**************************************
October 15, 1633
My searching and reading has disclosed much that I did not know. The trial the Council demands of the Slayers when they reach their eighteenth birthday may actually be a way to rid themselves of many of the Slayers. The notes spoke of the need to keep the Slayers dependent on their Watchers and of how each Slayer seemed to grow only more independent and headstrong as they grow older. I know from my own early days as a beginning Watcher that it was said the younger Slayers were easier to teach and train. We were to discourage any independent thinking as well, in that training.
The idea lingers half-formed in my head that perhaps the Council is fearful of the Slayers ever becoming mature women in their own right, with the normal desires of women for husbands, children... Or perhaps they simply fear a Slayer that is not under their control.
I know that the few Slayers who have managed to reach the age of 18, according to the diaries, feel the desires for love and family. The Watchers mention a growing sense of independence in the Slayers as they survive past each birthday. Perhaps this is the reason for the trial which none of them have yet survived.
October 16, 1633
It seems I have been much too incautious with my searching and questions.
Sitting hidden in a disused corner as I read yet another tome by a past Council Head, I overheard one of the other Watchers discussing me this evening.
They suspect I lied about the child and are searching for her. I must warn Yanni, yet they are watching me. I must devise a way to leave and warn her without anyone knowing I have left the grounds. To have them follow me would be to risk exposing all I have done by leading them to Elisabet.
I shall wait until the middle watch of the night, the darkest time of the night, when all should be sleeping and leave then to warn her.
+++++
Giles noticed the next pages looked as if they had been crumpled and then smoothed carefully again. It caused him worry for this long ago, unknown Watcher. He turned the page and knew his fear had been real. The pages were stained with mud and blood, even though they had been wiped in an effort to clean them. The familiar writing was shaky and faint in places.
+++++
October 17, 1633
I managed to warn Yanni and she and her clan have escaped with the child. I will not be as lucky.
I have been a fool by believing any reassurances of the Council. They have been suspicious of me all along it seems, and I have been watched constantly.
I thought myself to be secretive, yet I led the Council straight to Yanni, her clan and Elisabet.
A Watcher, who was assigned to watch me, saw me leave the grounds and alerted the Council Heads. A specially trained group was sent after me in hopes I would lead them to the child and betray her.
I was grievously wounded as I shielded the gypsies. The 'assassins' left me for dead; yet when I regained my senses, I managed to pull myself into a hole at the base of an old tree for some shelter, yet I fear this will be the scene of my death.
I also fear I shall leave a mystery behind in my dying for I will never learn what this special group have been trained to do. I do not think they are Watchers.
+++++
The writing stopped abruptly, yet Giles turned several more pages to see if perhaps the Watcher had turned too many in his wounded state. Instead he found writing in a completely different hand.
+++++
It is now several nights after the attack on our clan. The brave Watcher was mortally wounded yet managed to hide himself where I found him before he died. I offered him the chance to continue, to help raise his child. He took that offer.
With great care did I drink of him, then forced him to drink in turn. The Elder One will do the Spell of Restoration as he rises tonight.
He is a brave and honorable man. I am humbled to be his Sire and to have him help me raise the little one. She will not be a Slayer of our kind, yet from her line, which we shall keep hidden, shall come a great Slayer when the world is in need of her.
I shall place his book where he had planned for it, so that her Watcher shall find it when the time is right.
Go in all blessings.
Yanni
****************************************
'My darling lives in a world that is not mine
An old child misunderstood out of time
Timeless is the creature who is wise
And timeless is the prisoner in disguise
Oh who is the beauty
Who the beast'
Carefully turning the pages, lest he miss anything else the woman/vampire may have written. Giles found a last short note at the very end of the journal. He just stared in amazement at the entry before he could read it.
+++++
September 15, 2001
Mr. Giles, she is all we could have ever hoped for. She is as beautiful as her many times grandmother ever was and much stronger.
We have placed this book where you will be sure to find it, for the need is great now. She is in danger and will need the information of both books.
But her danger is not from those she fights. It is from within herself if she cannot accept who and what she is now. It is from the Council should they find that she died the second time and has a true vampire for her mate. Make no mistake about that. He is her mate. He was foretold and the old ones have watched him since he was made. He will love her and keep her safe for a long time to come, but only if she accepts herself, her ancestry and him. We feared the tampering done by those of your country might have altered what was to be; yet we see now that it was simply a part of the plan after all. He is one of the most human of vampires without ever having his soul restored.
This may be the true reason for the curse on Angelus and for your own loss of Janna, who you knew as Jenny, for which we grieve with you.
Tread carefully and tell her all. She must believe.
Blessings go with you.
Yanni and Yanose
+++++
Giles closed the book and sat back in his seat, allowing this latest surprise to settle over him. His head felt tight and full as if the very information he'd learned had a tangible weight. There had been so much to absorb in the 72 hours since Buffy's phone call. Is that all it has been? It seems like it has been forever since Buffy made that call and woke me. Giles glanced at his watch and calculated the time in Los Angeles as the plane taxied to the gate. In another hour he'd be with his Slayer again. His Slayer and her vampire lover... Both of whom sprang from a single source countless eons ago.
