Chapter 16:

Walking into the gym on Angelus’ arm, Buffy’s stomach was a ball of nerves.
Her eyes scanned the area as they walked through the crowd, looking for her
friends and preparing to intercept Spike if she needed to.

“Buffy, you look gorgeous!” Cordelia cried as she walked up to the couple.

“You too, Cordy!”

“And you are?” Cordy asked, turning toward Angelus with a fake smile.

“Angelus O’Connor,” he replied with his own smile, offering his hand. “It’s
a pleasure to meet you.”

Cordy’s smile turned genuine when he brought her hand to his lips and left a
gentle kiss on it.

“Who are you here with?” Buffy asked, smiling at her date when he hooked his
arm around her waist.

“Doyle. He went to get us some punch.”

Buffy was about to respond when Willow and Oz joined the group.

“Hi, guys,” Willow said brightly, wanting to give Angelus the benefit of the
doubt…at least until she had proof to the contrary.

“Wills, you look amazing,” Buffy said, giving her friend a hug.

“Goth alert,” Cordy muttered to the girls as Oz and Angelus began talking
about Oz’s band.

Buffy looked up, feeling her mouth go dry at the sight of Spike in an all
black suit. He wasn’t wearing a tie, choosing to leave the top buttons of
his shirt open, effectively making him the hottest guy in the room.
Drusilla was clinging to his arm, dressed in a red and black old-fashioned
dress, accentuating her skeletal arms.

‘That should be me,’ Buffy thought before shaking off the thought. ‘It
could be you, and you chose Angelus.’

* * * * *

Spike looked up as he walked into the gym, his eyes immediately settling on
Buffy. His blood pressure rose when he saw Angelus standing beside her.
Threats be damned, he was making good on his promise as soon as he got a
chance.

Studying her for a moment, he stared at the black dress that looked like a
second skin. Two spaghetti straps leading to a flattering sweetheart
neckline had Spike nearly gasping for air at the exposed cleavage. The
fabric clung to her body, and he had to restrain himself from walking over
and ravishing her when he saw the slit that extended up the length of her
thigh.

Drusilla led him over to her table of friends and sat down. Spike could
barely see through the crowd from his seat, and after several minutes, he
excused himself to get something to drink. Frowning when he looked around
the gym, he saw Oz onstage, getting ready to start the live music. Cordelia
was dancing with Doyle, and looking around the edge of the dance floor, Spike
finally spotted Angelus, Buffy, and Willow.

Willow was the first to see him coming and glanced at Buffy. Spike could
see her green eyes widen before he even approached.

“Why don’t you two dance for a while,” Buffy said with a smile. “I need to
go to the restroom.”

Angelus merely shrugged and offered Willow his arm. For her part, she kept
her cringe to a minimum as they walked onto the floor.

Buffy spun around on her heel and caught Spike as he reached the group,
grabbing him by the arm and jerking him into the hall.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, looking around and making sure
they were alone.

“I told you, luv. I planned on having a little chat with Captain Forehead
if you brought him tonight, and I don’t plan on backing down.”

“Spike, I don’t want you talking to him. Don’t think I won’t make good on
my threats.”

“I have plenty of information on you, princess…or did you forget?”

Buffy’s eyes narrowed as she looked at him. “What are you talking about?”

“How do you think your mum would react if she knew about some of your new
habits?”

“Like what?”

“Sleeping over at your boyfriend’s place.”

Her eyes widened as she took a step back. “Who told you that?” she asked in
a whisper.

Spike’s jaw clenched as he closed his eyes, trying to control his temper
before he said something he’d regret. “So it is true.”

“Jealous?” she asked through clenched teeth, angry at herself for being
tricked into admitting something she didn’t want to.

“Bloody right, I’m jealous,” he countered, taking a step forward and backing
Buffy into a wall.

“Spike…wh-what are you doing?” she asked, her voice coming out in a
breathless whisper.

“Taking back what’s mine,” he replied seconds before his lips met hers in a
tender kiss.

Responding to the kiss for a moment, Buffy’s brain finally caught up with
what he said as she pushed him away. “I’m not yours.”

Watching as she walked toward the door, Spike quickly caught up with her and
pressed his hand against the door, effectively keeping her from opening it.

“Spike, let me go,” she said, a desperate quality in her voice as she turned
around with pleading eyes. “Please.”

“I can’t,” he whispered. “I love you.”

“Don’t do this,” she said softly, shaking her head as tears clouded her
vision.

“Why? Are you starting to realize that you can’t love a rapist?”

“Stop using that word,” Buffy said through gritted teeth. “It was my fault
that I was so drunk…I knew what I was doing when I…when I told him I would
go home with him.”

The uncertainty in her voice reawakened the desire for violence in Spike as
he looked at the door, imagining Angelus’ face being smashed into it.

“You’re not safe with him,” he whispered, catching himself when Buffy shoved
him away.

Buffy jumped forward when the door opened behind her, nearly throwing her
into Spike’s arms.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Willow said, shooting a nervous glance back into the
gym. “But they’re going to announce the Homecoming queen and Angelus is about
to come looking for you.”

“Good,” Spike growled as Buffy shot him a look.

“I’ll be right in, Wills.”

The redhead nodded before disappearing through the door. “Don’t come near
him, Spike,” Buffy whispered, deciding to take a better approach.

Spike raised an eyebrow when she closed the distance between them, feeling
his breathing escalate when her small hands traced the muscles in his chest.

“Please.”

Her eyes were wide and innocent as she kept contact with his body.

“I’ll try,” he replied, his jaw clenched.

A genuine smile came across Buffy’s face before she hooked a hand around his
neck and pulled him down, leaving a gentle kiss on his cheek. Wiping the
lipstick off when she backed away, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank
you.”


* * * * *

After returning to Angelus in the gym and making up a lame excuse about why she had been gone for so long, Riley and Sam were announced as the Homecoming King and Queen. Buffy was happy for them, especially considering the fact that she didn’t feel like going onstage and leaving Angelus alone.

‘Because I could definitely see Spike walking over to him and starting something,’ she thought, feeling her boyfriend’s arm wrap around her.

“So, are you staying over tonight?” he asked her, his mouth close to her ear, making her shiver.

“Actually, Willow’s having an after-party, and it’s tradition for me to sleep over there,” she said, looking at the sad expression on his face. “Is that okay?”

“I guess,” he answered. “But it’d be nicer if you stayed the night at my place.” She frowned. “But if you want to hang out with your friends, it’s fine with me.” She smiled graciously at him and leaned against his side.

‘I’ll just make a couple of calls on my way home,’ he thought. ‘I’m sure I can find someone else to keep me warm tonight.’

Spike saw Buffy with Angelus and tried to restrain himself from going over there and pulling her away from him. Dru came over to him and noticed who he was looking at.

“What’s wrong, my Spike?” she asked, kissing his cheek. He looked at her and waved it off.

“It’s nothing,” he said, taking her hand in his. He saw Buffy and Angelus walking to the dance-floor and frowned. “Want to dance, pet?” She nodded and allowed him to lead her towards the rest of the dancing couples. He was close enough to Buffy and Angelus to watch her but far enough to not seem like he was purposely dancing with Dru so that he could keep an eye on his ex-girlfriend.

Willow was dancing with Xander right next to them and looked at Spike.

“Are you two coming to the party tonight?” she asked.

“Yeah, I am,” Spike answered before looking at Dru. “Want to come with me?”

“No, I’m going to the party at Amy’s,” she answered. “Did you forget?”

“Oh,” he replied, nodding. “Yeah. Sorry, luv, do you need a ride?”

“No,” she answered, surprised that he seemed so scatter-brained.

‘But then again, he’s been like that for awhile,’ she thought.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you tonight,” Willow said as the song ended. He nodded and watched Willow walk over to Buffy and Angelus with Xander.

‘I should be able to get my chance at Willow’s then,’ Spike thought. ‘This will be perfect.’

* * * * *

After leaving the dance, Angelus drove Buffy over to Willow’s house and stopped in front of it. She looked at him, confused.

“Aren’t you coming inside?” she asked, part of her hoping that he would while the other part was praying that he wouldn’t.

“No, I think I’m going to head home,” he replied. “I’m kind of tired, and I have an early morning.” She nodded, looking away. “Besides, you should spend some quality time with your friends.”

‘While I go to the Bronze and pick up a sweet young girl for the night,’ he thought, trying not to smirk.

“Okay,” she said, opening the car door. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow then?” He nodded. “Good night, Angelus.” She kissed his cheek and got out of the car.

“Good night, princess,” he said before she shut the door. He watched her walk inside before dialing a number on his cell phone. “Hi, Amy. Are you still going to the Bronze tonight with your friends?” He sped off into the night, never once thinking about the girl he had dropped off.

