Of Monsters and Men

Season 8, Episode 15

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my shining new laptop.

Acknowledgements: Many thanks to Mel D for beta reading this episode.

“The blood sample belongs to a very sophisticated, highly intelligent demon named Cemtaur. He’s the last of his kind.” (from 8.03)

“So far his history is even vaguer than Glory’s - and more bizarre.” (from 8.10)

“I want the slayer.”

“Course,” Spike replied, trying to catch his breath. “Which one?”

“The Slayer,” Cemtaur replied. “The last true slayer.”

“Buffy,” Dawn said.

“No, Faith.” (from 8.12)

“That was stupid,” Spike replied.

“What? Losing my jacket? Sorry mom,” Buffy said as she walked past him and gingerly pushed over one of the demon corpses.

“Leaving yourself open like that,” Spike clarified. “I could have taken another couple of punches.”

Buffy shrugged, still intent on finding her jacket. “Love makes you do the wacky,” she replied. (8.14)

Spike looked at her back. She was completely still, peering down as if maybe her jacket was hiding among the carpet fibers. She was panicking, he could tell. This wasn’t a joyful declaration of love. This was a slip. True or false it was a slip that she regretted. “Love. Right, same way you’d react if Dawn was in danger. I get it,” Spike said calmly without taking his eyes off her.

Buffy began to nod. It was a fine out and it wasn’t like she’d never tell him – just not now. “Um…”

“Hey are you two coming?” Dawn said as she poked her head through the doorway.

Spike looked at Buffy. She glanced up at him, and then looked away. “Yeah,” Spike said. “Right behind you.”

The next day it was back to business as usual. Dawn went to school, pined over Stuart and went home. Anya read the newspaper. And Buffy artfully avoided her feelings. In the library Willow sat with her notes laid out before her but she didn’t read them, she just starred off into space, eyebrows furrowed.

“How now brown cow?” Xander asked.

“What?” Willow replied.

“Got your thinkin’ cap on I see. I won’t bother you. I just need some advice.”

“Never mix goat’s blood and eye of newt,” Willow answered absent mindedly.

“Ok,” Xander replied. “We’ll just skip the part where I ask why and while we’re at it – how you know this, and get right to my needing advice about Faith.”

“Cemtaur knew about Dawn,” Willow said.

“Right,” Xander replied. “The thing is, I kinda like her, in a way and-“

“Dawn!?” Willow exclaimed, finally snapping out of it.

“No, Faith.”

“Oh,” Willow replied. “She tried to strangle you.”

“Everyone says that like its important or something,” Xander muttered. “What was the Dawn thing?”

“Oh. Cemtaur knew about her blood, he knew how to use it, he knew more than we do about her.”

“Not hard.”

“I know, but how?”

“Tarot cards?” Xander offered.

“The only other person was Glory; she knew because she traveled between dimensions.”

“Maybe he’s a reject from hell too.”

“Maybe.”

Anya may have been reading at the level of a sixth grader but she wasn’t stupid. She saw the looks. She knew about the ‘training’ sessions and she was happy. Really happy. It was pleasing to her that Xander had someone. It would have been more pleasing if she had found someone first but still – she was happy. Very happy. So happy she couldn’t bear being in the same room with them. Which was hard, since they all lived in the same house.

“Watcha readin’?” Dawn asked.

“Want ads.”

“I thought you were working in the spells and records department.”

“I’m looking for a place to live,” Anya replied.

“You’re moving?” Dawn exclaimed.

“You didn’t expect me to live with my ex fiancé forever did you?”

“Well, no. But everyone lives here.”

“Yes,” Anya replied. “Everyone. Precisely my point.”

“Ok. Can I help scout apartments?”

“Will you pretend to be my reference?”

“Sure.”

“Ok then.”

“It’s been days. You still haven’t delivered on your promises.”

“Don’t worry,” Cemtaur replied as he stirred his cauldron.

