Chapter Twenty.

Mad Love.


The night air was warm and the sweet spiraling fragrance of the summer blooming flowers drifted up to the balcony. Lost in her turbulent thoughts, Buffy gazed down into the gardens but the beauty of the twin fountains failed to penetrate her mounting resentment. She heard a knock at the outer door and saw Spike cross the sitting room to open it for Jonathan.

When Spike turned and saw her standing on the balcony, he came out to stand next to her. He raked his eyes over her, arching a brow at her outfit. Annoyed, Buffy turned slightly to face him, and without blushing she matched his arched brow with one of her own. Spike frowned, but said nothing.

Jonathan, sensing the tension, quickly set out the dinner things and left. Not waiting for Spike, Buffy seated herself at the table and began to eat.

Coldly Spike sat opposite, silently studying her. Normally she’d have been happy to talk to him, but he figured she was punishing him for having her belongings moved into his room.

Irritated, he told himself he didn’t care. She’d get use to things and it would be better and easier if she saw he meant what he said. There was no use going soft and backing down now. His bad mood simmered.

Spike tried to draw her into light conversation but she blatantly ignored him. He continued to talk, relating any topic he could think of that didn’t require her making an active response. By the end of the meal, he was annoyed and frustrated by her stubborn behavior.

When he couldn’t get though to her, he resorted to anger. Slamming his hand onto the table, he yelled. “How much of this childishness do you expect me to put up with?”

“Let me go and you won’t have to put up with it at all,” she yelled back.

“If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, I’ll NEVER let you go,” he shouted.

“Then you’d better get used to it,” she fumed.

Spike snapped. A red haze descended over him and in a burst of temper, he caught hold of the table and over turned it in one quick motion, sending it and its contents, crashing to the floor. Buffy screamed, flinching away from him. Spike caught hold of her arm and pulled her from the chair. He hoisted her, kicking and screaming over his shoulder and marched down the length of the balcony towards his room. He kicked the door open and flipped her onto the bed, straddling her hips.

“I’m gettin’ really fuckin’ fed up with this Buffy. When are you goin’ to get it through your bleedin’ stubborn head, you’re ‘ere for good?” She tried to push him away, but he caught her hands and held them firmly. Spike was determined to let her know who was in control.

She struggled under him, trying to buck him off, shouting and crying at him to let her go. Vaguely, she wondered how many times she was going to have to go through this. She fought as best as she could, but he was much stronger than her, and eventually she exhausted herself.

Spike waited for her wild thrashings to dwindle to weak struggles. It didn’t take long for her to wear herself out. Her cries faded into soft sobs as he continued to hold her down.

“What the bloody hell do I ‘ave to do to make you understand?” he whispered with menace. “I’m sick of you misbehavin’. Maybe it’s my fault you don’t take me seriously. Maybe I should’ve gone to greater lengths to prove to you I mean what I say.”

Buffy was breathing hard and squirming in his grip but she was unable to break his hold on her. She could see Spike was boiling mad, but some how she just didn’t care. Despite the warning Wesley had given her, she foolishly goaded him.

“What are you going to do…beat me again…rape me?” she spat at him.

His eyes narrowed dangerously and a muscle twitched in his jaw. He gripped her hands in one of his and pulled the tie he was wearing off. He looped it over her hands and pulled it tight. Buffy gasped and fought to free herself, but he quickly secured the end of the tie to an ornate newel on the headboard.

While Buffy was gasping and struggling with the necktie, Spike hopped off the bed and found another couple of ties to secure her legs. Frightened, Buffy wondered how far he was going to take this.

Spike was back on the bed, removing her shoes and ignoring her please to stop. He tied her ankles to the footboard, spreading them wide. When he finished tying the last knot at her ankle, he tugged viciously at the bindings, making sure they were secure. Buffy bit back a cry as the silk fabric cut into her tender skin. She could hardly believe he was doing this. Frantically she tried to reason with him, but he wouldn’t answer her. She knew she was babbling, but she was desperate to get through to him. She kept begging and pleading with him to release her.

Rolling his eyes and sighing heavily, Spike snapped at her. “Will you shut the fuck up, before I gag you?”

“You wouldn’t,” she gasped, horrified.

His face was thunderous. “You jus’ don’t get it do you? Let me spell it out for you Buffy…I’m the one in charge…and I’ve been the one controlling you from the moment you stepped into my limo and I’ll be the one in control every single day you live ‘ere.” He loomed over her, his face full of rage. Buffy was terrified. She’d never seen him so angry.

“Please let me go,” she whimpered.

“That’s it, … if you won’t shut up I’ll bleedin’ make you shut up,” he snapped.

Spike searched in the drawers until he found a silk scarf. He held it close to her face. “Now are you goin’ to keep quiet or do I gag you?”

She shook her head and kept quiet. He dropped the scarf on the pillow next to her. “If you say one more word, I’ll gag you… do you understand?” His voice was full of anger.

She nodded her head. Spike’s eyes bored into her as he pinned her with his stare. Finally he moved back, rummaging around in his pockets. He pulled out a switchblade. Buffy jumped, screaming softly when he flicked it open.

Holding the blade lightly in his fingers, Spike slowly brought the knife towards her. Terrified, Buffy tensed not knowing what to expect. She lifted her head and saw him cut her skirt. The blade was very sharp, slicing through the black fabric like it was cream cheese. Fearing he might cut her, she flinched when she felt the cold metal graze her stomach, but he was very skilled, controlling the blade with ease. After a few more strokes, her skirt was in tatters. Buffy whimpered, unable to stop the trembling from overtaking her body. Spike pushed the ruined fabric out of his way but didn’t stop there. Next, he attacked her sparkly top. With one long cut up the center and then on each strap, it too was in shreds.

Buffy was breathing hard.

Spike angrily pushed the ribbons of her clothes back, exposing her lean tanned body. She was wearing a black lacy bra and thong. He studied her trembling body, savoring the sight, but too enraged to enjoy it for long. Using the blade, he cut away the lacy garments. God! She’s so beautiful. Her eyes fearfully followed his hand as he placed the knife on the bedside cabinet. Smirking cruelly, he spread her hair out over the pillow and gazed at her.

His cock was hard and throbbing, just from looking at her. Spike breathed deeply, trying to control the feelings of desire and need swelling inside him. He was almost afraid to touch her. She was so lovely with her perfect hair and skin, gleaming with a golden sheen. She was a perfect Golden Girl.

The thought froze him. Angel’s words came back to haunt him My Golden Girl. That’s what Angel called her in his journals. Has Angel seen her looking like this, all stretched out, naked, golden and glistening, in the light of a bedroom somewhere in the past? Fury raced along his veins at the thought.

He gritted his teeth while he tried to push back his anger but after talking to Angel, he found it impossible to shake the image of the two of them together.

Spike was aggravated. He tore the jacket from his back and tossed it to the floor, swiftly followed by his shirt and pants. He stood beside the bed naked and angry, looking at Buffy. His beautiful Buffy was all tied down on his bed and spread wide for him, but she wasn’t willing. After their encounter this afternoon, he knew he’d never want her any other way but willing, but she didn’t know that. He had to make her understand who was in charge. He couldn’t have her trying to get the better of him. He needed to teach her a hard and sharp lesson.

Her eyes were shut tight and her face was turned away from him. She was trembling.

“Look at me Buffy,” he commanded.

Too afraid not to do as he told her, Buffy looked at him. She gasped when she saw he was naked and fully aroused.

“Should I rape you Buffy?” he said softly.

She violently shook her head.

“Oh…I think maybe you want me to.” She shook her head in fear, tears shimmering in her eyes. “I think you’d like it if I jus’ took you.” She shook her head no, and flinched when she felt his fingers graze her leg. “Oh …you seemed to like what we were doin’ earlier …perhaps I could persuade you to enjoy it.” She flinched again, when his fingers lightly swirled through the curls between her legs.

Spike climbed onto the bed, kneeling between her thighs. Her eyes were wild and full of fear. He could almost hear the scream on her lips. “You’re afraid …aren’t you?” She nodded her head. “Good…you should be…I could do anythin’ I like to you.” Gently he pushed a finger inside her. She whimpered. “Oh… you’re a bit dry luv…let me see what I can do to help you with that. I think I need to get you in the mood …you know…a little foreplay.”

He hopped off the bed and vanished into the bathroom. Buffy lay trembling in fright, dreading his return. When he came back, he was holding a bag. She sobbed when he spilled the contents onto the bed next to her. Buffy didn’t recognize all of the items, but there were three vibrators of different widths and lengths, a long string of beads, a blindfold, a small ring, a leather strap and a few other things she couldn’t quite see in the jumbled heap.

“After I spoke to your friend Anya, I went shoppin’ for you and look at all the nice things I found.” His tone was sugar sweet and full of malice. “She really does know all the good shops.”

Buffy was breathing hard. She was so frightened he’d hurt her for real this time. She’d never seen him like this before. She didn’t know what to do or how to reach him, to get him to stop or even to deflect his purpose. She was afraid to speak in case he really did gag her.

Wesley had warned her and she’d foolishly thought she could handle Spike and his temper. Now she realized she’d never seen the full force of his rage unleashed. All she could do was hold on and pray he didn’t really want to hurt her.

