~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER 43: Quality time with good friends

Spike dragged his feet all the way across the yard, apparently not so eager to reach his destination. He stopped and took a moment to look around, taking in the familiarity of the surroundings. The California sun was shining brightly in the sky, almost obscenely cheerful in the gloomy décor that was the prison‘s yard.

Two guards were patrolling along the walls and were looking down at the prisoners. Khaki uniforms, shotguns strapped to their backs and mirror sunglasses on their faces. They probably thought it made them look tough, but in Spike’s eyes, they still looked like pathetic poofters on a power trip.

All around him, the guys were enjoying a lazy weekend morning under the sun, walking around aimlessly, sitting on benches, smoking cigarettes, and exchanging lewd jokes. The obnoxious laughter and utter lack of education surrounding him was normally hard to bear, but this morning it only made him want to rush back inside and lock himself in his cell. Stay alone with himself and pretend this world didn’t exist or if it must, that he wasn’t part of it. God, he hated this place. Buffy would probably point out that it was one more reason to keep walking and go talk to Gunn so he wouldn’t lose the only friend he had inside these walls. And she would be right, of course.

Spike pulled out a cigarette, lit it and after taking a long drag, resumed his trek. He could see Gunn on the other side of the yard, shooting hoops by himself. He was alone, no one anywhere near him, so it would be a perfect time to talk without being overheard.

As he got closer, he shoved his hands in his uniform pockets to try hiding his discomfort. Cigarette dangling casually from his lips, Spike stopped a few feet away from where Charles was dribbling.

“Hey mate, can we talk?”

Charles stopped dribbling. He caught the ball with both hands and straightened up, holding it at his chest. “You wanna talk?”

“Yeah.”

“Fine, let’s talk.” With one sharp move, he threw the ball at Spike.

Hands still in his pockets, Spike watched the basket ball come at him with an indifferent eye. It bounced off his chest and rebounded on the pavement a couple of times. Charles rolled his eyes.

“You’re supposed to catch the ball.”

Spike raised an eyebrow at his friend. “Have I ever given you a reason to believe that I have any interest in playing with a ball? I watch football… European football. That‘s as far as my involvement with sports goes, mate.”

“Dude, I have images of your nasty white ass burned in my mind, I think it’s only fair that you’d make an effort and play a little basketball with me.”

Spike sighed and rolled up his sleeves. “There’s nothing nasty about my ass, mate.”

He bent down to pick up the ball then threw it hard and fast at his snickering friend. Charles raised his arm to protect himself against the attack. “Hey!”

Spike shrugged his shoulders, trying his best to look innocent. “It slipped out of my hands?”

Gunn picked up the ball and started dribbling. Spike got closer to him and after following his friend’s every move for a few seconds, found an opening and used it to steal the ball back. He dribbled around Gunn and without any effort or hesitation, threw the ball in one smooth, precise arch, right through the hoop.

“’said I didn’t like playing sport, never said I wasn’t bloody good at it.” He smirked and after taking a last drag of his cigarette, he dropped it and crushed it under his boot, ready for action.

His pride in jeopardy, Gunn picked up the pace and focused his attention on the game. The two men circled each other, looking for weaknesses and opportunities to steal the ball back and score. After a good fifteen minutes of running around the court and very few words exchanged besides taunts and empty threats, Spike had enough. One good feint, he ducked, side stepped Gunn, ran to the hoop, jumped up and slammed the ball through its intended target.

Spike picked up the ball and kept it in his hands, turning to face Charles.

“Hey, you’re not supposed to hold it for that long. You can’t ignore the rules because you’re British, you know.”

After a long moment of silence, Spike finally spoke. “You might have the image of my nasty white ass burned into your mind, but I have to deal with the fact that my friend assumed I’m the kind of man who would rape a woman.”

Gunn visibly deflated under Spike’s piercing gaze. “I guess letting you win wasn’t enough to make you forgive me then?” He tried to joke, clearly uncomfortable.

“You didn’t let me win, you pansy, and we both know that. And try being bloody serious for a minute. This is important. Buffy was right, avoiding the topic won’t make it go away. We‘ve been avoiding it for a week, it‘s time to talk now.”

He hesitated for a moment, looking down at the ball he was still holding. Charles waited patiently for his friend to finish speaking his mind, not knowing what to say himself.

“What were you thinking, mate? What in the bleeding world would make you jump to that conclusion? Did I ever give you any reason to believe that I’m that type of guy? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t know, OK? I just don’t know. I didn’t think, I just reacted. It’s not like I had the chance to pause the moment, sit down and try to figure out what was going on. How was I to know you had an affair with…” Realizing he’d raise his voice, Charles looked around to make sure nobody was close enough to hear their conversation before continuing. “Ya know… her. Dude, believe me… If you’d been the one to walk into the room that day, you would have drawn the same conclusions. You would have done exactly what I did. It has nothing to do with friendship.”

Spike looked away, obviously unwilling to respond to this. The logical part of him couldn’t help but agree with Charles. But feelings aren’t logical by any means.

“Spike, man, try for two seconds to put yourself in my shoes. You walk into a room, it’s dark, and you see me holding, I don’t know--let’s say that guard, Faith. You see me half naked, holding Faith down, and she’s saying ‘stop’. Wouldn’t you act first, ask questions later?”

Spike sat down with a sigh, his back against the brick wall of the prison. He mumbled something under his breath.

“What was that?”

“I said, maybe… Fine, you’re right. That’s what I would have done too. Are you bleedin’ happy now?”

“Happy would be stretching it a bit, but I’m sure glad you very reluctantly try to see my point.”

“Doesn’t change anything though. I know admitting this will earn me the poofter of the year title, but… you hurt my feelings.”

“And I feel really bad about it. And no matter how big a poofter you are, you’ll always be my buddy.” Charles smiled and punched Spike‘s arm playfully.

“Watch it, you wanker.” Spike scolded.

“You know…” Gunn hesitated, unsure if he should say what he was about to say, but taking the risk anyway. “None of this would have happened if you had told me about you and the warden having a little thing on the side.”

Spike narrowed his eyes at Gunn, not sure what he wanted to react to first: the ‘little thing on the side’ comment, or the fact his friend was saying this whole mess was all his fault in the first place. “I cannot believe you just bloody well said that.” he finally managed to say.

Charles swallowed hard when he saw the look on his friend’s face. The way his jaw was twitching and his neck muscles tensed were never a good sign. He put his hands up and opened his mouth to explain himself, but Spike didn’t give him a chance to speak.

“It is not a ‘little thing on the side’.” He spat the words as if they were poisonous. “Buffy and I are in love. Do you seriously think she’d be dumb enough to risk her bloody job over a meaningless shag? And how dare you blame all of this on me? Suddenly it’s all my fault for being the trustworthy type of bloke and keeping my mouth shut about something that could hurt the woman I love if it ever comes out?”

“I’m your friend, man. Why would you think I’d rat out on you?”

“Listen to me, wanker. Just by discussing this here and now, we’re taking the chance that someone might overhear our conversation. There’re a lot of people in this prison who are just dying to have something against Buffy. It’s a risk I can’t take. The more people know, the more dangerous it gets. One slip, one guard overhears and happens not to like her, and it’s over for her. You get what I’m saying? That‘s why I didn‘t tell you anything.”

Charles nodded his understanding. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

Spike ran fingers through his hair and sighed. “I’m always worried, mate. It feels like all I ever do is look over my shoulder to make sure no one is getting suspicious. I’m in my cot at night, wondering if I forgot to sign out of my email account. What if I forgot and the guy using the computer after me reads my soddin’ emails? She never uses her real name of course, but it did happen in the past that some of our emails had details in them that could lead to her. I‘m even paranoid when I write in my own journal. I‘m this close from losing my soddin‘ marbles, you know.”

“Don’t bite my head off, but--is it worth it? Is seeing that woman once in a while worth all the headaches and the stress?”

“Every second of it. Did you miss the part where I said I’m in love with her?”

“Nope I didn‘t miss that part. In fact, I wanted to write it down somewhere, but I left my notepad in my cell. I think I’ll manage to remember though.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Cute.”

“I have a lot of practice.”

The two men grinned at each other, finally relaxing.

“Are we good, man? This week sucked with all the awkwardness, I don’t want things to stay like that.”

Spike stood up and took another cigarette out of his pack. “Yeah, we’re good.” He said before lighting it. “Under one condition though.”

Gunn stood up as well and gave his friend a curious look. “What‘s that?”

“You never make me play basketball again.”

“What?” Charles exclaimed with disappointment. “But you’re so good at it! It’d be crime to let that talent go to waste.”

“I’m also good at kicking your arse, doesn’t mean I have to do it.”

Spike started walking in the direction of the main building, leaving Charles a few feet behind.

The tall black man shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I guess you have a point there. Hey,” He said, trying to catch up with Spike. “You‘re gonna give me details, right? I‘m your buddy, that‘s what we do… We share raunchy details about our sexy encounters. Except that in this case, you‘re the only one who gets sexy encounters. But still…”

Spike raised a scarred eyebrow while giving Gunn a disbelieving look.

