‘The sun ain't gonna shine anymore

The moon ain't gonna rise in the sky

The tears are always clouding your eyes

When you're without love

Baby emptiness is a place you're in

Nothing to lose

But no more to win’

They had all crammed into Cordelia’s car with Lindsey driving. Buffy gave this unknown man directions to her house, sitting precariously perched on Angel’s knees.

One good breath by any of the occupants would have caused them to tumble from the small car, they were so tightly packed inside and scrambled out as quickly as possible before the vehicle had completely stopped in her driveway.

Charging through the doorway, Buffy saw Dawn sitting on the sofa with Clem, carefully nibbling potato chips from a bowl. The teen avoided one side of her mouth as much as possible.

 The elder Slayer was washed with a wave of relief for her sister’s safety, then instantly assaulted by anger close on the heels of that wave.

“Dawn! You’re safe, you’re okay… Where the hell have you been!?”

Clem raised his hand, Dawn parted her swollen lips just as Giles and Angel pulled Buffy into the kitchen.

“She’s alright, Buffy. Don’t yell at her for things that weren’t her fault.” Giles knew he had to be the voice of reason, having seen similar emotions in conflict on Angel’s face all too often where Buffy had been concerned.

“Let her know you’re glad she’s safe, then we need to figure a way to find Willow and stop her. Then we also have the Council’s threat breathing down our neck, as it were.”

Giles turned back to the living room, leaving Buffy to stare open-mouthed at Angel.

                                                ***************************************

Spike woke lying on the hard damp floor of the cavern. His mouth felt gummy and tasted like someone had dragged a X’ool slime demon through it. He was also fairly sure they’d hit him in the head a few times with something at least mountain sized for good measure.

Reaching out in the darkness for the cavern wall, he felt a slight protrusion under his hand and slowly levered himself upward with its support.

The darkness spun inside his head as it protest that change in elevation. The vampire leaned against the cool dank wall, trying to convince his legs to steady themselves beneath him.

Once he felt more sure of his ability to stand, Spike groped his way toward the seemingly distant glimmer of light.

The air thundered around him, making his head pound harder with every step he took but he managed to find his way into the next cavern only to discover he was not alone.

“What? Who’s there?”

Spike knew he was not able to handle any more battles. Besides, didn’t the demon tell him that he’d won?

A sibilant whisper answered him from the darkness.

“ ‘Tis no one, ‘tis only I.”

“And who might you be? How do I get the bloody hell out of here?”

“Ah, ‘tis simple. Follow the light. But beware, Worthy.”

The giggling of that hissing voice was very disturbing to Spike in his weakened condition.

“Beware of what? I’m fininished with my challenges.”

“All but one, all but one. The one you carry inside. That you must yet learn, then command.”

“What tha’ bleedin’ hell are you babblin’ ‘bout?”

“I can only tell you that which I was told.

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

   Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

   And the mome raths outgrabe.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

   The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!

Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

   The frumious Bandersnatch!”

He took his vorpal sword in hand:

  Long time the manxome foe he sought --

So rested he by the Tumtum tree,

  And stood awhile in thought.

And as in uffish thought he stood,

  The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,

Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,

  And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and through

  The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!

He left it dead, and with its head

  He went galumphing back.

`And has thou slain the Jabberwock?

  Come to my arms, my beamish boy!

O frabjous day! Calloh! Callay!

  He chortled in his joy.

`Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

  Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

 And the mome raths outgrabe.”

The whispered giggling faded, leaving Spike to feel he was alone. Except there was still that rasping breath somewhere close by and the constant thunder in his head.

In a thoroughly foul mood, he yelled at the unseen lurker.

“What tha’ hell does that twaddle mean? It’s a damned kid’s poem that never made sense even then!”

His only answer was the pounding of his head and the breathing that surrounded him.

                                                ***************************************

“Alright, so how do all of you plan to find Willow? I’ve not been able to find her yet.”

Buffy sounded belligerent even to herself.

“Ah, if I can add something here? I think that green glow we can see on the horizon might be a good place to start?” Lindsey tried to sound as innocent as possible as he looked out the window toward the wavering glow over the treetops.

“Okay, so we can find her. Looks like it’s over toward the campus.. But once we find her, what then, bright boy?”

Angel smiled inside, making sure to keep the sentiment off his face. He’d already felt the brunt of Buffy’s irascible temper more than once that night.

*Let Lindsey catch it for once, might even do him good.*

“I think that we might be able to put our heads together to come up with something to calm her or perhaps neutralize her magick long enough to get past her anger. We do have four people here that are capable of magick. Surely joined we might devise som…..”

The quiet knock on the front door caused all of them to jump, as the sudden unexpected sound seemed to thunder through the room. Each one looked at the others, waiting for someone else to answer the door, but no one moved.

“Fine, it’s my damned door anyway.”

Buffy stormed to the front door; almost snatching it off the hinges as she angrily wrenched it open.

A lone, pale, slender man stood there wearing an outfit almost a century out of date.

“I was told I might locate Mr. Giles here?”

He was soft-spoken with a cultured voice.

“Who’s asking for him?” Buffy asked the man, suspicion obvious in her manner and voice. She made a firm rule to not trust pale men anywhere, especially in Sunnydale.

“Please advise him I bear an item to him from Yanni. I was told it was of the utmost importance.”

The name was one that Buffy recognized. She opened the door further as Giles hurried toward it, having heard Yanni’s name.

“Would you like…?” Buffy felt it would be alright to invite this vampire in, considering who had sent him, but he interrupted her before she could issue the invitation.

“NO! I apologize for my abruptness. Please do not finish that invitation lest those more than myself seek me out and use your kindness to unscrupulous ends. Your courtesy is appreciated however.”

“Oh. Okay.. I mean, I’m sorry that I can’t…”

Giles interrupted Buffy as she attempted to apologize for being unable to ask the vampire inside.

“Buffy, I’ll just step outside. Angel will you consent to come with me?”

The dark haired brooding vampire nodded in agreement and followed the Watcher out on the porch.

“She who sent me asked that I give you this. We have sheltered it for long and longer, yet she sent word you would have need of it tonight at this time.”

The vampire handed a small bundle to Giles, who carefully unwrapped it as everyone crowded around the door watching. Angel, standing beside Giles, simply looked over his shoulder.

Inside an outer layer of rough material, was a hand-sewn bag of deep green silk. Resting in the bag was a four-inch long, slender crystal, the thickness of Giles’ thumb.

The stone glowed from within with a milky opalescence.

Giles held the crystal carefully in his hand as he stared at it.

“What does it do?”

“It will absorb the witch’s powers without harm to her, although it will render her unconscious from the shock of withdrawal. The energy must then be re-directed back into the earth and the crystal soaked overnight in salt water exposed to the light of the moon. We shall retrieve the stone in a few days. Shall I advise Yanni that this may be helpful?”

“Yes. Yes, by all means please do and thank her for her generous loan of the artifact. This is the Crystal of Luna, is it not?”

“Yes. Luna being another aspect of Selene.”

Giles looked into the vampire’s face, startled.

“Yes. I see. Most appropriate. Thank her again for us. Is there anything else we may do for you tonight?”

“No. This was my task as its Keeper.”

“Ah, before you leave.. Can we talk for a couple of minutes please?” Angel asked the other vampire.

“It would be an honor to talk to one who is legend to us.”

Giles stepped back inside as Angel and the unknown vampire of the Kalderash stepped out to the yard.

“I think we have the means now. Shall we decide how to go about this?”

                                                *********************************************

In the darkened less-used rooms of the keep, a lone man waited impatiently. The call should come anytime now, he felt sure. He’d abandoned his own rooms and offices for the night, as he waited, knowing that others might not agree with him, yet he was certain he could convince them once he had proof to show them.

As he paced the floor for another countless time, the long awaited summons finally came.

He snatched the receiver of the telephone to his ear, almost breathless as he anticipated his triumph.

“Do you have them?”

“Ah, no. We had the new one, but once we got the other one.. Well, we let the new one go. You did say to tell’er we’d do that. And there has to be one. So we was gonna bring the other, but….”

“You did what?” The voice was cold, each word spoken slowly, carefully and clearly.

“I said… both of them. The note was only to get the other one there, it was a lie! What part of ‘both’, gave you problems?”

“Well, there has to be one.. You know that. It’s what we do, what we are..”

“I gave you a damned bloody ORDER! I want them BOTH!”

“Well, like I was tryin’ ta tell you. Some witch showed up and killed everyone else  ‘cept me. I heard them talkin’ ‘bout it. Tha’ place was full o’all kinds of people, so I listened at a window.. to know what was ‘appenin’. Tha’ witch..  she’d a gotten me too if’n I’d not been in the van, releasing tha’ new one. There’s nobody else to get them, G’v’nor.”

