“They’ll be fine,” Buffy murmured, sounding far less confident than usual but far more confident than she felt. Spike glanced quickly at her and then back at the road. With all the tin foil covering the windows, he really couldn’t afford not to pay attention. Even if all he wanted to do was hold Buffy and tell her that everything would be ok. Especially as he wasn’t sure it would.

She had come to him and asked for his help, and he had given it willingly, doing what she asked without question. He had realised straight away that he was going to have to be the strong one this time. That Buffy was slowly losing the grip she held on herself and that one more thing would push her over the edge. And without Buffy, the world was royally screwed.

With that thought he pressed a little harder on the gas. Idly the thought that they were going to get pulled over soon for speeding crossed his mind and he smiled ruefully. The police probably wouldn’t believe that they were running from a hell god. They probably heard that one all the time. “Well officer, we were just trying to save the world.”

Dawn started shifting about uncomfortably in her seat, which Spike couldn’t really blame her for, but the fidgeting made Buffy’s teeth clench and her hands were balled into fists. The vampire decided to intercede before the Slayer exploded. “So ladies. Where do you want to go? I here Florida’s nice this time of year, but my sun allergy makes that a little less attractive for me. How about Antarctica? Should be around twenty hours of darkness.”

The teenager laughed, thankful that Spike was still being Spike. One more second of silence would have driven her insane. “Well if we’re going abroad,” she mused, “We want somewhere with something to do.”

Spike nodded thoughtfully, “Well, you choose pet. Where have you always wanted to go?”

Dawn thought for a few minutes and then looked innocently at Spike. “Prague.”

Spike laughed. “Really nibblet? I don’t think I fancy it myself. Only just got out alive last time.” Knowing that Dawn had chosen Prague on purpose as it would inevitably lead to a story he told her about his time there with Drusilla.

By the end of the story even Buffy was smiling, and Spike mentally breathed a sigh of relief. At least she was more relaxed now. “So princess,” he addressed Buffy, “where are we going?”

Buffy shook her head, “I have absolutely no idea. I just want to get as far away as we can. She’s going to catch us eventually.”

“Now, now. None of that Slayer. We’re going to keep Dawn safe, while your Watcher and Peaches come up with a way to kill the hell-bitch. Then we’re all going to go home and sleep. And once we’ve slept we’re going to party.”

Dawn snorted. “Party? You should never say that.”

Buffy giggled, “It did sound weird.”

Spike rolled his eyes, “Alright, we’re going to have a party. Is that better?” The girls nodded and this time the silence was comfortable, some of the tension relieved.

****

Buffy and Dawn were asleep. Spike had decided a while ago to take them to a cabin he had once rented for a while in the mountains, somewhere between Dru leaving him and the Gem of Amarra. He would change direction now and again to throw anyone who might be following off the trail, even though he knew the chances were Glory was using magic to find them. Hell gods probably didn’t indulge in high-speed car chases, which Spike considered, was a damn shame.

He gazed down at the sleeping Slayer and sighed. He wasn’t stupid. He knew that her coming to him hadn’t meant anything other than that she so afraid for Dawn’s safety, she’d go to the only other person she knew who could protect the girl against the beast, even if that was her mortal enemy. The vampire laughed quietly when he remembered his own decision to ask Buffy for help three years ago. The irony of it all was not lost on him.

“Spike?” Buffy murmured, blinking awake and staring sleepily up at him.

“Hey,” he said softly in reply. “Did I wake you?”

Buffy shook her head and tried to stretch a little. “What time is it? Where are we?”

“It is 5 o’clock and we are one hour from where we’re headed.”

“And that is?”

“A surprise.”

The Slayer grimaced. “I don’t think I can take any more surprises.” She looked at Dawn, who was sleeping more or less peacefully. “Spike,” she began seriously as her eyes remained trained on Dawn, “Do you think I’m doing the right thing?”

Spike knew that Buffy was having problems with leaving Sunnydale. She had put Dawn first this time and said to hell with the world. Which was exactly where the world was headed. “You did the right thing Buffy,” he assured her, his use of her name forcing her to take him seriously.

“But my friends…”

“She’s not after your friends love. She’s after Dawn. You… No, we want to keep her safe. And if that means that for the first time in your life you run, you damn well run.”

“Yeah. Thanks.” Buffy sighed. “I think I’m getting too old for this.”

“You’re only twenty,” Spike reminded her incredulously.

