Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Damn bitch! Spike stormed into his crypt and slammed the door. He kicked it in frustration. Then he ventured further into his dwelling, set on collecting all the booze he possessed.

There was a slight creak behind him. He spun just in time to see a feminine shadow emerge. He narrowed his eyes.

"Who’s there?"

The form neared. "A happy memory, pretty Spike."

The vampire froze. His nostrils flared.

Drusilla neared. Her long white gown flowed, making it appear as if she floated. She carried a deep red rose. He noticed blood drip from her fingers as they dug into the thorns.

"I’ve come to make everything right again. I want us to be a family again, my William." She brushed the rose petals down her cheek.

Spike stared in astonishment. Drusilla leaned forward. She whispered into his ear.

"Come back with me to Los Angeles."

He pulled back. "Don’t think so, pet. I've done the whole L.A. scene, Dru. Didn't agree with me. Besides. . ." He swept his hand across their darkened surroundings. "Got myself a sweet setup here in SunnyD. Decent digs. . . and not to mention all the local townies I can eat."

She wagged a finger at him. "Naughty. Shh. No need to make up stories for mommy. I already know why you’re not coming. Poor boy. Tin soldiers put funny little knick-knacks in your brain." She flinched. "Can't hunt! Can't hurt! Can't kill!"

Frowning, Spike said, "Right. So you’ve heard. Poor Spike's become a cautionary tale for vampires, right? ‘You better be good, kiddies, or else they might wire you up someday!’ " Disgust dripped from his voice.

"I don’t believe in science," she said. "All those bits and molecules no one's ever seen. I trust eyes and heart alone. And do you know what mine is singing out right now?"

She gently took his hand. She spread his palm against her dead heart. He closed his eyes, trying to shut out the flash of placing that very hand over Buffy’s belly. Her baby, alive and kicking.

"You're a killer. Born to slash ... and bash ... and..." Dru gasped in pleasure. "Bleed like beautiful poetry."

Spike opened his eyes. He became transfixed by her dark gaze. In her eyes he saw the night open up to him and wrap him in its embrace.

* * *

"Honey!" Joyce called as soon as Buffy entered the house.

The slayer followed her mother’s voice into the kitchen. Joyce finished putting a stack of plates away. She shut the dishwasher and turned to face her daughter.

"Did you find the bad guys?"

Buffy shook her head, distracted. She took in a deep breath. "No. He uh . . . Mom, he confessed to loving me. Can you believe it? Spike! I mean, he’s tried to kill me how many times."

"How long ago was the last attempt?" Joyce softly asked.

That caught Buffy off guard. She had to think for a moment. A year? Longer maybe.

"He can’t because of the chip," Buffy said reasonably.

"That doesn’t stop him from hiring someone else."

Buffy gaped. "Are you on his side!?"

"I’m not on anyone’s side. But have you considered the fact that possibly his feelings are genuine?"

Horror spread over Buffy. She clutched the yellow island. "He’s a vampire. He has no soul. It’s impossible."

"Just as it is for one to impregnate my daughter?"

Buffy gasped and covered her mouth.

"I accidentally saw a passage in your book while putting clothes away. Buffy, why didn’t you tell me?" Joyce went on.

Moisture accumulated in Buffy’s eyes. She looked away.

"I think you should tell him the truth. Every father deserves that."

"He’s a monster," Buffy countered.

"Maybe physically," Joyce said.

"Oh my God, Mom! Just because he sits here and talks to you about Passions doesn’t mean he’s civilized!"

"I’m not saying you should marry him," Joyce added. "I’m simply saying that he has a right to know his child. That’s all."

Buffy blinked back her tears. "I’ll- I’ll think about it."

* * *

They moved together slowly to the gothic beat. Her lithe form slid against him sensually. It was like old times. Before the slayer. Before the Chaos demon in South America. All there was was his dark princess. She was his entire world again, inside and out.

Drusilla turned so that her back was to him. Her head lifted. Spike wrapped his arms around her thin waist. She leaned against him and signaled up to the balcony with her eyes. He followed them to a couple. They boy and girl kissed passionately, oblivious to everyone else. An evil smirk came to Spike’s face.

Dru took his hand. She led him up the stairs toward the young pair of humans. When they reached the top she let go and headed for them. She fluidly took the girl and snapped her neck. Her body was shoved into Spike’s arms. Then she went for the boy’s neck.

Spike stared down at the limp female he held. Her head lulled back invitingly. He felt his facial bones shift. And then he heard it. A tiny fluttering. Soft, frantic, trying to keep going. It quickly died. Spike dropped the girl as if he had been burned. That hadn’t been the girl’s heart.

Drusilla watched him as she fed. Her golden eyes were harsh with confusion. Red trickled from the side of her mouth. He glanced back at his fallen prey. Realization flickered into his brain. She had been pregnant. The slight flutter he had heard had been the baby. Fading into nothing.

Spike stumbled back.

* * *

No one was apparently home. Buffy had knocked and then finally kicked her way in. She took a look around. So this is where Spike lived. She pressed a hand to her stomach, praying for the nausea to subside. The place smelled rotten.

See, Mom, Buffy thought. This is why I haven’t told him. He lives amongst the ruins of the deceased. He ‘is’ deceased. I want to offer my daughter life, not death.

She stepped forward. There wasn’t much there. She recognized the sarcophagus. She had often walked in to find him sitting or lying on top of it. Cobwebs drooped down from every corner. The television and green chair were the only hint of domestication. But even she could tell they had been snatched from the junkyard.

She spotted a ladder and made her way to it. She lowered into what looked like a cavern. She jumped at the sight of a pile of human skulls near the bottom of the ladder.

"Ew!" she shrieked.

A torch burned on the wall. She grabbed it. She surveyed the room. There were three partially open caskets. A spider crawled over the side of one and scurried across the stone floor.

On the wall hung a black sheet. What was that? Curiously she went over to investigate. She tugged on it and it fell. She gasped at what she found.

Pictures. They made up a gigantic collage. Some were snapshots, while others were drawings. Bile rose up in her throat. This was a shrine devoted to herself. She backed away.

Oh god! Oh God! Sicko! He’s as bad as Angeles.

A certain portion of the wall suddenly stuck out. These had tacked up drawings clearly not drawn from life. One showed her with a bulging belly about ready to burst. Her face was lit up with glee. Another just displayed her stomach. Inside had been sketched a curled up baby. Light glowed around it. Was that how he saw her daughter? Magical? Holy? She gasped at a picture of her holding the baby . . . with Spike. They both gazed down with pride, as if they were new parents.

He’s obsessed and clouded with illusions. He’s ‘worse’ than Angeles.

Buffy spun and made for the ladder. She climbed back up to the surface. She stopped when she felt a tingle. Spike!

"See anything interesting?"

Buffy got to her feet. He stood before her with harsh eyes. He carried the still form of Drusilla lovingly.

"Spike, I . . . uh . . . what happened?" she asked.

He tightened his grip on the vampiress. "You remember my ex, don’t you? Came back she did." He snickered. "Couldn’t live without me."

Buffy stared in silence.

"Come with me," he demanded. "I want to show you something."

For some reason that she couldn’t decipher she did. He led her back down into the underground cave. He went further than she had. A pillar came into view.

"Be a luv and grab that rope over there, will you, slayer?"

Buffy handed him the rope. She watched as he tied the unconscious Drusilla to the pillar.

"What is this?" she asked and crossed her arms.

