Part Four

Once Will had explained the situation to his mother, Joyce had taken control. She and Dawn had taken Buffy under their wing, feeding her, cleaning her and making her feel more comfortable in what was to be, for now at least, her new home.

She slept in William’s bedroom, lying curled up at the bottom of the bed near the Slayer’s feet. He tried to get her to sleep in the bed but it was impossible. She would do nothing that put her in a better position than him, something that took a lot of getting used to.

The Scoobies searched for spells and demons with the power to break a vampire this way for a week but couldn’t find anything. They seemed to accept that Buffy was now not a threat and therefore turned their attention back to Glory.

William spent as much time as possible with the vampire. She seemed to trust him more than anyone; always knowing when he was around, purring and cooing with delight when he touched her. He found she no longer responded to her name, nor had any verbal way of communicating beyond the basic sounds of fear and contentment.

It was difficult and messy feeding her, and they found that she would eat best from a bowl placed on the floor, that she could lap at whenever she needed to. At first she only fed at certain times, as if expecting the blood only to be there then. When she discovered that the bowl was kept full at all times, she began feeding at regular intervals, slowly building her wasted body back to health.

The Slayer had been shocked and annoyed when Buffy had first been delivered to him, but also a little curious as to how and why something like this had happened to his once great enemy. After the first week these feelings had given way to anger and disgust at the person responsible, and a great sympathy for his former foe. He was determined to look after her and restore her to former self.

Giles was apprehensive. If Buffy were restored wouldn’t she just attack them all? Kill them as she had tried so many times in the past? Will didn’t agree. He trusted the vampire now as she had trusted him and he didn’t believe for one second that she would ever hurt them. And even if she tried, he was the Slayer. He would simply stake her. At least if she were restored it would be a fair fight.

****

William lay in bed, Buffy curled around his feet as usual, staring at the ceiling. It had been a month since Buffy had been delivered to him and he was still no closer to finding out why. The Scoobies still searched for information and possible leads whenever they had a chance, but right now all of their attention was focused on Glory.

‘And yours should be too,’ he thought to himself. They had discussed the possibility of Glory being the one to do this, but had dismissed it, as it was highly unlikely that the hell god would ever take the time or effort to involve herself. Besides, Glory seemed to hate vampires almost as much as she hated Slayer’s, considering them common and unworthy.

Buffy stirred, shaking Will out of his thoughts. She raised her head slightly to look at him and he smiled down at her, causing a beautiful smile of her own to appear on the vampire’s face. Languidly, she raised herself up a little and crawled up the bed to lie next to him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her, her movements startling him somewhat as she had never before changed her position like this. She lay half across his chest, looking down at him thoughtfully. She placed her hand on his cheek and opened her mouth slightly, concentrating hard as she inhaled deeply.

She had been very apprehensive of being touched by the others, after that first inspection, and she was especially nervous of Giles and Xander. The Watcher thought that her abuser must have been male, which would therefore make her wary of other men like himself and Xander. She trusted him though and the knowledge had made him promise that he would do nothing to hurt her and would protect her as long as he could.

She froze and then, inexplicably, rolled over and lay on her back next to him; her teeth clenched together, her eyes closed tightly. William turned onto his side, sitting up slightly to look down at her in confusion. “Buffy? What’s wrong? I’m sorry, if I upset you. Really I didn’t mean to hurt you or anything.”

In answer Buffy took hold of his right hand and guided in under the covers and down her body to the juncture of her thighs. William pulled back sharply, jumping out of the bed in horror as he realised what she was doing. She had been shaking with fear; her hand trembling as she tried to give him what she thought he wanted.

His rage at the monster who had done this to her threatened overcome him as he looked down at her again to see her now staring up at him with nothing but fear in her eyes. Realising his current behaviour couldn’t be making her feel any safer he stepped back towards her, but stopped short when she cringed with fear.

He closed his eyes so she couldn’t see the anger in them; he crouched next to the bed and spoke softly to her. “Buffy. It’s ok, I promise. I’m not going to hurt you. Do you understand? I’ll never hurt you.” He managed to get himself under control and opened his eyes to look at her again. She still lay in the same position, her face displaying nothing but dread.

Swiftly, he pulled the cover over her, careful not to touch her in any way. Then he dressed and went to wake his mother. He told her exactly what had happened, any embarrassment he might have felt under other circumstances pushed aside by anger, his hatred and contempt for Buffy’s tormentor finally overtaking him. Joyce promised she would look after Buffy that night while William went to talk to Giles.

****

“Will, I understand your anger. I do,” Giles assured William as he interrupted. “But you can’t let your feelings overcome you, not to this extent anyway. If you want to help and look after Buffy, and I really do think that it’s a wonderful thing you’re doing, then you should be there for her, supporting her. Help her to let go of the past.”

The Slayer finally collapsed on the couch next to Giles, letting the anger slowly drain away. “I’m sorry Giles. It’s just when I think of all she must have gone through…” He trailed off and inhaled deeply as he fought the anger back once more. “She’s been so brave with us, so strong. I would kill anyone who tried to hurt her now.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, the two men taking in the significance of those words. Finally Giles spoke. “You’re in love with her.”

“Yes. I think I am.”

Part Five

“That’s it. Nice and slow. Good girl. That’s right,” William coaxed as he led Buffy by the hand into the magic shop. It was two months now since she had arrived in Sunnydale and she was slowly but surely, regaining her sense of self.

William had been working hard to develop a strong trust between them ever since the incident in the bedroom. He had worked with her every day, helping her to walk and talk. They had discovered that Buffy couldn’t remember anyone’s name but William’s, a small detail that made Willow smirk at him every time it was mentioned. He kept meaning to ask her about it, but time always seemed to get away from them.

Today was a special day for Buffy. With a little help from Joyce and Dawn she had managed to wash and dress herself, and had walked hand in hand with William from the Summers’ house to the Magic Box. The others hadn’t seen her progress with walking and talking, as she shied away from them when they tried to observe, but William kept them up to date, his pride in her achievements always shining brightly through his words.