It would take every second of the next hour to even begin sorting out all he'd learned so he could explain it to the ones waiting for him. Then what to do once they did know? He felt old before his time and sorely overwhelmed.
****************************************
In the seclusion of her room, Willow fought not to give in to the tears that were all too close to the surface more often than not these days. Her one... No, she had to admit to herself, there had been many thoughtless acts... had almost destroyed her magick, her friendships, her relationship and even now reached out unseen tendrils to attempt to destroy her friends, their lives and relationships.
She still kept a small altar in her closet, even though she had gotten rid of all of her magickal paraphernalia. This was a simple shrine to the Goddess.
Willow locked her door and opened the closet, kneeling before the small chest as she opened it and prepared to ask the Goddess for forgiveness... if She would even listen to her now.
****************************************
In the guest room, Cordelia's thoughts kept sleep from finding her as well. There were so many implications from Willow's actions and ritual, Buffy being back and with Spike. Then too, the information that had been put in their minds at the gravesite/ritual site was staggering.
Shifting slightly to a better position, she tried to concentrate on the meditation she had been learning to do. Skip said it would help me relax as well as concentrate. No time like the present to see if it's gonna work. Cordelia deliberately forced each muscle in her body to relax, starting at her feet.
***************************************
Spike was sitting on the floor of Buffy's room, leaning back against the side of her bed with her tucked securely between his legs. She rested her back on his chest. His arms were loosely draped around her waist under her own arms and her hands gently rubbed up and down his arms. They had been talking, arguing and crying alternately, for the last two hours.
"...so you see, I'm not sure what I should do until we find out if there is something wrong with me. You're right, I do care about you. I even trust you in a weird kinda way, you know? But is it fair to you, Spike, to get any more involved until we know what the results can be?"
He tilted his head slightly so his chin rested on her shoulder as he almost whispered into her ear.
"Love, you gave me that same argument about an hour ago. Didn't work then and 's'not gonna work now. What was it that git said in that girly movie? 'I'd rather have one kiss from you, then to never be with you at all.' Was all that romantic stuff you women like, but 's'tha' truth. I'd rather be with you even if it was only a short time, than to be without you. I can help protect you and maybe keep you alive longer. Gotta selfish motive there, I know, but I love you."
She was exhausted from her tears, the intensity of the conversation, not to mention worrying about what was happening to her and worrying if Giles was all right. But she knew Spike was right too. They had to settle this. So... she decided to take a leap of faith. She exhaled slowly, the sound seeming loud in the silence of the room. "I know you do, Spike. Yeah, I don't know if what I feel is love or not, but let’s go with it for now and see what it turns into. I do come to you for help all the time and I have to admit that it's nice knowing you're there for me, that I can depend on you. You care about Dawn and even my friends. At least you stuck around and took care of them while I was dead and you didn't have to do that."
She shifted in his arms so she could look over her shoulder at his face, seeing the growing surprise on the chiseled features as he absorbed the meaning of her words. "You know some of them aren't gonna like this at all. So if you can handle that, and you promise me you won't go back to killing even if the chip stops working... I'm your girl."
The blonde vampire nuzzled his face into the softness of her neck to hide the sudden blurring of his eyes at her words. "Rather have you as a woman, Love. Not too much into 'girls'." He gently kissed her neck over the beating pulse, tracing the throb with just the tip of his tongue.
Her breath caught in her chest, making it feel tight and hard to breath. "Spike... If you don't stop that..."
"You'll what? Stake me or rip my clothes off and let me 'stake' you?"
Buffy pulled herself out of his arms with effort as the phone rang. "Saved by the bell." She muttered under her breath as she took a couple of steps toward the phone, hand outstretched to pick up the receiver.
"Yeah, it would have been one of those, and I think you know which one."
She pulled the phone to her ear. "Hello?"
"Buffy, I'm here. Can someone come and pick me up fairly quickly? There seems to be a rather odd looking gentleman following me around since I got off the plane." Giles was a bit more worried than he wanted her to know after reading those books.
"We'll be right there, Giles. Stay somewhere with lots of people, but you know that. See you in a few."
She hung up the phone as she turned back toward Spike. "Giles. Said there was someone hanging around him since he got off the plane. We kinda need to hurry, please?"
The blonde vampire could feel the anxiety for her Watcher in Buffy's voice as he stood straight up from the floor and grabbed her hand, heading toward the door of her room.
*****************************************
'Reached out a hand to try again
I'm floating in a beam of light with you
A beam of light with you
And I ran'
Giles moved closer to the airline counter, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. The stranger kept the same distance between them as he followed, looking at everything except the Englishman. I do hope they get here soon. With these books in my possession and that man's demeanor, I feel rather exposed and a bit vulnerable. He glanced at his watch before he picked up the magazine he'd gotten from the newsstand. Glancing at it, he attempted to keep track of the stranger with his peripheral vision.
********************************************
‘Who will save your soul, when it comes to the powers, now?
Oh, who will save your soul after all those lies that you told, boy?
And who will save your soul if you won't save your own?’
Buffy called to Willow and Cordelia as she came through the door of her room into the hallway, Spike's hand in hers. "We got to go to the airport now, gang. Giles is there and has some guy stalking him."
