Chapter 24

Buffy didn’t have time to react to Giles’s declaration. The hairs on the back of her neck prickled. She tilted her head toward the training room. Without a word, she walked out the back door and into the alley. It didn’t take long to find the cause of her slayer alarm firing. The vampire was your average 25 IQ monster. Miraculously, he had no idea what a slayer was. She guessed he must have just recently risen. It was rather refreshing. It wasn’t that she didn’t like a good brawl now and then, but it was nice to know that you would be the one to walk away. She felt lucky every time she escaped an encounter with Glory.

The impact of her situation hit her when she returned to the magic shop main floor. Giles glanced up from the archaic texts before him. He looked greatly tired.

“Trouble out back?” Xander asked.

“Vampire,” Buffy muttered offhandedly. She never took her eyes off Giles. “I guess it would be too hopeful to ask if you found anything while I was gone?”

The watcher sighed. “I’m afraid so.”

There was a long silence.

“Explain it again,” Buffy demanded.

“It is rather simple. . . “

“Explain it again.”

“The key was ... living energy. It needed to be channeled, poured into a specific place at a specific time. The energy ... would flow into that spot, the walls between the dimensions break down. It stops, the energy's used up, the walls come back up. Glory uses that time to get back into her own dimension, not caring that all manner of hell will be unleashed on earth in the meantime.”

“Um, but only for a little while, right? The walls come back up, uh, n-no more hell?” Anya seemed generally frightened. Xander laid a hand on her arm as comfort.

“We can’t kill a baby,” Willow said. “C-Can we? And not when- Giles, it’s not right.”

Tara thrashed. “I have places to be!”

Willow hugged Tara to her.

“Why blood? Why Dawn's blood? I mean, why couldn't it be like a, a lymph ritual?” murmured Xander.

“Because it always has to be blood,” Spike said.

“We’re not exactly talking about dinner.”

“Blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. Course it's her blood.” Spike’s jaw twitched.

“Simple math here,” Buffy said. “We stop Glory before the ritual. We still have a few hours, right?”

“Y-Yes. If my calculations are right,” Giles replied. “But, Buffy-“

“I don’t want to hear it!”

“I understand that.”

“You don’t understand!” Tears streamed down Buffy’s cheeks. They blinded her vision until there was nothing but blur. “This is my daughter. A tiny, helpless, little girl. And you’re asking me to kill her. I made her! And now you want me to destroy her!” She shook uncontrollably. Her legs gave out and she began to crumple to the floor. Strong arms came out and caught her. Some part of her brain knew it was Spike. She slumped in his embrace.

“I don’t want anything of the sort,” Giles said. “But if Glory begins the ritual . . . If we can’t stop her . . .”

“Come on, say it!” Buffy spat. “Tell me to kill my own daughter!”

“She’s not your daughter,” Giles softly said.

Buffy froze. Spike gripped her tighter.

“I think now is the time to shut your gob, watcher, before I tear your head from the rest of you,” Spike warned.

Willow stood up. She held out her palms. “Okay, guys, let’s calm down. The ritual hasn’t started yet.” No one seemed to hear her.

“If the ritual starts, then every living creature in this and every other dimension imaginable will suffer unbearable torment and death. Including Dawn.”

“I can’t do it,” Buffy sobbed. “I’m sorry . . . I love you all. . . but I can’t.”
“Okay,” Anya said loudly, a little too chipper. “Everyone is in favor of stopping the ritual before it starts. Let’s figure out how. Any ideas? Times wasting and this is bickering is pointless.” She paused. “Willow. I bet you've got some dark spell a-brewin'. Uh, make her a, a, a toad? Little hoppy toad, we can hit her with a hammer?”

“Hoppy toad,” Tara repeated with a giggle.

“What about Ben? He can be killed, right? I mean, I know he's an innocent, but, you know, not like Dawn innocent. We could kill a ... regular guy.” Xander suddenly looked horrified. “God.”

“I could,” Spike said.

All eyes directed on him.

“What? You all so shocked?”

“Not at all actually,” Giles said.

Spike glared. “Harris was right before. The chip doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. I haven’t gone all homicidal over it, like popular belief would be. I don’t enjoy the kill like I used to. But if need arises. . . “

No one spoke. Buffy silently came to a decision, though. She’d let him. If the need did arise, she’d let him do it. She’d walk away and allow an innocent man to die. If that was the price to have her daughter back, even with the guilt, it would be worth it.

“We don’t have to kill anyone,” Willow said. “All we have to do is stop him-her.”

“Yeah. We get her on the ropes, we just gotta keep her occupied till it's too late,” Spike said.

“Okay, but I’m not hearing enough ideas. She’s a God. Think outside the box,” Anya went on.

“Why don’t you think outside the bloody box!” Spike shouted.

“Yes, Anya, apart from your incredibly uninfectious enthusiasm, have you anything else to contribute?” Giles said.

“The Dagon sphere! It was meant to repel Glory. We have it in the basement. Oh!” Anya raced over to the display case in the shop. “Olaf the troll god's enchanted hammer. You want to fight a God, use the weapon of a God.”

Xander watched Anya with pride. “Smart chicks are hot,” he expressed.