“Fine. Don’t worry about it at all. I’ll take care of it.” The voice was deeper somehow, colder, clipped, each word had it’s own crystalline shadow as it fell into the chilled air.

“They will take care of you as well, if you have not had the courage to do so first. I’d suggest you handle that first thing. They won’t be nearly as civilized as I’m sure you will be.”

The pale hand darted out to sever the connection with the push of a button.

A fine sheen of icy sweat covered the brow of Quentin Travers as he stood, trembling in the middle of the room.

*They failed me. ME! I rule here and that damned bitch…. Thinks she can just die and come back whenever she damned well feels like it! All our work for a new Slayer and we get that whelp of a sister she has… Something damned odd there too. Never showed any record of a sister before the last year or so.. Why HER!? Two bleedin’ Summers’ women.. I’ll show them what it’s like to bleed, I will. Likes the vampires does she? Well, I think I have just the monster for her…and her little sister too! *

Quentin Travers, the head of the Council of Watchers, had become so consumed by his unreasonable hatred of Buffy Summers and everyone associated with her, that he finally lost the small remaining hold on reality he’d clung to so tightly.

Still trembling as he muttered to himself, he picked up the bottle of port from the hall console as he walked out the door of the keep and into the night.

The only coherent thought in his razed mind was to kill Buffy Summers.

                                                **************************************

‘scattered my thoughts

like dry leaves before me

blown and cut to shreds’

The wall in front of Spike felt the same as all of the others around him in this black cavern. The only difference was the thin hot breath of air that puffed through a crack close to his face.

It had to be the rock he knew he’d have to move to escape this forsaken hellhole.

* Bloody rock is ‘alf the damned bleedin’ wall! Only tha’ soddin’ demon would call this thing a ‘boulder’.*

Spike hoped that once he was out of the domain of this demon, that relentless pounding in his head and the breathing of the coward watching him, would finally disappear as well.

Shaking his hands and arms, Spike took in several breaths to prepare for the effort he knew it would take to push this rock away.

Laying hands on its rough pitted surface, he started pushing against the barrier.

After several minutes, the small headway he’d made was only detectible because of the increased air against his skin.

It was still hot and dry, thin and tasting of dust.

“Not gonna be stopped by a bloody rock! Not now. Not when I’m so close. Gonna show that bitch what she gets for playin’ games with William the Bloody.”

Spike laid hands on the slightly indented surface and pulled his anger around him like a cloak as he put everything into the next push.

“Bloody well gonna show HER!”

He felt the boulder move under his hands, dust and debris falling all around him. The massive stone continued to grate slowly and loudly from its niche as Spike finally stood back in anticipation of freedom.

It seemed to take forever for the huge section of the cavern wall to work it’s way to the edge of its shallow tunnel, like a plug in a bottle, but in actuality was less than a minute. The enormous boulder clung to the edge of it’s centuries long resting place before finally tilting outward in a sudden, crashing movement that flooded the cavern with bright midday African sunlight, bathing the blonde vampire in the intense light.

                                                            *************************************

“So we all know our separate parts in this now?” Giles asked the group. They’d only been over the plan three times already, once the separate ideas had been hammered into a feasible whole.

“I think we have a thorough understanding, Rupert. If we do not at this point…”

Wesley reassured his counterpart.

“Alright. I get your point. Shall we go?”

Dawn fell into step with them as everyone moved toward the doorway. Buffy stopped and looked at her sister.

“Dawn, I think you should stay here. Clem can stay with you.”

“No, Buffy. I’m the Slayer. This is my job too, and Willow is my friend.”

Buffy recognized the defiant look on the teen’s face. She’d seen it often enough in her own mirror.

“Buffy, as Dawn’s Watcher, I have to agree with her. This is her job as well and Willow is her friend too. Dawn may as well start learning some of the harder parts now.” Wesley had finally accepted the role they had asked of him and was determined to assert his own authority rather than simply follow the others.

“But…” Buffy began, but was silenced quickly by a simple look from Giles and the cool touch of Angel’s hand on her shoulder.

“Fine. But if you get killed, don’t expect me to revive you!” The small blonde Slayer told her sister, shrugged off Angel’s hand and huffed out the door ahead of them.

“Ah, you don’t think this Willow is gonna kill me, do you?” Lindsey had been a bit nervous as soon as he’d learned what the others expected him to do in this plan.

“We hope to have her calmed enough to be safe at that point, Lindsey.” Angel tried to reassure the young lawyer he still was unsure if he even liked.

“Great. Just peachy! Here’s to calm witches.”

Lindsey McDonald walked out the door, car keys in hand.

                                                *******

Reaching the Sunnydale campus, Lindsey slowed the car, glancing around for more directions.

“That way. That’s where Tara’s room was and I think Willow would be there.. with her things.” Buffy pointed out the building for the young lawyer.

Everyone in the car could hear the haunted sadness that underlined every word. Two of the men even understood the reason.

Giles twisted enough to lay a hand on Buffy’s arm, letting her know he knew the memories this was raising for her as well. The Slayer gently squeezed his hand, as she again sat perched carefully on the knees of the man she had loved and had killed with her own hand.

Wesley suggested Lindsey park the car a short way from the building so they could approach on foot.

“How quiet do we need to be?” Lindsey asked as he maneuvered the car into a nearby space.

Giles was the one that answered the question they all thought, but Lindsey had voiced.

“The quiet is simply for the students. I imagine Willow already knows we’re here.”

Several groans and a sigh could be heard in the silence that followed Giles’ statement.

The six people eased from the packed car, heading up the walkway to the building. Giles and Buffy took the lead, Angel right behind them. Wesley had motioned Dawn to walk beside him as he quietly gave his new charge terse instructions, leaving Lindsey to trail along behind them all.

Once inside and upstairs, Buffy went straight to Tara’s room and knocked on the door.

It opened instantly. Buffy saw Willow sitting on the foot of the bed, as she held an object in her hands.

“Will, can I come in and talk to you, please?”

“Why? To convince me not to do what I have to do? To not wipe out the rest of the scum that crosses our paths and threatens more of the people I care about?”

“No. Actually, I wanted to talk about Tara. I miss her too, Will.”

Giles stepped up next to Buffy.

“I want to talk about this too, Willow. I.. I considered Tara a friend, like the rest of you. I too shall miss her.”

“And you Angel, don’t tell me you’ll miss Tara. You didn’t even know her.” Willow felt the vampire’s presence even though he wasn’t in direct sight.

The dark-haired vampire stepped into sight, looking more dark than normal.

“No, Willow. I simply wanted to talk to you. I know what this can do, how it can make you feel. I’ve been there before.. Hell, I’ve done much worse than you have because of things like this.”

“Yeah, we all know about Angelus-the-scourge-of-Europe. I got a first hand glimpse, if you’ll remember. Even if it was slightly sideways at the time.”

The bitterness twisted around her words as she remembered feeling helpless as Angelus held her life in his hands years before.

“I know and I’m sorry, Willow. I was thinking of much more recent events though.”

Angel knew this would be a surprise to Buffy and Giles. He saw their backs stiffen in unison even though they dared not turn around.

Willow rose gracefully from her seat on the bed, the object still in her hands.

“Sure. Why not? I can handle all of you as easily as I did those men back there. Bet you’d be kinda like dry tinder, huh, Angel?”

The laugh was hurtful and meant to be.

Giles, Buffy and Angel moved into the room. Angel leaned against the wall as Buffy walked toward the black-haired, black-eyed witch and Giles stepped carefully to the closest shelf. He’d noticed an object there that just might help them.

With the doorway empty now, Dawn and Wesley stepped through it and into the room as well, with Lindsey drifting quietly behind them.

“Well, well. The gangs all here, I see. Didn’t wanna see you again Wes. Once tonight was too much. Sorry. And you.. I don’t know you. Who are you? Willow turned that black-as-space gaze Lindsey.

“I’m just the chauffer tonight. But I know what Angel is talking about. I was there, and it was a pretty nasty thing. My ex-firm was responsible for getting someone he cared about Turned.”

*Ummm, Buffy doesn’t know about that, I see. *

Lindsey had caught the further stiffening of her back as she stood just a tiny bit taller. He’d guess Angel was in for a chewing out later… provided they all lived through this.

“Well, ‘chauffer’, you gotta name? And what was this ‘big’ nasty Angel did to you?”

Willow sounded almost cheerful at the thought of Angel’s trouble.