“And a Slayer. Twenty in Slayer time equals ancient.” Buffy sighed again, while Spike searched for something comforting to say. “It’s alright. You don’t need to say anything. You were right you know.”

The vampire looked across at her, confused. “Right about what?”

“My death wish.”

“No!” Spike practically exploded. “That wasn’t true. I was angry and upset. I wanted to get under your skin and scare you. I didn’t mean…”

“No, you were right. I do want it.”

“What?!” Spike was becoming scared. Surely she couldn’t mean that she wanted to die. Not Buffy.

“Couple of weeks ago, I was in the magic shop; Giles asked me to put a book away; and in that one second I knew she was going to beat me. I knew that I was going to lose, that I would die. And I wanted it. For a second, I wanted it over. I wanted peace.”

Spike was silent for a moment. “You think that that was wrong, don’t you? Buffy, no matter what the Watcher’s council and Watcher diaries and hell, even Giles tells you, you cannot be expected to be the strong one all the time. For one second you wanted to give up. So what? It wasn’t wrong Buffy; it was human. The point is you haven’t given up, you aren’t giving up, and no one, myself included, would ever believe that you would.”

“But…”

“No. Buffy, you’ve done more for this world in five years than most Slayers do in their lifetimes. How many apocalypses have you stopped? How many lives have you saved? How many lives have you enriched?”

“Enriched? Me?”

“Hell girl, how can you be so insecure with yourself? Do you think that Giles would have been happy with a by-the-book Slayer? Do you think he would love any one the way he loves you? What about Willow and Xander? Would they have grown into the annoyingly wonderful people they are today without you? Would Red have ever had two healthy loving relationships and become a powerful witch, or would she be dead or a vampire or working for a multinational computer software corporation? Would Harris have Anya and a promising construction career, or would he still be single, unemployed and living in his parents’ basement?

“Peaches would still be moping around the country, brooding around corners and dining on rats in dark alleys. You made him the sad superhero figure he is now. You put him on the road to redemption, no one else.

“And your mum. Have you any idea how proud you made her? Do you know how many times I spent having hot chocolate in your kitchen, listening to her tell me how much she loved you, how proud she was of you? You made her happy Buffy. You made her life better.

“And me. Look at what you’ve done to me and tell me you’re not a good influence. I’d have still been tearing around the world with Dru, leaving a trail of murder and mayhem. And while I might be enjoying myself, I would never have known true happiness. Or true love.”

Buffy was crying. She had never thought about what might have been, had she not been there, even though she had wished it often enough, believing everyone would be much happier without her. But it wasn’t true. Willow and Xander would have been killed or turned, Angel wouldn’t have had a chance of redemption, and her mother would have been alone. And Spike. He wouldn’t be what he was now. Whatever that happened to be.

“Hey now. None of that love. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Buffy smiled through her tears. “You know I think that’s the first time you’ve ever apologised to me. I like it.”

Spike grinned across at her for a second. “Yeah well, don’t get too used to it. Goes against my tough guy image.” Buffy giggled. Gently she reached out her hand and placed it lightly on his forearm. He looked down at it and tensed slightly. As Buffy felt the change in him she started to pull her hand away, upset that he seemed to be pulling away from her. Immediately he caught her hand in his and held it in his against the wheel.

****

“What is this place?” Dawn asked as the car pulled up in front of the cabin. It was situated in a small clearing at the end of a dirt track, which seemed fairly well hidden. Unless you were looking for it, it was nearly impossible to find.

“Cabin I rented a couple of years back. Before I came back to Sunnydale.”

“Which time?” Buffy said smiling at him.

“The second time,” Spike clarified, as he reached behind him for the blanket to cover himself. The three jumped from the car and raced for the door, Buffy quickly kicking it open so that the vampire could enter.

“I thought vamps couldn’t get in unless invited,” Dawn mused as she followed him in.

“It’s a rental property,” Spike told her, “Same rules don’t apply. And I did rent the place once before. I doubt very much that the owners are big on de-invitation spells.” Buffy froze and looked sharply at him, her wide eyes conveying a certain amount of distress at his words. “Oh God, no Buffy, I didn’t mean anything by that.”

Dawn looked between vampire and Slayer and decided that they had ‘issues’ to discuss. “I’m going to look around,” she told them before racing upstairs.

