Chapter Sixty Seven.

Cause. Part two.


Buffy sat under the shade of the deck awning, sheltered from the noonday heat and the fierce brightness. She’d woken with a thumping headache and despite taking some strong painkillers it was still with her. She smiled as Spike place another cold drink next to her. He was taking fussing to a whole new level, hovering over her all morning. She found his gentle attentiveness very endearing.


She hadn’t spoken to him about the things he’d revealed to her the night before and she knew he was avoiding the subject too. His eyes would slide shamefully away from her every time she looked at him for more than a moment and his conversation was all too neutral…too bland. Finally, she’d had enough. Headache or no headache, she wasn’t going to allow him to avoid this. They said they would finish this today and that’s what they would do even if it killed them. Buffy guessed he just needed reassurances. He had opened up about some very dark and disturbing things and she knew it must have taken a great deal of strength and courage to do that.


Just thinking about the things he’d told her made her shiver; she knew she would always view him with different eyes from now on. Angel’s viscous treatment explained so much about Spike. Buffy could well imagine a younger Spike having to learn quickly how to defend himself…to grow hard and meet the violence and corruption that swamped him with equal measure. She reasoned it would be a case of survival and the younger Spike had proved determined and strong. She could only guess at the things he must have done to, not just survive, but to fight his way to the top. Probably just to ensure no one tried to take advantage of him and use him in the cruel and disgusting way Angel had. Buffy realized she no longer questioned or doubted Angel’s part in all of Spike’s torment, and though Spike hadn’t mention Masters, Buffy didn’t doubt for a second that the crime lord knew exactly what was going on between his two favorites. She was sure it was even encouraged…after all, the old man would want to ensure his empire was ruled by the strongest and fittest…and he would have pitted Angel and Spike against each other just to see who would be the victor. It was Angel who proved to be the more viscous and ruthless of the two and Masters rewarded him by choosing him as his heir and giving him LA to run.


Suddenly, Buffy wondered if that was now Spike’s position…did Masters think of William Winters as his heir? Was Angel deposed permanently? Buffy wasn’t sure it mattered. Her life was now tied to Spike’s in ways she could never have imagined, but they still had so much to work through and it all terrified her. What if she was wrong about him? What if he didn’t love her as she suspected? She could be making a mistake of huge proportions and the consequences would leave all the power with Spike, and that’s where her real terror lay…she would be giving Spike all the power and she would be diminishing herself. Buffy wasn’t sure she had the courage it would require to do that. Yet, if he loved her…


Then, she reminded herself how he’d opened up and exposed himself to her. Didn’t that give her power over him too? He was so courageous, telling her about his rape and she didn’t doubt he’d never told another living person about it. It was the kind of information that could ruin him. He would not only lose face. He would have no creditability or respect from his men, his business clients or the people he was expected to deal with. Buffy studied him. He was sitting across from her reading a book, absorbed and unaware he was being observed. She now saw the man and the actor before her. He had kept his secrets and covered over them by becoming exactly what he needed to be…for who could doubt him if he was as viscous and ruthless as Angel…no one guessed…no one questioned…no one knew…except her. Buffy realized he hadn’t even asked her to keep it a secret…and instinctively, she knew it was because he trusted her completely. Trust was such a small word…yet, such a big thing.


She stood up and he immediately looked at her. “I think I’ll lie down for a while…see if I can shake this headache.”


Concern filled his eyes and he stood up with her. “Are you sure it’s not a migraine luv? ‘Cause if it is, we can head inland and get you some meds.”


She shook her head softly. “I’m sure…I’m just tired…I’ve not been sleeping very well lately and Doctor Bryson said if it was still a problem on my next visit, he’d prescribe me some sleeping tablets.” She moved towards the main cabin. “Why don’t you come and lay down with me…you could read or maybe even catch up on some sleep yourself?”


Spike wasn’t about to refuse her. He would do just about anything to be near her. “Okay, an hour or two relaxin’ on a bed with you won’t be too torturous I s’pose.” He joked.


Buffy stopped and turned to look at him. “Only if I decide not to torture you…” He grinned as she stepped up close to him, running a finger playfully down his chest, a sweet ‘n’ sexy smile on her lips. “Because if I do decide to torture you, I can promise you it will be very, very torturous.”


She quickly moved away and headed for the bedroom, not waiting to see if he was following. She knew he would.


Spike closed the bedroom door, desire coiling deep in his veins. Buffy had her back to him as he watched her slip out of her shorts and t-shirt. He let his eyes glide over her beautiful body, his desire building steadily. She lay down on top of the bed in her pink and white bra and panties and looked at him. She smiled shyly and blushed. Spike’s heart lurched. Suddenly, she was his sweet, shy, blushing Buffy again and his lustful desires simmered down and the desire to protect her rose up. Stripping down to his jeans, he stretched out beside her.


She reached for the lightweight cotton throw draped at the bottom of the bed and covered the two of them with it. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her back to spoon against him, his hand resting gently on her stomach. Buffy closed her eyes and shuddered as desire ignited within her.


