After Dawn

Season8, episode 5
Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Acknowledgments: Many thanks to Mel D for beta reading this episode.

Buffy was the first one downstairs, which meant she had to make breakfast - not a task she relished. On Buffy breakfast mornings everyone got cereal, this morning would be no different.

Buffy had started to put out bowls and cut up fruit when Fred came bounding down the stairs.

"Mornin.'"

"Good morning. Frosted or Marshmallow?"

"Frosted."

Buffy handed Fred a box of cereal and continued to cut strawberries.

"Thanks for lettin' me stay here," Fred said.

"No problem. Stay as long as you want."

"Really? I'm not imposin'?"

"I once shared a three bedroom house with a small army; I think I can handle one more house guest."

"Good, I was hoping I could stay maybe just another week and see more of the countryside."

"Is that the only reason you want to stay?" Buffy said, turning around to eye her.

"Oh, and, you know, you guys are great." Fred said, clearly holding something back.

Buffy looked back at Fred's nervous pose. It was so cute the way Fred and Willow seemed to honestly believe they were being discrete. "Especially Willow," Buffy said returning to her task.

"Yeah, Willow's great," Fred said blushing slightly at the familiar tickle that started whenever she thought about Will.

Buffy knew she should stay out of it, let them figure things out at their own pace, but their own pace was so slow. "So, ever dated a woman before?"

Fred fumbled the cereal box she was pouring and sent and arch of yellow horse shoes, green clovers and assorted other charms across the floor.

"No then?" Buffy said as she went to get the broom.

"Um, no," Fred stammered and got up to help clean up the mess.

"No, you sit, I'll take care of it," Buffy said and started sweeping.

Fred took a moment to calm herself. "Is it really obvious?" she finally asked.

"Yes, very."

"Do you think she..." Fred began.

"Definitely."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. No one’s judging here," Buffy said.

"I know, it's just... This is so new and .... I don't know what I'm doing."

"Sure you do. It's just like when you're interested in a guy, only without the bother of contraceptives,” Buffy said.

"I guess. But, don't you think it's weird. I mean, if her mind hadn’t been messed with she might not even look at me."

"Nope, she liked you before she lost her memory."

"Really?"

"Yes. Look, Willow's memory loss is just something that is,” Buffy said, dumping the cereal in the trash. “There's nothing we can do."

"Ok. But, if she really wanted to date wouldn't she you know, ask?"

"Except that she thinks you're straight."

"Oh, well I can see how she would think that seeing as how I thought I was straight."

"I think you're going to have to make the first move," Buffy said.

Fred looked terrified at the prospect. "Right, I can do that."

"Do what?" Willow said as she walked into the kitchen.

"Sweep," Fred said and grabbed the broom from Buffy.

An hour later Dawn entered as Willow and Fred left, their hands brushing against each other.

“Hey, what’s for breaky?” Dawn asked.

“Sugary marshmallow goodness,” Buffy replied handing Dawn the Lucky Charms.

“As a mother figure you kinda suck.”

“Well if her highness wants eggs and bacon she can cook them herself.”

“Suddenly the green clovers seem like a culinary masterpiece,” Dawn replied pouring herself a bowl. “So Willow and Fred still mooning over each other?”

“Actually I sort of gave Fred a nudge.”

“Really? I hope they get together. They’re like the cutest couple since…” Dawn tried to think of something to say other than Willow and Tara. “umm, Jennifer and Brad.”

Buffy smiled sadly, knowing exactly what Dawn had been thinking. “Yeah, anyway, how’s school?”

“Fine.”

“Just fine?”

“What exactly do you expect in response to that question?

“I don’t know. It just seems like something that a parental figure should ask.”

“You’re doing fine.”

“Thanks.”

Dawn and Buffy turned their attention to their cereal and ate in silence for a few minutes.

“It’s weird isn’t it?” Dawn finally said.

“The success of someone as wholly uncharismatic as Madonna?” Buffy said turning the pages of her magazine.

“Yes, but no. I mean Tara just doesn’t exist anymore, at least not to Willow.”

“Yes, but we got Anya back.”

“I know. I just…”

“What?” Buffy asked looking up.

“Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I hadn’t been made. Or if Willow had turned me back. If she had – would you even remember me?”

“Of course I would.”

“You don’t know that.”

“We don’t even know if she had the power to change you back,” Buffy replied, not entirely comfortable with this line of reasoning.

“Sure she could. Things tend toward their natural state – like the two Xanders. I’m not part of the natural state, not real. It’d be easy, just a clap of the hands.”

“No Dawn. You’re part of the world. Ok?” Buffy said. “Once you’re real you can’t become unreal again. It lasts forever.”

“And if it’s true in a children’s book it must be true in life.”

Buffy rolled her eyes and replied, “I know you’re real.”

“I don’t.”

“Dawnie-”

“Hey campers,” Xander said entering the kitchen. “Oh Buffy’s cooking. Count Chokula, just like mom used to make,” Xander said getting himself a bowl. “So what’s up?”

“Nothing,” Dawn said and hurried out.

All day long Fred had tried to contrive a reason to be alone with Willow. But the gang had been pretty tight most of the day. They'd been working on the Cemtaur problem, researching him, charting his movements, making fun of his name, trying to figure out what his Wootang name would be. Those last two had mainly been Xander and Dawn. Even with Buffy's help Fred hadn't been able to get Willow alone.