“Your little despair spell barely slowed them down and it got us no closer to our objective. And what is this? A cauldron? Are you going to steam them to death?”

Cemtaur briefly turned his attention to his spell book before answering. “You have a pedestrian concept of time. What we are doing will last forever. A few extra days couldn’t matter less.”

“We will tell you what matters and what does not.”

Cemtaur calmly turned to look at him. “You are nothing without my power. You’d do well to remember that.”

He bowed his head ever so slightly. “Very well, what will this do?” he said, gesturing at the cauldron.

“This is a present for an old friend.”

While everyone else went back to their normal routine, Buffy went running. She never ran, not as exercise, but somehow it seemed like the thing to do. She ran til her legs went weak and her lungs were so tired she could barely force air in. And for a few minutes it helped. For a few minutes she was too tired to feel the crippling anxiety. But as soon as her breathing went back to normal it returned.

‘This is ridiculous,’ she thought. ‘He loves you, you love him. Just tell him. Be a man... or whatever.’

Buffy nodded in agreement with herself and turned back in the direction of the house.

The front door was open, casting a box of light in front of Spike. Buffy smiled. Was he waiting for her? Did he know what she wanted to tell him? He couldn’t. He didn’t, she realized as she drew closer and saw the look on his face. She continued slowly, not wanting to startle him.

“Spike,” she said softly.

He made no response.

“Um, what’s going on?”

Again nothing.

Buffy took two quick steps forward into the house and shut the door behind her.

“What the hell is going on?” she yelled and turned to look at him. “We don’t play chicken with sunlight.”

Spike turned his eyes to hers. They were completely empty.

“Where’d it go?” he whispered hoarsely.

“What?” Buffy asked.

“The spark.”

“WILLOW,” Buffy cried.

At his insistence Spike was wearing manacles at his wrists and ankles. The rest of the group stood around and watched as Willow nervously gather herbs and mutter to herself. Everyone looked a little wary, as visions of Angelus danced through their heads but Dawn was by far the worst. She was almost quivering and she gripped her stake so hard Buffy was afraid she’d puncture the skin.

“Hey,” Buffy said as she went to stand next to her.

“Hi.”

“Don’t worry. It’s Spike not Angel. You remember soulless Spike, right?” Buffy said, thinking of his face after Glory’s torture.

“Of course,” Dawn said, thinking of the bathroom wall.

“Besides, Willow can fix him.”

“Ok, I need to concentrate,’ Willow announced. “Everyone but Buffy out.”

“No,” Dawn said. “I’m staying. I have to protect Buffy.”

“I’ll be fine Dawn.”

“What if you can’t do it – like with Angel?”

“It’s training day. The house is filled with slayers,” Buffy said, glancing at Faith.

Faith nodded and replied, “He won’t get far. I promise.”

Dawn seemed comforted by this and allowed Faith to lead her out the door.

Buffy shut it behind them and turned to look at Willow. “So let’s get this soul train movin’.”

Willow opened her mouth to speak, then closed it and started again. “Souls are unique.”

Buffy nodded. “Like snowflakes. That’s beautiful. Come on – do the spell-y thing so we can track down whoever… Souls are unique.”

“The ensouling spell is generic but there are details – words I never understood that must be specific-“

“To Angel.”

“Right.”

“Didn’t much fancy a vow of celibacy anyway,” Spike interjected. “So how’s about a kiss before dying?”

“I’m not staking you.”

“Fine, get one of the girls to do it. Rona. Rona hates me.”

“No she doesn’t and we’re not killing a harmless creature,” Buffy replied.

“I’m not harmless.”

“No, you’re a viscous monster,” Buffy said patronizingly. She was a little alarmed at this turn of events but still nowhere near panicking. “Now, what about those trials? Where’s the soul demon?”

“Africa.”

“Right. I’ll book the flight,” Buffy said and turned to go.