Spike misunderstood her reaction. “Shush luv, I won’t hurt you…” he kissed her shoulder. “I know we ‘aven’t talked ‘bout it, but we’ll take things as slow as you want…no pressure…no rush…” he nuzzled her neck, breathing in her sweet scent. “When you’re ready…I can control myself if I ‘ave to…your wellbein’ is more important to me.”


Buffy wondered why she hadn’t heard the things he was saying to her before. Why she didn’t pick up on it sooner…but then she remembered he was trying to hide it…and he still was. Ignoring her headache, she turned in his arms.


“Angel killed Lily,” she whispered.


Spike stared at her. “What?”


“Angel killed Lily…and it was my fault,” she told him.


Spike searched her face. Angel had told him his version of events and he knew he couldn’t let on he knew anything of what she was about to reveal, though he was a little surprised by the abruptness of her statement.


He caressed her back, softly trying to reassure her. She looked startled by her admission. “Tell me,” he whispered.


She began tentatively, her eyes closed and her voice remained soft. “I was working at the agency and Giles, my boss, asked me to go and check out a call he’d received from a runaway. He told me she was really frightened and would only agree to meet with someone if it was a woman and they came alone. Well, it wasn’t the policy of the agency to send anyone out alone, but I agreed to go as long as she’d meet me in a public place of my choosing. She agreed and I went to meet her at the library.”


Buffy pulled the cotton cover tighter and higher as if she was cold. “When I met her, she was really frightened…but slowly I managed to get her to open up. She told me she wasn’t really a runaway. Her mother had kicked her out when she was sixteen. She’d drifted from city to city and finally in desperation, she ended up working as a prostitute. That’s when she told me she was working for Trick. She was with him for nearly a year, but he wasn’t making her work the streets…but he was setting her up with a special client…a businessman she told me. I thought this was very unusual. I knew Trick, having helped a few of his girls get medical assistance and some times contact relatives and stuff like that, and all the girls I’d met before, all worked the streets. Well, Lily’s story got me wondering and I asked her if Trick was keeping back any other girls for more businessmen. She told me there were ten other girls…so I asked her what the problem was…thinking she should be grateful Trick wasn’t forcing her to work the streets, but I needed to know why she was so frightened.”


Buffy shifted in Spike’s arms, biting her lip and frowning deeply. Spike waited for her to begin again, realizing he was getting a lot more of the story from Buffy than he had from Angel. He didn’t dare breathe as she gathered her thoughts.


“Lily told me Trick sent her and the other girls to a clinic to make sure they were all clean and safe, or at least that’s what he told them…because the sex they were having with his special clients was always without the use of protection. Apparently the clients paid extra knowing the girls were clean, but when the girls asked him what would happen if they got pregnant, they were told not to worry about it because they would be looked after. Trick told the girls if they got pregnant, they could either keep their babies or put them up for adoption. If they decided on adoption, he said he would make sure they earned a nice fat payoff because he knew of an adoption agency that asked no questions. Or, if they really wanted to keep their babies, then he’d arrange to help set them up on their own in a different city.” Buffy looked at Spike, trying to gauge his reaction, but his expression was unreadable.


Sighing, Buffy continued. “Well you can imagine my reaction was one of disbelief. It seemed too far-fetched, a pimp who didn’t mind if his girls got pregnant, but Lily was adamant that was exactly what was happening. Lily then told me, as soon as a girl took a positive pregnancy test, she didn’t have to return to work. Trick made sure she was well fed and looked after with all her medical checks taken care of. In fact, the girls were treated like queens and when they got to about seven months, Trick would send them to a nursing home to see out the rest of their pregnancy and he’d arrange to have the baby put up for adoption. I could only guess at the amounts of money he was selling the babies for to make all his expenses worthwhile, but I knew there were lots of people out there willing to use illegal adoption rings to gain a baby and they’d pay anything just to get what they wanted, but Lilly explained it was much worse than that.”


Buffy shifted and swallowed nervously. “She explained the girls never returned and though Trick said they were all being relocated to different cities, they weren’t…and Lily knew this because one day she overheard Trick on the phone discussing the price of a girl’s baby. The girl…er…I think her name was Debbie was sent to the nursing home a few weeks before and she must have delivered her baby because Trick was talking money and percentages, and then Lily overheard him ask the person on the other end of the line if the mother had been taken care of yet…he mustn’t have got the answer he wanted or expected, because he got angry and shouted at the person to do his job properly and kill Debbie right away.” Buffy shuddered feeling drained, but she knew she was nearly finished with Lily’s story and she wanted to get through it so she could explain the other part.


Spike watched her struggle with herself. She shuddered in his arms, looking pale and suddenly worn out. He hoped she finished soon…he could see it was really upsetting her.


“Lily was petrified…but she went back and told a couple of the other girls what she’d overheard and together, they decided to search Trick’s office and try and find some evidence to prove what was going on. I don’t know how Lily and the other girls managed to sneak into Trick’s office, but they did and they found all the proof they needed.”


