Some Say the Slayer is a Sacrifice

or Walls of Words

Season 8, Episode 21

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

 

In the beginning was the word because without terms there can be no division. And without division the single cell is just that. Words are what make the paper not the pen. And words are what make this dimension not that dimension. The walls are sentences, paragraphs, chapters. They are made of language and if you could speak their language you could harness their power. But of course no human mind could hold the languages of thousands of dimensions.

 

 

 

Xander was sore, an all over sort of sore that made every movement painful. But he was happy. Grinning like a fool and too wired to sleep, he turned to Faith, “That was awesome. Don’t you think that was awesome?”

 

“You were great,” Faith mumbled without picking her head up off the pillow.

 

“Awesome,” Xander countered.

 

“Ok, awesome,” Faith said and nuzzled his chest. “Whao,” she said jerking back, suddenly awake. “Why haven’t you cleaned off that demon blood?”

 

Xander was nonplussed. “Cause I’m a manly man and manly men do not bathe.”

 

“Well then, manly men also don’t get laid,” Faith said, pulling herself to the other side of the mattress.

 

“Maybe I’ll go wash up.”

 

“I appreciate it.”

 

 

 

In the few days since she got her memory back, Willow had gathered all of the photos of Tara that had survived the disaster. There weren’t many. One had been in her purse the whole time. She’d almost thrown it away twice, thinking it had come with the wallet, but something had stopped her. The rest came from Xander’s wallet and a few school acquaintances who’d moved away from Sunnydale before things got bad.

 

She laid the images out on her desk. Most were from the year they lived together in the dorm, but there was one from Xander and Anya’s not wedding. She liked the earlier photos the best. The earliest was her favorite. She and Tara were sitting on the lawn next to the science lab, gazing at each other. Neither of them had even noticed that Aaron had a camera, much less that they were being photographed. It wasn’t posed. It was a photo of them as they were.

 

Willow had gazed at Tara’s image for over an hour, trying to recall every expression. But more than the image of Tara, Willow was interested in her own image. Dealing with Tara’s death again had been difficult, but worse was really remembering who she had been. Without her memories of Tara she still recalled killing Warren, but the images were distant, hard to put together. Now they were clear, bright, forceful emotions and there were more memories. Most painfully - the shocked hurt on Tara’s face when she confronted her about the Lethe’s bramble.

 

With all these memories at the fore of her mind, it was impossible to look at Aaron’s photo and know who that girl was. Willow was so far from her now. She knew she couldn’t go back, and staying as she was seemed like a slow drive toward suicide. But going forward was even scarier.

 

 

 

Buffy woke in the night and was seized by a desire to see Dawn. It happened sometimes, after the big battles - this indescribable tug. She looked in Dawn’s room. Empty. She continued through the house until she came to the library where she paused in the doorway. Dawn was at the table, her head resting on her arms. Buffy walked softly up to her and sat on the floor at her feet.

 

“Dawn,” she whispered. “Wake up. If you sleep like that your neck will stick that way and then Stuart will never ask you out.”

 

Dawn’s eyes slowly opened. “Funny neck or no- No man can resist my charms,” she said as she sat up and rubbed her neck. “Kill any watchers?”

 

“Three,” Buffy said and looked down at her hands.

 

While Buffy recounted the battle in a practiced, even tone, Dawn watched on. Buffy looked small, like a child. No. Like a doll. Her arms and legs seemed unnatural, like a slumped over doll. “You had to,” Dawn said when the tale was done. “There were three of them. If you’d just wounded them one still could have gotten off a shot and taken out Faith.”

 

Buffy looked up at her. “Maybe... I just wish I could take it back – give them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they would have changed.”

 

“They didn’t deserve it.”

 

“I think they did.”

 

Dawn lowered herself to the floor and put her arms around Buffy. “We’re the cubs,” she said.

 

“The team?” Buffy replied, perplexed.

 

“No, the furry forest creatures. We’re the cubs and you’re the momma bear. Someone fucks with us and you eviscerate them. Perfectly natural.”

 

“Bears can’t think. I can.”

