Buffy pulled the quilt over Spike’s sleeping form, smoothed his mussed hair back from his face and switched off the bedside lamp. She slowly walked across the unfamiliar room, the light from the corridor guiding her to the door.

As they had made their way back from the caves, Willow had called Angel to tell him they had found Spike. The ensouled vampire had rushed to their aid, carrying Spike easily to the mansion, which was closer than Giles’ apartment.

Buffy walked along the corridor from Spike’s room to the great hall, where she found Angel sitting, head lowered, in front of the fireplace. He looked up as she approached and forced a smile to his lips. “Is he ok?”

“He’ll live,” Buffy reassured him, then she frowned, “In the not living sense obviously.” She flopped down next to him on the couch, closing her eyes and resting her head back.

“How about you?” Angel asked, looking at her intently.

“I…” she sighed. “When all of this catches up with me, I’m going to cry for two days straight,” she managed without opening her eyes. “I’m ok actually. This has all been pretty routine, don’t you think?”

She turned her head to look at him and he raised an eyebrow. “Routine?”

“Well yeah. Friends in danger, torture, murder, weird hellmouth thing, vampires, my boyfriend turning into a homicidal maniac, more death… fairly average couple of days in the life of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”

“Buffy I’m…”

“No, it’s not your fault. I just wish this didn’t keep happening.” Buffy stared up at the ceiling.

“So do I,” Angel sighed sadly.

Buffy reached across and took his hand. “I’m sorry about Dru,” she said quietly, knowing that Drusilla’s death must be giving him considerable pain. In the last two days, three of the most important women in his life had died. Granted Faith wasn’t exactly gone, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t grieving. He had hurt her more than anyone. “We tried to stop her, but… well I think she wanted to prove to Spike that she still loved him, and was sorry for what she had done. Well at least that’s what I hope she was doing.”

Angel nodded. “Yeah. I think that’s what it was too. Once again however I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. You know, there are so many things you find you want to say to people when they’re not around anymore to hear them. Things I kept putting off saying to Darla, Drusilla, Spike, and Faith; things I really need to say. And then there’s you…”

Buffy sat up and looked directly at him. “What about me? Haven’t we said everything already?”

“Buffy I know there I things I’m not allowed to say to you anymore, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to say them. The idea that someday, something might happen to you I won’t be able to tell you how I feel…”

“So tell me now,” Buffy said, “and we won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“I love you Buffy. I told you once that in over 200 years, I’ve only ever loved you, and that’s as true today, as it was the day I said it. I want you to know, to believe that that is never going to change. We’re not the same people now as once we were; we don’t live in each other’s worlds anymore. You’re going to meet someone and fall in love and that’s good… you should do that… and deep, deep down, I want you to know that, I’ll be happy if you’re happy. Not ‘perfectly happy’ of course, ‘cause you won’t be with me… but I’ll be glad that you’ve found someone you can share your life with.”

“You weren’t happy about Riley,” Buffy interrupted, not knowing why she needed Angel’s input on the subject.

“No, well, that’s ‘cause he was an arrogant, insecure bastard, who attacked me and hurt you. Look I promise when you meet the right guy, I’ll be with you all the way, but Riley… can I ask what you actually saw in him?”

“He was the opposite of you. That made me feel safe,” Buffy murmured, finally able to tell Angel the truth about her former boyfriend.

“Did you love him?” Angel asked, unable to look at her in case she said yes.

“No I didn’t love him. I thought I might be able to, but there was something missing. I don’t know what.”

“Excitement maybe? I’m not talking about life and death stuff, ‘cause I’m sure you’ve had plenty of excitement in that area. I mean your heart didn’t skip when he entered the room, you didn’t spend hours thinking of seeing him, and you didn’t dream about things you might do together. His voice didn’t make your blood sing, and his kisses didn’t…”

“Alright, gees, enough already,” Buffy turned away embarrassed as she realized that Angel no longer moved her in those ways either. She loved him, a part of her always would, but things were different now. No she hadn’t been as excited by Riley as had been by the vampire sitting next to her. If she was truly honest the only man who had aroused those types of feelings in the last year and a half had been Sp…‘You can’t tell Angel that!’

She thought about what Angel had said about telling people things before it was too late. She needed to talk to Spike. When he woke up they were going to have a proper conversation, one they’d been avoiding for the past three and a half years.

***********************************

Anya snuggled next to Xander in bed, glad that Spike was safe and Riley was no longer a threat. They could try and get back to normal now. It wasn’t even late, but the events of the last few days had caught up on them, and they had given in to their bodies’ need for sleep. “Xander are you ok?”

“Yeah, why?” Xander replied holding her tight.

“Just, that it feels as though I’m going to snap in two any moment now.” Xander released her a little and she wriggled slightly trying to get comfortable.

“It just feels strange. Everything that’s happened. Riley going crazy ‘cause Buffy didn’t love him enough…” He stopped suddenly and turned his head to look down at her. “You know I love you right. I mean I do love you Anya and I don’t think I’ve ever said it, but it’s true. I love you.”

The former demon looked up at her boyfriend in wonder. “I don’t know what to say, I… Xander. I love you too.” She started to cry gently, tears of happiness coursing down her face. He held her beautiful face gently in his hands and softly kissed away all her tears. “I need you and I love you, Anya.”

She beamed up at him and laughed lightly. “Make love to me.”

***********************************

Tara flicked the switch and her small room was flooded with light. She and Willow entered exhausted and slumped down wearily on the bed. Their small black cat jumped up between them and purred softly, nestling into the covers.

“Are you sure everything’s alright Willow?” Tara asked, rolling over to face her girlfriend. Willow sat up and pulled the cat onto her lap, stroking her tenderly as she spoke, taking comfort from her warmth.

“Yeah. I don’t know why Buffy wouldn’t let me go get Oz, but she must have had a good reason. She said he wasn’t hurt, and that we should just go get him in the morning. She seemed to think he’d still be there.” Willow hadn’t argued with Buffy when she’d seen the look in her eyes. Something was strange, but it would probably be best all round if she never found out.

“But are you ok with Oz being here? If he stays, will it be…” Tara got up off the bed and started to tidy her desk. Her immaculately tidy desk. Willow looked at Tara puzzled, before realising that the other witch was still anxious about Willow’s feelings for Oz. She walked over to her girlfriend and slowly turned Tara to face her.

“Tara, I do love Oz. He’s a part of me. Like Xander’s a part of me. They make me, me. I couldn’t be who I am without them. So if Oz is back for good, that’ll be great, eventually. After all the weirdness goes away. There aren’t many people in the world that I love. Four actually, if you don’t count Giles who’s really more of a dad to us all… Buffy, Xander, Oz… and you Tara. Never think I don’t want to be with you. I love you.”

She leant forward, closing the gap between then and brushed Tara’s lips gently with her own.

****************************

It was nine o’clock when Spike awoke. He was disoriented at first, until he recognised his old room at the mansion. The one he’d lived in alone for months while Dru had been with Angel. The one in which he’d planned his Sire’s downfall. Spike didn’t regret it; Angelus had taken the most important thing in his unlife from him. He would never regret trying to keep Dru, trying to put things back to the way they had been.

‘If only I’d known then what I know now… How different would things be?’ he thought as he stared around the black room, his vampiric vision allowing him to see everything perfectly. The only thing he had actually regretted since that fateful night two and a half ago was leaving Buffy with a sword at her throat. If he’d realised then that he was in love with her, he’d have dropped Dru in a heap on the floor, and gone to Buffy’s aid. ‘Still, maybe things worked out for the best,’ he thought as he carefully sat up in the bed and switched on the bedside lamp.

As the light flooded the room he remembered. Dru was dead. She’d allowed herself to be killed to give Buffy some time to stop Riley. She’d sacrificed herself for him and she wanted him to be happy with Buffy. “Buffy,” he said aloud and pushed the covers off the bed, pulling on the black trousers and light grey jumper that Angel had thoughtfully left out for him. The trousers were a little too big, so Spike fished out a belt from the chest of drawers and then made his way out into the corridor. His wounds had healed quickly and the only reminder to him of his torture at Riley’s hands were the aches that followed him as he moved and the unwanted images that flashed through his brain.

