Chapter 17:

Buffy hadn't known what else to do. Spike's condition degraded so quickly, that the only thing she could think to do was bring in her support system and start circling the wagons around Spike. Now she was glad they were here. They helped her be strong, when Spike was obviously so weak.

Dawn looked at Buffy with wide eyes, hoping that her sister had a clue what was happening, because she sure didn't, "Buffy, when I left, Spike was fine," Dawn watched as Spike struggled against the binding field that she'd insisted Willow place him in, "He was a little tired, but he was Spike," she watched, in horror, as Spike, writhed in pain, his eyes shifting from azure to amber, and back again, never able to maintain one, or the other, for any length of time, "Now, he looks like he doesn't know where he is. Buffy, what happened?"

"I don't know what happened. He shifted while we were kissing," she looked at Dawn, "But, he held it together, at least I thought so. He was a little snippy, but, that's just Spike," Buffy tried to shut out the incoherent growling she heard coming from Spike, "Then, all of the sudden, he was demanding that I leave the room. When I said I wouldn't do that, he called Riley in and demanded to be shot with those tranquilizer darts. Riley did that," Buffy couldn't fight the tears anymore, "Then, I asked Willow to put the field up again. I thought it would help calm him," Buffy took a breath, trying to calm herself, if she couldn't calm Spike, "This is the result. I know he's hurting, wild, almost. I don't understand any of this," Buffy sobbed.

The rational part of Spike's mind knew that Buffy wouldn't understand why this was happening. He wanted to tell her to get as far away from him as possible, before he couldn't control himself anymore. The part of him that was more animal than man sensed the end was coming, and had started to lash out at anything it had to, to keep that from happening. The demon was an animal, but, just like the man inside, that had, somehow managed to cling to life with his fingernails, it did not want to die. The demon saw Buffy as its only means of staying on this plane of existence, but to do that, it needed her blood. It needed to drain her dry to survive, and the man in him was not going to let that happen. William did not want to exist if that was the price. Both demon, and man were locked in a battle for supremacy.

Just which was the stronger, not even he was sure.

Buffy saw Spike rage, snarl and spit until all his energies seemed to be exhausted, and he became still. When she was certain that he was calm enough, she had Willow disengage the binding field, and she climbed into the bed and pulled him to her, cradling him like a baby. When Spike sensed that, for now, the demon had, indeed retreated within, he whimpered to Buffy, staring at her through frightened, pleading, eyes, "Please, Buffy, I don't what to die. I want to live. Buffy, please help me?"

Buffy's voice quivered, as tears squeezed out from behind closed eyelids, "I will, Spike. If I have to drag Drusilla here myself, I swear..."

Spike's brain seized on anything to keep him grounded, keep him here, with her, "Dru," he whispered, seemingly barely touching the reality he wanted to cling to, "she asked me once, where it had gone..."

"Where what had gone, Spike?" Buffy asked, trying to keep him in the present.

"The soul," he whispered, his eyes unfocused, "I told her I knew. But, I didn't," he confessed. He remembered his mother telling him, when he was a boy, that he needed to confess if he'd told a lie, and he had, he'd told a whopper, "I only believed. I told her that her soul was in heaven. But, I didn't really know," Spike nodded a little, as if he'd made some kind of decision, "I know now, though."

Buffy tried to be brave, even though her heart was breaking into tiny shards with each word that floated from his lips, "What do you know, Spike?"

"I know that William will go to heaven. He's a good boy," he paused, and looked, with wet, unfocused eyes, into her tear-stained face, and asked her, with all the wonder of a small boy, "But, Buffy, where will I go, when I die?"

Buffy looked up into her Watcher's haggard, grief-stricken, face for the answer, but found only more questions. She did her best to be the Slayer she needed to be, "Spike, I don't want you to, but if you do have to go," Buffy caressed his face with a trembling hand, "I will follow you wherever you go," Buffy watched Spike's eyes drift shut, "That's it, Spike. You rest now. Don't worry, Drusilla will be here, soon."

Giles had seen that look on Buffy's face before, and he knew that Buffy would make good on her promises, whatever it cost her.
********************

Angel barely had her name off of his lips, when Drusilla whimpered and collapsed in his arms, "Drusilla," he gasped, catching her gently against him, then hooking his hand under her knees, carrying her to his sofa. He gently placed her on the soft leather sofa, went to the sink to get a wet cloth, and quickly returned to Drusilla, "Dru, can you hear me?"

Drusilla stirred a little, coming to slowly, "So much pain," she moaned, "William hurts so much, it's hard to see, it's too bright and sharp."

"I know, Dru," Angel choked, tapping her cheek lightly to rouse her, "but, you can't rest now, your boy needs you, Dru. You have to help."

Her eyes were suddenly bright and clear, boring into Angel's soul, "You burned him to ashes," Drusilla accused, "You wanted him to die."

"You're right," Angel admitted. He wasn't sure that Drusilla would be able to understand his reasoning. That he'd wanted to make sure Spike achieved the Shashu. He gave Drusilla a wry smile, "But, you know your boy, he can be very persuasive, and a bit stubborn, I think I've changed my mind about that."

She shook her head, her voice still accusatory, "You poisoned him."

Angel tried to keep his voice strong. Drusilla sometimes needed a firm hand, "No, Dru, I didn't. But, he will die, if you don't pull yourself together soon. Do you want that?"
****************

The scene before her disquieted Illyria; the shell still held on to the electrical charges that humans referred to as memories. This shell had expired in a slow, agonizing way, very much like what the vampire she thought of as her only confidant in this small dimension, was experiencing now. Witnessing it happening to another being, made her enraged. She stepped to his bedside, slowly shifting into the persona of her human shell, "Hey, Spike," she said, "you listen to your girls now, okay? You've got a few promises to keep, remember? You promised me a hug," her voice was soft and soothing, Illyria learned how to do this from Wesley, "I know you're busy fighting this, and I won't keep you. But, I'm gonna hold you to that promise, all right?"

Buffy tried to soothe Spike as he tried to fight the pain. She knew he was a champion, but, sometimes, even champions fight losing battles. He seemed to respond to Illyria's voice, "Oh, God, Fred, I'm slipping. There's nothing to hold on to."

Illyria shifted to her natural form, "Vampire," she said, sternly, "I require you here. And, you will stay; do you understand me?"

"...There's nothing to hold on to. I can't hold on. I can't feel my hands. Dana... no..."

At the mention of Dana's name, Buffy looked up at Giles. It seems that the Slayer was kept in the dark again.

Giles had to leave the room; he just couldn't stand to see the look of betrayal and distrust in Buffy's eyes. That was a look he hadn't seen on her face since the night he'd let Wood talk him into stalling her while he carried out his vendetta. A vendetta that, if seen through to fruition, would have doomed them all. Buffy and he had just begun rebuilding their relationship. Now, a year's worth of work seemed to be torn asunder. And, all because he didn't trust his girl's judgment.

Andrew had, indeed, told him of Spike's existence after the closing of the Hellmouth in Sunnydale. But, Giles had wanted his girl to move on. He was afraid that history would repeat itself, and following her heart, allowing herself to fall in love with a vampire, would do her heart irreparable damage.

Seeing the way Buffy looked at Spike, Giles knew that he was, sadly, right. In trying to be a good father figure for her, he'd only succeeded in driving her further from him.

"...Slayer... she took my hands. I can't hold on."

Buffy sniffled, holding him tighter, "It's all right, Spike. I've got you. I'll hold you."

Xander's fingers itched, gripping the stake in his pocket. Spike had trusted him to do this if Buffy couldn't. His throat felt tight, and he swallowed hard. Was this the right time? Was this what he wanted? Could Buffy go through with it, or would he have to do it? I've got promises to keep, he thought.
*************************

"Daddy," Drusilla asked, "will you give back what you stole from me, if I help William?"