 

“Well that’s debatable.”

 

“Ha ha.”

 

“The point is- You may not forgive yourself, but I forgive you.”

 

Buffy turned to her and smiled. “Thank you.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Oh, everything,” Buffy said, pulling her closer.

 

“Well, if you’re grateful now wait till I tell you how my awesome power will save humanity.”

 

“You have awesome power?” Buffy said. “When did this happen?”

 

“Key. Remember?”

 

“Right, your stunning ability to get kidnapped by all manner of demons.”

 

“No, my stunning ability to seal all the hellmouths permanently.”

 

 

 

Faith awoke again an hour later. A freshly washed Xander was in bed next to her breathing deep and even. She turned to him and smiled. He was so peaceful and pretty. Looking at Xander’s lips, and the curve of his jaw and the way the eye patch strap arched across his face made her smile and think – pretty.

 

Xander broke her reverie by turning over, reaching his arm around her waist and whispering, “Marry me.”

 

Faith’s eyes shot open. Her heart disappeared and was replaced by a hummingbird. “What?” she whispered.

 

Xander turned and crushed his face into the pillow. “Tofu Pie.”

 

Faith calmed slightly, but the anxiety lingered.

 

 

 

Giles wanted another drink, but the stewardess was already starting to look at him oddly so he just gazed out the window. The cottony scenery was no substitute for the dull numbness of being well and completely hammered, but he’d take what he could get.

 

Before he left he’d actually held out hope that there was some way to put a stop to all of this before it came to the crisis point. But everything he’d seen in the last few days had convinced him that there was no avoiding a final show down. And they would all be tested to the utmost.

 

 

 

“It’s totally easy,” Dawn said excitedly as she pulled the book down to where she and Buffy were still sitting on the floor.

 

“So why hasn’t anyone done it before?”

 

“Cause they didn’t have the very most important ingredient,” Dawn said. “Me.”

 

Buffy held the book in her lap and flipped through the pages. “This is why the monks didn’t destroy you?”

 

“Also, why they made me human.”

 

“This is amazing,” Buffy said. “This doesn’t solve everything but it gives us a chance.”

 

“What’s that?” Spike said from the doorway. He’d been watching for quite a while, just enjoying the sight of his girls talking, being happy. Well, maybe happy was an overstatement. Just being. He enjoyed watching them be.

 

Buffy opened her mouth to answer but Dawn quickly just her off. “I wanna tell.”

 

“Ok,” Buffy said, putting her hands up.

 

Spike took a seat on the floor next to them as Dawn excitedly launched into her news. “I can seal the hellmouths.”

 

“How’s that?”

 

“I talk and they obey.”

 

“Seriously.”

 

“Well, it’s not quite that simple, but yeah. There won’t be any more demon access points. I’ll totally seal off our dimension and we’ll only have the demons that are here now to worry about.”

 

“Plus, no hellmouths means no hot spots for demonic block parties,” Buffy said.

 

“The neighbors will be so pleased,” Spike replied. “We still need a fast way to kill the world’s population of demons.”

 

“I know, I know,” Buffy replied. “I’m on it.”

 

 

 

By the time Xander awoke, Willow, Buffy, Faith and Anya had been reading up on weapons of mass destruction for seven hours. Even if he hadn’t noted Faith getting up at four, he would have known just by looking at them. There was a certain bleary quality to eyes that occurred after the sixth hour of reading parchment.

 

Xander, however, was bright eyed and cushy nailed, or something, as he walked into the library. “So, we’re thinking carnage. We’re thinking death and dismemberment. We’re thinking donunts. Anyone?”

 

Buffy looked up from her book. “We kill all the demons in the world with saturated fat?”

 

“Worth a shot,” Xander replied. “Or, hey, I could go get donuts for you guys to eat.”

 

“You’re trying to kill us with saturated fat?” Anya asked, a little incensed.

 

Xander eyed her for a second before saying, “Ok, it’s time for everyone to step away from the books.”

 

“In a bit, I think I’m on to something,” Buffy replied.