Spike sent up a silent prayer of thanks to his Princess for helping him and Buffy, and hoped that she knew he forgave and loved her. Now all he had to do was talk to the woman he loved so completely. Buffy needed to know he loved her, even if she didn’t feel the same way.

He walked slowly into the great hall, unsure of what to say to either Buffy or Angel. They weren’t there. He stood in the doorway considering places that they might have gone to wait or rest when he heard someone shift on the couch. He smiled, thinking that Buffy must have fallen asleep and tiptoed across to his Slayer.

His eyes widened when he saw Buffy, curled in the arms of his Sire, fast asleep. They both looked so peaceful, so content and Spike felt as though his heart was being ripped in two. This was what she wanted. What she had always wanted. Angel not him. It would never be him. ‘You’re beneath her, remember?’ the demon inside him called out and Spike closed his eyes against the pain welling inside of him once more.

Spike walked quietly backwards out of the room, careful not to disturb the sleeping pair. Once he reached his bedroom he picked up his duster and put it on, before running out of the mansion into the night, before the tears he had been holding back since Dru died, started to fall.

*****************************

Buffy awoke slowly and nuzzled her head into Spike’s neck. “Mmmm,” she groaned trying to get closer, running her hand up his chest and then around his side to hold him tightly to her. She pressed a kiss against his neck, liking the cool feel of his skin against her lips. “Spike,” she moaned, leaning up so that he could kiss her.

“Uh, Buffy?” Angel said, confused as to the Slayer’s behaviour. He was tying his hardest not to react to her, but if she kept wriggling like that…

Buffy’s eyes shot open and she stared at Angel. ‘Oh God! What did I do? What did I say?’ She pushed herself up away from him and rubbed her hands over her face. “Hey. Sorry about falling asleep on you. Don’t know what… I mean, I must have been really tired.”

Angel sat up next to her and nodded. If she didn’t want to tell him why she’d been moaning Spike’s name, he wasn’t about to ask. “Are you ok?” he asked instead.

“Me? I’m fine. Fine, fine, Buffy’s fine,” she rambled, jumping up away from him. This was all too confusing. She didn’t see Angel’s smile as she turned away. “Uh, what time is it?” she asked, leaning over and grabbing his wrist to look at his watch. “Half nine. Two and a half hours sleep. Do you think I should check on him?”

Angel had to bite his lip to keep from smiling this time. He was afraid to answer her in case he burst out laughing. ‘She’d probably die of shock if you laughed, pal,’ his mind called out to him and his resolve weakened. As quickly as he could he stood, turning away to hide the enormous grin that covered his face. “Yeah. Why don’t you go and sit with him for a while,” he said eventually, getting himself under control. He turned back to her, his usual brooding countenance once again in place.

Buffy looked at him quickly and then walked to Spike’s bedroom, hating that she might have hurt Angel. “But you are going to hurt him, idiot. He’s going to find out. You should tell him,” she muttered to herself as she pushed open the bedroom door. The bedside lamp was switched on but Spike wasn’t in the bed. Buffy looked around agitatedly. The clothes Angel had found for Spike were missing, as was his beloved duster, which Beth had brought earlier. “Spike?” she called, walking out into the hall, “Spike?”

Angel heard her calling and walked quickly to find her. “Buffy. What’s wrong? Where’s Spike?”

“I don’t know. He’s not in there and his clothes are gone.”

Angel could hear the worry in her voice. Spike would undoubtedly be feeling better than he had been earlier, but he still wasn’t back to his old self. “Don’t worry, we’ll find him.”

Buffy shook her head and walked back through the great hall and out into the conservatory. She noticed that the gate at the top of the stairs was standing open and she could see the moon shining brightly through the arch.

“Oh no. Angel,” she called and the vampire was beside her in a second. “He went out. We have to look for him. He must have seen us on the couch and…” Buffy was talking quietly to herself, but Angel understood where her fear stemmed from. “We’ll search,” he said patting her shoulder gently. Her eyes filled with tears and he cursed. Once he had been so good at comforting her, hadn’t he? “I’ll get my coat,” he said quickly and turned back towards the house. When he returned with his coat however, Buffy was gone.

**********************************

Spike was miserable. He sat at the piano on stage at the Bronze, letting all of his feelings tumble out one after another. The blonde vampire had walked the streets for a couple of hours, not really knowing where he was going or caring what happened to him. Eventually he had found himself outside Sunnydale’s only club, which by that time had closed for the night. He had broken in, determined to drink the place out of alcohol, but when he had saw the piano at the side of the stage he decided to take the long route to the bar.

Now as he thought about the night’s events, he pounded the keys harder. He had done the one thing he had promised himself he would never do over the last three months. He had hurt Buffy. He remembered the look on her face as she watched him kill Riley. She’d never forgive him for that.

Buffy heard the soft music as she entered, keeping to the shadows so that Spike wouldn’t see her. But the undead Englishman was engrossed. Buffy moved closer.

He could smell her. It felt as though she were right there with him. How long had he felt like this? It seemed as though she had always been with him; always been part of him. His fingers moved over the keys without his bidding, as the words tumbled passionately from his mouth.

“She may be the face I can’t forget,

May be my treasure or the price I have to pay.

She may be the song that summer sings,

May be the chill that autumn brings,

May be a hundred different things,

Within the measure of a day.

She may be the beauty, or the beast,

May be the famine or the feast,

May turn each day into a heaven or a hell.

She may be the mirror of my dream,

A smile reflected in the stream,

She may not be what she may seem,

Inside her. She.

She, who always seems so happy in a crowd,

Who’s eyes can be so private and so proud,

No one’s allowed to see them when they cry.

She may be the love that cannot hope to last,

May come to me from shadows of the past,

That I remember ‘til the day I die.

She may be the reason I survive,

The why and wherefore I’m alive,

The one I’ll care for through the rough and ready years.

Me, I’ll take her laughter and her tears,

And make them all my souvenirs,

For where she goes I’ve got to be,

The meaning of my life is she.”

Buffy could hardly breathe as Spike’s fingers wove magic over the keys during the instrumental section. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest; the blood rushing in her ears. Who was he singing to? And he was definitely singing to someone. Did he still love Dru that much?

“She may be the reason I survive,

The why and wherefore I’m alive,

The one I’ll care for through the rough and ready years.

Me, I’ll take her laughter and her tears,

And make them all my souvenirs,

For where she goes I’ve got to be,

The meaning of my life is she.”

As the song ended, Spike turned his head involuntarily towards Buffy who was standing at the edge of the dance floor. “Buffy!” He jumped up quickly, knocking over the stool in his haste. She had heard it all. Spike ran.

Buffy opened her mouth to call him back but it was too late; Spike had ran out of the back exit. Buffy gave chase.

“Spike!” she shouted, angry that he kept running from this; that they both kept running.

He slowed. Stopped. It was time to face it. Time to tell the truth. She deserved to know. Deserved an apology for the way he had acted earlier. But he didn’t know how he could do it.

“What now Slayer? Another meaningful conversation in an alley? Isn’t this getting a little old?”

“This is about Dru isn’t it. You’re still in love with her,” Buffy said gently. “I know it hurts but eventually…”

Spike still had his back to her and he smiled sadly. “Alright love. If you like, it’s about Dru.”

Buffy winced slightly. ‘You wanted him to say it was about you, didn’t you?’ her mind whispered. “Are you alright?” she asked aloud.

He turned around to face her. ‘No, I’m not alright, you stupid bitch! You’re standing ten feet away from me, and all I want to do of grab you and kiss you and shag you into the ground, ‘cause I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t make love to you soon!’ He really couldn’t say that. He searched for a neutral topic. “How’s your mum?”

“What?” Buffy was surprised by the question.

“Your mum. Joyce. How is she?”

“She’s doin’ ok. Getting better.”

“That’s good.” He spoke sincerely. He liked Joyce. “I, uh, have a present for her, if she’d like it.”

Buffy nodded, unsure what to say next. He’d never answered her question. She tried again. “Are you ok?”

Spike laughed. At least she’d lost none of her determination.

“Me?” he asked quietly, astounded that she was thinking of him at such a time. “How are you?”

It was Buffy’s turn to be shocked. “What?”

“Riley. Are you alright?”