“Don’t leave the house,” Spike called after her, before turning back to Buffy. “I really didn’t mean…”

“I know. Sorry, it’s just that… well I shouldn’t have done it. But you know, that’s me. Cruel bitch, right?” Buffy paced around the living room, avoiding looking at the vampire.

“That’s not true,” Spike told her quietly, before picking up the bag that Buffy had hastily packed for herself and Dawn and carrying it upstairs.

Buffy looked around the large living room, which took up most of the ground floor. The large fireplace dominated the room, and the couch and armchairs were arranged around it. Bookshelves lined most of the walls and Buffy thought that this place could be Giles’ home away from home. It wasn’t what she had imagined for Spike though. He kept on surprising her.

She walked through into the kitchen and out of the back door onto the porch. The view was amazing. Buffy had had no idea of their surroundings on the journey, as the foil had been expertly keeping the sun from dusting Spike, and she caught for a moment in the tranquillity of their location. She waited there for several minutes before she heard Dawn calling her.

“Buffy. Buffy where are you?”

“I’m right here Dawn,” Buffy told her sister as she walked back into the living room.

“Isn’t this place great?” Dawn said excitedly. “Although I’d like it better if I didn’t have to sleep with you. There’s only one bed.”

“Gee thanks Dawn,” Buffy murmured wryly, before turning to Spike. “Where are you going to sleep?”

Buffy nodded. “Well, uh, if you two don’t mind, I’d quite like a shower.”

“No shower,” Spike told her apologetically and had to stop himself laughing when Buffy pouted. “There’s a bath though. Bathroom’s upstairs.”

The Slayer sighed happily and smiled at the vampire. She started up the stairs. “Thank you. I may be a while. Dawn, do what Spike tells you ok?” she warned her sister and then stopped. “Never thought I’d hear myself say that.”

****

“So nibblet, I guess you want feeding,” Spike said as he and Dawn entered the kitchen.

“You can cook?” Dawn asked astonished and giggled when Spike frowned at her.

“I’ll have you know I’m a damn fine cook,” he told her as he looked through the cupboards for something for Dawn and Buffy to eat. There was plenty of dry goods, flour, sugar, etc, but not much else. “I just don’t get much practice.” The vampire grimaced.

“I borrowed some eggs and milk and milk from Anya. They’re in our bag,” Dawn told him as his expression changed and Spike looked at her in question. “Well alright I stole eggs and milk from Anya and put them in our bag, but I didn’t know how long we were going to be and we need to eat too, and you know, there are more important things happening…”

She trailed off as Spike continued to stare at her. “When did you take them?”

“Um, while Buffy was talking to them about where to go and what to do. Are you mad at me?”

Spike grinned. “Hell no short stuff. You’re turning into quite a juvenile delinquent aren’t you? I’m so proud.” The vampire sighed, “Still, no reason to tell big sis eh? Why don’t you run and get them?”

****

The first floor only took up half of the cabin. The bedroom overlooked the living room, like Giles’ bedroom in his apartment, and the bathroom was adjoined. Buffy took her time getting undressed, letting the water fill the tub, before gently easing herself in.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself to relax for the first time in a long time. For once she knew that she had some time to herself and didn’t have to worry about Dawn. She could just lie back and recharge, even if it was only for ten minutes.

As she let herself calm, her body and mind seemed to catch up with each other, and the emotions she had spent a couple of months pushing back for Dawn’s sake, for her friends’ sakes, were unleashed. She started to cry.

****

Dawn heard her sister crying and felt something tear at her inside. She wondered whether or not she should go and see if Buffy was alright, but decided against it. Hopefully she just needed some time alone. A lot had happened recently and none of them had had much time to process all of the information.

She made her way back downstairs and handed the milk and eggs to Spike who had just finished laying the table. “What’s wrong luv?” he asked her at the thoughtful expression on her face.

“Buffy’s crying,” Dawn said simply and the vampire tensed. After a purposeful breath he continued making the omelette. “She’s upset luv, and tired. She’ll be fine,” Spike told her, hoping to reassure her.

“You’re worried about her. Don’t think you can hide it from me. Maybe you should go and talk to her.”

Spike turned to stare at her. “What?” she asked him irritably, “You always make me feel better.”

He smiled at her and shook his head slightly. “Thanks. That’s always nice to know nibblet, but I don’t think Buffy would appreciate it right now. I think she just needs a little time to get to grips with everything. Now hand me one of those plates.”

