”

She hesitated. Spike should really be the first one to know of her suspicions, but Willow was her best friend, and she didn’t want to hide anything from her, especially since she had just spilled her own secret. “I think I’m pregnant,” she replied.

Willow’s eyes widened and she squealed in surprise. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure,” Buffy admitted. “The nausea is one thing, but I’ve missed a period, and I think I’m late for my next one too.”

Willow made a face. “Well, that would be a pretty clear indication. Does Spike know?”

She shook her head. “I just went to the doctor today, and I won’t know for sure until they call with the results, probably tomorrow. I figured since you were being all reveal-y, I might as well too.”

“You show me yours, I’ll show you mine?” Willow commented, smiling. “Are you okay with this?”

She hesitated. “Yeah, I think so. It’s not ideal, I know. Ideal would be the white dress, the wedding march, my father walking me down the aisle, and a baby nine months after the honeymoon. Ideal would be my mom being alive, and me not being the Slayer, too, but I’ve already accepted that life isn’t perfect.”

Willow gave her a sympathetic look. “But you’re okay with this?”

“With being pregnant with Spike’s baby?” Buffy asked, a smile playing around the corners of her mouth. “Yeah, I am. I love him, Willow, more than I ever thought I could again. This one is forever. God knows he’s not going to leave me, which is more than I can say for every other guy I’ve ever gone out with. I never thought I’d get to do this, you know? And now I have the chance to have my own family.”

Willow gave her a hug. “I’m so happy for you, Buffy. What’s Spike going to think?”

Buffy hesitated. “I think he’ll be thrilled, but it’s hard to know.”

“I think he’ll be more than thrilled,” Willow replied. “In fact, he might even be speechless, which will be a switch.”

~~~~~

Simon set his duffel bag down in Liz’s spare room. “You’re welcome to make whatever changes

you’d like,” she offered.

“Thanks,” he murmured.

“William told me you play the guitar?” she asked.

He nodded. “Yeah, my music stuff’s at Rod’s house. We practice there.”

“You certainly can practice here if you need to,” Liz said quietly. “I know you play at the Bronze fairly regularly,” she smiled at his surprised look. “I do work with college students, Simon, so I know a bit about kids your age. All I ask is that you let me know where you’re going to be so I don’t worry. Other than that, we can work things out as we go.”

“I don’t know how to thank you,” he said honestly.

She smiled and touched him on the shoulder. “Be happy. That’s thanks enough.”

Spike came up behind Liz and swung his arm around Simon’s shoulders. “We’re off, luv. “I’ll have him back by bedtime.”

She smiled. “Have fun,” she replied, handing Simon a key on a chain. “This old lady probably won’t stay up.”

Spike grinned. “You’ll never be an old lady,” he replied. “Come on, Blue Boy.” He handed Simon his cell phone as soon as they walked out the door. “Better call the house and leave a message, lad. Tell the girls we’ll be home for dinner.”

“Where are we going?”

“Someplace quiet.”

Spike took him to the beach, but to an area that had little traffic. It took some work, getting down the steep path that led down to the sand, but the physical exertion required his full attention, and it felt good to work his muscles. In a way, he could lose himself in the climb down the same way he could in his music. Both of them took their shoes off and rolled up their pantlegs once they’d reached the sand, and then, in silence they began walking along the water. “Why?” Simon finally asked.

Spike didn’t pretend not to understand what the boy was asking. “Dawn told you what I was,” he replied softly.

Simon hesitated. “She said you were a vampire and you’d gone to Africa and got turned back into a human.” As though it had just occurred to him, he asked, “How old are you, anyway?”

Spike smirked. “About 150. My grand-sire’s got about a hundred years on me, though.” He looked over at Simon and his face became serious. “I’ve never told anyone this, but I thought you needed to hear it.” Slowly, he told Simon what had happened after he’d been turned, how he’d gone back to turn his mother, to give her the gift of immortality, and how she’d rejected him outright. “She was my world,” he said simply. “Buffy knows that I turned her, and that I killed her after, but I never told her what she said.”

It was different, Simon knew. For one thing, his mom wasn’t the evil undead. But it was also the same, because the pain was there for the both of them. “Does it ever hurt less?”

Spike frowned, looking up at the deep blue sky. “Yeah. After a while, you realize that it wasn’t you, it was them or the circumstances or whatever. And you figure other people love you, and they’re enough. But it hurts.”

“When Dad took off, I thought that would be the worst,” Simon confessed. “But then, when Mom asked me not to come home—I never thought she’d choose Dick over me.”

The older man reached over to grasp his shoulder. “She should have chosen you, Simon. She should have chosen you the first time he raised his hand. Just remember, her choices don’t determine yours. I forgot that for a while, and it wasn’t good.”

“I get that,” he replied. “I still don’t get why, though.”

Spike smiled. “Because of what I was.”

Simon considered his answer, and understanding dawned on his face. He gave Spike a half-smile in return and replied, “Or maybe it’s because of what you are.”

