Disclaimer: Don’t own them....just borrowing them for my own purposes :)

Rating: PG (right now)

Spoilers: End of Season 6...and some speculation of Season 7

Summary: My speculation on how Spike comes back. He goes to Giles and attempts to find out who he
is. Then, Buffy shows up. Slight S/B.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: This story takes place in London .....if I get anything wrong about
geography and what not....PLEASE don’t get mad at me....I have never been to England...I am just a 17
year old girl from Texas. In fact, I’ve only been to New Mexico and Colorado...so my experience out of
state are kinda limited.
BTW, the title may change....in fact, I’m sure it will. I suck at titles.
Oh yeah, in this story, Spike got rid of the chip...not sure if that actually happens next season but...in my story,
it does.

From Black to Gray to White
by: Jessyca


Prologue

He looked out the window. It was a nice summer day. Not a cloud in the sky. The sun had warmed the
earth just right. Not too hot, like in California. Just perfect.

Rupert Giles took a sip of his afternoon tea. Today was just for him. No Council, no demons, nothing.
Just himself. He was proud to say that he was able to send Willow home after the coven extracted her powers.
He would be lying if he said he wasn’t worried about Willow dying. It was a constant fear, but they were able
to do it without killing her.

Willow was almost ready to go home, back to Sunnydale, so Buffy was going to come by and pick her up.
Besides, Buffy needed a vacation from the Hellmouth. He was willing to bet that the reunion would be a tearful
one. Later, he had to go to the airport to pick Buffy up.

Giles moved to the table and sat down. He pulled out the morning paper he had yet to finish. Not much was going
on in London as of now and he liked it that way.

There was a knock at the door. Giles groaned and put his tea and paper down.

The knocking grew more persistent.

“Hold on. I’m coming.”

Giles moved slightly faster toward the door and opened it. The sunlight from outside poured inside, blinding him
temporarily.

Once he regained his eyesight, he looked at his unexpected visitor and gasped.

“Spike?” he asked.

“What am I?”

END PROLOGUE
 

PART 1

Giles looked at the sleeping vampire - no, man. Oh, hell, he didn’t know - on his sofa. His hair was longer,
just above his ear lobes, his dirty blond roots were showing. He was no longer pale but rather tan, as if he had
gone surfing several days in a row. His appearance may have changed, but his eyes...they gave his identity away.
It was indeed Spike. His eyes were the one thing Giles remembered. So full of emotion, even for vampire.

But he’s not a vampire anymore, is he?

Giles didn’t know. He knew very little and that was just from observing him. He would have to wait until Spike woke
to get all the details.

To pass the time, Giles set to getting his books on vampire lore and prophecies. He had learned over the years that
when something extraordinary happened it was usually the work of some unknown prophecy.

Giles sat near the window in his new apartment overlooking the Thames River. A short distance away, the London
Bridge could be seen. He loved the way the sun set across the river. All the colors mixed together. Beautiful. Giles
set to finish his tea and began reading his books.

There was a groan from the couch from Spike. Giles looked over to Spike, who had begun to thrash in his sleep as if
in a nightmare.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean - I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” Spike began his mantra of “sorry’s”. Giles looked at him, surprised
by the tears rolling down his face. Whatever he was dreaming had an obvious effect on him.

Giles contemplated waking him, but stopped when Spike’s mantra changed. The tears began anew and fell more
furiously down his face. “Oh, God, Buffy, what have I done? I’m so sorry. Why didn’t I do it?”

Giles shook him to wake him from his nightmare, or whatever it was. “Spike, wake up.”

His eyes opened abruptly. He sat up and unknowingly brushed away the tears on his face. “What’s up, Watcher?”

“You were having a nightmare.”

“Yeah, been gettin’ those a lot lately.”

Giles looked at him skeptically. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Spike replied, running his hands through his long hair.

“Good. Now you can explain to me what happened to you.”

Spike sighed. “It’s a long story, Rupert.”

Giles sat back and crossed his arms. “I’ve got time.”

Spike sighed and leaned back. “Guess I should start from the beginning. And no interruptions, Watcher. It’s bad
enough I got to tell you this.”

