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CHAPTER 7: Paging Dr. Phil


When Buffy finally woke up, she was alone in bed. The room was dark and she wondered with confusion if it was still the same night, or if it was the next day and the sun had already set. But her body was telling her that she had slept for a long time, so it must be the next day. The sun wasn’t completely down yet, but the heavy curtains were keeping the last rays out for Spike’s sake, giving her the impression that it was night time. She tried to clear her foggy mind and sat up, slightly dizzy from oversleeping. It didn’t take her long to locate Spike. He was sitting in the armchair facing the bed, seemingly lost in his thoughts, the burning tip of his cigarette bright in the darkness of the room.


He’d had plenty of time to think while the emotionally exhausted girl was sleeping the day away. He’d came up with a desperate way of getting her to vent her pain and frustrations and hoped his idea would work. He knew it was the last resort. The fact that she’d show up in the first place was a good sign that she wanted to be helped and she had enough of keeping the pain inside. So maybe there was a chance.


“Slept well?”


She nodded, warily keeping her eyes on him, not sure what to expect. She knew she had pushed Spike too far this time and the fear of losing him she had felt the night before wasn’t completely gone. Suddenly, predictable Spike wasn’t so predictable anymore. Buffy was nervous about what he would say, or what he would do. Would he tell her it was over? Would he ask her to leave?.. And his prolonged silence wasn’t helping any. She opened her mouth to try to break it, but he cut her off.


“Right then. Now that you’re well rested, get up and get dressed.”


At the stricken look on her face, he calmed her fear by adding “There‘s some place I want to take you.”


Buffy obediently got up on wobbly legs and made her way to the bathroom to take a quick shower.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“Where are we going?”


“Not far.”


They had left the motel just after sunset, at that moment when the sky look like a crazed painter has thrown buckets of dark coral, light red and deep blue paint across it. It was beautiful. The closest Buffy and Spike would ever get from taking a walk under the sun. They had walked for twenty minutes and were now surrounded by a harsh looking rocky landscape. Civilization had given way to the desert. To Buffy, it felt like they were completely alone in the world. That’s exactly what Spike had planned.


After another five minutes of walking in silence, Spike stopped and turned to her.


Confusion was etched on Buffy‘s features. She looked around curiously, trying to figure out what it was that he wanted to show her.


“What are we looking at exactly?”


“Hit me.”


“What?” She turned around sharply to look at him with a disbelieving look.


“I said, hit me. Take your best shot Slayer. Don’t hold back.”


“Is this some kind of sick joke? Cause watch me not laughing.”


“It’s not a joke. I want you to let it all out. I want us to fight here until we both fall from exhaustion. Don’t worry about me. I can stand my own in a physical fight. That sort of pain I can deal with. I want you to let out that anger, pain, denial; whatever it is you’ve been keeping inside and just hit me. Let The Slayer out."


Silent tears were streaming down her face as she stared at him without a word. She shook her head.


“Do it, Slayer! Come on, pet, you have no problem hurting me with words, but you’re squeamish about using your fists? Since when?”


She lashed out; her fist connecting with his torso and making him fly back. He charged her.


“That’s my girl.”


It was like good old times. When everything was simple between them and fighting seemed to be the only right thing to do. But were things ever simple between them? Even as mortal enemies, there was always more depth to their relationship than just kill or be killed. Competition of skills and power, need to show who the best was, connection in the violence of the fight, perfect understanding of who the other was, and maybe just a little bit of lust thrown in the mix for good measure. But with time, things only got more complex as feelings were added to the equation, leading to this moment. Things were now coming full circle as they fought. Only this time, death was not to be the outcome, and who the winner would be had no importance.


Buffy’s mind was blank as she blocked Spike’s every punch and kick quickly and efficiently. She wanted to think of nothing, concentrating on the pain and anger boiling inside of her instead.


She got a few good shots in. It felt good. Not to hurt Spike, although by the grin on his face, she could tell she wasn’t hurting him. No, what felt good was the familiar thrill of fighting with him, something she had missed greatly, and also feeling the anger seep out of her with every punch. The pain would without a doubt still be there at the end of the night. These kind of wounds took longer to heal. But the rage she had been holding back inside was deflating.


Spike round house kicked her twice. She managed to avoid his first attempt. He got her on the second. She fell but got up almost as soon.


“Come on, Slayer, I won‘t break. Let it all out. Admit it once and for all. You’re angry.”


Buffy grabbed him from behind, and he head butted her.


“It’s alright to say it, pet. You have every right in the world to be resentful and angry.”


She didn’t answer, but he could see the emotions in her hazel eyes. Her teeth were clenched and she was breathing hard.


“Come on. Don’t tell me you feel nothing. I wouldn’t believe you.”


She threw a side kick at him, her small foot landing in the middle of his chest making him back up a few feet.


“I don’t want to feel these things.”


“But you do! Accept it. You can’t keep it inside of you. It will tear you apart.”