~~~~~

Dawn sat on the back porch, her head resting against her boyfriend’s chest. “I wish you’d told

me how bad it was,” she murmured. “I get why you didn’t, but I wish you had.”

“I know, I just—”

“I get it. Once you’ve got that secret, it gets harder to let it go after a while.” Dawn remembered being told she was the Key, how heavy the secret had been. How tightly she’d had to hold the secret of Buffy’s death. How heavy the secret of her stealing had been.

“Basically,” Simon confessed. “And I thought it was getting better, you know, since I was there a lot less.”

They sat in silence for a long time. “I love you, you know,” Simon said quietly. “If you hadn’t been here all this year, I don’t know what I would have done. Probably something really stupid though.”

“Ditto,” Dawn replied. “I mean, I love you. And I think I need you just as much.”

“Will it always be like this?” he asked her.

Dawn thought about it for a minute, and then said honestly, “I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“No,” he said. “I’d love you all the same.”

She smiled and leaned her head back against him, closing her eyes contentedly. “Me too.”

~~~~~

Spike stared at Buffy with a mixture of shock and amazement. “Are you sure?”

She rolled her eyes. “You know, if people keep asking me that, I’m going to get really annoyed.” Sighing, she replied, “About as sure as I can be until the doctor sends her results.”

“How?” he asked.

Buffy giggled. “Do you really have to ask, Spike?”

A shame-faced grin spread across his face. “Guess not. Bloody hell, I probably should have thought about it before now, but I’d never had to worry about that kind of thing before.”

She frowned. “What about before you were turned?” The look he gave her made her eyes widen, and she blushed slightly. “You mean, you never—before—”

“Nope.” He smirked. “Technically, luv, you were my first. As a human anyway.”

Buffy was oddly touched. “So you’re okay with becoming a father?”

The look on his face was hesitant, almost wary. “Are you okay with this, Buffy? Because if you aren’t—”

“Spike. William. Look at me.” She turned his head so he was looking her in the eyes. “Tell me the truth.”

He opened his mouth, hesitated again, and then finally managed to get the words out. “I’m bloody terrified, pet. And I’m ecstatic. But if this isn’t what you wanted, it’s your choice.”

She leaned in and kissed him. Hard. “Does that tell you if I’m okay with it?” she asked, smiling. “Spike, I never thought I’d live long enough to have kids. And now I’m having yours. I’m scared too, but I told you that I needed every part of you. And this—” she put her hand to her still-flat abdomen. “This is a part of you too. I’m not going anywhere, William, and neither is our baby.”

He laid his lips against her hand that still rested on her stomach. “I love you so much, Buffy.”

“I know,” she said. She kissed him again. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” she said quietly. “I don’t know how much time we have. I think my expiration date is already long past, but whatever time I have, it’s yours.”

And there were no more words for a very long time.

“There’s a kind of emptiness that can fill you./There’s a kind of hunger that can eat you up./There’s a cold and darker side to the moonlight./And there’s a lonely side of love./With you here, baby I am strong./No sign of weakness./With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread./There’s a certain kind of pain that can numb you./There’s a type of freedom that can tie you down./Sometimes the unexplained can define you./And sometimes silence is the only sound./With you here, baby, I am strong./No sign of weakness./With you gone, baby, I am hanging by a thread.” ~Nickel Creek

“Hey, man. Congratulations.” Xander reached out to shake Spike’s hand as he came in the door.

“What for?” Spike asked with a smirk. “For makin’ it through another year or for bein’ a few months away from bein’ a dad?”

“Both,” the other man replied, slapping him on the back. “Nice to know you’re finally getting older just like the rest of us.”

Anya stepped inside behind him. “Yes. Aging is an important part of the human experience.”

Spike’s lips twitched. “Thanks, Anya. I think they’re puttin’ the food in the kitchen.” He watched as the ex-demon slipped past to join the others in the kitchen. “I take it you two are working things out.”

Xander nodded sheepishly. “Yeah. Hopefully, the second time’s the charm. We’re thinking about taking notes from you and Buffy and just take things slow.”

“Good plan.” Spike hesitated, and then said, “We were going to talk to you later, but now’s as good a time as any.”

Xander looked slightly suspicious. “Don’t keep me in suspense, Professor. With the number of serious announcements that have been made in the last couple weeks, I don’t think my heart could take it.”

Spike raised an eyebrow and led Xander into the living room. “Buffy and I wanted to ask you and Willow to be godparents. We’d have asked the Watcher, but seeing as how he’s in England, we thought we’d ask someone who’s a bit closer to home.”

The other man was floored. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but that certainly wasn’t it. “Spike, I’m honored.”

He shrugged. “Well, you know Buffy’s always considered you part of the family. This just makes it official-like.”

“You know you’re part of the family too, Spike,” Xander replied, meeting his eyes forthrightly. “I never thought I’d say it, but it’s been nice to have you around. You and Buffy are good together.”

An incredulous smile spread across Spike’s face as he realized he didn’t hate the Whelp quite as much as he always thought he had. “So we’re good?”

Xander reached out and took Spike’s offered hand with a firm grip. “We’re good.”