Buffy nodded slightly, confused.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t lie. You hated him.”

“Yes, but I’m sorry it happened like that. I knew when I saw your face… Please, you have to believe I never wanted to hurt you.” He walked a little down the alley away from her. “I couldn’t do that. Not now,” he started to laugh, “Funny ain’t it? Spike, the badass vamp, with a chip in his head and a chip on his shoulder, not being able to say, I love you.”

“What?” Buffy asked softly. Was he really saying this?

“I love you. William the Bloody. Slayer of Slayers. I’m in love with you.” He rolled his eyes and threw his arms in the air in defeat. “Just kill me!”

“You love me?” Hearing it was infinitely more satisfying than suspecting it. She felt a warm glow in her stomach.

“I love you. And I hate it. I hate it and I hate myself for it, ‘cause I can’t hate you. I love you. And seeing you with Riley, that was a thousand times worse than Angel, ‘cause at least I knew that was true love. You’ve haunted me for three and a half years, and now I’m here and I can see you everyday and it’s hell, because I can’t touch you, or hold you. And up ‘til now, I couldn’t even tell you how I felt. And that… song, that was the only way I could say it. The only way I could tell the truth. ‘Cause the truth, that scares me.”

He stared at her for moment, scared and confused, before he seemed to realise what he had done, what he was saying. “Shit!” He turned and ran quickly down the alley before Buffy could stop him.

*****************************

“Will, it’s me. I need to talk to you,” Buffy was bouncing nervously on the spot outside Willow and Tara’s dorm-room. Her sharp knock had disturbed the two witches who were trying, once again, to de-rat Amy Madison.

Willow opened the door quickly, realising from her friend’s tone, that there was little time before Buffy simply kicked the door down. “What is it? What’s wrong?” Willow asked standing aside and allowing Buffy to pass by her. Tara saw Buffy’s agitation and decided to leave the two best friends alone. “I’ll be in the library if you need me,” she said, picking up her bag and history texts, and giving Willow’s hand an understanding squeeze as she passed.

As the door closed behind Tara, Willow turned anxiously to Buffy, her own fear heightened by Buffy’s tension. “Buffy, are you ok? Has something else happened? Tell me.”

“He loves me!” Buffy spluttered quickly, sitting down on the bed for a moment, before standing again and pacing the room.

“Who?” Willow asked, feeling as though she’d joined the conversation half way through.

“Spike, of course!” Buffy was almost yelling. She didn’t know what to do, or say, or think, or feel, or how to react.

“Of course,” Willow breathed, finally understanding.

“Is that all you have to say? Nothing else? No, ‘what’s he thinking Buffy’? Or, ‘what’re you thinking, Buffy’? No exclamations of, ‘Oh My Good God’? ‘Cause I really think that’s what I need right now. Not understanding acceptance!” Buffy was gesturing wilding with her hands. She had thought that it would be easy to deal with. Finding out Spike’s true feelings had been one of main priorities. But hearing him say the words and watching him get so confused by his own feelings… Him. Who was always in control, who always knew what was going on. If he didn’t know, how was she supposed to know?

“But it’s easy to understand, isn’t it?” Willow smiled, stopping her friend’s pacing and putting her hands on Buffy’s shoulders. The Slayer stared at her, her face showing Willow that it certainly wasn’t easy to understand. “It’s not?” Willow said, her own forehead now wrinkling in confusion. “But you said you said you had feelings for him.”

“Feelings that he’s incredibly afraid of… God!… I need him to understand; I thought he did. One of us has to.”

“Understand what?” Willow asked, losing the thread again.

“US!” Buffy really was shouting now.

“Alright Buffy. I think we need to sit down and start this again, ‘cause you lost me.” Willow pulled Buffy over to the couch and they sat down. Buffy took a couple of deep breaths, while Willow tried to remove the confused look from her face. “Start from the beginning and keep going ‘til the end and then I’ll speak, ‘kay?”

Buffy nodded and started to tell Willow everything she’d ever felt about Spike, from the moment she saw him in the alley behind the Bronze three and a half years ago, to the conversation they had had earlier, in the exact same place. She told her about the arousal, the initial fear, the thrill of excitement and the pleasure of spending any time in his company. She explained his ability to read her like a book and understand all her inner most thoughts and feelings, and how his behaviour had changed towards her in the last few months. She detailed the night they’d spent together a few weeks back when she’d forced him to tell her about the Slayers he killed and he’d forced her to realise that there wasn’t any way of fighting it, that one day she’d want to give in. She paid particular attention to the fact that he hadn’t killed her and how complex their relationship had been ever since.

“Wow!” Willow sighed when Buffy had finished, finally seeing the cause of her friend’s confusion.

“Tell me about it,” Buffy said, burying her face in her hands.

“Buffy… do you love him?” That was the only thing Willow really needed to know. She knew Buffy and secretly she had thought for a while that Spike would be incredibly good for her friend. Buffy needed someone who would love her absolutely and stand by her no matter what, but also someone who would stand up to her and fight with her when she needed it. And Spike wasn’t really that bad, was he? ‘I mean he’s got a lot going for him. Handsome, smart, strong, funny… there are others… I just can’t think of them all right now!’ Willow thought.

Buffy looked across at her best friend and knew that Willow at least would understand. “I do. I do love him.”

Willow exhaled loudly and smiled. “Then that’s all that’s important. Buffy, do you remember what you told me, your first day here? ‘Life is short. Seize the day ‘cause tomorrow you might be dead.’” Willow quoted. “If you think you have a chance at a moment’s happiness… then go for it.” Willow squeezed Buffy’s hand tightly, reassuring the young Slayer that she would always be there for her.

“Thank you,” Buffy said, her eyes misting and her throat choked with tears. She and Willow hugged for a few minutes before Buffy pulled herself together and stood. “I really should go; there are a few other people I should see before I do this.”

Willow nodded and walked with her to the door. She gave Buffy another quick hug and then whispered with a devilish grin, “Ring me with the details!”

*************************************

Buffy took a deep breath and knocked on the door of Xander’s apartment. She had gone to Willow first, not only because she was her best friend, but also because Buffy knew that of all the people she needed to talk to, Willow would be the most understanding. Xander on the other hand would be least understanding. Well probably Angel would be least, but Xander was right up there with him in intolerant heaven. ‘Now Buffy, he has good reason,’ she scolded herself, knowing that Xander truly cared about what happened to her.

Anya opened the door and waved Buffy inside, her expression telling the Slayer that she was not at all happy about her being there. “Hey Buff,” Xander called appearing in the doorway of the master bedroom, “What’s up?”

“We were in bed,” Anya stated, and Buffy raised her eyebrows at the pair and smiled.

“Then I’ll leave you to it,” she said turning back to front door. “I just thought you might like to know that Spike’s in love with me.”

“What?” Xander shouted, stepping in front of Buffy so that she couldn’t leave. “Fang-face? Deadboy Junior? We are talking about Spike right? Our Spike? Vampire, blonde hair?”

“Yes Xander, our Spike. He loves me.” Buffy was enjoying causing someone else some confusion for a change.

Xander opened his mouth and then closed it again immediately. He stared at Buffy, not knowing exactly what to say next. Anya rolled her eyes and sighed, accepting that she and Xander were never going to get back to where they had been earlier. “Well, duh. Wasn’t that obvious?”

“What?” Both Buffy and Xander turned to Anya at the same time.

“What? You know now, so what does it matter if I knew?” Anya shrugged and went into the kitchen, leaving the two friends alone.

Xander looked down at Buffy again and saw she was expertly avoiding his gaze. That could only mean one thing. “You love him too, don’t you?”

Buffy looked up at Xander startled and knew he wasn’t going to like it, but he deserved the truth. “Yes.”

A thousand and one thoughts flashed through Xander’s mind as he tried to find the right thing to say to show her how he felt. ‘What? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? He’s evil. He’s tried to kill you. He’s tried to kill me… and Willow. He’s your mortal enemy. He’s a vampire. You’re a Vampire Slayer. Didn’t you learn anything with Angel? He’s just going to hurt you…’

As he looked at her though, he realised that there was only really one thing he could say. “If he ever hurts you Buffy, I’ll kill him.”