The fight was slowly running out of her. Tears were streaming down her face.


“They didn’t think they were doing something wrong. They don’t deserve my anger.”


“Do I?”


“No. You don‘t. It‘s them. I‘m--I‘m pissed off. I‘m mad at my friends, all right? Are you happy now? I said it.” She attacked again.


“I am pissed. Ok?” She yelled. “I’m fucking pissed off at my dumb ass friends who thought it would be a genius idea to interrupt my eternal rest so I could continue to fight for the goddamn world. I’m so mad that sometimes, I wish I could kick their stupid asses for being so selfish.”


Spike smiled and started approaching her, carefully blocking the punches she was still throwing at him, until he was too close for her to be able to hit him anymore. She let him pull her into his arms. She chuckled through her tears, her face buried in the leather of his coat.


“Dumb asses.”


Spike laughed at the mumbled words. He pulled her down until they were both sitting in the dirt. Buffy wiped at her tears.


“I’m sorry, Spike. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did the past two months. I’m tired of taking it out on the wrong person. You’ve done nothing to deserve this. I’m sorry. You were right. I love them, they’re almost like family to me, but I’m angry with them.”


“It’s all right, luv.” He said while smoothing her hair back soothingly. “You can love them and still be angry. One doesn’t exclude the other.”


She looked up and gave him a watery smile. “When did you get so smart, Blondie?”


Spike huffed. “I’ve always been. About time you noticed.”


After a moment of silence, he asked out of the blue. “What’s the deal with the Whelp anyway? Not only did it look like he knew about us, but he seemed on board the Buffy and Spike lovin’ bloody train. Has he gone off the deep end?”


The vampire frowned when he noticed Buffy turning bright red. She started telling him everything that happened in the past twenty four hours.


“So--when you say he’s seen it all--do you mean just the nice, entertaining stuff, or the bad, rough moments as well? Cause our last encounter was rather dark, even by my standards.”


“He saw it.”


“Hard to believe he’d still be rooting for our team after seeing that little stunt. Can’t say I’m proud of what I did that morning.”


“I asked for it.”


“Didn’t mean I had to do it.”


“Maybe I wanted to be punished. I took it without a word, didn’t I.”


“Punished for what, luv?”


“For the things I do to you, the things I say. The way I treat you.”


“Why do you treat me like that then? You said you don’t hate me. Then why? I know you’re angry at your mates and all, but I don’t understand why you’d turn it into a ‘you and me’ thing. And I want to. It’s only fair that you’d explain to me because to be honest with you, I’m completely lost. Tell me why.”


“Because you love me.” She answered in a small voice.


Spike frowned, trying to make sense of what she was saying. “So you kick me in the balls for loving you? I’ve been condemn for many things, pet, but never that. You don’t want me to love you, is that it?”


“Yes. No…” She took a deep breath “I need you to love me. But I don’t want you to. Because love never lasts, and I think I’ve had just about as much pain as I can handle.”


“So let me get this straight. You’ll just refuse happiness because happiness could possibly, in theory, hurt you?”


“I don’t think there is real happiness here. We call it happiness because we don’t know any better. But it’s volatile, it’s tainted, and it hurts so much when it doesn’t last.”


“Buffy… maybe it’s just a crazy thought, but luv--are you afraid you might forget what it was like?”


“What it was like?”


“It looks to me like you’re voluntarily trying to make life into Hell. Always comparing this world with heaven, seeing only the worst in life and turning your back on every opportunity to experience happiness. You refuse to give life a second chance. You’ve tasted something better after you died, and don’t want to let it go. But what if it’s not better, just different?”


She looked down, doing her best to avoid his eyes. She started drawing meaningless patterns in the dirt and he thought she wouldn‘t answer. But she finally did.


“I don’t know, Spike. I’m so confused sometimes that I don’t even know what I’m doing or why. I don’t know who I am anymore. I want things to be normal, I want to be Buffy again and I work so hard at showing a convincing image. But once in a while, I fall apart. And you always happen to be there at that moment. I’m sorry.”


“They buggered things up real nice for you pet, didn’t they? I’m sorry they didn’t leave you in peace, but what’s done is done and you have to live now. I just wish I could make things better for you. I tried. But you won’t let me.”


“I know. I’m sorry. I want to let you. I really do. I know how much you love me. Sometimes, I wonder why. But I know you do. And I want to let you help me, but there are times when the anger I keep inside becomes too much. I don’t know why I let it out on you instead of the ones who deserve it. I do the same with Dawn, you know. And God knows she hasn’t done anything wrong. Maybe it’s because you two are the only ones I love. I have strong feelings for you that I don’t understand and can’t bottle up like all my other feelings. And everything comes out at the same time in a confused mess. Or maybe I just need to be locked away in a mental institution and be fed multi colored pills.” She finally looked at him with a small smile.