“Oh come on! Anything at all will do. I live vicariously through you now.”

Spike laughed at the look on his friend’s face. “Sorry mate, not gonna happen.”

Gunn shoved his hands in his pockets and kicked at some gravel.

“Selfish bastard.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dawn stood behind Willow, who was seated at Buffy’s kitchen table. She was examining the shoulder length tresses with a critical eye, as if she was an expert in hair styling, and running her fingers through Willow‘s coppery mane. On the table in front of them were what Willow referred to as the torture instruments. Both Buffy and Dawn’s entire make-up collection combined: nail polish, fake nails, fake lashes, and the scariest items of all, scissors and a box of crimson hair dye.

“Uh hum.“ Dawn nodded, the wheels turning in her head. “Yes… I see.”

“You see what exactly back there Dawnie? Not that I don’t trust you but… I don’t trust you.” Willow’s panicked green eyes were fixated on the pair of scissors that were gleaming menacingly in the afternoon light. “Buffy?.. Help?”

But Buffy was too busy painting her own nails a lustrous shade of burgundy to spare her friend a look.

“Don’t worry, Will.” She said dismissively without looking up at her terrified friend. “Dawn has cut my hair many times. She’s good.”

“But…”

Before another word could cross her lips, Dawn had snatched the scissors from where they were sitting on the table, and unceremoniously cut the first strand.

Willow let out a strangled squeak, and shut her eyes tight. “Let me know when it’s over.”

“Stop acting like a big baby, you’re making me nervous. I’m holding scissors to your head, you don’t want me to be nervous, do you?”

“Dawn, don’t tease her.”

Willow put on a brave smile. “No, it’s fine. I trust her. After all, it’s just a hair cut, right?” She said, her fingers holding on to the edge of the table so tightly that her knuckles were white. “Why am I getting a hair cut again?”

Buffy put the lid back on the nail polish and put the tiny bottle down on the table before starting to blow on her nails to make them dry faster. “I told you, you looked too nice. You looked all sweet and innocent with your hair like that.”

“Maybe it’s just my face that looks sweet and innocent. You’re not going to tell me that Dawn is a good plastic surgeon too, are you? Because I’m sorry but no matter how much you tell me to trust her, if she comes anywhere near my face with a knife, I’m out of here.”

Both Buffy and Dawn chuckled at the idea.

“You guys are making fun of me. That’s not nice. I’m not feeling the love here. I need moral support; this is a very traumatizing experience.”

“Sorry, Will.” Buffy apologized. “But you should relax and enjoy. This is supposed to be fun. Pampering ourselves and doing girly stuff. Come on, isn’t it fun?”

“I think she needs another Margarita.” Dawn commented, her eyes still on the task at hand.

Buffy served Willow a Margarita. After another fifteen minutes, the kitchen floor was covered in red hair, and Dawn’s masterpiece was done. When Buffy grabbed the hair dye box and took Willow’s hand to make her friend follow her to the sink, the red head didn’t even bother to complain or argue. She knew she had no chance of winning against two Summers women. So she let Buffy apply the bright red concoction to her newly shorn hair and waited the required thirty minutes patiently until Buffy could rinse the stuff out of her hair.

“I better not look like a clown. I promise that if I look like a clown, this clown is not going to any party with you tonight.”

Buffy smiled down at her friend while running warm water through her now deep crimson colored hair. “With a cute face like yours, you’d be pretty even with blue hair… Which it is NOT… Blue I mean. It’s not blue so don’t freak. It’s actually pretty cool. I think you’ll like it.”

“You think so?

“I don’t think so, I know so. Come on, let’s go blow dry this so I can show you the final result.”

After another fifteen minutes of blow drying, applying some pomade to make the choppy bob even choppier and edgier, Buffy started doing Willow’s make up.

“But, Buffy, it’s only 2 in the afternoon. The party is tonight. Isn’t it too early to be doing her make up?” Dawn asked.

“It’s just practice for tonight. Besides, I want the look to be just right when she sees the hair.”

“Could you guys please not talk like I’m not in the room? It’s creepy.”

“Sorry, Will.” They both said at once.

Buffy applied the final touch to Willow’s make up. The black smoky shadow around her eyes made the emerald green of her iris brighter, almost translucent, and a neutral peach lip gloss put the finishing touch to her new, edgier look.

Finally, Buffy gave Willow a handheld mirror so she could admire the result.

Buffy and Dawn stood by, waiting anxiously for the verdict as Willow looked silently into the mirror. Finally, Dawn couldn’t take it anymore.

“So? You like it?”

Willow was blushing bright red. “It’s just… so… I don’t know what to say. What--what do you guys think?”

“Will, even if I tell you I think you look incredibly hot, it doesn’t matter. It’s what you think that matters.” Buffy said, trying to be sensible and stop herself from squealing and jumping up and down like an excited teenager. The truth was Willow looked incredible.

“Come on; at least tell me if you like the hair cut.” Dawn pleaded with the speechless woman who was still staring in the mirror.

Then, Willow started giggling like a mad woman. Buffy and Dawn looked at each other, wondering if she’d lost her mind.

“Is it… that bad?” Buffy asked.

“No, it’s awesome! I love it. I feel like a new person. I feel like I can go to this party tonight, and not stick out like a sore thumb. Do you have any idea how much I regretted telling you I’d go with you? I was so nervous. But this makes me feel so much better. Who would have thought a makeover could have such an effect on a girl?”

She stood up and went to hug Buffy and Dawn, wrapping one arm around each one of them.

“Thank you!”

“You’re welcome.”

“All right! So, what am I wearing?” She asked cheerfully. “This party’s gonna be fun!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

CHAPTER 44: White trash just wanna have fun

“This party is a mistake! I can’t go!” Willow exclaimed, wild eyed and holding on to the door handle of the car for dear life.

“What? Willow! What happened to brave, self-confident Willow who only a few hours ago was telling me how fun this party was going to be? I told Darla I was bringing a friend and she seemed so--well--eager to meet you… I think. Hard to tell with her.” Buffy said, frowning slightly. “Come on, you can‘t not come!”

“It was the fumes from the hair dye, that’s what it was. I wasn’t all there. I lost my mind for a minute. I didn’t know what I was saying.” She said without stopping to take a breath. Then: “Don’t look at me like that, missy. You can’t make me!”

“I wouldn’t make you do anything, Willow. You know that. If you changed your mind and don’t want to go, that’s fine.”

“But… You have that sad, disappointed look on your face. I can’t resist that look, you know that. I’ll feel guilty.”

Buffy gripped the steering wheel and looked straight ahead. They were parked in front of Angel’s house. About six or seven other cars were parked near the house, three of which hadn’t even bothered finding a parking spot, they’d just left their car on the front lawn. Rock music was blaring inside the house, effectively shattering the peacefulness of the night. People could be heard laughing and screaming inside, and it didn’t make neither of the two women want to leave the sanctuary that was Buffy’s car to go in there.

“Willow, do me a favor and forget about me and how I feel. You didn’t come here for me. You came here because you wanted to do something to help Spike.” Buffy said, choosing her words carefully. “If you changed your mind, if you don’t think it’s worth it, it’s your choice. I won’t force you and I won’t judge you. I’ll give you my car key; you can go back to my place and wait for me with Dawn. But I’m going in.”

Willow gave Buffy a half smile. “Cause you looove him.”

“Cause he doesn’t deserve to be in prison.” Buffy corrected stubbornly.

“Whatever you tell yourself to sleep at night.”

The red head sighed heavily, her eyes trained on the brightly lit house on the other side of the street. Determination replaced fear in her eyes. “As if I would let you go in there alone. I’m here for support and support I will provide. That’s what friends are for, right?”

Buffy smiled at Willow, relief obvious on her face. “Thanks, Will. I’m scared shitless too.”

“And you’re right; we’re doing this to save an innocent man from spending the rest of his life in jail. It’s for a good cause, right?”

Buffy nodded her head, trying to look more confident than she was. “Right.”

Of course she wanted to help Spike, but she still couldn’t stop her hands from shaking.

“Besides,” Willow continued, trying to convince herself, “if they never find our bodies, Dawn knows where we are. She can tell the cops.”

Buffy‘s jaw dropped. “Willow! Don’t say that!”

“Sorry.” The red head blushed, but grinned nonetheless, pleased with herself at making her friend squirm.

The blonde took a deep breath and unfastened her seatbelt. “Alright. Let’s go before we both change our minds again.”

They got out of the car and Buffy activated her alarm system, worried that they’d come out of the party to find her car gone. Not exactly the best neighborhood to leave such a pretty little car all by itself.

“Microphone? Check.” Willow said, placing a hand on her chest where the device Wesley had given them earlier was hidden beneath her white thank top. She then took her little purse and hugged it to herself. “Pepper spray? Check. I’m good to go.”

Buffy smiled and linked her arm with Willow. “Let’s go. And don’t worry; I’ll protect you with my life. I know tae kwon do.”

“Is this supposed to sound comforting?”

“Yep. I might be short, but I’m vicious. I’m like a mini pit bull. I bite and I don’t let go.”