“Well, we have some ideas, if we could actually get Glory on the run, but, um...” Giles stated.

”But, we still have no idea how to find her,” Buffy said. Her eyes were dry now, but she still relied on Spike’s grip to hold her up.

”Big day. Oh, it calls me! I have to be there!” Tara exclaimed.

+ + +

Joyce felt useless. Mr. Giles insisted that she stay at his apartment, since Glory had no notion of its whereabouts. He gave her full reign of the kitchen and television. But the thought of food made her sick, and there was no way she could stop her wandering brain enough to watch a show. All she could do was sit on the sofa and worry. It was like waiting during a tornado warning, standing by for the all clear, fearing that your house might get blown away. But in this case it wouldn’t just be the house, it’d be the entire world with it.

A little while ago Willow called and told her that Buffy had snapped out of her daze. At least that was something to be relieved about. Now the slayer had to face a battle against a powerful hell-goddess. She was in no condition, mentally or physically.

My poor baby, Joyce thought. My poor grandchild.

+ + +

Buffy beat the punching bag with fury. Sweat glistened over her skin from exertion. She’d been at it for who knows how long and yet she wasn’t a bit tired.

“Won’t this wear you out?” Giles’s voice didn’t catch her by surprise. She’d suspected he might show up soon.

“Really won’t,” she replied. She hit the bag again, this time harder. The bag flew off its chain. Oops, she thought.

She turned toward her mentor, her expression hard.

“I’m sure you hate me right now,” he said.

“You know I’ll stop you if you attempt to hurt her,” Buffy declared.

“I know.”

Buffy came over and sat down on the couch. She leaned heavily against the cushions. Giles hesitated a moment before he sat beside her.

“The spirit guide told me death was my gift. I guess that’s what a slayer is about, huh?”

“I think you’re wrong about that.”

“It feels that way. I’ve killed so many demons and vamps. But for once I gave life. This tiny baby was something I created. I can’t possibly destroy her. I’ll watch the world fall down before that happens.” Her lip quivered.

Giles put an arm around her. She shifted so that it became a full hug.

“We’ll do everything we can to prevent her any harm,” he promised.

+ + +

Spike walked behind Buffy in silence. Her pace was quick and she never glanced back to acknowledge him. The only thing she’d said to him all night was an order to follow her to get weapons. He wanted to pull her to him so that he could feel her warmth, but she was in full slayer mode.
His chest ached from the loss of his child. It would be nice to have the comfort that Buffy was still there for him.

They reached the house. She entered, leaving the door open for him to follow. He stepped in to see her going up the stairs.

“Buffy, luv?”

She stopped, her hand on the banister. “There are some axes in the chest,” she said offhandedly. She took another step.

“Buffy. . .?”

Why was she acting this way? Did she think that he was responsible for Dawn getting kidnapped?

A moment passed. Finally she turned around. “One of us might not make it. You know that, right?”

His eyes enlarged. Oh. He forced a smile. “Always knew I’d go down fightin.”

It wouldn’t be her, he vowed. If anyone would end up dying it would be him. His was the vampire, the disposable one.

“I’m counting on you to protect her for me.”

He answered immediately. “Till the end of the world. Even if that happens to be tonight.”

“I’ll be a minute.”

He nodded. She prepared to continue up. “I know you’ll never love me. I know I’m a monster. But you treat me like a man.” He sighed. “Thanks for trusting me, for letting me in Dawn’s life.”

She turned back. Her face held intense emotion, emotion he couldn’t decipher. She slowly descended down to stand before him. He stared at her with boyish curiosity. She took his hand and pulled him up along with her. She led him down the hall to her bedroom. He expected her to gather weaponry but instead she tugged him to the bed. She lay down and patted the blue bedspread beside her.

He paused, unsure. She gave him a smile of assurance. He stretched out next to her. She leaned over him, her breath hot against his face. She met his eyes, searchingly. He remained still, waiting for her to take action. She kissed him deeply.

“I read up on what you said in the cemetery.”

“What?”

“When you drank from me.”

“I’m sorry, pet. It was a . . .”

She pressed two fingers against his lips. “Spike, shut up.”

He did.

“I understand now. Blood between two people is sacred. I became quite fascinated over the passage about claiming. It said that a claim is the most sacred bond there is.”

“It is,” Spike agreed.

“Good. So, Spike . . . I’d like you to claim me.” Buffy tilted her head and brushed her hair aside.

Spike blinked. What? He sat up slightly. “Buffy, you don’t know what you are asking. Once a claim is made it can never be undone.”

She lightly touched his chest. Her eyes lowered almost shyly. “I know.”

Could she be serious? Had she really read all the details and still wanted it? She’d be a part of him, him a part of her. There could never be anyone else, and if one of them died a part of the other would still remain. All those times she asked him to leave, and now she asked him to stay inside her heart forever.
Spike thought maybe he would burst, since it was surely impossible for someone to feel as much love as he did.

“Buffy-“

“I know what I’m doing.”

He moved slowly, giving her enough time to back out. He expected her to. But she didn’t. He ran his index finger down the side of her neck and stopped at the pulse point. He lowered to replace his finger with his lips. The rhythm of blood grew fierce, along with Buffy’s breath. Her eyes fluttered closed.