"I’m going to prove something to you." Spike faced Buffy. "I – Love- You."

Buffy’s face twisted into revulsion.

"You’re all I bloody think about, dream about. You’re in my gut. I’m drowning in you, Summers, I’m drowning in you."

Buffy shook her head. "I’ve seen your little shrine, Spike. You call that love? That’s nothing but obsession."

His jaw twitched. "I had to get my feelings out somewhere." He took a step toward her. "Buffy-?"

She jumped backward.

"I know it is more. Today I was ready to do what is best for both of us. I was going to go off with Dru here and leave you alone. Because this with you is wrong. I know it. I’m not a complete idiot." He paused. "She took me out hunting."

Her eyes flared with alarm. She drew out the stake hidden in her waistband. Spike seemed unaffected by it.

"She caught a meal for me. But I couldn’t go through with the actual feeding. And do you know why?"

"She smelled funny?" Buffy guessed.

He wasn’t amused. "You. I had a full chance at returning to the monster I’m supposed to be, and all I could think about was ‘you’ and that bitty you’ve got tucked away."

Laughter abruptly echoed throughout the room. They turned to find Dru awake.

"I knew it before you did. I knew you loved the slayer. The pixies in my head whispered it to me," Drusilla said.

"You want proof that I love you?" Spike inquired. He grabbed a sharp piece of wood that lay on the ground. "I’m going to kill Drusilla for you."

Buffy shrugged. "That doesn’t prove anything. I’m happy to do it myself." Buffy raised her stake.

Spike growled. "What does it take!?"

"Spike you never had a chance and you never will!"

His eyes darkened. "So what was that little wrestle we had almost five months ago, huh?"

There was a span of silence. "That was a one time deal that meant ‘nothing’."

Drusilla clucked her tongue. "Naughty, naughty slayer, it isn’t nice to lie. Especially to our William." Her expression became dreamy. "I can see her dancing between you both. Glowing bright like a green star. There’s no hope for my Spike. A part of his effulgence swirls within the shimmer."

Shut up! Buffy silently begged.

Spike cocked his head to study Buffy. His eyes were accusing. "What’s she talking about?"

"She’s crazy, Spike. She doesn’t know what she is talking about." Please believe me. Please.

"I beg to differ, luv. You think I’d stand by Dru’s side for a century without picking up on her riddles?"

Buffy’s heart pounded wildly. She lifted her weapon with a trembling hand. He easily knocked it aside and snatched her wrist.

"Don’t you dare lie to me, girl!" He pushed her against the wall. Her head smacked against the hard surface.

Buffy’s eyes widened as she spotted movement behind him. "Spike!" she warned.

It wasn’t soon enough. Drusilla had somehow managed to escape her bindings. She picked up a discarded 2x4 piece of wood. She swung it at Spike. He went flying.

Drusilla’s attention fell on Buffy. "Did you know I’m a mommy now too?" Buffy dodged a kick.

"Spike is going to be a daddy, but not to yours," Dru went on. "So lost, but I can bring him back into the darkness. When you are gone there will be nothing blocking who he is. We’ll have a party for him with streamers and presents when I’m through."

Drusilla grabbed Buffy’s throat. She squeezed tightly. Spike picked himself up. He quickly took up the fallen stake. He rushed at Dru. He flung her aside and then shoved the weapon into her heart. She looked shocked before bursting into dust.

Buffy gasped for air. Spike reached out and touched her cheek. "Are you all right?"

She jerked her head away. She moved past him and hurried for the exit. She was too aware of him trailing behind.

"You can’t walk away like nothing happened!" he called.

She ignored him.

"That’s my baby inside you, isn’t it? Not the white bread’s."

She forced herself not to turn around.

"I have a responsibility to you and our kid."

She angrily looked back. "This changes nothing! You are a vampire. Vampires do not go to parent teacher meetings. I want you to stay away from my baby after it’s born!"

"No, it isn’t that easy! We have something. We created something that night together."

"That night never happened!" she shouted.

"Oh, so you’re going to play amnesia trip now!"

They came to Revello Drive. Buffy practically ran to her door. She thrust it open.

"Like it or not I’m in her life. You can’t shut me out!"

Buffy stepped inside her home. Spike bounced back from an invisible barrier. He stared in shock. When realization dawned his face crumpled. Buffy slammed the door, not able to take the sight of him. He pounded on the door.

"Buffy! Buffy, please!" he yelled. "She’s mine too. I’ve never-" His voice broke. "I’ve always been a killer not a creator. Buffy! Give me a chance. Buffy!"

Buffy began to cry. She could hear the vampire on the other side join her. She pressed her hand against the door.

"I’m not leaving until you let me in," Spike vowed.

A battle rose up in Buffy’s belly. She’d never felt the baby kick so fiercely. She hugged her stomach and went upstairs to bed. She tried to sleep but the baby wouldn’t let her.

She could feel him the entire night. When the sky outside her window lightened Buffy sat up. He was still there. She got up, ready to yank the vampire to safety. Just as she made it to the door she sensed him leave. She let out a sigh of relief.

She sucked in a breath when the baby jabbed her hard in the ribs. Buffy closed her eyes.

"I’m sorry," she whispered.

_________________________________________________

Chapter 11

She was big now, and she kept getting more so. There was no hiding her condition. She might as well wear a flashing neon light that proclaimed ‘I’m having a baby’. To her frustration none of her old clothes fit, and so she had to build an entire new wardrobe. She felt extremely dopey and unattractive.

Buffy began to shop in the infant section of the stores. Once while she was examining strollers a little girl came up. She was darling, probably six years-old, in overalls and pig-tails. She reached out a tiny hand toward Buffy’s bulge.

"Can I feel the baby?" she asked.

The slayer couldn’t help but smile. "Go ahead," Buffy said, giving consent.

The girl put her palm against her belly. Her eyes danced with glee. She joined her right hand with her left.

"My mommy is bigger than you are," the child said. "She says she’s going to pop one of these days."

Buffy giggled.

"My new sister or brother won’t leave mommy alone. He dances around so much. Does yours do that? I don’t feel him doing that now."

Luckily the baby was taking a rest. She had become overly active after the eventful night with Spike. Buffy had to wonder if she was displaying wrath over Spike’s absence. It had been almost three weeks since then, and the vampire hadn’t shown his face even once. Xander, Giles, and Willow went out patrolling but Buffy knew that their skills were lacking compared to Spike or her ability. The vampire population was flourishing. She’d caught glimpses of the obituary section of the newspaper. She inwardly sighed. Something had to be done.

"She’s taking a nap," Buffy said.

The girl laughed.

"Sally," a woman called.

"That’s my mommy. I gotta go," the little girl said. She pressed a kiss to Buffy’s belly. Then she muttered a ‘goodbye’ to the baby and another to Buffy. She scampered off.

Warmth spread through Buffy. So cute, she thought. I hope my kid is that sweet. But I’m going to teach her not to wander off and talk to strangers.

Buffy went home and wrote in her baby book. She jotted down a normal passage about the little girl she met in the store.

* * *

The past few weeks had been the worst imaginable. Ever since the first moment he saw her a curse befell him. It must be the power’s doing, to make him pay for the torment he dished out to others. The slayer haunted his mind night and day, at least lurking in some corner. At first he was obsessed with ripping her throat out and draining her dry, and then that changed to how he wanted to keep her safe and happy. And now (after he thought it couldn’t get any worse) . . . a baby. A tiny little Buffy. How could he not love her back?