Spike bent his head to her pussy, caressing her entire length with long feather like strokes. Buffy flinched when she felt him spread her wide and gently push a finger into her. She shuddered when he flicked her clit with his stiffened tongue. Slowly he worked at her, sucking and licking her clit as he steadily pumped his finger into her. Apprehensively, Buffy kept still while he held her open to his ravenous mouth. Spike didn’t let her lack of response bother him as he swirled his tongue over her soft folds, quickening his pace with glee.

Buffy instinctively moaned, struggling to stay calm as her body reacted to his expert explorations. While trying to twist away from his mouth, she inadvertently pulled on the ties. They tightened with her movements, biting deeply into her wrists and ankles. She whimpered in pain.

Spike smirked at her weak efforts to evade him. He caught her thighs, pushing them further apart he buried his mouth in her pussy, licking and sucking her to a frenzy of anguished cries. He plunged his fingers into her until a river of her juices flowed. He was delighted by her body’s responses, even if she tried to deny the attraction between them, she’d never be able to deny how his touch made her wither with need and desire. Even if it was against her will, he was going to make sure she never tried to deny, it was him that filled her with those sensations.

Spike could tell she was reaching a crisis point. Her hips were rising up to meet his fingers and she was panting desperately. He crawled up her body kissing her forcefully. He pushed his tongue into her mouth, letting her taste herself on his lips. She groaned as Spike continued to pump his fingers into her at a frantic pace. He rubbed her clit with his thump, swirling her juices over her wet flesh with an agonizingly gentle touch, cruelly holding her from the edge.

Buffy screamed into his mouth, tears of tortured pleasure rolling from her eyes as he fucked her with his fingers.

“What’s the matter Buffy…don’t you like it?”

She glared at him distressed and gasping, shaking her head in denial of her body’s obvious pleasure.

Spike was furious. He pulled her to him and kissed her viciously, grinding their mouths together and cutting her lips with his teeth. When he pulled back, Buffy could see her blood on his lips.

“LIAR,” he hissed.

Buffy cried out. His touch turned painful as his fingers twisted in her core and pinched her clit. He raised his other hand to her breast, cruelly pinching her nipple, causing her to gasp and buck under his hands.

Spike smirked nastily at her. “Do you like this better…is this what you want?”

She screamed, thrashing her head from side to side. Spike lowered his head and suckled softly at the breast he just pinched, laving at the bruised flesh, gently soothing it with wet strokes of his tongue. He withdrew his fingers from her pussy and reached over her to pick up a slim vibrator. It was smooth and long. Buffy turned to him, pleading with her eyes, silently begging him not to hurt her.

“Let’s see if you like this better.” He rubbed the vibrator against her core, coating it with her juices before pushing it slowly inside her. Buffy tensed when she felt the cold object penetrate her. She sobbed as she tried to bury her face at his shoulder but he pulled back from her, watching her face. She was a picture of combined humiliation and desire. Spike chuckled as Buffy’s body continued to betray her.

Slowly he began fucking her with the vibrator, gently drawing it in and out of her. She moaned and writhed as he pumped her. Soon, she was gasping and panting in need. He positioned himself back between her thighs, thrusting the vibrator into her with a staggering speed. Buffy bucked forward, unable to help herself. Her body was on fire with unfulfilled need. She was so close but still he managed to hold her back. A fine sweat coated her skin and she was quaking all over. Desperately, she looked at him with anxious eyes. He raised his gaze from her pussy and held her look. Buffy flinched from his furious stare.

“Somethin’ you need baby?” he smirked. She turned her face away from him, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing her need. She whimpered when he twisted the vibrator high inside her.

Suddenly she screamed, arching off the bed as he turned the vibrator on, twisting it to its highest setting. She bucked and thrashed under the assault, her entire body going into sensory overload. Buffy screamed again and again trying to pull her body away from the torture device but the ties cut painfully into her skin and Spike didn’t let up. He continued to pump into her with cruel intensity, shocking her with the immense and unexpected feelings of painful pleasure.

She never imagined, never guessed. It seemed to go on forever. Buffy was becoming desperate as her vision swam in and out of focus. She thought she was going to pass out from the combination of pain and pleasure, making her quiver and cry out in need.

Spike pulled the vibrator from her aching core and dipped his head to capture the moisture flowing from her. Gently, he licked her center and softly sucked on her clit. He knew Buffy was in agony and incensed with the overwhelming need to climax. Now was the time to bend her to his will.

Gently he washed her pussy with his tongue, relishing in the sweet salty taste of her, calming her tingling flesh. He kissed a trial up her body, stopping to lave at her naval with soft wet licks until her breathing began to return to normal. Placing tiny kisses across her breasts, he felt her speeding heart gradually slow. He worked his way higher, up her neck and then to her face, kissing her cheeks and lips.

Spike lay along her body, nestling his aroused cock between her legs, rubbing their heated sexes together. Buffy tensed, gasping she looked into his lust filled eyes. Fear and panic swelled in her as she whimpered beneath him.

Spike struggled to control the urge to push inside her. He could feel her wet folds caressing his hard shaft. He swallowed back a tortured groan. Pushing back his desires he reached down between them and gently rubbed her aching nub, reveling in her moans of need. He kissed her neck and sucked on the beating pulse point as he swirled his fingers back and fourth over her clit.

“Do you want to come Buffy?” He whispered against her neck. She didn’t answer and he realized she probably thought he was trying to trick her. “Its okay luv, you can tell me. I won’t be angry if you speak.”

As soon as he’d given permission, she gasped out in a strangled voice. “I hate you.”

He chuckled, unaffected by her words. “I’m sure you do, but do you want to come? And don’t lie.” He pushed on her clit with a firm thumb, causing her to pant and tremble.

He saw her bite her lip, effectively holding back a reply then he rubbed her clit with rapid strokes while nibbling at her ear. Buffy jerked under his hand, trying to push herself onto his fingers, but he slipped them into her flowing core, avoiding her throbbing clit.

“Tell me you want to come…say it Buffy and I’ll make it happen for you. If you don’t say it, I’ll leave you tied to this bed all night.” He threatened.

Buffy groaned, choking back a sob.

Pumping his fingers gently in her center, he worked her back up to a quivering mass of desire. He pitched his voice low and whispered “Say you want me to make you come…c’mon baby…say make me come.”

He felt her inner walls flutter. She was so close and panting loudly as her body arched under him then he heard her whisper something. He wasn’t sure what it was but he could guess.

“Say it louder Buffy…say…please make me come Spike…c’mon baby, say it,” he coaxed seductively.

“Please…please…oh…oh!…I can’t take any more…I need…” she trailed off, moaning.

“Then say it and it will all be over. I promise baby…jus’ say it…say you want me to make you come.”

“I want…you to….OH!…OH!…Make me….come.” she panted desperately.

He kissed her face and neck, his fingers thrusting into her rapidly. “Good girl…now say…please make me come Spike.” He murmured into her ear, rocking his body against hers, groaning from the friction as his cock rubbed erotically against her slick flesh.

Buffy’s willpower shattered. Her mind and body pushed too far by the glorious sensation of his hard body sliding over hers. Babbling and begging, she pleaded with him. “OH! GOD! PLEASE…please Spike…I want to come…please make me come…Spike…please…PLEASE…OH! OH!”

He plunged his fingers into her, searching for her G-spot. When he found the little bundle of nerves, he gently pressed and rubbed with just enough pressure, while his thumb rapidly rubbed her clit.

Buffy came undone, shouting and screaming as her orgasm crashed through her. She gasped in shock at the painful pleasure suffusing every part of her as he prolonged her climax with his talented fingers. Never had she experienced anything like it. She spiraled on as the waves of her orgasm swept through her. Finally she collapsed, spent and shaking in the after shocks. Spike rolled off her quaking body and gently rocked her.

Only the sound of her harsh breathing filled the room. Spike lay next to her, silently watching her calm down. Eventually Buffy became aware of his strange silence. Panting softly, she looked at him. His eyes were heavy with undisguised lust as he gazed at her heaving breasts. Slowly he kneeled and straddled her hips.

Buffy frowned, unsure of what he was going to do. She swallowed nervously when he took hold of his engorged cock and slowly began to pump it. He fondled her sweat-slicked breasts, silently holding her gaze as he continued to stroke himself. Buffy was unnerved by the silence unsure if he would allow her to speak, afraid he might still gag her. She remained quiet.

Spike broke eye contact to gaze lustfully at her breasts and mouth. Kneeling up, he moved closer to her face.

“Open your mouth,” he whispered hoarsely.

Shock registered on her face. She looked at him. She could see he meant it. His eyes were still filled with anger, simmering just behind the lust.

“Do as you’re told Buffy or it won’t go well for you.” He saw her puzzled expression and explained. “I’ll put my little toy back inside you and leave it switched on all night. With you all tied up, you won’t be able to take it out. I imagine the intensity would be torturous if I left it on its highest settin’. So if you don’t open your mouth and suck my cock…that’s exactly what I’ll do.”

Tears sprang to her eyes as she meekly opened her mouth. Spike groaned as he pushed inside while he held the headboard for leverage. Slowly he thrust his cock in and out of her mouth, trying not to choke her as he increased the pace. He would admit it wasn’t as enjoyable as the glorious blowjob she’d given him in the poolroom but Spike found he was just as turned on by dominating her, as he was when she’d freely participated.