“Lindsey. Lindsey McDonald. And I’m one of the lawyers he locked in a wine cellar with two vampires. Because my ex-firm brought Darla back, then had Druscilla Turn her. Guess he thought it was fair if they had all of us for a late night snack.”

Angel lunged at the lawyer. He’d not wanted Buffy to find out that way! He wasn’t sure what way would have been good, but not that way.

Willow laughed and flicked one hand, tossing the vampire into the wall he’d previously been leaning against.

“Naughty Angel. A nice touch, and look! Little Buffy didn’t know how bad Angel had been or about Darla…”

“Willow, I knew about Darla. Remember when Cordelia was here a while back? She told me about Darla.”

“Perhaps we might all change the subject and calm down a bit? This isn’t why we are here. We came because of a friend we shall all miss and one who is hurting.” Giles reached for the shelf and picked up the object he’d looked at before.

“I remember this, Willow. It’s a special stand I’d ordered for Tara for her crystal ball you have in your hand. I remember how thrilled she was with it.”

Giles turned slightly as Willow walked toward him, turning her back slightly toward Lindsey, who simply stood where he had been.

“She loved it. It was a good choice for her. When she opened it, she sat and looked at it for hours, pointing out details to me. The way the trees meshed, the branches intertwined and cupped the orb like a hand. I was almost jealous, Giles. But it was for the crystal ball I’d gotten her.”

Willow had walked close enough to touch the stand with a fingertip as Giles held it in his hands.

“It was expensive, Giles.”

“Yes, frightfully so. But she had admired it in the catalogue. Her face had the most wistful expression as she looked at the picture. I wanted to get it for her, as I knew no one else could afford to do so.”

Buffy stood almost between Willow and Giles, having stepped closer as they talked.

She reached out to touch the stand with a single fingertip like Willow had done.

“I know that’s why you gave it to her before the party. So no one would know how much you’d spent. She was a special person. I’ll miss her too. She was the first person to know about Spike and me. I- I had a question and I went to ask her. She figured out really quick that it was about Spike and why I was asking.”

Angel had moved to the other side of the group, facing Buffy as he stood almost between Giles and Willow.

“That’s what it was like when the law firm had Druscilla Turn Darla. They did it in front of me, held me down. She’d been given a second chance to be something other than a vampire and they took that away. I was never in love with her, but I felt I had an obligation to her after all those years. I was more than just angry with them for that. So I shut Darla and Dru in the wine cellar with them once she rose again. Darla cared about Lindsey, which is why he’s alive.”

“Yeah? I don’t think Tara knew what had happened. I suddenly had her blood on my shirt and she was worried about that. Then she just fell.”

Buffy took a deep breath and laid her other hand on Willow’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Will. I had no idea about that. I know it hurts.”

Angel followed Buffy’s lead and placed his hand on the witch’s other shoulder.

“It’s hard enough when someone you care for dies, but to have it happen in front of you, to be helpless…”

He looked into Buffy’s eyes for a second, then back at Willow.

“That’s why we are here, Willow. To share with you and help if we can.”

Giles told the former redhead, keeping her attention as Lindsey, who had shifted gradually behind the girl, stepped up quickly and placed the Crystal of Luna against her back.

Wesley moved in step with the lawyer and touched the back of her head as he began the incantation. Buffy and Angel gripped Willow’s shoulders and her arms as Giles held her hands folded in on themselves.

                                                            ***********************************

‘All that I want to say has been said before

So I’m glad you know just what I mean

Your groans express the way I feel right now

'Cause above all else I want to be

And everything is holy, holy, holy

I will not have to fear anymore

All I'll be capable of will be holy, holy, holy, holy

And I will, I will not shame your name anymore

I want to be, I want to be’

The intense sunlight enveloped Spike as he cried out; throwing an arm across his eyes, expecting to burst into flames any second.

Instead, he was bathed in the warmth of the light, followed closely by the intense heat of the air outside the cave.

Spike slowly lowered his arm, looking carefully at his hand, then both hands, his arms, trying to turn to see all of himself. He held a hand over his eyes, fingers slightly parted, as he looked up at the sun. He stood bathed in it’s light for the first time in over one hundred and twenty years, as tears ran down his face. Partly from the intensity of the light, partly from sheer disbelief.

Finally he stepped back into the edge of the cave, turning to look at the darkness inside.

He wiped the tears from his face, seeing the slightly pink stain on his hands.

“What the bloody hell have you done to me? What am I?”

There was only silence.

The slender blonde yelled the questions again into the darkness, panting at the intensity of his scream.

*Panting. Breathing. I’m breathing. How tha’ hell am I breathing? Why am I breathing? *

He laid his hand over his chest and felt the beating of his own heart.

* A heartbeat? I can’t have a heartbeat.. That pounding in my head.. it’s still there.. A heartbeat…*

Two and two finally made four for Spike, as he understood that HE was the source of the rasping breath that had followed him. His heart beating was the reason he’d heard the pounding sound in his head. He was hearing his own blood circulating, pumping.

The voice was unexpected when it finally came.

“You have what you asked for. You are as you before, or as close to that as I can change you. You are someone the Slayer can love as you love her. You breathe, your heart beats, you will no longer crave blood, yet you are still a vampire of sorts, much like the Slayer.

You need no longer fear the sunlight. Your strength, hearing, sense of smell, vision and speed remain. You are effectively a ‘day-walker’.”

The voice chuckled, an evil slithery sound.

“And, oh yes…. You have your soul back as well. We are finished now.”

Spike’s cry was drown in the crash of falling rocks, completely sealing the inner chamber of the cavern.

“A soul? You gave me a bleedin’ soul?! I’m almost human again?!”

Spike threw himself away from the crashing boulders to the hot sandy ground. His new situation finally hit him full force, along with the beginning memories of the faces of those he’d killed.

“Aarrrgggghhhhhh!!!!”

                                                            *************************************

Willow’s struggle was brief as the crystal and the invocation worked quickly to pull the power from her body.

As the power was absorbed into the crystal, the darkness faded from her hair and eyes. It filled the stone, darkening the stone as Lindsey held it firmly against her back, even as it heated, burning his hand and Willow’s back.

Her hair once again it’s familiar red hue, Willow collapsed into the arms of those holding her.

Wesley barely caught Lindsey in time to keep the younger man’s head from hitting a table as he too collapsed.

“Lindsey! Open your eyes! Are you alright?”

Without turning, Wesley instructed Dawn over his shoulder.

“Run. Get two wet cloths. I need one and so will Giles, Dawn.”

The new Slayer complied without question, this time.

Lindsey and Willow had their faces gently wiped with a cool cloth and both were showing signs of consciousness, although different signs.

Willow had crumpled into the arms of her best friend, the Watcher and the vampire while she cried as though her heart would break further; as if she could cry pieces of herself out to stop the pain that threatened to steal the very breath she needed to cry.

Lindsey groaned as he struggled to sit up, his hand still clasped tightly around the crystal.

“Do I need to keep holding this or can we put it somewhere?”

“I have the silk. That should insulate it.” Wesley reached into an inner pocket to pull out a large silk square, holding it out to the lawyer where he still lay on the floor.

Opening his hand carefully, Lindsey rolled the crystal into the fabric. Wesley gave an exclamation of surprise at the heat he felt through the silk he’d used to wrap the stone.

“This is hot! Let me see your hand.”

Lindsey sat up carefully, and held out his right hand, opening it slowly and carefully.

The entire palm was reddened and blistered, but the center where the stone had lain, was darkened from the heat of the stone and fortunately not from what the crystal had absorbed.

“Oh my word! We need to treat that. Hold this damp cloth in your hand if you can manage it. It’s cool and will help remove some of the heat.”

That done, the slender brunette Watcher advised the others of a possible burn on Willow’s back as he assisted Lindsey to his feet.

Wesley motioned Dawn over. She helped her new Watcher support Lindsey as they got him to a chair.

The young Slayer stayed with the ex-lawyer while Wesley stepped over to check Willow’s back. The others had their hands full with the crying witch.

The burn on Willow’s back was not as severe as Lindsey’s hand, but both needed medical care.

“Let’s get her back to Buffy and Dawn’s so we can treat this burn. Lindsey’s hand is even worse.”

Nodding, Giles motioned for Angel and Buffy to help him get the sobbing Willow up from their cramped place on the floor.

“I’ll take her.”

Angel shifted the small redhead into the arms of the Watcher and she tucked her head into Giles’ shoulder.

Standing on the front lawn of the dormitory, they realized that not everyone would fit into Cordelia’s small car. Lindsey couldn’t drive with his hand as it was, so they finally decided that Wesley would drive Dawn, Lindsey and Angel back to the Summer’s house, then come back for Buffy, Giles and Willow.