It would have been a dream come true. But yet again it was part of the curse. To be able to create something with the woman he loved but never hold it, the worst kind of punishment.

Why should he anyway? He was a vampire after all. He couldn’t give her what she needed. He couldn’t take her into the light. Slayer was right, Spike thought, I’m not meant for parent teacher night.

Spike sprung up from his lying position on the sarcophagus when he heard the door creak open. Buffy entered. She came to a halt only five feet away. Oh, he had forgotten how radiant she looked. Three weeks without her. It seemed like years. Had she gotten rounder? It was quite becoming. Why wasn’t she wearing a coat? He had no feeling toward temperature but he was sure it was nippy out.

Buffy crossed her arms. "Spike, I haven’t seen you around lately," she said.

He sat up straighter. Her cold voice made the amazement from her sudden arrival vanish. He felt angry. No, furious! That was his baby inside her and she rebuked him from it. Screw parent teacher night! He could still rock the girl (yes, he had decided it would be female. Another Summers girl to drive him mad) to sleep, kiss her in the morning, sing to her, tell her stories . . . love her damnit. How dare Buffy be so cruel!? He knew she was a bitch but this!

Spike jumped down and got in her face. "Why do you think that is, slayer?" he hissed. "Could be because you made it perfectly clear that you wanted me to stay away."

Her expression stayed the same. Ice queen, she was.

"I may not need you in my life, Spike, but I can’t patrol without you."

He snorted. Oh, she wanted him for business and nothing more. Well, that was rich.

"Don’t think so, pet."

She stared in disbelief, and then shook her head. "This just proofs my theory. Vampires can’t love."

He felt fire rise up inside his chest. He would have leashed out at her if it weren’t for her condition. Buffy winced and placed a hand on her belly. She seemed unconcerned so he let it go. Was the baby kicking? Hope she gives her mum a right thrashing.

"Buffy, I can’t be around you," Spike said. He sighed. "Not when you’re carrying my child. I won’t be able to stay away later on."

"It isn’t your child!" Buffy spat.

"Don’t play games with me! I very well know what Dru’s rant meant. She may . ." He swallowed. A pang hit his heart. ". . . might have spat out twisted words but there was truth to them."

Oh, my dark princess. I staked you for her. So that she could love me. Good that did. Hah! Should have let you do her in. No, the baby . . . Still, I would have been better off skipping town with you and doing away with this nonsense.

"The monks might have created her with your blood, but that is all. The night we shared never happened," Buffy said.

Monks? "What are you off about?"

Buffy lowered her eyes. "She’s a key. She opens portals. These monks created her so that w-I could protect her from Glory. They planted our night together in our memories. It never happened. This baby has your blood, but ‘you’ are ‘not’ really her father."

Of course. Sunnydale kept getting better and better. Now they had mystical keys . . . and false memories. Figured the slayer wouldn’t really desire him in anyway, even physically. Another part of the curse. Wasn’t the chip enough? What did the powers want from him?

"Do you feel any less her mother?" Spike asked.

Buffy faltered. "That’s different. She’s a part of me. She’s ‘inside’ me."

"Still, all she has is your blood."

Buffy looked away. He hit a nerve.

Spike took in an unneeded breath. "Blood isn’t just physical. It’s life." He gestured to her stomach. "As much as you deny it, a piece of our essence went into her." He paused. "So, you see why I can’t go patrolling with you?"

"Not really."

He gritted his teeth. "I’ll grow attached."

She nodded. "You’ll become a stalker outside her window. I understand. Fine."

Buffy turned away. He watched her walk away.

Damnit! Spike banged his head against the stone wall. His speech hadn’t fazed her at all.

____________________________________________

Chapter 12

One of the many downsides to being pregnant was the frequent hospital visits. If anyone knew Buffy at all they knew that she ‘hated’ doctors. Even though her appointments were connected with life, they still reminded her of death. Her beloved cousin, a child, couldn’t be saved no matter how hard the doctors tried to. Buffy couldn’t help but be filled with insecurity for her baby’s safety. It was hard having to deal with supernatural anxiety alongside that of the natural means.

At least Dr. Grant was friendly. He didn’t appease her worry, but she appreciated his willingness to try and soothe her.

This session was pretty basic. He weighed her. She had gained so much. Too much, in her opinion; but Dr. Grant assured her it was normal. He asked her standard questions, took a blood and urine sample, and performed a blood pressure test.

Before leaving, Buffy stopped by the birthing center. She looked upon the infants behind the glass. They were lined up in two rows, wrapped in either a pink blanket or blue. Aw, they were so cute. Buffy pressed a hand against her belly. She wondered what her child would look like. She had to admit Spike had a part in its makeup. That wasn’t actually a bad thing. He was, after all, a sex- handsome ma- vampire. What would he offer? His beautifully sculpted cheekbones? His cobalt eyes? She hoped the baby at least had her nose. She had an adorable nose, if she did say so herself.

Buffy pried herself away from the window. It was getting late. She needed to get back before the otherworldlies prowled. Hmm . . . How sad it was that the vampire slayer avoided said vampires now. She simply couldn’t take the risk, though. Her baby came first above all else. Even Giles backed her up on that one now.

The hall was deserted. It was quiet, and she felt as if she were the only one there. The white walls were getting to her. She needed to get out of this place. Suddenly she heard a commotion. Slayer curiosity got the better of her and she changed direction.

She’d never been in this part of the hospital before. A chill ran through her as the noise became distinguishable as men shouting. She followed it to a room. It was jam-packed with male patients in beds. They all sat up and fought against their bindings.

“So pretty,” one said. “Green and shiny.”

Buffy backed away. She quickly wished she hadn’t entered the room.
Her back hit something hard. There was a loud crash. She spun around to find Ben in green scrubs. A tray of medication had fallen to the marble floor. Should she help him clean it up? That would be the polite thing to do, but her wild heart told her to flee.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy apologized.

“Don’t worry about it.” The nurse bent down to retrieve the medicine cups.

“Are they-?”

Ben looked up. “Crazy? Yeah. This is where they stash Sunnydale’s brain fried.”

“There are so many,” Buffy whispered.

The nurse forced a laugh. “Seems to be an epidemic as of late.”

“Well, I better get going,” Buffy said. “See you around.”

She began to walk away. She let out a breath, realizing how tense she had been during the conversation. One of the patients moaned behind her. Then others joined in, creating an overpowering sound of loss.

“The key!” a voice called.

Buffy froze. She turned back around against her better judgment. Ben’s eyes met hers widely. He dropped the tray again, this time uncaringly. He pointed at her accusingly.

“You’re the one we’ve been searching for. You have to leave!” Ben advised.

The baby jumped around inside with panic. She sensed the situation. Buffy placed a hand against her belly, trying to calm her down. Ben noticed the gesture. He shook his head.

“Oh no,” Ben said. “Not- Go, now! I can feel-“

The next thing Buffy knew Ben’s head whipped from side to side. He let out a cry of pain. And Glory appeared. The goddess stretched out her lithe body. Then she glanced down in disgust at the hospital wear that covered it.

What had happened to Ben? He was there just a second ago.

Glory surveyed her surroundings. She smirked at the writhing psychos. Her gaze fell on Buffy. Her smirk grew.

“Didn’t think you’d come to me. Thought it’d be the other way around. You have guts, princess,” Glory said.