He groaned and thrust faster. Her warm wet mouth felt like heaven and Spike knew he wouldn’t be able to last long. He was too aroused by her mouth and tongue to hold back. He looked down at her and felt a sudden urge to hear her beg. She looked so fucking gorgeous with his hard cock sliding in and out of her pretty mouth. She moaned as she sucked on him. Spike wanted to believe it was in pleasure but he knew it was probably in loathing. He pushed the thought aside, determined she would never again question his control.

He grunted, feeling his climax approaching. He thrust a few more times into her mouth and reluctantly pulled away from her sweet lips to move further down her body, positioning himself over her breasts.

“You ‘ave such a gorgeous mouth Buffy and regardless of what you might think…I think you’re very, very good at suckin’ me off.” He groaned as he stroked his hard wet cock. “But I think I’d like to take you up on that offer and come all over your pretty tits.”

Buffy was panting. Her gaze fixed on the movements of his hand as he stroked himself. For a second, Spike saw desire flare deep in the green depths of her eyes but it was gone as quickly as it came. Spike was surprised when he realized a part of her was getting off on what he was doing. This thrilled and aroused him even more. He smiled. She was his and it wouldn’t be long before she was unable to deny it.

He roared his climax, spilling his seed all over her breasts. Buffy gasped when his hot semen splashed on her. Spike rubbed the liquid into her skin, fondling her breasts and gently pinching her nipples as he pumped himself to completion. He lifted his hand and painted her lips with the salty moisture before pushing his fingers into her mouth. She sucked them softly. Spike smiled. He was pleased she’d anticipated him.

Finally sated, he moved off of her and spooned against her side while he rubbed his drying juices over her breasts, her stomach and across her hips.

Buffy felt him twist on the bed and flinched when she saw the blade in his
hands, but he only reached above them and to cut the tie that bound her wrists.

“Stay still,” he warned. “If you move too quickly, the blood rushin’ back into your hands will be very painful.” He sat up and cut the ties on her ankles.

Buffy lay still, trying hard not to move her aching limbs. Spike got off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. Seconds later, he returned with a hot washcloth. Using it he gently massaged her arms, slowly helping to restore her circulation. When she could move more freely, he spooned against her, brushing back her sweaty hair from her brow and covering her trembling limbs with his own.

“Now do you see Buffy…I’m in control of you, your life, and your body…it’s all mine whether you like it or not.” He kissed her lips softly. “I’d rather you were willin’ Buffy and I know I promised you I wouldn’t take you by force, but you pushed me too far and now you know, you can’t jus’ keep actin’ up and not ‘ave to pay a price for it.”

He gently massaged her bruised wrists. “I don’t want to ‘urt you luv, but it would be better for you, if you remembered that it doesn’t mean I won’t if you push me.” He kissed the red marks on her wrists and ankles. “And Buffy…” He held her eyes with a steady look, freezing her with his blue gaze. “Don’t ever, ask me to let you go again…do you understand?”

Holding her breath with tears shinning in her pretty green eyes, she nodded her head.

“Good girl.” He whispered, softly kissing her wrists.

He left her on the bed for a few moments while he went to turn on the shower. He set the water to a comfortable temperature and retrieved her unresisting body from the bed to carry her to the shower. He stepped in with her, holding her passive form under the spray while he soaped up a sponge and gently washed away all the sweat and semen from her luscious flesh. She gazed at him with wide dazed eyes, yielding to him silently as he whispered to her. When he was satisfied she was clean, he turned his attention to her hair. He shampooed the long lengths with slow gentle fingers, taking his time to massage her scalp thoroughly.

The combination of the hot water and his soothing fingers on her aching body lulled Buffy. Soon she was slipping into a tranquil state, her eyes closed as she swayed into him, allowing him to hold her without protest.

Spike was finally coming out of his black mood. The girl in his arms was so beautiful. He couldn’t believe the force of the encounters between them. Each time he was with her, she drove him to distraction; even now he could feel his body responding to her. He felt a sense of satisfaction, knowing she was bending to his will. Her responses left him breathless and aching for more, he was completely determined to win her over.

Spike washed himself quickly. He could see she was drowsily swaying on her feet, so he turned off the water and grabbed a towel, patting her dry. Snagging another towel, he gently rubbed her hair nearly dry. She tried to take it from him but he gently pushed her hands away, pleased she didn’t try to fight him.

He couldn’t see her fuzzy bathrobe behind the door, so he took his down and wrapped her in its large folds then wrapping a towel around his hips he took her by the hand and guided her back into the bedroom. Spike sat her down at the dressing table and stood behind her. He un-wrapped the towel from her hair and carefully began to comb through it. Her eyes sleepily watched him in the mirror, and for once, Spike couldn’t read what she was feeling.

Once he deemed her hair dry enough, Spike left her at the dressing table to tidy the bed. He swept the sex toys into the drawer of the bedside cabinet and removed the tattered remains of his ties from the foot and headboards. Spike felt a pang of remorse when he picked up her shredded clothes. He glanced at her sitting mutely at the dressing table, feeling a flash of guilt for the fear he must have caused her.

His anger had run its course and his desperation to make her accept his control and authority had drained away. Now, he was left feeling equally desperate to know he hadn’t destroyed whatever tentative beginnings he’d thought were developing.

Spike glanced at her again. She looked so tiny swathed in his robe, her slightly damp hair lying dark around her pale face. Their eyes met in the mirror and he felt a sudden fierce possessiveness for this doll like woman. Then he remembered what Angel had said about her earlier. He strode towards her with purpose. Scooping her up, he carried her to the bed and stripped her of his robe before placing her naked underneath the covers.

He bent his head and kissed her, gently at first, drawing her unresponsive mouth to join his as he deepened the kiss to passionate heights. When he pulled back, she was panting. Oh yes! She belongs to me, he thought.

Spike stepped away from the bed to the wardrobe. He pulled out clean clothes and dressed quickly then crouched down beside Buffy and gently caressed her face. She blinked up at him.

“I wish I could stay with you luv, but I ‘ave some business to attend to. Try and get some sleep and I’ll be back in a few hours.” He kissed her cheek. “I won’t lock the door, so if you need anythin’ jus’ call the guard at the front door and he’ll come and get me.”

Quickly before he could change his mind and climb into bed with her, Spike left, turning off the lamps as he made his way to the door. He didn’t hesitate in crossing the room, but marched directly to the main door. Gilbey was standing in the hallway, waiting for him. Spike glanced at his watch.

“Well?” He barked at the scarred man.

“Luke just called…they’ll be here in ten minutes.”

“Okay…let’s go. We’ll wait downstairs.” He glanced back at the sitting room door. A strange sense of nervousness flushed through him but he couldn’t decide whether it was because he was about to see Drusilla again or because he was leaving Buffy alone in his bed for the first time. He shrugged and pushed away the feeling, walking towards the elevator. He was anxious to get the next few hours out of the way. He sighed heavily as the electric doors closed; taking him down to the ground floor and to the only woman he’d ever loved.

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TBC...soon...that's assuming you still want more at this point?

Now I think I hear an angry mob making its way to my door…and are those cries of…‘lynch her’…‘burn her at the stake’…I hear???
And yet…I still invite you to leave reviews…OH BOY!

 

Chapter Twenty One.

Tea and Cake.


There were a multitude of stars filling the night sky and the air had turned cold but Spike was more concerned with Drusilla’s arrival, then with taking the time to gaze at the beauty of the heavens.


He smoked as he paced and found his thoughts wandering to the girl in his
bed, rather than to the woman who was expected at any moment. Buffy was
taking up way too much of his time. He needed to put things back into
prospective. She was his hostage and the means to making Angel suffer. The fact that she was beautiful and desirable was a bonus and the way she persisted in doing her damnedest to resist him, only tantalized him to distraction. Yes, that was it. Once he fucked her, her appeal and the strange thrall she had over him would begin to dissipate.


Aaargh! Who the hell was he kidding – he wanted her, and not just to fuck
her but every part of her. Her smiles and laughter as well as her sassy backchat and angry little frowns. Thoughts of her constantly filled his head. Spike wondered with a sense of longing what she thought of him.


She probably really does hate me. I’ve turned her whole life upside down, kidnapped her and forced her to sacrifice her friends and compromise herself. Coerced and coaxed her into sex, and all I do is lose my temper whenever she defies me.


But he knew after talking to Angel earlier, he should have stayed away from
her. The things Angel said only fueled his feelings of frustration and anger towards Buffy.


He was so mad at her for running out on him in the poolroom, he’d forgotten all about his distaste in sharing with Angel any of the details of his more pleasant dealings with Buffy. He’d gone to see Angel with the sole purpose of tormenting him and yet, he found it was himself who was being tormented by Angel’s constant blather about his time with Buffy.


Spike had no doubt about Angel’s feelings concerning the petite blonde. He was in love with her as much as ever and this too had angered Spike. It didn’t seem right Angel finally got to love someone with an intensity that put his own love for Drusilla into question.


So it was with a great deal of satisfaction Spike told Angel all
about his encounter with Buffy in the poolroom. Angel’s shocked face was the perfect reward to his angry frustrations. When he’d whispered to Angel how Buffy had sweetly requested to blow him, Angel turned as white as a virgins wedding gown and for the first time that Spike could ever remember, Angle was struck speechless. Though he’d left on that note, Spike still walked away feeling inadequate in comparison to Angle’s recounting of a Buffy in love.