This got a chuckle out of the very nervous Willow. They got to the front door, which was ajar. The two women looked at each other, then Buffy shrugged.

“Guess that means ‘come in’ then.”

She pushed the door open and as soon as they stepped inside, their senses were assaulted by a combination of smells and sounds they would have rather lived without. The cloud of marijuana smoke was so dense that just breathing made them feel dizzy.

Buffy got worried about the baby’s health when she saw just how bad this little get together really was. The logical part of her brain was telling her that some people drink and smoke during their entire pregnancy without repercussions on the baby and that one night of being exposed to all this wasn’t gonna hurt the little one. But mama bear was worried. To stop herself from turning on her heel and leaving this place right away, she had to tell herself that if the baby had a say in this, it probably would want her to help its dad. So she stayed.

It wasn’t a big house, but it looked more spacious from the inside than it did from the outside. The front door opened on the living room. On the other side of the living room was a hallway with doors on either side of it--probably bedrooms and bathroom--and led to the kitchen at the back of the house. Everything looked like it had been decorated thirty years ago. Wall paper with orange and green patterns, brown shaggy carpet that had obviously seen better days, and faded paintings on the walls. The brownish green velvet of the couch and armchairs, where people were currently slouching, was torn and yellow stuffing was sticking out of the holes.

A low rumbling made Buffy turn her head sharply to the right. A Rottweiller was lying on a dirty ‘weclome‘ mat, his huge head resting on his paws. His constant growling was a clear indication the dog was not happy about the party.

"Shark! Shut the hell up!" A tiny voice yelled.

A child who couldn't be more than four years old kicked the dog with his little foot. The growl only intensified. The boy was skinny and wore old pajamas that had holes on the knees. His mousy brown hair was falling in front of his eyes in greasy strands. He turned his head to look at the two new comers with sharp brown eyes; eyes that Buffy could only describe as utterly evil.

"Who're you? You pissing Shark off. You know if I tell him, he can bite your arm right off? That'd be fun."

Buffy glanced briefly at her friend only to see that Willow had turned several shades paler.

"Angel! Your brat is bothering the two hot chicks that just walked in!" Some guy yelled while leering at Buffy and Willow.

Buffy took her bewildered eyes off the child just in time to see Angel himself walking towards them nonchalantly, a beer bottle dangling from his hand. He smirked at the two women and lowered his tall frame to pick his son up.

"Shut the hell up, Travis. You call my son a brat one more time and you and I are gonna have a go," he told the guy, his voice threatening.

"Teach him some manners dude, and I'll stop calling him a brat." Travis snickered.

Angel whispered something in his son's ear and put it down. The kid ran across the room to where Travis was talking to a young woman, and latched onto the man's leg.

"Argh! He bit me! Son of a BITCH!"

Angel laughed out loud, obviously proud of his offspring. He finally gave Buffy his attention. "So, you've met Connor. Isn't he adorable or what?"

Buffy forced a smile on her face. "The cutest." She turned to Willow, ready to introduce her, but Angel had already noticed the petite red head.

"And who do we have here?" He asked, looking her up and down and giving her a suggestive smile.

"This is my childhood friend, Lilian. She's visiting from out of town." Buffy lied, not wanting Angel or Darla to know too much about Willow. They had already decided to use Willow's middle name; it was easier to remember. (OK, I have a feeling Willow's middle name might have been mentioned on the show at some point. I'm not sure, but if it was, then the real fanatics will know and flame me. So if you know what Willow's middle name is, please let me know) "Lili. Cute name." Angel commented, but it was obvious that he couldn't have cared less about her name.

"Anne!" Darla's shrill voice could be heard over the loud music. Everybody looked in Darla's direction for a moment before going back to what they were doing.

Darla walked up to Buffy and gave her a quick hug. The display of affection was so fake it was painful to see. Buffy had a hard time stopping herself from rolling her eyes. She gave Willow a look over Darla's shoulder before the other blonde let go of her. "I'm so glad you came! This is gonna be such fun. You have to meet my cousin Riley. And my son, Connor."

"I already met Connor." Buffy hurriedly interrupted, already terrified of the little brat. That evil little thing might have rabies or something, and he bit.

"Oh, and is this your friend you were talking about?" Darla asked, switching quickly from one thing to another. Buffy suspected she might be high on something. "Isn't she sweet. Oh, Riley loves red heads. He'll just die when he sees you, honey."

"He loves red heads if they have dicks, sweetheart." Angel commented, chuckling at his own joke.

Darla turned around and punched his arm. Hard. "Shut the fuck up. I'm talking."

She smiled at Willow as if nothing had happened. "What's your name again? Anne told me on the phone, but I'm no good with names."

Willow opened her mouth, but it took a moment before she finally manage to get the words out. "I... My name's Lilian."

Darla smiled uninterestedly. "Cute. You girls ready to party?"

Buffy smirked, slowly getting back into character. "Always."

Angel had already lost interest and left to talk to other people, but not without a parting wink to Buffy, and lecherous grin to Willow.

Darla put herself between Buffy and Willow, hooking her arms with theirs and leading them to the kitchen. "God, my husband is such a dirty pig. He's lucky I love him because sometimes, I could just kill him." She chuckled happily, as if she'd told the joke of the century.

Buffy tried to hide the shiver that ran through her at the callous comment. Willow gave her a worried look from the corner of her eye. Darla didn't notice the two women’s discomfort. She led them to the kitchen table, telling the three girls already sitting there to get the hell out. Then she went to the counter where an assortment of liqueur bottles was on display. She picked up the bottle of Tequila and poured it into a couple of shot glasses, then put them down in front of Buffy and Willow. She put a lemon on the table and, with what looked like a professional butcher knife, she slashed the fruit into quarters.

Willow laughed uneasily at the violent display coming from a potential murder accomplice. "Geez, what did the poor lemon ever do to you?"

"What can I say," Darla said with a sly grin. "A girl's gotta pass her aggression somewhere. Better the lemon than you, no?"

"Uh... Yeah. Definitely."

Buffy was shifting uncomfortably on her chair, realizing she wouldn't be able to get out of this one. Her idea had been to drink beer. That way she could go to the bathroom, empty it in the toilet and fill the bottle up with water. But she had no excuse to get out of this shot of Tequila.

"I'm not really a fan of Tequila..." She attempted lamely.

"Come on, Anne. Who doesn't love Tequila? And it's just a shot. It will be swallowed before you know it."

She gave Buffy the salt shaker and waited for her to do the shot. Buffy licked her hand, sprinkled some salt on her wet skin, then took a deep breath and did it. She swallowed the bitter alcohol and bit into the lemon wedge.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Darla and Willow did the same, then, Darla reached for the bottle again.

Buffy stopped her. "I'm still hung over from last night, I think I'll stick to beer if you don't mind. You know what it's like... Besides, Lilian and I had a few before coming here. I wouldn't want to pass out on your couch after being here for like half an hour."

The other blonde woman laughed. "Alright. But we'll do more shots later, OK?"

"Sure."

Darla motioned to the fridge. "Help yourself. The beer's in the fridge." Then she poured Willow another shot. "You're up to it, right?"

Willow nodded. "Damn straight I am." She said, the Tequila already loosening her up.

They did another shot while Buffy went to grab a Budweiser out of the fridge. She took a couple of sips for show, leaning her back casually against the counter. A tall man walked into the kitchen. His sandy blonde hair was in disarray; he was wearing a jeans shirt over a white t-shirt and blue jeans that were a little bit too short for him. He grinned goofily at Buffy, his eyes lightening up with interest. "Hi!"

She smiled politely. "Hey."

"Anne, Lili, this is Riley."

Darla stood up and put her arm around her cousin's shoulders. "He looks innocent, but don't let it fool you--he's a little pervert. Aren't you, Riley?"

Riley blushed and Buffy couldn't help thinking that he looked like an idiot. "Stop it, Dar. I am not. I'm a good guy."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that."

He sat awkwardly next to Willow and Buffy was relieved that he seemed more interested in engaging in conversation with her friend than with her. She felt selfish for thinking that way because it meant Willow was the one stuck with the cousin, but she really wasn't in the mood. She pushed away from the counter she'd been leaning against.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom, then we need to do something about this music, Dar. Crank it up or something, get this party started."

"I'm right there with you, hon. Angel's been taking care of the music. He doesn't exactly have the best taste. The man is hopeless."

"Like most men." Buffy added, laughing.

She went to the bathroom, hurriedly closing the door and locking it when she saw little Connor coming her way. She leaned against the door and closed her eyes for a moment. They hadn't been there for more than half an hour and already the night seemed endless.

She quickly emptied the beer bottle and filled it up with water. At least, that was one less thing to worry about. Although, to be fair, alcohol was the least of her worries as far as threats were concerned. There were still psycho murderers, a brat with sharp teeth and a dog that could bite her arm off. Not to mention most of the trailer park trashe living on the street had shown up to this stupid party. The place was packed. And none of these people were people Buffy would voluntarily hang out with. She had to remind herself this was for Spike's sake. She could endure a few hours of torture for him, couldn't she?

