Chapter Forty Two.

Up All Night. Part 2.


Sitting in the darkened lounge, drinking a large scotch and smoking, Spike berated himself. What the bloody hell had he expected? He was such a fucking pillock. Had he really thought he would make love to her and she would just melt into his arms? Cling to him and beg him to take her again and again?


NO! The truth was, he had made love to the woman he was in love with, but she’d had sex with someone she hated. Now she was upstairs crying her bleedin’ heart out and he felt like the bastard she kept calling him.


Why was he so hard on her? Was he so bleedin’ sensitive he couldn’t handle her harsh words and tone? It’s not as if she hadn’t said it before, but it was still a shock to hear her scream her hate at him after making love to her? He thought he’d managed to let her see something of his feelings. He thought there was a glimmer of something in her eyes, but maybe it was just her desire. Well, he wouldn’t make that mistake again. From now on, he would be more careful and keep his feelings well disguised.


Is she still crying? He wondered. He wanted to go to her, but knew she would never accept comfort from him. Taking a gulp from his drink, he told himself, it doesn’t matter, she’s mine now and she’ll accept whatever I tell her she needs to. Whether it’s my arms holding her in comfort, or my cock thrusting into her with need, she’s mine. His cock stirred just thinking about being buried inside her again, and now that he’d tasted her and knew he would never be able to stay away.


He replayed their most recent encounter in his head and not surprisingly found himself becoming aroused again. The way she’d moved with him. The way she moaned and gasped, her little pants, and the way she licked her lips as he thrust into her all served to re-excite him. Spike swallowed the rest of his drink and crushed his cigarette out.


It was too late to go back now. It had been too late from the moment she stepped out of the limousine and walked through his door. Now all he could do was move forward and she was coming right along with him, whether she liked it or not.


*****


He listened at the bedroom door for a moment, but he couldn’t hear anything. It was quiet. He opened the door and went in.


Hearing the door, Buffy sat up, rubbing her stinging eyes. The velvet bedspread was wrapped tightly around her. Spike was standing in the doorway, naked and beautiful, gazing at her. She blushed, unable to tear her eyes away from his muscular body. He gazed at her as he closed the door.


Silently, he approached her. She skittered nervously away from him when he reached the bed.


She blinked up at him with bright wide eyes. Her hair was a beautiful mess, her lips swollen and sensual. She was a Goddess. Spike brushed a hand over her damp cheeks, gently wiping the last traces of her tears away. “All finished now?” He asked, not unkindly.


Biting her lip, she nodded.


“Good girl.”


He climbed onto the bed next to her and tugged at the velvet cover until she released her grip. Uncovering her, he gazed at her naked body. She blushed under his intense gaze. With the blanket still wrapped around her back, he used the ends to pull her slowly towards him, his eyes fixed on her swollen mouth.


She could smell nicotine and whiskey on his breath. Her heart jumped in her breast, picking up speed rapidly as he pulled her closer.


Their mouths met in a slow lazy kiss. She didn’t fight him…what would be the point.


Letting go of the blanket, Spike gently glided his hands over her back. Buffy let her hands rest on his arms as he tugged her towards him. Lying back, he held her in his arms, pulling her on top of him. He kissed her deeply.


Buffy was surprised. She’d expected him to come back angry and demanding, but he was being gentle. Sighing, she allowed him to gently kiss and caress her without protest. For some reason she felt she owed him that.


When he ended the kiss and simply held her, she wound her arms around his neck and snuggled into his chest. Spike, sensing a change in her mood caressed her body. His fingers exploring each little bone of her spine as he worked his way down to the soft roundness of her bum. He heard her breath hitch as he pressed her into his groin. Her fingers slid into his hair and she kissed his neck, nibbling up to his ear and sucking on his lobe. He groaned softly.


Caressing her soft bum, he closed his eyes and let her set the pace.


She continued to kiss and nibble at his neck and ear. Sliding higher up his body, she licked the outer shell of his ear, moving from one to the other. Turning his face to her, she kissed him. Shyly at first, and then when he opened his mouth in invitation, she grew bolder and slipped her tongue inside and explored him.


Suddenly, his arms tightened around her and he took over the kiss. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting all of her. She could feel his cock hardening where it lay next to her thigh. Buffy marveled at the fact that all it took was one kiss and he wanted her again. She realized then, he responded to her just as quickly as she responded to him.


Though she hadn’t had enough time to think things through, she did know he was right. Her body did want him and right now she would accept what comfort she could…even if it was in the arms of someone who only wanted her for her body.


Hoarsely, he whispered. “I want you.”


“I know,” she replied.


“Do you want me?” he asked gruffly.


“I…I…yes,” she sighed.


“Good, at least we’ll ‘ave that.” He kissed her deeply. “I’ll always want you Buffy that’s never going to change and the sooner you accept that, the easier things will be.”


Looking at him, she nodded and lowered her head to kiss him lightly.


He growled and rolled them both, pinning her under him. Nudging her legs apart, he slipped a finger into her wet center and swirled the dew over her clit.


Aroused, she groaned and closed her eyes. Spike watched her face. He was happy to see the spark of desire light in her eyes just before she closed them. He slid a second finger into her, pumping her steadily and rubbing against her. With his free hand, he fondled her breast, playing with her nipple, tugging and pinching it to a hard peak.


Suddenly, he hopped off the bed and pulled her to the edge. She looked at him alarmed. He pulled her legs over the side of the bed and kneeled down in front of her. He spread her wide and nestled between her thighs, pulling her legs over his shoulders. His hands caressed her thighs gently. Buffy’s green eyes gazed at him, anticipating his touch with shy desire. Slowly, he worked his way higher, holding her gaze. His fingers reached the small patch of trimmed curls and softly slid over her, lightly teasing her. Her eyes widened and her breath hitched.


He took hold of one of her hands and brought it to her breast, guiding her in fondling herself. Then he guided her other hand to her other breast and watched as she caressed herself. They shared a look full of desire. Spike continued pushing his fingers into her tight depths. Slowly, he lowered his head to suck her clit into his mouth. Buffy gasped. Swiftly, he worked her up; laving her clit with first soft little licks then hard almost painful sucks and bites.


He smiled as she moaned and writhed. He took his time licking her with slow languorous sweeps of his tongue, lapping at the river of moisture that flowed from her. Growling into her sweet pussy, he stiffened his tongue and tickled her nub, teasing her with gentle little flicks. Buffy trembled and tightened her legs around him.


Grasping the backs of her thighs Spike pushed them high and held them out of his way. He buried his face at her core and went at her wildly. Buffy squealed, shocked, when he ferociously devoured her. He flicked her clit with quick hard strokes and swirled her slit with long swift licks, pushing into her center and lapping the moisture from her core as he nuzzled her clit with his nose. She was panting loudly. Pushing her thighs higher he slid his tongue over her puckered hole licking her with wet swirls. She gasped, her sweet voice filling the room with sighs and whimpers that grew louder and louder as they turned into passion filled cries.


Listening to her, Spike knew she wouldn’t last much longer. She was mumbling incoherently between her cries. Knowing he’d reduced her to this state gave him an immanence sense of power and satisfaction. Taking pity on her, he gently pushed back the hood of her clit and sucked deeply. Her legs clamped around his head and she screamed as she came, flooding his chin with her juices.


Buffy was ablaze. Blinding light burst behind her eyes and intense sensations shot through her as her orgasm hit. She screamed out, crying to God and gasping pleas for it to stop…to never stop.


The sensation subsided and she collapsed back against the bed, limp and sweating.


Spike was standing between her legs, rolling on another condom as he gazed at her heaving body. Then he was pushing into her, gliding in eagerly, all hard and ready for her. Buffy gasped as he slid in. His cock sending shockwaves of pleasure throughout her whole body. Exhausted and trembling from the staggering orgasm she lay weakly beneath him.


Slowly, Spike began to pump his hips. He wanted to give her time to recover her momentum before speeding things up. Thrusting with long slow deliberate strokes, he murmured to her. “Is that nice baby? Do you like it?”


Her eyes fluttered open. “Yes…oh yes.” Weakly, she moved her hips with him.


“Do you want more?” He thrust once, sharply, and then returned to a gentle rhythm.


“OH...oh yes…more.” His slow pace was tormenting.


Gradually, he increased the speed of his thrusts and fondled her breasts with soft touches, gently pinching her nipples into hard peaks. She moaned and covered his hand with her own, pressing him firmly to her flesh.


“Sit up a bit kitten, and hold on to me. I’m going to move us.” He pulled her arms around him, helping her to sit up. Then grasping her firmly, he pulled her up onto him so her legs were over his hips. Standing, he turned them so he could sit on the edge of the bed and she was straddling his lap. “That’s it…now wrap your legs behind me. Good girl.”


Buffy gasped as she inadvertently thrust herself onto his cock. She wrapped her legs behind him on the bed. “Oh! God,” she groaned.


“Oh that feels good. Do it again.” He grasped her hips and pushed her off his cock and swiftly pulled her back in.


Her arms flew up to wrap around his neck as he guided her hips in a thrusting rhythm, encouraging her to thrust with him. Panting, she sat on his lap and tentatively began to take over the rhythm he set for her. She tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled herself in close to his chest, craving the contact with her breasts. She rubbed against him.


Giving control over to her, Spike let go of her hips and fondled her breasts, loving how she was rubbing up against him. Her thrusts were shy and he guessed she’d never tried this particular position before. Catching her shoulders from behind, Spike pulled her backwards, exposing her breasts to his view. He took a second to admire the sight of her small firm tits heaving in front of him before latching his mouth first over one and then the other, sucking deeply on each in turn. Buffy moaned and thrust onto him.


When he had his fill sucking and licking her breasts, he tugged her back up and pressed her to his chest. Fully aroused, she was panting delightfully. Spike gasped loudly as she dragged her nails sharply down his back. Surprised, but turned on by her aggressive move, he bit her neck where he’d marked her earlier.


Her thrusts were beginning to speed up and he could tell she was enjoying the new sensations the position allowed her. Needing to come, he encouraged her to move faster.


“C’mon baby. You said you wanted more…so take some more…push faster.” She did, groaning. Spike groaned. She was so tight and wet he could feel her liquid flowing over him. He glanced down at their joined bodies and watched her slide up and down his bulging length. Oh fuck yes, look at her…taking all of me inside her, she’s so hot and horny, he thought.


“Spike,” she gasped.


“Yes kitten.” He teased a nipple, twisting the peak with his index finger and thumb.


“OH…oh…I want more,” she panted.