Normally a bond like this was done during sex. He knew that wasn’t possible. Even as a slayer her body hadn’t recovered from the harsh tearing of childbirth. The intensity of the offered warm body before him drove him mad. He couldn’t imagine what further intimacy would have done to him.

He brought forth his demon. He sniffed and smelled the rich liquid under the thin surface of skin. He sunk in and drank greedily at it. Distantly he heard Buffy moan. She squirmed in his clutch. The next thing he knew he was on his back, still gulping in her lifeblood. She straddled him and began to grind into his achingly constricted cock.

Spike’s eyes rolled back. He withdrew his teeth.

“Mine.” He didn’t recognize his own voice. It was deep and husky.

He felt blunt teeth press down on his own neck. Then they bit hard, stinging . . . but in a good way. “Yours.”

Buffy lifted her head. He was surprised to see red staining her mouth. Her wet tongue slipped out and she licked it off. They looked at each other, getting lost.

Buffy shuddered first. It sent him over the edge as well. She slumped on top of him. He rolled them to their sides. He cocooned her with his arms.

“That was . . . amazing,” Buffy panted.

All he could do was groan. Her lips tugged up.

Her heart thumped wildly in his ears. Instead of simply hearing it, however, he could feel it. Almost as if it were his own heart. Wow. Amazing was nowhere near to describing what had happened, was happening.

She snuggled closer. “Let’s pretend.”

“What’s that, pet?”

“That there is no war. That Dawnie’s safe in the other room.”

His hold on her tightened. He couldn’t pretend and he knew Buffy couldn’t either.

_________________________________________________

What do you think? Oh, thanks for letting me know BTW.

Chapter 25

A new sensation swam over Buffy. It wasn’t something picked up by taste, smell, hearing, touch, sight, or her slayer radar. This was a seventh sense- entirely made up of Spike. It’s hard to describe exactly what Buffy experienced from the claim. It was like a door opened, one that had always been there but without a clearance code until now. The room she entered was full of Spike: memories, feelings, the essence that made him what he was. It was all there, and she fit each part inside her.

She’d never seemed so whole. She wandered if secretly she’d been searching for these ‘Spike puzzle pieces’ all her life. What did this mean? Was it an aftereffect of the claim? Or was it something more? Soulmates came to mind. A secret smile tugged at her lips.

She snuggled into him and he held her against him. The minutes ticked by. Precious time.

“We have to move,” Buffy mumbled into his chest.

He didn’t say anything. Suddenly he sprung up, throwing her off him. It took her a moment to recover from the loss of contact. She pulled herself to her feet.

“Sorry, pet. Thought I should do it fast and get it over with,” he explained.

She nodded.

They walked to the magic box was done without holding hands. Physical contact would have made it unbearable. Buffy entered the shop, immediately switching into slayer mode. She began to hand out weapons.

“Everyone ready to go?” she asked the gang.

“Yes, it’s time,” Giles announced.

Buffy swung the troll hammer. “Let’s set out then.” She glanced at the red-headed witch. “Will?”

Willow nodded. She stepped over to Tara, who was peeking into the display case. “Baby? Is there somewhere you should be?”

Tara straightened. She pointed at them all with anger. “You hold me back! All of you!”

“No one is holding you back,” Willow said softly.

Tara’s eyes roamed over the others. She hugged herself.

“You’re free to go, Tara,” Willow urged on.

It took a moment for Tara to move. She slowly walked to the door, glancing back for approval. Willow smiled in encouragement. They waited a moment before following, giving the mentally lost woman space.

“Everybody knows their jobs. Remember, the ritual starts, we all die. And I'll kill anyone who comes near Dawn,” Buffy said.

It didn’t take long to come across their destination. Tara halted and craned her neck. Buffy took in the tower with trepidation. She caught movement below, along with sparks from welding. The sound of heavy machinery filtered into her ears. Tara continued walking and Buffy had to force herself onward.

Willow’s job came first. She managed to gain short proximity with the hellgod. She grabbed Tara and Glory’s heads. Her eyes went black with power. Tara and Glory hollered as blue electricity crackled between them. All three of them suddenly broke apart.

Buffy’s eyes went to where Willow and Tara landed. She saw them move with relief and turned her attention back to Glory. The goddess picked herself up.

“What the hell did that bitch do to me!?” Glory shouted.

Good job, Willow, Buffy thought.

“She made a little . . . hole. . . I need a brain to eat.”

Buffy stepped out into view. “Why not mine?”

Glory turned. She smiled. “Good idea.”

“Come and get it,” the slayer taunted.

The minions swarmed around Glory. They seemed very concerned over their ruler’s condition. Glory shooed them off.

Glory stood unsteadily.

“Not feeling well?” Buffy mocked. “Here, catch.” She removed her hand from around her back. The Dagon sphere glowed brightly in the night. She tossed it toward Glory.

Glory’s eyes grew large. She reflexively caught the ball. She stared at it for a minute before crushing it. She let the remains fall to the concrete.

“You’re going to wish you never-“

Buffy swung at the goddess with the troll hammer. She’d picked it up while Glory was distracted with the Dagon sphere. The god went flying into the wall of the construction warehouse.