When evening came and everyone parted ways Fred was left standing in the library, torn. Part of her thought it was no big deal; she'd have a chance to talk to Willow tomorrow, or the next day. The other part, the part that had been growing stronger everyday since leaving Pylea took over and strode purposefully toward Willow’s apartment. At the door timid Fred took over and had to be cajoled into knocking.

‘Don't be such a baby, you know she likes you,’ Strong Fred said.

‘Yes, but that's only cause she doesn't know me that well,’ Timid Fred replied.

‘That's a ridiculous excuse and you know it. Knock.’

Fred's hand shot out and rapped on the door before she could stop herself.

"Come in," Willow called from outside.

Fred slowly pushed the door open and entered.

"Hello, I'm not straight," she blurted out.

Willow choked on her toothpaste stared at her wide-eyed.

"Sorry, that was a little sudden and weird. Maybe I'll just go," Fred said and turned to go.

"Whht. Jusmin," Willow mumbled and ran to the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste.

"Don't go," she said returning to the living room. "Here, sit down." Willow pulled Fred away from the door and sat her down on the couch. "I'm glad that you're- you know - not straight."

Fred smiled and giggled a little in relief. "Good. God it's so good to have that out."

"I know,” Willow replied. “So this is a new revelation?"

"Yes. You're the first girl I've ever - you know. Except, now that I think back there may have been others. It's all a little confusin’."

"I know," Willow replied. Inwardly she was giddy. She’d never been anyone's first. Not Oz, not Kennedy, she was always the less experienced one. "You should totally feel free to ask me anything. I'll tell you everything you need to know."

Fred turned a bit and really looked at Willow for the first time. She was wearing a flimsy camisole that revealed everything and her drawstring pants hung low, showing a little bit of belly.

"What if I'd rather not be told so much as shown?" Fred asked, then gaped at her boldness and turned back to face straight ahead.

Willow smiled and reached out to turn Fred's head back toward her and gently kissed her.

Meanwhile Buffy was having a decidedly less pleasurable patrol. She couldn’t stop thinking about what Dawn had said earlier and how she could convince her that she was just as real as any of them.

The air got warmer as she turned the corner to pass through the Shady Hill gates. She was greeted by the familiar head stones, good old Alpert. As she neared the Van Elton crypt four vampires came out from behind it and rushed toward her.

She was momentarily taken aback by their Cirque du Soliel-reject apparel but quickly sprung into action. She spun and kicked the first one to the ground and stepped aside while holding out her right stake to quickly end the second one. Before he had even burst into dust she was spinning to catch the third with the small sword in her left hand.

When the second and third were dust she turned to face the last vamp. He shifted out of game face and stepped backward. “Hey, just doin’ my job, no need to,” he said in a thick Irish accent. Before Buffy could answer the first attacker lunged at her from behind. She quickly bent at the waist and tossed him over her back and reached out to stake him before he even hit the ground.

“What were you saying?” she asked the remaining vamp. But he was gone.

As she turned onto Revello drive Buffy was struck by an unsettling feeling of familiarity, which was to be expected, it was after all her house. But this was different; it was like she was returning to the house after a very long time. She pushed the feeling aside and opened the door.

“Mom, you still up?” she called.

“I’m in the kitchen,” Joyce replied.

As she walked toward the kitchen she turned to look at her favorite picture of her mother her lying on her bed, “Hey, what smells so good?” Buffy called.

“Quesadillas. I thought you might be hungry after patrol so I whipped some up.”

“Thanks,” Buffy replied while helping herself to the cheesy goodness.

“So how was the slaying?”

“Good. There’s a new vampire cult in town.”

“Interesting,” Joyce said leaning on the kitchen island. “So tell me, how do you distinguish just a regular group of vamps from a “cult”?” Joyce asked.

Buffy smiled. She loved it when her mom tried to be involved in the slaying. At least she loved it from a distance. Questions about slaying – healthy interest in child’s extracurricular activities. Showing up on patrol – violent death waiting to happen.

“Easy. The cults wear funny clothes.”

“Oh, interesting. I wasn’t aware that there were different vampire cultures. I wonder – do they have distinctive pottery and textile styles?”

“They’re not really into the arts and crafts mom.”

“Right, of course not. Well, I should turn in. Big day at the gallery tomorrow.”

“Ok. I think I’ll sack it too. I have my early poetry class.”

“Speaking of class, you gonna graduate any time soon?”

“Hey, I’ve had a lot of constraints on my time.”

“I know, I know. Just – before you turn thirty ok?”

As she came to, Dawn felt the unsettlingly familiar sensation of her arms in chains.

“Wha, what? Where am I?” she yelled as she yanked at her restraints.

“Hello Dawnie,” a voice replied beside her.

Dawn turned quickly to look at the ugliest demon she’d ever seen. And that was saying a lot. “What are you?” she said shrinking back as far as she could in the chains.

“Your savior.”

“Really? Do the Christians know about this? Cause they’re gonna be so stoked to know you’re back.”

“Not humanity’s savior. I wouldn’t expend my energies on such pathetic creatures.”

“I’m - I’m human. I’m a pathetic creature.”

“Come now. You know better than that. You are so much more,” he said reaching out to stroke her hair.

“No. I don’t work, or I did, but the door closed.”

“Dawnie-do. That was the pathetically small minded vision of a god with delusions of grandeur. You can be so much more, are so much more.”