A few minutes later, Spike walked into Willow’s house, prepared to confront Angelus finally after waiting all night. When he saw Buffy talking with Willow and Cordelia, no Angelus in sight, he frowned.

‘Did the ponce not come?’ he thought. ‘I wonder if she told him not to so that I wouldn’t talk to him. Clever girl, she is. But one way or another, I’m still going to kick that wanker’s ass.’

Buffy saw him walk in and took a deep breath as he approached her and her friends.

“Hi, Spike,” Willow greeted. “I’m glad you could make it.”

“Of course,” he smiled. “It’s tradition, isn’t it?” Buffy looked at him and had flashbacks to the three Homecomings prior that they had attended together before coming to Willow’s and sleeping over.

“Do you want a drink?” Willow asked, and he shrugged. “Buffy, why don’t you go and get one, too? You just said that you’re thirsty.” She shot her friend a look before sighing.

“Yeah,” Buffy said quietly, not looking at Spike. “Let’s go.” He nodded and followed her into the kitchen, happy that they were alone. As she opened the door of the refrigerator, he put his hand on hers and kept her from opening it. “What’re you doing?”

“I didn’t come in here for something to drink,” he said, slowly running his hand over her bare shoulder and down her arm. “Where is he?”

“He was tired, so he went home,” she answered, not looking at him. “What does it matter?”

“You know why,” he answered, and she finally turned to look at him. He saw the sadness in her eyes and sighed. “Someone has to step in and talk to him, luv. He’s a monster.”

“What are you talking about?” she hissed. “He’s not a monster! He didn’t rape me, he didn’t force himself on me, and he’s never hurt me, so will you stop acting like he’s a criminal or something? You’re driving me insane!”

“The feeling’s mutual,” Spike replied, smirking. “But it’s not because of the ponce- it’s that dress.” He leaned forward to kiss her, but she pushed him back before their lips could make contact. “What’s wrong?”

“I have a boyfriend, you have a girlfriend, and you were the one who dumped me,” she replied. “This isn’t right, and I don’t cheat when I’m in a relationship. I’m not like you.” He clenched his jaw.

“I never cheated on you,” he said, crossing his arms. She scoffed, looking away.

“So you were just innocently talking to Dru when we were together? You never flirted with her, or lied to me about spending time with her…you didn’t dance with her at the Christmas Dance?!” Buffy asked loudly, her anger overpowering her. “Don’t tell me that you didn’t cheat on me because whether or not you realize it, you did, William.”

“What do you want me to say, Buffy?” he said sternly, looking at her. “I’m sorry. I’ll apologize the rest of my life for making the biggest mistake ever. I love you, and I’m always going to love you. And if you don’t want to be with me, then you’re making a mistake, too.” She took a deep breath.

“Wanting to be with you in the first place was a mistake,” she said before walking out of the kitchen, leaving him standing there alone, tears forming in his eyes.

Chapter 17:

Spike stayed in the kitchen, trying to keep his emotions and his temper under
control. He didn’t trust himself around Buffy, the way he was feeling.
Turning and walking through the backdoor, he searched his pockets, breathing
a sigh of relief when he found his cigarettes and his lighter. The same
lighter that Buffy had given him over a year ago, even though she hated his
smoking.

Lighting the cigarette, he absentmindedly opened and closed the lighter,
looking down at the inscription. It was the same inscription that he had
been studiously avoiding, never wanting to remember what he had willingly
given up, but at the same time keeping it close to him everyday.

‘Forever and For Always’

Shoving it in his pocket, Spike inhaled sharply, letting the smoke fill his
lungs and settle his nerves.

“How are you holding up?”

Turning at the familiar voice, he offered a tentative smile before facing
the backyard again.

“Same as always, Red.”

“I know it’s hard,” Willow said, leaning against the railing. “Being so
close and not being able to have what you want.”

“Sounds like you speak from experience,” Spike muttered.

“I am,” she replied. “It worked out okay for me…not the way I would have
thought or hoped a few years ago, but I have Oz now.”

“Xander?”

“Yeah,” she murmured, a soft smile on her face.

“You’re telling me to forget about her?”

“I’m not telling you anything, Spike. But she’s with someone else now, and
it’s not going to be as easy as telling her that you want her back and
expecting her to run at you with open arms. You hurt her. You hurt her
more than she’s willing to admit and she’s changed.”

“So, it’s my fault then?”

“I’ve got to be honest, I don’t think she would be drinking this much if you
were still with her.”

“You’re right,” Spike muttered miserably. “I drove her to this.”

“Maybe you can help her change back.”

“Not while she’s with the poofter that she calls a boyfriend.”

“You really hate him, don’t you?”

“Hate is a strong word…and it’s not nearly strong enough to describe how I
feel about him.”

“I know what you mean. I danced with him tonight, and it was like every part
of me was screaming to get away from him. I don’t know what Buffy sees in
him. I think he’s just a smooth talker who’s used to getting his way.”

“I want her away from him, Red. And not just because I’m jealous or I want
her back…I just don’t think she’s safe.”

“And what I think doesn’t matter?”

Both turned around to see Buffy standing behind them, her arms crossed over
her chest as she looked at Spike.

“Buffy,” Willow said, her eyes wide as she realized that Buffy heard what
she said. “I-I-“

“Willow, can I talk to Spike for a minute?”

“Yeah, I just-“

“Look…you’re allowed not to like my boyfriend. It’s fine. I just wish you
would have talked to me earlier.”

Willow nodded before walking back into her house.

“So you heard?” Spike asked, turning his back on her and inhaling on his
cigarette.

“Yeah…nothing I didn’t already know or suspect. I just didn’t think my best
friend and the one person I used to trust more than anyone would be talking
about me behind my back.”

“We’re just worried about you, luv.”

“Well, stop!” she cried, causing him to turn around and face her. “I’m a
big girl, Spike. I can take care of myself.”

“Really?” he asked in a low growl, stalking toward her.

Buffy swallowed nervously when she watched him throw his cigarette down before pressing her against the side of the house.

“You don’t look like you’re strong enough to handle another girl, much less
a full grown man who’s used to taking what he wants.”

“Do you want to test that theory?” Buffy asked in a breathy voice, jutting
her chin out defiantly.

Spike stared into her flashing eyes for a moment before a smirk crossed his
features. “There’s my girl,” he murmured, feeling moderately satisfied when
she glared at him.

“I’m not your girl.”

“You’ll always be mine. You said so yourself.”

“What?”

Extracting the lighter from his pocket, he held it in front of her for
inspection.

“Forever and for always,” she murmured, her lips tightening as she tried to
hold the tears back. “I was a different person then,” she said, looking up
at him, silently begging him to believe her.

“You’re still the same,” Spike said softly, running a hand over her hair and
looking at her through soft blue eyes. “You’re still the woman I want to be
with.”

“Stop saying that,” she whispered.

“You’re still the same.”

“Yeah?” Buffy asked, nearing her breaking point as she grabbed his coat and
used the momentum to swing them around until he was pressed against the
wall. “Was the old Buffy like this?” she whispered in a seductive voice,
never breaking eye contact as she ran her hands over his body.

“Buffy…what are you doing, pet?”

“I thought this was what you wanted,” she murmured, leaning forward and
letting her lips trail over his neck, gently biting down and smiling at the
shiver that raced through him. Her fingertips played with the waistband of
his pants before pressing her body against his and pulling away to look in
his eyes. “Now, tell me I’m not the same person.”

Moving to step away, Buffy gasped when she felt her arm grabbed in a firm
grip. “You’re playing a dangerous game, princess.”

Buffy shrugged, not backing down as she stared into his eyes. “I like the
rush.”

Arching an eyebrow at the casual statement, Spike’s other hand came up to
grab her other arm, pulling her flush against his body and smashing his lips
to hers. Buffy found herself eagerly kissing him back, getting lost in the
familiarity of his lips, before remembering that this wasn’t her boyfriend.

Taking a step back and breaking all contact with his body, their eyes
clashed for a long minute as they caught their breath.

“If you’re prepared to play the game…you’ve gotta be ready for everything.”

Buffy’s jaw tightened as she stared at him. “Leave me alone, Spike. Why
can’t you just go find your girlfriend and let me be happy?”

Watching as she turned and walked back into the house, closing the door
behind her, Spike sighed. “Because you’re not happy.”

* * * * *

After Buffy’s talk with Spike, she went up to Willow’s bedroom and decided to fall asleep, not wanting to deal with anyone or anything for the rest of the night. When she woke up, Cordelia was already gone, but Willow was just waking up.

“Hey,” she said quietly, yawning and stretching. “You disappeared pretty early last night. Were you okay?”

“Yeah,” Buffy answered, shrugging as she sat up. “I guess I was tuckered out.” Willow frowned slightly.

“Spike said you guys talked after I went back inside last night,” Willow said, getting out of bed. “What happened?”