Tears sprang to her eyes and he could hear the strain in her voice as she spoke. “Trick was selling their babies and the girls were being killed to safeguard the new identities their babies were being given, because Trick wasn’t running an adoption ring, but an elite baby factory where the babies were sold to their own fathers…who, once the real mother was dead would pass the baby off as belonging to their wives, who couldn’t or wouldn’t have children of their own. Trick’s girls realized it was all true when they all compared stories and realized Trick only ever arranged for them to sleep with one client and always the same one. They were being used like surrogate mothers, but instead of a big fat payoff at the end of their pregnancies, they were being killed so some other woman could pretend she was the baby’s real mother, and these men were rich enough and powerful enough to pull it off…” Buffy’s voice nearly broke and Spike could see that suppressing her tears was nearly killing her. “The girls were just disposable to these men, because they were just runaways, forgotten by society…nobody really cared what happened to them, but once they delivered their babies, they were a liability that had to be disposed of in order for those men to complete the lie and pass the baby off as their wives.”


Spike stroked Buffy’s back, trying to calm her. She was really worked up. Her face was flushed and her eyes were bright with unshed tears. “Okay, luv…that’s enough for now…let me go fix you a drink…maybe a rest would be a good idea…you can tell me the rest later when you’ve–”


Buffy cut him off. “No Spike…I need to do this now…or I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it…please.”


He sighed, seeing she was determined. “Okay, but let me get you that drink.” He eased away from her and pushed back the cotton cover. “How does a nice cup of sweet tea sound?” he asked.


She laughed nervously, thinking sweet tea sounded wonderful. “Sounds great…thank you.”


Spike tucked the blanket back around her and leaned down to place a kiss on her cheek. “Okay, I’ll be back in a mo’ luv…don’t go anywhere will you?” He joked, trying to lighten things.


Smiling, Buffy shook her head.


*****


Sitting up on the bed, Buffy sipped her tea. Spike was propped up next to her, drinking his own. Buffy picked up the threads of her story, desperate now to finish.


“Lily begged me to help her. She was six, nearly seven months pregnant and terrified. What could I do? I said yes. I asked her to find out if any of the other girls wanted help as well and she said she’d discuss it with them, but she needed to be so careful…if Trick suspected what she was up to, she knew she’d be locked up and guarded until she had her baby. I agreed with her and told her I’d get my boss Giles to help me find somewhere safe to hide her and any of the other girls that decided to come with her. When I discussed it with Giles, I knew I couldn’t tell him the whole truth because it would put him in danger too. So I merely told him she was a runaway forced into prostitution and that her pimp was going to force her to get rid of her baby. What else could I do…I had to protect Giles as much as I had to try and protect Lily. Lily told me she’d found out the real identity of the man who was the father to her baby…but I couldn’t persuade her to tell me who it was. She was too scared and I guessed this man must be someone of great power and influence. She begged me not to involve the police…not until she was safe and she promised me she would get me the evidence that proved the identities of as many of the men as was possibly, as long as I got her safely away first. So I agreed.” Buffy drained her mug of tea and Spike attentively took the empty mug from her and placed it on the bedside table.


Buffy made herself comfortable again, fluffing the pillows just right and settling back against the headboard. She was aware of Spike watching her expectantly. “A few weeks passed…I’m not sure how many exactly and I was still looking for the perfect hiding place for Lily. The clock was ticking and everyday that passed made me more anxious. I’d managed to meet with Lily a couple of times, but we needed to be very careful because she was now being escorted everywhere she went. So I’d usually pose as a shopper and meet her in the ladies changing room or the ladies restroom just so we could talk without Trick’s man becoming suspicious. Lily managed to talk three other girls into leaving with her…but as it turned out, they never made it…one of them had her baby early and the other two were sent to the nursing home before we could set a date to get them out, but eventually I managed to find somewhere safe for Lily to hide and I made plans to get her away. It was so hard…and I was so scared we’d get caught…I had visions of Lily being found out and spilling everything about my involvement…but I knew the risks and despite my fear, I was determined to help her and expose Trick and those men to the authorities. I got in touch with Lily by leaving her notes in a specially agreed book in the library and I told her I needed her to be ready to leave the next time Trick arranged to have her taken to the hospital for a check-up. I checked the book everyday and finally she left me a note, telling me exactly the time and date of her next appointment. So posing as a nurse, I sneaked into the hospital and helped her escape. I’d never been so terrified in my life.” Buffy turned and looked at Spike, regarding him with a pained expression.


“But I’ve been more terrified since. I…I thought y-you weren’t going to come for me. H-he said you knew…and that you told him to get rid of me. Oh, God Spike I was so scared…I th-thought I was going to die…” she burst into loud tears and Spike grabbed her quickly, pulling her onto his lap, hugging and rocking her.


“No baby…no…there was no way I’d let that happen. I’d never not come for you…never not find you…and I’d never, never jus’ give you to anyone. You’re mine Buffy…my perfect girl…and no matter how bad it gets, I’ll always find you…save you and protect you.” He kissed her brow and face repeatedly as she cried. “I know he must’ve said things to you…but they weren’t true…he lied. I did find you…I saved you…God Buffy I–” he stopped abruptly, realizing what he’d nearly said.


She pulled away abruptly and stared at him, the tears still rolling down her face. “What?” She sniffled.