~~~~~

It was a kind of multi-purpose party. Willow wasn’t leaving for England until the end of the

summer, so it wasn’t a good-bye party, but it was a “congratulations for getting a scholarship and getting out of Sunnydale” thing. Plus, Buffy had finally figured out when Spike’s birthday was, and she was throwing him the first party he’d had in over a century. Add to that the fact that Buffy had announced to the whole gang that she was pregnant, so it was also a “congratulations on your upcoming birth” celebration. In reality, however, the major focus was on Spike, as much as he would have liked to deflect it. Truth was, Spike wasn’t used to this kind of attention, the good kind.

Nevertheless, Buffy had insisted on a real birthday party, complete with cake and his favorite foods, including a blooming onion and spicy wings. While she’d offered to invite anyone he wished, the only person from UC Sunnydale he’d insisted on was Liz. “Be nicer with just family, luv,” he’d said. “Though I wish you wouldn’t make a fuss.”

Buffy had just rolled her eyes. “Spike, you ‘make a fuss’ over people you care about. That’s just the way it works, and you’ll have to get used to it.”

The afternoon was fairly low-key, just the main group really, though Spike got suspiciously misty-eyed when the presents came out. He still wasn’t used to being a part of things. Dawn and Simon had chipped in and gotten him a leather-bound copy of The Complete Works of Shakespeare. Giles sent some ancient manuscript over from England that Spike got excited about, even though no one but Willow understood the significance. Xander (and Anya’s) present was a wooden weapons chest similar to Buffy’s, but with the initials “W.S.B.” carved on the top. Liz’s gift was an envelope with an invitation from the university to a spot as Associate Professor, with the stipulation that he continue to pursue his Ph.D. Spike was pretty much speechless after that, and Liz looked incredibly smug.

The last gift was from Buffy. She set the large box down in front of him and waited as he opened it, curious. He pulled off the last of the paper and opened the box, regarding the object within in a sort of stunned amazement. After a moment’s silence, he lifted it out of the box, revealing a black jacket. It was much shorter than his duster, only about waist-length, and was a nylon fabric. Buffy leaned over and pointed to the back and sleeves. “It’s a motorcycle jacket,” she explained, “so the back and sleeves have extra padding. Kind of an armor you know. The guy said it was pretty much indestructable.”

Spike knew what she was saying without words. They were both moving on, putting the past behind them. She’d given the duster back to him because it was a part of who he had been, and it always would be. But this jacket was meant for now, for the nights when he would be watching her back, and for the upcoming months when he might have to patrol alone, and needed a little extra protection. He smiled at her, and swung the jacket on over his shoulders.

It was like a hand in glove, and it still added an edge to his appearance. Not the same look as the duster at all, but there was still that gleam in his eye that spoke of danger, and the jacket just enhanced it. “I love it, Buffy,” he said softly, and she smiled.