She washed her hands, looked at the hand towel, then changed her mind and wiped her hands on her jeans. She wouldn’t touch that thing if her life depended on it. It looked like Angel might have jacked off and wiped his hands on it. She shivered in disgust.

Buffy walked out of the bathroom and went back to the kitchen to check on Willow. She was in the middle of a conversation with Riley. Buffy gave her a questioning look, trying to find out if she was OK in there by herself. Willow nodded discretely and Buffy went to the living room where the party was raging. People were talking loudly, laughing, some of them were sitting at a fold out table in a corner playing poker or some other card game. Darla was sitting on the floor with Angel. She was bending over the coffee table. She looked up from what she was doing and smiled at Buffy.

"Want some?"

Buffy looked at the coffee table. In front of Darla were a few lines of white powder. Coke. Buffy swallowed hard. Thinking fast, she smirked.

"No thanks. What do you think I was doing in the bathroom for so long? Already had enough. Gotta pace myself ya know."

Darla and Angel laughed.

"No need to hide to do that kind of shit in here, sweetheart.” Angel said with a wink. “We're very open minded people... As you can see."

Buffy grinned. "I wasn't sure if you guys were down with this. But obviously, you are. Now I know."

Buffy walked up to the stereo system and looked at the CDs. She picked one, Nine Inch Nails, and put it on, cranking up the volume.


Bow down before the one you serve
You're going to get what you deserve...


She went to take Darla's hand and helped her to her feet, then led her to the side of the living room. The two women started dancing; a repeat performance of their night at The Fish Tank.

Soon, other people joined them, staying at a respectful distance from the two hot blondes. All eyes were on them, men drooling and women looking envious.

After an hour of dancing, joking around with Darla and drinking her beer/water, Buffy decided to go check on Willow.

She walked into the kitchen, only to find that the only person in there was Angel. The guy was already drunk and could barely stand. Buffy frowned.

"Angel? Where's Wi... Lilian? Did you see her?"

"Who now?" He asked stupidly.

"My friend, Angel. Where is she. She was in here with Riley earlier. You know... The short red head? Did you see her?"

"Oh, her. Yeah, I saw her."

Buffy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Angel, focus. Where is Lili?"

"She went out the back door with Darla's dumb cousin a little while ago. She looked pretty fucked if you ask me. I mean, you HAVE to be to leave with Riley."

Buffy paled. "Why? Is he OK? Is she safe with him?"

"Geez Anne, you have to stop worrying so much. Riley's a creep, but your friend can take care of herself. A swift kick in the balls if he gets too frisky and he‘ll back off."

"No, Angel. No. She really can't. She's not like us." She motioned between Angel and herself to illustrate what she meant. "Lilian's a good girl. She's not that tough. Is she safe with Riley, yes or no?"

Angel seemed to sober up. He frowned, his bushy eyebrows drawing together. "Uh... probably not."

"Fuck."

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER 45: Blissful oblivion

Trying her best to suppress her rage and failing miserably, Buffy snatched the car keys out of Angel's hand. They were standing on the lawn in front of his house, Darla and three or four other people watching them curiously from the front porch.

"Would you give me that already?! For Christ sake, you can barely stand, do you really think I'm gonna let you drive?"

"It's my goddamn car, isn't it? I should be the one driving... Where are we going again?"

Buffy glared at the drunk man towering over her, absolutely not intimidated by him. "Stop whining and get in. We're going to find my friend, I told you ten times already and I'm losing patience. So get in the car."

Sitting on the stairs, Darla was clearly enjoying the show. She snickered loudly. "See? That's my girl. She knows how to handle a man. And the funny thing is, I'm sure it's turning him on. Angel has a thing for bossy women. Don't you, my Angel?"

Angel glared at her. "I married you, didn't I?"

Darla burst out laughing. She looked up at Travis who was leaning against the railing. "He's got a point. I am a bossy bitch."

The people on the porch laughed, but it was all lost on Buffy. She was busy trying to get the useless lump that was Angel into his car so they could find Willow before it was too late and Riley did something to her.

According to Angel, Riley had a thing for rape drugs. It was his new hobby to spike women's drinks and take them somewhere where he could fuck the unsuspecting women without them complaining too much about it. If something happened to Willow, Oz would kill Riley, then kill her. If she didn't kill Darla's cousin herself first. Then Spike and she could write each other letters from their respective jail. The irony.

Buffy shook the thought away then started pushing Angel towards his monster of a car. They'd have to use his car because once they found Willow, the three of them wouldn't fit in her two seat car. In fact, Angel himself wouldn't fit in the car if he was alone in it. She opened the passenger door and gave him a “don't fuck with me” look. Starting to realize she meant business, he awkwardly climbed in the car.

She made her way around the front of the car and opened the driver’s side. She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the pungent smell that came out of the piece of junk. This car should have been trashed decades ago. Even the Pimp My Ride team wouldn't be able to do anything to save it. Buffy cleared the driver's seat of all the garbage littering it, unceremoniously throwing McDonald's bags, candy wrappers and kid toys on the lawn before sitting behind the wheel and slamming the door shut. She completely lowered the window, afraid the smell alone could make her pass out.

"Damn. You're in a bad mood." Angel declared as if it was breaking news.

"Well, duh! My childhood friend counted on me to watch her back, and now she might get raped by some big ass smelly monkey who probably still needs his mama to pick out clothes for him. So no, I'm not in a good mood, Angel." She shoved the key in the ignition and after a few attempts, managed to start the engine. "Now, are you gonna help me find them or are you just going to sit there making stupid comments?"

"I'll help." He mumbled gruffly, looking down like a kid who knows he‘s in trouble. "You know..."

"Which way?" She interrupted him in her no nonsense voice.

Angel pointed to the left. "This way, then turn right on Main. Knowing the idiot, he took her where he takes all his 'dates'. The boy's got no imagination."

"Lucky for me." She whispered derisively.

He shook his head. "Would you believe this boy is a College student? Who ever said you need to be smart to go to College, I wonder. The kid is dumb as a post."

Buffy gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried her best to focus on the road. The shot of Tequila and the few sips of beer she'd drank weren't enough to make her drunk, but fear made it hard to keep her mind on what she was doing. It didn't take long for Angel to realize how bad a driver she really was, but he merely put a hand on the dashboard, scared to say anything.

"You know," Angel started, trying to make conversation while pointing out the direction to follow, "I always thought Riley was gay. I think he's just trying to prove something to himself, that's why he does shit like that. He wants to convince himself that he's not into boys."

"I don't really care what his excuse is. He could be into goats for all I care," she replied through clenched teeth.

Angel started laughing, then stopped abruptly. He groaned. "Oh God. Not the kind of mental picture I wanted."

In spite of herself, Buffy managed a tight smile. "Yeah, you might be right on this one."

They reached an intersection and she stopped at the red light. "Where to?"

"Keep going straight. See the little shopping center over there with the bank, Chinese restaurant and drug store?"

"Yeah?"

"If I know him as well as I think I do, he probably parked his car in the alley right behind it. Mommy and daddy bought Riley boy a brand new black Explorer for getting passing grades in all his classes last semester. It's nice and roomy and he's putting it to good use. You can do all kind of nasty stuff in there without feeling too claustrophobic," he explained, a knowing smirk on his face.

Buffy groaned. "I don't want details, Angel. Thanks."

She slowed down and maneuvered the huge boat of a car into the deserted parking lot. She drove the car around the building and into the alley. Just like Angel had predicted, there was a car parked there. It was too dark to tell what kind of car, but it was definitely a SUV. Next to her, Angel shouted victoriously, a smug look on his face.

"What did I say, uh? Predictable as hell. What a loser."

Buffy stepped on the gas, making the car jump forward. Angel almost hit his head on the dashboard.

"Whoa, sweetheart, careful there. I love this car, don't destroy it... And I love me too."

*Understatement of the century* Buffy thought sourly before slamming on the brakes when she was close enough to the parked car. There was a loud screech of tires and she jumped out and ran to the SUV. She vaguely heard Angel yell at her to stop and let him handle it, but she couldn't care less. Buffy wrenched the back door of the SUV open. She saw red.

She didn't say a word. She grabbed a leg and pulled with strength fueled by rage. Riley tumbled out of the car with a yelp of surprise. He looked around, disoriented, before focusing his eyes on the petite blonde in front of him. He stood up quickly, then opened his mouth to speak, but never had a chance to get the words out. Almost in slow motion, a small fist connected painfully with his jaw. The surprising force of the impact made him trip over his own feet and fall on his ass. He remained sprawled ungracefully on the ground, a stunned look on his face. Buffy took two quick steps towards him. Now standing between his wide spread legs, she put one foot on his groin and slowly applied pressure. Riley shouted in pain.

Buffy noticed that although his belt and zipper were undone, he was still covered. She could have cried with relief.

"Get anywhere NEAR her again, and I'll kill you. Get me?"

Riley was wheezing and trying weakly to push her foot away from his genitals.

"Did you say something?” Buffy asked sarcastically. “I didn't get that?"

"Get off me you psycho bitch!" Riley yelled, panic obvious in his voice.