“No. You need to be aware of all this. Stop worrying about your friends’ feelings and put Buffy first. You need to let me and Dawn in and accept that there can be good in life. And by the way, love doesn’t always end in pain. You can’t base your perception of love on a few wankers who were too thick to realize what an amazing woman you are. If they were idiotic enough to let you go, that’s their thing. But don’t judge me after them. It’s unfair to me. It’s unfair to us. Just let us be, Buffy.”


She smiled. “Should have spent more time talking to you instead of screwing your brains out. Not that the screwing isn’t good.”


He chuckled softly. “Yeah. I can be surprising like that. I’m not all looks you know. There are brains hidden under that sex god image of mine.”


She punched his arm lightly. “Full of yourself much?”


He rolled his eyes at her and pulled her back in his arms. A comfortable silence settled over them and they remained like that until Buffy shivered. Spike let go of her long enough to take off his jacket and put it on her shoulder.


“Let’s go back to the motel, pet. It’s getting cold.”


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


The motel finally came into view. Buffy was glad because she really was getting cold. Freezing even. But it had been worth it. She felt a hundred pounds lighter now than she did when they left earlier. She knew she still had a lot to work on, but Spike’s intervention had helped her facing her issues.


“Oh. I meant to ask. Why did you take me all the way to the desert for this?”


They were walking slower now that they were almost there, and they were holding hands. Which at first, felt odd to Buffy. But she had fought the urge to pull her hand out of Spike’s grasp the way she would have not long ago, and now she was starting to enjoy it. It felt comfortable. She realized suddenly that she had almost ruined a relationship that had the potential to be amazing. Yet another guilt trip to put on her already long list when it came to Spike.


The blonde vampire tilted his head to look at her, the smirk on his lips a testimony of his lighter mood. “Well at first, I thought about kicking your tiny slayer’s ass here in the parking lot, but I think it would have been hard to explain the cops when they showed up.”


Buffy rolled her eyes. “Smart ass.”


That’s when Buddy, the motel manager, walked out of the office across the parking lot and headed straight for them. His beady eyes were almost popping out of his sockets and his forehead was glistening with sweat.


“Do you think he’s having a heart attack?” Buffy whispered while watching the short man approaching them quickly. “Cause there’s no way I’m doing CPR on him. My lips are not going anywhere near that guy.” She shuddered at the thought.


“Hey! You two. Wait up.” Buddy jogged the last fifty or so feet that still separated him from the blonde couple. He stopped in front of them and bent in half with his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath. “God, I gotta cut back on the junk food.”


“Can we help you with something? Is there a problem with the credit card I gave you?” Spike asked, not in the mood to deal with the wanker.


“Someone broke into room 336 last night. The guy must have been fucking huge cause the damn door is broken in half. The guy who rented the room just left. The son of a bitch probl’y didn’t wanna pay for the damage. Did you guys see anyone last night?”


Buffy and Spike just looked at each other, both biting their lips to stop themselves from laughing. They shrugged.


The two blondes answered as one. “Nope. Haven’t seen a thing.”


They walked away, laughing.

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A/N: Much lighter chapter. Back to humor and smut.. Almost. I hope you will all like the chapter. We’re getting close to the end of this story so don’t forget to make me happy and review.


CHAPTER 8: Back on the air


“So--will you help me?” Buffy asked shyly while munching on the pizza they‘d just ordered.


They were sitting Indian style on the bed, facing each other. Spike looked up from his own slice of greasy Italian food. He looked at her without a word, his head tilted to the side in a way that was typically Spike.


She repeated her plea, her voice lower and more uncertain, eyes downcast. “You‘ll help me, right? I know I have no right to ask…”


“You have every right. Actually, you shouldn’t even feel like you have to ask. And--to be honest with you, pet--I thought that’s what I had been doing. Or at least, I tried to do.”


“Yes. And you have. But I realize now just how far gone I have been and that I’ll need to face my demons on a daily basis to get better. I’ll need your help for that. It will be tough sometimes and I’m afraid it might take a while before I’m back to my old self. I know it’s a lot to ask from you and I don’t want to take you help for granted anymore.”


“I’ll be there every step of the way. You should know that. Though I guess with me being a right bleedin’ wanker and running away last night, I can‘t blame you for doubting me. Sorry bout that by the way. I know I shouldn’t have but it was just--too much.” He hung his head, too ashamed of having broken his promise to look at her.


She took the pizza box that was separating them and carelessly dropped in to the floor, then scooted closer to him. She tilted his head up by putting a finger under his chin. “Hey, look at me. It would never cross my mind to blame you for this. Never. I had it coming. I can’t just punch you around without concern for your feelings and expect you to just take it. I can blame my father for cheating on my mom and leaving us, I can blame Angel for being a coward and running away without even saying goodbye, I can blame Riley for being a selfish bastard, and Giles for leaving me here alone to deal with things when I’m not ready to do it on my own yet. But you… I can’t blame you. And I’m sorry. Kiss me?”


Spike smiled at her and lowered his lips to hers. He kissed her softly, pouring all his emotion into the act.