“Now all you’re missing is the motorcycle,” Xander piped up, and as Buffy and Spike’s eyes met, they both realized they were thinking the same thing.

“That’s not missing, Harris,” Spike said evenly, not looking away from Buffy. “It’s just in storage.”

~~~~~

They seemed to fly over roads and highways, bareheaded, her hands tight at his waist, her thighs pressed up against his. It was an intimate position, but neither of them minded. Quite the contrary, in fact. The night had been made for them, and they for the night. He took her to a place he knew, a small, out-of-the-way cove along the shore. The full moon reflected off the sand and the water so that the darkness seemed less profound, even though they were far from any city lights.

They lay on their backs on the sand, their hands entwined until Buffy broke the silence. “Good day?”

He turned his head to face her, and she could see his teeth gleam white. “The best. If it were possible I’d be in danger of dying from happiness, luv.”

“Don’t joke about it.”

Spike frowned at the fierceness of her tone and sat up. “About what, pet?”

“Dying,” she replied angrily. “I can’t lose you, Spike.”

He gave her a confused smile. “I’m not planning on going anywhere, Buffy. You know that. It was just an expression.” Spike reached out to touch her cheek tenderly.

“You know how I feel about you, right?” she asked.

His face softened. “I know. And it’s okay, Buffy. What we have is enough for me, more than I ever dreamed of having.”

Buffy looked into his eyes and knew that he didn’t understand. He didn’t understand that she loved him so much she couldn’t tell him, and yet she had to try. Something about it being his birthday, him turning a year older, had jarred something loose inside her. It had reminded her that he was mortal, and much more fragile than she. “Tell me you love me.”

The softness left his face and fear set in. The last time they had had this conversation, it had not ended well. And Buffy wanted to chase that fear away, for good. She watched as he took a deep breath and replied, “I love you.”

“Tell me you want me.”

“I always want you.”

She reached out and touched his cheek. “Tell me you’ll never leave me.”

It was a deviation from the established script, and a spark of hope kindled in Spike’s eyes. The first time around he’d hoped it would be different too, but this time there was something in her face that had never been there before. “You know I won’t.”

Buffy took his hand. “Now, ask me.”

“Buffy, I—”

“Just ask, William.”

“Tell me you want me,” he whispered.

She smiled. “I always want you.”

“Tell me you’ll never leave me.” His voice was barely audible.

“I’ll never leave you.”

He cupped her face with his hands, eyes boring into hers. “Tell me you love me, Buffy.” He was almost begging.

She leaned in and kissed him sweetly. “I love you, Spike.”

He seemed to collapse, his head falling limply against her shirt, and Buffy couldn’t help but wonder how long it had been since he’d heard those words. “I love you,” she said again, and they came easier the second time around.

He pulled back and swiped at his eyes, embarrassed. “Oh, luv,” he whispered. “I think I’ve waited forever.”

They made love under the moon, and then went swimming, laughing and splashing each other like children, beautiful in the soft light. As they sat on the sand, drying off, waiting to head home, Buffy looked over at her lover and smiled. “Have you thought about names yet?”

“For the baby?” he asked, waiting for her nod. “Well, not sure if it’s a boy, pet, but if it’s a girl, I wouldn’t mind namin’ her after your mum.”

Buffy smiled as her eyes grew misty. “Thank you, Spike. Actually, I wasn’t sure about a girl’s name, but if it’s a boy, I’d like William.”

“Absolutely not. There’s no way my son’s goin’ to be a bloody fourth. It’s ridiculous.”

She started giggling, both at the look on his face and at his completely affronted tone of voice. “You were a third?”

He sighed, a deeply put-upon sound. “William Edward Bradford III.”

“Well,” Buffy coaxed, “technically, he wouldn’t be a fourth, since his last name wouldn’t be Bradford, and there’s no way his middle name would be Edward.”

“We’ll see,” he replied, in a way that told her he wasn’t at all convinced.

“We could call him Liam,” she wheedled.

He raised an eyebrow and cocked his head. “You do know whose name that is, don’t you, Slayer?”

“It would be a shorter name than yours.”

“It’s Angel’s name.”

Buffy feigned surprise. “You and Angel had the same name?”

He growled, but knew that Buffy would probably get her way at some point. “I’ll think about it. There’s plenty of time yet.”

