Buffy felt his words float through her and she just stared with an empty look that confused him further. She had numbed her mind, her body, and her heart. Lacking in the ability to stand there and stomach his preaching, she reluctantly stepped aside for him. Spike hurriedly walked in before she changed her mind and surveyed the array of dishes of untouched food.

“Love, please let me help you and the little bit. At least let me clean up a little. You really don’t want to leave these dishes out here like this.” Spike chuckled softly. Buffy sulked into the dining room chair as she absently watched him neatly start to stack the china and gather the glasses.

“Why am I letting my mortal enemy clean up after me? Never the less, let him in the door in the first place.” Buffy wondered to herself, watching him carry the remains of the dinner into the kitchen. Her train of thought was disrupted when she heard him calling her for some help.

“Now love, I think I get along pretty nicely in the 21 Century what with the telly and the internet but these dishwashers will always baffle me. How do you work this thing?” Spike grinned hoping to get a glimpse of a something. He was satisfied when Buffy showed a secret smile, proving that getting through this first night alone might not be so tough after all. Well at least he hoped it didn’t involve him being staked any time soon.

“Buffy, I got everything covered down here. Why don’t you head upstairs and run a bath or something? Might take your mind off things for a little while.”

Buffy nodded in agreement and started to walk up the stairs, carefully not to wake Dawn. She walked into the master bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the faucets. Running her hands through the warm water, Buffy reached for the vanilla bath gel. Letting the aroma engulf her senses, Buffy slowly undressed and turned off the water.

“Hmmmm, perfect. I’ll just soak for a little while, rest my head. Let the bubbles take me away. Anywhere but here.” Buffy grabbed her loofah and started to work it down her calves, and back up her thighs. Already feeling the effects she bought the comfort to her chest and arms, smelling the vanilla essence as she switched sides. She laid her arms at her sides and closed her eyes to float away. Just as she closed hey hazel eyes she heard a slight knock on the door.

“Knock, knock Buffy. Hope you didn’t fall asleep in there.” Spike said through the door.

“Cause ya know I severely lack in the CPR skills. Are you still in the tub cause I made ya a hot cocoa?”

Buffy could feel the tears well up in her eyes at the thought of her Mom and the endless cups of cocoa they shared together after nights of slaying. Thinking of Spike outside the door, trying to make whatever peace he can, Buffy allowed him to come in. Well cocoa did sound like something she could handle, even if he was the one giving it to her.

Spike turned the knob and stepped into vanilla heaven. He was in awe of Buffy, laying there immersed in bubbles, trying so hard not jump in and ravage her with kisses. He gave her a small smile and placed the mug on the ledge so she can easily reach for it. And maybe expose a little skin while she’s at it.

“I know this is probably not the kind of reminder you want right now but it’s all I could think of down there. And look, the little marshmallows too. I know I love them more than unlife it’s self.” And the good memories are helpful too right now, love.”

Buffy closed her eyes and drifted to memories of Joyce’s face, her loving arms around Buffy, always comforting her. Coming back to reality, Buffy looked at Spike so casually standing in her bathroom taking turns smelling every bath gels she owns. Raspberry, peach, cucumber melon, he had to try them all. With a soft chuckle, Buffy grabbed her mug to drink the last of her cocoa and thrust the empty mug at Spike, signaling for more.

“And more marshmallows this time!”, Buffy yelled as he stepped down the stairs.

Feeling like herself for the first time all day she unpinned her hair and ran her fingers though. Massaging her scalp, she gently pulled on her hair to make sure she could still feel. Satisfied that there was feeling left, she looked around grateful for the chance to get out without Spike’s sinful eyes roaming her body. Buffy stepped out of the tub and wrapped her the pink terry cloth robe around her shoulders and tied herself together. She reached for the vanilla body lotion and started to slowly massage her calves and knees.

Whistling to himself, Spike nearly tripped when he caught a glimpse of Buffy running her hands up and down her legs. Shaking his head and cursing himself for being so good, he politely knocked on the bathroom door and waited for her to finish tempting him beyond control.

“Umm Buffy, just let me know if ya need help with that in there. More than happy to oblige ya know.”