 

Xander looked over her shoulder at the text she was reading. “We’re going to poison the demons?”

 

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “It’s a good idea.”

 

“And we’re going to get them to ingest the poison, how?”

 

Buffy looked up at him and he could see she was having trouble focusing her eyes. “Um, we tempt them with cheese?” she offered.

 

“Ok,” Xander said as he gently pulled the book away. “I’m getting food and my sexy book learnin girls are going to take a break.”

 

“Ok,” Willow replied without looking up from her book.

 

Xander reached across the table and pulled the book from her, but her grip held fast. “Just let me finish this paragraph,” she said plaintively.

 

Xander wrenched the book from her hands and said, “No. The book will be here when you get back from your break.”

 

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Faith as she slammed her book closed. “I’m gonna hit the weight room,” she said, pushed away from the table and walked toward the door without even pausing to look at Xander.

 

He trotted up ahead of her and cut her off at the door. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Are you still jealous?”

 

“I am not now, nor have I ever been jealous.”

 

“Ok, then what?”

 

“I’m just preoccupied with the war,” Faith replied. “It’s a little more important than our relationship, you know.”

 

“Sure, right, sorry,” Xander said, backing away.

 

 

 

Willow wasn’t trilled at the enforced break. Every moment she didn’t spend in intense concentration was a moment when she had to fight back the vivid memory of the smell of Warren’s flesh. And any moment spent outside the safety of the library was a moment Fred might come up to her and say, “Are we breaking up?”

 

Willow looked up from her bagel, alarmed. “What? No.”

 

Fred was tempted to leave it at that but she was tired of living in limbo, waiting for Willow to talk to her. “Are you sure?” she said, hating the desperate twinge to her voice. “Cause it seems like we’re breaking up.”

 

“We’re fine,” Willow said and reached out to squeeze Fred’s hand.

 

Fred relaxed a bit, but she couldn’t bring herself to really believe Willow’s words. “I know that’s not true,” she said, pulling her hand away. “She’s all you think about.”

 

“No. No-”

 

“I’m not stupid, Willow. I love you better than anyone else I’ve ever known. Every minute we’re together… it’s like I’ve been drowning and I can finally breathe. But to you I’m just- not her,” Fred replied, stepping backward. “I’m gonna go. After the apocalypse- I’m going back to LA.”

 

 

 

Faith was about to start with the free weights when Anya walked in behind her and said, “Break him and die.”

 

“What?”

 

“I know you, little miss can’t be tamed. You wanna sow your catholic school girl fetishes, do it someplace else.”

 

Faith took a moment to untangle Anya’s sentence before replying, “You know nothing about me.”

 

“I have seen a hundred girls like you- to wrapped up in their own issued to care-“

 

“No,” Faith said. “You really don’t get it. I should be on the next trucker out of here. I should be terrified. But I’m not.”

 

Anya looked at her quizzically. “You’re treating Xander like garbage because you’re ready to settle down and have joint bank accounts?”

 

“I’m -,” Faith began. “I’m just not sure who I am now.”

 

 

 

Buffy sat in the garden and surveyed her tools. She was pretty sure they were for digging, cept the claw one. That was clearly for fending off any small creatures that might attack your flowerbed.

 

Gardening had seemed like such a good idea. The council headquarters came with a nice little plot of land out back and it was by all accounts a very calming and easy hobby. The perfect thing to distract her from plans to infect all demons with some sort of virus, or Dawn’s favorite: lure them all to a luau and drive them to suicide with realty tv shows. But gardening was hard. And smelly. And Buffy had come to the realization that hobbies should not involve feces. But she didn’t want to give up.

 

 

 

Dawn walked out of school with a gaggle of friends. They were all brightly dressed and smiling. ‘She looks just like a mentos ad,’ Anya thought.

 

“Anya,” Dawn exclaimed, catching sight of her in the throng of mothers. “What are you doing here?”

 

“Picking you up from school,” Anya replied.

 

“Ok,” Dawn said while stepping into her car.

 

“Also, I’m picking your brain,” Anya said.

 

“I’ve told you everything I know about getting on Survivor.”