~~~~~

Dawn came out to join Spike on the porch. “Hey.”

“Hey, Bit,” he replied. “Your sister still out?”

She nodded, looking out into the darkness. “Are you feeling any better?”

Spike had had the beginnings of a very nasty cold that evening, and Buffy had made him stay home while she went out on patrol, fearing that the malaria would come back again. “No, but I wanted some air.” They stood in silence for a while longer, and then Spike asked, “Are you okay with all this, Bit?”

“With you and Buffy having a baby?” she asked. “Yeah, I think it’s cool.”

“Really?” he asked, his voice hopeful. “Don’t want you feelin’ like you aren’t important to us, Niblet, ‘cause you are.”

“I know,” she replied. “I don’t think I would have gotten that a few years ago, but I do now. It’s not moving me out, it’s just adding more people. Kind of like you and Buffy have added Simon.”

“Somethin’ like that, I s’pose.” He pulled her into a hug. “You’re growin’ up fast, Bit.” Dawn leaned into his embrace. There was safety with Spike, a safety she would find with others as she continued to get older, but that she would always have with him.

Suddenly he froze, and pushed her away, back towards the door to the house. “Get inside, Bit, and get your sister.”

“Spike—”

“Go!” She saw a figure emerge from the darkness, and saw the figure of a woman. “Dru, what are you doing here?”

That was all she needed to hear. Dawn ran into the house, and immediately went out the front door. Buffy never took her cell phone with her on patrol because she said it was distracting and she had a tendency to lose it in cemeteries. She’d just have to find her somehow, preferably before Spike was dead. Or worse.

~~~~~

This was bad. This was very bad. Spike knew Drusilla like the back of his hand, and right now she wanted him back. Either that or she wanted to hurt Buffy, which at the moment was the same thing. The thing he had been most afraid of since becoming human was that Dru would show up again, that he would be turned, and there would be nothing left of the man he had become.

“Hello, my Spike,” Drusilla said. “Did you miss me?”

“Can’t say that I did, Dru,” he replied honestly.

“Bad Spike, doesn’t love me anymore.”

“To be fair, you were the one who left me, ducks,” he replied evenly.

She stepped closer, smiling her mad smile. “But I came back, my Spike. The pixies told me you were weak, and I’ve come to make you strong again.”

Spike smiled in return. “I don’t think so.”

It might as well have been a battle cry.

~~~~~

Dawn was only about a block away when she ran right into Simon’s chest. “Dawn! What’s

wrong?” he asked, grabbing her arms to keep her upright.

“It’s Spike. Drusilla came back, and I need to find Buffy.” She was panting with fear and exertion, trying to twist away from her boyfriend.

He gave her a little shake. “Where is she?”

“On patrol,” she replied, shaking her head.

Simon took her arm and started pulling her back towards the house. “Then we don’t have time. If Spike’s in trouble, we need to help him.”

Dawn opened her mouth to argue, and then realized he was right. Buffy wouldn’t be able to get to them in time. She might not have had a chance going up against the crazy vampire, but she and Simon together might manage to put a stake through her. “Right. You go through the backyard and distract her. I’ll go through the house and come out the back door. Once she’s looking your way, I’ll come out and stake her.”

“I was just going to suggest that,” Simon said, with a nervous smile. “You’re a lot better at hitting the heart than I am.”

Dawn watched as Simon went around the back of the house as she went inside. She was scared, mostly because Spike had pretty much freaked out when Drusilla showed up. Anything that frightened Spike was very scary. Drusilla was a Master vampire, and perfectly capable of taking out both her and Simon with her eyes closed. Unless they got very lucky.

She watched out the back door as Simon stepped out into the yard and faced the vampire with a defiant tilt of his chin. She loved him in that moment, more than she ever had before. “Hey, you crazy ho,” Simon called. “Drop the man and drop dead.”

Drusilla snarled at him. “Well, aren’t you the pretty parrot. Such colorful feathers.”

“Oh, you mean the hair?” Simon asked with a smirk, swaggering forward, doing a knowing imitation of Spike at his snarkiest. “Better than your dress. Where’d you pull that out of, the rag bag?”

Drusilla paused, suddenly considering the boy in a new light. “Aren’t you a brave knight?” she cooed. “My Spike didn’t want to play anymore, but you’ll be a good boy, won’t you?”