Buffy suddenly opened the door and blankly stared at him and rolled her eyes. She walked into her bedroom and left the door open. Spike, hoping it wasn’t an accident and an invitation to follow, entered the sanctuary that was Buffy Summers. His mortal enemy. His favorite sparring partner. As his eyes looked around he realized that the big bad Slayer was a just a girl. A girl with butterflies on her walls and little stuffed animals on her bed. But then again he’s been here before.

“Can’t let her know that little piece of info though, I’ll really be staked for sure.” Spike silently smiled to himself, remembering the thrill of feeling the soft, satiny feel of her clothes, her intimate things. The things closest to her. Buffy looked over to him as she propped herself with pillows on the bed.

“What the hell are you grinning about?” She asked the vampire sitting on the floor.

“Nothing love, really it’s nothing.” Spike recovered quickly, trying to wipe the grin off his face.

“So do you have any idea what you girls are going to do now? I mean things like money and the shopping, ya know running a household isn’t your strong suit, Slayer? This is a new beginning for you…and for Dawn. You’re not the only one who lost someone.

“So what, I’m not allowed to grieve? I can’t take some time alone instead of being strong for everyone else? Damnit Spike my mother is gone! God, ya know I deal with death every day and I’m falling apart here. I lost the love of my life, once when I was forced to kill him, second when he left me so I could have a daylight boyfriend. Don’t the Powers at Be think I’ve endured enough? Answer me that!”

At the mention of Angel’s name, Spike stood ready to bolt from her sight. If this conversation was gonna involve Peaches, he was out of there. He realized that that wall would always be there. Angel was the love of her life. She would rather die than allow herself feel anything for him. At least nothing on that level. How could he expect to make Buffy his? Have her know how much he loved her and longed to hold her in his arms? Maybe Dru’s craziness really did rub off on him.

“Look Slayer, I came here out of some bloody idea that you might need someone. Someone real, without the sugarcoat. It’s not ok but it will be, trust me. But to get there you have pick your sorry self off the floor and start taking care of some things around here. Maybe not today but soon or there’s going to be some serious trouble here. Item the first, you and the mini slayer. Talk to her. She needs you more than ever right now. Item the Second, if you don’t want to lose Dawn you have to find some way to support yourselves. And the last time I checked there were no want ads for a brassed off vampire slayer.”

“Oh yeah can’t you just imagine me working in a little paper hat and a “Buffy” nametag? I suppose Giles can help out for a while but I can’t mooch off him the rest of my life. There’s got to be some money in Mom’s life insurance.” Buffy wondered as she leapt off the bed and started to pace up and down. Her options seemed so unclear, so desperate. As Buffy started to shake her head with worry and fear, Spike came up with a plan.

“Ya know Slayer, believe it or not but I know a thing or two about finances. I have managed to support myself very comfortably for 128 years, thank you very much. I could look over how much is left and what kind of time frame we are talking about here. And I won’t even charge ya. Look Buffy, you’re still going to need someone around to look pot after Dawn and help out around here cause I guarantee in 2 weeks this house will be in shambles. So…. I nominate myself.”

Before the words even registered in Buffy’s brain, the hysterical laughter escaped from her lips.

“You have got to be kidding me! You can’t even work my dishwasher and I’m going to let you into my home and help me take care of my sister. I saw “Mr. Mom” and I don’t see you making Dawn’s pancakes before school. If this is some sick, twisted fantasy then count me out. Forget it, I’m just going to call my Dad and see what he thinks.”

“No way you’re calling him, Buffy. He didn’t even come to see you today. And you know what’s going happen. He’s going to want to take Dawn away, far away and I know you don’t want that. I wouldn’t let you do that. That bastard doesn’t give a damn about you. But I do and I’m the one here offering my services to you…all of my services. All the mugs of cocoa ya can drink.” Spike proclaimed, trying to add some humor in an already painful subject.

Buffy rolled her eyes, wanting to admit that somewhat of what Spike was saying did make sense. Her dad didn’t come and hold his girls when their mother was laid to rest. She could feel the anger boiling up inside her and quickly discarded the desperate impulse.

