Dear diary,

Spike is infuriating, he is mean; cocky and annoying. All he thinks of is himself. Today he tells me that he loves me! Can you believe it! The nerve of him!

I mean did he even think about how it would affect me? Did he think that I would just jump into his arms and tell him love him?

How pathetic can you get?

I told him too leave town and get out of my life, but I doubt that he will listen, he never does. He leaves but always comes back.

I admit that he has changed.

He doesn’t try to kill me anymore. He is actually nice sometimes.

I mean when I found out that there was something wrong with my mom, he actually comforted me. And I found myself explaining everything to him. But he really comforts nicely.

It was surprising.

But I can’t believe that Dawn has a crush on him! I mean no!

How could she? He’s a monster, an evil monster.

What am I talking about?

Ever since he got that chip he hasn’t been evil and he certainly hasn’t been a monster.

Am I wrong about Spike?

Was I too hard on him?

Maybe I was, but I can’t apologize. He would never let me live that down.

But he has no heart so how can he love?

Maybe it’s all in his head, maybe not.

Angel had a soul, but he still didn’t have a heart so how could he love me?

Maybe Angel didn’t even love me?

No Angle did, so does that mean that Spike can too?

I’m so confused, why does Spike always have that effect on me?

But he is good looking, what am I saying?

Okay so he is, but that doesn’t mean anything.

True I’ve been attracted to him since I first met him, but come on, this is Spike I’m talking about.

Maybe I should apologize, I was a bit hard on him.

Well in time things will sort themselves out,

I hope.

Buffy.