Title: Fluffy Fool For Love (Ep 21 of the Fluffy Files)

Author: Hilary

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Everything I have borrowed from Joss.

Author's Notes: From now on I won't be taking the episodes in chronological order. If you want to vote for which episode is done next then go here <http://groups.yahoo.com/group/FluffyPolls/join> As always assume the episode has run as normal up until the point I start writing.

Dedications: To Becca, my beloved beta, and to Isabelle. I know it's a bit early but happy birthday pet. Also to Tracy and Shoshanna for making me laugh. Love you guys.

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Buffy let out a gasp of pain as her own stake was plunged into her stomach. She looked up at the vampire she'd been fighting and realised with shock that this was it. She was going to die.

With a grunt of pain she pulled the stake out and stumbled towards the cemetery gate. It was no good though; the vampire was in front of her before she'd managed a couple of paces.

"Leaving so soon?" He sneered, punching her in her wound and sending her stumbling back. "But I'm not done having fun yet."

As he tried to punch her again Buffy managed to block it but she knew she was fighting a losing battle. She was on borrowed time and they both knew it. After a couple more half-hearted blocks the vampire managed to get her hands pinned above her head and leaned in for the kill.

"I've always wanted to taste slayers blood." He whispered, his stale breath causing her to gag. "Looks like now I get my chance."

Buffy closed her eyes and prayed for it to be over with quickly. She just hoped the gang would be enough to keep Dawn safe from Glory.

The next thing she knew her hands were free and the vampire had been torn away from her. She looked up just in time to see him explode in a cloud of dust before she slumped back against a tombstone in relief.

Spike grinned with satisfaction as he dusted the vamp. There was nothing like a good bit of violence before bedtime. It was just too bad the fight hadn't lasted longer. As the dust settled his nostrils flared. He could smell blood, strong blood too. His eyes did a quick scan of the cemetery until they came to rest on Buffy who was struggling to her feet.

"Oh bloody hell." He muttered, moving over to her.

"Looks like I got here just in time." He smirked, determined not to show her how much it bothered him, seeing her hurt.

Buffy slowly raised her head until her eyes met his.

"Spike...." She murmured, and toppled forward into his arms, unconscious.

Spike looked down at her, tenderly brushing a strand of hair from her face. He'd fantasised about her falling into his arms so many times, but it didn't usually involve her fainting because she'd receive a major stab wound.

"Better get you fixed up." He finally said, picking her up as carefully as possible.

His crypt wasn't too far away.

* * *

The first thing Buffy became aware of when she woke was that she wasn't in the cemetery anymore. Even before she opened her eyes she could feel a hard surface beneath her and something soft pillowed beneath her head. Finally she opened her eyes to find herself in very familiar surroundings. The soft glow of candlelight only illuminated part of Spike's crypt, but she had no problems recognising it.

Attempting to sit up, she winced at the wound in her stomach made its presence known.

"I wouldn't get up just yet, if I were you." Spike said, emerging from the shadows. "I've done what I can with bandages but I'm not exactly a first-aid expert. Plus, I don't tend to keep that sort of stuff lying around, it doesn't really go with the big bad image."

Looking down Buffy noticed that her sweater had been pulled up and her stomach had been bandaged clumsily. It would do the job though. Looking again at Spike she noticed that he was wearing his usual black T-shirt and jeans, but his duster was missing. It was then that she realised that that's what was pillowed under her head.

"Um....thanks." She muttered, lying back down. She could feel her Slayer healing doing its job; she just needed a little more time before she was ready to head home.

"So what went wrong?" Spike asked, pulling his armchair over to the side of the bier and taking a seat. "It's not like you to let one vamp get the better of you, present company excluded of course."

Buffy sighed. "I don't know what happened. He just beat me."

"Not used to being beaten, I suppose?" Spike asked softly.

Buffy nodded. "I always thought I could take care of myself. I don't know what went wrong."

"Nothing went wrong." Spike replied. "You're not immortal, pet. No Slayer lasts forever."

"Yeah." Buffy said bitterly. "I guess you'd know about that."

Spike fell silent as he remembered the two Slayers he'd killed. Not something he regretted, that was true, but it was clearly on Buffy's mind. She turned her head towards him.

"Spike, can I ask you something?"