Buffy’s eyes widened as she realised that Xander was giving her his blessing. Her face broke into a huge smile and she thanked God that she’d been given such good friends. She threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly and he hugged back twice as hard. “Thank you Xander. You’ll never know how much this means to me,” she whispered softly, the tears returning to her eyes.

“Yeah well,” Xander smiled slightly, embarrassed.

“I think it’s great!” Anya shouted from the kitchen. Buffy and Xander laughed slightly to each other at Anya’s forceful words. “I hope you’ll be very happy,” she said, returning from the kitchen with a cup of coffee, “And I promise that, one day, when you and Spike are in the middle of some hot, sweaty, incredible sex, I’ll come and knock on your door and disturb you.”

Buffy laughed and gave Xander a quick kiss on the cheek. “When Spike and I are in the middle of hot, sweaty, incredible sex,” Buffy said opening the front door, “We won’t answer.”

*************************************

Giles frowned, concerned, at the expression on Buffy’s face when he opened the door to her. She moved past him into the apartment with a tight smile and walked over to sit on the couch. Giles removed his glasses and placed then on his desk before joining her. He waited for her to speak, knowing that whatever it was, was causing her considerable torment, by the fact that she was chewing on her bottom lip. He smiled reassuringly at her and she started to cry.

Giles looked at her bemused for a moment before hugging her to him. She cried softly in his arms for a few minutes before the tears started to recede. He passed her a handkerchief and she blew her nose, wiping the tears from her face with the backs of her hands. As she had predicted, the events of the last few days had eventually caught up with her and the fatherly expression on Giles’ face had pushed over the edge.

As she continued to sniffle quietly, Giles went into the kitchen and made a pot of tea. Neither spoke until he was again seated next to her on the couch.

“I’m sorry Giles. You must think I’m pretty dumb. After all I’ve seen and faced, the last couple of days shouldn’t really have much of an effect on me.”

“Nonsense,” Giles admonished gently, passing her a mug and offering her a biscuit. “These past few days have been hard on all of us, but you most especially.”

“No, I think I’m way down the list. Faith, Spike, Angel… it’s been worse for them.”

“Yes it has, but you’ve had a lot to deal with, new emotions running through you and the stress is finally catching up. And all that business with Riley…” Giles wasn’t exactly sure how best to help her with that.

“Right, Riley. The worst part is, I’m not going to miss it. I mean, sure, sometimes I’m gonna look around and think, where’s Riley? But after all he did… Kinda put things in perspective.” Buffy swallowed audibly, knowing that if Giles said no, there was no way she could be with Spike. As much as she cared about the vampire, she didn’t want to do anything to hurt Giles. She needed him more than anyone; loved him like a father. He had allowed her to be with Angel, as he knew how much she loved him. But it had been an unwilling acceptance because of all that had happened in the past.

Buffy put her mug down on the coffee table and turned to face her Watcher. “Giles, I need to tell you something. And you’re not going to like it and I’m sorry if it hurts you, but I want you to be completely honest, and trust that I won’t do anything to hurt you.”

Giles put his own mug down, bracing himself for whatever news Buffy was going to impart.

“Spike loves me. And I think, I love him.”

Giles stared at her for a minute unmoving, and Buffy started to worry. “Giles? Giles are you ok?”

As she moved a little closer to him, Giles snapped out of his trance like state and started to laugh. Buffy gaped at him as he continued to shake with laughter. Tears were streaming down his face and he gripped his sides as the laughter caused an ache in his chest.

The Slayer continued to stare at him, shocked and concerned, until Giles saw the look on her face and calmed himself. “Oh Buffy, I’m sorry. It’s just that I was prepared for something so much worse than that.” He hiccupped as his laughter died down and then took her small hands in his. “Buffy I’m not going to tell you what you can and can’t do. You should know by now that all I want is your happiness. If you think that you will be happy with Spike, then I’m sure that everyone will try their hardest to accept it.”

“Are you disappointed?” Buffy whispered, her throat restricting again as the tears threatened once more.

“Oh no Buffy, I could never be disappointed in you. I’ve been thinking for a couple of days that Spike would be just what you need, which is a longer story than I think we have time for now. It won’t be easy. I seem to remember you two fighting constantly last time when you weren’t, um… but I think that’ll it’ll work out better than all the rest.”

Impulsively, Buffy threw herself into Giles’ arms and hugged him close. “Thank you,” she whispered, before adding something she’d been meaning to say for at least a year. “Giles… last time, with Spike… I said something to you, which I’ve meant to say again a hundred times, but never found the opportunity. You’re my family Giles. That thing about you giving me away… It wasn’t because of a spell. It’s because if it ever really happened, you would be the one I’d want there with me. I have a father. A million miles away, I have a father I haven’t seen for three years. And maybe he loves me just as much as my mom keeps telling me he does. But you’re my dad Giles. You’ll always be my dad. And I love you.”

*************************************

Spike’s mind was racing with the events of the last few days. He unleashed his pent up anger and frustration, through wilful destruction of public property. He broke into several of the stores on the high-street, glad that the chip was restricted to harming humans, and proceeded to tear them apart. He carefully avoided Giles’ magic shop, knowing that part of it would smell of the Slayer and needing to avoid temptation at all costs.

“How could I have said that? Why did I tell her? Idiot!” he muttered to himself as he walked through Sunnydale’s streets once more, his fists finding willing targets in car-windows, trying to take pleasure in scaring the local population by openly wearing his game-face.

Eventually he found himself outside the mansion once more and, sighing, let himself quietly in through the front door. He couldn’t see Angel anywhere, for which he was extremely grateful. He had no wish to talk to his Sire, feeling that he might end up either ripping Angel’s arms off, or as a big pile of dust.

As he made his way down the corridor that led to his old bedroom, he saw a girl standing by the wall-length window, gazing out into the garden. “Faith?”

The girl turned at the sound of her name and she smiled slightly at him. “Hey. Where’ve you been? Angel’s out looking for you.” He nodded faintly and she turned back to the window.

“Are, uh, you alright?” he asked moving closer, leaning back against the wall so he could see her face. She didn’t answer and he frowned. “Do you think Riley was the big evil, or do you think there’s worse to come? ‘Cause I don’t think I can take much more.”

Faith smiled again. “I don’t think it was about evil after all,” she answered cryptically and Spike didn’t press for a bigger explanation.

They stood in silence for a few moments before Spike came to a decision. ‘You are about to make the biggest mistake of your unlife,’ he told himself, but he knew that it was the only thing he could do.

“Faith, um, I want you to try and do something for me.”

Faith turned fully to face him, her eyes wide. “Look Spike, I know you’re a hottie and we’re both dead, but I don’t think that B would…”

“Not that!” Spike shouted quickly, feeling slightly embarrassed but also considerably flattered by her words. “It’s a spell. For Angel. A restoration spell for the curse, without any strings attached.”

Faith frowned slightly, before the implications of Spike’s words hit her full force. “He could be with B,” she whispered and Spike nodded imperceptibly. Faith recognised the pain in his eyes as the same feeling welled up inside her. “You must love her a lot.”

Spike smiled sadly and closed his eyes. “Enough to want her happy. Even if it is with that souled wanker.”

Faith nodded in agreement and sighed. She was going to be tied to Buffy forever and if she did this she’d have to watch Buffy and Angel live together happily until Buffy’s death and her own release.

“Where do you want me to start?”

*************************************

Buffy took a short cut through the cemetery, back to the mansion. As she neared the exit she spotted Angel walking towards her along another path. “Buffy,” he called out as he noticed her and she braced herself. She had to tell him now.

“Angel, hey. Did you see Spike?”

“No. You?”

Buffy nodded, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah I saw him. He was at the Bronze.” Buffy took a deep breath and opened her mouth to speak when Angel spoke.

“He loves you Buffy. Did you tell him you were in love with him?”

Buffy stared shocked at her former lover, then wrinkled her forehead in confusion. “You know?”

Angel smiled and tilted his head to the side, “Pretty obvious wouldn’t you say?”

“Why does everyone keep saying that? It wasn’t obvious to me. It’s crazy!” she ranted.

Angel continued to smile at her, laughing slightly at her behaviour. “Well everyone on this side of the fence can see the electricity. I guess you couldn’t ‘cause you were in the middle of it.”