Suddenly Buffy was confronted by shrill crying. The sound stabbed at her heart. Maternal instinct took over. She left the crumpled Glory to make her way toward the stairs that led up to the tower. She stumbled over a pile of bricks. She picked herself up and went on. A minion blocked her way but she easily punched him aside.

She stormed up. Got to get to the top. Got to get to the top. She didn’t look back. Dawn kept calling to her in distressed cries. I’m coming. I’m coming. Hold on, Mommy’s coming. Tears stung at her eyes and her chest tightened. Just before she made it to the ladder that led to the top there was a clang behind her. She turned to find Glory smiling at her. The goddess struck out before Buffy had a chance to react. The hammer went flying in the air. Buffy watched it fall to the dirty ground below.

“What ya gonna do now that I took your toy away?” Glory taunted. She glanced up at the platform. “I don’t think baby has a chance.”

And at that moment Buffy felt defeated. Her knees begged to buckle. She ached all over. She wanted to crawl back into the shell of her mind where nothing bad could happen.

Spike appeared out of nowhere. He tackled Glory from behind. He wrapped his arms around her neck in an attempt to choke her. It was a poor attempt, but Buffy appreciated it nevertheless.

“Get our lil girl,” he grunted.

Buffy moved to comply but from the corner of her eye she spotted Glory shrug the vampire off. He tumbled over the side of the structure. Buffy stopped with wide eyes. She watched as he reached out and grabbed the side, dangling. Buffy should have kept going. Not because her daughter was at stake, but because the entire world was. But Spike had managed to work his way into the forefront of that world. She couldn’t lose him. She made a decision to try and help him from falling. Glory acted faster, though. The goddess took her foot and pushed at Spike’s hands. One gave out and Spike barely hung on with the other. Glory’s entire attention was on the vampire, so Buffy took advantage of it. She kicked Glory away. She kept kicking until the deity lost her balance and fell off.

Buffy hurried over to Spike. She crouched down and held out her hand. Spike swung himself forward to grab hold. She hoisted him up. They shared a meaningful look before turning their gaze downward. Glory stirred and got up with no trouble. She combed fingers through her hair in an attempt to rid herself of dust. She glanced up at the pair of blondes with rage. She spotted the discarded hammer and picked it up.

Buffy squeezed Spike’s arm. “She’s too strong. She keeps getting up like the Energizer.” And now with the hammer . . ., she added silently.

A large vehicle rolled forward. It controlled a giant wrecking ball. The ball swung out at Glory. It sent her crashing through the wall of the warehouse. The engine shut down and Xander emerged from the machinery. He raised his head up to where Buffy and Spike were.

“The glorified bricklayer picks up a spare,” he shouted.

Buffy grinned like the Cheshire cat. She felt new confidence sweep into her. For the first time that night things had tipped in their favor.

“I have to go down and make sure she’s out of order,” she declared.

He nodded. “I’ll get the bit.”

Before parting, Buffy took his hand and squeezed. She raced down the ramp. She yelled a thanks to Xander as she passed. She entered the warehouse, wrinkling her nose at the musty smell inside. Glory lay on the floor, finally incapacitated. Buffy found Olaf’s hammer a few feet away. She effortlessly took it up. She stalked over with purpose. Buffy saw something in Glory’s expression for the first time. Terror. The goddess was absolutely afraid of the small slayer.

Buffy went at it, slamming the hammer down over and over. Blood splattered over Glory’s face. It was a wonder Buffy even recognized the change with all the red that covered the features. But Buffy did. The cheekbones shifted, becoming masculine. Her hand went slack, dropping her weapon.

He coughed, spitting up blood. Oh God. How could he be alive? He was a mere human.

“So she lost, huh?” Ben laughed.

“Tell her it’s over. She missed her shot,” Buffy replied.

She didn’t expect him to tell Glory anything. He was so broken. If he did survive she suspected he’d be paralyzed. But, if Glory emerged maybe all the injuries would mend . . . What would she do then? It would start all over. She wished she had the strength to pick the hammer back up and end it all. Hell, she’d be doing the poor host a favor. But she couldn’t. Buffy could never live with that sort of thing.

She turned to find Giles.

“I’ll deal with it,” he said.

His tone made her eye twitch. What did he mean by that? Was he going to call an ambulance? She shrugged the uneasiness aside. Trust Giles. He was old and wise, and always knew the best thing to do. So she nodded and left.

Buffy heard a familiar moan on her way back to the tower. She stopped dead. No. . . She crouched and turned him over. A giant gash had formed across the side of his face.

“Spike. . .?”

He squinted at her. “H-He pushed me off. Got to hurry. Got to get to her.” He tried to get to his feet but fell in her arms instead.

“Who pushed you off? Who got to her, Spike?” she demanded. Her voice was harsh and loud.

“I thought I killed him. What a stupid git I am.”

Forget it; she wasn’t going to get any coherent answer from him. She moved to put him down to rest but he protested. He gripped her arm hard.

“No, pet, I’m coming with.”