 

“Nah, I’m over that,” Anya replied. “I want to contribute this time- to the apocalypse.”

 

“You contributed last time,” Dawn objected. “You saved Andrew.”

 

Anya turned to her. “Yes, and thank God for that.”

 

“Andrew has value.”

 

“Sure, his personal hygiene is decent and he makes a mean funnel cake but I want to really help in a substantial way.”

 

“Ok,” Dawn replied. “What are your strengths?”

 

“Good skin. A thorough knowledge of world history. A wicked temper and the ability to MacGyver complex transmorgrifying spells.”

 

“Well, that one sounds useful. If the girls were all trolls, they’d be stronger.”

 

“True. You think they’ll mind being green the rest of their lives?”

 

“Well, they’re not the least vain bunch.”

 

“Oh,” Anya exclaimed. “We could make them look like bunnies.”

 

“Which is helpful if they’re fighting an army of you,” Dawn replied. “Let’s keep thinking.”

 

 

 

Spike watched Buffy from her bedroom window. She was so beautiful, her hair lit up by the mid afternoon sun. Beautiful and peaceful. It took him a few minutes to notice that she hadn’t moved. He smiled slightly. ‘That’s my girl,’ he thought. ‘Beset on all sides by demons- cool as a cucumber. Try a simple task like weeding and she’s lost.’ He wanted to help her, or at least pretend to help while nudging her toward a private place away from the windows. But the sun lit up his hair in an entirely less picturesque manner. His gaze moved over the yard. He missed Wolfram and Hart. There he could move into the sunlight, feel it on his skin. He’d always suspected that Angel had taken the deal primarily for the necro glass. Course now…

 

Spike was so caught up in his reverie that he didn’t even notice Buffy give up on gardening and go up to her room.

 

“I suck,” she announced.

 

Spike turned to look at her, momentarily confused by her presence.

 

“I can’t even garden,” she said. “Even grandmas can garden.”

 

“Well, if it’s any consolation you look fit to be ravaged.”

 

Buffy smiled and shrugged shyly. “You like my outfit?”

 

He grinned and raked his eyes over her body. “You look like the earth goddess brought to life.”

 

“Funny,” Buffy replied. “I feel more like one of the destroyer gods- the one with all the arms.”

 

“Shiva.”

 

“Right.”

 

“Still upset about the watchers?”

 

“You surprised?” Buffy sighed as she sat down on the bed.

 

“No. You’re capacity for self loathing never surprises me.”

 

Buffy looked up at him. Maybe she was just paranoid. Maybe she hadn’t heard a tired sigh in his voice. But she couldn’t really blame him for getting tired of maintaining her. “I wish,” she began hesitantly. “I wish I could have loved you before.”

 

“Before what?”

 

Buffy looked down at her hands. “Before I got so broken. You’d have liked me when I was young. Much lower maintenance. No nightmares. Well, fewer nightmares. And lots less crying.”

 

“Sounds boring,” Spike said, taking a seat beside her. “I can’t have your strength without your nightmares. And when you cry I get to comfort you. Makes me feel all manly.”

 

Buffy smiled. “I’m glad my grief is good for your ego.”

 

Spike reached out his arms. “Come here,” he said. “Tell Spikey.”

 

“I’m not calling you Spikey.”

 

“Then tell the greatest lover you’ve ever had or could conceive of having.”

 

“How bout, just Spike?” Buffy said as she scooted into his arms.

 

“Fine, be a spoil sport, just talk.”

 

Buffy took a moment to gather her thoughts and enjoy the feel of Spike’s finger playing with the hair at the base of her head. “I just feel like I’m failing at everything lately. Couldn’t save the seven girls, couldn’t save Blue, couldn’t even save the Watchers from myself.”

 

“You’re doing fine.”

 

“No, I’m supposed to find myself, you know? Without the pressure of being the only slayer I was supposed to learn how to be a person.”

 

“You are.”

 

“I don’t know how to use a trowel.”

 

“Oh, I didn’t realize. Then you are a failure as a human being.”

 

“Yes,” Buffy agreed.