Angel was shocked. Just where, and when, had Drusilla learned such ruthless negotiating strategy? Never mind, he knew from whom she'd learned it. She had learned from her Daddy.

"Drusilla, please," he begged, he couldn't believe he was actually begging, but, he was, he was on his knees, begging, "we're talking about your boy, here. I really can't believe you would let him die. I know I took your life," he sighed, trying to keep the tears at bay, " I know, I took your innocence. If I could, Dru, I'd give it all back, I swear."

Drusilla's face softened, "Tears, Daddy? For me? For my William?"

"Yes, Dru," Angel sighed, shoulders slumped in defeat, "please, Drusilla, don't let Spike down, not now. He took care of you, when I couldn't. Loved you, when I didn't know how. Dru, he needs you, please. "

Drusilla nodded, "All right, Daddy. Take me to him."
**********************

Buffy sobbed her heat out, rocking Spike against her chest, "Hold on, Spike, please hold on. Don't you dare give up! Not now, please not now."

She knew that he was tired; she could feel him slipping into unconsciousness. He wasn't communicating with her in words, but she could feel his feelings. He was in agony. He wanted to stay with her, with all that was in him, but the pain was so much he couldn't take it. It was so much easier to drown in the numbness of being nothing. That was easier than putting up a fight. He was just so tired and so old.

She understood the pull of the numbness. She'd let it take control of her, rather than feel the pain.

"I won't let you drown, Spike. I've got you. Drusilla will be here, soon. I know it."

There was a knock at the door. All Buffy saw was a whir of scarlet and ebony, and a familiar voice that filed her with dread and joy, at the same time, "Oh, my bright, shining, brave boy. Don't worry, Mummy's here now," Drusilla drew up close to Spike's ear, "I know it hurts. But, Mummy, and Daddy are here now, and we'll make everything right again," she said, nodding toward Angel, who was still standing in the doorway, "Won't we, Daddy?"




 

Chapter 18:

He was nervous. Anyone in his situation would be. After all, a thing like this only happens once in a lifetime. He paced by the window, watching the stars come out. Oh, great, he thought, no pressure or anything, just a few angels in attendance tonight.

His fingers fumbled with the strip of cloth, like they had for the last fifteen minutes; his hands were shaking so bad, that he might as well have been all thumbs. He finally gave up and called in the reinforcements, "Harris," he bellowed, "get in here, and help me with this bleeding thing! Isn't that what a 'Best Man' is supposed to do?"

Xander appeared in the doorway of the small room, rushing to sooth the groom's frayed nerves, "Tone down the 'Big Bad' for a night, would you? You're getting married tonight, what could go wrong?"

Spike growled low in his chest, and Xander smiled, while straightening Spike's tie, "You're right, traditionally happy times are not a Scooby thing," Xander patted Spike's shoulder as he finished with the tie, "But, at least you made it this far. That's better than I can say," he let out a sigh, "Don't follow my example, okay?"

Spike wasn't listening to him. He'd wandered over to the other side of the room, pausing near the door, trying to hear any stray sounds that might be drifting down the hall.

"Hey," Xander admonished, "no fair using vamp senses to spy on the bride."

Spike balked, "Wasn't spying. I was standing about."

"Oh," Xander smiled, "Like there's a big difference? Anyway, she's not ready yet, and she's just as nervous as you are, trust me."

Spike looked at him at him, and shook his head, letting out a sigh, "Don't think that's possible, mate."
*******************************

Buffy watched as Drusilla gazed into Spike's fevered eyes, "Look at me, William," she singsonged, "See with your heart."

Buffy didn't like this; she knew what Drusilla could do, once someone was in her thrall. One swipe of those fingernails, and it could be all over for Spike, "What are you doing," Buffy asked, watching Drusilla's every move, like the predator, like the Slayer, she was.

The face that Buffy had expected to be hard, and accusatory, looking back at her instead, was soft and warm, almost like a mother's would be, when faced with a sick child, "What Daddy and I have planned will take some time. I thought I would give him some pretty pictures to look at while we work," Drusilla nodded, acknowledging that, for a brief moment, she and the Slayer were on the same side, "Maybe lessen his pain some. Right now, it's too bright. I can't even bear to look at it, and he's been looking at it so long, his eyes are strained and tired."

"Oh," Buffy nodded, pulling Spike tighter in to her, "that's okay then."

"Do you have somewhere a little less crowded," Drusilla asked, "Miss Edith doesn't like all these nasty people around. I think she's a bit frightened."

Buffy was shocked, "If you think, for one minute, that I'm going to..." she paused, remembering what Spike had told her. She rethought her strategy, "Drusilla, do you think Miss Edith would let me talk to Daddy first? Maybe he has some ideas that might help?"

"Miss Edith says that would be all right. But, we must start soon," Drusilla warned.

Buffy nodded, climbing out of the bed and heading for the doorway, "I'll be quick, I promise."

Once Buffy was out of the room, she put herself between Angel and Spike, a closed door at her back, "Angel, just what is it Drusilla's planning on doing, here?"

Angel sighed, again unable to look her in the eye, "She wants her soul back. Dru wants what I took from her," he sighed again, "As payment, for helping Spike."

"What?" Buffy gasped, "But, that's crazy, no one, in their right mind, would do that! Spike is like her child, right? What mother would make someone pay them for saving their own child?"

Angel laughed, and gave Buffy a rueful smile, "Someone not in their right mind. That's my fault, too."

A plan was starting to form in Buffy's mind. She bit her lip, in thought, "Did she ask for payment, up front?"

"No," Angel said, confused, "But, if we don't do something, Spike will die, and she'll just sit there, and watch it happen."

"Maybe," Buffy mused, a slow grin pulling at her lips, "Maybe not," she said, eyes glinting with fire as she went back into the room, dragging Angel along behind her, "Come on," Buffy said, " I learned the art of doubletalk from a master."

"Who?" Angel asked.

"Who do you think," she said, then, turning her eyes to Drusilla, Buffy said, sweetly, "Drusilla, sweetling, do I have a deal for you."
***************************

The small gazebo at the edge of the footpath had been set aglow with candlelight. On either side of the winding, cobblestone path, leading to the shelter of the white lattice-framed structure, little pinpoints of light broke up the black of the night. Each small little flame was important tonight. And, the candles seemed to sense that their job was crucial, and glowed, just ever so much brighter, for the knowledge that, tonight, they were lighting the path for a bride to follow to her groom. No candle even dared think of flickering out tonight. The bride mustn't trip, in her beautiful, white gown. Tonight, two hearts were being joined, and they must be surefooted.

Under the gazebo, three people waited. There was the minister, who looked out of place, and a bit impatient. After all, this sort of thing was usually done in a church, in the daytime.

The best man, sensing the man's disquiet, whispered to him, "Hey, this is Los Angeles. Out here, we kind of go with the flow," Xander looked at his watch, "9:30," he said, eying the groom, who was chain smoking, very quietly in the corner, if corners were possible in a roughly hexagonally shaped structure, "T minus ten minutes. Better put that out," he said, nodding toward the glowing cigarette, "Or wedding or not, she'll have your head."

Spike gave a sheepish look, and then dutifully crushed the cigarette with the toe of his shoe, and pushed the butt out into the grass, "Better?" he asked.

"Much," Xander said, satisfied.

Spike wanted to check one last thing, "Harris, do you have the rings?"

Xander checked his pockets. He'd thought about razzing Spike a little, but thought better of it, seeing as how the groom had a tendency to grow fangs when provoked. He reached into his pocket, and pulled out the tiny velvet box, opened it, to be sure the rings were safely inside, closed it, and returned it to his pocket, "Yes, sir," he smiled, "ready to go."

