Technology Doesn’t Last Forever
by Invisible Sun

Summary: What happens when it begins to falter? (B/S)



The full moon shone down upon the streets and cemeteries of
Sunnydale, home of the ‘boco del inferno,’ the Hellmouth.
The home of demons of the many varieties, vampires, and the
Slayer. Buffy Summers. The seemingly immortal Slayer.
The one who died twice and came back twice. The one feared
by all things evil.

Well, almost all things evil. One vampire didn’t fear her.
Rather, he loved her. His appearance was quite appealing.
Startling blue eyes, beautiful chiseled cheekbones, hair
unnaturally blond. He was graceful as he moved. Swift.
Quiet. Like a predator. A predator with a long billowing
duster floating behind him as he walked. He went by many
names. Big Bad, Deadboy Jr., the undead English Patient,
Hostile 17, William the Bloody, but he preferred Spike.

Spike was different from most vampires right from the very
beginning. He seemed more human than most vampires. Smarter,
more cunning, too. He was the slayer of two Slayers. One
in China during the Boxer Rebellion and another in a subway
in New York City. He was lethal. Feared. The Scourge of
Europe. That all changed, however, three years ago. Our
William the Bloody was an unfortunate guinea pig for a
government experiment. Deeply embedded in his cerebral
cortex laid a tiny bundle of wires and microprocessors.
A chip. A nifty little mechanism that sent out a nasty
shock whenever he tried to hurt a human. The chip rendered
him virtually incapable of defending himself against humans.
Harmless.

The chip aided Spike in his growth as a person. Desperate
to kill something, anything, as a means of releasing pent-up
anger, he joined the self-titled Scooby Gang. He then found
himself in love with the killer of his kind, Buffy, and he
grew to adore her little sister, Dawn. It seemed like he
found his new place in the world. But technology doesn’t
last forever. And that chip, that catalyst for the changes
he made in his unlife, is reaching its termination date.
What’s to become of Spike?



“Hyah!”

Buffy kicked the vampire, sending him flying into the wall
of the mausoleum. He fell down to the ground, with a loud
thud.

Spike watched the scene unfold before him, concealed in the
bushes, as the vamp lunged at Buffy again, only to be, once
again, effortlessly tossed aside. Spike smirked in approval.
This vamp won’t be seeing the end of this fight. And he
didn’t. Spike smiled as he watched the whelp disintegrate
into a big pile of dust as Buffy’s stake entered his chest,
piercing his heart. He watched her get real quiet and
concentrate.

“I know you’re out there. You might as well come out,”
she said, her back still turned to Spike.

He sighed and thought about staying where he was but decided
against it. If he didn’t come out, she’d come get him anyway.
So Spike stepped out from behind the bushes and approached
her from behind. She twirled around, stake up, ready for
the possible assault.

Upon seeing Spike, she dropped her weapon hand and looked
at him. “Oh, just you.”

He smirked.

“What are you doing here?” she paused. “You were following
me, weren’t you”

Spike scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself, Slayer,” he responded.
He spoke with a British accent, finally beginning to fade
after the years.

“Then what *are* you doing?” she demanded.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I live here,” he said, pointing
to his crypt off to the right.

Buffy was at a lost as to how to respond. He was right.
Off to the side, laid his crypt. “Oh.”

Spike grinned. He loved it when he was right.

“Well, what are you doing out here instead of in there?”
she asked, mostly out of desperation for a comeback.

He chuckled. “Is that the best you can do, Slayer?”

She glared at him. She’s so beautiful when she’s angry,
Spike thought. Suddenly his head began to pound. He
tried to stifle a groan as he rubbed his forehead with
his hand.

Buffy regarded him. “What’s wrong with you?”

He decided to play it cool. “Your pathetic excuse for a
comeback is giving me a headache.”

She glared at him again. He started for his crypt, hand
still rubbing his forehead. “See you later.”



Spike stumbled into his crypt, the intense pain in his head
too much. He collapsed into his ratty old chair. This wasn’t
the first time he experienced unexplained headaches, or
migraines, rather. But this was the most intense he felt yet.
He needed to dull the pain. He reached for a bottle of whiskey
beside his chair and began to do just that.



Slowly, very slowly, Spike opened his eyes. He was still
in his chair, clutching an empty bottle of bourbon. His head
still hurt. However he was at a lost as to if it was from
last night or his morning hangover. He groaned and tilted
his head to the side. He tried to will himself to lose
consciousness again. He didn’t know if he could stand this
pain. It was too much.

Slowly, very slowly, unconsciousness claimed him again.



The sun had long set over the horizon before Spike opened
his eyes again. His headache had diminished somewhat.
It wasn’t nearly as intense as it was earlier. He sighed
in relief. He didn’t think he would have been able to deal
with the pain any longer. Maybe I should tell the Scoobies.
Maybe they’ll know what’s wrong with me, he thought. He
couldn’t help but think it had something to do with the
bloody chip shoved into his brain. Like they’d help me.
They’d just prefer to watch me suffer..., he continued to
think. He shrugged and got up. Even if they won’t help
him, he saw no reason not to go out and patrol the streets.
Maybe he’ll come across Buffy...



Our vampire liked to patrol the streets and alleyways of
Sunnydale, ridding the town of any baddies he can find. It
made him feel useful, even if he didn’t get the proper
gratitude for his contribution to the protection of the
innocent unknowing civilians. Though he liked to pretend it
didn’t bother him, deep down inside, past that cold exterior,
it did. He felt he wasn’t appreciated. He didn’t like to
admit it, but it hurt. He didn’t know what he had to do to
earn their respect. Everything he had down so far hasn’t
worked... He sighed, deciding it was too much for him to
think about right now. His head still throbbed slightly.

He was heading for the magic shop. Spike knew the Scoobies
would be there. They always were. As he rounded the street
corner, he heard sounds of a struggle. Looks like I found
Buffy. he thought as he heard her yells and grunts.

He watched her fight with a gang of three vamps. Nothing
she couldn’t handle. So Spike just watched. Buffy wouldn’t
like it if he joined in. And he didn’t quite fancy getting
punched in the nose or possibly staked through the heart.
So he watched.

Buffy handled the vamps easily, gracefully. Except for the
one sneaking up from behind, ready to deliver the deathblow.

Bugger. Can’t just sit back and watch him kill her. Spike
decided to intervene. He reached into his duster pocket and
pulled out a stake. The vamp now had Buffy in his grip and
was ready to sink his fangs into her. Spike quickly dusted
him before he could. Buffy looked to see who had saved her.
Seeing Spike, she glared at him and stormed off in the
direction of the nearby Magic Shop. Spike, confused by her
severe lack of acknowledgment, followed her.

When to two of them entered the shop, Spike asked, “What
the hell kind of gratitude is that, pet?”

Buffy looked at him. “Gratitude? For what?”

The Scoobies watched this exchange with mild interest.
It was nothing they’d never seen before...every night.

Spike sighed, “For saving your life.”

Buffy scoffed, “You didn’t save my life. I totally had
that vamp until *you* screwed it up.”

“Oh, sure. And let me guess, you had everything planned.”
At her nod, he continued, “And having that vampire sink his
teeth into you neck was all a part of this plan?”

“Buffy, did some vamp almost...have you?” Willow asked.

The Slayer shook her head, “I was completely on top of
everything. That is, until my very own shining knight in
armor had to screw every thing up.” She turned to scowl at
Spike again and noticed that he seemed to be in incredible
pain.

He was clutching his head in his hands and bent over. He
groaned.

“Spike?” Buffy asked, “Are you okay?”

He fell to his knees. He managed to gasp out a single word
before he fell to the floor, unconscious. “Help.”

End Part 1

Part 2

Spike woke up thirty minutes later on the couch in the training
room. For a minute he thought he was alone. But he wasn’t.
He felt a presence. The he smelt her. Buffy. She probably
got a kick out of it when I passed out, he thought, probably
here to laugh in my face. He slowly opened his eyes, not
quite ready to face the onslaught of her laughter.

He saw her, instead, looking solemn, a frown on her face.
Well, this is different, he thought as he sat up, a little
too abruptly. His head ached again ad he winced in pain.

“How long has this been happening?” Buffy asked.

“What’s it to you, Slayer? Why do you care?”

“Spike.” He looked at her and saw something that shocked
the hell out of him. Genuine concern. For him.

He sighed. “’Bout two weeks.”

Buffy’s eyes grew wide. “And you didn’t tell us?”

He shrugged. “I didn’t think it was a big deal.”

“You didn’t think it was a big deal?!” she asked, shocked.

“I didn’t think any of you’d care. I figured you’d all
laugh or something.”

He got to his feet and went to the door.

“Giles wants to ask you a few questions.”

Spike nodded and went back into the store. Buffy quickly
followed suit.



Spike sat down at the table where there was an empty seat.
The gang all looked at him.

“Stop look at my like I’m some kind of bloody side-show
attraction,” he growled.

They all turned their heads down. Spike looked at Giles.

“You have a few questions for me?”

Giles nodded, taking off his glasses and cleaning them.

“I understand you’ve been in this situation for a couple of
weeks now. My question is, what are we just now finding out
about this?”

Spike sighed, “Like I told Buffy, I didn’t think any of
you’d care one bit about what was going on with me.”

Xander mumbled, “You wouldn’t be wrong.”

Anya smacked him on the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” he asked, grabbing his arm in
pain. She said nothing, just glared at him. Her look
quieted him down.

Spike began to feel the onslaught of another headache. He
rubbed his forehead, hoping against hope to ease the pain a
little.

“Do any of you have any idea what’s going on with me?”

Willow spoke up. “Tara and I did a magic detection spell
and came up with nothing. Whatever’s happening to you
isn’t being caused by magic.”

Spike nodded, grimacing and grasping his head with two hands.
“It’s the chip, isn’t it?”

“That is what we’ve narrowed it down to, yes,” Giles responded.

Spike felt another tremendous bout of pain strike him. He
gasped.

“Spike, are you okay?” Buffy asked quietly, even though she
already knew the answer.

“What do you think, you bloody bint?” He turned to Giles,
“It’s killing me, isn’t it?”

“I’m not sure. My guess is yes.”

Spike nodded, accepting this. He knew deep down that it
was true.

“So, any idea how long I’ve got?”