 

“Sarcasm, pet. You’re doing fine.”

 

“I miss the simplicity of marching toward certain death.”

 

“Don’t we all.”

 

“Don’t be sarcastic. I’m in pain.”

 

“Sorry. You were being insane. Please continue.”

 

Buffy took a deep breath, then hit the nail on the head. “Blue said I didn’t know what I was. She was right.”

 

Spike and Buffy sat in silence for a few seconds. Buffy wanted to get back to research, but Xander would attempt to kick her ass if she was back in the library, studying before he returned.

 

“So,” Buffy finally said. “Anything new with you?”

 

Spike looked up for a moment. “If I tell you, will you promise not to run off to LA?”

 

“I don’t know,” Buffy replied. “Is there a demonic emergency in LA?”

 

“No, sort of the opposite,” Spike replied.

 

Buffy turned to look at him quizzically.

 

“Look- there’s no easy way to say this and either you’ll stay or you won’t, so… Angel’s human.”

 

Buffy sat quietly for a moment. The sentence was so strange, and yet familiar, pulled from a hundred of her own teenage fantasies.

 

“Is he ok?” she finally asked.

 

“Yeah,” Spike replied. “He wants you to call.”

 

“Ok,” Buffy said and got up to leave the room.

 

 

 

Willow looked up anxiously as Buffy pushed open the library door. “Oh, it’s you,” she said, returning to her book. “You won’t tell Xander I broke his edict?”

 

Buffy sat down and pulled a book toward her. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

 

“I tried to take a break, I did,” she said.

 

“I gardened.”

 

“Really? I got dumped.”

 

“No,” Buffy replied.

 

“Seems I’m not the best girlfriend these days,” Willow said. “Ghosts of dead lovers and that.”

 

“There seems to be a lot of that going around,” Buffy replied.

 

“What do you mean?” Willow asked.

 

“Angel’s alive. I just talked to him.”

 

Willow’s eyebrows shot up. “So-“

 

“So- nothing,” Buffy replied. “Doesn’t change the fact that I love Spike.”

 

“Does change their relative long term viability.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“You could grow old with Angel.”

 

“Yeah,” Buffy replied. “Well, that’s…”

 

“Something we don’t think about.”

 

“Right. So. Back to Fred. You’ll get her back. Assuming you want-”

 

“Yeah, I do. I want her. I’m just not sure I should.”

 

“Have you been listening to Extremist Christian radio again?”

 

“No, I just think- I’m too confused. She deserves someone better,” Willow said, lowering her eyes.

 

Buffy recognized the angle of Willow’s neck, her guilty pose, the feeling of utter worthlessness. “I don’t think I ever really understood you before.”

 

Willow looked up. “Have I been mumbling?”

 

“No,” Buffy said with a slight smile. “The vengeance. Killing Warren. I didn’t get it before.”

 

“Before what?”

 

“Before I killed the Watchers.”

 

“That was different. You had to.”

 

“No. I chose to. In that second a choice was made and I killed them.”

 

Willow sat back from the table. “Who’d have thought eight years ago we would be able to bond over murder.”

 

Buffy nodded and looked down at the table. “I feel like I’m coming apart- like there’s this part of me that’s pure rage.”

 

“And keeping it in check is driving you mad,” Willow said.

 

“And how do you go on?”

 

“I’m still figuring that out.”

 

“What’s this?” Xander asked as he walked into the library.

 

Buffy and Willow pushed the nearest books away. “Nothing,” they chimed in unison.

 

“Uhuh,” Xander replied. “Nutritious, sugary concoctions have arrived. And Dawn wants to talk to you,” he said to Buffy.

 

 

 

“Hey,” Buffy said as she walked into Dawn’s room. “Where are we on your spell?”

 

“Got the ingredients,” Dawn replied, surveying the mass of herbs and texts laid out on her bed. “I actually found more than a few in the science lab.”

 

“See? School’s not a complete waste of time,” Buffy said. “Any news from the coven on the sacred space?”

 

“Still looking for the right place, but we’re close.”