He stared back, frozen, caught by surprise and he wondered if she’d guessed. Fear swamped him for a moment, but he recovered quickly and managed to cover up his near slip. “I killed for you…and I’d do it again without hesitation.”


Still sniffling, Buffy sighed and maneuvered herself off his lap, wiping at her tears. “I’m sure you think that’s very sweet or something…but all it means to me is that there’s now even more blood on my hands.” Spike was about to protest, but she quickly stopped him. “We don’t know for sure which one of us killed him and yes, I know it’s not my fault Gilbey did what he did, and I know if we hadn’t killed him, he’d have killed me…but that still doesn’t make it right…not in the eyes of the law or society…don’t you see? Have you really lived your life so long like this, that you can’t tell right from wrong anymore?”


Spike didn’t answer. He knew there was more than a certain amount of truth to what she said. He’d realized a long time ago he was becoming just like the thing he hated, because he needed too, just to survive. He remembered there was once a time when he would have been horrified by his actions and the actions of the people around him…but that was a long time ago. He was a different man now. He had grown immune to the horror of his life…but Buffy hadn’t and it was tearing her apart. He was suddenly so ashamed of himself and the part he’d played in corrupting her and he realized again why Angel had run. Shame was a powerful emotion.


Angel was right. She was getting to him…and Masters was right. She was a very dangerous woman…and she didn’t even know it. He knew then Buffy would weaken him. He would never be the same again and he would be unable to control the influence she would have on his life and how he normally ran things. She was changing things…even his men were different since her arrival.


Looking at her now tearful and sorrowful, he knew he wouldn’t react as Angel had…he wouldn’t run. No, he would stay strong and they would move forward together…and so what if she changed him? He certainly wasn’t perfect and he wasn’t afraid of the changes she might provoke and inspire in him…he welcomed them and sincerely hoped she’d want to help him build a new life for them. Although he was more determined than ever that she would never be exposed to anything remotely illegal or distasteful…he would protect her as best he could. There were other changes happening too. Luke had already started one particular ball rolling, so when the time was right, he would discuss some of those changes with her…show her life with him wouldn’t be as corrupt as she imagined.


He wished he’d told her he loved her…instead of giving her the stupid answer he had…but he promised himself if the opportunity arose again, he’d not be such a complete coward and tell her the truth.


She was rubbing her forehead in a gesture of pain. “Is your headache still bad luv?”


“No…it’s easing up a bit, but this isn’t helping,” she said softly.


“Do you want to continue? You don’t ‘ave to…in fact, you don’t ever ‘ave to tell me…I don’t care why you sent him away…it’s not important,” he told her.


She smiled weakly. “No…that’s a lie and you know it.” She laughed suddenly and Spike frowned at her.


“What’s so funny luv?”


“Oh, nothing much…but I just realized I caught you in a lie...it kinda struck me as funny…because it’s always been you who can spot when I’m lying, but not now…now I can tell when you’re lying too,” she chuckled.


Spike laughed, wondering when this particular change had happened and realized he was right about the changes. She was growing use to him and could now see certain things because for once, she was looking for them.


“You once said we wouldn’t be able to live a lie. Not with Masters’ spies watching us constantly, but it seems to me that we’ve still managed it…because we’ve both kept secrets, but that has to change…or…or…” she paused thoughtfully for a moment, her eyes scanning his face. “No…there is no ‘or’ we can’t keep secrets from each other…not anymore…not after everything that’s happened.”


Spike nodded, agreeing with her. “Fine luv…no more secrets…from ‘ere on out we’ll be honest with each other.”


“Okay, I’m going to finish this even if it kills me,” she said adamantly.


“It won’t luv…and don’t worry…I’m ‘ere for you, jus’ like you were ‘ere for me last night.”


She smiled and nodded. Spike picked up her hand and intertwined their fingers together, holding her comfortingly.

*************************************************************

Chapter Sixty Eight.

Cause. Part Three.


Taking a deep steadying breath, Buffy fixed Spike with a watery smile. “Okay where was I…oh yes! Lily…so, I managed to get her out of the hospital and away from Trick’s men without anyone seeing us. Lily was in a bad way, but I managed to get her calmed down before I got her to the safe house. I stayed with her for a couple of days just to be on the safe side and to help her get settled in. The place I’d found for her was only supposed to be temporary for a couple of days, a week at the most while I finalized a few arrangements to get her out of LA and into a private hospital, so she could have her baby. Again, I asked Lily to tell me the name of her baby’s father, but she was still too afraid and promised me as soon as her baby was delivered and they were both safe, she’d tell me everything, including where to find the evidence she had hidden away. In a way, I’m now grateful that I didn’t know who the man was, but at the time I’d wished I had known…because I think I would’ve exposed him and damned the danger…but I didn’t know and Lily never got the chance to tell me where she’d hidden the proof.”


Again she paused, frowning and biting her lip and Spike guessed she was getting to the part where Angel was involved.


Calmly she looked at him, her green eyes scanning his blue ones…steady and sad. “You know it was Faith and Cordy who introduced me to Angel…right?” He nodded.