Now as he led her down the steps to the others who were watching, for the girls’ part at least, in delight, he beamed at her, congratulating her on every step.

She looked up at them nervously when she reached the table, squeezing Will’s hand for support as she moved on to the final part of her task for the day. She wrinkled her brow in concentration as she opened her mouth to speak.

“G, g… Good evening,” she said faintly and then looked across at William who nodded at her with a smile. Buffy turned back to face the others in turn as she continued. “Mr. Giles… An, A… Anya.” She sucked in another deep breath of air. “Xander… Will, uh, Willow…” she smiled at the young witch who beamed back at her, before catching her best friend’s eye and winking at him. Will frowned at his friend and turned his attention back to Buffy, not knowing what Willow meant by her actions.

“Ta, Tara,” Buffy finished triumphantly and then, as if losing all her new found confidence, bit down on her lip and turned to the Slayer for reassurance. He grinned widely at her and opened his arms, which she flew into willing, unable to stop the purr that emanated from her body, allowing the room to hear her contentment and relief.

****

“W…W, w… Willow…” Buffy stuttered out later that week as the redhead sat with vampire in the Magic Box while the others were out searching for Glory or any of her little minions they happened to find.

Willow looked up from the book she was reading and focused her attention fully on the vampire. She had to admit she liked this new Buffy. She wasn’t the scary, arrogant vampire of three years ago, she was more a frightened animal who had been hurt terribly and needed protecting. She was like a newborn, having to learn her place in the world and Willow didn’t think that Buffy would ever hurt them, as she once would have.

“What is it Buffy?” Willow asked slowly so that the vampire could understand her properly. William had told them all to talk with the blonde vampire as much as possible in order for her to redevelop her communication skills.

Willow considered the question and found she didn’t really know what to say. She was good now, but she hadn’t always been so. And as Xander kept reminding them, this could all be a temporary arrangement. She watched Buffy as she continued to struggle for an answer and was shocked when the vampire’s eyes filled with tears.

****

Nia peered through the window of the shop as she pulled her large coat around herself tightly. She saw her Sire sitting with a pretty redhead at the table near the back of the store. She glanced quickly around, making sure she was not being watched and then hurriedly made her way inside.

Willow and Buffy both looked toward the door when the bell rang and the blonde vampire stood shakily when the recognised the woman who had entered. Willow squeaked with fear as she saw the stranger’s vampiric visage and reached for a cross and stake.

“Do not worry,” Nia told the young witch as she saw what Willow was reaching for. “I haven’t come to harm you. I merely wish to be of use to my Sire.” With that she dropped to the floor in front of Buffy and bowed her head.

Buffy looked back at Willow you was watching the scene unfold with interest and then gestured for Willow to do the talking. “What is your name?” the redhead asked and the vampire looked up at the two women before her. Buffy signalled for Nia to stand and nodded that she should answer Willow.

“Angelus did that to her? But he lov… Oh God Buffy that’s awful!” Willow exclaimed, turning her attention back to her almost-friend. Buffy winced as the memories assailed her and she nodded at the witch. “Ok, so what are you doing here? Why does she need help?” Willow continued her conversation with Nia.

“Once Angelus got word that his plan had not played out exactly as he thought he set out to finish what he started himself. He’s back in Sunnydale now.”

Part Six

William finished his final sweep of the cemetery and headed back towards the Magic Box. He was more impatient than usual tonight, feeling something was wrong, that something bad was gong to happen. He wanted to get back to Buffy and make sure she was alright.

He smiled to himself as he walked considering how strange it was that he loved his former enemy and felt so desperately protective of her.

“Well how sweet,” a voice he recognised stopped him in his tracks and he turned slowly, hoping he was wrong. “The Slayer hurrying home to his pet vampire. What is it with you and the undead, boy? Do you know how twisted it is? Vampire and Slayer!”

Seeing red at the vampire’s words, William launched himself at Angelus and the two began to fight in earnest, neither one giving an inch as they attacked each other with a brutal force.

****

A low growl from Buffy silenced them all instantly and they turned towards her, the look on her demonic face making them truly understand what Nia had been explaining for the past hour. The Scoobies had returned in time to hear everything that had happened between Angelus and Buffy since they had left Sunnydale three years ago.

Once Angelus’s pride had been hurt at his realisation that Buffy loved the Slayer he had punished her with rape and violence, planning to send her in her broken state to William in the hope that she would kill the Slayer.

But he hadn’t planned on Buffy recognising William.

Now he wanted them both dead.

Looking at Buffy now, it was easy to understand why Angelus thought his plan would succeed. She looked deadly. Not pausing to look at them, Buffy ran from the shop and out into the night toward the graveyard. After a moment’s hesitation the others followed.

****

“She loved you, you know… that’s why she didn’t kill you… couldn’t kill you…” Angelus explained mockingly to William as they fought. “Made me sick… all that power, all that skill and energy and she wasted it… because she loved you.”

William felt ill. For the past two months, when he had considered Buffy’s tormentors, not once had he imagined Angelus as the one who hurt her. Someone whom William had heard Buffy profess her love and devotion for time after time. It was sick.

“And it only took one look at me to drive all thought of you away. What does that say about you? Couldn’t make her happy? Couldn’t keep her satisfied? Did she feel loved with you, huh? Did she purr?” As the words tumbled out, William stepped up his attack knocking Angelus to the ground before falling heavily on top of him and continuing to beat him.

Both were so intent on the fight, neither of them noticed the small blonde vampire who approached from behind. When her eyes fell on her former lover and her new love she let out an angry, guttural cry and launched herself at Angelus, hauling him off the startled Slayer.

Buffy caught the vampire’s eyes again and grinned at him as she moved her hands up his chest, leaning close to whisper in his ear. “I love William,” she murmured. “I hate you,” was the last thing Angelus heard before he disintegrated into dust.

Part Seven

“For God’s sake Slayer! Just stake the bloke sharpish so we can go home,” Buffy called out as she sat on a gravestone, watching her love tease the vampire with a slow fight. “You promised me an early night,” she continued more seductively as William seemed to ignore her.