He soon pulled back, still having things to get off his chest. “Luv? I just wanted to tell you--I’m sorry for saying… You know. That bloody horrible thing I said to you the other day that I didn’t mean? I’m sorry. I was a right bastard and I’ll make up for it. I love you. I love you and I’ll tell you fifty times a day every bleedin’ day of the week and right now, I’m planning on making love to you like I never did before to make you forget I ever said that I… hate you.”


“Spike. You don’t have anything to make up for. Don’t feel guilty about that. I was a real bitch that day, we both know it.”


He looked away, clearly still upset about it. “I can never forget the look on your face when I said it. You trusted me to love you and I turn around and say this to you…”


She straddled him and ran her little hands up and down his chest, looking straight into his blue eyes. “That’s the problem. I took your love for granted and abused it. It was a good wake up call and it made me realize things I wasn’t ready to face. Maybe I should say thank you for saying it.”


He tried to interrupt, but she wouldn’t let him.


“If you had just kept it inside and let me continue on this path I was on, maybe it would have gone on until there was nothing left of our relationship to salvage.”


“Maybe. But still…”


“Hush and kiss me. Even if I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about doesn’t mean I don’t want you to carry on with your plan.”


Spike chuckled and went back to devouring her lips. He lay back, pulling Buffy down on top of him. He was holding her so tightly that she couldn’t even move. No that she would have wanted to, mind you. She was perfectly content where she was. Soon, the kiss heated up, turning into a frenzied lip-lock. The bed squeaked loudly and Buffy broke the kiss, grinning down at Spike.


“Pretty crappy motel you got us. You’re lucky I really want you right now; it makes me overlook the ick factor.”


“Sorry, princess. It’s all I could afford with the money Xander gave me. You’ll have to blame him.”


She kissed him soundly. “Just hope we don’t catch crabs.”


Spike made a face. “I got to say, you must be the most bloody romantic chit I’ve ever met.” He said mockingly.


“Sorry for my lack of romanticism. You‘ll have to teach me I guess.” Buffy giggled, not sorry at all, and tore his shirt open in one fluid motion.


He smirked at her. “Now THAT’s what I call romance!”


Soon, he was naked and Buffy sat back on her heels to admire the result of her handy work. “I’ve never told you this, but no man has ever turned me on the way you do. You’re so good looking, Spike, it’s almost a sin.”


He wasn’t the shy type, but he had never felt so naked under a woman’s gaze before. He quickly covered his sudden shyness with a smirk. “And I’m all yours, kitten.


She ran her hands lightly over his washboard abs, his chest, all the way up to his shoulders. “Goodie.” She murmured and went back to kissing him. While she was busy with his lips, he managed to undress her as well.


When Buffy got too carried away though, Spike stopped her by wrapping his arms tightly around her and flipping her on her back. He pulled away from her and she looked up in confusion.


“Impatient little bird, that you are.” An affectionate smile was playing on his generous lips. “How about we try the slow and romantic thing tonight, pet? Despite the crappy room.” he added with a bashful grin.


Buffy ghosted a finger over his cheekbone, down to his lips. She realized that almost every time they’d have sex over the past few months, she’d been the one calling the shots. It was only fair that she’d yield some of the power to him for once. “You wanna be in charge, don’t you?”


His smile widened and he nodded enthusiastically.


“I’m all yours. I trust you.”


Spike’s eyes shone with wonder at her statement. “I love you.”


Buffy blushed in what Spike thought was the most adorable way possible, trying to get the words out. Her voice was slightly shaky when she spoke, but her gaze never wavered. “I.. I love you too.”


She pulled his shocked face to hers and their tongues battled for a moment before Spike moved on to her breasts. He took one rosy nipple between his lips and suckled it gently, making it hard, then gave the same attention to the other.


Buffy watched him as he sucked on her breasts, thinking it was more erotic than any crazy things they had done together so far. It was both soothing and exciting, sending shocks to her lower belly and making her warm all over. The tingling feeling was slowly spreading to her limbs and she relaxed under him, closing her eyes to enjoy the attention he was lavishing upon her.


His busy hands slid along her slick skin, venturing between her legs. He separated her wet folds with firm, but gentle fingers. He knew her body by heart, memorized every part of her, yet, it felt like he was discovering her for the very first time.


Buffy wasn’t used to the teasing between them and had to use all her self-restraint not to shove him on his back and have her wicked ways with him. So far in their relationship, she had adopted Faith’s mentality: want, take, have. But she was now realizing what she had been missing. The teasing was exquisite, building up her arousal to heights it had never reached before. The combined feel of his mouth on her nipple and his fingers gently pumping inside of her was slowly driving her insane. Her head was thrown back and she writhed beneath Spike, her hands trying to touch every part of him at once.


He let go of her nipple with a wet sucking sound to look at her. “Do you want me, Buffy?” He whispered in a husky voice. He was nearly overwhelmed with desire and hoped to all Gods her answer would be yes.