“Why don’t you come and find out?” he invited, his hand going back to the stake he’d shoved into the back of his jeans.

A cruel smile lit up her face. “We’ll make beautiful music together, my boy.”

She was inches away from him when her face changed, revealing the demon within. Simon never even flinched. He pulled the stake out of his waistband, and it met the tip of Dawn’s stake as it found the heart. There was a moment of surprise, and then Drusilla was gone, nothing but dust on the wind.

They both dropped their weapons in their haste to get to Spike’s side. He lay on the grass lifelessly, his face pale. Simon’s nimble fingers found his pulse, and he looked up at Dawn half in relief, half in concern. “Call the ambulance.”

“Is he—”

“Barely,” Simon replied quietly. “But you need to hurry.”

The ambulance arrived and they quickly loaded Spike up, Dawn giving a hasty explanation of a supposed animal attack as Simon scrawled a note for Buffy. The paramedics wouldn’t let both of them ride in the back, so they decided to drive. Simon grabbed Spike’s keys from where they sat on the kitchen counter.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive?” Dawn asked. “Spike taught me last summer.”

Her boyfriend looked over at her, and said softly, “I know. I got it, though.” He reached over and grabbed her hand. “He’ll be okay, Dawn. He’s one of the strongest people I know.”

“Yeah. He is,” she replied, and let him drive. She was thankful that her boyfriend was just as strong.

~~~~~

Buffy entered the hospital in a near-run, her heart pounding. She’d gotten home from patrol to

find a hastily written note telling her that they’d had to take Spike to the hospital, and that Drusilla was dead. It was barely intelligible, but the words “Drusilla” and “hospital” together were never good.

She saw Simon and Dawn in the ER waiting room immediately, and she rushed over to them. “Are you two okay? What happened?”

Dawn quickly gave her a summary of what had occurred earlier. “The doctor said Spike had lost a lot of blood, but that he’d be okay. It was really close though.”

Buffy was still trying to process the fact that her baby sister and her boyfriend had taken on a Master vampire and won. “Are you two insane?” she asked.

They looked at each other in confusion. “Uh, no,” Dawn replied finally.

“You could have been killed! Drusilla’s killed a Slayer, and you two thought you could take her on.” Buffy’s voice shook. “If either of you ever, ever pull a stunt like that again, you will both be grounded for life. Do you understand?” Not even waiting for an answer, she pulled Dawn to her in a hug. “I’m so proud of you.”

Dawn was a little overwhelmed with the mood swings, but she grinned. “Thanks. Simon was really cool though.”

Buffy turned to Simon, who was looked as though he was considering running away. “Simon, thank you.” She pulled him into a hug, and he looked surprised and happy as well.

“It wasn’t much,” he said sheepishly.

“Have you called anyone else?” Buffy asked.

“Crap,” he yelped. “I’ve gotta call Liz. She’ll be worried sick.”

He ran off and Buffy looked at her sister. “Where is he?”

Dawn hesitated. The doctor had been pretty clear on them not being able to see him yet, but she knew her sister. And her sister had on her “resolve” face. “Down the hall. I think I heard the nurses say something about him being in room 107.”

Buffy gave her sister another grateful smile and headed down the hallway. She found his room easily enough. His skin was as pale as the sheets he lay on, and only the rise and fall of his chest gave any indication that he was still alive. A transfusion bag hung from a pole, and the red liquid dripped steadily into his veins. Buffy found his renewed need for blood just slightly ironic.

She walked over to the bed and sat on the edge, looking down at him. His eyes fluttered open after a minute, and he looked up at her dazedly. “Buffy?”

“I’m right here, sweetheart.”

“She wanted me to drink, but I wouldn’t. I didn’t let her turn me.” He was still a little out of it, she saw, probably from whatever pain medication they had given him.

“I know, baby,” Buffy replied. “You did just fine.” She watched as he drifted off to sleep again, and sat by his side. After a while, Liz came. She checked on him to make certain that he was fine and then informed Buffy that she was taking Simon and Dawn back to her place. “Dawn can stay with me for tonight,” the kindly woman said. “I know she’d probably feel better if she’s not alone.”

Buffy smiled and thanked her, and stayed put. When Spike finally opened his eyes again, they were clear. “Buffy? Luv? How long have you been here?”

“A few hours,” she replied softly. “How are you feeling?”

He considered her question. “Good, I guess, for a guy who’s just been bit. What happened?”