Buffy was almost back to full strength now, though William didn’t like her patrolling alone. As her speech and confidence improved, former aspects of her personality began to reassert themselves. She had had nightmares for months following Angelus’s return, but it had marked a breakthrough in her recuperation and she had progressed in leaps and bounds ever since.

“Have I told you how much I love you?” he asked her as they walked hand in hand through the graveyard. “Not in the last hour,” Buffy told him, rolling her eyes playfully, before beaming up at him and blowing him a kiss. “Wouldn’t mind hearing it again though.”

Epilogue

Spike sighed wearily and leaned over to tuck Dawn into bed. “Well who would’ve believed it? Giles consulting his books, it’s such an odd occurrence.” Dawn giggled a little and the vampire smiled down at her and kissed her head. “Night, nibblet. I have no doubt Rupert will have found an answer by sunrise.”

The two men then made their way downstairs. “Bring Dawn by the shop tomorrow around eleven and I’ll try and have an answer. I’m almost certain of what it was, I just want to be certain before I get anyone’s hopes up,” Giles told the vampire as he pulled on his coat and opened the front door.

Spike locked the front door and then glanced at the couch in the living room and back towards the stairs. With a sigh he turned off the remaining lights downstairs and made his way up to Buffy’s room, pausing to check on Dawn as he went.

He felt he needed to be close to Buffy tonight and wanted to sleep surrounded by her things instead of in the living room or next to Dawn’s bed. He smiled as her smell hit him when he entered and pulled the curtains closed quickly before curling up on top of her bed and falling asleep immediately, clutching Mr Gordo.

TBC…

The Enlightenment Series - Part 4

Close Your Eyes

By HW

Prologue

“Angel?” Cordelia’s voice broke the silence of the mansion. “Are you ok?” He didn’t answer her, didn’t even move. She shot Wesley a panicked look and crouched down in front of her friend. “Angel? Can you hear me?”

Wesley reached out a hand and pulled her gently away to sit next to him on the couch opposite Angel. He put his arm around her and she leaned into him for comfort. It had been a thoroughly awful day. No week, no month, no… Cordelia sighed. If she felt this bad, she’d hate to feel the way Angel must be feeling.

They had arrived back from the Host’s dimension just in time to attend Buffy’s funeral. After Angel’s first acknowledgement of her death, he hadn’t said another word. Willow had explained to the stunned group what had happened and they had returned to Sunnydale the same night.

Cordelia wished they could have returned under better circumstances. She hadn’t been back to Sunnydale in two years, and she felt awkward meeting the others, seeing their grief. She hadn’t been that close to Buffy, but they had been friends once upon a time and the idea that she was dead was a little unbelievable to Cordy. Wesley too had had trouble taking it in. They kept expecting her to walk through the door at any minute and tell them there had been some huge mistake.

But it wasn’t a mistake. And after being such a rock for Angel’s sake over the past week, she simply couldn’t take the image of Buffy’s coffin being lowered into the ground and had let go of her tears along with everyone else. She had said goodbye to someone she wished she’d gotten to know better when she’d had the chance and now she had to go back to being strong for Angel.

“I could have saved her.”

Wesley leaned forward in his seat. “Angel, there’s no point blaming yourself for this. Nothing you could have done would have stopped it. We all knew that this day would come. The problem is Buffy is so good at what she does…” Wesley stopped, realising he was speaking in the present tense again. He couldn’t do it. Right now he couldn’t say anything supportive. He hadn’t known Buffy long or well, but he had known her and he mourned her along with everyone else.

“No, of course not,” Cordelia responded sarcastically. “She’d never of selflessly sacrificed herself if you had been here. You know if your going to spend the rest of your life regretting Buffy things, why don’t you start with something really big, like your soul? If you hadn’t lost your soul we’d have all lived happily ever after.”

Part One

It was a beautiful spot really. Dawn would have liked it. The old tree sheltered the ground and the sun would shine through the branches creating patterns and shadows that would have enthralled Dawn when she was young.

Except she was never young. Not really. Or she had been young when she was alive. She wasn’t even a year old. So why was there fourteen years worth of loss? Why did Buffy feel like she had been ripped in two?

She watched as the coffin was lowered gently into the ground and she gripped her companion’s hand tighter. His own eyes never left the casket, but he knew exactly what she felt and squeezed her hand in a punishing grip of his own.

The priest was murmuring something Buffy couldn’t understand. She hadn’t understood the last time either when it had been her mother inside the coffin. She had just stood like this, holding Dawn and wishing that she would wake up from her nightmare very soon.

Someone stirred behind her and she glanced back, angry that she had been disturbed. Dawn deserved respect. Dawn had saved them all. Had saved the world. No one should be moving. But everyone was moving. The service was over. It was time to leave.

Buffy looked to Willow who was standing to her left with Tara. Her eyes were red but her face held the same defeated look as Buffy’s. They had lost too much this time. It was over. Willow seemed to feel Buffy’s eyes on her and looked up at her friend. The Slayer moved a step closer and wrapped her best friend in a powerful embrace. They didn’t speak. There were no clichéd words of condolence. There was no need. They felt each other’s pain innately.

“Do you want us to stay?” Willow asked Buffy as Mr Summers moved away and Angel followed slowly, his gaze never leaving the blonde vampire Slayer until he reached his car. Buffy shook her head at her friend’s question. “No you and Tara go home… rest. You’ll need to sleep before tomo…” Buffy trailed off, realising that they’d have to do this all over again tomorrow. “I’m just going to stay here for a while.”

As Willow and Tara left hand in hand, Buffy sank slowly to the ground, still gripping Spike’s hand tightly, pulling him down beside her. He wrapped his arms around her slender form and she leant back against him.

Buffy jerked slightly in reaction to the last part. Her eyes asked the question she couldn’t voice. Spike sighed slightly and tucked her head back against his shoulder as he gently stroked her hair. “You’re my centre Buffy. And Dawn she’s… was you. She’d only have to be there in the room and I’d know things were right. She reminded me of my sister.”