Giles nodded, accepting Spike’s terms.

Spike took a deep breath and began his story. “Well, let’s see...I left Sunnyhell, but I think that’s pretty obvious.
Why I left? I did something stupid. Well, that’s part of the reason. The other was ‘cos I didn’t know where I fit in the
world. Confused, I guess. I couldn’t control my demon anymore. It kept tryin’ to take over. So I went to Africa.”

“Africa?” Giles interrupted.

Spike looked up from his hands. “Thought I told you no interruptions.”

“Sorry, please continue.”

“Thank you. Anyway, I went to Africa. There was some demon shaman a friend told me ‘bout. Bought his cousin back
to life. But that ‘sides the point. I went to this guy. I thought I wanted the chip out, but it wasn’t what I really wanted.

“The guy took the chip but I wasn’t satisfied. Wanted the bloody demon gone. But he couldn’t get rid of the demon
without killin’ me,” Spike stopped talking for a minute, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Well, what did he do?” Giles pressed.

“He made me go through some tests, you know, fight to the death, in order to give me what I most ‘desired’. Then he
turned me into whatever I am,” Spike stopped talking and leaned back on the couch.

Several moments passed before Giles spoke. “I suppose we could start by discerning your abilities.”

“And how do we do that?”

Giles shrugged. “I don’t know. You obviously pass the sunlight test. But what about strength and speed?”

Spike shrugged. “Don’t know. Haven’t tried anything.”

“Well, let’s try something, shall we?”

******

Giles and Spike entered the training room of the Council. Many Watchers and Slayers had been taught among these
walls over the years. Giles, himself, was taught how to train a Slayer in this room.

“What is this place?” Spike asked as they entered.

“Council’s training room,” Giles replied.

Spike stopped in his tracks. “Council? Those buggers know who I am.”

Giles looked at him. “I pulled some strings to use this place. Nobody knows you’re here.”

Spike looks at Giles skeptically. “You sure, Watcher?”

He nodded.

“Okay then, let’s do this.”



Giles began to train Spike the way he trained Buffy. He put some pads on his hands and faced Spike, hands in front
of him. “Go on,” he said. “Hit me.”

Spike chuckled. He brought his arm back and swung at Giles. Instead of hitting the pads on his hands, his fist met
Giles’ face. At the force of the blow, Giles flew back and landed on his back several feet away.

Giles grabbed his jaw and looked at Spike incredulously. “Why the hell did you do that?”

Spike shrugged. “Don’t know.” Giles’ eyes narrowed. Spike chuckled and held his hand out to help Giles up. “Guess
I still have my strength.”

“Yes, seems so.”

Giles got to his feet and put the pads away. “We don’t need those anymore. Now, Spike, let’s talk.”

“’Kay, ask away.”

“Do you feel any different?”

Spike thought for a second. “No. I mean, I still feel the demon inside me wanting to come out.”

“Do you still crave blood?”

“No. Well, not human blood. But I still need it to live. Believe me, I tried to go without the whole blood thing...didn’t work.”

Giles leaned against the wall. “This is fascinating.”

“Yeah, that’s all good. But what the bloody hell am I?”

Giles shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve never heard of a case like this. I’m going to need to research.”

“Well,” Spike said as he began to pace. “Hurry it up.”

Giles nodded, understanding his need to know what he was, and stood. “I’ll just go ahead and get started. You’re
welcome to stay here if you wish or you can go somewhere else.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Giles studied the ex-vamp and left the training room.

Spike looked around the room and went to the punching bag. He threw several punches at it before he stopped abruptly
and looked out the window. The sun was shining brightly into the room. He fearlessly approached the window and
looked out. He saw many people walking about the streets, going about their business, never knowing what lurked in the
dark. Spike knew what lurked. Hell, he was the lurky. Or, he used to be. Maybe he still was. He wasn’t sure.

He sighed heavily. Turning from the window, he left the room.



Spike exited the building and was carried off by the crowd of people. He went willingly. The crowd quickly thinned and
left him to make his own way about the city.