The latter trio found a bench under a light, as they waited for Wesley’s return.

Willow’s sobs began to slow as Buffy and Giles talked to her constantly.

                                                            ********************************

Spike stared at the expanse of sun-baked terrain in front of him. It looked much like what was behind him as he headed west toward that same blindingly bright sun, trying to find a village, someplace, anyplace except in the sweltering heat.

The small village he’d passed through getting to the cavern, was nowhere to be found.

Dusk was starting to encroach on the land, when he finally saw a few lights in the distance. Spike knew that darkness would fall swiftly and tried to hurry.

An hour or so later finally reaching the village, he was horribly thirsty. His skin was red and hurt, and this time the pounding in his head was from a headache.

The slender blonde man staggered into the sparse lighting toward one of the men, trying to ask for something to drink with a throat too dry to do more than croak.

The startled villager ran for the hut behind him, disappearing inside. Spike felt the wave of disappointment and frustration surge over him, then recede as the man reappeared with a large gourd. Two more men and a woman holding a small rough clay pot in her hands followed him.

The men helped move Spike to a mat on the ground at the entrance of the hut, then the man offered the gourd, holding it as the blonde drank the cool-ish water.

The woman had moved beside him and had started smearing a pungent smelling cool mixture over his reddened skin.

The first man finally spoke in halting, broken English.

“You.. English?  Lost?  Drink.. eat. . Mabena… crème for burning.  Sleep after.. Find help… tomorrow. Yes?”

Spike stopped drinking for a moment to answer the man. “Yes, Help please. The drink is good. Food, yes. Sleep, yes.”

He turned to look at the woman who ducked her head and wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Thank you for this.”

He nodded at the arm the woman had already smeared crème on. The pain of his sunburn was less already.

“Better. It doesn’t hurt as much.”

The woman looked shyly at him sideways. “Welcome. Food, I get.”

A short time later, with another gourd of water beside him, some kind of meat in a flatbread wrapping inside of him and the pot of crème next to him for the next application to his sunburn, Spike lay down on the matting and fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

      ************************************

The room had been cleaned and all evidence of Tara’s death had been cleared away.

Dawn helped Buffy get Willow into bed.

Then Buffy turned to go downstairs and sort out beds for everyone else while Dawn stayed with Willow.

“Buffy?”

Buffy moved back to the bed, taking her friend’s hand.

“What, Will? What do you need? What can I get for you?”

“That guy… Lindsey? Is his hand okay?”

“It’ll be alright, they said. He’s left-handed so it’s good that it’s his right one. Are you okay? I’m gonna go divvy out sleep space, then be back.”

“Buffy? Can Angel stay with me tonight? I mean… I wanted to talk and he’s….”

“It’s okay, Will. He’s a safe guy to stay with and he can tell you about where both of you have been.. I understand. It’s fine.” Buffy kissed her friend on the forehead then went to divvy out sleep space. Angel was getting the spot next to Willow.

                                                            *************************************

‘Then I knew

In the crystalline knowledge of you -

Drove me through the mountains

Through the crystal-like

Clear water fountain

Drove me like a magnet

To the sea...

How the faces of love have changed

Turning the pages,

And I have changed, oh, but you -

You remain ageless’

Willow slept fitfully that night, but Angel was always awake when she’d wake and they’d talk. They talked most of the night.

Finally the next morning, Willow was prepared to go downstairs. Not ready.. just prepared.

She had to talk to Lindsey. She had to talk to everyone, actually, but then most of all to Giles.

At the bottom of the stairs, the first person Willow saw was Lindsey. He was sitting on the sofa, his right hand swathed in bandages, resting on his knee, as he sipped from a coffee cup with pictures of splashing dolphins on the side.

Taking a deep breath, Willow walked toward him, going around the coffee table to sit carefully on the sofa beyond the young man.

“Your….” “Are you…”

Both had tried to speak at once to ease the tension between them.

Lindsey laughed. “You first, Willow.”

“Ah.. Okay. I just.. I wanted to know if your hand was okay? I mean.. Buffy said that it would be okay but…. I needed to ask.”

“Well, it’s not feeling real great, but the doctor that looked at it last night said it would be fine. Something about that it hurt so much meaning the nerves were fine and working. You hav’ta wonder about that kind of thinking.”

The slender redhead chuckled in spite of her self. He’d sounded so chagrined about the reassurances from the doctor. “Yeah. Kinda like telling you that it’ll feel much better when it stops hurting.”

Willow sat up slightly straighter and looked at the young man. He was attractive, older than her, nice blue eyes and a pleasant smile. His brown hair still looked rumpled from sleep. She finally looked up to meet his eyes.

“I wanted to thank you for what you did… You didn’t know me and you risked yourself to help my friends save me. I…. I know saying thank you isn’t enough, but it’s all I have to offer you.”

“It’s enough. I’ve been in pretty bad places myself, like you were. People I’d never have expected to help me, did.”

“Lindsey, sorry to interrupt, but…Willow, you may have something else to offer this young man.”

Giles had walked into the room to stand looking at the young woman he felt he’d failed.

“No, just listen.” He held up a hand to stop her protests. “We need to see if you have any ability left after last night and the last few days. There is training you need.. I should have done so long before now, but I forgot to learn from my own mistakes. The first rule of magick I should have told you long ago, Willow, is that you never use it on someone without their permission. Since Lindsey’s hand would benefit from some healing, we can see what ability you have left and you can start that first lesson.”

The redhead blushed at the words of the man she’d always respected and had tried to injure previously.

“It wasn’t your fault, Giles. It.. it was mine. T.. T.. Tara,”

Her voiced cracked on the name of her lost lover, but Willow knew she had to accept what had happened, to try to learn and grow. It was what Tara would have wanted for her.

“Tara tried to tell me the same thing and I just didn’t listen.”

Willow turned back to look at Lindsey.

“Will you let me to try to heal the damage you suffered to help me?”

Lindsey simply nodded his head as he extended his bandaged wrapped hand toward her.

Giles watched, ready to intervene if necessary, as Willow gently took the injured hand between her own, raising it toward her face as she asked, “Lady, I ask your forgiveness for my mistakes. Grant me the grace that is yours that I might heal this one who was injured in helping me.”

The redheaded witch inhaled deeply and blew gently on Lindsey’s injured hand where she held it between her own.

She felt the swell of power from within herself as it slipped into her breath and surrounded the young lawyer’s burned hand. Tiny sparks danced between their hands as the air warmed from the magick she exhaled.

Lindsey felt the surge of energy from the woman next to him, gently holding his burned hand close to her face. He felt the warmth of her breath through the bandages on his hand. The pain in his palm eased while small sparks of light flickered around his hand held between hers.

As the pain all but vanished, she began to slowly slump forward toward him, releasing his hand.

Lindsey tried to catch her with his arm, still afraid to use his injured hand and the coffee cup occupying his good hand.

The older man, Giles moved more quickly than Lindsey would have expected, grabbing the witch before she actually fell.

Giles caught Willow, picked her up and laid her on the far end of the sofa, her feet angled off the edge to the floor, since Lindsey still sat on the other end of the couch.

Within moments, the redhead’s eyes fluttered as she struggled back to consciousness.

“Willow, are you alright?”

“Uhhhhh, yeah. I think so, Giles.” She struggled to sit up, embarrassed to find herself in the Watcher’s arms.

Quickly releasing her, Giles stood. “I’ll get you a glass of juice. I suspect we have work to do on energy use as well, now that we know you still have your magickal ability.”

Glancing at the young man, Giles tried to reassure him as well.

“Allow me to get her something to drink and we’ll check your hand. Does it feel alright?”

“Feels almost normal. Yeah, she looks a bit more pale than when she started. I can wait a minute or two.”

                                                            **************

Buffy had gone into the kitchen in an attempt to find a cup of coffee and jolt herself awake. Sleep had been elusive for most of the night and the few minutes here and there she did manage, had been filled with disjointed images of Spike, a cavern and sunlight. She’d hear his cries and would wake shaking. She missed him more than she had ever imagined she could miss the annoying peroxide vampire. The dreams had kept her on edge all night, so she woke as tired as she’d gone to bed.

As the blonde Slayer entered the kitchen, Giles hugged her briefly on his way out to the living room where Buffy heard Willow’s voice as the redhead talked to Lindsey.

The petite blonde’s nose led her unerringly to the fresh pot of coffee on the counter, sitting next to a steaming teapot that let her know that Giles had his first caffeine dose for the morning as well.

She filled a cup, added sugar and creamer before moving to the small table to sit just as the basement door opened.

Buffy turned quickly, sloshing her coffee across her hand as she looked at the opening door, but her heart fell when she saw it was Angel and not the blonde vampire she’d hoped for.