“Great. Very inspiring. You know my sister’s going to kill you right?”

The demon smiled in response. “How do you feel Dawnie?”

“Stop calling me that. And fine, my arms are getting a little numb-“

“Just your arms?” he said, still grinning.

“We-well,” Dawn began. Her face fell as she realized the rest of her body was numb too. “What did you do to me?”

“It’s not what I did. It’s what I undid.”

Despite being exhausted and knowing she had early classes the next day Buffy was awake for another two hours, just lying in her bed fighting a general sense of unease. When she finally fell asleep she dreamt of a familiar looking girl walking through the cemetery. Buffy followed her but she was always just out of reach.

“Well from what you’re describing the cult seems to be Celtic in origin,” Giles said.

“Hhm,” Buffy replied distractedly as she looked around the Magic Box.

“They didn’t have tap shoes did they?” Xander asked. “Cause River dancing vamps…” Xander finished with a shudder.

“He’s intimidated by graceful men,” Anya confided. “That’s why he refuses to attend dance classes with me.”

“I didn’t stop out of fear. I stopped out of pride.”

“Well he’s not wrong about the pride thing,” Anya agreed. “But that’s ok honey, you have other gifts,” she said reaching out to pat his arm.

“Thanks An.”

“Hey Buffy, you ok?” Willow asked moving to stand next to her.

Buffy was a bit distracted by the snow globe she held in her hands, “Huh? I’m ok,” she said without looking away.

“Really? You seem – off.”

“No, I’m ok. I just think maybe I forgot something, or misplaced something. I don’t know.”

“Like-Dude where’s my stake?” Tara asked.

Everyone turned to look at her.

“Like the movie where they can’t find the car…” Tara said trailing off.

“No, I’m pretty sure I didn’t misplace my stake or the car I don’t own.”

“So you probably didn’t misplace your car keys either,” Xander offered.

“Yes,” Buffy said perking up. “No, not keys. Something more…important.”

“I think I may know what you’re missing,” Giles said.

“What?”

“Your attention span. Really Buffy I’m only here a few days at a time. I would think you would welcome this opportunity to avail yourselves of my expertise.”

“Yes, sorry Giles. Celts, they play basketball,” Buffy deadpanned.

“I think your sense of humor has gotten more appalling in my absence.”

“In your absence the sun doth not shine, the birds doth not sing and there is sadness in the land,” Xander concurred hanging his head and placing his hand on his chest.

“Thank you. Now, as I was saying, the most famous Irish vampire cult pledged allegiance to a powerful warlock named Maddock.”

“So this is bigger than just a big vamp family reunion?”

“Much. Maddock’s powers are legendary. There’s no telling what he’s capably of.”

“Yeah, one time he turned an entire forest into a boloney sandwich just for fun,” Anya offered.

“What’s fun about that?” Xander asked.

“What’s not?” Anya replied.

“Touché.”

“So we’re gonna need some powerful magic to beat him,” Tara said.

Everyone looked hesitantly at Willow and back at each other.

“Maybe I can help – I mean it’s been a while…” Willow offered meekly.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Giles replied.

Tara didn’t look like she fully agreed but said, “Mr Giles is right honey. I’ll work extra hard and you can do the research stuff. Don’t worry – we’ll beat him.”

“Ok, so what’s he here for?” Buffy asked.

“I don’t know but I’ll brush up on my Maddock lore,” Giles said.

“And I’ll hit the demon haunts,” Buffy said relieved to have something to occupy her mind.

“Too bad we dusted Spike,” Xander said. “This is the sort of thing he’d have the 711, 512? 41”

“411,” Anya said.

“Right he’d have that. Not that I was sad to see him go after the cattle prod incident and his psycho Buffy bot.”

“Spike,” Buffy said distantly.

“What?” Willow asked.

“Huh? Nothing. No one else feels … never mind. I’m gonna hit the bars.”

Tara watched her exit.

Buffy loved walking into Willy’s. Sure the place smelled like Fyarl piss most days but nothing beat the hushed murmur that spread through the room as she entered.

She walked up o the bar and put her stake down in front of her. The creature in the next chair was a Svengle demon. She turned to it and said, “I’ve recently developed a fascination with Celtic vampire cults,” and turned to walk out to the back alley.

She leaned against the wall and twirled her stake for a few minutes before Clem came out and leaned up against the wall beside her.

“The Danny Boy vamps work for a war horse,” Clem whispered conspiratorially.

Buffy turned to look at him, “War LOCK. Clem.”

“You sure? I heard War Horse.”

“What? How? And why? And were you dropped? Warlock, definitely. What I need is a location.”

“Fine, ‘Warlock.’ They like the docks, check there.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said, pushing off the wall and turning down the alley.

“Hey, hey, what about me?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy said continuing on.

“But, but-“ Clem said following after her. “That’s not fair. Come on – you’re the slayer. Aren’t you supposed to be on the side of justice and the highway.

Buffy came to an abrupt stop and turned to face Clem, “American way and I’m not Superman.”

“Clearly,” Clem replied and stopped.

Buffy stopped and turned to face him. “Ok. What do you have in mind?”

“Well I really-“

“NOT kittens.”

“I wasn’t going to say kittens.”

“Right.”

“I have a small ‘shark’ problem.”

“Clem,” Buffy said, exasperated. “I’m not running a protection service for demons.”

“Oh no, don’t think of it like that. He’s a menace. It’s your duty,” Clem said, then leaned in to whisper, “He eats babies.”