Run, Buffy’s mind screamed. She spun and fled into the corridor. She didn’t even hear Glory’s footsteps come after her. She was slammed face-first against the wall.

“Don’t run, the fun’s just starting,” the goddess rang out.

+ + +

Spike was the definition of wanker. He had lied to Buffy. He was already attached to BOTH mother and daughter. He couldn’t stand the thought of anything happening to either of his girls. He made a decision then. He had to keep an eye on them. There was no way he was going to let Buffy win this, though. He’d keep his distance, just out of range.

He snatched up his duster and slid into it. It fell around his body as if it were a second skin. He threw open the door and walked out into the night with a purpose. He made it to 1630 Revello in record time. He stood on the sidewalk before the dark structure. No one was home. Bugger. Please don’t tell me she went out on patrol, he silently pleaded. Where could she have gone off to?

Something pulled him. He followed at its mercy.

The next thing he knew he came before the Sunnydale Memorial. He knew it well because he nicked a bag or two of blood now and again. But why was he here now? He didn’t believe in coincidences. He was there for a reason.

Spike entered the building. It was unusually quiet. A woman looked up from the information desk.

“May I help you?”

He shot her a sexy grin. “Just here to see a mate, ducks.”

“Visiting hours are over,” she told him.

Oh, screw it all. He didn’t want any trouble. He let his face shift. She froze, her skin going white. She let out a squeak.

“Don’t much follow the rules,” he said, slipping away.

Spike sniffed the air. He caught the overpowering stench of medicine, disinfectant, and death. Then something hit him. He brought in more oxygen. There it was. Buffy! She was here. . . or had been at least. He briskly followed her scent of vanilla.

Finally it became stronger. The warm pictures disappeared, only meeting blank walls. He turned the corner and came upon a huddled Buffy. Glory wasn’t far away. The hell god clutched her curls with distress.

“Ugh, I can’t . . . Not now, mummy's talking!Wriggling, piling, prowling, crawling, clowning, cavorting, doing it over and over and over and over until someone's gonna sit down on their tuffet and make this birthing stop!” Glory cried.

Spike scrunched up his face in confusion. Then he turned his attention toward Buffy. She was the most important thing. He knelt by her side. She looked up at him, dazed.

“Buffy, luv?” He touched her cheek. “You all right?”

It took a moment, but then recognition lit up in her eyes. She clung to him.

“Something’s wrong,” Buffy whimpered.

“What’s wrong? Tell me and I’ll make it better.”

Buffy moaned and writhed as if in pain. She lifted her hand, coated in blood. Oh, he could smell it now. Blood, taking over the sweet vanilla shampoo she used. Where was she . . .? Oh no!

Redness coated between Buffy’s legs. Not this, please not this! Spike shakily scooped her up.

“Everything will be all right,” he told her.

“We need to get her downstairs. There’s no one up here that takes care of this sort of thing,” a male voice said.

Spike’s head swiveled. A man with brown hair stood there. Glory was nowhere in sight.

“Who are you?” Spike asked.

“Name’s Ben. I know Buffy.”

There was no time for questions. They hurriedly got into the elevator. Nurses wheeled her away. Spike was left empty handed, coldness freezing his heart. For a moment he didn’t know what to do. Then it occurred to him that Joyce needed to know what was going on. Luckily he had recently grabbed a handful of change from someone at the Bronze. He used the payphone to call the house. No one answered. He flipped through the phonebook and found the number for the gallery. The conversation was short and direct. Joyce promised to be there in a matter of minutes.

Spike paced back and forth near the front entrance until Joyce arrived. She called Buffy’s friends first. Then she dragged him off to the waiting room. He reluctantly sat, but his leg twitched. Joyce took his hand and squeezed it. Neither said anything.

After what seemed like hours, a doctor approached them. He looked tired and drained.

“Are you Mrs. Summers?”

Joyce stood. “Yes, I am. How is my daughter?”

“She’s going to be fine.”

“And the baby?” Spike asked. He clutched the arms of the green plastic chair.

“Fine also. Although Buffy is going to have to take it easy from now on. She needs to understand that she can’t exert herself in her condition.”

Joyce let out a sigh.

“Can I see her?” Spike asked.

The doctor eyed Spike. “Are you family?”

Spike opened his mouth to answer but Joyce beat him to it.

“He’s the father.”

Spike’s eyes widened in shock. She knew.

“Then, yes, you can see her right now. I’ll take you to her,” the doctor said.

Spike hesitated. Joyce smiled. “Go on, Spike.”

He nodded and followed the good doc.

+ + +

Xander’s mouth hung open. He had just arrived. Just in time to hear . . . No, he had to have heard wrong. Spike plus father didn’t go together. It was impossible.

+ + +

Buffy sensed him enter the room and opened her eyes. She was surprisingly happy to see him. He came to her side, settling in the visitor chair.

“How you feel?” the vampire questioned.

She didn’t answer his question directly.

“Spike. . .? We could have lost her tonight,” she whispered.

Spike made a move to take her hand but then drew back. “But we didn’t.” He slid his hand under the covers to lie on her stomach instead. “Can’t stand the thought of some nasty getting the best of you or the nibblet. I’ll patrol from now on. No benefits necessary.”

Buffy put her hand over his. He met her gaze with wonder.

“Spike, how did you know where to find me?”

He shrugged. “Don’t rightly know. Just an inkling.”

She nodded. The baby pushed up against Spike’s hand. Spike seemed close to tears.

“She’s something. Is she always this active?”

Buffy swallowed. “Mostly when she senses her daddy.”

She knew he would understand. She was letting him in, accepting him. Not as a lover, but as a partner. She wanted him around not only as a fighter, but also as a father.

___________________________________________________
 

Chapter 13

He must have heard wrong. Maybe his ears were being affected by some kind of spell, like when Willow made Giles go blind. There just wasn’t any way that . . . The whole world would have tilted off its axes if. . . He couldn’t even think it.

Xander watched Spike exit the hospital room. He should have thrown the vampire against the wall and demanded answers. It wasn’t like the bleached menace could fight back. Instead he stayed put, waiting until Spike walked out of sight. He was just in too much stunned shock.

“Oh, Xander, I didn’t know you were here.”

Xander turned to face the pleasant voice. He forced a smile at Mrs. Summers. He had always liked Joyce. She made him feel welcome in her house at all times, unlike his actual residence.
“Why don’t you go visit Buffy? I can wait,” Joyce offered.

He shook his head. “No, I couldn’t possibly.”

“I insist. I’ll be here for hours anyway.”

So that was how Xander ended up in Buffy’s room right after Spike. He could have asked Joyce if what she had said was correct; but why when he could ask his friend directly. He knew that his fears were nonsense fabrications. There just wasn’t any chance that . . . She’d laugh at him for his foolishness. Maybe it was even a joke. Joyce had a sense of humor, same as her daughter. Get back at funny Xander for always doing the teasing.

Buffy lay in bed, small except for the bulge over her stomach. Her hand rested over the blanket covering the rise. He swallowed hard at the sight. Oh God, there could be a demon spawn inside there. How could Buffy possibly . . .? Evil images invaded his brain. Snyder in a tutu, Snyder in a tutu.

A bright grin came to Buffy’s lips. How could she be so cheerful when . . .? No. It wasn’t true, so she could smile. The smile was a good thing, keep smiling, Buffy.

“Hey.”

Did she say something? She’s waiting for a reply. Um . . .

“Did you and Spike have sex?” Oh my God! Did he just blurt that out!?