Arriving back at his suite, his anger was close to boiling over when he heard the tone of her voice after she asked Wesley if it was Angel’s bed she would be sharing with him. He’d felt an overwhelming rage towards her, remembering the exact same sad tone when he phoned her apartment to save her from drowning in the tub.


God! How he’d wanted to scream at her just for that. She was probably thinking of Angel all the time, worrying about his health and comfort. Well after her fantastic performance in the poolroom, Angel was a good deal more comfortable. The expression on Angel’s face was very gratifying when he’d reminded him that his comfort was thanks too Buffy’s delightful behavior. “Remember mate, how well I treat you depends on how well Buffy treats me…well she’s treating me very, very well…and you get to share in that.”Yes, Angel was a great deal more comfortable and Spike knew the other man hated it.


Spike was fairly sure she would behave differently now. Maybe she wasn’t in love with him and probably never would be but she was his and she knew it. It would be interesting to see how she handled things from this point onwards. Maybe he should test her, just to see how obedient she would be. He wasn’t worried about her losing her spirit, she was stronger then she realized. He believed with confidence, she would cope with the stress of being his mistress.


Mistress…! Where the hell did that thought come from? Only two
minutes ago he was reminding himself she was his hostage. Spike wondered if there was a possibility he really did think of her as his mistress. He smiled at that. Drusilla was still the woman he loved but Buffy was the woman he wanted and even if he did make her his mistress, she would still remain his hostage.


His fantasy resurfaced, and a perfect image of a naked Drusilla and Buffy
flashed before him. He closed his eyes groaning, as the images played out in
his head. All three of them slicked with sweat and arousal, the air heavy with the smell of sex as they worked on each other in a three way suck job. Spike groaned as his cock surged to life. He could see Buffy’s pink lips kissing his cock, while Drusilla ate her out. He knew Drusilla would feast on her with abandon and he longed to see sweet shy Buffy’s first sexual encounter with a woman – but not just any woman – Drusilla. That would be a sweet sight and he found himself anticipating it with glee. Fuck yes! To have both of them at the same time, and on Angel’s bed too, now that would be the sweetest revenge. Maybe he could get Gilbey to set up a secret camera to record the event. Spike imagined showing the film to Angel.


It would take time, lots of time, for innocent Buffy to accept that kind
of relationship, if he could persuade her at all. Hell! He hadn’t managed to
persuade her into accepting him yet. Suddenly, Spike was thrilled at the
thoughts of all the weeks and months he would spend persuading her. His life was full of happy anticipation that thankfully counterbalanced his frustrations. Buffy had certainly made things very interesting.


A car pulled into the driveway. Drusilla had arrived. Spike tossed his cigarette to the gravel and stomped it out. He moved back to the front door as the car stopped before the steps.


Luke got out first, followed by Dixon. There was a flash of dark cloth from
deep inside the interior of the car and then Drusilla was gracefully
stepping onto the driveway. Spike looked at her, drinking in her unique
beauty. She looked pale and tired but she was still striking, her dark hair
falling around her slim shoulders as she stood tall and willowy staring back
at him. Spike was shocked to find the sight of her left him unaffected. He wondered how that was possible. Her beauty had always moved him, but then he realized her betrayal had cut him too deeply this time and things would never be the same again.


Silently he turned his back on her and walked into the house, leaving her to
follow with Luke and Dixon as escorts.


Spike strode into the sitting room and took a seat on the same leather couch
Faith had been dragged off, screaming, by Luke. Drusilla approached, her
eyes fixed on him without so much as a glance at the unfamiliar surroundings she was being guided through. She took a seat opposite him and folded her hands in her lap. Luke came forward, placing an old china doll on the seat next to her. Drusilla looked at the doll for a long moment then nodded her head. Spike recognized the doll as Drusilla’s favorite, Miss. Edith. He frowned at her odd behavior. She seemed to be mumbling to the doll.


Spike had seen Drusilla act very oddly in the past and knew she had a bizarre fondness for the ugly old doll, but he’d never seen her talk to it. What was she up to? The doctor he had spoken to said she’d suffered from a breakdown and needed a specialist care because she could be violent if she was off her meds. Spike had nursed her through some very bad trips and she’d always managed to come out of it, but this behavior was new to him. He looked at her mumbling to the doll as if it were a real person. Frowning, Spike glanced at Luke. The big man shrugged his shoulders.


Spike looked at Dru, “Don’t you ‘ave anythin’ to say to me Dru?” he asked.


“Yes, we’d like some tea,” she replied.


Spike stared at her, TEA! What the bloody hell does she think she’s
playin’ at. “We! Whose we Dru?”


“Why, Miss. Edith and me of course,” Drusilla smiled at him and Spike
felt a shiver run down his spine. What the hell kind of meds was she on? Her
eyes looked empty.


“Dru, do you know where you are?” he asked, concern of a different kind creeping into his voice.


She nodded her head in a childlike fashion. “Yes, we’re in the castle.”


Spike’s brows arched nearly to his hairline. He was beginning to think the doctor hadn’t been completely truthful about how bad Drusilla was. She was acting like a child.


“And do you know who I am?” he asked gently.


“Oh yes, you’re the Prince.” Dru blinked at him with her empty eyes. “Do you like being the Prince, Spike? Will you lock me up like you do my Angel?” she sniffled. Spike shot an angry look at Luke and Dixon. “Or will you hurt me like your poor little golden girl?”


Spike’s shock showed on his face. Did she mean Buffy? He glared at Luke and Dixon, finding it hard to believe either one of them would tell her about Buffy. Seeing the two men return his accusing look with bewildered surprise, he dismissed the idea. Drusilla was humming to the ugly doll, lost in a little world all of her own. Sighing, Spike wondered what he was going to do with her. She seemed so out of it and it was obvious she really was going to need a specialist’s care.


Angel’s reasons for putting her in the clinic now seemed well grounded.
Spike thought he had done it just to get her off his hands, but that didn’t seem to be the case this time. Was it possible he’d misjudged Angel’s motives for placing Drusilla in the clinic?


Sighing, he slumped back in his seat. What to do now? Pushing a hand through his blonde hair, he pondered the problem. All these months planning and scheming to get her back. He’d been so completely consumed with the thoughts of punishing them both, that he hadn’t considered she wouldn’t be aware of herself or her actions. Her condition posed more questions and problems then he cared to consider at that moment.


“Has she been like this since you picked her up?” he asked Luke.


“Mostly… she doesn’t seem to know where she is half the time. She thinks she’s in some half-baked fantasy world. She’s been babbling on about Angel and a castle for the last two hours and she thinks the doll is real.” Luke’s expression said there was more, but he was reluctant to speak it.


Recognizing the look, Spike prompted him. “If there’s more you might as well tell me now, ‘cause you know I don’t like surprises.”


“She knows about Ms. Summers, or at least we think she does. Don’t ask me
how? Maybe Angel talked about her or something, but she knows and the damnedest thing is…she knows she’s here. She kept talking about a Golden Princess who was going to…” Luke glanced at Dixon, who shrugged. Spike saw the exchange.


“WELL!” Spike barked.


“She kept saying the Golden Princess was going to kill the King.” Luke answered, his tone flat.


Spike snorted at the notion. “And if I’m the Prince who the bleedin’ hell is
the King s’posed to be – Angel?” Luke and Dixon shrugged. Spike stared at
Drusilla shaking his head. She was holding the doll on her knee, rocking it
back and forth. Sadly he realized she wasn’t really here, she was in some
far off place with castles, and kings and princesses. It would seem she had left him for good this time.


“What did the Doc say? Did he give any indication she would be alright?” Spike could see Luke shaking his head, slowly, a pained grimace on his face.


“Sorry boss, but the Doc said she had a complete break from reality and
she was displaying the mental state of a six year old. He said in cases like these, it was rare for a person to ever regain their full mental
capabilities.”


Horrified, Spike stared at him, his blood turning to ice water in his veins.


“Boss…she’s going to need round the clock care. Maybe you should think about putting her in one of those nursing homes or something. She can be pretty violent at times and there’s no predicting her moods. She just snaps in and out. We had to knock her out when we caught her trying to take a walk out a twelfth story window. She’s a danger to herself.”


Stunned by what he was hearing, Spike couldn’t help asking. “What the bloody hell did she think she was doing?”


Luke shrugged. “She said she wanted to pick flowers.”


“And why the bleedin’ hell weren’t you watchin’ her?”


“It was the middle of the night boss… somehow she managed to get out of her room without Dixon hearing and knocked him out. It was only because I heard Dix hit the floor that I got to her in time.”


Spike frowned at him and asked hopelessly, “But how’s all this possible…?
She was okay when she left New York…she was–” But in his heart Spike knew he was fooling himself, she had not been herself for months and months. He’d denied her declining mental health, blaming it on Dru’s usual flaky ways.


Luke was shaking his head again. “Sorry boss, but the Doc believes her condition had been deteriorating for years, even as early as her childhood. He said she should have gotten help years ago.”


Now Spike felt sick. Could he have done something to help prevent this? Luke saw his distress and quickly reassured him. “No ones to blame boss, the Doc reckoned with cases like Drusilla’s, a person could live a normal life for years. Unless you knew what to look for, no one would think there was anything wrong. In fact, he said most people would only have found her behavior slightly odd or eccentric and you have to admit boss, that kinda describes Drusilla’s personality accurately.”