Buffy slumped to the ground and Angel sat down beside her, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. “I thought you’d be mad,” she said at length, still unable to look him in the eye.

“Why? Because he’s my Childe? Because he beat with a crowbar? Because he chained me up and had red-hot pokers shoved through me chest? Or because he’s a cocky bastard, who hates my guts?”

Buffy laughed and looked up at him. “All of the above,” she murmured.

“Well I think we can work something out,” Angel told her. “I want you to be happy.”

“Everyone keeps saying that too,” Buffy said wryly. “Makes me sorry that I’m such a bitch most of the time.”

Angel laughed again and pulled her to her feet. “Well you’ve met your match with Spike there. You know he’s not going to take any crap when you get all sulky and spoilt.”

Buffy punched him lightly in the stomach. “Hey! I’m not that bad.”

“No, you’re not,” Angel agreed, bending and kissing her gently on the top of her head.

*************************************

Buffy pushed open the door to Spike’s crypt nervously; glad she’d been able to talk to Angel. All of her friends had told her to do this and be happy. She was thoroughly determined that this time she would be. “Spike?” she called softly, hopping down the steps into the main part of Spike’s ‘home’.

“He’s not here,” Beth replied, not looking up from her task. Buffy looked across to find Spike’s sister standing by the bed, carefully packing a small bag. “He’s at the mansion.”

“No he’s not,” Buffy told her, walking across to the vampiress. Beth turned and saw Buffy, her quizzical look reminding the Slayer forcefully of the vampire she had come to see.

“Buffy. You know I thought this was all going to go a little differently. Not quite so much torture,” Beth said, needing to finally tell the Slayer what she’d come all the way from England to say. “My brother loves you very much Miss Summers. He’s been sending me letters about you for the longest time. Recent ones have given me a little more cause for concern, but like I said the other day, I like you. What I’ve seen of you anyway. You should give him a chance to prove himself. To prove he loves you.”

“I know he does. He told me earlier. And I do want to give him a chance,” Buffy informed the elder woman firmly. Beth smiled brightly at Buffy’s words and took two steps to pull the Slayer into an embrace. “Thank God,” she whispered. “I know you’re going to be so happy.” Buffy smiled and returned the hug.

As Beth moved away again she remembered one more thing she needed to say to the Slayer. “If you hurt him, I’ll kill you in the most violent way known to man. Understand?”

Buffy nodded quickly and reassured the vampiress, “I won’t hurt him. I promise.”

*************************************

The next morning Buffy and her friends gathered at Giles’ apartment for a late breakfast. Buffy had been unable to find Spike again the previous night and had returned home in the early hours of the morning to shower and change. Once the sun rose she gave up hope of finding Spike easily before that night and grabbed a couple of hours sleep, before heading to her Watcher’s home.

As the Scooby Gang sat at Giles’ dining table, talking animatedly about nothing in particular, all avoiding the subject of Spike in order to try and keep Buffy in equilibrium, there was a loud knock at the door. The nine occupants all looked at each other, before Giles jumped up and moved to open to the door.

“Uh, hey, Mr Giles? Is, uh, is Oz here?” the young man asked the former school librarian.

“Devon,” Oz said standing and crossing to his friend.

Giles stepped away from the entrance and the lead singer of ‘Dingoes Ate My Baby’ entered the small apartment.

“Hey man. Oh, I’m sorry if I interrupted your breakfast. I can come back,” he said gesturing towards the door.

“No. It’s ok,” Oz stopped him, “I’m not eating. I’m surprisingly full this morning actually. It’s interesting.”

Buffy started to choke on her orange juice and moved nervously in her seat.

“Well I just came to ask if you’d thought about comin’ back to the band. We really need you Oz,” Devon told the werewolf, placing a hand on Oz’s shoulder.

“Oooo,” Willow cried excitedly, jumping from her seat. “Yes. Oz. Then you can stay.”

Oz looked at his former girlfriend and smiled. “I don’t know Will. Thinks might get awkward…”

“Only for a while. And besides, we all want you to stay. Don’t we?” she asked, looking over at her friends.

“Oh, absolutely,” they chorused. Willow grinned foolishly and clasped her hands together in front of her.

“Ok. Count me in,” he said turning back to Devon.

“Actually man, we have this tour thing coming up… If you want to stay in Sunnydale, then you shouldn’t…”

Oz turned back to Willow. “If we write, when I get back, things won’t be weird. It won’t be forever.”

She smiled, knowing that Oz missed his friends and playing with the ‘Dingoes’.

“You better write everyday Daniel Osborne.”

“I promise Willow Rosenberg.”

*************************************

“Have you seen Faith?” Angel asked Buffy as she entered the mansion that evening. When Angel had returned from searching for Spike, he had found neither his Childe nor Faith in residence, and he was starting to get worried.

“I haven’t seen her since last night, why?” Buffy asked anxiously, seeing the quick flash of fear, which crossed his face. Angel was usually in perfect control of his emotions. Recently however they had been kept near the surface, especially where Faith and Spike were concerned.

“Is Spike here?” Buffy asked moving closer. She’d gone straight to the mansion as soon as the sun had set, in the hope that Spike had, or would return there. Beth was waiting at the crypt and had instructions to call Buffy the minute Spike showed up.

“No he hasn’t come back,” Angel said gently, watching as disappointment filled Buffy’s face.

“Yes he has,” the voice in the doorway disturbed both vampire and Slayer and they spun to face the Englishman. “And he’s brought you a present,” he said carefully, making sure neither one noticed any form of emotion behind the words. “Well it was Faith really, but… well I commissioned it.”

Buffy stared intently at the blonde vampire as he crossed the room slowly to where they stood, while Angel looked behind Spike for Faith. “Where is she?” he asked when she didn’t appear.

“Graveyard,” Spike answered his Sire without taking his eyes off Buffy.

Angel glanced between the two and then turned back to Buffy. “I’m going to find her. You gonna be ok?”

Buffy nodded slightly, her gaze still on her mortal enemy, and Angel disappeared out into the evening dark, without either vampire or Slayer noticing.

They stared at each other for a few minutes, neither saying a word. Spike was trying to remember every detail. This would probably be the last time he would see her. Once he’d given her the restoration spell he was leaving. Leaving Sunnyhell and all the painful memories. Buffy was trying to find the courage to tell Spike that she was ready to face what was between them. She needed to tell him that she cared about him, needed him. Loved him. “Spike…”

“Buffy…” They spoke at the same time, stopping and breaking the tension with slight laughter. “Please let me go first,” Spike said, knowing that if she started to talk he’d rip the damn spell up and pretend it never existed. ‘And why don’t you? Neither you nor Faith wants this, and what they don’t know can’t hurt them.’ But Spike couldn’t do it. He had to let her make her own decisions.

“Before she died, Dru told me about this spell,” he began in a rush; fishing the piece of paper Faith had brought him out of his duster pocket. “I asked Faith to try and find it for me… you know, using whatever she can now she’s whatever she is. Wasn’t hard to find actually. Just that no-one ever looked for it.”

Spike stopped and looked across at Buffy. She was staring at him, a frown marring her beautiful face. Spike inhaled sharply and wondered for a minute if he could go through with this. ‘Do you know what you’re about to throw away? When did you turn into such a bloody poof?! Idiot! Just grab ‘er for God’s sake.’

“It’s a restoration spell, for Angel. Well, you’ll want to use it on Angel. And there’s… there’s,” Spike’s voice faded away as he looked at her. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t.

They were standing so close. His arms came up of their own volition and pulled her to him. Her eyes displayed a moment of surprise before they filled with a desperate need. “Spike,” she whispered, putting her own arms around him, moving closer.

He lowered his mouth to hers and for a moment, as he held her close and moved his lips over hers, he experienced a bliss like no other. He tasted heaven for the first time in his existence.

But once again he pushed back the temptation, slowly drawing back to look into her flushed face. She blinked her heavy lids open and looked up at him. Then she smiled and for a moment his resolve weakened, but he fought it. “Buffy. This spell… there’s no strings. No ‘one moments perfect happiness’ crap. You can be with Angel. Forever.”