“Then take it baby…take all you want. OH! Yeah, that’s it…keep going don’t slow down and don’t stop.” Her pace picked up and she thrust herself onto him with abandonment.


Catching his blue gaze, she whispered, “Please touch me.” She was breathing hard and sweating beautifully. Spike groaned when she rubbed her sweat, slicked breasts enticingly against him.


Spike was pleased with her request. He smiled and kissed her lips as he ran his hands down her back to fondle her bum. “Where pet? Where would you like me to touch you?”


“Oh God!” She panted, as her need grew stronger. “Everywhere…on my…my-”


“Everywhere! Do you mean ‘ere?” He brushed a finger over her puckered hole. Gasping, she jumped and her nails dug into his back. Simultaneously, Spike groaned and chuckled. “Or do you mean ‘ere?” With his other hand, he rubbed her clit with a long finger. Squealing wildly, she thrust onto him. “Or if you like, I could touch both.” Buffy screamed as he did.


“OH GOD! OH GOD! Don’t stop…don’t stop…oh, oh, oh…”


He rubbed her clit and caressed her hole with a gentle touch. “I won’t pet…I won’t. That’s it, keep going.” Her thrusts were getting stronger and faster. “C’mon kitten push harder…faster.” He was ready to explode and he could feel her inner walls fluttering.


Locking her legs behind him to gain leverage, she ploughed onto him. She’d never felt like this before. She felt like she was out of control, wild…and passionate and uninhibited…and she wanted more. His fingers were driving her insane, teasing her clit and gently swirling over the super sensitive skin of her ass. She loved it…she needed more, but didn’t know how to tell him what she needed. She gasped and moaned, thrusting onto him with all her might.


“Oh! God Oh,…I…feel…” she gazed at him desperately, seeking an answer from him.


“Yes kitten I know, I feel it too. Now c’mon, jus’ a bit more…we’re nearly there…keep going.” He kissed her hard and swirled his fingers over her ass and clit. Her thrusts felt blissful. She looked gorgeous, her hair all wild and tossed…sweating and panting hard…her breasts bouncing against his chest as her thrusts carried her back and forth. He was going to explode. “That’s it baby…c’mon harder, faster…C’MON BUFFY…FUCK ME…” He pushed the tip of his finger into her ass and she screamed. “YES! FUCK ME BUFFY…FUCK ME…Oh God…YES, YES…” He screamed as her muscles convulsed around his cock and finger.


Still pumping onto him with all her strength, Buffy wailed as she came. Spike climaxed, roaring by her ear, his whole body quaking as she thrust harder, still drawing it out for both of them. “OH GOD, OH GOD, YES, YES…OH, Oh, oh…” she gasped.


Gasping and panting, they clung to each other, holding on as their hearts thundered inside them. Long minutes ticked by, neither of them able to move or speak. Slowly, Spike sank back against the bed taking her with him, carefully moving so she could unwrap her tired legs from behind him. Entangled together, they slowly recovered.


Buffy began to feel cold as the sweat on her body chilled. Shivering, she snuggled into him. Spike chuckled and gently rolled her off him, carefully removing his shrinking cock and the used condom from her twitching pussy.


“Here kitten cover up or you’ll catch cold,” he said, pulling the velvet spread over her and kissing her brow. “Stay there I’ll be right back.” He headed for the bathroom.


He returned three minutes later. Tugging back the rest of the covers, he helped her into the bed before climbing in next to her. He turned the light out, plunging the room into darkness. Immediately after lying down, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply…passionately. Softly he whispered, “It’ll never be the same now Buffy. I knew if I could jus’ get you to let go, you would be the most passionate creature. I could tell the first time I kissed you, you’d be the perfect lover and you are.” He kissed her again. “See how good it can be between us…how perfect. Why would you want to fight this? Please don’t, not any more…there’s jus’ no point.”


She slid her arm over his chest, snuggling into his side and gazed up at him. “I can’t help how I feel…you know.”


“I know, but tell me how you feel now?” He kissed her brow and pushed her sweaty hair back from her face.


He chuckled when she stammered, embarrassed. He was delighted she would still respond to him in such a way, especially after they’d just had wild and passionate sex together.


“I don’t know…I guess I feel sorta glowy…you know from all the…the sex,” she stammered.


He chuckled again. “You look kinda glowy too, but that’s not what I meant. I meant do you feel as if you’d want to do this again with me?”


Shyly, Buffy nodded. Spike smiled and kissed her.


They began to touch and caress each other again, slowly working together as their desire for each other grew. When they made love this time, it was all soft sighs and tender touches. Spike whispered sweet words to her in the dark, telling her how perfect she was and how good she made him feel.


Buffy closed her eyes letting his sweet words wash over her while sad tears threatened to spill from behind her lids, but she refused to let them fall this time. She knew she should be thankful that even though all he wanted from her was her body, he could still be considerate enough to be tender and gentle. Though it was easy to forget herself and abandon everything to him when she was in the throws of passion.


It was still good to know when he was calm and quiet, he would still make the effort to treat her kindly. So she returned his gentle touches with gentle ones of her own. She sighed and whispered her acknowledgment to his tender words, but she couldn’t bring herself to lie or return his words in kind. So she remained quiet and listened to him, holding him tighter and stroking him softly, but she held back her tears not wanting him to know just how much he was hurting her with his sweet words.


Spike whispered his need of her and his desire to come inside her again as he gently thrust into her. Quietly Buffy climaxed, nearly choking on her tears. Spike came, whispering her name and kissing her face and neck.


The sky was growing light when they both finally stilled, wrapped in each others arms like the lovers they were. When Buffy thought he’d fallen asleep, she finally allowed her tears to fall, sobbing quietly.


Spooned behind her in the half dark, Spike listened to her cry herself to sleep, feeling rejected and inadequate.

*************************************************************
 

Chapter Forty Three.

All That Glitters.


The room was oddly quiet. Sitting up and clutching the covers to her naked breasts, Buffy could see Spike was nowhere in sight. Gently, she lay back down feeling tired and sore. The clock on the bedside table told her it was just past noon. She wondered how long Spike had been gone. She stretched her hand over to his side of the bed and found it cold, which meant he could have been gone fifteen minutes or hours. Sighing, Buffy curled up under the blankets, reluctant to leave the bed and even more reluctant to face Spike. Their night together had in one sense been incredible and in another, horrendous. Buffy wasn’t sure which was worse. Now there was no denying the depth of sensations he managed to stimulate her to and there could be no denying his power over her. In sleeping with Spike, she knew he would never let her go. She belonged to him. He wouldn’t look at it any other way. His claim was complete.


Waking brought a cold clarity she felt both ashamed and embarrassed to face. She’d spiraled out of control in his hands and she was beginning to fear facing him. She knew she would never be able to hide the truth from him. He would ask one question or touch her in a certain way, or just look at her and know she was his for the taking. That frightened Buffy more than she could imagine.


She heard a faint noise from downstairs. Spike often brought her breakfast in bed. Thinking he might be down in the kitchen preparing a breakfast tray, she quickly hopped out of the bed and slipped on a robe. The last thing she wanted from him was to casually have him treat her like a lover. Theirs’ wasn’t a relationship based on love or romance, and she’d be damned if she let him pretend it was, by allowing him to act as if he cared about her romantically. Finding suitable clothes for the day, she rushed into the bathroom and with great satisfaction, she locked the door. Real privacy wasn’t something she got very often. So she grabbed the opportunity to bathe undisturbed and alone with determination. A small bolt of doubt shot through her when she thought of Spike finding the door locked and how it might make him angry, but she pushed the thought away and refused to allow thoughts of his feelings to dictate her actions. She was entitled to bathe alone if she so chose and he could just deal with it…she hoped.


She took her time. Not because she wanted to anger him, but because she ached all over, especially in areas that got just a bit too much attention. Maybe it was because she hadn’t had sex in a long while or it could’ve been because Spike was so vigorous, but Buffy couldn’t remember ever aching so badly before. Thankfully, the hot jets of water helped to soothe some of those aches. She stayed under the hot healing touch of the water until she was completely satisfied she could move without groaning.


When she left the steamy sanctuary of the bathroom, she was surprised to see Spike still hadn’t made an appearance. She half expected to see him sitting on the bed waiting for her with a tray, but he wasn’t. The room was empty.


She looked at the bed. A clear image of the two of them locked in each other’s passionate embrace as they moved together, sweating and gasping filled her mind. Fresh arousal swelled in her womb. She craved his arms, his touch…his kisses.


Irritably, Buffy shook the memory from her inner eye. She reminded herself how dangerous it would be to let him know he had this added power over her.


Finding it uncomfortable to look at the bed with the covers all wild and tossed, she carefully pulled and tugged the blankets back into a neat and orderly formation, trying her best to erase the image of their passion as she swept her hands over the soft velvet cover.


She jumped when she heard Spike speak from the doorway.


“You know, there’s somethin’ very satisfyin’ in watchin’ you make the bed we spent the entire night fuckin’ in.” He was leaning casually against the doorframe with his arms crossed in front of his chest, gazing at her lustfully.


She blushed crimson at the crudity of his words and jumped guiltily away from the bed. Spike chuckled at her.


“What’s the matter Buffy? Cat got your tongue?” He smirked coldly.


She stood staring at him for a full ten seconds, taking in his casual pose and his wanton gaze, but it was the tone of his voice that surprised her. She expected him to be all gushy and affectionate, possibly bringing her breakfast in bed and maybe even flowers…he had before, but maybe that was just an act. Maybe now since he’d got what he wanted, he didn’t feel he needed to continue to win her over.


Well that was fine with her. She didn’t need his false sentiment. This cold honesty would be better.


“No, you just startled me is all,” she replied, aloof and seemingly composed.


He advanced into the room. He picked up the amber silk gown that lay crumpled on the floor. Slowly, he brought it up to his face and breathed in deeply. Her eyes widened at his actions.


He handed her the gown. “I’d like to see you wear it again sometime.”


Buffy glanced at the gown and thought his request sounded a lot like an order. She wasn’t sure what had put him in such a mood, but she did know she’d be a fool to antagonize him. She draped the garment over the foot of the bed.


“I’m sure that could be arranged.”


Standing close to her, he brushed a finger softly over her face, his eyes staring into her…blue and cool. “You locked the bathroom door.” She looked at him guiltily, blushing slightly. “I don’t like being locked out. Don’t do it again.”