Both women almost exploded into the hall from their rooms, Cordelia in the lead. She never hesitated, pushing past Buffy and down the stairs. "Now! We have to go now! I warned him! God, why do I have to be right all the time?" The brunette grabbed her purse and keys from the table, heading for the door.
Buffy caught Spike's eyes with a quick glance, then both charged down the steps, two at a time, following Cordelia toward the door.
Willow brought up the rear without a word.
The four of them piled into Cordelia's car, parked under the shade of the trees. The shade was protecting the car from heat and Spike from the sun at that moment. The overcast sky had decided to clear up slightly, allowing the stray beam of sunlight to peek through the clouds occasionally. Those occasions could be very inopportune to a vamp out during the day as Spike was now.
The brunette started the car engine with a roar and as she put it into gear, she called out to those behind her. "There is a blanket behind the seat." Seeing a sunny patch of street ahead, Cordelia swerved to miss it as Buffy and Spike scrabbled for the blanket, throwing it over the blonde vampire's head in a matter of seconds.
"He's covered. Go!" Buffy told Cordelia emphatically.
With a simple nod of her head to acknowledge the words, the seer pushed her foot down harder on the accelerator.
"Watch out for cops," is all Buffy said to Willow, in the passenger seat, while Cordelia concentrated on her driving and getting them to the airport as fast as possible.
Within a few seemingly eternal minutes, they made it to the Sunnydale airport. Cordelia pulled in next to the curb, shut off the engine, almost jumping out of the car.
Willow and Buffy had the passenger side doors open before the car had completely stopped.
Spike charged out of the car behind the Slayer, blanket wrapped around him tightly even as one corner caught a stray beam of sunlight and started to smoke.
As they ran through the entrance of the building, Spike slapped the corner of the blanket against the wall to stop the smoke and hoisted the sweltering folds of material around his neck.
The four 'warriors' charged into the gating area in time to see Giles struggling with a large man holding a knife.
**********************************
Giles was reading through his magazine, without noticing much of what it said, as he tried to keep one eye on the odd stranger, one eye on the airline counter attendant and one eye watching for the arrival of his Slayer. He didn't have enough eyes to go around.
The attendant stepped away from his counter where Giles had sought refuge and disappeared through a doorway marked 'authorized personnel only'. The stranger had edged close enough to take a couple of exaggerated steps and sit next to the Watcher.
"Good magazine, is it?" he asked in a thick English accent.
Without looking directly at the man, Giles answered simply, as he felt his body tense in preparation for whatever came next. "Seems to be."
The stranger reached into a pocket as Giles tensed further, only to relax slightly as the hand came back out with a cigarette and lighter.
"I don't think you can smoke in here, but there is an area just outside the doors." He wanted this odd man away from him anyway he could accomplish it.
The man tucked the items back in his pocket instead. "Think I can wait a bit then."
Giles didn't say a thing, just waited. He knew something was about to happen. He could feel the tension strung between himself and the stranger like a lightening filled wire, waiting to explode.
He didn't have long to wait.
The man made a grab for the pocket of Giles' jacket. Unfortunately for the assailant, the books had been moved from that same pocket earlier while in the lavatory of the plane. They were tucked tightly into the waistband of Giles' slacks at the small of his back.
"Gi'mme the books. We know you got'em." The words were a hushed snarl, barely audible except between the two men.
Giles dropped the magazine and grabbed his jacket, snatching it from the man's hands. "I have no idea what you're talking about and take your hands off of me." The Watcher's tones were just as hushed.
The man grabbed for Giles again, the jacket in one hand and Giles' arm in the other. The grip was strong, firm, and spoke of training of some sort. "Ye'd best be comin' wid' me then."
"I don't think we'll be going anywhere." Giles told the man as anger and fright rose in him. Ripper swam up from his subconscious and the fright drained away, leaving only anger as Ripper now stared out from behind the brown eyes of the Watcher.
With sudden but economical movement, Ripper forced one arm upward to break the man's grip and pushed against his assailant's chest with the other hand.
"I thinks ya will." The man grabbed for him again, this time in part to keep from falling from his chair, as the shove caught him off balance.
Ripper lashed out with one foot, catching the stranger's legs, knocking them out from under the already unbalanced man, and causing the stranger to fall heavily on the floor. But before Ripper could step away, the man reached out with almost lightening speed, pulling hard at the Watcher's ankle to tumble him to the floor as well.
Ripper rolled away from the assailant as far as possible until he was stopped by a row of seats secured to the floor. Before he could pull himself up completely, the man was on him again, this time a wicked looking blade in his hand.
Rolling the opposite way to avoid the gleaming knife, Ripper got a foot positioned just right to kick the man's wrist.
He lashed out and caught the hand between his shoe and the edge of the next set of seats. The assailant clamped his teeth over the cry of pain and only a groan escaped as he struggled to get his hand free, reaching for the fallen knife with his other hand.
He never made it.
Buffy kicked the knife across the floor then brought her knee up sharply under the man's chin as he struggled to regain his footing. She heard his teeth click painfully together as his head snapped back from the blow. The unknown assailant slipped bonelessly down the seats to the floor, completely unconscious.
While Buffy attacked the man who had attacked her Watcher, Spike grabbed Giles under both arms to pull him further away from the stranger before helping him up.