“Could take hours. It could take days, months, maybe even
years. I don’t know.”

Spike took this information in and nodded in an accepting
way. He rose to his feet.

“Well, then. I guess I’ll be on my way. Thanks for the help,
Watcher. Slayer.” If one listened carefully, one would have
noticed the slight pain in his voice as he spoke.

He left the shop, leaving the Scoobies confused and worried.
Buffy took off after him. She found him in the alley behind
the shop.

“Slayer,” Spike said, acknowledging her presence.

“Spike.”

“What can I do for you?”

“How can you be so calm?”

“What do you mean?”

She moved closer to him. “How can you take the news Giles
told you so calmly?”

Spike shrugged, “I already suspected it. The Watcher just
confirmed my suspicions .”

“But, Spike, the chip is going to kill you.”

Spike laughed bitterly, “You forget, Slayer. I’m already
dead.”

“You know what I mean.” Buffy was beginning to get angry.

Spike nodded, “I know. But I’ve lived long enough. I’ve
seen enough for one lifetime, or two.”

Buffy was getting desperate. Didn’t he see how much she
didn’t want him to die. That she needed him in her life.

“Spike-”

He was hit by another wave of intense pain. Buffy caught
him before he fell to the ground. He leaned into her,
waiting for the pain to dissipate.

“God. Why won’t it just kill me already?” Spike said,
gritting his teeth together in agony.

Buffy was shocked to find herself desperately blinking
back tears. Why did seeing Spike in pain and dying hurting
her so much?

Spike groaned. Buffy found herself running her hand through
his soft spiked hair in a loving, comforting manner. She
was about to lay a kiss on his temple when he jumped up.

“It’s gone,” he said.

Buffy was reeling. What the hell was going on with her?
Why did she want to kiss him? Was his being in pain making
feelings she kept buried so far down she didn’t realize she
had them come out?

“’Night, Slayer. I think I’ll head back to my crypt to die
in peace.”

He started to leave but Buffy stopped him with a hand on
his arm.

“Spike, wait. Stay at my house. If you have to die, you
don’t have to die alone. You don’t deserve that. No one
does.”

The vampire looked at her, confused. What was she saying?
He was tempted to say no, but he saw the look on her face.
She needed this. So he decided to comply. Besides, he didn’t
really want to go back to his crypt anyway. Too lonely.

“Fine. I’ll stay at you place.”

Her expression lightened barely. At least this way, she’ll
be able to watch him and help him.

“Lead the way,” Spike said.



On the way home, another migraine hit him. Spike stumbled
through the door, grasping hold of Buffy blindly as he led
him to the sofa. He fell onto it face down. He moaned.

“They’re getting worse. Oh, God. Just kill me already.”

Buffy sat down beside him and, like she did behind the shop,
brushed back his hair.

The pain exhausted him and he promptly fell asleep. Even
in slumber, he still looked like he was in pain. Buffy
leaned down and gently gave him that kiss to the temple
she tried to give him earlier.

Quietly, she vowed, “I’ll help you, Spike. I’m not going
to let you die.”

She closed all the curtains to ensure she wouldn’t have a
dusty Spike on her hands in the morning and went to her
bedroom quietly so she wouldn’t disturb Dawn, Willow and
Tara who were probably back from the shop and asleep.

She closed her bedroom door and everything came out. The
fear, the tears. Leaning against the wall, she slid down
and rested her head against her knees and cried. She finally
came to a realization. She couldn’t lose Spike because,
somewhere along the way, she fell in love with him...



Buffy was the first one up in the morning. After taking a
shower, she went downstairs. Spike was still on the sofa.
She couldn’t tell if he was simply asleep or if the pain
rendered him unconscious.

Sighing, mostly out of worry, she went into the kitchen.
She grabbed eggs and bacon out of the refrigerator. She
pulled a pan out of the cabinet and placed it on the stove.

As she began to spread the bacon across the bottom of the
pan, Willow walked in, followed closely by Tara.

“Good morning. So, how you guys want your eggs?” Buffy
asked, smiling.

“Uh, Buffy, why is Spike on the couch?” Willow asked, worry
seeping into her voice.

“I couldn’t let him be by himself when he was in so much pain.
Besides, if he’s going to die, he shouldn’t have to do so in
a dark, cold, lonely crypt.”

Willow nodded, accepting. She liked Spike, sometimes even
ventured so far as to call him a friend.

“Does Dawn know yet?” Tara asked, “We all know how fond she
is of Spike.”

Buffy shook her head, “I haven’t told her. She was asleep
when we came home last night and I didn’t want to wake her.”
She sighed, “I don’t know how I’m going to tell her because
I know it’s going to break her heart.”

Willow rested her hand on Buffy’s arm reassuringly, “You’ll
figure it out.”

Buffy nodded, “I know I will. I just don’t know what I’m
going to tell myself. I never realized how much his presence
means to me.”

Will smiled slightly.

Dawn walked in with a huge smile on her face. She pointed
back towards the living room, “So, what’s Spike doing out
there?”

Buffy looked from will to Tara and then to Dawn. She had
to tell her now.

“Dawn, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Dawn’s smile grew even bigger, if it wasn’t already big
enough. “So, you finally came to your senses and you and
Spike are together but before you two could do anything, you
kicked him out of your bedroom?”

Buffy tried to look disgusted, even though the thought didn’t
disgust her as much as it probably would have a while back.
In fact, she wished that were the case. “What? No! Please!”

Dawn’s smile faded slightly and she sat on one of the stools
around the island. “Okay, Buffy. What is it?”

Buffy sighed. This was going to break Dawn’s heart. “Dawn,
Spike’s chip-”

She was interrupted by a loud moan coming from the living
room. Spike was awake and in pain. Buffy rushed in to help,
leaving the others behind.

She found him leaning back against the back on the sofa,
holding his head in pain.

“Spike.”

He let out another gasp of pain. She sat beside him and
tried to soothe the pain away as best as she possibly could.
The pain passed quickly and Buffy helped Spike to his feet.

He felt weak and dizzy and lost his balance, causing Buffy
to catch him before he fell to the floor.

“Come on. Let’s get you upstairs.”

Spike nodded mutely and leaned against her as they went up
the staircase. She took him to her bedroom. She helped him
shed his duster before laying him down on her bed. She then
helped him remove his boots, to make him more comfortable.

“Why are you doing this, Slayer?” he asked her weakly, his
eyes closed.

“Doing what?”

“This,” he motioned around him, “Helping me. Thought you’d
be happy to see me suffering.”

Buffy sighed and sat down on the bed beside him. The
situation reminded her of last night. She found herself,
once again, brushing the hair back on his forehead. She
decided to be straightforward with him.

“I have absolutely no clue. You’re right though, I *should*
be happy to see you suffering, but I’m not. I hate the idea
of you being in pain and dying. And I hate how you’ve
accepted your fate so easily.”

“Because I know it’s no use. It’s going to win anyway,” he
said, opening his eyes and looking at her. Buffy wasn’t
sure, but she swore she saw a few tears threatening to fall.

“If you won’t fight, I will. No one’s dying on my watch.”

He smiled slightly. There’s his Buffy. He was shocked
when she leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.

“Now, I’m going to drop by your crypt and grab a few things
for you. Anything you want in particular?”

He thought for a second. “There’s one thing. A journal on
the coffin. Could you get that for me?”

She nodded. “Sure. I’ll be back shortly with a journal
and some blood. Right now, you rest.”

She left him quietly and went downstairs. There, she was
confronted by Dawn.

“So, what’s wrong with him?”



Buffy walked the streets, heading for Spike’s crypt. She
was surprised at how well Dawn seemed to take the news of
Spike and his chip. Of course, she may have been putting
on an act for her sake, waiting to be alone before crying
her eyes out.

She was startled out of her thoughts by a voice behind her,
calling her name. She turned around.

“Oh, my God. Riley?”

End Part 2

Part 3



“Oh, my God. Riley? Is that really you?”

Riley smiled, “One and the same.”

Buffy’s mind was in high gear. What was he doing back?
*Why* was he back? What did he want from her? Did he
honestly think they could pick up where they left off? She’s
changed. A lot’s changed. She’s not the same girl she was
before he left. She died. He left. So much has happened
between then and now. She was startled out of her reverie
when she felt him surround her in his tight embrace. She
returned the hug half-heartedly. She didn’t need this. Not
now. Hell, not ever.

Pulling away, she asked, “What are you doing here? I thought
you were in Belize or wherever.”

Riley nodded, “I was, but my squad’s been called to Sunnydale
to check up on some old business.”

“And what ‘old business’ would that be?”

Riley smirked, “I can’t tell you. It’s classified.”

“Of course. Silly me for forgetting the government and their
pesky classifications.” Not even five minutes and Buffy was
already annoyed.

Riley seemed to sense this. “Buffy, you’d know I’d tell you
if I could.”

She held up a hand. “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just not myself
today. Too many things going on.” Like Spike dying, she thought.

“Like what?” Riley asked, concerned about her life. The
life he left nearly two years ago. He didn’t have the right
to implant himself back into her life.

“Nothing too important.” Why is he still here? Why won’t
he leave me alone already? Doesn’t he see that I don’t want
to deal with him right now? she thought before saying, “Riley,
can we talk later? Meet somewhere, catch up? I can’t talk
right now. I have something that I need to do.”

Riley nodded, “Sure. Where do you suggest?”

“The coffee place on Queen?”

“Okay. Meet you there around six?”

Buffy nodded, “Six it is.”

Riley smiled and embraced her again. “It’s so good to see
you again.”

She smiled thinly and Riley left her alone. Finally. She
let out a huge sigh. Too much. All of this is too much.
She couldn’t deal with the Riley situation right now. Spike
was at the top of her priority list. She took a breath and
continued her trip to Spike’s crypt.



Buffy entered her house through the kitchen door with a large
duffel bag containing several of Spike’s belongings, as well
as several packs of blood. She was met by Dawn who was
rummaging through the refrigerator, looking for a snack.

“How’s Spike?” Buffy asked, setting the duffel on one of the
stools.

Dawn closed the fridge door to look at her sister, concern
in her eyes, “He’s sleeping right now. Had another one of
those attacks about five minutes after you left. It only
lasted about two minutes but it took a lot out of him. Been
sleeping ever since.”