“What?” Buffy was having trouble understanding what Spike was talking about. ‘He kissed me,’ she thought, ‘Wow, he really… and it was… wow!’ She raised a hand to her lips and smiled, ‘Even better than last time.’

“Buffy, are you listening to me?” Spike asked stepping away from her. “Buffy?” he shook her gently and her gaze snapped up to his. “Sorry,” she said, shaking her head to remove all traces of light-headedness, “What did you say?”

Spike sighed. He wasn’t sure he could say it again. She hadn’t listened. Tough.

“This restoration spell for Angel. There aren’t any conditions. Once he gets his soul, it’ll be there forever. And then you and Angel can be together.”

Buffy’s eyes widened in shock. “Spike? You… What… I don’t…” She stopped and took a deep breath, unintelligible thoughts flying round her head. “An irremovable soul?” Spike nodded, his face not betraying the slightest emotion. “And you’re giving it to me?” He nodded again. “Why?”

Spike frowned. “It’s what you want, isn’t it? You and Angel, perfect love, forever, blah bloody blah.”

Buffy started to laugh. Wild, hysterical laughter, she couldn’t control. She’d finally found a way to put Angel behind her and move on, finally found someone she truly wanted to be with, and he was letting her go before they’d even come together.

Spike continued to frown at her. He’d imagined a lot of things, a lot of reactions, but laughter had never been one of them. “Aren’t you going to say thank you?” he asked, becoming annoyed with both her and himself. He watched her, imagining that she must be extremely happy, glad in one way that he had been the ‘cause, devastated in another that she’d never want him that much.

Buffy didn’t hear Spike. All she could hear was her own laughter in her ears and a tiny voice telling her to quickly reassure the blonde vampire before her. She tried to control the laughter, wiping the tears from her eyes and taking deep breaths to steady herself.

Spike couldn’t bear it any longer. He pushed the spell forcefully into her hands and turned away, walking quickly through the conservatory, into the night and out of Sunnydale, before Buffy could say a word.

*************************************

Angel couldn’t find Faith. ‘Graveyard’ in Sunnydale didn’t exactly narrow the field a great deal. He’d searched eight of the twelve before Buffy caught up with him. “Angel!” she screamed, running towards him, her face tortured, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“What? Buffy what’s wrong?” Angel asked urgently, catching her as she collapsed forward onto him.

“He’s gone,” she choked out desperately. “He gave me this and then he left.” That was all she able to say before she dissolved into shaky tears once more. Buffy had gone immediately to Spike’s crypt following his departure from the mansion. Beth however had told the young Slayer that Spike had been to see her earlier and had said he was leaving town as soon as he had given Buffy something.

Angel held her tightly, wanting to know what ‘this’ was, and why Spike thought it necessary to leave. “Buffy,” he asked softly. “Did you tell him you love him?”

She shook her head, unable to form any words. Her crying became even more intense and Angel decided to leave it for the moment. She needed her friends. He scooped her up in his arms and carried her quickly to Giles’ apartment. He kicked the door open, unable to knock and unwilling to let go.

The inhabitants of the small room jumped violently as the door crashed open. When Giles saw Angel carrying a shattered Buffy he strode quickly to him and took the younger girl in his arms. She went willingly, clinging to him as he tried to soothe her. “What happened?” he asked Angel over Buffy’s head.

The vampire shook his head slightly to indicate that he didn’t really know. “She said something about Spike leaving. They were at the mansion, I went to look for Faith and then Buffy came running up. She said he gave her something and then left.”

Giles glanced down at the paper clenched tightly in Buffy’s hand and reached down to take it from her. Willow approached to comfort her best friend as Giles carefully unfolded the paper and read.

“Good Lord!” he exclaimed as he read the ancient spell. “It’s a restoration spell. Rather old, probably one of the first ever produced.” He read the whole spell completely and then re-read it to make sure he wasn’t daydreaming. “It’s permanent,” he said simply when he’d finished.

“What?” Angel grabbed the piece of paper from Giles and quickly skimmed through the text. “A permanent soul,” he whispered, finishing the spell and laying it carefully on the table.

“You and Buffy could be together,” Xander exclaimed, not really knowing the reason for drawing attention to the fact. Anya frowned at her boyfriend, “Xander. I think they realise. Why else is she crying?”

“But it’s a good thing right?” he said confused, before remembering Buffy’s disclosures of the previous night. “Oh.”

Willow hugged Buffy tightly. She could imagine the pain her friend must be in. When Oz had left the year before she had felt as though her world had been torn apart. “Buffy? Do you want to sit down?” Buffy didn’t answer, but she allowed herself to be led to the couch. The Scooby gang all looked at the Slayer, then at each other. They didn’t know what to do to make things right.

Eventually Buffy calmed and looked around at her friends. As she saw their worried faces she decided it would be easier to deal with one thing at a time. She stared up at Angel and his eyes locked with hers, searching, questioning. Finally she nodded. “Do the spell.”

*************************************

Faith sat on the edge of the loading docks, wondering what would happen if she jumped in. Angel would have the spell by now. He may even have his soul for all she knew. He and Buffy could be happy, and she was going to spend the rest of her death miserable. ‘Is this my punishment? More effective than hell, I suppose.’

She sat, lost in her thoughts and didn’t hear the small blonde Slayer approach. “Mind if I sit here?” Buffy asked, not waiting for an answer and sitting down next to the younger girl. Faith swallowed. She didn’t know what to say. She’d known that sooner or later she’d have to face Buffy, but she had been praying for later. Way later. “B… uh, where’s Angel?”

“Nice and casual Faith,” Buffy said, smiling at her friend, “You want to tell me why you found that curse?”

“Spike asked me to find it. He wanted you to be happy,” Faith said factually, not wanting to get into the details of why she had done what she had.

“But you love Angel,” Buffy said matter-of-factly, gazing out over the ocean. “Didn’t you want to try and keep him for yourself?”

Faith turned sharply to face the Slayer. “No! Look B, yeah, ok, I care about Angel, but I know how much the two of you want to be together so I thought…”

“We don’t,” Buffy interrupted and Faith’s jaw dropped. Buffy smiled widely. “I’ll always love him in some way, but things change; people change. I love Spike and Angel, well, you’ll have to ask him, but… Now he has a soul… a permanent soul, you two could be together, and be happy.”

Faith couldn’t form any words. She was in shock. Did Buffy just say..? “What?”

“What do I have to do to release you Faith?” Buffy asked, ignoring her friend’s shocked question.

“Release me? I didn’t tell you…”

“You said you were bound to two people and the only way I could get rid of you would be to release you. Doesn’t take a genius. I release you, you go to Angel, or something like that, right?” Faith nodded. “Right, so I release you.”

At the words Faith slowly faded from Buffy’s view and the Slayer was left alone on the edge of the docks.

*************************************

Angel found Spike easily enough. He knew his Childe well and Spike hadn’t had enough time to go very far. He was lying on his and Drusilla’s old bed at the factory, clutching Miss Edith to his chest. Angel moved quietly down the stairs and over to the bed, pushing back all the memories he had of this place. None of them were happy ones.

“What do you want?” Spike asked without opening his eyes. He had known that his Sire would catch up with him eventually; knew that it would be better just to face Angel this one last time instead of continuing to run.

“I want to know why?” Angel said in a low voice. He had been shocked that Spike had done so much to help Buffy and him be together, especially as he was himself in love with the Slayer.

“Why not?” Spike turned over on his side away from Angel, who growled warningly before pulling the blonde vampire up to face him.

“This isn’t a joke Spike!”

“You think I don’t know that?!” Spike roared, forcefully pushing Angel away and jumping up from the bed. He started to pace the small room. “You here to gloat? You’ve got the girl and the soul and now you can live happily ever after, while Spike’s left all alone?”

“I’m not here to gloat,” Angel inserted gently. “I wanted to say thank you.”

“Well you’ve said it. Now, sod off.”

“Spike, just this once, could you not be a bastard?”

Spike opened his mouth to retort but stopped when he saw how serious Angel was. He sighed. “I wanted her to be happy ok? And maybe you don’t believe that an evil, soulless demon like myself could do something so unselfish, but, hey… I’ve always been different. I like to keep people guessing, you know.”

“I know,” Angel said with a slight smile. “But, er, didn’t you want to fight for her.”