"Good," Spike said, not really paying attention to him. Spike's attention was drawn to the small building, far up the footpath; he thought he saw a blur of white, amid the blush of pink the bridesmaids wore. He wanted to be sure, but couldn't risk shifting into the face that was better at night vision, for fear of frightening the minister off, "I think I see her," his face softened, at the vision in gossamer white, floating down the cobblestones, toward him, "Oh, my..." he said, his voice barely a whisper.

Xander was ready for this. After all, underneath the leather and the swagger, Spike really was on old softie at heart. He pulled out his handkerchief, and handed it, with as much macho flourish as he could, to Spike.

Buffy really does look beautiful, Xander thought, as he dabbed his eyes.
*************************************

"So, we have a deal then," Buffy asked Drusilla, "Once I'm sure Spike's all right, you'll get your payment?" Buffy tried to keep her tone even, "The one we agreed on," Buffy nodded, hoping Drusilla was cogent enough to understand, "That's much better than anything Daddy could promise. And, it's a sure thing. Souls can be tricky things," Buffy nodded toward Angel, "Ask your Daddy. Here one minute, and gone the next. Never can trust them."

Dru seemed hesitant, "I don't think that's right. Daddy promised..."

"Ask Miss Edith, if you want to," Buffy interrupted, "Has she ever lied to you?"

"No," Drusilla admitted.

"Buffy, I don't think..." the rest of Angel's comment was cut off by an elbow to the ribs.

"Good," Buffy said, "So, let's get started then."
*********************

The minister was talking, but he wasn't listening. Spike was busy looking at her. At how the starlight bounced off of her glowing skin, the softness of her palms as he glided his thumbs over them. Her face was glowing with a light he'd never seen in her before, and it was all for him. He looked down, to try to shield his eyes from the brightness, and to hide the fact that he couldn't see for the tears in his eyes, at her small feet. Those small feet, so capable of kicking him until his head fell off, were now adorned in small lace slippers. The slippers were so small, he doubted he could even fit his hand inside them.

He took his eyes off of her feet, and brought them back to their joined hands. His left hand, and hers, was wearing a small, silver ring. It was a little bit of nothing, really. But, it meant so much. He knew, somewhere, his mother was proud. He'd finally found her; his one, his perfect fit.

He looked up when the minister stopped talking. They were expecting something, what was it? Oh right. The kiss.

His lips touched hers just as she bit her lip, bringing a tiny bit of blood to his tongue. This, he had not expected, and his vision exploded in a pyrotechnic display bigger than the Fourth of July.
*************************************

Buffy watched as Drusilla pressed Spike's face to her neck, and let him drink. She could see the muscles in his throat working slowly at first, than faster as his need grew.

Even after the first feeding he was looking much better, almost like he had after Glory had beaten him, if that could be called better. Oh, well, everything is relative, she thought. Of course, there was still no hair, but this was only the first feeding.

Buffy became curious about something, and left the room to talk to Willow.

"Willow, can you tell me what he's seeing?"

"Buffy, you want me to eavesdrop on his magical pain killer," Willow winked at her, "Buffy, I'm shocked."

"Please, Willow," she asked, her eyes downward.

"Sure," she said, closing her eyes, "Just take me a second."

Willow found herself staring at a small white gazebo, next to a candle lit path. She moved in a little closer, to try and see the figures in the center, they looked like a bride and groom. She smiled. Someone was getting married.

She looked closer. Now, she could make out the faces. Once they stopped kissing, she should be able to tell who they were, exactly. Yes, she was right, they were a bride and groom.

"Oh Buffy," she whispered as she opened her eyes, "It's just beautiful," Willow sniffed a little, "You look so beautiful."

"What?" Buffy asked, her body suddenly tight with anticipation.

Willow smiled, "Buffy, he's getting married...to you."

"Really?" she asked, suddenly awash in love for him, "I'm his 'Happy Thought'?"

Buffy knew, for the first time, that even though there were still some miles to go yet, things were going to be all right.


 

Chapter 19:

Dawn watched Spike, and heaved a little sigh of relief. With Drusilla's help, he was getting better, and soon he would be back to his old self. He'd be the 'Big Bad' again, on her case about anything, and everything, she did.

He still looked pretty banged up, but Drusilla promised to be back at sunset, so, everything was going to work out. As long as he didn't have to fight any baddies anytime soon, everything would be fine.

Buffy came into the apartment, after making sure Drusilla was safely stowed at the Hyperian for the day. Drusilla loved the idea of staying at her Daddy's "dollhouse" for the day. She wasn't so hyped about the refrigerated blood, but said, that she would make the sacrifice, to make her boy strong again.

"How's our patient, Dawn?" Buffy asked, quietly shutting the door, trying not to disturb Spike.

Dawn looked at her sister's face. She was pasty white, and the circles under her eyes were darker than Spike's signature wardrobe. Dawn winced at the sight of her, "Better than you, right now," she nodded toward Spike as she said, "You'd better sit down. If he saw you like this," she drew her face up, in a weak imitation of a vampire's visage, "he'd be all 'Grr, argh,' and tell you to go straight to bed, and sleep for two days."

Buffy sighed, coming to stand by her sister, and looking down into Spike's face longingly, "Would almost be worth the hassle; to see him sparkle again, you know?"

Dawn nodded, "Yeah, I know what you mean," she said, "Sometimes, I'd get into trouble, just to see how mad he'd get at me," she smiled, "It let me know he loved me, just a little."

Buffy squinted at Dawn. This was new information, "When was this, Dawnie?"

"That summer. Before Willow did that spell. He was kind of... out of it, for a while. Protecting me, I guess, gave him focus."

"He loved you Dawnie, you know that, right?" Buffy asked, seeing her sister's eyes cloud over with tears, "He loves you now. Just as much, maybe more, than he did then."

"He told you?" she asked, hopeful.

Buffy shook her head, "No, Dawn, he didn't," she smiled, "He was inside my head for a while, remember? I still have to ask Angel how that's even possible. Vampires aren't supposed to be able to cast any type of reflection, not even their thoughts are supposed to reflect," she waved off the thought, "Anyway, I can still hear him sometimes. It's sort of like a buzzing, you know, like background noise? But, sometimes it's real clear," she smiled again, "He comes in really clear when he's thinking about you. He loves you."

"Really?"

"Really, Nibblet," Spike grumbled, from the bed, "And, if you two ladies don't keep it down, I'll never get any sleep."

"Oh," Dawn gasped, covering her mouth, to prevent a squeal of surprise, and joy, from escaping, "Sorry, Spike! I'll be quiet," she said, grinning at him, " I promise!"

Spike opened one eye. His voice and eye, held a barely contained joy, and Buffy knew that, if he'd had the strength, he would've jumped out of bed to hug her sister, and her, "No, you won't, Bit. I know this from experience, Summers girls are never quiet. It's physically impossible for them to be," he paused when he heard a coughing noise from Buffy, "It's just one thing, on the list of a million things, that I love about you two."

"We love you, too, Spike," Dawn said.

Spike caught a glimpse of Buffy, in the corner of the room, trying to disappear into the wallpaper so that she didn't disturb her sister's moment with him, "Bit's right, Love. If I thought it would help, I'd throw you over my shoulder, weak or not, and take you to bed," at Buffy's sly grin, he added, "To sleep! You look like the walking dead! And this is coming from someone who is the walking dead. Get some sleep, Love, you need it."

"I will," she sighed, "Just as soon as I talk to Giles."

"What did old Rupert do now, Love?"

"It's not what he did, it's what he didn't do," Buffy said as she neared the door, "You'll be all right, with Dawn?"

"Yes," Spike said, "I'm sure there's some prepubescent boy band that Bit's just itching to tell me about," he smiled at her, fully awake, "And for once, I can't use the excuse of patrol to skip out on a gripping conversation," he rolled his eyes, "I'm sure she's just loving this. Aren't you, Bit?"