“We talked,” Buffy answered, standing up. “That’s it. We just argued about things some more. You know how it is. The usual conversations he and I have.” She paused and looked down. “So, you really hate Angelus that much?”

“I wouldn’t say ‘hate’,” Willow replied. “He just seems off to me. Something about him screams ‘bad guy’ and I don’t know what it is, but I’ve been getting loads of warning signs from him.”

“Did he say anything to you while you were dancing last night?” Buffy asked curiously.

“We just talked about his classes and some random stuff for a bit,” Willow answered before taking a deep breath. “I wasn’t going to say anything, but while I’m being honest and laying things out there…” She paused and looked at her friend. “Buffy, I think he was coming on to me last night.”

“What makes you think that?” Buffy asked, both confused and surprised.

“He suggested that we have a threesome,” Willow said quietly, blushing. Buffy’s jaw dropped as she stared at the redhead. “He said it jokingly and all, but something in his eyes didn’t seem like he was trying to be funny.”

“So you think he’s trying to get us all in bed together?” Buffy asked, and Willow nodded. She burst out laughing, clutching her stomach from the force of it.

“What’s so funny?” Willow asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’m dead serious, Buffy.”

“Angelus…you…and I…in a bed,” Buffy managed to get out as she continued to laugh. She slowly calmed herself down, taking deep breaths. “He was just being Angelus. You don’t like him because he makes sexual jokes?”

“I don’t like him because he seems like a con artist who just wants to get into a girl’s pants,” Willow said, crossing her arms. Buffy stared at her before grabbing her stuff, packing it all up. “Buffy, don’t leave yet.”

“Why not?” she asked angrily. “You don’t like my boyfriend, you don’t like what I’ve been doing lately, and you don’t seem to support me at all anymore. Why should I stick around and hear more things you hate about me?”

“What? You know that’s not true, and I wouldn’t do something like that,” Willow said, stunned by Buffy’s words. “You’re my best friend, and I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“You know, every time someone says that to me, they end up hurting me anyways,” Buffy replied, walking towards the bedroom door to leave. “Including you.” She stormed down the hallway and walked downstairs.

“What’s going on, Red?” Spike asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway of her room, noticing that she had tears running down her cheeks. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” Willow said before she ran into the bathroom and slammed the door. Spike realized that Buffy must have just left and sprinted downstairs and out the door.

Catching up to her about three houses down, Spike was grateful that he was already dressed before chasing after her. When he was close enough, he grabbed Buffy’s arm and turned her around, forcing her to look at him as she clenched her jaw.

“What are you doing?” she asked sharply. “Can’t you ever just leave me the hell alone?”

“Not when you’re pushing everyone who cares about you away,” he replied, not letting go of her. “What did you say to Red? She’s bawling in her bathroom right now, and I know you’re the reason for it, so what did you do?”

“Everyone thinks they know what’s good for me,” Buffy said, trying to break away from him, but not succeeding. “Only I know what’s good for me, and I’m sick of people butting into my life and telling me what to do. I’m staying with Angelus, and I’m happy with the way I am. If none of you can see that, then you obviously are blind and can’t accept the fact that I’ve changed.”

“And look what you’ve changed into!” Spike yelled. “You’re an alcoholic who dresses in slutty clothes and is dating some wanker who slept with you when you were drunk!” She looked away, fighting the urge to cry as his tone softened. “Tell me, Buffy, is that really what you wanted from your life? Are you really happy with things? Because if you can look me in the eyes and say that you are, I’ll back off right now. But if you can’t, then I can help you change. All of us will. We all just want you to be happy.” She looked at him and let a tear fall. His features softened as he reached out to wipe the tear away, but she backed off and shook her head.

‘It wouldn’t be like this if he hadn’t dumped me,’ she thought.

“Screw you,” she replied before walking away from him, not looking back. He took a deep breath and slowly walked back to Willow’s house, getting his stuff and leaving.

‘What the hell does it take?’ he asked himself as he drove home. ‘I don’t know how to get through to her anymore.’

* * * * *

That week at school, Buffy kept her distance from everyone she once considered a friend. She went to the library during lunch and hid from Mr. Giles, not wanting to deal with him, as well. By the time Friday rolled around, she was excited to see Angelus again.

She called him as soon as she got home from school, only to find out that he had other plans for the night.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I’ve got an exam on Monday, and if I don’t study hard for it, I could fail the class,” he said. “But how about tomorrow night? Does that sound okay?”

“Sure,” she replied, shrugging it off. “Good luck studying tonight, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up and sighed before dialing Faith’s phone number. She, too, was busy.

“I’ve got a date with Wes from the Bronze,” she said, sounding excited. “But maybe later this weekend?”

“Sure,” Buffy said, not wanting to mention that she’d undoubtedly be busy with Angelus the next night. After hanging up with Faith, she went to her room and got dressed up to go out anyway.

‘If no one wants to see me, then I’m going to go out and be seen,’ she said, leaving her house and walking to the Bronze. On the way, she passed by Angelus’ place and saw that his car was gone. She raised an eyebrow. ‘Maybe he had something to do. Or maybe he’s getting food. Stop being so paranoid, Summers.’

When she walked into the Bronze, she headed straight to the bar and ordered a soda before going up to the balcony and sitting down at a table. She watched couples dancing below her and took a deep breath. ‘I should be down there right now, but no, I’ve got no one. I pushed all of my old friends away, and now, my boyfriend and new best friend aren’t even around.’ She sipped from her cup. ‘What’s happened to me? I used to be popular, and social, and people always surrounded me. Now I’m alone, lonely, and obviously unhappy.’ She finished her soda. ‘Spike was right about everything. He can still read me like a book.’ She saw him walk into the building and decided to go talk to him. ‘It’s time to stop burning bridges.’

Hesitantly walking down the stairs, Buffy headed toward the bar, seeing
Spike talking to another man there. With a shaky breath, she continued
walking, nervously biting her lower lip when she came to stand behind him.

Waiting until he finished his conversation, she saw the other man’s eyes
dart over to her and gestured to Spike. Turning around, he arched an
eyebrow when he saw Buffy behind him.

“Hi,” she whispered, nervousness coating her voice.

“Can I help you?” he asked coldly.

“C-can we talk?”

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” he replied, crossing his arms
over his chest.

“It’s not?”

“Well, last time I tried to talk to you, I recall the phrase ‘screw you’
being directed at me, so no…I don’t think it would be a good idea.”

Buffy knew that she was getting what she deserved as she bit her lip and
nodded. “Sorry to bother you,” she whispered, turning around and walking
toward the door.

Sighing as he watched her walk away, his words from a few days before came
back to haunt him. ‘I can help you change…we all just want you to be
happy.’

Not even bothering to think about what he was doing, Spike was about to
chase after Buffy when he felt a hand on his arm. Turning in confusion, he
clenched his jaw when he saw Drusilla standing next to him.

“I thought you weren’t going to be here tonight, pet,” he muttered, looking
toward the door at the exact moment that it slammed shut.

“I thought you would miss me if I wasn’t nearby,” she said with an eerie
smile.

“You thought wrong,” he said softly.

“What’s wrong, my Spike?”

“We need to talk…”

* * * * *

Buffy avoided her mom as she walked into her house and up to her room.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she saw the tears in her eyes, the clothes
that she was wearing, and the heavy make-up, but she didn’t see herself.
She couldn’t see Buffy anymore…and it hurt.

Grabbing some clothes from the back of her closet, Buffy walked into her
bathroom, barely able to hold in the tears that were threatening to spill
over. Quickly washing off every trace of make-up, leaving the washcloth a
multitude of colors, her tears finally spilled when she saw her reflection.
She had spent the last few months avoiding looking in mirrors. She would do
her make-up or fix her hair, but she never really looked at herself.

Stripping off the leather pants, jacket, and midriff-baring halter, Buffy
changed into a pair of her old jeans and a thick, dark brown turtleneck,
feeling the need to be fully covered. Pulling the bobby pins from the
complex hairstyle, she let her hair spill around her shoulders and brushed
it until it glowed in the harsh light.

Seeing the girl that she used to be staring back at her, the tears turned
into sobs before she ran into her room and shut the door. She didn’t know
what was worse- seeing the woman that she had turned into or seeing the girl
she used to be. They were both extremes of the other and she didn’t know
how to find a happy medium.

Lying down on her bed, Buffy hugged a pillow to her chest, burying her face
in it as her body curled into itself, seeking protection and solace as her
sobs worsened.

* * * * *

Not knowing how long she had been lying there crying, Buffy jumped when she
heard a tapping on her window. Rolling over to look at the window, her eyes
widened when she saw Spike staring at her from the other side. Briefly
turning her back on him, Buffy wiped her eyes, trying to hide the worst of
the tears before walking around the bed and unlocking the window.