“I…I’m sorry I didn’t think. I won’t-”


He chuckled coldly. “You’re still a terrible liar. I know fine well you did it deliberately. You wanted to lock me out, but you’re a fool if you think a mere lock would keep me out if I wanted to reach you.” He turned abruptly from her and angrily strode to the bathroom. Lifting his foot, he aimed a powerful kick at the lock and smashed it from the door. “There won’t be any locks between us Buffy. You can do your damnedest to try and lock me out but I swear if you do, I’ll smash every lock, every barrier and every obstacle you try to put in my way.”


Buffy didn’t know what to say. She was expecting a soft and warm reception from him but because she’d locked a door on him, he reacted in anger. She should have known he would do the unpredictable.


Raising her chin, she met his hard gaze and bravely replied. “Well since you’ve broken the lock, I guess it really won’t happen again.”


“No it won’t.” His fists were clenched at his sides. “It’s late…you better get somethin’ to eat.”


Buffy nodded and quickly headed for the kitchen, Spike followed slowly.


*****


Early evening found the two of them sitting in the lounge. They were both sitting at different points of the room and both pretending to be absorbed in their books. The silence between them was heavy and cold. Spike wondered how they kept finding themselves in this awkward position. He thought after their night of extraordinary passion, she would have at least stopped fighting him, but NO! Her walls were up higher and thicker than ever before and he had no idea how to reach her, or if he should even try. He glanced at her. She was immersed in her book. Sighing, he tried to pick up the treads of his own story, but the plot couldn’t grip him. He found his mind turning again and again to the night before and how when he woke; he foolishly rushed to fix her breakfast, only to find she had locked him out of the bathroom. Hurt and angry with the feelings of rejection and inadequacy intensifying, he returned to the kitchen and dumped the contents of their breakfast tray in the trash.


Sullenly, he’d returned to the bedroom empty handed, instinctively knowing she didn’t want any displays of tenderness from him. When he found her making the bed, he could tell from her quick sharp movements she was trying to obliterate the physical evidence of their coupling. Her actions goaded him to cruelly snap at her. Now hours later, they were still stubbornly maintaining a frosty atmosphere.


Snapping his book shut, he sighed and left the room needing to put a bit of distance between them.


*****


The air coming off the lake was cool and fragrant. Spike felt a bit guilty for not asking Buffy if she wanted to take a walk. The early evening sunshine sparkled off the water, painting the lake with a rainbow of colours and the lush greenery lent the landscape a beautiful picturesque quality. Spike drank in the beauty of the world and scoffed at the irony of his life, especially when he thought of how much beauty Buffy brought into his life and how even that beauty was marred with ugly undercurrents of anger, mistrust and loathing.


There was nothing he could do now. They were both set on the same path and neither of them had any choice. Spike decided it would be a mistake to try and spend too much time alone with her. She clearly didn’t want anything to do with him. So rather than force his company on her, he would keep their time together to a minimum. He would give her as much freedom as possible. Now she was committed to him, he could give Buffy her own working space.


This would mean they would only have to suffer each others company first thing in the morning, again at dinner and of course bedtime. Cooper would have to remain his PA. Spike groaned, knowing he was going to hate not being able to be with her as much as possible, but if it meant he would have to deal with less of these painful and awkward periods, then he’d cope. It would seem Ms. Summers was going to continue to drive him mad and he would just have to find a way to adapt to his new life and the woman who would dictate his happiness.


Heading back to the kitchen, he decided to put thoughts of Buffy and her constant refusal to meet him halfway out of his head. Over time she would no doubt find her own way to resolve her inability to accept her situation. Things would either work out between them or…or they’d both be miserable, but whatever way it all worked out, it was out of his hands. Only Buffy had the power and choice to decide how she wanted to live out her life with him.


Buffy was in the kitchen when he opened the door. The smell of something spicy and very appetizing hit him when he walked into the room. She glanced at him over her shoulder and quickly turned away when he arched a brow at her.


Cautiously, he peeked in the oven, but whatever she was cooking was covered in foil, protected from the intense heat while it cooked. An inspection of the stove proved to be a bit more revealing. A saucepan of baby potatoes were bubbling happily on a back burner and a second saucepan of peas and carrots simmered away next to it.


Spike slipped off his coat and sat at the kitchen table. He watched her as she bustled about; mixing up what looked like a white sauce. The silence stretched out but Spike was determined to out wait her. He would give her five minutes. If she didn’t start up a conversation in that time, he would leave the kitchen and allow her to seek him out when she was ready. She glanced at him and blushed. He wondered what brought that on, but he decided not to press her for an explanation. He reminded himself that she was probably going to feel shy and nervous about the sex between them for quite some time to come. He smiled to himself, thinking how she was the perfect combination of shy sweetness and passionate wantonness and how she had no idea of her duality. Or that it was this very duality that drew him to her so powerfully and would probably keep him tied to her for the rest of his life…because he no longer had any doubts about his feelings for her or how much she now meant to him. Stupidly, he thought he would be happy for the rest of his life if she would just once look at him with love shinning in her eyes. He shook his head and angrily pulled himself from the useless daydream.


He glanced at the big brass kitchen clock. The five minutes were up. Silently, he got up from the table and reluctantly made his way to their room. A quick hot shower might help release some of the tension from his muscles and as much as he wanted to engage her in light conversation, he resolved himself to sticking to his game plan. The next move was hers. He’d be damned if he did all the work.


*****


Dinner was a quiet meal with neither of them speaking. Not trusting himself not to snap at her, Spike left the table as soon as he finished eating. He didn’t care if she thought he was being deliberately rude by leaving her to finish her meal on her own…though one thing was for sure, she could at least cook. The stuffed trout was delicious. Not that he told her and not that she asked if he even liked fish. Vaguely, Spike thought he was being childish, but he couldn’t help it. His insecurities about being mistreated by yet another woman he loved had a firm hold of him. For once, he wanted to be sure he got what he needed from a relationship. If that meant persisting through Buffy’s cold indifference while she adjusted to her new role as his mistress, he’d do it...somehow. Briefly, he considered wooing her with gifts and flowers as he longed to do but he swiftly rejected the idea knowing she would view any attempt to flatter or spoil her as an attempt to buy her.


He turned on the TV and skipped through the various channels, hoping to find something to take his mind off his persistent unhappy mood. He settled in to watch a natural history documentary and was pleasantly surprised to find nearly an hour passed before Buffy quietly joined him. The soft click of the lounge door signaled her arrival. He pretended to be absorbed in the program as she settled on the couch next to him. He wasn’t sure she would even seek him out. He thought she might try to avoid him altogether by simply going to bed but here she was, sitting next to him. His heart ached. Gazing at her, he placed an arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer to him, content for now to just hold her. He was glad she didn’t resist him. It was as if she expected him to reach for her and had already thought through her reaction. Spike wondered what she would do if he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. Or if he just started stripping her right here in the lounge, but he thought she would probably expect that and since he didn’t see any reason to be predictable, he watched the rest of his program before speaking to her.


“If you’re tired you can go to bed,” he told her.


She shifted against him. “Are you tired?”


He flicked through the program planner. “No, I was going to see if I could find somethin’ else to watch. Maybe even a movie. I was jus’ thinkin’ since you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, you might like the chance to catch up with an early night.”


She was silent for a moment. “No that’s okay, I’ll watch some TV too…unless you don’t want the company. I could always read in bed if you want to be alone.”


He chuckled sardonically. “It seems to me I’m alone even if you stay luv.” He removed his arm and slid away from her so he could go and fix himself a drink. “Do you want a drink?”


She glanced at the bottle of whiskey in his hand and nodded. “Yeah sure, but not that. Have you got any vodka?”


He arched a brow at her request. Well that’s a first, he smirked. “Yeah what do you want it with…tonic or juice?”


“Tonic and ice if you’ve got any…please.”


Spike fixed their drinks. He made Buffy’s a large one, figuring she would never be able to tell how much vodka was actually in the glass if he added enough tonic and ice. Buffy was browsing through the movie selection. She found a couple that might appeal to the both of them. Sitting back on the couch, he took the controls from her and flicked over to a Jackie Chan action/comedy that was just about to start. He knew he was being a bit overbearing, but he was through being obliging and considerate. He was aware of her looking at him. There was a small frown marring her smooth brow but he ignored her and casually sipped his drink.


From her quiet observations, Spike guessed she wasn’t a fan of Jackie Chan movies. He thought there was probably too much martial arts and violence in it for her liking. Well, she should have said if she wanted to watch something different. An hour into the movie and Spike was totally engrossed in the comic action, and the pretty little Jennifer Love Hewitt wasn’t bad either. He glanced at Buffy. She wore an expression of mild boredom and Spike noticed she had finished her drink. Without asking, he took the glass from her hand and fixed them both another. When he placed the refill back in her hand, she frowned at him suspiciously.


“If you’re trying to get me drunk, I feel I should warn you, the only affect it will really have on me, is first it’ll make me sick and then I’ll sleep like a baby,” she said dryly.


“And why should I want to get you drunk?” he asked arching a brow at her. He turned to look at her fully, the TV completely forgotten for the time being.


He could see she was blushing in the dim light. She stammered, embarrassed. “I don’t know, I’m just saying if you were trying, but you’re right what possible reason could you have to get me drunk when you’ve…already…” she fizzled off.


Spike’s anger flared. “Already…had you…fucked you…is that what you were about to say?” He gave her a long slow appraisal with his head tilted to one side. “You think I’d need to get you drunk to fuck you? Silly bint…the chances are, it would be the other way round and I’d need to be drunk jus’ to venture gettin’ back into bed with-”


Suddenly, Spike was wearing Buffy’s drink. The alcohol stung his eyes as some of it found its way past his eyelashes. Grimacing, he tugged his t-shirt over his head and used it to wipe his face and chest. By the look on Buffy’s face, she was just as surprised by her actions as he was. She sat on the couch staring at him, shocked. She was afraid to move and he could tell she was also afraid to stay. He studied her. She was trapped by her own fear. She waited for him to make the next move. Spike plucked the empty glass from her stiff fingers and yet again, mixed her a refill.


Putting the full glass back in her hands, he said, “Drink up pet ‘cause one of us sure needs to be drunk. Personally, I think you’d be the one who’d benefit the most from being a mite bit more relaxed. It’ll help you get through the next few hours…and please remember I did offer to let you get an early night and catch up on the sleep you lost, but never mind you’ve still got all day tomorrow to recover. From both the alcohol and the sound fuckin’ you can expect at bedtime.”


Her eyes welled with tears.


“God help me, if you let those tears fall, I’ll fuck you right ‘ere on the floor,” he snapped.