Willow had gone for security as Cordelia watched for an opening to use some of her new martial art skills on the stranger.
In the flurry of the next few minutes, Security had taken statements from and then released everyone except the unconscious man.
Him, they just took away.
*****************************************
Giles found himself with his arms full of one small blonde Slayer, being hugged tight enough to make his ribs creak. He grasped her arms with both hands as he told her gently, "Buffy, I'm glad to see you too. But if you don't let your Watcher breath, you may finish what that man started."
She pulled back enough to see Giles' face, slightly flushed.
"Sorry. I was just so worried about you."
He smiled slightly at the small blonde. "I've missed you too, Buffy. Might we get out of here before someone else decides to attack me?"
"Oh, you're safe for a while, Giles. My car is just outside." Cordelia told the older man. She'd not seen him in quite some time, but Giles still looked like Giles.
Quick hellos made their way around the rest of the group as they headed to Cordelia's car, then to Buffy's house.
***********************************************
‘am I standing still?
Beneath the darkened sky
Or am I standing still?
With the scenery flying by
Or am I standing still?’
Over the next couple of hours, after arriving at the Summers' house, Giles was briefed on the events surrounding the urn shard and the energy-entity, with all it had had to say.
“Well, it seems as though quite a few things are in motion right now. I'd like to discuss this part about your change Buffy, as well as the information about Spike as your mate. However, it does fit into what I have learned as well.”
"So, do you think that's why -" Buffy started to ask her Watcher, but was quickly interrupted by Willow's own frantic question.
"But, Giles! Buffy doesn't, ah, do well with vampires as boyfriends... and all." Willow turned to look at Buffy, a blush creeping up her face. "I'm sorry, Buffy, but remember last time?"
"Will, it's not your decision to make on who I date. I'm beginning to think it might not even be mine either." Buffy seemed a bit chagrined from all the discussion about her love life.
Further discussion on the issue was interrupted that moment as the phone rang. Buffy grabbed for it. This time it was Dawn.
"Buffy, Janice asked me to stay over tonight if that's okay?"
"Let me talk to her mom, Dawn."
Knowing Buffy would always check up on her after her previous evasions, Dawn simply handed the phone to her friend's mother, who assured Buffy that the invitation was on the up and up.
"Thanks. I appreciate you letting Dawn stay over. If it's any problem at all, please don't hesitate to let me know."
Buffy was relieved to have Dawn out of the house while they discussed all the new information, but she felt guilty about feeling relieved and about letting Janice's mother take care of what was she knew was her responsibility.
"No imposition at all. I'll bring her home in the morning."
After a few more assurances, Buffy finally hung up the phone and started toward the sofa when she realized night had fallen as the group talked. Seeing the soft darkness outside made her stomach complain about not being fed. No one else had complained, but Buffy imagined every one was probably hungry by now. "Oh! Does anyone want anything to drink or something to eat?"
"That sounds quite good actually. Do you still have any tea left?" Giles hadn't had much to eat on the plane, very little to drink, and was feeling a bit caffeine deprived.
"Buffy, if you'll call and order it, I'll spring for pizza if that's okay with everybody?" Cordelia looked around the room at each of them for assent.
"Yeah. I've got blood in the 'fridge to go with mine." Spike told the brunette.
"You know, Spike... I've always wondered why you eat normal food and Angel doesn't. Why is that?"
Cordelia had her own suspicions as to the answer, but wanted to hear what the vampire had to say.
"Peaches just likes to be all tortured and such. I still enjoy the taste of real food, even if it doesn't satisfy the needs of my body now." The blonde vampire was very nonchalant about the answer.
"Yeah... You know Harmony still likes food too. I wonder..." Cordelia let that thought trail off. She'd consider it again later. Sitting up in her chair she looked at Buffy again. "So. You gonna call?"
Pizza was ordered and tea was made. By the time the food arrived, everyone had gotten something to drink. They each hurriedly grabbed several slices of the pizza and concentrated on eating.
*********************************
The last of the debris from dinner had been put away when Buffy sat on the sofa again; Spike lounged on one side of her.
"Giles, you were saying earlier that you found both of the books that Cordelia saw in her vision?"
"Ah, yes. Yes, I did, Buffy." Giles had no idea how to present the different and disturbing information each book contained. He knew it would be upsetting to Buffy, himself, and probably everyone else in the room.
The silence hung in the air. The sense of waiting almost a palpable thing. Finally Cordelia looked directly at Giles. "You know she's not going to like it. But they both have to know."
Giles looked back at the brunette, puzzlement on his face. "So did you... In your vision, I mean..."
"Do I know what the books said? Only in a general kinda way. You got all the details. I just got the drift of it, plus what that energy thingy told us."
"I see. Well, there were two diaries. One from a Watcher for a Slayer named Yaszette, the other from an alchemist with the council in the fourteen hundreds. Cordelia is right, Buffy. There may be a great deal of this you may not like, but it seems to be a fact, especially in light of what the... the entity told the three of you earlier." Giles waved his hand to indicate Willow, Spike and Cordelia. "I can tell you the basics, but I think we, or at least I, will need to do a great deal more research on this if possible.
It seems Yaszette had some experiences similar to yours, Buffy. The first was when she drowned..."