Taking a step back as he entered her room, Buffy avoided his eyes and hugged
her arms around her body, not bothering to ask what he was doing there. She
figured that he would answer that soon enough.

No words were spoken as Spike gently hooked a finger under her chin and
tilted her eyes up to his. His jaw clenched when he saw her bloodshot eyes,
still puffy from crying.

Her chin quivered as she managed to keep eye contact with him, and Spike’s
heart nearly broke when she closed the space between them and began crying
into his chest, her hands clutching at his duster as if she was afraid that
he would disappear. His arms immediately wrapped around her waist, holding
her as he listened to her muffled sobs.

“I didn’t mean it, princess,” he murmured into her hair. “I told you I want
you to be happy and I meant it.”

“Why do I feel like this, Will?” she whispered miserably, raising her eyes
to his once again while silent tears continued to trail down her cheeks.

Spike tenderly brushed each tear away as it fell. “You’re not happy,” he
said softly.

“But I should be…I should be overjoyed with my life, and instead I…”

“What can I do, luv?”

“Will you stay?” she asked hesitantly. “Will you just stay here with
me…just be my friend?”

“I can do that,” he whispered, shrugging out of his coat, surprised when she
grabbed his hand and led him to the bed. Spike lay down, relaxing when he
felt her body curl into his. “I like the new look,” he murmured, running
his hand over her arm.

“It’s not new…it’s old.”

“Then I like the old look,” he said with a grin.

“Don’t get used to it,” she said in a barely audible whisper.

“Why’s that?”

Buffy shrugged, feeling another bout of sadness overwhelm her.

“You don’t have to dress…the way you’ve been dressing to be yourself,
Buffy.”

“So you’re saying that I don’t have to dress like a slut to act like a
slut?”

“What?! Buffy, I would never-”

“Then I’m not an alcoholic who dresses in slutty clothes and sleeps with her
boyfriend when she’s drunk?”

“I didn’t mean it that way.”

“There’s not a lot of ways to take it, Spike,” she said miserably, burying
her head in his chest instead of pulling away.

“But that’s not…I just meant that…”

“Do me a favor,” she said, avoiding his advances to get her to look at him.
“Don’t try and make excuses. You meant what you said, and you were making
the right assumption…I’m sorry I can’t be the girl you want me to be.”

Spike’s arms tightened around her when he heard her whispered words. “I
want you, Buffy. I’m not looking for what we had- I’m looking for what we
could have.”

“I’m with someone, Spike…I’m not…I can’t give up on the person I love.”

Feeling his heart aching at her soft declaration, Spike tightened his jaw
when he felt her relax in his arms, obviously tired after crying for hours.
“Do you love him like you love me?” he whispered, his lips brushing over her
hair.

Closing her eyes and letting her exhaustion take over, she whispered, “I’ll
never love anyone like I love you.”

Chapter 18:

The following Monday, Buffy was on a mission to find Willow before school started so she could apologize. When she found her friend by her locker, she took a deep breath and stopped to stand beside her.

“Hi,” she said quietly, nervous to see if Willow would even talk to her. The redhead looked at her and smiled slightly.

“Hi, Buffy,” she replied. “What can I do for you?”

“I’m sorry for what I said to you the morning after Homecoming,” Buffy said, looking down. “I know that everyone’s been worried about me, and I guess I just got pushed too far and exploded. I’m sorry I took it out on you, and I know that you worry about me… and I’m grateful that I have a friend like you, Willow.” She looked at her again. “Are we still friends?”

“Of course, silly,” Willow said, smiling. “I’ve just been waiting for you to come to your senses.” Buffy smiled before playfully punching her friend in the arm. “I forgive you. I guess if I had people talking to me like Spike and I were to you, I would’ve gone crazy, too. I should’ve approached things better, and I’m sorry that you thought I was against you and didn’t support you. I always have, and I’ll continue to stand beside you until you tell me to bug off. Okay?” Buffy giggled and hugged her friend.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “You don’t know how much that means to me.” Willow smiled and looked at her watch.

“Come on, let’s head to class,” she said, and Buffy nodded.

As the girls walked down the hallway together, Spike watched them as he stood by Drusilla at her locker. He couldn’t help but smile when he saw that they were back to talking again.

‘I wonder if stubborn Buffy finally apologized for treating Red so horribly,’ he thought before Riley’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“You going to class, man?” he asked. Spike nodded and followed him, even though all he wanted to do at that moment was to go after Buffy and talk to her again.

‘I got through to her Friday night,’ he thought. ‘That was progress, but I’m not going to ease off until everything returns to normal. It has to.’

* * * * *

Time slowly passed, and Buffy began to patch up the relationships she had ignored while somewhat distancing herself from always spending time with Angelus or Faith on the weekends. Spike even went out of his way to see her sometimes. He didn’t mention Drusilla and Buffy never brought her up, but she’s heard the rumors circulating that they had broken up.

It was on one particular night during the first week of December when Spike went to Buffy’s house to watch movies with her, a reminder of how they used to be when they were still dating. While she poured popcorn into a bowl, he grabbed sodas for them and watched her, noticing how happy she seemed to be.

“What’s going on in that mind of yours, kitten?” he asked, smiling. She looked at him. “I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.” She shrugged.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “Things just seem to be going right for me. My grades are getting better, I’m back to wearing comfortable clothes all of the time, things are going well with my friends and Angelus, Mom and I don’t fight as much anymore…my life’s getting better.”

“Glad to hear it,” he said, smiling at her. “Now, aren’t you happy that Red and I stepped in?”

“Trying to take all of the credit, eh?” she asked jokingly, playfully slapping his hand when he tried to take some of the popcorn she was holding. He pouted, and she smirked at him before going to the living room and sitting on the couch. Spike sat beside her and put their sodas on the table in front of them.

“So, what’s the flick tonight?” he asked, looking at her. She giggled and grabbed the remote. “What?”

“It’s a surprise,” she said, pressing the “Play” button. His eyes widened as the opening credits for “Casper” began to roll across the screen. She laughed at him, seeing his priceless facial expression.

“No bloody way,” he finally said, trying to grab the remote. “I’m not watching this.”

“Yes you are,” she said, putting the remote on the table. “Please? I haven’t watched it in such a long time.”

“Last Halloween,” he said quietly, looking at her. She nodded, sighing. “You were the hottest cheerleader I’ve ever seen.” She blushed and looked at the TV. He smiled at the memory and grabbed his soda. “You know, you’re the only person who knows that I like this movie.” She looked at him.

“Not even Drusilla?” she asked, somewhat surprised as he turned to look at her.

“Not even Drusilla,” he confirmed. “Only you.” Their eyes locked for a moment before turning back to the TV.

* * * * *

“So, who wants hot chocolate?” Joyce asked minutes after the movie ended. Spike indiscreetly wiped off his eyes and smiled when Buffy handed him a Kleenex with a playful smirk on her face.

“I’d love some,” he said. “With mini-marshmallows?” She smiled warmly and walked to the kitchen. “So, why is it that Joyce doesn’t seem like she wants to kill me anymore?”

“Because I told her to give you a chance again,” Buffy shrugged. “I figure since we’re trying the friends thing again, she might as well be civil to you.” He nodded and heard her cell phone ring, sitting on the table. She grabbed it and looked to see who the caller was, before making a face and choosing not to answer it.

“Who was it, luv?” he asked curiously. She looked at him.

“Just Angelus,” she answered. “I’ll call him later.” He smiled and looked down. Joyce came in with two mugs of hot chocolate and handed them to the two teenagers.

“Well, I think I’m going to head upstairs,” she said. “But it was nice seeing you again, Spike. Have a good night, you two.”

“Good night,” they both said in unison before looking at each other and smiling. Joyce laughed and walked upstairs.

“So, are you taking the pathetic poof to the Christmas Dance?” Spike asked casually, looking at the mini-marshmallows on the surface of his hot chocolate.

“Yeah, why?” she answered, blowing on the steaming liquid in her mug.

“Just wanted to know, is all,” he replied. “Insuring that you had a date.” She looked at him.

“Why? Were you going to ask me?” she giggled. “I don’t think Dru would like that.” He frowned. “Although, she took you away from me at last year’s dance, so I don’t see why I can’t return the favor this year.”

“Buffy,” he said in a soft tone as she smiled at him, but found that he couldn’t voice what he was thinking.

“I know, I know,” she replied. “I wouldn’t do such a thing.”

‘Even though sometimes I think I’d really like to,’ she thought.

“Speaking of Dru,” Buffy began. “Where is she tonight? I’m surprised she didn’t want you for herself.”

“I wouldn’t know,” he answered. “It’s nice to kick back with old friends, isn’t it?” She looked at him, seeing the sparkle in her eyes.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “It really is.”