Angrily, she blinked her tears back. Slamming her glass onto the coffee table, she stood up while unbuttoning her blouse. “Don’t let my tears stop you. We both know they won’t make any difference and since when did you confine sex to bedtime.” She threw her blouse on the floor and started on her jeans. “And I might as well tell you, it would take a great deal more booze than the contents of one cabinet to help me relax sufficiently to forget who’s fucking me.”


She kicked her jeans away along with her shoes.


Spike’s jaw twitched dangerously. He knew there were times she didn’t care how angry she got him but he managed to hold back. His anger warred with his arousal as she angrily stripped the clothes from her body. She reached behind her to undo the clasp on her bra. The lacy scrap hit his chest as she angrily chucked it at him. Buffy didn’t bother to see how he reacted to that before she quickly pulled her panties down her legs and threw them at him as well.


She stood before him, naked and angry. She was breathing hard, beautiful and glowing.


Spike couldn’t control the bubble of laughter that burst from him. The whole thing was too unbelievable. She picked up her glass and took a long, long drink. It was empty when she pulled it away from her lips.


She tossed the glass onto the couch next to him and reached for his arms. She tugged him upright and quickly fumbled with his belt buckle. Spike gripped her hands, stopping her angry movements. This was getting out of hand. He wanted out of here. He half turned towards the door.


Buffy blocked his path. Her cold angry eyes snapped up to lock with his. “What’s the matter Spiky? Not had enough to drink? Or maybe you’re simply not up for it, and wouldn’t that be a first, ‘cause you’re always ready, but maybe you don’t like it when a woman takes charge. Or could it be you’re afraid I’ll be comparing your performance to Angel’s thrilling-”


Her next words were cut short as he grabbed her painfully by the throat. She choked and grabbed his wrist fearfully, trying to pry him away from her. Shaking her like a rag doll, he jerked her towards him and covered her mouth with his. He kissed her hard.


Releasing her throat, he grabbed her hair and pulled her head back, pressing her naked body to him as he ground his erection into her. Buffy gasped, struggling and slapping him, trying desperately to break his hold on her. Spike laughed at her stupid attempts to get free. Reason had fled him. Covering her mouth with his hand, he hauled her over to the end of the couch and pushed her down over the arm. Lifting his hand back, he slapped her hard on the ass. Buffy yelped in protest and wriggled in his grasp.


Spike slapped her again.


Fuming, Buffy screamed and cursed at him from behind his hand, her body trying to jerk away from his slaps. Quickly, he spanked her again, three sharp slaps landing firmly across her tender ass. She screamed again and bit down as hard as she could on the hand covering her mouth. She tasted his blood.


Spike yelped in pain. “Bloody fuckin’ hell,” he cursed, snatching his hand away. He placed it on her back and pushed her more securely to the arm of the couch.


Enraged, he released his belt and pulled it from his jeans in an angry snapping motion and thoughtlessly struck back. In one swift violent strike, he hit her.


The slap landed hard, the leather stinging her. Gripping the fabric of the couch, Buffy screamed loudly in protest. Spike pulled his arm back ready to deliver another blow and froze.


Sensing he was about to strike her again, Buffy buried her face into the cushioned arm of the couch and braced herself. When the blow didn’t land, she suddenly went limp, her knees buckling as she collapsed against the couch.


Spike realized with sickening shock what he’d just done. What he’d nearly done again. Quickly, he pulled away from her and took several shaky steps back. He dropped the belt on the floor. “No,” he whispered in disbelief.


Buffy hung frozen, bent over the arm of the couch. When he moved further back, she slowly unwound and crawled onto the couch. She grabbed the blanket that rested over the back and wrapped it around her trembling frame. Hugging her knees to her chest, she silently buried her face into the soft wool of the blanket.


Spike stared at her, stunned. Never had he imagined in his wildest dreams that he was capable of such a thing. Sick and shocked, he rushed from the room, desperate to get away from her and the memory of what he’d just done. He grabbed his t-shirt off the floor and fled.


Throwing the front door open, he ran blindly into the dark, his inner voice screaming at him…accusing him and damning him. His mad flight left him exhausted. How far he ran he didn’t know…recklessly he tore through the undergrowth, heedless of the dangers in the dark. He came to a grinding halt, breathing hard…a sharp pain burning in the center of his chest. Leaning over a fallen tree, he threw up and when his stomach was finally empty, he sank to the cold damp ground, sweating and shaking.


HOW…HOW…How?


The question thundered impotently in his numb brain. He didn’t have an answer. All he knew was for the first time ever; he’d lost complete control of himself. He’d committed an act of pure violence, with the intent to hurt and harm her. The bile rose in his throat, burning him as he choked it back down. After everything Angel told him, after Gilbey…and after all he had put her through, he just couldn’t reason how he could have done that to her. She was so perfect, a glittering light in his dark world. She was a golden beauty that graced his sphere of existence. He was worse than Angel ever was or ever could be…because despite the numerous rapes and crimes Angel had committed, the sick bastard had never done to Buffy what he’d just done.


Tears, hot and harsh fell from his anguished eyes, but even though he gave into the need to purge himself, he was still left feeling out of control and lost within himself.


Hours passed before he struggled to his feet. Dawn wasn’t far off and he knew he couldn’t hide from her forever.


*****


He found her asleep, huddled under the covers on the four-poster bed. Her hair was damp as if she’d recently showered. Spike struggled with the image of her trying to soothe herself under the water, probably in an effort to wash away his violent touch as much as to get some relief from the painful lashes marring her perfect skin.


Quickly, he gathered up a few things and headed for the bedroom next door. The bed was unmade but that didn’t matter. He showered. The water felt unbelievably hot on his icy skin. Wrapped in a towel, he hunted in the cupboards for a blanket. He didn’t bother with sheets but threw himself on top of the mattress with just the lightweight wool blankets.


Sleep didn’t happen and he didn’t expect it too. Instead, he lay on his bed listening for any small sound that might indicate she was awake, but the cabin remained as quiet as a crypt and Spike felt buried by the weight of his shame and self-disgust.


He thought about calling Cooper, but what the bloody hell could he say to him to explain cutting short their stay, even by a few hours. He certainly knew he couldn’t admit to his friend what he’d done. Instinctively, he knew how Cooper would look at him and it was bad enough with the thoughts of having to look at Buffy and see all the pain and horror that was sure to be in her eyes, without having to see Cooper’s disgust too.


OH! GOD! She’ll never look at me with anything but fear in her eyes ever again.


Spike anguished over this major concern, but right now he couldn’t allow himself to dwell on it. If she looked at him with anything other than horror, he would be very surprised. The thoughts of seeing her eyes filled with fear overwhelmed him. Silent tears slipped down his face as he stared at the ceiling.


*****

At noon, he called Cooper. He instructed him they were going to stay an extra night and they would fly back on Monday after lunch.


Joking with him Cooper made sly comments about Buffy’s captivating charms and how Spike probably hadn’t let her get out of bed all weekend. Spike took his joking with good grace and managed to deflect any of Coopers more pointed questions concerning how the weekend was working out for the lovers.


Making a weak excuse to get away, Spike rung off. Joking, Cooper chucked about Spike’s inability to stay away from Buffy for more than five minutes. Spike laughed back and finally managed to get away.


Spike knew he was being a coward, but he was afraid to go anywhere near her room. Yet, when three o’clock struck, he knew he couldn’t put it off any longer. Knocking on the door, he waited to see if she would open it for him, but there was no answer and no sound from the other side. Cautiously, he entered. As he neared the bed, he realized she hadn’t moved from the curled up position he’d seen her in hours before. Worried that something could be wrong, he foolishly reached out and shook her.


Quick as a striking snake, Buffy pulled a knife from under her pillow and struck at him. The blade caught him a glancing blow across the back of his hand. He gasped and jumped back, nursing his bleeding hand.


“Bloody hell,” he yelled.


He took one look at her terrified face and forced himself to calm down.


“Buffy…put the knife down,” he requested calmly.


Her eyes were manic. “Not on your fucking life and if you try to touch me again, I’ll carve you up like the bastard pig you are.”


“Buffy I’m not going to touch you, but you really should put the knife down before you hurt yourself…please,” he reasoned.


“Hurt myself…ha! What a fucking joke. Seems to me the only person likely to hurt me is you,” she spat.


“You’re right…I did hurt you and you’ve-”


“HURT me…you…you didn’t just hurt me you…you…”


“I know…God! Please don’t say it-”


“GET OUT,” she screamed.


“No, and you know screamin’ at me won’t work. Now put the knife down and let’s talk this out…please.”


“WHAT? Talk! Fuck you. Now get out.”


“And if I don’t, what are you going to do ‘bout it?” he called her bluff.


In the blink of an eye, she reversed the knife. The sharp point was now poised over her stomach. She chuckled manically. “You must know all about knife wounds in your line of work. Tell me Spike, do you think you could reach me in time to stop me from shoving all six inches of this knife into my gut? Because I swear if you take one step towards me, that’s exactly what I’ll do.”


Spike stared into her eyes and saw the truth staring back at him. An icy fist enclosed his heart. Quickly, he took a careful step backwards, holding his hands well out from his body in a non-threatening gesture. Desperately, he tried to think of a way to get her to relent.


A cruel but hopefully effective idea came to mind. Since he didn’t have time to try and talk her around reasonably, he went with it. Gritting his teeth, he coldly informed her. “If you do that Buffy, I’ll ‘ave Gilbey hop on a plane to Britain and collect your sister for me. Though I ‘ave to confess she’s a bit young for my tastes. I prefer my women broken in a bit, but I could always give her to Gilbey for a while. He’d be sure to instruct her properly.”


He saw her waver. The hand holding the knife trembled and she squeezed her eyes shut for a second.


“Could you do it Buffy, knowin’ I’ll never rest until I ‘ave my revenge on all the people you love or hold dear, even in the smallest of ways.” Her eyes were fixed on him, blank and glassy. “Because I wouldn’t stop with jus’ your sister and mother…Cordy, Faith, Harmony, Willow, Anya, Tara, Oz and Xander…not one of them would escape my rage and desire for revenge. I care less for them than I do for Angel and we both know what I’ve done to him is only a tiny measure of what I could’ve done, if Masters had given me a free hand.”


He lowered his hands to his sides.


“Now I’m not going to ask you again. Put the knife down or I’m going to start makin’ calls.” He used his most commanding tone and prayed it would work.


Sobbing, she lowered the knife.


“That’s better. Now drop it on the floor…SLOWLY.” For a moment he thought she was going to throw it at him.


Quickly, he kicked it under the bed out of harms way.