“And did you know I didn’t know who or what he was until the day he killed Lily?” He shook his head, stunned.


“Well I didn’t. Cordy and Faith told me he was a rich businessman…something to do in banking. I didn’t know at the time they introduced us, they were under orders from him not to reveal his true identity or what he really was to them. I just thought he was a businessman and a bit of a playboy, but I have to be truthful and say both Faith and Cordy tried to warn me way from him. They kept trying to tell me he was bad news and had a bad reputation with women, but somehow it didn’t matter to me. He kinda swept me away and I let him.”


Spike was stunned. He had no idea Buffy hadn’t been aware exactly who and what Angel was.


“We were seeing each other for months and in all that time, I never suspected he was anything other than the charming and loving person he portrayed himself to be. I’d never even seen the mansion until the day I met you. Angel always brought me to his apartment in LA whenever he wanted us to be alone and I had no reason to believe he was living a double life. Looking back now, I can see I was in love with a stranger, because that wasn’t the real Angel. It was all just a lie,” she sighed deeply, staggered by her own foolishness.


Spike was equally staggered, and not for the first time did he wish he could go back in time and change things. Their first meeting for one…how he treated her so harshly, believing her to be in love with the Angel he knew and hated…when all along she was duped into believing Angel was just some average guy. Now it wasn’t so hard for him to see how and why she was able to fall in love with him…she didn’t even know the real Angel. Spike’s heart ached for the misfortunes that had befallen her because of her association with Angel.


Buffy’s gaze floated away from him as she got lost in her memories. “The day I got back to LA after seeing Lily settled in, there was a message from Angel on my answering machine. He wanted me to meet him that night. Happy to oblige, I got ready for my date and went to meet him. We went for dinner and a show and ended up back at his apartment…we talked and he asked me why he was unable to reach me for the last couple of days. Stupid, silly me was so flattered, thinking my boyfriend had missed me that I broke the agencies rule and told him I was out of town, helping a girl escape from her viscous pimp. Angel acted shocked and sympathetic and before I realized what I was doing, I told him not only her name but the name of the woman Lily was staying with. Of course I didn’t think anything of it, it was just their names…not even their full names, just their first names, but from that Angel found out the rest. He must’ve scanned my cell phone when I was in the bathroom and got her contact number and tracked her down. Oblivious to what he was doing, I went home…it was late and I needed to be up early for work to finalize those arrangements for Lily.”


The story was really detailed and feeling concerned, Spike was beginning to wonder if she would have the strength to see it through to the end. He kept quiet, wanting to let her tell it in her way, instinctively knowing she would never talk about it again and therefore, it was important to her to tell it all…to leave nothing out…to completely purge herself of the burden.


“I was asleep for maybe twenty or thirty minutes when I was woken by my cell phone…it was Lily…she was whispering to me, telling me someone was trying to break into the safe house…she was frantic. The phone went dead before I could get her to tell me any more. Panicking, I dressed and without thinking it through, I rushed to the house. In hindsight, I realize how foolish that was…I could’ve been rushing into anything and to this day, I don’t know why I didn’t call the police, but there was a part of me that thought Lily was just being over anxious. No one knew where she was. We were both so careful.


When I got to the house, it was deathly quiet and I knew immediately something was terribly wrong…there should’ve been some sign of life. There were at least eight women and girls living there, as well as the woman who ran things and a couple of members of her staff who helped out, but as I crept through the house, no one appeared to question my presence. When I came across the first body in the downstairs office, I nearly screamed. I tried to phone the police, but the phones were dead and in my mad rush, I’d left my cell phone at home. I was terrified, but somehow I found the courage to go upstairs and look for Lily. There were more dead girls upstairs. All shot in their sleep…they…they all looked so peaceful and there was so little blood, just a small trickle from the single shot to the head. Everyone I found was the same. I got to Lily’s room, terrified to go in, fearing I’d find her gone, or worse, dead…but when I got there I could hear voices inside and somehow I found the courage to sneak in. I crawled in on my hands and knees and hid behind a big chest of drawers. I don’t know what I thought I could do to help her…I just knew I couldn’t leave her.”


Buffy was trembling now and Spike squeezed her hand tightly. “When I was able to look, I could see Lily tied to the bed. There was a doctor performing a cesarean on her and there was another man, who I couldn’t really see. He had his back to me, and my hiding place only gave me a view of the doctor. This other man was leaning over her…he was whispering low and harsh, tormenting her with threats to her and her baby…telling her what he’d do to them both, if she didn’t tell him where she’d hidden the files, implicating the babies’ fathers. Lily was crying and begging for her life and the life of her baby…” Buffy’s eyes snapped to Spike, full of remembered fear.


“Oh God Spike I can still hear her pleas…she was so pitiful…but the man was a monster. He didn’t seem to care and he kept right on threatening her. Never raising his voice once…cold and sinister, he told her he had killed everyone in the house just to get to her…but he promised her he’d let her live if she told him where the files were. I’m not surprised Lily broke and told him where they were, even I believed he meant to let her go…but he didn’t and as soon as her baby was delivered the doctor rushed out of the room with the crying infant, leaving Lily cut wide open. She was screaming after him, begging him to bring her baby back. The man who was tormenting her, moved to the other side of the bed and I got my first real look at him. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Angel…and before I could draw breath to speak his name, he calmly stepped up to Lily and cut her throat.”