When she was gone Spike turned to Willow. “You’ll do it, yeah? If she can’t.”

“Of course,” Willow replied with a nod. “Quick and painless.”

Buffy was in her living room rooting around an old duffle bag for her passport when she became aware of Giles standing in the doorway.

“May I come in?” he said.

“Sure,” Buffy replied and patted the couch beside her.

“You intend to endure the trials?” he asked, taking a seat.

“If I can, if it’s like – allowed.”

“It will be dangerous.”

“I like it when you state the obvious. It’s – I don’t know, comforting,” Buffy said with a smile.

“Buffy I understand that you want to help.”

Buffy nodded and continued to root through her bag. He wasn’t going to stop her. It was a moot point. Why bother explaining? Still, she wanted to. She wanted Giles to know.

“No,” Buffy replied, turning to look at him. “You don’t understand. How could you? You don’t know the order,” she said.

“The what?”

“The sequence… of my resurrection.”

Giles was a bit flummoxed. “Um, no.”

“Consciousness came first.”

Giles’ face fell as he realized what she was saying.

“I could feel it,” she continued. “This rotted corpse all around me. And the sensation of your body reforming is a hell of a lot more painful than you might imagine. Then, I was in a box and I had to claw my way out.”

“I know,” Giles said.

“No, you really don’t,” Buffy replied. “And even after- when I was out and cleaned up- Everything was so confusing. ‘Cause for you it had been months. For me it was…years, fifty maybe, I don’t know. A lot.”

“Buffy, I didn’t know,” Giles interjected.

“You didn’t ask. You just left because I wasn’t dealing the way you wanted me to,” Buffy continued, growing angry at the memories. “Well I’m sorry that I needed help and I’m sorry that I didn’t get over being ripped out of heaven fast enough for you.”

Giles was silent. He had no idea what to say. “It must have been horrible-” he began.

Buffy gave no appearance of having heard him. “And all the while. I could still feel it. I could still feel the corpse clinging to me. And do you know who was here?” she asked finally looking at Giles, “Telling me I was beautiful, telling me he loved me? Fucking up pretty colossally, yeah, but always trying to help?”

“Spike,” Giles said quietly.

Buffy nodded.

“Well I’m here now,” Giles finally said.

“I know,” Buffy said. “And I need you to back me on this.”

“Ok, here’s the thing,” Buffy said as she surveyed the slayers. “I have to go away for a few days.”

“Now?” Kennedy exclaimed. “With Cemtaur after Faith?”

“Yes now,” Buffy replied. “I know it’s not the best timing – and that’s probably the point–“

“What do you mean?” Chao An said hesitantly, still unsure of her English.

“It’s a distraction” Faith explained. “Attack Buffy’s guy – get her all cry-y and carry out your plan.”

“He’s not my-“ Buffy began.

“We know it’s a distraction and we’re just falling for it?” Kennedy exclaimed.

“We don’t have a choice,” Buffy replied.

“Yes we do – you could get your priorities straight,” Kennedy shot back.

“Her priorities are fine,” Rona said. “Her friend needs her and she’s helping.”

“Faith needs her too.”

“Whoa, when did I become little miss helpless?” Faith said indignantly. “I’m not afraid of Cemtaur and we’ve got an army of slayers. We’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say,” Kennedy muttered.

“What?” Faith asked.

“You’re a real slayer – you’re not going to get your power stripped away.”

“We don’t know that,” Faith replied.

“No we-“ Kennedy began.

“Enough,” Buffy yelled. “You’re all real slayers. You’re just as much slayers as we are and you’ll be fine without me.”

“What if they’re not ok without me?”

“We can handle it. I promise,” Dawn assured her.

“But if-“ Buffy began, but Dawn cut her off.

“Then we all get slaughtered and you come home to one hell of a mess.”

“Thanks. Comfort. That’s nice.”

“Go now. You’ll miss your plane.”