He nodded. "Go ahead."

"When you killed those other two Slayers, why did you win? What did they do wrong? What made them lose?"

Spike sighed. "Do you really want to know? It's going to be a long story."

Buffy looked down at her stomach. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Right. Well, if I'm going to do this right I'll have to start at the beginning. It started in 1880, there was this rather poofy bloke named William...."

Ten minutes later Buffy was giggling despite herself. "William the Bloody Awful Poet? I don't believe it. What does 'effulgent' mean anyway?"

Spike sighed, still unable to believe he'd told her the truth about his origins. "Do you want to hear the rest of this or not?"

Buffy sobered as she remembered just why he was telling her this story, although she couldn't stop a smile curling at the edge of her lips. "I'm sorry, go on."

"Right, so Cecily didn't want anything to do with me. I left the party a snivelling wreck. Didn't last long though, met someone else on the way home, a girl by the name of Drusilla."

Buffy listened as Spike gave her the details of his turning, about how Dru had found him when he was at his most vulnerable and had used that to talk him into becoming the demon he was now. She wasn't sure whether to pity him or not. Spike was a victim of circumstance more than anything, but he didn't seem to regret what he'd become. Whether that was the demon inside him or the pain of William she'd never know.

"So what happened next?" She asked.

Spike shrugged. "Travelled around Europe for a while with Dru, Darla and Angel. Spent most of my time looking for a fight wherever I could find one."

Buffy listened as he told her how he made the transformation from William into Spike, ridding himself of his past with the use of a railroad spike.

"So are you going to tell me how you killed the Slayers?" She finally asked, fascinated by his story but wanting to get to the point."

"I'm getting to it." Spike exclaimed. "And I'd be there a lot quicker if you didn't keep interrupting all the time. Anyway, at the turn of the century we found ourselves in China during the boxer rebellion. That's where the real story begins."

Buffy listened with a sick stomach as Spike described in graphic detail his fight with the first slayer he'd killed. That was bad enough, but what really made her sick was what happened afterwards. He'd fed Drusilla some of her blood and then the two of them had made love amongst the wreckage, the body of the girl he'd killed lying just a few feet away.

Seeing her disgusted look Spike raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You got off on it!"

"And you're telling me you don't?"

Buffy opened her mouth to protest when her mind went back to the first time she and Riley had made love. It had been right after they had slayed a Polgara demon together.

"So why did you win?" She finally asked, deciding to change the subject.

"The second Slayer was more like you." Spike said, ignoring her question. "She was strong, resourceful....everything a Slayer should be. I don't know how long we fought for but I could have carried on all night with her."

"So what happened?" Buffy asked, "You keep telling me about how you fought them, but I want to know what made these fights so special. Was it just that you were a better fighter than them?"

Spike smiled. "I wish it was, pet. But this has nothing today with the way we fought. You want to know why they lost? All right then, but you may not like it."

Her gaze hardened. "I can take anything you've got to say. Now tell me, I want to know."

Spike sighed. "The reason they lost is because they wanted to. Maybe not on a conscious level, but deep down they wanted to give up. At some time or another every Slayer realises that the battle is never going to end. You can kill as many vampires as you want and all it takes is for one of them to choose the right moment and it's all over. Peace at last."

Buffy stared at him in horror as she processed what she was hearing. "You're wrong. I don't want to die."

"I'm not finished." Spike said. "You want to know why you've lasted so much longer than the other Slayers? You've got ties. An ordinary Slayer is trained from the beginning to be a seasoned fighter, hard and unfeeling. No friends, no family, just the kill. You're different, you keep your friends and family close to you and that's what keeps you from giving up. You've got things to live for, things that the other girls never had. Now, you might have gotten close tonight, but in the end you would have fought back. What was the last thought you had when he was leaning in for the kill?"

Buffy thought back. "I was worried that there would be no one to protect Dawn if something happened to me."

Spike smiled. "There you go. That's what would have kept you alive."

Buffy remembered Kendra, about what her life had been like. She couldn't even remember her parents. Was that why an insane vampire like Drusilla had managed to beat her? Had Kendra been ready to die?

She flinched as she felt something cool on the skin of her stomach and looked down to see Spike changing her bandages.

