Part 21:
---------------------------------

“A trip?”

“Just for the day, we stay the night and leave early the next morning.”

“Hmm.” Buffy was dubious.

Dawn had suggested that the Sunnydale Gang take a short day trip to a nearby countryside lodge where they would be able to relax and see the beautiful British landscape. As pretty and quaint as the village they were in was, and as surrounded by large stretching fields…its trickling river couldn’t compare to the large lake it joined up to a few miles away which was right beside the lodge.

“Sounds good to me nibblet.”

“Mmm, I’d love to show the kids the lake, it sounds beautiful.” Xander pitched in.

“I think it’s a great idea.” Brian smiled. “Buffy you go- I’ll stay here with the dogs and man the phone in case the caterers or the organisers call. You should go relax with your friends.”

“You sure you don’t mind?” Buffy said, furrowing her eyebrows.

“I’m positive, its settled, you guys leave tomorrow morning.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~

The drive down to the lake was made in almost silence. Liz, Haile and Poppy fell asleep in the car again instantly, the early start was far too early in their opinion and the adults were also toned down, partially due to the fact that it was indeed, very early in the morning, and partially because the countryside that they were passing was breathtaking in its early morning moisture and desertion.

Once they reached the lodge, they were beginning to wake up a little more and as soon as they’d gotton themselves rooms, they set off on the 15-minute walk into the nearby village that shared a small border of the lake.

The day was spent in childish relaxation, dipping between the cobbled streets of the small village and lunching in an alleyway café between wandering around the local shops. They went to a local farm that did a small tour of its property and the kids were stunned to see cows and sheep close up. A good half hour was spent playing with the lambs and feeding them milk from bottles as they crowded round the gang’s feet.

Spike and Buffy seemed to slip out of time and everyone noticed it - they laughed in time with each other and were so carefree and energised it buzzed up the whole group. Dawn was shocked at the change in her demure, rulebook sister and Buffy herself felt all the tension melt from her muscles and she just had a good time with her best friend in the world.

In the evening they were invited to the daily lodge barbecue but for the hour or two they had before then, they went out onto lake and did a little fishing. Buffy took an opportunity in Spike leaning over the edge of the boat to push him all the way over and she giggled as his splash echoed across the water.

“BUFFY!” Liz giggled and her eyes went wide at her Dad’s predicament. Grinning evilly, Buffy picked up the little girl and threw her into the lake on top of her father.

They were all laughing and all of them jumped in save Angel and Cordelia who had taken Connor to bed and were spending the afternoon together.

They paddled about in the lake until dark and then traipsed back to the lodge to shower and dress for the evening barbecue party. Spike felt his aching heart catch in his throat at the sight of Buffy that night. Her hair was pulled back slightly into a twist half ponytail and she was wearing a deep navy blue strappy dress and a matching necklace with a dark sparkling blue gem that was so close to black it warranted a second glance. He had chosen murky green khakis himself, with a black sweater.

The kids ran about them trying in vain to catch fireflies with Xander who was claming to have caught them ‘all the time when (he) was a kid’. The smell of barbecue and smoke lulled them into a comfortable chatting mood with the comforting presence of quiet background music. The evening progressed, people danced and eventually ate and as the night drew even darker, all the children ran into the shallow part of the lake and splashed around trying to cool down from the summer humidity. Buffy and Spike found themselves lying on a grass mound a little further away from the main activity, watching as their friends were either dancing, eating or playing around.

“This has been an amazing day, Spike.”

“That it has, I’m glad we came.”

“Yeah.”

They were silent for a moment and then Spike felt Buffy lay her head against his shoulder and her weight fall onto his chest. Leaning back on his arms, he just stayed still and they were silent together, just ‘being’.

Their heads shot up as the fireworks were lit and they watched as the bright colours were reflected in the lake below them. There were gasps and giggles filling the air as the two friends grinned at their initial shock and went back to lying down.

“I’ve missed this so much, luv.” Spike said quietly. “Why did you leave me?”

Buffy stiffened and he took the moment to sit them both up and grasp her shoulders.

“Buffy?”

“It had to be done, Spike. Please leave it.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because Buffy, the only reason I’m not stopping this wedding is because I think you’ve changed into someone else and that you aren’t the Buffy I’m in love with - the old Buffy. So tell me you didn’t leave to get rid of old Buffy and I’ll be ok…because if you did leave to get rid of her - she wont have gone and…”

He stopped, seeing the tears falling from her eyes and her breaths catching.

“Ssh, pet, why are you crying?”

She let out a sob and he pulled her closer into a comforting embrace.

“Please tell me.” He whispered.

“Spi-Spike, I…I, I..”

He frowned, watching her struggle with her words.

The party continued behind them, giggles and squeals bursting through the night as the fireworks continued, but the two friends were oblivious to it all as Buffy, unable to speak, jerked Spike to her lips.