“More than ever, Spike. Enough with the teasing. Please.”


He lay on top of her, his hips nestled between her spread legs, then pulled her on the side with him so he could comfortably hold her against him. They lay on their sides, facing each other. Spike lifted her leg up higher around his hip to give himself more space to maneuver and sank into her welcoming heat. A sigh of relieve escaped both their lips as his large cock stretched her.


Buffy closed her eyes briefly, enjoying a feeling that only last night she thought she’d never get to enjoy again; being one with the man she now knew she loved. No. She had known. But knowing and accepting were two very different things. Now, she was accepting it, and ready to fight for this. As Spike thrust into her, she thought it was all worth it. Her friends, family and Watcher would just have to understand.


Spike was wondering what was going through Buffy’s mind at this moment, but for once, he wasn’t worried. He knew she wouldn’t be running off after it was over. So he could just focus on enjoying the feel of her wet, silky walls surrounding him and think of nothing but how much he loved this girl. She was his world.


Their breath was coming out in short gasps, grunts and sighs echoing loudly in the empty room. They were both vaguely aware of a banging noise coming from the other room, but chose to ignore it, too lost in each other to care.


Buffy was jerking roughly in Spike’s arms, her hips meeting his with increasing strength as she approached her climax. She was letting out incoherent pleas that he didn’t really understand, but didn’t need to. He knew what she wanted and gave it to her. After a few more thrusts, he ground his hips against her, stimulating her clit. That was all Buffy needed to come. Hard.


“Spike! Oh God!”


She stiffened, her insides squeezing his hard cock mercilessly as she rode the waves of her orgasm. It was all he needed to follow her. She reached down to squeeze his balls and he slammed into her one last time, coming with more intensity than he’d ever done before.


Calm settled over the room and all that could be heard was Buffy’s heavy breathing. Spike kissed her nose and rested his forehead against hers. They smiled at each other, enjoying the aftermath of their love making.


No. This time, she wouldn’t be running away.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


“I still think we should tell Demon girl so she knows where the Whelp got his new moves from. I bet she’d be grateful. Maybe she’d even let me get stuff for free at the Magic Box as a token of her gratitude.”


“Spike…” Buffy growled warningly. But the severity of her tone didn’t reach her eyes that were dancing with amusement. They were walking down the hallway that led to Xander’s apartment. Spike was carrying a box packed with Buffy’s computer stuff, and sported a huge grin on his face. He was obviously finding the situation very amusing. Of course, he wasn’t known to be a humble man, and wasn’t too shy about the fact that Xander had seen his private life in Technicolor details. The one thing that bothered him was the more emotional moments the boy had witnessed. But he’d rather not dwell too much on it. At least now, Xander knew Spike wasn‘t bragging when he called himself the “big“ bad.


On the other hand, Buffy might not have been too mad at her friend, but her cheeks were a pretty shade of pink. And the color was only getting brighter as they neared Xander’s door. Sure, they had talked about it and after forcing herself to calm down and listen to her friend’s point of view, she had forgiven him and decided that the whole story would stay between the three of them. But it didn’t mean she wasn’t more than slightly embarrassed. Who wouldn’t be?


To herself, Buffy could admit that the worse thing was mostly the shame of being seen at her worst and the fear of being judged by her friend for some of the things she’d done. She knew she had an appetite for sex that wasn’t common to most girls and an outsider could easily mistake this for major sluttiness. Heck, she often wondered herself if she was a nympho for needing so much sex. But at least, she wasn’t a sleep around. Four guys, that wasn’t too much, right? And she has only slept once with two of those four. So what if she liked it sorta kinky and rough?.. If she liked to experiment and keep things exciting and new?


Nah. She talked about this with Spike for a while, and he convinced her that there was nothing wrong with her. Xander had confirmed that too. He seemed to have understood that she wasn’t just any normal girl, and that Spike had the vampire thing going on for him. Not that they’d sat down over coffee to discuss her sex life or anything. More like a quick exchange of vague, embarrassed comments, a speedy explanation for his behavior, eyes looking at anything but the two blondes.


Now, Buffy was standing in front of his door, ready to knock and reminding herself that she had no reason to be shy and to blush like a school girl. Xander was the one who did something wrong, not her. And even then, wrong was relative.


Spike’s secret theory was that she was only blushing because she was ashamed of herself for being turned on at the idea of being watched. She would deny it, of course, but he reminded himself to get a confession out of her tonight. It could be interesting. Maybe he could get her to explore a new sexual taboo. Could be fun. After all, poor Whelp. The boy did stop them from splitting and he was so disappointed that he‘d never get to see the end of his favorite sitcom. Didn‘t seem quite fair.


Spike smirked evilly at his twisted idea, but decided to keep that thought for later.