“Dawn ran into Simon on her way to find me. They went back, he distracted the crazy bitch, and they both staked her at the same time.” Buffy managed to smile. “She assured me it was very cool.”

He smirked slightly. “Guess we taught ‘em well, Slayer.”

“You promised not to leave me, Spike,” Buffy whispered.

He looked surprised. “I’m still here, pet. I’m not going anywhere.”

“I almost lost you,” she said, the anguish and fear of nearly losing him showing clearly on her face. “Don’t ever do that again. I can’t be without you, Spike.”

“Sure you could, luv,” he said. “You’d manage somehow.”

“No,” she asserted. “I think losing you would kill me.”

Spike opened his mouth to protest, and then shut it again. She would make it, he knew, she was strong. But at the same time, her heart had been broken so many times, she might indeed find it hard to live through another. “You’d still have a piece of me,” he reminded her softly.

“Yeah,” she said. “But I need all of you.” She laid her head down on his chest. “I love you.”

“And I love you, pet.”

“Then let’s get married,” she said suddenly, sitting up.

“What?” he replied, startled.

“Let’s get married. I want to make it official. The last couple of years, I was pretty sure I’d never get to do that. Never get the white dress or the wedding march, any of it. I want every bit of what I can get, right now, with you.” She looked at him fiercely.

He blinked a couple times, and then said. “All right. Let’s do it. But can we avoid all the bloody fuss and bother? I don’t want it to be an ordeal.”

She smiled. “No, it’ll just be good. Fun, you know? For both of us.” She put her head back down, letting him stroke her hair. “I wish my mom were here. I think she’d be happy for us. She always liked you.”

“Really?” He smiled reflectively. “I liked her too. She was a good lady. A lot like her daughter.”

Buffy sighed softly. “I want forever with you, Spike. Just you.”

“Your wish is my command, luv. I’m all yours.”

“No longer mourn for me when I am dead/Than you shall hear the surly sullen bell/Give warning to the world that I am fled/From this vile world, with vilest worms to dwell:/Nay, if you read this line, remember not/The hand that writ it; for I love you so,/That I in your sweet thoughts would be forgot,/If thinking on me then should make you woe./Oh, if, (I say,) you look upon this verse/When I (perhaps) compounded am with clay,/Do not so much as my poor name rehearse,/But let your love even with my life decay;/Lest the wise world should look into your moan,/And mock you with me after I am gone.” ~William Shakespeare

It seemed that Buffy would get her wish, even if Spike never received his. He had promised her forever, and he hadn’t left her side. But Spike had never asked his Slayer to stay with him for always. He had known that it was a promise she would not have been able to keep. Perhaps he had always known, because it seemed that over the years he had built himself a living safety net for this day.

Giles stood next to him, his hair almost entirely gray at this point, his face deeply lined. If anything, the Watcher was even more devastated this time around than he had been the first. Spike was still trying to decide if it hurt more the first or the second time they’d buried her. In some ways, it was easier now. Made easier by over ten years and three little words. In other ways, it only made him miss her more.

He was in good company though, he knew. Not only was Giles there, but also Xander and Anya. They had chosen to leave their little one at home. He’d been born only a year or so after he and Buffy’s Joyce. He and Xander had actually become friends at some point along the way, maybe even good friends. Willow had come as well. She had remained single, the only one of the Scoobies to do so. What relationships she had tried had ended either sooner or later, but she had poured her time and her love out on all their families.

The service was over. Spike wasn’t sure why it had been so important to have a real burial service. He had been Anglican once upon a time, and so Buffy had had an Anglican service. The vicar had been both understanding and sympathetic, and had willingly decided to perform the graveside service. He and the rest of the Scoobies had held the wake.

The others began to drift off, back to their own homes, or to his. He felt a gentle hand on his arm and looked over to see Dawn. She was dry-eyed, having shed all her tears earlier. “We’re going back now. Are you going to stay?”

“Yeah, last night and all that.”

A small hand tugged at his. “Are you coming home, Papa?”

“In a while, moppet. I think I’ll stay here for a bit.” Spike touched his daughter’s fine hair. She looked like her mother—and her grandmother.

“You’re going to protect mummy’s grave from the bad men,” she stated in a sure tone. “It’s called Vigil. Willow told me.”