It burned. It stung. Blood rushed to her head and her entire body thudded with every heartbeat. They pulled back, blindingly gasping for a breath before forcing themselves together again. Tears streamed down her face with the ferocious pain and unbelievable, consuming release - after all those years, after not having him and getting rid of him from her life, he was there and they were together and -

“Guys. I don’t think you should be doing that.”

Buffy and Spike broke apart, breathless, and saw Xander looking at them, an expression of utter disappointment and severity in his features.

~~~~~****~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~~~#

Part 22:
Closing her eyes, Buffy felt the breeze waft across her features. There was a deathly headache plaguing her already tense mind and her fingers grasped the edge of the balcony with what used to be her death grip.

Xander stood at the door and waited a moment, collecting himself.

*Have to be impartial*

He’d separated them and the night had quickly drawn to a close, the two blondes never interacting again, thanks to Xander.

“Hey.”

Buffy spun around but relaxed when she saw who it was, only to regain a slightly tensed physicality again. “Hi.”

They stood in silence, both leaning against the wood and sighing.

“I haven’t changed Xander. I’m still me…but that me couldn’t survive without Spike. So I made a new me. But…that new me can survive without Spike and is meant to be marrying Brian. I buried the old me.”

“Yeah, well you’ve never been good at staying buried.”

They both cracked a smile and Buffy shook her head like a fond mother would at naughty children.

“Which one is the real Buffy?”

“The one that needs Spike. I’ll always be Spike’s Buffy. He made me live Xander.”

Xander nodded and again a comfortable, contemplative silence cloaked them.

“But the right thing to do is marry Brian.”

“Buffy…” Xander turned her to face him.

“Close your eyes.”

She frowned and smiled but he urged her on. Shrugging, she shut her eyes and listened.

“Clear your mind and breath in five’s.”

Buffy smiled at the old training exercise but managed it, focussing her mind to play on his words.

#~#~~#~#~#~#~flashback#~#~#~#~#~#~#

“Clear your mind and breath in fives.”

The teenage Buffy focussed her mind to play on his words, it was almost like hypnotism.

Giles hit her hard on the shoulder.

She didn’t flinch.

“Draw upon the pain.”

She pulled the angry knot of pain from her shoulder and sucked it up.

“Push it to your right leg, just under the knee.”

Pulling her mind forward, Buffy moved the pain to just under her knee and felt the jerk break her out of the exercise.

“That was good Buffy.” Giles commented. “It shows your true focus.”

#~#~~#~#~#~#~flashback#~#~#~#~#~#~#

She waited for Xander to hit her. But it never came. The silence in her mind highlighted something else, something she had ignored for a long long time.

“Draw upon the pain.” He whispered.

She started crying silently as she pulled the angry knot of pain from her heart and sucked it up.

“Pull it up to your mind.”

She shuddered and used her mind to drag the pain to it. The tears were bitter against her lips as she heard Xander speak again.

“Make it an image.”

And she knew, she watched it. In her cleared mind, the pain weaved colours and etched shapes until she was looking into the eyes of the man she had kissed earlier that evening. Jolted, she opened her eyes, like a deer caught in headlights.

“That was good Buffy.” Xander commented. “It shows your true focus.”

She nodded and he smiled in support before walking away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The next morning was filled with the bustle of leaving. Spike craned his neck over the crowds in search of Buffy but he couldn’t see her and Liz needed help. Sighing, he bent down to help her.

Buffy stepped out of the lodge and immediately her eyes flicked around to find Spike- talking with Liz. Xander watched her and sighed. Those two were treading on very dangerous, very bad ground and it wouldn’t be long till something happened and someone would be hurt.

“Hey.” Buffy said, quietly. Spike turned around and they gave each other shy smiles.

“Hi.” He said.

“We should talk.”

“Yeah.”

“Come on Uncle Spike!” Poppy yelled and the two blondes sighed and got into the cars they were going in.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sergio, Warner and Felia were extremely happy to see the whole gang arrive back home and the driveway was filled with giggles as the kids (who were very attached to them) hugged the two large dogs and much smaller yet dominant cat that greeted them.

Brian pulled Buffy into a hug and kissed her. She felt awkward and pulled back jerkily. He frowned and she smiled - “Headache.”

He pouted and she giggled. He always made her laugh.

“Alright, I think a rather large lunch is called for.” Giles said, smiling.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~**~

Xander pulled her back as everyone filtered inside. “You need to do something decisive Buffy. The wedding is the day after tomorrow.”

“I know. I-I know.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I remember how much it hurt to see Spike with Sara, Xander. I’ve never forgotten it. My soul was dying on me and that’s why I changed. I don’t want Brian to go through that. I promised him I was over my past - he stuck with me and he-he’s a good person. He doesn’t deserve being stood up this close to a wedding he’s been trying for for so long. I can’t be that selfish, Xander.”

“Alright Buffy. But you have to promise me something. Because I think you’re wrong.”

She stared at him.

“You have to tell Spike - today - that you left because of him.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Part 23:
-----------------------------------------

Buffy stood for a moment, watching. Spike, Liz and Giles were sitting on the riverbank. They had gone for a walk.