Buffy leaned in to reply, “He’s a vegetarian.”

“Yeah ok, so that was a lie but…”

“Look,” Buffy said, getting tired of the whole conversation. “Next time he tries to rough you up call me, but just once.”

“Ok, ok fine. Thanks,” Clem said and slapped Buffy on the shoulder, “Pal.”

That night Buffy patrolled the docks. Patrol had become less and less enjoyable over the last few months. Her friends almost never came along. They had lives after all, day jobs, school, significant others to curl up with. She knew if she asked they’d tag along, but what would be the point in making Xander work all day at the site then come out to troll the cemeteries? He wouldn’t enjoy it and the more they came out with her the more likely it was that they’d get seriously hurt or worse.

So, Buffy walked the docks alone.

Just ahead of her two vamps ducked behind a crate. She quickened her pace, rounded the corner after them and found herself face to fangs with forty vamps standing in front of a large warehouse. Their heads turned slowly in unison as they caught Buffy’s scent. She knew she couldn’t take that many – so she ran. She took off in the direction she came but was stopped by five grinning demonic faces.

“You’re not trying to get a look at the key are you?” one asked. “That’s not allowed.”

“Ah, no. Hate keys. How bout I just-” she said stepping back and bumping up against four vamps behind her.

“-fight,” she finished and whipped out her stake. She elbowed one of the vamps behind her and charged the five in front. She took out two in quick succession and moved on to the others but not before the ones behind her caught up and ripped her stake away. Reduced to fists and feet she struck out in every direction. She hit fast and hard but there were too many and she couldn’t beat them back long enough to make a break for it. She could feel her body tire and soon she was missing more punches than she was landing and taking more hits than she was blocking. She was barely aware of her knees hitting the floor. Then vamps continued to pummel her and her vision was blacking out when she realized how close they’d gotten to the edge of the dock. There were just a few vamps between her and the water. She summoned a last burst of strength and pushed through their legs and dove into the water.

A few vamps jumped in after her but in the murky water they could neither see nor smell her. ‘Thank God for off shore dumping,’ was her last coherent thought

Buffy was woken early the next morning by a blinding light and a truly foul stench. It took her a few moments to identify them as the sun and herself. “Oh this is the best morning ever,” Buffy said pulling herself up on her elbows and nearly passing out from the pain.

“You made them forget me?” Dawn whispered. The feeling in her body was still fading. She looked down at her shoes and could just barely make out the floor through her feet.

“No. I just made things the way they should be.”

“No one remembers…anything,” she said looking up.

“Dawn, don’t worry about such things. Soon you won’t remember anything either.”

“Why?” Dawn said, fear growing.

“You must feel it.”

She did. Dawn knew exactly what was happening, she just didn’t want to admit it. It wasn’t just her body that was fading.

“Your consciousness will be the last to go,” Maddock said as if presenting her with a gift.

Two hours later Buffy’d managed to hobble into the Magic Box.

“Oh my God, Buffy,” Anya cried. “You smell like a medieval Spanish outhouse. Uhgh,” she said pulling back in revulsion.

“Thanks Anya.”

“Well what do you expect? You’re driving the customers away.”

“I’m sorry that my near death experience has inconvenienced your business.”

“See, a little apology, that’s all I wanted,” Anya said with a smile.

Buffy nodded and continued past Anya and nearly collapsed into Xander’s arms.

“What happened?” he asked.

“Vamps, lots of vamps.”

“Oh my God,” Giles exclaimed as he entered from the back room. “Why are you limping?”

“And why haven’t you showered?” Anya asked.

“Broken ankle and broken arm,” Buffy replied collapsing into a chair.

“Maddock?”

“Yep. He’s got a warehouse by the docks and more followers than Cordelia has shoes.”

“He must be hiding something very important,” Giles said.

“Hm, interesting supposition,” Buffy said with mock thoughtfulness. “I think we should explore this further. But first, can someone help me shower?”

Xander quickly raised his hand. “Someone who’s not Xander,” Anya said quickly.

“Oh, oh, wait,” Buffy said. “One of the vamps said something about protecting the key.”

“The key to the warehouse?”

“Not likely.”

“Well we’ll research it. In the meantime I’ll call Tara to help you bathe and bandage that ankle.”

“They must be protecting something pretty powerful,” Tara said wincing at Buffy’s bruises.

“Yeah,” Buffy replied. She didn’t particularly want to talk about it.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it,” Tara said binding Buffy’s ankle. “It must have been so frightening.”

Buffy just looked back at her, eyes brimming with tears. “I thought I was going to die.”

“Oh Buffy,” Tara said gingerly putting her arms around her. “It’s ok. Next time we’ll be there. We’ll help.”

‘How?’ Buffy thought.

Buffy did her best to stride confidently into the magic box. This was somewhat hampered by her limp and the lingering bruises on her arms and face.

Giles, Xander, Anya and Willow were already there. As she entered they were suddenly engrossed in the books before them as they tried to avoid looking at her battered form.

“Hey guys. What’s up with the key?” Buffy asked as she and Tara sat down around the table.

“Uh, well it seems that the key is some sort of mystical energy with the power to unlock dimensional portals,” Willow said.

“So Maddock wants to open up a hell dimension and let the baddies in?”

“Possibly, though I’m not sure what he’d gain from that, besides chaos,” Giles replied.