Luke was right, but Spike wasn’t really taking it all in. He was staring at Drusilla numb with shock. In that moment his pain and anger at her leaving him drained away.


Angel’s words from that afternoon, hit him with the force of a hurricane. “She needs help…she’s always needed help, and you’re too stubborn to see it.” How many times over the years had he heard Angel say similar things concerning Dru and how many times had he defended her by explaining away her odd behavior, believing Angel was just being malicious. Now it would seem Angel had known all along what he’d refused to believe. Dru was sick and Angel had tried to help her. The realization of this doubly shocked him, how could he have been so blind.


Sick at heart and remorseful, Spike shook himself. He had to look after her. He had to get her the best care money could buy. He had to get her round the clock nurses and if it were possible, he would do everything within his power to see her get well but right now he had to get her settled into her new rooms. He’d arranged for her to be housed on the same floor as his men where she would be easier to watch. He’d planned to torment her with the loss of her freedom, knowing full well how she hated to be cooped up. Now it still seemed the best place for her, but for very different reasons.


“Her rooms are ready. I’ve put her on your floor in the south wing so she’d
be isolated and I don’t see any reason to change that now. She’ll need
guardin’ twenty four hours and I’ll make arrangements to get her some
nursin’ care as soon as possible.” He knew his voice sounded hollow, but he
didn’t care if his men thought of it as a weakness. He was too concerned with getting Dru comfortable.


Looking at the woman sitting in front of him, Spike found it hard to think of her as the Drusilla he had loved for years. This woman looked like his Drusilla, but she wasn’t his any longer. This was a child, a broken child. God help him, he felt like it was his fault. Spike wondered how he was going to live with himself. All he wanted to do was go back upstairs, climb into bed with Buffy and wrap himself around her warm flesh to seek comfort in her arms. He wanted to feel the joy he’d felt that afternoon, when he heard and felt her climax for the first time.


But now he was ashamed of his earlier treatment of her. He’d frightened her
and hurt her. Tied her down and abused her, all to make her accept his
control – and she had – he’d seen it in her eyes. From here on out Buffy
would do whatever he told her to – probably without question. The thought turned his stomach. He couldn’t bear the thought he might have broken her in some way. Spike felt a sudden burning need to talk to her, to reassure himself she was okay, to hear her speak, to see with his own eyes, she was sound and whole in both mind and body.


Quickly he stood and helped Drusilla rise. “C’mon pet, come with me,” he
said softly.


Bewildered she asked, “Where are we going?”


“To your new rooms.”


“Can we have tea then?”


“Yes pet.”


“Oooh and can we have cake?” she asked hopefully.


“Yes pet.” He smiled at her, patting her hand as he led her to the elevator.


She chatted non-stop all the way to her new rooms, babbling on about Miss.
Edith and castles and cake. Spike answered her patiently, talking to her and
softly reassuring her whenever necessary.


Once they got to her rooms, Spike ordered the tea and cake. He even stayed
quietly talking to her. She seemed frightened when he got up to go, so he helped her get ready for bed, tenderly undressing her and placing her
beneath the covers. He sat with her in the dark holding her hand, until she
fell asleep while tears of loss silently slid down his face.


*****


Spike crept into his darkened room. Not wanting to disturb Buffy, he stood
silently watching her sleep, feeling a small measure of calm touch his
troubled heart. Should he wake her, he wondered. He dismissed the idea as
selfish and decided to let her sleep. The heavy mood that had settled on him
at finding Drusilla broken, remained as he slowly undressed and climbed into bed. He kept his distance, knowing Buffy wouldn’t appreciate it, if she woke and found him invading her personal space. So he stayed on the far side of the bed with his back to her, loathing himself for wanting to touch her and loathing himself for thinking of her and not Dru.


He lay awake for hours, pondering all the things that had happened over the
last three months. His mind, understandably recalling long buried memories of happier times with Dru – but he struggled with them, there seemed to be too few. Surely there had to be more then the mere handful he could recall with clarity. The bad memories didn’t have any trouble flooding his brain, tormenting him with sharp little fingers digging painfully into his mind and stubbornly refusing to be pushed back.


Dawn was creeping into the world with silence and beauty, lighting the sky. Spike quietly slipped from the bed to watch the spectacle. He rested his hip on the stone railing as he smoked, his mind a numb mess. He was exhausted from lack of sleep and emotional turmoil. His troubled thoughts couldn’t seem to find any order and his heart was heavy with guilt.


Because he’d wanted to break away from a life of crime, Angel was locked in the sub-levels. Instead of stealing Dru from him, it looked as if all he’d really wanted to do was help her. For this, Spike couldn’t feel any remorse. It should have been him helping Dru while Angel knew all along no one left the family. That part of it he’d still brought upon himself. Then Spike remembered Buffy had played a part in Angel’s defection and he still didn’t know what that was.


Sighing heavily, he wondered if it really mattered, it was too late to
change anything. Angel was still locked up, Buffy was still his hostage, and
Drusilla was still mad. There was nothing he could do about any of it.


Was there?


Spike shook the notion of trying to put things right. Masters would never
hear of Angel being set free and if Spike requested a change in Angel’s
captivity, Masters would probably demand Angel be returned to New York and he would either have to send Buffy with him or…


The thoughts of never seeing her again twisted his heart painfully. He’d
spent so much time watching her over the last couple of months; he’d grown use to the idea he’d always be able to look at her. How many nights had he sat up watching her with her friends or cleaning her apartment or just simply sleeping? He’d come to need that and with the knowledge that he had now, lost Drusilla for good he couldn’t bear the thought of losing Buffy too.


He’d always been so afraid of losing Drusilla to Angel, and he’d spent years trying to please her, to supplant himself in her heart, but it was no good. Angel was always her first choice and even in her diminished state he was her last. The knife of acceptance slipped a little deeper into his heart and quietly, in his heart, he let her go. Drusilla was lost to him but then she’d never really been his.


Buffy still could be. He couldn’t change things much for Angel, other
then allow him certain freedoms and comforts, and he couldn’t change
Drusilla’s condition, no matter how much he wanted to. Her wellbeing now lay in the hands of doctors but he could change things for Buffy.


He could free her but if he did, Masters would hear of it and she’d be a target because she helped liberate girls from the family. Ironically, Buffy was safer living right here with him, under his protection and that protection would extend even further if she was his mistress. No one would dare touch her then. Masters might question his decision, but Spike could easily imply he’d done it to torment Angel. That might deflect any suspicion as to his real motives. Masters would be the hard one to convince. He would doubt Spike replacing Drusilla so quickly.


How much of this should he explain to Buffy? All – none – or just enough to
win her over and convince her he was acting in her best interests. He
laughed at that. She would never believe he was doing it for her own good and if given the choice, she’d probably want to take her chances on her own. No, there was no use in trying to explain himself. It would only confuse things for her and after their last encounter; he knew she would do as she was told. So maybe he would just go along with that and protect her by controlling her. She hated him anyway, so what difference would it make if she continued to hate him. It would be for her own good. He could live with her hate and indifference towards him especially if it meant he still got to be near her, touch her or just see her. Hell! He’d been doing a similar thing with a different woman for years. A sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as a thought occurred to him. I’m doomed to hunger after the women that loved Angel. With a sad and heavy heart, Spike resigned himself to protecting Buffy for her own good.


Dru was wrong. He wasn’t the Prince. He was the jailer, and all three of them were his captives. Ironically, Spike felt like he was equal with them in their captivity, each one of them prisoners of a different kind and for different reasons.


Sighing, he turned back towards his room, hoping to get a few hours rest. He slipped back into the bed next to Buffy, settling the covers over his nude body the soft cool weight a contrast to the heavy weight of hopelessness that settled in his heart.


************************************************************************
TBC...soon.

 

Chapter Twenty Two.
Begin Again.

Buffy woke to find Spike sleeping next to her. She flinched at the momentary shock of seeing his naked torso on the other side of her bed then she remembered; it was his bed.

Tears sprang to her eyes with the memory of what he’d done to her. There was no doubt he was determined to subdue and control her. The things he’d done were both forceful and cruel even when she begged him to stop. He didn’t let up on his assault to her flesh. In fact, her pleas seemed to anger him even more, causing him to push her to greater heights of pain and pleasure.

Buffy was ashamed of herself. She should have fought harder and she certainly shouldn’t have given into his threats and stayed silent. She knew she’d lost valuable ground there, doing what he told her to do. She allowed him to dominate her. Now it wasn’t just her body he seemed determined to control.

She cursed herself for being a fool. What had she been thinking? Wesley warned her not to goad him, and yet she’d done just that and now Spike had exerted violent dominance over her and she didn’t think it would end there. She wasn’t naive in thinking once a person did that to you, they would be happy going back to an equal footing kind of relationship. No, Spike had laid claim to her and he would never be satisfied with anything less than her total acceptance of him now.

The tears slid down her face, wetting the pillow beneath her head. For the first time in her life, Buffy was unsure of what to do. How should she act? Should she wait and take her lead from him? She despised herself for even thinking about waiting to see how he treated her, before she could try to figure out how she should behave. But what could she do? After last night, Spike could demand anything from her and she didn’t think she’d be able to refuse him.