Before Buffy had time to respond to that curious comment, thunder sounded in the distance and the Slayer and vampire stood to leave when they felt the first drops of rain. It had been overcast all day, enabling Spike and Angel to attend the funeral. It was weather to welcome the beginning of the end.

****

Angel glanced at Buffy and then back down at the coffin. This was the second funeral in as many days and there’d be another tomorrow. Angel wondered when it had all gone wrong. When his happy, loving relationship with Buffy had started to fail. When he had realised that sometimes love wasn’t enough. That maybe, just maybe they weren’t true soul mates after all.

She hadn’t spoken to him since that night at the construction site. That night he had let his love for her cloud his reason. That night he hadn’t let her make her own decision and held her back as Dawn made her ultimate sacrifice. Now the only woman he had ever truly loved, hated him more than any of the demons she fought on a nightly basis. And Angel knew she was right.

He watched as she dug her fingernails into Spike’s arm when Giles’ coffin was lowered into the ground. She had clung to the blonde vampire like a lifeline for the past week. Strangely the dark vampire felt no jealousy or animosity, just a sadness that he could no longer comfort her that way.

Angel turned his collar up against the wind and thought that Buffy had stopped turning to him long ago. That it was Spike she asked for advice. That she never seemed to mind when she fought with the blonde vampire, forgetting instantly any bad feelings when they fell back into their friendly banter.

It wasn’t that she didn’t love him. Angel knew without a doubt that Buffy had always loved him, always turned to him for love and support. But with Spike she got closer to her true self. They were so much alike, it was no wonder they had bonded so closely.

The strangers moved away again, leaving six figures at the graveside. Buffy was leaning heavily on Spike now. The blonde vampire’s face was impassive, but Angel could feel the tension, anger and misery radiating from him. Willow looked like she was going to collapse and Tara supported her as they turned to leave, knowing that tomorrow would be even harder for the redhead to endure.

She took two steps closer to the edge of the grave and dropped a rose quartz onto the lid of the coffin. “Rest in peace, Rupert,” she whispered. “I’ll always love you.”

****

He never, never, never thought he’d feel this bad at the whelp’s funeral. Hell, the boy hadn’t let a day pass without a deadboy junior crack. It wasn’t until they stopped coming Spike realised how much he had liked it. Well not the jokes, but the childish grousing at one another. He may not have been the sharpest Scooby but whatever he’d said, whatever image he’d given out, Xander had never been afraid. He’d always come through. And though he was hard pressed to admit it, Spike admired that.

The priest was mumbling again. He’d spent three days mumbling and Spike could have told you the words by heart. After three funeral services, he could probably quote a fair bit of the Bible. Dawn’s readings had been about life, youth, beauty and love. Giles’ had been about survival and duty, staying strong in adversity. Xander had wanted miracles, the lame man walking and the young girl who was resurrected. Until he met Buffy he’d never believed any of it. In the end there was little he didn’t believe in.

Spike looked down at Buffy. She was crying again. It seemed as though she’d never stopped crying for weeks. He gripped her hand tighter and she squeezed his in return. He wanted to hold her, the way Tara was holding Willow. Poor Willow. She looked ready to give in. In fact they all looked ready to give in. If any lucky demons attacked now, they’d take down five of the strongest people he’d ever met, himself included, in seconds.

It was over. Three funerals in three days. The horror of the past few weeks would hopefully be laid to rest. It was time for the healing to begin.

Willow and Tara remained at the graveside as the others made their way home. Buffy linked her arm through Spike’s and they walked slowly back towards the Summers’ house.

“Don’t leave me,” Buffy whispered in a little girl voice that made Spike’s undead heart clench, as they reached the front porch. “Stay with me please. I don’t want to be alone.” Spike took the front door key and opened the door, guiding Buffy carefully inside. “Do you want something to drink? There’s blood, or hot chocolate if you’d rather…” Buffy rambled as she stood in the hall seeming unsure of what to do.

He sat down next to her and she snuggled into him, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist as he resumed caressing her hair. “Sleep now, baby,” Spike murmured and he bent slowly to kiss her forehead as she relaxed against him in sleep.

Part Two

“I’ll come and see you every day, I promise,” Willow told her best friend as she leaned against his headstone. Tara was standing further away, allowing the young witch some time to say goodbye to Xander. “You have no idea how much I miss you Xander. I thought you’d be here forever. You promised you’d always be here for me. I need you.”

The redhead began to sob quietly again and Tara had to restrain herself from going to Willow and trying to comfort her. The blonde witch knew the importance of saying goodbye, of crying and allowing those painful feelings to escape.

She shivered and pulled her coat tighter around her. It wasn’t cold, but graveyards always gave her that shivery feeling. She hadn’t spent that much time in them before her arrival in Sunnydale. She wondered if Buffy felt that way or if she felt more at home among the tombs and headstones. She probably wouldn’t now. Not with five of the people she had loved in some way buried here.

They walked hand in hand through the cemetery to Cordelia’s grave and Willow knelt down in front of her gravestone. She traced the name and inscription before she began.

“Hi Cor… God you’d never believe I would say something like this but… I’ve missed you. Xander missed you. Every day. He was waiting for you to come back. He couldn’t wait to see you when he came home from his summer trip. He probably told you. I hope he’s with you now. I hope you’re both somewhere good, with no demons or monsters. You deserve something good, something happy.

“We buried him today. This afternoon. So many people came. You wouldn’t believe how many people. I think he’d be quite shocked to know how much he was loved. Giles’ funeral was yesterday and Dawn’s was the day before. Are they with you? We all miss them so much… Buffy’s… Well I don’t think she’d have made it this past week without Spike.

“Yeah Spike. Did Xander tell you? He came back a couple of years ago. Some military organisation put a chip in his head and now he can’t hurt humans. I don’t think he’d want to anymore though. Angel straightened him out. He’s been really helpful. And he loves Buffy. No one’s supposed to know but it’s pretty obvious. Except to her I suppose.