 

“Alright,” Buffy said. “We’ve finally got an advantage. Go us.”

 

“I’m afraid not,” Giles said as he walked into Dawn’s room.

 

Buffy looked up, slightly panicked. He may not have been the mole, but he was still an unknown quantity.

 

“What?” Buffy said, slowly sinking down onto the bed. “What now?”

 

“Cemtaur is as we speak moving into range to open all the hellmouths simultaneously.”

 

“He can’t do that. I’m going to seal off this dimension,” Dawn replied.

 

“Unless you’re prepared to do it this minute, I’m afraid you’ll bee too late,” Giles said in a solemn tone that Buffy found very annoying.

 

Dawn sat down on the bed next to Buffy, depressed that her chance to finally prove her power’s worth was being made irrelevant. After a second she looked up at Giles. “Wait. You aren’t very surprised and impressed by my brilliant power,” she said.

 

Giles shrugged. “I always suspected you had some greater purpose.”

 

Dawn leaned over toward Buffy “See, he knew I was special.”

 

“Yes, he’s a much better parental figure,” Buffy replied. “I’m hung up on the we’re too late thing.”

 

“Remember the messages Cemtaur was leaving earlier this year?” Giles asked.

 

“The blood messages, the threats to the slayers,” Buffy said.

 

“You hypothesized that the messages had another purpose. I’ve been researching possibilities all year. It was only on my last trip that I confirmed that you were right. He was anointing points around the hellmouths in preparation for this moment.”

 

“You might have kept us in the loop,” Buffy said.

 

“I’m sorry,” Giles replied. “At first I thought it was just an idle puzzle to occupy my time. After- I didn’t want to bother you.”

 

Buffy wanted to take what he said at face value, but it was an excessively lame reason. Not bother her with the apocalypse? She was the slayer. But there wasn’t time to press the matter. She took out her cell phone, dialed and started to speak. “Wait. What’s the code for apocalypse?”

 

“Um, black?” Dawn said.

 

“I thought it was red,” Giles countered.

 

“Fuck it,” Buffy said. “All hands on deck. It’s end time time.”

 

“So if he does his spell, I can’t do mine?” Dawn asked.

 

“You can, but first we’ll have to counter his spell.”

 

“How?”

 

“It’s a third law principle,” Giles said.

 

Dawn noticed Buffy’s confused look and explained, “For every action there’s an equal and opposite reaction.”

 

“Right, so we need to anoint the spaces as well?”

 

“Taken care of,” Giles said.

 

It was then that Buffy noticed the bandages poking out from beneath his coat sleeve. ‘How much blood had it taken?’ she wondered. ‘How many times did he have to reopen the wound?’ “We would have helped,” she said quietly.

 

Giles nodded. “I know. I wanted to do it,” he said. “Anyway, it’s done.”

 

“So, we can do the counter spell?” Buffy said. “We have that kind of power.”

 

“Yes, it’s a simple incantation and a sacrifice. I’ll take care of everything,” Giles said. “You need to get the girls ready to defend the world when the hellmouths open.”

 

“If,” Dawn countered.

 

“When,” Buffy replied. “They’ll be ready, but I need the counter spell to be fast. They won’t be able to hold out against all the hordes of hell for long.”

 

Giles looked her in the eye. “I know.”

 

 

 

Buffy strode into the meeting room with Dawn in tow.

 

“What’s the big?” Rona asked. “Did we find a demonic roach motel?”

 

“No,” Buffy replied. “That’s going to have to wait. Right now we have to dispatch five armies to the five hellmouths and get ready to defend the world against the armies of hell.”

 

“Oh,” Rona replied.

 

The girls were silent for a long moment. Buffy waited while they took in the information.

 

“Ok,” Caridad finally said. “What now?”

 

“Now I need you to chose three generals. Faith and I will take the Prague and Islington hellmouths. Vote and get back to me.”

 

 

 

“Ok, strategy,” Buffy said as she walked into the library.

 

“Seems pretty straight forward,” Faith replied. “We fight till the spell can be reversed and Dawn can apply the sealant.”