Angel handed her a paper towel, then took the chair next to her.

“Are you alright, Buffy? I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well and I wasn’t expecting anyone to be down there.”

“Are you sure? You had a bright expression on your face, that just seemed to vanish and you look upset.”

“Yeah.. Well, probably a left over of the icky dreams. Never know what will show up in that basement.”

“Ah, Buffy.. There is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” Angel ducked his head slightly while Buffy raised her eyebrows in silent question marks.

“The last day or so.. well, I know we were short on space in the car and all, but…”

The brunette vampire took in a deep and un-needed breath.

“It’s just that with you sitting in my lap and all…”

“What? You thought that because I’d perched on your knees that I was sitting in your lap? That because I was there that it meant I wanted to.. to, what, Angel? Start something between us again that still couldn’t go anywhere? That because Spike and I had a fight and he’s gone who the hell knows where, that I’d just turn back to you?”

Although he’d not been around Buffy much over the last couple of years, Angel still remembered the note of irritation in her voice and recognized the rapidly rising anger underneath it.

* She does seem to get ‘brassed off’, as Spike would say, a lot faster now than ever before. *

“I thought that since we still care about each other and now that some time has passed, maybe we might try again.”

“We’ve done this number, Angel. We said everything there was to say on the subject. We have nowhere to go that’s forward. You left me, remember? There was that whole deal about what you couldn’t give me and how you wanted me to have a normal life? Well, I’ll never have a normal life. I’ve not had one since I was Called, Angel. I’m NOT normal! Now I’ve died twice, three times, count however many you want, I’ll probably get to that number sooner or later around here. A normal life?”

Buffy was attempting to pace a hole in the floor in a space about three feet by four feet as she raged at Angel’s suggestion.

“Normal? Like as in getting married and having kids? That kind of normal? Hell, Angel, I can’t even manage to stay alive for an uninterrupted stretch of time, much less have kids. You’re the one out boinking your ex and having kids, remember?”

Angel grabbed a moment while Buffy took a breath, gathering more ire around her.

“Buffy, I didn’t mean to upset you, I just thought that since you’d.. That we..”

“No! Being comfortable enough to trust you enough to perch on you when seating is short is NOT an invitation to do anything else. I thought we’d solved this. I thought we’d agreeded to be friends. I thought you understood that I’m in love with Spike!”

The blonde Slayer turned on her heel and stormed out of the room, up the stairs and slammed the door to her room hard enough to bounce the coffee cup she’d left on the table in the kitchen, sloshing cooling coffee in a sticky run across the table top.

Angel sat still, shocked at the things Buffy has said to him, shocked at the strength of her anger. He had no idea what to do about her outburst, so he just sat.

“Angel… I’m sorry about that. I did try to warn you. I thought Cordelia had explained to you what has happened to Buffy.”

Giles stood behind and to one side of the bewildered vampire. Angel hadn’t even heard the Watcher enter the room behind him and didn’t turn around now as he just gazed at the pool of coffee in front of him.

“She did Giles, but I had no idea that this was what she meant. Maybe she didn’t tell me enough or I just didn’t hear enough of what she said.”

“It’s hard to hear things we don’t like about those we care about. Give me a moment to take some juice to Willow, and check Lindsey’s hand. I’ll get a cup of tea and I think we should talk about this. Perhaps you might handle the coffee while I do so?”

Giles inclined his head slightly at the slowly cooling puddle.

                                                            ***********************************************

Spike woke as the first rays of the sunlight brushed his face with warmth. The century old reaction to recoil was still active, but he fought the movement, laying on the matting and watching the sun crest the horizon.

The pain of his sunburn reminded him of his previous day and Spike pulled himself to his feet carefully.

* Feel almost as sore as when that Glory bint tried to kill me. *

He spread another coating of the mabena crème on his reddened flesh, drank a bit of tepid, brackish water from the gourd and walked a short way away from the village to a small stand of trees that would serve as a makeshift relief station.

Making his way back to the matting he’d slept on, the blonde poured the remainder of the water over his hands and head then felt marginally better. He caught himself just in time as he’d started to shake his head to fling the remaining wetness from him, just as the village woman from the previous night emerged from the hut. She looked shyly at the slender blonde and handed him a large leaf wrapped about something that Spike thought smelled wonderful!

Carefully thanking her first, he opened the leaf to discover more of the flat bread wrapped around some kind of roast meat and what appeared to be a kind of cooked root. Biting carefully into the hot offering, Spike savored the taste of the food.

The woman had retreated back into her hut when he had taken the food from her, but she reemerged in moments with two more of the gourds tied together with braided palm fronds, a small string basket of some kind with another leaf wrapped bundle and a second small pot that looked like the one she’d called mabena, for his sunburn.

Spike wolfed down the remainder of his meal and took the items she offered him. The woman then squatted on the ground and picking up a stick, motioned to him to look at the lines she scratched into the gritty dirt.

It appeared to be a map of some kind to Spike and he looked at the woman, his face full of questions.

She struggled to make him understand in her few words of English.

“Sun.. Go.. You.. Home.” She pointed to the bundle she had given him. “Help. Wel..come. Home.”

Finally understanding that she was trying to help him find his home and sending him off with more crème for his pale but reddened skin, food and water. Spike stood. The woman got to her feet as well.

“Thank you. Thank you much.” On a sudden unexplained impulse, the vampire leaned over and lightly kissed the dark wrinkled cheek of the village woman then turned and headed the way she had pointed him.

Home was exactly where he wanted to go.

Home… and Buffy.

                                                            ********************************************

After Giles and Angel had talked for about an hour, with Giles trying to explain to the perplexed brunette vampire the enormous changes that had occurred in Buffy with her death and resurrection, Buffy entered the kitchen again.

“Giles.. I need to talk to Angel for a minute, can you stay cause I seem to be making a mess of things?”

The older man nodded, watching as she approached the tense vampire.

“Angel.. I’m sorry I yelled at you. I.. I’m not really sure these days what’s going on with me. I thought I had a grip on things and then this whole getting shot thing and Tara and Willow, the argument with Spike… I’m not sure where I am any more. I’m sorry. You know I do care about you. Although what I said was hurtful and I could have found a better way to say things.. They were true. We can’t go back and there really isn’t anywhere to go forward except as friends. Can we do that?”

The tall brunette vampire stood up and gently pulled the petite blonde loosely into his arms, as he looked down into her face.

“Of course we can. Always friends, Buffy. You mean too much to me to lose your friendship. It’s my fault I jumped to conclusions. Forgive me?”

“Don’t I always?” Buffy asked with a trace of the old mischief he was used to from her years before.

Angel grinned at her as he ruffled her hair, then hugged her briefly before quickly releasing her.

“Well, good. If you two have that settled, perhaps you can explain to Buffy some of what I explained to you, Angel. I need to talk with Willow.”

A look passed between the Watcher and the vampire, then Giles left the kitchen in search of Willow as Angel handed Buffy toward the recently vacated chair.

                                                            ************************************************

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury -- pardon;

where there is doubt -- faith;

where there is despair -- hope

where there is darkness -- light;

where there is sadness -- joy!

Giles found Willow sitting on the front steps of the Summers’ house talking to Lindsey.

The young lawyer had been telling her about his relationship thus far with Angel and the L.A. crew, while Willow told him about her relationship with Tara and life in Sunnydale since Buffy arrived.

“Willow, if you’re to a point you can wrap up your tale, I think we need to talk now.”

The redheaded witch glanced up at Giles before turned back to Lindsey.

“Lin, I need to talk with Giles now. Thank you for sharing with me and listening to me. It’s helped a lot.”

“It’s been good for me too, Will. We’ll trade more later?”

Willow nodded an affirmative as she stood to follow Giles.

The older man looked at her in concern for a brief moment.

“Might we talk in your room, if you’re comfortable with that, of course? We seem to be running out of quiet places for conversation.”

“Ah, sure, Giles. It’s no problem.”

Actually Willow felt a bit awkward having Giles in her room, but he was right about the lack of space for private conversations. She knew that whatever he had to say to her, she was going to prefer that it be private. Willow led the way up the stairs to her room and stood awkwardly next to the bed.

Giles closed the door quietly behind him as he entered the room.

“Ah, we don’t really have any chairs in here, Giles. So.. if you don’t mind sitting on the edge of the bed?”

“I think we can both manage that, Willow. We are, after all, adults.”

He took the initiative and sat carefully at the foot of the bed.

Reassured slightly, Willow sat down at the head of the bed, pulling her legs up under her and she leaned back against the headboard.