She collapsed back onto the bed, sobbing like a broken child with all the fight gone out of her. The sound twisted Spike’s gut and tore at his heart. Yet, he didn’t dare try and touch her.


“Buffy stop crying,” he commanded. Her pride and dignity had her struggling to control herself almost immediately.


She edged away from him, even though he hadn’t moved any closer to her or the bed.


He went into the bathroom and soaked a washcloth under the tap to wrap around his cut hand. Before returning to the bedroom, he snatched up a box of tissues from the counter.


She’d managed to more or less stop crying but she was trembling and sniffling as she tried to wipe her eyes and nose with the back of her hand. Spike tossed the box of tissues onto the bed next to her.


“Here you might find them more effective than your hand.”


She didn’t look at him as she pulled a big wad of tissues from the box and blew her nose.


He was being careful not to startle her as he placed a robe at the foot of the bed. “Go and wash your face Buffy,” he said quietly.


She looked at him but didn’t question him as she slipped the robe on over her t-shirt and PJ bottoms. Giving him a very wide margin, she scrambled off the bed and made a beeline for the bathroom. The second she shut the door, Spike dived for the bed. He pulled the covers back and knocked the pillows to the floor as he searched for any other concealed weapons. He didn’t find anything but from this point on, he wouldn’t put it past her. He retrieved the knife from under the bed and quickly hid it in a vase on the landing; to be retrieved at a later time.


Buffy came back into the bedroom and saw Spike placing the last of the pillows onto the bed. She guessed immediately he was looking for more knives. He spotted her straight away and stopped fusing with the bedding. Cautiously, he moved away from the bed. Opening the bedroom door, he stepped out onto the landing.


“Come downstairs and I’ll make you a cup of coffee, or tea if you prefer.”


She moved to obey him immediately and sadly, Spike guessed it would be a long time before she questioned him again.


*****


He placed a cup of tea in front of her, he then took a seat across from her. She was staring at her hands tightly clasped on her lap.


Sighing, Spike placed his hands around his steaming cup of tea. “Things can’t go on like this Buffy, we ‘ave to find a way to live together.”


She didn’t answer him or even look up.


“What happened last night – it should never ‘ave happened and I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am that it did. Things…things got out of hand and I…I – bloody hell Buffy, please say something.”


She didn’t raise her head and he was straining to hear her whispered words. “There’s nothing I can say and I don’t care to hear any of your lame apologies. In fact, I’d rather we didn’t talk about this at all but I’m pretty sure you won’t take my feelings into consideration. No doubt you’ll go right ahead and do whatever you want.”


“Is that what you think – that I won’t consider your feelings?” She didn’t answer. Tired beyond belief, he pushed a shaky hand through his hair. “I told Cooper we’d be stayin’ another night. I thought we could use the time to try and straighten this mess out but if you’d rather go back, I can call him up and arrange it.”


She seemed to think about it for a moment. “What difference does it make where we are? One place is as good or bad as the other. I don’t care any more.”


Spike could see he wasn’t going to reach her. Somehow, he didn’t think it would be a good idea to push talking about it. She said she didn’t want to talk about it, so he’d respect her wishes and back off for now, and since she seemed to respond better to him when he simply told her what to do, he’d keep going with that.


“Fine then we’ll stay another night and head back to L.A tomorrow.” She didn’t respond. “Drink your tea.”


He felt sickened when she picked up her cup and began to drink. Was this how things were going to be between them? The uncertainty nearly killed him.

*************************************************************
TBC...soon.
 

Chapter Forty Four.

In The Dark.


Buffy lay in the bath surrounded by masses of fragrant bubbles. Spike had lit a collection of scented candles and filled the tub with expensive bath oil, before carefully retreating. She could tell he was being very careful not to touch her, or even get too close to her and she found his nervous behavior very unsettling. Though he spoke to her in a firm voice, his nervous and jittery body language spoke volumes about how he was really feeling. He was afraid of himself, or of her, or possibly of what he’d done. She wasn’t sure what it was he was afraid of, but he was afraid and so was she.


She knew he was horrified by what had happened. The horror-struck expression on his face and the way he ran from the room would always be burned in her memory. She would never forget the look of total shock on his face just before she pulled the blanket around herself.


Blame! Oh God how she wished she could blame him completely for what had happened, but she couldn’t. In her heart, she knew she had to take some measure of responsibility for things too. She tried to blot the memory from her mind. She knew sooner or later she would have to face it and talk about it with him, but she was just couldn’t bring herself too at the moment. She feared she’d lose her temper and that would cause him to lose his and the thoughts of him in a rage left her cold.


The bubbles were slowly evaporating but the water was soothing her aching and abused flesh. How she longed to simply close her eyes and fall asleep. Maybe even slip beneath the water like she had all those weeks ago, but this time, never to wake up. Only fear of what Spike would do to her friends and family prevented her from giving into the urge.


There was a knock at the door and Spike called out to her.


“Buffy…Buffy are you alright?”


Buffy thought he sounded panicky and because she didn’t want him coming into the bathroom, she quickly called back.


“I’m fine…I’ll be out in a bit.”


He didn’t answer her. After a few moments, she thought she heard him move away from the door. She released the breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. She didn’t think he would come into the room while she was bathing but nerves made her rush through the rest of her bath.


She winced as she patted her skin dry; the red angry welt was going to be there for a little while she thought. Spike had given her some cream that worked amazingly on reducing the pain. She applied a generous amount to the affected area and the pain instantly lessened.


Freshly wrapped in a soft toweling robe, Buffy went into the bedroom. Again, there was no sign of Spike. Feeling exposed in her half dressed state; she gingerly scrambled into a pair of pj’s. She combed out her damp hair and quickly pulled it into a sloppy knot at her nape. Apprehensively, she went down stairs.


Spike was in the kitchen fixing something to eat. She could see his back was ridged as he worked at the counter over a bowl of salad.


Suddenly, she wondered what she felt for him. She was hit with a wave of sadness as she realized he couldn’t possibly have wanted things to turn out the way they had between them. He’d gone to such great lengths to whisk her away, giving them both privacy and a chance to…to what? Get to know each other…to have sex? Buffy wondered exactly what Spike had hoped the weekend would produce. He didn’t need to bring her here to have sex with her, or to get to know him. So why did he bring her here? What did he want from her? Buffy didn’t think she’d ever have the answers. Spike was closed off to her now and all the careful work they’d done to try and build a strange and shaky understanding was now in ruins. Again, she cursed the events of the previous night, wondering if he felt the same sense of loss as she did.


He must have sensed her presence because he turned to look at her. Their eyes locked for a moment and Buffy was surprised to see his were filled with pain and sorrow. Nervously, he looked away first.


“Dinner’s nearly ready pet, why don’t you sit down and I’ll get you a drink.”


“No, that’s okay…I’ll fetch my own drink,” she said. Quietly, she crossed the kitchen floor and opened the fridge. She poured herself a glass of juice and went to sit at the big table. She sipped her drink and watched him finish serving the food onto plates. Lemon chicken on a bed of crispy noodles with a fresh green salad was the very appealing meal he set down on the table. Quietly, they began to eat.


“Would you like to go for a walk after dinner?” he asked.


“No…I’d rather…er…I’d rather just stay here,” she stammered.


He nodded. “Okay maybe we could watch some…” he stopped abruptly when her head snapped up and she fixed him with a startled look.


“Sorry,” he mumbled embarrassed, bowing his head over his plate.


Her heart beat wildly and for a second she couldn’t catch her breath. Taking a hasty drink, she tried to compose herself. Spike was looking at her with a renewed expression of horror on his face.


“If I could spare you ‘aving to live your life with me now, I truly would, but I can’t, ‘cause now we both ‘ave to maintain a careful act. I realize after what’s jus’ happened, you’re probably hatin’ the idea of being with me more than ever.” He pushed his almost untouched plate away. “But every reason and every danger for doing this still exists and now it’ll be ‘arder than ever to convince any spies Masters might ‘ave hidden at the mansion, ‘bout your status, but God help me Buffy, I jus’ don’t know what else to do…I don’t know what to do.” He sounded anguished.


She gazed at him. Was he telling her this was the way things were or was he asking her for answers? Puzzled, she thought about it for a moment, from his point of view.


If Masters thought she was his willing hostage, happy to remain with Spike to safeguard Angel, she was safe. If he thought she wasn’t, then she was as good as dead. Spike gained only one thing in the process of passing her off as his captive and that was her and despite everything, he still wanted her. She tried to reason why he would want her. It couldn’t be the sex, because that had only really happened once, and he could probably get sex anywhere with a host of beautiful girls if that was all he wanted. It certainly couldn’t be because she made him happy, because since she’d met him only three short weeks ago, all they’d done was fight and snap at one another. She constantly made him lose his temper and he couldn’t control it around her. In fact, she seemed to be a constant source of annoyance and frustration to him. So why did he want her? Angel…of course…because having her meant Angel suffered.


“I don’t know what to do either,” she whispered. “But it seems to me that we still have the same choices before us as we did on Friday. You either send me to Masters or you keep me.” She took a nervous drink. “I either stay with you willingly or I chose to go to New York and take my chances there.”


Spike waited for her to continue, but when she didn’t he asked, “And what do you want to do?”


She laughed nervously. “What I really want will never ever happen and there is no use spending useless time even thinking about it. I’ve got to deal with the painful and ugly reality of my life and it’s only because my friends and family need me to be strong that I’m even here. So it looks like you’ll still get what you want and I stay with you…as your mistress.”


Spike was pretty shocked. He didn’t expected her to say she would still agree to go along with the idea of being with him. He looked at her and wondered how strong and amazing she really was. He knew then she would probably continue to surprise him for the rest of his life and he’d spend the rest of his life trying to make things up to her.


He looked at her intently. “Tell me how you want things to work between us?”


“What do you mean?”


“Well…the…sex.” He looked away guiltily. “I’ve already explained Masters has spies at the mansion, but the truth is, since Angel’s little bid for freedom, the old bastard has the whole place bugged and wired which means there’s no way we can pretend at this.”


“You mean the whole house is bugged and he’s got cameras watching us?” Surprise tinged her voice.


“Yes…probably. Not that I can be certain that it’s the whole house, but when Gilbey was doing the new security when we moved in, he came across a couple of bugs which we were sure were far to up-to-date in design for Angel to ‘ave installed. Jus’ to be sure, I questioned Angel ‘bout his interior security and he maintains if he’d placed bugs and cameras everywhere…he’d ‘ave known who betrayed him to me. It also goes to say that if Masters had bugs and cameras in place before Angel decided to take his extended trip to Spain he’d ‘ave known well in advance what Angel was planning.”