"Oh I will. But only when I'm sure you get what I'm saying. You don't go near her, don't talk to her, don't look at her... As a matter of fact, this also applies to every girl and woman in Sunnydale. If I hear that you tried that little stunt on anybody ever again, you're in for the beating of a lifetime. Maybe I'm not very threatening, but I do know people, Riley. So watch your back and think twice before trying to hurt another woman."

She took her foot off his manly parts and he rolled on his side, holding his crotch protectively.

"You make me sick. Get out of my sight."

While Riley attempted to get to his feet, Buffy went back to the SUV where Willow was still lying unconscious. Her top was torn down the middle and her skirt was up around her hips, but she still had her underwear on. Buffy lowered her friend's skirt and turned around briefly to ask Angel to help her. That's when she noticed he had been standing there the entire time, staring in shock with his mouth opened.

Buffy frowned. "Angel?"

"... wow." He mumbled, his eyes still wide with shock. "I mean... holy fuck."

She rolled her eyes. "Can you please help me get her to the car?"

"Oh." He finally snapped out of his trance. "Yeah, sure."

He hurried to her side and told her to move out of the way. He picked Willow up effortlessly and carried her to his car. Walking by Riley who was holding himself up using the hood of his car, Angel let out a snort, incapable of hiding his hilarity.

Angel put Willow down on the back seat, and in a rare show of sensitivity, he used his jacket to cover her. Then both he and Buffy got in the car. She turned the key in the ignition, hoping he wouldn't notice how badly her hand was shaking. Now that the adrenaline had left her system, her nerves were letting her down.

"Thanks, Angel." She managed to say. A part of her didn't want to say thank you. After all, what was such a small act of kindness compared to taking someone's life and putting an innocent man in prison? But if he hadn't shown her where to find Willow, her friend would have gotten hurt. All this because of her. She should have never brought Willow into this. But she didn't want her thoughts to go in this direction. Not now. Not with Angel MacAllister sitting right next to her. No matter what happened tonight, she still wanted him to think she was tough. If she started crying now, she'd ruin the image she’d so carefully built for his benefit.

In a way, tonight's event had helped build that image. She hadn't acted with the intention of impressing him; her only motivation had been to protect her friend. But the result was just the same. The entire ride back to his place, Angel hadn't stopped gushing about how fucking impressive she was, and how she'd kicked Riley's ass, and the look on his face, and... Her exploit had turned the normally taciturn man into a real motor mouth.

After she parked the car on the front lawn and he got out, Angel was all smiles. He told Darla and the few guests left how 90 lb Anne had broken Riley's face and almost knocked him unconscious.

At first, Darla frowned and Buffy worried that the blonde wouldn't forgive the act of violence against her fucked up cousin. But then, Darla giggled and put her arm around Buffy.

"Honey, I'm usually very over protective of my baby cousin, but this is too hilarious for words. And if he can't stand on his own with a tiny woman like you, then he deserves the ass kicking. Too bad I missed it though."

Buffy chuckled. "I have a feeling you'll hear so much about it that it will be as if you were there too." She pointed at Angel. "This one hasn't stopped yapping about that punch the entire way home."

"What? I was impressed, can you blame me?" Angel commented from where he was talking two other guys.

She smiled and wink playfully at him before turning back to Darla. "I'm sorry but I have to go. I'm gonna take Lili back to my place. I have a feeling she'll wake up with the mother of all hangovers tomorrow morning."

Darla nodded. "Of course. I'll call you sometime this week. We'll make plans."

Buffy agreed, then quickly walked to her car where Willow was already fast asleep in the passenger seat. She just couldn't wait to get away from this place.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Willow opened her eyes groggily, blinking against the harsh morning light. She nearly screamed in surprise at seeing her friend's face right above her. "Oh God! You scared the hell out of me. What are you trying to do?.. Give me a heart attack?"

Willow winced in pain and reached up to hold her throbbing head.

"I'm sorry Willow..." Buffy started to say.

"Is my brain leaking out of my ears? Cause it feels like it is." Then Willow noticed the tears streaming down Buffy's face and sat up. Too quickly. She grabbed Buffy's arm in an attempt at making the room stop spinning. "What's going on? I make a joke and you start crying. This isn't usually a good sign. Did I do something?"

After handing Willow the cup of chamomile tea she'd made for her before coming to wake her up, Buffy told her friend what happened the night before. Willow sat back against the pillows and sipped her tea while listening to Buffy. When her friend reached the point of the story where they got back home, Willow calmly took another sip, then spoke up, an unreadable expression on her face.

"Well--that would explain why I don't remember anything after talking to that Riley guy." She shook her head lightly. "And to think that I was trying to be nice to the boring loser. That will teach me."

Buffy gave her an incredulous look, her face red from all the crying she'd done while telling Willow what happened the night before. "That's IT? That's all you have to say? You almost got raped by that creep, Will. A few minutes later and..."

"And nothing. You found me in time to stop him. Thanks by the way. Too bad I was unconscious and missed that part where you kicked his sorry ass." She tried to smile, but Buffy was still staring at her. "Don't get me wrong, I am freaked out. But it didn't happen. What am I gonna do? Mope around and try to imagine 'what if'? No point in that. I'm still me, he didn't do anything to me, you got there in time to stop it."

"But..."

Willow raised her hand to indicate that she wasn't done talking. "AND, it's no one's fault--except Riley’s, of course. You couldn't have known this would happen. I should have been more careful with my drink. It's something that could have happened to me in a bar somewhere too, it's not because I went with you to this party. So get it out of your head right now that you're responsible for my safety, Buffy Anne Summers. I know you. You'll try blaming yourself for this because you asked me to go with you."

Buffy looked down, ashamed that she was so predictable.

"I'm 27 years old, Buffy. I'm a grown woman and I can take care of myself. Well... Obviously, I can't--as I so clearly proved last night--but if I screw up and get myself in trouble, it's nobody's fault but mine. All right?"

Buffy nodded through her renewed tears, obviously not convinced, but she didn't resist when her friend pulled her into a hug. She hid her face against Willow's shoulder and let out a sob. Willow rubbed her back soothingly until Buffy stopped crying. Then she pulled away and gave her one of her warm Willow smiles.

"If it makes it better... I don't remember a thing. Makes it all easier to forget about it, don't you think? And right now... I'm more bothered by the hangover than I am by what you told me happened last night."

On cue, Dawn walked in with a bottle of Tylenol and a glass of water. The girl tried her best to look innocent, but failed.

Buffy welcomed the distraction. "Were you eavesdropping?"

Dawn's blue eyes got impossibly large. "Who... me?"

Willow couldn't help laughing. Then...

"Owww! My heeeead! I think there's something wrong with it. Should it really be hurting that much? You think there‘s something wrong?"

Buffy gave her a sympathetic look. "Yes, there is. It's called a hangover honey."

"But luckily..." Dawn jumped on the bed and started bouncing happily, ignoring Willow's groans of pain. "You got nurse Dawn and nurse Buffy to take care of you."

Willow closed her eyes. "Great."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CHAPTER 46: When it rains, it pours

Buffy sat at her desk, drinking decaffeinated coffee and going through some files. She'd just arrived a moment ago and had a hard time getting her mind into her work. She had arrived late this morning, which wasn't something she usually did. But she felt incredibly groggy and didn't seem to be able to shake off the tiredness weighing her down. She sighed and tried to focus her attention on the file in front of her and think of what she had to do during the day. But the unusual rain pounding her window kept diverting her gaze from the work at hand. The gray skies and torrential rain did nothing to improve her already gloomy mood.

There was a knock on the door. Buffy looked up, assuming it must be Harmony. But when the door didn't open, she called for the person to come in. The door opened and Faith looked inside.

"Hey B, sorry for knocking like this, but your very competent secretary is nowhere in sight."

Buffy frowned, noticing how lifeless Faith's voice was. "Everything all right, Faith?"

The guard opened the door wider. "Can I come in for a sec?"

"Sure..." Buffy stood up in a hurry as soon as she noticed the state of Faith's uniform. The front was dark with fresh blood. "Faith! Oh my God, are you all right? What happened?"

Buffy quickly walked up to her friend to examine her more closely. Faith shut the door behind her.

"No, don't worry. I'm fine. It's not my blood." But despite what she was saying, the tall brunette's hands were shaking badly.

The warden grabbed Faith's arm and led her to a chair, not caring if the blood stained the expensive leather of her office furniture. She poured her a glass of water, then turned the other chair and sat in front of her.

Faith took the offered glass with a thankful nod and drank half of it in three large gulps. Color was slowly returning to her too pale face as Buffy patiently waited for her to regain her composure.

Finally, Faith shook her head and snorted, her usual detached attitude slowly returning. "Seriously Buff, you have got to fire that asshole Jake. The guy's seriously deranged."

Eyebrows drawn together in question, Buffy gave her a blank look. "Huh? What the hell happened? What did Jake do? Can you please start from the beginning because I have no idea what you're talking about."

"We had a situation about an hour ago. I tried calling you on the radio but you weren't there."

"Sorry, I was late."

"'s' all right. Everything is back to normal now, but let me tell you... it wasn't pretty."