Buffy smiled as her sister nodded her head, vigorously, "I'll be back soon," she said, as she left the apartment.
************************

Drusilla sat in front of the empty vanity mirror in the privy of the tiny room in her Daddy's dollhouse and thought of all the countess nights William had spent, brushing her raven tresses until they glowed in the moonlight. Those were some of the happiest nights she'd had. He'd been so loving; she counted herself lucky to have him. It was nights like that, that made her grateful she had listened to Miss Edith that night, long ago, in the stable. That woman hadn't been worthy of having a heart such as his. If that woman couldn't see the wealth he had, she would take it. Most of the wealth that he'd carried that night had flown to Miss Edith, but Drusilla was happy with the little that had been left for her.

Drusilla hadn't wanted to give William to the Slayer. But, her boy had such a strong heart; it knew what it wanted, and it needed the light. Even though she grieved his loss, and had tried to show him that it could be good with her, that he could still be her beautiful poetry, she knew he was like Icarus. He had to fly close to the sun, even if he knew he'd drown because of it.

Then, that evil little sprite had the gall to tell him he was broken. She'd told him that his golden heart wasn't good enough. So, like the brave knight she knew her boy was, he sought the broken piece, the piece he hadn't needed, the part that had been Miss Edith's, to keep, and shoved it in his chest, for all the world to see.

Now, Miss Edith missed her sweet William. Drusilla knew what it was like, to lose someone you loved dearly. She'd lost her Daddy, and William, too, to that nasty little sprite. She couldn't bring them both back, but she could give William back to Miss Edith, and make the Slayer pay, for making William cry.

Daddy had been wrong. But then, Daddy still thought she was a little girl. When she'd been little, she'd wanted her songbird to sing to her again. But, little girls grow up, and put away childish things. Because Daddy had been mistaken, the sprite had given Drusilla the opportunity to bring William back to Miss Edith, and she would be a fool if she didn't take it.
***************************

Buffy found Giles, talking with Riley, outside the apartment.

She approached Giles, who looked at her with guilty eyes. Good, she thought, maybe now he'll know that I'm not a little girl anymore. "Giles," she said, "we need to talk."

"I know," he said, his head bowed, "Buffy, you have to know, I had my reasons for what I did."

Riley had seen the look in Buffy's eyes before, he knew when to, "duck, and cover." He left to take a noonday stroll. Riley thought that maybe he'd better warn the National Guard, of the impending disaster that he was sure was going to result from the "conversation" that was going to take place. "Excuse me," he said, "while I go find another zip code to be in," he patted Giles's shoulder, in a gesture of sympathy, and left them to talk.

"Giles," Buffy said, "it seems that you might have known about Spike, before, is this true, or did I just imagine that you looked like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, before Drusilla showed up, last night?"

"I did know," he admitted.

Buffy had expected to be shocked, but she wasn't. She nodded, "Do you mind telling me why you didn't tell me?"

"Buffy, I saw how much you grieved for him. I held you while you cried, while you wondered where it was that he had gone," he sighed, "I knew what you said you felt like, after you'd returned from heaven. You weren't yourself, everything around you brought you pain, and misery," Giles nodded toward the door, and the resting vampire behind it, "If he'd had that, and been torn from it, he mightn't be the same being you had loved. The vampire, who'd risked everything, to save you, and the world you lived in."

Buffy swallowed hard, "Go on," she said.

"If he had gone to some sort of hell," Giles continued, "he might have been wild, unpredictable. He might have been so tortured that he would have been unable to love you, even if he'd wanted to. Buffy, he might have hurt you, regardless of where he'd been. And, I just couldn't risk you being hurt again, if I could do anything to prevent the hurt."

Buffy admired the fatherly instinct, even as she was angry. Giles loved her, more than even her own, biological, father had, "But, Giles," she said through a tight throat, "you can't protect me from life. I learned that, when I tried to protect Dawn like you tried to protect me. Life happens, whether you're ready for it or not," she smiled, a wet smile, "Don't get me wrong, I'm very angry at you right now. But, I understand the impulse. You have to remember, that little girls grow up."

"I think I may need reminding, at times," Giles said.

"The next time you forget that," Buffy said, "I will give you a good right hook to remind you."

"I'd expect nothing less," he said.
**********************

"You mean, Drusilla's actually here," Spike asked, "I didn't dream that?"

"Nope," Dawn grinned, "She's here. A few more nights, and she says you'll be well enough to travel."

"Travel," Spike was confused, "Bit, where are we going, and what's that you said about a 'deal' with Buffy?"

"Drusilla wants to take you to the Hellmouth. To make you stronger. And, as far as the deal goes, Buffy won't tell me, but I don't care," she said, "as long as you're better."

The fear he felt made his heart freeze, "I care, Bit," he said, "I care, very much."
**************


 

Chapter 20:

Drusilla knew that she had to wait for the right time. If she rushed, things would get all jumbled, and neither Miss Edith, nor she, would get what she wanted. Her Daddy had already promised to help her get back what was stolen from her, so that wasn't the worrisome part. The worrisome part was William. The sprite had burrowed so deep inside of him now, that it was hard to tell where she ended, and he began. Just how did one begin to separate the wheat from the tears, when they were all mingled into one? If she didn't wait until the stars aligned themselves, she might destroy the thing she hoped to save, and, that wouldn't do at all.

True, William would be cross with her, for a time, but he would come to see her way on things, he always had before.
***************************

"Bit, do you think you could call Red in here, for me?"

"What do you need, Spike? I can get you whatever you need," Dawn said.

"Normally, you'd be the one I'd ask, but what I have to ask about might bring back some unpleasant memories for you. I know the subject brings me nausea, so I don't want to bring you anymore bad feelings, in regards to me."

Dawn looked at Spike's eyes; they looked like they had right before Doc pushed him off the tower. Something clicked, and she understood, "You're scared, aren't you?" she asked, sympathetically.

Spike was chagrined. His Little Bit still knew where all his vulnerable points were. She still knew that, two minutes alone with her, and he was rolling over, like a sodding pup, and exposing his soft underbelly to her, "Yeah, Bit, I am. Drusilla's mind is so full of twists and turns that even I got dizzy at times. I don't like the idea of the Slayer going into this blindfolded, and with her hands tied. Drusilla can be incredibly cruel, at times; learned well from her Daddy, she did. I need to know how far Buffy will go, for me, if she's driven to it."

Dawn remembered the hollow, far away look in Buffy's eyes that day, on the Hellmouth. She'd tried to use humor, the tried and true Scooby way of dealing with staring into the face of Death, but the most she'd gotten out of Buffy was a ghost of a smile. The look on her sister's face made her heart hurt, and the fact that Buffy didn't speak, for hours afterward, only confirmed her worst fears: Spike was dead. Really dead; her best friend was dust, and he wasn't coming back. And she hadn't told him how sorry she was.

Dawn didn't want to tell Spike how Buffy had refused to let the bus move an inch, from the spot where it had stopped, until well into the wee hours of the next morning. She didn't want to tell him, how, after waking up, with a kink in her neck, from a fitful night's sleep, on the bus seat, she found Buffy climbing down into the crevasse, in the desert, that just that morning, had been a small town; had once been her home. Dawn found Buffy frantically digging in the earth with her bare hands. When Dawn called down to her, Buffy's face looked back at her, tear-stained, and anguished, "He could still be here, Dawn," she'd sobbed, digging further into the dirt and debris, "All I have to do is keep digging. Just a little deeper, and I know I'll find him. I know he's here," she whimpered, "He has to be. He promised."

"Promised what, Buffy?" Dawn asked, trying to soothe her sister, and trying not to show her sister how much Spike's death had really affected her.