Giles told them in great detail everything that Yaszette's Watcher had written. He tried to explain the information from Robere's diary as well, but was effectively sidetracked as Buffy got stuck on one particular issue.
The small blonde Slayer turned on the sofa to look at Spike, the implications of what she’d heard making her heart pound in her chest. Her mouth felt dry as she tried to force the words out, forgetting everyone else in the room. "Did you know that... that it was possible... Oh, God!" The blonde Slayer hid her face in her hands.
Spike took her gently by the shoulders, pulling her closer so that only she could hear his words. "Buffy, I had no idea that I could get you pregnant. It wasn't something I knew about. I promise you, love, I had no idea."
The sofa gave slightly on the other side of Buffy as Cordelia sat next to her. The seer laid her hand on Buffy's shoulder, feeling the slight shudders run through the blonde's body. She realized what Buffy would fear with this new information, not to mention the puzzles the same info had solved for Cordelia. "Buffy, now that you guys know, you can do the usual things to keep that from happening. Spike couldn't know cause Angel didn't know either."
Something in the brunette's words caught Buffy's attention. She looked at Cordy with eyes slightly reddened from tears. "Why do you say that Angel didn't know either? What happened?"
"It's a long story, but the gist of it is that Angel and Darla got groiny after that law firm brought her back and had Dru vamp her again. Darla was very pregnant when she showed up again. Angel has a son."
Everyone in the room, with the exception of Cordelia, had an exclamation of some kind at the news of Angel's parental status.
"Let's get into that discussion later, guys. Unless it has something to do with this situation, okay? I promise to tell all." Cordelia assured them. The brunette settled back on the sofa, holding Buffy's hand for moral support as her friend. Spike held the other hand.
"It does, ah, unfortunately seem to be something to consider with vampires, Buffy. Fortunately it's not something that happens frequently." Giles tried to reassure her.
"Giles! It's also not like I've been 'exposed' to it all that much either!" She looked over her shoulder at Spike, then back at Cordelia. "Well, not until recently."
"Ah, Spike... Did you... When you were still human... Do you know if... ah..." Giles seemed to be slightly embarrassed to ask the blonde vampire such a very personal question.
"Spike, I think Giles wants to know if you had any children when you were human." Willow asked, falling back into her old position of 'translating' questions the Watcher found difficult to ask.
"No. I'd never have... It wasn't something well-bred young men did then. So I don't know if I could have then or not. Don't know of a reason I couldn't, so that leaves us still not knowing." Spike gently tipped Buffy's face up with his fingers under her chin so he could see her eyes. "Love, we'll just be careful. I think we need to find out the rest of what your Watcher discovered in those diaries. I got the feelin' there was more you need to know."
"Quite right this time, Spike. It seems that vampires and Slayers originated from the same source. The two have been intermingled repeatedly as well. This may answer a good many of the questions and problems you've experienced, Buffy." Giles wasn't sure how to get the information across to her, however, he also knew it was important and began very patiently to explain the remainder of what he had learned. "...so that would explain the reaction you had after your meeting with Dracula, as well as some of the other unusual things you've had happen. You are from that hidden Slayer line, Buffy. A line that had been raised initially by the Kalderash clan and hidden for years. The same Gypsy clan that cursed Angel. The same one that Jenny was a part of... It's all so completely interwoven as to be almost unimaginable... Your Slayer line, Angel and Spike's line, Jenny's line. Surely there must be some prophecy out there we've not seen, for them to know all of this."
"What about your line, Giles? What if I hadn't had you for a Watcher? What if it had been some stuffed shirt like Wesley started out?" Buffy asked. The events were so entangled as to be frightening.
"Yes, well... There is that. But I'm sure something would have been arranged to resolve such an occurrence. After all, they have kept up with you, according to the last entry. They know about your... you... what happened with Glory."
"It's okay, Giles. I can say it. My death. Everybody seems to have a problem with it except me."
Spike gently tightened his arm around her shoulders. "We all have a problem with it because we love you."
Buffy smiled slightly at the blonde vampire as Giles answered her. "Yet there is a great deal about that event and your return that we've been told you have yet to deal with, Buffy. The note in the diary mentions it, as well as the entity that spoke to Spike, Willow and Cordelia."
"I guess I just have to depend on all my friends and loved ones here to help me through it then." Buffy looked at each one of the people in the room with her, saving the final glance for Spike. "Okay, Giles. So what do we do about this? I mean... vampires and Slayers related? I... I don't know what to think. It's... unbelievable." She glanced at Spike. "That the Council would do those things to us, that one man could change our destiny so drastically... that Slayers and vampires both came from the same demon bite centuries ago. What does it all mean, Giles? What do we... do I do? What am I?"
Buffy had pulled herself into a knot with each question until she still sat beside Spike and Cordelia on the couch, but had pulled her knees to her chest, arms locked around them as she huddled into herself not wanting to believe what she had heard.
Spike and Cordelia reached simultaneously to hug Buffy and try to reassure her. Buffy saw the movement and the panic she'd been trying to hold at bay hit with a vengeance. The Slayer jumped from the couch, backing toward the wall, as she shouted at the vampire and seer. "No! Don't touch me! Stay away from me! Neither of you are human!"