Chapter 19:

“Hi, Angelus,” Buffy said, propping the phone up on her shoulder as she
washed the dishes.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while, baby.”

“I know, I’m sorry, but I’ve been busy lately.”

“Too busy for me?”

“I’ve just been catching up with my friends…what’s wrong with that?” Buffy
asked, suddenly becoming defensive.

“Nothing,” Angelus replied. “I just thought you might want to ‘catch up’
with me.”

Buffy could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “I’ll see you
tomorrow,” she said softly, hoping to steer him away from the fight that was
threatening to happen.

“Why not tonight?”

“I promised my mom that I would help out around the house.”

“You’d rather clean than be with me?”

Buffy was getting fed up with the controlling attitude. “You know, if you
have a problem with me, Angelus, why don’t you just come out and say it,”
Buffy demanded, grabbing the phone in a such a tight grip, she was surprised
it wasn’t cracking under the pressure.

“No problems, baby,” he said in a smooth voice. “I just miss you.”

“Yeah,” Buffy murmured, not returning the thought. “But I’ll see you soon.”

“Alright. Love ya, babe.”

“Yeah, me too,” she replied with less enthusiasm before hanging up the
phone.

* * * * *

Buffy tossed and turned in her bed as the images assaulted her.

“Will, what are we doing here?” Buffy asked as they climbed a hill
overlooking the city.

“I wanted to bring you someplace special, princess.”

“Why?”

“Because you deserve it,” he said in a husky whisper.

“I-I don’t understand,” Buffy said with a soft smile as William pulled her
down to sit next to him.

“I want to make love to you, Buffy,” he whispered, trailing kisses along her
collarbone and up her throat. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to, but if
you want me to be honest…”

“I’m ready, Will,” she said, a smile on her lips when he pulled back to look
at her. “It’s just…we’re only fifteen and I-“

“I want to be with you,” he murmured. “Whether we do this now or wait, I’ll
always want to be with you. It will always be you.”

Buffy didn’t answer as her lips met his in a tender kiss. A kiss filled
with such warmth and familiarity that it made her dizzy with the intense
emotions. His hands trailed along her body, sending chills through both of
them as he began undressing her.

His breath caught in his throat when he looked at her body. Her skin was
bathed in moonlight, and he felt his breath catch in his throat as he lowered
his lips to hers in a soft kiss.

Buffy gasped when she felt his hard shaft at her entrance. She didn’t know
when he took off his clothes, but that was the last thought on her mind as
he gently pushed into her inviting body. Pausing when she tensed up,
William’s lips met hers in another kiss.

“This will probably hurt, sweetheart,” he whispered against her lips,
seconds before tearing through her virginity. Buffy’s back arched into him,
but the pain was already lessening when he slowly rocked his hips against
hers. “I love you,” he whispered, his forehead pressed to hers. “I love
you so much.”

Trailing a hand along his cheek, Buffy smiled at the adoration in his eyes.
“I love you, too,” she said softly, closing her eyes at the sensations
flowing through her body.

Her body automatically braced herself against the assault it was suddenly
feeling. It was hard. More brutal, more violent. Buffy opened her eyes
and gasped when she saw Angelus on top of her, moving for his own pleasure,
not giving a second thought to her.

“No,” Buffy murmured, shaking her head back and forth. This didn’t feel
right. It wasn’t natural. It never felt right with Angelus.

Closing her eyes against the disturbing image, Buffy jumped when she felt
lips tenderly caress her shoulder and strong arms encircling her body.
Opening her eyes, it seemed to take them a minute to focus as the movements
became more caring.

“I’ve got you, princess. I’ll never let you go. I’ll always catch you.”

Letting her eyes focus, Buffy’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Spike?”
she whispered, seeing the shock of bleached hair. “Where’s Will? What
happened to William?”

“He’s here,” Spike replied, brushing his lips over hers in a tender caress.
“He’s always here- he’s just grown up a little more. He’s smarter now.”

Moving her body with his, Buffy arched her back, feeling comfort surround
her as her inner muscles tensed around him, triggering his own climax and
letting them fall over the edge together.

Breathing heavily for several long moments, Spike pulled back to look into
her eyes.

“Don’t let me go,” she said fearfully.

“Never.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, she looked up at him with a grateful expression,
surprised at the worried look in his eyes.

“You’re not safe with him, Buffy.”

“Am I safe with anyone?”

“Me.”

“You hurt me,” she whispered. “Why would I be any safer with you?”

“Because I’d do anything for you,” he said softly, letting his hand trail
over her hair. “Because I’d lay down my life for you, if it came to that.
I love you, Buffy…It will always be you.”

The words seemed to echo in Buffy’s head as she opened her eyes, letting her
gaze fall on her bedroom window and noticing that it was still dark outside.
Rubbing her eyes and trying to rub the memory of the dream away, Buffy sat
up in bed and looked around.

Studying her room for a few minutes, she couldn’t realize why it looked so
strange to her. Finally realizing what was wrong, Buffy noticed that she
didn’t have any pictures of Angelus anywhere. When she was with William,
his face covered every available surface. Now there was nothing to show
that she was even in a relationship.

Burying her face in her hands, Buffy sighed at the implications of her dream
and the lack of anything resembling the fact that she had a boyfriend.
“What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Chapter 20:

Buffy couldn’t forget the dream, even though she tried her best to as the Christmas Dance approached. By the time it was finally there, she was dreading the thought of going. She wasn’t looking forward to spending the night with Angelus and her friends in the same room, especially because she knew that no one liked him.

‘Sometimes, even I don’t particularly like him around,’ she thought as she took her dress out of her closet. The red satin halter-dress slid off of its hanger into her waiting hand, and she held it up to her, looking at herself in the mirror. ‘Perfect.’

As she was about to put it on, her phone rang, and she went to grab it.

“Hello?” she asked, returning to her mirror with the cordless phone in hand as she looked at the curly tendrils of hair framing her face.

“Hello, luv,” Spike said, smiling. “Sorry to interrupt the getting-ready process, but-”

“What’re you talking about?” she asked, frowning. “Why would you think I’m getting ready? The dance isn’t for another three hours.”

“Because, pet, I know you,” he answered, chuckling. “You get your hair done, come home and put on your dress, and then you choose your make-up before taking off the dress once again and putting whatever make-up you chose on. About twenty minutes before you leave, you put your dress on again, slide on some sexy heels, and run out of the house. Am I correct?” She grinned.

“Hush,” she said, giggling. “No one else has to know my routine.” He smiled. “What about you? Have you even taken a shower yet?”

“No, I was thinking of looking grungy tonight,” he joked, getting her to giggle again. “So, you sound like you’re in a good mood.”

“Yeah,” she said, shrugging. “I wasn’t before you called, but I guess your charm just does that to me.”

“Are you flirting with me, kitten?” he asked in a husky tone. She smiled as she began to get undressed.

“What? Of course not,” she said. “Have you forgotten that I’m already taken?”

“No, and that’s the reason I called,” he replied. “I wanted you to know that I’m going to talk to Angelus tonight. No matter how hard you try to keep me away from him or vice versa, I’m not putting this off anymore.”

“But you promised that you wouldn’t talk to him,” Buffy said, instantly becoming worried. “Remember?”

“I said that I’d try not to- I never promised,” he said sternly. “But I’m sick of this, luv. He’s not right for you, and everyone else agrees with me. Can’t you just give us the benefit of the doubt and dump him already?”

“He hasn’t given me a reason to dump him,” she said, sliding on her dress carefully so that she wouldn’t drop the phone. “Please don’t ruin tonight, Spike. Can’t you have some Christmas spirit?”

“I have Christmas spirit,” he replied, smirking. “I’ve got a present for him, too- a nice punch to the nose.”

“Spike,” she said in a warning tone. “Just let me have a good time tonight. You know how much I love dances.”

“That I do, but if he does anything wrong tonight, I’m not restraining myself from giving him a piece of my mind anymore,” he replied firmly.

“If you ruin tonight for me at all, I’m going to be giving you ‘a piece of mind’, as well. Got me?” she asked, grabbing lipstick and mascara.

“Is that a promise?” he joked, and she smiled before sighing. “So, I’ll see you at the dance, then?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “And Spike? Happy Anniversary.” He raised an eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?” he asked, confused.

“You and Dru have been together for a year as of today,” she said. “Which is kind of weird because I would’ve thought the dance would’ve fallen on a different day, but they scheduled it on the exact same date as last year. So…happy anniversary.”

He looked down, frowning before he spoke. “It’s not our anniversary,” he said softly.

“But I remember-”

“It’s not our anniversary because we broke up.”

“When?”

“Right after Homecoming.”

Buffy stayed quiet for a long moment. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked softly.

“Because I know you, pet. I didn’t want you to think that I broke up with her just to get you back. It wasn’t working and I ended it...rebuilding a friendship with you is just a bonus that I wasn’t expecting. I’ll see you at the dance, Princess.”