“Have I introduced you to Tara? I can’t remember. I’m forgetting a lot these days. I wish I could forget things I really don’t want to remember like Xander not being here…” Willow choked slightly and stopped, motioning behind her for Tara to come closer. “This is Tara. Tara this is Cordelia.”

****

Angel sat staring into the fireplace at the mansion. It seemed as though his whole world had turned upside down within a few weeks. Too many people were dead. He didn’t want to think about it, but his mind was unable to resist reliving the final battle with Glory and imagining what he could have done to make things different. To make them better. Dawn’s death was the most painful to deal with. One more death he was responsible for.

He glanced towards the garden and wondered whether anyone would stop him if he decided to go and watch the sunrise on the hill behind the mansion. ‘Probably not,’ he thought to himself. He barely spoke to anyone these days.

Tara had dropped by once last week to check on him, but she had her own grief to deal with, and was worried about leaving Willow alone for too long. She hadn’t stayed very long; none of them really wanted to see him, Angel knew, they didn’t like the constant reminder he presented.

Spike wasn’t even talking to him. After two years rebuilding their relationship into something substantial, Angel had lost his best friend again by failing to protect Dawn. Angel knew Spike would have been devastated if Buffy had died, but he also knew that the blonde vampire would have let the Slayer make her own decision. They had promised to protect Dawn and in the end Angel had failed in the most grievous way. He had deliberately disregarded Buffy’s wishes and now he had to pay the price.

For the first time in four years he was alone, and there was nothing this time that could possibly redeem him.

****

“Dawn!”

“Is she still dead?” Buffy asked sadly, knowing that what had happened in the dream had happened in reality, but hoping beyond hope that Spike would tell her that Dawn was tucked up safe and sound next door.

Spike nodded against her hair and felt Buffy start to cry against his chest. “Shh. Buffy luv… it’s ok. It’ll all be alright.” Spike realised that stupidity of the statement and tightened his arms around her. Buffy shook her head as she started to weep more heavily. “I know,” Spike whispered over and over into her hair and he rubbed her back, closing his eyes to try and block out the view of her despair.

“Ok,” he said finally. “The real me. Once upon a time, there was a good, kind, honest man named William…”

Part Three

****

Spike sat on the hill behind the mansion and looked out over the town. He watched house lights flick on and off, watched as cars drove though the streets, making their way home. He had been sitting here for two hours. Since Angel had left.

The last time his surrogate Sire had disappeared from his unlife, Spike had been a different person, but his hurt at being abandoned by someone who had taught him everything Drusilla couldn’t, had cut deep. He had been devastated when he had been reunited with his friend again, only to find he had a soul.

Now however it was easy for him to admit he liked the souled version much better than the evil demon. And Angel had made it easy for him to adjust to his non-violent lifestyle and begin to help the Slayer and her friends.

The only thing Spike regretted was that he had withdrawn himself from his Sire for the past year, ever since he had discovered his love for Buffy. It wasn’t easy to fall in love with your enemy. It was even harder when she was in love with your best friend.

So Spike had kept his distance, trying to fall out of love as quickly as he had seemed to fall into it. But Angel had known. He had known for four years. Longer than Spike himself. And he had never said anything. Never warned Spike away. He was going to miss his Sire he knew. The way he missed Dawn.

Spike squeezed his eyes tightly shut. He didn’t want to think about Dawn. If he thought about her, he’d see her lying there in the rubble and he hated seeing her like that. Dawn wasn’t supposed to be still and lifeless. She was supposed to be running around, full of energy, teasing him about his clothes and hair and taste in music. She was supposed to be alive.

“I don’t know luv,” he answered Buffy’s question, tying to think back over his relationship with the blonde Slayer. “By the time I realised I was, I was in the middle of it. Knowing me though, it was probably the first time I saw you. I used to go in for that kind of sentimental crap. Love at first sight was right up poor William’s street.”

“I can’t remember the exact moment either,” Buffy informed him, never meeting his eyes, even though she could feel them boring into her. “I just remember one night at the magic shop, we were researching something about Glory… Giles was cashing up and muttering to himself about shipments or something; Xander was chasing Dawn around the training room and we could hear them laughing and screaming; Angel was out on patrol… and you, me, Willow and Tara were all searching through some dusty old books, looking for God knows what… I looked up and you looked up and our eyes locked for like, a second, and you smiled at me… and I knew.”

“And you and I are going to be so damn happy together,” Buffy growled fiercely and Spike’s smile widened as he pulled her to him and covered her mouth with his.

Epilogue

“If I remember correctly,” Wesley answered, glancing at Angel in the hope of confirmation, “Enlightenment is a revelation of truth. It’s a very rare and important occurrence, not granted to just anyone. And there’s always an important reason for it. If that’s what it was…” Wesley trailed off, thinking for a few moments before he also stood, looking back and forth between Angel and Cordelia.

“No,” Angel answered turning to face them. “My blaming myself was only part of it. The other things are just as important, maybe more important. There’s no way we’re the only one’s this is happening too. We’ll go and see Giles first thing in the morning.”

TBC…

Prologue

“Have you made your decision Buffy?” the Power who had taken the form of Miss Calendar asked her, the moment Angel had resolved to see Giles about his experience. Buffy frowned at the woman before her, still trying to take in all the information.

“You are the strongest Buffy. You are not just the Slayer. Your heart gives you a strength no other possesses. This was not how we saw your end Buffy. You made a sacrifice and you have learnt from it. Therefore we are willing to make a sacrifice of our own. You may have a second chance. If you want it.”

Buffy looked at her mother who was holding her hand comfortingly, and thought. If she left, she’d have to carry on without her mother. Could she let go again, knowing what she was giving up? She searched for some sign of her mom’s feelings on the subject. Joyce’s face was impassive. “Mom? Do you think I should…?”

Part One

“It’s going to hurt a lot.”

When she removed them he was in the alley behind the Bronze. He was standing a few feet from Buffy and she was panting slightly, stake raised in front of her. Xander and Willow stood slightly behind her, looking scared. This was their first meeting. The first time they had spoken to one another.