Buffy wrapped her arms around herself and slid slowly down the wall as she looked first at Giles then Spike and Cordelia. Silent tears rolled from her eyes. The only sound that followed the shock from Buffy's outburst was her own strained, whispered words. "And neither am I."
*****************************************
Giles motioned Spike and Cordelia to stay where they were while he went to the crying Slayer, sitting huddled in on herself against the wall.
Willow headed for the sofa where Spike sat, his face a very hurt, confused expression in contrast to the rather stoic, understanding expression Cordelia wore. "Guys... I... I don't really know what to say. Buffy's had a rough time of it recently and I don't understand all of it, but I know she didn't mean what she said." The redheaded witch felt like Buffy's distress was her fault, even though she knew that most of it was from this new information. She really had no idea what to say to ease the tension or the uncertainty of Spike's visage, but wanted to do something to help.
"Oh, she meant it, Willow. And she's right. I'm not human any more, or at least not completely human. But it was my choice to be this way. It was Spike's choice to be a vampire and your choice to develop your magick. Buffy didn't have a choice about being the Slayer or about where she came from. I know when Doyle passed the visions to me to begin with... I didn't want them. I tried to get rid of them. It hadn't been my choice, but I finally accepted them and understood the good I was doing with them. That helped me make the choice to be part demon to keep the visions and to stay alive. Buffy's got to accept who and what she is too. It seems like she's been fighting it since I first met her." Cordelia explained her viewpoint very matter of factly to Willow and Spike as she watched Giles trying to calm the slender blonde huddled inside her own arms.
"Yeah, I do understand what you're saying. She did accept who she is for a while, but since she came back... Well, it's kinda like she slid back to when we first met her. I don't understand it and I feel pretty bad about it. ‘Specially after that... that entity in the energy talked to us all." Willow sat down on the edge of the coffee table, facing Cordelia and Spike. "I remember when I found out I could do magick... I was so thrilled! I had this special something then and wasn't just plain ol' me. I had this special thing I could do. Except, then it turned out that I didn't have it... it had me." The redheaded witch fell silent as memories of mistakes and errors filled the darker corners of her mind.
" 'S'like when Dru offered to Turn me. I didn't really know what she was offering, just that it had to be better than what I thought I had, or didn't have. Then I woke up and it wa'dn't what I thought it was gonna be. The hunger filled me, burned inside of me and I didn't care any more if I 'urt someone or not." Spike glanced back over at Buffy being helped up by her Watcher. "Wasn't 'til I came here that I cared about anyone 'cept Dru."
The love and longing for the one girl who should be his enemy was naked on his face.
**************************************
My love is a man who's not been tamed
Oh my love lives in a world of false pleasure and pain
I never doubted your beauty
I've changed
Who is the beauty
Where is my beast...my love
There is no beauty
Without my beast...my love
"Ah, Spike… Cordy... I'm, ah, I'm sorry I said what I did. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but I know I did. I... I heard what all of you said over here and you're right. I did finally accept who I was... Or I thought I did. But maybe jumping in that portal was a way to save Dawn and avoid what was happening inside of me." Buffy felt embarrassed and unsettled as she tried to explain to her friends how she had been feeling for such a long time.
Spike slid to one end of the couch and Cordelia slid to the other, making room for Buffy to sit between them. Giles chose to settle on the corner of the coffee table where he, like Willow, could face his Slayer and the other two on the sofa.
"So what do I do now, Giles? What does it really mean that I came from a line with the same origin as Spike? " Buffy looked at her Watcher for the answer she hoped he'd have, and terrified he'd tell her.
"Buffy... Where you came from... Where Slayers came from, isn't something you can control. It was eons ago. However, perhaps knowing this can help explain some of the questions we've both always had -"
"Like why you're attracted to vampires, maybe?" Cordelia interrupted Giles' thoughts with her comment.
"Ah, yes, Cordelia. That has been one of the questions. Perhaps it's a simple matter of some esoteric something in you recognizing the same thing in them." Giles tried to come up with an explanation yet was still at a loss as to the attraction between Buffy and Angel or Spike.
"Buffy... I think Giles may be on the right track kinda, but it's more than that. I mean, you weren't interested in the Master or any other vampires... Just Angel and Spike, you know?" Willow felt she understood inside the reason, but wasn't sure if she could explain it so anyone else could understand what she felt about this idea. "Remember the conversation we had a long time ago, ah... before I screwed up that spell that had you engaged to Spike? About how the fire in a relationship came from pain and fighting? I don't know that pain and fighting are what you're looking for, but I think you have to have emotions and intensity and to know that no relationship is ever 'safe'. I think that's part of the attraction to Angel and Spike." Willow shifted her gaze to look into the intense blue eyes of the blonde vampire on the sofa. "I think it's also that Angel and Spike have never been like other vampires for some reason."
"Wait just a bloody minute! I -"
"Spike, leave it. You know Willow's right. I could give you a whole list, but none of us really need it. If the two of you were the same as the rest, would you ever have fallen in love with a Slayer?" Cordelia had interrupted the expected protests from Spike. "Giles, Willow... Go ahead with the rest of this."