"This won't take a minute." He grinned. "Just lie still."

As he worked on changing her bandages Buffy closed her eyes and tried not to react to the way his fingers felt on her bare skin. She swore she could even feel his breath tickling her.

"All done." He finally said in what felt like an eternity later.

She sat up and swung her legs over the edge of Spike's bier. "I should head home. My mom and Dawn will be getting worried."

"I'll walk you back."

Buffy studied the vampire before her, the one person who had told her the truth about what being the Slayer meant. She wondered whether Giles knew about it and chose not to tell her, or whether he just chose to ignore what was blindingly obvious. She hadn't seen it herself until Spike had told her.

What surprised her more was that he hadn't told her to be cruel, in fact he'd tried to make it as gentle as possible. She wanted to treat him with disgust for what he was, the murderer of two Slayers, but the truth was that if he hadn't killed them then some other vampire would have. As morbid as it might be she was glad that at least they'd died at the hands of a worthy opponent and not some fledgling like the one that had nearly beaten her.

Before she could protest Spike had helped her down from the bier without aggravating her wound and was stood at the door holding it open for her.

"You don't have to walk me back." She said as she stepped outside.

Spike shrugged. "I've got to go and pick up some blood anyway."

Buffy nodded and the two of them walked in silence back towards her home.

* * *

They stopped outside Buffy's front door, neither of them wanting to break the silence that had been shrouding them since leaving Spike's crypt.

"I should head inside." Buffy finally said. "Thanks for fixing me up."

They both knew she meant more than bandaging her wound. Spike had helped her come that one step closer to finding out more about what being the Slayer really meant.

"I'll see you, Slayer." Spike said nonchalantly, heading down the drive to her house before she even had the chance to say goodbye. With a sigh Buffy turned and headed inside.

* * *

As soon as he heard the door close Spike doubled back and resumed his nightly post by the tree outside Buffy's house. As always he'd stay there, watching her window and imagining he was somehow part of the life she had away from the slaying. He knew this was something he was never going to be a part of, just as he was never going to be one of the things that tied her to this world.

He was brought from his thoughts by the sound of the back door opening and he moved around the back of the house to see what was happening. Buffy was sat on the back porch, her head buried in her hands. Before he knew what he was doing he'd moved out so that he was in plain view.

Buffy lifted her head and he was stunned to see tears rolling down her cheeks. He felt his heart constrict and hoped that he hadn't been the cause.

She seemed embarrassed to see him, rubbing her eyes and cheeks, which only succeeded in making them redder.

"Spike, I didn't know you were still here."

He gave a small smile. "Just on my way back home. You ok, pet."

Stupid question. He thought to himself as soon as the words had left his lips.

Buffy sniffed and lowered her head again, not saying anything. Spike took a seat beside her.

"It might help to talk about it."

She was silent for a few more moments, almost as though she was thinking about how best to say it. "My mom. She's sick. She's got to go into hospital tomorrow."

She looked up at him with tear filled eyes. "Spike, what if something is really wrong with her? I don't know how to deal with stuff like this. I can slay demons as much as I like but I can't do anything to stop this."

She began to cry again. "I can't lose her."

Gently Spike pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair while she sobbed into his shoulder. He knew he couldn't promise her that her mum was going to be ok, he didn't know that. All he could do was be there for her and offer comfort where it was needed.

Finally Buffy pulled back; looking more embarrassed than before. "I'm sorry."

Spike shook his head. "Don't be sorry, pet. It's natural for you to be worried about your mum. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. Let other people take care of you once in a while."

Buffy gave a small smile "Like you? You took care of my tonight."

Spike smiled back. "Yeah, like me. Remember, Buffy, I'm here if you need me."

Maybe it was the use of her name, but Buffy suddenly knew that he meant it. She wasn't sure why he'd suddenly started to care, but somehow it made her feel safe, that although she might not be able to help her mom, she wasn't alone. That thought was what made her lean forward and press a small gentle kiss on his lips.

Shocked, Spike pulled back with surprise, the look on his face almost causing Buffy to laugh in spite of everything that was happening.

"Thank you, Spike." She said as she stood up and headed back for the door. "For everything."

As the door closed Spike finally managed to pull himself together enough to smile.

"You're welcome, luv."

The End