“Maybe he thinks they’ll reward him,” Anya said, “let him sleep in the Lincoln bedroom or make him ambassador to France.”

“Or, hey,” Willow offered. “Maybe he’d get power out of the deal.”

“Regardless, it is imperative that we stop him,” Giles said.

“Right,” Buffy agreed. “So, no one else feels weird? Like maybe we’ve forgotten something? Someone?” Buffy asked.

Everyone looked around. “Um, no,” Willow said.

“You’re still on that?” Anya asked. “You’re not going to have another breakdown are you?”

“Um, no. I think perhaps…” Giles began.

“I’m a nut job,” Buffy said.

“I was going to go with under a bit of stress,” Giles replied.

“Which is Giles for nut job,” Anya translated.

“Right. Well I guess we should plan our attack on Maddock. Xander?” Buffy said looking down at the table.

“One warehouse blueprint, one map of the sewers and a hearty thanks to the city’s incredibly lax security,” Xander said, pulling out big rolls of paper and laying them on the table.

Buffy surveyed the maps. “We’re going to need more details.”

“Well with your ankle broken I really don’t think you should go back for recon,” Willow said.

“It’s fine,” Buffy replied. “Tara did a pain relief slash healing thingy. I’m fine.”

“But it’s not one hundred percent,” Tara quickly added. “I’m not powerful enough to just “poof” fix it. You shouldn’t be running around on it.”

“Tara’s right. I can go,” Willow said.

“Not alone,” Xander objected.

“Neither of you are going. If the vamps corner you you’ll be helpless,” Buffy said.

“Well then we won’t let them corner us,” Xander replied.

“It’s a warehouse and there may be hundreds of them.”

“Against those odds you wouldn’t fare much better,” Willow said.

“But I can take a beating and flee, a few good punches could kill either of you.”

“That’s the plan?” Xander exclaimed. “Hope for the best and if all else fails get beaten nearly to death?”

“Look – I’ll be more careful this time I won’t let myself get trapped. And you guys can be waiting nearby to bail me out.”

“Alright, but we’ll be very close,” Willow said.

“Buffy you’ll need someone who can do magic,” Tara blurted out. “I’ll come.”

“Tara…”

“No, Maddock is too powerful. I can at least do some simple counter spells to keep us out of harm’s way if things go wrong.”

Buffy looked to Willow for some sign. Willow nodded.

“Ok. Tara and I will be the front line. You guys stay back. Remember this is only recon.”

While the rest of the gang got ready, Giles pulled Buffy aside.

“Buffy could we speak for a moment?” Giles asked in his I-have-something-dreadful-to-say voice.

“Sure,” Buffy answered with her I-don’t-want-to-hear-it-but-I-suppose-there’s-no-escape shrug.

Giles led Buffy into the training room and gestured for her to sit on the couch and sat silently beside her.

“Giles? Giiiles…” Buffy called silently.

“Hmm? Yes.”

“Yes, hmm...” Buffy mimicked.

“Have you? Have your dreams – changed?”

“Sure. I’ve stopped showing up for high school quizzes unprepared and started forgetting to turn in college papers.”

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Giles snapped. “Be serious.”

“Giles, what the hell is going on?”

“If you – this is wholly unprecedented,” Giles stammered.

“You say that a lot.”

“You, you know you’ve been the longest lived slayer for some time now.”

“Yes, we had that party with the pony and the psycho demon clown who tried to kill Xander.”

“Right, that was - unfortunate.”

“The pony was fun though.”

“The point is … You see… There has been speculation… Well, actually there have been a number of papers written about it. I could get some if you like.”

“Papers on what Giles?”

Giles sighed and wiped his glasses. It was so Giles, it’d be funny if he didn’t look so – guilty.

“Giles.”

Giles took a breath and dove in, “It has been speculated by some that the stress, both mental and physical that slayers are required to endure might possibly in the long run cause – problems. I’m not saying this is what’s going on. But this coupled with the other ‘episode’…”

Giles continued to speak but Buffy didn’t hear him. Buffy sat back in the couch and looked up at the ceiling. It’s not like it was a great shock. She knew she was – off. She knew normal girls didn’t wake up screaming. Normal girls enjoyed life – really enjoyed it. Deep down they didn’t see every person as another responsibility, another burden. Normal girls didn’t pause while shaving their legs and imagine the blade running along their wrists, a thick red line rising up after it.

She knew she was broken, but it came as a surprise that anyone could tell. She thought she was rather good at playing the part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, daughter, student, friend, savior of the world.

“You mean,” she finally said. “It’s driving me mad.”

“Possibly – yes. Have you…Do you…?”

“Do I think I’m crazy?” Buffy paused a long while before answering, “maybe.” She felt her throat tighten and her chin tremble – but there were no tears.

“I’m sorry. Perhaps we could find a therapist and you know you can always talk to me, right?”

“I know,” Buffy answered quietly and got up and left.

Giles sat back and wondered what things would have been like if he hadn’t insisted... If he’d just let her be... Or told her to run, run and hide somewhere the council couldn’t find her. Hell on earth, undoubtedly. It had seemed like such an easy equation before. One girl for the whole world – bargain. But in that moment, remembering the look on her face and the quiver in her voice, he’d have chosen hell.

“Bravo CNN to Bravo TNT,” Xander said into his cell phone.

“Bravo TNT here. We are in position,” Buffy replied.