Buffy nodded, getting a mug out of a cabinet and pouring in
the contents of one of the many packs she picked up. “Well,
maybe eating some blood will help him a little. Could you
put the rest in the refrigerator?”

“Sure,” Dawn replied, grabbing the rest of the blood packs
from the duffel bag as Buffy placed the mug in the microwave.
She put it on for a couple of minutes.

“Spike’s not going to die, is he?” Dawn asked, fear seeping
into her voice.

Buffy turned to face her little sister, a determined look
on her face. “He’s not going to die. Not if I have anything
to say about it.”

Dawn nodded and the timer went off. Buffy got the blood out
of the microwave and headed upstairs.

She found Spike asleep. She sat down on the bed. Spike’s
eyes fluttered open. He could smell the blood.

“Hey,” Buffy said.

He slowly sat up, leaning against the headboard. Buffy
handed him the mug, which he gratefully accepted. She
watched him as he downed the thick liquid in one gulp.
Spike felt her staring. He set the mug down on the bedside
table and look at the woman he loved with all his undead
heart.

“Pet, what’s wrong?” he asked.

She shook her heard, “Nothing.”

Spike studied her face. Something was wrong.

“Buffy...”

She sighed. It was no use lying to him. He could see right
through her.

“I was going to your crypt and I ran into someone I never
thought I’d see again.”

“Who?”

“Riley?”

“Captain Cardboard?!”

“Spike,” she warned.

He held up his hands, “Sorry. What’s he doing back in town?”

Buffy shrugged, “I don’t know. Yet. I promised him we could
play catch up later this evening. He’s meeting me at six.”

“Are you two going to get back together?” Spike asked, a touch
of fear and jealousy in his voice.

“I’m not the same person I was last year. So much has
happened. Mom died. I died. I came back... If he’s back
looking to pick up right where we left off, he’s in for a
surprise.”

Spike nodded, calmly, all the while cheering in his mind.
He didn’t want her to go back the Whitebread.

Buffy smiled, “You seem to be doing better.”

“Oh, you know. A little rest and a cup of blood can do
wonders,” he grinned. He loved seeing her smile.

“You wanna come downstairs for a while? Hang out?”

Spike nodded, “Sure. I’m tired of being cooped up in this
room anyway. A manly man such as myself can only take so
much flowers and whatnot.”

“Whatever,” she said, laughing, helping him to his feet and
together, they went downstairs.



Dawn, Willow, and Tara all looked up from their positions on
the sofa as Spike and Buffy came down the stairs.

“Hey, look who’s up and about. How are you feeling?” Willow
asked, grinning.

“Better. Now, move over girls, Passions is on,” Spike said,
bounding for the sofa, a grin on his face.

The girls gave him room as he squeezed in beside Dawn and
Willow. He flipped the channel from the documentary about
Woodstock they were watching on the History Channel to his
favorite, must-watch soap on NBC.

“Now, this is TV,” Spike said, settling in, “Not those boring
documentaries. ‘Sides, I was actually at Woodstock. Wasn’t
all that interesting.”

The girls laughed, Buffy included.



Six o’clock came by way too fast for Buffy’s liking and she
made her way to the coffee shop she told Riley she’d meet him.
She didn’t want to be there. She wanted to be home with her
sister and friends. And Spike. He hadn’t had an attack for
hours and Buffy couldn’t help but be insanely happy about it.
Maybe they were wrong about the chip. Maybe it wasn’t
malfunctioning and killing him. Maybe it was just a fluke...

She spotted Riley quickly when she entered the shop. She went
over to him, a fake smile on her face.

“Riley.”

He stood up and hugged her again.

“Buffy. I was afraid you weren’t going to show up.”

“Why wouldn’t I? I’m the one who told you to meet me here.”

“I know. I don’t know what I was thinking,” he said as he
released his hold on her.

They both sat down at the table.

“So, how are you?” Riley asked, taking her hands into his.

“I’m fine. Great, even,” she lied smoothly, quietly wishing
he would remove his hands from hers.

“Great,” Riley smiled, “And Dawn?”

“Her, too.”

“And your mom?”

Buffy looked down at the table, “Mom died.”

“Oh, my God. When?” Riley asked, absolutely horrified.

“Not long after you left.”

“Oh, Buffy, I am so sorry. If I’d known...”

"I know,” Buffy whispered. And she believed him. If he did
know, he would have stayed or come home or whatever.

“Was it a demon? Vampire?”

Buffy shook her head, “It was natural causes. The doctor
said it was an aneurysm. He said she didn’t feel any pain...”

Riley lifted her hands to his lips and kissed them lovingly,
comfortingly.

Buffy cleared her throat, “And you? How have you been?”

“Good. I’ve missed you, though.”

Their eyes met, his full of love and hers of fear.

“I love you, Buffy,” he continued.

Buffy returned her gaze to the table top, “I know.”

“But you don’t love me,” Riley said, letting go of her hands.

“Riley...”

“I know. So, what’s been happening in good ol’ Sunnydale?”

She cleared her throat and told him everything....except she
paid close attention to edit out any Spike parts he might not
like...



“Wow. You died?” Riley asked, never expecting to hear that
in a million years.

She nodded.

“And Willow brought you back?”

She nodded again.

“Wow.”

“Yeah...”

“So-”

They were interrupted by the ringing of Buffy’s cell phone.
She pulled it out of her purse.

Looking at Riley, she mumbled an apology before answering.

“Hello?” She said into the phone.

Beat.

“Dawn, slow down.”

She listened as her sister explained the situation.

“Okay, I’ll be right there.”

She hung up her phone. “I-I have to go, sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I understand. Is...is there anything I can
do to help?”

She shook her head. “No. This is something I need to do on
my own.”

Riley reluctantly gave in. To him, it seemed like all Buffy
wanted was to get away from. And fast. He decided he should
talk to her about it. By not now. Later.

“I’ll make this up to you. I promise,” Buffy said.

“Buffy, it’s okay. Really. I understand.”

She nodded, said her good-byes and left quickly.

Alone, Riley settled down in his seat. Sighing, he said to
the person behind him, “What can I do for you?”

The man to whom he was speaking took the seat previously
occupied by Buffy.

“She left in a hurry,” Graham said.

Riley groaned, “Did you stop by to tell me that or is there
something else?”

Graham leaned in, to ensure passers-by didn’t hear him, “The
Major just got in touch with me. Our... old business seems
to have taken care of itself. It’s taken affect a lot faster
than we originally anticipated.”

“Any idea when it will be finished?”

Graham shrugged, “He’s not sure but soon.”



Buffy ran into the front door and into the living room.
There, she found the three girls hovering around Spike, who
seemed to be in tremendous pain.

“How is he?” Buffy asked, rushing to his side.

Spike curled himself into fetal position, grasping his head
and moaning loudly. And suddenly, the pain stopped. He slowly
uncurled himself and sat up.

“You okay?” Buffy asked.

He nodded slowly, “Yeah, I think so.”

Buffy helped him to his feet. He was wobbly, unsteady. He
kept her hands around his waist and he kept his hands on her
shoulders.

“Maybe you should rest?” Tara suggested.

Spike nodded, “Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.”

Buffy began to lead him to the staircase when he grasped his
head again. His legs collapsed beneath him and Buffy’s strong
grip kept him from falling.

“Spike!” Dawn exclaimed, scared of what he was going through.

Spike took a huge breath, the pain now gone. “Buffy.”

“What is it?”

“I can’t feel my legs,” he said in a weak, terrified voice.



End Part 3

Part 4

“I can’t feel my legs. Why can’t I feel my legs?” Spike
asked desperately.

Buffy looked at the others, begging for help. No one knew
what to tell him.

“Spike, it’ll be okay,” Will said in what she hoped was a
comforting manner.

But Spike was panicking. He didn’t like to feel so weak and
vulnerable. He hated it.

“No, it’s not okay. Why can’t I feel my bloody legs?!”

Buffy half-carried, half-dragged him to the sofa, where she
laid him down. He looked at her with frightened eyes. As
calmly as she could, she took his head in her hands and looked
into his fear-filled eyes.

“Spike. We don’t know why you can’t feel your legs. But I
promise you, I will do everything in my power to get to the
bottom of this. Okay?”

He nodded.

“Good. Now rest.”

He acquiesced and obediently shut his eyes and fell asleep.

“Why is the chip doing that to him?” Dawn asked, tears
streaking her face.



It was morning now. The Scoobies were all meeting at Buffy’s
house to discuss the situation with Spike. As each member
came, Buffy told them to go to the dining room, in the hopes
as to not disturb Spike and his much needed sleep.

“Did Dawn get off to school okay?” Xander asked.

“Uh, yeah. She didn’t want to. Wanted to stay here and help
Spike but I managed to talk her into it,” Buffy replied.

“How is Spike doing?” Giles asked.

“He’s paralyzed from the waist down,” Buffy said bluntly.

“Dear Lord. How did this happen?”

“He had another attack last night and then suddenly he couldn’t
move his legs,” she looked at her Watcher, “Giles, I’ve never
seen him so terrified in my life.”

“Why did the chip doing this? I mean, why hurt and kill him
because it’s malfunctioning?” Anya asked.

Giles took his glasses off and cleaned them, clearing his
throat, “Well, we know the chip was created by the government
as a method of controlling him.” The Scoobies nodded; they
knew this. Giles continued, “We should have been prepared for
this. Technology isn’t built to last forever. Sooner or later,
it’s going to malfunction. Especially *this *technology. I
don’t think it was built for this kind of long term use. It
only makes sense that since the chip was made for controlling
Spike, when it malfunctions, it destroys him in the process.”

“But, why kill him slowly? Why not immediately?” Will asked.

Giles shrugged, “I have no answer to that.”

“So, before the chips kills him, it has to make him weak and
vulnerable. Make him feel like his victims must have felt,”
Buffy said quietly to herself. She wasn’t talking to anyone.
Just trying to formulate ideas and opinions to herself. She
didn’t realize she said anything out loud.

“That’s a good a guess as any,” Giles told her.

“How can anyone be so cruel?” she continued to say to herself.
She looked at the Scoobies, “So, we can expect this to get
worse, right?”

“Yes, I believe so,” Giles said.

Buffy nodded and got up, “Well, I guess the only thing we
can do is make him as comfortable as we can.”