This was all new to him, seeing people at their daily tasks. He usually say the nightly tasks. Spike sighed and made his
way to a bench in the park. He leaned back and closed his eyes, trying to clear his head. Thoughts were beginning to get
jumbled up. He couldn’t discern the good from the bad.

He looked off into the distance to see the sun setting. Wow, the day passed quickly. Thinking he should head back to
Giles’ apartment, he stood and left the park.

**********

Spike found the front door unlocked when he arrived. Giles must’ve come back already, he thought to himself. Well,
the sun was already down and had been for some time now so of course Giles would be home. Not like he had much
of a life anyway.


Giles looked up from his reading when Spike entered. “Ah, Spike, did you find your way back okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” he replied, walking past Giles and into the extra bedroom. “Right now, I just wanna be alone.”

“Oh, Spike,” Giles called out, but Spike had already closed the door behind him.

Giles sighed and glanced back down at his book. He was getting nowhere. Frustrated, he shoved the book away.

He stood and began pacing. He didn’t know where to look, and he sure as hell didn’t want to tell the Council. Who
knew what kind of favors he’d have to pull to keep it quiet.

A knock at the door broke Giles’ thoughts. He quickly went to answer it. He found himself looking at a very familiar face.
“Buffy?”

“Yeah, remember me? You were supposed to pick me up at the airport,” she said, upset about having been forgotten.

It all came back to Giles. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Buffy. Something came up and I forgot,” he tried to apologize.

“Yeah, I can see that. No, it’s okay. Gave me a chance to explore a little,” she said, coming inside, carrying a suitcase.
“So....how’s Willow?”

“She’s fine. Eager to go home. She can’t wait to see you,” he informed her.

“Can’t wait to take her home, where she belongs.”

“Yes, quite,” Giles said quietly. He was wondering how exactly to tell her about the man in the other room.

“So, uh, anything new happen recently?” Buffy said, trying to initiate conversation with the seemingly distracted watcher.

Giles looked at her, and figured that now was as good a time as any. “You could put it that way.”

“What?” She asked the Watcher as he grew silent. “Giles, what is it?”

“Buffy?” She turned to the sound of her name.

“Spike,” she said as all the color drained from her face.

END PART 1

PART 2

Spike’s been here and you didn’t tell me?” Buffy asked angrily as she pulled Giles aside into the kitchen, leaving Spike alone
in the den.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I was going to tell you. I just didn’t know how to tell you,” Giles tried to calm the Slayer down.

“How long?” she asked, anger still in her voice, though not as strong.

“Just today,” he replied. “Showed up this morning.”

Buffy crossed her arms and sighed. “I just wish I knew. We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms,” she explained. “Not after
what he did,” she finished, eyes downcast.

“What he did-?”

“Well, tried to do,” she clarified.

“Buffy, what did he do?” Giles asked, confused by her rambling.

Buffy looked up from her hands. “It wasn’t big. It doesn’t matter. I mean, it’s not like he hurt me....much,” she finished quietly, not
looking at him.

He looked at her for a moment before realization struck him. Spike hurt her. His face became that of Ripper. Buffy looked into his
eyes and saw hatred. Her eyes widened as she saw what he was going to do.

Giles reached for a wooden spoon as he stormed out of the kitchen and headed for Spike, who was standing on the balcony.

He pushed a shocked Spike to the rail and held him halfway over it with the makeshift stake at his heart. “What did you do?” Giles
asked vehemently.

“Bloody hell,” Spike yelled as Giles pushed him further over the edge of the rail.

“Giles, stop!” Buffy yelled as she pulled Giles off Spike. Giles stumbled back from her strength. Spike pulled himself to a standing
position.

Buffy stepped between the two of them to prevent any attempts of violence. “No one is killing anyone here,” she said, glaring at
both men. Noting the seriousness of her tone and expression, they both backed down. “Okay, it’s late and I’m tired.” She turned to
Spike. “I want the full story tomorrow, after Giles and I visit Willow.”

Spike nodded slightly, eyes downcast. This submissive move did not go unnoticed by Buffy but she let it slide. Hopefully she’d
find out why he was acting differently.