Buffy breathed deeply in a futile attempt to calm herself. Of all her friends Tara was the one she least trusted to look after herself. It wasn’t that she was inept or weak, rather that she lacked the cruelty it took to look on another creature and cause it pain, even if said creature was trying to kill you. There was no room for hesitation in battle. You couldn’t feel compassion, compassion made you soft and softness made you dead. But there Tara was, beside her in a battle where they were ridiculously outnumbered.

“Is the shield spell up?”

“Yeah. It’s not 100%,” Tara explained for the twelfth time. “They’ll still see us.”

“They just won’t notice us as easily – got it,” Buffy concluded.

“So what’s the plan?” Tara asked with equal parts anxiety and excitement. She was never on the front line, or if she was it was with Willow. Here she was, with Buffy, and lots of vamps. Lots and lots of vamps.

Just then three walked out of the shadows and toward the warehouse door. They were carrying a struggling body.

“What’s that?” Tara asked.

Buffy squinted and looked closer, “Clem.” Just what the scenario needed – a hostage.

“Well first – we’re going to need to rescue Clem,” she said and leapt down from crate to crate till she hit the ground level running and shouting “Put down the demon.”

The vamps turned and looked confused for a moment, as if they couldn’t identify the source of the voice.

“At least the spell is working,” Buffy thought.

The confusion quickly dissipated and the vamps dropped Clem and ran toward her.

For a moment she flashed to the last attack, the fear, the overwhelming pain flooded her mind. But she snapped out of it in time to punch the first Vamp flat on his back. She pulled two stakes out and took out the other two before they could land a blow. As they burst into dust she blew their remains off her stakes and said, “Still got it.”

“Oh boy am I glad to see you,” Clem said looking up at her from the floor.

“Good to see you too,” Buffy said bending down to untie his hands and feet. “Come on, we need to get out of here before anymore come out.”

“Okie dokie – but um, what about him?” he said, gesturing toward the vamp on the ground.

Tara looked up from “Defensive Spells for the Hopelessly Outgunned” to see Buffy coming toward her with Clem and a body in tow.

“What’s that?” she asked.

“Hostage. Can you do a truth spell?”

“Ah, sure.”

“All in all a successful mission, I’d say,” Xander proclaimed as he surveyed the Magic Box, feeling utterly useless. Buffy was keeping the vamp subdued while Tara performed the truth spell. Willow was questioning Clem and Giles was engrossed in some research-y thing that he refused to talk about.

“Come on, I won’t tell. I’m way better at secrets than the rest of them.”

“No,” Giles replied.

“Is it bigger than a bread box?” Xander asked.

“Xander.”

“Animal, vegetable or demon?”

“Please go bother someone else,” Giles said wearily.

“Fine, but you’d better hope you don’t need any tiling done,” Xander said and shuffled over to Willow and Clem.

“They were questioning you about the slayer?” Willow asked.

“Yeah, Buffy,” Clem said between bites of Xander’ roast beef sandwich. “Hey thanks man,” he said looking up at Xander. “Getting kidnapped sure works up an appetite.”

“Yeah, I’ve noticed that too,” Xander replied. “So what exactly did they ask you about Buffy?”

“You know, stuff about her mental state.”

“What kind of stuff?” Willow asked thinking of Buffy’s bizarre insistence that something was missing.

“They wanted to know if she was asking about a girl.”

“What girl?”

“That’s the thing – they kept saying girl but they kept meaning sister.”

“What do you mean ‘meaning’?”

“They were lying. They said girl but thought sister.”

“You can read minds?” Willow asked, recoiling as if she could get out of range.

“No. I can’t just look around inside your head. It’s like – when someone lies I get this

flash of what they’re trying not to say. They don’t even have to be lying – just saying one thing and thinking another.”

“Wow, I had no idea that your species could do that.”

“We don’t like to advertise it,” Clem said. “Oh, hey you won’t tell anyone, right? If my

Poker buddies knew…”

“I understand. Don’t worry.”

“This all fascinating,” Xander interrupted. “But can we go back to sister? Who’s sister? Buffy doesn’t have a sister.”

Clem shrugged and went back to the sandwich.

Inside Willow’s head things were coming together in a familiar “it can’t be - but it makes sense” way.

“Buffy,” she called, eyes focused in the distance. “Where’s your sister?”

Buffy was preoccupied with holding the vamp’s mouth open while Tara tentatively placed herbs in its mouth. “Um, at home I hope, it’s a school night.”

Willow turned to look at her, eyes wide. “Buffy…”

Buffy turned to her as she realized what she’d said. Her grip loosened and the vamp bit her hands. “Ow,” she cried and grabbed the herbs from Tara and shoved them down its throat. She looked over at Giles who looked a bit horrified.

“No,” she said quickly. “I’m not crazy. I’m not. She’s missing. I know it. This is real. I have a sister and she’s missing.”

Xander was having trouble keeping up. “Ok. Why don’t any of the rest of us remember her?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy replied.

Willow walked over to her. “We’ll work it out, ok? I believe you. You’re not crazy.”

Buffy looked to Giles.

“Well, yes I suppose some sort of spell could have… We should look into how this may be related to Maddock.”

Buffy nodded gratefully.

An hour later they’d gotten a description of the warehouse defenses out of the vamp and were planning their attack. All the while Buffy tapped her foot nervously. Figuring out what was missing had only exacerbated her unease. She couldn’t bear the thought that they might not make it in time.