"He promised he'd never leave me, Dawnie," Buffy's voice became a high-pitched wail of grief, but she never stopped throwing aside handfuls of sand and dirt, "I don't want him to have to dig himself out. I know what that's like, Dawn. I can't leave him here," in the moonlight, Dawn could see the black glow of blood on her hands. She'd dug until her fingers bled, trying to find a love her heart realized too late.

Dawn stayed there, along with her friends, who had gathered at the edge of the gap, silently sending her sister all the love she couldn't give Spike. She'd tried to coax Buffy out of the spot that had become Spike's grave, but she wouldn't come. A part of Dawn wanted to climb down and help her, because it was hard to believe that Spike was really gone.

It wasn't until the sun started to come over the horizon, and Buffy knew that there was no hope, that Buffy climbed out of the gap, sobbing, bleeding, and exhausted, and left him there to rest, forever.

By the look on Dawn's face, Spike could tell she was reliving some very painful memories. Her bright face had aged fifty years, just in the last thirty seconds, "God, Bit, I'm sorry," he apologized.

"No Spike, don't. It's all right," she smiled, "Now that you're here, it all seems like a bad dream."

"Could turn into a nightmare, if Buffy goes in blind. Drusilla may be crazy, but she's patient, when she wants something, she'll wear you down, use every trick in her arsenal, to bring you around to the point where the only way out is the way she's cleared for you. I don't like to think of the things Dru could cook up. Vengeance is her favorite thing. She dances in it," he sighed, "If Buffy's written Dru onto her dance card, in exchange for me, she needs to know the steps."

"Vengeance," Dawn was shocked, "Why would Drusilla want vengeance on Buffy?"

"For what Buffy did, without even trying, Bit," he smiled, sadly, at her, "Stole what had been hers, for over one hundred years."

Dawn nodded, her face matching his, showing a mixture of sadness and joy, at being together again, "You mean your heart, don't you, Spike?"

"Yeah, Bit," he said, "my heart."

"In that case," Dawn heaved a sigh, "Do you remember what you felt like, after Buffy died?"

He did remember. Only his love for Dawn had kept him from walking into daylight. He'd been numb. The only thing that let him know he existed was the nightly patrol, with that cursed Buffybot. And even then, having her image there, close enough to touch, and have it be a lie, ripped his guts out, every night. The thing was insipid, but in an Alice-down-the-rabbit-hole sort of way, he'd needed it with him. Some feeling was better than being numb.

"Yes," even saying the word, brought the pain back.

"You remember, you would have, you did, do everything in your power, to have her back again," Dawn said, "I know you, if you could have, you would have turned the earth, spinning in the opposite direction. Just like the superhero in that movie?"

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Magnify that by a million, and that's what Buffy, or I, would do for you," Dawn said, tears welling in her eyes, "To have you back."

"Oh God, Bit, I didn't know. If I had known..."

Dawn watched tears creep down Spike's cheeks, "It's going to be okay, Spike. Buffy will be all right."

"I'm terrified for her, Bit," he looked up at her, unable to keep the fear from showing on his face, "Truly terrified. Dru will kill her."
 

Chapter 21:

*******************

Angel knew that it had been a dream. Holland hadn't really been there, but the things he'd said still hurt. And now, with Dru holding Spike's cure over his head, things just went from bad to worse. When he'd made that promise, he would have said anything, up to, and including, pledging his own soul, to Drusilla, just to get the image of Spike, lying on that cold stone, weak and emaciated, because of him, out of his head. And, Dru knew this and used it, to perfection. He smiled at the irony. She was truly Angelus's little girl, learned her lessons well. She was a true work of art, his Drusilla. He should have been proud, and the sick part of this was, his demon was in a corner of his mind laughing. A part of him was proud of her. Drusilla had constructed such an intricate spider web, that every possible move had been planned for, and countered.

Drusilla had the perfect weapon in Buffy's love for Spike. The more Buffy loved him, the more anyone around him cared, the tighter the snare became, until there was no way out. Drusilla was a true woman scorned. A woman with nothing to lose; and, that type of woman was dangerous.

Angel had been unprepared for the feelings the sight of William would evoke in him. Until the moment he'd laid eyes on his immobile, withered frame, Angel couldn't say he'd felt an ounce of kinship with him. The idea of Spike's demise had always been just that, an idea, in the abstract. William, in Angel's mind, had been, and would always be a fighter. He'd always been a nuisance. But, Spike was the kind of nuisance that, in fact, was never a nuisance at all. He was someone you only missed, that much more, when they weren't there.

It wasn't until that moment that he realized that Spike could really die. It was then that Angel realized, maybe for the first time, that he truly loved Spike, and Shanshu or not, Angel didn't want to see him suffer, not for his arrogance and greed.

Drusilla knew this, and she held Spike's existence hostage, in order to get him to help her lay, and trip, her trap for both Spike and Buffy. Without knowing it, Angel had become entangled in Drusilla's web. If he did as Drusilla asked, Spike would live, but Buffy, most likely, would not, and Spike, full of righteous anger and grief, would probably beat him to dust. If he warned them, Drusilla would let Spike slowly starve to death. Because even if Angel fed Spike nightly, until he was dust, nothing would really help, until the serum was cleared from Spike's system, and he was able to take in human blood again. And, that couldn't happen without Drusilla. If Spike died, once and for all, and Buffy found out he had something to do with it, she would stake him. And, surprisingly, he'd welcome it.

This morning, after Buffy had left the hotel to check on Spike's progress, Drusilla had come to him. It was then that Angel realized the scope of her madness.
*************************

Dawn held Spike as he wept. He was weeping out of fear, and hopelessness. She knew this kind of fear. She'd felt it herself, staring into that big chasm, knowing that the last words she'd said, directly to him, had been threats of violence, "Spike, she'll be all right. You know she will," she smiled, as he released his hold on her, to try and dry his tears, "She kicked your butt, up and down Main Street, more than once. What can Drusilla do, that you haven't tried to?"

He nodded, "But I pulled my punches, even from the beginning, because I didn't really want to see her dead," his eyes widened as his mind caught up with what his mouth had let slip, "And, if you tell her I said that, I will bite you, Bit."

She only smiled, and hugged him. Spike was surprised, "What's this then, Bit?" he asked, returning the gesture, as firmly as his weakened body would allow.

When he saw her eyes again, the adoration would have taken his breath away, "There you are," she said, "I knew you were in there somewhere," she said, as she embraced him again.

Spike closed his eyes, and surrendered, taking in the mixture of dime-store perfume, cherry scented lip gloss, and bubble gum, that clung to her skin, and hair. A scent that he'd taken comfort in before, and now, at this moment, thanked the heavens he could again, "I love you, Dawn. Until the end of the world," he whispered in her ear, and felt the warmth of her love's glow.

"Me too, you," she murmured.
***************************

"No, Dru, you can't ask me to do that," he hissed, her insane ramblings still ringing in his ears, "I won't do it."

"But, Daddy, you promised," she said, coldly, " And if you don't, Miss Edith still gets her prize," there was a wicked gleam in her eye, "But it will hurt William so much more," she shook her finger at him, and clicked her tongue, "You and I both don't want that. Neither does Miss Edith."

Angel looked at her, hoping there was a corner of sanity left, somewhere in her, he hoped he hadn't driven her beyond the reason of a mother's love, "But, Dru," he pleaded, "hurting him will taint Miss Edith's prize," Angel gave her a sidelong glance, "He'll leave you, out in the cold, if you do this. He'll hate you, and Miss Edith, forever."

"Only for a little while," she said, "He'll see that it was the right thing, in time," she told him, nodding to herself.

"And, how do you convince Buffy to let you do this," he asked, "She's the Slayer, Dru. She'll fight you."

"I know that. She thinks she loves William. I want to see how much. Does she love him enough to give up that precious mote of dust that keeps her floating here?" she paused, and tilted her head, listening to the air speak, "She's overstayed her welcome, and, that's not polite. It's time for her to say goodnight. Miss Edith just wants what was hers once. She was happy once," Drusilla whimpered, "She only wants to be happy again."