She didn’t argue. There wasn’t time. She helped him up, putting her arm around his shoulders. They walked up the walkway to get to their daughter. She looked up and saw a shadow. Something was up there with the baby. The something Spike had been speaking of. She urged Spike faster despite his injuries. She should have left him behind. When she got to the ladder she abandoned him and climbed up alone.

“Stay away from her!”

The man whirled around. He placed a watch back in his pocket. He smiled. “Times up,” he said. Then the man . . . no, not a man, opened his mouth. A long tongue like a snake shot out. Buffy quickly dodged. The tongue rolled back into his jaws. He got a strange look on his face, as if he swallowed a fly and was thinking ‘mmm, yummy’. How bizarre.

“What a nifty parlor trick,” she muttered.

She barreled at the frog/snake demon man, acting as a battering-ram. He went over the side. Everything froze then. The only thing Buffy was aware of was the tiny infant lying on her back. Her feet kicked and she sobbed with plea.

Buffy swept up the bundle. She smelled the baby’s soft hair, sucking in her scent. Her hands ran over her body, searching for injuries like any mother would. The only thing she found was a miniscule prick on her left foot. Buffy kissed the wound.

“Mommy’s got you, Dawnie. Everything’s going to be all right now.”

And as soon as she finished that sentence the air crackled. Blue electricity swarmed through the night sky. A flying creature materialized, resembling a mean fairytale dragon. Buffy knew then it wouldn’t be all right. She snuggled her daughter close to her heart.

This was it. Well, at least she’d go down with Dawn. Her face would be the last thing her daughter saw. Protecting her until the end.

Buffy wasn’t afraid to die. She never had been a religious person. But she battled monsters from hell everyday, and if you believed in the underworld you were forced to believe in heaven along with it. The only thing that broke Buffy’s heart was that her daughter never got a chance. She knew it was selfish not to care about the other people on earth, not that she didn’t care, but Dawnie was at the forefront of her mind. The girl would never grow up to be in the school play, or go to the beach, or receive her first kiss, or get married. Oh, Buffy wanted so much for her daughter.

The portal grew, taking up most of the sky. It reminded her of the blob from that horror move. Although, this was airborne and electrified. Half of Buffy’s mind accepted their fate, yet another half kept searching for a way out. The slayer fought to the end even if it wasn’t physically.

Dawn squirmed in her clutch. She kicked her feet wildly. Buffy caught the left foot. Bloody trickled down more steadily now. She wrapped her hand around the cut. If only I can stop it, she thought. If I staunch the blood . . .

Blood. My blood! Buffy’s eyes widened as everything fell into place.

Death is your gift.

Buffy knew what she must do. She hadn’t lied after all. Things were going to be okay. She gazed down at Dawn and poured her entire soul into her. You won’t remember, Buffy thought. She told her anyway.

“I love you.”

She prayed to the heavens for the first real time. Let her remember one thing, she begged. Just a glimmer, a feeling. Just the feel of her mother’s love.

Buffy pressed her lips to Dawn’s brow. The baby had stopped crying now. She looked up at her mother with large blue eyes. Buffy could have sworn that she saw understanding there. Buffy prepared to put her down.

“What are you doing, slayer?”

Buffy straightened, still cradling Dawn. Spike. . .

He stood unbalanced, more weight on his left. His right eye was also swollen. His good one stared at her with betrayal. He knew. Somehow he knew. Was it the claim?

“I have to,” Buffy said.

He took a step forward and winced. It must have taken a lot out of him to reach her.

“There has to be another way,” he said out of desperation.

“Tell me what it is.” She was surprised to hear that same desperation in her own voice.

He simply stared at her, lost. She knew that leaving him would tear him apart.

“It is always about blood,” Buffy said. “Remember?”

Buffy walked over and handed Dawn carefully over to Spike. “You promised to protect her.”

“Buffy. . .”

“Don’t make this harder than it has to be,” Buffy whispered. She fought the tears that threatened to spill. There were so many things she wanted to tell him. Three words in particular. But she was afraid they would make things more painful in the end. For both of them.

She stole one quick kiss. Then she spun around as something flapped over their heads. The dragon demon was wreaking havoc. Or was it another one?

Buffy took a deep breath and prepared herself to jump. To face the unknown.

“Buffy.”

She closed her eyes. She felt him near. He shoved Dawn back into her arms.

“I promised to protect her. I also promised to protect you. Maybe not outloud but . . . I always keep my promises.”

Her resolve broke. The tears spilled down her face. I’m so sorry, Spike. I’m so sorry.

He touched her cheek. His skin was cool but it spread warmth through her body.

“I’m a part of you, Buffy. Don’t forget that. I run through your veins.”

She shook her head. “Don’t do this.”

“Name one good reason why it should be you.”

“It’s my job.”

He snorted. “Try again. I don’t buy that. Being the slayer doesn’t mean you fight all your battles alone. It means making tough decisions and making sacrifices. If anything it means letting me go so you can live to fight another day.”

“Dawn needs a father.”

“She needs a mother more.”

Buffy’s lips trembled. She couldn’t see at all now, her vision was so blurry. There was nothing she could say to convince him not to do this.

“Face it, pet, I’m the better choice. Not many will miss me. Just . . .” He paused. “Just be sure and tell her about me, will you? Tell her what her daddy did? I may be a monster but I made one good decision in my go at it.”