“So… what do we need to talk about, as if I didn’t kinda know?”

“As you suspect, your magick use. I wish to apologize to you first though. I knew you were using magick. I even encouraged it in a manner of speaking, every time I asked you to do a spell, or assist with one, yet even after my own mistakes in my younger years, I never attempted to teach you the proper use of your ability. Even when you brought Buffy back, I simply fussed at you.”

“I don’t think I’d have listened to you by then, Giles. But I need to apologize for yelling at you that time. I said some pretty arrogant and icky things to you and I’m sorry. You were right.”

“Yes, well. I can’t think too harshly of what you did then since you brought her back to all of us. I was very concerned that you’d injure yourself or that she’d have.. ah, deficiencies.”

“You were worried that I’d screwed up.” Willow felt she needed to call the situation like it was really.

“Well.. yes. But I’d not have phrased it that way.”

“I know, Giles. But sometimes, you kinda have to, to get through to me. Tara.. T – Tara tried that too. Giles, what am I going to do?”

Willow’s composure broke with her utterance of Tara’s name. She held her face in her hands as great tearing sobs shuttered through her, shaking her until Giles feared she’d actually break something.

Rising from his seat at the foot of the bed, he went to the slender, grieving woman, sat down beside her and pulled her carefully into his arms.

Willow clutched at him as if he were a lifeline and she was drowning.

It wasn’t far from the truth.

Willow was drowning in grief. From the loss of her lover, from the close calls she’d been through, from the repercussions of her abuse of her magick, Buffy’s new injury.. She felt as though everything was about to suck her under and swallow her. Then there was a new source of grief she’d never imagined, seeing disapproval in Giles’ eyes.

The older man held the slender redheaded woman in his arms as she clung to him, crying as her heart broke over and over.

                                                            *********************************

Spike walked into the port town just before dark. He could smell the stench of rotting garbage, dead fish and human refuse mixed with the oily water in the harbor.

The slender, blonde sunburnt man searched for a harbormaster or captain, anyone that could help him get back to Sunnydale and to Buffy.

“Whad’da want?”

The man behind the littered desk was unshaven, with greasy hair, the foul odor of someone who bathed infrequently. He had stained and missing teeth clamped tight around an unlit cigar butt.

“I’m looking for someone who will let me work passage back to California.”

“You? Ya couldn’t lift a mop much less work a ship. Get outta here!”

“I’m stronger than I look. Is there someone that I can talk to about passage?”

“Sure, why not? Go down the dock to the next to last slip. Ship is the Morning Tide.

Talk to Captain Ramirez and see if he’ll take you on.”

The unkempt man cackled to himself like someone who knew a joke, yet wasn’t telling.

Spike hoist the nearly empty string bag over his shoulder and turned back through the doorway, trudging down the dock to the Morning Tide.

Spike spotted the captain before he reached the ship and understood why the harbormaster had sent him here. The captain was a big, bald, bulky man with a bristling, red mustache that occupied the middle third of the man’s face. He wore a patch over one eye, no shirt and had a huge chest covered with the same red hair and a billboard’s worth of tattoos. It was obvious he was the captain by his air of command that stemmed directly from his loud, barking voice and the flicking bullwhip in his hand.

Spike put on his best ‘big bad’ and sauntered up the gangplank.

“Who tha’ hell are ye and what do ye be doin’ on me ship?!”

Ramirez roared when Spike was only half way up the gangplank.

“I was sent by the harbormaster. He said I might be able to work passage with you to California.”

Knowing the reason the nasty little man would send this slender ‘tender foot’ here, Ramirez grinned evilly.

“Of course. I can always use another hand. San Diego is my next stop. Come aboard.”

Spike didn’t trust the look on the man’s face for a moment but walked onto the deck of the ship toward the evil looking captain.

He’d gotten not quite four feet from the man when the flicking bullwhip lashed out at his feet, wrapping around an ankle and bringing him to the deck with a crash.

Temper surging to the fore, Spike wrapped his hand around the whip and jerked with his still present preternatural strength.

Ramirez refused to release the handle of the whip and came down hard on the deck inches from Spike’s face.

The blonde vampire looked into the eye of the villainous man and tried for the first time since the cave, to force his face to shift. He felt the familiar change of features, but the urge for blood didn’t rise in him as usual.

However, the face was enough as he growled at the fallen captain.

“I asked nicely to work passage. I could have just killed you and taken it. I’ll ask again to work passage.”

Ramirez had seen a face like this before. They’d had such a ‘thing’ on ship a few years back. He’d lost half his crew before he’d given in and taken the vicious woman where she had wanted to go. What Ramirez didn’t understand was that this one could be out in the daylight, could tolerate the sunlight. He was obviously more, or different than the crazy woman had been, forever droning on about the stars. The captain decided to accept the offer of work for passage and keep his miserable life that he’d come to enjoy very much.

“O – okay. I’ll give you passage. You can work for it, but please don’t kill too many of my men. They don’t deserve that.”

Spike rose gracefully to his feet and offered a hand to the Captain, pulling him rapidly to his feet in a deliberate show of strength.

“Fine. Thank you. I won’t kill your men. If there are any problems, I’ll simply kill you.”

The changed vampire knew he had no intention of killing any of them, unless it became a matter of him or them. But they didn’t need to know that.

Another deck hand came over at the captain’s call and showed Spike a bunk to drop his few belongings on then led him back up top to haul the cargo onto the ship.

                                                            *************************************

Wesley had gotten Angel, Buffy, Lindsey and Dawn to go to the Magick Shop and bring back most of the training items, which they then sat up in the basement of the Summers’ house. Since Wesley would have to stay there until he could find a place of his own, he figured it would be the most convenient training area. However, the basement was filled to capacity with the equipment, leaving little actual room for working out, training or even laundry.

As soon as he voiced those concerns, Angel interrupted.

“Wesley, even though I’m still pretty upset with you, I’m willing to help for Buffy and Dawn’s sake. I still own the mansion over on Crawford Street, so you can use it for a place to live and training room for Dawn, if you want. I just ask that you take care of it as well as Buffy and Dawn.”

Wesley stopped, shocked at the offer from the man who had been his friend.

“T-thank you, Angel. That’s very generous of you. I think that would work much better actually.. If you’re sure, of course?”’

“Yeah, I’m sure. Let’s haul this stuff over there instead.”

                                                                        *****************

Buffy was always a bit uncomfortable in the Crawford mansion, but helped the others set up the training equipment in one of the larger rooms where Angel had directed them.

She put down the chair she’d been moving and looked around for the dark haired vampire, only to find him gone.

Quietly Buffy left the room to search for him.

She didn’t have to go far. Angel stood in the main room, facing the fireplace, his hands grasping the edge of the mantel so tightly that his knuckles were white.

“Angel?”

The vampire whirled at the sound of Buffy’s voice. He’d been so lost in his thoughts he never heard her approach.

“Buffy! Don’t sneak up on me like that!”

“Angel, are you alright? I’ve never been able to sneak up on you. What’s wrong?”

“Well, you’re much quieter now, Buffy. And I was several years away.”

He simply looked at her, seeing in his mind’s eye a softer Buffy, a more loving Buffy. One that loved him.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Angel. This place.. it’s always creeped me out since.. well, you know.”

The dark haired vampire covered the space between them to pull her into his arms.

Buffy was seeing too much of the past echo in the room at that moment to resist being held.

“Buffy.. so much happened here. I see this room and it’s all there again. Waking to find you in front of me with a sword, kissing you, being sent to hell. Coming back from there to this room. Working out with you, sitting curled up with you in front of that fireplace. Knowing I was dying and having you force me to drink you to save me. I remember the taste of you on my lips, my tongue. It may sound terrible, but I do remember that. For me it was almost as consuming as the first time we were...”

Buffy put her hand over his lips to stop what she knew was coming.

“Stop! Don’t! I.. I can’t.”

She tried to pull away, but Angel held her closer.

“Tell me you don’t remember, Buffy. Tell me you hated it. Both times. Both so different in action, but the same in what was actually happening.”

“No! It wasn’t! The first time… We made love, Angel. You didn’t try to have me for a main course at dinner!”

“Buffy, you know that wasn’t what I did. You gave yourself to me. Both times you gave yourself to me because you loved me. One almost destroyed me while the other saved me. You saved me, Buffy.”

Throwing caution to the winds, Angel leaned his head to capture her lips with his, demanding entrance to her mouth, his tongue battling with hers as he held her tightly; as she clung to him with a strength that matched his own.

As he kissed her, exploring every inch of her sweet mouth with his own, Angel felt something change ever so slightly. He realized what it was suddenly as he cut his tongue on the edge of one of Buffy’s teeth.