She left the dining room for the kitchen. She opened a blood
pack she got out of the refrigerator and poured it into a
clean mug. She placed it in the microwave and set the timer.
This was a process she was getting strangely use to and familiar
with.

“How are you doing?” Giles asked behind her.

She turned around, startled.

“Sorry,” Giles said.

“It’s okay. How am I doing? Fine. Just great.”

“Buffy-” Giles saw straight through her lie.

She sighed, “Honestly? I never thought I’d say this in a
million years, but I don’t want him to die. I like having
him around. And he helps me a lot with the patrolling. And
he helps me protect Dawn. And no one deserves to die like
that. Doesn’t matter how much evil he’s done in the past.”

“You love him, don’t you?”

Buffy tried to look disgusted, “What?! No! God, no! I’m
just saying he’s been a great help and I even like to consider
him a friend. But that’s all.” Her disgusted look failed to
last and she found herself admitting the truth to her Watcher,
“Alright. I love him. Okay?”

Giles nodded, not pushing any further. “We’ll figure out a
way to save him. We’ll fight this.”

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. Suddenly she remembered
something. “Riley’s back.”

Giles looked genuinely surprised. “When did he get back?”

“Yesterday.”

“Did he say why he was back?”

“Something about seeing to some ‘old business.’ But he
wouldn’t tell me anything else. You know the drill, anything
government, it’s classified.”

“His appearance seems to be a little convenient, doesn’t it?”
Giles asked.

“You don’t think it has to anything to do with Spike’s chip,
do you?” Buffy replied.

“It’s worth looking into, don’t you think?”

Buffy nodded, “I’ll try to get weasel it outta him.”

The microwave went off. Buffy took the blood an went into
the living room. She eased herself onto the couch beside
Spike’s sleeping form.

“Time to wake up, Spike,” she said quietly, knowing he would
hear her, because, after all, he was a vampire and therefore
had excellent hearing.

His eyes opened and he smiled when he saw his angel before
him. But, quickly, all too quickly, everything came rushing
back. This chip, his migraines, his sudden paralysis. He
couldn’t move. He was an invalid. Memories or the time
when he was wheelchair bound four years ago came back. He
was on the verge of panic.

“Buffy?” he asked, quietly, his questions and fears as plain
as day on his face.

“Shh. Eat first, then we’ll talk,” she said, helping him sit
up and giving him his blood.

He agreed without argument only because he was starving. The
chip was zapping everything away.

Once he was done, Buffy spoke, “Giles suggested that your
chip and Riley’s sudden reappearance are more than just
coincidence. That Riley’s here because of your chip. I’ll
figure it out.”

Spike nodded, not saying anything. His silence worried Buffy.

“Spike, say something.”

“I want to be alone,” he said, not looking at her.

She knew it was ridiculous and he probably didn’t mean
anything by it, but he words hurt. Stung.

“O-okay,” she whispered as she left the room with his empty
mug in hand.

Once alone, Spike let his tears fall. He didn’t want anyone,
her especially, to see him weak. He wasn’t suppose to cry.
No him. Not the Big Bad. He hated feeling this way. He
spent a century living a life with nothing to fear. And
now... Now he was afraid of what? A chip. Nothing more
than a piece of plastic and wires no bigger than a penny.
He knew what the other vampires would do if they saw him now.
They’d laugh menacingly before staking him.

He felt ashamed. He was Spike, Master Vampire, Slayer of
Slayers. He wasn’t suppose to go out like this. Like a
coward. A weak coward. He was suppose to go out fighting.
Before, it was suppose to be the Slayer who was to take him
out. Before he fell in love with her, that is. Now...now
he was to go out fighting *for * the Slayer, instead of
against her. He accepted this. Planned this. He wasn’t
suppose to be this sodding chip. Not this. Never this...



Buffy entered the kitchen to see that Will, Tara, and Xander
moved there. She assumed Anya and Giles left to tend to the
magic shop. Buffy was the mug in the sink before the blood
had a chance to dry.

“How’s he taking it?” Tara asked.

“I don’t know. He wouldn’t talk to me; wanted to be alone,”
Buffy said, looking at her friends. “He’s not handling this
well, obviously.”

“You’re going to have to give Spike some time and space to
deal,” Xander said, “He spent a century dishing out the pain
and suffering. Now, suddenly, he’s on the other side of the
spectrum. It’s a lot to deal with. Combine that with the
chance that he might not survive this... But if you ask me,
he’s handling it a lot better than I expected he would.
Better than I would.”

“I think he’s trying to put on an act. You know, be the Big
Bad. I believe he’s going to break soon,” Buffy paused, “I
just have to make sure I keep Riley away from him.”

“Riley?”

“Oh, God. I can’t believe I forgot to tell you guys.”

Buffy took a breath, ready to continue when there was a
knock on the back door. She looked at the door, confused as
to why someone would be at her back door instead of the front
door like everyone else. She shrugged and went to answer it.

A look of shock crossed her face when she saw who the knocker
was.

“What are you doing here, Riley?”

End Part 4

Part 5


“What are you doing here, Riley?” Buffy asked, trying not to
panic. All she could think about was how she couldn’t let
him see Spike.

“I just wanted to see you. We never got the chance to finish
our conversation last night,” Riley answered, completely
oblivious to Buffy’s alarm.

“But, uh, why didn’t you call first?” Buffy asked, trying to
deflect Riley’s attempts to enter.

He sighed. Now he could tell something was up. “Buffy,
what’s wrong?”

“Wrong? Why do you think something’s wrong?” she asked
innocently.

“Okay, now, I *know* something’s wrong. Why won’t you let
me in?”

She continued her ‘little Miss Innocent’ act, “Why do you
think I won’t let you in?”

She stepped aside, proving herself, all the while praying
her friends figured out what she was trying to do and set
to making it happen.

Satisfied, Riley entered. Buffy shut the door and saw that
her friends were no longer in the kitchen and sent out a silent
prayer of gratitude. They knew what she was trying to do.

“So, what do you want to talk about?” Buffy asked.

“Well-”

There was a loud thump and a man yelling ‘Ow!’ coming from
the other room.

“What was that?” Riley asked.

“What was what?” Buffy asked innocently.

Riley regarded her. He knew she knew very well what that
noise was. He started for the living room but was blocked
by Buffy standing in the doorway. Irritated by her actions,
Riley pushed his way through.

“Riley-” Buffy said, following him.

The two of them entered the living room to find Xander,
Will, and Tara sitting on the couch, previously occupied by
Spike. They moved him upstairs. And for that Buffy was
thankful.

“Hey, it’s Riley,” Xander said, standing up and offering his
hand to the man before him, “Long time, no see.”

Riley shook his hand. Behind him, Buffy mouthed the words
‘thank you.’ Xander shrugged, ‘no problem.’

“How are you, man?” Xander asked Riley.

“Fine,” Riley answered. He was still suspicious of what
he heard. He regarded the quartet of ‘innocent’ people.
“You know what? I just remembered there’s somewhere I need
to be. We’ll talk later. I’ll be sure to call next time.”
He let himself out.

Now he was gone, Buffy voiced her thanks to all three of
them.

“No problem. ‘Cept Spike’s a lot heavier than he looks.
Nearly put out my back,” Xander said jokingly, plopping
down on the couch.

Buffy allowed herself to smile a little before returning
to business.

“I think he’s starting to get suspicions.”

Willow nodded, “Yeah, I got that vibe, too.”

“You think he knows about Spike?” Tara asked.

“Well, I’m sure he knows about his chip, but I don’t know
if he knows Spike is here. I’m hoping he doesn’t,” Buffy
said, pacing the room, “Because I really don’t need to deal
with that right now. I already have enough on my mind.
Okay, somehow, I’ve got to figure out if Riley knows something
about Spike’s chip. You know, a way to stop it from killing
him... reactivate it, remove it-”

“Woah. Hang on, Buffy. Remove it? Have you gone insane?
If we get it removed, he’ll start killing again. Turn his
back on us. Kill *us*,” Xander exclaimed. He trusted Spike
about as much as he could throw him.

Buffy shook her head, looking at him, “I believe he won’t.”
She shrugged, “’Sides, he knows that if he does, I’ll stake
him. For real.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Call it a feeling.”



Riley entered the motel room-turned-temporary-headquarters.
In the middle of the room, or as close to the middle as they
could get with the bed in their way, stood a table with maps
and files, and what looked like surveillance pictures,
surrounded by Graham and the major. Riley marched up to them.

“Sir, it is not confirmed, but I believe I know whereabouts of
Hostile 17,” Riley informed the major.

The major nodded, “Good. Now, I want you to take whatever
action you deem necessary to give me a confirmation.”

“Yes, sir.”



Buffy quietly opened her bedroom door. On her bed, Spike
laid. He looked like he was in dreamland. She moved to the
bed and sat on the side opposite of him.

“What is it, Slayer?”

She jumped, “I thought you were sleeping.”

He turned his head to face her. His eyes were shining with
tears he absolutely refused to allow to fall. She saw them.
“Spike, what’s wrong?” she asked, even though she knew damn
well what was wrong. But she also knew Spike needed to let
it all out.

“What the bloody hell do you think it wrong?” Spike answered.
Good, she thought, He’s getting angry.

Spike continued, “I have a bloody chip that’s been shoved
into my brain. Suddenly I can’t be a vampire. And now,
I’m going to die because of this damned chip. But before
it kills me, it has to torture me and make me weak and
pathetic and paralyzed. And everyone tries to tell me that
everything is going to be fine, that I’m not going to die.
But I know better. The only way is to take it out and we all
know everyone would never dare do that because, after all,
I’m a killer. An evil vampire without a soul who can’t change.
And I keep asking myself why every single one of you is helping
me. None of you like me. Because I’m such an unlikable and
unlovable *creature*. Because I’m a killer. Nothing but a
killer. I think I know why you do what you do. You don’t
want the blood...or dust, in my case, of an helpless monster
on your hands. Helping me makes you feel good...useful. I
can’t do this. I can’t lie here and be waited on like some
kind of wanker because everyone’s feeling bad about this whole
situation. Maybe I should go back to the crypt and die in
peace. Where no one will see me like this...”