You’re not a monster. You’re the man I . . .

“I love you.”

It was the last thing she had. Her last attempt to change his mind.

“Please stay,” she said through sobs.

The planet stood still for a moment. Buffy’s tears slowed a little so she could make out the vampire standing in front of her. He had his head tilted in that curious manner he was notorious to do. A small smile tugged at his lips.

“Thanks, luv.” He brushed his lips against hers. It was feather-light, a goodbye.

“No,” she said.

“I can go a happy man knowing that. Thank you.”

“No,” she repeated.

He turned.

“No.”

He went to the edge of the landing. He looked down at the vortex.

“No.”

Her voice obtained no response. Buffy’s legs gave out and she crumpled to the floor. She never saw Spike jump because water blinded her again. She felt it, though. She felt something black tug at her heart and rip it into two, fluttering away with one half.

“No. No. . . NO!”

+ + +

Xander was the one to drag her down. She let him without a struggle. Willow examined her with concern.

“Buffy, are you okay?”

When Buffy gave no response there was a commotion.

“Do you think she is in another coma?”

Buffy moved then and they fell silent. She gave the baby to Tara. Distantly, Buffy comprehended the transformation in the witch. She was back to being herself once more. The realization brought no feeling.

Buffy lowered to her knees. She examined the construction site. Miraculously all the demons had vanished, along with the escaped mental patients. There was nothing but debris and dirt. Buffy dug her nails into the dust below her. The remains of Spike were somewhere in this mess. But he was lost to her.

_________________________________________________

I got teary eyed writing this.
 

Chapter 26

On the third day Buffy’s tears dried up. They were replaced by complete silence instead. It unnerved Joyce to the core. Where did her baby go? Would she ever get her back? She’d rather see her daughter in a fit of grief than this emptiness. She feared Buffy had retreated so deep inside herself she’d never surface again. Hide away from the pain, that’s what Buffy’s plan was, Joyce guessed.

Everyday Mr. Giles came by to check on his slayer. Everyday Joyce relayed the bad news. Buffy wasn’t improving . . . she was getting worse. Slipping away from them.

Dawn cried out to her mother in need. Buffy seemed not to even hear. Joyce resorted to tending to the child herself.
“Shh, darling, it’s all right,” Joyce murmured.

Dawn’s red face remained scrunched up as she wailed. The poor thing couldn’t find any rest. This went beyond any colic; Dawnie simply was reacting to the aftermath of her turmoil. She could sense the un-rightness of her surroundings. Even though she knew her parents for a very little time, she probably missed their presence just the same.

Joyce rocked the infant until the baby wore herself out. Her cries turned to muffles and finally ceased. Joyce placed the sleeping baby gently into her bassinet. She took a moment to run her index finger down her soft cheek. Then she crept quietly into the hall.

This was the perfect time to go attend an errand. They were running out of formula. Joyce hesitated outside Buffy’s door. She took a deep breath and pushed it open. The room was dark, even though it was mid-afternoon. Joyce opened the blinds at first, but Buffy had only whimpered and rolled onto her stomach to escape the sunlight.

“Buffy?” Joyce called softly.

The slayer didn’t respond. Her eyes stared blankly up at the ceiling. For a moment Joyce pondered whether she should call Giles over to watch the house while she was gone. No, Joyce thought, that isn’t necessary. Dawn is likely to sleep for hours.

“I need to run out and purchase some more formula. I just- I just thought you should know. I’ll be back within a half hour. Okay?”

Nothing.

Buffy was so strong. It ripped Joyce apart to see her so broken.

Joyce bent down and kissed Buffy goodbye.

+ + +

Buffy had rescued countless lives. All of them nameless strangers. But when the one person that mattered came around she couldn’t save him. She always thought of him as being eternal. The one who would never leave. At first he stuck around as a nuisance, but then he wedged himself into her life where she couldn’t imagine it without him.

How could she survive?

She had nothing now. She was all alone. So cold, her insides were turning to ice.

In the background of her misery there was a sound. It grew louder and louder. Stop, Buffy begged. Leave me in peace.

It continued, more forceful.

“Stop.”

Buffy’s eyes widened from hearing her own voice. It was hoarse and strained.

“Stop!” she said again with more energy.

She shut her eyes tightly, trying to block out the noise. The sound wouldn’t let her think. Wouldn’t let her wallow in guilt.

I told him I loved him too late. We never got a chance to be happy together.

Buffy groaned. The sound was so distracting.

Mechanically, she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. She walked toward the cacophony. Before she knew it she stood before the bassinet in her mother’s bedroom. The tiny creature within squirmed around.

Buffy blinked down at it. There was nothing at first, even though Buffy knew there should be. This is my child. My daughter, she realized. I should feel something. Shouldn’t I?

It was when little Dawnie reached up toward her that made the walls crumble. Buffy sunk to her knees.

“I’m so sorry. So sorry,” she murmured to Dawn. “I’m here now. I won’t leave you again.”

She had been wrong. She wasn’t alone. Spike might be gone, but she had Dawn. A little piece of him remained with her.

Buffy’s tears mingled with Dawn’s.