She didn’t have to listen to Xander.

The ex-Slayer was tempted to tell him that she had told Spike - but she’d promised. And a nagging part of her that the ‘new’ Buffy wouldn’t acknowledge told her that maybe Spike would make it all make sense.

"Giles, Liz - would you two mind heading home, I need a word with Spike."

Liz looked eagerly between the two, but all she saw was Buffy’s tense posture and Spike’s sudden downcast stare. Giles coughed and mumbled a ‘See you in a bit’ -and grabbed Liz’s hand.

"We need to talk." She said, needlessly.

"That we do, pet. But I think we both know where it’s going to end up."

"We do?"

Spike remained silent.

"Spike…I need to tell you why I left."

The vampire glanced up and she could see how hurt he still was by her departure. Fidgeting an unhealthy amount, she clumsily sat beside him and looked at the river, unable to match his stare.

Side by side, they sat in silence for what seemed to Spike like an eternity. Her eyes were closed against the wind and she was silent -a strong figure as always.

“I fell in love with you.”

She turned to look at him.

“And I couldn’t stay.”

Time froze.

The wind was all he could hear, cackling in his ear. Hazel eyes met Blue ones and she shrugged and smiled weakly. He opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn’t form and he bit his lip, holding back the torrent of tears that threatened to spill - and did, toppling over the edge of his control.

Buffy’s lip trembled with fear? Or sadness, or anger even… he still seemed to be absorbing it all and she was left with her heart wringing around in a disgusting pulp.

Finally, after what seemed like a sadistically long time, she heard him speak.

“I stayed Buffy. I fell in love with you remember? But I stayed. You needed me and I loved you - remember? Then it was my turn to need you Buffy - I deserved an explanation.” His words were bitter and angry; there was nothing of the compassion and guilt she had expected. There was no ‘you did the right thing’.

“How can you say that? After all I’ve been through, after all the pain I dealt with - how can you be so cruel?”

“ ‘You’re beneath me’ ring a bell, Slayer? ‘You’re a monster’ - that was another one. You put me through hell and back-”

“So this is payback to you? Some sort of twisted revenge?!”

“No you stupid bitch…. this is me telling you that people deal with worse, they don’t abandon their lives and run away.”

“I WASN’T STRONG ENOUGH!”

“You were. I made you strong enough.”

“And if I’d have stayed?”

“I’d have married Sara.”

“Exactly.”

“Just like you’re marrying Brian.”

“This is a totally different situation! What, you wanted me to wait 10 years in mourning over your sorry ass? I moved on - good for me. Like I knew I’d ever see you again!”

“You’re meant to be the Slayer!”

“Against vampires and demons - not love.”

“You left me Buffy!”

She stopped, hearing the desperation in his voice.

“You left me, Buffy.”

“I-” she stuttered.

“No.”

“You left me.” There was a pause before he finished, “And you hurt me.”

“You didn’t need me, Spike! You barely noticed I was there after you met Sara. What? I was meant to be the sacrificing lover and watch it all happen in front of me? I couldn’t handle that.”

“And I’m meant to?”

The blonde vampire’s hands had travelled to her arms and he had a death grip on them as she looked down.

“I’m meant to watch you walk down that aisle,” he whispered, “and marry him when you couldn’t do the same.”

“You could leave.” She choked out, the tears starting again.

“But I won’t. I’ll fight.”

“You’ll lose.” her voice was lathered with bitterness and anger.

“But I’ll fight.”

“Why?” If he had not been a vampire he would not have heard it.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

“How’re you going to do that, then?”

“Spike!” Simon rolled his eyes.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Spike dropped his arms and with his right hand, picked up hers. Buffy’s tear rimmed eyes followed their intertwined fingers as he held them against his heart. The barely controlled pain unleashed and the ex-slayer let out a sob and closed her eyes for a second as she felt his hand squeeze hers. Spike’s stare was burning when she opened her eyes but nothing could break the contact. The blond vampire moved their hands to her heart and she trembled as he swallowed, preventing his own tears.

“Because.” He whispered.

He smiled, raised his eyebrows and walked past her, heading home. The blonde woman was left standing; her hand against her heart in an ironic pose of declaration.

~*~*~*~*~**~

Part 24:

Buffy made her way towards the house slowly. From the bottom of the driveway she’d heard the bustle of the house. The kids were squealing and giggling with Sergio and Warner in the back yard while everyone else was in the kitchen that opened into the garden, having tea. The petite blonde made her way into the room and let herself be absorbed by the atmosphere. She laughed and giggled, swapped stories and gasped in horror at make-up disasters with the rest of them. Spike was outside with the kids so she didn’t have to worry about accidentally catching his eye or knowing he was watching her.

“Good evening m’lady.” Brian smiled as he entered the kitchen and she let herself be held, and smiled into his chest, content in an eerily happy, relaxed fashion.

“Hows your day been?” she murmured against his skin.

“Busy. I don’t think Greg understands that I actually have to attend my own wedding and therefore can’t do his paperwork.” He grinned. That was one of the things she loved about him, problems and trouble rolled of his back like water on a duck.

“I can’t believe you let him take credit for your work.”

“What do I need confrontation for? I don’t want his job. I’m happy exactly where I am, life couldn’t be more perfect.” Brian looked into her eyes and they kissed.

Everything was perfect for Buffy soon-to-be-not-Summers.