During Spike’s monologue, his tears that he wouldn’t allow
to fall did fall. And Buffy couldn’t help but feel sadness
and fear of losing him and anger at the men who did this to
him. She couldn’t stop herself from pulling him close to
her and holding him. He feebly tried to stop her but he
couldn’t...he needed this. Of course, he wouldn’t ever admit
to anyone... Buffy found herself murmuring words of comfort
to him despite his complaints a second ago about them. And
Spike found himself leaning into her embrace. He also found
himself struck by another jolt of electricity-sponsored pain.
He squeezed his eyes shut and held onto Buffy tight. He knew
she would be able to handle his tight clasp. He tried to not
yell out in pain. He needed to prove that he was strong. But
the pain proved to be too much. He let out a moan. Tears
found themselves squeezing through his tightly closed lids.

When the pain left him, he gasped out in a pained, tired voice,
“I can’t do this. I don’t think I can do this.”

Buffy lifted his head to look at him in the eyes. “You are
one of the strongest people I know. You *can* do this. You
can make it through this.” And she leaned and gave him a
quick peck on the lips.

He looked surprised. “Buffy?”

She placed a finger on his lips, silencing him, “How many
times have I told you that I *will* get to the bottom of this.
Trust me. I’m not gonna let you die. I promise.”

He nodded silently and laid his head to her stomach. She
held him as he fell asleep again. Well, Buff, now that
you’ve promised...make it so..., she thought to herself as
she ran her fingers through his blond locks.


End Part 5

TBC...

Part 6

Spike was dreaming. It was a dream he had almost every
night. A dream he knew would never happen...

It was day. The birds were singing. The wind was blowing
gently, like a quiet whisper. He was in the park. He was
with Buffy. They were together. Happy. And he was alive,
human... Another thing that would never happen. He, a
human, and Buffy, the woman he loved, were at the park,
watching the children play. Like a normal couple. He
desperately wanted this but would never in a million years
let anyone know that. He’d rather drink holy water.

Neither said anything. They just sat together on the park
bench, holding hands. It was perfect.

But the perfection was shattered. Pain laced through his
body. Spike jerked awake. He gasped and grabbed his head.
He felt someone run their hands through his hair. He opened
his eyes. Buffy stayed. She stayed with him. When the pain
disappeared, he looked at her. All the hatred and disgust he
usually saw in her eyes were replaced with concern and
something else he couldn’t name. What was that? Love? But
he knew that couldn’t be it. Buffy could never love him.
He was a monster. A thing.

“How are you?” she asked quietly.

“Peachy,” he grimaced. His head was still hurting.

Buffy glanced over at the window.

“Hmm. Sun’s setting. I should do a quick sweep.”

Spike nodded, moving off her.

“Will you be alright?” she asked.

“Yeah, you go ahead. I’ll be find.”

She nodded and headed for the door.

“You stayed with me all day?” Spike asked, a touch of
surprise in his voice.

Buffy shrugged, “Yeah.”

“Thank you,” Spike said, touched very deeply by her actions.
Could it be? he asked himself.

She smiled before slipping out the door. Spike watched her
leave before settling back into the bed, alone. Alone with
his thoughts. He sighed. Oh, what’s a poor, dying, paraplegic
vampire to do, he thought. He didn’t quite fancy lying around,
waiting for either Buffy to return or another attack to occur.
He sighed again. And then he remembered. His journal. The
one he asked Buffy to get him. Luckily, retrieving it didn’t
require getting out of the bed. Buffy was kind enough to place
his things well within his reach.

He held the well-worn leather-bound journal in his hands.
It was as old as he was. Something that belonged to William
all those years ago. Something William treasured. The last
gift he received from his grandmother before she passed away.
It was one of the few things that Spike kept with him when
he became a vampire. William had used the journal to write
down his thoughts and poetry. Just as Spike did now.
Inside the journal, there was a century plus long gap between
William’s last entry and Spike’s first. Spike, when he was
newly vamped, was afraid to write in it. What would Angelus
have done if he caught him? Though Spike would never admit
it, he respected Angelus, even feared him at times. When
Angelus became Angel and disappeared and after Darla left,
Spike still didn’t write in it. Why? He didn’t know. He
only began to write in it after he fell in love with Buffy.
She revived the poet in him. She alone brought out William,
the man Spike thought was lost forever. He was pleased to
discover his poetry writing had improved with time. Might
never win any literary awards, but not laughable anymore.

So, Spike picked up his pen and let the words flow...

*****
A monster untamed
So long ago
Without remorse
Without love

A monster now tame
By electric spider-webbing
A monster now lost
With nowhere to turn

A monster in love
With his mortal enemy
A monster despised
Treated with disdain

A monster changed
Though no one can see
Past the monster
Of yesteryear

A monster dying
Without salvation
Without hope
A monster in fear.


Wow, I’m some peice of work, huh? A vampire who, instead of
despising the White Hats, is helping them. A vampire who,
instead of killing the Slayer, is loving her. And now I’m
dying. Thanks to this little peice of technology the government
was so eager to ram up my skull. And you know what the best
part is? Before I’m dust, I get to enjoy all kinds of torture.
Let’s see, first there is the mind-splitting migraines. Now
that’s been joined by paralysis. Yep, William the Bloody can
no longer walk...as if the first time wasn’t bad enough.

I hate this. I hate being so weak. I hate not being able
to take care of myself. I hate the sympathetic looks I get
from the Scoobies. Now that I’m dying, it seems I’m tolerable
company. It hurts. It hurts to know that everything I’ve
done over the last two years had been in vain. I guess they
can’t see past the monster, the demon.

But what hurts the most is the way Buffy’ s been acting
towards me. Now that I’m dying she behaving as though she
likes me. And I find myself playing the game of ‘what-if.’
What if she showed the interest she’s showing me now before
all this? How different would things be? What if I didn’t
stay in Sunnydale? Where would I be during all this? In
some abandoned building, just waiting to die? What if I
never got the chip in my brain? Would I just be some random
pile of dust somewhere? Would I be in love with Buffy?
Would I have killed her? What if I never came back to
Sunnydale? Where would I be? Would I have my own assemblage
of minions and together we plan massacres and the like? Oh,
here’s one: What if Dru never turned me into a vampire?

I’ve thought about it. About what might have happened if I
never went into that stable after being horribly rejected by
Cecily. Would I have slowly picked up the tattered pieces of
my heart and move on? What things would I have accomplished?
Would I have finally gotten married to a woman I loved who
returned that affection and would I have been a father? You
know, I’ve always wanted kids. Loved them. Still do. But,
now, that’s out of the question. An impossibility. I wonder
if I would have lived a long healthy life.

But I can wonder and dream all I want. It won’t change things.
I’m dying. And I’m afraid. Yeah, that’s right. I guess
immortality does that. Make you terrified of death. I’ve
lived 121 years without having to fear my death. And now,
death’s knocking on my door and I’m afraid to open that door.
When I die, I’ll never see Buffy again, or Niblet, or, hell,
the Scoobies... I’ll even miss Xander the whelp. I don’t want
to die.

*****

Spike put his pen and journal up just as the door opened.
Dawn came in with a deck of cards in her hand.

Spike smiled for her sake, “Hey, Lil’ Bit.”

She sat on the bed, “Thought you might like some company.”

“You though right.”

Dawn smiled, “So, game of rummy?”



Buffy surveyed the cemetery. No demons visible, but that
didn’t mean they weren’t hiding. So she meandered through
the sea of tombstones in plain view, beckoning the vampires
and demons to come out and play with her deceitfully vulnerable
and weak appearance. And it worked. No fewer than ten steps
and she was faced with a group of four vampires. A walk in
the park. She reached for her stake, hidden in the waistband
of the back of her jeans.

“Hey, guys,” she said, pulling the stake out and letting its
presence be known.

“Slayer,” one said.

Buffy feigned disappointment, “Aww, you know who I am? Now
you’ve spoiled the surprise.” She shrugged, “Oh, well.” She
bounded at them, launching into a fury of punches and kicks.
Three of the vamps were quickly staked and now it was one on
one.

The remaining vamp sneered, “This oughta be fun.”

Before Buffy could launch an attack against him, the vampire
was tackled to the ground by an unknown person and staked.
The unknown attacker stood up, revealing his identity.

Buffy dropped her stake to her side, “What the *hell* are
you doing?”

Riley smiled, “I’m helping you.”

She sighed, “I don’t need your help.”

“Do you always patrol alone?”

Usually I’m with Spike, she thought, Okay, maybe it was more
like he was following her around but who’s really bothering
with the details, right? “No. Not always.”

“But it’s dangerous for you to patrol by yourself. You could
get hurt or worse.”

God, does he ever give up? “Riley, I’m the Slayer. I don’t
need your or anyone else’s protection.”

She started to walk off, but Riley stayed at her heels,
earning an eye roll and a sigh.

“I stopped by Spike’s crypt earlier today. He wasn’t there,”
Riley stated.

Buffy stopped walking and looked at him, “Why were you even
at Spike’s? Last I checked, you two weren’t exactly buddy-
buddy.”

Riley shrugged, “That’s between him and me. So any ideas
where he is?”

Buffy shrugged, pretending not to care, “I don’t know. I
don’t keep tabs on him. He’s his own vamp; doesn’t need
anyone to look after him.”

“Buffy, where is he?”

“Have you been listening? I don’t know where he is. Don’t
care.”

“Buffy, you suck at lying.”

Her eyes widened, “Duck.”

“What?”

She shoved him to the ground, “Duck.” She rammed her stake
into the heart of the unsuspecting vampire who was standing
behind Riley. After that was done, she returned her attention
to Riley, who was returning to his feet.

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go home now.”

She turned to go, but Riley grabbed her arm.

“But we’re not through talking,” Riley insisted.

She looked at his hand on her forearm then up to his face.
Riley recognized that look she was giving him and quickly
let go. “Sorry.”

Buffy sighed.

Riley spoke, “Why won’t you tell me where he is?”

“What should I? So you can ram a stake up his chest, or
what?”

“Maybe. You can’t seem to do it.”

Buffy glared at him, “A lot has changed since you went away,
including Spike.”

“Oh, please. He’s a vampire; he can’t change.”

Buffy was tired of this, “Whatever. I’m leaving now. I’ll
see you later.”

She left and, this time, Riley didn’t follow.