Buffy blinked at him, her face flushing pink and pretty. She’s probably thinking ‘bout all the times she got naked, and now the thought of someone possibly watching her, is making her squirm, he thought sympathetically.


He shook his head. “No, it’s my guess the equipment belongs to Masters and even if I found and removed every single one, Masters would only ‘ave someone replace them in a matter of days. There’s nothin’ I can do ‘bout it luv. After Angel’s stunt, Masters won’t make the same mistake again. He’ll watch all of his people a great deal more closely and that includes me.”


“Do you think your bedroom is…is bugged and has a…a camera?” She felt sick. Yet oddly she realized the news didn’t surprise or shock her as much as it would have a couple of weeks ago.


“Undoubtedly, I could do a sweep every now and again and remove them, but what would be the point, Masters will replace them.”


“Why are you only telling me this now? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”


“Because it wasn’t necessary for you to know and I’m telling you now so that you understand exactly what we’ll be going back to.”


“Oh God!” She moaned, sickened by the thoughts of being observed in such a way. She looked at him sharply. “What about here?”


“No,” he said confidently. “I did a sweep myself on Friday evenin’ when you were cooking dinner and nothin’ showed up. If it had, we’d be ‘aving this conversation outside.”


She was pale.


“Buffy, I promise I’ll take you away from the mansion as often as I can, jus’ so we can ‘ave a bit of privacy but while we’re there…there’ll be no escapin’ Masters surveillance and if we try, he’ll probably only replace them with better and harder to detect models. Do you understand what I’m saying?”


“Yes,” she snapped. “I’m not stupid; I know you’re talking about letting Masters witness you having sex with me for himself.” A thought occurred to her. “That’s why you had Wesley move all my things into your room…isn’t it? You knew Masters would be watching?” She thought of how he’d attacked her on that day as well…Did Masters seen that? She wondered.


“No…it’s because the camera was in your room and if I’d removed it, Masters would ‘ave become suspicious. So I moved you instead and…and I wanted to be closer to you,” he confessed. “I was lookin’ for ways to keep you safe and it was all I could think of…it still is.”


“That’s why you brought me here isn’t it? You didn’t want our…the first time to be with Masters…watching?” Now she was amazed.


“Yes, I thought it was the least you deserved but then I messed that up by-”


Abruptly, she held her hand up, stopping his speech. “No! I don’t want to talk about it – I don’t think I ever-”


He was shaking his head, denying what she was saying. “That’s not possible luv and you know it. Not if we’re going to convince Masters and all my men that you’re with me willingly. We’ll never move forward if we don’t talk ‘bout it and you know I’m right. I know I’ve fucked up…I know it…but you’ve already said you’re still willin’ to be with me, but how the hell do you think that’s going to be possible if you can’t bring yourself to let me touch you convincingly?”


She swallowed, painfully pushing down on the sudden feeling that she was going to be sick. She looked at his cut hand. It was wrapped in a gauze bandage, and she could see a few spots of blood on the surface of the white fabric. Did she really do that…had she cut him? Yes! She knew she had, and given the chance again and under the same circumstances, she’d do it again.


“I don’t know. Maybe we could take it slow again we could-” he was shaking his head again.


“It won’t work Buffy. When we get back tomorrow, Masters and my men will all know you’re mine and that’s not somethin’ we can take slowly, ‘cause you either are sleepin’ with me or you’re not. The time to go slow was before I brought you ‘ere,” he sighed and looked at her guiltily. “There’s no doubt in my mind that Masters is fully aware of the two week deadline I gave you. If we return with yet another concession set between us, he’ll wonder why I didn’t enforce my deadline on you. Or he’ll read it as a scam and we can’t risk that. He’ll be expecting me to spill all the details to Angel…to make him suffer…it’s why I’ve told him stuff before…’cause Masters is listenin’ in, I ‘ave to make it look convincing.”


“So what you’re saying is that I have to sleep with you as soon as possible when we get back to L.A?” She asked alarmed. She was biting her lip and frowning worriedly.


Silently, Spike looked at her and waited for her to look at him. After he didn’t answer her, she glanced up at him. Seeing something worrying in his eyes, she asked nervously.


“What…what is it?”


Holding her eyes, he hesitantly answered. “I don’t think we can risk waitin’ until then.”


“Why, what do you mean?”


“Buffy if we wait until we’re back at the mansion and you ‘ave a breakdown or can’t bring yourself to let me take you, it’ll pretty much give the game away and Masters will wonder why I’m not forcin’ you.”


As his meaning sunk in, she stared back at him blankly. She thought after what had happened, he’d give her some space.


“If it’s going to go badly, it would be better if it was ‘ere, where we can at least be sure there’s no pryin’ eyes watchin’ or recordin’ everything.”


He saw her shiver and swallow nervously. Her face was like chalk.


“Please don’t look like that…we’ve still got a bit of time until we ‘ave to go back. If you can jus’ bring yourself to let me hold you tonight, we’ll see how that goes before we ‘ave to think any further.” Abruptly he stood up and snatched his cigarettes from the counter behind him. Lighting up, he sucked on the cigarette like it was his only lifeline. “This is all my fault…if only I’d never heard of you…if only I’d never dragged you into this.” He swung around to face her, staring at her intently. “But I swear to God Buffy, it wouldn’t ‘ave done you any good if you’d never met me. Masters knew all ‘bout you, ‘cause Trick had already reported your interference to him before it came to light ‘bout you being involved with Angel. You ‘ave to believe me, your days were numbered from the moment Trick opened his big gob.”


The implications of her situation hit her fully and Buffy knew he wasn’t lying, but it still didn’t make her present situation any easier to bear.


Spike dropped the half smoked cigarette down the sink, swiftly followed by the contents of his dinner plate. He switched on the waste disposal and watched the machine devour the food.


Buffy didn’t move. She looked so frightened and smaller than he could ever remember her looking before.


She rose on shaky legs. “Can you give me some time?”


He frowned at her. “Yes pet, what for?”


“I just want some time on my own before you come up.”


This surprised him. Was she telling him she would accept him back into her bed? “Okay pet…you go on up. I’ll clear up ‘ere and go for a walk for a bit. Will that do?”


She nodded and timidly left the room.


Spike picked up her full dinner plate and tossed the contents down the waste disposal. Maybe he could make up a plate of sandwiches just in case either of them was hungry later. He made a quick check to see if there was anything for sandwiches and then realized there would be no problem finding enough fillings to produce something one of them would like. He laughed at himself, worrying over the contents of stupid sandwiches, when he was about to try and face one of the hardest things he’d ever done. A cold sweat broke out on his brow and uncertainty assaulted his senses. What if he couldn’t bring himself to touch her again? What if it was him and not her that broke down and cried at the crucial moment? How would he be able to face her? Gritting his teeth, he pushed his fears back and reminded himself he was being selfish and had no right to think about himself at a time like this. He had to help her through this. It was his fault she was going through this and for once he would give her what she needed.


Shrugging into his black duster, he pocketed his cigarettes and left through the back door. He turned right, taking a different route around the lake. Sadly, he wished Buffy could’ve joined him. He was sure she would love the views. Coming to a quick decision, he decided to call the estate agent when he got back to L.A and put the cabin up for sale. There was no way he’d ever bring her back here and that was his fault too. The immense beauty of the lake, which had moved him so much when he first saw it, was now forever marred by the hideous memory of what had happened. He would be glad to get rid of it and find somewhere a bit closer to L.A as a retreat for the two of them. Maybe he could persuade Buffy to help him with choosing something new; after all she’d also be spending equal time with him. Yes, that was it, make fresh starts and get her to participate in all the decisions concerning the two of them, just like a real partnership…a real couple. From this moment onwards, he vowed he’d ask her opinion on everything he possibly could. He’d let them all see exactly how much he valued her input and ideas.


*****


As he stretched out his hand to knock on the bedroom door, he found his nerve failing him again. What if she’s changed her mind? What if she’s fallen asleep and I frighten her by coming into the room? I don’t think I can cope with seeing her face and eyes full of fear again. Or what if she’s brought another knife to her bed intending to harm me? Or worse still. What if she’s hurt herself?


That was it…that was the thought that helped him shake off his useless fears. He knocked on the door. He heard her soft voice giving him permission to enter. Relief flooded him.


She was sitting up in bed. It looked as if she was trying to read. She held her book open in her hand, looking at him from the soft and vast space of the bed.


God! She’s so beautiful. Spike didn’t think she was wearing anything under the blankets and suddenly his cock sprang to life. At once, he felt relieved and appalled. Relieved because he wasn’t sure if he could respond to her in that way, and appalled because he was certain if he climbed into bed with a big stiffy, it would be the last thing she’d be happy about, especially if he was only trying to reassure her he wasn’t about to hurt her again.


She closed her book as he closed the door.


For a moment he panicked. What should he do? Undress and get under the covers with her, or keep his jeans on and sleep on top of the bed? He never wore underwear, a fact that made Buffy blush every time he undressed in front of her and he hadn’t brought anything suitable for sleeping in with him. Stalling, he slowly unlaced his boots and slipped them off.


Padding bare foot into the bathroom, he washed his face and brushed his teeth. As he was taking care of that business, he decided on a compromise with the sleeping arrangements. He would sleep on top of the covers and find an extra blanket to cover his nakedness.


The lights were out when he came back. Leaving the bathroom light on and the door slightly ajar, he opened the blanket cupboard and pulled a heavy wool blanket from the shelf. He was cautiously making his way to the bed when Buffy asked him to turn out the bathroom light. Pitch-blackness smothered him as he flipped the switch. With even greater caution, he made his way slowly to the bed. He didn’t blame her for seeking the comforting shroud of darkness and he was kind of glad it was there for his own sake. Standing next to the bed, he stripped off and quickly hopped up beside her, spreading the wool blanket over his nakedness and settling down.


“What are you doing?” she whispered.


“Going to bed. Why are you whisperin’?”


“I…I don’t know. I guess all that talk about bugs and stuff has got me spooked,” she admitted.


He chuckled. “Luv the listenin’ devices that Masters is usin’ are state of the art and they could probably pick up a cockroach whispering. So don’t go thinkin’ you’ll be able to do anythin’ like whisperin’ or runnin’ a tap to avoid being overheard, ‘cause it jus’ won’t work. It’s best if you try and act as normal as possible and don’t think about being watched.”