"So, if it's not yours, than whose blood is this? A prisoner?"

Faith took the time to finish her glass of water and put it down on Buffy's desk before answering. "Yeah. Parker was acting up again. He stabbed Rayne..."

Funny how such simple words, uttered so casually, could destroy your entire world. And this was the perfect example. In a matter of seconds, Buffy felt everything crashing down arround her. Time stopped and whatever Faith said after was completely lost on her, the sound not reaching her ears.

It only took a moment for Faith to realize that something was going on. Her boss was suddenly staring at her with blind, glassy eyes, her face pale as a ghost. But what really gave it all away were the tears streaming down her face.

"Buffy?" She looked at the petite blonde questioningly, but got no answer. Then, she understood. "Oh my fucking God! I should have known. You and pretty boy Rayne?"

Realizing she had the way to end Buffy's misery, Faith's eyes widened. "Shit! I'm such a moron... He's fine! Stop freakin' out B. He's at the infirmary being his good old self, talking and cracking jokes. Nothing to worry about, I swear."

This didn't have the expected effect. Buffy started bawling.

Faith knelt before her and pulled her into her arms. "Hey now, you know I'm not good with that kind of stuff. Makes me feel all awkward and shit." She said gruffly while uncomfortably patting her friend's back. "Come on now, I swear he's fine. I just spent the past hour by his side. He won't even need to go to the hospital. Thankfully, Parker can't aim for shit. It was bleeding a lot, but it was only superficial. The doc gave him something against the pain so now he's all stoned and happy."

Faith pushed away from Buffy and looked at her. "Chill, OK? Take a deep breath, fix your make-up--cause you look like Harmony when she got drunk at the Christmas party last year... scary. We'll go see him. I'll distract Anya so you can have a couple minutes alone with your hot prison boy. Deal?"

Buffy nodded pitifully.

Faith stood up. It was her turn to pour a glass of water. She handed it to Buffy. "Here ya go, boss."

"Thanks." Buffy watched as the guard went to get her purse for her. She took it and started looking for her compact. "Faith?"

"Yeah?"

"I... huh.."

Faith raised an eyebrow, waiting for Buffy to finally ask her question. "What?"

"I don't know. I was expecting you to be upset if you ever found out about me and Spike, but you seem OK with it."

"Why would I be upset? You're not stealing, you're not hurting anyone, you're not abusing anyone... If you're in love with Rayne, it's your business. Besides, who could blame you? The guy is beyond hot." She sighed. "Look, B, I know why you think I'd be upset. It's because of what happened with Wilkins, right?"

"Yes. I thought... You said you trusted me. I felt like I was betraying your trust. I lied to you, you know?"

"Yeah, that you did. But I can see why, so no hard feelings." Seeing that Buffy was done making herself look presentable again, Faith stood up. "Enough with the sentimental shit. You're banging Rayne--you are, right?"

Buffy nodded, her cheeks turning red.

"So like I was saying, you're banging Rayne, you're a lucky bitch, I'm happy for you, and I don't care if you lied to me about this. Can we go now? I'm sure Mr. Hot British Guy would love to have a visitor."

Buffy gave her a weak smile and followed her out of the office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as they walked into the infirmary, Anya pounced on them; she'd obviously been waiting for them. The nurse looked excited beyond belief, but as usual tried acting as if she weren't affected by the morning's events.

"Finally. I was starting to think this prison didn't have a warden."

Faith gave her a murderous look and Anya visibly shrank back.

"I didn't mean that in a rude way... I mean... With all due respect and all..." She looked down, giving up.

"It's fine Anya." Buffy said, trying not to sound too exasperated. "You're right, I should have been here. Where is he?"

"He's in a private room. I gave him one of the painkillers the doctor prescribed and he's sleeping now. Dr. Stevens is still here if you want to see him. He's filling out some paper work in the office."

Faith answered for the warden. "Ms. Summers will go ask prisoner Rayne a few questions first..."

"But, he's sleeping right now." Anya argued, frowning in disapproval.

"So? He's a prisoner, not the prince of England. He's lucky he's got a private room and a private doctor. Now the warden wants to ask him questions. She has a job to do. So you and I will go have a chat with the good doctor and let her do her job. Got it?"

The nurse rolled her eyes at Faith. "God, Faith, you're so rude."

The guard smirked. "Something we have in common. Lets go."

Buffy watched as Faith and Anya disappeared into the office, Faith closing the door behind them. Taking a deep breath, she walked up to the closed door of the private room where William was resting. She opened the door and quietly walked in, afraid of what she'd see.

Spike was lying on his back, his torso bare except for the starched white dressing wrapped around his middle. Fresh blood had seeped through, creating a small dark circle on his right side. His eyes were closed, his dark lashes contrasting against his paler than normal skin. Buffy froze for a moment, then rushed to his side. As soon as she grabbed his hand, he opened his eyes. Seeing her there, he smiled weakly.

"Hey luv." He greeted, his voice raspy, the dose of painkiller he'd just received making his words slurred. His eyelashes fluttered, then his eyelids shut again. "Sorry, kitten. I don't know what nurse Anya gave me, but I'm sure it can't be bloody legal in the States. This stuff was strong."

Buffy grabbed his hand and squeezed it affectionately. She managed a shadow of a smile. "Maybe in Amsterdam it is."

He chuckled, but his amusement was cut short by the pain shooting through his torso. Silence followed. Silence while Buffy fought against the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes, and Spike fought to open his eyes to look at her. To be honest, she preferred that he kept his eyes closed so he wouldn't see the distress on her face. The last thing she wanted was for him to be worried about her.

But she failed at keeping the tears in, and he succeeded at opening his eyes.

"Luv, please don't cry. I'm fine. The wanker did manage to put a hole through me, but he was too much of a poofter to do it right. I just lost a bit of blood, that's all. Some orange juice and doughnuts, a night of rest, and I'll be right as rain. Stop worrying like that."

Seeing that this had no effect on her, he managed to scoot over a bit to make place for her on the bed and pulled on her hand. "C'mon luv, come lie with me for a bit."

He watched her as she carefully lie next to him. He put his arm up around her shoulder and she snuggled up to his side, careful not to touch his midsection.

"Nobody's going to interrupt, pet? I don't fancy another surprise visit. Might not be so lucky this time."

She shook her head no. "F-Faith just found out... about us. She said she'd keep Anya and the doctor busy for a while." Buffy manage to get out between two sobs.

Spike turned his head to place a tender kiss on her forehead. He knew instinctively there was nothing he could say to make it better so he just waited until her tears slowed down before speaking again.

"Are you gonna be all right, luv? I hate to see you like that."

Buffy chuckled bitterly. She reached up to brush the tears from her cheek. "You're worried about me? Are you serious? You get stabbed by some psychotic jackass and you worry about me?"

Spike smiled down at her. "What? Is there some kind of prison rule against that? Stabbed prisoners are not allowed to worry about their beloved warden when she's crying? Sorry luv, I missed the memo."

"S'not funny." She mumbled against the skin of his neck.

"Sorry Buffy. I'm just trying to lighten things up a little. I don't like seeing you so worked up over my well being. I know you're worried all the time and I hate that Parker succeeded at giving you another reason to worry."

There was a long, emotionally charged silence before Buffy finally spoke again.

"I don't know how to deal, Spike."

The desperation in her small, almost childish voice, broke his heart. He tightened his hold on her.

"Every time I think it's too hard and I can't take anymore, something else happens that makes the rest look like nothing. I want this to be over. I want to take you out of here with me. I'm lying here on this bed with you, and it's like a part of my brain doesn't understand why I can't just stand up, take your hand, and walk out of here with you. Take you home. Take care of you, make you all better, and forget this place even exists."

For once in his life, Spike didn't know what to say.

"Faith has a gun." Buffy continued, now more animated. "You could take it, use me as an hostage. We could get out of here and drive all the way to Mexico. Start a new life together. I could braid necklaces and sell them on the beach..."

Spike gave her a disbelieving look. "Somehow, that little plan of yours doesn't sound like it would end well. I can already see the headlines. 'Police chase ends in tragedy near Mexican border. Escaped prisoner and hostage both dead.' Not your brightest idea, luv."

"Fine." Buffy said with a pout. "If you have a better plan, I'd like to hear it Mr. Smarty Pants."

He smiled sadly at her. "No. No plan. I'm sorry baby. I know it's hard and I want so much to make it better, but there's nothing I can do. I can promise you to try to be more careful, but that's all I can do. I'll try not to get into anymore fights unless it's absolutely unavoidable. And I'll stay away from Parker."

Buffy sat up. She wiped her face with the back of her hand and ran her fingers through her disheveled hair. "That won't be a problem. I'm gonna work from home for the rest of the day because I can't stay here, but before I leave, there's one thing I need to do. I'm handcuffing this son of a bitch and shipping his ass to Donovan. See if he likes playing in the big leagues. He's had his fun here, now lets see how he likes being someone else's bitch for a change. I'm not even gonna wait for an answer from the warden at Donovan's. I'll send Parker with a little note attached to his shirt. "Stray dog looking for new home." They'll know what to do with the bastard.