“You shouldn’t have come here.” They were in the high school. In the corridor where they had fought for the first time, moving slowly closer. “…I just got so bored…”

“You’re pathetic.” She was glaring at him now, her teeth tightly clenched as they stood in the magic shop, Angel fidgeting slightly behind them. Spike rolled his eyes and smirked at her. “I may be love’s bitch; at least I’m man enough to admit it.”

****

The vampire shot straight up in bed, his body jerking heavily as he inhaled and exhaled deliberately. He’d had the same dream every night for the past week. Each time was more vivid than the last. Now every detail about each situation was perfect.

Spike lay back down and pulled the cover over himself. Surrounding himself in her. He was tired. He thought that he had never been as tired as he had been this past week. But then again, he had never been as emotionally drained, as he had been this week. This year.

He closed his eyes, hoping that, for once, there would be no dreams to disturb him.

****

Buffy stood at the top of the stairs and looked down the corridor to her sister’s room. She couldn’t wait to see Dawn. Couldn’t wait to see the look on her sister’s face when she realised Buffy had returned. She’d only been gone a week, but it seemed like a lifetime to her. All of a sudden she was very, very nervous. Should she just walk in and announce her presence? Maybe she should wait until later when everyone was at the Magic Box and just show up there. Then at least she’d only have to explain everything once.

The Slayer took a step towards Dawn’s bedroom and stopped. She looked back along the corridor to her own room. She needed to talk to Spike and if she woke Dawn now, she would have no time to speak with the vampire alone for a long time.

She glanced down at her watch. Eight a.m. She had three hours before Giles wanted Spike and Dawn at the Magic Box. Three hours to explain everything. She hoped it was enough time.

****

Spike blinked awake at the soft brush of a hand on his cheek. His eyes focused on the angel before him and he closed them again, submitting to his unconscious. He was dreaming. He had had this dream time after time, ever since he first acknowledged his love for the Slayer.

At first they had all been lust-filled ‘I must have you now’ encounters. Gradually they had changed over time, some angry, some sad, some painfully loving. This past week they had been poignant, as he never realised at first that he was dreaming. He would wake in her arms and a calming peace would descend. It was only when reality forced itself back to him, in the form of Dawn or Giles, that he remembered the truth of Buffy’s death.

Now however he knew he was dreaming. And for once he embraced it. At least here, for a while, he had her back and he had her all to himself. He opened his eyes and gazed upon his love. The room was bright and the sunlight that managed to creep in behind the curtains surrounded her like a halo. She looked luminous.

Her golden hair fell forward slightly curling softly at the top of her breasts. Her eyes were shining brightly with a happiness he had never seen them possess before, as well as a little mischief and an enormous amount of love. Her smile was wide and inviting and Spike wanted nothing more than to claim her lips with his own. Thankfully in his dream world, he could.

He reached up with his right hand and gently brushed the hair back from her face. She leaned into his touch and the vampire knew he had waited long enough. His long fingers slid through her hair and cupped the back of her head, pulling her down on top of him and crushing her lips to his.

Buffy was a little startled at Spike’s wordless welcome home, but as his mouth parted, deepening the kiss, she decided she didn’t care. She kissed him back with four years worth of unresolved want and need, glad that she had another chance to make things right. When she had first seen him lying there, she had been moved by his beauty and appearance of innocence. And she had accepted that, in some ways, he was innocent. Unknowing and instinctual, especially when it came to love.

And she knew he loved her. Without a doubt. She had known for months, but had never talked about it. After that first painful night of confession, neither had said a word, although their actions had given away more than words ever could.

Now after her death and valued Enlightenment, Buffy truly knew her own feelings for the first time. She had accepted aspects of her own personality as well as Spike’s and had found a serenity within herself. And for the first time she knew who she was meant to be with. Fate, destiny, karma. This vampire, this man holding her in his arms was her soul mate. Not Angel. No other human or demon. Spike.

Something felt different. She felt different. This wasn’t exactly the way his dreams had played out before. This was far more intense, more passionate, more loving. He was giving his all to her, and this time, she was giving her all in return. He hadn’t felt this since she had dressed up like his robot and…

Spike pulled back and stared at the beauty before him. Her eyes were closed, her face was flushed with passion, her lips were slightly swollen and she was breathing heavily, almost panting with desire.

Buffy opened her eyes when he continued to stare at her and tilted her head to the side in question. As his hands began to roam searchingly over her body, while his eyes never left her own, Buffy realised that he didn’t know she was real. To him she was a dream or some form of apparition.

The vampire tuned his senses to the woman half lying on top of him on the bed. Her heart was beating, pounding actually, a little too fast, in her chest. Her breathing had returned to normal, but he could still recognise the gentle inhalation and exhalation. Her scent was overpowering, far stronger than any dream, more powerful than that which lingered on her clothes and possessions. It was all too vivid for a dream.

“Buffy?” he whispered, afraid that he would break whatever wonderful, magical spell this was and be left alone once again, in more pain than he had ever suffered before. The vision gazed down at him, a playful smile quirking her lips.

“Hello cutie.”

Part Two

Giles ran an unsteady hand through his already ruffled hair and sighed. He slammed closed the book he had been reading and hurriedly returned it to its place, picking up the next manuscript he thought might be of use. He had been searching for information all night, and now that the sun was rising, Giles knew he didn’t have long before Spike and Dawn arrived, demanding answers. So far he didn’t have any.

The front door crashed open and Giles jumped up immediately, looking wildly around him for a weapon. When his eyes finally came to rest on the figure huddled in a blanket, that had just entered the shop, he relaxed slightly.

Wesley cleared his throat and looked pointedly at Angel. The dark vampire scowled slightly but adjusted his question. “Did, uh, anything happen to you last night? Sort of like a daydream, but more intense?”

The Watcher smirked slightly at Angel’s confusion and walked towards the phone. The bell above the door rang as it opened making them all jump. They turned in time to see a very excited Anya followed by an equally excited Tara enter the shop. Willow and Xander lagged slightly behind their loved ones, their expressions equal parts confused and curious.