Buffy knocked on the door and Xander opened it almost immediately. He had been expecting them. Buffy and Spike had made sure Anya would be working at the magic shop when they stopped by because she would have asked questions. For Xander’s sake, the ex-vengeance demon could never know about this. They still loved him--or at least, Buffy did. Spike might never admit it, but the Xander liking was definitely there somewhere in his undead heart. Especially now that Xander'd saved his relationship with the Slayer. So they didn’t want to ruin his chances to get married and be happy.


The blonde couple followed Xander into the computer room. Xander’s computer sat in a corner, unplugged, the cables twisted neatly and held together with tie wraps, ready to be taken away. Spike put the box he was carrying down on the computer desk.


“So…” Buffy drawled. “Here it is. You take my PC, I take yours, and everything goes back to normal as if the weirdness never happened.”


“Good. That’s--really good.” Xander shifted his weight from one foot to the other, obviously uncomfortable, but smiling nonetheless.


“Spike saved all my files on CD-Rs and reinstalled the whole system. So, no compromising Buffy stuff for you to go through, mister. It’s like a brand new computer.”


Xander looked down shamefully, but soon realized that Buffy was teasing him. He rolled his eyes at his friend and Spike chuckled.


“I…” He took a deep breath. “Man, this is awkward.”


“Come on, Whelp. Just spit it out already so we can leave. We have more interesting things to do. You’d know what I’m talking about, now wouldn’t you?”


“Spike!” Buffy warned. “Leave him alone. You promised no stupid jokes.”


Spike looked sheepish. “Sorry, luv.”


“What were you saying, Xander?”


“Huh, I left the videos. I didn’t know if you wanted me to erase them or not so I figured you’d do it yourself. It’s all right, right? Not sure I wanted you to see for yourself the extend of the things I’ve seen but since I’m already in trouble anyway and I didn’t know what you wanted me to do I…”


Buffy put an end to her friend‘s misery. “It’s fine, Xander. Really. Don’t worry about it, ok?”


Spike eyed Xander’s computer with sudden interest. “Is there a DVD burner on that thing?”


The two friends shot him a look and the vampire put his hands up. “Never mind.”


“So, we’re cool?” Xander asked, turning back to Buffy. He gave her his best patented puppy dog look.


“Of course.” She gave him a hug, then turned to Spike.


“Come on, Blondie, take the box and let’s go.”


Spike pouted like a petulant child. “Oi! How come I’m the one who has to carry the bloody computer all over town again? What happened to bleedin‘ fairness? You’re just as strong as I am!”


Xander answered that question for him, patting the blonde vampire on the back. “You want a girlfriend man? You gotta pay the price. That’s the way the world goes ‘round. And believe me, you get off easy. You should see the things Anya makes me do.”


“Bloody women.” Spike mumbled, lifting up the box.


“You can say that again!”


Buffy rolled her eyes at the male bonding and walked out of the room, her boyfriend following behind her.


She was lucky. She knew it now.


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A/N: All right, so, this is the conclusion of the story. It makes me sad, but it had to end eventually. I waited a long time before writing this epilogue because I wasn't sure how people would react to my idea. But like my beta said to me "You think this is too kinky for Buffy?! The girl did it at the Bronze in public for crying out loud, of course she'd do that. Now go and write!" So I did. I hope you've enjoyed ASHV and that you'll enjoy the epilogue just as much. Drop me a line to let me know, reviews are always welcome




CHAPTER 9: Full Circle


Xander walked out of the elevator on his way to his apartment, and passed a UPS guy who was leaving. The guy took a few steps before turning to Xander.

“Hey. You wouldn’t happen to be X. Harris, would you?”

Xander stopped and turned to face the man. “Depends. Are you an IRS guy undercover?” he said with his trademark goofy grin. But seeing the guy rolling his eyes and walking away, he stopped him.

“Hey, don’t go. I was kidding. That’s what I do, I kid.” Seeing the guy wasn’t amused, he quickly added “Never mind. Xander Harris at your service. Do you have something for me?”

The UPS delivery guy walked back to where Xander was standing and handed him a thick brown envelope after making him sign. “Here ya go.”

“All right, then.” The guy mumbled. “Have a nice day, sir.”

He didn’t wait for an answer before turning around, leaving Xander to look at the package with a puzzled expression on his face. He shook it, like a curious kid shakes his presents on Christmas morning. He had no idea what it could be, or who would send him a package. Knowing how things were in his home town, it was probably something evil that would bring on the apocalypse.

Shrugging, he unlocked his apartment door and walked in. He dropped his keys and mail on the kitchen table and went to sit on the couch, the package still in hands. He turned it around, inspecting it carefully as if it was going to explode. There was no return address.

Taking a risk, he opened it and peered inside. The package contained two items. A DVD and a note. The DVD had nothing written on it. It was the kind you use with DVD burners on your computer to make home movies. He unfolded the note. The words: ‘Don’t watch this in front of Anya or she’ll probably call on all her little vengeance demon friends to do unspeakable things to you’, were underlined many times. The rest of the note read:

Xander shook his head, as if waking up from some weird dream. **Nah, they did not… Did they? They couldn’t possibly have..** He turned the DVD case in his hands, looking at it suspiciously.