"Well, while I suspect Willow is onto a strong clue... I'd think we might find your specific Slayer line to be part of this as well, Buffy. After all, it was only 400 years ago that your, ah, grandmother was a Slayer and your, ah, grandfather was a vampire. Once the Kalderash had the child Elisabet to raise... Well, when she became an adult, if she wasn't called as a Slayer, as they hinted, perhaps she married one of the vampires like Yanni or Yanose. That side of your heritage is much stronger than any other Slayers, even with what little we know now. Then too, there wasn't the normal 'conditioning' -"
"You mean brainwashing, Giles."
"Yes, quite. Your line didn't have the brainwashing of the other Slayers. In addition, it seems that your two, ah, deaths... have enhanced your abilities as Robere mentioned. It may even be possible that the longer you're 'gone', the more your abilities are strengthened." Giles finished his theory around Buffy's interruption, but looked rather worried.
"So that means if the Council doesn't know she died a second time, we can't ever let them find out. Buffy and Red here’d both be in danger." Spike had picked up Giles' worried expression. It matched his own fears that Spike hadn't mentioned until now.
"Agreed, Spike. I suspect that we'd all be in danger if the Council ever found out about this. They suspect I found the books, and that's enough worry without adding any additional information to their file on Buffy." The Watcher looked first at the blonde vampire then at the small blonde Slayer at his side. If he weren't a vampire, I'd be proud to have him as an 'adopted son-in-law'. But if he weren't a vampire, he'd either get her killed or simply not be able to protect her.
Giles looked down at his clasped hands for a moment before making up his mind to tell Buffy what she needed to be told, regardless of what he'd been taught, then shifted his gaze back to the two blondes. "Buffy... Spike... " Giles held up a hand to forestall anything they had to say. He had to get this out now. "Just listen, please. Buffy, everything has pointed you toward Spike as your mate. I suspect he's also your match, as well. The two of you fight well together, but then you always have, even when on opposite sides... No matter. Spike, you can protect her and not need her to watch out for you like... well, like someone without your unique abilities." Giles took a deep breath so he could continue. "Buffy, you know you've never been able to kill Spike... Not any more than you could kill Angel. You keep too much inside, dear. I suspect you knew when you called me that the problem you wanted solved was for me to tell you that you didn't love Spike. However, I think you do. And what with all I've seen between the two of you, from him over the summer, as well as all we've been told, I think you should examine your feelings carefully. If you love him, then be with him, Buffy. Lord knows, you certainly deserve some happiness."
Spike, Cordelia and Willow looked at Giles in stunned silence. They'd never actually expected him to advise Buffy to be with a vampire, much less a un-souled one.
Buffy simply looked at her Watcher like he'd grown a second head.
The edge had finally worn off the various surprises from the previous discussion.
The five people in the room had 'hashed' over the various aspects of the conversation and everyone was feeling more at ease, talk was more relaxed now.
Buffy managed a laugh as she commented, "Poor Xander. He's the only one of us that's really completely human after all."
"Not much to brag about with his attitude!" Spike told her, fully expecting Buffy's reaction. He wasn't disappointed. She punched his arm.
"Buffy, I'm gonna go on up to bed. The last couple of days have been pretty exhausting. I'm gonna go crash." A very tired Willow pulled herself out of the chair and hugged her friends quickly before heading toward the steps.
"Think I'm gonna do the same. You okay now?" Cordelia asked quietly.
"Yeah. I'm good. I'll see you in the morning then, Cordy." The brunette headed up the stairs, leaving only Giles in the living room with Spike and Buffy.
"Can you manage with the sofa, Giles? I'll grab you some pillows and blankets."
"I think I could sleep quite well on Spike's sarcophagus about now. The sofa will be fine, Buffy." Giles looked at Spike with sleep heavy eyes. "Are you staying tonight?"
The vampire simply glanced at Buffy. " 'S'up to her, Rupert."
The question hung in the air waiting for Buffy's decision.
"I'd like for you to stay, if you would, Spike?" Buffy felt awkward asking Spike to stay overnight in front her Watcher.
"Yeah. I'd like that. Thanks."
Buffy nodded at him then headed into the hallway for linens and pillows for the sofa.
"Don't hurt her, Spike."
"Do m'best not to, Giles. I love her. Don't get yourself killed either and hurt her. You know the Council's gonna be lookin' for you now." Spike answered the tired Watcher.
"I know. I know you love her; I know they'll be watching me at the least. I have a few tricks yet to protect myself from them."
"Good..."
Whatever else Spike might have said was interrupted by Buffy bringing back an armload of linens. She sat them on the sofa, then turned to hug her Watcher.
"Thank you, Giles. For coming, for finding that information, for being my Watcher, for your advice, for caring. I love you."
"I love you too, Buffy. Whatever it takes to keep you safe, you know."
Buffy stepped out of his arms and glanced at Spike where he was laying out the sheets and blanket for the Watcher. "Yeah, I know. C'mon, Spike. Let's let Giles get some sleep."
"Right. 'Night, Rupert." Spike followed the slender blonde Slayer up the stairs to her room.
They still had a lot to discuss just between the two of them.
***************************************
Cordelia stayed in Sunnydale for several more days before she had to leave for L.A. again. Buffy talked to the brunette for quite a while about Angel, Darla and the baby.