****

Once Buffy and Dawn had eaten and Spike had fed from one of the blood bags he had luckily picked up on his way out of the crypt, the three settled down in front of the fire. There was no TV and none of them were calm enough to be able to sit down and read, so they played one of the board games, which Dawn had found in the cupboard. After Dawn had won three times in a row, the vampire and Slayer refused to play anymore, claiming that the teenager had to be cheating in order to beat both of them each time.

After that Spike had told them more about his life both before and after becoming a vampire. Buffy was a little shocked to hear the whole truth about Spike, and not just the carefully edited portions he had allowed her to hear that night in the Bronze. When she heard what Cecily had told him the night he was turned she gasped in shock as her own words echoed in her mind. “You’re beneath me.”

Both Dawn and Spike looked up at her; one confused, one understanding.

“It’s ok,” Spike told her sincerely.

“No, it’s not,” she whispered. “I’m sorry.” The vampire smiled and continued with his story.

By midnight Dawn was sleep, curled up between Spike and Buffy on the couch. They had continued to talk for a while, sharing stories and laughing quietly with one another, but eventually Buffy had to admit she was ready for bed.

Spike scooped Dawn up easily and carried her upstairs, laying her gently on the bed. He turned back to Buffy who was staring at him intently. His scarred eyebrow raised in silent question and Buffy took a deep breath before closing the distance between them and leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Thank you,” she whispered, as he looked down at her, speechless for the first time in a hundred and twenty years.

****

Buffy made her way quietly downstairs to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water. She had slept for a few hours, holding tightly to Dawn to ensure no one took her in the middle of the night. But now she had woken and nothing could make her return to sleep.

On her way back to the bedroom she paused to look at the vampire lying asleep on the couch. He looked different in sleep, she thought, gentler, softer, more innocent. He was beautiful. She reached out a hand to brush across his cheek, but caught herself just in time.

“No need to be shy love,” Spike murmured and Buffy jumped as she realised she’d been caught. He opened his eyes and looked up at her, smirking slightly.

“That wasn’t funny,” she told him, punching him lightly in the stomach. Spike grabbed her hand and pulled her down on top of him, chuckling softly at her vain attempts to escape. “Shush pet. Don’t want to wake the little one do you?”

Buffy stopped struggling, telling herself she didn’t want to wake Dawn, and that it had nothing to do with how good it felt to be lying there with him. He turned them so that they were spooned together, Buffy lying with her back to his chest and his arms wrapped around her.

“What’s wrong love? Couldn’t sleep?” Spike asked, thankful that she hadn’t flattened him; that she had stayed there with him in his arms. Buffy shook her head and wriggled slightly getting comfortable. “Do you want a bedtime story?”

Buffy giggled slightly and nodded again. “No blood though.”

Spike smiled against her hair. “Once upon a time, in a and far, far away, there lived a beautiful princess named Buffy.”

“I like this story,” Buffy told him and relaxed further into his embrace.

“Good, now listen. This princess wasn’t your everyday princess however. No sitting locked in towers, waiting for Prince Charming for her. She spent all of her time fighting the monsters that threatened her kingdom, with the help of her friends. There was Giles, her teacher and mentor; Willow and Tara, two beautiful and powerful witches; Xander, who um… well he helped in his own special way, and Anya who had the misfortune to be dating…”

“Spike,” Buffy growled warningly.

“Ok, ok. Anyway, the merry band continually saved the kingdom from destruction, but no one ever said thank you to the princess and this upset her. She wanted a little recognition for all the good she did for her people. But the people were selfish. They thought that Buffy enjoyed putting herself in danger and didn’t worry about what might happen if the princess stopped fighting the monsters.”

“This is getting a little depressing.”

“Alright. Calm down Slayer, I’m just getting started. Where was I? Oh yes. All the people wanted was for Buffy to get married. They led sad and lonely lives you see, and could imagine nothing more wonderful than for their princess to fall in love with a handsome prince and live happily ever after. And deep in her heart of hearts this was what Buffy wanted too. You see, even though she didn’t sit about waiting for her true love, she still fully expected him to come bounding along at any minute and sweep her off her feet.

“Well one day, the princess was walking though the woods behind her castle, when she came across a monster. He was lying by the side of the river and he was badly hurt. Now Buffy was a sweet natured young woman and even though she fought those monsters who threatened her kingdom, she couldn’t bear to kill the beast in front of her, as he was injured and no threat to anyone. So she helped him up and took him back to her castle where she treated his wounds and helped him to recover.”