Knowing Giles would be more than happy to oblige she didn’t want Giles to see her this way. What she needed was someone to help her, not take over. She was too proud to let anyone see how easily she was knocked down. That is everyone but Spike. The others would not understand her feelings; she was always “Brave” face Buffy. Feeling equally defeated and too tired to argue, Buffy nodded in agreement.

“So it’s settled then, I’m moving in! Just gotta go swing by the ‘ole crypt and pick up a

few things. Ya know, bags of blood, wetabix, smokes. Buffy raised her eyebrows and Spike just gave a wink and a smile.

“Already then. Be back in a few. Maybe you should wake up the Platelet and explain why there’s going to a blond vampire making her chocolate chip pancakes? Ha ha got ya hungry did I?”

Suddenly drawn to Buffy hazel eyes, Spike leaned in and lightly caressed her cheek. Amazed that she didn’t pull away from his touch and get all stake-happy, Spike smiled and whispered to go check on Dawn.

“What? You’re leaving right now?”

“Buffy, the sooner I leave the sooner I come back. I know how cute and irresistible I am but really; it’s only for a few minutes. You can survive without me that long, cant ya?”

Oh god but I can’t live without you, Spike thought to himself as he walked out the room and down the stairs.

Hearing the front door close, Buffy softly walked to Dawn’s bedroom door and turned the knob. Seeing her sister asleep on top of the covers, she sat on the edge of the bed and started to smooth Dawn’s hair. Feeling her touch, Dawn opened her eyes and saw Buffy’s concerned face staring back at her.

“Did Spike leave already? I heard his voice and then I must have fallen asleep. Sleep came very easily.”

“Dawnie, Spike just went to pick up some of his things. He’s going to be staying here for a while till I figure out what we’re going to do next. I hope that’s ok with you. I could ask Giles or Willow but….”.

“No it’s ok with me. I’d don’t mind having him look after me. He’s my friend too, ya know.”

“Yeah you guys are pretty close huh? That makes this…this arrangement a little easier. I just need some time to sort everything out and for some reason having Spike around is less confusing for me.”

“Well he is like totally in love with you, Buffy. You do know that right? He would do anything for you…anything to be near you. Actually its kinda creepy.”

“Believe me that’s the furthest thing on my mind right now. I’m just worried about you right now and your feelings. I want you to come to me or Spike if you need to talk…about what’s happened. I wanted to apologize for spacing out before and not being there for you. I just haven’t processed everything yet.”

“Buffy, don’t worry about it. Everyone understands and wants to help out. I’m just glad you snapped out of your little daze there, I guess whatever Spike said made you feel better.

Buffy took Dawn in her arms and smoothed her hair away from her face. Closing her eyes Buffy replayed her earlier conversation with Spike and smiled at the thought of him being here.

“You gonna be alright tonight? Do you wanna stay with me in my room? I don’t want you to feel alone right now; we’re here for you. Whatever you need, you come get us.

Us? There’s an Us? Buffy couldn’t deny to herself that saying it out loud felt comforting.

“I’ll be fine. Besides I know Spike is gonna be checking on me….he’s just like that. Can’t resist the Summers’ girls can he? Our own personal bodyguard.” Dawn smiled to herself.

Hearing the front door open, Buffy released Dawn, got up from the bed and watched her sister pull the covers and close her eyes. Buffy crept away slowly, softly closing the door, and took a deep breath before starting down the stairs. She walked into the kitchen to see Spike bend over the fridge, trying to make room for his fresh supply of blood. Buffy stood in the archway with her arms folded watching this scene and softly giggled when Spike swore at all the leftovers taking up all of the room.

“Ya know I can’t help it if people feel the need to engulf us with food, here let me help make room. I never thought I’d see the day when I would willfully have blood in my fridge.”

“Well I didn’t know how long I’d be staying, love, so I went all out. Got enough smokes and blood to last a year, not that I plan to be here that long but ya know a guy’s gotta be prepared. So how’s the mini slayer doing? I was just about to go up there.”

“Yeah she figured as much. She went back to sleep after I looked in on her. She told me that she was happy that you snapped me out of the coma I was in today. Whatever that means. She’s a tough kid. Better than I was.” Buffy shook her head in shame. Spike walked over to her, reached down to her chin and raised her head to meet his sapphire eyes.