He smiled sadly at her. So quick, so perceptive. So precious. “Yeah, little luv. I’ll be home by morning.” He looked up at Simon, who held a sleeping Liam in his arms. Joyce was ten, old enough to understand what had happened, but little Liam was barely six. Spike breathed a prayer of thanks for Dawn and Simon, who had been there constantly, despite their own pain.

“Come back when you can, Will,” Simon said quietly. “We’ll watch over the kids.” It was hard to believe that Simon and Dawn had been together for almost as long and he and Buffy were. They had “taken a break” briefly after they’d graduated high school, mostly because they’d decided to go to different colleges. However, one semester had them both at UC Sunnydale, and they hadn’t been separated since. In fact, Dawn was due to have their first child in another few months. Buffy had wanted to be there for that.

Spike nodded shakily. “Thanks.”

He watched as they left, and then stood there as the sun set, memories of their time together flooding his mind. He remembered when she had told him she was pregnant with Liam. She’d insisted they were having a son, and then had insisted on calling him William, Liam for short. Nothing Spike had said could convince her otherwise, so he’d finally given in, rather ungraciously. So he’d been named William Alexander Benton.

The first time he’d held his son, he’d cried, as he had with their daughter. Buffy told him then, as any number of people had said to him later, that Liam was his spitting image. He’d never told anyone but Buffy that not only did his son look like him, he acted like him. At least, he acted the same way a very young William had, before life had broken him to pieces.

The way Spike had been broken, before Buffy put him back together.

“Hello, William.”

“Angel.”

The old vampire stepped out of the darkness to stand beside him at the fresh grave. “How are you?”

“I’ve been better. I haven’t killed myself or anyone else yet, though.” There was a pause, and then Spike said quietly, “I’m sorry we couldn’t have the funeral at night, so you could be here. Apparently, they don’t do that in Sunnyhell.”

Angel’s lips twitched at the old name. He still wasn’t terribly fond of Spike, but he’d grown used to him over the years. Buffy had told him about her and Spike not long after she’d become pregnant. He’d come down for the wedding, and then later after their first child had been born. He’d made himself scarce after that though. Losing Connor had made it that much more difficult to watch Spike with his own family, to know what he’d done, what he’d given up in order to have them. He had gone to the ends of the earth and beyond, and he had gotten his reward. Looking at the grave, however, made Angel wonder what kind of reward it had been, to have her, and then lose her. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.

“Me too.”

“How did it happen?” he asked.

Spike hesitated, and then replied, “The kids needed a sitter and she wanted to go out on patrol. She told me to stay behind and watch them. She worried about me, y’know. Should have bloody well been with her.”

“Perhaps you both would be dead if you were,” Angel replied, offering absolution.

The two stood silently then for the longest time, as the moon rose and set and dawn stretched its thin fingers into the sky. Angel was about to announce his leaving when Spike spoke again. “We’re the last, you know.”

“The last what?” Angel asked, his tone faintly amused.

Spike turned to face him. “The last completely screwed up vampires,” he replied. Rolling his eyes, he amended, “The last of our family, you git.”

“Oh.” Angel wasn’t sure what to say in reply to that. He figured on coming to Sunnydale, saying his farewells, and never coming back. He didn’t have any thoughts of recovering any kind of family.

Spike’s hand was gentle on his arm, and Angel wasn’t sure he ever remembered them being gentle with one another. “It hurts, I know, to lose what you’ve always wanted and never really could have. But Buffy loved you, in her own way.” He very nearly smiled at the shock on Angel’s face. Perhaps it was ten years and two kids with her that had enabled him to say that. “You haven’t met Liam yet. Why don’t you come back with me? Kids would love to see a friend of their mum’s.”

Angel stared at him. “You’ve changed.”

“She put me back together.”

Angel sighed and looked at the rapidly lightening sky. “She was like that.”

“C’mon, mate,” Spike said, putting an arm on his grandsire’s shoulder. “You can catch a few winks on the couch before the moppets are up to pester you.” As Spike led him back to the house on Revello Drive, he couldn’t help but realize that he was still doing what Liz had taught him, what Buffy had shown him, all those years ago. He was still putting people back together, still offering comfort. And he would continue to do so until he was dust beside Buffy. There were a lot of ways to save the world.