“Ok, right,” Buffy replied. She gave Dawn a quick peck on the cheek and headed toward the door.

“Oh, hey, Buffy,” Dawn called after her. “Where do we keep the hard alcohol?”

Buffy paused for moment, took a deep breath and called back, “In the cellar. Help yourself.”

An hour in the air and neither of them had said more than two words. “Nice plane,” Buffy finally said.

“Yeah, great,” Spike replied.

“So, Africa. That’s exciting.”

“Look, can we just not talk?”

Buffy fought the hurt look off her face and nodded. “Sure.”

“Thirty three. Thirty four,” Faith counted as Xander struggled through the third set of sit ups.

“Can I,” Xander huffed as he pulled himself up. “Stop now?”

“Have we reached a hundred?” Faith replied.

“Yes?” Xander answered hopefully.

“Ten more.”

“Five,” Xander countered.

“Seven,” Faith replied.

“Three.”

“You’re not very good at negotiating,” Faith said with an affectionate smile.

“Ok,” Xander said and pulled up again. “Ten,” he announced and struggled to stand up.

“I don’t have a high school diploma – but I’m not that dumb,” Faith said.

“You’re not dumb,” Xander replied. “How many people know how to make a cross bow out of a tree?”

“Good point. I’m a regular Einstein,” Faith replied. “You still cheated on your sit ups.”

“And cheaters only cheat themselves,” Xander said solemnly. “You really think you’re dumb?”

Faith put her arms out and looked to the side. “Last book I read was the X-Men movie tie in.”

“That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Whatever. Not lookin’ for pity. Time for chin ups.”

“Time for pizza?”

“Come on. I thought we agreed. Your training can’t progress til you build some muscle mass.”

“I think that’s one of those things you agreed on and I just went along with out of fear.”

Faith knew he was kidding but she winced at the thought of him fearing her. Xander had already turned to walk to the pull up bar so she let it go.

“Tomato tomato,” she said and started rooting around the weight chest for the leg weights.

Meanwhile Xander started unscrewing the bar.

“So, how many you think you can do?” Faith asked without looking up.

“Don’t know,” Xander replied as he walked back over to her, raised the bar, and bashed it into her skull. “One should do it.”

When Spike and Buffy arrived at their hotel the sun was just rising.

“I’m thinking immolation,” Spike said as they entered the lobby. “If this doesn’t work – sounds like a good way to go. I mean, I liked it the first time.”

“Ok poopy pants,” Buffy said. She’d long since gotten fed up with his relentless cheerlessness and had decided to ignore him until he was souled up again.

Faith’s vision blurred. It felt like her skull had been cracked open and blood was pooling behind her eyes. But worse than that was the surety that only she and Xander were in the room. Only Xander was within striking distance. Only Xander. She listened to him move around the room, then return to where she was crouched. A fifty pound dumbbell slammed into her stomach. She took another blow to the back before she rallied enough to reach up to stop the next blow, rose up, and knocked him unconscious.

Xander went down easy. Just like a human – so easy to hurt. So easy to kill. Faith stood over him for a moment, taking great gulps of air into her battered body. Slowly the gulps became sobs.

She was still there, crying in shock when Dawn walked in.

“Oh my God,” she whispered. “Willow! Willow!”

Dawn tore through the house as fast as she could and burst into the library. “Willow. Faith she-“

“What?’

“Xander’s hurt. I think she’s evil again.”

Buffy watched as Spike walked disinterestedly around the room. “So, wanna play a game?”

“No,” Spike replied.

Buffy watched him for a few seconds, then ripped a deck of cards out of her bag and said, “Too bad.”

“What?” Spike replied.

Buffy sat him down on the bed, put the cards down and said, “Cut.”

“I don’t feel like a game.”

“And I don’t feel like spending an entire day stuck in a hotel room with mope-y, the annoying ass vampire.”

“So leave,” Spike replied.

“No,” Buffy said.

“Why not?” Spike asked.