“You can take my room, Buffy. I’ll take the sofa,” Giles said. She nodded and they all made their way to bed.

**********

Giles pulled the car up to a building that resembled a monastery. The coven Willow was take to. It was in a secluded spot in the
beautiful countryside of England.

Buffy sighed as she and Giles exited the car.

“Nervous?” he asked.

“Yeah. Don’t know what she’s gonna be like, you know?”

Giles smiled reassuringly. “Yes, just remember, be yourself. Don’t act any different toward her. She needs that.”

Buffy nodded and they entered.



“She seems okay,” Buffy said as she and Giles entered his apartment. Their meeting with Willow was as well as one could imagine.
After a few tears and hugs, they managed to have a conversation. Both Giles and Buffy avoided talking about Tara or Warren. They
didn’t think it was time to bring them up.

“Yes, she did. She seemed remarkably well for someone who -”

“She’s dealing the only way she knows how. She’s hiding her pain. Like she thinks it’ll go away if she doesn’t have to deal with it,”
Buffy said quietly.

Giles nodded. “I believe your right. She’ll come out of it. She has too.” He sat down on one of his sofas, tired from the long drive.

Buffy looked around the seemingly empty apartment. “So, where is Spike?”

Giles shrugged. “Check his room.”

Buffy went to the guest room and opened the door. It was empty. She joined Giles again. “No, he’s gone.”

Giles shrugged. “I guess he stepped out then.”

The two women looked at him. “’Stepped out’? Yeah, if he wanted to fit into a dust-buster,” Buffy stated.

“Yes, well, that’s what he needed to know. Has he told you anything, Buffy?”

She shook her head. “Then you might want to take a seat.” And he proceeded to tell her all that Spike had told him.



“Wow,” was the only word that come out of Buffy’s mouth. “Africa?” Giles nodded. “And he’s still a vampire?”

“I’m not sure, to be honest. He has all the advantages of being a vampire but not the disadvantages.” Giles shrugged. “There’s never
been anything like this documented.”

“Well, he always has to be different,” she said as she headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” Giles asked his former slayer.

“I’m going to find him.”

“Buffy, how are you going to find him? Just wait until he gets back,” Giles tried to reason.

“Where would you be if you haven’t seen the sunset in over a hundred years?”

End Part 2

 

Part 3

Spike looked out over the Thames River as the sun sunk below the horizon. Granted he had been able to go into the sunlight
for a while now but he always avoided watching the sun set. He wasn’t sure why though.

No, that was a lie. He knew why.

He was afraid. Afraid that it was a dream. If he watched the sunset, it would wake him and he’d still be alone in the dark, dank
cave with Mr. Lurky. Hell, a part of him was afraid it *was* real. He didn’t deserve this. Not after everything he’d done. Sure,
he has done some good the past few years but it couldn’t make up for the evil he did for over a hundred years, could it? He wasn’t
sure.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he heard Buffy’s voice behind him, interrupting his thoughts.

“How’d you find me?” he countered, ignoring her question.

Buffy looked at him for a minute. He sat with his feet over the side of the London Bridge. It was almost adorable. Almost. She
glanced back as a few cars whizzed by. She sat beside him. “Don’t know. Just a hunch.”

“A hunch?”

She smiled slightly. “Yeah. A hunch.”

He smiled back.

And the silence began. A kind of awkward silence. The kind that makes you uncomfortable and want to say anything to make it
go away.

“So,” Buffy said but was quieted as a loud motorcycle sped by. “So, why didn’t you tell me?” She resorted to her first question.

He shrugged. “I was going to. I didn’t know how.”

She nodded. “It’s true, then. You’re alive.”

He turned his gaze back to the river just as the last of the sun went below the horizon. “Seems that way, pet.”

“But you’re still a vampire.” It wasn’t an accusation, just a statement.

“Yeah,” he whispered, as if he was ashamed of it.

Buffy turned her gaze toward the horizon. The silence struck again. They didn’t know what to say to one another. The last time
they saw each other wasn’t exactly the best of memories.

“I love you, you know that, right?” Spike whispered.

Buffy looked at her hands, suddenly finding them very interesting. “I know.”