Buffy unlocked the door and entered her house, dropping the
keys on the little table near the door. No one greeted her.

Hmm, Will and Tara must be out, she thought.

She went upstairs to her bedroom. Spike was sitting up
against the headboard asleep and Dawn had her head on his
shoulder, also asleep. Buffy smiled at the sight before her
and closed the door, letting the two rest. She went back
downstairs and into the kitchen. Might as well get something
to eat.

End Part 6

TBC...

Part 7

Buffy sat on the sofa, watching the television, though she really
wasn’t paying attention. It was late and she knew she should go
to bed, but she couldn’t sleep. Her mind was in high gear. She
was almost one hundred percent certain Riley was here because of
Spike’s terminating chip. His actions and behavior at the grave-
yard screamed that to her. But, like Giles told her, she couldn’t
do anything until she had Riley’s spoken confession. Perhaps it
was time to call ‘actress Buffy.’ Tell Riley about Spike and his
chip and pretend to be happy about it, although deep down inside,
she was hurting as much as Spike was, maybe even worse. She could
pretend. She did it before. With Spike. He believed she was
indeed his beloved Buffybot until he felt her lips on his. So,
yeah, she could pretend, act.

She sighed. That wasn’t her only problem, though. There was also
the issue of her confused feelings for the vampire. Ask her one
year ago how she felt about Spike and she would have said, without
a doubt, she tolerated him at best. And about him dying? She simply
would have shrugged and said, ‘so?’ But now, things were different.
She now considered him, at least, a friend. And she feared his death.

After she was resurrected, Spike was the only one who didn’t hover
and constantly ask if she was okay or if she needed anything. If
she wasn’t okay or if she did need something, he’d wait till she
told him. And she did. She told him secrets she told no one else.
She confided in him. She grew to like him, more than tolerate him.

She never told him how much she appreciated the things he did. His
valiant attempt to rescue Dawn from Doc. She knew he felt guilty
for not being able to protect Dawn and, in the end, her. She knew
he blamed himself. He probably thought she blamed him as well.
She never did anything to prove otherwise, and she felt guilty for
that. She wanted to let him know it wasn’t his fault; she didn’t
blame him. No one blamed him.

She never told him how much his staying in Sunnydale to keep his
promise even after her death meant to her. He could have left
them all in a figurative heartbeat and never look back. Because,
after all, she was no longer around for him to try and impress.
That said a lot about him. He was devoted to her and Dawn and
his promise.

She sighed again. She knew she loved him; was in love with him.
She could no longer deny it to herself. But would she get the
chance to tell Spike before he...?

She couldn’t think about it anymore. It was too much.


Buffy was awaken by a noise in the kitchen. She sat up, realizing
she fell asleep on the sofa. She sighed, rubbing her eyes, and
went into the kitchen. Dawn, Will, and Tara were up. Tara was
making pancakes for breakfast.

Dawn looked up from her geometry homework, “Hey, Buffy.”

“Good morning,” Buffy replied, sitting next to her sister.

“How was patrol last night?” Will asked.

“Oh, you know, same old, same old. ‘Cept this time, Riley tried
to play hero. Like I can’t defend myself.”

Tara looked up from the stove, “Any ideas of if he knows about
Spike?”

Buffy shrugged, “I think he knows about the chip. Probably knows
Spike’s here, too.”

“How do you guess that?”

“He said he stopped by Spike’s crypt and didn’t see him there.
I tried pretending I didn’t know where Spike was but I don’t think
I came off quite convincing.”

“Is this bad?” Dawn asked.

“I don’t know. I doubt Riley will come marching in with a stake,
ready to dust him. I have a few ideas about how to be sure he
knows and everything. I just have to work through it all.” She
got up and went to the refrigerator, pulling out a pack of blood
and preparing it for Spike.

Mug in hand, she looked at the girls, “How ‘bout we set up a little
Scooby meeting here tonight and we’ll discuss this,”

“Sure,” Will nodded, “I’ll tell Giles and Xander.”

Buffy nodded and went upstairs.


Spike was rousing when she entered the room. He could smell the
blood. He was starving. His mouth watered in anticipation.
Buffy said down on the bed and handed him the mug.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Oh, well, you know...” Spike whispered something so quiet she
had to strain to hear it and even then, she couldn’t entirely catch
it.

“What?” she asked, quietly.

Spike sighed and said, louder, “Scared. I’m scared. Are you happy
now? We finally found out what it takes to terrify William the Bloody.
Apparently it involves a little plastic and tiny wires.” He dropped
his eyes to his lap, too ashamed of what he was feeling and maybe,
deep down, he was waiting for the Slayer to burst into bouts of
laughter.

But she didn’t. Spike ventured his eyes up. She was looking at
him with such compassion and concern Spike was sure he was dreaming.
The look she gave him only happened in his dreams.

“Spike, why wouldn’t you be scared? Of course, you’re scared.
You’re facing something no one, no vampire, no man, has ever had
to face. You’re suppose to be immortal, never having to fear death,
but, all of a sudden, you’re staring at your own mortality in the
face. You can’t understand it. And therefore, you fear it. Spike,
’s a natural *human* reaction. It doesn’t make you weak.”

Spike felt as if she had seen right through him. Tears pricked his
eyes and he rested his head against her chest, listening to her
mesmerizing heartbeat. Buffy wrapped her arms around him, kissing
his forehead. Comforted, Spike let his tears fall. Buffy felt tears
prick her eyes. She quickly pushed them back. She would not cry.
She could not cry. She had to be strong. For Spike. She would cry
later. Later when she was alone. Away from anyone who might see or
hear her.


Buffy settled on her couch, waiting for the Scooby meeting to begin.
She just left Spike’s side. His catharsis wore him out and he was
once again sleeping like the dead. Buffy winced at the horribly pun.

“Have you made any leeway in this Riley situation?” Giles asked.

So, the meeting has begun. She shook her head, “Not really. But
he’s only made me more suspicious. I’m thinking of new and inventive
ways to get him to ‘fess up. I just need a little time.”

“Spike doesn’t have the time.”

Buffy sighed, “I know. You don’t have to remind me. Just let me
sleep on a few ideas before the plan’s set in stone, okay?”

Giles nodded, sensing Buffy’s anxiety and worry. “How is he?”

“He’s trying to be brave and be the Big Bad, but the truth is he’s
scared.”

“Well, that’s understandable.”

"I guess. But he's not the only one scared."


Spike was dreaming again. He did a lot more of that these days.
But this dream was different than the rest. It wasn't the dream
in the park. Hell, if you came down to it, it was more like a
nightmare.

He was in a room. A bright, white, bare room. He looked around,
seeing nothing but a white expanse in all directions, wondering
where he was.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked no one in particular, since
there was no one to ask.

Suddenly the room changed. It was no longer the bright, white, bare
room. It was now a dark, dense forest.

"What the fu-" he saw someone or something up ahead. He chased
after it. "Hey, wait up!"

The moving blob stopped. Spike moved closer, realizing the blob was
a human. The human turned to face him. It was Buffy. And she was
smiling at him. Spike couldn't help but smile back. He moved closer
but stopped a reasonable distance away. It was Buffy who closed the
distance between them. She was so close he could feel the heat from
her body seeping through her clothing. He ventured his eyes down to
look at her face. She moved her face up and their lips touched.
Though Spike was initially too shocked to do anything but let her
kiss him, he quickly recovered and the two of them were kissing
passionately.

Buffy gasped and pulled away all too soon. Spike's eyes fell to the
wooden stake protruding through her chest. His shocked, widened eyes
met hers for the last time before she crumbled into a pile of dust,
with her whispering her love for him. As the dust settled, Buffy's
murderer was revealed. Drusilla.

She smiled at her ex-lover. She put her finger to her lips in a
shushing manner. "Shh. Naughty."

Spike closed his eyes, hoping he'd be awake when he opened them.

He wasn't. When he did open them, Dru had moved beside him and she
was busy running her fingers through his bleach blond locks.

"You say you're not a bad dog, but you are. But it's too late for
you. The bad dog must be put down."

"What?"

Drusilla placed a hand over his eyes, "See."

When she moved her hand away, Spike found himself back in London
during the 1880s.

"What the hell?" Spike looked around the room he was in. Seemed
like he was in the middle of someone's wake. Whose? Spike cautiously
approached the coffin in the room. He peered inside and almost
jumped back in surprise. It was Spike. No, *William*.

"It's strange, isn't it?"

Spike looked at the woman who spoke. Cecily. Figures.

"What's strange?"

"To look in a coffin and see yourself laying there, sleeping the
eternal sleep. But I guess you didn't do that, huh?"

Spike shrugged nonchalantly. He wouldn't admit it to Cecily, but
it was disturbing. Strange, indeed.

"But you'll soon return to the eternal rest. Very soon." Cecily
looked at him, "You want to know if anyone will miss you when you're
gone, don't you?"

"I never asked anything of that sort."

Cecily shrugged, "You didn't have to. It's written on your face.
Plain as day."

Spike looked down at his feet, "Will they?"

"I'm sorry. I don't have the answer to that question."

Spike's eyes shot up, "Well, then, why did you bloody bring it up?"

Cecily looked at him calmly, not at all surprised by his out burst.
"All I can tell you is that your days are numbered. That is, unless
someone does something to prevent it from happening. I can also tell
you that you must get your words out to them. There's not much more
time for that either."

*****

Spike woke in an instant. He normally didn't believe in the
prophetic nature of dreams. But this one... *This* dream was unlike
any other he had before. He knew the dream was telling him something.
He knew deep down. Felt it in his gut. The dream told him he didn't
have much longer. And possibly even less to get his last words out to
Buffy. And the rest of the gang. He reached over to get his journal
from the table next to the bed and began to write as quickly as he could.
Before it was too late...


End Part 7

Part 8

Spike's timing had been perfectly executed. No sooner than when
he placed the journal and pen down did Dawn come prancing in.
They traded their usual greeting before Dawn launched into her
story about how her day was. The chip didn't let the conversation
get very far however. Ten minutes after Dawn entered the room,
the chip sent out agonizing electric shocks that sent Spike's body
into convulsions similar to those experienced in a seizure.
Scared, Dawn screamed for her sister to come to Spike's aid.