It was probably a big joke, he was sure of it. He could imagine Buffy and Spike, sitting in front of their computer, Buffy giggling madly as they downloaded a porn movie staring two blonde actors. Maybe they went as far as removing the original sound track and made their own. “Oh Spike! Yes, take me!” Buffy would scream, then giggle some more.

**Nope, they wouldn’t know how to do that kinda thing on the computer** He rationalized, still not knowing what to think.

He was very confused. Very. And a little shocked. But as usual, the great king of denial made an appearance to explain the whole thing away. Yes, that’s it. He’d pop the DVD into the DVD player, press play, and Buffy’s face would appear on the screen and she’d scold him for even playing it in the first place and would tell him to get a life and stop being such a pig and that she’s very insulted that he’d even think for a second that she’d do such a thing. He threw the case on the coffee table and slumped on the couch, deciding against watching it.

And then, it started. Just like in that episode of Seinfeld, when Jerry’s dick played chess with his brain to decide if the very annoying hot girl he was dating was worth the mental suffering just so he could sleep with her. Xander briefly wondered if Spike ever had such thoughts when he was dating Harmony. Very likely. He shook his head and when back to his mental game of chess. He could see in his mind eyes naughty Xander sitting in front of nice Xander at the kitchen table, arguing over watching the video or not. When he realized that he was hoping for naughty Xander to win, he gave up and took the DVD case from the coffee table.

Taking a deep calming breath, he stood up and went to the TV. He knelt in front of the DVD player and put the movie in. He pressed play, and went back to sit on the couch with the remote control. He adjusted the volume just in case. He didn’t want the neighbors to think he was a big ol’ perv who spent his afternoons watching porn. Especially since Anya told pretty much all the neighbors that they were getting married. Not that it would be porn, Xander reminded himself. Just a big joke his friends played on him. Nothing else.

Anya wouldn’t be back for a few hours, he was safe enough. So he waited for something to happen. It didn’t take too long.

The screen came to life, revealing Buffy. She was standing very close to the camera, making adjustments. Her long golden hair was falling over her shoulder and she seemed to be concentrating on something, her pink tongue peeking through her glossy berry colored lips.

“How do you know this thing is recording? Is it even on?” The Buffy on the screen asked.

Spike’s face appeared right behind her. He was frowning slightly, deep in thoughts.

“I don’t know. Shouldn’t it say on the computer screen somewhere?”

She pouted, a matching frown on her pretty face. “I guess we’ll just have to assume its working cause I have no clue.”

Spike went back to the bed that Xander could see in the background. Buffy’s bed. Well, it was Buffy and Spike’s bed now, since he moved in with her. The blonde vampire knelt on it, bouncing slightly in eagerness.

“Come on, pet. If it is recording, you’re ruining it right now. We don’t know how to edit the bloody thing so he’ll get all the yapping.”

The screen suddenly switched to night vision, then back to normal and Buffy giggled, obviously pleased by her discovery.

“Hey!” She said excitedly. “Did you know we could make it in night vision? That is so beyond cool. Just like Paris Hilton’s sex video!”

Spike smirked and tilted his head to the side. “You’ve watched that, didn‘t you? Naughty girl. ”

Buffy blushed, clearly embarrassed by her slip. “What? No! No way. I would never waste my time watching trash like that.”

“How would you know about the night vision thing then?”

She bit her lower lip while trying to come up with a possible answer, but finally gave up. “Like you haven’t watched it! The entire world has seen ‘A night in Paris’. I‘m surprised Fox hasn‘t aired it yet. And can we get back on topic here?”

“Fine pet, whatever you say. So let’s just assume it’s working and go ahead.”

She gave the camera her brightest smile. “Hi Xand. Since we’ve so rudely interrupted the Spike and Buffy show a few weeks ago, and in the middle of a cliffhanger too, we thought you needed some closure. So we decided to send you one last episode so you wouldn’t feel like you’ve missed anything. Well, Spike thought it would be nice, and he kinda convinced me. You know how it is… the guy can make me do anything he wants with his unfair convincing techniques.”

“Slayer…” Spike growled warningly. “Get on with it would you?”

“Hey! Don’t rush me.”

Xander couldn’t help laughing at their antics. These two were really something else. He could honestly not remember why he was ever against them being a couple. He must have been out of his mind. They were perfect for each other. Completely insane, but at least, they understood each other in their own wacky way, and loved every second of it. Obviously.

On the screen, Spike came up behind Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her tiny waist and lifted her clear off the floor. She squealed and laughed when he dropped her unceremoniously on the bed then pounced on her.

“So…” He drawled, his voice a sexy rumble. “Where were we again?”

He started undoing the button of her shirt slowly, kissing every inch of skin he uncovered.