The grin disappeared. The slayer looked around for an escape. There was none, seeing as she was incapacitated.

“Did Spike tell you we . . . ?” Buffy demanded.

“I overheard your mom . . . She said Spike was the . . . “ He still couldn’t get it out.

“No.” She paused. “Spike and I haven’t had sex.”

He let out a sigh of relief. He knew it. This whole thing was some works of his overactive imagination. Joyce must have said something that rhymes with father. What rhymes with father? Lather. Rather. That didn’t make sense.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I really thought I heard . . .” Buffy spoke at the same time. He stopped when he heard her say the word father followed by Spike.

“We haven’t. . . had sex. But Spike is the father.”

“I know about the birds and the bees. Last time I checked, Buff, sex was a given when a baby is involved.”

Buffy let out a fit of manic laughter. She couldn’t stop. She kept it up until tears accompanied it.

“Gotta get used to it, I guess. Common knowledge goes kablooey on the hellmouth. Some monks decided I’m the perfect vessel for some mystical key thing that opens doors. They combined Spike and my DNA to form a little girl out of it.” This seemed to make Buffy laugh harder.

People often say things make them sick. Xander’s stomach twisted up in knots. He literally felt like tossing his cookies over the situation. He averted his gaze from his best friend. He heard her laughter cease, and all he heard were choking sobs.

“Please don’t be mad at me,” she pleaded. “That’s why I lied about Riley. I knew you’d do this. You can’t even look at me now.”

The thing was he wasn’t mad. Not at her anyway. He forced his eyes back. He stared at her crumpled face and he understood. She hadn’t planned this, she had been thrown into it against her will. Poor Buffy. What she must be going through.

“I’m sorry,” Xander whispered. She probably thought he was apologizing for his actions. But he was sorry for the monks doing this to her. He was sorry for her being pregnant. He was sorry for Riley dying. He was sorry for her having a part of Spike inside her. Mostly he was sorry for the fact that he could look in her eyes, but he couldn’t look down at her baby.

Buffy reached out to him. He hugged her gently.

+ + +

Willow stared from her bed in silence as Xander ranted. She knew he needed to get this out without interruption.

“I can’t believe this! Spike! ‘Spike’! The vampire that tried to kill us is the father of Buffy’s kid! How could God, or whatever is up there, do this to Buffy?”

The witch opened her mouth. Xander continued to pace frantically in front of her seat.

“She’s going to have to look upon the face of a monster every time she kisses her daughter.”

Okay, now that was a little too much. Willow stood up. She took a step toward him. “Xander, I don’t think –“

“No, Will! That is exactly what is going to happen. Buffy saved the world countless times and the damn Holy Spirit is repaying her by impregnating her with evil.”

Oh, Goddess, please give me strength. She had to force herself not to use her powers in order to get him to sit down and calm himself. He was being irrational and overdramatic.

“Xander. . .” She spoke softly and slowly. “The powers only interfere when it is necessary. This must be the best thing for Buffy otherwise they’d do something. Or, maybe Buffy wants this. Ever think of that?”

He didn’t seem to hear her. He turned to face her. “We can do something! ‘You’ can do something. You’re a witch. All you have to do is a spell.”

Willow shook her head. Huh? Where was Tara when you needed her? Tara had a calming affect on people. Or Giles. Giles would be good.

“You could-could take the thing out of her. You don’t have to destroy it. Transform it into something else. If the monks could do it you can.”

He stepped over to stand near the door. “There has to be a book at the Magic Shop. Or-or, on the net. Come on, we need to do research.”

Willow held up her right hand. “Hey. Hey, hold on a minute!” This was getting out of control. “I’m going to go talk to Buffy about this first. We’re not doing anything until we get her permission.”

Nodding, Xander said in a rush, “Yeah, all right.”

“Why don’t you stay here?” Willow gestured to Tara’s and her dorm room. “I’ll-I’ll be back in a jiffy.”

Willow left him, wishing she had a lock on the outside of the door. He was in no state to venture out into the public. She hurried off in the direction of Sunnydale Memorial. Please, Buffy, be the slayer and know how to handle this situation.

Finally she arrived at Buffy’s hospital room. She wished she had a car. It took more time than she wished to get there. She took a deep breath and walked in. Buffy sat on the bed, flipping through daytime television. Apparently soap-operas and talk shows didn’t satisfy her needs. Buffy pushed the power button and the screen went black.

“Will, thank God! I’m so totally bored. The doctors won’t let me leave even though I feel fine. Stupid hospitals,” Buffy said in greeting. “So, tell me about the outside world of the healthy. Where I belong, by the way.” The last part had an edge of bitterness.

Willow fidgeted. She didn’t want to burden Buffy with Xander-troubles. The young woman had just recovered from a traumatic encounter with a Hell God. Buffy might insist that she was fine but Willow knew that doctors knew best.

The slayer sat up straighter. “Willow, you have a ‘something is wrong’ face. Please spit it out.”

“It’s Xander. He’s acting crazy,” Willow spilled.

“Evil possessed crazy? Or Dracula control crazy?”

Shaking her head, the red-head said, “No. ‘Spike is the father of Buffy’s baby, and Buffy needs to be saved’ crazy.”

Buffy banged her bead backwards against the wall. “You know then?”

“Oh yeah, definite yes. Xander repeated it over and over again. Then he pleaded denial, then went off about how the ‘thing’ had to be disposed of for your own good,” Willow explained with a frown.

Before Willow knew it, Buffy moved over to the side of the mattress. She swung her legs over the side and then stood up.

“Where’d they stash my clothes?”

“Hey, Buffy, what are you doing?”

“Leaving,” she said simply. She glanced around in search of her garments. She let out a frustrated sound when she couldn’t find them. “Think you could magic something? Something nice but sill fits?”

The exact spell that was needed popped into Willow’s mind. She felt her fingers tingle with energy. She took in a calming breath to squash the powerful flow.

“This isn’t such a good idea. The doctors told you to stay a little longer,” Willow said. She felt like her high-school self again. The ever faithful and common-sense Willow.

“I feel fine. Slayer recovery, remember. . . I have to leave. I can’t take the chance . . .”

Just then footsteps neared and a moment later a nurse made her presence known. The nurse’ smile vanished as she took in the sight of an empty bed and Buffy standing next to it.

“Miss Summers, you really should lay down and rest.”

Buffy reluctantly did as requested. What else could she do? Knock the woman unconscious? Even though Willow suspected her best friend was tempted to do so.

+ + +

What was taking Willow so long? He couldn’t wait for her. Something needed to be done NOW. He couldn’t let Buffy live with that ‘thing’ inside her any longer.

He went over to the phone and picked it up. He dialed the only one who would understand the urgent need.

“Giles, meet me at the magic shop. It’s concerning Buffy.”

______________________________________________________
 

The Protectors

By Heather Martin

Rated – R

Summary- The monks gave Buffy and Spike one night of fake memories. That would have been enough to change their lives. But when you add a glowing key in the form of an unborn baby, well . . . things wouldn’t just change, they would be turned completely upside-down

Disclaimer- Joss Whedon owns Spike’s eyebrow scar, his bleached hair, his crystal blue eyes, his manly arms, his muscular chest, his tight . . . *cough* Too bad isn’t it? But a girl can dream, right?