Spike laughed deprecatingly and sat wearily down on the edge of the bed. “I’ve thought of nothing but. For the last few months I’ve been searching for the right way to show her… I mean I’ve dreamed about her choosing me you know. Over Riley. Over you… And let me tell you, dreams don’t get any better than that one.”

Angel laughed at sat down next to Spike. “What happened to us? We used to be such good friends. I never thought…”

“I’d betray you. Well first you joined the other team, which kind of put us into enemy territory. Then you came back to the dark side, and stole my woman. What did you expect me to do? Bake you a cake?”

“I’m sorry.”

“And that’s another thing I hate about you. Stop being so damn forgiving. You may want redemption for past sins, but I don’t think it covers hurts you inflict on your own kind.”

“I’m not apologising for redemption, idiot. I’m apologising ‘cause I’m sorry. You know, if you and Buffy are going to be together, you’re going to have to learn how to accept an apology. And probably how to give one.”

“I know how to apologise. Just ‘cause I don’t do it, doesn’t mean I… ‘S’cuse me?”

“I’m going back to L.A. With Faith if I can find her. Buffy and I aren’t meant to be. You should go see her.”

“Angel… Why are you doing this?” Spike couldn’t really believe his Sire was giving up the Slayer. Giving her up, to him! He must be dreaming again.

“I’m noble? Look, she’s happy when she’s with you and I want her to be happy. So go see her. Before she meets another dork whose arms and legs I want to rip off and shove up his…” Angel stopped and took an unneeded breath.

Spike chuckled. “You too, eh? And you’re alright with it? Me and her?”

“Yeah. Look Spike, since you’re gonna be a white hat from now on, do you think maybe we could start over? You know, learn to trust each other again. I’d like it if we could be friends.”

The younger vampire nodded. “I’d like that.”

*************************************

Angel dropped Spike off at the entrance to the graveyard where he lived and drove back to the mansion. He should really go and ask Buffy if she’d found Faith, but he was sure Spike would be on his way to see her after he’d changed clothes and Angel didn’t want to spoil the surprise. He grinned when he thought of what they were all doing. He’d just given up the love of his life to an evil vampire who hated him and was about to tell a woman who’d tried to kill him a few times, how he really felt about her. He’d blame the hellmouth if he didn’t live in LA.

As he entered the main hall he saw the slight figure of a woman standing by the fireplace. “Faith?”

She’d turned at the sound of her name and dropped her gaze to the floor when she saw who it was. “Angel… I er… Buffy said…” She stopped and looked up at him, frowning. She twisted her hands together in front of her and started to pace a little from side to side in front of him. “Buffy, she, uh, she released me. So I guess that means I’m bound to you.” She started talking quickly, not looking at him; trying to explain the situation without saying anything that might give her away, just in case… “I’m supposed to be a ghost, not a Guardian, I guess you already have one of those, but I can still touch things, I mean I’m solid. Do you think they’ll give me a handbook ‘cause I’m gonna need one. I always thought ghosts could walk through walls and things, well I haven’t tried but…”

She got no father as Angel walked quickly across the room to her and pulled her up close to him. Her face held a look of disbelief as he crushed his lips to hers. She stood still for a second before realising what was happening and wrapping her arms around him. He picked her up carefully and walked to the couch, never taking his lips from hers. He sat and positioned her on his lap, one hand moving to cup her head, the other gently caressing her side.

As neither needed to breathe, the kiss continued for several minutes, before Angel remembered he had something to say to her. He pulled away gently and she moaned as his lips left hers, trying to pull his head back down to her. He held her hands in a gentle but firm grip and stared into her eyes. She looked shyly back, wishing that she didn’t get so confused around him.

“I love you Faith.”

Faith couldn’t believe it. She’d wanted to hear those words for so long; had dreamt about Angel telling her that he loved her and wanted to be with her. He was what had kept her together while she had been in prison. And now he really was saying it. She should say something. ‘Tell him!’

“I love you, Angel.”

*************************************

The first thing Spike noticed when he entered the crypt were the candles. The room had never looked so bright. It was beautiful. And confusing. Spike frowned. No one should be here. Beth had gone to stay with Wesley in a hotel for the night, before they left with Angel for LA in the morning. Or so she had told him earlier. Was he interrupting something? “Beth?” he called softly, descending the steps slowly, ready to turn and leave if he found his sister and her Watcher enjoying a special evening.

When he reached the floor the music started. Soft romantic music, which flowed around the room, filling it with loving warmth. He took two more steps before the smell hit him. Vanilla mixed with power and energy. The Slayer. “Buffy?” he croaked. This couldn’t be real. She couldn’t be here, doing this, for him.

She stepped out from behind the pillar and Spike felt his chest restrict. If there had been any chance of his breathing before, it would be impossible now. She looked exquisite, stunning, enchanting. She wore a long, light pink, silk gown, which moulded her figure, emphasizing her tiny waist and beautiful full breasts. Her hair was curled and hung freely around her face and shoulders, making her look incredibly fragile and innocent. She smiled shyly at him, her green-grey eyes, blazing with hope and something else Spike couldn’t quite make out.

“Buffy,” he said again, more forcefully this time. His eyes raked over her face and body, drinking in every inch. “God I love you so much.”

The Slayer’s shy smile grew to fill her entire face as the words were wrenched from his lips without his bidding. For a moment he looked scared as he realised what he had said, but then he couldn’t think anymore as Buffy hurled herself into his arms, pulling his head down to meet hers and kissing him passionately.

The kisses of his dreams seemed inconsequential compared to the reality of kissing the Slayer. She fit so perfectly in his arms, moving instinctually with his lips and hands. He ravished her mouth with a desperate need that had been eating away at him for months, and she returned everything in full, allowing him access to her mouth, tilting her head so that he could kiss her neck. ‘She trusts me,’ he thought and a happiness which he had never felt before suffused his body.

He pulled gently away and Buffy gave a small squeak of displeasure. Spike grinned, a purely male grin of masculine pride, and stepped slightly back. Buffy pouted and tried to move closer but he held her at arms length. “Slayer, we have things to talk about. Things I definitely want to say before we go any further, but if we carry on like this, I’m going to forget everything except shagging you into the damn floor. Understand?”

It was Buffy’s turn to smile. She knew there were things that needed to be said, on both sides, but her ego was swelled with the knowledge that she had that much power over this soulless vampire. “Ok,” she said stepping back to put a little more distance between them, “Lets talk.”

Spike sighed and closed his eyes to collect his thoughts. When he opened them again Buffy had moved and was sitting on top of the stone coffin on which he slept. He moved closer and sat down beside her. “Why didn’t you stay with Angel?”

Buffy continued to look at the floor, knowing it would be best to get this over and done with. “I don’t love Angel that way anymore. He’ll always be a part of me, but we’ve moved on.”

Spike nodded slightly. “And now you… I mean you…”

Buffy looked up sharply and smiled, taking comfort in his confusion this time. “I love you.”

Spike swallowed. Had she just said that? He blinked and decided to make doubly sure. “What?”

“I love you. Me, Buffy, I, love, you, William the Bloody.” She smiled again and he had to restrain himself from grabbing her again. “Anything else? Or can we get back to the smoochies?” she said leaning closer.

He jumped down and moved across the room. “Buffy how can you love me? I’m a vampire. And there’s no soul in here like with Angel,” he said, moving a hand up to cover his heart.

“There’s a chip…” she began but he quickly interrupted. He needed to point out all the things that made this wrong and stupid and dangerous. Then if she still wanted him, he’d know that she truly loved him.

“It doesn’t make me a good person. If it wasn’t there I’d still be trying to kill you.”

“If it came out tomorrow would you want to kill me?”

“God no! I could never do that Buffy, I love you.”

She smiled at his use of her name. She knew what he was trying to do. It wouldn’t make any difference.

“Spike, I’m going to talk now, and you’re going to listen. And when I’m done, you’re gonna get over here and make love to me, or I’m going to kick your ass from one side of this town to the other. Ok?” Spike nodded and she continued.