“Now, the beast took one look at the princess and fell head over heels in love with her. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on, and he wanted to sweep her up and carry her off with him into the sunset. But how could she ever love him? He was an ugly, frightening monster and she was a beautiful, courageous princess. He could never make her love him.

“And Buffy’s friends agreed. They thought she should kill the monster before he turned on them all but Buffy refused. The people in the kingdom demanded that she kill him, but still she refused. After everything the princess had done for her people without a word of thanks in return, she thought it was unfair of them to order the death of a creature she knew, deep down, would never hurt her or her people.

“Several months passed and the princess had to go out fight more and more, leaving the monster with her friends. One day, while Buffy was away, her friends turned on the beast and told him that if he truly loved the princess he would leave her and allow her marry someone worthy of her. At first the monster refused, not being able to bear the thought of being apart from Buffy. But eventually he realised the truth of their words and left the castle, unbeknownst to anyone.

“He travelled for miles, needing to get as far away from Buffy’s kingdom as possible. Finally however, he had to stop and just as he was about to go to sleep for the night he heard a scream. He raced toward the sound and found Buffy battling with a huge monster. Without a second thought the creature threw himself into the fight, quickly killing the monster and rescuing the princess. He carried her back to the clearing where he had originally intended to sleep and gently laid her down.

“Well, as the princess knew just how awful it was to never have anyone say thank you, she decided to reward the monster for his kindness. Very gently, she kissed him. At once there was a blinding flash of light and the monster turned into a handsome prince, before her eyes. They returned to the castle together and Buffy’s friends apologised for being total ba… I mean, for interfering in the princess’s life. One year to the day later, the wedding between the princess and the prince was held, much to everyone’s delight, and they all lived happily ever after.”

Spike heard Buffy sniff and turned her towards him. There were tears in her eyes. “Buffy, love, don’t. I’m sorry. It was just a stupid story. Don’t get upset.”

“No it’s not that, it’s just… You’re right. You’re always right and I hate that.”

Spike smiled slightly. “What am I right about love?”

In answer Buffy reached up and pulled his head down to her. She kissed him long and deep, and he kissed her back, holding her close against him. Eventually he pulled back to allow her to breathe and Buffy whimpered with need. “Spike, I want you.”

“Buffy are you sure? There’s no half measures with me love. If we do this, you can’t blame in on the circumstances and try to back out. If I make love with you, you’re mine.”

Far from putting her off, his words merely aroused Buffy more and she pulled him down to her again. “I’m yours already. I think I… No I know… I love you.”

Spike looked into her eyes wondrously. “Buffy…”

“I’m sure. Now love me.”

“I already do sweetheart.”

****

Dawn stretched out in the bed as she blinked herself awake. She looked around for Buffy but couldn’t see her and went to the bathroom to wash and dress.

As she made her way downstairs she heard a noise coming form the couch and crept across to look over the back. Her eyes widened in shock as she saw Spike and her sister curled around each other, clearly naked underneath the blanket. She glanced at the living room floor, which was covered with clothing and smiled widely.

She made her way into the kitchen to make herself some breakfast, giggling to herself every so often at the thought of the sleeping couple in the next room. At least something good had come of this trip, now as long as they found a way to defeat Glory…

Her thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Spike, who was practically glowing. She couldn’t stop herself from laughing this time at the sight and after staring at her for a few seconds Spike joined in.

Buffy found them both laughing hysterically, with tears running down their faces, five minutes later when she entered the kitchen wearing Spike’s red shirt. “What?” she asked Dawn confused, as her entrance made the teenager laugh harder. Spike jumped up and caught her to him, kissing her thoroughly, before sitting her down and fetching her some coffee. Buffy raised her eyebrows at her sister, who had just about managed to get herself under control.

“I think it’s great,” Dawn assured her and Buffy sighed with relief, relaxing slightly. “You told him you loved him right?”

Buffy nodded at her sister. “Yes Dawn. I give you permission to say, ‘I told you so.’ Spike did.”

Dawn giggled at her sister’s tone. “Good luck Spike.” Buffy frowned at her, but the vampire just laughed again, finally feeling that he had a family; that he belonged somewhere.

Dawn rolled her eyes as Spike and Buffy kissed once more and then smirked slightly as she put her breakfast things in the sink. “Just one more thing,” she asked, looking innocently back at the lovers, “Can I be there when you tell Giles?”

The End