“If memory serves well, in the last episode, the Slayer’s tortured vampire lover was right pissed off and destroying his crypt in anger…”

He separated the sides of her now unbuttoned shirt and dipped his tongue in her belly button, making her sigh and laugh softly, before continuing.

“He thought his Slayer didn’t love him and never would. What pity. So like the right git that he is, he decided it was best to leave town.

Spike buried his face between her soft, round breasts, inhaling her sent and enjoying the warmth of her silky skin. He gave the curve of her cleavage a slow lick before undoing the front clasp of her red lacy bra.

“So, in an impulsive and over dramatic move, he jumped on his bike and drove off into the sunset.”

“Spike?” Buffy interrupted in a throaty voice. “If you’d drove into the sunset, you wouldn’t be here right now, honey.”

“Details, Slayer. Let me tell the soddin’ story. It sounded good.”

She chuckled and closed her eyes as he sat up to look at her. He took her breasts in the palm of his hands, playing with them and squeezing in a way that, by the sounds she made, she clearly enjoyed.

“But our beautiful heroine wouldn’t accept such a thing. Not after every wanker in her life abandoned her, leaving her behind without looking back. No. Their story wasn’t meant to end this way. So after her mate Xander told her what was going on, she decided that was bloody unacceptable, and she ran after her lover.”

“Spike,” Buffy warned. “Stop teasing me you undead… tease!”

He grinned at the beauty laying beneath him. “Sorry, pet. What is it you want? I’m kinda busy right now, what with telling the story and all.”

She pouted. “You’re infuriating, you know that?”

“I try my best.” He winked at her, then unzipped her pants and roughly pulled them down her legs. “Here. Better?” He asked, lightly biting the inside of her thigh.

“Getting there.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief.

He put his hands on her ankles and caressed his way back up to her red lace thong. He grazed his thumb over her mound, getting a whimper for his trouble.

“Good girl. Now where was I? Oh yeah, the Slayer was pissed that her vampire had left town, so she decided to go after him. Good thing she did because the poor bloke was slowly losing his mind in an old motel room outside of town, wondering how he would ever survive without his beautiful love.”

“Slowly losing his mind? You stayed in that room maybe two hours before I got there! You definitely need to stop watching Passion, it’s…”

Spike decided that it was more than time to interrupt her tirade and so he kissed her senseless until she had to push him away to draw in a desperate breath.

“Nice way to shut me up, lover.” She had the decency to look somewhat sheepish when he gave her a scolding look. “Sorry, go on.”

He rubbed his cheek lovingly on her warm breast, one of his hands diving between her welcoming thighs and into her wet heat under the lace of her soaking underwear. She mewled softly at his action, encouraging him.

“That night, in the motel room, the two lovers slept in each other’s arms. They were tired. Tired of fighting, tired of hurting, tired of not letting themselves love each other the way they should.”

“Oh God,” Buffy whimpered, lost in her own sea of lust as he ripped her thong off her body in one move. “You’re as good with your hands as you’re good with words. You should write books… and keep using your hands.”

Spike chuckled and rose above her on his knees to unbuckle his belt and undo his pants. He took his t-shirt off in one swift motion and threw it carelessly to the other side of the room, then sat to remove his jeans. He quickly reclaimed his rightful place between her legs. He captured her lower lip between his teeth, nibbling lightly before covering her mouth with his.

Xander stood up from his position on the couch to get closer to the TV, fascinated by the show they were giving him. Of all the times he’d seen them together, this was by far the best. It made him giddy to think that they might have never reached that point in their relationship if it wasn’t for him and his little perverted addiction. Who would have known, when he started watching those videos, that it would lead to this. That his voyeur tendency would have positive consequences. He still felt shame, but his friends were happy. Nothing else really mattered. And obviously, they were not holding a grudge against him. That was a plus. He had been so afraid he’d lose Buffy over this.

“The next day,” Spike said, taking a nipple between his lips and giving it a quick suck before letting it slip out of his mouth with a wet sound, “The Slayer and her vampire lover fought under the stars, the way they used to in what seemed like another life. But it felt good. It made her face feelings she hadn’t wanted to face before. Made her release the anger she’d been carrying around for too long.”

Spike reached down and positioned his oversensitive cock at Buffy’s wet opening, but he held back.

“Spike, please…” Buffy moaned, desperate for the release only he could offer her. She shimmied underneath his body, seeking contact. Her hands traveled restlessly over his taut body, exploring his hard muscles. She could never get enough of him. Never.

“And then, the Slayer told her vampire the three most beautiful words in the world.” “I love you.” She said before he could say it. “I love you so much, Spike.”

He smiled down at her lovingly and kissed her swollen lips with a tenderness that warmed Xander’s heart.

“I love you too, Buffy. Always.”

Spike penetrated her, making her cry out in pleasure. They both had a look of ecstasy on their faces.

Xander smiled broadly. He reached out, and turned the TV off.

Happy.

His friends were happy.

He shook his head, still grinning madly, and stood up. Man was he ever a sucker for happy endings!

THE END

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