Buffy was shaking so badly now, that Spike had to wrap his arms around her to try and quell the involuntary trembling of her body. When her shaking subsided some, he eased away from her and went to get them both a stiff drink.


Cradling her on his lap, Spike held the glass up to her lips, encouraging her to take little sips from the vodka that filled half the glass. Spike took a good swallow himself, shivering again at the story he’d first heard from Angel. Though Buffy’s retelling was from beginning to end, filled with a lot more detail and he wondered if she would tell him what occurred after she’d witnessed Angel murder Lily.


“All finished luv?” he asked, gently.


“Nearly,” she whispered.


She wrapped her arms around his chest and laid her head on his shoulder, seeking comfort.


“I screamed and Angel not recognizing me, reacted by reflex. He raced across the room and lunged at me, the knife still in his hand. I’m sure he intended to use it on me, but at the last moment he realized it was me and pulled back. I was screaming and thrashing under him, trying to get away from him. God there was so much blood…and I kept screaming. Angel slapped me, but it only made me scream louder. In the end, he knocked me out to stop my screams. When I came round, I was back at his apartment.


Shock, horror and disbelief, I was feeling it all…nausea hit me real bad and I was so sick, I thought I must have vomited everything I’d ever eaten. Angel kept me locked in his apartment for two days. At first I was incensed, but gradually I calmed down enough and he confessed everything to me. How he was the head of the LA branch of the family, all about Masters, the drugs, gambling, prostitution and so much more. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing and all I could ask was an ineffective ‘why’, which of course he couldn’t answer to my satisfaction.


He told me the father of Lily’s baby was a very powerful man and he couldn’t have allowed Lily to get away with the child or the files…he said he had to protect the family’s interests. He wouldn’t tell me what happened to Lily’s body, or the other women he’d killed to insure the family’s secrets, but later I found out it was all covered up as a house fire that was supposed to have killed everyone inside. There was no mention of the bodies having bullet wounds or Lily, or anything that would make anyone question what really happened.


Angel explained as long as no one knew about Lily but me, he’d be able to protect me. He told me, Trick didn’t know it was me helping Lily, but he warned me that Trick knew I’d helped other girls in the past, but as long as I stayed away from his girls, I’d be safe. Which is really funny when you think about it, because Trick must’ve already complained to Masters about me before Angel left…and I can only guess he either guessed it was me that helped Lily, or he was just using me as a convenient excuse to explain Lily’s disappearance to the other girls and I’m sure he wasn’t going to tell you about his involvement with Angel and those men. Angel told me they’d made a lot of money, but Masters didn’t know how much. Angel said the venture with the girls and their babies was only experimental and he’d only just branched into recently. The original idea was from Masters, but he wasn’t fully aware of everything and the venture didn’t have his seal of approval as it was still in a trail period…but Angel scrapped it because it was clearly too risky.”


Spike knew that was true, because it was one of the reasons Angel made him promise he would never tell, and he knew Masters would react very badly if he ever found out about Buffy’s involvement in it. Spike now had another secret to keep…though not to protect Angel and Trick, but yet again to protect Buffy.


“I told Angel I never wanted to see him again…never wanted to have anything to do with him or Masters and his family. I told him to stay far away from me and never contact me. He begged me to forgive him, to change my mind…and his pleas nearly broke my heart again and again, but I couldn’t. All I could hear was Lily’s pleas as she begged him to let her live. All I could see when I looked at him was Lily’s blood covering his hands. Everything I ever felt for him he killed when he killed Lily. He told me he’d respect my wishes and leave…turn his back on all of it, just walk away and never come back. He assured me I was safe…that no one but Faith and Cordy knew about us and we both trusted them to keep our secret. So Angel left…and I stayed…broken and broken hearted, trying to pick up the pieces of my life…trying so hard everyday to find ways to live with myself.”


She lifted her head and looked up at him. “Ironically, I was about to hand in my notice at work, but before I could do that, I met you. I went home for a visit with my mom and Dawn, and while there, I did some thinking and when I went back to the agency, I just knew I couldn’t stay there. I’d never be able to really settle in again…but then I met you and everything changed again. Now I know my life will never be the same…it’ll never even really be my life…I’m trapped. Angel ensnared me with his lies. Your hatred for him won’t allow you to let me go…and Masters will kill me if I do anything he perceives as a threat to him and his family.”


She lay wrapped in his arms, still and silent for long moments and Spike thought she must have finished, but then he heard her whisper, “I wish he’d killed me that night…I wish I didn’t know the things I know about him or you or any of it.”


Spike ached for her, her pain was heartbreaking.


Abruptly, she pulled away from him. “I nearly died…not that long ago. I’d just got back from my visit with my family and I was so exhausted from lack of sleep, I decided to take a bath. My mom rang while I was getting it ready and she told me not to fall asleep in the tub. She always says that…but that night, I was so exhausted I did fall asleep and I nearly drowned…” Spike had a bad feeling. She was looking at him angrily. “But the phone rang and woke me up in time…nearly scared the life out of myself. At first I thought it was my mom checking up on me, then I thought it was Angel, which nearly scared the life out of me again…but it was neither of them…was it Spike?”