"When William knows the price. When he knows what you have done," Angel shook his head, dizzy from her madness, "He'll stake you, you know that."

"If he does, than I'll be with Miss Edith, like I should have been, a long time ago."

Angel paced the small room, "And, if Spike is strong enough to stop you," he pointed an accusatory finger at her, "What happens then?"

Drusilla's tone was confident, "Then we'll all see who it is that William loves, the best."
**************************

Angel listened to the cadence of her heartbeat, two floors below him, and slowly rising, in the old hotel. He had hoped that she would stay away. The longer she stayed away from Drusilla, and him, the less time Drusilla had to spring her trap. Angel was finally learning from Spike. This time, there really was strength in numbers. As long as Buffy stayed with Spike, and her friends, she was safe. If she were isolated, then Drusilla would make her move.

Buffy should have been with Spike right now, but instead, she was here, coming closer and closer to his door, until she was knocking on it, "Angel, you in there?"

"Yeah," he said, as he opened the door, "Come in."

Buffy walked into the room, then turned to face Angel, "Angel I want to ask you something, about Spike."

"Go ahead," he nodded.

"Angel, ever since the night of the battle, at times, I've been able to hear Spike in my head," she rubbed her temples with her fingertips, as if she were trying to call him up so that he could help her explain things to him, "Yet, I remember, when I had that telepathic ability, from the demon, you said that vampires don't cast a thought reflection," she shrugged, "So, what gives?"

He started pacing the room, "The nearest I can figure is that it's some sort of adrenaline rush," Angel looked at her confused face, "The nearest thing I can think of, in a human, is the rush a mother gets when she knows her baby is trapped under a car, and, who, suddenly has the strength to lift the car off of the child. She has superhuman strength; can do things that would, under normal circumstances, be impossible," he gave Buffy a sad smile, "And, you know, Spike. For him, nothing is out of reach. If any vampire could do what seems impossible, it would be Spike."

Buffy nodded, "I know. Thanks for telling me," she sighed, and turned toward the door, "Now, I'm off to bed, by decree of Spike."

Angel nodded, "You know not to let Dru into your room, right?"

She was incredulous, "Angel, you do know who I am, don't you? Plenty of sunshine to hide in, and she's not crossing my threshold any time soon."

"Good," Angel sighed, as he closed the door.
**********************************

Spike looked at he nauseatingly bright rabbits that adorned his gown, and winced, "Bit," he said, "I realize that this was probably the only thing Harris could pinch, at hospital, but now that I'm a bit more myself, do you think maybe we could go for something a bit more, 'E.R.', and a little less vomit inducing?"

"Sure," Dawn winked, "I'll tell Willow to get you some nice, green scrubs," she shook her head, "Those bunnies were starting to make me sick, no offense."

"None taken," he smiled. "The only thing offensive here, is Harris's fashion sense."
************************

Buffy opened her eyes to darkness. The air smelled of metal, and dust. The heat was oppressive. Her chest stung as her lungs drew in the stale air. She had smelled this smell before, felt this kind of heat. The last time she'd smelled this was when she was inside the old factory that Spike and Drusilla had used as a hideout back in Sunnydale.

As Buffy's eyes adjusted, she saw Angel, crouched on the floor, his face smeared with dust. He looked at her, his tears causing white streaks in the dark ash that clung to his face, and hands, "Buffy, I'm sorry," he sobbed, "I'm so sorry."

Buffy woke with a start, and raced the five blocks to Spike's apartment, with her heart in her throat, hoping it wasn't true. Her brain chanted the mantra, "He can't be dead. He can't be dead," in time with the staccato rhythm of her boots on the pavement.

She burst through the door, surprising both Dawn and Spike when she asked, "Spike, are you all right?" she was looking him over with wild, worried eyes.

Spike tried to soothe the emotions that he felt crashing off of her, with a smile, "Aside from this awful gown, I've got on?" he nodded when he felt her heart calm, "I'm fine, Slayer, no worries."

"Thank God," she sighed, in relief.
***************************

Drusilla smiled to herself, "Soon, Miss Edith," she said, "Soon, we'll make our move. The web is in place, now the thing to do is wait, just a little longer. And, Daddy will be so proud."


 

Chapter 22:

She had intended to give the Slayer a trip to the woodshed and then leave. But after seeing the images that ran through William's head, while she was nursing him, Drusilla had changed her mind. Now she wasn't going to be satisfied until she saw the Slayer's blood flowing. Nothing else would do.

She really had wanted to listen to Miss Edith, and make William well again, and leave him to fly. After all, a boy can't stay with his mother forever, no matter how much a mother loved her babies, they all must grow up, and leave the nest.

But then, those sticky sweet images started flashing in William's eyes, and Miss Edith got sad. There were so many things she couldn't have. She knew that. But William made it a little better; he was gentle, as he could be. But in all those pictures that hurried in William's brain, not one of them was of his dark princess. Drusilla had been with him for a hundred years or more, and in the blink of an eye, that sprite had made him forget her. The rage boiled up inside Drusilla. She would pay for wiping her from William's mind. Drusilla would make William remember her again.

That nasty little Slayer had just given her the upper hand. William knew better than to trust a desperate lioness, the little girl, however, had no such insight.
**********************

Illyria rushed in after Buffy, ready to defend her pet, from further harm.

"Easy there, Blue," Spike rushed to say, watching the murderous glow Illyria aimed at Buffy, "there's no fire, here. She wants to keep me as safe and sound as you do. Stand down, Highness."

"Are you certain," she asked, clearly wary of complying with the request.

"Yes," he nodded, " Leave us, for some time, all right? Take the Bit with you, when you go, would you," Spike looked at Dawn, and smiled shyly, "No, offense, Bit. See what Red can do about the wardrobe, would you?"

"None taken," she nodded, as she pushed Illyria, reluctantly, out the door.
****************************

Angel sank in his chair, his hand loosely gripping the mug of otter's blood. He shook his head again, trying to figure out when Drusilla had gone completely off the deep end. When he'd brought her to Spike, she seemed to understand that this wasn't about her, it was about Spike's health. Then, after the first feeding, she'd gone from angel of mercy, to screaming banshee of vengeance in a snap.

Angel still couldn't make sense of her murky quagmire of a mind. The only being, on earth, who understood her, was Spike. He wondered just where things had gotten so bad.

A comforting voice came from the doorway, "Yeah, things really seem to be circling the drain, don't they?"

He blinked, "Cordy, what are you doing here?"

She smiled a warm smile, "Come on, I had to keep my guy from imploding, didn't I? Angel, that vision was just supposed to be broad stokes," she was excited, "You weren't supposed to make it come true! It was just a warning, not an established fact," she shook her head, "Geesh, Angel, don't you have any imagination?"

"You know the answer to that question," Angel said, flatly.

She winced, "Yeah, I do. You're pretty much a paint-by-the-numbers kind of vamp," she brightened a little, "Still, this can still work out. You can still pull victory out of Wolfram and Hart's jaws. It doesn't have to be all gloom and doom, here, does it?"

He was too tired, "Cordy, have you been watching, wherever you are? Where's the silver lining here," he asked, "I lost Buffy," he ticked the points off, on his fingers, "I lost my son, twice, I lost you. I lost Fred, and Wesley, Darla and Gunn. And, let's not forget Nina," he shielded his eyes with his hand, "And now, God help me, I shouldn't even care, but I do, now I may lose Spike. I even lost my chance at the Shanshu," his voice betrayed the emotion stirring in him, "So, Cordy, please tell me, how can I make this better?"