“Oh that’s easy for you to say. You’re used to living your life in a goldfish bowl with people watching you and following you everywhere you go. Me! I was just coming around to the idea of Cooper being my new and enlarged shadow and now you’re telling me to try and act normal, even though I know I’m probably being watched constantly.”


“I know its hard luv, but what choice do you ‘ave. I’ve been doing my best to locate and remove them when we do find them but for all I know, the men I assign to the task could be the same men who planted them in the first place,” he explained.


“Spike…what if there are bugs hidden in the holding rooms? You told me all about your plan to fool Masters when we were outside Angel’s room. What if we were being recorded? Or what about all those other conversations we’ve had about things you wouldn’t want Masters to find out about?” She asked anxiously.


“Sssh pet…don’t go gettin’ yourself all worked up. There wasn’t one single time we discussed anythin’ risky, without me doing my own checks on the room first and that especially includes the holdin’ rooms and the corridors.” Spike thanked his lucky stars they’d found that first listening device. Its discovery alerted them to the possibility of more bugs and gave him the heads-up to watch his back whenever he needed a bit of privacy. He especially remembered finding three bugs in Wesley’s room the night he questioned him about Gilbey, and thanks to modern science, he was able to render them inactive. “Given enough time pet, you’ll learn I’m a very cautious man, but even I’m not foolish enough to think we can avoid Masters’ spies, human or mechanical in our everyday lives. Not all the time and you better try and remember if you want to talk to me privately, you better invite me into the gardens, ‘cause that’s the only place where we won’t be overheard, but even then, make sure you choose a nice open spot where you can see anyone approaching.”


Buffy sighed dejectedly. “My God I feel like I’m in a James Bond movie, except the bad guy is going to win.”


Spike chuckled. “Does that mean I’m James Bond and you’re the sultry beauty that has captivated me?”


“No! You’re the baddie or at least his sidekick and I’m just some poor fool who wandered onto the set and got inadvertently dragged along for the death defying, hair raising high-speed car chase scene.”


“Ouch! I think I liked my version better,” he chuckled.


“Yes well, this still doesn’t help matters now.”


“No…you’re right luv.” Working up the courage, he asked, “Can I move closer…maybe put my arm around you?”


In the dark, she turned to look at him. “Yes,” she whispered.


He edged a bit closer to her and slipped an arm around her. He felt her freeze which didn’t surprise him very much. Trying to take her mind off her present situation, he began discussing plans for the reception, drawing her out and adding gentle advice or suggestions where he could. Gradually, the conversation became more natural and she was speaking in a more confident tone of voice. When that topic came to an end, he started to tell her about some of the lighter and happier times in his life. This naturally led him to ask her to relate some of the happier events of her life.


Slowly and hesitantly, she told him about her time at high school. How she became firm friends with Cordelia and Harmony when she joined the cheerleading squad, and how she found herself making an unlikely friendship with the shy and bookish Willow and a young and inept Xander. She explained that Tara and Oz joined their ranks later when they went to college, though at that point Cordy and Harmony had already left for L.A. Unconsciously, Spike’s hand rubbed small circles across her blanket covered stomach. Buffy didn’t even seem to notice as she continued to tell him about her life in college.


Suddenly, she yawned and Spike chuckled.


“Sounds to me like someone could do with some shut eye,” he told her.


She shifted nervously against him. She didn’t want to admit he was right, but if they were going back to L.A tomorrow, then it would be better if they got a few things aired. “I am tired but I think you’re right and we should talk about last night.”


He tensed and was silent for a moment, trying to think of the right thing to say, but nothing came to him. Feeling like a useless git, he reached for her hand and was surprised when she didn’t try to pull away from him.


“I don’t know what to say Buffy. I’ve never…I mean…God! I don’t know what I mean. I keep thinkin’ ‘bout it but I can’t make any sense of it. It was unforgivable and I won’t insult you by offerin’ you weak excuses or apologies that you would probably find demeaning. Though I do want to tell you I’m sorry, but I jus’ don’t think I can find the words that would be adequate enough to cover jus’ how sorry I am. I know you don’t believe me and you’ll always mistrust me…not that you trusted me before and after what I did, you’re quite right not to trust me, ever…I’m not even sure I’ll be able to trust myself again. All I can say is that I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life tryin’ to make it up to you and I’ll never touch you again without your permission, even if it means we only do what we ‘ave to do, to maintain a convincin’ relationship.”


Buffy scoffed at that. “And even I know Masters must know you well enough to know that if you’ve claimed me as your own…even if it is just to torment Angel…you won’t be acting like some Victorian gentleman and treating me with kid gloves. He’ll be completely suspicious if we return and you start keeping your hands to yourself or politely asking me if it’s okay to kiss or touch me.”


Spike knew this too, but he didn’t want to voice it at this strained moment. He’d hoped he would be able to ease into it. Buffy as usual was being brave and facing things head on.


“And I’d rather you didn’t make me any more promises, because to be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever believe you again. As for excuses or apologies, your right I don’t want to hear them but I can appreciate that you’ve been thinking of a way to say sorry. Though I honestly don’t think there is a way, so maybe it would be better if we did our best to put this behind us and just dealt with Masters and…and convincing him I’m yours willingly.”


“Do you really think you can?” He gently caressed the back of her hand.


“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “But we both know I don’t really have a choice. Do I?”


He sighed and tugged her hand to his chest, hugging it to him. “No…neither of us do, luv,” he whispered.


Gently, he leaned forward and stroked her face with the back of his hand and placed a hesitant kiss on her brow. When she didn’t pull away, he placed another on her cheek. Soon he was peppering her face with tiny kisses then almost by accident, his lips brushed her mouth with an uneasy kiss.


Buffy could tell he was nervous and she wasn’t sure she liked it. She’d become so accustomed to his confident swagger and his sure and skilled touch. His nervousness was making her edgy and she told him so.


He chuckled anxiously but reminded himself he needed to be, what she needed him to be, and if that meant pushing his fears away and taking the lead then he would. He propped himself up on one elbow, half hovering over her.


“The minute you tell me to stop, I will…I swear it. I’ll stop whenever you want me to.”


She didn’t say anything. He took that as consent to continue. Slowly, he lowered his head and kissed her. She was unresponsive but he didn’t let that put him off. He knew she wouldn’t exactly be wrapping her arms about him and begging for it.


Eventually, she began to return the pressure of his mouth. He licked the edge of her sweet lips and nearly breathed a sigh of relief, when her mouth opened enough for him to slip his tongue in. He moved his tongue softly against hers, drawing her into the kiss. She moaned softly in the dark room and timidly slid her hand up his shoulder.


Maybe it was because Spike still seemed to be so uncertain that Buffy was able to loosen up at all, but when his tongue touched hers, she felt the familiar awakening of her senses that always happened in his presence and she sighed into his mouth.


Gaining confidence, Spike gradually allowed his mouth to move over her face and neck, working further down until he was kissing the tops of her breasts. He paused for a second, giving her the chance to tell him if she wanted him to stop. He pushed the covers down with his mouth, kissing and licking her soft flesh. Her nipple was warm and soft when he first swiped his tongue over it and it immediately hardened. She moaned again. He knew she’d always seemed to like how he kissed her breasts so he gave her the full treatment, sucking on her pink buds and blowing cool breaths across the wet teat every time he released one from his mouth. Her hand slipped into his hair, pressing him ever so gently to her.


Butterflies were dancing in her stomach as his mouth continued to tease her. He was being so gentle with her and yet it felt as if he’d lit a raging fire in her veins. She flinched slightly when he brought his hand up to rest on her shoulder. He was still for a second and then he slowly dragged the hand down her chest to caress her breast.


“Is this okay?”


He felt her nod. “Yes,” she whispered.


“Can I get into the bed with you? So I can touch you properly.”


“Yes,” her voice was small and a bit shaky. She hated that she sounded so panicky.


Thankful again for the darkness, he slipped off the bed and eased the covers back. Hesitantly, he reached for her as he settled down on his side. His hand brushed the bare flesh of her waist as he glided his hand over her and his desire for her swelled in his heart. He carefully spent the next few minutes coaxing her to relax.


“Are you in a lot of pain luv?” he asked anxiously.


“No…it looks worse than it feels.”


Spike hated hearing her say these things. She was being so brave and it was his fault she was hurt and in pain. He could understand why she didn’t want him making promises to her, especially since he’d already broken the promise never to hurt her. Yet for her own sake, they still needed to work at convincing Masters she would be a complying hostage and behave herself for Angel’s continued health and safety, not to mention her own and her friends and family.


“You need to tell me what you want luv. We don’t ‘ave to go all the way. We can jus’ take it slowly tonight.”


She shifted slightly. “But that isn’t what we should do…is it…not if this is going to work?”


“No, but I don’t want you to worry ‘bout that.”


“It’s too late for that I’m afraid.” Though she was nervous and afraid, she was surprised to find it was the thoughts of Masters finding out about their scheme, rather than Spike’s touch that frightened her the most, but then she supposed that could be because Spike’s touch always inflamed her. “It’s okay…I know you want me and as long as you don’t expect me to…to do anything other than just let this happen, I think I can cope with it.”


He sighed. “Okay, but you’ll tell me if it hurts or if you want me to stop?”


She nodded.


“I’ll try to be gentle,” he assured her.


Positioning her on her side, he cautiously slipped his hand slowly down her stomach to her mound. Her legs parted slightly. He caressed her, gently playing with her pussy lips and tickling the soft curls while he worked on her neck, kissing and sucking all of the sensitive spots he’d found on past explorations. Gradually, she began to relax, sighing and moaning softly. Parting her folds with one of his fingers, he felt along her slit. She was moist and warm. Spike used the moisture to work with.


His slow pace was driving her mad. In one way she wanted to get this over with and in another, she could feel her need building. She wanted to quench it desperately but Spike was still acting nervously and she hated that. She decided to see if she could speed things up a little bit. Boldly, she reached for him. She was shocked to find he was only half aroused, and this again confirmed how nervous he really was.


He moaned into the curve of her neck as she began to stroke him. Quickly, he became hard, his cock swelling bigger and bigger with each stroke of her hand and swipe of her thumb over the moist blunt head.


“Buffy luv, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” he mumbled at her neck.


“Why?”


“Because you’re really turning me on and I wanted to make you feel good…help you relax…you know.”


“I’ll relax when this is over,” she said simply.


Spike guessed her honesty was meant to reassure him as well as herself. Suddenly, he realized she knew he was nervous too. Her hand felt so good and she moved with her usual hesitant and feminine charm. He wondered if she liked touching him and if it was something she’d seek to do if he wasn’t the one to always initiate things.