And she did. Along with the rest of the gang who were startled by
Dawn's cry. Buffy climbed on the bed behind Spike and help his head
until he settled down, unconscious.

Giles took Dawn aside, "Dawn, what happened?"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I don't know. We were
talking and suddenly it was like he was having a seizure. He was
perfectly fine."

Giles nodded and turned to Buffy, who held Spike's head in her lap,
brushing back his hair. "Buffy, whatever plan you have, I believe
it's time to put it in action."

"He's not going to wake up again, is he?" Willow verbalized Buffy's
fear.

Giles shrugged helplessly, "It's doubtful. But I don't know. I'm
not an expert on the subject."

Buffy looked at the bedside table and saw Spike's journal. It was
left opened, flipped to a certain page. The top of the page is
what caught her attention. In Spike's elegant, flowing, Victorian
handwriting were the words 'Dearest Buffy.' She picked it up.

Xander looked at her, "What is it, Buffy?"

Buffy quickly glanced at him before returning her eyes to the
journal. "Can you guys leave us alone for a while?"

"Sure, Buffy. Whatever you want," Xander replied, still curious
however, as he and the rest leave Buffy and Spike.

Alone, Buffy concentrated on reading the entry Spike wrote for her.


*****


Dearest Buffy,

I hope this gets into your hands, because I'm taking a gamble here
writing all this here and not telling you vocally. But, honestly,
I've never been good with vocalizing my emotions. I tend to write
them down instead, so it seems only fitting for me to do so now.
So...here we go...

I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. I spoke
those words to you, how long ago now, one year? They were true
then just as they're true now. I know I've done horrible things
in the past. I know I'm a killer. I know I cannot atone for my
past deeds. And I don't claim to be doing so either. To do so
would be pointless.

I love you. You know that, where you accept it or not. I love
you and I love Dawn. I know I'm a soulless vampire who shouldn't
be able to love. I know probably don't want to hear...read this,
but I loved Drusilla, worshipped the ground she walked on. But
she never loved me. Wasn't able to, even if she wanted to. I see
and accept that now. I've moved on. I know I'll never be able to
earn your love. You told me once I was beneath you. And you were
right. I am beneath you. I am unworthy of your love. I don't
deserve the love you reserve for your sister and friends. And I'm
not asking for it.

I know I don't have much longer. I'm dying. And I feel my death
drawing closer and closer. Though I'm scared, terrified, I've
accepted it. Perhaps this is a sign from the Higher Powers telling
me that it's time for me to leave this plane of existence. I've
lived a long life, longer than most vampires. Maybe it's not so
much my death I fear, but what lies beyond. I'll be condemned to
some unknown hell dimension. I'll suffer eternal torment, something
perhaps I deserve for everything I've done. Perhaps even that is
not enough. But all I know is that I'll never see you or Dawn again.
And that's something I cannot bear to think about...

After rereading this, I realize this is goodbye letter of sorts,
so I think I should let everyone know my last thoughts. Buffy,
could you grant a dying mans his wish and pass these words along?

Tell the whelp....sorry, I had to go there... Tell Xander that even
though I gave him a hard time and acted like I hated him, I didn’t.
Hate him, that is. To be honest, I even liked him. Maybe even
respected him a little. The boy’s got guys. Brave. Resourceful.
Reliable. That’s more than most people.

Anya - I always liked her. I liked her brutal honesty and
straightforwardness. I like to think the two of us were on the
same level with one another. We both had dark pasts and were trying
to move beyond them. She’s a great woman.

Tara - I know we didn’t talk much and what all, but she always
listened to me when we did and was willing to give me the benefit
of a doubt. Which is more than I deserved most of the time. But
it touched me a lot. It truly did.

Will - I know she’ll become a great and powerful witch someday.
Perhaps she is already there. But I hope she knows to be careful
when messing with the black majiks. I’d hate to see a girl like
her be consumed by power and darkness. But I do have high hopes
that she won’t. She is a smart girl after all.

Rupert - I have respected the man. In a lot of ways, he reminded
me of my father. Both were men of honor, dignity, and integrity.
Both were intelligent beyond words. I know I always behaved
differently than what I have just written, but it’s true.

Dawn - Like Giles, she reminded me of another important person in
my life as William. My sister. Lizzy. It’s quite funny...well,
not really, but Dawn looks almost exactly like her, and I also called
Lizzy ‘Niblet’ and ‘Lil’ Bit.’ Maybe that’s where I got those
nicknames from... I love Dawn. I love her so much. I love her
like my sister. You know, Lizzy was about the same age Dawn is
now when Dru turned me. I know that's not of any importance and what
not, but I just realized it is all...

I guess what I'm trying to say is that, sure, at first, this all
started as a promise I made to the Big Sis. Sure, Dawn and I have
spend time together before, but that was different, you know? Over
the summer we spent more and more time together and I really got to
know her and I realized how much she really was like my little sis.
And I grew to love her deeply like a sister.

I want Dawn to know that I wasn't hanging with her or being nice to
her simply as a tactic to get to you, Buffy. I'm not like that. I
may be a vampire, but I don't do things like that. Dawn means more
to me than that.

Buffy - Most of what I needed to say I wrote down earlier, but I
love you. Truly. Madly. Deeply. I don't know when exactly I fell
in love; it just sort of happened. And you can't fight love, so I
just let it happen. Dru knew I was in love with you before *I* did.
She might have been insane, but she was insightful like that. (Yeah,
I know, you probably didn't want to read more about, what would you
call her, the crazy bitch?)

Back in the day, when we were enemies, you were a most formidable
opponent. I never in my hundred years plus years of living faced
a more worthy warrior. Your prowess and strength cannot be matched
by anyone. When you fight, you're amazing. Graceful. Beautiful.

But enough of your warrior side, let's talk about your human side.
Equally as beautiful. You are probably the most caring, loving
person I've ever met. Your love for Dawn and the Scoobies is
unwavering. Amazing. And your ability and capacity to care about
a random face in a crowd or on the street - incredible. It does
not matter the past or even present of the person, you care just
the same.

Buffy, this dying man has a couple more requests he hopes you'll
grant. When I depart from the world, could you, at least, not
flush my ashes down the loo? I'd like to think that I've earned
more than that. Secondly, I don't care if you get rid of all my
belongings, but, please, don't toss this journal in the trash. I
want you to keep it. I've had it since I was eighteen - as a human.
And it means a lot to me. Read it if you want. I don't care. And
my final wish. When I'm gone, I'd like to know that you won't simply
forget me. I don't want my passing to be a small little obstruction
on the highway of life that you sidestep with ease. I think that's
probably my biggest fear. I don't want to be forgotten so easily
like when I was human. It would be too painful.

Before I bring this letter to a close, there's one more thing I
have to say. I know the only possible way for me to survive this
is to have the chip removed. But I also know that the branch of
government that's responsible for giving me this lovely piece of
technology doesn't exist anymore. And even if they did, I know
you and the Scoobies won't take the risk of having it removed
because of the chance that I might become lethal again. But,
for what it's worth, I wouldn't have. Attack people, that is.
I haven't even thought about it in ages. But I also understand
your perspective. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably do the
exact same.

Love,
William


******


Buffy wiped the freely flowing tears from her eyes. But that didn't
stop more from coming. She was surprised by the depth of the vampire's
words. She placed the journal aside and laid next to Spike's prone body.
Cuddling up as close as she could to the unconscious form, she finally
allowed her tears full reign.



Graham entered the team's temporary headquarters with what looked
like a briefcase in his hand.

He held it up, "I got it."

"Good," the major said, "Set it up on the table." He turned to
Riley, "This here, Finn, is going to make it necessary for us to
confirm your suspicions without having to intrude."

"How exactly does it work, sir?" Riley asked.

As the major walked up to the briefcase-turned-laptop, "We will
be able to pinpoint the chip's precise location. No one will know
we have done anything."

The major turned the device on and quickly set to work. He was
finished quickly. He pointed to the screen. "There."

Riley looked over his superior's shoulder. The address showed
1630 Revello Drive. Buffy's house.


End Part 8

Part 9

Buffy opened her eyes. She had fallen asleep. She sat up and
looked at Spike. Still unconscious. It seemed Giles was right;
Spike wouldn't be waking up again. She remembered his journal and
the letter he wrote to her. He wrote it with his impending death
in mind. Spike had given up all hope of ever seeing through this
alive. He was ready to die. Buffy quickly wiped the fresh tears
that made their way down her cheeks. Spike might be prepared, but
she wasn't. She was determined Spike wasn't going to die. Not if
I can help it, she thought. No more of this tiptoeing around the
situation with Riley. She knew he was back in Sunnydale only
because of Spike's chip. What else could it be?

Buffy continued to watch Spike's, was it sleeping body? He looked
so peaceful and vulnerable, laying there, not moving even a little.
She looked out the window. The sun had set. She had been asleep
for a while. Buffy decided she needed to go patrol. She knew she
would come across Riley if she did. And as much as she didn't want
to talk or see him, she knew it was necessary if Spike was going to
survive this. She bent down and placed a gentle kiss on his cool
lips before going downstairs.

When she entered the kitchen, she was immediately cornered by Will,
Dawn, and Tara, all of who had questions they demanded answers to.

"Is he awake?" Dawn asked.

Buffy shook her head solemnly.

"How can we be sure he's not already dead....er?" Will asked.

"If he was, he would have turned to dust. You know, the way
vampires do," Buffy methodically said.

"Are you alright? We head you crying earlier," Tara asked.

"I'm fine." Tara gave her a look. "Okay, maybe not really. I'm
better. I've be even better once I save him."

Tara nodded sympathetically.

"I'm going to go patrol. Maybe I'll run into Riley. I really need
to talk to him right now. See you guys later."


Buffy twirled a stake in her hand absently. She really wasn't
patrolling like she said she was going to do. She was mostly just
walking around the cemetery. Oh, sure, if a vampire showed up,
she'd dust him. Just patrolling wasn't the thing on her mind. She
was really waiting for Riley to make his 'grand' appearance. She
knew he would show up. It was just a matter of time.

She paused when she came across a tombstone and sat down on it.
She surveyed the area. Come out, come out, wherever you are, she
thought. She sighed. Where is he? She so didn't want to be out
in the graveyard tonight. She wanted to be where Spike was. She
wanted to spend as much time as she could with him...even if he
wasn't awake. That didn't matter to her. What mattered was that
she was there for him in what could possibly be his last days.