~~~~~~*******~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~

They were all sitting in the living room, the fire was crackling again and that same hazy glow of a hallmark family was twinkling around them.

Cordelia kept sending Spike on errands to the kitchen for Connor and it had become a running joke between the friends.

“You can speak French, Xander? That’s impressive.” Giles commented.

“Well, you sorta havta pick it up when you live there.” He grinned, but he was proud that he’d picked up a whole new language.

“Spike!”

“Step-mum.” His voice held that barely constrained tension that precedes an explosion and his articulation was something to fear.

“Connor needs a hot towel.”

Buffy glanced over, allowing herself a quick peek. Oh, the regret that followed. He was divine. Teeth clenched and eyes rolled back into his head, he made a sight that was not what a soon-to-be-married-woman should be envisioning unless it was her husband.

“Fine.” He stomped off, gathering a chuckle behind him.

Cordelia grinned smugly and winked at Liz.

Spike stormed back in, throwing the wet towel at Cordelia. “There.”

“Thank you William.”

“Don’t call me that!” Spike scowled and Buffy found herself giggling and wanting to swat him and tickle him like she used to.

“...so wait, there never was a rebellion?”

“Well no, you see it was all documented incorrectly.” Giles eagerly told Anya.

“Ah yes, documenting, important.” Xander stated, sombrely.

“The..ah…documentary on the rebellion could be….‘When documentation goes wrong’….” Brian added, teasing.

They all laughed.

She glanced over and saw him. There was nothing more she wanted in the world than to walk over and collapse in his arms. But Brian couldn’t go through what she had. That pain - that was cruelty beyond belief.

“I’m still in love with Spike and I don’t know what to do.”

Hold on, what had just happened?

Buffy noticed everyone seemed to be looking at her.

Oh.

Shit.

~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~*************~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Could everyone please give Buffy and I a moment.” His voice…what was it? Was it the scary kind of calm?

Was it emotion-less? Was it barely contained anger?

She’d missed it in this random turn of events that had somehow transpired.

The world seemed to be placing her in a box and continuing. Nothing made sense and she didn’t want it to. Live without Spike - the simple prospect of it, suddenly made her very listless, careless, sloppy…

*yeah, stupid and sloppy enough to have said that*

Buffy cursed herself under her breath and waited as everyone shuffled out of the room leaving her alone with Brian. How had they done that so quickly?

“Tell me. What happened?”

So Buffy did. She explained about being a Slayer, she explained about vampires, she explained about dying, she explained about living and then she explained about living - with Spike. How her entire existence was elevated to a point where she was in awe of herself - oh, it wasn’t narcissism or arrogance- it was Spike. Then she told Brian about Sara and that was when the tears began, again. The blonde spoke of the pain and fear and loneliness that had taken over her life and then leaving for England, then meeting Liz, finding out that Spike was alive and well and alone after all…

“You fool.”

Buffy looked up.

“You were going to give all that up for me? So I wouldn’t feel what you did when you left? What gives you the right to determine what I do and don’t feel?”

Buffy sniffled and opened her mouth to speak, but her fiancée swooped down to sit beside her, taking her hands. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She replied, honestly. “I want to put Spike behind me. I want to be with you.”

“Buffy.” He chuckled. “I’ve waited so long to see that look of unbelievable overwhelming love on your face…that desperation of needing and wanting a person so much more than anything…and then I saw it. For a brief, mad moment, I saw the wild, erratic core of you.”

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Pushing past the clawing brambles and bushes, Buffy ran, letting out the excess energy that he had built up in her mind. Finally, she threw herself against a tree, panting, she sobbed, soaked through and distraught - her mind couldn’t focus on anything. All she could put her finger on was that she loved him. Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered.

Strong arms pulled her into an embrace and without a second thought she let it all out, the emotion, the desperation and the need for him that she kept within herself for so long. Too long.