“Ok,” she summarized. “Tara and I will sneak in through the sewer entrance. You three watch the warehouse with the infrared surveillance and keep us appraised of their movements. Anya will be here,” Buffy said pointing at the map, “doing the magic inhibiting spell.”

“Not that it’ll help,” Anya said for the fourth time. “Maddock’s too powerful..”

“Try,” Buffy replied. “Ok, let’s go.”

Buffy and Tara made it into the warehouse without incident. The cloaking spell kept them from being detected as they made their way toward Maddock’s office.

“Bravo TNT, What’s Maddock’s status?” Buffy whispered into her walkie talkie.”

Outside Xander looked at the screen and watched in horror as a green blip appeared behind Tara and Buffy, “Uh, behind you.”

Buffy whirled around and recoiled at the sight of Maddock’s deformed face.

“Tara, run,” Buffy said.

Tara took off in the direction of the office. Not quite what Buffy had in mind.

“Tara run,” Buffy’s voice cracked over the walkie talkie.

“I’m going in,” Willow said getting up.

Xander grabbed her arm and looked her in the eye. “Be careful.”

“Tara? Tara what are you doing here?” Dawn called as Tara entered the room.

Tara walked hesitantly toward the glowing green light. “Are you the um key?”

If Dawn still had a body her shoulders would have slumped. She fought down the tears and said, “Yes.”

“I’m Tara and I’ve come to put you back,” Tara said. She was having a hard time concentrating. Strange images kept flashes into her mind. A goddess named Glory? Buffy’s funeral? Where was this coming from?

“Dawn?” she finally said.

“You remember?”

“Yeah, I just… It’s all coming back. There’s a whole other reality running parallel to my memories. It’s so weird.”

“Welcome to my world.”

“It’s the same for you?”

“Yeah, except I’m starting to lose things. I don’t remember the early stuff.”

“Oh Dawnie I’m so sorry. I’m gonna fix this. I know how to fix this,” Tara said putting her bag on the floor and taking out spell supplies.

Relief washed over Dawn for a brief moment, but it was followed swiftly by terror. “Will everything go back?”

“Yeah,” Tara said distractedly. “If I do everything right it’ll be like this never happened. Only people who were in the space of the spell will remember anything.”

“No you can’t,” Dawn blurted out.

“I think I can,” Tara said wiping the sweat off her palms. “I’m sure I can.”

“No, I mean you don’t want to.”

“Sure I do. We need you back; we need to put the world right.”

“But this world is better. Stop Maddock but don’t turn me back.”

“Dawn, Buffy misses you. The world misses you. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.”

“No Tara. The other world is the one that’s wrong. The monks messed things up.”

“Is it awful? The other world?” Tara asked, visions of biker demons flooded her head. “Was there actually an apocalypse?”

“No. Lots of things and some geeks tried.”

“The trio?” Tara said.

“Yeah.”

“They tried that here too.”

“Yeah but it wasn’t the same in this reality,” Dawn replied.

“But they were defeated right?” Tara said trying to call up the memories. “So things were ok.”

“No, not ok at all,” Dawn said. The weirdest thing about being non corporeal was having the urge to cry but no tear ducts. “You died,” she finally whispered. “Warren shot you.”

Tara had a sudden flash of blood spraying across Willow’s shirt. “Right,” she said distractedly. “But… but that doesn’t change…”

“Doesn’t change what?” Dawn asked. “It changes everything.”

Tara looked down at her hands and back up at Dawn. “It doesn’t change that – that you belong and I don’t,” she paused for a moment. “Umm, Willow?”

Dawn wasn’t sure what Tara was asking but she answered, “She’s alive. She’s ok. I mean she misses you. She mourned a long time but she’s ok now.”

Tara was increasingly confused. It was so clear before – she actually missed the performance anxiety. It was better than the pressure of choosing between two worlds.

“You remember don’t you? Buffy dying, the resurrection. You can’t put her through that again. She’s happy now.”

“No she’s not. She wants you back. She misses you.”

“She can’t miss me, she doesn’t even remember me. I was never really real.”

“Well she does. She doesn’t remember having a little sister, or what you looked like but she remembers that she loves you.”

Dawn was overcome with the desire to hug her sister again, but she pushed the feelings aside. “She’ll get over it. Please Tara, just go. Help Buffy defeat Maddock and hand me off to some priests or turn me into a bicycle pump.”

“So you’re the big ugly,” Buffy said.

“Look who’s talking,” Maddock replied looking at Buffy’s bruises.

Buffy noticed and replied. “This is nothing. Certainly not going to keep me from kicking your ass.”

Maddock raised his arm and chanted.

Buffy stood and yawned.

A look of horror passed over his face.

“No magic, no weapons. Mano a – thing. D’ya think you can take me?” Buffy taunted.

Maddock scowled and struck out. Buffy easily dodged the punch and kicked in one knee.

Maddock staggered and dropped.

“Not so powerful without your tricks and minions are you?” Buffy said.

Maddock opened his mouth to call for help. Buffy slugged him.

“This won’t help her you know,” he said, blood welling in his mouth. “She’s not real. She’ll never be real.”

Rage welled up and Buffy spun around and kicked his head clean off.

“She’s real,” Buffy said to the space where his head had been.

The head rolled across the floor and stopped at Willow’s feet. Willow looked up at Buffy. “So, everything’s under control?”