The vampire pulled back suddenly from her, holding her at arms length.

“Buffy! Open your mouth, now!”

Bewildered by the kiss, the emotions that assailed her, emotions she though were long banished, by Angel’s sudden pulling away and the demand that she open her mouth; Buffy suddenly realized she had the flat, sweetish metallic taste of  blood in her mouth. Maybe Angel had cut her lip or tongue and she’d not felt it…

She opened her mouth.

Angel saw the bewilderment on the tiny blonde Slayer’s face before she did as he’d demanded. Then she opened her mouth.

Her teeth were sharp, more pointed than ever before, yet they were far from the ragged sharpness of the vampires. They looked like what Angel might expect of someone eons ago. They looked like the first Slayer Giles had described to him.

“Buffy, we need to go sit down. We better talk.”

Angel led her to one of the sofas, sitting beside her, his arm around her shoulders as she curled into the curve of his side.

                                                            ******************************************

Willow’s sobs finally slowed, but she stayed in the shelter of Giles’ arms, her fingers absently picking at the tiny slubbs of fabric on his shirt.

“Willow, are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah, but now my head is all stopped up.”

Giles chuckled softly as he released the young woman in his arms.

“Go wash your face and blow your nose. I’ll be here when you return. We can try that talk again.”

Willow nodded as she crawled off the bed to cross the room to the bathroom.

                                                            ***********************************

What ravages of spirit

conjured this temptuous rage

created you a monster

broken by the rules of love

and fate has lead you through it

you do what you have to do

and I have the sense to recognize that

I don't know how to let you go

every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving

trying to escape this desire

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

“Angel. What just happened back there? Why did you kiss me? Why did I kiss you back? Did you bite me or something?”

“Buffy.. You, ah, bit me. I felt something change while I kissed you and then your tooth cut me. Your teeth changed, Buffy. They weren’t like a vampire’s, but they were sharper, more pointed. They were like Giles described the first Slayer to me.”

“No. No, this isn’t happening to me. No.”

Buffy pulled away and started backing down the length of the sofa, away from Angel.

The vampire lunged at her just before she bolted from the sofa, pinning her to the sofa with his body on top of hers.

“Let me up!”

“No, Buffy, not until we get all of this settled. We’ve never talked about any of this and it’s been eating both of us alive.”

“No, you’re not alive! And you were the one that tried to eat me!”

Even in her anger, Buffy realized how her last comment sounded.

“We never got to that, Buffy. I wish we had…”

Angel let his words trail off, the unasked question hung in the air between them with a life of its own. Buffy clamped her teeth tightly together to keep from answering.

“We still could, Buffy. It could be better than before.”

With his face only inches from the blonde Slayer pinned beneath him, Angel moved his head that tiny distance to kiss her again, his hand tracing the curves along the side of her body.

Even as Buffy returned the kiss, something in her head was screaming at her, telling her this was wrong. She couldn’t concentrate on the sensations running through her mouth while the sound screamed in her head, yet she couldn’t hear the noise in her head clearly because of the path Angel’s hand was exploring, the way his mouth moved on her own, stealing her breath, her thoughts.

Sensation won as she pulled him close, wrapping her legs around his own to pull his body tighter to hers.

His hands fumbled at the buttons of her shirt, struggling to open it beneath his own chest.

She pushed futilely at the sides of his jeans, unable to move them out of the way.

Vampire and Slayer heard a noise and suddenly Angel tumbled to the floor, leaving Buffy on the sofa, gasping for breath, gasping for the feel of his body on hers again.

“What are you two doing!? You can’t do this! Angel, what is wrong with you!? Buffy?”

Wesley stood behind the sofa. He’d walked in on the scene, and shoved Angel off Buffy before either could reach their goal.

Now, however, Angel came up from the floor, demonic face to the fore. Buffy rose from the sofa, teeth bared, sharp and much more pointed. They both snarled at the Watcher.

“Wesley, you handle Buffy. Dawn and I will deal with Angel.” Lindsey spoke from behind Wesley. The young man had followed the Englishman into the room, halting as he witnessed the same scene as Wesley.

Lindsey had experience with Angel and felt more comfortable attempting to subdue the vampire. He’d have hesitated with Buffy and knew that in the moment of hesitation, she’d have his throat.

“Just don’t kill him. We have to get both of them back to Mr. Giles. I suspect he may know more about what is happening with them.”

Dawn and Lindsey had moved to either side of Angel, clubs in hand instead of stakes.

Wesley simply reached down to the floor, said a silent apology then brought his arm rapidly upward, slamming his fist into Buffy’s temple, rendering her unconscious.

Moments later, Angel was sprawled on the floor equally unconscious.

Lindsey went to get the car.

                                                            *****************************************

     Hold on to yourself

         for this is gonna hurt like hell

         Hold on

         Hold on to yourself

         you know that only time will tell

         What is it in me that refuses to believe

         this isn't easier than the real thing

         My love

         you know that you're my best friend

         you know I'd do anything for you

Willow emerged from the bathroom, face no longer tear streaked, the edges of her hair damp where she’d splashed cool water on her face, trying to repair some of the ravages of crying.

She returned to sit on the side of the bed next to the Watcher.

“I’m sorry, Giles. It just got to me all of the sudden.”

“There is nothing to apologize for, Willow. You’ve not even had an opportunity to grieve yet. Your anger took over and held it off instead. Do you feel up to talking now?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Good. Then what I had wanted to propose was that I teach you as much as possible about controlling your energy, using your magick and all of the rest that I should have done long before now. I’ll try to cover as much as possible for as long as I am here.”

Giles had no idea how long that would be, but he suspected that it might be a while this time. At least until he managed to solve some of the newest situation with Buffy and the changes from this latest ‘almost death’ as she like to call it.

“I’d like that, Giles. What do you want me to do first?”

The next hour was filled with instructions from Giles, questions from Willow and several exercises during which the older man attempted to show her the kind of energy usage he’d referenced.

Instruction was going well until Giles and Willow heard a shout from downstairs.

The pair looked surprised but immediately headed down the stairs.

They were certainly not prepared for what they found.

                                                                        **********

Wesley carried Buffy to the passenger seat of the car and sat her in it as Dawn opened the back doors, then picked up Angel’s legs again as she and Lindsey manhandled the vampire into the back seat. Dawn stayed in the back, stake in hand, while Lindsey moved to the front seat, shifting Buffy into his lap. Wesley slid into the driver’s seat and headed back to the Summers’ house as quickly as possible and still stay within the speed limits.

Neither Slayer nor vampire had woken when the car pulled into the driveway. Lindsey simply scooped Buffy up from his lap and carried her into the house, laying her on the sofa. Dawn and Wesley managed to carry Angel into the living room and laid him down on the floor rug.

No sooner had they deposited Angel, than Buffy stirred, coming to her knees with another snarl, looking very bewildered as to her surroundings.

Dawn and Wesley both shouted for Giles.

                                                                        ***********

Oh who is the beauty

  Who the beast

Giles clattered down the stairs with Willow close on his heels as they ran to the living room.

With one quick glance, Giles took in the unconscious Angel and the very hostile Buffy.

He slowly approached Buffy, talking to her all the while.

It took only moments for the enraged Slayer to calm and launch herself into the arms of her Watcher, sobbing on his shoulder.

Giles looked at Wesley over the blonde head and asked his fellow Watcher what had transpired.

“I walked into the front room at the mansion and they were ‘making out’ on the sofa. Angel was trying to undress Buffy as much as she was trying to strip his jeans from him. Knowing the probably repercussions of such an encounter, I shoved him off of her to the floor. He came up in full demon face, growling at me, but then Buffy also turned on me, as you saw her just now. There is something different, Giles, but I didn’t really have the opportunity to determine what.”

“Giles, why would Buffy do that? I know she loves Spike.” Dawn needed to voice her own concerns. She knew something was very wrong with her sister’s actions.

“I agree, Dawn. Buffy wouldn’t have done something like this with Angel as a normal course. Let me get her calmed down and see if I can determine the problem.”

Giles turned to Willow, needing her assistance.

“Willow, I need you to make a bit of tea for me please.”

“Ah, Giles, I know between me crying on you and now Buffy, that you might be feeling a bit out of sorts, but do you really think tea right now?”

“Willow, while I’d dearly love a cup of tea right this moment, I need you to make one for Buffy to calm her. It should work on Angel to some extent as well, especially with the physiology they’re sharing since Buffy’s ah, ‘alterations’.”

Giles gave Willow a rapid list of the herbal ingredients he wanted in the tea before the witch headed purposefully to the kitchen.