 

“We’re enormously outgunned here,” Buffy said. “We need power and we need a quick way communicate between the armies.”

 

“We need Blue,” Faith said.

 

“Yeah,” Willow agreed. “She saw everything that happened to the slayers, course Dana does too, but she’s got that whole ‘emotionally unstable is an understatement’ thing.”

 

Across the table Anya put down her book and sat forward. “But the cave is still hot, right?” she said.

 

Willow perked up. “Yeah. Way hot. She was there for thousands of years.”

 

“Good point,” Buffy replied, but it was clear she had no idea what they were talking about.

 

Willow brightened even more. “She was constantly reaching out through those walls, she did insanely powerful spells, I mean- giving Spike form? The cave has to be loaded with trace energy.”

 

“Her power is still in the cave? Like soapy residue?” Faith asked.

 

“Most likely,” Anya said.

 

“Ok, so great. Can we harness it?” Spike asked.

 

Willow sat back in her chair, a little dejected. “She was a demon,” she said sadly. “I’ve only heard of this sort of transfer working between two witches, using human power.”

 

“But I’m part of her, right?” Buffy said. “All the slayers are. We already have the same power.”

 

Anya shook her head. “No, not to the same degree. That kind of power transfer, the heightened perception, it would blow your brain like a tomato in a microwave. It was a stupid idea.”

 

Buffy winced at the imagery. “Ok, so other ideas.”

 

 

 

Xander walked in and stood at the doorway of the library. Everyone was pulling out maps and conferring on various strategies. Buffy and Faith commanded the room, delegating orders over their cell phones, directing the planning. They were gorgeous. Words like ‘flame thrower’ and ‘high ground’ tripped off their lips.

 

As Xander watched, he noticed something he literally never thought he’d see. Beside Buffy, Spike cut into a burrito and held up a bite. Buffy turned to him, smiled, and said, “I’m not hungry.”

 

She turned back to the plans and Spike continued to calmly hold up the fork. After a few moments Buffy turned back and took the food without pausing her calculations. Spike prepared another bite. As he raised it he looked over at Xander. Spike cocked his head suspiciously. Xander just smiled. He hoped the smile conveyed his approval of their relationship, cause he sure as hell wasn’t going to say anything out loud. Spike nodded in response and turned his attention back to the war.

 

 

 

Buffy walked into Giles’ study and sat down next to his desk. “We’ve got a game plan,” she said.

 

“Very good,” he replied and turned his attention back to his tea.

 

“I’m sorry that I doubted you,” Buffy offered, trying to get him to look at her, connect in some way. He’d been so distant since he’d gotten back, and even before... “It wasn’t so much that I thought you’d betray us-”

 

“Then you’re a fool,” Giles replied without looking up. “I may not be a watcher anymore in the classic sense. But I was. I poisoned you. Made you give up your life, everything you were. I betrayed you every day.”

 

Buffy furrowed her brow. “No. No, that’s ridiculous. It was my calling.”

 

“If you recall, you weren’t too keen on it at first. Who cajoled you? Who coerced you?”

 

Buffy contemplated his words for a moment. “Giles, I would have continued to be the slayer. Ok, I wasn’t the most dedicated slayer at first, but I wouldn’t have quit. I love being a slayer.”

 

Giles tried to look up, but he couldn’t quite meet her eye. “The dieing part. You love that as well?”

 

Buffy looked away. “No, not particularly. But the other parts- Saving people is fun,” she said. “Do you really think I’m so shallow that I could have walked away and let them die if you hadn’t been prodding me? Do you think any of them could have? I’ve read the diaries as often as you. Well, maybe not as often- but I’ve read them. Not a one ran away. They may have run away from the watchers. But they never ran from their duty, not for long. We’re fighters.”

 

Giles looked at her for a moment. “Still, I-”

 

“No still. There’s nothing for you to feel guilty about. Now get the location of the sacred space. Our best hope is still beating him to the punch.”

 

 

 

Faith watched the girls pack. They were so young. Most were grabbing stuffed animals along with their weapons. As she watched, she couldn’t help but wonder how many of them she’d have to watch die.