“I love you. I really, really love you.”

“Hey, baby…I love you too.”

Buffy’s head snapped up and met the smiling eyes of her fiancée.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

“..and I realised I didn’t know that woman. I realised it then but I didn’t want to think on it or understand why you would say that…if it wasn’t for me.”

“I-” Buffy didn’t know what to say, everything was happening so quickly. Everything was coming to a point faster and faster, unnaturally fast. Words she hadn’t planned to hear were being heard and people she hadn’t planned to hurt were being hurt.

“I know you’re adamant not to put me through what you went to- to be honest, I don’t fancy the idea either. But if you want to do the right thing - you need to realise that-”

“It’s Spike.” she whispered.

“It’s always been Spike.” Brian murmured gently, smiling at her.

“No. No.” Buffy shook her head. “No.”

Brian sighed. “Alright. You won’t pick Spike yourself. Personally, I don’t know if he deserves you - he was going to let you go through with this. Its about time he did something about the feelings going on here.”

The ex-slayer opened her mouth again but closed it, like a goldfish without a clue.

“I’m going to marry you tomorrow evening. If Spike doesn’t do anything, if he lets it all happen - if he doesn’t fight for you - I’ll marry you Buffy. Because if he can’t even fight a little, he doesn’t deserve you and I’ll love you.”

“If he fights?” Buffy’s voice sounded unnatural to her, hoarse and quiet, restrained.

“Then he’ll win.” Brian replied.

“I’m not a prize to be won.”

“And the relevance of that comment flew right by me.”

“It was a nice try.”

“Feminism is just funny now.”

“Sod you.”

It was oddly comfortable considering the conversation they had just had.

“Promise me something.” Brian whispered.

“Anything.”

“Don’t tell Spike about our little…wager.”

Buffy looked up at him, fear in her eyes. The big plan was to tell Spike that she wanted him to back away - that was the plan, that’s what was meant to happen…

“Buffy, you’re too damned scared - you don’t know what to do with yourself. This has been building up inside you for 12 years. You can’t control the intensity and I can see that. And you’re scared its not true because you put Spike away in a ‘can never have’ box and now you can and its like fiction’s just fucked you over and stepped right into reality.”

Hugging her, they rocked together while the reality of her situation crashed upon her.

“If Spike loves you, he won’t be able to sit back knowing you’re doing something you don’t want to. He’ll try to, for you. But if he loves you, he’ll fail. And I’ll be ok. But if he doesn’t... I’ll marry you. And I’ll do my best to…fill his place.”

“Brian.” She rasped, her mind dizzy and her senses on full alert, every breath was controlled, every movement was followed through - it was like slow-mo in real life but realer…

“Lets go to sleep, we’ll see what tomorrow brings, eh?” he whispered.

--------~~~~~~-----------~~~~~~~~~

Part 25:

Buffy lay in bed. She could hear the house, a live mass of preparation around her. They all thought she was sleeping, storing up energy for her big day. How had everything slipped from her control? How was this whole thing even happening? Why was it happening? Why couldn’t she just rest?

/// “If Spike doesn’t do anything, if he lets it all happen - if he doesn’t fight for you - I’ll marry you Buffy.” ///

So it was all coming to this, some sort of showdown. If Spike didn’t do anything, she would marry Brian.

**That was the deal? What deal? Why is there a deal? Is love about deals? Why am I thinking this? Why is my mind only question upon question?**

In her heart, Buffy knew Brian was right. If she had known Spike loved her…

So, it was Spike’s move.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike knew he was a coward. But this wedding was what Buffy wanted. And he knew that if he stayed - he couldn’t watch it play out. He would do something, ruin it and Buffy would hate him and the wedding would happen anyway. This way, at least they could be friends. Sighing, he checked his mobile and walked into the kitchen, everyone was there, and the excitement was practically oozing off their every pore.

There was a slight lull on Spike’s entrance but when Brian pulled out a chair for him, the mindless chatter continued. They had all been told that the ‘problem’ had been resolved, everything had been talked out and the wedding was set to go.

“Thanks, mate.”

Breakfast continued. Spike was getting antsy; he just wanted to be out of there. Glancing at his watch, the vampire realised there were still 3 minutes to go before his assistant called.

The blonde’s fingers itched. He reached for an apple and crunched into it, tapping his feet and chewing at an alarming pace.

//Ring//Ring//Rin-

“Hello?” Spike tried to make it sound surprised. At least he was doing something now.

Everyone turned to look at him.

“…are you sure? Can’t you move it to later in the week?…mm…well McGrower was a bad idea…Can’t you send over Raza for the moment?…”

Everyone listened to the one sided conversation and watched as a frown settled over Spike’s features.

“Alright, I’ll catch the next flight then…alright, thanks, bye.”