She shrugged, "Search me," she smiled, "I used to be a cheerleader, so looking for the good part of a bad situation is sort of a habit," she looked at Angel's scowling face, "Doesn't mean there isn't one," she nodded, "We just have to put our heads together, like we always did, and find one."
***********************

"Good," Spike sighed, "that heartbeat of yours has gone from a rapid snare drum to a nice, steady base drum. Now, could you please let me hold you? You're shaking like a leaf, Slayer, I can see the gooseflesh from here."

Buffy shuffled over to the bedside, silently praying that he wasn't a dream, that the nightmare that started almost four months ago, with a rainy night, and a clandestine meeting, had finally ended, and that the soft baritone voice and those bright blue eyes were real. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, a little voice told her to believe, but the image of Angel covered in ash, was hard to shake, "Now," she said, with a tone of disbelief, "it's my turn to ask you, are you a dream?"

He shook his head, "Nope, this part's real. Whatever it was that caused the stress on that little ticker of yours, though, was not. That, I'm almost certain of."

"Almost?" she asked, sitting, softly, on the bed.

"Well," Spike looked down, almost bashful, Buffy could have sworn he was actually blushing, "I've had a few dreams that would have set my heart racing, if it'd been beating, that is."

Buffy's face was grim, "Any of those dreams of yours feature Angel, in a starring role, covered in your ash?"

"Ah," he nodded, "Can't say I've had that pleasure. Wouldn't give the ponce the satisfaction, as my present condition will attest," he reached to stroke her cheek with his palm, "Slayer dream, you think?"

"Don't know," she confessed, "It scared me, though."

"Scared is good," Spike agreed, "Scared keeps you alive. Especially when it comes time to pay the piper," he said, his eyes level with hers, showing her that he knew what she had been trying to hide.

Buffy tried to evade his laser-like gaze, but he, gently, drew her eyes back to him with a push of his thumb, "Look at me," he said, his voice teetering on a whisper, "I know that Drusilla didn't just, all of the sudden, feel the milk of human kindness start flowing, in the soul I know she hasn't got, and decide to give the 'White Hats' a freebie," Buffy could see his strong gaze brighten a little as he looked at her, "It's you for me, isn't it? That's the 'deal' you made with Dru?"

Buffy nodded, afraid to meet his eyes, "Yeah," she choked, "that was the deal."

Buffy felt Spike start to shake, she didn't know whether it was from anger or fear, or something else, "Oh, Buffy," he growled, through clenched teeth, "If I didn't love you so much, I would let you go, like a lamb to the slaughter," his eyes were a swirl of both amber and blue, Buffy had never seen them like that before, "As it is though, I do love you. I love you too much to just kiss you and send you off to your death..."

Buffy was a little wounded, "Hey, Slayer here, you know!" she interrupted.

"Yes," Spike hissed, "But, you aren't the only one, now, are you? That has to have consequences. Magic always does. You may be just weak enough for Dru to slip in and have that, 'One good day' I shot my mouth off about. And," his eyes gleamed at her, "I'm not letting that happen. If a cage match was part of the bargain, then I'm helping you get ready. No one, not even Angelus, knows Dru better than I do," he nodded firmly, his mind set, "You and I, Slayer, are going to train," he smiled, "It'll be just like old times."

"But Spike," she said, not wanting to douse the fire in his eyes, "I hate to break it to you, but, you can't even stand up. You actually think we're going to go a few rounds with me at full-tilt, and you at...less?"

"What," he winked, "You never heard of a second wind? Well, I just got mine. All we have to do now is wait for Bit to come back with a change of clothes," he shook his head, looking down at the pastel animals on the gown he was wearing, and pinched the cloth out, so that Buffy could see it, then looked up at her with a sad, pleading, face, "Does Harris really hate me this much," he asked, then with a sigh, added, "I just cannot be the 'Big Bad' with a costume emblazoned with psychedelic bunnies!"

Buffy couldn't help it, the look on his face and the tone of his voice, reminded her of a sulking toddler. Buffy knew, that if he could, he would be stomping his foot right now. She tried to stop the tickle from rising in her, but by the time she knew it was there, it was already too late, she started laughing, and she couldn't stop.

"Oh, you'll die all right," Spike was saying, "Of sodding laughter! See, you're giggling already!"

"Sorry Spike," Buffy said, as she clamp her hand over her mouth to try and stop the laughter from escaping, "It's just that, I missed you so much," her eyes shone, "It's so good to have you back."

"That's right. I am back. And, I'm not letting Dru take you for me, so you can forget that, you hear?"

Buffy's mood suddenly dampened, "But, if she knows you're well enough to train, then, won't Drusilla want her payment? It is what I promised."

"Could be a few weeks before we cross that bridge, Pet," he kissed her lips, with a feather soft touch, that made her tremble against his hands, "But, at least now, you've got someone in the trenches with you," he looked in her eyes, and he thought he saw the beginnings of the glowing light he'd seen in his dream, in them, "I love you. You're not alone, in this fight. I've got your back, Slayer."

"That's good to know," she said.

 

Chapter 23:

Looking into Spike's eyes, it was easy to see why Drusilla had been attracted to him, all those years ago. The light, burning in his eyes, was so warm and inviting, so all encompassing, that Buffy would have done anything to have it. This was the kind of light that warmed you, even with it's dying embers. Now, she understood why Drusilla had turned the young man that William was, instead of just feeding on him. And, she silently thanked her. Without her, Buffy might never have gotten the chance to see what real love looked like. The kind of intensity she was seeing would be the perfect weapon. Those eyes could look into someone's soul, and pull out even the most well guarded secret, without even lifting a finger.

Buffy tried to swim against the waves of love she saw and found her voice, "How did you know?" she asked.

He sighed, "I know what I would have done, if it had been you," his eyes softened, as his voice gained strength, "After that night at the tower, I spent months, running up and down that infernal thing," he grimaced at the memory, "I must have done it thousands of times, over and over again, at times, until just before sunrise. There were times when Nibblet would have to talk me down, and get me to safety, because I wouldn't save myself. I was always trying to push myself, even though my bones hadn't healed from the fall, I didn't care. I had to find that fraction of a second, the time that I let slip through my fingers, I had to have it back, so that I could save you. I was desperate, for a long time. I didn't see how desperate I had become until I saw the reflection of it, in Bit's eyes," he gestured toward the closed door, "I saw that look, again, just now, in her eyes. I knew you were desperate enough to do almost anything," he nodded knowingly, "I knew from experience. I took an educated guess."

Buffy sighed and shook her head, giving up the fight against the tears, "I'm clear as glass, aren't I," she blinked to see him clearly, "I don't know why I even try to hide from you," she inhaled, gathering her courage, "You're right, I am desperate. I have been, ever since everything, and everyone," she felt the grief tearing at her throat as she fought to remind herself that he was real, and he loved her, " I ever cared about got sucked into a giant hole," she sniffed back the tears, and looked at his quicksilver eyes, "I can still taste the dust in my mouth. It made me sick to my stomach, but I needed it, because it reminded me of you."

Spike fell back against the pillows, suddenly overcome with revulsion at the turmoil he had put her through, needlessly, "Buffy, I'm so sorry," he gulped, " I'm sorry. I thought seeing you again would diminish me, and my sacrifice somehow, in your eyes."

"Diminish," she was aghast, "has the lack of plasma cooked your brain cells? Did coming back from the grave, after the tower," she swallowed hard, "Did that diminish what I did," her voice lowered to a whisper, "in your eyes?"

"No," Spike said, in a sad whisper, "Buffy, don't ever think that."

"Then why would you?" she asked.

"I love you," Spike confessed.

Buffy looked down, shyly, "Yeah, like I haven't heard that before."
*********************************************

Dawn came back from the uniform store, she didn't think Spike would let her steal anything again, after her foray into the world of larceny, even if it was for him, with Willow. There was nothing in the forest green family, so she'd chosen a robin's egg blue shade, that she thought matched Spike's eyes. And, it didn't have cartoons on it, so that was a plus.