Spike stared at her and realized she knew about the cameras. Gilbey must have told her everything. “No…it was me,” he whispered. He didn’t want to lie anymore. She said no more secrets and he’d promised.


“You were watching and listening to me all along, weren’t you…that’s why you knew so much about me and my family…that’s even how you knew I’d be with Faith and the girls that day?”


“Yes. Did Gilbey tell you?” he asked, hesitantly. He was unable to judge her mood accurately and that made him nervous. In her present fragile state she was too unpredictable.


“Yes…he told me about the cameras and being followed…and he told me about Wesley working for Angel and how he was to blame for you finding out about me and Angel…because it was Wesley who gave you Angel’s journal.” She gazed at him unblinking, her eyes full of pain and anger.


Spike sighed. “Then he told you the truth. I won’t lie to you Buffy…I promised there’d be no more secrets, so if you’re confrontin’ me with what Gilbey said, then if he told you things that were true I’ll admit to them, but I’ll also tell you straight if he lied, and he lied a great deal more than he told the truth…he wanted to hurt you and he used both truth and lies to do that.”


Buffy smiled sadly. “I know that.” She replied, sighing and looking around her. She blinked at the room as if she hadn’t seen it in years and was only now reacquainting herself with it.


Spike supposed, in a way it was true. She was on a journey of sorts and now she’d reached the end…or an end, but she was unsure what came next.


“I’m hungry…are you?” she asked.


Spike laughed, nervous and relieved, recognizing she was still strong and that her survival instincts would insure she got through this. “You know, I am a bit peckish luv.”


“Peckish?” she asked, puzzled.


She was moving back across the bed, heading for her shorts and t-shirt.


“British slang for hungry pet.”


“OH!”


*****


“Spike?”


“Yes, pet.”


“What happens now?”


“What’d you mean pet?”


She raised her head from her position on the sun-bed and looked at Spike. He was sitting at her feet, giving her a foot rub. Her headache was finally fading and she’d ventured out onto the deck and the late afternoon sun. “Well, you’ve got all those new clients and Masters has given you the LA branch to run…and Angel has gone, so what happens now?”


Spike thought about that for a moment. He could answer in so many different ways. The last twenty-four hours had seen them make the greatest moves forward and he finally felt he didn’t need to be as cautious with his reply, as he once would have. Spike could feel the pressure easing up already and hope was beginning to find new growth in his heart.


“Well pet, I guess we jus’ get on with livin’ our lives and now that you’re safe from Masters and anyone else who might try and hurt you…things will be a lot different.” He reached for more lotion and started massaging her other foot. “You’ll be able to ‘ave a lot more freedom…you won’t need Cooper as much…but he’ll still ‘ave to be your bodyguard on certain occasions, and if you prefer, you can choose whether or not you want to keep being my PA. Though I’d prefer if you did…I like being with you, but it’s up to you and I think you might be pleasantly surprised by some of the other changes that will probably occur at the mansion and in our lives, but I guess we’ll jus’ ‘ave to wait and see ‘bout the rest. I’m sure life will unfold in its usual unpredictable fashion. Which is the same for everyone…in that, we’ll be no different than anyone else, I’ve also arranged for you to see a counselor, someone not connected with the family.”


“A counselor?” She was frowning.


“I think it’s for the best luv…you’ve suffered a lot and I’m sure it will help to talk it through with a professional.” He thought she looked uncertain and he rushed to reassure her. “I’ll be with you pet. I’ll even stay with you if you want me to.”


She looked at him steadily. “What about you? Will you talk to a counselor?”


Spike stared at her, a look of pure terror filling his eyes.


She understood his fear…she even felt it. She tried to reassure him and repeated his words to her. “I’ll be with you…and I’ll even stay with you if you want me to,” she whispered.


Spike realized he couldn’t very well ask her to see a counselor and talk about her attack if he was unwilling to do the same thing, but could he do it? All those years of buried pain and shame…could he talk about it to a stranger? He looked at Buffy. He’d told her their lives would be hard work and this was certainly very hard. Suddenly, awareness filtered through and he realized why he had stuck with Dru for so many years…it wasn’t because he’d loved her. It was because he wanted to help her…to somehow minimize the abuse for her because he couldn’t minimize it for himself. He tired to protect her because he couldn’t protect himself. He looked at Buffy and realized this time things would be very different. She was nothing like Drusilla and she understood him and what he needed. He’d told her she made him feel like a man again and now she was telling him, she would support him and guide him as he tried to recover some more of the man he used to be…the man he wanted to be for her.


Spike blinked back the tears that stung his eyes. “That’s a good idea Buffy…we’ll be there for each other.”


She leaned up and brushed her hand over his cheek. She smiled and sighed softly before kissing him lightly on the lips.


As she settled back, Spike knew they had just taken their first steps into the future together…as friends and equals.