He wasn’t sure if she’d welcome him going down on her, so instead he licked his fingers before gently pushing them into her. She was wetter inside and he took advantage of that and pumped his fingers in and out of her with a slow rhythm, making her wetter as he worked her.


She moaned and pushed her hips towards his pumping fingers.


“Do you like that Buffy? Do you like me touchin’ you?” He whispered low and breathlessly at her ear. She was squeezing him with her little hand and it felt divine.


He felt her nod.


“Would you like me to make you come?”


She didn’t know why he always asked her that, surely he knew what he did to her. He must know his touch had her craving for more and that if he wanted, he could make her beg. How was it that even after the violent and harsh way he’d treated her last night, she still wanted this…wanted him? Her nervousness was melting away as his actions and words grew in confidence, his cock lay in her hand, rock hard and throbbing, his foreskin soft as rose petals. Suddenly, she wanted to taste him again but she was unsure of herself and didn’t voice her desire, letting him dictate the play between them.


“Yes,” she whispered.


He rubbed his thumb over her clit making her gasp. A flood of moisture flowed from her and he swiftly pumped his fingers in and out of her wet center.


She gently teased the sensitive ridges of his head and rubbed a nail in his slit. He stilled her hand, gasping and panting.


“Stop luv, let me see to you first.” He pumped faster and rubbed his thumb over her clit, spreading her juices along her folds. She was getting wetter and he could feel her soft muscles gripping his fingers trying to hold onto him.


Oh God! How does he make me feel so good? It’s as if I’m melting or falling and I always want more. Spike’s skilled touch was sweeping her away.


She climaxed with a sudden loud cry. Her hand gripped his arm tightly as she panted breathlessly while his fingers rubbed her wet flesh, drawing out her climax and then gently bringing her down.


He kissed her on the mouth, his tongue caressing hers, stealing her breath. He was thankful they’d managed to get over this first difficult hurdle. She kissed him back, her tongue battling his, matching him in need and desire. Spike broke away, his heart beating rapidly. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. Gradually, her breathing returned to normal and she lifted her head to look at him in the dark. He smiled down at her.


“Thank you,” he whispered.


He pulled away from her, giving her a bit of space but she followed him, laying half on her stomach with her arm draped over his chest while her head rested on his shoulder. Smiling, he stroked her hair. She didn’t question why or for what he was thanking her, she didn’t need too.


No longer as nervous, he guided her hand back to his cock. He wanted her but he wanted to make sure she wanted him as well.


“Buffy?”


“Hmmm.”


“Do you want me to stop?”


Her hand kept stroking him. “No.”


God I don’t deserve this woman. He reached for a condom in the drawer of the bedside table. “Are you sure luv?”


“Yes,” was her softly whispered reply. “Please don’t make this harder. I…I don’t want to think about it…just make me feel...something.”


He slipped the condom on. “Okay luv,” he pulled her on top of him. “You do it luv…you set the pace…tell me what you feel and don’t forget to say if it hurts at all.”


He positioned himself at her opening but waited for her to make the next move. Slowly, she slid down him, her wet sheath enclosing around him.


Closing his eyes, Spike breathed slowly, trying to control the urge to go at it. “That’s it…now move anyway you want.” He placed his hands on her hips and helped guide her hesitant movements.


Buffy was glad of the dark, hiding her blush. She was unsure of her ability to perform in this position. Spike obviously thought she would feel more comfortable being in control but he didn’t know just how vulnerable she felt being in charge. Though when she thought about it, Spike had already put her in control when he positioned her on his lap the first night they had sex. She clearly remembered how well that turned out and decided to just go with it...after all, Spike didn’t know how inexperienced she was in this position and it didn’t seem to hurt her like this.


Spike could tell she was unsure of herself but he didn’t think now was the time to try and instruct her. He trusted her instincts and waited for her to gain her confidence and become comfortable. She gasped as his hard length penetrated her, filling her in a new way. Leaning forward, she pressed her hands to his shoulders and raised her hips, then slowly lowered them. Spike slid his hands up from her hips and cupped her breasts gently, caressing her and brushing his thumbs over her nipples.


Buffy’s breath hitched in her throat as his hands ignited a deep need in her. All at once, she was moving faster, her hips rising and falling again and again, seeking him. She needed him and she knew he needed her. But can we give each other what we need? She wondered what it was he really needed from her. Is it just my body, just sex? Or does he crave this closeness, this contact that feels so right between us? Is it only this?


“Faster pet…lean forward a little.” He raised his knees so he could brace his feet on the mattress and thrust up into her. She gasped loudly as he thrust from below her. Buffy rested her hands on his shoulders, her head falling forward, overwhelmed by the feel of him inside her. Reaching behind her, he pulled her hair away from her face and kissed her softly as she raised herself off his cock. Swiftly, he pushed up into her and together they moved as one, rising and falling with each other.


“Buffy babe…faster…” he panted, gripping her hips and thrust into her. She was glorious, moving like a goddess…as if she was born for this, her head hanging forward…her long hair caressing his chest as she rode him faster and faster. “Tell me how it feels pet…tell me if you like it.”


She struggled to catch her breath enough to speak. With her eyes tightly closed she gasped hoarsely. “It feels…good…real….OH…OH…good. Can’t…talk I…OH…I think I’m…OH…”


She was going to come. He could feel her tensing up, her muscles clenching. Her grip on his shoulders became almost painful. He chuckled, a perfect blend of relief and ecstasy as he watched her come undone. His hands wandered over her body, touching and caressing her breasts and stomach, lightly trailing his fingers down to her soft folds, brushing against her clit.


“YES…YES,” she cried as she was swept away, his fingers triggering her orgasm.


Spike gasped as she came, moving his hands to her hips he held her as he thrust into her clenching pussy. “AAARGH… OH GOD! BUFFY, OH GOD!…AAARGH.” He came, shooting into her with every throbbing thrust, gasping and panting.


She collapsed onto him boneless and spent. His arms came around her, cradling her to his chest. He could feel a light sweat coating her back and she was still breathing hard. Slowly, they calmed. Spike kissed her brow, whispering to her.


She waited for him to become quiet before she tried to move. Quickly, he gripped her, stopping her from moving. Carefully, he pulled his shrinking cock for her wet center.


“You ‘ave to be a bit careful luv, we don’t want any mishaps…now do we,” he whispered.


Suddenly, she felt foolish. How could she have forgotten the condom? He must think she was a complete simpleton. She could feel her face burning.


“Sorry,” she mumbled.


He chuckled. “That’s okay luv…I’m jus’ being cautious.” He rolled her, mindful of her tender bottom and gently hugged her to him. “Let me jus’ take care of this and I’ll be right back.” He slipped from the bed.


Buffy lay in the dark waiting for him to return. She was thinking about the significance of what had just happened. If she was confused before, then she was completely bewildered now. She’d had sex with Spike and except for the nervous beginning, she’d enjoyed every minute of it. She knew she’d made some mistakes, but never again would she goad him like she had the night before. She wondered if that would be enough to protect her from his volatile temper. She wasn’t sure and she didn’t think she would be able to secure a guarantee from him that would convince her he would never strike her again.


Sighing, she thought maybe it was better not to question things too much…not at this point. She still had to get used to the knowledge that Masters would be watching and listening to everything that went on between them. Buffy guessed if she slipped up or rejected Spike, Masters would be waiting in the background ready to jump in and sweep them all away. For the first time, she worried that Spike could be wrong and Masters would take matters into his own hands, regardless of whatever promises he’d made to Spike. What if he refuses to honor his promise? What would or could Spike do about it? Nothing probably.


Then she wondered about his bizarre and surprising marriage proposal. Should she have accepted him? Instinct told her no…she had made the right decision by refusing him. Marrying Spike wouldn’t make her any safer. It would only tie things up neatly to outsiders and it would just be a show, a pretense of a real marriage and that was something she definitely couldn’t pretend to do. Being his mistress…his lover was one thing and she didn’t really have much of a choice in that, but being his wife would only add to the wrongness of the whole situation. Shaking her head, she promised herself never to mention it to him or to even think about it again. It was too bizarre.


Spike came back to bed, sliding under the covers quietly. She sensed a difference in him. He didn’t try to touch her as he normally would and she wondered if she should say something to break the awkward silence.


“You should try and get some sleep luv. Cooper will be ‘ere to collect us at lunch time and if you’re all tired, he’ll only give the both of us a hard time.”


Taking a risk, she rolled onto her other side facing him. “Is this how it’s going to be from now on?”


“What’d you mean?” He sounded genuinely puzzled.


“I mean you…us…have sex and simply roll over and go to sleep like some middle-aged couple. I can’t see that convincing Masters you’re enjoying your revenge on Angel or enjoying taking it out on me. It’s too polite too ordinary.”


“You’re quite right, but I jus’ thought when we were truly alone it might be more to your likin’ if I kept my hands to myself and after the way you jus’…I mean the way you made…me…Oh bloody hell! Buffy you know what I mean.” He shifted to face her. “I’ll make sure Masters will never doubt how much I want to use you to hurt Angel. As long as Angel holds up his end of the bargain and I’m sure he will, the only person who can give us all away is you but after how well things jus’ went, I don’t really ‘ave any worries ‘bout that. Do you?”


“I don’t think so…I think I’ll…” she fizzled off.


“What luv? You think you’ll what?” He prompted but she didn’t answer. He guessed she was either shy or simply didn’t know what she wanted to say. “Do you think you’ll be able to let me touch you without crackin’ up and rejectin’ me?”


“Yes…I think so,” she whispered.


“Don’t worry too much ‘bout things. Masters would probably be more suspicious if you started actin’ as if you wanted to be with me. He’s bound to ‘ave heard of all our past rows. He won’t be expectin’ you to jus’ do an ‘bout face and suddenly throw yourself at me. So don’t worry ‘bout how you should act or more importantly how you should react to me, okay?”


“Okay.”


“Okay, now let’s both get some sleep.” He leaned over and kissed her brow before rolling over to sleep.


Buffy lay in the dark wondering about the strangeness of her life. She didn’t know how she felt about things any more. She was Spike’s mistress and she thought she should be a great deal more bothered about it than she was, especially after what had happened the night before. So why wasn’t she? She couldn’t seem to figure things out and her mind kept going over his proposal and she couldn’t figure out why she was obsessing about that. After all, it was only his way of trying to prove to her he was serious about protecting her from Masters.


Sleep crept up on her as her tired mind continued to worry over odd and random details that made no sense to her.


*************************************************************
TBC...soon
 

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