That done, Giles turned his attention back to the still sobbing Slayer in his arms. He stepped backwards to the sofa, sitting down as he pulled Buffy with him until she sat beside him. Holding her slightly away so he could look into her face, Giles asked her about the disturbing events.

“Buffy, can you tell me what happened? I need to know, dear. I know how you feel about Spike, so please explain to me what was happening with Angel.”

Buffy wiped her face with the backs of both hands and tried to explain to Giles what had happened and why. The problem was that she wasn’t sure she even understood what had occurred.

“Giles, I’m not sure. Angel went into the main room and was talking about the things that had happened there that he remembered, and he kept talking about some really intimate things that had happened between us. I got upset, we had a bit of argument, then he kissed me. It was like part of me knew I should stop it, but a different part of me wanted to… wanted to do what we were doing.

Then Angel pulled back and I tasted blood in my mouth. I thought he’d bitten me, but he said I’d bit him and made me open my mouth. He said my teeth were different. We sat on the couch while he told me that. I got upset and tried to move away, but he grabbed me and then he was on top of me again. It started all over, only worse this time. When Wesley pushed Angel off of me, all I could think was that he’d taken something away from me.

It doesn’t make any sense, Giles.”

“Actually…” Angel sat up on the floor, one hand holding his head. “It makes a lot of sense in light of what you told me, Giles, and what I know about vampires.”

The groggy dark haired vampire slid backwards across the floor until his back was against the wall on the opposite side of the room.

He’d just settled against the wall when Willow re-entered the room, a tray of cups and a pot of herbal tea in her hands.

“Willow, good. Thank you. Would you pour a cup for Buffy and for Angel please?”

Giles turned his attention back to the vampire.

“So what do you think happened, Angel? You of all people should know what would happen if you were.. were with Buffy again.”

“I don’t know, Giles. I mean, I was with Darla and nothing happened at all.”

Angel paused as the room filled with silence, everyone thinking the same thing; that Angel had gotten Darla pregnant and had a child with her.

“Okay, not exactly nothing, but my soul wasn’t in any danger.”

“But you said yourself that you’d never been in love with Darla.”

Wesley remembered the conversation from months earlier

“No, Buffy is the first woman I’ve ever loved. I think that maybe the self-loathing I felt before, and being in love for the first time… that when Buffy freely gave herself to me with no reservations, totally from love, that that was what created a moment of perfect happiness. See for us, vampires us, when she made me drink from her to save my life, she also gave herself to me because she loved me. Drinking from her, knowing she loved me and gave herself like that, was as good and as satisfying as the sex had been. It was just as erotic and had the same… ah, side effects, let’s say.”

“You mean that it caused…. Oh, my! For both of you?”

Wesley caught the meaning before Giles did, having worked so closely with Angel for quite some time now. The younger Watcher looked at Buffy for confirmation of Angel’s statements.

She blushed to the roots of her hair.

“Buffy?”

Giles needed to hear the answer from his charge.

“Yes. Yes it did. Ah, have the same , ah, side effects. It was very, ah, erotic.”

“Alright. But that doesn’t explain why this happened today.”

Giles knew they needed an answer to the bigger problem. He felt there was something he was missing, if only he could put his finger on it.

“I don’t know, Giles. She was there and the room was filled with memories.. It was like I was drawn to her, like I had no control over what was happening between us. The blood made it worse since we’d shared blood before.”

“How did blood get involved today, Angel?” Giles had a horrible suspicion about the subject.

“She nicked me with a tooth. I was kissing her and felt something shift, then a tooth cut my tongue. I pulled away to look and her teeth were different, sharp, pointed. Not like a vampire, but more like you had described the first Slayer to me.”

“That’s what he told me earlier too. It got me upset and I tried to move but he stopped me. I can’t be changing like that, Giles! What is wrong with me? What will I do? What am I becoming?”

“Excellent questions, Buffy. Have you had anything like this happen before? The tooth issue or the uncontrolled, ah, urges?” Giles was going somewhere with this line of question.

“N-no, not really. Unless you count my lack of ability to stay away from vampires as boyfriends.”

“That’s exactly where I’m going with this, Buffy. When you fell for Angel to begin with, you didn’t know he was a vampire, so your feelings were already involved before you found out.”

“But I tried to break it off.. “ Buffy felt the need to protest, to defend herself at what almost seemed to be an accusation.

“Yes, you did. But once you’d died at the hands of the Master, you and Angel were inseparable. I think it started then, the preference for a vampire mate. What we learned from the diaries points to you having moved closer to your origins then and subsequently, the desire for a vampire mate. A male who was like you.”

“Giles, I am NOT a vampire!” Buffy jumped to her feet. This time she felt the change happen. Covering her mouth with her hands, the frightened Slayer ran to the mirror to look, crying out at what she saw reflected there.

Giles stood behind her, seeing the same reflection as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

“It happens when you get angry or feel threatened. I fear it was this last ‘almost death’ as you phrased it, that brought this about, Buffy. You recognize it, as do I, as would Willow or Xander. She was the twin of a vampire, Buffy. So even though you‘re not a vampire, your natural male counterpart is a vampire.”

His voice was soft. He knew this was a horrible shock to his Slayer. It was a shock to him as well, but after the reading he’d done, somehow it just didn’t seem as horrible to him as to Buffy.

“Come sit back down, Buffy. Drink the tea I had Willow make for you to help you calm down. I feel there is still more to this that we’ve not discovered as of yet.”

Buffy allowed Giles to led her back to the sofa where she sat and numbly took the cup of tea Willow handed her.

“Angel, do you remember why you seemed so particularly attracted to Buffy today?”

“I was remembering things in that room. They were things Buffy and I have never discussed since they happened, so maybe the fact that they’re unresolved caused some of it? But for some reason I was more aware of Buffy than I’ve been in a long time. More than at any time since I got back into town over the last couple of days.”

“I’d think the unresolved issues could certainly add to an existing problem. But I suspect what we’re seeking is the reason you are so extraordinarily aware of her right now.”

Giles was trying to think of what the underlying issue could be.

“Giles, I have an idea.” Willow interrupted as the sudden thought occurred to her. She knew how her body’s cycles could affect her magick, perhaps it affected other things.

“Buffy, I know this is a bad question, but.. where are you in your, ah, cycle right now?”

Buffy’s eyes widened at Willow’s question, then the blush crept up her face again. It matched Willow’s this time.

“I had my.. about 12 days ago. Why?”

“That was before you were shot this last time wasn’t it, Buffy?” Angel interrupted them all, the urgency in his voice unmistakable.

Buffy looked at her ex-lover and felt the desire rise inside of her again. She clutched at Giles’ arm to keep from moving across the room and simply jumping Angel.

“Yeah.”

“Giles, I think that’s the answer. Buffy’s even closer to her origins since getting shot. She’s closer to what would be a natural mate for a male vampire and she’s almost in her fertile cycle right now.” Angel looked away from the Watcher’s face and locked eyes with Buffy. “Add the unresolved issues between us and you get more tension than either of us could fight, especially not knowing we had anything to fight against.”

Buffy sat beside her Watcher, slowly shaking her head as she looked into the dark brown eyes of the vampire across the room.

“I believe we’ve found the answer finally. That would explain Yaszette’s preference for a vampire once she had died and been brought back. It would explain the ability of a Slayer to become pregnant by a vampire. And Buffy’s line is more closely tied to the vampire lines than most because of the tampering of the Council and the situation between Yaszette and her vampire lover. The fact that the two of you have been lovers and have unresolved , ah, issues, would heighten the attraction, I imagine.”

Giles wasn’t happy with the content of the answer, but was relieved that they understood more of what was happening.

“So what do we do to stop this?” Angel knew he had to stop his desire for the small golden haired woman before he acted on it again and lost his soul. He thought it might be safe even if her were with her, but he couldn’t take that chance and not be sure.

“First I’d suggest the two of you not be alone, but since you’ve both shown a hostile reaction to being forcibly separated, perhaps resolving the existing problems should be the next step. You’ll have to talk them out and you’ll have to have at least two people in the room with you. If you don’t mind, I’d prefer to not be one of them. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s that I do. I really don’t wish to know that much about my Slayer’s ah, sex life.”

Giles looked at Wesley and Dawn.

“I doubt that Dawn needs to be involved, but you might wish to, Wesley. Dawn is part of Buffy after her first death and has already shown a preference for vampires. You can relay the necessary information to all of us.”

Lindsey and Willow both offered to sit in as well.

“Alright then, Buffy, perhaps you and Angel should retire to your room with Wesley and Lindsey. Willow can relieve someone later if necessary. In the meanwhile, Dawn and I will prepare dinner.”

                                                            *****************************************