“Love, it’s a perfectly human reaction. Your mum was the closest person in your life and she would have done anything for you…or for Dawn. Now its your time to take over because she’s gonna need you to be the parent, the sister, the friend. This is your house now, your bills, and your responsibility. And so here I am promising to help in any way till you decide your next move. Till then point me to the linens! Gotta go make up the couch.”

“No wait, I, I don’t want you to do that. I mean I thought….”

“Well you can forget about me staying in the cold, dark basement. I’ve seen enough basements after living at the Whelp’s place. Was at least hoping for something a little cozier from you, Slayer.”

“I just meant that I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. And no not like that, I just don’t want be alone ok. Didn’t think you’d mind, Spike.”

Spike raised his eyebrows at Buffy’s invitation and imagined being so close to her, feeling her breath, inhaling her vanilla essence. No Buffy I don’t mind.

“If ya want me to stay with you tonight I will. I’ll make you feel safe; I’ll hold you and reassure you that you’re not alone. I’ll be that person for you.”

Buffy smiled, took his cold hand and led him upstairs. Spike was thanking the Powers that he decided to visit Buffy today and for her slight change of heart. Could she really have seen him in a different light? The different light he has become since the government put this damn chip in his head. His hate has turned to love. An undying love. Wherever she is…he longs to be there. Stare at the sunshine in her eyes. For she has run away with his unbeating heart.

“Buffy, are you sure you wanna do this?” Spike asked when they reached her bedroom door. Looking for any hesitation in her eyes he released his hand from hers.

“Spike, nothing is making sense today. But I know that having you with me, having you support me is the only thing I don’t have to question. And I can trust that. Which means I can trust you. So don’t look at me with those eyes and doubt my actions tonight. I know what I’m doing.” Buffy reassured him, taking his hand back in hers. Opening the door she led him in and walked over to her bureau to find a tank top and boxers to sleep in. He turned around thinking she was going to undress and she laughed at his gentlemanly gesture.

“Ok who are you and what have you done with the Spike I know. The one who wouldn’t be so bashful when its comes to seeing the big bad Slayer take off her clothes.” Buffy laughed

“Now Slayer I’m just trying to be a gentleman here, no teasing the animals, love.”

“Ok you can turn around now.”

Spike gazed at the Slayer, never seeing her so sexy before. God she’s even beautiful in pj’s. This is so not going to be easy. He walked over to her, reached up to caress her cheek and planted a small kiss.

“That’s for looking so cute! The tough as nails slayer in a “Girls kick ass” tank top. You never cease to amaze me. I never know what to expect when it comes to you, baby.”

“What are you gonna change into? You didn’t bring your bag up here. And I know I don’t have anything that would fit you.”

“Well see the thing is that I don’t wear pj’s, love. So I’m gonna stay just as is if that’s ok with you. Oh minus the boots of course”.

“Yeah I mean sure its ok. Not even boxers?”

“What can I say, I was never the boxer kind of guy. Last time I checked they don’t make ‘em out of leather.”

Buffy was thrown into hysterical laughter as she began to shut off the lights and close the blinds, making sure she didn’t wake up to a big ole pile of dust. She turned at found Spike under her covers, almost all innocent without his classic duster and sinister smile. She settled in next to him, pulled the covers to her waist and turned to face to him. She rested her head in her hand and looked into his eyes.

“You know the guys possibly wont understand this little arrangement we going here. I don’t understand most of it either but it feels like this is way it should be. Thank you for being here for me when I needed someone. I know that I need help but I’m not good at asking for it. And Dawn thanks you too. She called you her own personal bodyguard.”

“Yeah me and Dawn have a special kind of bond. But don’t forget that I’m here for you too. Whatever happens….I’ll never leave you Buffy.”

“I know you won’t Spike and I’m counting on you to keep your promise”

“This is a new beginning for all of us. Now just close your eyes and dream. A sweet dream. I’ll be here when you wake up. Promise.”

Feeling tired Buffy reached over, put her arms around Spike’s waist and rested her head on his chest. Closing her heavy lids, and taking a deep breath she drifted off to sleep……

TBC in “Close Your Eyes”

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