As he hung up, he looked at the clothes he had laid out on his bed for the dance.

“Buffy and I haven’t been together for exactly one year,” he said quietly to himself. “I was with the wrong woman for nearly a year and I’m no better off than I was before.”

* * * * *

As Buffy and Angelus walked inside Sunnydale High’s gymnasium, she had a funny feeling in the pit of her stomach.

‘That can’t be good,’ she thought, looking around the room at the decorations. ‘Although it looks so nice here tonight.’ Angelus leaned down and kissed her temple and Buffy managed to look up at him and give him a small smile.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look?” he asked, which reminded her of the year before when William had said something similar to her. She fought back the nausea that began to fill her and smiled.

“Thank you,” she replied. “You look pretty handsome, too. I’m happy we match.” She ran her fingers over the crimson tie he was wearing.

“So, I was thinking that you could spend the night tonight,” he said, wrapping his arms around her. “It’s been so long since you and I have shared a bed together.”

‘And for a lot of good reasons,’ she thought.

“I know,” she replied, trying to sound apologetic. “Let’s see how the night goes. Maybe I will.” He smirked and kissed her.

It was around the same time when Spike and Cordelia walked into the gym, their arms linked together in a friendly gesture, both knowing that there were no romantic intentions for either of them. Spike saw Angelus lean down to kiss Buffy and wanted to storm over there to pull the brunette away from her. When they broke apart from each other, she looked over at him and smiled softly, causing him to smile back at her.

‘As long as she’s okay, I guess I can sit tight,’ he thought. ‘As long as she’s here and I can watch out for her, she should be fine.’

Buffy and Angelus met up with all of her friends, and she was surprised when Spike came over to the group by himself. She indiscreetly smiled at him as he stood beside her.

“Hello, Buffy,” he said, trying to play it cool in front of Angelus.

‘Don’t need the wanker to throw the first punch,’ he thought. ‘I believe that’s my privilege, not his.’

“Hello, Spike,” she replied, feeling Angelus’ arms tighten around her waist slightly. “You and Cordy?”

“Last minute friends thing,” he answered, shrugging. “She’s getting punch.”

“You look very nice tonight,” Willow said, looking at him. “It still surprises me when guys get so dressed up.”

“Thank you,” he replied, looking between her and Buffy. “Everyone looks very beautiful tonight.” Buffy smiled and looked down.

‘Good,’ he thought. ‘I got to say it to her without the ponce suspecting anything…hopefully.’

“I like this song,” Buffy said, looking at Angelus. “Want to dance?” He nodded and was more than happy to lead her away from who he suspected was still his competition. They began to dance amongst several other couples, and Spike watched them, taking a deep breath.

“Want to dance?” Willow asked, looking at him. He smirked at her and took her hand in his.

“I’d like nothing more,” he replied, winking at her as he led her towards Buffy and Angelus.

Buffy saw them dancing and smiled at Spike, realizing that no matter what happened in the future between them, he’d always look out for her. Even though she didn’t particularly feel safe in Angelus’ arms, the knowledge that Spike was looking out for her made her feel more content.

‘Maybe things will go my way tonight,’ she thought as she rested her head on Angelus’ shoulder.

* * * * *

“Having fun, pet?”

Buffy turned away from watching the band and smiled at Spike. “Well, it
definitely beats last year.” Seeing the look of pain that flashed on his
face, she slowly reached out and touched his arm. “Hey,” she whispered with
a soft smile. “It’s over…I’m over it.”

“Are you?” he asked, turning to fully face her, his head tilting to the side
as he studied her. “Because I’m not.”

Nervously darting her eyes around the gym, Buffy gave Spike a distressed
look. “Please don’t do this, Spike. Not here.”

Looking around with a heavy sigh, Spike nodded. “Alright. Not here and not
now, but soon.”

Buffy’s eyes widened when she saw him lean forward, uncaring of who happened
to see them. He brushed a tender kiss to her forehead, significant others be
damned.

“I better go spend some time with my date,” he muttered, obviously wanting
to stay where he was. “I’ll check up on you later, luv.”

“Check up on me?” Buffy replied, her lips quirking into a smile.

“I mean what I said,” Spike said with a smirk before disappearing into the
crowd of students.

Her gaze settled on the stage for a split second before she felt her arm
grabbed in a brutal hold. “Angelus?” she asked, turning to look at him with
confusion written all over her face as she stared into his cold eyes.

“Outside,” he ground out through clenched teeth.

“What’s wrong?” Buffy asked as his grip tightened and he pulled her toward
the door.

Angelus stayed quiet when they walked into the hallway. Buffy expected him
to stop walking once they were out of the view of the entire student
population, but he continued to pull her toward the exit doors, slamming
them open with such force, Buffy jumped.

* * * * *

Spike looked around the gym a few minutes later with a frown on his face.
He didn’t see Buffy anywhere, and the uneasy feeling in the pit of his
stomach wasn’t serving to settle his nerves. “Hey, Red,” he called, walking
over to Willow, his eyes still scanning the area. “Do you know where Buffy
is?”

“I think she and Angelus went outside. They looked like they were leaving.”

Spike’s frown deepened.

* * * * *

“What the hell is going on with you and the Billy Idol clone?” he asked,
spinning her around to face him and shoving her against the wall.

Feeling a twinge of fear pass through her, Buffy’s eyes widened as she
swallowed nervously. “Spike? Nothing…h-he’s just a friend.”

“Bullshit!!”

Buffy tried to back away, soon realizing that she was pinned between the
wall and a very angry man who was easily twice her size.

“Is he who you’ve been spending time with when you’re not with me?” Angelus
asked in a deceptively low whisper, leaning close to her. Buffy could smell
a trace of alcohol on his breath, but she knew that he wasn’t drunk. “Have
you been climbing into his bed every night? Fucking him, since you’re
obviously not fucking me?”

Staying quiet through his rant, Buffy’s jaw clenched while she stared into
his enraged eyes. “And who have you been getting it from, Angelus?” she
asked, not having any solid proof, only going with her gut instinct.

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied with a shrug. “I’m a man. I have certain
needs, and they obviously aren’t getting fulfilled by a snobby little high
school bitch.”

“So what you’re saying is that you can cheat and I can’t because you’re the
man?” she asked, fuming at the simple idea of it. “You know, I’ll be sure
and have my needs met by someone else in the future, because you sure as
hell won’t be touching me- you self-absorbed, egotistical, arrogant,
conceited bastard!”

The sound of the slap rang through the air as Angelus backhanded Buffy,
sending her flying into the side of the building. Gripping the bricks with
one hand, the other flew up to her right cheek, trying to stop the explosion
of pain that traveled through her body. Quickly standing up straight and
turning to face him, her watery eyes hardened as they clashed with his.
“Get…away…from me. Don’t you ever come near me again.”

Seeing something that could be identified as remorse flash in his eyes
before he turned and walked out of sight, she waited until she knew he was
gone before collapsing on the ground, too stunned to let the tears come.

Her hand absentmindedly rubbed her cheek for a moment before dropping into
her lap. Taking several deep breaths, Buffy let a few tears slip free,
angrily wiping them away. She didn’t know what she expected from Angelus,
although she never thought he would hit her, but she sure as hell wasn’t
going to cry for the jackass.

Hearing the door of the school creak open, Buffy hurriedly stood and
straightened her dress, knowing that students would begin filing out soon, and
she didn’t want to be seen in the condition she was in. Turning to walk
through the parking lot, Buffy froze when she heard the familiar voice.

“Buffy? Buffy, luv, I was worried about you.”

Grateful for the shadows that were surrounding her, she turned around as
Spike jogged toward her.

“Where’s your wanker of a boyfriend?” he asked, looking over her shoulder as
if Angelus would appear.

“He’s not here,” she murmured, looking away from his penetrating gaze.

Spike was obviously studying her, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light,
before grabbing her hand and leading her toward the school. With a resigned
sigh, Buffy followed him, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to hide this.

Averting her eyes when she stepped into the light, she felt Spike’s hand
tilt her chin toward him, turning her head until he got a good look at the
bright red mark on her cheek. Buffy could practically hear his teeth
gritting as his fingertips ghosted over her skin.

“Where is he?” he asked, his voice a low, rumbling growl.

“He’s gone,” she whispered, looking down in shame, soon feeling his finger
tilting her head up again.

“Where is he?” Spike repeated, his eyes flashing with repressed anger.

“I told him not to come near me again…I don’t know where he is.”

“What happened?” he asked, pulling her against his chest and wrapping his
arms securely around her waist.

“He thought that we…that you and I…”

Trailing off as she took a deep breath, Buffy started again.