He looked at her. “How? How can you even look at me after - after what I did?”

She reached up and ran her hand through his hair. “You always hurt the one you love,” she repeated his words from so long ago.

He gaped at her before pulling away from her and stood up. “Buffy, what I did was unforgivable.”

She stood as well. “And I don’t forgive you.” He glanced down. “But I want to.”

He looked back at her, confusion in his eyes.

“Spike, what you did was possible the worst thing you ever could have done. It hurt so much. I felt betrayed in a way I never felt
before. I know you didn’t realize what you did until after -”

“How? How did you know?” He interrupted quietly.

“Your eyes. The complete shock of what you did. A part of me keeps telling me I should stake you where you stand but another
part, a huge part, wants to forget. That part was wondering if we could just....just start over? Push it away?”

He shook his head. “I can’t forget, pet. I see you every night in my dreams, along with everyone else I ever hurt. All haunting me.
I can’t forget.”

“Dreams? What dreams?”

Spike leaned against the rail of the bridge. He sighed. “There’s something I haven’t told you or Watcher Boy. ‘Bout my little trip
to Africa.”

Buffy walked closer to him so she stood between his and the edge of the bridge. “What?”

“I, uh, I went there to get my soul back.”

“Oh.”

“After - when I left, I was so guilty. And I wasn’t supposed to feel guilt. So I did the only thing I could think of. I got my soul
back. So I couldn’t hurt you anymore - or anyone else for that matter,” he explained.

“So, you did it for me?” she asked after a moments’ silence.

“Don’t go spreading it around. Got a reputation to protect,” he said, smirking.

She smiled in reply. “Reputation. Check.”

His smirk disappeared quickly. “It hurts,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “Hurts to pretend. I know I act like nothin’s wrong,
but inside, it’s killin’ me. you were right. I am a monster.”

Buffy wasn’t sure what to say. She never expected him to agree with her on that basis. She turned away from him and looked out to
the river that flowed beneath them

They stood in silence watching the last of the sunlight fade away. Buffy broke the silence. “We’d better get back to Giles be fore
he-”

“I’m not going back.”

She turned to him. “Wha-what do you mean?”

“I mean, I’m not goin’ back to Watcher Boy’s. And I’m not going back to SunnyHell. At least not yet.”

She shook her head in confusion.

“I need time,” he continued. “I can’t face them yet - or you. That’s why I came here. I din’t think you’d show up.”


“Well, when are you going to come back?” she asked quietly.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Not sure. Whenever I make some sense of this.”

She nodded. Spike, tentatively stepped closer to her so that there was only inches between them. Feeling encouraged when she
didn’t back away, he gently ran his left hand through her hair and cupped her cheek. Buffy leaned into his touch and Spike leaned
in and kissed her forehead. He pulled back, not wanting to push his luck, and looked into her eyes. “Buffy-”

“Shh,” she whispered. “No more words.” Buffy leaned in and grazed her lips against his. Confused, Spike pulled back but she pulled
him to her again. A few seconds passed before he began to respond in kind. Spike pulled her close to him and wrapped his arms
around her. Buffy, in turn, held his head closer, deepening the kiss.

When the need to breath came upon them, Buffy pulled back slightly. She brought his forehead to rest against her. “I missed you,”
she whispered.

Spike pulled back abruptly. “Buffy, please, you’re making this harder than it already is.”

She gazed up at him. “You don’t have to go. You can come home with me and Willow.”

He backed up, shaking his head. “Buffy, I can’t. I have to - I have to go. find out why I’m like this. Buffy, please,” he pleaded with
her.

“You’ll come home right? Come home to me?” she asked, tears glistening her eyes.

“Yes, I will,” he promised her. He went to her and kissed her one last time, yet, before it go deeper, he pulled away.


Spike backed away from her, looking into her eyes, unsure of what he saw in them. He mouthed the words ‘I love you’ before turning
and running in the opposite direction, leaving Buffy to watch as his silhouette got smaller and smaller until it was no more.

Slowly, after several minutes of watching Spike run, Buffy turned and made her way back to Giles’. She knew that someday, somewhere,
he’d come back to her.


END