Spoilers- Starts during Out of My Mind. The entire Season 5, although I changed it tremendously to suit my own purpose

Chapter 14

It is well known that vampires have excellent hearing. Spike had better ears than many of his kind, and that was how he could hear Willow and Buffy far before he reached the room. He was originally going to go back to the cemetery but stopped halfway down the sewer system. He knew that he couldn’t stand leaving Buffy in that place. What if Glory suddenly showed up again? No, he had to stay nearby.

"Why didn’t you do some Jedi mind-trick on her!?" Spike smiled as the slayer’s voice filtered into the air. He loved her voice even when she was fiery hot with anger.

"I can’t just mess with people’s minds." Willow, Spike recognized.

"When my baby is concerned YES you can!"

Huh? Wait a tic. Spike increased his pace. Vampires also have great speed.

"I have to get back to Xander," Willow said.

"And I’m coming with you," Buffy insisted. "Screw the damn nurses and their hawk-like watchery-ness."

Spike burst in. "What the bloody hell is going on?" He pointed to the door. "I caught a snippet of things down the hall. What do you mean you’re leaving?"

His jaw set as Buffy got out of bed. She steadily stood up. "See, I’m good to go. Xander’s going to try and change our daughter back into a bright green ball," Buffy said.

"Actually, no. He said he’d change it into something pretty," Willow corrected.

"What could he possibly. . . ? I’m not going to have her transform into a bouquet of flowers, Will!"

Without saying a word, Spike scooped Buffy up. She gave a squeak of surprise and then clung to his neck tightly. He carried her out into the vacant hallway. Willow followed.

"I can walk, you know," Buffy said with a pout. Oh, how he wanted to get that lip. How cute she was in her little hospital gown too. He took in a deep breath to calm himself as she wriggled in his arms.

They almost got to the doors. Almost. But then the receptionist got up from her desk.

"Excuse me . . ." That was as far as the woman got.

The vampire spun around. He let his face shift into the hideous features of a monster. The stunning blue of his eyes became gold. He felt his teeth elongate and he displayed them proudly to the pest standing in their way. She didn’t scream or run away. Instead she just stood there, frozen, gaze straight ahead. The group sneaked out the electronic doors.

"I hope you didn’t break her," Buffy commented.

They traveled quickly through town toward the Sunnydale University dorms. Spike would have gone faster if Willow hadn’t been with them. She actually had good endurance for a human. Finally the three arrived. Willow swung the door open and peeked in at the unoccupied space.

"Uh oh," Willow said.

Buffy laid her head back against Spike and closed her eyes. "Why is it, Will, that I see you use your magic all the time when it isn’t needed? But now that it is without a shadow of a doubt, you hold back? Huh?"

Willow was at a loss for words.

Spike tightened his hold on the slayer in his arms. His demon raged within, begging to leash out upon the world. The whelp better reconsider his plan or he would be very sorry. There were ways around the chip that the scoobies hadn’t thought of.

+ + +

"Exc-cuse me? Could you repeat that? I’m not sure I heard you correctly?"

Giles’s head throbbed. He never wanted to put his glasses back on and face the world. He wished he could fall into a hole somewhere and never have to come out.

"I’ve said it three times. You heard it the first time. Buffy is having Spike’s-"

Giles held up a hand. "Dear lord, all right! That’s bloody enough!"

"And so you know what we must do. We have to get rid of it. She can’t do it the medical way so we have to take magical action," Xander reasoned.

"You do not understand the repercussions . . . The child is a manifestation of the key."

A great part of Giles wanted to give into Xander’s plan. The thought of the vary thing they fought against growing inside his slayer was sickening. But he knew that the key was an important energy and the fate of the world depended on its safety. Giles would do anything, allow anything, or sacrifice anything for the greater good. He had been ingrained to do so as a watcher.

Xander became excited. Giles frowned. This was no trifle matter, and the boy acted like he had come up with a way to earn ten million dollars.

"See, that’s where the brilliance of my plan comes in. We transform it into something else. No harm can come from that."

"And what would you suggest? We change it into a center piece? A great work of art perhaps?" Giles’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

"How about a shiny skeleton key? Glory would never look for an actual key," Xander said, grinning.

Giles stood up. He thrust his glasses back onto his face. He opened his mouth to decline Xander’s ‘brilliant’ plan. But then he suddenly reconsidered. The idea actually was a good one. Glory wouldn’t come searching for an actual key. If worse came to worse, they could always change its form once again, throwing her off.

"Xander, grab the Book of Mutations and Glamour. I’ll check the Ancient Alterations," Giles found himself saying.

The expression on Xander resembled that of someone who had one first place in a competition.

The two men were into over a half hour of research when Giles came across something helpful. He scanned the passage. It was exactly what they needed.

He began to read more thoroughly.

Giles never read on to the actual spell incantation. He lifted his head. Xander was completely engrossed in his own text.

"Stop right now!" Giles demanded.

Xander glanced up, confused.

"I can’t allow this."

"But-"

Giles slammed the Ancient Alterations shut. "I can’t believe I was going to go through with this. Xander, think for a minute what this would mean. This child would no longer be anything that it is now."

"Isn’t that the point?" Xander asked. "To eliminate another bleached one from running rampant upon the land of good?"

"Do you love Buffy?"

Xander’s brown eyes widened. "Of course. That’s why I’m doing this."

"I’m assuming that you have learned how children are created. Buffy is the key’s mother."

"Yeah. And Spike is the father." Xander apparently still didn’t get it. He stared at the older man blankly.

"If we were to obliterate everything this key is now, yes the Spike part would disappear, but we would be doing away with a part of Buffy as well. Could you live with yourself after that?"

It took a moment for that to sink in. His face went white, as if the life had drained out of him. "I-I hadn’t-"

"You didn’t think of that? Of course not. Neither did I at first. We let our loathing of Spike get in the way. "

Just then the bell for the Magic Box tinkled. Buffy flew into the store. She halted dead in the middle of the floor. She surveyed the scene of books fearfully.

"You didn’t . . .? Please tell me you didn’t?" Buffy questioned. It was directed at Giles. He knew it meant ‘Please tell me you weren’t going to agree with Xander’.

Giles got to his feet and faced her. He took in the woman he had come to love like a daughter. She was radiant, hospital gown, unkempt locks and all. How could he have even contemplated preventing a piece of her to spread? This child could only bring goodness and light.

"No," he softly confirmed.

Buffy sagged with relief. "You-You stopped him?"

There was no way he could confess to almost going through with it. Yet he couldn’t lie. Luckily Xander spoke instead.

Xander stepped forward. "I’m sorry. Giles helped me understand what I was doing. As much as I hate Spike I couldn’t kill anything that is part of you. I love you, Buff."

Buffy’s gaze fell on Xander. His words did nothing to soften her.

Spike burst in then, followed by Willow. The witch fought to catch her breath.

"Phew, I need to join the gym or something if this keeps up," Willow remarked. "Oh, are we in time!? Please tell me we are in time?"

Spike began to come at Xander with a vengeance. Buffy held out her hand to stop the vampire. She shook her head.

"It’s over," Buffy said. "It’s over." The last part was a whisper.

"Buffy-" Xander began.

" ‘It’s over’," Buffy repeated. She turned toward Spike. She glanced down at her half-nakedness. "Take me home so I can change."