“You’re not going are you William?” Peter asked.

“I’m afraid I am. There’s a huge problem at our branch in Cairo - the guy I had in charge turned out to be a bit of a wa-”

“Spike.” Giles warned, cocking his head toward the children.

“Ah right… well, he turned out to be not so good. Burnt down half the branch and ran off with three million smackeroos.”

“Can’t it wait? The weddings only in a few hours…”

“I tired that but they’re pulling up a meeting now - the rest of the branches think there might be an international threat - they’re saying the guy that ran off is working for mafia. They want more security now or they’ll strike. They’re scared really, so I’ve gotta go sort it out. All the branches have one or two really really valuable pieces and they’re trying to buck pass responsibility like madmen. If I don’t go, the whole system could collapse. I’m really sorry.”

“That’s awful!” Anya said, indignant. “I can’t believe it!”

“Is it going to be ok Spike? You couldn’t lose it all…” Xander furrowed his eyebrows.

“Nah, it’ll be ok. I just need to calm them down and get to the bottom of it as soon as possible. I really wish I could have stayed.”

//Ring//Ring//Ri-

Spike picked up the phone. “…alright...an hour? Thanks.”

“My flight leaves in an hour.”

~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~~

“Oh, right.”

Brian studied his fiancée’s face for any sign of disappointment or anger or…anything. But he got nothing. She was just nodding.

“Well, I guess you were right about him. Now we can get married in peace and put this behind us. I’m glad.”

Brian sighed. “I’m trying to convince him to stay - I think he’s chickening out.”

“Just let it GO! Spike was never mine, he’ll never be mine and vice versa. I’m trying to have a wedding today and all you want to do is find a way to ruin it! Anyone would think you couldn’t bear the thought of marrying me!”

Her outburst resulted in an echoing silence.

“I love you. You don’t love me. I want you to be happy so I’m doing my best to get you another man - if he’s worthy. I’m sorry he’s not who you thought he was. And I’m sorry he doesn’t love you enough to do the right thing. But don’t pretend I don’t love you - because I do and this hurts me more than you leaving Sunnydale hurt you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Spike.”

He turned. Damn. It was her. Everything had been going so well.

“Buffy, I’ve been looking for you. No doubt you’ve heard.”

“Yes.”

They were standing by the door, his suitcase packed, the taxi waiting.

“Yes, well, it’s a bit of an emergency really. I tried to delay it a bit but the situations a tad screwed. Worst possible timing. I hate to have to go.”

“You sound like Giles.”

“Buffy, please.”

“Yes, Spike?”

Her face was bleak. Her eyes were wide and…angry? Was she angry? Spike furrowed his eyebrows and stepped back a little. Her voice was airy, she almost seemed ghostly to him. The blare of the driver’s horn did nothing to break her hold on him.

“Don’t go Spike.”

“I have to.”

“Please.”

“I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“I thought you loved me.” She whispered. The world seemed empty around them. Neither could hear any bustle or commotion, no animals ran past, no people called out to them. Everything seemed to have stopped, and every word was heavy in the air almost as if it was drooping from an old leaky tap and if you tried, you could taste it.

“I do.”

And with that, he left, clicking the door shut behind him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“All the cars have gone to the marquee.” Giles smiled. His daughter (by all but blood) looked beautiful. The dress was a delicate white gauze petticoat that spread out like a Victorian ball gown with a fitting white corset that had thin grey beading swirling across it. A simple diamond pendant rested against her throat and her blonde hair fell in a tumble of curls with a few strands pulled back into a silver tiara with light diamond studding. A veil fell off it and the make up was simple and natural. She looked radiant. The jewellery was from Giles’ family collection and he felt indescribable pride swell in his soul at the sight of them on Buffy.

“Who’s left for the last car then?”

“Xander, Willow, Pauline and us.”

“Alright, we should probably leave in a few minutes.”

“Yes. You look beautiful Buffy.”

She smiled and they hugged. “No man could be prouder of his daughter than I am of you. And no Watcher will ever have a Slayer like you.”

“Oh, Giles.” She bit her lip to stop the tears falling and sniffling, they started downstairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike yawned. They were stuck in a traffic jam. At least he was well out of the vicinity of Buffy. Thoughts nagged his mind…was she walking up the aisle yet? No, not yet, soon. She was probably on her way to the marquee.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Buffy clicked her tongue and tapped her foot like she always did when he was late.

----------

- Touch noses

- Bump right shoulders.

- Hold an imaginary stake to own heart and stake twice.
- Hug.

-----------

Spike got a job. Spike got a birth certificate, a passport and an existence. All over again, just like Buffy had done. Spike had enrolled in college just as Buffy had done. Spike had to patrol just like Buffy did. Spike was Buffy and Buffy was Spike. They did it together. Everything Buffy had to do, Spike had to do.