Spike grinned. "That's my girl."

Buffy placed a hand on the other side of him and leaned forward until her lips met his, careful not to jar the bed or touch his injured torso. Spike slid his fingers through her hair to pull her closer and deepened the kiss. Their tongues caressed each other tenderly, lips devouring each other's in a desperate attempt at explaining the depth of their feelings for each other. Neither could bring themselves to end the kiss, not even when Faith cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Yo... Love birds, time to check out. I kept the good doctor and nurse girl busy for as long as I could, but besides a threesome, I really couldn't find anything else to keep them occupied. So we gotta hit the road before they barge in and discover your little secret."

Buffy groaned in protest, but pulled away from Spike's lips nonetheless. She reached up and caressed the side of his face. "Rest. I'll give them instructions to keep you here at least a week, if not more. Faith and Giles will come check on you. I'll stop by as often as I possibly can."

Spike nodded and smiled. "Thanks, pet."

"I love you... so much."

"Love you too kitten. And please... Stop worrying about me."

"Sorry baby, no can do. That's like asking me to stop breathing." She grinned and ruffled his hair.

From somewhere behind them, Faith sighed and rolled her eyes. "Absolutely sickening. You two should be ashamed of yourselves for being that cute. Come on, B, gotta go."

With one last chaste kiss on the lips, Buffy said good bye and left Spike to rest. The doctor and Anya walked in just as she was following Faith out of the room. Buffy stopped to give Anya instructions about Spike, then left the infirmary with Faith.

"Are you going back to you office?" Faith asked.

"Yeah. But just for a few minutes. I want to pick up a couple files, make a few phone calls, then I'm going home."

Faith nodded silently. Buffy noticed she looked tired. She'd almost forgot the guard had been through a lot too. "I might stop at the restaurant for lunch before going home. Wanna come with?"

Faith's face lit up. "Yeah, sure. Action like I've had this morning always makes me hungry. I wouldn't say no to a burger... or something else."

Buffy smile wearily. "Good. Let's go."

The two women were approaching the warden's office when Buffy stopped and put a hand on the wall to support herself.

"You all right, B?"

Buffy took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. She finally looked up at a worried Faith. "Yeah, I'm fine. I guess I'm a little tired. Too many emotions this morning, that's all."

They went into Buffy's office and after she made the arrangements to transfer Parker Abrams, she followed Faith to the security check point.

"Are we taking one car or two?" Buffy asked. "If you want to come with me, I don't mind driving you back after lunch. It's up to you."

"Gotta admit, B, I wouldn't mind getting in that cute little toy car of yours. It's a beauty."

Buffy chuckled. "One car it is."

"I have to talk to the replacement for a sec. I'll meet you at your car."

The blonde woman nodded and left. As she walked across the parking lot, she waved at the parking attendant. Joseph, an old black man approaching his retirement, waved back.

The old man watched the warden making her way to her car. He liked her; she was a good girl. A woman, but in the eyes of the 63 year-old veteran, she was only a girl. But Joseph liked her because she was a good boss. Just, fair, strict but with a good heart and willing to listen to her employees. After dealing with so many wardens that he called 'bad apples' before, this tiny slip of a girl was like a breath of fresh air. She was sure to make his last couple of years working for the prison good ones.

The old man frowned when he saw the warden stop in her tracks. She was a little hunched over and not moving. But then she started walking again and he figured it was nothing. Until she reached her car, dropped her keys and fell on her knees, the hand holding on to the door handle the only thing still keeping her upright. Joseph got out of his booth and started jogging toward the warden as fast as his old age allowed him.

From the other side of the parking lot, Faith started running too. But Buffy didn't see either of them. There was nothing but the blinding pain in her lower belly and a feeling of fatality.

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A/N: I'm sorry. I have a feeling you guys won't be too happy with me. It's OK though. You guys are allowed to send me hate mail ;) As long as you give me permission to forward it to my beta. She was worried about the reaction this chapter would get and begged me to let her read the hate mail lol On a more serious note, I promise things will get better. Please review!

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A/N: Shameless pimping. If you've read America's sexiest home video and enjoyed it, you can vote for it at the Fool for Love awards Reader's choice poll. You need to have a live journal account in order to vote. Here's the link: http://www.livejournal.com/community/_fool_for_love_/11528.html
It would mean a lot to me if you'd take a second to vote. I wanna win damn it! lol :D And if you've never read it, well... here's your chance ;)
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CHAPTER 47: Tough girls cry too


The sun was shining brightly in the park, making all the colors more vivid. Children were running around, laughing and screaming while chasing each other. A little girl wearing a sky blue dress was sitting on a swing, a happy smile on her face and her long blonde hair trailing behind her as she swung higher and higher, trying to reach the clouds. Suddenly, she jumped off, landing awkwardly on the sand. She started running towards Buffy, but when she was close enough, strong arms intercepted her. She wasn't frightened though because she knew these arms well. Her father's arms.

William tossed her in the air, swiftly catching her in his arms. The little girl giggled happily.

"Where's my princess going like that?"

Putting her tiny arms around William's neck, the child smiled at him. "I was going to tell mommy how I almost reached the sky. Did you see how high I was swinging?"

William kissed the top of the girl's head. "Yes, puppet, I saw you. That was really impressive. Why don't you give your mom a kiss and then go try again. We'll watch you."

She nodded her blonde head eagerly, then wiggled out of his arms. Buffy watched her walk up. For some reason, she felt incredibly sad.

The little girl bent down to hug Buffy who was sitting on the grass under a tree, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She then looked at her mother with a smile, the look in her eyes much too mature for a five year-old.

"Don't be sad." She said in a soft voice before turning around and running back to the swings.

Spike came to sit down next to her. With one arm, he pulled her against him. He lifted her chin with his fingers and brushed a tear she didn't know had rolled down her face. He smiled down at her before pressing his lips to hers. Lost in the kiss, Buffy didn't notice the darkening of the sky and the wind blowing every which way. After a long moment, she pulled away and looked around with a frown. She was chilled to the bones and couldn't tell why. Then she noticed.

Buffy stood up quickly, her heart hammering against her chest. The children were gone.

Her child was gone.


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The first thing Buffy noticed when she slowly started waking up was how cold she was. Then, a familiar voice reached her.

"What the fuck do you mean, you guys are busy? We've been waiting here for an hour!"

"Ma'am... " A male voice started saying.

"Don't fucking 'ma'am' me, alright? My friend has been sleeping on a goddamn stretcher for an hour now. So you're going to get that smug face of yours out of my sight and go find that doctor woman. Got it?"

"But Dr. Burkle is busy." The other voice whined.

"Oh for Christ sake, grow some balls!" The voice she could now identify as Faith's exclaimed angrily. "Go tell her there's an emergency or something. Just get her here so I can take my friend back home."

Buffy didn't want to open her eyes. The pain killer they’d administered to her a while ago was still making her sleepy. And as long as her eyes were shut, she could pretend she was somewhere else. But even with her eyes shut, the harsh lights of the hospital and all the foreign sounds were making it very difficult for her to pretend. She was starting to remember and she didn't want to.

Flashbacks of Faith helping her to stand up and walk to the passenger side, the drive to the hospital, knowing it was pointless... Buffy couldn't believe it all only happened a little more than an hour ago. It felt to her like a lifetime ago. No. Truth be told, it felt like it had happened to someone else all together and she'd been watching the scene from a safe distance. Arriving at the hospital, registering, Faith filling insurance papers for her, then a nurse leading her to an examination room with ten stretchers separated by thin curtains. That's where she'd been for the past hour, waiting for Dr. Burkle to show up and tell her what she already knew.

Buffy blinked, trying to adjust her vision to the fluorescent light. Faith's face finally came into focus. The brunette smiled kindly at her, but Faith's obvious sympathy made her want to throw up. She looked away.

"No pity, Faith." Buffy whispered, her voice raw with emotions.

"'s not pity. Pity is one thing you'll never get from me. It's concern for a friend. That's all it is."

Buffy nodded. There was a long silence, both women lost in their thoughts.

The curtain was moved aside as someone walked in. Buffy looked up to see Dr. Burkle looking down at her chart with a sad expression. Faith stood up. She glared at the doctor, but kept her mouth shut. She looked at Buffy. "I'll be right out there if you need me."

Buffy managed a thin smile and watched Faith leave, drawing the curtain carefully behind her.

Standing by Buffy's side, Fred took her hand in hers and squeezed it gently in a show of support. "How are you feeling, Buffy?"

Buffy didn't answer, she just shook her head slightly and said "Isn't it strange how losing something you didn't want in the first place can hurt so bad?"

Fred didn't answer, just sat on the edge of the bed to encourage her to talk.

"Remember when you told me I was pregnant how I reacted? I was an emotional mess. But..." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying not to break down. "I guess I got used to the idea. I started believing things would work out."

"It's normal, Buffy..."

Tears started streaming down the blonde woman's face. "I haven't even told him yet... kept waiting for the right time."

"You should still tell him. If he loves you--and I'm sure he does--he'll understand.

Buffy snorted in derision. "Yeah."