_________________________________________________________

The Protectors

By Heather Martin

Rated – R

Summary- The monks gave Buffy and Spike one night of fake memories. That would have been enough to change their lives. But when you add a glowing key in the form of an unborn baby, well . . . things wouldn’t just change, they would be turned completely upside-down

Disclaimer- Joss Whedon owns Spike’s eyebrow scar, his bleached hair, his crystal blue eyes, his manly arms, his muscular chest, his tight . . . *cough* Too bad isn’t it? But a girl can dream, right?

Spoilers- Starts during Out of My Mind. The entire Season 5, although I changed it tremendously to suit my own purpose

Chapter 15

Buffy pouted as she watched Spike spin around, his duster flowing around his form. It looked like he was having fun. If she didn’t look like Moby Dick she’d be having fun as well. She felt lazy and unused. Her Aerobics for Mothers to Be video just didn’t cut it. Slayers were meant for the rush, which leg lifts didn’t provide.

Spike had to go and smirk, reminding her even more what she was missing out on. He back-handed his opponent, making the vamp careen backwards toward where Buffy sat on a tombstone. She stood up. She knew she shouldn’t, but the enticement was so great. He was going to kill her. She whipped out her stake and plunged it into the foe. The vampire crumbled to dust.

"What the bleeding hell do you think you’re doing, slayer?" Spike demanded. "We agreed that all you’d do was watch. You shouldn’t even be out here at all."

Oh my God, he looked delicious. She licked her lips. He was all bad-ass and fiery. Her kill had filled her with excitement. She itched for more. He seemed like a good source, given her circumstances.

"Come on, Spikey. A tinsy wincey spar? I’m all hot for some action."

Did that sound like a come-on? It did to her. Was pregnancy making her crazy?

Spike set his jaw. "Not gonna chance it. Not meaning to I could jostle the bite-sized one too much. No."

She fell back on the best tactic she had: cuteness. She remembered their engagement, when he went for her lip. She gave him some now as temptation.

He shook his head. "Not gonna happen."

Buffy stopped right in front of him. She was sure he could feel her heightened breath on his sensitive skin. Her heartbeat was hammering inside her chest too.

"What isn’t going to happen?" Buffy whispered.

Spike took a step back. "Uh, Buffy . . . "

She gazed up at him with child-like innocence. "Yes, Spike?"

"I-I think you’re not thinking straight right now. Let’s get you home."

This must be that sensual arousal she read about in her pregnancy book. Some women just got horny. Rational had simply jumped out the window for the moment. All Buffy could think about was how sexy he looked in the moonlight. His hair glimmered and his shadows cast beautifully over his well-sculpted face.

He took in a deep breath. "I don’t know how much longer I can –"

Buffy reached out and ran her hands over his tight, black t-shirt. She could feel his hard chest underneath. The sensation brought back images of running her fingers down his bare flesh. False memories, she reminded herself. But the thought only made her long to make them real.

"Don’t try to fight it," Buffy said.

His blue eyes glazed over. "This is a dream. I’ve dreamed this before."

She smiled. She slipped his duster off his arms. The leather crumpled to the grass. Spike stood rigid. He must be frightened that I’m playing games, Buffy thought.

Buffy took his face in her hands and directed his eyes upon her. "Tell me you want me."

"I always want you," he told her heavily.

"Tell me you love me."

His eyes swam with hope. "I love you."

She smashed his mouth down on hers. It was hard and powerful. Buffy ground herself into him. For the first time she was actually glad none of her pants fit. She hissed as Spike slipped underneath her skirt. Good vampire, just like that. Keep it up and I’ll give you a treat.

+ + +

"I don’t think she’s out here. Let’s go home," Anya begged.

Xander continued on ahead of her. "She’s got to be out here somewhere. Joyce said she went patrolling with Spike."

Anya sighed, clearly bored. "We could be doing something way more interesting. Like that game we-" Xander shot her a look that meant ‘Not now’. "Why are we doing this again?"

"I need to talk to Buffy. We’re going through a tough time right now. I thought maybe I could lure into spending time with me with donuts and coffee tomorrow morning."

Folding her arms, Anya said," You never take me out."

Xander grabbed his girlfriend’s hand. "I’ll take you out for a nice meal, I promise. After I settle things with Buffy, okay?"

The ex-demon brightened. "Deal."

They went on through the cemetery. All of a sudden Anya halted. Xander glanced back in confusion.

"I hear something," Anya said. "Do you hear. . .? Oh. . . Oh my God! Somebody is having sex."

"Ahn, I’m sure nobody is having sex. I mean, it’s dark. Who would venture out late at night to do it . . . in the cemetery . . . where no one will see . . Okay maybe-"

"Oh Spike, you are the big bad!"

Xander’s eyes bugged out in horror. Oh no! Oh, oh no! This thing with Buffy got worse and worse.

Anya took a few steps forward. Xander grabbed her arm. "What are you doing!?"

"I want to see," she said.

"No!"

"But-"

"Buffy. Hmm-ugh." Xander closed his eyes. Spike.

"We are not going to spy on them. We’re going to go get help," Xander said.

"She doesn’t need help. She’s having a very good time. Look." Anya pushed Xander forward. He quickly shielded his eyes.

Spike lay on his back in all his naked glory. Buffy appeared fully clothed, but implications spoke against. Her pastel skirt spilled over their hips as they moved. Buffy had to upper-hand, riding him with frenzy. They let out moans and cries of pleasure.

Xander had only taken it in for a second. A second too late.

+ + +

Buffy came to her senses when she felt the sting. Her pleasure moment hid it from her at first, but as it receded it became known. Buffy scrambled off him, holding the side of her neck.

"You bit me!" she accused.

He stared up at her, dazed. "Well, yeah. Vampire, remember?"

She pointed a finger at him. "You drank from me! How could you!?" She searched around for her panties.

"It’s how it’s done."

"Not how I do it," she spat.

Spike lifted himself up on his elbows. "Vampires bite. It’s a sign of affection."

"’I love you. Can I have your hemoglobin?’ ‘Oh, why sure. Take it all’.’"

"I’d never hurt you, Buffy. You know that."

Buffy found her undergarment. She pulled it on. She spun around, hovering over his sprawled body.

"No, I really don’t. This display actually reinforces it. You are a vampire. Vampires do violent things."

Spike swiftly rose. He got in her face. "What was this? I thought it was an act of trust."

"I could never trust a monster."

His eyes darkened.

Buffy touched her stomach. "You want to know what this was? A mistake. I can’t afford to make anymore."

She turned around and stomped off.

___________________________________________________

By Heather Martin

Rated – R

Summary- The monks gave Buffy and Spike one night of fake memories. That would have been enough to change their lives. But when you add a glowing key in the form of an unborn baby, well . . . things wouldn’t just change, they would be turned completely upside-down

Disclaimer- Joss Whedon owns Spike’s eyebrow scar, his bleached hair, his crystal blue eyes, his manly arms, his muscular chest, his tight . . . *cough* Too bad isn’t it? But a girl can dream, right?

Spoilers- Starts during Out of My Mind. The entire Season 5, although I changed it tremendously to suit my own purpose

Chapter 16

If someone was going to vote on one thing Buffy did better than anything else it might be running away. During the journey all she had to concentrate on was the pump of her muscles, the inhale and exhale of her breath. But when she reached wherever she was heading, well then everything she had been dissociating from came back.

She ended up at Giles’s apartment. She didn’t know why exactly, maybe to confess her sins. As she came to a halt, her hand came up to touch the mark Spike’s fangs had left. It had almost closed completely. She realized that he had barely nicked her. Actually, looking back on it, the bite had felt like a hickey, pleasurable. And it came to her why she had come to Giles. She needed for him to wipe out her uncertainties. He was good at hammering the slayer code into her brain: vampires bad, slayers good.