She'd discussed it with Giles as well so when Cordelia left, Buffy sent a message back to Angel with her. "Just tell him that I'm okay with everything like it turned out for both of us. We just weren't supposed to be forever. We might even manage that 'friend' thing one of these days, but for now... Well, he has his life and I have mine and it's okay. Thank you so much for coming, Cordelia. I never thought we'd wind up this close, you know? But it's good."
"Yeah. Me too. I'm glad you asked me. I learned a lot too. You sure it's okay to tell Angel all of it?"
"Yeah. No reason for him to not know and it might help him understand some things too." Buffy hugged Cordelia quickly before she could feel embarrassed. The brunette got in her car, starting it up. She didn't put it in gear, but looked back at Buffy.
"You take care of that vampire in there. He loves you. And no matter what you try to tell yourself, you love him too."
"Yeah. I'm trying to tell myself better things these days, Cordy. The truth, instead of just what I want to hear. The fact that I love him is one of them."
"Good. I'll see you later."
The car slowly pulled away as Buffy stood at the curb and watched.
**************************************
Spike was talking to Giles as Buffy walked into the kitchen. "Giles, I was wondering... That guy at the airport that attacked you? Any idea who he was?"
"No, Buffy. I don't know who he was, but I suspect I know what he was."
"What?!" Buffy looked puzzled, as did Spike.
"Yes. Remember I said that men with special training attacked Yaszette's Watcher? I suspect they and this man at the airport were an elite group called 'Raptors'. They were started after Robere made his changes in the Slayer's line of succession. In case the Council ever lost control of a Slayer, they would hunt the girl down and kill her. Thus the Council would have a new, innocent Slayer to try and tighten their stranglehold over her life," Giles explained. "I learned about them accidentally, what with Faith and all."
"Faith?"
"When she went rogue, Buffy."
"Oh! So why didn't they ever kill Faith to get a new Slayer?"
"I suspect that’s what they were planning when she switched bodies with you that time. You would have been the one they killed in her body."
Spike looked thoughtful and asked the Watcher. "So if Buffy was killed in Faith's body, does that mean a new Slayer would be called or not?"
"Interesting question, Spike. I'm not sure I ever want to know the answer. The possibilities are rather unnerving."
********************************
'Do you always trust your first
initial feeling
Special knowledge holds truth
bears believing...'
Giles had returned to England that day. The Sunnydale police never got to press charges against the man that had assaulted him, as the man had inexplicably disappeared from the jail one night. Giles, Buffy and Spike suspected the Council had gotten to the man and he was not likely to be seen again.
As much as Giles had wanted to get back to his flat and continue the research he'd started about Slayers, vampires and the previous Watchers, he hated the thought of leaving Buffy again. But this time he knew that Spike would be there to protect her.
"Of course, that should be a frightening thought all by itself... That my Slayer is safe with a vampire...." Giles muttered to himself as he entered the foyer of his building.
"But with that vampire, she will always be safe. Please do not turn around." The masculine voice was behind him, yet Giles saw a woman in front of him that had not been there a few seconds ago. She took a few steps forward and extended her hand to shake his. Giles complied without thinking.
"Who are you? You're a vampire, are you not?" Giles asked the woman as he held her cool hand in his.
"Yes. I am Yanni. I suspect you know my name." The woman laughed at him with a beautiful smile that went all the way to her eyes.
"Yes. Yes, I do. I must say, it is nice to meet you. So might I assume this is Yanose behind me?" Giles was having trouble containing the excitement he felt at actually meeting these two that had been so involved with Buffy, Angel, Jenny and his own life through them.
"Yes." Yanni looked over Giles’ shoulder at the man/vampire behind him, a very secret smile on her face that Giles didn't understand.
"But, I'd really like to meet him. There is so much I'd like to discuss with both of you."
"It is best this way, Rupert Giles. We may converse over the telephone at some time. We shall call you. Is she well?" The unseen vampire asked from behind the Watcher.
"Yes. She is doing much better with all we know now. It was helpful to Angel as well. He has a son, yet had no idea how it had happened." Giles watched Yanni's face to see if she betrayed a reaction.
"Yes. We know. That one is spoken of as well. We may call you from time to time? To know how she is?" Yanni asked, still that secret smile on her lips. She took a slight step back into the shadows.
"Yes. Yes, please do. Oh, before you go, might I ask one favor?"
"You may ask. If we can grant it, we shall." Yanni replied as she continued to move slowly backwards into the darkness of the stairwell.
"Yaszette's Watcher... I don't know his name. I know so much about him and about his Slayer, but not his name." Giles wanted very badly to know who the man was. He felt it was important for some reason but didn't know why.
Yanni stopped and smiled over Giles' shoulder again at the unseen vampire behind him, then looked directly at him again. "I would have thought you'd know, Rupert Giles. From tales, perhaps... But no matter. His name was Brendan. Brendan Giles. He was your ever so many great-grandfather. There was a son from before he was a Watcher... he never knew of the child. We shall meet again, Rupert Giles."
Yanni was swallowed up by the darkness.
Giles turned quickly, but Yanose was also gone.
He remembered later, as he was unpacking his suitcase.
Yanni had Turned Yaszette's Watcher.
Yanose, who had stood behind him only minutes before, was Brendan Giles.
Gillian Silverlight April 30, 2002