Tara sat down to think. She tried to make a mental pro/con list but all she came up with was ‘I’m dead. Shot dead. Never see Willow again. Never, talk to Xander. Never hug Dawn-‘ Her thoughts were interrupted by Buffy and Willow bursting into the room.

“How’s the spell?” Buffy called out, bolting the door behind her.

Tara twisted around to look up at them, tears streaming down her face.

“What is it baby?” Willow said rushing toward her. “You can’t do it?”

“I- I’m not sure,” Tara said trailing off and looking back at Dawn.

“Don’t let her do it,” Dawn cried.

Willow and Buffy were both startled by the talking green light. “If she does it she’ll be dead and Buffy too… but not permanently.”

“Dawn?” Buffy said hesitantly as snippets of memories flooded her head.

“Oh my God,” Willow said stepping backward as she too remembered the other history.

“Tara – and I… I f-flayed … I killed. Oh my God. I’m gonna be sick.”

Tara got up to wrap her arms around Willow. “It’s ok. Whatever happened, it’s ok.”

Buffy continued to stare at the light formerly known as her sister.

“Did you get Maddock?” it asked.

“Yeah, he’s dead,” Buffy replied.

“Ok then,” Dawn said relieved and frightened. “No reason to change me back then. Just lock me away somewhere. And don’t worry, I’m still fading. I won’t even have consciousness soon.”

The way she was talking, it was like she was telling Buffy her weekend plans, like it was nothing. “No,” Buffy replied.

Willow turned to her and pulled away from Tara. “No?”

“Willow-“

“No? You know what happens – you remember it too. I can see it in your eyes. You saw and you still want that world back? How selfish can you be?”

“Willow I’m sorry-“

“Sorry? Tara dead, your mother dead, ultimate evil hunting little girls – But you get your sister back and it’s all worth it?!”

“I think that,” Buffy began, knowing it was a lie already. She didn’t think anything. She just felt, “this world isn’t meant to be.”

“Who gives a flying monkey whether it’s meant to be,” Willow yelled. “It is.”

“Willow,” Tara began but was cut off by a flick of Willow’s wrist.

“Maddock made this world,” Buffy began.

“Well praise Maddock.”

“It’s not right.”

“I don’t care. Tara is here, everything is better. I’m better.”

“She’s right,” Dawn agreed. “Just let me go.”

“No,” Buffy shouted at her. “I know, ok. I know this world is better. I know but-“

“You’re too selfish to give up Dawn. Just like in the other reality. You’d watched everyone die before you’d hurt her.”

“No I wouldn’t, and we’re not talking about the end of the world.”

“No just the end of my world,” Willow said, her eyes going black. “I won’t let you hurt Tara,” she said in a familiar tone.

Buffy was frightened, genuinely ‘scared-for-your-life’ frightened. She didn’t know how to fight Willow, not without a magic blocker which evidently wasn’t working in the office. She didn’t know what to do. Could she duck behind something? Would that even help? Buffy watched in horror as Willow raised her arms and started to chant.

“Pwalanan Sca-“

Willow suddenly stopped speaking, swayed slightly and collapsed revealing Tara. She stood there looking down at Willow, eyes blazing. “You do not do spells on me.”

As relieved as Buffy was that Willow was out of the picture, she was beginning to think that a pissed off Tara wasn’t much of an improvement.

“It’s not that I don’t care about you. I love you,” Buffy hastened to explain.

“It’s ok. I know,” Tara said calming down. “This isn’t right. I have to do the spell.”

“No,” Dawn cried. “Buffy’s just being selfish, you know how she is.”

“No Dawnie. I have to,” Tara said. “And not for Buffy and not because this world is more real,” she continued walking toward Dawn. “I love you. I don’t want my life at the expense of yours and I know your mother feels the same way.”

“No, I’m nothing. I’m not worth this,” Dawn said, voice cracking.

“You’re worth it to me,” Tara replied setting out the ingredients.

“Can I help?” Buffy asked. Buffy and Tara worked together in silence and sat down to do the spell. She looked at Tara, soft, loving Tara. Buffy’d been right. Tara was too soft. And that softness would kill her. But it wasn’t just her weakness. It was also her strength.

“Will we remember this? Buffy asked.

“Only the people who entered the space of the spell.”

“So, Willow?”

Tara lowered her head and selected a small flowered herb. She held it in her hand and whispered, “Forget,” then handed it to Buffy. “Put this somewhere in her room, somewhere she won’t find it.”

Tara raised her arms and began chanting. The words came faster and faster and her body began to shake.

Buffy looked on anxiously as Tara began to convulse. She didn’t know what to do so she grabbed Tara’s hand and suddenly felt the strength pulled from her body.

With a final pull Tara raised her arms higher and shouted the last words of the spell.

And Buffy was back in the London cemetery, her hand empty. She could still feel the warmth of Tara’s skin pressed against hers and she paused to remember before racing back home.

“Dawn! Dawnie!” she shouted as she entered the building. Dawn came running down the stairs and met her at the bottom. They flung their arms around each other and held tight.

“Oh Dawnie I missed you. God I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Dawn sobbed.

“Everything’s ok now.”

Dawn thought of all they’d given up and fought back tears to reply, “Yeah, everything’s ok.”

Later, as Buffy ripped up a corner of Willow’s carpet and placed the Lathe’s Bramble underneath and carefully to smoothed it back into place, Willow continued to sleep.