Buffy hadn’t expected to find a whole army waiting for her. She froze at their dire and concerned expressions. Except Anya, the ex-demon seemed annoyed.

Xander stood up from his seat in the recliner. "Buff, I uh . . . saw you . . uh. . . you were . . . with . . ."

Buffy swallowed and found it unable to speak.

"Oh come on," Anya said. "You were boinking Spike. I don’t see what such the big deal is, though." She crossed her arms.

Xander shot his girlfriend a look. "It is Spike. Spike is a vampire."

Shrugging, Anya said," Well, I’m happy for Buffy. Vampires make wonderful lovers. They have the stamina of more then ten men and the muscles of –"

"Ahn!" He focused back on Buffy. "We don’t want you getting hurt."

Willow took Tara’s hand. "We’re worried, Buffy. We’ll love you no matter what, but . . . We think you might need help."

Buffy surveyed the whole gang. Her eyes landed on Giles, the reaction she really cared about. He was clearly uncomfortable, but to her relief not disappointed.

"I need help," Buffy declared.

"I told you she needed help," Xander told Anya. Buffy tried to shut out the other voices.

Giles’s wise, warm eyes met hers. "What is the matter? Explain it to me." His voice soothed her.

"Things used to be so clear. Now everything is . . . gray." She articulated her point by doing a few hand gestures. "I don’t know what the right thing to do is, or even what the wrong thing is. I’m lost, Giles, and I can’t find my way back."

Giles opened his mouth, but Buffy continued. "I also feel so . . . nothing. I don’t feel anything. I know I love my daughter. I love my mom. I love you, Giles." She gazed up at him, as if she was small and he had all the answers. "But I can’t express it the way I know I should."

"Are you serious?" The statement conveyed total shock.

"Serious to the amount of ten. I need help to find myself again."

He thought for a moment. "There is a quest . . . in the watchers’s diaries. A journey to find answers. It might take a day or two, and we’d have to drive out to the desert."

Buffy looked around the room at her friends. Everyone looked back at her, waiting.

"I can’t leave when Glory . . ."

"This might strengthen you, Buffy," Tara said.

"Yeah," Willow chimed in. "You can come back all epiphanied and ready to kick her ass."

"I agree," Giles said. "If you feel that you need some sort of self discovery or, or enlightenment then I support this a hundred percent."

So it was settled. Buffy decided to go to the desert. She didn’t know what to expect but Giles seemed to think that it was the solution to everything. She hoped it would clarify all the conflicting thoughts that were battling in her brain, most of them having to do with a certain bleached-blonde.

+ + +

Hours later, Buffy found herself out in the middle of nowhere. Giles conducted some weird hokey-pokey ritual with gourds that amused her. He then sat in a circle and chanted from a book in Swahili. She sensed movement to her left. She turned her head to see that it was a black mountain lion. Power illuminated from the feline. It held itself with dignity and grace.

"Hello, kitty," Buffy greeted the cat.

The mountain lion wandered off without glancing back. Buffy felt compelled to follow it. She wondered if this animal was her spirit guide. She remembered that the Native Americans believed in that sort of thing.

They traveled a long distance. There were hardly any landmarks, just the same seldom bush now and then. The sun began to set, chilling the air. The mountain lion went up to a large rock and stopped. Buffy went over and sat down upon it.

"I know this place," Buffy whispered.

All of a sudden a giant fire burst up in front of her. Buffy watched the flames with great expectation. A form emerged in their depths. Buffy concentrated to make out that it was a dark-skinned woman with a painted face.

"I know you. You’re the first slayer," Buffy said.

"This is a form. I am the guide," a ghostly voice answered.

Oh. So the kitty wasn’t the guide. This spirit, or whatever, was.

"I have a few questions. I want to know about my role as the slayer. I feel like I’ve lost my way."

The First Slayer danced before the current chosen one. "You feel distanced from things. You must connect with your surroundings."

"How do I do that?"

"This is no fault but your own. You have subconsciously stepped back from fear. Shed this fear: love, forgive, risk the pain. Only then will you be brought to your gift."

Buffy blinked. A gift?

"Huh?" She paused. "Love will bring me to my gift?"

"Yes."

"I’m getting a gift? Or do you mean I have a gift to give someone else?" Buffy questioned.

The First Slayer stilled in the midst of orange glow. "Death is your gift."

"Death . . ." Buffy barely breathed.

"Is your gift," the guide finished.

Buffy shook her head. "No!" she protested. "Death is ‘not’ a gift. I’ve seen people die. I know that it is not a gift to anyone."

"There is no life without death. Your answer has been answered."

The First Slayer flickered until she faded away. The fire slowly slipped along after her. Buffy remained on the rock for a long time. She bowed her head, closing her eyes. She was even more confused than before she came.

+ + +

Buffy snuggled up to her pillow, putting off waking up. She had never felt so comfortable before.

"Buffy, luv, you do know it is after ten."

Her pillow rumbled with the words. Funny.

"Mmm, don’t wanna," she mumbled.

The pillow rumbled again and she heard laughter. A hand combed through her hair. She surrendered to the morning and lifted her head. Her eyes met the shocking blues of Spike’s. He smiled at her and she smiled back. Of course, he was her pillow. No wonder it felt so comfy.

"Want some breakfast?" Spike suggested.

"Waffles. Or funny-faced pancakes sound good."

He kissed the top of her head. "Anything for my girls."

He threw off the blankets and got up from the bed. She eyed his bare ass with appreciation. He looked back at her with a lifted eyebrow.

"Gonna get up, pet?" Spike playfully scolded.

"I’d rather stay and watch your naked cute butt," she said.

He chuckled. He grabbed her, forcing her from the mattress. She groaned in protestation. Soon she was dressed in a blue silk robe, and ready to venture downstairs.

They entered the kitchen to find a fifteen year-old at the island. The girl looked up from her bowl of cocoa-puffs.

"Finally," she huffed.

"Dawn, your father was going to fix yummy pancakes," Buffy said.

Dawn shoveled in another mouthful of cereal. She spoke with a full mouth. "I’m not waiting until eleven for breakfast. You guys sleep in so late. I don’t get it; you went to bed at like ten last night."

The adults shared an amused look. Dawn rolled her eyes. She was no longer a child and knew what the look meant.

"Ewww!" the teen shrieked. "I get it. That’s so gross! God, why can’t you be like Janice’s parents and do it when I’m away?"

Buffy frowned.

"Aren’t Janice’s parents going through a divorce?" Spike asked.

"Y-Yeah," Dawn confessed.

Spike smirked. He grabbed his wife around the waist, tugging her flush against him. "See, that’s where Janice’s parents went wrong. It’s all about the sex."

"Spike!" Buffy reprimanded.

"Oh, please, I’m not a little girl anymore!" Dawn said. "I know about the sex. Hello, Aunt Anya baby-sat me."

Spike reached over and ruffled his daughter’s hair. "You’ll always be my nibblet."

+ + +

"Buffy?"

Buffy’s head shot up. She sucked in a breath. Things slowly came into focus. She was back in the desert. She wrapped her arms around herself.

"Are you all right?" Giles asked.

Buffy stood up. "Let’s go."

"Did you get your answers?"

She paused. "Actually, yes, I think I did."

_________________________________________________

Next