She let the doctor examine her, keeping her eyes shut the entire time. Fred sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry you miscarried, but these things happen sometimes in the first two months."

Buffy finally found the strength to ask the question that kept torturing her. "Was it my fault? Is it something I did?"

Fred gave her a sympathetic look. "Buffy, no. Of course not. It couldn't have been prevented, I promise."

"But..." Fresh tears started falling. "I put myself under a lot of stress lately."

"I'm not going to lie to you. Stress doesn't help. But most of the time, miscarriage are due to the fetus not being viable. It just wasn't meant to be. Don't torture yourself with guilt, I can assure you it's not your fault in any way. You should go home and get some rest. Take a few days off from work. You have to deal with the loss. You have a right to grieve you know."

Buffy nodded. "Thanks. I'll do that."

Dr. Burkle smiled kindly at her. “All right. I’m going to move you to a private examination room and we’ll have to do a curettage. It’s not fun, but it won’t take too long.”

Buffy whimpered and shut her eyes, but didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say anyway.

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The ride from the hospital was by far the most uncomfortable moment in Faith's life. And she'd been in a lot of awkward situations. Waking up in a stranger's bed in the morning with no clue who the naked guy next to her was, telling her mom "sorry dad dumped you" when her mom didn't know yet that he'd packed his bags and left, walking in on her roommate naked in her bed, with her boyfriend... Still, nothing compared to this. Possibly because no matter how hard she tried to find it, there was absolutely no humor in this situation.

When you wake up in some dude's bed and can't even remember talking to him the night before; you can laugh about it the next day with your friends. Not this. This was tragedy and she had no fucking clue how to deal, or how to make it better.

Her own way of dealing with pain was to run away. She'd done it all her life until she settled in Sunnydale, found a job, and decided to keep her human contacts to a minimum to avoid pain, therefore not needing to run away anymore. But running away not being an option for Buffy, she didn't know. Should she stay silent and leave Buffy alone with her thoughts? Should she try to find something deep and thoughtful to say to her? Distract her with something that had nothing to do with what just happened? She had no idea.

Faith opened her mouth to speak about a hundred and twenty times, each time, shutting it again and trying to come up with something else. Her knuckles were white from the strength of her grip on the steering wheel. To make matters worse, they were stuck in the five o'clock traffic. Businessman coming back to suburban hell after a long day at work downtown, housewives coming back from their grocery shopping, school buses. Buffy was staring blankly out the window in a daze, which prompted Faith to open her mouth again. Anything to break the heavy silence. She shook her head. It really wasn't like her to be afraid of words.

"Look, I suck at this, OK?" She finally managed to say, the awkward words coming out in a rush. "I keep telling myself: "OK Faith, gotta say something there girl. But I come up with nothing."

"Faith, you don't have to..."

Faith nodded her head quickly. "Yes. Yes I do have to. That's what friends do, right? They help each other feel better. What good am I for if I can't even do that? Am I not supposed to be able to come up with some Hallmark worthy thought of the day crap? You know... "Tomorrow the sun will shine again" or some shit like that?"

Buffy gave her a look, and Faith rolled her eyes. "Fine, that was lame. But you get my meaning here, B. I really do suck at the 'comforting friend' thing." She sighed in frustration. "I just don't know how to make you feel better. I'm sorry."

"You're here. That's all I need."

Buffy's voice was so lifeless that it made Faith cringe. She nodded her understanding and tried to focus her attention back on the traffic while Buffy returned to staring out in silence. After five more minutes like this, and seeing that they were nowhere near Buffy's house, Faith had enough.

"Alright. I might get retarded when it comes to spurting sickeningly sweet words of comfort, but I can still try to distract you, right? If there's one thing I excel at, it's telling stories. 's not good to wallow in your misery like that. So I was thinking about what I could tell you. How about I tell you more about what happened this morning? All I said about it so far is that I'm the one who took care of..." As the words were coming out of her mouth, Faith slowly started seeing the flaw in her plan. She stopped talking and cleared her throat in embarrassment.

"Yeah, good job dumbass.” Faith told herself out loud. “So much for distracting you from your depressing thoughts, uh? Sorry bout that."

Buffy turned to face her, resting her head against the passenger window. "No. I don't mind. I'd like to hear what happened this morning."

Faith frowned, eyes trained on the traffic in front of her. "You sure, B?"

"Yeah."

"All right..." Faith drawled hesitantly. "I wasn't there for most of it, but Geek Boy--you know Andrew, right?" She asked Buffy, briefly interrupting her story to make sure the other woman knew who she was referring to.

Buffy nodded, a weak smile on her lips. "Sure."

"So as I was saying, Geek Boy was there and told me everything on the way to the infirmary. I had to send him away after a while because your boy toy was losing patience and said he was starting to regret saving the--and I quote--bloody annoying pansy's ass. Anyway, I wasn't there but I'll still start from the beginning not to confuse you too much."

"I lost a baby, Faith, not my brain. But go on."

"Well, you sure as hell didn't lose your sharp tongue, sister."

This was good, Faith thought. Buffy still had that vacant look in her eyes and probably wouldn't get over the ordeal for a while, but at least she was talking and listening.

"According to Andrew," Faith started, "He was alone in the showers when Parker and two of his buddies walked in. Of course, they started bothering him, what else can you expect from these idiots. And let's be honest here, little geeky Andrew wouldn’t be able to defend himself against a five year-old girl, so what the hell could he do against Parker? But what we found out later is that it was all a set up intended for Rayne. Guess Parker boy knew Rayne is too good a guy to let some poor defenseless dork get raped in the shower. Evil, but smart. So when your boy toy walked into the shower, he saw Parker and the two other guys holding Andrew against a wall. After that, things got ugly. Andrew said they barely talked at all. Spike told them to let Andrew go, they did and attacked Spike instead. The fight wasn't long and Spike had the upper hand if I can rely on the extremely enthusiastic tale Geek Boy told me."

"Yeah. Spike is Andrew's hero for some reason." Buffy commented dully.

"I noticed. I wouldn't be surprised to find a picture of Rayne under Andrew's mattress. But that's beside the point. At the time all this was happening, Jake and I were doing a routine patrol. Jake went inside the bathroom for a quick check. I couldn't go in with him because apparently, it makes little boys self-conscious to have a girl in there with them when they're showering." She lifted an eyebrow and glanced briefly at Buffy. "I think some of them just don't want me to know they have small dicks."

"Faith? Story."

"Oh. Yeah, sorry. Jake was in the bathroom and I could hear commotion coming from inside so I pushed the door open and called out for him, thinking he might be in trouble. When he didn't answer, I told myself "fuck the prisoners' modesty" and walked right in. Jake was standing in the entrance to the showers with his arms crossed, looking at what was going on and not doing anything. I quickly walked up to him to see what he was looking at. I was just in time to see Parker stabbing Spike once with a homemade weapon. I yelled at Jake to do something but he told me to relax and watch. So I pushed him out of the way and stopped Parker just as he was going to hit again. I knocked him out with my taser. The two other cowards ran. Jake didn't even try to stop them, or help me help Spike. He fucking walked out on me. I had to try to stop Spike's bleeding and call for help on my radio at the same time."

Faith shook her head in disbelief, her eyes suspiciously wet as she remembered what happened in the morning. "The fucking asshole left me there alone."

“I’ll fire his ass.” Buffy said in a cold voice. “I don’t care how hard the Union tries to fight me on this one, this bastard won’t be working in my prison any longer, I promise.”

Faith tried to laugh it off, but Buffy could tell she was upset. The blonde woman reached over and took Faith’s hand in hers, giving her a small smile.

"So, anyway, you know the rest of the story. One hot prison boy saved by yours truly." She slowed down when they reached Buffy's house. "Too bad I couldn't do the same for you." She said under her breath.

"What did you say?" Buffy asked, eyebrows drawn together in confusion.

"Nothing." Faith said, glancing quickly in Buffy's direction.

Buffy decided not to push. She knew what Faith had said, just didn't know how to respond.

Faith expertly maneuvered the wheel to park the car in Buffy's drive way. Instead of getting out of the car right away, the two women remained seated in silence. Faith was staring straight ahead. She finally spoke.

"It's just... Maybe I could have drove faster. Taken a short cut. I don't know... I'm sure there was something I could have done to stop this from happening."

This time, the tough woman let a single tear escape her usually fierce control over her emotions. She furiously wiped it with her fingers, annoyed at her own weakness.

Buffy looked down at her hands that were clasped together in her lap. Her hair fell in front of her face, hiding her expression from her friend.

When she spoke, it was barely above a whisper, but Faith heard her loud and clear. Painful words have a way of reaching you even when you don't want to hear them. "I lost it in the parking lot, Faith. There was nothing you could have done; it was already too late."

In a matter of seconds, Faith made the decision that only for today, it was OK to let herself be vulnerable. Today, she could let her guard down... only for a little while. She reached out and pulled Buffy into her arms. The two women cried for the longest time in the parked car; a flow of emotions they'd both been holding back for too long. And it felt good. That feeling wouldn't last, but for now, it was better than nothing.

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