“He thought that I was cheating on him, even though he was the one who was
cheating. I…I yelled at him and he…”

Spike’s grip tightened on her when he felt her shoulders shake with sobs.
“Don’t cry, luv. He’s not worth it,” he whispered, running his hands along
her bare shoulders.

“I know,” she whispered, clutching at him in desperation. “I just feel so
weak, and I hate this feeling.”

“You’re not weak, Buffy. You’re the strongest person I know. Now come on,
I’m taking you home.”

Buffy nodded and sniffled as he turned them toward his car, his arm firmly
wrapped around her shoulders.

“I think I’m cursed,” she muttered, gingerly running her hand across her
cheek.

“Why’s that, pet?”

“Because this dance gets worse every year. I don’t know what’s worse- the
physical pain or the emotional heartache.”

“Heartache for the wanker?”

“For you,” she murmured, looking down when she felt his eyes on her. “Last
year with...what about Cordy?” she asked suddenly, feeling obligated to say something.

“She’s going home with someone else,” he replied, opening the car door for
her.

“That’s not exactly normal unless you’re…well…me.”

“I have my priorities straight,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I guess history really does repeat itself.”

Leaning forward to brush a kiss along her forehead, Spike pulled away, both
noticing the mere inches that separated them. “Is that a promise?”

Buffy blushed and looked away, worrying her bottom lip. “I was talking about the break-up. Don’t ask me for promises I can’t keep, Spike.”

“Who says you can’t keep it?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“It’s been a long night,” she whispered in a tired voice. “Please don’t
make me have this conversation right now.”

With a soft sigh, Spike nodded before helping her into the car. “Alright,
luv. It can wait.”

‘But not for long.’

Chapter 21:

As Spike drove Buffy towards her house, his mind was buzzing as thoughts bombarded him. Anger and rage filled him, but on the other hand, he was happy about so many things.

‘I broke up with Dru, and Buffy’s not with the poofter anymore,’ he thought before adding an adjective to Angelus’ title. ‘The abusive poofter.’ His hands gripped the steering wheel even tighter. ‘When I get my hands on that wanker, I’m beating the hell out of him. He deserves every broken bone, every bruise, every…’

“Spike?” Buffy asked quietly, looking at him with a worried expression. “Are you okay? You’ve been quiet ever since we got in the car.” He looked at her and saw that the red mark on her cheek was slowly starting to disappear.

‘Although I’d wager it still stings,’ he thought, angry once again. ‘How can a man hit a woman? Is it a superiority thing? Because if it is, I’d be more than happy to knock him down a few notches…or a few stairs would probably do the trick.’

“I’m fine,” he answered, taking her hand in his and kissing the top of it. “I wish I could’ve stopped him from hitting you, luv. I’m supposed to protect you, not let you get hurt.”

“It’s okay, Spike,” she replied, squeezing his hand. ”I’m fine, honestly. And hey- I’m single again, so that should make you one happy boy.” He chuckled slightly. “Consider it an early Christmas present or something.”

“You’re going to be my present?” he asked, smirking. “Are you going to get all wrapped up for me?”

“With a red bow on top,” she joked, smiling at him. He laughed and looked at her for a moment.

“So does this mean we’re together again?” he asked, trying to keep the insecurity out of his voice. She looked outside.

“I don’t know what it means,” she answered, shrugging. “But I know that I don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“No, I think right now is the perfect time,” he said as he pulled onto Revello Drive.

“No, it really isn’t,” she replied, and he noticed that she had tensed up as she looked out the windshield. A familiar car was parked in front of her house, and when he figured out to whom it belonged to, his eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw.

“Angelus,” he growled, staring at the man leaning against the car.

* * * * *

Buffy carefully got out of Spike’s car after he parked it in her driveway. He quickly got out on his side, intercepting Angelus before he could reach her.

“So, you weren’t cheating on me with him?” Angelus asked, looking up and down at Spike. “Seems kind of coincidental that Billy here drove you home tonight.”

“I told you that he’s just a friend,” Buffy said before noticing that Spike’s face dropped.

‘She still considers me to be just a friend,’ he thought. ‘Well, at least it’s better than her hating me again. That’s got to count for something, doesn’t it?’

“A friend who seems to be everywhere you are?” Angelus asked, crossing his arms. “You know, I’ve seen him with you before, Buffy. I’ve seen you with him in town, leaving Willow’s house…”

“You were following me?” she asked, her eyes widening as he smirked. “You were stalking me!”

“I was just making sure that you were okay,” he replied, shrugging. “And to gain some evidence that you weren’t being faithful to me.”

“Because you weren’t sleeping with women behind my back?” she asked sarcastically. “You told me not even twenty minutes ago that you weren’t faithful either because men ‘have certain needs’ to be met.” Spike looked at the other man again, his fists clenching.

“Aren’t I right, Billy?” Angelus asked, looking at him. “Although, apparently you’re not one for meeting a woman’s needs.” Both Spike and Buffy looked at each other, confused.

“What the bloody hell are you talking about?” Spike asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Your girlfriend Dru was quite a wild ride,” Angelus replied, grinning. “I’ve never been with such an animal.”

“You slept with Dru?” Buffy asked quietly, staring at Angelus. He nodded and smiled at Spike.

“I can see why you chose her over Buffy,” he said. Spike was instantly seeing red as he punched Angelus’ nose before attacking the man’s midsection with his fists. Angelus made a growling sound from the pain before shoving Spike back and punching his left eye. Spike groaned in agony as he covered his eye with his hand. Punching Angelus again, the force of his assault caused both men to fall to the ground. They both started attacking each other on her front lawn, neither backing down.

“Stop it!” Buffy yelled, pulling Spike off of Angelus as best she could. He stood up, even though he wasn’t nearly finished with hurting Angelus. She watched as Angelus slowly stood up, blood covering his face and hands. The same could be said for Spike, but he seemed to be handling it better. “Get the hell off of my property,” Buffy said sharply, pushing Angelus back until he hit the side of his car. “If I ever see you again, I’m calling the cops. Don’t come near me or anyone I care about. Do you understand?” He looked at her. “Go back to fucking whores, Angelus, because you can never do better than that.” He scowled at her before getting in his car and speeding away. She quickly returned to Spike and looked at the cuts on his face and the black eye that had already started forming. “Oh god, you look horrible.” He managed a small smile and winced when he felt his bottom lip stinging from a cut that sliced through it.

“Thanks, luv,” he replied, holding his ribcage. “You were always honest.” She frowned and pulled him to her front door, quietly dragging him into the kitchen, thankful that her mom was already asleep. She sat him down on a stool before grabbing a washcloth, ice, and bandages. Before she could go get antiseptic from the bathroom, he grabbed her arm to stop her. She looked at him sadly.

“I’m so sorry you got hurt,” she said, a tear rolling down her cheek. “You got hurt because of me.” He shook his head, wiping off her cheek gently.

“I’m fine, luv,” he said quietly. “This is nothing. He deserved everything he got, and so did I.” She frowned, confused. “I hurt you, too, Buffy, and I deserved this.”

“No you didn’t,” she said, slightly angry. “You never deserved this. Never.” He looked down. “You may have hurt me, Spike, but I never wanted to see you get hurt. Not like this.” He took a deep breath, even though the pain in his ribs hurt too much. “I’m sorry that he slept with Dru, too. Maybe if I had…”

“Don’t even suggest it,” he said, interrupting her. “Dru was never one for loyalty, and it didn’t take a genius to see that he wasn’t either.” He looked at her. “Just for the record, even though I’m sure you don’t want to hear this, you are much better than she is.” Buffy smiled softly. “I don’t see what he found so fascinating about Dru. You’re a hundred times better than her in every way. Hands-down, pet, you’re the best woman I’ve ever known.” She gently kissed a spot on his cheek that wasn’t bruising or cut.

“Took you long enough to figure that out,” she muttered. “I didn’t see you exactly chomping at the bit to break up with her.”

“I know,” he whispered. “I guess I was hoping that if I was with her, you might…”

“Have a jealous tantrum and want you back?” Buffy asked with a slight smile.

“What can I say? My plans never work.”

Buffy giggled, shaking her head at his insane logic.

“We were just using each other,” he said softly, taking a deep breath.

“Maybe,” Buffy said with a shrug. “But you weren’t the one sleeping around on her.”

“No, I was just chasing around after my ex-girlfriend, begging her to give me another chance,” he replied, running a hand over his face.

“They were just words,” Buffy said, running her fingernail along the counter in an effort to avoid his eyes. “No harm done…not really. Actions speak louder than words, remember? And their actions spoke volumes of their true feelings about us.”

Gently tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, Spike smiled when Buffy raised her eyes to his. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, looking at her with pain-filled eyes. “I know it doesn’t mean anything…but I am sorry.”

“Thank you,” she said genuinely. “Now, let’s get you cleaned up so you don’t leave blood all over my house.”