She’d been so sure of herself and her ability to take a stand. She’d thought of herself as a victim and now she truly knew what the word meant. Spike turned to face her. Buffy could tell he’d merely been resting with his eyes closed. He looked at her with heavy knowing eyes. They were dark and stormy blue and Buffy thought he looked sad.


What the hell does he have to feel sad about? And after what he did, what right does he have?

The silence was heavy as he stared at her. She could see his sad eyes sweeping over her face, lighting on her cheeks and mouth, and lingering on her teary eyes. What does he see there, she wondered, my pain and humiliation, or my defeat?

He reached across the empty space between them and gently tugged one of her hands from under her cheek. He frowned, looking at the ugly red mark circling her wrist. He lightly rubbed the bruised area and kissed it softly.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” He mumbled into her hand before kissing her palm. “I shouldn’t ‘ave lost my temper like that.” He looked at her with his sad eyes. “Please forgive me.”

Buffy was so shocked she didn’t know what to say.

“I know you probably don’t believe me, but I really am sorry and if-”

Buffy jumped away from him. Snatching up his robe, she scrambled from the bed.


Spike looked at her as she frantically began to pace. He could see she was upset and agitated. Silently, he waited.


Sorry!…Sorry!…He’s sorry!…After what he did…after…after, her angry was beginning to build. How dare he…he made me go through that…he did it to me…and made me…OH GOD!...I came…he touched me and I came…oh God…oh God…after he…and then he made me suck him…and…and…OH GOD!....


“Buffy pet…please…”


“AAARGHH…,” the scream finally burst from her, filled with her rage and
pain.


Spike grabbed his clothes and quickly pulled them on and raced around the
other side of the bed to her. He grabbed her arms and tried to pull her into
his embrace.


Buffy flinched back and slapped him hard across the face. Spike’s head
snapped to the side with the force of her blow. Calmly, he turned to face
her again, holding still. Buffy pulled her arm back to deliver another blow and Spike stood firm waiting for it to land.


It stung with the same intensity as the first and was followed quickly by another and another until Buffy was all out slapping and hitting him. Spike took it, standing steady, letting her vent her anger. He recognized her need to fight back, to let it out. Knowing he deserved it and more, his heart ached. He had driven her to this and all he could do was give her the chance to express her rage.


She was sobbing and her blows were becoming weaker. He tried to comfort her and gently brushed his fingers over the hand tightly wound in his t-shirt.


Buffy jumped back, her eyes flashing hate and anger. “NO…don’t touch me…don’t ever touch me…you bastard…I hate you…” She screamed.


Spike took a step towards her but stopped when she quickly spun away from him. She grabbed a small freestanding mirror from the dressing table and threw it at him. Spike ducked and the mirror landed harmlessly on the bed. Buffy was enraged. She missed her target. Another hard object found its way into her hand. She launched it with the full force of her anger.


Spike kept ducking and dodging the small objects Buffy threw at him. Anger made her aim poor and most of them sailed by him harmlessly, though a few managed to hit. A small glass perfume bottle hit him on the brow and the corner of a book struck him hard in the center of his chest.


When her dressing table was empty, she frantically looked for more weapons. Spike backed up realizing she wasn’t through yet and she was best left to get on with it. He had a sudden flashback to the night Masters told him Dru had gone. He remembered his own reaction and again felt ashamed about what he’d done to Buffy.


Let her be…she needs this. I can take it…what the bloody hell did I
expect, it’s my own fault…oh fuck! That hurt… A small crystal cat, part
of a collection, hit him hard on the collarbone.


Buffy advanced on him, still looking for things to throw. She settled for
picking up things she had already used and threw them again.


Bastard…fucking bastard…I hate him…hate him…


The hair dryer found its way into her hand and she threw it screaming.
Vaguely she wondered why he wasn’t trying to stop her and the fact that he wasn’t, spurred her on but angered her also. He made her feel as if he were patronizing her in some way. That’s it you fucking bastard…let poor little defenseless Buffy think she’s fighting back…fucking bastard…


Spike ducked the dryer. It hit the mirrored wardrobe, cracking the glass at head-height.


Buffy screamed again, enraged she missed him. Sliding the partially open door out of her way, she grabbed one of Spike’s heavy boots and launched it in his direction. The wardrobe was full of shoes and boots and with this new supply of ammunition, Buffy renewed her attack, all the while internally ranting, her emotions running wild. Anger cold, hot, burning, boiling, spewing, consuming anger at him, at herself, running wild and overtaking everything. It needed a target. She needed a target. He was her target. A quickly thrown high-heeled shoe hit him in the face and Buffy quickly grabbed another, its twin and threw it. She missed.


He made me beg…I begged him to make me come…and I wanted it…I wanted it so much…how…how…I don’t understand how? How could I have wanted it…wanted him…


Buffy took a step away from the open door and caught sight of herself in the glass. She was a mess. Her face was all red and tearstained. Her eyes were crazy and wild. She froze for a second and stared at herself. How could I have wanted it…wanted him…She screamed and launched herself at the mirror, repeatedly slamming her fists against the glass, striking out at her own reflection. The weakened glass cracked some more, the fracture growing larger under her blows.


Just as the rupture reached her fists, Spike grabbed her. He pinned her arms to her sides and pulled her away from the mirror. “No pet…you’ll hurt yourself…ssh…please…”


Buffy threw her head back and hit him hard on the shoulder. Groaning, Spike dragged them backward towards the bed. Buffy screamed as he pulled them down, thrashing wildly. He tried to hold onto her but fear and anger gave her strength beyond her size. He wrestled with her, trying to calm her with soft noises but she was kicking and screaming madly. They tumbled to the floor. Spike tried unsuccessfully to twist so she would land on him but they landed on their sides with a heavy thump, Buffy still pinned to Spike. He held on for dear life letting her scream and thrash.


Overpowered and exhausted, Buffy tired quickly. It was as if all her energy and strength drained away with the last of her screams. She began to sob softly.


Spike held her close, softly whispering and trying to calm her. Eventually she held still and her sobs died down to weak sniffles.


“Buffy…”


She tensed.


“Buffy…please.” He shifted slightly so he could look at her. She was
breathing softly, gazing off into space, her eyes unfocused. This was bad, worse than the rage. Spike couldn’t let her get lost inside herself.


Sitting up, he pulled her with him and maneuvered them both back onto the bed. She didn’t resist or struggle. He continued to worry. To go from screaming anger to frozen was not a good sign.


Knocking some of the objects she had thrown onto the floor, he arranged her on the bed, resting her head on her pillow. She didn’t move or look at him even when he lay down next to her and pulled the covers over both of them.


He turned her to face him. “Buffy pet…please look at me,” he begged.


Her eyes slowly fixed on him. Relieved, Spike brushed her tangled hair away from her face.


“I hate you,” she whispered.


Spike’s heart ached and he nodded his head, knowing it must be true and he
had no one but himself to blame.


“I know…I’m sorry.”

She gazed at him blankly.


He caught hold of her hand and rushed on. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.” He kissed her fingers. “I shouldn’t ‘ave hurt you like that.” He swallowed the tears that stung the back of his throat. “Please forgive me.”



Sneering, Buffy didn’t know what to say.


Spike sighed. “I know you don’t believe me, but I really am sorry and if you
let me, I’ll prove it to you,” he said pleadingly.


Buffy looked at him. Scanning his face, she desperately tried to fathom his meaning. She couldn’t tell if he was being sincere.

“Besides letting me go, there’s no way for you to prove it to me.” She was taking a risk by even mentioning being released, but she didn’t think it mattered at this point.

“What if I phoned Trick and got Harmony released or if I called Cooper and told him to stop followin’ your mum and little sis? Would that prove it to you?” He said; his voice was rough from lack of sleep.

A glimmer of hope flared in her heart. If he would free Harmony from that
sadistic monster and stop tailing her mom and Dawn, it would be fantastic. It was more than she dared dream of. She’d tried so hard not to think of what Harmony was suffering at the hands of the violent pimp and the thoughts of someone watching and recording all of her mom’s and Dawn’s private moments, had given her chills.

Buffy looked at him. Frowning, she wondered what he was up to. Was he trying to trick her in some way she couldn’t quite detect? Or was he just being deliberately cruel. He must be messing with her head she thought, he couldn’t possibly mean it.

“I don’t believe you.” Buffy said. Her voice was full of doubt.

Spike nodded his head accepting her doubt. “Of course you don’t…but jus’ tell me which one you want me to do and I’ll do it right now.”
“Why only one? If you can do both, why wouldn’t you…if proving it to me means so much to you, why not both?”

“It doesn’t…it’s your forgiveness that means so much to me.”

“Then will you do both?”

“Will you forgive me?”

“Forgiveness can’t be bought Spike, it has to be given freely or it’s meaningless.”

Sighing, he smiled weakly at her. Even now, after he’d told her he’d free Harmony and stop having her family followed. She still felt the need to point out the hollowness of it all. She was still strong and he admired her spirit. No wonder Angel was so in love with her. She was a person with a strong sense of right and wrong; worthy of any mans admiration and respect.

“I know, but it’ll be enough if you jus’ say it.”

“But will you do both if I say it?”

“Yes.”

Buffy studied him, desperately searching his eyes for a hidden lie. She knew it was pointless, she’d say it anyway. If there was the smallest hope in saving Harmony and having the surveillance on her family stopped, she’d say anything he wanted.