Buffy shuffled the cards silently for a moment. “I don’t like hot weather.”

“You’re from California.”

“Five card stud, nothing’s wild,” was Buffy’s only response.

Xander awoke to the familiar sensation of a concussed head and the unfamiliar sensation of another person in his brain. It wasn’t just a voice. It was an entire other will. It wanted him to get up. It wanted him to lie, tell the others what Faith had done. He wasn’t entirely sure what that was, but he felt confident that he would be told when the time came.

“Xander,” Willow exclaimed as she entered the room.

“Hey,” he said groggily. “Willow. She’s a tree, she’s a girl.”

“Yes, very good,” Willow replied. “How’s your head?”

“It’s good. I like it. Holds my brain.”

“Wonderful. What happened?”

“Is he ok?” Faith said from the doorway.

“He’ll be ok,” Willow replied.

“No thanks to you,” Dawn spat.

“I didn’t- He-“ Faith protested.

“She didn’t mean to,” Xander said. “She’s possessed. Someone did something to her.”

“What? He’s the one who’s possessed. He hit me with the chin up bar.”

“The bar that’s screwed into that doorway?” Dawn asked.

Faith looked over at the door. “He must have put it back,” she said, but even she wasn’t convinced.

The sun had been down for a half hour, but Spike still hadn’t bothered to wake Buffy.

She was curled up across from him on the bed, still fully clothed. Her breath gently agitated the pieces of paper between them. There were two piles and each piece featured a poorly drawn kitten.

As he watched her he was struck by the feeling that she was slipping away. The bed grew between them and she got smaller and smaller until he couldn’t see her at all.

Buffy awoke to the sound of sobbing. She opened her eyes and looked across the bed at Spike. His quaking shoulders shook the bed, but there were no tears.

“Spike,” she whispered. “Wake up.”

She reached out to touch his shoulder. Spike jerked awake and stared at her wide eyed for a few moments.

“Time to go,” she said.

Spike nodded groggily. “Right,” he replied.

“So, what are we thinking?” Xander said. “Hyena possession? Homicidal relapse? Just plain cranky?”

“Well I think it’s pretty clear she’s under some sort of spell,” Willow said. “She wouldn’t just attack you.”

“She has before,” Dawn said.

“That was before,” Willow countered.

“Did anyone else think she was walking strangely?” Giles asked.

“What?”

“Like she was disorientated,” Giles said.

“Probably just the spell,” Dawn said.

“Right, right. The spell,” Giles said and glanced over at Xander.

“Did you notice a sort of rotted foliage smell?” Willow asked, looking up from the book on demonic possession before her.

“What?” Xander replied. “Um right. No. You know what I’m thinkin’? I think it was Cemtaur.”

“I’m with you there,” Willow replied. “But how?”

“Well, how ‘bout we start by listing the things we know about him?” Xander replied.

Spike and Buffy had each taken out four opponents, but Souly still hadn’t shown and they were getting tired.

“How many were there last time?” Buffy asked as she dodged out of the reach of the clawed demon she was fighting.

“Don’t remember,” Spike replied.

“More than ten?” Buffy asked.

“Yeah, lost count around forty eight.”

“Oh,” Buffy replied. For a moment she was too stunned by the enormity of what he’d done to respond. Her opponent took the opportunity to get in a couple of cheep shots. “That’s not so bad,” Buffy finally said as she struck back.

“Wait till you feel the beetles,” Spike replied.

“Feel?” Buffy said, whipping around to look at him. “No. No feel. See, ok. No feel.”

“Sorry love.”

Faith looked up as Xander entered the cellar.

“Xander,” Faith said. “Look, whatever is controlling you-“

“Shhh,” Xander said. “It’s ok. He’s gone now.”

“Who’s gone?”

“The voice.”

“The voice that made you attack me?” Faith asked.

“No, the other one,” Xander replied. “The one that told me to build an ark. How many voices do you think are in here?”