Angel and Cordelia smiled at each other and nodded their agreement, while Giles, Willow and Xander stared opened mouthed at Wesley. He had changed a lot in the past two years. He was more confident, more capable. It was surprising, but oddly comforting.

****

Once they were all sat around the table, an uncomfortable silence descended. Everyone looked around at each other for a couple of minutes, before Anya sighed with impatience.

“I’ll go… I was upset because Buffy’s… well Buffy’s dead and that hurts me more than anything else ever has before. I just wanted to change it all back and make everything right again. Holding the power of the wish for over eleven hundred and twenty years, I know how things like that work. I just wondered, idly, what it would be like if I were the Slayer, as Buffy wouldn’t be dead then. And then we saw it. Felt it. Lived it.

“Somewhere, in some parallel dimension, there’s Anya the Vampire Slayer, and I knew what it felt to be her. Her life parallels Buffy’s. Her relationship with a souled vampire… you Wesley… her constant worry about Dawn, about life, about death. The way she feels about… There was such conflict. Buffy… she was trying so hard to do what everyone else wanted, what she thought she should do… she missed the most important thing. Luckily Anya had…”

“He loves her. I mean, I was starting to see it anyway, even though I didn’t want to but… It was like; all my fear and hatred were being thrown back at me you know. There I was… Me not Spike… a vampire, a government chip stopping me from hurting a living soul, madly in love with my mortal enemy. I felt the hunger for blood; I missed the hunt and the kill… well in some ways. But I knew there was no chance I would ever go back to it, even if the chip did come out, because I’d be throwing away so much more. I felt everything Spike must have felt over the last hundred and twenty years. I felt. I didn’t think vampires could feel. But I did. I loved and I hurt because of that love….”

Xander stood suddenly and walked away from the table, realising what this was all about. What he had learnt, not only about Spike but also about himself.

****

“Dawn was blaming herself for Buffy’s death. Spike told her not to think like that. That it wasn’t her fault. He thought if anyone was to blame, it was him. He said he wished he could have been the Slayer so that Buffy would never be in such danger. And then the same thing happened, I guess. Spike was the Slayer, Buffy was a vampire. But as Angelus was far different from Drusilla in many ways, when he found out about Buffy’s love for the Slayer he abused her. Broke her. Then he sent her to Spike, uh, William, in the hope that she’d kill him. But she didn’t; couldn’t. She recognised him, loved him.

“There’s a difference. I’ve noticed it. Sometimes I’ve even mentioned it, but recently… I guess I was very protective of her, we all were. They loved each other, protected each other, and fought for each other. If what you say is true Anya, that Buffy was conflicted over her feelings for Spike, then I’m deeply ashamed of the way I acted. I just wish there was a way…”

“No more wishing,” Cordelia cried, sitting up sharply in her seat. “There’s no way back… there’s no way to change things. And as we’ve all learned, even if things were different, it wouldn’t necessarily make them better. God, I thought that if Angel had kept his soul back when he and Buffy got with the lovin’ that things would have turned out much better. No evil, people wouldn’t be dead, he wouldn’t be so mopey all the time. Well let me tell ya, it’s not better. Buffy is alive, yeah, but Dawn, Xander, Giles and, and I can’t stress this enough, ME, are all dead. Anya never came here, so she’s not around and everyone just ends up more miserable. Well, except that Buffy and Spike…” Cordelia stopped sharply and turned to Angel with a sympathetic smile. “Sorry.”

“It’s ok Cor. It’s hard but it’s ok. Feeling what it was like, to lose Buffy even when everything had been right up to then… that was more painful than anything I’ve had to face. I’ll never be able to stop regretting what I did as Angelus, but at least now I can look back on my time with Buffy with some form of happiness. And maybe now I can sort a few things out with my Grandchilde.”

Silence reigned once more when Angel had finished speaking. A contemplative silence this time, each person thinking about what they had learnt from their experiences.

Tara had had a strange feeling, almost from the start, about what their Enlightenment meant. Each person’s revelation had merely confirmed her suspicions and now she was fighting to maintain her composure. She could never be considered the most confident Scooby; in fact sometimes she didn’t consider herself a Scooby at all. But she had a place here she knew and her own ideas about her position were something she would have to deal with on her own. Starting right now.

“I, I think… I think I know why we received Enlightenment,” her hesitant voice sounded loudly in the silent room. Everyone looked at her. Tara blushed but she refused to lower her head from their gaze. She was right about this; she knew she was. She was not going to be deterred.

“What is it sweetie?” Willow asked kindly, rather proud of her girlfriend for the confidence and understanding she had shown over the past week, and more especially over the past twelve hours.

“Buffy’s coming back.”

“What?!” every other person in the room shouted in shock. Am important and momentous event they were prepared for. This however was something else.

“It was a feeling, when it began… something earth-shattering was happening. All of these things we’ve been seeing, they’ve been bringing us closer to her, giving us a better understanding of her… and Spike. Preparing us, so that we don’t make the same mistakes. So that Buffy can find the truth within herself.”

Part Three

Spike didn’t know what to say. He tried to think of something wise or witty, but his brain couldn’t get past the fact that Buffy, his Buffy, his Slayer, was here with him. Alive and well. His hands ran over her arms and back of their own volition, trying to prove that she was in fact real.

Buffy’s own hands rested on his shoulders as she lay half across his chest, still recovering from the devastating kiss they had shared. Her eyes searched his face for reaction, trying to make out whether or not he was pleased to see her. She didn’t know how to begin to talk to him. A week wasn’t usually a long time. They had been apart for longer periods before, but conversation, even their sniping banter, had never been difficult to fall into.

But she had died. He had mourned; had still been mourning when she returned. It felt as though they had been separated for decades. And their last conversation would have been much easier to resume if there hadn’t been a week’s worth of pain in between. Finally however the silence was too much for her.

“You know I wanted to say something deep and meaningful… something important about life and death. But now I’m here, all I can think about is how much I missed you.”

She leaned forward slightly and kissed him again. It wasn’t as passionate or intense as the last one, but it shared her feelings perfectly. It was sweet and tender, and Spike never wanted it to stop. He inhaled her scent and thought for the first time in his existence that if he were to die now, he would die happy.