Drawing a deep breath, Buffy fixed him with a steady gaze. “Then I forgive you.”

Spike released her hand and pulled the phone across the surface of the nightstand. He dialed a number and asked the switchboard to get him Trick.

Buffy held her breath.

A few moments later Spike was speaking to Trick, instructing him to have Harmony returned to Glory’s apartment. The conversation was short and sharp. Spike didn’t give the man on the other end of the line a chance to question his orders. He simply told him to get it done or find himself replaced.

Next he called Glory, telling her to expect Harmony’s return and again, he didn’t give any explanation. He instructed her to have Harmony placed back into her old apartment or have a new one found for her. Then he told her he would call later to make sure his orders were carried out then he hung up.

Buffy blinked at the speed of how things changed. Harmony was free or so it seemed.


Spike must have read her mind. “You can call Harmony in an hour. She should be back with Glory by then and she’ll be able to tell you she’s alright.”

He didn’t give her time to reply before he was dialing again, this time for an overseas line. Tense minutes passed while Buffy waited for him to connect to the other side. She jumped, when she felt him brush a finger over her shoulder.

“It’s okay, sometimes it takes a while for him to pick up. He could be anywhere. It’s even possible he can’t hear it ringin’. If I don’t catch him this time, I can always–”


Abruptly he cut off from her. Hello…Cooper…yeah it’s me…no the lines are terrible. Listen new orders, I want you back on the next available flight. Yeah that’s right. No it doesn’t matter, jus’ get back as soon as…right see you then.” Again he hung up.

Spike looked at her. “There, it’s done. It’ll take Cooper twenty four to forty eight hours to get back, but he’s on his way. You’ll jus’ ‘ave to take my word for it until then.”

Wesley’s words echoed in her head “He’s a man of his word.”

“Promise?” She whispered.

“What?”

“Just tell me it’s a promise and I’ll believe you.”

Spike smiled at her and moved closer. He rolled onto his side to face her. “I promise.” He whispered, softly caressing her hair.

Buffy was so relieved by his sincere promise. She thanked him with tears still shining in her eyes.

Spike pulled her closer and buried his face at her neck. “Oh God! Buffy I really am sorry…so, so sorry. I wish I could promise to never lose my temper like that again, but I can’t…please luv, don’t push me like that again…I never want to hurt you…not like that…not where you’re all frightened I won’t stop. I’m so sorry. It was unforgivable and I know you can’t really mean you forgive me but it’s enough that you said it. I’m so sorry…so sorry.”

Shocked by his confession, Buffy’s gazed at him. She held still in his arms, as he sobbed and cried like a child. Her heart twisted at the sound of his broken sobs and tentatively she placed a hand on his shoulder and patted him, bemused and bewildered by the turn of events.


Eventually he his sobs died down. He had fallen asleep in her arms. Buffy lay there watching him, puzzled and wondering what it all meant but her heart was lighter knowing Harmony was safe and her mom and sister were free from the menacing shadow.

*****


Spike’s words of apology echoed in her mind and she couldn’t help asking
herself if she believed him. She wasn’t sure. Did she think he’d do it again? Everything she knew about him was filled with violence, his treatment of Faith, Harmony, and Angel and most certainly herself. It was all violent. But then there had been times when he’d been kind and tender, gentle and sweet. If only he could be like that all the time.


Buffy glanced down at him in her arms, his head resting against her shoulder with his arms wrapped around her. Maybe over time he would be tenderer. Maybe things would be different. Buffy preferred that, but she just wasn’t sure she believed it. Her anger was still there, calmer but still there. He hurt her and abused her and still she reached orgasm. This confused her. She knew at the time she was terrified. The act itself had been cold and spiteful and there was noting about it she’d found arousing. She’d just wanted it to end. She’d wanted him to stop. But the things he’d done and the way he touched her. She was powerless to control her body’s response. Suddenly Buffy knew this was what she was most angry about, her complete lack of control over him, the situation and especially over her own body.

But he apologized and he begged her for forgiveness. He’d phoned Trick and released Harmony and his man in London was on his way back. He knew she wouldn’t believe him so he tried to prove it. Actions speak louder than words. Buffy knew this was true so even if she couldn’t believe his apology she could believe his actions.


Sighing, Buffy closed her eyes. She would be talking to Harmony in an hour or so but for now she needed to rest. Closing her eyes, Buffy lay still listening to Spike’s steady breathing.


*****


Spike was still wrapped in Buffy’s arms when he woke. He stretched, waking her with his sleepy movements. He lifted his head from her neck to look at her, his eyes blinking while adjusting to the brightness of the room. Buffy was blinking too as she stretched, making cute little kitten mewling noises as she moved.

Spike chuckled. She was adorable when she woke. She smiled weakly at him when she heard him laugh. He reached up to stroke her hair. He noticed how the sheet had slipped down a fraction when she lifted her hands. The robe, she was still wearing, had opened, giving him a tantalizing view of the upper curves of her breasts peeping at him over the top of the sheet. He pushed the sheet aside and kissed one plump breast. He felt her tense slightly but she didn’t try to stop him. He glanced at her. She looked nervous and uncertain. Slowly he kissed and nibbled his way to the pink peak, licking the tender piece of flesh to a hard nub, to give her plenty of time to speak. She made a soft noise in the back of her throat.


He let her nipple slip from his mouth to ask. “Do you like that?”


She didn’t answer, but she nodded her head against the pillow. Encouraged,
Spike returned to kissing her breast. She seemed a bit jittery so he kept
his movements slow and gentle. He lifted the soft weight and licked the
underside of her curves. It was salty and warm. He moved to her other breast and repeated the action, delighting in her small gasps of pleasure.


Pushing the robe further apart, he peppered her body with tiny kisses. His lips traced the contours of her collarbone before he sucked gently on her quickening pulse point. Spike was so happy to see her responding to him, even if she was hesitant. He smiled against her skin. Happily, he continued to make love to her with his mouth.


Her hand came to rest on his shoulder. She pushed him gently.


“I’ll stop…if you say,” he nuzzled her neck. “I don’t want too, but I will
if you say.”


Buffy was panting softly. His touch was so exciting it was electric. It was nothing like the last time he touched her. Now his gentle fingers were making her nerve endings twitch and jump. Oh God! How is it possible he can do this to me, she thought. “Spike…I…”


“You set the pace…you…” he mumbled.


He felt her body relax.


Gently, Spike let his hand glide down her body caressing her breasts and tweaking her nipples to hard needy peaks. He skimmed further down, letting his fingers dance lightly over the flat planes of her stomach. He brought one of his fingers to his mouth. He licked the digit, making it wet before returning it to play in her belly button. He nearly died of satisfaction when she giggled. Snuggling close to her side, he nibbled and licked her neck, enjoying the sounds of pleasure she was making.


Spike hooked a leg over hers to nudge hers apart. Buffy tensed and resisted for a moment before letting him slip his leg between hers. The heavy cotton of his jeans rasped against her skin. He slipped his hand inside the robe to caress her hips, working slowly downwards, building her higher with his teasing touch. He slipped his hand over her curls, cupping her gently.


“Does it hurt…is there any pain?” he asked regretfully.


Surprisingly, Buffy realized there wasn’t any pain. The abuse
he subjected her to, though physically painful at the time had melted away. Her wrists and ankles were bruised and ached dully but there was no lingering discomfort at her sex. It would seem; all her real pain was emotional. Buffy shuddered. “No,” she whispered.


With his hand simply resting on her mound, Spike went back to kissing and nibbling her face and neck.


Buffy gasped when he did that thing with his tongue just below her ear. Oh God! He really knows how to use his mouth.


“Buffy pet, open your eyes.” He whispered, licking her ear softly with the tip of his tongue.


She groaned at the effort to do as he asked. Slowly her eyes fluttered open.
Spike smiled at her, thrilled to see her eyes smoky with desire. She
returned his smile weakly.


“Can I touch you?” he asked, gently caressing her curls. “You have the
sweetest little cunny…all soft and warm and tight…please say I can.”


Buffy gasped softly, his suggestive words igniting her and sending fevered
chills running up and down her spine. He was sliding the tip of one finger
in and out of her core, teasing her with the soft pressure. But it wasn’t
enough; she needed more. She wanted more. His tenderness was melting her and she found her own passion building.


This was better. This was nice. Buffy decided she was happy he was back to asking her permission, which was a much better apology then any amount of remorseful words.


He pressed the tip of his finger to her clit. “Yes…oh…oh that’s nice.” He
swirled his finger over it.


“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he whispered.


Buffy just closed her eyes and moaned softly.


Sliding down her body and under the sheet, Spike settled himself between her open thighs. Her aroma flooded the cocoon under the bedding, making him dizzy with lust. He breathed her in deeply, before lowering his mouth to her wet pussy. Tensing, she jerked away surprised by the soft touch. He stopped and held still for a moment, caressing her thigh and waiting for her to either relax or stop him. Gently, he rubbed his rough cheek against her thigh and kissed her softly. She sighed and relaxed. He caught hold of her thighs from underneath and pushed them over his shoulders. He slid his hands under the soft round curves of her bottom and lifted her higher to his mouth.


Her small hands slid into the curls of his hair, caressing him and pushing
him closer to her burning center. She rocked her hips from side to side, nuzzling herself into his mouth.