Twenty minutes later, Joyce found the bassinet empty. She hurried to Buffy’s room and found that vacant as well. Frantic, she checked the only other possibility. She gawked in surprise as Buffy cradled her daughter to her breast. The baby sucked greedily, her eyes closed and seemingly the most content since birth.

+ + +

After that, Dawn became Buffy’s world. It was the only way she could cope. She rarely left the house. Her friends grew extremely worried. Willow was the one who decided they needed to take action. Magic taught her that anything can be fixed. So she went to work to find the solution.

A month later, she found it. All the hard research was going to pay off. Or would have, if Tara hadn’t come in to find the witch in an array of black arts books.

“What is all this?” Tara demanded.

Willow tried to look as innocent as she could. She stood up from her cross-legged position on the floor of their dorm room.

“I’m just reading,” Willow said.

Tara stared down at the upside-down pentagram diagram that covered a visible page. She frowned. “This doesn’t look like light reading to me.” She raised her head and crossed her arms. “What are you planning?”

“I’m helping. I’m going to make Buffy happy again.”

“Willow, you can’t play with people like this.”

“I’m not going to poof Buffy happy. I can’t believe you would think that. No, I’m going to take away the hurt so she won’t be sad anymore. I’m going to bring back Spike.”

“Oh my Goddess, Willow! You don’t know what you are about to dabble with. This is dark stuff. Way over your head.”

Willow crouched down and shut the books shut. Then she gathered them into her arms and rose. She glared at her girlfriend.

“You don’t trust me? You think I’m still an amateur! Well, I’m not! I have more power than you could ever dream.”

To prove her point, Willow swept a hand toward the door. It burst open. Willow stormed out, making it bang behind her.

+ + +

Tara loved Willow with all her heart. That was why it was so hard to betray her. She thought about going to Mr. Giles first, but ended up at Buffy’s instead. Joyce welcomed her warmly, directing her upstairs. Tara knocked softly on the nursery door. It took a moment for Buffy to answer.

Buffy poked her head out. She placed a finger to her lips. “Shhh, I finally got her to sleep,” she whispered.

“I have to speak with you,” Tara told her.

Buffy nodded. She quietly stepped out into the hallway and shut the door. “What is it?”

“Maybe we should go in your room. You could sit down that way.”

That got the slayer’s attention. Buffy realized that this was an important matter. She led Tara to her room and they both sat on the bed.

“Buffy, Willow is planning something and I thought you should know. She wasn’t going to tell you and . . .”

“Just tell me,” Buffy said.
Tara nodded. “Willow is going to bring back Spike.”

Buffy’s breath hitched. A million emotions mixed together at once. And for a millisecond hope was one of them. But there was also anger and disloyalty. Willow was controlling her life. And Spike’s.

“She thinks she is helping. She thinks this is the best thing to do. But she doesn’t understand the consequences. What if something goes wrong?” Tara went on.

The hope died completely. Spike wouldn’t be brought back to her. Buffy would make sure of that. It would be playing with forces they didn’t have the right to.

+ + +

Fire flamed in Willow’s eyes.

“You can’t do this. I won’t allow it,” Buffy said.

“What if he’s in hell?” Willow spat.

“What if he’s not?” Buffy pointed out. “He saved the world, Will. Let him rest in peace. Please, for me.”

Willow eventually backed down. Buffy let out a breath from her victory. She should have felt relieved. For some reason all she could feel was longing.

ALMOST FOUR YEARS LATER

1402 days. 1402 days without him. She couldn’t feel her heart beat, but she breathed and that was all that mattered. She kept together most of the time. But occasionally she’d wake from a dream, a dream so real. She’d open her eyes to find that she was the only one in bed. She’d feel so bereft and lost. Dawn was so perceptive, a gift from her father. She knew whenever her mother had a rough night. Her bright blue eyes sparkled up at Buffy with emotion.

“It okay, Mommy. Aunt Tara told me Daddy not really gone,” she said once.

Buffy scooped her daughter up and held her close.

Dawn loved stories. She loved to act out the fairy tales. She was usually the princess, placing a crown on top of her head. She also had fairy wings and a wand that she got out at times. Beyond any fantasy tale, Dawn’s favorites were those of her daddy. They were even more heroic and entertaining than Cinderella or Snow White.

That night, at the end of the 1402nd day, Dawn demanded on another ‘daddy story’. She jumped a little on her bed. Buffy frowned and made her daughter settle down. She had so much energy that night.

“All right, all right. A daddy story,” Buffy said.

She dived in, telling Dawn about the man that was her father. Even events before the chip were told with softness. Buffy cherished every past moment now. Each one was sacred. This particular bedtime story was about the gem or Amara.

“He was so beautiful in the sun,” Buffy told Dawn. “Even though his skin was pale and his hair radio-active, he was gorgeous.”

“Like an angel,” Dawn injected.

A small smile tugged at Buffy’s mouth. “Yes, like an angel.”

Dawn’s eyes fluttered. Buffy leaned down and kissed her cheek.

“Night, Dawnie.”

“Night. Love you.”

Buffy left the room to enter the living room. The apartment was small, but well furnished and clean. They managed on Buffy’s waitressing income. The tips were what got them through. She went to school part-time also, working toward a psychology major. Someday she hoped to be a high school councilor.