All too soon it was over and the vampire’s eyes burned into hers as he told her, “Oh God Buffy… I’ve missed you so much… We’ve all missed you… I can’t believe… How did this happen?”

Buffy grinned at his awkwardness. He was very sweet when he was unsure. Probably because he was so cocky most of the time. “They said I could come back, if I wanted… As long as I discovered a few things about myself first. And you.”

“Dawn! We have to tell her… have you seen…?” Spike started to get up, but Buffy pushed him back down, rearranging herself more comfortably with him on the bed, still leaning over his chest so she could look into his eyes.

“You said something to me, last week… when we were downstairs. I thought I’d have time later… that it would be better to tell you when it was all over, but things never turn out like you plan. You said you were a monster…”

Spike opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him.

“No, wait don’t interrupt ok, I’ve waited a week to say this… You’re not a monster. I’ve never thought of you as a monster. You’ve been my enemy, my ally, and more recently I think, you were my friend. But I’ve always thought of you as a man first, so never think that I… God this is hard. When did it get this hard to talk to you? It used to be so easy, even when you were being a pain in the ass…. Ok… You said as well that you knew I’d never love you…”

Spike inhaled deeply as she paused, afraid of what was coming next. The things she had said were things he had dreamed she would say but never imagined she truly felt. He pushed back his uncertainty, happy instead that she had indeed returned and thought of him a friend. It was more than he deserved.

“Do you realise you are the only man who has never hurt me. Ignoring the trying to kill me thing ‘cause, realistically, I tried to kill you just as often. Angel… well we both know how that turned out. Riley… least said about that the better. Giles betrayed me once, and while I love him and think of him as my father, there’s a part of me that will never forget what he did. Xander, I love like a brother but he can be judgemental and unsupportive at times. And my dad, well… I know he loves me in his own way but he’s let us down so much…

“Tell me something you did that I can’t forgive. Anything you can throw at me, I have an answer for. Why don’t you tell me all the things I have to thank you for and never did? It’s a longer list. For every bad thing there are a couple of amazing things that make me question everything I ever thought I knew about you. You know me Spike. Better than I know myself. And I know you. In my heart. Deep down I know you would never hurt me, or Dawn, or my friends, and that’s…

“My point is, no matter what you’ve done, what you’ve tried to do, I trust you more than anyone in my entire life. Trust is all-important to me and you’ve earned mine. I entrusted the most important thing I had in my life to you. Dawn. That should tell you something.”

Spike was trying to hold onto his composure, pushing back the tears that had threatened from the moment he had realised she was actually here. His heart had expanded at her words and he was almost desperate for her to finish. He didn’t care what she said now. This was enough. If losing her had taught him anything, it was that it was better to have her friendship than not to have her at all.

Buffy sniffed and blinked back her own tears at the sight of the emotions of the vampire’s face. She wanted to kiss him again, but she had to get through this. If she stopped now, it wouldn’t be said for a long time. “You love me. You said it. You’ve proved it. And I’ve tried so hard to fight it but… You get to a girl. I want to try. I want us to try. I want there to be an us.”

****

She had heard something. She wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but she had heard something. She concentrated harder, trying to block out everything else. Someone was here. Someone was talking. Spike was talking to someone. Giles? No, the voice wasn’t deep enough. It sounded like a woman. Willow? Tara? Anya? Had something happened?

Dawn crawled out bed and crept slowly across her room, quietly opening the door. The voice was a little louder now and it was definitely coming from Buffy’s bedroom. She tiptoed along the corridor and stopped outside her sister’s room. She couldn’t hear what was being said, only the murmur of voices behind the door.

Eventually they stopped talking and Dawn frowned in confusion. If it was Willow or Tara or Anya, what were they doing in there? She pushed the door open slowly, careful not to give herself away. Dawn peered around the edge of the door and the sight that greeted her caused her to faint dead away from shock.

****

The sound of Dawn’s body hitting the floor broke the vampire and Slayer from their kiss and they turned quickly to see what had happened. At the sight of her sister lying on the floor Buffy jumped up and ran across to Dawn. She gently patted her cheek to try and wake her, and breathed a sigh of relief when the younger girl’s eyes fluttered open.

Epilogue

Buffy sat on the steps at the back of the house and stared out into the night. She had been back in the land of the living for a week now and her welcome home party had just finished. After their first joyous reunion, which actually comprised of several hours of crying and hugging, she had explained everything to her friends and they had told her what they had learnt from their experiences. She had been right about not having any quality time alone with Spike. They hadn’t been alone long enough to do more than give each other a quick good morning kiss in the last seven days.

The Slayer knew he had talked with Giles, Xander and Angel this past week, and the three men had straightened out some of their differences. Buffy just hoped that they would now have some time alone to redefine their relationship.

She heard the door open behind her and knew that it was him. He was the only one she hadn’t had a heart to heart to that night.

She had had a bittersweet conversation with Angel and she had told him that a part of her would always belong to him. She had reassured Giles that she loved him like a father. She told Anya and Tara how much she valued their friendship and Xander how proud she was of him, for all that he had done. She had made sure Dawn and Willow knew she loved them. Now she just had one more thing to say.

“You alright pet?” Spike asked as he sat down next to her and she nodded as she moved closer to him and put his arm around her shoulders. He sighed in contentment and she closed her eyes as she leaned against him.

“Spike. Stop. I know. I’ve been thinking these things, but none of it scares me as much as it used to. I used to put so much energy into finding excuses and hiding from love, but now, it all just seems so insignificant. I don’t know whether it’s something I’ve learnt from this whole Enlightenment thing, or if it’s just you… I know you love me. I know we’ll both try harder than we ever have before. I know you won’t leave. You didn’t leave, even when I told you to. That earned you something.”

Spike stopped her with a kiss. She didn’t need to say he. He saw it in her eyes and for now that was enough. As they broke apart the final speck of fear fled her heart and the words she had been struggling for came easily to her tongue.

“I love you.”

The End