“Hey, we were having a sweet moment,” he frowned, pouting. “Why’d you change the mood?”

“Because you look like you got hit by a car,” she replied, heading towards the bathroom.

‘I bloody feel like I did, too,’ he thought, wincing as she left the kitchen. ‘But she doesn’t need to know that. I’m supposed to be Spike, the white knight. Her Prince Charming. Men like me don’t get hurt- we just get even.’

Watching as Buffy worked on him, Spike felt warmth spread through him at her gentle touch.

“What happens next?” Spike asked when Buffy finished cleaning and bandaging
his cuts.

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked, focusing on all of the supplies in front of her so she wouldn’t have to meet his piercing eyes.

“I mean, what happens next?”

“I don’t know,” she said with a shrug. “We’re not the same people we used to be.”

“And did it ever occur to you that it might be better this way? That maybe
we’re not supposed to be the same people?”

Buffy sighed, rubbing her hand over her eyes. “Can we not do this tonight?”
she asked, turning away from him, only to feel him gently grabbing her again.

“It’s always been you, Buffy,” he murmured, running a hand tenderly along
her cheek and quickly retracting it when she flinched. “I need you to
believe that.”

“Then what was Dru?” she asked, hating herself for not only continuously
opening the same old wound, but rubbing salt in it as well.

“A mistake.”

“For over a year?” She paused, waiting for him to say something…anything.
“I don’t want to be a replacement for your replacement girlfriend.”

“I understand that,” he murmured. “But do you understand that you wouldn’t
be? That I love you so much and I can’t say enough how sorry I am for
hurting you?”

“And I’m not ready,” she said in a soft voice. “I’m tired of feeling like I
have to be with someone to help me define who I am. I need to figure out
how to be Buffy before I relearn how to be Buffy the Girlfriend.”

“You think I could get on the waiting list?” Spike asked with a resigned
sigh.

“Why’d you do it?” she asked suddenly.

“Do what, pet?”

“Why’d you break up with me?” she asked, never letting her eyes meet his.

“It wasn’t Drusilla,” he said, watching her reaction. “She just happened to be there. It was me. It was always me. And I’m not looking for you to think that this is just me pitying myself, because it’s not. The fact remained that… I didn’t deserve you.”

“And now?”

“Now I really don’t…”

“If you really believe that, why do you want to get back together?”

“I never said I didn’t want you…I just don’t deserve you.”

“Then what do you want from me?” Buffy asked, insecurity making its way into her voice.

“I don’t know?” he whispered. “I mean…I know, I just…I know we don’t want the same thing.”

“Do you think we could be friends?” she asked hesitantly.

“We’re not friends,” he muttered, looking up at her and seeing the sadness
in her eyes. “We’ll never be friends. We’ll be in love till it kills us
both. We can fight, and we can shag, and we can hate each other till it makes
us quiver, but we’ll never be friends.”

“I guess that’s a ‘no’ then,” she whispered, feeling his strong words
affecting her more than she cared for.

Leaning forward, Spike grasped Buffy’s hands in his, looking her in the eye
as he continued. “Love isn’t brains, Buffy, it’s blood…blood screaming
inside you to work its will.” A soft smile came over his face as he
tightened his grip on her hands. “I may be love’s bitch, but at least I’m
man enough to admit it.”

Buffy smiled a little bit. “Where does that leave us?” she asked, squeezing
his hands slightly. “If we can’t be friends and can’t have a
relationship…are you just going to pretend you don’t know me?”

Spike chuckled, shaking his head and restraining himself from pressing a
soft kiss to her lips. “How about we start out with spending time
together?”

“I can live with that,” she murmured, wrapping her arms around him for a
warm hug, both feeling the sense of comfort wash over them with the intimate
gesture. Pulling away, Buffy poked a finger in his chest in warning. “But
there will be no ‘shagging’ in the offing, mister.”

Chapter 22:

A couple of days later, Buffy and Spike went to the theater in town together to see a movie, but they spent more time whispering comments to each other than paying attention.

“His hair looks like it’s stiff,” Spike said, smirking. “How much hair gel do you think they used on him?”

“A bottle,” she giggled, grabbing some of the popcorn from the tub he was holding. “He reminds me of Angelus.”

“I thought you weren’t going to say that name,” he replied, frowning. She looked at him. “He doesn’t exist anymore.” She sighed and looked at the screen. “Okay?”

“Right,” she answered. “It’s just you, me, and our popcorn.” He smiled and gave her the popcorn tub. “Oh, the key to my heart.” He chuckled quietly.

“Is it really the key?” he asked, looking at her. She frowned and looked down.

“I don’t know,” she said. “I think the lock is broken.” She raised her eyes to his and saw sadness swirling in them. He was about to speak, but she put a finger over his lips to silence him. “Don’t.”

“Later?” he asked, and she nodded. “Okay, pet.” She relaxed in her seat and watched the Angelus look-a-like walking around onscreen, but Spike couldn’t take his eyes off of her. She looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“You didn’t pay eight dollars to stare at me, did you?” she asked jokingly, her tone light.

“I’d pay my life savings just to stare at you,” he answered, grinning. She playfully swatted his arm.

“You’re so cheesy,” she replied, shaking her head. He grabbed a handful of popcorn and ate it.

“No, I’m buttery,” he said, wiggling his fingers at her. She giggled, and the couple in front of them turned around, shooting glares at them. “Sorry, the lady just doesn’t know how to be quiet.” They turned around, and Buffy elbowed him in his ribs. He winced loudly, and the couple turned around again. “Me either, apparently.” Buffy giggled again and was grateful that the movie ended a moment later. They left the theater and began to walk through the town.

“You’re lucky we didn’t get kicked out of there, buster,” she said, looking at him. “But I’m sorry I elbowed you. Are your ribs okay?”

“I don’t know,” he shrugged, looking at her. “Are yours?” She raised an eyebrow before he began to mercilessly tickle her. She laughed hysterically, not able to stop his assault on her.

“Uncle!” she finally conceded, looking at him with a pout on her face. “That was mean.”

“Sorry, kitten,” he said, running his hand over her hair. “So, what shall we do?”

“Angelus,” she said quietly, looking past him at the brunette man walking down the street.

“I don’t fancy seeing him again,” he replied, oblivious to where her eyes were focused. “I’ve had my share of violence for a week or so.”

“No, dumb ass, he’s coming this way,” she said quietly. “With Dru.”

Spike turned to see the brunette pair walking towards them and grabbed Buffy’s hand, pulling her across the street. She looked at him, confused.

“What are you doing?” she asked, looking at him. “Don’t want to see them? Because I’m pretty sure we’re on their radar right now.”

“I don’t want to deal with them,” he replied, walking faster as he led Buffy down the sidewalk. “God knows what could happen, and I’m not exactly healed up since the last time with the great and mighty ponce.” He sighed. “Besides, I don’t feel like seeing Dru right now.”

“Because you still care about her,” Buffy said quietly, looking down at her feet as she walked. He looked at her, frowning.

“Yeah,” he mumbled. “But not as much as I care about you, luv. You know that, right?”

“I don’t know anything for sure when it comes to you,” she replied, shrugging. “Things changed. We changed. Nothing is as clear as it used to be, and we both know it.”

“It should be clear that I love you,” he said, noticing that her eyes were watery. “Pet, stop for a second.” She stopped walking and looked at him. “I know things changed with us, and I’m sorry that they did. But I still stand by what I said the other day about the fact that maybe we were supposed to change. I think it was a learning experience for both of us, and if anything, it only reinforced the idea that you’re the only woman in the world for me.” She looked away.

“It shouldn’t have taken a year for you to realize that,” she replied sadly.

“But it didn’t,” he said loudly, causing her to look at him, confused once again. “I’ve always known it, Buffy. Always.”

“But then why were you with Dru?” she asked. “I get that you wanted something new and didn’t want to be tied down, but if you really love me like you say that you do, it wouldn’t have taken you a year to dump her. Don’t you get that?” She sighed and began walking again. He quickly caught up, walking beside her. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore. We agreed to just hang out and try building up the friendship again- I don’t want to rehash painful memories. Okay?” He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Fine,” he replied, looking down. “But can I ask you a question?” She looked at him, worried about what he was going to ask. “When we weren’t together, did you still care about me?”

“Of course I did,” she answered. “I told you before that no matter how much you hurt me, I didn’t want you to be hurt like that, too.”

“Did you still love me?” he asked hesitantly, watching her expression become sadder.

“A part of me did, yes,” she answered honestly. He was somewhat surprised, not expecting to hear that.

“I would’ve expected you to completely hate me,” he replied, raising an eyebrow. She sighed, shrugging.

“You can’t come out of a relationship that long and just suddenly stop loving the other person,” she said, looking down. “Love is forever.”