Spike was delirious with her participation and rewarded her with long sweeps of his tongue over the length of her slit, lapping at her juices like a cat. She moaned quietly, bouncing her bottom in his hands. Spike squeezed her softly.


Buffy sighed, rolling her head against her pillow, her hands tightening
their grip in his hair.


Spike could hardly believe what was happening. All the horror and all the ugliness of the night before was being given a chance to be soothed, put right or better still erased. Spike hoped so.


Smiling against her wet folds, he slipped his tongue into her heated center. He sucked the moisture from deep inside her, spurred on and delighted by her quiet whimpers and moans. Her heels were gently rubbing his back, helping to push him further onto her.


Letting go of her bottom, he slipped one hand to the folds of her pussy and
rubbed her clit as he drank from her opening. Fuck! She tastes so fuckin’
good, he thought. Buffy’s reaction was to push herself a little harder
against his mouth. She was close.


Still in his jeans, Spike rubbed his swollen cock against the bed, groaning
at the friction. He eased his mouth away from her sweet pussy and removed one of her legs off his shoulder. He positioned it under him. Her other leg slipped further down his back, easing the strain on her hips but still allowing him access to her core. She wondered what he was doing until he rubbed his hard cock against her foot then she knew what he wanted from her.


Spike groaned, as she curled her little toes and rubbed his dick, it was a
wonderful sensation. Shyly Buffy pulled the sheet over her head, joining him in the dim recesses of the cotton cocoon. Rising slightly higher, Spike
rubbed against the soft skin of her calf while she rested her foot on his inner thigh. He moved up and down the length of her calf, while she pushed her heel gently into his balls.


He closed his eyes and whispered into the flesh of her stomach. “You’re so beautiful…so perfect…” Moving back down, he softly suckled her clit. Slowly and gently taking his time to pleasure her then he stopped and eased two fingers into her slit.


He couldn’t believe how wet she was. He’d never had a woman respond to him quite the way Buffy did. He coated his fingers with her slippery cream and slowly guided his hand along her crack, feeling for the little puckered hole. He felt her freeze, but he’d expected that, he stilled his hand and returned his mouth to her pussy licking her softly. He mumbled into her folds.


“It’s alright luv…I won’t hurt you…jus’ relax, I won’t do anythin’ other
then touch you a little.” He brushed his finger back and forth over the
tight little hole. She shivered and moaned softly. Spike was elated by her
response. “See…you like that.”


Buffy’s head fell back against the bed. What the hell was he doing to her?

Her whole body felt like she was going to burst into flames, just from the
erotic touch of his finger. The sensation was something she’d never
experience before. She groaned and panted as he rolled his wet finger around her sensitized flesh, making her thighs shake. The sensation was so powerful.


Spike sucked her clit into his mouth and pushed two fingers into her wet
pussy, all the while continuing to tease and caress her puckered flesh.
He sucked hard on her clit, feeling a new flood of moisture leak from her core. She was very close he could feel her trembling on the brink. He pushed his fingers deep into the soft depths of her pussy and rubbed on the spongy bundle of nerves. Simultaneously he sucked harder on her clit, and applied just a bit of pressure on her sensitive puckered rose.

Buffy screamed, quaking and shaking as her orgasm ripped through her. Spike could feel her core clamping around his fingers and her little rose contracting under his fingertip. God! She’s coming hard. Spike was
thrilled to be able to satisfy her in this way. He continued to suck and rub
her to completion.


Spike swiped his fingers over her a few more times, reluctant to finish. Her
flesh was still quaking under his fingers as he licked her softly, bringing
her down then gently letting his hands rest on her hips.


Exhausted, he moved away from her. Quietly, he lay next to her in the first
available spot, smoothing the hair from her face. He gathered her up in his
arms and cradled her to his chest, kissing her brow, awed by her generous spirit. Quietly they lay together as she recovered her energy.


Spike was the first one to speak. “Are you alright luv?”

“Mmm hmm.”


He smiled. “Did I tire you out?”


“Mmm hmm.”


He chuckled. “Aww poor kitten.” He kissed her closed eye lids.


“What you need is a nice cool shower to re-energize you.” He tugged her into a sitting position. Reluctantly, she allowed him to haul her off the bed and steer her towards the bathroom.

Setting the shower to the correct temperature, Spike quickly stripped out of
his clothes and pulled her in, placing her in front of him. He embraced her, rubbing his body against hers while kissing her soft mouth. She tensed and he quickly released her, giving her some space of her own. He smiled at her, awed by the thoughts of her letting him touch her again. After what he’d done to her the night before, he thought she would never let him near her again. He was so happy he hadn’t blown it with her. He thought he’d made her happy by returning Harmony to Glory and calling off the surveillance on her family. Maybe things weren’t going to be so bad after all.


“Do you want to phone Harmony when you’ve had your shower or would you prefer to wait until after you’ve had somethin’ to eat?”


“Harmony! Oh God, I forgot.”


He arched a brow at her, smirking. “That good huh?”


She shot him a dirty look and snatched the sponge out of his hand. “No where near…you smug…” She turned her back on him, but not before he caught sight of the tiny smile playing around the edges of her mouth. “I merely forgot…I was tired.”


He laughed loudly, but choked it back when she shot him a dangerous look
over her shoulder.


“Of course you were.” He said, his voice dripping sarcasm.”


“I was and I’ll thank you not to imply otherwise.” She said pertly.


“Wouldn’t dream of it luv.” Laughter filled his voice.


Buffy thought she liked the sound of his laughter. She kept her back to him while she bathed, knowing he was watching her. Gathering her courage, she asked.


“Spike?”


“Yeah.” His hands came to rest on the small of her back, soapy and soft.


“Do you think I could see Harmony?” She held her breath.


“Don’t you believe me?” There was a definite note of hurt in his voice.


Shocked, Buffy turned to face him. “Yes…YES…that’s not it, I promise…it’s just, I’d still like to see her…I wanted to apologize for…” She fizzled off.


Spike suddenly felt ashamed of himself. She wanted to apologize to her
friend for betraying her, when it should be him making the apology. He
sighed knowing he was in no position to do any such thing. If word got out he’d apologized to a whore for any reason, he’d be as good as finished. He needed to stay strong. How hard could it be? He’d been doing it for years.


Buffy touched his face, bringing him back to the moment. “I don’t have to go if you don’t want me to, I can just call her. Forget I even mentioned it.”


Spike tilted his head to one side, studying her intently and trying to
discern if she was up to something, but all he could see was sweet wide- eyed Buffy. She returned his gaze with an open honest look, hiding nothing, because there was nothing to hide. He reminded himself she was nothing like Drusilla and he shouldn’t make the mistake in thinking she was. Buffy had no hidden agenda and was incapable of playing him in the same way Dru had during all their years together. Again his shameful actions twisted something deep inside him.


No Buffy was sweet and innocent and she had a sassy side to her, which he couldn’t help but adore. He let his eyes glide down her wet naked form. Buffy noticed his admiring gaze and blushed prettily. Spike licked his lips, thinking she was the sexiest little thing when she blushed like that, he
swore even her nipples looked pinker.


He cleared his throat. “No its okay, we’ll get somethin’ to eat and I’ll
drive you over there.” He kissed her chastely and ducked his head under the
jet on the opposite wall, wetting his hair and shampooing it.


Buffy just blinked at him with the sponge frozen in her hands.


“Well, don’t you want to go?”


“Yes,” She said with enthusiasm.


“Then hurry up, before I change my mind.”


She sprang into action, finishing her wash. She snatched up a second bottle of shampoo from the shower shelf but Spike plucked it from her fingers and poured a measure into his hand.


“Here, let me.” He indicated he wanted to wash her hair for her. Gazing at him, Buffy slowly turned around giving him access to her hair.


She thought for sure he would say no, which was why she’d told him to forget it. She didn’t want another episode of his famous temper, but now he’d gone and shocked her for the second time in one day. What did it all mean? Buffy shook herself, she didn’t think she’d ever figure him out.


After he finished shampooing her hair, he left her to finish up alone,
telling her he was going to order some food for the two of them, and make a few phone calls.



*****


Washed, dried, and dressed, Buffy sat at the new small dinning table that
replaced the one Spike had smashed. He sat next to her gazing out into the garden, lost in his own thoughts. Buffy found this behavior odd. Spike was always so talkative, even when she had nothing to add to a conversation. He could still manage to keep things lively.


All during the meal, Buffy noticed him sighing and glancing about as if he
were looking for something.


“What’s wrong?” She asked simply.


“What? Nothing…what makes you think there’s somethin’ wrong luv?” He smiled at her reassuringly, but Buffy wasn’t convinced.

“Well you’ve hardly said a word all through lunch, and you keep sighing…and every now and again you keep looking around as if you’ve lost something…so…”


She left him to fill in the blanks for her.


Sighing, Spike laughed nervously. He looked guilty or ashamed but Buffy
thought she must be mistaken. Spike would never look guilty. But then she
reminded herself, he had begged for her forgiveness that morning and she really didn’t think she’d ever hear him beg for anything.


“Okay you’re right…there is somethin’ up, but I don’t want to discuss it
now.” She arched her brows at his admission. “Look, when we get back from seein’ Harmony I’ll talk to you…explain a few things, I don’t know maybe even manage to explain them to myself while I’m at it…okay?”


Puzzled, she nodded her head not wanting to push the issue.

*************************************************************
TBC...soon
 

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