---------

Her body was wallowing in a huge sweatshirt and loose khakis making her appear much smaller and vulnerable than she really was. Spike grinned at her; she was the image of perfection in his mind, from her scruffy ponytail to her worn sneakers.

---------

They were quick, so in tune with each other that it looked like a choreographed sequence, an erratic dance of movements and gestures.

--------

Doors were slammed, tongues were protruded and ice cream was consumed. A normal day for Buffy and Spike.

#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#flashback¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬#¬

Spike smiled haltingly. The memories could not help but make him smile. She was his everything, the ray of light in his world and he’d lost her.

~~~~~*******~~~~~~********~~~~~********~~~~~~~#

“Sit still!” Anya scolded her antsy children as they tried to peer down the aisle in an attempt to catch sight of Buffy.

Buffy was, of course, the calm and collected Slayer they all knew and loved. The wedding was taking place in a marquee and luckily the day had turned out brilliantly to suit them.

Brian waited at the ‘alter’ and could be seen talking to his mother while they waited for the music to start up. The pianist was a little late.

Outside the marquee, Buffy stood with Giles behind the string of bridesmaids in front of her. Everyone was talking and laughing, oohing and aahing as you do at weddings. Finally, the music started up and after a quick ‘eek’ from Dawn and an ‘eep’ from Willow, they started gliding down the aisle. Giles was having an attack of the nerves and kept ruffling about and nodding. Buffy smiled and put her hand on his arm in an attempt to calm him.

“Its right together left, right?”

“Giiiilles, calm down.” Buffy smiled as he mumbled and muttered to himself, ignoring her.

“It’s us!” he yelped a few moments later. Squaring his shoulders, he took Buffy’s arm and they started walking down the aisle. Everyone stood and turned to see her. Giles puffed out his chest in pride and the smile on his face was as enormous as that of…well, a father giving away his daughter.

The scene was perfect, traditional, modern, romantic, special and glossy as it should be.

Giles kissed her cheek and handed her over to Brian. The music slowed to a still. The formalities went as they always do and finally they both said, “I do.” And they were married. They kissed amid the cheers and whistles from their friends and family.

“So, we’re married then?” Buffy whispered, smiling.

“I guess so.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The reception was outside the marquee, white tables and umbrellas were scattered in front of a stage where the band entertained them all while they ate from the buffet. A dance floor of sorts was created on a section of grass and copious quantities of cake were consumed.

And it was then, amidst all this that Spike arrived.

“I’m guessin’ I’m a tad late for the big entrance.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“No problem.” He muttered. Spike, feeling distinctly foolish, turned to leave.

“Spike?”

Damn, it was her.

“Hey, Buffy. I managed to get myself a few more hours here. Took a little work but I felt awful for missing your big day. I guess I missed the main bit though.”

“Its alright. It was beautiful…”

“I’ve no doubt.”

“Spike.” Brian stood beside Buffy and felt a frog gloop up his throat. Everything was meant to be over. They were married now.

“Hello Brian…congratulations, to both of you.” He smiled.

“Thanks.”

Silence.

“Well, is there food?” Spike grinned and the couple nodded and pointed out the buffet. Rubbing his palms together, Spike raised his eyebrows and head towards it.

“Well…” Brian began.

“It doesn’t mean a thing.” Buffy told him, believing it.

They were about to go dance when they saw Spike turn around and walk back towards them.

“I’m not hungry.” He said.

“Oh, right.” Buffy replied, dumbly. “Well, you can dance…uhm…talk to people…”

“No, no. Brian mate, I’m sorry. Buffy…I came to stop the wedding.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The reception sounded like a carnival of laughter and children’s screams of delight. The food left a pungent scent in the air and the band’s music was light but jovial.

Spike was smoking, sitting on an icebox behind the marquee. Away from everyone.

The big statement wasn’t as cool as it had sounded in his head. They were married. He was too late. It could have been different. Spike could have had Buffy.

Though his thoughts were churning, he appeared bored and drowsy to all those that chanced to see him from the street. Nimble fingers rolled the cigarette between themselves and brought it to pale lips for a long, slow drag.

“I thought you gave up smoking.”

He closed his eyes and hoped she would disappear. When he felt her shadow beside him and an added weight to the icebox, he knew for sure that his hoping never paid off.

“I did.” He replied to her statement. “For Liz. Sadly, another lady made me start up again.”

“Just this once then?”

“Of course. What am I, nuts? No way in hell is Liz going to think smoking is ok.”

Buffy smiled. “You’re a good father.”

“Yeah.”

Silence. Again.

“This is no’ how its meantta be.” He stated. “I was meant to swoop in, swoop you into my arms, and swoop off with you. In general, there was intended swoopiness.”

He heard a gentle laugh from her. They looked at each other for the first time.

“You look amazin’, pet.”

“Thanks.” She murmured. There was something special about her, something ethereal and above him. It was almost as if he had been allowed into a beautiful painting of a fairy with golden hair and wise eyes.

“You know Spike, I think there’s something in fate that says we can’t be together.”

“I reckon that’s prolly a decent suggestion.” He smiled. “Buffy, I’m so sorry.”

“What for?”

“For being too late.”

“Its alright.”

“It could still….I mean, we could still….”

“I’m married.”

Spike nodded and bit his lip, hard. The bitterness was as sour as the coppery liquid that spilled onto his tongue. It was over.

~*~*~*~*~~~*~*~*~*~*~~~~*~~~~*~~~*~~~~*~*~*~*~

“What’s going on then?” Brian asked, trying to sound matter-of-fact. But the nervousness crept into his voice with shameful ease and he let out a little breath looked at her.

“I love you and I’m married to you.”

“What about-”

"Gone. On his way to the airport.” To his surprise, she smiled. “I think there’s something about me and Spike. Something beyond a relationship. Something beyond earth and dimensions. I think its something in our destiny. Every time we try to affect it, things go wrong. Maybe we’re destined for something beyond all of this, or maybe we were destined for something a long time ago. Whatever it is or was Brian, I’m here right now. I’m with you and that’s what is meant to be. Spike…he doesn’t fit. I think we both understand that.”

“So you’re saying you might fit at a later date?” Brian asked.

“I’m saying, Spike and Buffy aren’t meant to be together. They’re meant for something else and we confused it all. I love him, I’m in love with him. But, that’s not enough. I don’t think it ever will be. So, I’m saying we should go dance, because we just got married.”

“What about our fate being in our hands?” Brian shot, stubbornly.

Buffy smiled. “I have experience with destiny. You can’t run away from or skirt around it.”

“I don’t understand this Buffy, its not making sense.”

“Spike and I belong to a different world. A world I thought I belonged in forever. But time changes, people change and worlds change too. What you want and need and who you are aren’t necessarily hidden away, they just change--”

“You’re talking out your arse, Buffy. So what, he showed up after the wedding - he showed up. To stop the wedding. You should be with right now. Do you even understand what you’re saying?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Well, I don’t. You’re someone totally different to who I thought you were. I’ve been trying to deny it, but its true.”

“I didn’t let you know me very well.”

“And now we’re married.”