She saw Riley, standing in front of Spike's door, watching to make sure, nothing happened to him, "Hey, Riley," she said, lounging against the aging brick façade of the building, squinting to protect her eyes from the sun, "How are things going?"

"All quiet, right now," he said, "But that's pretty much par for the course for vampires," Riley smirked, and looked over his shoulder at the door, "Vampires who aren't Spike, that is. There have been rumblings. But, no offense, I am not looking in there. The idea of Buffy and him being together," he made a face that reminded Dawn of how her sister looked the last time she cooked dinner, for the two of them. Buffy was sick for a week, "it still is disgusting to me."

"Then, why are you helping?" Dawn asked.

"Because, I owe him," Riley said, "not only did he save the world from being overrun by a sub-species of vampires, he also saved me from a pretty dangerous addiction. Though, at the time, I was more concerned with the fact that he'd ratted me out, to my girlfriend," he sighed, "Then, he proceeds to do things that I really don't want to know about, with the aforementioned girlfriend. Which, still gets my bile up. But, I do owe him," he shrugged, "So, here I am."

"Oh, life's funny, huh?"

"Yeah," Riley agreed, "it's a real laugh riot, Dawn. If you want to go in, I suggest you knock first."

She nodded, and knocked on the door, "Buffy, Spike, it's me, Dawn. I've got some brand new clothes for you, Spike."
********************

Buffy reluctantly left to answer the door, "Thanks Dawn," she said, taking the bundle of clothes from her sister.

"No problem. They didn't have any green that wouldn't make you look dead though, Spike," she smiled, "so I went with the blues. I think it kind of matches your eyes. I got the ones I thought would fit. You're kind of...,"she felt the heat of his gaze, from the doorway, "smaller than I remember," she looked at Buffy, hoping she would see that she hadn't meant to upset Spike, but, it was the truth, " I hope they fit."

"Thanks, Bit, I'll be needing a loose fit anyway. Don't want to aggravate the skin too much, if it can be helped," the tone in his voice told Dawn that he understood, completely, "Now, if you'll call Finn in here, we can get down to business."

The look on Buffy's face, as she held up a finger, telling Dawn to wait, said that this was unexpected. Buffy shut the door, quietly, then turned and looked, sadly, at Spike, "If you need help, Spike, I want to give it. You don't have anything I haven't seen before, and in worse shape than it is now, I bet."

"Yeah," Spike nodded, "I know. But, like you said, before I couldn't argue. Now I can, and unlike the demon, the soul makes me a touch more modest," he closed his eyes, praying she would understand, and drop the subject, "And, I don't want you to see me like this. I need to get cleaned up, and this could take a while. I don't want you to see me struggling to reach the loo."

"Spike, I understand. Believe me, I do," Buffy sat on the bed again, so that Spike could see that she meant what she said. She took his hands in hers, and gave them a gentle squeeze, to show him how deeply she felt, "But I need to do this," she bit her lip, looking at his burned hands. The sight of his damaged skin, reminded her of her own scar; the one she'd received that morning, on the Hellmouth, in another fire, "I need to do this," she continued, "in case I can't later," she said, knowing he would understand what she was implying.

Spike's gaze, and voice turned as cold as blue steel, "There will be a later," he said, the chill in his voice forced Buffy to look up at him, "Do you understand me?"

"Yes," she tried to soothe his nerves, with a quiet voice, "I know. But, later has never been a good time for us. So, I have to do this now," Buffy gave him a sly grin, "Of course, if you're afraid I might take advantage of you, we can call Riley in here."

"No," he sighed, in acknowledgement of his defeat, "that won't be necessary, Pet," he shrugged, indicating his total, and complete trust in Buffy, "I'm at your mercy."

"Oh," Buffy cooed, dreamily, "this could be fun," she said, looking into Spike's jubilant eyes.
**************************

Buffy turned off the faucet, checking to make sure that the water was cool enough for Spike. She didn't want the water to aggravate, or overheat his body. The water was pleasantly cool. Too cold for her, but for a vampire, it was perfect.

She straightened up and called out to Spike, "The water's ready, Spike," she appeared in the doorway of the bathroom, and looked at him, her face soft, "How do you want to do this? Do you think you could stand, and walk, or, do you need me to help you?"

Spike shook his head, and hissed in a breath, "Wish I could do this under my own power, but I'm worse off than I was when the First batted my insides around. I'm going to need you to help me. I don't think I'll be able to take baby steps until Dru gets here, at sunset."

Buffy looked at her watch, "Sunset is at 7:30," she said, " That gives us seven hours to make you a little more presentable."
*****************************

Dawn wanted to talk to Willow, but didn't want to take the chance of running into Drusilla, so she had asked Willow to meet her in Saint Benedict's. Dawn kind of liked the cool dimness of the sanctuary. It kind of reminded her of Spike's crypt. She'd felt safe there, and now that Spike was getting better, she was starting to feel safe again.

Dawn knew that Spike knew she had a crush on him, but like the weird vamp he was, he never took advantage of that fact. He never hurt her, intentionally. But she had; she'd hurt him, bad, and she'd done it on purpose.

She was so sorry for that she couldn't begin to tell him how much.
***************************

Buffy tried to be strong as she gently pressed the cool cloth to his skin. He had actually let the soothing circles lull him into sleep. She knew that this was the first real rest he'd had in months, and she was glad that she was able to provide him, even a little, comfort.

She tried not to pay attention to the discolored blotches on his skin, but they crowded her vision. His skin was a mosaic of different colors, all of which were unnatural, for him. Where the skin wasn't black it was purple and red, the kind of red that hurt, even to look at. The kind of red that comes from a wire brush, pressed too hard, and too fast, against sensitive skin. Some of the wounds hadn't closed properly, too long without human plasma, she supposed. She hoped that the rippling effect, in the water, caused by her movements, did not cause him any discomfort. Buffy had almost cried at the sight of him, but Spike had assured her that, after this evening's feeding, he would be back to a more appealing form.

She hated to wake him, "Hey Spike, time to get out, before you start to look like an old prune," she tried to let the smile reach her voice, but it didn't quite make it.

His eyes opened, "Give us a minute, Pet. This is very...soothing. Like what I remember from childhood. I may not cast a reflection, but I do have eyes, Pet," he sighed, and his shoulders rose, and fell, with the effort, "I know I look awful. Being wrinkled, like a prune, might be an improvement."

"Okay," she said, with a pout, "Just five more minutes and then I'm coming in after you," she teased.

"Promises, promises, Pet," he purred, "I noticed a few more scars on you, too, Pet," he nodded toward the hand that held the wet cloth, "Like that scar on your hand, where did that come from? Some nasty thing take a chunk out of you?"

"This," she said, as she rubbed the scar absent-mindedly, "came from Sunnydale. That day," Spike's eyes were intrigued, and bid her continue, "We held hands, Spike," his eyes widened, "Before I left, I held your hand, and it caught fire, like you did."

He reached over to take her hand in his, running his fingers lightly over the raised, white skin, that marred her golden tone, "We did that," he asked, in wonder, at her nod, his expression changed to one of mischief, "Told you we made heat, Pet. Now, here's the proof I was right, all along."

He stretched his neck up, and she leaned over to kiss him, "All right, 'Mister Heat Miser,' time to make you all pretty for Mummy."

"Will do, Pet," Buffy was about to leave, but Spike held tight to her hand, keeping her there, "Thank you, Pet. For this," he looked as if he'd just been given a gift he thought he didn't deserve to have, "It was...nice."

"You're welcome Spike. But, I didn't do all that much."

"You did, Buffy," he nodded, "You did more than you know. I love you," he smirked, "in case I haven't told you lately."

"Ditto, Spike," Buffy smiled, "until the end of the world."


 

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