In her heart, Buffy knew he would do it. Hope swelled inside her and she allowed herself to believe in a future. She changed the subject, wanting to distract both of them. She was understandably curious about the other things he’d hinted at. “What are the other changes?”


Spike chuckled. She was childlike in her curiosity sometimes. “Luke asked me if I would consent to Faith givin’ up workin’ for the escort agency and movin’ in with him–”


“WHAT!” She sat bolt upright and gaped at him.


“I know, I couldn’t believe it either…but it’s the truth. He’s probably going to ask her sometime over the weekend.”


“But Luke – Faith – moving into the mansion – and giving up working for Glory. Are you sure?” Her eyes were bugging out with her surprise.


“Yes I’m sure. I talked to him before we left yesterday so it’s still pretty fresh in my mind.” He chuckled at the shocked expression on her face. He was actually enjoying himself.


“What did you tell him?” Buffy was reeling with this bit of information.


Spike shrugged casually. “I first asked him his reasons for wantin’ to do it and he gave me a couple of very good ones, which I couldn’t disagree with…so I gave him my consent.”


“What were the reasons?”


“Well, the first one was, it’s always been my policy to give the men a bonus of some sort when we’ve successfully completed a job. Luke wanted my permission to bring Faith to live at the mansion as his bonus. I warned him she might say no, but he said it was up to her, but she’d at least ‘ave more choices than she does now. He also wanted to know if he could find her a legitimate job within the family, maybe something in one of the hotels or one of the model agencies. He seemed to think I owed it to her…which was his second reason by the way…and I agreed with him.”


Buffy stared at him, holding her breath.


Spike plunged on deciding now was as good a time as any to tell her a little more about the other changes he intended to make. “Cordelia and Harmony are also included in that…and when we get back, I’ll speak to them and let them know they’re free to go if they want to...in fact, I’ll be closin’ down all the escort agencies and Trick and the other pimps that worked for Angel are definitely going. With the influx of new business, I don’t need or want them…it’ll take a bit of time, but I’ll do it.” He told her.


“Really…you mean it? What will Masters say when he finds out you’ve shut down Glory and Trick? I mean…all those girls and the business they generate?” she asked, breathlessly.


“Yes I mean it, and Masters gave me the LA branch to run…so I’ll run it, but I won’t run it the same way Angel did and if I say the prostitutes go, then they go. I told you with the new businesses I don’t need them. In fact, I’d be a fool to spread myself so thin, and besides, all those illegal businesses that were so closely linked to Angel…I’ll eventually wean away from. I don’t need to be livin’ in his shadow, workin’ with people who were loyal to him.” He leaned forward and brushed her face gently with the back of his hand. “I never got round to tellin’ you exactly how many new businesses signed up with us…did I?”


Buffy shook her head, dumbstruck.


He sighed, smiling. “One hundred and five…Masters was overjoyed and the best news pet, is that jus’ ‘bout all of them are legitimate businesses. It would seem Angel was too busy runnin’ the illegal side of things to really pursue the legitimate businesses. Now I know it’s going to be hard work dissolvin’ the illegal ones and it might raise some questions, but as long as we’re showin’ equal or better profits, Masters won’t ‘ave anythin’ to complain ‘bout. It’ll take time and hard work, but LA is mine Buffy…you do realize what I’m tellin’ you…don’t you?”


Thunderstruck, she nodded. “You mean to turn the LA branch into a completely legitimate operation,” she whispered.


He laughed at her incredulous expression. “I always knew you were clever Ms. Summers.” He swooped in and kissed her on the cheek. “Five years Buffy…jus’ give me five years and I promise you, I’ll ‘ave gotten shot of all the illegal stuff and replaced it with completely legitimate businesses, but of course to do that I’ll need a really good PA to help me with all the organisin’ and plannin’ and trouble shooting. OH! And I better not forget they’ll ‘ave to be patient and calm and motivated and it won’t hurt if they’re easy on the eye…” he chuckled and smirked sexily at her. “I did think I’d found the perfect girl, but I’m not too sure she wants the job anymore…” he looked at her expectantly.


“OH! I do…I do.” She kneeled up on the sun bed, laughing.


He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her softly. “Oh thank God…‘cause I really don’t think I could do it without you luv.” She hugged him back fiercely. Spike revelled in her joy for a moment, but then pushed her back to arms length. “We’ll be a team pet, and together we’ll change things. We’ll ‘ave to work secretly at first, but jus’ until the legitimate businesses show the better profits, but after that, there’ll be no need to hide what we’re doing, but that don’t mean I can run things differently. I’ll still ‘ave to maintain discipline and keep rules…I can’t ‘ave people thinkin’ I’ve gone soft. So don’t go getting’ any ides ‘bout me being a different bloke, ‘cause we both know it won’t be true…I am what I am Buffy…okay?”


Buffy knew that wasn’t true, but she wasn’t going to argue with him. She knew he was just hiding again. She was nodding her head and smiling hesitantly with a cautious joy shinning in her eyes. Spike just knew they were both going to have to work hard at the changes, but over time things would change more to her liking, enough he hoped, so she would be able to live easier with herself and with him.


*************************************************************
TBS...soon