~~~~~~~~~**********~~~~~~~~*********~~~~~~~~~~

“Buffy, is that all of them?”

“Yeah, Thanks Brian.”

He smiled and the two of them surveyed the apartment.

“Its not fabulous.” Buffy said. “But it’s a start.”

“Yeah, clean up the layers of dust, a little paint, furniture, lamps…it’ll look great.” Brian smiled.

“Yeah, I think it will. It’ll be fun doing it up, decorating is always a blast.”

“What are we going to do first?” he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Getting rid of the dust, and then paint!”

“Great, I’ll be over tomorrow morning then.”

“Cool, thanks Brian.”

“No problem.”

They hugged and then he left, leaving Buffy in her new apartment.

“Oh, Buffy…”

She turned around to see him standing at her door again. “Yeah?”

“I’m glad we’re friends.”

“I’m glad we’re friends too.” She replied sincerely.

He turned to leave but again turned back for a final thought. “Don’t be late tomorrow.”

“I won’t be.” She giggled. “Its not everyday you get put in the Guinness World Book Of Records for Shortest Marriage!”

~~~~*~~**~~~***~~~*~*~*~~**~~~~**~~~*~~~*~~~~

“Hey Dawnie, where’s Giles?” Buffy grabbed an apple from the fruit basket.

“Hey! No eating from fruit basket of the house you no longer live in!” Dawn grinned. “Giles is in France. He flew over for the weekend.”

“Alright, never mind. When he gets back tell him to give me a ring.”

“Cool.”

The sisters talked for a few moments before Buffy left to go shopping with Brian. The two friends had decided to just start things with a clean slate. They planned to get to know each other better than before. There was no pledge of more, but Buffy had promised that she would not hesitate to act on any such feelings and Brian promised the same if it occurred for other women.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

So, life had taken an unexpected twist. Buffy thought about all that had happened while she plodded through her living room/kitchen/dining room/study, ice cream pot in hand. The blonde settled herself in front of a little TV to watch Casablanca.

Of course, Buffy was a little apprehensive about the future. The world seemed less stable than it had before and the thought that Spike was just across the channel comforted her and gave her strength, just as it always had. No one could predict what would happen tomorrow and Buffy realised she had missed that feeling.

Life goes on, people change, people get to know one another better, people get to know themselves better, people realise things, people do things and before you know it, in times when nothing makes sense, the best things happen.