“You don’t have a soul, but you have feelings and emotions. Maybe you’re not supposed to, but they’re there. And I know that even if you don’t have a soul to tell you not to do things because they’re wrong, you have love and kindness and gentleness and strength, which will help you not to do things that are wrong, in order not to hurt those you love. I saw your love for Drusilla. And it made me so angry at the time, that a soulless demon would go to the length of asking his mortal enemy for help, just so he could be with the woman he loved. Angelus could never love; I don’t believe there are many vampires in the world that could. But you’ve always been different Spike.

“Now it won’t be easy. We’ll fight and bitch, and you’ll have to put up with my sulky moods and childish behaviour. And I’ll have to put up with yours. But I don’t expect to be treated any different by you, and that’s what I need. Someone to stand up to me, but love me all the same. And I need you. I have from the first second we met outside the Bronze. Everything you’ve ever said to me has been the truth, and I’m ready to face it all now. We have something special, and I want it to work. I want us to try. Because life, my life, is too short to worry about whether this is wrong or stupid or dangerous. I need you, and I love you.”

By the time she finished there were tears streaming down her cheeks. Spike was beside her in an instant and held her face gently in his hands. He kissed away her tears, and she started to laugh shakily as he smoothed her hair away from her face. “Shh. Don’t cry love. Buffy. I love you.”

He laid her tenderly back on the stone slab, pulling off his duster before lying down carefully next to her. He looked down into her face and asked a question she had asked him once in his dreams. “Happy?” Her smile lit the room in a way the candles never could and she whispered, “Ecstatic.”

“Are you sure you want to do this here? I wanted everything to be perfect,” he told her, nervously.

“It is perfect,” she reassured him, drawing him down to her, and joining their mouths in a tender kiss.

*************************************

It was and hour before dawn and the twelve friends stood outside the mansion. Wesley had managed to rent a van, which would ensure that Angel and Beth could travel to LA, without perishing in the sun, and he had promised to return sometime in the next week to pick up Angel’s car.

Beth and Spike stood a little apart from the others. His sister seemed happier than Spike had seen her in a long time and he was glad. “So everything’s ok?” he asked, still needing reassurance that his baby sister was alright. She smiled up into his anxious face and hugged him. “Everything’s fine big brother. Wes and I are going to be great. I promise. And you won’t be far away anymore, so that’s another bonus. I expect visits.”

Spike laughed too and held her tight, “Count on it. Especially as ‘dad’ seems to want some family-bonding sessions. Whatever did I do to deserve this?”

“You wouldn’t have it any other way,” Beth said, hitting him gently on the arm. She was glad her brother was happy. And Buffy seemed happy too. She’d known everything would turn out right.

Buffy stood with Angel and Faith, glancing across at her new lover, boyfriend… ‘How can I describe Spike?’ She couldn’t really believe she was this happy. She was never happy and the feeling scared her. And Spike..? She snorted with laughter at the thought of loving her mortal enemy so completely, causing Angel and Faith to tear their eyes from each other long enough to find out why she was laughing.

Angel smiled when he saw whom Buffy was gazing at. “You two good?” he asked.

“Of course, they are. Did you see them when they got here? So B… is he good?”

“Faith!” Buffy and Angel exclaimed at once and the former Slayer laughed at the expressions on their faces.

“That good huh?” she said and laughed even harder when Buffy blushed bright red.

“Uh, guys?” Cordelia called impatiently, as the minutes until dawn quickly slid past. “Do all the vampires want to get inside before the humans get covered in ash?” The Scooby gang wished their friends well and hugged them goodbye. Cordy climbed behind the wheel and started the engine; while Giles and Xander made a final check that no light could get into the back of the van.

Beth hugged Spike one final time and kissed his cheek. They walked hand in hand to Wesley who stood nervously by the side of the van. He’d been dreading having to talk to the blonde vampire, knowing that Spike would probably be angry at his treatment of Beth. The vampiress climbed into the back of the van and Spike turned to Wesley. “Take care of her.”

Wesley sighed in relief and smiled. “I will. I do love her.”

“Good,” Spike said nodding, “Cause if you hurt her, I’ll show you how I got my nickname.” Wesley swallowed, nodded once and climbed into the van behind Beth.

Spike walked over to Buffy, Angel and Faith, struggling to suppress his laughter.

“Oh. I know what that look means,” Buffy said as he approached. “What did you say to poor Wesley? Have you been tormenting him?”

Spike’s face displayed a look of pure innocence. “Who me?”

She punched his shoulder and he grabbed her around the waist, pulling her to him and burying his face in her neck. She shrieked delightedly at the feel of his lips nibbling her skin.

Angel and Faith looked at each other, briefly smiling in amusement at the behaviour of vampire and Slayer. The sound of the van’s horn broke the couple apart and they turned back to their friends. Buffy hugged Angel and Spike, Faith. The blonde Slayer and dark vampire held each other’s eyes for a second of complete understanding before wishing each other goodbye.

“Thank you,” Spike whispered in Faith’s ear and she nodded. “And I forgive you. For that time, in the Bronze.” Her shocked eyes shot to his laughing ones. “You were right though,” he added and she burst out laughing.

“Care to share?” Buffy said appearing between the two and enfolding Faith in a hug of her own.

“I’ll tell you later Slayer,” Spike promised, moving towards Angel.

“I love you,” Buffy said softly.

“I love you too B,” Faith assured the Slayer.

“Take care of her,” Angel told Spike as he hugged his Childe for the first time in a century. “And yourself,” he added softly.

“I promise,” Spike told his Sire. “Be good.”

Angel laughed and took Faith’s hand, and the pair joined Wesley and Beth in the van.

*************************************

“I did that book already!”

“You might have missed something. We don’t exactly have an endless supply of books!”

“Can the two of you keep it down please?” Giles asked the vampire and Slayer without raising his head.

“He started it,” Buffy mumbled.

“Me? It was you, Miss-I-did-that-book-already. As though you get everything right first time.”

“Are they dating?” Anya asked Xander as she watched Buffy wrestle Spike to the floor of the magic shop. He nodded, catching one of the books they were researching from, as it was knocked to the floor by the movement, without stopping his reading. “Xander are you listening? Oh… never mind,” she sighed as the wrestling for dominance turned into wrestling for pleasure and the two blondes started to kiss.

“Maybe we shouldn’t be here,” Anya suggested, turning her attention to the witches on the other side of the table.

“What?” Willow asked looking up, and seeing Buffy and Spike making-out on the floor. In the two weeks since they had announced their relationship to their very relieved and happy friends, the Scooby gang had gotten used to the couple’s inability to sit through a meeting together without having some sort of argument.

The first time it had happened they had both stormed from the room angry, and Willow had been worried that her best friend would be hurt. But Buffy seemed happier than ever. In fact Willow had never seen her looking so radiant and joyous on a constant day-to-day basis.

When Willow had broached the subject with her friend, Buffy had laughed and explained that all she had ever really wanted was for someone to treat her like an equal instead of putting her on a pedestal and that Spike always made her feel special, even when they were arguing. “I know Spike loves me,” Buffy had told her, “And I love him. Doesn’t mean we’re different in anyway. We disagree, we fight; that’s normal right. All that’s different now is that I get the added bonus of making up with him afterwards.”

Looking at the couple on the floor and knowing what was coming next from her long conversations with Buffy, Willow nodded frantically at Anya. “Yes, yes. I don’t think we really need to be here. We should go to Giles’.” She, Tara and Anya stood, each picking up a couple of promising texts, and Anya dragged Xander to his feet. “Hey!” he exclaimed, as his girlfriend pushed a pile of books into his arms. “What the..?” Anya pointed to where Spike and Buffy still lay, the four friends around the table noticing that Buffy’s denim shirt and Spike’s black silk one had been removed.

“Giles!” Willow shouted, unable to tear her eyes away as Spike’s hand slid under Buffy’s white vest, and her best friend started to tug at Spike’s white t-shirt. The Watcher looked up at Willow’s call and moved his gaze to follow that of the Slayerettes. “Oh dear God!” he yelped and grabbed his jacket from the chair next to him. He picked up his books and moved quickly to the door, the Scoobies following swiftly behind.

The vampire and Slayer were oblivious to everything but each other. Over the next few years they would laugh, cry, fight, fear, learn, care and protect. Most importantly they would love and continue to love, no matter what. And now in the silence and half-light of the magic shop, they loved.

*************************************

The End