Faith smiled up at him. “Right. How’d you make it go away?”

Xander began undoing her restraints. “I threatened to take it to a Carrot Top performance.”

Faith laughed, more out of relief than at the joke. “That’ll do it. Why did it want you to hit me?”

“Seems it misjudged human strength. It thought I could take you out and haul you to its nefarious lair, then get back here and allow it to hear all of our meetings.”

“Lucky for me you always cheat on your workouts,” Faith said as she rubbed her wrists where the restraints had cut into them.

“And lucky for me, I can even the playing field,” Xander said and jabbed a needle into her arm.

“What the hell was that?” Faith yelled and jerked backward away from him.

Xander grinned at her. “My advantage.”

“Giles!” Faith yelled and took off running up the stairs.

Xander didn’t bother running after her. His cover was blown, but he had plenty of time to capture the slayer and with the phones cut off- no one to interrupt him. Might as well enjoy himself. “I love it when they run,” he said with a smile as he started up the stairs.

Faith knew there was no point. As she rounded the corner and made for the library she knew that she was shouting plenty loud enough to be heard. She only wondered how bad it was. She pushed open the doors and halted at the sight of Dawn, Willow, Fred and Giles slumped on the table. As she slowly closed the gap between them she searched the floor and table for blood.

“They’re not dead,” a voice said behind her.

She spun around to find Anya in the doorway.

“He got donuts,” she said. Her voice was empty and tears streamed down her face. “I didn’t eat them, I just pretended.”

“Anya?” Faith said, taking a few cautious steps toward her. “Are you ok?”

Anya nodded.

“Good, cause I’m probably not. We need to hide.”

“How did you know not to eat the donuts?” Faith whispered. They were hiding in the pantry with the door blocked and the worst thing on the other side was a human, but she still couldn’t stop shaking.

Anya shrugged. “He kept insisting and I’ve been reading a lot of Dawn’s teen horror books so I knew that was a bad sign.”

“Thank God for R.L. Stine.”

“Ok,” Anya said triumphantly as she hoisted up a small vial. “This is probably the antidote.”

“Or it might be…?”

Anya tilted the vial and looked at it curiously. “Really strong astringent?”

“Well,” Faith replied. “At least my stomach won’t get pimples,” she said and gulped it down.

Anya watched as a look of shocked horror spread over Faith‘s face. “What?” she hissed. “Are you ok?”

“Gah!” Faith retched. “That’s just – Gah!”

“But you’re not bleeding through your esophagus?” Anya asked.

Faith looked back at her. “That was a possibility?”

“I’m a shopkeeper, not a chemist.”

“Great.”

“Do you feel any different?”

Faith considered the question. “A bit less groggy.”

“Excellent. Time for some whoop ass,” Any said with a playful jab at Faith’s shoulder.

Faith staggered back a bit. “Ow, that hurt.”

“Please, you’re a super hero,” Anya replied. “Now go get the bad guy, preferably in a way that won’t hurt him too much.”

Faith turned to look at her. “It wasn’t just something to knock me out.”

“Oh, ok, well, I seem to be quite handy with the chemistry set, so…”

“There isn’t an antidote,” Faith said. “I know what this is.”

“What?”

“My Cruciamentum.”

“Oh my God,” Buffy whispered breathlessly as she walked into the inner cave. They’d finally taken out all of the demons and both she and Spike were exhausted.

“This is new,” Spike said as he followed her gaze.

“You didn’t do this?”

“No. Souly was fine when I left.”

“Well somebody tore him into confetti.”

“It would seem,” Spike replied. “Well, so much for plan B. Got a plan C?”

Buffy nodded reassuringly but she was drawing a blank. “C is for cookie.”

“Cookies don’t restore souls.”

“Are you sure? Have ya tried?”

“Buffy.”

“What?”

“You know what.”

“I know nothing. I’m very stupid. Shut up so I can think.”