 

She was so engrossed in her fear that Giles was standing beside her for five minutes before she noticed him.

 

“So,” she said. “You’re a good guy now.”

 

“Always was,” Giles replied. “More or less.”

 

“Cept the part where you went behind our backs so we wouldn’t object to your little blood letting.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Giles replied. “My departure much have been hard for you. Every watcher you’ve ever had has betrayed you-“

 

“Not Carol,” Faith replied. “I betrayed her. Let him kill her right in front of me,” she said as she watched Megan tuck her rosary into her pocket.

 

“Faith-“

 

“Not up for a therapy session,” Faith said, turning back to him “So, why’d you do it?”

 

Giles shrugged. “I guess I though if I could fix it I’d be – redeemed.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Everything. My son-“

 

“We already forgave you. And Olivia understands.”

 

“Yes, well-“ Giles wanted to say more, but time was short. “Are you ready?”

 

“Sure. Ready for the slaughter.”

 

“Maybe we shouldn’t say that so vocally.”

 

“What? They already know,” Faith replied. “They know- but they’re still going.”

 

 

 

“This is going to be chaos,” Vi said.

 

“Yes,” Buffy replied.

 

“We’ve never even fought a two front war. You’re talking about five fronts, maybe more,” said Rona.

 

“Opening the five hellmouths will be enough,” Faith said, “He probably won’t create any new tears.”

 

“Probably,” Caridad countered.

 

“It is what it is,” Buffy replied.

 

Rona took a deep breath. “Right, so this is karma.”

 

“How’s that?” Buffy asked

 

“I gave you nothing but shit when you were the leader. Now I get the stress of leading an army.”

 

“If we’re lucky this won’t even be an issue,” Buffy said. “If we beat him to the sacred space, we can keep him from opening the hellmouths.”

 

“And if we don’t?” Vi asked. “We just fight till they get tired?”

 

“No. There’s a counter spell. We just have to hold out until the spell goes into effect.”

 

“Are you sure you can do the spell?”

 

“Yep,” Buffy said confidently. “A little chant, a little sacrifice. Nothing to it. Giles did most of the work. We’re good.”

 

 

 

Buffy strode through the hallway in a confident, commanding manner. No one was watching. The girls were already congregating in the foyer, but she was sure that if she didn’t keep her calm exterior up at all times, she’d collapse and start crying.

 

“I think Giles misinterpreted something,” Dawn said, as she came up beside Buffy. “There’s a term in this scroll, see, ‘tantir.’”

 

“Yeah,” Buffy said without breaking stride. She hated it when Dawn did her freaky language thing, she always felt like the slow kid in class, the one all the other kids pitied.

 

“It can mean sacrifice in general, any animal, but at the time this was written it would have meant human specifically.”

 

Buffy halted and nodded as she took in the information. Her faced clouded over for a few moments, then cleared into an expression Dawn knew all too well.

 

“It can’t be you,” Dawn said.

 

Buffy turned to look at her. “Who should we sacrifice instead?”

 

“We’ll find another way.”

 

“We have another way. We stop him before he makes his sacrifice. But if he does – I have to Dawnie.”

 

Dawn looked down and pushed her tears back, then looked up at Buffy. “I know.”

 

“Buffy,” Faith called from further down the hall. “They’re ready to go.”

 

Buffy gave her sister a quick hug and said, “We’ll talk.” Before she ran off after Faith.

 

As Dawn stood in the hallway, she gradually became aware of a figure in the doorway beside her.

 

“Hey, Nibblet.”

 

Dawn turned to face Spike. “Hey,” she said hollowly.

 

“So, is it just a human sacrifice that’s needed? Or could any souled creature do?”

 

Dawn looked at him for a moment. She didn’t want him to die. He was her friend. There was a time when he was her only friend. But she’d give anything to keep Buffy. “It’s any souled creature,” she replied.

 

Spike nodded. “I assume we’re in agreement.”

 

Dawn nodded.

 

“And she can’t know we spoke.”

 

Dawn nodded again.