"Hey."

Buffy jumped, startled. She spun around. Riley stood in front of
her.

"Sorry for scaring you," he said.

"You didn't scare me," she replied, crossing her arms.

"Sure. Okay."

Buffy regarded him. His posture and behavior seemed to be different
than last time she saw him. He looked...a little angry...maybe even
hurt? But why?

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.

"'What's wrong?' You've been lying to me. That's what's wrong,"
Riley said.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know Spike's at your place."

Buffy's body went rigid. How did he know? Was he spying on her?
Snooping around when she wasn't paying attention? What?! But
Buffy thought for a second. His knowing actually makes this easier...

"Why didn't you tell me, Buffy?" he asked, hurt.

"How did you find out? Were you spying on me?" Buffy solicited
angrily.

"The powers of technology. It's amazing what a simple laptop can
do these days."

"I see."

"That's all you've got to say? 'I see?'"

"What do you want me to say? Thanks for questioning me? Here,
have Spike; do whatever you want with him?"

"That'd be a start."

She glared at him.

Riley continued, "I don't understand why all of a sudden you're
protecting him. Why? Last time I checked you hated him. And
now...now you're liking like the two of you are lovers or something."

"You have no right. You have no right to analyze my life. You
left. And as I told you before, a lot has changed since you've
been gone. And Spike's one of them."

Riley shook his head angrily, "Have you forgotten? He's a vampire.
Vampires don't change. They can't. They're evil."

"If that's true, then why did Spike save my life when he did? If
he's evil, why does he love me, a Slayer, his mortal enemy? That
goes to show how much you know."

"He still doesn't deserve your protection. Or the right to live."

"Well, he's dying. He's dying thanks to you and your stupid secret
government branch or whatever. And right now, he's probably never
going to wake up again. So, are you happy? Spike'll be out of your
hair soon."

"It's already progress this far? This soon?" Riley asked quietly
as though he was talking to himself.

But Buffy's Slayer hearing caught every word he uttered. "I'm
sorry. Have something you'd like to share with the rest of the
class?"

Riley shook his head.

Buffy's rigid posture dissolved into a scared, almost vulnerable
appearance. "How much longer does he have?" she asked quietly.

Riley softened at her stance. "A day. Two at most."

Buffy choked a sob. "Is there any way to help him?"

Riley sighed. He couldn't believe he was about to tell her this.
"Yes."

Buffy released the breath she was holding. "How?"

Riley looked down at the ground, "You have to take the chip out."

"Can anyone do it?"

Riley looked back at her, shocked that she would even consider that
option. "Buffy. You can't take the chip out. He'll be a killer
again."

Buffy shook her head. "No. He won't. He gave me his word."

Riley gawked at her, "'His word.' So let me get this straight.
You're willing to have the chip removed so he can be free again,
but he won't kill again because he gave you his word. Since when
did a vampire's word hold any weight?"

"Since it was Spike."

Riley sighed. There was no talking her out of it. She was
determined to get that retched chip out of Spike's brain. But why?
Of course. Riley could almost slap himself because of his blindness.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Buffy hesitated before answering, "Yes."

Riley felt as if something had died inside him. Sure, he suspected
it, but to actually hear her say those words.... He felt betrayed
somehow. Why? He didn't seriously think she'd be waiting for him
with open arms when he came back, did he? Of course, you did, he
chided himself.

"I'm sorry, Riley. I really am. I didn't plan on it happening.
It...just did."

Riley nodded, "I know a doctor. One of the one's that use to work
in the Initiative. He can take the chip out."

"When can he do it?"

"I'll have to call him first, but I think he'd be available tonight."

"Thank you, Riley. Really."

Riley nodded. Buffy gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Call me.
When he's ready," she said before bounding for her house, feeling
much more relaxed. Spike was going to make it through this. He
was going to live.


End Part 9

Part 10

Buffy sat on the bed looking at Spike's seemingly comatosed form.
But not for much longer, she thought happily, just a few more hours.

When she came into the house, the girls were all asking why she was
smiling. She told the what Riley had told her. They, of course,
were ecstatic, for all had taken a certain liking for the vampire,
especially Dawn, who, as everyone knew, was particularly attached
to him. They all quickly informed the rest of the Scoobies by phone.
They all agreed to meet at the location once Buffy got the call.

So now, all she could do was wait. She hated waiting. It was a
waste of time. And time was something Spike didn't have much of.
She shook her head. She would not think about that. Spike was
going to make it. He had to. There was no 'but' about it. She
looked at Spike then back at the phone she was waiting desperately
to ring. She sighed and closed her eyes.


She must of have dosed off. She was startled when the phone rang.
She grabbed the receiver. "Yeah?"

Riley's voice filtered through, "Okay, he's ready. We'll meet you
at the emergency entrance of Sunnydale Memorial."

"Got it. Thanks."

They both hung up without saying goodbye. Buffy looked at Spike,
"Well, Spike, let's go get that chip taken out."


Buffy drove her mother's SUV into the driveway of the hospital.
She couldn't help but wonder how Riley and the doctor manage to get
an OR without raising suspicion among the rest of the doctors and
nurses. But now wasn't the time to think about it.

Riley and the doctor were waiting for them with a gurney. Buffy
put the vehicle in park and exited the driver's seat. She then
opened the back door and Will got out, trying to be careful not to
jar Spike too much. Riley came up and together he and Buffy managed
to get Spike out of the backseat and onto the gurney.

Buffy turned to the doctor, "I want to thank you for doing this on
such short notice, Dr..."

"Stapp," the doctor supplied, "And, really, it's no big deal."

Buffy nodded.

"Now, before we proceed, I feel I should warn you of the consequences."

"What consequences?" Buffy asked, suddenly wondering if Spike was
going to come out of this well and good at all

"Because of the location of the chip, there is the possibility that
Mr. Spike here will suffer some brain damage. How much? I'm not sure.
There's even a chance that should something go wrong, he could be left
a vegetable."

No worse than he already is, she thought. "I understand the consequences,
Dr. Stapp, but I think we should go on with the procedure."

"Well, let's get started," Dr. Stapp said and Riley wordlessly pushed
the occupied gurney behind the doctor with Buffy and Will following
behind.


Buffy paced the room restless. They've been waiting for nearly two
hours. What could possibly be taking so long?

"Buffy, could you please sit down or something, you're making me
queasy," Xander said. He and the rest of the gang sans Tara and
Dawn showed up shortly after Buffy, Will, and Spike did. Tara
stayed behind with Dawn who had fallen asleep waiting for the call.
Buffy just didn't have the heart to wake her. And Tara had been
such a doll when she offered to stay.

Buffy stopped pacing to look at her friend. She didn't quite
understand why Xander was there anyway. He never liked Spike.
Why would he care if he lived or died anyway? "Why are you here?"

Xander looked confused, "Huh?"

"Well, everyone knows you and Spike aren't exactly best of pals so
I was just wondering why you were here."

"Because you asked me to be."

"If I asked you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?"

"Oh, don't go jumping off a cliff, Xander. I wouldn't want you to,"
Anya interjected.

Xander gave her a small smile before returning his attention to
Buffy, "Okay, seriously? I don't like Spike enough to consider him
a friend or anything, but I don't hate him enough to want him to die.
He's not that bad when he's not being the cocky, egoistical vampire,
which isn't that often."

Buffy didn't get a chance to respond because Dr. Stapp entered the
room. She immediately went to him.

"Well, he did fine during the procedure. But if there's any damage,
we won't know when and if he wakes up," the doctor said.

"I need to see him."

Stapp nodded, "I don't see anything wrong with that." And he led her
to Spike.


Spike was so still, laying there on the hospital. Buffy quietly sat
down on the hard plastic chair next to the head of the bed. She reached
for his hand and grasped it in hers.

"Come on, Spike. You need to wake up. You have to wake up. Please."

Nothing. Not that she was really expecting anything so soon after
the operation. She studied the huge bandage on his head, Upon closer
examination, she noticed that the doctor had to shave away a portion
of his hair to get to his scalp. Buffy knew that when Spike woke up,
he was going to be pissed off about that. But it would grow back soon.
No big deal.

She looked at their clasped hands. "Spike, I know you probably can't
hear me or anything, but I need to tell you something. I've been
afraid to tell you because I wasn't sure of it myself. But since this
whole incident with the chip malfunctioning and everything, I realized
what I thought I was feeling for you was true. I love you, Spike. I
really do." She reached up and placed a small gentle kiss on his lips
before settling back in the stiff chair.

She felt his hand moved. She quickly looked up at his face, "Spike?"

He groaned and opened his eyes. His eyes darted across the room,
genuinely confused. "Okay, where the bloody hell am I?"

"Spike?"

"Slayer?" Spike looked at her.

She cracked into a smile and Spike couldn't help but smile back,
"What are we smiling about?" he asked her.

"You."

"Really?"

She nodded before resting her head next to his.

"So...you really love me?"

She laughed, "I didn't think you could hear me."

Spike shrugged. Buffy gave him a kiss on the lips which he wasn't
no time in deepening. After they had to pull away because of Buffy's
necessity to breathe, Spike whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

He grinned and reached up to scratch his head. "What the hell
happened to my hair?"

Buffy laughed.


Outside the room, looking through the window, stood Riley. Xander
came up next to him.

"So, if you hate Spike so much and love Buffy so much, why'd you do
it? Why'd you help them?" Xander asked.

Riley looked at the carpenter, "I know a lot's changed since I left.
And it was kinda stupid of me thinking we could pick up right where
we left off. I still love her so much. But, she doesn't love me.
Maybe she did at some point, but not anymore. And I helped her with
Spike because I wanted her to be happy. That's all. I'm just afraid
to tell my superior what happened."

Xander nodded. That was all he needed to hear.


The End :)

A/N: You didn't really think I was going to kill off Spike, did ya?
Not my precious platinum baby. :) Anyway...I know the last couple of
parts are a little rushed...or at least they seem that way to me. I
guess I was in a hurry to get it finished before my family come down
to finish...with twin toddlers...I would have never got time to write
anything. So anyway here's my first long fic.

I want to thank all of you who stuck with me til the end. :) You
guys rock.