Buffy fixed herself some hot chocolate. She plopped in a few tiny marshmallows, a recent addition. She carried her mug into the living room and curled up on the couch with it. Before she knew it she fell asleep.

Banging jarred her awake. She groggily threw off the green afghan and got to her feet. Who would be visiting them at this hour? Her mind immediately thought ‘trouble’. One of the scoobies needed slayer help.

Opening the door, she expected Giles, or maybe Xander. Instead she froze at what she saw. I’m still asleep, she thought.

They gazed at each other without a word. Buffy’s hand moved on its own. It came out to touch his face but halted in midair. She was afraid to find out this was all a dream. That she’d wake up as soon as she touched him. Or he would melt away, proving she was hallucinating. Her arm went limp.

“Are-Are you real?” she stammered.

“Invite me in and find out, luv.”

Oh God, he could talk. She shook and had to grab the door for support.

“Come in, Spike.”

She moved aside, still grasping the door. He hesitantly stepped inside. She remained in her stance, too shocked to do otherwise.

“Buffy . . .”

Her head whipped. She caught him looking at her with that Spike head tilt. Tears stung at her eyes.

“Luv?”

She felt him then. He took her into his arms. She slumped into them. He hoisted her up and her face nuzzled into the crook of his neck. He kicked the door shut.

He carried her to the white sofa. He lowered to it, shifting her comfortably on his lap.
“You aren’t disappearing,” Buffy stated.

“Do you want me to?” His voice was full of insecurity.

“God no.”

He smiled. “Good to know.”

She met his eyes. “Why are you here now? After so long?”

His left eye twitched. “How long has it been?”

“1402 days,” she softly replied.

“That many?” He sounded surprised. He did the calculation in his head. “Over three years. Time moves so fast here.”

“Here?” Buffy frowned. “Where have you been?”

He furrowed his brow. “Don’t rightly know. An in-between realm, I gather.”

Her arms snaked around his neck. “What happened to you there?”

He cleared his throat. “Well, turns out I did what no other vampire has done. I became a champion without a soul.” He chuckled. “At least that’s what the big wigs call me. Given my lil heroic plunge they decided I wasn’t suited for the fiery pit below. So they had themselves a trial of sorts to choose where I would end up.”

“What was the verdict?”

Fear coursed through her. What if this wasn’t permanent? What if he came by to say a proper goodbye before moving on? She couldn’t deal with seeing him just to lose him again.

He sensed her trepidation and slid a hand soothingly over her hair. “I’m not Sir Lancelot. I’ve done my share of horror. Far more bad than good. The powers decided I couldn’t enter the pearly gates given my past. At least not yet.”

“Where will you go then?” Buffy bit her lip.

“Already there, luv.”

Overcome with emotion, Buffy sobbed. She roughly kissed him on the mouth. Afterward, she scrambled up and took his hand. She tugged him toward the hall.

“There’s someone else who will want to see you.”

Spike stiffened.

She rubbed his arm. “It’s all right, Spike.” She smiled. “I told her. I promised to tell her how great her daddy was, remember?”

Unsure, he continued. They entered the bedroom. It was exactly like what Buffy dreamed during her coma, girly with pink.

Spike stared at the slumbering child, full of wonder. Buffy knew if she didn’t do something he’d remain there on the other side of the room. She nudged him forward.

“Go say hi,” she urged.

He knelt down at the side of the toddler bed. “She’s so beautiful.”

“Looks like her father,” Buffy said fondly.

“She’s big.”

“She’ll be four in two months.” She paused. “You know, she isn’t made of glass. You can touch her and she doesn’t chip or scratch or anything.”

The vampire took his left hand up. He brushed a dirty-blond lock off his daughter’s face to get a full view of her angelic features. She suddenly stirred. He turned quickly to Buffy for aid as to what to do. All she did was smiled in encouragement.

Dawn opened her eyes. Blue met blue. It didn’t take long for one of them to take action. Dawn smiled warmly.
“Daddy?”

Spike’s eyes glistened. “That’s right, kitten.”

“You came home.”

“That I did.”

Her small arms reached out. Spike lowered himself to accept the embrace. Buffy watched the display with tenderness. She longed to come forward and enter the reunion as well. But she dared not move. She couldn’t risk breaking the perfect-ness of it all.

“Will you be here in the mornin?” Dawn questioned.

“Not going anywhere, nibblet,” Spike said. “Never again.”

“Good, cuz I’m tired.”

“Close your eyes then. Daddy will be here when you wake.”

She scooted over to make room on the bed. “Stay?”

He crawled up beside her. She cuddled against his chest with a smile. Spike looked across the room to Buffy, who hadn’t moved. That was all the incentive Buffy needed. She made her way over. She settled on the other side of Dawn.

It would have been a comical sight for any observer. The two adults barely fit on the edges of the children’s bed. Despite being on the verge to tumble off, they shared the most restful night of their existence.

Who knew what tomorrow would bring. It didn’t matter. Whatever it was they had each other to face it with.

_____________________________________________________

Thanks, everyone, for sticking around to the end. I love you all.

Now I’ll get to work on Second the First, sequel to Replay.